Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 65.102.43.100
Date: 12 Jan 2004
Time: 08:28 AM -0500
I often hear a lot of fear around the fourth step in meetings. I looked forward to it as I knew I didn't want to drink again. During my first 4th step, I found myself feeling some fear as there were those things I was deeply ashamed about, but I remembered the 3rd and I had turned my life and trust over to God. I knew honesty was required. So I stayed present and didn't think ahead to the 5th, instead I wrote everything down for now. Practice of the steps has provided me a Peace of mind and serenity in life, I could never have imagined while I was still in the living hell of a practicing alcoholic.
Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Remote Name: 68.76.54.176
Date: 12 Jan 2004
Time: 09:53 AM -0500
With me I was scared to do a fourth step because I knew a fifth step was right behind it. I had to keep telling myself "first things first". Getting it all down on paper was a task I was glad to get done. It was like seeing myself for the first time. At that point I definately wanted to change who and what I had become. This step is well worth the "fear" of doing it.
Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: 12 Jan 2004
Time: 10:36 AM -0500
Adam, alcoholic. On page 64 of teh Big Book, it talks about Step 4 as a "fact-finding, fact-facing process." I wasn't warm to this idea that I had to face the facts of my life...facing the overaching fact that I had burned it to the ground and also that God was my only hope if I was going to live. My sponsor explained to me the necessity of facing those facts in Step 4 like this: "If you've decided to give up the business of running your own life because you've failed to do so successfully, and having made that decision, you've expressed a willingness to place that business under the care of new management, shouldn't that new manager be made fully aware of what he or she is getting to work with? Moreover, giving up the business of running your life does not necessarily mean that you won't have to suit up and show up for it anymore...you, too need to be aware of what needs to be different if there is gonig to be any change." That was an interesting way to put it. Up until that time, I had really skimmed over taht part of the Big Book that talks about how a businessowner who doesn't take stoke and allows himself to get confused about values will ultimately be in charge of a company that goes belly-up. It made a lot of sense then, and really answered the question of why I had to do this. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Marv L
Location: Ms.
Remote Name: 209.240.205.60
Date: 12 Jan 2004
Time: 07:48 PM -0500
Hi,I"m Marv,recovering alcoholic;sober today because AA"s steps,fellowship and a loving creator gave me a way OUT of active drinking. Step Seven is lifesaving;took me over five years to git it right,and I,too,love to meditate on the Prayer, Joe. The line that says "As I go out from here ....' reminds me there IS a road ahead,and that I can move into it, not from where I coulda,shoulda,woulda been--but from where i AM as a result of having worked the steps day by day. We were beaten into a state of reasonableness by alcohol,and one day at a time we move forward.The most meaninful thing Ive seen in recovering alcoholics is that gleam in the eyes of folks who "Go out from here" to face life on lifes terms ! Heard somewhere once that "By the yard,life is HARD, by the inch its a CINCH!" Thanks,ya"ll for helping me stay sober,keep trudging the road of happy destiny!!
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 209.86.98.34
Date: 13 Jan 2004
Time: 12:02 AM -0500
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. I am grateful for a sponsor to give me direction to do the 4th Step, as while the directions in the Big Book pages 64-71 make some sense to me now, I donāt think I could have followed them by myself at that time. I started with resentments like the columns in the book, and wrote who I resented, why, and what that affected in me. Resentments was a good place to start, because it starts with who I was mad at, but led to what is wrong with me. I was soon to see that this third column was pointing to the root of my troubles. I was told about FREDL ö Fear, Resentment, Ego (Selfish, Self-centered), Dishonesty, and Lust. From that third column of the resentment list, I got a good start on writing on the other categories. I was told the only way I could screw it up was intentionally leave something off. So that became my model for honest ö if it came to my mind, it had to go down on paper. All the way back as far as I could remember I was to search. I leaned about fearless in meetings, where I heard the suggestion to pray for the courage and honesty. So that is what I did each day. And then I wrote something on the list each day.
Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.91.168.81
Date: 13 Jan 2004
Time: 09:21 AM -0500
Hi, I'm Kathleen and I'm an alcoholic... "HI KATHLEEN"!!! I have only been sober for 7 months... who am I kidding... forget the word ONLY... I think 7 months is HUGE!! And after 7 months I am truly only getting step One. Step two and three for me naturally follow right along. But when I was first sober I was already trying to make ammends and my sponsor told me to slow down... and she was absolutely right. So I haven't done a Step 4 yet, but I have put a couple of slips of paper in the back of my big book when things come to me so they're off my mind and in the book for when I'm ready. Being sober is hard work... worth it... but tough none the less. I want to honor my sobriety by moving reverantly and by not rushing through the steps just to get them done and over with as has been my habit over the years. Today I am being the turtle and life is not a race to be won. love & peace, Kat
Member: Scott K.
Location: Northeast
Remote Name: 13.13.137.1
Date: 13 Jan 2004
Time: 12:12 PM -0500
Hi, My name is Scott and Iām an alcoholic. I think that the 4th and 5th steps are at the roots of the AA program. If done with sincerity, this is an opportunity to really look into ourselves and to ćget realä. Some of us have never done this in our entire lives, in fact, many people (even non AAās) have never or will never do this. The first time I tried to do the 4th step, I did it just as it is outlined in the big book. That was a good start but really didnāt break the surface into what was really inside. An outline called ćGuide to 4th & 5th Steps ä by James S. Cusack C.A.C. was recommended to me and I decided to try and tackle it. It was over 40pages long and covered just about every imaginable area of my life. It took a couple months to complete but was really worth it and revealed many things about myself that I had buried or didnāt even know existed. Each week, I would meet with my sponsor and we would go over the parts that I had completed in the previous week. It was like a continuous 5th step each week as I revealed a new part of myself to him and to God. When we were all done, on that last day, I went home, got alone and asked my HP to remove all the shortcomings that I discovered in the inventory. The whole experience seamlessly led me into the 7th and 8th steps and on from there. It really set a framework for me to stay sober and to know what I need to do to stay that way. I am so very grateful for the program of AA and for all you wonderful people who participate in it. Without this, I would be lost. If anyone is interested in obtaining the Cusack outline, please say so in a share on this forum and I will post my email address so you can contact me. Thanks for listening, Scott K.
Member: Lonie Mc.
Location: San Marcos, TX
Remote Name: 147.26.111.147
Date: 13 Jan 2004
Time: 04:16 PM -0500
Howdy, Yall: I used to hate the 4th step. Oh, how I dreaded it. And that first one was filled with all kinds of guilt and shame, however it wasn't very thorough. Through it I found some relief, and that gave me strength to look a little deeper on the next one. It took me a long time to do a truly thorough 4th. In fact, it was my 6th time to do the 4th before I really got down to the deep stuff (a whole notebook full--big book style). I would never have gotten there without the other 5 tries. I just did another 4th yesterday. I don't dread it, in fact I look forward to it. Today I know that "the truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off." I don't like what I see there a lot of times, but I have to see it to start the process of leaving it behind. with light and love, Lonie
Member: cliff. r
Location: sunny fla.
Remote Name: 206.148.104.182
Date: 13 Jan 2004
Time: 10:22 PM -0500
Hi im cliff, thank goodness for sponsers. when i first saw this step i had the natural feelings i believe most people have. I said to myself as well as passing along to my sponser, this ill never do. thank goodness for that sponser as he told me to not worry that when the time comes to do this he would let me know.His thought was to get the first three steps down and come to know that H.P. will help once you come to an understanding of a H.P. As usual he was right and when the time came which in my case was almost two years it truely was an enriching and fearless deed. again thanks for sponsers.
Member: RD
Location: USA
Remote Name: 68.70.245.27
Date: 13 Jan 2004
Time: 10:38 PM -0500
Hello, RD - alcoholic. Sober since Jan. 5, 04. Doing well, each sober day brings more strength and awareness. This topic is good, I have tried to do this for years, but was so much in denial that it never really did any good. But circumstances, events, prayer, crisis helped make Step 4 a reality in my life finally. Lonnie, that is very true about the truth pissing you off. It is ugly to look at, but it helps so much to be honest with yourself. I was reading a book today, The Quiet American and there was something the author said that rang very true with this step for me. It's just a fiction, but still true: "Truth and humility go together; so many lies come from our pride". I guess, when I faced the truth enough, I didn't have to lie anymore or be in my fantasy world, or be in denial. The truth has made me humble and accepting of who I am as a valuable human being. I think writing and writing and writing helps a lot, not typing, but writing longhand. It made me really look deep, and even when I thought I was done, someone challenged me to keep going for a few pages and I did and that's when the changes began to happen. I'm glad I'm sober and living the real, truthful life that I have always wanted. Thanks for all of your support. Keep going. We are going to make it. RD
Member: daviddave8
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 204.186.117.200
Date: 14 Jan 2004
Time: 12:44 PM -0500
HI Dave Alcoholic, Inventory of myself "God forbid"you must do this step or you will not be happy,failer to do the 4th step sends people back out or very unhappy alcohlic"s.Do it daily and the list gets smaller.GOD BLESS ALL.
Member: Rebecca D.
Location: San Diego, California
Remote Name: 149.101.1.127
Date: 14 Jan 2004
Time: 02:52 PM -0500
Hello, RD - alcoholic. I am also noticing that when I continue to do this step, it gets easier to forgive myself and to have empathy for others. We all have our stuff. One day at a time. RD
Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.226.19.154
Date: 14 Jan 2004
Time: 04:53 PM -0500
HI Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. I am sober today that means I am not drunk. I took a shower this morning so I'm now clean and sober :) I inventoried my angers, resentments, and fears in the column form suggested in the big book. Col 1, I am angry at. Col 2,Why? Col 3, How does this affect me? and in the missing 4th Column. What was my part in it? And we all have a part even if it is only being there. I used the columns rather that the essay form because it makes it easier to spot patterns of behaviors. If I work down the columns, I may find I am angry at one certain type. Col 2 A lot of reasons may be the same or similar. Col 3 Most may affect me the same way. And my part may be for the same or like reasons..... I handled the sex inventory a bit differently. Mainly because it was mostly between me and the God of my understanding and not some drooling human. :) That is pointed out on the famous page 69. Tells us that "we" (that is us folks) do not want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. Further down the page it tells us that God alone (and that ain't us folks) can judge our sex situation. Take care I love you, Bill
Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 216.100.74.70
Date: 15 Jan 2004
Time: 01:46 AM -0500
Stacy, alcoholic. I worked very diligently on my 4th. 2 weeks ago did 5 w/ my sponsor, then took 6 and 7. I am amazed how relieved, free and happy I have felt these past 2 weeks! Realizing the causes and conditions for my drinking really has helped me. I discovered things that I really don't like about me. But today I don't have to hang on to those defects. God is daily doing for me what I cannot do for myself...he is removing those defects. I am less fearful. I am so much more relaxed in my own skin. This program has changed my life and I'm grateful. Thanks for listening. Happy Sober Year everyone.
Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 205.188.209.38
Date: 16 Jan 2004
Time: 01:21 PM -0500
I'm Gage, and I'm an alcoholic. I'm very happy that i was directed to our book for this step, because the outline for taking it there is simple, direct, and to the point. Being a person who can complicate the contents of something written on the back of a cereal box, I needed that. What I really needed was to just lay my cards on the table and face them. I'm so glad I did it.
Member: Pol.smallIrishman
Location: England
Remote Name: 81.104.37.53
Date: 17 Jan 2004
Time: 12:26 PM -0500
hi everyone I'm Pol and i'm an alcoholic This is a great one for me. I done a step 4 in treatment, only to be dissappointed it wasn't made into a major blockbuster movie !!!! HOW DARE THEY! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? After I got over that and eventually drank again for another 6 years, I came into A.A willing to listen and learn etc.. I took the BB and Joe and Charlie's suggestions, wrapped them in my HP and and went for it ( after 6 months of messing around and excuses!) I got enough realisation of my selfishness, resentment and fear to get and stay sober up till today. Now I am embarking on another house clearance of resentments i have collected over the year. It's not as thorough as my first step 4 but it has to be just as honest and when I'm done I'll take it to my God and my sponsor. I found it was the fear of doing 4 more frightening than doing step 4. Good to see the newcomers. Remember this program is not a thing of luck or chance, if you work at it, it WILL work for you. God bless, Pol+
Member: Peggy E
Location: Salem, Oregon
Remote Name: 67.164.52.213
Date: 17 Jan 2004
Time: 08:58 PM -0500
Hi! I'm Peggy. I'm an alcoholic. I was terrified of the 4th step until I saw results of my friends when they did the inventory. I call it the "dirty laundry" step. I came to terms with so much pain I drank over. I was "terminally unique" hoping I would shock my sponsor with the details! I didn't shock her, and I became a worker among workers. I believe we will drink again if we don't do the steps.
Member: Rebecca S
Location: W
Remote Name: 65.33.47.183
Date: 18 Jan 2004
Time: 12:12 AM -0500
Hi Peggy, Rebecca here, I was terrified too and thought my sponsor would be shocked. Not true...I could not believe how free I felt after my 4th step. I wish I had not waited and dreaded so long.. I think for newcommers this can be taken as a bad thing, and it's not. I found I unlocked the door to many forgotten ill feelings that Dewar's couldn't cure....ODAAT, still sober, Rebecca