Member: Matt L
Location: The Lake PA
Date: 18 Apr 1999
Time: 16:44:18

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Matt and I'm an alcoholic. Once again, thank God for sponsorship. When I first approached this Step I informed my sponsor that there may not be enough paper at my disposal to do this Step. He asked me, ''Who the hell do you think you are that you effected that many lives?" Brutal, but true. It was then pointed out that the word was "harmed" noy "annoyed". We refered back to my Fourth Step sheets, and went from there. There was abit of editing but not really that much.The key people in my life were still the key people in my life. As we discussed each individual, my willingness or lack of became apparent. Also, motive was discussed. Funny, I was anxious to see the ones I didn't need to and reluctant to see the ones I had to. This is a wonderful Step to continue healing, but PLEASE get hepl. God bless. Matt Thanks.


Member: PJ
Location: GA
Date: 18 Apr 1999
Time: 19:40:55

Comments

I was very careful when drinking to harm noone except myself. I didn't drive while drunk or steal or cause anyone harm in any way. How can I deal with this step?


Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 18 Apr 1999
Time: 22:18:22

Comments

I'm J, a grateful alcoholic.

When this step came up, I still believed I was not making the program. I had not drunk in some months. For that I think I was grateful to my capacity at the time, but who was I kidding? Maybe YOUR kind quit forever, but nobody I knew, especially those in my wider family, ever did that. I kept being told it was an honest program. So, honestly, I still WANTED a drink.

At least Step 8 assigned something to do, another list, like four steps above when I jotted list after list, undecided about even what a wrong was. Step five, I admitted to another person a few wrongs, but I had no clue to their "exact nature." He did not push it. The next two were easy, between me and God, so who would know?

This week's Step 8 seemed redundant -- how could I forget the worst of my wrongs? (I know, it says ALL, but it was the worst of them that kicked my butt into that first meeting.

The truth is that not even later when I popped out the top of Step 12 had I learned the FIRST WORD of Step 1: "WE!" Not "I." Obvious, right?

AA delivered anyhow: I didn't drink. And I did begin at least to approach Step 2, "Came to believe." So now I believe the steps were not a final exam, but a new start.


Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 18 Apr 1999
Time: 22:18:25

Comments

I'm J, a grateful alcoholic.

When this step came up, I still believed I was not making the program. I had not drunk in some months. For that I think I was grateful to my capacity at the time, but who was I kidding? Maybe YOUR kind quit forever, but nobody I knew, especially those in my wider family, ever did that. I kept being told it was an honest program. So, honestly, I still WANTED a drink.

At least Step 8 assigned something to do, another list, like four steps above when I jotted list after list, undecided about even what a wrong was. Step five, I admitted to another person a few wrongs, but I had no clue to their "exact nature." He did not push it. The next two were easy, between me and God, so who would know?

This week's Step 8 seemed redundant -- how could I forget the worst of my wrongs? (I know, it says ALL, but it was the worst of them that kicked my butt into that first meeting.

The truth is that not even later when I popped out the top of Step 12 had I learned the FIRST WORD of Step 1: "WE!" Not "I." Obvious, right?

AA delivered anyhow: I didn't drink. And I did begin at least to approach Step 2, "Came to believe." So now I believe the steps were not a final exam, but a new start.


Member: BOB T
Location: MISSOURI
Date: 19 Apr 1999
Time: 01:10:14

Comments

PJ: Take the first seven steps first and then you will see how to deal with your 8th step list

My sponsor said that the step has the word "all" in it twice incase i missed it the first time. Got list from fourth and added a few, then put on what i felt the amend should be and took it to my sponsor. and he shared that i needed to aknowledge what my wrong was and which ones i should and shouldnt make. then i had to ask god to be more willing to make the amends than to drink. and that was a difficult choice at the time. it aint so hard now.


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 19 Apr 1999
Time: 13:23:21

Comments

My name is JC and I'm an alcoholic. 8th was important for me to become aware I had armed my family. I thought the only one who suffered from alcohol was myself (hangovers, blackouts). I had never beaten wy wife or children so, on my way to recovery I was still the important person. 8th Step let me know I harmed people around me, mentally, I had stressed them. They never knew if the old man was comin' home pissed or not. Was he goin' to yell out loud or fall asleep. I've culpabilised them, it was normal I drank a bit more with such a bad woman or such dumb kids. 8th Step helped me to become less selfish 'cos in this one, unlike the 4th, I focalised on other people, not on me. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Bonnie C - 5/30/80
Location: Seattle
Date: 19 Apr 1999
Time: 16:42:39

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) my dear sponsor had me construct a list of persons I felt that I had harmed and when I showed it to her she added one more name at the top, mine. I had cheated myself by being so self-centered and co-dependent. I was the type of alcoholic that would do for others constantly, with alterior motives. I would try to buy their affection and loyalty then I would play the victem when their gratitude wasn't what I thought it should be or I would try to manipulate them with the gifts I gave, like how can you do this or deny me since you owe me. I can't remember giving anything unconditionally before I got here and it took yrs in the program before I did. Everybody owed me, I thought for I wasn't happy and here I was raising these kids, being a good officers wife, active in wives club. wrote letters daily when he was out at sea. being succesful in business and bringing home more money than he did, only having to work part time. (20hrs a wk), being room mother and scout leader, helping coach little league. I was a human doing, not a human being. all of this was a job, all of this I did knowing someday I would escape the horrors of my life and the funny thing was that people envied my life. I had everything that said to the world I am successful and I live a full life. I hated it. I felt like I was in prison. This did not change right away in sobriety either. Not until I had a lot more self-honesty (and alot more 4th and 5th steps, that start with my deepest darkest secrets, ones that I was going to take to the grave with me) could I actually see my part in alot of this. When I asked her why my name was on there she said think of how you cheated yourself, like marrying your second husband because you wanted a father for your children, to share the responsibility of them, someone who you didn't love. Someone as sick as you were cause he had been hurt by his relationship and all we both wanted was a home and family. We didn't love each other, we had discussed that before we married but we both loved my kids and we liked each other. After 8 yrs he cheated, (we never slept together again) then I cheated but stayed married because of fear but at that point I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I felt starved. I didn't have any self worth or a relationship with God nor any principles or boundaries set up for protection from this type of life error. Protection for myself and those I would whine and bitch to so they would do my bidding. So I drank myself to sleep and functioned in a home with no love or mutual support which is the way I know now, it's supposed to be. I had to acquire self worth, but the only way to do that is to see life as it really is and see my part in my problems and just do things differently, risk, until I am changed. I am still changing, thank God I didn't see all that was flawed in me at one time, I think I would have exploded into a million differnt pieces if I had. I had covered all my flaws in excuses and justifications, I had to break thruough that protective cover before i could get to my truths. Funny thing yesterday, I was placed in an uncomfortable situation and when this happens today I ask myself, have I ever treated anyone like this person is treating me and could they have felt what I am feeling now and sure enuf before the day was done I was writing yet another amends letter to my youngest son. The more I find out about me, the more I understand you. Today I have really warm loving relationships with my kids and grandkids, family and friends. I am not just acting the part of their mom any more, i am their mom and nana and friend. I love this program and all it has given me even if it is painful the payoffs are unbelievebly worth it. Dear God please bless all who venture here. love and hugs,bon - bonzoc@webtv.net -- this addy good for a wk and a half till i move.


Member: debbieg
Location: washington state
Date: 19 Apr 1999
Time: 20:38:59

Comments

debbie here, alcoholic. Hi to all of you and thanks for being here. Bonnie I am the same exact way you describe yourself, never doing anything without expectations of getting something in return, and boy playing victim if things didnt go my way!!!If i didnt tell them(kids husbands etc.) how much they owed me ....I thought it all the time. I most likely wouldnt say it outloud because that would make me look bad LOL. I have been sober a little over 4 years now and still havent done the 8th and 9th steps.when I did my 5th step with my first sponser, it was right before she moved away and I didnt get done till really late that night so I didnt really do anything any further. Oh I THOUGHT I did but it is apparent to me now that I wasnt thorough with it and I need to get on with it soon.Thanks for ecplaing how your sponser told you to do it , that is something maybe I can try. I am sober today because I go to lots of meetings , read my bigbook, have a sponser and work with others , and most of all a higher power that I choose to call GOD. I dont ever want to go back to that insanity so I am going to continue to do those things ,one day at a time . God bless you all and thanks again for being here.:)


Member: Evelyn P.
Location: Cape May, NJ
Date: 19 Apr 1999
Time: 22:52:23

Comments

Hi, My name is Evelyn and I am a grateful recoverey alcoholic. P.J. Bob is right you start with the first seven steps and be real honest and the rest will come. I remember when I first came into the rooms of A.A. I was told to write down all the thing that make my life unmanageable-1st step. I only had one or two things on my list. One year later I had four pages of thing that had made my life unmanageable. When I did my 8th step it was the people that worried and cared for me that I had to list.


Member: Caroline P.
Location: Austin,TX
Date: 20 Apr 1999
Time: 10:30:26

Comments

Hi Everyone - And thank you for having a step or tradition meeting. I remember thinking I had not really harmed any one else in my drinking. But very slowly I realized the torment I put my mother through - just wondering where I was, and if I would be ok... Not to mention the times I did not return phone calls, answer the door, or send thank you notes for gifts given out of love. The truth came slowly to me that I was self-centered . It was not just what I did in my drinking that mattered.......It was what I did NOT do.

Having a physical list made a very big difference. Some days I would remember some things, and other days I would remember something else totally different. I fealt like I was really doing something when I started writing the list. It was a nice feeling to see my life turning around . ONE DAY AT A TIME Caroline


Member: Paul Q
Location: Toronto
Date: 20 Apr 1999
Time: 10:42:53

Comments

The steps came long after the BOOK.....

The CORE the first 100 do it the way it was laid down....first 88 pages.....

Have a spiritual experience Recovered from the disease of mind body and soul.........

Not years in AA recovering.......

Love and Service Paul


Member: Sue A.
Location: Simcoe, Ont. Cda.
Date: 20 Apr 1999
Time: 15:11:16

Comments

to PJ in GA comment of Apr.18. You hurt the most precious person in the world to you that is you. My guess is that you carry enomous guilt and perhaps a little false pride in not hurting anyone else. Well you are important and my guess is that you deprived others from knowing you, befreinding you, and loving you for who you really are. Put down the cross and come and cry with us about these horribly sad lost opportunities and start a new day today to share your self for all the good that I know is there.

Sue. A Simcoe, Ont. Cdn.


Member: Duane M.
Location: Auburn,N.Y.
Date: 20 Apr 1999
Time: 19:27:31

Comments

Goodevening family,my name is Duane and I'm a real alcoholic.Thank you for being here. Step Eight another ego deflater for me.WHAT???A list of people I have harmed?Let go of the harm done me?Well I am sure glad I had 7 other steps before this to prepare me, and give me the willingness to do anything that would help me grow.I also learned when it was getting too much for me go back to step two,the power greater than myself(GOD&my sponser).My list of people change from time to time some old, some new,but this is a lifelong program and (I don't have to be perfect?).Today I know as I TRY to live the steps as part of my life,I am growing and becoming a little closer to the easier and softer way. Thanks for letting me share


Member: Duane M.
Location: Auburn,N.Y.
Date: 20 Apr 1999
Time: 19:29:53

Comments

Goodevening family,my name is Duane and I'm a real alcoholic.Thank you for being here. Step Eight another ego deflater for me.WHAT???A list of people I have harmed?Let go of the harm done me?Well I am sure glad I had 7 other steps before this to prepare me, and give me the willingness to do anything that would help me grow.I also learned when it was getting too much for me go back to step two,the power greater than myself(GOD&my sponser).My list of people change from time to time some old, some new,but this is a lifelong program and (I don't have to be perfect?).Today I know as I TRY to live the steps as part of my life,I am growing and becoming a little closer to the easier and softer way. Thanks for letting me share


Member: maikel a.
Location: ring of fire
Date: 20 Apr 1999
Time: 23:22:00

Comments

so many people have been hurt during my alkie stage. i was so embarrased and i also hurt my ego. anyway it's already from the past, a nightmare of what happened. i accept the fact that i have hurt them and jeopardized my friendship to them, but it's all okey now!!!! thanks to aa.

cyber and sober, MAIKEL A


Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 21 Apr 1999
Time: 20:27:52

Comments

Hi, all, Patt grateful, recovering alcholic here. Good grief, I didn't hurt anyone but MYSELF, I thought, but that was when I was new and raw around the edges. I was the Olympic Champion Victim in my life--everything was due to misunderstandings and bad breaks, not to mention YOUR fault. With the help of my wonderful sponsor showing me the way through the steps, my HP giving me the grace to open my eyes and to see how my ego was blocking my looking at myself, I can see what an impact my alcoholism had on those I loved the most. My amends have been made for several years, but the best way for me to try to make up for all those godawful years of hell is to stay sober and be the best Patt I can be today.

PJ--I'ts been said, but I'll repeat it. Work with your sponsor on the first seven steps honestly and thoroughly, and lo and behold, you'll see how the 8th works you.

Thanks for letting me share. Trust God, clean house, and help others.


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, florida
Date: 22 Apr 1999
Time: 22:17:34

Comments

hello my name is richard, i am an alcoholic !!!!gerat topic and so easy to get honest ..do not forget to put your self on that list !!!!!!


Member: myrna m
Location: indiana
Date: 23 Apr 1999
Time: 03:09:24

Comments

What can I say? I hurt myself and lots of other people. With each 24 hrs. I learn more and more about how much I have hurt everyone I care about. I'm so Lucky to have a wonderful group of friends who know what I am talking about and are willing to listen. It does get better each day Thanks to AA and a Higher Power.


Member: Paul H
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Date: 23 Apr 1999
Time: 04:47:16

Comments

Hi my name is Paul and i'm an alcoholic when taking step 8 i had to remember the wording "Made a list of all people we had harmed and became willing to makle amends to them all". When I realized that all I had to do was make a list it was easy> It was explained to me that step 9 was where the amends were made and that I should focus on the task directly in front of me. Although I have found the willingness to make amends to all the people I have harmed God has not seen fit to give me the opportunity to do so. In some instances the best amends I can make is to live clean and sober. I do know that making the list was like washing years of built up filth and coming through clean, new, light and ready to enjoy life.


Member: Paul H
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
Date: 23 Apr 1999
Time: 04:47:23

Comments

Hi my name is Paul and i'm an alcoholic when taking step 8 i had to remember the wording "Made a list of all people we had harmed and became willing to makle amends to them all". When I realized that all I had to do was make a list it was easy> It was explained to me that step 9 was where the amends were made and that I should focus on the task directly in front of me. Although I have found the willingness to make amends to all the people I have harmed God has not seen fit to give me the opportunity to do so. In some instances the best amends I can make is to live clean and sober. I do know that making the list was like washing years of built up filth and coming through clean, new, light and ready to enjoy life.


Member: BETH J.
Location: MI
Date: 23 Apr 1999
Time: 11:11:09

Comments

HI ALL-I'M BETH AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. STEP EIGHT FOR ME AT FIRST SEEMED LIKE A SHORT STEP. IN THE BEGINNING I DIDN'T REALIZE HOW MANY PEOPLE MY DRINKING AFFECTED. OF COURSE MY SPOUSE AND MY CHILD WERE ON MY LIST BUT THAT WAS ABOUT IT. THEN AFTER MY FOURTH STEP I REALIZED THAT BY HOLDING RESENMENTS AGAINST MY FAMILY, CO WORKERS, INSTITUTIONS, ETC. I HAD INDEED HARMED MANY MORE PEOPLE. IT'S AMAZING TO ME TO THIS DAY HOW CLEARLY THINGS BECOME WITH EACH PASSING DAY OF SOBRIETY. GOD REVEALS TO ME SOMETHING NEW EACH DAY.


Member: jason g
Location: fl
Date: 23 Apr 1999
Time: 13:54:23

Comments

during this step i learned alot about my self when me and my sponser [at the time] went over the list he sied there was some one missing i sied who he sied you!


Member: NICK S. 5-15-84
Location: O.C.N.J.TUES/SAT NIGHT
Date: 24 Apr 1999
Time: 02:05:23

Comments

ALCOHOLIC NAMED NICK, HI EVERYBODY! THE 8TH STEP WE ARE ONLY MAKING A LIST. WE ALREADY HAVE A LIST FROM WHEN WE DID OUR 4TH STEP IF WE USED NAMES SPECIFICALLY LIKE IT SHOWS US TO DO IN THE BIG BOOK. NOW WE REDOUBLE OUR LIST TO SEE WHO WE HAVE HARMED [INCLUDING OURSELVES]. ALL WE ARE DOING IS MAKING A LIST SO THAT WE CAN GO ON TO THE NEXT STEP AND THEN WE TAKE THE AA ACTION OF MAKING DIRECT AMENDS. AS DR. BOB TOLD BILL W. IN HIS DEATH BED 'LET'S NOT LOUSE THIS THING UP BILL, LET'S KEEP IT SIMPLE'.


Member: MaryJ
Location: Redmond, WA
Date: 24 Apr 1999
Time: 15:59:25

Comments

Hi, I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Making a list of all we had harmed must include ourselves as well as other people and our higher power. To PJ, get real and get honest with yourself. Unless you live in isolation your drinking did harm other people, if not during your drunken state, then in your hungover state. I think I did more harm to people when I was dealing with a hangover rather than while I was drinking. I drank alone, but the next day with a hangover that's when my coworkers suffered my tongue lashings (sometimes very publically. I think the "b" word is specifically for us alkies with a hangover.

Thanks to everyone who has shared.


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 24 Apr 1999
Time: 19:52:06

Comments

When I first sat down to do this step I thought "Oh, no not this again". After the fourth step I wanted no more lists. However, after doing it I really felt alot better. I was ready to make the amends and truly get on with my new life. The anticipation always seems to be worse that the task in almost any phase of life, but I guess with enough practice it becomes manageable. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: John M
Location: Ventura
Date: 25 Apr 1999
Time: 01:50:05

Comments

My name is John and I am an alcoholic. I tried to do the steps "by the book" and looked to my 4th step for the list. This worked for the more obvious cases but I knew there was more to it. I had a difficult time describing my harms done to others but at the same time I was haunted by the look on peoples faces that I had hurt. What I believe is was most important for me on this step was to be "willing". That I could do. When the fear of drinking bacame my primary fear, any other act, or potential action, seemed easy, including making amends. This is not to say I have not had a tough time making amends, only that I was sure willing to if I believed my sobriety was theatened.


Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 25 Apr 1999
Time: 17:46:18

Comments

Hi, all, Avril G grateful recovering alcoholic

I did not realise until I embarked on step 8 of our wonderful programme, how servile and scraping I had become. I had people on my amends list, which, when I sat down with my sponsor, and went through step 8, she told me to CROSS OFF the list. Many times during my life, I had been the victim, and did not instigate or invite the treatment which I was dealt by others, but my mind had become so tuned in to it being MY FAULT, everyone who had ever come across my path when I was drinking, got onto my step 8 list!! I had become like a modern-day Uriah Heap. For a long while afterwards, my sponsor called me Ronnie Corbutt (For the non-Brit's - He starred in a comedy series, and all day long he would go around saying "Sorry, Sorry, so Sorry ...) The series was called SORRY (LOL) I had carried guilt and blame and shame for so much nasty stuff which was not mine to bear!! I left my sponsor feeling much more hopeful than when I went in there, and since completing step 8, I have also done a thorough step 9. There are still about 3 amends left for me to make, and I have tried to trace these people, but so far drawn blanks, but step 9 asks me to become willing to make amends to them all. There is just 1 name on my list for whom I do not have the willingness to make amends YET!! He is another alcoholic whom I had a child to 12 yrs ago, and since he is a violent drunk and is still drinking, I believe it could be harmful to contact him. In this case, I pray that some day he may get sobriety, and then will be a good time to cover my amends. Since coming to the programme, I have prayed that one day he will get back to AA (He tried it once or twice, many years ago) And that is an indication of how my thinking has changed since coming to AA. This is the same guy I tried to stab, and knocked unconscious, which resulted in him being hospitalized!! I could not remember anything about this the next morning. The all important thing for me to remember is that I cannot do this thing on my own, and had it not been for my sponsor, I might well have drank again, whilst trying to find enough time in my life to apologise to everyone I thought I owed.


Member: Rafael A.
Location: Puerto Rico USA
Date: 25 Apr 1999
Time: 21:50:31

Comments

HI, I'm Rafael A. and I'm an alcoholic I want to be honest I have not doing the inventory of of the fourth step. At this moment I'm trying to be more compromised with the program.