Member: Clayton S.
Location: SJ CA
Date: 03 Jan 1999
Time: 22:01:57
Whoa!!!! I've some serious work, this one seems to need me to go back to my fourth step. I'm still in my first 60days so if someone could enlighten me on ways to go about this particularly how you have done it I would appreciated this.....
Member: jack c
Location: Friendship Wi
Date: 03 Jan 1999
Time: 22:24:07
Jack c here, an alcoholic.Friendly words to Clayton. With only 60 days on the program, you should not be too concerned with step 9. If you work on 1-2-3-study, review, talk about with sponsor, and group, and get to know all you can, about the glorious begining, of your new way of life, you will be doing yourself a great favor and a solid begining. This is not a crash course. Easy does it, first things first, seek all the Higher Power's help, attend as many meetings as you can, listen intently to get this strong foundation to your personal program well constructed. I had to be guided. Who guided me ??? A bunch of ex-drunks, whose express desire was to help me. GOD BLESS
Member: Clayton S.
Location: SJCA
Date: 03 Jan 1999
Time: 22:32:42
Thank you jack c I just wondered you know? I am in search of a sponsor to guide me at this time and am really trying for 90 in 90 but I think you are right. It seems that I need to reread Living Sober and this time really believe it because I am always getting ahead of myself thank you for your kind words and god bless....
Member: ER
Location: Phoenix
Date: 03 Jan 1999
Time: 22:38:44
First time on line with AA and was hoping the step was 4! I'm nine months sober and really struggling with the 4th step... Step none looks scarey to me. But, if what you all say is true, that I jut need to go to meetings, talk with my sponsor, call other Alc's and pray, I should be okay. Peace and happy new year! So far, this program has been magic!
Member: Jim R.
Location:
Date: 03 Jan 1999
Time: 23:46:42
I'm sorry Sherly for being so insensitive to your problems.
Sincerly Jim R.
Member: Jim R.
Location:
Date: 03 Jan 1999
Time: 23:47:01
I'm sorry Sherly for being so insensitive to your problems.
Sincerly Jim R.
Member: Ladd G.
Location: Alabama U.S.A.
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 00:19:31
Ladd Alcoholic,Really Jack hit the nail on the head Clayton,I came in like you tried to do it all at once. What I learned most is there are no dumb questions,no bad way to ask for help.If I drive to fast not only do I place myself in harms way,I also miss the best parts of the journy.Congradulations onthe 60 easy though
Member: Bill W
Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 04:40:31
Morning friends, I'm Bill, alcoholic. I was really hesitant to do this step but once I started it was as though a curtain had gone up. Some even said they didn't know I drank. Family and friends are all receptive and although not everything is peaches and cream it's alot better than it was. I even wrote my ex but she passed on from cancer before getting it. Still I was and still am willing to make amends whenever possible. Sure great to be in this programme and know that there is help wherever I go. I wish everyone another 24 hours of sobriety.
Member: Michele B.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 07:48:58
Happy New Year to all. My name is Michele and I am an Alcoholic. Thank you Jack C forputting me in touch with "easy does it" "keep it simple" and "first things first". I have learned a few things from this step. First I learned that if I work through the previous 8 and the following 3 without this step, I end up emotionally wrung, mentally spent and eventually acting out on defects of character. I couldn't understand why until I realized that after making my 8th step list, I never made amends to a person on my list because I still hated them. I had to pray and ask the Lord to help me to forgive this person for the harm they had done and to help me to love them and accept that they were who they were. I also had an experience with another AA member and when i became willing and open to make the amend, prudence and timing fell right into place and it was great. Amends made out of guilt availed me nothing. Some amends that I make are done by changing the behavior. i am powerless over a situation that jhas come up again. I know my efforts need to be redoubled but for today i will ask God to help me not to pick up insanity or unhealthiness and share with me sponsor and network. To Clayton, i am glad to hear that you remained sober through a few major holidays. Don't let up on your effort to work the program of recovery as it is suggested. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling and powerful. It waits for us to let our guard down. One day at a time and stay connected. I can't but WE can.
Member: Rivner
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 08:38:10
Howdy Neighbors! Alcoholic; Rivner.
I had to do this step twice. First go-'round I run all over findin' folks, sent out letters, etcl, spoutin' off about how sorry I was ta have been a tornado roarin' through their lives. Later it was pointed out ta me that makin' amends wasn't about sayin' "I'm sorry". It was supposed ta be about bein' able ta tell folks how I had made a commitment to a new kind of life, a new version of me, that I was in a program that was helpin' me grow up. I had spent a like drinkin' sayin' I was sorry. It's about changin' behavior. "Sorry", without the behavior change, is useless. Then I realized that in order for me to talk about how the program was helpin' me - I needed ta be pretty sure I had a program at all. That took some time. So a couple of years later, I wound up doin' the step again. One note of caution fer folks new to the amends thing: there are very fine lines between honesty - inhumanity - and stupidity. Don't be fessin' up to IRS about how y'all screwed them outta taxes; don't be tellin' your spouse about all the times ya cheated; 'n' don't be turnin' yerself in for all the shop-liftin' ya did. Take care of those in Step Five. Not much point cleanin' the slate if yer goin' ta spend the rest of yer life in prison, or gettin' smacked up-side the head with a cast iron fryin' pan ev'ry day. Can't hardly get a leg up that way.
Member: Bob F
Location: Oregon <USA>
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 08:59:01
Hi all: Bob F an alkie
A personal obversation..I found it easier to make my amends when I did it for me and not the person I was making the amend at. (Oregonians use AT a lot and, usually the end of a sentence is where we put it at.)
BILL W : I don't know why I like your postings. I haven' figured it out yet. I've spent a lot of time at sea and I'm Hyadah Indian, so maybe I'd be at home in Nova Scotia. Not till warmer weather though.
Enough of my ramb-ling... thanks all for being here for me
Member: BrendaP
Location: LA
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 12:27:57
Hi, I'm Brenda and I am an alcoholic. I am comingup on my first 60 days and just got done with step 3. But, it is nice to be able to come online and read what I have to look forward too. Ya know the saying I want what ya'll have. (Happiness in Recovery) Thanks everyone who shared, I also live in very small town with only 2 meetings a week. It is nice to know that I can get online anytime and read that there is hope!!!
Member: Ulf W
Location: Slovenia
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 12:35:26
I made amends after 5 years to a dean at the university where I ran away after 3 weeks work. He started crying. He thougt I was dead.
Member: Ulf W
Location: Slovenia
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 12:47:24
I am sorry for my spelling thought. Now I am very much ALIVE. Remember there are many wonderful people out there who care for you and dont understand alcoholism. Amends is a way to freedom to face anybody. LOVE.
Member: richar m .
Location: sarasota,florida
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 13:20:26
hello everyone my name is richard....richard m....iam an alcoholic........no. 1 amend was to ask god for his forgiveness for turning away from him to a botttle of cheap booze and then other drugs.... getting down on my knees with a humble and contrite heart...oh my GOD i am heartly sorry for haveing offended thee and i detest all my sins (character defects) because i dread the loss of heaven and the pains of hell...but most of all because i have offended the my GOD whom art deserving of ALL MY LOVE ... and i firmly resolve withthe help of the grace to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions (temptations) of sin. amen
Member: Sandy
Location: Indy, In
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 14:17:53
hi Sandy alki,I don,t have anything on this step I,m still on the first step,with that I will close.
thanks,Sandy Happy to be sober today
Member: jack c
Location: Friendship Wi
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 14:48:13
Jack c again-an alcoholic. Thank you, richard m. I used to say this act of contrition fervently very often and being an alcoholic, run back to the bottle for survival. I kept doing this so often that I was sure GOD was really mad at me for being such a rotten liar. When I hit bottom I did not say the act of contrition. I got on my knees, and begge for HIS help. I asked---HE helped !!!!! It was as simple as that. That GOD could and would if he were asked.
Member: Don N
Location: Clear Lake,Iowa
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 15:02:43
Hi my name is Don N and I`m an alcoholic.It`s really great to see so many new people on the net. Step 9 for me has taken me long time to complete.I hurt many people in my 20 year of drinking. It will take a lifetime to make all of my amends. The only way for me is to continue to live the life that my HP wants me to. If your having trouble with a step go back an work on the proceeding one. My sponsers and HP tell me to take my time but do it Your friend in the fellowship. God Bless
Member: Kevin H.
Location: Phila,Pa.
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 16:15:40
Hi everyone my name is Kevin and I'm an alcoholic. My experience with step9 has been rewarding and ongoing. But I needed to have had experience with the previous steps before making an atempt at making an amends. The steps, I found are in the order they are for a reason. I had to realize how and why I was wrong (steps4&5). I had to begin to work on God removing the defects that had been responsible for me having to make amends (steps6&7). I had to learn how to overcome fear which seems to crop up everytime I come into contact with someone that I owe amends--I learned to deal with fear by using the short,but effective fear Prayer that I found in chapter 5 of the Big Book.But most importantly, I needed a sponsor to who had working knowledge of these steps to guide me.Today, I don't even refer to the steps as such, but as a way of life!And what a life and journey it is!!!!! THANK GOD!!! Take care and God Bless!
Member: Kevin H.
Location: Phila,Pa.
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 16:17:21
Hi everyone my name is Kevin and I'm an alcoholic. My experience with step9 has been rewarding and ongoing. But I needed to have had experience with the previous steps before making an atempt at making an amends. The steps, I found are in the order they are for a reason. I had to realize how and why I was wrong (steps4&5). I had to begin to work on God removing the defects that had been responsible for me having to make amends (steps6&7). I had to learn how to overcome fear which seems to crop up everytime I come into contact with someone that I owe amends--I learned to deal with fear by using the short,but effective fear Prayer that I found in chapter 5 of the Big Book.But most importantly, I needed a sponsor to who had working knowledge of these steps to guide me.Today, I don't even refer to the steps as such, but as a way of life!And what a life and journey it is!!!!! THANK GOD!!! Take care and God Bless!
Member: Tom D.
Location: Tilton, NH
Date: 04 Jan 1999
Time: 23:15:35
My experience with Step Nine has been varied. When I first started in the fellowship, I thought making amends meant saying "I'm Sorry." What I have realized is that most of the time I wasn't really sorry, I just wanted to be forgiven. This approach, I found, doesn't work because it is so self-centered. If my only motive is forgivness, then doing the amends doesn't reaslly help me anyway. How often, both drunk and (much less often) and sober, I said I was sorry to be forgiven, and if I was forgiven, the relief I felt was largely superficial. Sure, I want to be forgiven, who doesn't, but it cannot be my sole or primary reason for the amends. When I have felt better after an amends, it has generally been because I have had the courage to face something or someone I was afraid to face before. By facing my fear, it becomes of little import how my amends is received. I have done the right thing, and my Higher Power, through my conscience, tells me so. I have thought of another person and had courage, two things very unlike what we were when actively drinking. I also believe we are never "done" making amends. We can forgive ourselves for past actions, I am not suggesting that we flaggelate ourselves with guilt when saying the amends is never done. What I mean is I have learned in AA that being truly sorry for what we have done means we will continue, as best we can and with the help of HP, to never again act in the ways that caused me to need to do an amends in the first place. This has been my experience with step 9. I appreciated everybody's comments thus far, they helped me alot. Thanks for letting me share!
Member: Christine M.
Location: Bayville, NJ
Date: 05 Jan 1999
Time: 00:48:01
Hi, My name is Christine and I am an alcoholic.
How appropriate for me!
Nine years sober, sitting in a meeting, listening to this woman describe how another woman that she thought was her friend in AA had tried to sleep with her husband. I had a realization that I was that woman. 7 or 8 years ago I had befriended a woman and then gone on to sleep with her boyfriend, justifying it by saying to myself that they were broken up at the time....blah,blah,blah...Now, I had done all of that kind of crap when I was drinking, but there I was a year or two sober and still doing the same behaviour and justisfying it the same way I always would. Over the the past 7 or 8 years I had thought about this situation on several occassions but still wasn't ready to own up to my part in it. I certainly can't make ammends until I see the error in my behavior and who I have hurt and how. God shone his light on me that day in that meeting and I am now able to see the problem with my MY behavior and am seeking that woman out to make my ammend. The awareness must come first for me. True awareness, of exactly who I have hurt and how MY behavior affected them. Once I have that down then I can go on and make my ammend. It does no good for me to try and force out ammends when I don't feel that they are due although someone else might...that would be phony of me and I am just not....so when I am open, God will reveal to me...and then lead me... on the path that he wants me to walk...
By the way, I am no religious nut...
Spiritual...AA believer...
In Love and Peace,
Christine M.
Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 05 Jan 1999
Time: 01:53:27
Larry, alcoholic
Step 9 has really humbled me and served to deepen my faith in my HP. My first experience with Step 9 was on the receiving end. Fairly early in my sobriety a woman I had fired less than a year before waited for me outside of work to tell me that she was sorry for making me have to fire her! I was floored! She went on to say that she was an alcoholic (I had thought she was just nuts) and was in AA. I probably had been sober over a year longer than her, had never respected her that much, but yet she had just done something that I NEVER could have done at that point in my life. I was truly humbled. (The story has a happy ending: she applied for a job working with an organization I did a lot of business with. They were aware of my problems with her. They called and asked if this person deserved a second chance. I was able to say, "Definitely!". They offered her the job, but she turned it down because she had gotten a better offer elsewhere!)
I have also been humbled when people quicky forgave me for things for which I never would have forgiven them.
I understand that I do Step 9 for me, but I think it's one of those AA paradoxes where it doesn't help me unless I do it for the other person. I think I have to do more than just ceasing to hurt people, I have to try to fix the damage I've done. The cool thing is that this makes me a better person, allowing the Promises to come true in my life. I've heard many arguments over whether 9th Step work is a lifetime process or whether, once you're done with your list, it's just Steps 10-12 after that. Whatever works for the individual IMO. For me at this point in my life, I treat 9th Step work, at least for those close to me...generally family...as an ongoing, indefinite job. This attitude forces me to be a decent human being and makes my life much better.
For example, even though I'm divorcing my wife (for good reasons IMO), I have to remember that I treated her terribly for the first 12 years of our marriage and owe her amends for that. I have been financially generous until it hurts and have been as amicable as possible about the whole thing. As a result, I'm not locked in a nasty custody battle, my kids aren't getting hurt, and the lawyers aren't getting rich. So my life is OK. Had I forgotten about the first 12 years of our marriage and concentrated on the 8 years where she got back at me for the first 12, my life would be miserable right now and my kids would be suffering.
Another example: my younger brother is the "lost child" in my family. I have had little contact with him over the past 20 years. He's very weird and very difficult to get along with. Practically a hermit. He's never had steady work and is a financial burden on my mother (she enables him, but I stay out of that). Over the past 6 mos, I have begun making amends to him for the abuse I heaped on him when we were growing up and for not being there for him in adulthood. This involves candidly discussing my mistreatment of him and explaining how alcoholism, especially our father's (he was too young to remember all the horror), has affected his life. I have suggested he check out ACoA and I think he's actually listening to me, which would be a first. I'm also helping him find a job (as opposed to waiting for my mother to find one for him). For the first time in our lives we're having normal brother-to-brother discussions, even though the topics are difficult to discuss. Now, I could have just apologized and let it go at that, but because my understanding of making amends requires an active attempt to fix damage I've done, I have a brother again! What a wonderful gift!
Miracles do happen in AA...all the time.
Thanks for letting me ramble on.
Peace & Serenity
Member: Valerie V.
Location: Santa Rosa, CA
Date: 05 Jan 1999
Time: 02:54:19
Hi, my name is Valerie, I am an alcoholic. Welcome to the newcomers. I recommend finding a sponsor and doing whatever they suggest. How interesting. The on-line meeting topic is "humility" and the step study is about Step 9. Funny how this works. When I first got to these rooms, I was fortunate to have a sponser who was very sober, thumped the Big Book, and ran me through the steps quickly. She must ahve known that I wasn't going to stay sober unless I worked the steps. My first lesson was to raise my hand as a newcomer. When I did that, I had hope for the first time that I could maybe not drink. The next lesson was to get on my knees - a place I was very familiar with drunk - and offer myself to a Higher Power. I was completely not happy about that. And I thought it really hokey, talking to something I couldn't see. The next lesson was to write down all the humiliating, illegal, mean things I had done and that had been done to me. After which I had to share that. For the first time ever in my life, I didn't keep anything back. I was so scared, so ashamed, and so demoralized. I was entirely ready to have someone, anyone, remove the cause of those feelings. It became a 'holy' different experience when I "humbly asked God to remove all these defects of character". That really brought it home to me that I was in partnership in this endeavor, and it gave me the second ray of hope that I really, truely, may never have to drink again. I eagerly made a list of all the people in my 4th Step. Willingness to approach them and own up did not come easily. I was prepared for more humiliation. But there was a caveat: "except when to do so would injure them or OTHERS". My sponser said that included me. What a concept, not hurting myself!? That's when I began to understand that the 9th Step is about changing my behavior. And I had my first expereince with the fact that my worst defects could also be my greatest assets. The pain of feeling the fear and humiliation was enough in itself to keep me sober for a long time, because I sure didn't want to so any of this again. Some of my amends were well received. Some were ignored. I find that the amends I made to folks I still have contact with are ongoing. People just didn't understand that I was different. They kept treating me the same way they always had, and telling me the same things about myself. Which was that they expected, after almost 20 years of dealing with me drunk, that I would of course continue in the same manner I always had. What a perfect place to get resentful! And this is where the promises began to come true for me. Because I understood, by performing these acts, that I could either change, or drink again. I understood that my worst defects are my greatest assets. I understood what I was told: If I put as much effort and energy into getting sober, and staying that way as I had put into drinking - that I could successfully stay sober, one day at a time. Stpes 1,2,3 are "I came". Steps 4,5,6,7,8, and 9 are "I came to". Steps 10,11, and 12 are "I came to beleive". Thanks you for listening.
Member: Joe S.
Location: Virginia
Date: 05 Jan 1999
Time: 13:27:57
It often requires more courage than some of us can imagine ourselves possessing to make a confession which might very conceivably spell ruin in the eyes of society; but those who wish to put themselves right with God know they must also put themselves right with man.
Member: wm s
Location: sat bch fl
Date: 05 Jan 1999
Time: 18:02:29
Hi my name is wm and I am a drunk. I have enjoyed reading your experiences with the nineth step. After overcoming the fear of self apraisal and self revelation in the 4th and 5th steps, I overlooked the healing in the 6th and 7th; therefore, when I came up to the eighth and the ninth I found myself immobilized with fear. Thanks to a higher power and caring people in my home group that I was allowed to slow down and reap some of the benefits of my growth in the program. By constantly attending step meetings I have been guided to a peaceful--sometimes-sobriety in the program. I learned that a big part of the amend was an explanation of what caused me to act as I did to the person, or persons that I injured; furthermore, the mere admission was only part of the solution, I had to try to change the way I lived my life. The second part is, for me, harder than the first, and I can only do it with the help of sober drunks, a higher power, and keeping my sights on one day at a time. Good luck to the new comers and thanks for reminding me that all this stuff that seems so simple, now, used to cofuse the bejabbers out of me. This is my first time speaking at a on-line meeting, and as you can tell I read your suggestions and used bejabbers instead of cussing.
Member: Andrea
Location: New York
Date: 05 Jan 1999
Time: 21:32:21
I'll try again; I got cut off... my name is Andrea and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first evening online and I was so eager to see AA. I am not "new" to the program, but still have to - and choose to - work hard in recovery because I have experienced my serenity and sanity totally falling away when I have been complacent, lazy, stopped reaching out to another alcoholic, not neccessarily to help or for help, but to keep the "we" connection. On the 9th step, I could not have understood what making amends truly was, until I was shown how to accept and care for myself. I was always running around saying sorry to people, often as not for stuff that was not even mine to take on, out of insecurity and neediness, and fear. I really enjoyed reading the comments from other people on this step, so far. I have had to be taught, lovingly, by so many good people in the program, to stop and take care of myself, because an empty well has nothing to give. I wanted to be part of the solution, not part of the problem any longer. I wanted to learn to do the next right thing. I pray, now, when for years I wouldn't, or I tried bargaining with whoever "God" is, or thought prayer was a grown-ups version of the letter to Santa Claus, I want I want I want . . . These days, after having been through so much, in recovery (because some are sicker than others, and some are more stubborn, and some keep trying to do it their way (me) , now I simply say Thank You, every day, along with "They will be done" because I need to stay out of the driver's seat - I keep smashing the car into trees. Making amends means changing how I treat myself and others, it means accountability, it means taking responsibility for myself (never wanted to do that, always wanted someone else to make things nice for me, make me feel better, I was a scared child. I am learning to grow up, and be a grown-up person with a quiet, warm dignity - something I always wanted, but I was rather a banshee. I should probably stop here, I got cut off before, don't know why. Thanks for letting me share. thanks for being there; you saved my life, you have given me a life.
Member: PattiK
Location: Woodstock
Date: 06 Jan 1999
Time: 01:27:01
Step 9, I can't believeit. It's just what I need. I've been kind of stuck on this step for a while. I wrote my list in 8, shared it with my sponser and priceeded to do absolutely nothing about it--verbally. However my family is begining to notice that I am much easier to get along with lately. Showing you're sorry is as important as saying it. Becoming a new person with the help of God and AA is worth a lot of amends. Yet I remain stuck for words and one problem is not exactly remembering everything I did. So I started asking everyone I know with more time than me how they worked step 9. A firend I work with who has 20 some years told me this. Step 9 doesn't mean for you to run around saying I'm sorry to everyone you think you hurt, all you have to do, she said, is pray for each of the people you need to make amends to and over time God will provide a way for you to do it. Meanwhile treating peolple in a more loving and respectable way shows how you feel.
Did that make sense? The only actual amends I've made were early on, before getting through the other steps and that was to my kids. As a single mom they were put through some kind of hell, in my mind because of my drinking, so I apologized to them right away. They denied that I was all that bad saying that they always knew I loved them. But it's funny that noew that I have a little more than 2 years in, I can see the difference in their eyes when they see me and watch the change in me. They are starting to beieve and understand that I really don't drink and generally mess up my life anymore.
I will, one day make a second amends to them but this time with each of us understandingf and knowing each other better.
I'm rambling. I guess because I need to know and hear more about this step, I'll be watching for the rest of you to share your experience. Thanks to everyone for being here.
Member: april b
Location: port,or
Date: 06 Jan 1999
Time: 03:21:40
so many times i hear of people forgetting the except when to do so would injure them or others please give thought to your motives i try to use this guideline ask yourself first how will this effect the other person then ask for your sponsers oppinion lastly pray for guidence on the manner in which may be most appropriate to make the amend
Member: Erv W
Location: Adams WI
Date: 06 Jan 1999
Time: 10:48:07
Hi everyone, my name is Erv and I'm an alcoholic. When it comes to the 9th step, I feel we must grit our teeth (if we have any) and just do it. Then we can look for the promises to come true !! I have a list so long that I don't think I'll ever get thru it all. However I am willing !! I once asked Jack C. how he stayed sober for 42 years...and he said he never stopped going to meetings and works the steps !! It's just that simple. God does for us what we couldn't do for ourselves. Have a great week, and please keep it simple. Your friend in sobriety, Erv
Member: Leonard S.
Location: Atlanta, Ga.
Date: 06 Jan 1999
Time: 18:44:47
Hi everybody, My name is Leonard S. and I am an alcoholic.When I think of step 9 the word "healing" comes to mind. I was faced with making amends to some for whom I still felt a great deal of resentment or going back to the bottle. When I sincerely made amends for any wrongdoings on my part,God,as I understand him, did for me what I could not do for myself- He totally removed all of my resentments toward this person in a instance. That has been some years ago now and the resetments have never returned. I continually get the most from this program when I least expect it.
Member: Susan B.
Location: KY
Date: 07 Jan 1999
Time: 14:34:00
Hi I'm Susan, an alcoholic...I'm not on step nine yet but was wondering if I could get some insight into step 4. I have relapsed and have 40 days sobriety...I have never gotten past the fourth step, and there is probably a reason...don't want to have to face myself? If anyone has any suggestions, I sure would appreciate it. Thanks!
Member: Brenda A
Location: Buellton, Calif
Date: 07 Jan 1999
Time: 17:38:16
Member: Brenda A. Location: Buellton,calif Date: 1-7-99 Time:2:40pm Comment: My name is Brenda, and I am an Alcoholic :) I myself havent gotten this far, but I do know when I am wrong and at the time will admit it. I must agree with the lady "april b" from port.or. The effect on the other person (for me) would seem to be a very important part, I am not out to hurt anyone anymore. I pray every morning, talk with my sponcer, and find myself being thankful for everyone in my homegroup,outside of it and even the boys in the prison. (H&I) Thanks agian, for the newcomers "Keep Coming Back, It works if you work it!" (what a wonderful way to start out the new year!)
Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 07 Jan 1999
Time: 18:17:27
Good Afternoon, to all of you on Staying Cybers, 12&12 Group. My name is Tom A. an alcoholic, who is sober to day by the grace of God and this fellowship we know as AA. I have enjoyed reading this weeks posts on Step 9. I really don't have much to add, except this. I was told early on that the word OTHERS is of utmost importance, because included in that OTHERS was Tom A. afterall we do say that this is a selfish program. So, a question I asked myself quite often is "How will this effect my sobriety?" Thanks for hearing me out!
God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net
Member: Erv W.
Location: Adams WI
Date: 07 Jan 1999
Time: 19:00:26
My name is Erv and I'm an alcoholic, to Susan B. all I can tell you is what I was told.. That is when it comes to the fourth and fifth step, feel the fear and do it anyway !! The fear will fall away and you will be set free.. I hope that I helped you Susan.. Your friend in sobriety...Erv
Member: fayla k g
Location: galena ks
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 11:30:13
fayla , alcoholic , very well put Joe , i have 24 months sober and im on the third step , it scares me to think of step 9 , ive told my children im sorry , and i have been to my mom and dads grave sober to talk to them , i used to go there drunk all the time . I think thats a step i will be working on when i die . Susan hang in there sweety your not alone , love and hugs fayla k g
Member: Paul B
Location: Cambridge,Ont
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 12:21:55
Hi Paul B alcoholic I am not that far along in the program to say much on step 9, but just honestly being able to face life on lifes terms without building more regret is pretty great. I agree the steps are numbered for a reason,so I dont want to get ahead of myself. That is what usually got me in trouble in the first place. I am struggling with resentment(s?) right now and have trouble identifing the emotions I am feeling, you know, you feel shitty but dont know why? Getting honest with others and especially myself has been great, I feel some of the burden lift, and hope the 'feelings' are the same with step 9. Have a wonderful 24hrs.
Member: Garrett S
Location: Seattle
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 12:58:17
Keep It Simple. I was sick of this saying until I drank again. First Things First.O.D.A.A.T.
Member: Bruce J.
Location: New Milford, CT
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 19:23:26
Hi. My name is Bruce J. I am an alcoholic. Though I am no where near step nine in recovery, something here strikes accord. "Except when to do so might injure them or others". I have this very real part of this step which I must carefully consider when making my amends. If I don't, I will surely hurt someone.
My sponsor put it into very simple terms: before acting, check your motives.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: christeen b.
Location: Phoenix
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 19:47:27
hi all,i am christeen and i am an alcoholic. step 9 is a difficult one for me too. i am only about 45 days in the program and my sponsor and i met on the web. i have finished (well sort of) my steps 4 and 5.. i think it might be something that takes a long time to do right. i have done some of my step 9... some in person.. some in letters and some by phone... i have been amazed that so far there has been only 2 reactions... either they are very gracious and appreciative of what i am saying or i get a response like no way... you?? there are some that i am still afraid to talk with and i guess that means that i am not done with step 4.. maybe soon... thanks for letting me share with you... Go with God.
Member: NECO H
Location: GAINESVILLE FLA
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 20:52:27
Member: NECO H
Location: GAINESVILLE FLA
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 20:52:41
Member: NECO H
Location: GAINESVILLE FLA
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 20:52:54
Member: NECO H
Location: GAINESVILLE FLA
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 20:53:48
Member: NECO H.
Location: GAINESVILLE
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 21:06:49
HI MY NAME IS NECO AND I AM A RECOVERING DRUNK.IT'S MY FIRST TIME ON LINE AT A AA MEETING.THANKS TO MY HIGHER POWER IM SOBER TODAY, BUT I'VE HAD A REALLY ROUGH DAY AND RUNNING A TRUCK INTO A TREE CROSSED MY MIND. IT'S THAT FEAR OF ECON'S, THAT MONEY THING.I HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT A POWER GREATER THAN MYSELF WILL RESTORE ME TO MY RIGHT MIND.
Member: Heather C
Location: columbus, ohio
Date: 08 Jan 1999
Time: 23:10:05
Hi everyone I am Heather and I am an alcoholic. I am really glad i found this mtg bc I have cabin fever so so bad. Step nine really did give me a new freedom and a new happiness. I think the key was to work the steps in order. When i was doing four i was stressing about 5 and when i was doing 8 i was obsessing over 9. The big book gave me clear cut directions on how to handle each amends, financial, family past relationship.
Lately I have rested on 9th step work and the results are apparant. Fear, guilt and self pity come so easily. I am starting to do my 3, 7 and 11 on a daily basis again and doing the next right thing one day at a time.
Neco I feel what you are saying, I became ob sessed with my financial problems and isolated myself from the people who loved me out of shame a and embarrasment. I finally knew i had to surrender or die. I talked to my sponser and I am going to work the steps and money and seek out help from people who struggle with finances like I do.
Its a comfort to know that if I do the footwork the results are up to GOD
GOD bless you all
Member: lemon d
Location: philadelphia
Date: 09 Jan 1999
Time: 02:22:33
...and to most of the folks in step 8 that i listed, i humbly explained that i'm no longer twisted...lemon drop, alcoholic.
Member: dianas.
Location: leland
Date: 09 Jan 1999
Time: 08:38:53
good morning everyone, I'm Diana and a VERY gratefully recovering alcololic. I am away from home in northern Mich. and yesterday celebrated my 17th anniversary. I miss my home group but was so very happy to find and hear from all of you. Great things said. Step 9 is ongoning for me as I discover how my character defects change clothes, appearance, and reappear! God continually shows me to trust Him, and do the next right thing(with Him in mind when I make this decision) Go slowly, read the Big Book frequently, go to meetings and get out of the way. Thanks for listening and have a great day. You have helped me! Diana
Member: Susan
Location: MA
Date: 09 Jan 1999
Time: 14:52:14
Thank you all for your wonderful sharing on this Step. Amend means to correct, change or improve..that gets me out of the I'm sorry mode, which is true but limited.
It was really helpful to hear from those who pointed out that it is important that I change my behavior as an ongoing commitment with those I see most. That begins with me staying close to AA and giving it all I have...
I once asked my sponsor how to make amends to myelf and she said, "go to meetings"..not what I had in mind but so very true, afterall. <s>.
I also began amends to my children by being faithful to AA even tho I felt oh sooo guilty going out to meetings after all the times of not being there for them... many meetings and "being willing to go to any lengths" for my sobriety has made this a happy, peaceful, loving home. I have become the wife and mother I always hoped to be before alcohol took that away..
Sins of omission, so to speak, extended to others..part of amends to my mother is to telephone her often; my grown son, to stay connected in a loving way, even when he is not always there for me..etc...what a gift this AA is!! love, to all, Jane
Member: Liz H
Location: Rhinelander, Wi
Date: 09 Jan 1999
Time: 22:59:31
Hi all. I'm Liz and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks to Michelle earlier in the week. I've been sober ten years, worked the steps (or so I thought) numerous times, but still acting insanely most of the time. I had never heard the association between that and step 9 before. As a result, I've done more 5th's than I can count. I needed to hear this reminder that it's a 12 step program, not a 5 step program.
Thanks to all for sharing.