Location: High Point
Time: 4:48:40 PM
This step was miss rep. to me over and over in the very beginning of me coming to A/A,I attended a lot of discussion meetings where people gave a lot of head stuff and very little experience,streignth and hope. This was where I choose to go since I had not made the decision that I wanted to stick with the A/A program of living,I had no sponsor,I looked for another newcommer to help fill the void that I was so despertly seeking to fill.I saw people around me looking like they were happy,I wanted what I beleived they had and did not want to do the hings they did to get them.
Finally ,after much pain,I got a sponsor and started to attend more healthy meetings,I started making coffee and hanging around with the people that were helping others and were saying things like ttrust GOD help others clear awway the wreckage of my past make a list and make admends take my inventory do what the book says about admiting my faults to another human being,so after enough pain and suffering,I finally reached he point where I wasable to make it to my knees and ask for some guidance in having my problems removed .
It was here thatI learned to do a fourth step with the help of my sponsor who took me to a big-book study in Frostburg Md to hear Joe& Charlie do the study of the big-book then they explained what they felt the bok was saying about the fourth and on the way home I promised GOD my sponsor and everyone elseI had harmed that I was going to do better when I arrived back in my home state of Neew,Jersey I then arrived in New,Jersey on Sunday evening went home and told my girlfriend that we were going to do a fourth step and all of our problems were going to leave us and we would get married and live happy joyous and free. Need I say that this is not what I learned in Md. this is what I felt I could do with this new found informatiion,then after more suffering or should I say great suffering and pain I finally let my spnsor guide me threw this step and stop trying to give away something I did not have,that relationship never worked out I got sober threw the steps,moved toN.Carolina married my wife of today and the story go,s on I am (10) years sober today and sponsoring other men in the same manner that this was giving to me.
A/A has been quiet a trip for me thier has been up/days as well as down that the way things are but threw it all I do the next right thing cause my life and the life of those too come rely on it ,this I do beleive.
LOVE YOU ALL,LOL
Member: Robin S.
Location: Lawrence, Kansas
Time: 7:14:05 PM
Robin and an Alcoholic Step 4 wasn't something that I was very excited about. I didn't realize the benefits at first of course. I wanted sobriety and a better life so much I would do whatever it took. After I worked through the steps and found that my life wasn't the perfect world that I thought it would be I became very unhappy and depressed. I did still work the program as much as I could and attending meetings everyday along with adding in a graditude list to make my writings of the 4th step easier to accept. I also then had to go into therapy to help me deal with the sadness and unhappiness that began to take over after the pink cloud left. I believe that the 4th step is a wonderful tool for me because I want to keep my history and present life a secret from myself and others. The one thing that I learned later in sobriety is that the step is about telling God of my moral inventory. There have been a lot of freedom when I started doing this. By not only acknowledging this to others I am praying of it also, and that helps me release the hold on it still to this day. I have 7 years of sobriety and I still work the 4th step just like I did in the first year. I suppose it would be considered by others as a 10th but I do a long written step as often as I can to clear the house out. I also would write life stories to get things out. To acknowledge my history and take a realistic inventory of myself. I also make sure that I pray it as well. I am so grateful to AA and God, for I have a life worth living now. My children don't have to grow up with a drunk mother, and there is no words to express the heart felt thanks that I have for that one fact. Grateful for the chance to share
Member: Michael B.
Time: 7:36:13 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks to those who sincerely shared!
Step 4 acted as a catharsis for me, even though at times it was uncomfortable to look at myself as honestly as I could. Consequently, Step 4 brought me a step closer to reality, i.e. I began to see BOTH the good and bad points in my character instead of glossing over or rationalizing away my character defects in order to feed a big ego.
I am grateful for this Step, as it really did help me break some of the chains that were denying me freedom and thus allow God as I understand Him to enter more fully into my life.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Time: 8:19:30 PM
Yeah, I wasn't too excited about doing this step either, but as I did it I started to see why it was so important. Man, the glaring patterns in my behavior! I don't think it was until I did the fourth step that I became clear on how much I depended on other people to build up my self-esteem and guarantee my social security,a nd how resentful I had been when they didn't do it on order and on my terms. No wonder I was so resentful and felt abandoned all the time when I was drinking...people weren't fretting and fussing over me to the degree taht I expected them to! I was also rather surprised to discover how fear-driven I was in my romantic relationships as well...and of course it was the self-centered fear of being left alone and celibate! And I can add on to this list, but basically the point is I discovered through the process of inventory not only the role I had been playing in my own life, but also the degree to which my selfishness and self-centered fear penetrated every part of my life. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't thrilled to discover this, but I now realize in retrospect that I could not have moved toward a spiritual solution to these problems until I know what "these problems" were. In that respect, step four gave me a real gift...a clear picture of who and what I had been while I was drinking. Once I had that, I could start to change into the person my Higher Power had intended for me to be, and the kind of person AA said I could grow to be in sobriety.
Grateful to be sober today.
Time: 12:21:28 AM
You people taught me that Step 4 is when the action begins. When I finally did my 4th Step, I experienced so many emotions. I was amazed at the patterns of thinking and acting that came out. How I had seemingly build an entire lifetime on past events. How insane my choices were. But the beauty of it was that I cleared away a lot of wreckage and for once was totally honest with myself. And I started to feel comfortable in my own skin.
Later on, I went over each entry and reflected on "what I'd do differently". It was amazing how I had a lot of "live and let live", "don't base your self worth on what others say or do", "learn to forgive", "allow people to be human, don't put unrealistic expectations on them", "quit trying to run the show", and on and on.
I too kept my fourth, especially my list of "do differents", because still today I'll find myself falling into old behavior and sometimes it helps to look over the list and recognize when I'm using old ways of coping.
The big book tells me that my past is my greatest possession. There was a time I didn't believe that. Today, I treasure it all, good and bad, if that's what it took to get me where I am today. Sober, useful, and very very grateful.
Member: Sid L.
Time: 9:27:39 AM
i am a complete failure at this step. In fact i feel that i am a complete wretch as a human being. Yet, somehow, it's been 26-years since my last drink. God has gifted me with that much and i am grateful. As to life.......it sucks and i suck!
Member: Sid H.
Time: 9:30:47 AM
Hello......?.......Is this thing on? This is my third attempt to post!
Member: Gail D.
Time: 10:58:28 AM
I appreciate the comments on this step and the reminder of what it gave me. I did see how much I did not accept people as they were - including myself. I also saw that people pleasing was not the way to go and that I needed to take responsibility for my own actions and behavior- to do my own work and not to take responsibility for others' actions or feelings - something I cannot control. All these things continue to be important to me. I am grateful that I did a fourth step and that I do one at least once a year - it keeps me looking at myself. A good friend in the program used to say - "keep the focus on you" from which I understood him to mean - keep focussing on how you can be a better person. I pray to be able to do this today.
Time: 11:48:53 AM
i am an alcoholic step 4 and 5 are the most important steps. More i have practiced more it has brought closer to God and i have felt happy inside me and more spiritual. resentments present in me but more i practiced step 4 by forgetting them more happier i became inside me. Controlling all my senses tongue,thoughts, i have felt closer to God now then ever. I hope to continue to make moral inventry of myself whle i follow the other steps.
Member: Ken C dos 06/19/77
Location: Winnipeg, (Friendly Manitoba) Canada - eh!
Time: 7:11:49 PM
Oh boy, what a step! The first time I tried this I did what I could because I was told I would go back drinking if I didn't. They really didn't have to tell me this, I could feel it! All I could think about was the things I had done that involved shame. I made some notes about this and made an appointment with a local psychiatrist who was known for good fifth step work. He said very little but pointed read me a story about a man who was "other-directed" or as we say, a "people pleaser". All this was fine but at the time, although I didn't realize it I still hadn't really accepted step one at the sub conscious level, so naturally I had to go back drinking. Much later when I returned to AA totally beat and accepting step one by seeing the hopelessness of my situation, I was once again back to dealing with steps two to four. Despite my acceptance of step 2, I still had trouble with step 3 because I misinterpreted it. But AA told me to do what you can and the rest will come, so I went on to step 4 once more. This time, It was suggested that I look at my attitudes (the basic position I took toward people, places, and things). This I began to do. Fortunately, I had someone else in the program I could talk to easily, and so rather than saving everything up and doing another formal step 5, I would discover something (some insight) and would immediately discuss it with that person. I've continued to do this for 23 years now, and it has worked well for me. My first attempt got rid of much of the guilt I felt about shameful things. The later attempts helped immensley to get my thinking straightend out. The attitudes change gradually once thinking gets straightened out, but because some old attitudes die slowly this is an ongoing practice which I now do as step 10. All this took a lot of work and a hell of a lot of self honesty, but the rewards have been marvellous. It is while we do this, we learn that we constantly have to make the choice that tells us: "Grow up, or die."
Bye for now - Love - Ken
Member: patti b
Time: 9:44:39 PM
I recently marked my 3rd anniversary one day at a time. I have not done a formal 4th step and know it is time. I never seem to know where to begin. I'm sure the first is the discipline to START anywhere. I do feel I have done some unofficial work in this area with my sponsor as individual issues arise. I moved to a new area and have really found it difficult to get connected to a group. Any feedback would be welcome
Member: Pauline G
Location: Boston, Mass.
Time: 10:23:21 PM
Pauline, Alcoholic. Good to hear everyone. The most important aspect I've learned by practising step 4 is that myanger creates a smokescreen so I can't see my part in a situation. The first order of business for me when I'm "jacked up" is to clear away the anger by writing it down. I like to use the format in the big book where you list who/what your angry with/the situation/and what instinct it affects. After I get all that out, I can begin to clearly take my own inventory. After many, many fourth steps - covering my drinking, a failed marriage, relationships with family of origin, and relationships I want to work on with my own children, I can see a lot of progress (not perfection) in that I'm making new mistakes, not repeating old ones. Also, I see that God turns all things to good, and that He rewards my efforts - the outcomes are all up to Him. My defect v. asset tally is much more balanced today within my inventory list. It used to be all on the debit side, and I struggled to find something right I had done. Fourth steps today are no longer fearful, because I know they lead me to the place where positive change begins. Today, I'm not afraid to sweep the searchlight back and forth over my behavior, because I've seen that "The will of God will never take me where the Grace of God cannot keep me!" Serenity, Courage, Wisdom to all!!
Member: jeremiah m
Time: 12:05:49 AM
i found that can get myself into trouble with this step. for example i would spend a day concentrating on the horrable things ive done during my addiction like arguing with parents, and cheating on girlfriends,and not paying bills, and then i would be depressed for a couple weeks. then i would get to thinking about the times i shared with my friends while using and how i used to ''hang'' with so many people and i would sugar coat everything to the point that i would want to use. thats when i need to get my butt up and hit an outside meeting. even though i would rather choose to forget the bad things i did during my addiction i know i cant cause thats what keeps me away from the using. i always have to remember once an addict always an addict,and if i start using i will end up back at the point in my life that i despise so much.
Member: Chuck M
Time: 3:25:28 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
What a marvel step 4 is when done exactly like the book. God's instruction at step 3 is to do the rest of the steps. He does not make hard terms with us [page 29 ]
I knew generaly that I was hurt by others but column 3 showed me specificaly. Then the instructions are to get rid of my resentments. Page 552 showed me how. Cease to resent I found is the second meaning of forgive. Now I know how to forgive. It makes sense to me now that before I can analyse my faults I must reduce my anger at others. High emotion distorted my perception of what actually went on.
With lowered resentments I was able to see how my behavior had either caused the problem or made things worse.
Then I could see that one or more of my character defects was always involved in my negative thinking, feelings or actions
I believe the 4 defects; selfishness, dishonesty, self-seeking and fear are the symptons of my insanity mentioned in step 2.
Step 11 asks me to check each night whether any of these defects were present. I have found that by living step 11 each day that these defects have lessened almost unbelievably. I t has become a very simple program.
Peace and Serenity
Time: 6:01:16 PM
i am an accident just waiting to happen.
Time: 9:44:44 PM
YES YOU ARE
Member: b mcd.
Time: 9:52:18 PM
Hi,I'am an alcoholic and my name is B.McD.and it's great to be sober.This is a step that I found very hard to do because I was afraid to take a look at myself so I tried putting it of for so long that I was getting sick and tired of being sick and tired that I finaly asked GOD to help,since I did take the 3rd step in turning my will and life over to him.I took my pen and paper and I started to write down my inventory,and I learned from my sponsor that it's a moral inventory and not a immoral one,put down what I can remember and don't be afraid because you are the only one that is going to see it for now until you decide to go to someone with your 5th. I used to think that I was the only one to do these things and say these things,yet I wasn't and everthing was just fear.My sponsor also told me not only to put my bad points BUT ALSO MY GOOD POINTS ABOUT MYSELF which I never ever thought I had,he helped me to see that I was a good father,husband, good worker etc. etc. when I finished this step it felt good to just get all that garbage of my back,and you know something I like to take a look at myself so I can grow and not stay stuck.I'am just a sick person trying to get better and better.
Member: Sue G.
Location: Arlington Wa.
Time: 12:48:34 AM
Hi: Sue, alcoholic. In doing my fourth step I was finally able to meet a new person, ME. Yes, neverbefore had I known much about this person, but in working the 4th step as outlined in the Big Book I was able to see at least partially how I ticked. I am one of those people who constantly sets myself up for disappointments in life by having unrealistic expectations of myself and others around me. That is often my part in a resentment. I'm learning slowly how to step aside and let things happen rather than control things to a certain outcome. The fourth showed that this was a common thread running through all aspects of my life. Of couse that is only one thing apparent by the fourth step, but I'm sure glad someone took time to help me meet Me.
Time: 1:15:27 AM
B McD - I was told that, too - that the inventory should be a balanced thing, with my good points as well as bad; helps me get a better perspective on myself. Also that I am not a 'bad person trying to be good', but a 'sick person trying to get well'. Thank you for sharing these things - it reminded me of the person who told me them; died nearly a year ago, 30+ years sober. It made a good start to my day to read what you said and to think of my friend again.
Member: Mark D
Location: Concord, NH
Time: 9:47:07 AM
I may be stretching a point here but ...I'm about 4 months sober. TRhings are starting to get better at home. I've just started working the steps with my sponsor,goingg to meetings and really starting to enjoy and truly appreciate my growing sobriety ... My wife is going through her own personal inventory and has shared her feelings with me. The comments are honest and without anger and I know that she has to process her thoughts and feelings. The comments are in effect, I should have seen this problem, I should have picked up the signs, we weren't ready for marriage at 24. Did I settle for less? Why did I go ahead with this marriage if I knew the things that I knew?
I'm the type of drunk who has felt that I have very little control over my life, so I've avoided conflict and been comfortable with other people taking charge. I understand that this mentality is on the same plane of "self will run riot", just on the other side of the scale. I feel very sad as a result of this conversation. I am certainly NOT going to drink over this-- I don't want to get in the self-pitying, self-depracating mode, which has been how I've reacted to this type of thing in the past. Nor do I think that it's wise to BURY it because that is the seed of a very dangerous and sneaky resentment. So posting this note is part of how I thought to deal with it but I'd appreciate suggestions. Thanks for being here.
Member: Patti Y
Time: 3:07:20 PM
My name is Patti. I'm an alcoholic. I went through hell to find sobriety, AA, God and a wonderful sponsor - in that order. The 4th step for me was a relief. I was prepared for it and knew that in doing it I was on my way to something new. I'd seen people who "have what I want". I had to do what they did if I was to ever have peace. The 4th step caused me no pain and very little discomfort. As I read to my sponsor, all the crap, I could only laugh at how absurd I'd been and just shake my head in amazement. What's done is done. We don't have to re-live it or suffer because of it. Thanks. Patti
Time: 5:07:37 PM
Step four, "Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Having admitted to ourselves in step one, concluded in step two, thus made a decision in step three, we have already then made this inventory of the which we speak. There is no need to write anything down, If then we were to discribe this inventory in other terms, we would be said to be: "Putting off the old man, and putting on the new" as it is thus written in scripture: "That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Therefore, we labor to let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from us, with all malice; And being kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven us;" We note well therefore that this step also, even as the others do, looketh unto God rather than the customs of the world, for all those customs of the world are of the old man; And herein then might we discover what part is of the old man and what part is of the new, that is, If there therefore be any of these conducts of ours that come into question we might then consider, if it thus pertains unto the customs of the world on the one hand, or of the ordinances of God which are on the other....
Member: Mike L.
Location: NW Iowa, USA
Time: 4:50:19 PM
Biblical"ese" whoop-de-doo aside...I believe we were on step 4 here.
I had to do my 4th and 5th step under duress...I.E. If I wanted to get out of treatment, I had to do them, which in my opinion is NOT the right motivation!
I held on to the papers afterwards, and did this step in my own time, with the sponsor I chose as my guide. What came out of this the second time was not only a pattern of misdirected anger, etc. But also showed me the WHY's behind my actions, instead of the WHAT's I was told to focus on in treatment. It gave me a better understanding of me, my disease, and where I needed to focus my energies in my amends to others.
Peace, Mike L.
Member: Kathy M
Time: 8:39:27 PM
Hi, I'm Kathy and I'm an Alcoholic. Its great to be here in this meeting on Step 4. I know that I would not be alive if it were not for Step 4. I have alot of garbage inside...stuff that I had been drinkin' about, running away from, and stuffin' inside. I never really felt a prt of A.A. until I completed my 4th step--I always felt a "part from". When I did it --the lights came on and I felt connected to you people, the world and most of all myself -- someone I had abandoned and punished years ago. I truly became more free inside,unafraid of tomorrow, and hopeful for my own ecovery. I am sober today by the grace of God, Alcoholics Anonymous and the fellowship in it. thanks for being there everyone and thanks for your part in my sobriety. Best wishes for your recovery in 2001.
Time: 10:03:11 PM
whats a whoop de doo????????????????????
is that like a tally wacker??
Member: Jerry J.
Time: 10:53:51 PM
Jerry Alcoholic. Good sharing. Thanks. That first inventory was scary to me. Didn't want to share those things with anyone. Didn't really want to look at myself. It was suggested to me with a great deal of love that if I wanted to be sober that I would need to do the things that worked in AA. Instructed to do the fourth as outlined in the Big Book. Directed to each night say a prayer that God would guide my pen, then begin to write whatever came to mind without editing. When over some time I was finished then it was time to go back and format it into the columns in the book. Did not know at the time what was happening. Did not know of the feelings of release to come. Did not know that I would begin to feel apart of in AA. Did not know that I was going to begin to learn to trust again. Did not know that I was being taught to have faith. How much drama we attach to that step. How different and unique we feel. Get your pen start writing. The fourth is for you. Love
Member: Jim K.
Location: West Texas
Time: 11:15:29 AM
Jim here--recovering drunk and junkie.
My sponsor told me recently to keep in mind, "Recovery is a journey, not a destination." Now, I've heard this at least a hundred times in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, but it really hit home this time.
I did my first honest, thorough fourth and fifth step about six months ago. And yes, there was some feeling of relief after keeping most of that garbage pent-up for years. We then moved on to step six, then seven, eight, then on to nine. I was expecting to be an entirely different person, but I kept finding myself doing many of the same things I did before I got into the program. Needless to say, I got very frustrated and angry.
After listening to some people in meetings, and talking with my sponsor, he and I sat down and made a list of things that HAD changed in my life, and I realized there were many. As I have gone along making my amends, and continued to learn to incorporate the GROWTH STEPS (10, 11, and 12) into my life, I can see those small, gradual changes turn into major ones.
I do believe that one major obstacle to my staying sober for the first four years around the program was NOT BEING WILLING to get HONEST on a fourth step. I held back--I didn't want anyone to know that scary shit. It was mine, it was part of me, it was between me and GOD--any and every excuse I could use to avoid looking at the truth about me. When I finally did get real with another human being, I was surprised to find out that he had done most of the same stuff I did, and some worse!!!! What a shock it was to find out I was not so unique!!!!
Since that day, I have been able to listen more, to take criticism and advice, and to really make changes. I have had to go back several times and update my sponsor on things I forgot the first go-around, and go right out and make amends where I can. And even though I continue to make mistakes, I can see that I am just an imperfect child of GOD. All I can do is go back and clean up my side of the street, and pray not to slip up again. I feel like I am beginning to fulfill my REAL PURPOSE. "At the moment we are trying to put our lives in order. But this is not an end in itself. Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us." (Big Book-pg. 77)
Member: sColleen B
Time: 2:27:03 PM
Colleen, alcoholic. My expierance with Step 4 has been varied. A journey, I think. In treatment I did a first fourth step. It was helpful because I was learning to take direction and to learn dicipline...to say nothing of honesty. I did not turn into a Saint. Later, I experienced a fourth step as a cleansing experience, to be rid of the trash and to clear the way to begin to deal with mysef and those character defects my sponsor told me about. Still did not aquire Sainthood. Following 4th steps have been times of growth to me. I recently celebrated 25 years clean and sober. I am happy to say that the Steps still work and I am a work in progress. Love to all. Colleen
Member: Norm P
Time: 10:08:55 PM
Before I wrote my 4th Step and shared my 5th,I was a drunk waiting to happen. I was walking on thin ice and I knew it. Somehow,I stayed sober long enough to complete those steps. It helped that I had a sponsor who didn't waste any time getting there. The 4th Step was only difficult for me because I couldn't wait to finish it and it seemed to take a long time. The reward (after sharing my 5th Step)was freedom from mostly imaginary fears and the fear that I would get drunk(which was all of my past experience.) It represented a new freedom-a freedom to live in today without the burden of past guilt to carry around. I do not believe I would be able to stay sober today if I had to live in yesterday. Today,I have an acceptance of what I can not change even though I don't like it. I don't have to like it but I do have to accept it as it is.
Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Time: 1:47:20 AM
Mark, dope fiend alcoholic. I did a group of writing, as my sponsor directed me to do it. I did it as the book suggesests, a column inventory and the shit that came out, some of it very repressed. I went through an emotional rollercoaster when I was writing, sometimes laughing, the next minute crying, and the next ready to kill myself or the first person I saw. A lot of the feelings and emotions that came up were so powerful, I couldn't hold them until totally finished, I'd hop in my car, drive out to the ranch, and Chuch and I would have long talks exploring fellings, circumstances, and my part in the situation. What it affected in my life and how it continued through the years to affect me. It was as in depth as I could make it. I held nothing back. I saw the patterns in my life dictated by the insanity that ran throughout every phase of my life. I looked at the extremes, and how I ran with everything to the max. I explored the fears and the resentments and their hold over me, my actions and feelings. I couldn't have done it without my sponsor and God. See, God carried me through the writing and the feelings, he blessed me with the courage to look at things that I never wanted to, was going to take to my grave. I've helped a few people through the years through their 4th and 5th, and have discovered that for me anyway, I go right back to mine, and all those feelings again. Amazingly, they have no power or grip over me any longer. While I was working on it, and sharing and reliving everything, a gradual awareness started coming to me. I learned that I'm not so unique or bad, because my sponsor shared some of his with me as we worked. I started to feel a part of the human race, not on the outside looking in. I can go on, but, the freedom that has come from letting go and pressing on with life, man, it's priceless. gotta run.
Time: 12:27:23 PM
Colleen - I love that :"The steps still work and I am a work in progress"!
Member: the real LU-LU
Location: yiiiiiiipeeee bush is in,
Time: 6:03:10 PM
o.k. you can stop posting for me im back i can piss these people off all by myself. i'm officially copy writing my name now use your own please.
Member: it is i
Time: 10:17:08 PM
ok dokay lu-lu
the stage is set.........let the show begin!!!!
NEW roomate yet? vegas? buddas?
Member: Roger S
Time: 10:45:22 PM
Roger here a true alcoholic.
Just wanting to thank all of you for sharing. Haven't done this step yet. Your sharing, and thoughts are motivating.
Peace to you all Roger.
Member: Jen G.
Time: 12:55:00 PM
I've been procrastinating on Step 4 for over a year. Can't seem to pick up the pen. Am feeling more and more that it is something I must do, have to do--soon. I have a lot a good days in sobriety, still, the not-so-good days are a haunting reminder of how it used to be. I guess the step seems so overwhelming, where do I start? I have a great guide that my sponsor gave to me for the step. I just need to find the patience and "give" myself the time to actually sit down with this thing and get it out of me. I don't understand why I'd want to hold on to any of this stuff, but yet I continue to not let go. Am trying, praying, and talking about it. Thanks everyone for sharing, and for letting me share. First time visting this site, and wouldn't you know its a Step 4 meeting.
Member: Ken S.
Time: 3:26:43 PM
I read the big book during my first month of sobriety. I found myself away from home, in a bar, money in my pocket, and some guy laughing at my hat. HA. I decided I needed to either finish that pepsi, and get out of that bar, or I could start drinking again. That's when I called my sponsor, and told him, I was headed back home, had read the book, and wanted to know what to do next. We met, and he showed me how to make a list of the things that pissed me off. I really didn't know what resentments where. He showed me the outline in the book, and told me we would do my 5th step on the following Saturday. I made a list of all the things that "pissed me off" All the things I was afraid of, and finally took an inventory of my past relationships and where I felt I had done wrong to others. I used a personal computer, and a spreadsheet to make my columns, and put ink to paper, and found myself up very early that saturday, finishing the inventory, and paving the way towards an honest, sober communication with an understanding alcoholic...(5th step) Months and years afterword I felt like I hadn't done my 4th step correctly. It was finished before I ever heard about how painful the process was supposed to be. But as I look back today. All the situations that Pissed me off, all the fears, that so plauged me, and all the failed relationships, are part of my drinking past, and way behind me. With this step I have continued to strive towards mine and God's chosen ideal of the life I should be living, and the continued personal growth that comes thru my faith in the AA program.
I was blessed with the opportunity to work the steps, as well as the necessity of working them in order to live free of alcohol.
Peace to all KEN S