Member: Pete S
Location: Maryland
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 2:13:31 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, Pete here alcoholic Made a searching moral inventory of ourselves. I'm in the middle of this one right now. As some of you already are aware, it is raising issues with me that I thought were resolved, resentments etc. I guess its part of the prrocess of recovery. Various people in this group have helped me through all of this. (PAM) Considering what you are going through at the moment, I can't begin to thank you enough for your help. Your generosity and thoughtfulness despite your own loss is something I won't soon forget. God Bless. One of the things I am discovering working this step is that it is helping me put things in perspective. Steping back from the picture and looking at it more globally, if you will, it makes a lot more sense. When I finish this process I'll let you know. Thanks for letting me share


Member: Sammy L.
Location: St. Louis, MO
Date: 5/6/01
Time: 10:43:56 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Sam & an alcoholic. I was disappointed the discussion meeting'd had a dozen or so entries but only Pete's was here. Oh well, the steps never are popular before a certain level of pain is reached, and the 4th probably has the worst rap of all. Far be it from me to advise Bill (too late now anyway, God rest his soul,) or his inspiration (God, by Bill's own words) but I've never been real comfy with a word in our steps. It's the word "fearless" here. I am currently working on a 4th, as Pete is, & have done 2 others previously. I've had fear with all of them. Doing my first one, I really procrastinated badly. In retrospect, I'm not sure how I managed to stay sober. I'd always believed courage was the absence of fear. No more. I believe it's going through with what you know is right, despite fear. Chuck C. said we can change anything about our surroundings but one. If we wake up tomorrow, we're stuck with us. So, it would seem we would be taught how to get along with ourselves. But we're not. This step starts that process. I have rarely met any drunk who took this step & didn't discover a lot of new info. about how he (or she) operated. It's finally getting honest with the one guy I could always bullshit, me. The awakening is different in us all. Something that may not have caused me a twinge of guilt last year, (nor caused a sponsee to drink today) may have a devastating effect on me today. After all, I don't have to live in anyone else's skin today, but I can't get out of mine. If something makes me guilty, then it's not right for me. I have to deal with the consequences. I drank to cover up guilt. And drinking is not an option today. I also like what Joe and Charlie say about how we block God out of our heads when we keep the storage shelves up there full of garbage like fear and resentments. This is where we start the process of cleaning house. God and nature alike abhor a vacuum. If we empty the shelves, and we are doing the next right thing, the shelves get filled by God. I hope the one I'm doing now will help me as much as the others have. I need all the help I can get.


Member: gilligan
Location: help
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 12:02:20 AM

Comments

my name is gilligan can you send me a boat that fgloats.i need to get off this island.the skipper keeps calling me HIS 'lil buddie...... and chasing me 'round in his underwear.


Member: Philomena DOS 11/04/94
Location: Haceinda Hts, So California
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 10:49:52 AM

Comments

~~~\_/7......updtd 05/07/2001 It's me Philomena, grateful alcoholic,

I first logged on this site @ 10 weeks ago or so. This is from the discussion meetings, coffee pot,and a 12 & 12 from archives,that I checked out.

Look at our group. Awesome.

Hello to (((ALL))) of you .. . . .

:-):-):-), AdamH, AlexB. AlK, AliceR, AllisonW, AndrewA, AndyM, AngelicaU, AnilG, ANNA, Anne, AnnieK, AnnieKelley, Annie P, AnnT, Anonymous, Ardis, Arlene, ArtP, AvrilG, AZBill, BabetteR, Baker, Barbie, BarruB, BarryL, Bea, BernardB, Betsie,BillJ, BillM, BillP, BillW, BilliJo, BillyD, BobF, BobP, BobPatles, BobS, BobT, BobW, Bobby, BrendaC, BrianB, Briana, BrockS, BruceC, BryanL, BunnyL, ButchL, Candi, Carla, CarlaJ, Carol, CarolC, CarolD, CarolMN, CarolSW, CaroleA, CarrieL, CaryB, CecH, CharlesM, CharlieDarling, Cher449, CheriseF, CheyrlS ChrisB, ChrisC, ChrisH,ChrisM, Chris(Nurse), Chris0kC, ChuckK, ChuckM, CinCin-Robin, CisF, ClaireB, ClaraA, ClaraL, ClevelandChris, CliffH, ColleenNA, ConnieP, CorinneB, ChrissyV, Dakota, DaleC, DaleL, DaleS, DanA, DanF, DanL, DanM, DanN, Daniel, Danielle, DaveZ, David, DavidB, DavidH, DavidM, DavidR, DawnL, DB, DeanS, DEB, DebbieP, DebbieT, DebK, Deborah, DebraCT, DeeBee, DeniseB, DennisF, DennisV, DerekB, DianaP, Dleonard, DollieW, DonF, DonW, DonnaH, DonnieM, DougK, DougR, DT, DudeL, DuncanM, EdG, EdieR, Eduardo L, EileenL, Elaine, ElaineT, Elliott, Em, Eric, EricH, EvinD, Ferdinand, Fayla, FranD, FranW, FrankD, FrankK, FrankM, FrankO, Fred, FredM, GabrielleP, Gail, GaryC, GaryG, GaryK, GeoffG, GeorgeP, GeriW, GerryMac, Glen, GlennH, Gordon, GregC, GregL, HarryK, Heather, HeidiP, Hipolito, HollyK, IlaN, Inez, IsobelD, JackB, JaclynH, JamesC, JamesP, JamieB, JamieE, JamieS, JanBB, JanS, JaneP, JaniceS, JanieC, Janine B, JasonB, JasonM, JEAN, Jean-ClaudeT, Jeff, JeffB, Jen, JenG, Jenn, Jennifer, JeremiahB, JeremiahM, JerryJ, JimB, JimK, JJ, JL, JMS, JoD, JoM, JoanH, Joe, JoeH, JoeL, JoeR, Johanna, JohannaF, JohnB, JohnR, JohnW, JosephZ, JoyceY, JudahZ, Judi, JudyL, Julie, JustinR, KarenB, Kari, KarrieL, KateH, KathleenF, KathyM, KathyR, KatieD, KatieN, KayeF, KeithM, KellyF, KelllyK, KenC, KenS, Kerry, KerryB, KerryF, KerryK, KevinR, KimC, KimD, KimO, KirstenT, Kyle, Laila, L.A.Roxx, LaRaeS, LarryR, LauraJ, LavonneA, LeAnnW, LeeP, LeeEllen, LegrandplayerDAN, LenP,LesA, LesC, Lilly, LindaA, LindaC, LindaO, LindaS, Lis, LisaIL, LisaC, LisaK, LoisS, LoriR, LoriS, Lorraine, Loretta, Lucy, LukeD, Lyn, Lyle, LynneB, LynnS, MadelineE, Maggie,MarcyC, MariaK, Marie, MarieB, MarkA, MarkB, MarkC, MarkD, MarkL, MarkW, MartinaG, Mary, MaryV, MaryS51, Marty4D, MattL, MattW, MD, Mel, MelissaB, MichaelB, MichaelL, MickL, MikePA, MikeK, MikeL, MikeM, MikeN, MikeP, MikeW, MikeyW, Milt, MiriamT, MiriamW, MishaB, MissyR, MitchellWI, MoniqueU, Mouse, Mrellen, NadiaB, NancyW, NateH, NewBeastie, Noel, NormP, Oracle, Orbison, OttoP, PamB, PamD, PamMidwest, Patg, PattiD, Pattw/2tees, PaulB, PaulOH, PaulM, PaulaP, PaulineG, PeggyH, PeggyL, PerryA, PeteB, PeteS, PhilA, Philomena, PK, RachelLee, RandyL, Rayday75, RayP, RayS, RedZ, Rhonda, RichR, RichardM, RickA, RickW, RichadM, Rob, RobA, RobertB, RobertC, RobertCD, RobertJ, Robin, RobinA, RobinB, RobS, Rod, Rodrigo, RogerS, RomanG, RonN, RoxanneH, RN, RT, RustyW, SallieD, Sami, SammyLee, SandersW&littlefella, SandyB, Sarah, SarahS, SCB, Schiz, Scott, ScottE, ScottH, Sean, SeanT, Shannon, ShannonM, Sharon, SharonFrey, ShehehC, SheilaB, SheilaJ, SheilaL, ShelleyC, SherryH, SherriM, Shirley, SidH, SidL, Sonia&cat, StanM, StaceyS, Stephanie, StephanieT, Stephen, StephenT, Steve, SteveD, SueG, SW, synonymousPhilD, TaritaM, TerrenceW, TerryC, TerryG, TheThief, ThomasR, Thumper, TiffanyB, TimG, TimV, TimY, TinaM, TJ-D, Todd, Toddy, Tom, TomB, TomG, TomM,TomS, tony-da-duck, TonyB,TonyD, TonyG, Toronto, TP, TriciaMC, Turlough, TypingMonkey, Valerie, Verna, VinnieV, Von, WaltB, WalterT, WillD, WilliamA, WillieD, Wouter, YesiC, Yvonne, Zane, Zeke.

Thank you all for being here!!! THIS IS A GROUP HUG (((FOR ALL OF YOU. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SHARING & FOR BEING HERE)))

KCB....Keep Coming Back. Remember to Keep It Simple. ODAAT....One Day At A Time.

ALL of you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you for letting me share.

Take Care. Peace.

God bless you (((ALL))), love,

Philomena


Member: Paul M
Location: OH
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 2:07:15 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Paul an alcoholic. I am also currently doing my 4th step. Probably the most honest one I've ever done. The differance this time is I don't feel the pangs of fear, resentment, shame, and all the other crappy feelings I had the first time. This time my higher power is helping me. I certainly feel regret as some of these deeds and emotions come to light but I know that it will pass. That I truly will walk the walk when I have shared these defects with another human.My pride will no longer be my enemy, because even tho some of the things i've written are pretty foul, I know also they will find a place in my recovery and I will grow from them. Take it easy, and God bless.


Member: Donna P.
Location: Richmond, Va.
Date: 5/7/01
Time: 2:30:18 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Donna. Been sober for awhile, but only a few months into recovery. I'm an alcoholic/ addict. Have been visiting this sight often, but never commented. I'm working on step 4 and wanted to thank you all for your input!


Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 2:24:23 AM

Comments

I'm Chuck, an alcoholic

It doesn;t matter how a person does a step there will be a benefit because we are doing God's will. I got the maximum benefit out of step 4 when I tried to help others by following the procedure outlined in the Big Book.

1. I think back through my life and list people places and things that I am still mad at.( resentments are old angers)

2.column 2. What did they do to me?

3. Column 3. How was I hurt? One or more of the following was affected: self-esteem, security, ambition, personal relations or sex-relations. I just knew I was hurt and this column identifies the hurt.

4.Cease to resent.( the second meaning of the word forgive) Page 66-67 and page 552 of the BB teaches me to pray for the people who hurt me. THIS IS FOR MY BENEFIT (NOT THEIR"S). I must reduce my high negative emotions toward them because this smoldering anger is affecting my judgement today and causing my misery. Also,I cannot see where my behavior may have caused the ruckus in the first place.

5.my negative behavior was caused by one or more of my character defects: selfishness, dishonesty, self-seeking or fear. I believe these characteristics are the symptons of my insanity (wrong thinking) I have come to see that one or more of these are always involved today when I have negative thoughts or feelings.

6.The fear inventory shows that the feeling of fear is caused by lack of power (self-reliance failed) The answer is to learn to trust God. This is the same answer for all the defects.

7. The sex inventory shows how we used our defects to hurt other people. These defects caused all our guilt and shame about hurting other people.

8.Now we know what has and is causing our misery. The rest of the steps leads us out of this mess so that we can live happy, joyous and free. I found that this takes awhile, but at least I have

Peace and Serenity


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 3:08:58 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic.I am not capable of loving or being loved, if I allow my secrets to get in the way.Its the side of myself that I refuse to look at that rules me.In this step I must be willing to look at the dark side in order to heal my mind and heart because that is the road to freedom.I must walk into darkness to find the light, and I must walk into fear to find peace. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless


Member: AnilG
Location: MT vernon
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 7:55:00 AM

Comments

Hi there I am anil I am an alcoholic step 4 isthe most important steps in recovery.It makes me look feel and hear inside me for what I am what alcohol had done to me and my morals. but since i have been in recovery i am a changed person i keep asking myself who I am ? How can I better myself ?? and by keep doing the 4th step I feel it makes me differnt.Thanks to AA/ALAnon


Member: baker
Location: Canada
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 8:23:33 AM

Comments

Good morning. Good comments from the crew today. If ever there is a step that requires the imput of a sponser this is it.I was ten months into the program before my sponser allowed me to attemp this step. He commented in his loving way that up until then that I knew as much about honesty as a dog knows about his father. He was right, of course but I won`t tell any one.I have done and redone the steps over the years, and all I can tell you for sure is they WORK. Keep trudging


Member: Steve D
Location: Annapolis
Date: 5/8/01
Time: 12:32:48 PM

Comments

I'm steve and I'm an alcoholic, working on my forth step. Has anyone had a "near-death" event or other paranormal issues in their lives that would like to talk to me about it off line? I'm talking about the floating to the bright white light experiences, out of body, ESP and an uncanny ability to sense things other "normal" people don't. I have been trying to come to grips with my experiences for about 19 years and they have turned into resentments over time. My e-mail is delfaver@usna.edu


Member: wetback
Location: you can smell me
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 12:41:56 AM

Comments

im the candy man..........................

.............i farted...................

.............im a dumb mexican..........


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 5/9/01
Time: 7:43:36 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welocme newcomers! Thanks to those who sincerely shared!

My experience with Step 4 was an extremely rewarding one, though uncomfortable at times. For the first time in my sobriety, I took a look at myself and my relationships. What an eye opener!

Prior to this Step I tended to acknowledge only my positive qualities. But by looking at my other side as well, I gained a more complete picture of myself and took a giant step towards living in reality without alcohol.


Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: W.Va.
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 4:26:36 AM

Comments

Hi, to all this is a tough step cause I had to look at myself. My inventory went from anger,fear,sadness,love,hate,and back to anger.I have learned to work this step completly it take`s honesty, for me this took some time. I have found that I have to take my inventory every couple minute`s to keep out of my stinkin thinkin. My sponor said this step was almost as hard as the first one, and he was right,so keep trying and GOD BLESS ALL.


Member: Gail D.
Location:
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 9:48:32 AM

Comments

Thank you to everyone who shared on this step. The fourth step helped me stay sober because when I saw all that I had done I knew I had a choice - I could go back down those roads or I could work to walk down a path towards my Higher Power and into the light.

Most of the defects I uncovered in my fourth step inventory are still with me. High on the list is an inability to accept people, places and things as they are and to live life on life's terms. Today, I need to pray to accept my life as it is. It may not be exactly what I want today, but it's exactly what I've got. The more I can let go of my resentments, including my resentments at G-d, the more I can get out of my own way and gain from what is around me.


Member: recovered alcoholic
Location:
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 12:34:45 PM

Comments

hello everyone,This is a great topic. I drank essicentually for the effect produced by alcohol, so when i sobered up i didnt like the way i felt.What i did was totally wrong but i share this that it may help someone else.After comming to aa i heard i had to change everything about me. Well if you are as strong willed as me i began trying to change myself.Anything that felt wrong i did not do or anything i heard was wrong i didnt do,after 3years and 9 months sober i had managed to become so screwed up i could no longer even go to work by myself because of the terrible feelings that it produced. I had become a full blown agorifobic.my experience is if your sick and need help and really make a decision to turn my will and life over to god,from that point i can no longer go by my feelings as to weather or not to work the folling steps.When i began to do rather that think about doing something spactacular began to happen.The parilizing fear began to disipate as i was writing i began to see how i was causing all of my fears. I saw that i had the fears because i was always thinking only about me my little plans and designs and then this step gave me pacific prayers to pray so i could get the courage to proceed with this step and life.And also to better realize how hopeless I really am that I really do need a god in my life.How everything and everybody controled me and my thinking.{how as much as i hated it they had all become gods in my life] And I was trying with all my mite to be a bigger god than them. What a battle to fight, what a battle to fight.god am i thankfull for the true gift that this process has given me.How could i have fought so hard against the very thing that gave me the peace and well being i have looked for my entire life. I hope that those like me with grave emotional and mental disorders can recover ,and the only requirement is to do and keep doing.thank you


Member: Carla
Location: Ga
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 3:25:58 PM

Comments

Carla Alcoholic. I did Step 4 a few months ago. I procratinated getting a sponsor and going any further than Step 3 for over a year after my last drink. Until,I got tired of sitting in my own crap. I got a new sponsor and did a fearless moral inventory of myself. I was thorough and honest. I made of a list of my resentments and my wrong behavior that contributed to the situation. Even if the other person was partially to blame for the problem, I looked only at my part in it. I made a long list of my fears and whay I thought I had them. I examined my sexual conduct over the years. I asked myself to what extent the Seven Deadly sins of pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony,envy and sloth applied to me. This step included all my secrets all of the people that were hurt by my conduct. I found out what kind of person I really am. There was a pattern that ran thru out my years of drinking. A pattern thru out most of my realationships and my thinking. I learned I was selfish, self centered,full of pride with an enormous ego. I saw flaws which may have been responsible for the whole pattern of my life. I did not like what I saw. I know today what my defects of character are. I can see how my character defects had continued to hurt me, even in sobriety. While doing this step I kept what I wrote safely hidden. It can be disaster if a spouse or co-worker, or child found it. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 4:11:29 PM

Comments

Made a seaching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. When I first came into the program I was taking computer programing...they had a rule, garbage in, you get garbage out, it's all a pile of garbage. Made sense but it took the AA program to help me understand what "Garbage" is..."reminding us to place principles before personalities(EGO...edging God out). How true the whole thing turns into "Garbage"... problem solving with EGO rather than spiritual principles. Thanks for all the experience, stregth and hope from you "group of drinks". I'll keep coming back, hope we all do!!!


Member: Lynn T.
Location: Fairfield County, CT
Date: 5/10/01
Time: 6:10:49 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Lynn, a grateful recovering alcoholic. When i heard someone say that for the first time i thought they were nuts! That was in the beginning, when i thought i only had to take care of that 10% because that other 90% they talked about ..the 'thinking' part, i didn't have to worry about - my thinking was fine!! LOL!! Thank God i stayed & listened & learned to work on myself. Hated feeling those feelings that i used to drown out - especially doing this step. It's hard to look at my OWN character defects ...why is it so easy to see them in OTHERS?? !! LOL! That's something on my 4th step, folks, dont worry - my sponsor knows me better than i know mySELF now & sometimes that makes me mad, but most times its a comfort. I can't get away with ANYTHING now!! That 4th is one i do over & over since that first time. Once the seed was planted i had no choice - i see myself clearly now & want to tell on myself right away (but that's next weeks step, lol) DANG IT!! Aint easy STAYING sober, but it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to GET sober. Worth every bit of work it takes to have the beautiful life i have today.


Member: Jenn P.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 10:13:46 AM

Comments

Wow you guys - thanks for all your great shares. Jenn here- alcoholic and happy joyous and free today. Thsi step is a great beginning to that freedom for me. I had no idea how much hate I was holding until I did this. Many resentments vanished as soon as I brought them out into the light. Others needed work. ALL responded to the treatment outlined in the book, if I was willing to do the action. Today I am free and filled with light and love. Thanks again to all of you.


Member: Jerrry P.
Location: USA
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 4:52:00 PM

Comments

Step 4 Get over it and get on with it.


Member: Stepping
Location: Everywhere
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 8:40:26 PM

Comments

Step Four's got to stay with you as long as you want to stay away from that first drink! If it don't, you are not going to get a clear picture of yourself: whether you're wrong or right about anything! I know when I'm right, and will not back down to any one who thinks I'm wrong! I am not one to make a naked fool out of myself, for all to laugh at! In fact, I most times just have to wait and see who the fool or fools really turn out to be! Then I gloat over that, regardless of the suffering that is now on the empty headed philosophers and so forth, and feel good about it! So I do that with the fourth step! So should you!!


Member: zeek
Location:
Date: 5/11/01
Time: 10:09:58 PM

Comments

im redneck zeek and im coming out of the closet, i am gay


Member: bert
Location:
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 4:04:09 PM

Comments

zeek your a weirdo


Member: Donna A
Location: Southern California
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 6:08:03 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Donna and I am a grateful alcohlic. My first fourth step didn't do me a whole lot of good because their were things that I purposely left out, things I was not planning on sharing with anyone. What I found was that after sharing the fifth with my sponser I never was able to go any further in the steps. Then I did something in sobriety that I was not very proud of and it scared me to death. The one thing I was sure of was that I never wanted to have to get sober again, therfore I didn't ever want to pick up that first drink. So at three years sober I no longer wanted to be as sick as my secrets or take the chance that I would go back out. So I wrote that fourth step over again then took the fifth with my sponser this time leaving nothing out. Nothing has ever been more important to me since. I learned to tell the truth that day, and nothing is more freeing then that.


Member: Bill T.
Location: Lenni  PA
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 8:00:12 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Bill and I'm an alcoholic. I think this is the first time I've shared at this meeting. Whenever I share at a new meeting for me I like to thank the group for being faithful to the First Tradition. Because of your unity I've got another day's shot at recovery. For me alcohol was a thief. It stole a lot of things but especially it stole me from me. The Fourth Step was a chance to get me back. The inventory was a chance at self ownership again. I don't have to tell you guys about that unreal alcoholic world I lived in. The inventory gave me a chance to start really seeing myself beyond the boozy haze. Some of it wasn't pretty ,but some of it was surprising. But it all didn't come back at once. I believe this part of recovery is progressive too. In the step book We are warned it's the beginning of a lifetime process. That's an adventure worth taking. Bill T.


Member: im a looser
Location:
Date: 5/12/01
Time: 10:12:09 PM

Comments

im dry now for over a year...........life

still aint worth living when nothing is nothing


Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: W.Va.
Date: 5/13/01
Time: 8:30:58 AM

Comments

THIS IS TO I`M A LOSER YOUR READY FOR STEP FOUR, YOUR NEVER A LOSER IF YOU STAY SOBER, JUST TAKE YOUR TIME AND BE HONEST, AND GOD BLESS YOU & TO ALL.


Member: Carolyn B.
Location: Antioch
Date: 5/13/01
Time: 10:22:45 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Carolyn B and just out of detox and into rehab. This weekend I have a whole workbook full of step 4 pages to do. I've tried AA before and hated it. Luckily, after 5 years God has granted me the openess of spirit to try again. I'm not going to resist this time and I figure I'll easily double the number of pages I was given with all the things I don't like to see in myself. This time I'm ready. It works if you work it.


Member: Rick L. 
Location: Ky
Date: 5/13/01
Time: 10:53:20 AM

Comments

My first time around AA I did my fourth step the same way I did my taxes...I got all the books and forms, than looked for all the examptions I could find...The alchol caught up with me the same way the IRS did.