Member: Judyrose M.
Location: Malden, Ma
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 14:07:55
At about 3yrs sober, I frantically called my sponser declaring that I was doomed. Doomed because after 3 yrs I was still as crazy as a loon. she knew it. I knew it. Everyone in the program who knew me knew it. Quietly, she advised me that I should not consider my sobriety a total loss...that is at least until I was sober as long as I had been drunk .(roughly 8 yrs) That quelled my nerves...for one more day. When I was eight years sober, I called her again on the subject. I whined that I was still quite mad!!! She mused "But you are sober...aren't you??" Today, after twenty two years, I still get a little whacked from time to to time....but a day at a time I've come to enjoy who I am...and am restored to sanity of a dirrect sort.
Member: don w
Location: Akeley MN.
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 18:27:51
Hi i am don a greatful recovering alcoholic..
I came to believe by going to meetings..some of the other members in the several local small town meetings i attended at the time were former drinking friends.. but the got smart before i did.. I figured if God as my higher power and AA could help them it could help me....and i today havbe a full measure of all the blessings and promises..But let me get LAZY in my program and the old crazy thoughts , how i interact with people andhow i live this day will return.. in short when belief stops temporarily the insanity comes back..
Member: Richard C.
Location: California
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 19:18:16
I come to believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity because the fact is that for the past 16 years I am too afraid to drink, returning to the insanity of being in a mental ward and being diagnosed and from experience proving to me that I definitely have a drinking problem,wanting to irresponsible and escape.
Member: dawn r.
Location: Virginia
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 19:59:53
hi,i'm dawn and i'm an alcoholic. First i came(I showed up), then i came to, and then i came to believe. it was a revelation to discover there was a power greater than myself. imagine that. to me the 2nd step is basically--i cant't, God can, why not let him? Restoring me to sanity --that's a process not an event. it's pretty much dependent on my spiritual condition at any given moment. that's all for now. love ya and take it easy...
Member: Sue.S.
Location: Manchester,NH
Date: 22 Mar 1998
Time: 20:45:53
Hi , I'm Sue. I didn't come to believe until I lost my career as a nurse and my marriage of twenty-two years. I went to the bottom of the material and spiritual elevator. I have been sober in AA now for four yrs. and owe my beautiful new life to my higher power and the twelve sterps of AA. I prayed for faith for a long time and was given much adversity in sobriety. But my higher power became real to me and it is such a comfort to know that He will always show up if I do. Through staying sober no matter what, I learned about faith. Because I went through so many hard times in sobriety and hung in there, it takes alot to relieve me of my hard-found serenity. Even then, I always know that it will all turn out ok. in the end as long as I stick with my higher power. I can't tell you what a wonderful gift this is! So if your having a hard time, just don't drink and hang in there; it's worth it! Sue. S.
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 00:40:22
I am very definately a real alcoholic, and my name is Sanders. For me, step two was the most misunderstood step in the program. I grew up in a very strict baptist home and knew all about God, but found later I didn't know God. It took me five years to give up after first coming into AA. I tried to prove I was not powerless over alcohol and nearly died many time inthis period. I tried suicide several times,was hospitalized several times and received shock treatments and none of these helped me to stop drinking. I finally came back in with the attitude that anything would be better than what I had at the time. Many days after that I settled for the fact that I had not had a drink that day,and only that was all I could find to be grateful for. I "white knuckled" it for the next five years wanting to drink every day and not being honest enough to recognize this. I was trying to work the steps and was all the way up and into #4 and it was just about to kill me. It was the most negative experience of my life, but I was determined to go through with it. On the very day I was to be "sober"(dry) 5 years, I was driving at work in a county vehichle when all of a sudden I started crying and could not stop. I pulled off the very busy highway and just happened to stop in front of a person's business who was in the program and he saw me crying. He came out and sat with me and we talked and during the conversation I realized I was not on step four because I had just "slid" past step 2. This is when I realized I was helpless and hopeless to do anything about the condition I was in. Till this point in my life the almighty "I" could fix anything but this time it was not working. With that I was able to recognize that something other tan me was going to have to "fix" me. With that big chunk swallowed, I made my spiritual surender to a God of my understanding and a decision to go through with program that allows God to change me which to me was step 3. After this experience, step 4 became a very positive experience for me. In looking back to that day I can see that this was God's way of telling me to make that choice , God either is or isn't what was my choice going to be? He had taken care of me for five years and it was time for me to do something. Today I am very grateful for that experience in my life, as I have a very clear and real feeling of step two. I have not had a drink all day and have not even thought of one except in a meeting tonight while we were talking about it and that is truely a miricle for this alcoholic. Thanks for letting me shre and God bless. Sanders W
Member: Russ W.
Location: Powell, WY
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 10:04:12
I am Russ, and I am alcoholic/addict. Coming to believe in a power greater than myself for me was really not a problem. I have always believed in that power but I believed everything and everyone around was also a power greater than me. Even though I believed in a spiritual power I have never accepted it and used it in my life with the exception of when I got into trouble I would beg for a way out. The first time I worked the steps I read this step wrong. I replaced "could" with "would." Therefore I expected to be restored to sanity after working the steps all the way through. SURPRISE!!! That did not happen, in fact I thought I was getting worse for a while but I believe I was just becoming more aware of my defects and shortcomings. Also more were being revealed. Sometimes thereafter I had a really bad attitude and resentment toward the program, fellowship, and God because I thought I was not being restored to sanity and getting the serenity and peace of mind people around me had and I wanted. Today I feel I am being restored to sanity more and more if I continue to work the program and keep the conscious contact with my HP. On the other hand I learned to not expect to be restored to sanity no matter what I do. With that I am grateful for this program and for having not to drink or drug today.
Member: Tom G.
Location: Chantilly, Virginia
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 21:39:37
Something is slowly restoring me to a semblance of sanity. I'm not a religious person, so I'm not certain what it is. My sponsor tells me spirituality comes from within. I believe that. I heard the following at a meeting a few days ago and I liked it. Perhaps you will as well;
I sought my soul and I could not see...
I sought my God and he alluded me...
I sought my brother and found all three...
Tom
Member: Juanita F
Location: Pahrump NV
Date: 23 Mar 1998
Time: 23:16:00
Hi Juanita alcoholic here step two I know that each day that i dont drink is proof that there is a power greater than me i tried really hard not to be an alcoholic and when it became really clear that i had no control over alcohol and thatI was sitting at the gates of total insanity and was not being aloud in I went to AA for real (had gone there to try some controled drinking before ) I sow scared I would drink I did the steps to the best of my ability not realy beliving today with over 5 years sober My life is so different there has to be a greater power whom I choose to call God i still look at my life in ahh.It is even evedent in my children and i realy have done nothing but go to meeting listen to others and pray.WOW what a wonderful program this is it has aloud me to have a life with less fear and hate.So if you dont belive now stick around and dont take a drink fake it until you can see it I had too and it has worked for me Thanks for being here Huggs to all Juanita
Member: Pete S
Location: Ma
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 02:51:12
Pete - alcoholic. Keeping things simple helps me have a good shot at another day of sobriety.
Came to believe - I have Faith
that a power greater than myself - take Pete out of the loop
could restore me to sanity - I cannot have a drink today
A safe and sober to all
Member: todd k
Location: park college, k.c. mo
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 15:18:16
my name is todd and i am an alcoholic. step two cam eto me after i thuroghly worked a first step. i had attempted to work it many time before but could not seem to grasp it. i have to remember that all the step says is made a decision. this means that i don't have to focus oon turning my will and my life over just yet. that will all come in step three as long as i work it to the best of my ability.
Member: Sarina B.
Location: Burlington, Vt
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 21:36:46
Hi I am an alcoholic and my name is Sarina. Step 2 for me has been the basis for most of my recovery. My sponsor keeps telling me that the steps are in order for a reason. Now I think I am finally starting to get it. I have come to believe that there is a power greater than the almighty ME, and that I made one heck of a mess of my life without that power in charge. When I start to think that I can run things myself all I need do is look at the reckage of my past to see how untrue that is. My H.P. has allowed me to start letting go of the weight of the world that I have carried around with me forever. Letting something else have the reigns for awhile has allowed me to really see where I need to work on myself and how best I can help others today. I'm so grateful to be sober and as barely sane as I am. I have been told and am starting to see that if I can continue to "Let go and let god." my life will only get better and better. That's a promise I want to stick around and see realized. Thanks everyone for being here to help me stay sober one more day.
Member: Perry H
Location: Pocono Mountains, PA
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 21:51:36
When the panick attacks took over
and I could not pick up another drink
The only option left was to pray.
I tried this, quietly, in the front of my
beer truck and sure enough, Peace decended
upon me.... I came to believe in that moment
there must be a Power Greater than myself.
I had to pray many times each day to keep those
panick attacks at bay. The only other place that
I found them to cease, was in meetings.
Therefore, my AA meeting also became a Power
Greater
than me!
Member: Perry H
Location: Treasurer
Date: 24 Mar 1998
Time: 21:55:24
If you would care to contribute to this meeting and to Carry the message around the world, Please mail a small contribution to:
Staying Cyber P.O. Box 392 Minisink Hills, PA 18341
All donations beyond our expenses whall be passed along to GSO in New York.
Member: Bob
Location: Nottingham, PA
Date: 25 Mar 1998
Time: 01:41:36
Hi I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic. Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Wow! I certainly didn't want to accept God as I knew him - HE all ready took me to hell. But I was willing to accept you people in these rooms. You made me feel that I was OK and that I no longer have to drink if I didn't want to. Besides who said anything about me being insane. I knew what I was doing. I could stop drinking anytime I wanted to. I just didn't want to. Well anyway you told me that your GOD works best through other people, and you people in these rooms was able to help me get by without a drink on a daily basis. So the power greater than myself which helped me get and stay sober were you drunks telling this drunk how to put it off on an hourly basis for another day. And I thank GOD that I haven't had to have had a drink today so far. And for that I am greatful and thank you for your help.
Member: Martina G
Location: Ct
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 06:37:29
I have believed in a Higher Power (I choose call God, Jesus) for many years and long before I finally put down my bottle. What I didn't understand was how to appropriate His power in my life to become and stay sober and to be restored to sanity. When I was in rehab 12 years ago, I still remember that this was where I really felt helpless and able to begin to surrender to God. He has been with me every step of the way since. Just this morning, I woke up feeling physically lousy, tired and emotionally drained.(a little "insane"). It was knowing that God is with me that causes me to be able to change my mindset, attitude and continue of regardless of how I feel. I believe He uses people in our lives also and He has brought many people (in AA and otherwise) in my life to help me , encourage me , speak the truth to me. Today I am grateful to God for His grace and power and for all the many gifts He has give me, sobriety, sanity, especially other people. Even this crazy new cyber world and cyper AA is a way of connecting with others - God's power is limitless. Thank you for listening to me.
Member: Amy G.C.
Location: Switzerland
Date: 26 Mar 1998
Time: 08:24:08
My name is Amy ans I am an alcoholic. I discovered the truth of step two in the rain, listening to a lone saxaphone player play amazing grace. My tears were washed away with the rain and I was given hope.
Member: Scott P.
Location: Ipswich,Ma
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 12:09:26
HI Gang,
my name is scott an I am an alcoholic. It took me a long time to to come to believe in a power grater than myself because it hadd to be bigger than me. I have explored many areas but came to believe after being sober 3years and finding out it was not me keeping me sober. Anything but as I had tried many ways before getting sober. I believe that there is knowledge in all things.
Member: Ken H.
Location: Ottawa Canada
Date: 27 Mar 1998
Time: 22:41:11
Hi my name is Ken and I am an alcoholic. I like step two. It is what was the start of my change. I CAME to AA and stopped drinking. I CAME TO I sobered up, went to meetings and started to listen. I CAME TO BELIEVE, Isaw something in AA that worked and eventhough I could not explain it, it looked really good to me. So I then started to do what the members and the big bbok told me. 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, don't drink, go to meetings and listen to others that are sharing and sharing my feelings. Before I knew it, I have just celebrated 10 years of sobriety. I turned my will and my life over to the care of GOD AS I UNDERSTAND HIM, do what I need to do on a daily basis and leave the outcome to Him. So far He has done a pretty darn good job. Wishing all another 24 hours. In love and service Ken H.
Member: Barb B.
Location: Pgh. PA
Date: 28 Mar 1998
Time: 15:46:23
Barb B alcoholic, from Pgh. This is from a poem called Resurrection: When I can live fully when I can get strong in the middle of pain and still smile others into exixtence, the is "resurrection/(SANITY)" Sometimes, it is so hard to live each day in the midst of what I see on the streets, in the country at home, in the lives of those I love...Sometimes, I want to run away and cry - sometimes it is easier to die than to be brought to life, sometimes.. Resurrection/SANITY means 'rising above the death living can bring. For I cannot bvelieve in a God who folds his arms over his chest and says, "I can have nothing to do with you--you are a sinner" I can only believe in a God who catches me when I fall! God can do nothing else. God is love. God is resurrection! God is Sanity!
Member: Jim M
Location: BC, Canada
Date: 28 Mar 1998
Time: 16:13:37
STEP TWO: Begun March 23, 1998
“Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
(paraphrase: “I acknowledged and understood that I was insufficient to my own recovery, and in fact to my survival, and that only God, with His limitless ability could show me recovery and build me a bridge back to life itself.”
It is not difficult to imagine a Power greater than myself when I have just come from Step One. I see my pet dog as being more powerful than I am, so it’s not difficult to see that other human beings, let alone a Supreme Being, are more powerful. Certainly A.A., with its potent and magnetic fellowship is more powerful than I could be alone, with all my weak attempts at sobriety. And, sadly, I see almost any other person, except perhaps another suffering alcoholic, as being more able and powerful than I could be. Most of the world and the things in it, both man-made and God-created are functioning with a particular effectiveness as I look at them from a distance, from the outside in, not really belonging or identifying. A loser on a grand scale, with no small envy for those who live normally and need not suffer, and do not have to struggle with life as I do.
But there is peace, there is relief, and even joy- I know this, through my own ignorant, stubborn faith. I have always known of this faith and guarded it jealously, knowing it was all I could ever really own. It is the stuff that kept me alive when I should have died, even wanted to, and the only element of my existence that has permanence and meaning. It is a thing I cannot measure or quantify, or even truly understand, but it allows me to know that where I cannot, He can. Simple, stupid, irrepressible.
To the many young friends in A.A. who have told me that the ‘program’ is in fact their Higher Power, or people in general, or the Big Book, or their fathers, I can say “yes; use that!” But for me, God Himself created all of these things, so I want to go straight to Him for the strength He gives me through and by these things. I am as sure that God Himself inspired the birth and formation of Alcoholics Anonymous (knowing something of its founders) as I am that He inspired Holy scripture. For a time, that faith may be blind, but never dead. So I can only thank God for this small, solid faith in Him and for the promise that this same tiny faith can bring me sanity and Life itself, in the fullest sense.
How will He restore me? I don’t know. But I am able to trust that He can and will. I can begin by throwing all of myself into the A.A. program, accepting that it ‘works’, and that as a spiritual program, can work for me. I can work the Steps, over and over, to be able to see myself as He sees me, without all the blemishes. The process is one of renewal- an overhaul of the mind, emotions and spirit, which can bring me back to my basic ingredients, before alcohol. In this renewed state I could possibly face life as a victor, overcoming rather than succumbing. Life as it is now seems impossibly hard. It is a huge task to face even trivial problems, challenges. Just “being” seems a struggle. But that is because I am struggling rather than surrendering, and trying, when I should rest. All of the past has been failure, and I have fought as hard as my tortured mind will allow. I need to let Him lead, and show me how.
I have often feared that I might be one of those A.A. “exceptions”; one with such grave emotional and/or mental disorders that the program cannot work for me, or that I am simply incapable of being completely honest with myself. It’s true; I have shown great expertise in deceiving myself and others, and to some degree, still do that every day. I seem incapable of just letting things be. I cannot seem to rest in this tiny faith I have. It should be sufficient, but I cannot seem to trust it. But since it is faith, I can let that fact work for me, knowing that when I cannot, it (He-God) can. I don’t have to feel secure in that faith, since feelings change while to object of faith does not. I can choose to trust, and He will be faithful. It is a knowledge of things not seen, and a trust in things yet to come.
Sanity must surely be a by-product of this faith, because my lack of it has produced
only the opposite. As the Big Book says, page 49, “People of faith have a rational
idea of what life is all about.” A life filled with daily, painful thoughts of
unbelonging, insufficiency, loneliness, resentment and fear is not a sane, spiritual life.
If the tiny faith is already there, I must choose now to put it to work. And when the
faith seems to hide, to disappear, I can remember that, because it is faith, it does not
go away; I simply can’t see it. As Bill W. said, “Hold your face up to the
light, even though for a moment you do not see.”