Member: Tracy
Location: England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: November 30, 2003
Time: 07:48 AM -0500

Comments

For me honesty is all about having that comfortable feeling in my gut when I have done or said something, whether it be to someone else or be something connected with myself. If I am comfortable with myself then I know that I have been true to "SELF" honest, and to god! trace x


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.0.184.118
Date: November 30, 2003
Time: 12:21 PM -0500

Comments

HI!! My name is Bill; I am an alcholic. The first time I uttered those words was the first time I told a truth about me in a long, long time. Before I could even begin to get into recovery, I had to find out who I was. This was the purpose of the 4th Step. This is where I got to introduce me to me. Today I know that I had to step on every stepping stone along the way to get where I am today. But if I forget, even for one moment, from where I came from, I could find myself back at Waldo's Bar picking up that drink I never finished so many years ago. It is still there waiting for me. Thanks.. I love you. Bill


Member: Donny B
Location: VA
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 30, 2003
Time: 12:55 PM -0500

Comments

I am just starting on this road to recovery and now realize how much better my life can be. Honesty to me is when you dont have to hide your drinking. you can actually say I have not been drinking and actually mean it. I feel alot better now that i don't drink anymore.


Member: Jude
Location: MA
Remote Name: 66.31.203.234
Date: November 30, 2003
Time: 08:02 PM -0500

Comments

Today, I finally admitted to my husband that I am an alcoholic and want to stop drinking. Like he didn't know....


Member: Jim B
Location: Seattle
Remote Name: 172.134.112.223
Date: November 30, 2003
Time: 09:19 PM -0500

Comments

H


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: December 01, 2003
Time: 05:58 AM -0500

Comments

60 days! Thanks to all who have helped me get here! Here's to another sober 24 for everyone. And oh... keep coming back.


Member: Amanda H
Location: NW Montana
Remote Name: 12.150.66.91
Date: December 01, 2003
Time: 08:55 AM -0500

Comments

Amanda, and honestly, I am an alcoholic. J Congratulations Jude on admitting to yourself the truth. You have to identify something before you can treat it. Hey Ann! Way to go 60 days! Honesty…for many years I lied to my children, my husband and my friends but most importantly I lied to myself. The lie I told (not necessarily in words but in thoughts and behavior) went something like this, “I do not have a drinking problem, I am not an alcoholic, and I am just fine. Sure, I sometimes drink too much, who doesn’t in this crazy world? I just have a stressful job and XY or Z is going on in my life. I will cut back when things ease up.” Only they never eased up and I never cut back, at least not for long. Then one day I went on a drinking binge because the world was too much for me to deal with sober. I called in sick to work, I stayed in bed with the flu, stashed a bottle and nursed it for two days all day. Three days later, I went back to work. My husband really though I had the flu! A few months later, I did the same thing and this went on periodically for two years. In between times, I drank a lot everyday, which I knew was not normal but this, I conveniently ignored. (another form of self-lie). One day I lost it and my binge lasted four full days. I didn’t nurse the alcohol; I drank as much as I could get my hands on. I didn’t fool my husband at all this time. When I was able to surface again. He faced me with my lies and was clear he was not going to participate in my self-destruction but he would stand by me if I got some help. I called the AA hotline. I call a physician that was a friend of mine that I knew was also going to AA. He took me to my first meeting. I couldn’t talk. I was so ashamed. The only time I found I had a voice was when I was in a step meeting and we were taking turns reading the steps. It took me three months of going to meetings and staying mute before I could say, “Hi, I am Amanda and I am an alcoholic.” Why? Because saying those words out loud seemed way too real and too honest for me. But I kept going to the meetings and for the first time I made it 90-days without a drink. That was enough to give me hope that I could continue to live without alcohol ruling my sensibilities. I hoped also that on day I could socialize and not wake up wondering how I made a fool of myself? Today I am approaching my 4th Birthday. I most definitely am a alcoholic, one that is sober and recovering nicely thanks be to God and lots of support in AA and out. I used to hate AA meeting rules that required you to introduce yourself as an alcoholic before you can speak, now I understand the honesty and wisdom in the introduction self-label. To me it is the very beginning of honesty that is necessary for sobriety. Thank you for letting me share. And I agree, keep coming back it works!


Member: Jude
Location: MA
Remote Name: 141.154.134.3
Date: December 01, 2003
Time: 12:27 PM -0500

Comments

Thanks Amanda. The honesty for me is also going to be to honestly find out who I am. I starting drinking at around the age of 15, and it has been increasing ever since. I am 42 years old so I have been drinking more than half my life. I am tired of it. Tired of pretending that I don't have a hangover, tired of feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Tired of worrying that now it can be affecting my health, and my family. I hope to attend a face-to face AA meeting in the near future. This is a start. It's comforting to know that other people know how I feel. It is comforting to knwo that I am not as alone as I thought I was.


Member: wayne moore
Location: Pensacola Fl.
Remote Name: 66.156.198.220
Date: December 01, 2003
Time: 05:12 PM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone, Thanks for sharing Donny B. Va. Sounds like true words from the heart.Honesty is everything! Wayne from Pensacola Fl.


Member: mark j m
Location: ohio
Remote Name: 209.251.19.199
Date: December 01, 2003
Time: 09:42 PM -0500

Comments

hi all... i've posted here in the past, but now i really need some sound advice. i don't want to go to my temp sponsor or my home group because i feel ashamed and embarrased. i've been going to AA meetings for about 6 months now, and as much as i've wanted to be sober i can't do it. i don't want to take the first step, which as far as i can tell, is to not take a drink one day at a time. i'm afraid of what i'll be like without that part of me around anymore. i honestly can't remember what i was before i was a drunk...and that scares me. i've managed to pull together 5 days of sobriety together and it was hell...i can say that i didn't use the tools that AA has taught me. i didn't call anyone and only went to my meetings. on the fifth day i had to slap myself across the face to keep from stopping at the convienient store. addict? i think so... i just know the pain i felt from just 5 days of being dry....and i know the anquish it caused me once i let myself and everyone else down. is there a way i can get over my fear of failing again and really start thinking in the ways of the AA tradition? if anyone can help please do. and since i know myself and that i probably wont' check on here tomorrow morning... if anyone wants to my email address is mmaupin@siscom.net i need some help... i'm 26. i'm graduating from college in 18 days and i need to get my disease under control. thank you all for your time and limitless compassion.


Member: Jim M
Location: Illinois
Remote Name: 12.74.16.66
Date: December 01, 2003
Time: 10:16 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, Mark, my name is Jim and I am an alcololic and new to this whole process. I am trying to be sober, so on one side you could say that I don't have any credibility and on the other side you could say I know what you are going through. I can only tell you about my own experience and that is not necessarily "the truth". I was able to "hide" my problem for 30-40 years. I say "hide" because, you have to know that I found out that people really knew, but just didn't say. Years later I am finding out how many people actually knew I had a "problem", but like me just "covered up".


Member: Amanda H
Location: NW Montana
Remote Name: 12.150.66.91
Date: December 01, 2003
Time: 10:43 PM -0500

Comments

Hi Amanda again. Jude, Mark and all others that wish to be sober, you have taken an important first step in honesty when you admitted you are an alcoholic and that you want to stop drinking, which by the way is the only requirement for becoming a member. Sobriety is not a requirement. I have worked with many drunken AA attendees. The on-line meetings are helpful but they do not have the same impact that face-to-face meetings have in terms of support and as a resource for understanding your disease. I was honest with you all and admitted that I required help to go to my first meeting. I needed a friend to take me there. If you call an AA hotline they can put you in touch with someone in your area that can meet you and take you to your first meeting. Don’t worry about seeing someone who may know you. They call it anonymous for a reason; everyone that attends also has a drinking problem or they wouldn’t be there! :) You will be surprised (if you go to the right meeting as many are all targeted for different needs/stages and preferences) at the broad cross section of people who attend. I am not the only person in any of my meetings that was a professional or had a college degree. There are also many people who are down and outand have lost a great deal. We all help each other... and I always am aware that but for the grace of God go I. From them I learn what I could lose if I take a drink again. What I have found is that I am indeed not alone that there are lots of people in AA are just like me, which is a mostly decent person who is trying to stay sober and turst me I am a whole lot more decent when I am sober. Despite the TV and Movie Industry depiction of alcoholism, the disease of alcoholism is NOT limited to those who are of low socioeconomics, poor education or to people with emotional disorders. While it is true that some ethic groups have a greater genetic predisposition to alcoholism; the disease strikes an average 10 to 20 percent of our American population - across the board! That means you have lived next to and worked with many, many practicing alcoholics and those in various stages of their disease and recovery. You are indeed not alone. The steps will work if you work them. And Mark you will decide to work them when the price of drinking is greater than the price of being drunk. The steps give you tools to get and stay sober. But like any tool they are not effective if they are not used correctly. AA f2f meetings give you the support and understanding you need to make it through the early stages of sobriety, which Mark are the hardest of all. Actually the first two weeks are the worst mentally and physically. If any of you are honest that you are an alcoholic but having a tough time staying sober go to meetings try these guidelines: 1.)Find an AA meeting that works for you. They all have their own personality and follow the 90 meetings in 90 days rule. 2.) Get a sponsor that fits for you (remember like AA meetins not all sponsors are created equal nor does one size, shape or approach fit all). 3.) Rad the Big Book and work the steps. And for the women out there, remember the Big Book and the 12 Step Program was written many years ago (originally over 40 years ago) by men for men. The best book modern step book I have found is “ A Woman’s Way Through The 12 Steps” by Stephanie S. Covington. It is very true to AA but with a contemporary and thoughtful approach that relates to women a bit better than the old AA verbage. Good luck to you and Mark and Jude I will pray for you both no matter whom you call your HP! Blessings, Amanda.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 67.124.30.99
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 01:21 AM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone. Stacy, alcoholic. I can remember being in one of my first AA mtgs and sharing that my goal in this life to is to be an honest person. I'm nearly 8 months sober and I can truly say that I am more honest with myself and with others now than I ever was in my drinking days. Grateful to God and AA for this gift.


Member: Ingrid
Location: USA
Remote Name: 212.185.248.215
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 05:55 AM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone and especially Mark! I am Ingrid and I am an alcoholic. I can relate to your share so much, Mark! I felt exactly the same way. I knew that my drinking was not normal and that it was causing me problems, but not drinking just sucked! It was soooo painful! I started to drink when I was 12 and reached AA at the age of 23. I could not remember life without drinking. The key for me was to try to open up to selected AA people and to some sort of higher power as best as I could. In the beginning I was only able to reach out a tiny bit, but it was enough. I stayed sober one day at a time, many times saying to myself: " I reserve the right to get drunk tomorrow, but today I won´t and I will try to work the program instead!". For me it has worked, after a while I was actually able to feel ok when sober. Now I have been priviledged to enjoy 15 years of relatively happy and contended sobriety thanks to many special people in AA and to an awesome and loving HP.


Member: neil s.
Location: k-town, germany
Remote Name: 62.224.213.83
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 08:29 AM -0500

Comments

hello, neil here, ALCOHOLIC, was hard to say that 111 days ago, but i truly believe that my GOD decided it was time for me to say that, and i did at my first face to face meeting. everyone here has GREAT ideas, and to those "newbies" read, read and re-read, and in my own humble opinon, PLEASE for your own good, go to a face to face meeting, make a call, tell them your scared, want a ride, go kicking and creaming if you have to but GO, go and admit you are an alcoholic, and that you are powerless over alcohol, and YES your life has become unmanageable, get a sponsor(even if you change to another later on) get a phone list, for when you think you have no one to talk to, make calls, even in the middle of the night (we will understand). I say this because i tried last year 28 sep 02, i went "cyber" AA , only, for those of you that are cyber "only" good on you, but for me it took alot more HONESTY to stand in front of strangers and say I AM AN ALCOHOLIC, and i have now for 110 days, to those strangers, that are now my family, my friends, cry together, laugh together, call each other (in the middle of the night)we all take it ONE DAY AT A TIME, i have an AA friend that takes it one hour at a time, whatever works for you. through the grace of my GOD, i WILL stay sober, JUST FOR TODAY. neil aka ascar


Member: Angie d.o.s. 11/16/02
Location: Costa Mesa California
Remote Name: 4.21.203.3
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 02:44 PM -0500

Comments

Hi my name is Angie And i most definetly am an alcoholic ... I agree being sober isn't enough ...it for me is Not just about not drinking or using .... though a year ago i thought that was my only problem .... if i could just get away for awhile if could just clean up .... put sometime in between me and my last drink i would be able to get back to my life .... and begin repairing my old Life... I had no idea I was the problem .... But once i began reading it , once i began actually HEARING it from others, once it was pointed out to me ...It made perfect sense to me .... I was almost relieved .... because this meant ... that if you guys were aware of it and had the same problem ... and were now recreating by working this program and it sure seemed to be working for you guys ...then it meant there was hope for Me ..... i agree i can't say Thy Will Be Done and then continue to run on self will and hold on with a tight grip to old behaviors .... i recognize today ... maybe not as soon as i would like when i am running on self will .... usually when i get into some pain ... or just feel plain miserable inside over what seems to be nothing in particualr ... but really its old behavior i have been dancing around in ... i can either choose to continue on with and try and fool myself that i am okay with it ... or i can say Okay God ... i give it up ... its your will be done not mine .... I find so much more peace when i can do this ..... God helps me to be honest with myself .... having made the concious contact with him over this past year ... that has turned into a personal relatioship that is extremly important in my life and in my sobriety ... i am not wanting to just not use anymore but to become the best me i can be on a daily basis .... it's about action ... and moving continually forward not backward... which i will probably continue to do because i am human .,... But i Pray i will continue to be willing to give my will up and try my best to live in Gods will for me. It's a design for living that really works


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 05:14 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, Ann here, Alcoholic. 61 days sober one day at a time. Honesty is one thing that I have now that I never did while drinking. It's not that I was an unhonest person, I told the truth when about other things than me and my drinking. I lied about drinking, when I was drunk, who I got drunk with, etc..etc... Now, I truly believe that one of the biggest things to keeping my sobriety is that wonderful feeling of being honest with myself and others ALL of the time! Knowing that today I will do the best I can in the best shape I can be in. and you know what, it has worked! I have more business now than in a year, and clients so happy it's unbelieveable. And yes, this is because of my honesty and sobriety..without one there would be no other.. here's to another sober and honest 24 to all of you!


Member: BillyBob
Location: KS
Remote Name: 65.71.168.18
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 06:40 PM -0500

Comments

Hello all, last night I relized for the first time that I was an alcoholic. I'm 33 been divorced (3 wonderful girls) for almost 3 years, not dating by choice, and turned my life over to Christ 2.5 years ago. But, I was still hiding. Last night my mom drove up (3 hours) to intervene and challenge me not to follow her path or my fathers. I haven't had a drink in 12 hours. I'm happy, sad, relived, and concerned all at once. Love in Christ, Bill


Member: Angie d.o.s. 11/16/02
Location: Costa Mesa California
Remote Name: 4.21.203.3
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 06:47 PM -0500

Comments

CONGRATS ON 12 SUCESSFUL HOURS ...!!!!! and welcome Billybob ... you just continue to hang on minute by minute and things will get better ... and hopefully you'll never have to go through this again ... keep coming back ... post your progress ... ask questions ... we're here for you ((BILLYBOB)))


Member: Jude
Location: MA
Remote Name: 66.31.203.234
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 07:57 PM -0500

Comments

THank you to all of you for sharing. I must say though I have only been sober 3 days now, and have been doing this cyber thing, just to even admit that I am alcoholic, and write that I am is more than I could have ever imagined doing. But like many of you have said before, the scariness of getting sober and the admission of being an alky, are second at this point to just not being drunk anymore. I am powerless over alcohol. No I can't just drink beer, I can't just drink when I am out and I can't just drink on special occasions. I know that. Once I start, I can't stop. My mind just tells me I can keep going. I have in internal battle and the booze wins. Bless all of you. We can help each other.


Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 09:41 PM -0500

Comments

hello my nam is mark and i'm a alcoholic first and for most CANGRATS to (((((((jude))) ((billybob)) and ((mark j m)) keep on keeping on mark check your email you'll find somthing there just wanted to say that i'm back had a bit of a time get back here but we are back(tech problems) GOD BLESS TO ALL AND ALL HAVE A GOODNIGHT


Member: Amanda H
Location: NW Montana
Remote Name: 12.150.66.91
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 11:36 PM -0500

Comments

Amanda, an Alcoholic. Neal, great starter tips for those new to the program. Jude three days is huge! BillyBob, admission is the first step keep up the hours, they add up to days. You already have a great Higher Power, turn it all over to him completely. He will guide you. Mark keep on reading and working it. You will find a whole new you, a better happier you. Those of you who are in your first days and hours of sobriety, just keep in mind you are going through the hardest part right now... as the days pass, it gets easier and easier... I promise. There was a time when I could not imagine coping without alcohol, now I can't imagine drinking again! Today alcohol does not control me anymore but once it did. Think about how it has convoluted your life. Get free by never taking the next drink again, at least for today and then build on tomorrow. Today, sober, I relax naturally (it is possible)I sleep peacefully and I never have to wake up and rack my brain to wonder what kind of fool I made of myself last night. Be honest, what does alcohol do for you now except cause you hellish problems? So the next time you are craving a drink, try to focus on the peace you have by not drinking and the hell that is in your life is when you do. Have a great 24 and Blessings!


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: December 02, 2003
Time: 11:57 PM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), Kelly an alcoholic. It takes (Honesty) to say that! Everybody here is being honest about having a problem and wanting help to stop drinking. As an alcoholic I was a liar, a cheat and a thief. I thought I was a pretty honest person but that was the lie I told myself until I believed it. After a year sober and working the steps of recovery I realize that I knew I had a problem with booze at 30. I drank everyday and that was not normal. I failed every test I took on identifying if I had a problem with alcohol. I never kidded myself about that. I never tried to stop drinking or even cut back. The great lie for me was that as long as I was a functioning, working drunk I was not "that bad". It took me about 7 years of being (not that bad) to becoming, (pretty damn bad). At pretty damn bad I was so sick I had to quit working to drink around the clock. Thats when I went from pretty damn bad to (God awful). God awful was when I couldn't lie anymore to myself because I was so sick with the disease I was barely functioning. Did that stop me? Hell No! because then I had to drink not to die of the dt's! You see where I'm going with this... the lie perpetuated the lie until it almost took me out. Today I try and keep it real with myself. {To drink for me is to die}. I stay sober for one 24 hour period at a time. I only have today and today I did not pick up a drink and went to a meeting. I have done this every day for 14 months and it works for me, Take care and keep up the good fight, Kelly :)


Member: KJC
Location: Grove City , OH
Remote Name: 65.60.245.215
Date: December 03, 2003
Time: 12:29 AM -0500

Comments

Hi All. KJC here in Ohio. Mark JM, check your email. Congrats to all who are celebrating their first few hour or months of being sober. When I first came to the rooms of AA I didn't believe in anything really, I just knew that I wanted to die. I intentionally overdosed at the age of 15 and nearly died. I thought there was just somthing really wrong with me. i thought I was just an immoral or weak person. I was affraid to feel my feelings. I was affraid they would overcome me and that I would end up locked in a rubber room. I didn't want any one to see me cry or look weak. I was brought up to think that you had to take the bull by the horns. When I finally let the people at the meetings see me hurting it was like I could breath again. I heard everyone go on and on about the 4th step and sponsors. I tried a few sponsors, one of which turned out to be senile and always thought I was sombody else when i called. Even so, I began writing a 4th step as I thought I should w/o a sponsor, what else did I have to lose, I could kill myself any time. I was very nearly ready to off my self once and for all when I met 2 people in the program who gave me hope and led me through the steps of AA. They opened their home and their hearts to me and I will never be able to repay them or the countless others who have been there for me when I needed help. I let these few people really see me and I have NEVER regreted it. I owe AA my life. I wish there were more than words to express how much this program, GOD, etc..has done for me. For those of you who are still not sure, just give it a try what do you have to lose except your pain. Don't let anything stand in your way of having some real peace. Thanks for reading. I came... I came to... I came to believe. Love to all, KJC


Member: Jake
Location: Sacramento, CA
Remote Name: 24.10.10.113
Date: December 03, 2003
Time: 12:55 AM -0500

Comments

Hello, Jake...alcholic. I have 26 day's sober today and honesty is very tough for me right now. I still feel the need to hide things from people and not be honest with my sponser.


Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 205.188.208.165
Date: December 03, 2003
Time: 07:38 AM -0500

Comments

Hi I'm Mike Alcoholic: Keep up the good work Jake.It sounds like your doing the right thing.Going to meetings,getting a sponser and most importantly not drinking between meetings. Trusting strangers is not easy but with continued attendance to meetings and not drinking in between meetings you will find your way. Just remember to go to meetings and don't drink, it's that simple.You can do it ! we're all rooting for you! Mike


Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Remote Name: 68.76.50.112
Date: December 03, 2003
Time: 07:44 AM -0500

Comments

It has been said that we can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time. The one person I can never fool is myself. I can try all I want but in the end I still know whether I am being honest or not. It is much simpler to just be honest.


Member: William S
Location: Austin, TX
Remote Name: 128.83.117.23
Date: December 03, 2003
Time: 09:15 AM -0500

Comments

good morning. Did my 5th step last weekend...more was certainly revealed! And not in a way that made me sob in pity but opened my eyes to what I can work to change. Started in AA 16 years ago, had decent sober time before (4.5 yrs, 7 yrs) and the denial I woke up to recently was that the turmoil I was experiencing was as real as any low-bottom case--I am powerless to alcohol, my emotions, people, etc. I got confused as a high-bottom drunk, thinking I wasn't "bad" enough to be in AA (I didn't lose all material possessions, the roof over my head, jobs, family, etc.). The previous years weren't wasted and the slogan Keep Coming Back was a suggestion I could handle. Taking baby steps in sobriety & just staying away from the 1st drink has changed everything.


Member: Jude
Location: MA
Remote Name: 66.31.203.234
Date: December 03, 2003
Time: 10:03 PM -0500

Comments

Hi Jude here- Alcoholic. Amanda, thanks for the heads-up on the 12 Steps for Women. I am going to check that out. It is great, not to wake up and wonder what the hell happend the night before, or what you did or said. Jake, I too, am still hiding though. I have now been honest in admitting my alcoholism to myself and my husband, and of course to you all, but I am certainly not ready to discuss it or tell other family members, friends or work people, let alone another stranger. Kelly and William, you hit home when you mentioned going through the thoughts of not being "that bad" or not "losing" anything. THat is what I kept thinking. WHat the heck, I have a great job, a great home and family, college educated. HOw can I be an alcoholic?! Well, I am. I know I have no power over alcohol. I know it will be tough with Holidays coming up and get togethers to attend. I honestly want to get through all of this without drinking. Good luck and stay well to all of you struggling like I am. Jude


Member: l.mike
Location: georgia
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: December 03, 2003
Time: 10:54 PM -0500

Comments

Im mike, an alcoholic.I am glad to know that I can come here.This is my first time here but I look forward to coming back.


Member: Amanda H
Location: NW Montana
Remote Name: 12.150.66.91
Date: December 04, 2003
Time: 01:01 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, Amanda a grateful recovering alcoholic. Mike, welcome and keep coming back! Understanding that you are not alone helps. Ah, honesty to our selves when we are high bottom drunks. Honesty when we still want to drink or when we have not yet learned to replace alcohol with a healthy coping mechanism is tough. Jude, please reread what I shared above about the disease. It strikes 10 to 20 percent of the American population across the board. So your college degree or mine or our above average socioeconomic status does not make us immune. We who are high bottom alcoholics just don’t fit the TV stereotype, so it is easy to argue (with ourselves that we are not really alcoholics. I lied to myself for years. All of you out there in early sobriety, please be VERY CAREFUL AFTER A FEW DAYS OR MORE OF SOBRIETY… Why? Because your subconscious mind, which is partially controlled by your addicted brain cells, will try to reason with you that is “OK to drink again, after all didn’t I just make it ____ days without drinking? Alcoholics don’t do that!” Oh yes they do! Many of us are able to control our drinking for some length of time. Here is the true test, if you are wondering if you truly are an alcoholic, try drinking again and see how long it takes you to drink abnormally. If you are an alcoholic it will happen faster than you can even fathom. Or if the abnormal drinking doesn’t happen quickly you may be drinking normally for a period of time but spending an inordinate amount of effort to control and contain your drinking. Eventfully you will lose the battle. Here is the absolute truth, the more you try to control your drinking the harder and deeper abnormal drinking will reoccur. Consider these thoughts as a potential benchmark (and please be honest with your evaluation of yourself): People who are NOT alcoholics do not have to control their drinking. People who are NOT alcoholics do not drink everyday nor do they regularly drink in abnormal amounts. People who are NOT alcoholics do not crave more drinks. People who are NOT alcoholics do not find excuses to drink, hide their drinking, drink alone, nor are they acutely aware of how much alcohol is in the house. People who are NOT alcoholics do not go to social events and wake up concerned about their drunken behavior the night before. It is NOT normal to wake up one, two or three days a week with a hangover. If you are a high bottom drunk who made it to AA, consider yourself lucky that you were able to discover, name and treat your disease BEFORE you became a low bottom drunk. I wish there was another truth to share but sadly alcoholism is a progressive disease that leads eventually to profound loss of function and eventually death. Every study and publication in the medical journals on the subject collaborates this information. But don’t trust me, try the Mayo Clinic Web site (he Mayo Clinic is one of the worlds most prestigious medical centers in the US and is respected nation wide). Look up alcoholism under the section of “disease conditions”. You can find them at www.mayoclinic.com. Thanks for letting me share and have a sober 24!


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 66.123.254.236
Date: December 04, 2003
Time: 05:34 PM -0500

Comments

Kathy-alcoholic-liar-creep etc etc ... at least for the moment. I really really appreciate seeing all of Amanda's postings and others who have actual time sober. Often all i have seen here are new members all looking for help. You are giving it Amanda et al so thank you. I got sober in 95 for 2 years, then drank for a few years, then sober for 2 years (though stealing pain pills so not really sober just not drinking) and recently picked up alcohol again since I could not get any pills. So really I have little sobriety in my 8 years of AA. Once I pick up booze it is very hard to stop again-duh, so now I am really struggling. I have a 2 year old son whom I could loose custody of if I dont stop this, I have a new husband who is sober I could loose, I have everything to loose. WHy do I drink? My excuse is stress typically. I just need to 'relax' and cant do it any other way (I have tried lots of alternatives). I need to go to f2f meetings and have not been to more than 10 meetings in the last 18 months. Stupid of me I know. Now I have a lot of excuses on why i cant go, school. no babysitter, too tired blah blah blah. More stupid thinking I know. I am feeling totally depressed and scared and evil right now. And alone of course. I did have about 10 days til last night. I got totally sick and passed out, I am sure I wont fool anyone for long with that knd of drinking. No one knows I am drinkng again but you all. I am just sort of dumping here all of my stuff I need to say but havent or feel too afraid to. So sorry I am just a downer here. I will pray to stay sober today. I will pray for myself and all of you and those who like me are struggling. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: l.mike
Location: georgia
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: December 04, 2003
Time: 08:19 PM -0500

Comments

I am Mike,alcolic and an addict.Kathy I am sorry for what you are dealing with.This is a newly found place for me and I am struggling as well.You are not alone nor hopeless and I hope to hear more from you.Sometimes,as in my case,my secrets found me out,but that which was my worst fear became a gift! "Freedom".I pray you find it and I dont ever want to loose it.I have been told to pray,read step one every day for the first week,read page 86 in the big book every day and to call my sponcer every day.No one can do this for me and I fully believe you'll find your miracle if you want it and when you want it.See ya, hang in there


Member: cathy d.
Location: Ann Arbor MI
Remote Name: 68.40.199.204
Date: December 04, 2003
Time: 10:03 PM -0500

Comments

hi. It's me Cathy, an alcoholic. This sounds like First step to me. My fear, doubt, and insecurity drove me to AA 9.5 years ago, and keep me here today. I attend meetings, and have never stopped. I put down alcohol when my daughter was 7 months old because I was very scared and ashamed that I was drinking so much. She is 10 now and I feel so lucky and grateful that I've been raising her sober, and with the wisdom that the program brings me. Katy, I wish I could give you a hug and take you to a meeting with me right now. Best to all.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: December 05, 2003
Time: 08:28 AM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), You all help keep me sober with your honest, heartfelt shares. It makes me (remember).((Kat)), that beautiful daughter of yours will not help you get sober. She cannot compete with the mental obsession of alcoholism. Especially at Christmas time I have a saying that is so true. "Alcohol is the gift that keeps on taking". Alcohol is a subtle foe and the progression is so gradual that it is hard to see sometimes. Your bottom can be when ever you decide it to be. Utimately it is jail, death and institutions. I escaped without death but ended up in the other two before I surrendered. How did I ever get there? One drink at a time, that's how! This will be my second sober Christmas and in (The Promises, pg. 83) are coming true for this drunk. I am just so very grateful and hopeful we can all get sober. Keep coming back and posting. GodBless us all. Kelly :)


Member: barney
Location: uk
Remote Name: 195.92.168.175
Date: December 05, 2003
Time: 01:11 PM -0500

Comments

barney here,alcoholic and 7 days sober.i've been more honest in the last few days than in a long long time and it feels so good.i can look my husband in the eye and say with a clear conscience that i have not touched a drink and can see that he knows i'm not lying.such a small,everyday thing means a lot and the comments from all of you out there help so much! thank you todd c for your words last week,they made my day! it is hard for those of us starting out on this road but we can do it. i just look at my family and think well yes,there's my reason for stopping.have a happy and sober weekend everyone and thanks for letting me share.


Member: Angie d.o.s. 11/16/02
Location: Costa Mesa California
Remote Name: 4.21.203.3
Date: December 05, 2003
Time: 02:49 PM -0500

Comments

TO {{{KATD}}} hi i just wanted to let you know i also live in southern California ... and i attend meetings all the time ... i just celebrated a year sober last month .. first time in the program ... i have been living in a recovery home for a year .... just to let you know a little about me... anyways if you ever wanna go to a f2f meeting please let me know i would be happy to go with you ... i go to 2 all womens meetings a week and i go to a couple of mixed meetings ...but be willing to go to any on any day you like ... you can email me at amofford@kforce.com


Member: Amanda H
Location: NW Montana
Remote Name: 12.150.66.91
Date: December 05, 2003
Time: 02:56 PM -0500

Comments

Amanda, an alcoholic. My heart goes out to those of you who are in such a terrible struggle with your early sobriety! I just want to point out that being honest does not mean beating ourselves up. The first three steps of AA are meant for us to come to honest terms with our disease and to ask for help. “Admit that we are powerless over alcohol” (Step One, the honesty step), “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” (Step Two, the looking outside of ourselves step) and “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him, (Step Three, the allowance for God to help us become whole through his grace step). Grace in most of the major spiritual beliefs means "undeserved love." We don’t earn grace with good works or by following all the rules all of the time. None of us who were placed on earth are clean enough or good enough to earn God’s grace.It is a gift for the asking. So it doesn’t matter if you are massively addicted to alcohol or you had a high bottom. What matters is you honestly admit where you are now with you disease and pray for God to lead you on a journey of healing. Healing is a product of grace. It will happen if you allow it. Here is the kicker, you can’t say "OK God I am turning my disease over to you but I still want control of my own journey, and of when and how I heal." Just remember God will never mess with your right to choice and self will. So praying to turn your life over to God but them demanding control over your drinking puts you right back into the nightmare of trying to control your drinking on your own. I was sponsoring a young woman who prayed over and over again for God to heal her and she still relapsed. She was angry at God. At first glance I would be also, but when we dug a litter deeper, it was clear that she had not turned her disease over to God. Her prayers went something like this, “your will be done and God here’s how I want my life to be…” When we turn our lives over to God for healing we must FULLY turn them over and be open to a new way of living. God sees goodness for us that we cannot see for ourselves. The young woman that I was sponsoring could not do this because she was afraid of giving up her will to a HP. This amazed me because her best thinking and coping with life on her own have left her in a heaping mess. But she wanted to cling to her own control because of her own fear of what would happen to her life. I know a God of love. I know that if we turn our current messes over to him fully and trust he will lead us out, he does. The Promises, referred to by other shares on page 83 of the Big Book are read at almost every F2F meeting are the results that happen to each of us when we honestly “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him. For all of you struggling with either early sobriety and/or reoccurring stages of early sobriety that is not sticking, rethink your prayers and your relationship to your HP/God. All traditional medicine is now linking scientific practice and spirituality to improved outcomes. If you doubt me read Larry Dossey, MD ‘s book, “Healing Words” or Berne Segal, MD ’s book, “Love Medicine and Miracles.” Take care and have a sober 24!


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 64.165.11.221
Date: December 05, 2003
Time: 04:57 PM -0500

Comments

katd here, alcoholic. THanks for all the support from out there. it really helps to know that even if it is via this virtual medium i have connections and shared my truth and get to hear your truths. i think amanda is right about me not giving up all of my life to my HP. i give up my disease but with no changes in how i am living. that is not working obvioulsy. i guess i need to take the next step and be truly willing to change all of me/give it all to God. that must mean going to f2f meetings, having a sponsor, etc etc. sounds so simple but i get it messed up in my head. i didnt drink yesterday and pray i wont again today. i have a teen coming over this weekend to meet my child to try and get a babysitter established so i can go to meetings regualarly. i am going to a big speaker meeting in town saturday where i was told there are lots of women who sponsor. so these are small steps but at least they are changes. i will also pray more for willingness to give up all of me not just my sickness. I will pray for all of you as well. THANK YOU ({[Everyone}])


Member: Sarah L.
Location: Houston
Remote Name: 67.42.71.48
Date: December 05, 2003
Time: 10:31 PM -0500

Comments

hi im sarah and im an alcoholic. i have 7 months sober and on a trip for two weeks in new mexico. i havnt been able to go to a meeting because i cant find one and alll my serinity is slowly fading. i really really like this topic because its something that i always have problems with . when i was first getting sober like many people there was no way in hell i was going to admit that i had a problem that couldnt be cured. my reasonings were that i was 16 and was just a kid. i think reminding myself that im an alcoholic is a daily task..its something that ive been having to do alot on this trip. self honesty is also hard for me when it comes to being open with my emotions. i like to minimize things as much as possible in my head so that no one will know that im not perfect,, like they dont know already. honesty is the principle behind the forst step and without it i know i can not stay sober.


Member: l.mike
Location: georgia
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: December 06, 2003
Time: 12:24 AM -0500

Comments

I am mike, an alcoholic and greatful to be sober for my forth day now.I love to see the same names here each day as well as knowing that I always have a meeting here in my home to come to with you all. I hope you'll keep seeing my name,I am really giving myself to this program today and praying I have another tomorrow sober.


Member: dave.s
Location: driffield e.yorks
Remote Name: 80.225.178.11
Date: December 06, 2003
Time: 03:45 AM -0500

Comments

Hi Iam Dave Alcoholic in the good old UK. 10 yrs sober now . Matters not 4 days 4months 1 year we are all the same. So congradulations to all who share here'for your honesty,sincerity but most of all for helping me ! E-Mail jjratdave@tiscali.co.uk


Member: Scott W
Location: Houston
Remote Name: 172.172.137.130
Date: December 06, 2003
Time: 09:19 AM -0500

Comments

Sarah L: There are over 2,000 meetings a week in Houston. You can call Intergroup at 713-686-6300 for meetings near you and also to request a meeting directory. Keep up the good work and keep coming back.


Member: Jude
Location: MA
Remote Name: 66.31.203.234
Date: December 07, 2003
Time: 07:32 AM -0500

Comments

JUde here, I am so happy to say that i just completed 7 days sober. It feels so good. Friday and Saturday's are tough for me, because those days play big in my drinking pattern. I really realize what a prisoner I am to alcohol. Whenever I felt the thoughts coming to me, I just kept telling myself I am powerless over alcohol. I am happy to wake up unashamed of something I did or said, and happy to wake up with a clear head. HOliday time is a tough time for me. MOst all of my family and friends are drinkers and most of them heavy. This is a great place to be able to tap into whenver you need to. Sober and feeling sane again. Jude