Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 9/2/01
Time: 11:22:09 PM

Comments

Hi, all I am Donnie and this step I recently did with my preacher and I am here to say if you can`t get honest with your preacher I don`t know who you can be honest with. Thank`s for letting me share and GOD BLESS ALL.


Member: chicken
Location:
Date: 9/3/01
Time: 3:14:16 AM

Comments

This step scares the living sh*t out of me. I don't know who to turn to......to do this step. Don't know the pastor at the church. Sponsor did theirs with a pastor.


Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit (richr_srcp@hotmail.com)
Date: 9/3/01
Time: 4:24:39 AM

Comments

I did step 5 with my sponsor 8 years ago. Before the 'official step 5' (where I actually went over my written 4th step), I started doing 'mini-step 5s' at meetings. I would share, to the best of my knowledge and ability, some of the lousy stuff I had done while 'under the influence'. It wasn't exactly 'the exact nature of my wrongs' but it was a good-faith attempt and no one snapped my head off when I did it so that gave me the confidence to do the 'downtown job' with my sponsor when the right time came. One of the benefits of taking the 5th step with another human being is a great feeling of relief came over me. Another benefit is I felt very close to this guy. This guy is lately struggling with a differnet addiction (not alcohol) that we both share. In fact we both had 'a slip' in that 12-step program in December after 9+ years clean time. The big difference is his slip has lasted 8 monthsm whereas my slip lasted about 8 minutes. Last week he legally banned himself from setting foot in the Detroit casinos, which is a little bit like taking antabuse. I just hopes it buys him some time so he can get back to where he was before his relapse. Sorry for straying off topic.


Member: Virgil J
Location: Western North Carolina
Date: 9/3/01
Time: 11:44:43 AM

Comments

My name is Virgil and I'm an alchoholic. I've done the fifth step four seperate times. Each time was with a different sponsor. I've had five sponsors during my sobriety. Four of them required that I go through the steps with them. Each time I did this some more came out. The last time was 1 1/2 years ago. The first 3 times it seemed to center around my life when I was drinking. A lot of time had elapsed between the 3rd and fourth time I took this step. What came out this last time was mainly the damage I had done in current relationships and just a few things from my drinking time. It seems that most of my problems with living are my perceptions of the world around me and the actions I take based on those perceptions. I have found that my perceptions can be based on fear and when that happens they may or may not be correct. When I am able to keep the garbage cleaned up and keep a conscience contact with God and life. I rarely do things that cause myself or others harm.


Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila, PA - USA
Date: 9/3/01
Time: 12:27:03 PM

Comments

Hi All; Joe here, definitely alcoholic.

I got sober at an all men's group, in fact it was a "Young Men's" group, and people accused them of having "5th Step" meetings all the time.

I remember, one time, asking a fairly young guy why he wouldn't go to the young people's group, and his answer was "Because I can't get what they haven't got." It took a while before I understood what he meant. I also understand what Rich means, when he says "the exact nature." It's one thing to share what you did, and another to understand why you did it.

I do believe in getting into the steps as soon as you can. I also believe, you shouldn't rush this one. Does that make sense? I hope so. Thanks to all for sharing. Peace, Out...

LeachFtown@aol.com


Member: Angela S. (avanta7@netscape.net)
Location: Hot Springs National Park, AR (USA)
Date: 9/3/01
Time: 2:36:13 PM

Comments

Hi folks...

Maybe I'm weird but I LOVE STEP FIVE!!!! (and four, they go together) Whenever I'm at some sort of impasse in my sobriety -- got a problem or a situation that has me stumped -- the best thing in the world for me to do is write an inventory on it and then share that inventory with my sponsor.

The best thing about sharing my inventory, regardless of whether it was the first one at 70 days sober (which covered the active phase of my drinking) or the most recent one done about two years ago, which covered one of those issues I used to drink about (more will be revealed, right?), is that by saying that stuff out loud I am giving it away.

I firmly believe that when the inventory is shared, it's no longer mine. I don't have to carry that crap around with me anymore because I've given it to the person with whom I've shared it. What a relief!

Don't misunderstand. I don't mean I no longer bear the responsibility for my actions nor do I mean there are no character defects to correct or amends to make. What I mean is I'm no longer locked up by own guilt and shame. I'm free to learn from my mistakes and go on from there, a more carefree and hopefully wiser individual.

To "chicken": The first time you do your 5th step can be frightening, but I promise you, you will be very glad you did it once you're done. The 12X12 suggests you do your inventory with your "closest AA friend." This may or may not be your sponsor. I've always done mine with my sponsor. You may want to consider sharing yours with yours, or perhaps with one of the older members of your home group who has a quality of sobriety you admire. Whomever you choose, that person should have done the steps at least once. There is no greater teacher than experience. Good luck and God be with you.

Thanks for letting me share!

07/26/1991


Member: Blair
Location:
Date: 9/3/01
Time: 6:15:13 PM

Comments

Hi!Blair,an alcoholic,this is one step we all seem to be afraid of taking,it's a struggle with 4 but 5 is almost unbearable to thing off,especially when we know we have to face another human being.It took me quiet a long period of time to do this step,maybe it was because I didn't have the kind of sponsor who would guide me or I was just to scared to take a look at my self,or to hear what that person was going to say to me about what kind of a person I was. But when I took my 5 step to my sponser we got down on our knees and did our 3th step prayer together so I knew God was with us and he began to read my 5th step,he didn't give me any big lecture on how bad I was or what a miserable person I was.We talked about his 5th step to put me at ease and we talked about mine which didn't seem to bad,the one thing he asked me was to put down a balance sheet,like where are your good points about yourself.I didn't think I had any but he pointed out that I was a good father,good worker,good provider etc.etc. I walked away from there feeling ok. I'am sorry for taking up so much space, you all have a good 24hrs.


Member: KB
Location: Minnesota
Date: 9/3/01
Time: 7:15:53 PM

Comments

I'm KB and I'm an alcoholic. For those of you who are having a difficult time taking this step because it seems overwhelming or it is hard finding the right person with whom to share, you may want to consider a 4th and 5th step retreat. Experienced, qualified, people explain the steps, help you create an inventory and listen to your 5th step. Others who gather with you, do what you do and help you through it. It's not the only way, but it is a way and a way that worked well for me.


Member: Charlie D.
Location: South Korea
Date: 9/3/01
Time: 11:04:37 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Charlie and I'm a real alcoholic. I always thought that I was a fairly open person, both drunk and newly sober, about revealing my secrets to anyone. However, after getting sober and staying sober for awhile, I realized that I wasn't truly being honest with myself and others. It wasn't until I did a complete and thorough fourth step that I finally came to realize what my real shortcomings were, and what the real truth about myself was. I didn't even get serious about a "real" fourth and fifth step until I almost got drunk behind trying to do the steps all by myself. I discovered, to my shame and self-loathing, that I was only fooling myself and I hadn't done a "thorough" inventory. If I hadn't gone to a meeting immediately after uncovering some very shameful behavior from my past, and met some good solid sober friends there, I was surely going to drink out of anger and guilt, even though I was almost two years sober at the time. Do your fourth and fifth step with instructions from a spiritual advisor or sponsor, if I can make a suggestion. I wouldn't probably be sober today without my sponsor with whom I share everything that's going on with me without reservation. In any case, I love being alive today, and my heart and mind is not filled with all that garbage from the past that kept me from spiritual growth. In three weeks, I'll be celebrating 16 years of sobriety and to quote my sponsor, "It just keeps getting better." Keep coming back, and thank you for letting me share.


Member: Ganny PG
Location: Empangeni, KZN
Date: 9/4/01
Time: 12:27:51 AM

Comments

Hi Every one my name is Ganny and definately a confirmed alcoholic. Hugs and love to everyone that shared on this topic before me and those that have just read it too. The 5th step for me is a deduction from the physical inventory and that is to group the items on my inventory into the different nature groups. The nature of the wrongs would sum up to my defects of character for instance I hated my neighbor and in the analysis the nature of this wrong was jealousy because he was successful and I was a born loser, there are many other instances in my inventory with add up to jealousy and that is what step 5 is asking me to admit to god to myself and one other human being the exact nature of my wrongs(jealousy).

Thats what my sponsor said, it worked for me and one day at a time I manatain it.

Love all of you unconditionally got to leave thanks for reading.

Ganny the alcoholic.


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 9/5/01
Time: 2:12:33 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. It doesn't matter who you do it with, just do it. Thats what was told to me. For me step five took the mask off of this alcoholic once and for all. In step 4, we should have learned acceptance of ourselves, good, bad or indifferent.In step five I revealed myself to God and to another, the bondage of self was lifted to a degree, and pointed me on my way to the meat and potatoes of our twelve step program, steps six and seven.


Member: Avril G
Location: Belgium
Date: 9/5/01
Time: 10:19:11 AM

Comments

((((Angela S))) Like you, I also love steps4/5, though step ten means I don't have to do 4/5 quite so often these days.

Just over a year ago I reached an impasse, at a few months short of 10 years sobriety, and had to do a 4/5 again, during which I learnt a lot about ME which I thought I had let go, but realised I had (as it says in our literature) held onto some of the worst defects in stock. Whenever any major problem with which I have no experience whatever comes along in my life, I find myself redoing 4/5 and I always see some glaring defect in ME which is causing me grief. Only then can I move on and follow the rest of the steps.

I am going through a bit of an impasse at the moment, and today I finally got down to writing it out. For me, much of recovery comes from the serenity prayer, knowing what is MINE to change, changing what I can, BUT the hard part - having the wisdom to know the difference in what I should accept and what I should work towards changing.

The truth will set me free, and that truth comes from steps4/5.

goodallavril2000@yahoo.co.uk


Member: Fred B Good
Location: Delray Beach Florida
Date: 9/5/01
Time: 11:41:54 AM

Comments

Step 5 was a big relief after step 4. It lifted the weight of step 4. Goodness dont do a step 4 a skip step 5 you'll be imersed in you stuff. Let the program do its job. To chicken above. You can use a srink, sponcer, good freind, church .... but do it. If your really scared use a shrink. Their payed to keep it to themselfs.


Member: joyce
Location:
Date: 9/5/01
Time: 5:55:15 PM

Comments

hi, i'm joyce, alcoholic... sure sorry i missed the 4th step discussion; not sure how that happened; right now my sponsor confronted me with the intensity of my resentments and how they are destructive in my life. I'm rather overwhelmed looking at it all. Guess i figured after some years in the program & with step 10, i'd be doing better. re: step 5...i'm grateful to have a sponsor who is tough and trustworthy, the best! thanks for the chance to share !


Member: Don R
Location: Savannah, GA
Date: 9/5/01
Time: 6:11:28 PM

Comments

Hello fellow alcoholics.

It is taking more time for me to complete a thorough step 4 than I had originally anticipated. I have alot of moral issues (AA taught me that my drinking did not belong on this list) and still no sponser. I will keep coming back and working the program--believing in the Promises.

Thanks for listening and allowing me to share.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 9/5/01
Time: 10:27:31 PM

Comments

Hi! my name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

When I first came to the AA program, the older AA's used to tease us newcomers sometimes by "putting a scare into us" about doing the 4th Step. I ignored that, being too consumed with fear about doing Step 5.

At least with Step 4, only I would know. Interestingly, as I look back, it was Step 4 that moved me the most and that helped make Step 5 less intimidating to me. However, the fear of returning to the bottle was perhpas the most powerful motivator to do Step 5.

We must be willing to do anything to stay sober, the literature says. So I did Step 5 with my AA sponsor shortly after completing my Step 4 and he made me focus on how the exact nature of my wrongs affected my relationships.

In the end, Step 5 turned out to be much less uncomfortable than I thought, and it continued to contribute towards my freedom from bondage.


Member: annie
Location: gettysburg
Date: 9/6/01
Time: 7:39:02 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Annie and yes I am an alcoholic. This step was intense but I agree with Jack...it really got me going on the steps. Once confronted with myself and my actions it got me closer to changing. Just by sharing with God and my sponsor I felt lighter (having shared my worst) and felt connected (because they still loved me). I am very grateful for people involved in my recovery. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: julie pompom
Location:
Date: 9/6/01
Time: 9:08:35 PM

Comments

to chicken,

why dont chickens wear underwear? because their

peckers on their face.........hehehaheha


Member: julie pompom
Location:
Date: 9/6/01
Time: 9:08:44 PM

Comments

to chicken,

why dont chickens wear underwear? because their

peckers on their face.........hehehaheha


Member: julie pompom
Location:
Date: 9/6/01
Time: 9:08:47 PM

Comments

to chicken,

why dont chickens wear underwear? because their

peckers on their face.........hehehaheha


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 9/7/01
Time: 8:56:54 AM

Comments

I am an alcoholic I must say that firstt step is to be honest to your self. then you can follow the next step towards the wrongs that you have done to others as part of repentence for the insane things we have done making your way towards being spritual the only cure for insanity.thnks to all AA members.


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 9/7/01
Time: 11:30:03 AM

Comments

"Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs." In step four we admitted how we were using our intellect putting our drunken EGO (edging God out) first, admitted this caused problems. Now for step five, we start using our intellect putting humility first, admitting the solution is the shared experience, strength and hope of using intellect putting humility first. What a releif ... to understand the real use of intellect is for sharing experience, strength and hope with God and others for "healing power". Thanks, Keep Coming Back!!!


Member: Joe K.
Location: Huntsville, TX
Date: 9/8/01
Time: 1:51:58 AM

Comments

I am Joe -- an alcoholic. It is because of a power bigger than me I found in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous that I am sober today again; and I am most grateful for that.

To be completely honest with another human being about the things in me I find objectionable has been quite a big step for me... and one of the most freeing experiences of my life. I have walked away from that experience KNOWING that I too am a member of the human race -- that I am no less or no more special than anyone else in this world -- that I can be accepted and loved even though I have things about me I was certain no one would accept or love. Now I can stand in the grocery line with total strangers and stare them in the eyes rather than looking away or down at the floor. It is a wonderful thing God has brought my way.


Member: Lia L.
Location: Burton,UK
Date: 9/8/01
Time: 10:51:24 AM

Comments

Hi i'm lia an alcoholic. Step 5 has been good to me. Like others i have started this step small by sharing horrid stuff at meetings. I was patiently listened to and held by the meetings until i found my present sponsor. She insisted that i do athe steps from the top and at 3 i had to write a letter of resignation.For step 5 she chose a public place in which we had a pocket of privacy and i read her my step 4. It was time to stop treating me with kid gloves and allowing me to drown emotionally in my stuff. Her matter of fact attitude was real helpful altho' i did not like it at the time. She had to work hard at placing me at an emotional distance, not only because of her stuff, but because i treated everyone and everything as an over-indulgent parent. I was very dependent. Does this ring many bells???? i love my sponsor and we are now 5yrs down the road. She keeps me working and thankfully never tries to contact me when i am having a self-sabotaging self-pity party... Recently she set me doing a 4 & 5 on " I am in a relationship with someone who is not in a relationship with me"...thank you God for AA's 12steps and for my sponsor and for this cyber meeting. Love to you all. Thankyou for letting me share.


Member: Jeff J
Location: North Idaho
Date: 9/8/01
Time: 1:01:01 PM

Comments

Hello All, My name is Jeff J., I was taught very long ago that if your having trouble with 4 and 5 go back to step 3, 4 & 5 can be scary but if you have put your will and life in the care of god it doesn't seem that bad. But I will say this if you have done step 4 DO STEP 5. I have been around a few 24 hours and have seen alot of people go out between these steps. I personally was scared of this step at first but my sponser told me I wasn't there yet and that we they were called steps for a reason no jumping ahead. When I did my 4th I reread it thought I didn't deserve life or sobrity, called my sponser told him I did it he said good and hung up on me. This was the last straw and I got the "F**k it's" but before I could get out the door he was there and and we did the 5th step. I was sweating and ashamed, he looked at me laughed and said is that all. Then shared some of his with me, we then sat around draank coffee and laughed and talked till about 2 in the morning. He made me feel I wasn't a bad person I was a sick person that made some mistakes in life just like him and almost every other human on this earth. To me 4&5 helped me feel human again and not some dirt bag, I read my 4th to God also, and he didn't send lighting to strike me down so he must have understood. Feel free to comment to me personally, my aa e-mail address is imrule62@hotmail.com