Member: Jim F
Location: Guilin, China
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 7:33:17 PM

Comments

What do I win for being first? How about another day of sobriety. I'll settle for that.

Made a list, became willing ... does anyone remember the early days when you (I) actually believed that I had hurt no one but myself? I was serious too.

For me the list was easy once I had 18 months of sobriety under my belt, the getting willing was not, so, like most good alcoholics, I began with the easy ones and saved the hard ones for last.

Funny but the most difficult ... oh well, I am going into Step 9, I guess ... was to phone the people I had crashed into on that last DUI. They were utter strangers to me. I did phone and they thanked me for calling because they had been so worried about me. Can you imagine people like that? I didn't want to include them on my list, but I knew I had to. And who reaped the rewards?

Jim from Sequim


Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 5/12/2002
Time: 9:35:06 PM

Comments

Adam, alcoholic.

I remember I didn't want to make a list or become willing to make amends when I got to this step. I knew what was stopping me...it was fear. I knew by the time that I had done my fifth step that "I'm sorry" were cheap words with me...just something that I blurted out repeatedly when I knew I had screwed up royally and I just wanted to be absolved of any wrong-doing. Still I never actually did anything to change my behavior, so any apology from me before I got sober was just another way to maipulate others into to telling me that I still was okay. I was afraid that, given my past record with dishonesty, I wouldn't be able to do this step.

I'm glad I did this step with the advice of a sponsor who defined the word 'amend' as 'change.' We looked at my fourth step and talked about how I could do things differently with the people I harmed. And he reminded me that if I truly wanted to have my most glaring defect of character--dishonesty--removed, I needed to tell the truth and stand by it no matter what and do the honest thing, no matter how scary it may be for me. For me, making that list was my first indication of willingness to DO the right/honest thing when it came to others rather than just give lip-service to the idea.

Grateful to be sober.


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 4:13:48 AM

Comments

"Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all."

Willing to make amends ... a spiritual principle ...

Our Experience, Strength and Hope shared in the meetings has given an understanding of our EGO's(Edging God Out).When looking for similarities finding parent's ESH, children's ESH, friend's ESH, the human races ESH ... a "Healing Power" of understanding occurring of our similar EGO's(Edging God Out).

There is a "Healing Power"(not me(EGO), not you(EGO)) in shared Experience, Strength and Hope.

Willing to make amends ... a healing spiritual principle


Member: LISA M.
Location: OS MISSISSIPPI
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 8:36:20 AM

Comments

hi my name is lisa a recoverd alcoholic When i first made my list of amends i couldn't believe how many people i hated. I thought my life was working... boy was i wrong!!! I couldnt't believe these people would ever be able to forgive me. Not only did they forgive me,they truly love me. I can honestly say today i have no enemies and for that i'm grateful. thank you for the topic, GOD BLESS,


Member: rick
Location: columbia missouri
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 5:45:23 PM

Comments

ih have a friend who helped me alot when i was sober a month or so back . then things i thought was important took the place of my meetings .now i am trying to get back on the right track .i need some help. anyone.


Member: rick
Location: columbia missouri
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 5:45:31 PM

Comments

ih have a friend who helped me alot when i was sober a month or so back . then things i thought was important took the place of my meetings .now i am trying to get back on the right track .i need some help. anyone.


Member: rick
Location: columbia missouri
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 5:46:49 PM

Comments

ih have a friend who helped me alot when i was sober a month or so back . then things i thought was important took the place of my meetings .now i am trying to get back on the right track .i need some help. anyone.


Member: Stew E
Location: FL
Date: 5/13/2002
Time: 9:11:54 PM

Comments

I just want to "listen" today.

Thanks.


Member: Phyllis P.
Location: Cairo, Egypt
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 4:48:31 AM

Comments

I remember I had a long list of people I had harmed and the first person my sponsor recommended I list was myself. I hurt a lot of people by my drinking, no doubt about that, but I hurt myself the most...my self-esteem, my reputation, my health, my relationship with my HP, etc. I was glad I only had to be "willing" to make amends because lots of folks I had injured, I was unable to find. I felt very fearful of giving amends to my ex husband but I called him and told him I was an alcoholic, I was sorry for hurting him, etc. and he very dumbly asked me, "You had a problem with alcohol?" Duhhhh, he never thought it odd to find me smashed every night when he came home. I had been afraid to call him to make amends and when I did, his response made me see how silly my fears had been. Rick, go to a meeting and get a list of men's names and call them if you really want to get well.


Member: Sidney K
Location: India
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 10:35:12 AM

Comments

Hi! I am a new member. Writing the list was really difficult..now i just need to ask for forgiveness.


Member: Zach
Location: Oakland, CA
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 6:40:38 PM

Comments

Zach, Alcoholic The toughest thing I found in this step, was the fact that some of what I beleived were my "strongest" relationships were based on lies. I had developed freindships through deceit. How could I admit that without loosing those freinds? What I found, was those relationships were never as strong as they are after having come clean. It was difficult, but the reward was pure freaindship with the people I really care about. Something I had never known.


Member: Curtis P.
Location: Drayton Valley ,Canada
Date: 5/14/2002
Time: 9:58:21 PM

Comments

Curtis ALCOHOLIC: I was just at a meeting that was on step 8. Well I have learned in AA that my list was made in Step 4, which make it alot easier to do I would say. I have seen in the last (12years 11 months and 14 days) that We like to make things harder then they really are , I know I did and I do not think that I am that different then the next drunk trying to stay sober. Please , just do the step and God will help you through the next step .Which I think is the really hard one lol. THANKS FOR MY SOBER DAY. aka BIRDMAN


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 2:19:27 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Step 8 for me is looking at who I have harmed, and what I can do about fixing it. I allowed my conscience to be my guide on this one, if something/someone was weighing heavily on me, I realized that something had to be done about it. If you think the IRS is taxing, try unresoved guilt. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.


Member: Brooke B.
Location: California
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 2:29:24 PM

Comments

For being only 20, I have done a lot of harm to a lot of people that were in my path. I could start with my parents, and go as far as strangers. Saying "I'm sorry, it will never happen again. Promise" was my quote. Soon everyone got sick and tired of me, and hearing that. Now, it's like crying wolf. "But I REALLY am sorry!" Then again, I was REALLY sorry the other million times. This is a good step because instead of just saying it, I actually have to DO it now. There is such a big difference. We can all talk, but can we all act on it? "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." My Mom taought me that. Thanks, I'm Brooke, an alcoholic.


Member: Brooke B.
Location: California
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 2:29:25 PM

Comments

For being only 20, I have done a lot of harm to a lot of people that were in my path. I could start with my parents, and go as far as strangers. Saying "I'm sorry, it will never happen again. Promise" was my quote. Soon everyone got sick and tired of me, and hearing that. Now, it's like crying wolf. "But I REALLY am sorry!" Then again, I was REALLY sorry the other million times. This is a good step because instead of just saying it, I actually have to DO it now. There is such a big difference. We can all talk, but can we all act on it? "Say what you mean, and mean what you say." My Mom taought me that. Thanks, I'm Brooke, an alcoholic.


Member: monica s
Location: northdakota
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 10:14:09 PM

Comments

there are things you can never make amends for so you can never try or you will just mess things up more for you and the other person


Member: Robin M
Location: K.C. MO
Date: 5/15/2002
Time: 10:34:05 PM

Comments

It is unbelieveable that I have never been on this site and you are talking about the step that I am working on worst than a meeting always just what I need.


Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, TX
Date: 5/16/2002
Time: 11:28:29 AM

Comments

Hi folks; I'm a real alcoholic named Curtis. Can change my name, but I'll always be an alkie. Love the steps; 8 for me is prep school for nine, just like 4 for 5 and 6 for 7. It took me years to get enough honesty to really see all the harm I'd done, and step 10 helps me see it today. My wife and two sons were first on my list, followed by my parents. For some reason, I didn't put myself on my eight step because by the Grace of God, steps 4-7 had allowed me to make amends to myself and my HP. Most of my list of people I'd harmed were close to me or long gone. My mother had been miserable with worry over me and my drinking for decades. My dad had lost his trust in me. My wife, well, I really don't know what she felt, but I had treated her bad. My two sons had been neglected. My employer had been used and abused. Twenty five years earlier, I'd used females as tokens of conquest to boost my ego, caring nothing about their feelings. My little list became a mountain. I've been climbing that mountain one step and one day at a time for over 17 years, and my sons, for example will still be part of the amends list for the rest of my life. I AM WILLING TO TREAT THEM WITH LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING TODAY. That is my change, my amend to them; ongoing for life. I'm too windy, but being from Texas, well ......... Thanks for letting me share.


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 8:26:38 AM

Comments

hi my name is anilG a recoverd alcoholic When i first made my list of amends i couldn't believe how many people i hated. I thought my life was working... boy was i wrong!!! I couldnt't believe these people would ever be able to forgive me. Not only did they forgive me,they truly love me. I can honestly say today i have no enemies and for that i'm grateful. thank you for the topic, GOD BLESS,


Member: Cynthia A.
Location: New York City
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 9:00:30 AM

Comments

Cynthia, alcoholic

Another A.A. miracle....this is my first time on this site and I'm feeling that familiar tingle of fellowship and belonging. There is truly no reason not to "attend" a meeting.

Step 8 was actually a relief for me until I realized that I would have to "go public" with it in Step 9 (lol).

I felt a strong sense of turning my will and my life over to my HP. I mean some of the things that were on my list were either "mysteries" or completely unknown to the people in my life. It was difficult to risk the credibility that I had gained with my loved ones by telling them, "by the way, you don't know this but I really screwed you over back when I was drinking" or "you know about that money that you thought you lost, well I stole it from you"

Like I said, a strong willingness to practice step 3 was necessary to embark on step 8/9.

I'm happy to spend part of my morning reading everyone's shares and adding one of my own.

Thanks for letting me share...


Member: Old Brooklyn AA
Location: Long-gone
Date: 5/17/2002
Time: 3:10:44 PM

Comments

Hi!

I'm an old-time Brooklyn AA! I made my first meeting in what was then the "Roger's Group," on Glenwood Road I believe it was. I'm long gone from Brooklyn, so I don't know if it's still there. One of the first people I met at that group was an Artie Duffy who at that time had about 30 years in the program. He sort of welcomed me as a "newcomer," and tried to have me feel as if I was among friends. It was all a new experience to me! So there I started to first give myself a break, or make amends to myself, and did I ever need to do that! After a while I started to make amends to others, and didn't have as much success at that as I did with making amends to myself! It seems they didn't want either the old me or the new me around! Well I got that message and took off to parts unknown and here I am a long gone and still sober user and abuser, that still makes amends to myself, with the same curse of nobody wanting me around hanging over me! I have a horde of the right spiritual friends though, which keeps me going!


Member: Anonymous Alcoholic
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 5:24:28 AM

Comments

step 8 ... I think it might take less time to just put 'everybody' on the list :-)

thanks


Member: Aussie Lenny S
Location: Morisset N.S.W. Australia
Date: 5/18/2002
Time: 8:03:29 AM

Comments

Hi friends, Lennie, Alcoholic

To Monica's comments. There are some people I cant make amends to but Im willing if God presents the opportunity. That is what I think is most important.

I was told to make 4 lists. 1. Those to make amends to now. 2. Those to make amends to later. 3. Those I might make amends to. 4. Those I will never make amends to.

When doing the 9th Step, I'm to work on the first list. When they are finished, the Later list becomes now, The maybes become later and the Nevers become maybe and so on.

It was a big help to me. Im now 28 years sober and am at peace with almost all people Love you all Lenny S cherlen@primus.com.au


Member: Ali L
Location: SoCal
Date: 5/19/2002
Time: 1:34:57 AM

Comments

Just "Listening". Thanks for your words Ali/Alcoholic


Member: Vivian F
Location: IL
Date: 5/19/2002
Time: 6:11:22 AM

Comments

Hi. I'm V. alcoholic. Just 37 days sober and working on Step 4, but can see how it might roll over into Step 8 list(s). Must put it into a secure file for later. I'm EXTREMELY grateful to be sober today, which promises to be dry for a change after all the rain and flooding. Thanks.