Member: Bobbie
Location: Port Hueneme CA
Remote Name: 68.235.202.114
Date: 18 Jan 2004
Time: 07:47 PM -0500

Comments

I am Bobbie, an alcoholic. After writing my 4th step (based on directions from my sponsor), I was ready for the 5th step. While at my sponsor's home, we prayed first then I read it to her. The burden of guilt was lifted when I realized that her story was similar to my own and I was not being judged. She asked me questions that also helped in getting well hid incidences. I felt a huge burden from the past being lifted.


Member: Slider/Lower Ala
Location: LA
Remote Name: 206.148.56.93
Date: 18 Jan 2004
Time: 09:47 PM -0500

Comments

Gratitude, When I came into AA in 91 I was just grateful to sit in a room of people just like me. Learning to grasp the 12 steps, 12 traditions, 12 concepts, and singleness of purpose took time. Thank GOD I stayed around to do all of the above and to have the promises outlined in the book especially the one that says " We will ceast fighting everything, especially alcohol". Paraphrasing I suspect, but if the quote is off a little, find it in the Big Book, (hint, step 10)


Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, Texas
Remote Name: 64.123.97.72
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 06:46 AM -0500

Comments

((Bobbie)) Thanks for sharing your method of doing the fifth step, according to the book, in my opinion. I did not follow directions as well as you did. I was sober three days, had been to two AA meetings, and then went into "treatment". After about two weeks, we had a group session in which we were to list the things that we were "most" afraid of, mad about, feared, etc. I started on the list, but did not share with the group. The days sessions were ended and we went back to our rooms where I continued to add to the list until I was ready to explode. Fortunately for me, a counselor named Karen was still in her office across the hall from my room. I went and asked her if she'd give me a few minutes. She did, and I dumped my garbage of 44 years on her over the next 45 or so minutes. This was my first shot at the fifth step and got enough crap out of me to make room for some good stuff. Over the next few years, I attempted the 'perfect' fifth step, but never did make it. I did uncover hidden feelings and shared them with whoever I felt I could trust at the moment. Also, I had begun working with others and listening to fifth steps, and was suprised at how much stuff I remembered when listening, and could relate and share with guys that were doing their fifth step with me. Maybe that's tenth step stuff, but the important thing for me was to share these secrets. The secrets will kill me. The majority of the fifth steps I've listened to, and my own was the same, tried to with hold the worst sexaul escapades because of shame. Being able to share with a sponsee the "love affair with the herd of sheep in Montana" allowed him to open up and share his secrets also. God was invited to all of these sessions at the beginning because He already knew all the secrets (even though originally, I wasn't even going to tell Him *g*) This step can set you free if you find the right person with which to share it. Curtis


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 24.21.49.242
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 07:44 AM -0500

Comments

For my first 5th step, my sponsor scheduled his whole day to be with me. I was not used to others being reliable or interested in me, unless they wanted something (sex or drugs usually). There were things on my list I was sorely ashamed of and had sworn to never acknowledge. Every time I hesitated to tell him something, I remembered what my last drunk was like. I was terrified of drinking again. I also remembered my decision to trust in God. I knew I had to be thorough, so I said outload everything that was on my list. My sponsor also shared ugly things he had done, which helped me understand I was not unique. It was after this step that I felt a profound relief from the bondage of myself for the first time ever. Today, I do not take lightly my obligation as a "closed mouth friend" to listen and share when I help others to learn step 5. "Truth will set you free!!"


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 11:22 AM -0500

Comments

Adam, alcoholic. Ever notice how the Big Book says on pg. 72 that if we skip this step, we may not overcome drinking? I take that pretty seriously. It was certainly true for me...compulsive lying and an inability/unwillingness to own up to my part in anything was one of the worst features of my alcoholism. It was so important for me to break the pattern of lies and playing the victim if I was ever going to live sober and know anything like peace. When I finally took this step, the lying finally stopped and I was relieved of a huge burden of feeling unworthy. That promise on pg. 75--that we can look the world in the eye--finally came true for me, and I was so grateful. And although I did not like having to see and admit to the role I had been playing in my oown life up until that point, I was also freed from feeling like I had been undeservedly trod upon all my life...because it was clear that I had, on many occaisions, lain down for the express purpose of letting people wipe their feet on me. Like I said, that part wasn't so pleasant, but when I saw in black-and-white that I had, in fact, placed myself in a position to be hurt many times, the opportunity to stop doing that presented itself and I went for it. I think that's what I liked (and still like) about this step...that I get a clear picture of who and what I am, and am then presented with the opportunity to be all I can be. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Trace
Location: England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 12:12 PM -0500

Comments

Doing my 5th step with my sponser was kinda hazy at the time, think nerves played a big part scratching and fidgiting, but it turned out to be a great afternoon and really didnt relise the sutleness of sharing my sponser was doing, her life and mine turn out emtionally to be identical as she shared so I nodded yes. It was only later in the evening that I relised what a truely wonderful event had happened, and it is indeed freeing. Trace


Member: Rebecca S
Location: Winter Park, Florida
Remote Name: 65.33.44.186
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 01:05 PM -0500

Comments

Rebecca here, alcoholic. I am going to do my 5th step with my sponsor this weekend.(Sunday)I look foward to this. My 4th step was so long we could not fit it all in the same afternoon. I know I will feel even more free once this is out on the table. Then I can begin with a clean slate. Thank God for this program and the tools I have learned!!!Thanks for letting me share ....still sober, Peace Rebecca


Member: Bill J
Location: Kingsville TX
Remote Name: 208.191.226.207
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 03:11 PM -0500

Comments

My first tour in AA I refused to do a 4th and 5th step. After 18 months I got drunk like it says might happen in the Big Book. The second time around I did a poor 4th & 5th step but it kept me sober long enough to do a better one. Things I didn't remember kept comming up from time to time and I used the 10th step for them. I am convinced I could not have stayed sober without those two steps and I am sure I probably have more to come after 28 years of success in this program. ove to all my cyber friends bj


Member: Gypsy
Location: NJ
Remote Name: 141.153.231.230
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 03:23 PM -0500

Comments

I have not completed a 4th and 5th Step. I know that I must in order to "be free" as my buddy Curtis spoke of. I am convinced that my lack of following the Program of AA as intended was a contributing factor to my relapses. I am actually looking forward (if you can believ that!) to doing a 4th & 5th with my sponsor (whom I love - God definetley knew what He was doing when He put her in my life). I know that I will be able to trudge this Path happy, joyous and free if I take all Steps in this Fellowship. Dorothyann


Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 209.208.79.184
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 08:48 PM -0500

Comments

Hello all, Kathleen here alcoholic. I first came into AA in 1976, and every time I would get ready to do my 5th step I woudl go out and get drunk. Then in 82 I was on my way to my sponsers house to do my 5th step. I almost chickened out again because I just KNEW that I was so horrible that no one would like me at all if they really knew who I was and what I had done. But I knew, without a doubt, that if I didn't do this step, like the big book said, I would drink again. So I did it. We sat and talked for hours, and I was about to leave, but there was that one lingering thing, that I was going to take to my grave with me, and I turned around, sat down and got it out. Because I knew, that if I didn't get rid of all my "secrets" that I would drink again. Doing the 5th step was the most freeing expierence of my life. I was then able to continue on with the rest of the steps. But I also, later on in life, had an expierence that confirmed to me just how much this program really is a "daily repreive".....but thats another story... Thanks for being here... Kathleen


Member: Pol.smallIrishman
Location: England
Remote Name: 81.104.37.53
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 09:40 PM -0500

Comments

Hello everyone, long time no share! I done a step 5 in treatment (10 years ago)but didnt open up, i also done an egotistical step 4 without being honest. GUESS WHAT? I drank. This time I done my step 4 according to the book. I started with a diary 1 year long of every day of my first year of sobriety. Then I embarked on 4 ( after much procrastination, I may add!) Step 5, I took with an American monk. A Franciscan Friar of the Renewal from the Bronx. It actually means something here on this site. When I say this in England or Ireland, they haven't a clue what I'm talking about! One of the first things I knew I needed to do in 'MY' sobriety, was go back to The Church. In taking my step 5, I knew the sacramental value of sharing my faults and aspirations within another human being. When I went back to my sponsor he said "I can see the weight off your shoulders". I asked him if I needed to do it again with him, and he said "no". Over here I get a lot of anti-catholic comments at meetings but I just keep quiet about what I do, and how I pray, and try to "live and let live". I just wish others would do the same! To be honest I'm hurting over this right now. I would like to share how my God has helped me in my life but I know the anymousity is too much for me to bear without ritaliating or over-reacting in hurt. All through the Big Book, Bill.W. talks of how going to Church or talking to clergy or a Rabbi is a beneficial thing if we want it,yet I find here, there's ZERO tolerance for any expression of religious/spiritual faith. I think it's one of those alchy barriers of authority I will just have to bear. I don't find it easy though. Thank you for all your shares during the weeks.POL


Member: Andrew
Location: Calgary
Remote Name: 68.146.198.106
Date: 19 Jan 2004
Time: 11:06 PM -0500

Comments

Pol, I found my way to AA and back to the church at the same time. I did my first two 5th steps with Priests and almost joined an order of Monks. I have always shared exactly where I am at in my Spiritual development and have experienced the anti-catholic sentiment and seen the mockery directed at myself and others over the same issue. And I have been hurt by it. However, today I have the attitude of "fuck 'em". And I continue to share exactly from where I am at. Honesty, I have found is always best. And them to practise the principles of love and tolerance the best I can with what I got. I'm sure I could get a lot from correspondence with you. If you feel it may benefit you, please drop me a line at paxaa@hotmail.com


Member: Darin
Location: Miss.
Remote Name: 152.163.252.133
Date: 20 Jan 2004
Time: 09:37 AM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone I'm darin and I am an alcoholic. I came back to A.A. at the very end of 2003 after about a seven year relapse with enough previous knowledge of the program of recovery that I knew it was a waste of time for me unless I jumped right into the 4th step so I could do my 5th. So that is exactly what I did. It is important to mention that My 1st and 2nd were accepted long before I returned to A.A. and were part of the driving force in getting me back to the rooms. My 3rd was done when I steped through the door and started looking for a sponsor while I worked on my 4th.Fortunately I have always known there is a god or higher level of being. Finding the right sponsor was an important part for me. God does provide if we pay attention. In working my 4th step I studied my BB and 12x12 as well as listen to the BB and 12x12 seminar by the joe's john charlie and willie. Absolute thouroughness and self honesty to the best of my ability at the time were required and thats what I put on paper. My sponsor and I got together for my 5th and went through my 4th after having previously gone through the BB from the front cover to ch 6. He would at times share his own story with me as it related to mine and give me insight on the nature and patterns of my own character defects based on what I was sharing. Here again Absolute honesty was essential. Finally toward the end I layed out some tidbits that I didn't write in my 4th and knew they must be told but was trying to hang on to them until the last minute. This is where my sense of relief was very profound. My sponsor was talking about what I had just told him and I just couldn't quit smiling. I felt so light and good all the while he is talking away and knew what that ear to ear grin I had was all about. My 5th took about 14 or 15hr. split in 2 days and when I was done I hugged my sponsor,thanked him, went home and rested and reflected for about an hour. Then as the BB says got it out and reviewed what I had done. From that point I have not had the desire to take a drink, period. That doesn't mean I haven't had the thought of a drink because they do pop up here and there and I have an occasional drunk dream. The thing is that thirst is gone and the thoughts and dreams about taking a drink are recognized for what they are. My alcoholism looking for a way to bust out of remission. Today I have a solution for that as well. God bless


Member: Darin
Location: Miss.
Remote Name: 152.163.252.133
Date: 20 Jan 2004
Time: 09:42 AM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone I'm darin and I am an alcoholic. I came back to A.A. at the very end of 2003 after about a seven year relapse with enough previous knowledge of the program of recovery that I knew it was a waste of time for me unless I jumped right into the 4th step so I could do my 5th. So that is exactly what I did. It is important to mention that My 1st and 2nd were accepted long before I returned to A.A. and were part of the driving force in getting me back to the rooms. My 3rd was done when I steped through the door and started looking for a sponsor while I worked on my 4th.Fortunately I have always known there is a god or higher level of being. Finding the right sponsor was an important part for me. God does provide if we pay attention. In working my 4th step I studied my BB and 12x12 as well as listen to the BB and 12x12 seminar by the joe's john charlie and willie. Absolute thouroughness and self honesty to the best of my ability at the time were required and thats what I put on paper. My sponsor and I got together for my 5th and went through my 4th after having previously gone through the BB from the front cover to ch 6. He would at times share his own story with me as it related to mine and give me insight on the nature and patterns of my own character defects based on what I was sharing. Here again Absolute honesty was essential. Finally toward the end I layed out some tidbits that I didn't write in my 4th and knew they must be told but was trying to hang on to them until the last minute. This is where my sense of relief was very profound. My sponsor was talking about what I had just told him and I just couldn't quit smiling. I felt so light and good all the while he is talking away and knew what that ear to ear grin I had was all about. My 5th took about 14 or 15hr. split in 2 days and when I was done I hugged my sponsor,thanked him, went home and rested and reflected for about an hour. Then as the BB says got it out and reviewed what I had done. From that point I have not had the desire to take a drink, period. That doesn't mean I haven't had the thought of a drink because they do pop up here and there and I have an occasional drunk dream. The thing is that thirst is gone and the thoughts and dreams about taking a drink are recognized for what they are. My alcoholism looking for a way to bust out of remission. Today I have a solution for that as well. God bless


Member: Darin
Location: Miss.
Remote Name: 152.163.252.133
Date: 20 Jan 2004
Time: 10:27 AM -0500

Comments

I apologize for the double post.


Member: Darin
Location: Miss.
Remote Name: 152.163.252.133
Date: 20 Jan 2004
Time: 10:32 AM -0500

Comments

I apologize for the quadruple post. 2003 should be 2002. All stop on everything! Gonna reset and slow down a bit. have a great week everyone god bless


Member: Nate W.
Location: Spokane, WA
Remote Name: 67.170.98.93
Date: 20 Jan 2004
Time: 09:50 PM -0500

Comments

I had and sometimes have trouble with this step, but after doing some thinking and discussing I always feel better, and learn something from it. I know I have done so many wrong things while I was drinking and have said some bad things, but the feeling of looking at myself and making right with my friends or whoever, I feel much better afterwards.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.222.178.139
Date: 20 Jan 2004
Time: 11:08 PM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), I'm still writing step 4 and it has been tough but I know that I need to complete all the steps to remain sober and happy. I am really looking forward to completing them this year. Steps 4 and 5 are the cleansing steps and I should be a hundred pounds lighter when I'm done! I have laid down and slammed shut my notebook many times but I remain willing to do this work. I am going out in search of a new sponsor yet again and pray that God puts the right woman in my path. I have not found one yet that seemed to care or could respect my anonymity. I need to get moving on this. Kelly :)


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Remote Name: 198.81.26.38
Date: 21 Jan 2004
Time: 05:43 PM -0500

Comments

Reading my inventory to another member of AA, the first time, was probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. After doing it I felt no relief and, in fact, I felt raw, dazed. I felt no better until I began making amends. Since that first time I have on, numerous occasion, written an inventory and read to other AA members and, when finished, felt elated, happy, and a great deal of self esteem. That last part, self esteem, is, to me, one of the great benefits of taking the Steps of AA following the instructions in the book, Alcoholics Anonymous.


Member: Rarely
Location: rontherocket@hotmail.com
Remote Name: 206.45.167.195
Date: 22 Jan 2004
Time: 06:33 AM -0500

Comments

Its been over 30 years ago that I done my first step five and I remember it as if it was just yesterday. At the time I was way up in northern Canada in a little community that had an old pot belly priest. I thought by doing my step five with him that I would get off scott free, or at the very least he woulden't know nothing about what I was doing. After I was finished talking he summed up what I was saying in a very few words..... " Ron your a very selfish man." and I had to agree with him as I realized that I had just spent the last hour telling him so. He went on to tell me how not to be so selfish and gave me instructions in how to give of myself to others. From that moment on my life took on a drastic change. I was so selfish and had been all my life that I coulden't change my ways even when I was trying so hard to do so. I soon realized that not only could I not love another person but that I coulden't except love. ( I was fearful that you wanted some thing from me ) If I gave I always expected some thing in return or marked it down that you owed me one. Although down through the years I have done a total of seven step fives I still remembering that first one because Im still trying to carry out those instructions that the old pot belly priest gave me," GIVING OF MYSELF EXPECTING NOTHING IN RETURN. "


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.226.19.154
Date: 22 Jan 2004
Time: 03:12 PM -0500

Comments

HI. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. My sponsor(s) did not require me to divulge any 4th or 5th Step information unless I personally chose to. And that is how it should be. I would question anyone's motives for demanding the 5th step be told to them. We as members of AA do not have the luxury of privileged communication. We used to have a saying some years ago. "If you do not want it to appear in Monday mornings headlines, do not mention it at a Sunday night AA meeting." We are not saints. If you are working this step out of the Big Book (thump thump) as it should be early on; it will warn you to be careful who you tell your fifth step to. Also mentions that if we cannot find a suitable person, it is ok to postpone this Step ad press on; so long as we remain completely ready at the first opportunity. I finally did do my 5th with my sponsor and for two reasons. I was a wimp and therefore had no unresolved crimes or other noteworthy gossip info. Second, he did not demand it of me. Love you all Bill


Member: Scott K.
Location: Northeast
Remote Name: 13.13.137.1
Date: 23 Jan 2004
Time: 12:19 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, My name is Scott and I'm an alcoholic. I completed my first 5th step this last spring. It was the first time I had ever told anyone some of the things in my past that I was very ashamed of. I have to admit that I didn't feel relief right away either, in fact I doubted whether I should have told him what I did. After awhile though, I became more comfortable with the whole thing and that gave me the courage to tell my Wife some things that I have never told her. It was all part of the amends process but the 5th really helped me with that. Now, My wife has left me because of what I told her..... NO NOT REALLY!!! She has accepted it and not judged me for my past transgressions and I am so blessed by that. I do feel lighter and free of that old crap I had carried around for so many years. I love this program!! - Scott


Member: Carrie W.
Location: Illinios
Remote Name: 4.10.116.200
Date: 23 Jan 2004
Time: 02:12 PM -0500

Comments

I am not on step five yet. I have heard wuite a bit about it. It actually sounds about like quite a rel;ief to get everything out that you were holding inside, eventhough it must be hard to actually get to that point. Anyways just wanted to share


Member: Peggy E
Location: Salem, Oregon
Remote Name: 67.164.52.213
Date: 24 Jan 2004
Time: 07:51 PM -0500

Comments

Hi! I'm Peggy; I'm an alcoholic. I wrote my 4th step as if I was never going to read it. Then I wish I hadn't done that. And then it came to step 5. I decided I would really shock my sponsor with this stuff she would never have heard from anyone else! She gave me most of the day New Years Day of 1978. I didn't shock her. She shared similar stuff. I finally got over my "terminally uniqueness" and felt like I was a real member of AA. I will never forget that sponsor (in heaven now), and I pass on that same love and time she gave me to others. That 5th step has helped me stay sober 26 years - one day at a time.