Member: Kacee L.
Location: Northwestern, IL
Remote Name: 216.166.241.69
Date: December 28, 2003
Time: 10:43 AM -0500

Comments

hi im kacee, alcoholic.. young in sobriety and age.. statistics here arent that good.. i just graduated sucessfully out of a rehab facility.. and am finding it very hard to go to certain meetings.. because i feel i do not need one.. so i felt inclined to post here. umm if anyone could be of any help or advice on this situation.. or to just relate.. post back! thanks.. prayers to all who suffer, and member one day at a time.


Member: jim__m
Location: Cali
Remote Name: 24.127.81.131
Date: December 28, 2003
Time: 11:20 AM -0500

Comments

jim alcoholic I am grateful for being sober. Many of the meetings I go to , I go not because "I" need it, but perhaps I will be able to say something or do something that will help another. I think that is out of gratitude


Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.91.168.81
Date: December 28, 2003
Time: 12:37 PM -0500

Comments

Kacee - Kelly said it best last week when she said "Came... Came to... Came to believe" just go to the meetings whether you think you need them or not. I think it was Woody Allen who said that most success in life comes from just showing up. The fact that you just got out of rehab might indicate that you do in fact need those meetings. Graduating successfully out of rehab is like wearing a paper hat and a rolled up diploma from Carriage House Nursery School and deciding your done with education. I am saying this with love and understanding and deep compassion for where you are right now. I am only newly sober (6 months) myself and often the things I say are the very things I need to hear and learn myself. So trust me, this isn't someone who's telling you what you "should" do... It is what I know I should do too. I am so grateful to have AA in my life. I have never felt so peaceful before in my life. I can sit still and not feel the need to run and hide in shame. I am so grateful for this site to read and learn more and get to know such amazing individuals and share our joys and sorrows together. I am grateful to the steering committee who give of themselves so generously... I am grateful to the techs who keep this site running smoothly. I am grateful for my loving husband and my precious sons. I am grateful for my alcoholism for in my pain, I know true joy. I am grateful for my faith in God and grateful for His loving grace on me. I could and have written pages of gratitude... once wrote eleven pages in my journal of things I am thankful for... but will stop here and say one last THANK YOU to (((everyone))) who posts on this site. I love you all and thank God for sending you into my life. love & peace, kat


Member: Chuck C.
Location: Michigan
Remote Name: 64.108.150.110
Date: December 28, 2003
Time: 01:39 PM -0500

Comments

Chuck C. here,and I'm an alcoholic. Kacee,I can very well relate to your posting.My first experiance with AA was due to a court order as part of probation for an drunk driving.I went and attended all the meeting that I was ordered to and felt out of place.I never did like hypocrates(?? on the spelling),people who say or act one way to certain people,then totally different to others.Here I was,sitting in on meetings of people who had real problems and honestly trying to help themselves and others just to stay out of jail.I truely felt that I didn't belong there.After probation was finished,so was my attendance.I never believed I had a problem,it never interferred with work,social commitments,ect,therefor,no problem.A year ago,I was at a company Christmas party and made such a complete and total fool of myself,so much so that I almost quit rather than face my co-workers.What made thing worse was the fact that I could not remember any details at all,just the knowledge that I was an A**.Now I realize that I do have a problem.Perhaps not the same as others in some ways,but to myself,in ways that are most important to me,personally.Now that I have admitted to myself and shared that with my family,I have found out others have seen it and behaved in ways I never knew.For instance,I new one of my daughters never came to visit much,nor brought my granddaughter either,now I know that she did so because she didn't want her daughter seeing me drinking like she did.Being a REAL part of my kids' life and grandchildren is more than enough to help keep my going to meetings.Don't try relateing others experiances to your own as a way to judge if you need it,each of us is differant and the desire must first come from within.Ask yourself if you wish to go through rehab again.The path you were on led you there once,perhaps an alternant one will led elsewhere.It certainally can't lead anywhere worse.My appologies for going on so long,I normally keep my thoughts to myself,your post just took me back to my first times attending meetings.I hope you'll hang in there and continue.


Member: Jenny M.
Location: Washington
Remote Name: 198.81.18.172
Date: December 28, 2003
Time: 04:33 PM -0500

Comments

Hi im jenny an alcoholic. Well I have over 5 months sober and the pink cloud has vanished. Now it is time to live life on lifes terms. Graditude is my favorite topic because that is what I have for this program. This program has kept me sober in the past and if I continue to work the program it will keep me sober in the future. I wish one of my very dear family members had a program. I would think with everything he has been through that he wouldn't even consider picking up the bottle. But I was wrong he did. Even though he almost lost his life. Talk about a cunning, baffling and powerful disease! I am so grateful for what I have today. I will keep praying for those still out there.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: December 28, 2003
Time: 10:05 PM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), Kelly, an alcoholic. So very Grateful to be here to ring in another sober year. To all the newcomers WELCOME! Keep coming back and posting on your progress and ups and downs. Even if no one writes you back you still get your feelings expressed and that is a big part of recovery. If you are new and don't think you need a meeting thats your alcoholic mind setting you up for the next drink. So many things I learned by going to meetings over the last year and If I heard it once I heard it a thousand times.... "Meeting makers, make it", "If you really don't want to go to a meeting that is when you really need to go to a meeting", "When I slipped I had stopped going to meetings". The common denominator? Meetings! I know (my way) does not work and will get me drunk so I take the suggestions of those people in AA that it has worked for. You know the ones, that are always smiling, sharing, that you can count on to be at the same meeting every week like clockwork. Those people are my mentors and I learn a lot by just watching and listening to them. If I did not go to meetings I would never have gotten to learn that. It takes only a tiny bit of willingness to attend an hour meeting and I am so grateful I did because my life is 150 times better sober. I know that it's hard to change and scarey to sit in a room full of strangers but before you know it you will be in a room full of friends. You will hear a solution with every speaker along with a bunch of things you have in common, namely the pain drinking brought you. I'll leave you with a quote: "And be grateful, for our scars have the ability to remind us the past was real". That is why I keep going back to meetings. Happy New Year 2004! Kelly :)


Member: Adam S
Location: SA Texas
Remote Name: 66.69.88.253
Date: December 28, 2003
Time: 11:12 PM -0500

Comments

Hello I'm Adam and I'm an alcoholic. I have been sober since Dec 23, 2003. I have been going to Al-Anon for about two months and heard a speaker just recently share on how if your trying to decide wether or not your an alcoholic you probably are. I have been trying to decide that for over a year. So here I am. I went to two meetings today and recieved my desire chip. It was easy over Christmas because I was with my kids and my wife (seperated). I back to my crappy little apartment and today was difficult. I didn't want to go get groceries because I knew I would be tempted to by a six pack. Anyway two meetings got me out of that and I"m home safe. This is a great site. Reading your shares will help when meetings are not available. Thanks


Member: Amanda H
Location: NW Montana
Remote Name: 12.150.66.91
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 12:10 AM -0500

Comments

Amanda, Alcoholic. I am grateful for each day that alcohol no longer comsumes me and my waking moments.Congratulations to all of you who are racking up the days of sobriety!! Keep It Up! Isnít it very cool how one day at a time turns into, 4, then 5 then a week then two weeks and then into months! Just so you know, the first few months are the most difficult. I just want to offer some encouragement. It DOES get easier. As you body heals from the ravages of alcohol, many of you will crave it less and less. I have to say that I am not in early sobriety but like to offer words of praise and hope on this web site when I am able to do so. That is part of the program is to give back. I am so impressed with this group who is beginning sobriety and hanging tough during the holidays. The holidays are when many of us even years of sobriety under our belts, slip. I think the holidays are especially challenging because of all the parties, all the alcohol in our face and for some, the need to deal with all of the emotions of family get-togethers, for others the lack of family and/or loneliness. My first Christmas sober was a more than a bit tough for me but now, gratefully not drinking at parties and family get-togethers comes naturally. The really cool thing is realizing that today, I donít even WANT to drink. And my prayer for each of you is that you will have a day in the near future where the same realization will come true for youÖ I am gratefult that today it is relatively easy for me because I know what happens to me with alcohol on my brain and it is NOT pretty, cute or even the slightest bit cool. I admit that I used to feel very odd at gatheringss because I did not have a drink in my hand. I thought people would notice and wonder...What I have found out is that normal people, that do not have the disease of alcoholism, could really care less what I am drinking. The people who were concerned or who gave me a bad time about not drinking, I found drank way too much themselves. I have come to the conclusion that my not drinking makes them uncomfortable because they are actually uncomfortable with their OWN drinking. Food for thought... Take care and take it one day at a time. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Charles Y
Location: TampaBay FL
Remote Name: 68.202.33.195
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 07:31 AM -0500

Comments

Hello Sober People This is my first time to share on an electronic forum. It is also my first sober day in a long time. Pray that I make it back here tomorrow. I will be attending local meetings today. I believe I can have one day without a drink with God's help, so I am on my knees asking for it. Your prayer could help...


Member: robert w
Location: holiday,fl
Remote Name: 209.4.44.217
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 08:35 AM -0500

Comments

Bob W: The 6 words that kills more alcoholics are " But you don't understand, I'am different "If you find yourself at an AA meeting I would guess it was not from eating to many hambergers. Alcoholism has a built in denial system. Some people don't get it the first time and have to go back out and drink therselves dumb enough to make it. Thanks Bob


Member: Doug F
Location: Testing
Remote Name: 68.235.5.17
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 09:59 AM -0500

Comments

Hi All, Doug, Alcoholic. New to Cyber AA. 9 years sobriety (dry) down the tubes a few years back. I have a question, (yes I'm taking the cotton out of my ears and putting it in my mouth). I'm very early on in sobriety again. I've tried to talk with people at meetings and just get short curt answers. I asked the chair persons at 3 differant meetings about sponsorship and all they say is just keep coming to meetings and start talking with other people. Do I need a sponsor? After getting out of rehab they said to get one. It also seems very clickish. I get a greeting and try to talk and get advice but people just end the conversation very quick (I feel like Shreck) and go back to their friends. I read a chapter in the big book about an Indian fellow who never went to meetings and just followed the big book and did it on his own with his higher power. Is that an option? Am I just having a pity party? Thanks,


Member: Landru
Location: SF Bay Area
Remote Name: 63.205.65.107
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 10:47 AM -0500

Comments

I'm Landru, alcoholic. I'm about four months sober and so far so good. I had a conversation with my brother (who is still drinking)last week and he asked how long I was going to go on with this "not drinking business." I was stopped cold. I really thought about the one day at a time thing and I said "I don't know. A really long time, I hope." I was surprised at my answer. Anyway, I'm here for the long haul. I did 90 meetings in 90 days, and I still try to go everyday. I went to two meetings yesterday. After feeling uncomfortable in not speaking at meetings for a while, I decided I didn't know anything and would just listen for a while. I share now sometimes, now that I have some experience strength and hope. I got into service - I do coffee at one meeting and literature at another. I got a sponsor. In our area (San Francisco Bay Area) it is the custom at many meetings for ask for a show of hands of people willing to be temporary sponsors. After a while I picked somebody and asked him to help me. I was really uncomfortable asking, but it worked out. He was my sponsor for a few weeks and then I started working with someone else. When you pick a sponsor, they say pick someone who seems like they have good sobriety and all that. Sometimes though, at first, I think you just have to pick someone. Good luck! Thanks for everything, everyone.


Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Remote Name: 64.65.147.127
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 11:33 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, Becky here, alcoholic. Today I'm grateful for supportive family and AA helping me to stay sober one day at a time even thru the holidays (4 1/2 months now). WELCOME to all you new people, thanks for posting. Doug, I so relate to what you are feeling about the meetings! It really does take time to "break-in" at some meetings. Finally I just shared how awkward I felt at a meeting, and since then people have been much more warm. I also just blindly picked a sponsor from a meeting where those willing raised their hands. I figured that I at least needed to get started and could call her a temporary sponsor until I felt comfortable. So far it has worked out for me. I don't think I could make it without help working the steps, I just don't see myself from an objective perspective (lol). Also, I've started looking around the rooms and look for new people like me to talk to. There usually are people who no one is talking to. And the last action I took to work on this was to start asking individuals out for coffee. I've done this a couple of times now, and find I'm much more comfortable one-on-one. And the people I've done that with now have a bond with me and greet me, etc. Hope this helps! Sober New Year to all!


Member: Darold S.
Location: Alaska
Remote Name: 216.47.16.19
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 12:31 PM -0500

Comments

Darold here recovering alcoholic bin sober through the holiday and feel good got a good job an happy. this program really helped me alot thanx


Member: Bob W
Location: Grimsby UK
Remote Name: 62.254.0.30
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 04:53 PM -0500

Comments

Just had my first sober Christmas for a good few years.What a difference.It was so good to see the kids enjoy themselves and know they were not going to be thinking "S**t He's having another drink". Stay Sober


Member: Marg L
Location: So. Cal
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 05:54 PM -0500

Comments

This is very difficult for me and I am grateful to have found this website and your comments - which are helpful. I am struggling to come to the realization that I must not and can not drink anymore. I have gone to educational meetings regarding alcohol addiction. I am a "functional" - if you will - binge drinker and I must stop. My episodes get worse and closer apart each time. This has been going on for some time and I know it is a problem. However, when I attended these meetings I was aware that -Yes - we all had one thing in common:alcohol addiction, but I felt so out of place and it made me feel so judgemental and angry (for example - I kept thing how will anyone here at the meeting be able to relate to me - or me to them???). My situation was not nearly as difficult as others. I want help and yet I am not sure if it is selfish pride, or my fear that makes this transition to attend AA so difficult for me. I have been attending church and it is very grounding - but the meetings just scare me. I'm being honest (not snobbish) - I need help and I want to stop. I know I must suck it up and do it - I am fearing it all so much. I have relied on alcohol for so much comfort in my life - this is all very frightening.


Member: Lisa G.
Location: MA
Remote Name: 68.184.37.215
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 06:10 PM -0500

Comments

Hi Everyone, I keep coming back. I have no desire to drink today for it is a Monday and I don't drink on Mondays! But, I believe myself to be an alcoholic it and so I am. I just keep going one day at a time. I carry my 24 hour chip in my pocket and whenever I get frustrated or shameful of my past I just touch it and it reminds me of the person that I really want to be. I just want to keep coming back.


Member: Becky R
Location: Central Oregon
Remote Name: 66.62.141.154
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 06:19 PM -0500

Comments

Becky here. 52 days today. First holiday in 28 years that I have been sober. Started drinking and using when I was 14 years old. It felt good to be sober. At the holiday family functions there was some drinking (a few alcoholics, but most are normies who had one or two), a couple of cousins were smoking pot outside (which was one of my favorite drugs) and one uncle decided Christmas eve with all the family around was a great place to do some heroin (bad move). I had dreams about using that night. And in my dreams when I used the feelings I had were ultimate sadness. I remember thinking what a loser I was. It was great to wake up and realize it was a dream, but also I realized how easily influenced I am and I need this program more than ever. I am proud of my sobriety. This is the first time in my life I have ever tried to stop. I had 4 1/2 months clean and went back out 2 months ago. Drank for a couple of weeks, got another DUII, and do not want to live that life anymore. I know I am powerless over this disease. During the last 2 weeks I didn't do what my sponsor said, which was to call 3 people a day, start putting my 4th step down on paper, and go to meetings while I was out of town. I also chose not to call my sponsor. I could feel the negative affects of my choices and was so excited to get back on track this morning. I shared this at a meeting and have to say I was surprised at my sponsors reaction. It was basically well you may as well go back out and drink if this is what you are going to do. I know it is tough love, and that walking the walk is the lesson. I was just surprised. I didn't drink nor did I want to drink. I just started to get into my own mind, which is a scary place and I know that. So I apologize if I am having a pity party. I know what I have to do and I am doing it right now and will stay sober today. Tahnks for letting me share. Good luck to all this week. Call a friend, work the steps and go to as many meetings as you can. Today is a new day. Becky


Member: Donna Park
Location: Graceville, Fl
Remote Name: 12.158.102.191
Date: December 29, 2003
Time: 10:13 PM -0500

Comments

When I first started coming to meetings I hated Gratitude meetings. I now believe that I did not know how to be grateful. It is something that I have learned & today I am grateful. For each & every sober day. My sponsor told me I should attend meetings like I drank & I was a everyday drinker for 20+ years. So I go to lots of meeting. I was told to go to meetings till I learned to like going to meeting. Another thing I was told was not to leave before the miracle happened. I could not have worked this program without a sponsor. I was not smart enough to sit down with just the book & understand. I came looking for the differences & was told to start looking at how we are alike. Thank you for another day sober & wishing you all the same. Love Donna


Member: Rick
Location: Middle East
Remote Name: 213.42.2.6
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 12:32 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, everybody. Rick here, an alcoholic. I live in the Middle East, in a place where there are no meetings, so y'all are all I've got. I have so much to be grateful for. I have been blessed above all people. And today I am particularly grateful for my few days of sobriety. I have an invitation to go to the pub with the lads on Wed night. I'm not particularly tempted to drink these last few days (There are 3 untouched 6-packs in my fridge) but I'm not sure if I'm up to the pub or not. Sure, I could drink orange juice or ask for a pot of tea. Some people do. It's just that drinkers can be so obnoxious, and the social tug and the old comfortable addiction to the high, etc. And besides, the old, "Here, Rick, it's not like you. You're my drinking role model. Let me buy you a pint. Waitress..." I guess we all know the drill, huh? While I can make no promises for tomorrow, so far today I seem to be okay. Praying that God will do something for me I cannot do for myself. God Bless Y'all and praying that we all have a sober new year. Love y'all. Rick


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 09:04 AM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), Kelly an alcoholic here. I am only supposed to post once a week on this board because I have over a year, so excuse my doubledipping! It's not like I'm crowding anyone out doing 12th step work here! Thanks everyone who posted so far this week. Your posts help keep me sober because I get to remember (what it was like) trying to get sober myself. It was not easy but man, was it ever worth it! ((Adam F)). You are so right on about if you think you may have a problem you probably do. I go to Alanon for my son and that helps me with him but AA is what keeps (me) sober. Try a few AA meetings and see if that helps you to make a decision>..kay? ((Landru)) Awesome to see you again my friend. Sounds like the Bay area is a better place due to your involvement! I like your program! Welcome, both ((Beckys))! Keep coming back and posting. ((Doug F)), Yes, some meetings are clickish and I don't attend those ones unless I'm on a commitment. They do serve some people well though! Keep trying new meetings because if your anything like me you have to try on 10 pairs of shoes to find one pair you like! Keep looking! ((Charles Y)), Great on one day! Keep on praying and trying. Good Luck! ((Marge L)). That was a very honest question I used to ask my first time in AA 6 years ago.>>> we all had one thing in common: alcohol addiction, but I felt so out of place and it made me feel so judgemental and angry (for example - I kept thing how will anyone here at the meeting be able to relate to me - or me to them???). My situation was not nearly as difficult as others.>>> End quote. The answer is (((YET))). With alcoholism there is something called (progression). If I had stuck around the first time I would have saved myself learning about it first hand. It's terrible and it nearly killed me. I had the same feelings my first time around that I wasn't that bad, had a good job and life. (I) wasn't as bad as the people I saw in meetings. Then I went back out and low and behold, I became those people! It took 6 long years but the progression caught up with me. I look at my old drivers license and I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO LOOK THAT GOOD! I put a lot of miles on my tires in 6 short years. It was so unneccesary when I could have stayed in AA and sober. Whatever you decide keep coming back Marge and GodBless. ((Rick M)), my friend, great to hear on three days! You have no meetings and your surrounded by drinking and your doing it...Way to go man! Let go and let God. Stay out of the hot sun. Where's ((Ann))? How are you this week? Everyone have a safe and sober New Year 2004! I'll be at the Alcothon with my sober friends dining and dancing... and living! Life is Good! Kelly :)


Member: Doug F
Location: NH
Remote Name: 68.235.5.17
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 09:51 AM -0500

Comments

Wow, what a response. No lectures or negative responses. You people are great. I'm working on staying sober today. Naturally I come down with the flu as soon I quit. Thank-you Landru, Becky, Darold, Bob, Marg, Lisa, Donna, Rick and Kelly from NH. I'm from NH maybe I'll bump into you at a meeting now that have the courage to go back. What a list. I guess I didn't know I had it so lucky with all the meetings around here. Now if I can just make it through today. Naturally I went to get breakfast and there was a beer I had hidden for later. Guess where that went in a hurry. Well, time to go thank my Higher Power and ask for strength, especially with new years eve coming up. No resolutions this year. Just today. Thank-you all you are great. Doug


Member: Pete J
Location: New york
Remote Name: 68.194.219.192
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 11:38 AM -0500

Comments

Pete alcoholic.My first time sharing this way.I had 9 years in this wonderful program,10 years ago I came in with nothing.I couldn't afford anything but my next drink.Though those years I gained a home and 2 wonderful children.I had peace of mind though the most devistating times.I worked my program the way I drank.A year ago I started a buisness and AA went into the backseat.When things got tough I didn't have a suport group to share with and a bottle of booze became the next alterintive.I picked up and was off to the races.I am fotunate that I didn't loose anything YET.My wife doesn't even know.I resently had to come to the aid of a family member sufering from this disease,Thank God.It got me to a meeting and forced me to look at myself.I am back one week now hoping to stick around for good(one day at a time)I'm stuck at home now and grateful for this web site.Thank you.


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 67.28.24.45
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 12:35 PM -0500

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. I am grateful for this day alive and sober. Any day I don't drink is a good day. Sure, some days are even "gooder" than others, but every day without alcohol is a good day. Kacee == I can't stay sober by myself. That is why I go to meetings. Left to my own devices, I will eventually think that I can somehow beat the game and drink like a social drinker. And the truth is that I cannot drink normally. So I go to meetings to be around others like me who are powerless over alcohol. Adam S == Glad you are here and getting started with meetings! Charles Y == Welcome! Hope you made that meeting and come back to tell us how you are doing. Doug F == You don't "need" a sponsor, but I'd still recommend one. For me, I never would have figured out how to work the 12 Steps just from the Big Book alone. I was way too foggy early on - I read the BB but it didn't really make sense until much later. I also would have found ways to do the steps "Joe's way", which may well not have worked. Try some different meetings till you meet a group that is not clique-ish. Marg L == What I related to at the first AA meeting I attended was people describing how they drank even when they did not want to, lost control over the amount they drank once they started, and how alcohol had become the center of their lives. These things are true for me, too. The specific patterns differed, but deep down I knew I was like them. "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable". Lisa G - It's Tuesday now. Don't drink just for Tuesday. Consider calling the local AA office and getting to a meeting. Rick == Do you really need to keep the beer around? No promises needed, just the desire to not drink ODAAT. Pete J == Glad you are back. Joe - joep041699@mindspring.com


Member: Marg L
Location: So. Cal
Remote Name: 198.81.18.176
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 12:56 PM -0500

Comments

I would like to thank all of you for your comments and input - and a special thanks to Kelly in NH. I just realized that the topic for discussion was "gratitude". yesterday was my first time doing this sort of thing and my comments did not exactly focus on this gratitude (more like confusion). Thus I would like to say I am grateful sites likes this are supported and maintained so they are available to one and all. It is a great comfort and for me it is very helpful to read, watch and learn from your recoveries while I begin to work on mine. So thank you and I hope to contribute to others in this way soon. Best regards, Marg L


Member: Lisa G.
Location: MA
Remote Name: 68.184.37.215
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 08:05 PM -0500

Comments

Thanks Joe, It is Tuesday and today I am not drinking. I am grateful for your comment. I will find a meeting to go to, until then I am very grateful for this site. Thank You to my higher power-whom I choose to call GOD.


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 08:50 PM -0500

Comments

Ed, an alcoholic, now 6 days sober and thankful to God for that. Twice in the past 6 months, I've made it 5 days then failed. What seems so clear in the morning about why I want to stay sober seems to get really vague by evening. I can remember the reasons, they just don't seem nearly as important as they did earlier in the day. I'm semi-retired so have time in the morning to think things over and try to fix a clear direction. Then I go to the office (a small business I run with my daughter) and as the cares of the day take my attention I really want to let the old patterns take over. Go home and drink half a fifth of gin before dinner -- which I then can't remember. I go over this here because I'm hoping some of you can tell me how you handle similar thought patterns. I presume its what is called "alcoholic thinking". I have discovered that once I drive by the liquor store and get home I'm okay. Another thing that really helps is to tell myself I'm just getting thru this day without drinking. One Day at a Time is a very important principle. "One Day" is certainly all I can handle. Any other helpful hints? Ed


Member: Gabe V
Location: Santa Fe NM
Remote Name: 65.19.16.230
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 09:20 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, I'm Gabe and I AM an alcoholic. Still. I am dry today, working on sober. At 3:30am the morning of Xmas eve I was awakened at my girlfriend's (now ex) house (sleeping on the floor) by the New Mexico State Patrol. My Mom in WA state had called them and told them I had threatened suicide. I don't remember that. I don't remember trying to get my girlfriend's gun, I don't remember calling her a piece of S$*@, the only thing I DO remember is the psych ward at an Albuquerque hospital and how wonderful it was to spend Christmas and the day after there. I DO remember finding an empty 1/2 gallon tequila bottle in my car after I was released. I thank GOD I didn't kill anyone that night. Up until 5 years ago I had worked the Program for 15 years. I stopped going to meetings. I have 7 dry days now, and 7 meetings under my belt (This one makes 8) I can't take it 1 day at a time right now, so I'll take it 1 minute at a time. Right now, Right here. GOD Bless


Member: RickD
Location: PA
Remote Name: 68.81.33.211
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 11:42 PM -0500

Comments

Rick, alcoholic. I think Joe said, "Left to my own devices, I will eventually think that I can somehow beat the game and drink like a social drinker" This has happened to me over and over and Ifinally realized it. I have committed myself to working this program. I have a hard time with the daily meetings, but I never seemed to have a hard time finding time to drink. There is something to this and I will keep going 1-day at a time til I figure it out. Today I didn't make a local meeting, but was thankful to find this website meeting!


Member: Adam S
Location: SA Texas
Remote Name: 66.69.88.253
Date: December 30, 2003
Time: 11:59 PM -0500

Comments

Adam S here, still no drinks after one week. Still an alcoholic. Attended two AA meetings on Sunday and asked for my desire chip. I was proud of that chip. So proud in fact that I put in the basket at the Al Anon meeting Monday night. Those things look just like quaters. Anyway I went back today and asked for another. During the past few days it seems to be getting easier thanks to atleast one meeting a day and my HP. Every now then I try to convince myself that I am not an alcoholic. I think of times that I went to parties and only had one or two. Then I remember that it only happened two times in the last 15 years. I then come to the realization that my never ending search to justify myself to go have one is exactly why I need AA and my HP. I'm still working my HP however, I always declared myself a man of science. I then look at what got me to AA. There is no way science or myself would have ever got me to a meeting. There has to be a HP. ODAAT thanks so much for your shares i read them every night when I get home


Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 02:07 AM -0500

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. If someone had told me that if I weren't able to appreciate sobriety just for the sake of being sober that I wouldn't be able to get sober and stay sober, then I think I might have just not tried very hard at all in the beginning. The reason I say this is because, when I first got to AA, I wouldn't have been able to tell you rat's dung about what being sober just for the sake of sobriety means. I can't think of a single time in my adult life when I had wanted to be sober just to be sober for very long. The night before the morning when I went to my first AA meeting, I got very drunk. I came to out of a blackout and I was standing half naked in my livingroom screaming bloody murder at my wife. I looked down and saw my three year old at the time hiding behind my wife's legs. He had a terrified look in his eyes and it broke my heart immediately to see it. I went to that meeting not especially out of any concern for myself, though I was pretty sure drinking was killing me. My concern was not for what drinking had been doing to me, but what I knew it was going to do to my kid. That's just the truth. Some people say you can't get sober that way, but I did. I was lucky though, because I knew from experience and was able to recall that I could stay sober long from just holding and rolling. So, I took a man's suggestion that I do the Steps and stay close to people in AA. With help from another sober AA, I did take the Steps. Those Steps, I believe, can do something for a drunk that he may not even know is happening. I can talk about being honest, and checking my feelings and that sort of thing, and I think if that were the extent of my involvement in AA, whether I ever took a drink again or not, I'd feel like an incredible failure. I just wouldn't be able to do those things well enough. But the Steps have brought something into my life that is much more than I would have even been able to imagine when I started them. For one thing, I no longer have a compulsion to drink, in fact booze stinks of death to me now. What's more, I understand how sobriety is a blessing all by itself, and everything else is just ice cream. That's what I'm grateful for.


Member: Mike L
Location: kzoo Mi
Remote Name: 67.72.225.243
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 10:02 AM -0500

Comments

Doug F-Yes, it probably is possible to succeed in sobriety without a sponsor. I look at it though like school. I'm in college and they offer some online classes without an instructor. They're probably easier because you work at your own pace and can take shortcuts if you choose but how can you really get all that you can out of something unless you have someone you're comfortable with to get you through the hard parts and explain things through their own experience and to push you to do all you can do. On the topic of gratitude. As much as I am grateful to all the people in the preogram who have helped me to reach the point I'm at and grateful for the program itself like others have said, one thing that hasn't been mentioned is the gratitude and thanks I give to myself. All my life I have made bad choices and I am grateful and thank myself that I finally got smart enough to do something right for a change and let the program work in my life because without making that choice I would never have come to the program in the first place.


Member: sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 11:38 AM -0500

Comments

Sheri Alcholic HAPPY NEW YEAR to ALL May your HP give you all the strength hope and wisdom to do one day at a time. I am grateful to be sober I have 30 days sober and in those thirthy days I lost my grandson my oldest was convicted of two felonys and my mother died and my 13 year old was just served deliquint papers But I have stayed drug and alchol free I am sdober!!! I also got married last night and then we went to a meeting couldn't think of a better place to go I am grateful that I have found as place where i can go even while at work (here) Thanks for my sobriety may you all have a safe day and sober nite Sheri


Member: Doug F
Location: NH
Remote Name: 68.235.5.17
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 11:47 AM -0500

Comments

Thanks Mike. I suppose I should be grateful. 2 days sober. That hasn't happened without rehab in years. I do have a sponsor who's supposed to be calling, that was 2 weeks ago. Bought a big new house 2 new cars and then after 20 years the company says they don't need me anymore. My wife doesn't believe I'm sober. I suppose I don't blame her after 6 years of lying and hiding it. Now I'm out of the house for a month so far, no job, my sonhas 2 warrants out for his arrest on stealing booze. So now I'm just sitting here with the flu all alone thinking about why not just have one last blast and start again tomorrow. Are there any chat rooms for AA? I don't have a phone. All I have is the internet. Also what do I do with all these pills, I have 100's of Valium, Codeine, Vicodin and others with 100's more at the post office waiting to be picked up. I don't even want them anymore. I don't even want to pick them up. I guess I'm just venting. Sorry to all. But I have no one to talk to and I just want to get my life back. 6 years in the USMC with 1 year overseas in the early 70's scared spitless. I could endure that but not this. All Hail King Alcohol! I hope you people understand where I'm coming from. Thanks for listening to my blubbering. I hope I didn't break any rules. I know it will get better. Serenity.........


Member: sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 12:08 PM -0500

Comments

DOUG F THERE IS A MEETING ONLINE TONIGHT I http://recoverychat.com/ IF THAT DOES NOT WORK E-MAIL ME I'LL CHAT shersbad7@yahoo.com Just don't drink and keep it all simple throw the pills away! I'll be praying for you! I know where you are ODAAT DOUG it will get better Sheri


Member: Katy
Location: CA
Remote Name: 66.53.51.43
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 12:36 PM -0500

Comments

I found that if I exert the time and effort to really see the good things I have, or even lessons learned from bad ones, the easier it is to keep seeing them, and the more serene I am. My problem is in realizing this should really be something daily instead of only when things seem very bleak.


Member: Lisa G.
Location: MA
Remote Name: 68.184.37.215
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 04:26 PM -0500

Comments

Doug F- We are all thinking of you throughout the day and evening. Read the big book tonight and be happy to be alive this New Year. Write tomorrow and let us know how you are. One minute at a time!!


Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Remote Name: 63.149.217.4
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 04:40 PM -0500

Comments

when your drinking it's hard to find gratitude in anything that suppose to mean something, i.e. family, work, love. your a selfish person when drinking and you can't see in front of you what's important. getting sober and realizing that you need to be thankful for family and that they are still by your side through it all is very important to recovery... at least for me it has been.


Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: December 31, 2003
Time: 07:09 PM -0500

Comments

May you all know peace and joy beyond anything you can imagine in the coming year.


Member: Doug F
Location: NH
Remote Name: 68.235.5.17
Date: January 01, 2004
Time: 09:15 AM -0500

Comments

Doug Alcoholic/Addict Thanks very much to Sheri, Katy, Lisa, Kelly. I really appreciate all your comments. I didn't read the Big Book, Lisa. Big mistake. Since this program is built on rigorous honesty I have to admit I slipped. I had to go shopping yesterday and there it was. I couldn't believe how cheap it was. So after passing by and just admiring the nice looking boxes a few times, being depressed and sick, thought maybe it will help my flu and lift me up. So back to day 0. But I am not giving up. I went to my HP this a.m. and told Him I was sorry and asked for more strength as only He can give it. So that's my story. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have a entry.


Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.91.168.81
Date: January 01, 2004
Time: 02:01 PM -0500

Comments

Doug - hang in there baby and don't quit quitting. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I tried to self-medicate and chose wine or weed to do it. When you're sick your body needs water, sleep and healthy foods and vitamins... but our sick minds think it needs more alcohol. "Oh I know what will make me feel better" is actually "Oh I know what will make me NOT feel" I can remember once having a sore throat and chest cold and actually made a pipe lined with cotton balls to filter the pot smoke so it wouldn't hurt so bad to inhale!!! How sick is that?? Get better sweet friend. You are not alone and we are all in this together. love & peace & another day to try again, Kat


Member: Chuck C.
Location: Michigan
Remote Name: 64.108.150.239
Date: January 01, 2004
Time: 02:09 PM -0500

Comments

Chuck C. here,I'm an alcoholic.Just wanted to leave a note hear to say thank you to all that post.I haven't had a drivers license in 3+ years and I won't drive without one anymore.Meetings are a bit hard to find when your without transportation as I am,however in finding this site,I have just spent the first New Years Eve in almost 20 years without a drink.I truely don't think I could have done it without all the great people shareing here.Thank you again.


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: January 01, 2004
Time: 04:39 PM -0500

Comments

Ann here, alcoholic. 90 days today and grateful for every single minute... and grateful for all of the people who are so honest here that have helped me get thru one day at a time. Keep up the great work all of the new people, and remember, it just gets better. I posted here first at day 2, and each and everyday takes me further from that last drink and into a whole new life. Happy new year everyone, and thanks so much.


Member: Lisa G.
Location: MA
Remote Name: 68.184.37.215
Date: January 01, 2004
Time: 04:50 PM -0500

Comments

Thank you for letting me post daily on this site. This is the best site I have found on the net. I am four days sober today. I had 10 years and through a series of life altering events fell off for 5 years of drinking but I am back, for sobriety is what I want for ME. This site is keeping me content until I can get to a meeting once the kids go back to school. Thank you again. I am grateful for a second chance.


Member: eddie.s
Location: denny scotland
Remote Name: 82.40.101.152
Date: January 01, 2004
Time: 07:45 PM -0500

Comments

happy and sober new year to everyone,first time on this site,enjoyed the comments,my experience on gratitude in the early days and still use are.sober today,had some thing to eat got a warm bed not sleeping rough tonight,went to meeting met new friends, said to myself if they can keep sober i can what i am trying to say is look at the positive things in your life today, god willing when we wake up tomorrow we start another day of staying sober yours in fellowship eddie s


Member: Herb S.
Location: Vancouver, B.C.
Remote Name: 24.207.29.65
Date: January 02, 2004
Time: 01:46 AM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Herb and I'm an alcoholic. I logged in on this meeting for the same reason that I occasionally attend a beginners' meeting in my area...I am an alcoholic and I have a built-in "forgetter." I decided to post here because I relate to Marg in S.Cal. and I would like her to know that she sounds like what people in AA call a "high-bottom drunk." What I have found out over the years is that there is a beginning, middle and end stage to this illness. When people who are in the early stages first listen to recovery stories at meetings, the denial kicks in and they begin making comparisons. Finding that they haven't been to the places or done the things that many others have, they have trouble fitting in. A kind old gentleman who helped a lot when I first got sober told me "Herb, we're all on the same bus, we just get off at different stops." That saying meant a lot to me because, like Marg, I thought people would consider me a snob if I said what I really felt: that I didn't belong. I had never lost a job because of drinking, had never been arrested, never had a d.u.i.(we call them "impaired's" in Canada) didn't do any drugs other than alcohol, couldn't for the life of me understand black-outs, had a steady job, owned my own house, had one university degree and was working on another....I had enough denial tools that I really wondered what I was doing at meetings sometimes. Then one day a lady shared at a meeting....she said that you could have taken a videotape of her and her friends at the pub and everyone,including her, would have looked like they were having a great time but inside she was dying! I thought to myself "Bingo!" My advice to Marg and anyone else who is unsure is to keep going to meetings and eventually,I guarantee you, somebody will tell your story and you'll feel "part of." All the best, Herb


Member: stanly
Location: mi
Remote Name: 12.73.153.33
Date: January 02, 2004
Time: 02:58 AM -0500

Comments

Man, the drink all my friends drink. The drink has sunk me. Bachuss has sunk more men than Posiden. I'm a stubborn person(very very very). I've had enough, will try AA, hope to see you there... luv u all


Member: Kevin R
Location: British Columbia
Remote Name: 206.116.216.34
Date: January 02, 2004
Time: 05:39 AM -0500

Comments

Hi all Kevin here full fledged alcholic. Gratitude.... I am so grateful for my sponsor. He has taken myself and another struggling guy under his wing along with a fourth member who had some good sobriety but went back out and came back. The 4 of us are doing the "90 in 90" together as a group, and we are working to help each other 24 hours a day, one day at a time. We are going to start our own small step group in the next 2 weeks. We went to a sober dance/dinner at our club last night, and it was the first new years eve I had sober in 23 years. Having a great sponsor makes all the difference in the world for me, and for that I am truly grateful. Take care and I wish you all another 24 hours.


Member: Robyn
Location: IN
Remote Name: 209.43.103.98
Date: January 02, 2004
Time: 10:17 AM -0500

Comments

Hello. Robyn here. An Alcoholic and an addict. I was at a gratitude meeting the other night and someone said gratitude is an action word...don't tell me how grateful you are, show me. WOW. That was very profound for me. I had never looked at it that way before. It's hard to not be the self-centered person that I am. Yah, I'm grateful for all of the things I have i.e. house, car, family, job..but am I? The action word: gratitude helps me stay sober. Hopefully it will someone else. Thanks for letting me share, I needed it.


Member: matt b
Location: minnesota
Remote Name: 64.61.211.98
Date: January 02, 2004
Time: 03:33 PM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Matt and a alcoholic. I've only been sober for 24 hours. I went to treatment 2 years ago and was only sober for one week after I got out. I'm sick of having to depend on alcohol for every thing I do. The first thing I think about when I get up is where and when I'm going to start drinking. The reason treatment didn't work was because I wasn't doing it for myself. I thought I could do control drinking but I always failed with that It seems like I always had to have just one more. I really didn't think that I could live without having a drink. my life and friends revolve around drinking. Now I want to stop. I'm going to a meeting tonight. And hope to go to many more. Thanks for listening, Matt


Member: Ken S.
Location: Lake Tahoe, CA
Remote Name: 65.136.3.159
Date: January 02, 2004
Time: 04:36 PM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Ken and I'm an alcoholic. Matt- I can relate to your posting, I myself have'nt taken a drink for almost 3 days. By the grace of god that is so, but I constantly find myself struggling with the concept of a higher power. However; I do feel that the "door is open a crack", and may possibly someday know peace if I take this one day at a time. Unfortunately, I work out in the Gulf of Mexico and am away from meetings for long periods of time, and that has been detrimental to my sobriety. I get a couple of weeks and then fall apart. It is so frustrating, but I now am finding some online AA resources that I hope will help me when I am traveling. If anyone has any suggestions for my situation I'm listening very well. I know that I am truly lost without this fellowship and by the grace of God I can stay sober one day at a time. Thank you all.


Member: sallie.g
Location: houston
Remote Name: 4.72.128.207
Date: January 02, 2004
Time: 08:51 PM -0500

Comments

To (Ken) hit your knees the first thing every morning and ask God to keep you sober just for the day. At night do the same thing and thank him for the day. Take your Big Book with you and read it everyday,especially pages 83-88. I read the stories too because reading them keeps me sober. I have been where many of the people in the book have been. I know the devastation of alcoholism. If the desire to drink overwhelms you stop and ask God to remove it and say it over and over and it will be done. These are things I have done and do to stay sober. May God be with you.


Member: m
Location: texas
Remote Name: 68.90.27.77
Date: January 02, 2004
Time: 11:55 PM -0500

Comments

I've been sober two days, and nights. It's the nights that are the hardest for me. I've lost my temper, exploded actually, twice and that puts in the mind to drink. I know that I have to be free of this anger if I'm to stay sober. So the topic... gratitude. I'm grateful that I've stayed sober in spite of my anger for two days. I pray for more gratitude and patience and that I continue to stay sober no matter how I feel. Thanks for listening.


Member: Michelle_CJ
Location: Nevada
Remote Name: 68.108.73.67
Date: January 03, 2004
Time: 01:35 AM -0500

Comments

Hello my name is Michelle and I'm an alcoholic. I am soon approaching day 6 of being sober.This is my first post here as I just found the site.At first I thought I could do this alone and who knows maybe I could have, but I really don't want to take the chance of just counting on me.I mean hey I'm the one that got me here right?I have been drinking for 26 years.From the age of 16 to 21 mostly just weekends.Then it became a daily habit.I did quit twice for about 9 months each....yea I have two children.But I picked right back up after.I never had the need to drink to get going in the morning but I had to have that first drink when I got home from work, ya know the one.....the one that lasts all night.Grateful I am to have found you all and I will be back.


Member: stanly
Location: mi
Remote Name: 12.73.152.135
Date: January 03, 2004
Time: 02:41 AM -0500

Comments

The nature of my alcholism. We all have our own. My dad always drank beers and 2 martinis to close out the night. He did OK, retired. I am following in his footsteps, but I am a complete failure. Booze sunk me. I wish it was the 60's I wish we could be happy. I think you know it comes from trauma, that people in AA are trauma survivers


Member: Lisa G.
Location: MA
Remote Name: 68.184.37.215
Date: January 03, 2004
Time: 09:29 AM -0500

Comments

Hi Everyone, This is my sixth day not drinking. Gratitude for me is feeling. Feeling happiness and love. Hugging and laughing with my children and husband without a glass of wine tucked away in the kitchen waiting to be sipped every ten minutes. I love being with my children and knowing that I am raising them without alcohol in their lives regularly. Yeah, they may inherit my alcoholic genes but I will be a support to them if they do. I am doing what I can for today. Thanks for letting me share. Today, gratitude for me is feeling, really feeling the joys of living.



Member: Glen H
Location: Tx
Remote Name: 4.62.113.73
Date: January 03, 2004
Time: 11:08 AM -0500

Comments

GH


Member: sherry
Location: California
Remote Name: 66.229.228.207
Date: January 03, 2004
Time: 12:22 PM -0500

Comments

Hi Sherry alcoholic here. Well I am grateful today because I realize that I am definately an alcoholic. I was working all day yesterday and didn't eat or drink anything. I went into a fast food place and the line was too long so I walked out. There was a liquor store across the street so I went in to get a bag of chips and a coke. Well you know what happened, I also bought a martini in a can. I drove home but before I went home I stopped at another liquor store and bought a small bottle of vodka for the night just in case I wanted another drink. Well its empty this morning and I am hungover. So having gratitude is a good topic cause I know that I can't pick up the first drink. It always gets me drunk. Also I need to pay attention to HALT. I had 2 weeks sober until yesterday and I wanted this new year to be a sober one. So I'm starting off again day 1 and I will get to a meeting this week. I am like alot of us where I can go up to a month without liquor, then think I can have one drink. Cunning is alcohol. God be with us all.


Member: Ruby
Location: CT
Remote Name: 24.151.124.28
Date: January 03, 2004
Time: 03:56 PM -0500

Comments

Hi Everybody, I'm on day 3 and this site has been very helpful so far. Sherry, I can relate to what you wrote a lot. I know what that next morning feels like all too well. And I'm so tired of that feeling - the regret, the guilt, the embarrassment, the fear and the anxiety. I know that getting sober and especially staying sober is going to be really hard. I've had a few goes at it before. I'm also quitting smoking (they go together too well for me). I am grateful that I haven't lost everything yet and I hope I'm able to do this before I do. I've had an incredible sense of impending doom for the past few months of my drinking. I know that something really terrible is going to happen if I don't stop now. I'll be at this site often. Thank you for being here.


Member: m
Location: texas
Remote Name: 68.88.74.4
Date: January 04, 2004
Time: 01:29 AM -0500

Comments

I'm so glad this website is here. I've been to 2 meetings today (3rd day sober) and wanted to go online before bed for some words of wisdom. I'm really grateful that I always find them here. I know that alot of you folks are retreads like me and want to be sober or you wouldn't be here. Right now the most important thing for me to keep in mind is "one day at a time." Otherwise the future looks way to looming and I fear that I'll fail again. So for today, which is almost over for me, I'm sober and, with my recent history, 3 days is quite an accomplishment. Thanks for your comments and God bless us all.