Member: Linda B.
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Date: 12 Apr 1998
Time: 00:28:41

Comments

Hi, my name is Linda and I am an alcoholic. I believe that step 4 as well as all the steps can be repeated at different stages of sobriety. For me the step 4 I took when I was newly sober was the best and most honest inventory I could do at that time. But now I have a different outlook on the indirect ways that my character defects manifest themselves. But that step 4 I wrote at six months sober was the most honest detailed look at my life I had ever taken and without the faith that I needed to be completely honest in order to stay sober. I would have never done it. I wanted so badly to stay sober and I was so afraid and beaten down that I did whatever was asked of me. I am very grateful to be sober today.


Member: Kevin G.
Location: Brooklyn, NYC
Date: 12 Apr 1998
Time: 10:02:53

Comments

Hi my name's Kevin and I'm an alcoholic. I did my 4th Step with about 15 months sobriety. I've been thinking about a new 4th Step since I've been sober, a little over 6 years. What seems weird is that I'm looking for a sponsor, and find a gap in sobriety between 5 years and 15 or so years in the rooms.

I just made a decision right now to re-answer the questions in the 4th Step in the 12 & 12 with respect to my girlfriend and will ask God to show me someone I can share it with later.

Happy Easter.


Member: Michael H.
Location: Jackson, MI
Date: 12 Apr 1998
Time: 10:03:02

Comments

Each time I take a fourth step inventory I find out more about myself- both good and bad. It is very easy to forget our good side of inventory but it helps to keep balance in our lifes.


Member: Kate M.
Location: Columbus, OH
Date: 12 Apr 1998
Time: 13:47:05

Comments

My name is Kate and I am an alcoholic. I started working on the 4th step a few months after I became sober, and am still working on it - I have been sober for seventeen months. My life has changed so much for the better, and I have been able to cope much better with a death in the family. I am just about to finish my 4th; read it periodically to make sure that I am being honest with myself. I thank God for AA and His help.


Member: annie w
Location: hallowell,me
Date: 12 Apr 1998
Time: 14:05:38

Comments

the fourth step was crucial to any progress for me. i did my first one at six mo. sober. last year i did a really good one and shared it with one of my unofficial sponsors. I remember the first one best though, it was the first time i learned anything about me.


Member: MIKE W
Location: SAUDI ARABIA
Date: 12 Apr 1998
Time: 19:51:42

Comments

HI, MIKE HERE, AND AN ALCOHOLIC.THE FOURTH STEP WAS TOUGH, I'D NEVER THOUGHT OF TAKING AN HONEST INVENTORY. I'M GLAD THAT WHEN I CAME IN THE DOORS OF AA, I WAS A WRECK AND I TOOK THE ADVICE OF THE OLDER MEMBERS. I TOOK THE BEST INVENTORY THAT I COULD AT THAT TIME. I HAVE SINCE TAKEN SEVERAL MORE, HONEST INVENTORIES ARE THE WAY OF GROWTH AND MATURIETY. I WOULD HAVE NEVER DID ANY OF THIS ON MY OWN. THANKS HP, AND THE FELLOWSHIP OF AA. ODAAT MIKE W


Member: FAYL;A   G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 12 Apr 1998
Time: 23:20:05

Comments

FiiAYLA here.i have not done any step work with a sponser yet , Very soon i hope to have a sponser ,and get started on them ,i have done 1 threw 4 as best i could . I have a lot of things i am working on , and with the help of GOD and AA And you all ,IT will all come togeather .LOVE


Member: Linda P
Location: Fresno, CA, USA
Date: 13 Apr 1998
Time: 00:31:22

Comments

Hi, I am Linda, an alcoholic. Step 4 was crucial in my early recovery. It was the one that opened by eyes to see that I was not taking responsibility for my actions. I was one of those that suffered from deep depression, long before I took my first drink at 14. Blaming others for my hardships and feeling great sorrow most of the time, it was impossible for me to see through the self-pity to realize that I had actually created a lot of my own miseries. This step helped clarify my part in all the circumstances and situations involving others that were so troublesome to me. It freed me from that warped view I had of life, and lifted that awful state of depression that I had lived with for so long.

What that step showed me is that I had created habit patterns of living and responding to life that was emotionally unhealthy for me. No one chose that way of reacting to life for me, I did that on my own . Abusing alcohol enhanced this distortion I had of what life was all about. Yet at the time I could have sworn to drink was to help me cope. What a lie that was!!!

This recovery process of the 4th step cleared the way to see I have a choice in the way I allow others to treat me, and a choice on how to respond to others. Given the option to look at myself rather that at others when I am feeling bad, allows the truth of matters to settle in so that I can more effectively cope and handle my problems with insight, honesty, and integrity.

Seeing these awful patterns and choices I had made, helped me to see that I did not have to continue doing the same repeated actions, and that other results could be possible by acting differently.

For anyone out there a little squeemish to begin Step 4, realize that it is a fact- finding process, not a tearing down process. One of finding the truth, gaining insight into one's behavior, and seeking a change.

Great topic.


Member: Jane M.
Location: Ma.
Date: 13 Apr 1998
Time: 08:58:24

Comments

Hi. Jane, an alcoholic. Step 4 was the beginning of my journey into self honesty, a first, even though I thought with all that drunken introspection and self absorbtion that I knew myself!! It was also the beginning of self esteem and forgiveness. I have in many years taken only one "big one", as I use Step 10 to take care of new material. But have done a few mini inventories on topics like parenting or a particular relationship that after a time needed a little more work. A wonderful tool.

Step three and praying for courage and honesty before writing helped the pen flow.


Member: Martina G
Location: New england
Date: 13 Apr 1998
Time: 16:29:39

Comments

Hi - I'm Martina, an alcoholic. I love this step. It has been one of the most crucial for me to grow in my sobriety. With God' help, I can now actually do this without being so threatened to see who I really am and then needing to drink because I can't stand what I see. Sometimes I still can't stand what I see, but it is now a good thing, leading to growth and change rather than a bad thing leading to more self pity, lying, etc. I remember hating this step when I was in rehab. It was SOOOO threatening then. I remember being so shocked at what I saw!! (that's because I was filled with such incredible self deception). Now I love this step -- and yes, sometimes I still deceive myself. But I don't have to drink over it anymore. I can let go of the perfectionism and I am not crushed to see my dark side, knowing that there is hope and power outside of myself to overcome, ODAAT

Have a great week everbody.


Member: Paul M.
Location: Lansing, Mi.
Date: 13 Apr 1998
Time: 23:28:24

Comments

Hi, I'm Paul, an alcoholic. I was so afraid I was going to drink in the first few months of sobriety. My sponsor encouraged me to take the 4th Step as a way to lay out what happened, how I acted and reacted to life. Put in terms that I could understand, armed with the 12 and 12, Big Book and a 4th Step guide; I proceeded to write my inventory. The 'good' and 'bad' stuff went into a note book I carried for weeks until I couldn't write any more.

I was amazed, in the process of writing my 4th step, I didn't drink. I stayed in close contact with my sponsor, went to meetings and asked for God's help. Since then I have come to see the 4th Step as a big step towards freedom and grace.


Member: Nathan P.
Location: Ventura, California
Date: 14 Apr 1998
Time: 01:50:33

Comments

Hello, I'm Nathan and I'm an alcoholic, I have'nt done my 4th yet so I really can't say much on this topic,but what I can say is I think that I will feel alot better when I finally do do it, it's going to make me feel a whole lot better because I will be getting alot of crap out in the open and trust me I am looking forward to doing my 4th.Right now I am 17 months sober and I feel raelly good about it.I am 16 years old so that might be one of the reasons I feel so good about staying sober and if I want to for much longer I will jump on that 4th step real qiuck won't I.Well I tell you a little somthin' about me, I started drinking When I was 3 years old and that's not something to be proud of but it comes with having a past . After that it just started to escalate and I got worse and worse.! Wel I'm done for the night hope to talk to everyone soon.


Member: Martina G
Location: New England
Date: 14 Apr 1998
Time: 07:28:26

Comments

Nathan P, welcome !! Keep coming back. You matter to us.


Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 14 Apr 1998
Time: 11:43:00

Comments

Hey, Amy an alcoholic. I could really relate to Linda regarding depression earlier. My mother told me I was self medicating for years before I believed her. Thank goodness I found (find) God and AA. As to the 4th step, I did it in various stages over a summer with various people in my life and at various times shared different moral defects. That is probably a big nono in the BB, I don`t know, but at the time it was the best I could do and it did help. So also to the guy in NY who will tell his girlfriend then later a sponsor, remember that admitting the truth to yourself and to your higher power is the biggest step and to me was the most crutial one in my recovering process. I`d welcome comments about others views on the situation, Love Amy G.C. KEEP COMING BACK PS...as the length of my sobriety progressed I remembered more and more of past mistakes but not all at one time. They say the HP does not give you more than you can handle.


Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 14 Apr 1998
Time: 12:23:27

Comments

My name is Barbara, and I'm an alcoholic.

Thanks to everyone for their comments. I, too, have approached this Step at different times in different ways. At first, it was to uncover the unknown territory that was myself, since I had never really examined my myself and my motives before. Now, I use it to discover what I still need to work on, mostly very specific things.

I personally found the 4th Step procedure in the Big Book to be clearer and easier to understand, and I used it for the first few attempts. But I also read the "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions" book often, and these days go mostly to Step meetings.

The 4th Step allowed me to start clearing away the things that kept me separated from myself, from others, and from a spiritual center. I've come to think of the things that are "wrong" with me simply as faulty equipment that has to be repaired in order that I can live the fullest possible life. Thank God for the program and the fellowship of AA, which helped me to see who I was and held out a collective hope for my recovery.

Peace to all -


Member: Evelyn B.
Location: Connecticut
Date: 14 Apr 1998
Time: 22:31:37

Comments

Evelyn B. Connecticut

Hi everyone - I'm Evelyn and I am a grateful recovering Alcoholic. I approached my 1st 4th step with much trepidation because my whole life I always felt like such a bad person. When I came into the rooms, it was hard for me to lift my head up and look anyone in the eyes - I always felt ashamed of who I was and what I had done as a result of my drinking. It took the tight hand-holding of an excellent sponsor to lovingly guide me through the painful and freeing process of the 4th step. There were times in the midst of completing that 4th step that I was so distracted by all the self-discoveries going on that I literally got into a fender bender one day! Thanks to HP as usual, he is always carefully looking out for me - something that was clearly revealed to me as I inventoried my past and looked carefully at the reckless attitude I had about the precious gift of life I was throwing away through my disease. Typically, I was the last to know I was an alcoholic! Everyone else in my life knew it. Even though I initially looked at the 4th step with fear, step three and lots of prayer and contact with my sponsor everyday helped me get ready to look in the mirror. I found out that I was a 'garden variety' drunk and my magnificent magnifying mind had really taken a toll on my concept of reality. Today, I can check my motives to see if they are God ordered or Evelyn ordered...practicing the principles of AA has helped me see that my disease will always give me the rationalization to keep doing the same things over and over and expect different results. Thank you God and AA for pulling me out of the mire and into the sunlight of the Spirit! Peace!


Member: Roni M.
Location: Palm Desert, CA
Date: 14 Apr 1998
Time: 23:17:30

Comments

Hi, Roni, I AM an alcoholic. I'm new this group and think this wonderful. Sobriety at my finger tips, what a concept. When I started working my 4th step I was eager. I knew that I was going to be taking very close look at myself and have alot feeling about it all. But I have faith and trust in God to carry me. He will never give me more than I can handle. This I trust and believe. So, with God's help I did my 4th step and look forward to second 4th step. Today I have 7 months clean and sober and I really love my life. Learning to live life on life's terms is a great adventure. I also enjoy learning about me, the good and the bad. I want to change and I am willing to do WHATEVER it takes to help me stay sober. To the "New Comers", working the 4th step is very good way to get to know yourself and to show you areas that need some work. You need to work for your sobriety.


Member: Judyrose
Location: Boston MA
Date: 15 Apr 1998
Time: 08:46:16

Comments

Hi I'm Judyrose, a grateful recovering alcoholic. This step really helped me believe that I , a falling down Drunk, really wanted to stay sober...before I took this step the 1st time....I thought that You people kept me sober...because I certainly had never stayed sober on my own before. It was at this point that I realized the powwer behind the people and my OWN responsibility for my own actions (past and in the future and how I could "be" in this program restored. I really do not remember a single event from my drinking that I swore I would take to the Grave!


Member: Diane R.
Location: MA
Date: 15 Apr 1998
Time: 09:17:47

Comments

Hi, I'm Diane, a very grateful alcoholic. Step 4 was the beginning of being honest with myself. It was through Step 4 that I realized the underlying cause of my drinking. Also, I was able to recognize what character defects I had and who self-centered I had become. I had feared doing the step but my sponsor pointed out to me that it was a moral inventory--not immoral. It was also suggested to put down the good that happened in my life and that it was not all negative. Another suggestion was to set a time limit as to when I would do Step 5. I feel Step 4 was the beginning of total honesty and after I did Step 5, I really felt relieved because I realized that I was not a bad person, just a sick person trying to get well.


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 15 Apr 1998
Time: 12:01:02

Comments

Hi Bonnie, alcoholic, STEP 4 - what a freeing step it is, to get all that poison up and out of me and onto paper, my friend and sponsor told me to start with my deepest darkest secret and go from there, for we are as sick as our secrets. I am a sick person trying to get well, not a bad person trying to get good. so i have to do what it takes to rid the guilt, shame and pain in my life. and this is the way. by the way I have used a 4th step in all my affairs. as my book suggests, use these principles in all my affairs and I can honestly tell you that no one area of my life has control over me at this time. what a freedom! the more I find out about me the more power I take away from others in my life. what a freedom! thank God for AA and thank AA for my God. bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 15 Apr 1998
Time: 13:16:42

Comments

I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. The first 4th step I took was during the 7 years of trying to prove to me that I was not powerless over alcohol. I thought about the step a little bit and called a priest and told him I was on an urgent matter of life and death and he Had to talk to me Then. He told me to come on over and I did. Today I have no idea what I told him, but knowing the ego problem I had and still have, I'm sure it must have been a " doozy". I did a very fearful, im moral inventory. I know I told him every bad thing I could think of because I didn't want anyone to out do me. When I finished talking I looked at the priest and said " that is terrible isn't it?' He replied " It certainly is", and I left and got drunk on the way home. I once again had complied with the program and had once again proved it did not work. I suppose it was maybe 1 or 2 years later when I truely surrendered and came into the program for the right reason. After this point in my journey, it was 5 more years before I did a 4th step. My story of surrender is kind of long and don't want to bore all of you with it but if someone is interested you can E mail me at sanders@wfeca.net and I'll send it to you. My sponser told me to start with resentments, and to list them just as they were in the big book. He said don't bother with your assets, as they are not what got you drunk. I want to insert this little thought here. For me I found it Most Important that I had Truely surrendered in the 3rd step and now have God with me. Prior to this surrender, my 4th was a very negative experience, but after the surrender, it became very positive. Anyway, I listed them as shown in the BB and just followed that guide.I worked on it for 3 or 4 weeks and then my sponser and I sat down and went over it and talked about it and I found out lots about me and my sponser. I might add I took this step with my sponser, as he knew more about me than anyone else and since the step is to help me, I did not choose to take it with a "stranger, on a bus who did't speak English." I found my sponser to be most helpful in taking this step in that the purpose of the other person is to help to keep me honest. My God today will give me a lots more "rope" before He pulls me in. Just as soon as I start to wander a bit from the truth, my sponser immediately stops me and says " lets take another shot at that one, OK?" I found this to be extreamly valuable to me. We talked about it for 2 or 3 hours and he then told me I had Completed the 4th step. I am now sober 22 years and have not found it necwssary to go back and re do the 4th. I use the 10th step quite often and I am happy with me and no longer have to drink and for me that in itself is truely a miricle. Love Ya. Sanders


Member: Richard
Location: anywhere
Date: 15 Apr 1998
Time: 22:38:00

Comments

Hi there, my name is Richard and I'm an alcoholic. The B.B says that a Business taking no inventory will eventually fail. That is a pretty straightforward business concept. The fourth step was an internal step for me. I was in jail having turned myself in for a two year old D.U.I. Thinking back on it I was working my fourth while taking care of some of my ninth step (ha, ha, ha).

Anyway, It says in the B.B. that if you do it thoroughly then you will have swallowed some large chunks about yourself, and this was true for me. I made the three columns, and saw some interesting things because only I could judge my honesty, and I was able and willing to be thorough and honest. Then as I was lying there and comparing what I had done with the example given in the B.B. I saw something else. I saw a fourth column, and it always had the same word: fear. All of my resentments were based on some fear of mine. Even the ones that I was being stubborn about eventually brought forth the answer of fear. Well after swallowing those large chunks I felt a lot freer, and I even felt some peace knowing that I had examined myself with such scrutiny. Then comes the fifth "ouch": only kidding.

It was nice to have read your shares. It is always nice to feel the cement binding us together.


Member: Riki F
Location: New England
Date: 16 Apr 1998
Time: 12:43:55

Comments

Hi, My name is Riki, and I am an alcoholic. I did my first 4th step when I had 3 weeks sober because I couldn't hang on to the pain anymore and stay sober. I have been sober for over 18 years now and have done many 4th steps on new areas as they crop up. I learned that for me my "morals" are the rules I live my life by, so in my inventory I am looking for the sick attitudes that are making my life unmanagable. I try very hard not to sit on my 4th steps for very long, I like to follow them by an honest 5th step, and so on. Thanks for letting me share.

Love & Light, Riki


Member: Alice P
Location: South Florida
Date: 16 Apr 1998
Time: 15:24:34

Comments

Hi my name is Alice and I am a recovering alcoholic. My Sobriety is different this time in that I finally learned (or just woke up and smelled the coffee) to see my part in things. Although I have done previous 4th Step Inventories, I continued to be a "victim" of the world. Being able to take responsiblity lightens my load considerably. I believe this to be one of numerous paradoxes in this program. Although I now take responsibility, I no longer feel weighed down by life's troubles. Anger has been greatly reduced and resentments (my #1 killer), are minimal. I'm a perfectionist and struggle with resentments and but things are so different today. In the two and a half years I've put together, I do mini self inventories periodically. But that first big one helped me to begin to clean up the wreckage of the past. And as long as I just keep doing the best I can, I never have to live with that guilt and remorse again. Thank you.


Member: STEVE W
Location: BINGHAMTON NY
Date: 16 Apr 1998
Time: 19:41:43

Comments

hi my name is steve :) IM A ALCOHOLIC! TODAY I discoverd a new place today i love it Im just starting the steps first reading & rereading trying to get them to sink in .the fourth step as i see it can be a very im portant step witch i also used as part of my first step . Taking invetory of my self has helped me realize there is a lot of good in me GOD will you all to do the same and see the same...we need this in sight to help us through the rest of the day!!! Ive red all your notes and once again i have come to relize that unity will keep us on the right path hope to see you alll again till next time LIVE AND LET LIVE STEVE


Member: SueP
Location: Maryland
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 05:36:00

Comments


Member: Michelle L.
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 09:14:40

Comments

Hi my name is Michelle and Im an Alcoholic.

Step 4 was a great springboard for me to find out who I was and how I reacted in given situations. I dont think the first time I attempted this step that it was fearless. I was scared to look at the person I had become, because it was very different to the person I thought I was. I really did try to do this step to the best of my ability and I have since found many more defects of character and have dug deeper into my motives behind behaviours, even if they seem "good".

My biggest battle is always self. Thank God this program is about willingness and persistent trial.


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield Ore
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 11:10:22

Comments

Greetings ! Doris in Oregon : FEARLESS moral inventory, yea right. I have been avoiding this step and the more I think about it the more frightened I become. But ! I am a stubborn broad and I am about to take it on.BUT ! It sure is scary. One thing does help me, I do love to write. I am starting a new book and it can sometimes be a great release, I fear the 4th step cause it leads to the 5th. UGH ! Not wanting to commit myself to the 5th step is just cowardice on my part. I have always been so good at hiding, avoiding responsibility and running away from my problems. I CAN JUSTIFY ANYTHING. But now it is time to be HONOST. Really honost. This is a new concept for me. Think I'll give it a try. Who knows, like the rest of the program it might be a "good thing". This is the first time I have read this 12 X 12 part of the net and I like it. By the way, stumbling onto this at this time is quite a coincidence. In the last 48 hours I have had many people mention the 4th step. AND NOW IT IS TIME. I wish you all well, Doris H


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 12:04:32

Comments

I'm an alcoholic. Doris, it's not all that bad. Don't be too scared. It is a personal step, so the only person you have to keep anonymous is you. ha, ha, ha.

This step isn't all that tough. Don't believe the hype. You're the only judge.

Sorry if I made a boo boo by sharing twice this past week, but it has seemed a bit slower here in the 12step than on the other Staying Cyber pages.


Member: Marian
Location: South
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 12:52:50

Comments

Doris---good luck! I'm Marian an alcoholic. Like the other Steps the 4th is about getting free---deep down free. I too was so scared & even swore I'd never tell all to anyone. But i did---& I got free. Marian.


Member: Lexie
Location: Oregon
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 14:49:46

Comments

Just a question about the 4th step. What if one of the things you've done is some vandalism while you've been drunk? Will the person I share this with in step 5 make me turn myself over to police? Or could I just send the person a check in the mail anonymously?


Member: Lexie
Location: Oregon
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 14:52:44

Comments

I'm also scared the person I do my 4th and 5th with will never speak to me again because of some of the things I've done drunk.


Member: Lexie
Location: Oregon
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 14:55:33

Comments

I'm scared if I tell my sponsor in my 4th and 5th step all the things I've done while I was drunk my sponsor won't talk to me again.


Member: Jerry L.
Location: MA
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 16:46:53

Comments

Your sponser is not a judge! He/she, as a result of the steps and having a spiritual awakening, has an obligation to show you the appropriate way to do the steps. The 4th & 5th are wonderful tools, giving insight and understanding into ourselves, so that we can be of benefit to others. Have faith!


Member: Jerry L.
Location: MA
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 16:47:51

Comments

Your sponser is not a judge! He/she, as a result of the steps and having a spiritual awakening, has an obligation to show you the appropriate way to do the steps. The 4th & 5th are wonderful tools, giving insight and understanding into ourselves, so that we can be of benefit to others. Have faith!


Member: Doris H
Location: Oregun
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 17:25:20

Comments

Richard, Marion Lexie and Jerry, Thanx for the words of encouragement, Hay ! I was just at the store and had to write a check. Today is the 17th. I had forgotten it was my monthly anniversary again. It's been 16 months since my last drink. I had set 12 months as my goal to start my 5th step and here I am at the 17th. And ! it doesn't bother me. I am learning that it is just one day at a time and this will all happen in Gods time. I know that I can't improve on that. 16 months ago I was still in my disease and I didn't even know what the 4th step was and now I get to attack this thing and conquor it. I haven't commited any crimes so I guess that is good. And by the way I do have a great sponsor. Sorry about stopping here twice, but did have to express my gratitude. Doris


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 18:58:14

Comments

FAYLA, YOU GO DORIS, you have everything going for you ,your sober ,you have alot of suport and love from all of us , iam 52 myself and my life is just getting better. love FAYLA G


Member: Linda P
Location: Fresno, CA, USA
Date: 17 Apr 1998
Time: 23:39:48

Comments

Hi, Linda an alcoholic,

My first 4th step was taken after a miserable morning, laying out on a hot summer day, playing music that gave me that sad grievious feeling. I had not eaten that morning and it was getting well into the afternoon. After crying on and off I remembered a fellow bellowing out these words in a meeting once, "that we create our own miseries." I thought him a bit taffy at the time he said it. Somehow, that voice I remembered, echoed into my conscientiousness that afternoon. I bolted up off that towell, took a cold shower, dressed and for the first time realized the wisdom of those words. After all, I choose not to eat that day, I choose the music I was listening to that made me feel say, and a choose to be all alone. I was also festering a resentment over my x-husband who had taken the kid for the weekend. Depressed, of course. I had enough of that so I picked up my B.B., pen and paper and headed out to the park where I could seat among nature to write. The time had come for me to get to the bottom of the reasons I responded to life like I did. No one wanted change more than me at that moment of clarity, when I discovered the victim role was over.

Very grateful to everyone for their sharing. Welcome to all the newcomers. Jason--it was wonderful to hear you selected OPTION 4! Hang in there and keep coming back. John N, TN, hang in there, we are all here to be of service to one another. Thanks Barbara for introducing your OPTIONS, that was great.

Love ya all. Linda


Member: FAYLA G
Location: GALENA KS
Date: 18 Apr 1998
Time: 00:44:20

Comments

fAYLA AA, Ihave wondered myself ,many times ,if i had a sponser ,after i tell her how nogood ive been and things ihave done in my past ,will she hate me .Its not pretty ,the way ilived my life before ,And Im not sure if i will ever be able to love myself It get scarry in here sometimes .LIKE THEY SAY EVERY WHER I GO ,THER I AM . LOVE YOU ALL FAYLA G


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 18 Apr 1998
Time: 01:11:46

Comments

Hello All, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I don't mean to be judgemental of people but I see people starting to make the same mistake I did till my sponser got me straighened out on it. Remember you have a 4th step and then you have a 5th step. Too many people hold back on 4 because 5 is coming up. My sponser explained to me that this is why they are separate steps, so we can and will be thorough in the 4th. After you have done this then you can deal with the 5th. Stop and think about this, You may hold back on the 4th because you will have to make an amend to that person in the 9th. My sponser used to beat that into my head, The steps are separate for a reason so don't combine them. Thanks and God bless


Member: KirkS
Location: Alabama
Date: 18 Apr 1998
Time: 11:13:33

Comments

hi Kirk here alcoholic, this was the hardest thing for me to do taking a thorough moral inventory of myself my thinking was I'm okay the rest of the world is messed up. Well after 18 months of being sober and not doing a forth step my thinking caught up with and I went back and used only lasted one night but that was one night to many for me. The next night night I was back at a meeting and within a couple of days I was doing a 4th and 5th step and now I don't have that baggage to weigh me down. My outlook on recovery is better my whole outlook on life is better. And now I keep doing and inventory everyday to keep my recovery fresh Thank-you


Member: RCG
Location: West Coast
Date: 18 Apr 1998
Time: 11:50:11

Comments

Hi there I'm an alcoholic. To those worried about sharing their fourth with a sponsor. The fourth is not a sharing step. If you just do the fourth for yourself maybe it won't be so scary for you. When you do get to the fifth step, when sharing is important, you do not necessarily have to share it with your sponsor or anyone else in AA. No matter how much anyone recomends it. In the B.B it talks of such things and says you should go to someone you trust. It can be a priest, or an attorney, or a life long friend though not too many of us have lifelong friends, being new in the program, but priests and attorneys are bound by professional and spiritual codes to keep your statements confidential. If they disclose your secrets they will be discredited and disbelieved: not you. So, just worry about doing the fourth step and then you can start to think about whom to use for your fifth.

By just thinking about it, you are growing. By doing it maybe you will start to bloom


Member: FAYLA  G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 18 Apr 1998
Time: 23:18:51

Comments

Fayla, thank you R.C.G. for your input ,It was helpfull to me .I find this very hard to deal with, there is so much bad and very little good .I will do it when the time comes ,i want to stay sober,i will do anything that will help keep me that way . LOVE TO ALL FAYLA G.


Member: Scott
Location: Rochester Mn
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 00:08:44

Comments

I'm Scott and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I have 4 months sober now..and am currently working on my second step. I try to use the 12 steps of recovery every day in my life but have a really tough time taking a moral inventory because all of my character defects seem to stick out in my mind. Lately I've had a rough time staying sober..I relapse in my head almost every night and my girlfriend just attempted suicide for the second time in 4 months. I'm very scared, hurt and feel like I'm falling apart. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can get through this? Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Greg W.
Location: Sacramento
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 02:02:46

Comments

My name is Greg and I'm an alcoholic. Through God's grace and the miracle of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been sober a day at a time for 2 days, 11 months and 9 years. Over the course of my sobriety, I've taken 2 4th steps. The first was to get out of a treatment facility, the second under the loving guidance of my sponsor. The fourth I took with my sponsor happened at about 11 months sober. As a guide, I used the Big Book and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions Book. Before I could take a "searching and fearless moral inventory" of myself, I had to be convinced that "self, manifest in various ways" was the root of my problem. Once convinced of this, writing my 4th step was simple...although not easy. It was the beginning of an ongoing, lifetime (God willing) process of looking at MY PART in EVERY situation. My 4th Step was very thorough, and as things have surfaced since then, I've simply dealt with them, to the best of my ability, as they occur, or as I am made aware of them, in the spirit of step 10. For me, going through the 12 steps was a fairly rapid process, once I got past step three. I've been able to stay completely sober, and experience a joy of living hitherto unknown this way. That's been my experience with Step Four. I've seen many people get hung up on what to put down, what format to use, etc. The Big Book 12 X 12 combination worked for me.

Keep on trudging and God Bless.


Member: Bert D.
Location: Concrete Wa.
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 02:30:56

Comments

Hi, Im Bert D. and Im an alcoholic. Being honest to the best of "MY" ability today is the best that I can do on a daily basis. Through growth and a little humility I begin to learn more about myself and what I need to stay away from. Trust in God ,clean house, stay available for the next suffering alcoholic. Works for me!


Member: Marilyn P.
Location: upstate New York
Date: 19 Apr 1998
Time: 09:50:48

Comments

My name is Marilyn, and I'm alcoholic. I did the 4th step with my sponsor when I was 6months sober. She told me to do it exactly as it was written in the Big Book. It didn't make sense to me but I did what she said. When we got to the fourth column, I finally found out what had been so wrong with me all my life, and that I could do something about it with God's help and the 12 Steps of AA.