Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 09:00:19
Kim V here, alcoholic. Even after 6 1/2 years of soberity I remember how hard it was to admit being powerless. I am a control freak. Today I am somewhat better than 6 1/2 years ago but I had to admit feeling powerless isn't much fun. But then I discovered that my control I thought I had over people, places and things was only a illusion that I used to rationalize things to help me feel safe. But you know what. I never did feel safe til after I got sober. I think I always knew my life was unmanageable. There was just too many signs. I never had a job, I was always going to jail, someone was always mad at me, the list goes on. But I honestly didn't know there was any other way to live. Now my life is much better. Whenever I forget that God (my higher power) is driving the car, my life starts to get unmangeable still. It is like he is reminding me. Good thing we don't have to get these steps down perfect. But everyday I make progress and over the years I can see some big leaps of growth. Thanks for being here.
Member: Frank D
Location: Vancouver, WA
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 09:08:44
Frank here, an alcoholic. Standing on step one, WoW, way cool. Starting most every day this is where you can find me, also lots of through out my day times I can use our frist step to keep me where I need to be. For me when I find that need to stand their before I go on to a long step, or short step, fast or slow step it makes it like on to a blessing while going through a One, Two, Three step. Using the steps in my every day reailty has shown me a new way to live, and for the most part cope with all the twists and turn life throws at me. Thank you all for helping AA work through my life for lots of years now, one day at a time.
Member: Landscape Ray
Location: South Lanarkshire
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 09:58:45
When i first came to the fellowship i sort of knew that there was something wrong with my life ,I knew i had to stop drinking because it was making life unbearable! and i had reached my rock bottom and my life was unmanageable,it was with the help of my sponser that that i surrendered and had to admit that when it came to booze i was powerless, i seen then that when i drank my life was unmanageable but i couldnt do anything about it because booze was my god and it solved all my problems,it was then i knew i was a Alcoholic and there was hope for me here, regards Ray
Member: ANTHONY BLANCO
Location: pasadena ca.
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 10:30:58
this is exactly what I need today and every day to admit that im powerless over anything else except me and my actions..when I feel the need to try and cotrol anything or anyone I get very uncomfortable because its not my place to do that..thank god for the first step and my sponser..he guides me to make the rite choices when I cant see the what the next step should be.my life is so peaceful now because I have the 12 steps..thankyou AA
Member: Terry S
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 10:47:26
Hi, My name is Terry and I'm an alcohoic. Every day I am on the first step. When I ask God to please keep me sober today, I am on the first step. It is the realization that just one drink can put me back where I was that keeps me on the first step and keeps me coming back. Unmanagable would be the kind way to descibe my life when I was using - I was the mother who didn't show up to pick up her child, the wife that didn't come home at night, the daughter that didn't show up for family gatherings, the freind who betrayed. All this and more I can have with one drink. That is so scary to me that I can not fail to ask God each day to keep me sober, to relieve me of the obsession of drugs and alcohol; to turn the alcoholic in me powerless to pursue her deluded life style. Yes, step one is the step I am always on, no matter what other step I am on also, I am on this step!
Member: Lisa K
Location: Michigan
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 11:05:55
Hi everyone! Lisa,alcoholic here! WOW the 1st step, how important that step is for me. Yes I am powerless over alcohol and my life was unmanageable when I came in this program. I have to remind myself on a daily basis I am not only powerless over alcohol but also people,places, and things in my life. I use the "serenity" prayer alot to accept the things I cannot change. I was sober for almost 9 yrs and slacked off on meetings and forgot I am powerless. I come back to the first step daily as a reminder where I came from and could very easily go back if I dont use the 12 steps and you people to remind me I have a very cunning,baffling and powerful disease. thank you all for being here to save my life and keep coming back! thanks for letting me share-Lisa
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 11:06:13
Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. Step 1...the only step that must be worked perfectly. I still work Step 1 every day. I pray to God every morning for "Thy Will Be Done" and I believe today that His will is for me to stay sober. My God is not a punishing God, he is a loving God that wants me to be safe and happy. At night, I thank him for keeping me sober and imagine him wrapping his arms around me as I go to sleep. Also, as far as step 1 goes, I believe you need to accept that you are an alcoholic and part of this acceptance is accepting the solution to the problem..which for me today is abstinence.
Member: Wayne K.
Location: Columbia, SC
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 11:11:37
I'm a drunk named Wayne K. I envy those folks who go weeks and months without thinking of drinking! I wake up every morning and think about being a drunk while doing My 1st, 2nd, and 3rd step prayer. Even after 13 yrs sober I still have to think my way through every beer and liquor store sign. If it works, keep doing it!
Member: Stacey K
Location: Seattle
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 13:28:17
Thanks Kathy D. It's true, I knew long before I was diagnosed a chronic late stage alkie and came to believe that AA could help me stay sober if I was willing, that I was a true alcoholic. Acceptance of reality was my problem. The admitting was nothing if I did not accept it instead of feeling sorry for my self for having this disease. I know if I go out and drink I'm back where I ended up (where I stopped digging)...but I've had numerous relapses. Why? Not accepting that reality and realizing I won't have the life I've always hoped for, the serenity I admire from some oldtimers I've met, if I don't. Nothing to feel sorry about, just is. Peace!
Member: Harold A.
Location: New England Coast
Date: 02 Feb 2003
Time: 18:25:08
Here's one stone in my Step One foundation... One night I made plans to meet the woman I was sort of dating, sort of trying to draw away from her ex-fiance but sort of still boyfriend and this woman and I were sort of getting pretty damn drunk a few nights a week. Well, she didn't show at this bar, so I nursed my way through 12 beers, calling obsessively from the payphone all the while. Left the bar, sort of took a peak at her 3rd floor window from the street to see if she was in (she was), bought a few more beers for the taxi ride back out to Brooklyn. Picked up the Yellow pages, dialed an escort service, spent some money I didn't really have, exposed myself to the risk of disease and violence. All in the name of some "cool" drinking and an innocent attempt at "romance." These days the Yellow pages for me seem to be about other things. So I thank all of you (and my Higher Power). Boy, do I need A.A.
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 03 Feb 2003
Time: 09:00:26
I am an alcoholic and an addict I always thought that I had no problems with drinking first that I could stop it any time and that I can control myself . years passed by in this delusions and denials that I have no problem with drinking until I relized that it was too late my life was unmanageable lost my wife my job family friends. I was forced into a situation where either I stop drinking change my life or there would be nothing for me. I choose to join aa since then it has been 5yrs i have been sober and happy life is coming togather slowly but surely thanks to aa and alanon.
Member: Shelby H
Location: Fairfax VA
Date: 03 Feb 2003
Time: 12:39:18
Even with quite a few 24 hours in the program, I still can get pulled in to thinking that I am in control. The results are disappointment , frustration and the pity-pot. The solution is back to the basics: turn it over, let go and let God, stop thinking that I am the center of the universe, ramp up meetings, talk to another AA and live in the moment, a day at a time. And remind myself that we are going for progress, not perfection.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 03 Feb 2003
Time: 13:22:08
If I woke up in a hospital and found my legs were gone, it would be difficult to accept. But all the prayer and wishing in the Universe would probably not bring them back, so what are my options? Suicide, a life of painful resentments or Joy in the faith that my every breath is proof that life is not about having two legs and God has chosen me to demonstrate the Power from adversity. It took a lot of denial and getting beaten to a pulp by Alcohol, but today I know I am just as surely an Alcoholic.
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 03 Feb 2003
Time: 14:24:59
I did not think I was powerless over alcohol, I just knew I wanted to stop and couldn't. Every time I drank, I meant to, so I wasn't powerless. I would look that 10th drink in the eye and say, "Man, you are going to make me feel like hell tomorrow, but right now I don't care." Because I was insane, I did not think that this was a sign of powerlessness when of course it was. I also didn't think that my life was unmanageable. I still had a good job, a solid marriage, was financially sound, never had a DUI, never been arrested, always woke up in bed with my wife, etc. My sponsor had me do a written fist step. I wrote down all the times that I had "meant" to drink but ended up drinking too much and had some negative consequence. The list got too long so I had to narrow the scope to, "could have been arrested", and "could have been injured or killed". Even before I was finished, it was painfully obvious that even if outward appearances looked normal, I was out of control! This was hard for me because I thought I was a weak person who needs more will power. My sponsor taught me that I was a sick person trying to get well...and that all the will power in the world couldn't do that for me. But God could if he were sought. It was there for the asking. May you find Him, or the higher power of your own life everyday. Peace
Member: John M
Location: New York
Date: 03 Feb 2003
Time: 16:18:44
The first step was somewhat of a relief for me, at least I found out why I couldn't stop drinking once I started. Coming to terms with this fact was easy to understand but difficult to accept. equally disturbing was the fact that whenever I stopped, usually in jail or a detox, my alcoholic mind continuosly thought about drinking. Mostly focussing on the good times. When they call this illness a hopeless condition of mind and body I can relate. This hopeless feeling was what I had to feel in my gut and continue to remind myself every morning when I Pray. My life became unmanagable becuae I am powerless over alcohol and I continued to drink. It affected every area of my life. Thank god for the rest of the steps and the fellowship that have given me a new life.
Member: RRR
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 03 Feb 2003
Time: 16:37:54
Rand Alcoholic....For the first time in my professional career I broke down at work and cried. Nearly 1 yr sober and dealing with mental health issues. Lots of fun, Got a call into my sponsor. I am so at the first step...I am powerless. This situation and my stuff is what it is and I don't want to fight it anymore. So I keep putting one foot in front of the other and show-up. I can't, He can, He will if you let him. Just keep praying for serenity.
Member: Bobbie H
Location: Hawthorne CA
Date: 03 Feb 2003
Time: 21:49:21
Hi I'm Bobbie, an alcoholic. I am powerless over alcohol and my life is unmanageable. It feels good to say it and surrender. I have been a sober member in AA for 15 years but this statement is just as real today as it was when I walk through those doors. I will always be powerless over alcohol. I can never forget it.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: 03 Feb 2003
Time: 22:29:31
Step 1 - The Fat Lady sings... Finally! Shows over. I had a really hard time with this step because admitting to myself and others I was an alcoholic was not hard once I got past denial. Admitting that my life was unmanagable was acceptable because it was totally unmanagable. So why did I fail at step 1 my first time? I NEVER READ THE STEP! Step 1 mentions defeat three times, powerlessness twice, last gaspers,(me) hitting bottom, ultimately destroying ourselves and a fatal progression. I never made the admission of hopelessness my first time around. I did not realize how hopeless I actually was. If I could have only seen in rehab a fast forward of 6 years ahead, (now) I know I would have surrendered sooner. My bottom was a sick, miserable hell. I understand this step now and how important it is to succeeding in AA and staying sober. I look forward to working all the steps to the best of my ability one day at a time.
Member: Stuart M
Location: England
Date: 04 Feb 2003
Time: 15:39:14
My name is Stuart & I am an alcoholic The First Step is the one which saves my sorry a** on a daily basis.I have NEVER been able to take it or leave it alone.I ALWAYS craved a drink after not having one for a little while. I NEVER knew how much I was going to have,or what was going to happen when I had it. Today I know that I cannot drink like "normal"people and I also know that I cannot manage my own life (God knows I tried for long enough) Thank God I stumbled into Alcoholics Anonymous knowing that I was more than half-way to the gates of insanity or death Through the Grace of God and the fellowship of of A.A I have not needed or wanted a drink today Truly a miracle God bless you All Stuart
Member: Jackie L
Location: Pa.
Date: 04 Feb 2003
Time: 15:49:26
"The Principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered." I'm on a new floor at work. New co-workers ,so a new pecking order,I guess. All I know is that I felt like I was being pecked to death and was starting to feel defensive and afraid. Then the paragraph above from step one in the "Twelve and Twelve" caught my attention. I took it to work with me and simply did my job to the best of my ability, trusting Him with all the rest. Realizing, again that in my life He is Real and Loving and All Powerful when I draw near to Him. And, oh , how He did for me what I could not do for myself at work....just as He did with the booze and all of the misery that came with it. Perhaps this is more along the lines of the third step, but the starting point for me is knowing deep down that there are many things over which I am powerless. Ah,what a weight lifted off my shoulders Thank you everyone who shared and who will share.... you are precious to me.
Member: Jackie L
Location: Pa.
Date: 04 Feb 2003
Time: 18:05:18
"The Principle that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered." I'm on a new floor at work. New co-workers ,so a new pecking order,I guess. All I know is that I felt like I was being pecked to death and was starting to feel defensive and afraid. In my reading, the paragraph above from step one in the "Twelve and Twelve" caught my attention. I tucked it in my heart and took it to work with me and so realizing that I was already defeated in regards to "making" a good impression, etc., simply did my job to the best of my ability, trusting Him with all the rest. Again in my life He has proven Himself to be Real and Loving and All Powerful when I draw near to Him. And, oh , how He did for me what I could not do for myself at work...things just kept happening that shed light on "Truth" I am UTTERLY powerless over alcohol,and over so much more . Perhaps this is more along the lines of the third step, but the starting point for me is knowing deep down where my "work" ends and His begins. What a relief not to have to manage the universe anymore!!! Thank you everyone who shared and who will share.... you are precious to me.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 04 Feb 2003
Time: 18:54:18
HI Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. I didn't get into trouble every time I drank. But, every time I got into trouble, drinking was involved. I did not wake up one morning, yawn and scratch and say, "Man what great day. Everything is so good. Wow! I think I will go to an AA meeting." I knew I was, at best, drinking a bit much. Now, AA cannot provide the motivation for us to get into recovery. That must come from within. If there is any doubt just spend 5 bucks. Buy the book "Alcoholics Anonymous". Read Roman numeral pages 23-30 (xxiii - xxx) and pages 1 to 43. That is all the "work" required of Step One. If you can relate to anything in those pages, I am sorry to be the conveyor of bad news, but you are probably alcoholic. If you cannot relate to anything in there that is cool too. Because then, you can face those folks in your life that are telling you are alcoholic with the proof you are not. But you can't cheat. he he he. Ya gotta be honest with you. You do not have to be honest with anyone else at this point. Just honest with yourself. Good luck. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: mike
Location: west
Date: 05 Feb 2003
Time: 08:41:58
I'm sitting in the back of a police car again on my way to jail. I am very afraid and laughing a little to cover I think. I didn't mean to be here but seem to get here every once in a while anyway. I have been drinking whenever I get a little money till the money is gone for the past 6 months. I didn't drink for a while last year and went to a few AA meetings but didn't like what I heard. Maybe I missed something. It couldn't be any worse. Drink, Die, Ask for HELP. This was my life not that long ago. Having arrived at this point I picked up a phone.
Member: Tracy
Location: England
Date: 05 Feb 2003
Time: 10:36:15
Hi Tracy here alcoholic, step one hit me like a bolt of lightning ine morning 3 wks ago woke up after a bid drunk knowing that i had cause havoc again but this time i knew i was powerless and scared and that i needed help which is where AA came into it and has saved my live. tracy.v@ntlworld.com
Member: Ed Z.
Location: Ohio
Date: 05 Feb 2003
Time: 22:46:07
Hello, Ed Z. alcoholic, I am at a firm conviction step one can create a spiritual awakening. This foundation, a result of freedom from powerless, bondage and unmageability is created from letting go of drinking too bloody much. The spiritual experience did come from the equivalent of a lightening bolt from no booze. However, a few 24 hours later I am still working on the burns and scar tissue caused by the awakening from beyond. Yet, fortunately the confusion and awe passing through admittance, gratitude and acceptance are the hope generated by step one. Total respect, humility and cheers for those who share about grasping and reaching to step one. Love to my extended family with heartfelt thanks.
Member: Melanie
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 05 Feb 2003
Time: 23:19:25
Hello Friends, Melanie, alcoholic. I recently began working the steps again after a dangerous period of complacency. I am still on step one as it wasn't sinking in this time. Your posts have finally awakened my powerlessness for me. I suddenly realize that Dec. and Jan. were so difficult for me because I had forgotten that I am not cured of alcoholism. I didn't drink, but I think of alcohol every day. I probably always will. Sometimes it's just the thought that wow, I didn't think of drinking today. But I always remember. So, I must remember that the thought will always come. I can choose whether it is a "sick" thought or a healthy one by choosing to work the 12 steps or not. If I am not working the steps, the alcohol thought becomes a sick obsession, interfering with my ability to manage my life.(God controls, I manage what he sends me.) When I am into the steps, that thought is just a little thought, a minor symptom of my disease to accept and...well,just accept. Thank you all for sharing. I have a feeling that I am finally onto something good for me. I just know I will soon be on to step 2!
Member: Free
Location: Baltimore
Date: 06 Feb 2003
Time: 00:33:36
Poweless who me heck no;or at least thats is what I tell myself when I am drinking.I have been powerless since the day I was born. A child of addicts I didnt learn my lesson. My folks always warned me that I was playing with fire. Seventeen years ago I got burned and I have had a love hate realtionship with alcohol ever since.Today (well yesterday) I stayed sober.When I think of powerless I like to think that no I am not,but then I think of when I am drinking. I think of the shakes in the morning,of crying because I know there is no alcohol in the house after work. I plan what time I will come home for work on the premis of how much beer is in my fridge.I think of going to the clubs and every time swearing I am not going to get that drunk. Then I wake up the next day (and sadly I dont get blackouts I remember)knowing that once again I messed up. I know who saw me make an ass of myself when i fell in the club,when I have done the dumbest things.All in the name of fun right.I look at my home that is going to crap because I keep telling myself that after the next beer I will clean but soon it is time for bed and once again the house is a mess. I look at my kids who are watching me get drunk so I go to my room and drink and they get left out of my life for awhile.I hate this so yes I guess I am poweless but hopefully not for long.
Member: TM
Location: Philadelphia
Date: 06 Feb 2003
Time: 15:52:26
Tom, having tough time since getting sober 124 days ago. Better today than I was though. This is hard. At least for me anyway. Does anyone else always think of the worst as far as consequences go? Mind races at time. Usually in morning. Doing better than I was. Big Book, meetings, good sponsor, PRAYER. All that has helped.
Member: BB
Location:
Date: 06 Feb 2003
Time: 17:41:18
I also knew that I was an alcoholic well before I walked through the doors of AA. I still lived under the guise of delusion that I was like other people and my life was managable, other than a slight 'drinking problem'. For quite sometime I did not put the 2 together and paid for it for many years, until I walked through the doors of AA. I am young and 'young' in terms of length of sobriety. I do know that the times in sobriety where my life has become most unmanagable are the times when I try to manage it the most, and have things my way. I Thank G.O.D. for his guidance and the eternal reminder that HIS way IS the easier, softer way.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: 07 Feb 2003
Time: 00:48:41
Hi TM, Congrats on 125 days! Awesome. Sometimes my mind races and I wish I could just shut it off like I did with alcohol. After my extensive drinking career it will take some time to learn how to deal with uncomfortable feelings. Keep turning it over to God as you are doing. I try to tune out a negative thought and think of something positive instead. Long after the physical obsession with alcohol is over the mental obsession is still doing pushups in our heads. I have a disease that wants to kill me and is very patient. If I pick up a drink it might if I don't then that is another day I get to live in this world. There is a passage I like in the Big Book on page 451. When I focus on what's good today, I have a good day, and when I focus on what's bad, I have a bad day. If I focus on a problem, the problem increases; If I focus on the answer, the answer increases.
Member: L.W.R
Location: Vernon
Date: 07 Feb 2003
Time: 03:26:16
I AM THE HOLE IN THE DONUT. who are you? And are you for God's sake? love and fellowship. Night all.
Member: Susan G
Location: new hampshire
Date: 07 Feb 2003
Time: 06:05:46
I knew that I was an alcoholic way before coming to my first meeting at AA. I kept telling myself that I could control it, but the truth is that it controled me. More and more over the years. It seemed more importent then alot of things in my life, but it was what I knew. Now I need to find a new path. Scary, yes but well worth fighting for. My live was so unmanageable. What I have to realize is that I can change that one day at a time. Thanks!!
Member: CeCe R
Location: Lincoln, NE
Date: 07 Feb 2003
Time: 06:27:08
I am working on my first step with my sponser. My attempts at sobriety have been filled with relapse. I'm sure that a good portion of that has to do with flimsy (no) stepwork. My sponser and I are getting together to do my first step. One of the things she asked me to do is find out what the 1st step meant to other alcoholics. I've been working on my list of times I drank more than I meant to as well. Once again, HE is alive and well in my life. Thank you all for sharing your ES&H that I may begin another day sober
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: 07 Feb 2003
Time: 09:04:13
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable. The first word in the first step is ãWeä. I get drunk, We stay sober. I could not keep from picking up the first drink by myself, and, left to my own devices, I would convince myself to try it again. Powerless is described in so many wonderful ways in our BB. I usually point to the passage in italics on page 24. ãThe fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.ä For me, powerless over alcohol means that I cannot by myself keep from picking up the first drink, and, once started, will experience that phenomenon of craving that would have me go on drinking no matter what. Unmanageable is related to the fact that we are powerless over alcohol. When drinking, alcohol is the most important thing in my life, and I would have given up everything and anything in order to drink. Joe
Member: TerriJ
Location: Ohio
Date: 07 Feb 2003
Time: 11:09:15
Terri here, and I'm just now admitting I Am An Alchoholic and my life is unmanageable. God help me find the srenghth I need to make it through today sober. There, I've said it.
Member: Frank E.
Location: Mid.Tn.
Date: 07 Feb 2003
Time: 14:15:49
Hi I`m a grateful recovered alcoholi\addict named Frank.When i got here a few 24hrs.ago,I read the first step as `I Am powerless`however today I read what it says`We were powerless`.Today as a result of asking for my God`s help,working a stong program & the fellowship I am not powerless over my alcoholism or addiction.I know today there is a solution & its up to me starting each morning if I control my addictions or they control me.There are 7 keys to continued sobriety daily-those 7 things I MUST do daily.I thank my God,A.A. & all its members for who & what I am and will become.Lifes great.Thanks-God Bless*
Member: Mark F.
Location: Pa.
Date: 07 Feb 2003
Time: 15:12:27
mark f. grateful,humble recovering alcoholic here. As some have already said here, admitting powerlessness was not an easy thing for me to do. But after having been beaten down, and kicked around for so many years, Grasping the idea of my own unmanageability in the end wasnt hard to accept.The fact that I`d had two major auto accidents in the space of about 4 weeks,complete with dui arrests and personal injuries might have been a slight sign. Twisted as it might sound, I thank GOD for laying things out the way he did, because if not I might not have made it to these rooms.We all know what happens when we are left to our own devices, well I know what happens to me.