Member: Ardis ;)
Location: Florida Central Gulf Coast
Remote Name: 24.161.241.255
Date: November 23, 2003
Time: 04:37 PM -0500
Those utter lonely feelings right after we sober up can be devastating. I did not belong to the old drinking crowd anymore nor did I feel I did fit into the new sober crowd yet, they were also very boring. What's a girl to do? =========================================== I went to lots of meetings to stave off the lonely feelings. I started to help in the local AA Central Office with mailing the AA monthly newsletter and got to know more AA people.======================================== I went to meetings out of the area, scared like a mouse to walk in, but I did it never-the-less. I also hang out in the Central Office and learned to volunteer to pick the phone up. Every move I make sober seemed to be a confrontation of fears within me. What if I do it wrong, what do they really think about me, where they talking about me, on and on, all thoughts being INTO self, not out-of-self. It was still all about me. ==================== I asked for suggestions and did not like many, it was slow going at first to fend off the loneliness and replace it with esteemable, worthwhile, self-less behaviors. It is also a state of mind I found out for me, and a tool to learn to become one owns BEST friend! ====== I kept on showing up, wanting to or not, I participated, wanting to or not, until I found things to do I liked. Like a zombie at first, I went through the motions because I did not know what else to do. ======================== I found out pretty quick most people did not want to do it MY way, they did it their way! That was good for a few resentments and obsessive thinking about revenge. I had to lower my expectations, to the point to not expect anything from anyone. To count on MY God and me, TRUST. Trust this shall pass too and to STAY willing to go to ANY length to STAY sober, no matter what. Practice makes perfect I found out also, I started to see character building as a challenge. Rome was not build overnight nor are the good feelings of sobriety. It's in the practice of good living, the practice of applying all the 12 steps to our life that loneliness disappeared. DO the actions and the results will follow! It's one baby step at the time to get from here to there, no shortcuts available for longlasting fullfilment and happiness. November is AA Gratitude month, show yours!
Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 205.188.208.165
Date: November 23, 2003
Time: 05:40 PM -0500
Going to meetings almost everyday for 5 years seemed to help with my loneliness.The meeting after the meeting helped a lot too! Then after leaving the meetings I seemed to be able to relate better with my sober friends outside of AA. There was some magic that propelled me through those times even though things were not pefect for me. If I hadn't been so bent on finding my own way and taking no ones advice I would probably be further along but after 20 some years of not using alcohol I'm finding that doing Gods will while not easy may be easier than doing it my way and alone.Just reading your comments gets me in contact with that old magic. Thank you for sharing!
Member: Craig K
Location: Chassell, MI
Remote Name: 24.213.46.179
Date: November 23, 2003
Time: 10:05 PM -0500
Craig K, alcoholic. Fending off loneliness is a tough one for me. I've never been really comfortable in my own skin, so I have a hard time being alone. My discomfort with myself also makes it difficult for me to relate to others and forge new relationships, which makes me very aware of my loneliness. To get my mind off loneliness, I try to work, or read, surf the Internet, watch TV, etc. I can't really just sit there and contemplate for any length of time. Going to meetings helps, especially since I meet a lot of people much like myself. I also try to get involved in clubs that don't involve drinking. This past summer, I was involved with a mountain biking club. I also like to get out on my road bike and put some miles of asphalt beneath the wheels. I also have a dog, Spencer, and he makes sure that I'm never truly alone. I love that dog! Blind (er, visually challenged) people have seeing eye dogs. Well, Spencer is my seeing sober dog. Drink some water, not some booze. Go to meetings, and you can't lose. -Craig
Member: eric q
Location: wi
Remote Name: 12.73.150.208
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 02:58 AM -0500
How do you give somebody "get it", to stop with the stupid behavior. That is the ...... question. Life itself is amazinging beautiful, those with addictions have lost site of life, I'm chatting from the edge, help
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 68.171.89.45
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 05:15 AM -0500
54 days here and doing well. Lonliness seems to be a common thread with all of us. We use alcohol to blur the edges between us and others. We use alcohol to try and "change" peoples perception of us in a good way. So, that is why getting out and going to AA meetings, going to lunch with a friend, going for a walk with your dog, just going and doing is so important. I find this so interesting as I got to this great point by getting a DUI. With that DUI, I can't get out and do. I can't get out because I live in the middle of nowhere and have to drive to get there and I have a license that is for work only. The "system" has taken away one of the most important things to an alcoholic. I work out of my home, so I'm home all day by myself. So, what do I do? I try and work alot, I go for walks on the property, I read all of your posts and I go on day to day. Here's to another 24, and no matter what, don't let them win!
Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 64.12.96.75
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 10:12 AM -0500
Going to meetings and listening, taking what you need and leaving the rest and not drinking is how to overcome the effects of the poison alcohol.In my life time I watched alcohol destroy 3 generations and create in my life what seems to be an almost unlivable life.If i were still using alcohol I would most likely be dead or crazy or even worse.There is worse. Waking up to find that you have done something you would have never thought of if not for the omnipotent effect of alcohol and the out of control life that was lubricated by it.I don't want to go back there again. Going forward is at times uncofortabe and even painful but it exceeds by far what I fought to get away from.Thanks for sharing!
Member: Craig K
Location: Chassell, MI
Remote Name: 24.213.46.179
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 11:50 AM -0500
Craig K, alcoholic here. ANN, I can sympathisize with your situation. I also work from home and live in a rural area. Without a car, I'd really be in a bind. Thankfully, I don't have a DUI, but I know how hard having one must be for you. Working from home keeps me fairly isolated from others, since I don't have any f2f interaction with coworkers. Email and phone serve as my only connection to the main office. A good day is when the FedEx guy makes a delivery. To compensate, I try to go to f2f AA meetings and talk to people before and after the meeting.
Member: Kim D
Location: Bridgewater
Remote Name: 209.113.227.200
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 01:14 PM -0500
((Eric q.)) We don't "get it"... we "give it." Give it up - surrender - admit defeat. Only by admitting defeat do we gain enough power to "win." God Bless and KCB.
Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Remote Name: 64.65.147.127
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 03:09 PM -0500
Man, this one hit me this weekend when I went to an AA meeting and no one said hi to me. I didn't exactly go out of my way either, but I really felt invisible. And I see several of these people at two different meetings I'm attending. At just over 100 days sober, I really need people to reach out to me - even just to say hi. Okay, enough self pity, I'll do the reaching out from my side. Thanks for letting me complain a bit.
Member: Lori F.
Location: Stow, OH
Remote Name: 65.25.124.199
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 06:19 PM -0500
I've found that, when housebound — whether because of a court order, an illness, or whatever — my best friend is the telephone. With it, I have contact to numerous sober people who can help me through whatever I am facing in any given 24 hours. I know that sometimes I can become afraid to reach out. But I really have to be careful not to isolate — not to use my situation as an "excuse" to withdraw from others, but to continue to reach out to others in any way I can. The telephone is one way — this online meeting is another. Call people for rides. Call them just to chat. Come here to comment or just to read others' comments. It is this act of reaching out that partially frees us from the bondage of self. Working the steps completes the freedom. God Bless, and KCB. Lori F.
Member: Betsy
Location: Washington
Remote Name: 12.208.172.13
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 07:14 PM -0500
(((Becky))) Hi, I sobered up in the Seattle area 24 years ago and remember some of those meetings being HUGE. If you're in a mood to slide in and hide in the back that's great, but otherwise, it can be hard, I know. Have you looked around for some smaller meetings around you? I know there used to be a lot of meetings that started out huge and then split up into a few smaller groups, different steps, etc., making things cozier for everyone. Hang in there, Betsy
Member: mrluckeyd@aol.com
Location: David-Santa Fe
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: November 24, 2003
Time: 08:02 PM -0500
Fending off loneliness is simple...just like the program of alcoholics anonymous. However, a price has to be paid. That price is willingness! What I did and still do when I get lonely, is call someone in the program who has a sponsor and is working the steps of AA out of the book...better than that I call my sponsor. What is a sponsor...someone who has a sponsor and is sponsoring people would be one example, the one I choose to share with new people to AA. I have found a host of friends in my over 18 years in AA. I am 33 and loving life. The other thing is to pray..now...only those depserate folks will try it, but here is a good prayer that worked and works for me today. The set-aside prayer: God help me to set aside everything I think I know about ____ so that I can have a completely new outlook and experience. This prayer helped especially with my relationship with my creator. I put the word God in the blank. Dig it...it really works. In love, I am.....David
Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Remote Name: 209.240.205.63
Date: November 25, 2003
Time: 02:46 AM -0500
Jane C...alcohoic///ARDIS. thank you for the insightful sharing..this loneliness is a bugger for me...I'm one of those who can be lonely in a crowd of friends...I still feel like I'm outside looking in a lot of the time...I even feel lonely after I"ve had words with my BF..it isn't often and I thank God for that, but when it happens, I feel so abandoned,even with him sitting next to me..I guess this is something a lot of us feel, and maybe it just goes down to our self-esteem issues...I'm really confused right now because we are in the middle of a move, and I'm having a family problem to deal with as well with the folks back East and I'm really having a hard time making a decision that has to be made, even after discussing it with my BF and my oldest son..so that too, makes me feel alone...as if no one has an answer for me, which makes me feel lonely as well...I've had to make major decisions all my life, never really knowing if they were the right ones..no one seemed to want the responsibility so it just was easy enough to shove on me..the pushover of the family...Im rambling now, so Hugs for all, and may God give us another sober day..
Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 205.188.208.165
Date: November 25, 2003
Time: 12:39 PM -0500
Ann- one of my drinking buddies got pulled over for DUI in his driveway and was forced into a rehab and then AA or lose his job.Somehow I still had my license and he asked me to drive him to meetings.At first I would take off after dropping him off at the meeting and go out and get high.After several weeks he confronted me and told he didn't appreciate me getting high in his car.Not long after that he convinced me to come to the meeting with him and I did.That was more than 20 years ago and I haven' t had a drink since then. His DUI helped save both of our lives.I hope this post is relevant.I know how painful it must be to be without but "this to will pass".
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: November 25, 2003
Time: 02:34 PM -0500
Hi, Ann here. Still sober, still going stong. (Mike J) Thank you for that great story! I will tell all of you that nothing but good has come from my getting pulled over for a DUI. I only look at the future proceedings as a speed bump in my recovery. Everyday is SO much better now than it was. I was not pushed into AA, I went on my own for me and my son. I am so grateful for what I've found in those meetings. I have the most wonderful sponsor, and friends that are there for me in those rooms. I still have alot of hoops to jump thru re: court and all, but as you say, that too will pass. And what I am left with is sobriety and a much better outlook on life! Thanks to all who are sharing and here's to another great 24!
Member: buzzsaw
Location: Detroit, MI
Remote Name: 198.70.2.94
Date: November 25, 2003
Time: 03:56 PM -0500
Well - get two DUIs and you will not find much good. The court did not order me to AA for either one. But, I am supposed to go for daily breathlyzers at the court, weekends in jail, counsoling twice a week, probation monthly, 270 hours of community service, fines up the ying-yang. But ---- don't drive, keep a job and pay them. How in the world !?!? Talk about overwhelmed and lonely. All these makes me want to drink. Either A. don't let me drive and keep me home, or B. let me drive and I will do all these things. The stage is set for me (and others) to fail.
Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 209.208.77.250
Date: November 25, 2003
Time: 07:11 PM -0500
Hello all, KAthleen here alcoholic. I made coffee at my home group for about 2 years. That helped me to feel a part of and a good way to meet folks. When I was drinking and even when I sobered up at first I could be in a crowd and still feel lonely. I got into the steps and concentrated on recovery and today I can honestly say I don't feel lonely. I have a job I love and my cats and my sons and grandkids and my hp and thats enough for me... Grateful to be sober today.. Kathleen
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 25, 2003
Time: 10:01 PM -0500
Hi All, I used to be lonely when I drank. Since getting sober and active in AA I am no longer lonely or bored. I found meetings I like and have lots of friends to talk to in the program. I swear half of staying sober is hanging around with sober alcoholics to talk/ laugh with and bounce stuff off of. Asking for help was hard for me but I have never had another alki ever laugh at my questions. They answer them or direct me to someone who can. They also have empathy because we share the same disease. If your lonely and you need to talk then get to a meeting and introduce yourself. Keep going to a meeting everyday and get a job in AA. Before you know it your lonliness will vanish and it will be replaced with hope and friendship. At least it worked for me that way. Good Luck and keep up the good fight. Kelly :)
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 25, 2003
Time: 11:55 PM -0500
Hi ((All)), Here is a web page that may be of interest to anyone in recovery. Lot's of good stuff!http://www.barefootsworld.net/bftwrite.html
Member: Cec H.
Location: Rivercity
Remote Name: 172.210.17.99
Date: November 26, 2003
Time: 01:15 AM -0500
Just stopped by to say hi.
Member: eric q
Location: wi
Remote Name: 12.73.152.126
Date: November 26, 2003
Time: 02:01 AM -0500
Do you remember the 1000 pound gorilla on your back? That is what it feels like being addicted to a substance. Thanks for all the good advice. Hope I can build up enough courage to go to a f2f meeting. Ozzy, that drunk said luv u all
Member: Lori F.
Location: Stow, OH
Remote Name: 65.25.124.199
Date: November 26, 2003
Time: 10:10 AM -0500
I've found that courage, for me, comes primarly — actually only — through prayer and connection with my Higher Power. One way it came to me the most strongly, especially early on, was through the prayer that some of us learn elsewhere, but all of us learn in AA: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Amen." Love to all and KCB. Lori
Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Remote Name: 63.149.217.4
Date: November 26, 2003
Time: 03:11 PM -0500
I think the best way to fend off loneliness is to surround yourself with people who truly care about you. Friends or family are the best for me. Sometimes I need to be alone and sometimes I need my family. So much so that I live with my cousin so I would always have that constant there for me.
Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 24.54.1.38
Date: November 27, 2003
Time: 06:48 AM -0500
57 days! Seems like forever since I have had a drink. Funny how all of those old "habits" seem to go away pretty quickly if you keep busy. Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and remember what we have the most to be thankful for. Our sobriety. Here's to a strong Holiday weekend everyone! 24, one day at a time!
Member: Dietrich M
Location: Kabul, Afghanistan for now!
Remote Name: 217.21.147.133
Date: November 27, 2003
Time: 08:49 AM -0500
OM SHANTI TO ALL, NAMASTE! To: romy kelly: Just wanted to say thanks for your honesty, it's good to see people out there who are real. Who are experiancing real crap on a daily basis, all I can offer is that you get yourself to a meeting, meet someone there who can help you out. Take you around to other meetings. I was a very lonely guy on the inside, and after I got to know some of the people in the program, I made some life long friends. Peace be with you kelly, I pray you will find some serenity and happiness in your life, take care. W/ love from accross the big pond, your friend Dietrich. OM SHANTI!
Member: big bill
Location: west kingston RI
Remote Name: 12.76.183.253
Date: November 28, 2003
Time: 09:28 AM -0500
TO KELLY M./NH I LOVED BAREFOOTS WEB SITE HOWEVER I CAN NOT ACCESS THE SITE FROM MY COMPUTER. I CAN ACCESS THE SITE BY CLICKING THE WEB ADDRESS YOU PROVIDED.I'VE CHECKED MY TYPING SEVERAL TIMES AND MY WIFE HAS CHECKED IT ALSO. IS THERE A TRICK I'M NOT AWARE OF??? BIG BILL WEST KINGSTON RI.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 28, 2003
Time: 10:20 AM -0500
Hey Big Bill, Hope you and yours had a safe and sober Thanksgiving. If you want to access Barefoots site type in www.barefootsworld.net/bftwrite.html and hit enter. Happy Reading, Kelly M/ NH :)
Member: barney
Location: uk
Remote Name: 195.92.168.166
Date: November 28, 2003
Time: 03:46 PM -0500
hi all.barney here,alcoholic,new to the site and so glad to have found it to be able to read such honesty and warmth. thank you all,i'll definitely be back. reading what you have to say is a positive way of fending off loneliness!
Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 29, 2003
Time: 02:24 PM -0500
hey to all' mark m here,alcoholic i know the feeling of loneliness i had 2 D U I's and won't get my driving rights back till AUG 7 05 my wife takes me to meetings and to work the rest of the time i'm at home and when my wife works i'm there so what i do is read the big book call aa friends and alot of honey-do's it helps that i can tap on this line also but i'm never alone alone i always have GOD not being able to drive is a drag but i did the crime and now i must do the time god bless to all and way to go ANN congrats on 58 or 59
Member: Jake
Location: Sacramento, CA
Remote Name: 24.10.10.113
Date: November 29, 2003
Time: 04:13 PM -0500
I am also new to this program and just found this site today. I feel that loneliness is different for all of us. I can be at home by myself and be perfictly content, but the sencond I walk out the door I get a horifying feeling that I am all alone in this world. Then I remember what somebody said in a meeting, "you are never alone, and this program helps all who are willing to be helped." Then the realization that If I am feeling desprite and alone all I have to do is call somebody and I feel alot better. My sponser says that I have to call him daily, and it is things like that which makes this program so great. When drinking and using if I felt alone there was nobody to turn to. Even god wouldn't answer my requests, Accept the one to help me stay sober. This website is also really neat, I can express my self almoast like I am writing in a journal and it seems to be relieving some of the anguish that is getting me down.
Member: Chelli
Location: Midwest
Remote Name: 67.233.33.196
Date: November 29, 2003
Time: 10:59 PM -0500
Drinking helped soften the sharp edges of my loneliness. Interesting however, I was never really alone. I have/had a supportive husband, wonderful son, great new career, a beautiful horse who has taught me so much about life...so how could I still have been so lonely? I don't know, honestly. It was a comfort to always have a glass of wine in my hand and now I'm completely vulnerable to how much it hurts to have married my childhood issues! I stopped drinking completely last Saturday night after I was taken to jail (OIE!!!) for battery! Ive been so angry and the alcohol allowed that anger to spew uncontrolled onto my family and that's all she wrote. I'm ok, but now my already troubled marriage is holding on by a last thread of a strand of thread. I'm terrified of being completely open to loneliness, to the pain of having married my dad, to the fear of having nothing to numb the paralyzing fear of not being good enough. There are so many facets of loneliness...
Member: Landru
Location: SF Bay Area
Remote Name: 63.205.69.11
Date: November 30, 2003
Time: 01:48 AM -0500
I'm Andrew, I'm an alcoholic. I get really lonely, especially in the middle of the night. This site is a big help for that. I got my ninety day chip recently and someone (an old timer) asked "How'd ya do it?". I didn't know what to say. It felt like it just happened, but I guess I did gotto 90 (+) meetings in 90 days, got a sponsor, and started to work the steps. Stuff we hear all the time, I guess. My sponsor has me call him every day, too, and makes me call others too, just to check in. Things are getting much better. Thanks to all. Keep coming back, it works.
Member: barney
Location: uk
Remote Name: 195.92.168.175
Date: November 30, 2003
Time: 04:59 AM -0500
morning all! it's a glorious winter's day here in the english midlands and i'm so grateful to be up and able to look out at it all with a clear head now on day 2 after slips but i'm determined to hold my head up and beat this thing.this site is a godsend.spent hours yesterday reading through archives.a lot of encouragement there and alot i can empathise with to make me feel comfortable about participating in this site.thanks to all who have shared experiences and words of wisdom.hi to jake and chelli.we're all in this together,right?we CAN do it! chelli,i have said and done some awful things to my husband too when drunk (barney is my nickname).i have wondered why he is still around but he always says that he loves me,not the alcohol,so he is really supportive.i have a beautiful 5 year old boy getting excited about christmas and who deserves a mum who is 100% compos mentis.so i think we just have to count our blessings and get on with a booze-free life one day at a time.congrats to andrew on your 90-day chip.inspirational! let's notdrink today.i can't,i'm an alcoholic,so a happy,sober day to all and a big thank-you.
Member: toddc
Location: Indianapolis
Remote Name: 65.26.180.227
Date: November 30, 2003
Time: 07:09 AM -0500
Keep with it Barney, one day at a time.I am thankful to the Higher Power for keeping me sober for 30 days as of today.I just keep taking 24 hours at a time and let him guide me as he wishes. So far it is working.I wish everyone a successful and sober 24 and keep in mind if you have doubts, go to a meeting and allow the fellowship to help.