Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 08 Jun 2003
Time: 08:31:18

Comments

I am an alcholic and an addict to me the 4th step has been the most important step towards my recovery. This gave me an oppurtunity to understand myself and learn about myself my morality in the past when I was on alcohol and insanity has token over.I hurt many people both knowingly and unknowingly.Now I look at my moral inventry first and follow the god's will . IT has given me a way to lead my life where I am confident happy within myself thanks to aa and alanon.


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: 08 Jun 2003
Time: 10:10:15

Comments

When i did step four my sponser guided me through the procedure ! i made a fearless personal inventory, i went back through my life and wrote down the things which i did and the people i had hurt( whould use this in step 8) and the most common thing that was in my life was fear! and only looking at my own mistakes i found that (sex-self-esteem, pride, anger , resentments,- were also a big factor in my behavour! so then i was ready for step 5. Regards L-RAY


Member: Patty B
Location: Austin Texas USA
Date: 08 Jun 2003
Time: 15:52:59

Comments

I'm just starting to work on step 4 this weekend, and I've had about 45 days of "virgin" sobriety, meaning my first time in AA and I pray I stay sober this 24 hours. But ugh..just the sheer size of the list of people/institutions/situations that I have anger/resentment toward...is mind blowing. Even though so many of these have been resolved on the surface, I know I won't be at peace with myself and my past until I get through this step. It's painful and yet I already feel more free. I'll check back in at the end of the week when I'll hopefully be done! ODAAT y'all..


Member: Bikerbabe
Location: Hellishelping
Date: 08 Jun 2003
Time: 17:56:41

Comments

I could no longer count how many times ive done step 4.. but its more than 300 for sure.... ive done it all kinds of different ways..naturally cause people in aa seem to have their different take on it.. regardless of the big books clear cut and "precisely" how we did it statement. So what? i say; its all good.. it helped me.. i grew.. changed.. yada yada. i know myself now and what i want.. to a reasonable degree. I'ts taken alot of work.. there were no quick fixes.. that's for sure.. many days i sat in meetings and did the steps till blue in the face; and still nothing had changed cause the truth is i wasn't ready to change..course i blamed the program and all its people for that..((typical alkie behaviour.. not taking responsibility for "me" as usuall)) maybe i was just too "week and some of those changes "especially in the begining" were some of the hardest things ive ever done... and the most rewarding.. im okay with me today.. im comfortable in my own skin..guess i got lucky"... ha ha! <<bikerbabe got lucky".. i wish it were that simple.


Member: mike r.
Location: mount forest , ont .canada
Date: 08 Jun 2003
Time: 20:06:58

Comments

I am an alcholic and when i did step four my sponser guided me through the procedure the 4th step has been the most important step towards my recovery and only looking at my own mistakes i found that pride, anger , resentments,- were also a big factor in my behavour! I had done it once with my sponsor and I guess I was not reallly ready to do it. so I did another once just this year and worked the program harder and slower which when I felt ready to do the step 5 he had advised me to do it with the minister from our church which I had done it was over she had advised me that I should burn it and let it go.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 09 Jun 2003
Time: 13:45:31

Comments

My sponsor and I met once a week and read the big book from cover to page 164. When we reached page 63, we got on our knees and read the 3rd step prayer aloud. We read the 4th step directions and he told me to be ready for my 5th in 10 days. I was to do my best at the time. I did not stay sober, as I was still too insane to be completely honest with myself. The next time I did the 4th, I was thoroughly whipped by alcohol and I had become willing to go to any lengths. I honestly put down everything that I could think of that still caused resentment and fear. I admitted I had a part, even if it was just hanging on to something I should have let go. I have not had to take a drink since then and I am for the most part very happy.


Member: Carlc
Location: nm
Date: 09 Jun 2003
Time: 18:44:27

Comments

I did a few 4th steps but I was always geting drunk before I finished them, you see how in the world could I do a 4th step when I hadnt taken the 1st three steps. This is where all these self appointed gods in aa called sponsors lead people down the wrong road. I had to find out what was wrong with me, then I had to find the solution to my dilema, then I had to take the action. and then and only then did I began to have a relationship with my creator, because that is what the program is all about anyway. I have taken the steps the way they are outlined in the book, and today I have peace and serenity in my life, and thats all I ever wanted.


Member: Jen G
Location: NJ
Date: 09 Jun 2003
Time: 20:48:04

Comments

Bikerbabe--Thanks for your post on step 4. I'm not there yet. Still on step 1, 2, and 3--depends on the day--but eventually I hope to get to step 4, and I anticipate it's gonna be a tough one to take a look at "me."


Member: Heather
Location: UT
Date: 10 Jun 2003
Time: 03:01:04

Comments

Thanks to all for their comments. That's the one I'm on right now. Bikerbabe, thanks for yours especially. (I mean it, really.)


Member: angie d
Location: costa mesa california
Date: 10 Jun 2003
Time: 15:39:58

Comments

hi angie alcoholic/addict 206 days of sobriety...my sponsor had me do a complete inventory ... including the sexual part and at first i huffed and puffed and was annoyed that i had to do something so ridiculous... and not evryones sponsor made them do that..but i believe my higher power put the exact person i needed in my life to be exactly the kinda sponsor i needed... that sexual inventory was so powerful and only because i had to go back to day 1 up to present day.. it made me lok at who and what i'd become ... i had to face that the way i'd lived and hid behind sex was a problem... the way it got worse when i was in my disease ... coming face to face with that made me face truths about myself... my character defects .... and about how I truely am my problem and not alcohol..or drugs or other people. not being poor or white or any of that ... JUST me ... it gave me a place to start from... i could dig deep inside myself with the information i found in my inventory and work on how to better myself from there ... thanx for letting me share


Member: D-flat
Location: Fargo
Date: 10 Jun 2003
Time: 23:02:12

Comments

i guess i did it just like the book, and ive done about 3-4times, but the first one really hit home for me and changed my life, and yeah, i did a 3rd step with my sponser he said we should get on our knees and say it,, i thought OOOKKK he's nuts,, but it was good,, and really helped me to look at myself honestly for the first time in my life, i did the best i could on that first 4th step and it worked for me,now today i can admit when im wroung and say im sorry if i have too and not carry around resentments and anger like i used too. and today i can chose to have a good day or not, see im trying to starve the bad dog and feed the good one in me so it depends on which one i feed today on how my day will go.and it does feel good today to be comfortable in my own skin,,eh Tater


Member: angie k
Location:
Date: 10 Jun 2003
Time: 23:11:49

Comments

hi there, i,m angie k from nj....i am an alcoholic and i have done the 4th several times.....the first time i was as honest as i could be.....but i had so much of blackout history that over my sobriety things come to me and i need to do the 4th step again.....maybe thats my higher powers way of keeping me on my toes....it was scary at first but the relief that was at the other side was immediate.....the moment i spoke the words of my inventory it was as if they were removed from my life completely.....but there is always more work to do.....new work.....its never the same because i am always changing and so is my inventory.....sometimes i feel i haven,t moved at all and other times i feel so different than the personality i was when i came in......by the grace of god today i am sober....thanks for listening.....


Member: tracy
Location: san diego
Date: 11 Jun 2003
Time: 01:36:37

Comments

i I am tracy alcoholic, I remember my 1st 4th step I omitted the stuff that I thought was too sick, like maybe my sponsor would not want to talk to me anymore if she knew.. but a few months later in another 4th step I eventually shared it with her. she still accepted me, in fact nodded her head and told me how she had done similar things. Over the past 14 years of sobriety I have done a few inventories. its still scarier than heck to start, but I know now the amazing benefits that follow. the feeling of freedom, the acceptance,self-loathing slipping away, belonging, etc... I just had to get honest once again with my sponsor(over the phone,long distance) about my dishonesty,fear,judging,gossiping,resentments, etc.. that have accumilated over the past year, in sobriety.. i get so down on my self that I am still doing this kind of sh-- at 14 years of sobriety. but she gently reminded me that it is a "Lifelong practice" . and we claim spiritual progess not spiritual perfection. so I am oK. just fine, for an alkie, I will never be cured. I am grateful for her, pounding the big book into my head, but working the steps have kept me sober. and especially the fearless and moral inventory. digging up my faults have only brought me good, because then and only then am I free to let go of them. thanks for this oportunity to share. as my 1st sponsor says, TRUST GOD AND CLEAN HOUSE


Member: tracy
Location: san diego
Date: 11 Jun 2003
Time: 01:36:44

Comments

i I am tracy alcoholic, I remember my 1st 4th step I omitted the stuff that I thought was too sick, like maybe my sponsor would not want to talk to me anymore if she knew.. but a few months later in another 4th step I eventually shared it with her. she still accepted me, in fact nodded her head and told me how she had done similar things. Over the past 14 years of sobriety I have done a few inventories. its still scarier than heck to start, but I know now the amazing benefits that follow. the feeling of freedom, the acceptance,self-loathing slipping away, belonging, etc... I just had to get honest once again with my sponsor(over the phone,long distance) about my dishonesty,fear,judging,gossiping,resentments, etc.. that have accumilated over the past year, in sobriety.. i get so down on my self that I am still doing this kind of sh-- at 14 years of sobriety. but she gently reminded me that it is a "Lifelong practice" . and we claim spiritual progess not spiritual perfection. so I am oK. just fine, for an alkie, I will never be cured. I am grateful for her, pounding the big book into my head, but working the steps have kept me sober. and especially the fearless and moral inventory. digging up my faults have only brought me good, because then and only then am I free to let go of them. thanks for this oportunity to share. as my 1st sponsor says, TRUST GOD AND CLEAN HOUSE


Member: angie m
Location: costa mesa california
Date: 11 Jun 2003
Time: 14:28:19

Comments

angie alcoholic ... southern california variety lol.... ya know i have only done one 4th adn 5th step so far ... and it brought alot of the truth about me into light ... and my sponsor telling me that isn't who i am ... it's just things i;ve done... it's only who i am when i put chemicals into my body... that took alot of stress and shame off of me .... but i havent felt freed of the character defects that cause alot of my problems... but i do find a little freedom in being able to recognize them now ... and begin to use contrary action to change those things (laziness,gossiping etc etc ) it's a constant battle at my 6 1/2 months of sobriety..... it's like a am just a big walking character defect .... but everytime one of them flares up ... my 4th step and my 5th step flash through my mind and i scan it and see where that had shown through in my inventory and its a constant reminder of the work i need to do to improve myself .....


Member: Tom G.
Location: Michigan
Date: 11 Jun 2003
Time: 17:25:25

Comments

Hi. Tom, alcoholic. I am aware that fear rules my life, and I need to take that part of the inventory again. The BB talks about using the 10th step to do a spot check inventory, but I find writing it down to be crucial. I like the idea of "walking through the fear". It's apparent that fear can color my perceptions so that things seem worse than they are, and by identifying the fear and/or asking God to remove it or writing it down I can loosen its grip on me. But doing the next right thing is often the best thing I can do to deal with it; if I can take action, and trust in the process, maybe I can lessen fear's paralyzing effect on me. thanks.


Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson MI
Date: 12 Jun 2003
Time: 07:58:43

Comments

Mike, alcoholic. I have done several step four. Like as has been said we remember more and more as the fog clears from our brains. Another thing I have found helpful when doing my inventory is also taking the time to right down the good things I have done. This seems to help balance out the inventory for me and also show me what kind of progress I am making. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: angie m
Location: costa mesa california
Date: 12 Jun 2003
Time: 14:31:06

Comments

There are no miracles for those who doubt their possibilities... But for those who believe -- truly believe... all is possible. Whatever you may have believed; whatever you may have done; and whatever you may be in your life -- It's not too late to change course and begin anew... A fresh start, a bright future and the wonderful peace that passes all understanding, are yours for the taking, now and forever more!


Member: Mike
Location: Colorado
Date: 12 Jun 2003
Time: 16:45:45

Comments

Just checking in. Still plugging away, although I'm doing this a bit differently. If this religion stuff doesn't work for you either, try http://www.aadeprogramming.com/ http://www.rationalrecovery.org/ http://www.unhooked.com/ http://www.secularsobriety.org/ Good Luck.


Member: Teresa B.
Location: IN
Date: 12 Jun 2003
Time: 17:47:25

Comments

Hello everyone, Teresa alcoholic here. Fourth step, hoo boy, this is always a dilly the first time you go thru it. For goodness sake, don't try to do it (or any of the steps) without a sponsor. Made that mistake several times. Going much better now. If the Big Book's format is a bit too dauting, try this one from the May 2003 _Grapevine_ "Building an Arch" article. First, write out a grudge list of every person, place, and thing you are honked off about. Next, write out a similar list, only this one is on your fears. Finally, review character defects using the Seven Deadly Sins of greed, lust, sloth, gluttony, envy, pride, anger as a guide. Take care all....


Member: Jarvis S
Location: Atlanta GA. USA
Date: 13 Jun 2003
Time: 00:28:04

Comments

I am a alcoholic an attic name jarvis.The 4th step to me was the opening door of my recovery.The obession was removed an thats when I realize that i had chararter defects that i thought i didnt have. The 4th step let me know that i had addictive behavior way before I picked up the first drink.Today i know that I like any thing that me feel good and anything that taste good i want more of it.


Member: angie k
Location: nj
Date: 13 Jun 2003
Time: 21:36:54

Comments

hi there angie/alcoholic......nj angie in conta mesa calif......i like your postings.....sounds like some good sobriety there......its my first time posting here but i post on the early sobriey board and i have read your postings there too.....much appreciated.....amen for aa...


Member: angie k
Location: nj
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 01:38:28

Comments

principles before personalities.........but youve got to love the personalities......:)


Member: Emily V
Location: New Zealand
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 03:37:46

Comments

This is my first online contact withh AA. Feels surprisingly close to God. I did my first 4th step in a treatment program and I don't think I really understood what I was doing at the time. Afterwards I had to cross a big empty feild and I remember feeling very exposed and vulnerable. But it kept me sober for another 3 yrs untill I could do my first 'real' inventory. My wise sponsor guided me through and helped me to see how all of my behaviour led back to the same self centred fear. Wow what a break through for the girl who thought the whole program was too confusing for words.


Member: r m
Location: pa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 08:14:37

Comments

i want to why when we try to make an amends to the people we had harmed why cant they seem to accept our amends and forgive us


Member: r m
Location: pa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 08:15:50

Comments

i want to why when we try to make an amends to the people we had harmed why cant they seem to accept our amends and forgive us


Member: angie k
Location: nj
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 11:25:02

Comments

r.e. its not about them forgiving you.....its about u having the guts to say so.....


Member:
Location:
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 11:35:19

Comments

For some reason, I thought the purpose of AA was to assist people in defeating their drinking problem. What I realize is that an insane burned out drunk in a church basement telling people how to live their lives helps no one. If this religion stuff doesn't work for you either, try http://www.aadeprogramming.com/ http://www.rationalrecovery.org/ http://www.unhooked.com/ http://www.secularsobriety.org/ If you wait for 'rock bottom', it may be too late. Good Luck.


Member: cb
Location: usa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 21:34:00

Comments

HOW do under stand my self change today to my higher in god today


Member: cb
Location: usa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 21:35:00

Comments

HOW do under stand my self change today to my higher in god today


Member: cb
Location: usa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 21:48:42

Comments

have aa today stay purity honesty love andunselfisness liketo hug one into love one to give to some one is unselfishnes the purity to be clean from the change


Member: cb
Location: usa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 21:49:17

Comments

have aa today stay purity honesty love andunselfisness liketo hug one into love one to give to some one is unselfishnes the purity to be clean from the change


Member: cb
Location: usa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 21:49:18

Comments

have aa today stay purity honesty love andunselfisness liketo hug one into love one to give to some one is unselfishnes the purity to be clean from the change


Member: cb
Location: usa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 21:49:19

Comments

have aa today stay purity honesty love andunselfisness liketo hug one into love one to give to some one is unselfishnes the purity to be clean from the change


Member: cb
Location: usa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 21:49:20

Comments

have aa today stay purity honesty love andunselfisness liketo hug one into love one to give to some one is unselfishnes the purity to be clean from the change


Member: cb
Location: usa
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 21:49:21

Comments

have aa today stay purity honesty love andunselfisness liketo hug one into love one to give to some one is unselfishnes the purity to be clean from the change


Member: suzyqnj
Location: NJ
Date: 14 Jun 2003
Time: 23:50:25

Comments

Hi Sue here, alcoholic. I know the 4th step is about looking at my part in it. Now the topic for my resentments of the moment. I'm a little ticked off about the postings on here, even more so, the ones in the discussion meeting. I don't feel that not addressing the issue is not the answer. I believe we have a responsibility to maintain the traditions in any meeting, even online. Chaseing away newcomers and allowing insults to be directed to fellow alcoholics trying to stay sober is detrimental, not only to the individual, but to this meeting. what action to take is completly beyond me though. I was wondering if anyone with more knowledge of traditions and concepts nd more time than myself could comment. Perhaps just give me some insight on how to deal with my own resentment of the situation.


Member: Suzyqnj
Location: NJ
Date: 15 Jun 2003
Time: 00:25:21

Comments

Ok just to keep an open mind, I checked out the web sites. You guessed it, it's all for sale. If you want your sobriety their way you have to buy it. All of the sites sold books and offered little in the way of free help. On the other hand the Big Book is online for free, and if you need a meeting, you don't need money. Alot of misinformation. I'll stick to doing it this way.


Member: Heather
Location: not in bed where I belong at this hour
Date: 15 Jun 2003
Time: 07:03:59

Comments

Patty B- I'm working on mine, too. I'm finding I have a lot more resentments/grudges/defects/yuck than even I thought when I was trying to kill myself because I hated myself! The difference is I know now that God will take them away if I'll turn loose of them (the tricky part). I've also found myself incredibly moody about it- partly it's freeing me, and partly it's making me feel like dirt when I "don't do it right"- don't accept that "God could and would if he were sought". How's yours going?


Member: kelley
Location: s
Date: 15 Jun 2003
Time: 12:10:52

Comments

i have done a 4th step in the past and it made me look at the way I lived while I was out there. the things I did and the way I hurt others. made me feel like a very low grade person, I need to do another one but am very afraid to, not wanting to feel that low again, nor wanting to get depressed about it, comments on how to do one correctly would help me out a bunch........