Member: Cecilia D.
Location: NC
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 01:11 PM

Comments

Changing old routines - I have tried to change, but I keep going back to my bad habits. When life "pulls the rug out from under me", I go back to my old insecure self, and mess up. I don't know how to change, but I keep trying to "fix" my problems and I pray. God bless all.


Member: Jenny M.
Location: Washington
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 01:16 PM

Comments

Hi I am Jenny an alcoholic. Changing old routines means to me changing old behaviors. I don't go to the bars or hang out with friends that I used to that drink unless they would like to participate in a healthy activity. I have filled my evenings with AA meetings and exercise activities instead of my old routines like going for the bottle every day after work. I rarely have the desire to drink, but do sometimes and it usually comes from old triggers or building resentments, and sometimes when I am feeling really good and energetic. But I just remember my worst day sober is better than my best day drunk.


Member: Garry P
Location: Alta Can
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 01:53 PM

Comments

You do have to admit your worst day sober is better than emty pit of alcohalism. Have to have more fun sober than using,it's not that hard to imagin when I think of the low points I seen in my drinking days. Kiss


Member: Amanda
Location: NW Montana
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 04:02 PM

Comments

At first I was overwhelmed at how I could behave socially without drinking. But I also knew I could not drink normally. I had already proven that way too many times before I began AA. So for the first 6 months of my sobriety I did not go anywhere where there was alcohol. It was amazing to me how many social functions for adults in California revolve around alcohol. I also did not have ANY alcohol in my house. I skipped Christmas that year at my sister's house because she drinks like a fish. I just could not be around the stuff and stay sober. I "got it" that until my sobriety was rock solid, that being anywhere near my old haunts and drinking buddies would bring back my old habits. Then when my sobriety was rock solid an interesting think happened, I didn't want to be around my old drinking buddies anymore. They were so boring. In the meantime I made new friends that were bright and funny and not drunk!This is an old saying but it fits; "The definition of insanity is trying to do the same thing in the same way and expecting different results." If I expected to stay sober I knew I had to approach social functions without alcohol. So until I could, I stayed away and did things with other people who did not drink. I found that church functions are good for that. Or meet friends at Weight Watchers, alcohol is too many points on the old diet so none of the even if they are not alcoholics drink much. After about a year of successful sobriety with lots of good days under my belt, I CAREFULLY started attending some dinners and social functions that had alcohol present (please keep in mind these were not bars or drinking functions). At that stage of my recovery I was very clear about my disease of alcoholism and I was also extremely clear about the consequences of "just one drink". In all of my early test case social functions, I had a friend with me that knew I was recovering and who vowed to help me. NONE of the social functions then or now were or are centered around alcohol. My first one was a charity auction and dinner. I had a great time drinking diet coke. When I was offered drinks, I did not give anyone an excuse. I just said I am not drinking tonight. That was the beginning of being back in carefully picked social functions that exposed me to alcohol. Today, I am happy to say, I am fine when I am at work related dinners or at the home of friends that have wine with dinner. They respect that I do not drink. No excuses or explanations are ever needed; I just don't drink. What I have found out that the less I say about it the less others notice. And in reality no one else is all that concerned with what is in my glass except me. I am happy to say that today; I relax and have just as much fun as those who do drink and I never, ever have to wake up wondering how badly did I behave LAST NIGHT????? Blessings, Amanda.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 07:31 PM

Comments

Alcohol was my lord and master, I dedicated every conscious second toward, getting drunk and staying drunk. I could not imagine a life without taking something to alter my mood. Today, my most recent drink was years ago, but I didn't have the tools to stay sober right away. I found daily meetings and other involvement with AA, helped me get to a place where I could make the other changes which have brought me a real life today. I found it is not a trivial suggestion to do the 90 meeting in 90 days.


Member: DODI Z
Location: CANADA
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 08:02 PM

Comments

i`ve only been sober for one year and that`s really good for me, since trying for about 5 yrs. changing my old habits and lifestyle helped a lot but mostly it was my H.P. and being able to come here that helped, i still have bad days but i can cope really well these days. thanks for letting me share, HAVE ANOTHER SOBER 24 DODI


Member: KYLE F
Location: ORANGE COUNTY
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 09:17 PM

Comments

HI THERE !! WELL I WILL HAVE BEEN SOBER FOR 6 MONTHS ON THE 15TH AND I MUST ADMIT IM ALOT HAPPIER PERSON THEN I WAS.I HAVE BEEN PRAYING WEEKLY TO MY HIGHER POWER FOR THE STENGTH TO STAY SOBER JUST ONE MORE DAY OR WEEK. I MUST ADMIT THOU I STILL HAVE THE OBSESSION IN MY BRAIN TO DRINK ALCOHOL AND SOMETIMES IT IS REALLLLLY STRONG.I JUST HOPE IT DOSENT GET THE BEST OF ME AS IT HAS IN THE PAST.I AM A CHRONIC RELAPSER AND THE MOST TIME IVE HAD IS 7 MONTHS. I JUST PRAY THAT THE OBSESSION LEAVES ME.MY HEAD WANTS 2 GET ME BUT I CANT LET IT!!TY


Member: Ernie A.
Location: Michigan
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 09:28 PM

Comments

Well when I started making my amends it was kind of exciting at first.But I was working my amends like my sponsor suggested.I started with the easy ones first and eventually worked my way up to the hard ones.One amend in particular stil haunts me to this day.In my first marriage my wife had an affair and I confronted the other party about it.Needless to say he whipped my ass good but I was standing up for what I thought was for my pride and my marriage.Well my marriage ended and my wife ran off with some other guy some months later.Well I did not forget the guy that had whipped my ass and I put sugar in his gas tank and cut the tires on his new 4 wheel drive.Now fast forward years later and I am doing the 12 step program with the help of my sponsor and of course in step 4 and then again in step 4 the bad deed of what I had done the 4 wheel drive truck came up.It was one of the worst things on my list.My sponsor insisted that I go make amends and apolgize to the man who had banged my wife and kicked my ass.I told my sponsor that I did not think that that would be a good idea but he said that my list had to be worked thru as much as possible.I said what if he reacts this way or that way and my sponsor reminded me that I was making the amend for myself.So as usual I listened to my sponsor.You would have thought that after 14 years the guy would not have been to mad about his 4 wheel drive truck.Damn was my sponsor ever wrong about me making this amend.I weigh about 160 pounds soaking wet and this guy weighed about 280 pounds.When I knocked on the door he did not recognize me but then I refreshed his memory about him banging my wife and he apologized and said that we all do things that we regret,of course at this point I felt better about making my amends with him so I started out by reminding him that when he had kicked my ass how I never got over it and he asked so you here to whip my ass now after all this time and I said no that I had gotten even a few months after he had kicked my ass.He was dumbfounded and apparently had forgotten about his 4 wheel drive and he asked me just how I got even.I took a deep breathe and then I told him that I had put sugar in his gas tank and cut his tires on his 4 wheel drive.He could not believe what I was telling him after all this time,he said that he had whipped some guys ass 3 times that he thought had vandalized his truck.H esaid that he felt bad about whipping that guys ass like that.He shook my hand and was I ever relieved,but I soon realized in a split second that he was not letting go of my hand.Shit he whipped my ass a lot worse than he did the first time.I managed to get away from him and I ran to my car and he was yelling that he was going to kick my ass from now on everytime that he sees me.Now I have to look over my shoulder everytime I go anywhere.Our town has about 18,000 people in it so I have to do a lot of looking over my shoulder.As far my sponsor I kicked his ass when I got over my ass whipping.My sponsor was about the same size as me so I stood a little better chance of coming out on the long end of the stick.That was the end of my amends making even though there were more on my list to do.I found out the hard way that somethings dont need to be brought back to life.In the end I realized that making amends is really not necessary at all to keep me sober.I can do that by choosing not to pick up that first drink.


Member: Kim V
Location: seminole Fl
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 09:39 PM

Comments

Changing old routines; for me I would change them to the total opposite and finally I had to learn to find balance, in each and everything I do. I am obessive and compulsive so finding balance was the key for me. Changing things was easy once I made the decision that I was WILLING to go to any lengths, to turn my life around and stay clean and sober. I think most of the things I needed to change at first were just common sense things that I chose not to see until I became willing. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Linda C
Location: Canada
Date: November 09, 2003
Time: 11:22 PM

Comments

Hi, just on day 2, shakes are finally slowing down. Third time around for me in the program. Thanks for being here to hear me.


Member: eric q
Location: wi
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 01:43 AM

Comments

Hi all, I think most here at one point "got it". You understood on a deep level that the bottle would be the end of you, and chose more wisely. Please try to connect the bridge, between those who "got it" and those who are still lost in the disease. Amanda was amazing in that capacity. luv to all


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 05:43 AM

Comments

Day 40... and thanks to all who post here for your strength. I got thru the toughest day yesterday. The one year anniversary of my fathers death. The day that sped up this tailspin one year ago. Now I feel good that I could soberly remember his life and memories. He would be so proud of me! It's all uphill from here and I'm grateful for everyday. As far as changing routines, it was different for me. I was a solitary drinker, so I didn't have to change friends, or not go to that "place" anymore. My friends are still there and very supportive although confused as I hid it pretty well. I did have to change my habits re: making sure I had beer at all times, and working my schedule around a mid-day nap. :) I now have replaced the beer with iced tea, and the nap with a walk in the woods. Life is good. Here's to another sober 24 to everyone.


Member: ToddC
Location: indy
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 05:50 AM

Comments

I have Been trying hard to change my old habits, like going down to the lounge for football games. So far i've been doing good by attending a meeting instead or by reading the big book. Yesterday the urges really almost got me, but I managed to pull thru and continue my sobriety into the 10th day. It was the worst time I've faced yet.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 11:23 AM

Comments

Hi ((All)), Changing Old Routines. Yes! I did that and now my new routine is my new life. Pretty cool! I threw myself into the program with the same intensity that I grasped for that bottle. Talk about relearning how to live. Since my whole day was taken up with drinking and nothing else I substituted AA. I did 200 in 90, the suggestion was 90 in 90, and I still do at least a meeting a day today, a year later. I have settled into a pattern that feels right. I don't struggle anymore. I feel good about my sobriety today. I had to change my routine to stop drinking because drinking was my life so remove the booze and I HAD NOTHING LEFT. Wow, that's sad to type but true! New in AA someone told me I had to work the program with the same intensity I drank. I followed the suggestion and it worked. I still work my day around a meeting and not vice versa. If someone told me this when I was active I would have said they were full of it. I came to this site and read other people that had done it and I ended up believing that they believed. That was good enough for me to give it a try. It worked for this drunk! GodBless us all, Kelly :)


Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 03:47 PM

Comments

I believe in order to be successful obstaining from drinking you have to change your routine. Learning not to go out after work with friends, or on a Sunday to watch the game. I don't believe that you have to give up your friends. I'm sure some friends do peer pressure but if you can't ultimatley think for yourself and your an adult... well that's a problem of your own and you can't blame others. I will change my habits and old routines... but I won't give up my friends. Their the ones who will keep on track and in line.


Member: Joel
Location: Wi
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 05:59 PM

Comments

I was willing to go to any length to stay sober...some lengths I didn't have to go to...but I was willing none the less.


Member: Lee B.
Location: currently MA
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 06:55 PM

Comments

Lee, here...still an alcoholic. Wow! Amanda told the story that I am going through now. I'm at the "how can I function in a social setting without a drink" phase. My mom drinks. My dad drinks. His wife drinks. Many of my friends drink. But no one seems to drink more than me. I love that moment, usually by the end of strong drink number two, when I seem to slip out of the realm of caring too much into having not a care in the world...that floating, "brave", confident...CRASH!!! When reality hits, though, it bites HARD and the guilt is overwhelming!!! Suddenly, I'm not so carefree, brave, or confident. I'm an idiot. It is a good thing that I have a husband who only drinks on rare occasion and never to an over-excess. He's been a great source of comfort...and I don't want to do anything else that might jeapordize our relationship. When he works, I drink, so I'm usually asleep by the time he gets home...and he doesn't really know how bad it's gotten. I want to tell him, but he's so busy right now... he does not need me to be an additional burden. We have two amazing children, too. They are smart and beautiful...why do I put all of these awesome blessings at risk!!!!!!!!!! I am mad at myself and frusterated with the reprocussions of my up-bringing!!! I do not want to repeat this evil cycle!!! God has brought me so far. I am wondering when my luck is going to run out...I am really glad that this website exists. I really need help. PS--What's an "HP"? Love and prayers to you all. Lee


Member: BIG BILL
Location: WEST KINGSTON,RI
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 07:19 PM

Comments

I WAS FINISHING WORK TODAY WHEN I REMEMBERD THAT TOMORROW IS A HOLIDAY.NO WORK,SLEEP LATE AND I CAN DRINK!NO WAY I FEEL TOO GOOD SOBER!!!


Member: Ed
Location:
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 08:07 PM

Comments

Lee B: HP is shorthand for your higher power. AA says you must recognize that there is a power higher than yourself, who will help you out of this mess if you invite him in. Sometimes internet shorthand does get in the way of effective communication.


Member:
Location:
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 08:29 PM

Comments

My friends try and help me with alcohol; to the best that they know how. A few suggest drugs which don't seem to help although they want the best for me. It helps for a while and then it doesn't.


Member: kidmills117@aol.com
Location: mark m TENN
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 08:45 PM

Comments

old places and old faces and still wanting to live life, now that i have been sober for 6mos(nov13th) i still go out to eat where alcohol is served but i'm going there to EAT i still go bowling but i'm going there to BOWL i don't go to the bar because there is nothing to do but drink i still is some of my drinking buds but only when they are not drinking (witch is few and far in between)times iv'e met alot of people who bowl go out to eat don't go to bars i still go to titans football games (and remember what goes on) i still play dics golf(but with my new friends) so it's ok to do some of the same things that you did before just don't drink and have some fun i didn't quit life, i just quit DRINKING iv'e changed some of my routines i don't wake up and get a beer ,i thank god for letting me wake up on the right side of the dirt i don't go to the bar and sit at a table ,i go to a AA meeting and sit at a table, i don't pass out at night i pray to GOD then go to SLEEP thank you for letting me share


Member: kidmills117@aol.com
Location: mark m TENN
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 08:45 PM

Comments

old places and old faces and still wanting to live life, now that i have been sober for 6mos(nov13th) i still go out to eat where alcohol is served but i'm going there to EAT i still go bowling but i'm going there to BOWL i don't go to the bar because there is nothing to do but drink i still is some of my drinking buds but only when they are not drinking (witch is few and far in between)times iv'e met alot of people who bowl go out to eat don't go to bars i still go to titans football games (and remember what goes on) i still play dics golf(but with my new friends) so it's ok to do some of the same things that you did before just don't drink and have some fun i didn't quit life, i just quit DRINKING iv'e changed some of my routines i don't wake up and get a beer ,i thank god for letting me wake up on the right side of the dirt i don't go to the bar and sit at a table ,i go to a AA meeting and sit at a table, i don't pass out at night i pray to GOD then go to SLEEP thank you for letting me share


Member:
Location:
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 10:17 PM

Comments

things that make you go hmmmmm the BB the word alcoholic is in the book 164 times


Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: November 10, 2003
Time: 10:49 PM

Comments

Jane C..alcoholic..I see posting from many new people..stay here, you will get help..even better, sit in on AA meetings if you can..I didn't have to change much of my daily routine.. most of my drinking was done at home so I really can't run away to another place, though I am in the middle of moving elsewhere, it has to do with wanting to live a quieter life..it's too hectic here for me.. and my BF also wants to get back to more of what was more or less his roots...I love being sober..just over 3 months now..and it's great to know that I can get up in the AM and not feel sick, physically and spiritually...I've always spent a lot of time speaking to God..but I guess I just wasn't together enough to listen to what his will was for me..I try hard to hear Him now..He has blessed me in many ways through my drinking..and I'm Soooo grateful. WIthout His Grace, I would probably be dead..and I don't want my sons to have a memory of their Mother as I was for years with my drinking.. though one has a drug problem and another admitted to me that he thinks he has a drinking problem..if he does, he's a very functioning alcoholic...the oldest one seems to be the only one on the right track as far as addictions go...I don't judge them..how could they not end up as they are...they have been surrounded by alcoholics on both sides of our family...I told myself at a very early age, that I wouldn't drink or smoke..too much agony in the people doing it...so here I am.. I never smoked..I'm just a good old girl alcoholic..but, I'm grateful to God that I only have to overcome one addiction..I love you all, and pray we all gave another sober day...with the Grace of God......


Member: eric q
Location: wi
Date: November 11, 2003
Time: 02:08 AM

Comments

Do you remember the 1000 pound gorilla on your back? That is what it is like being addicted to a substance(alcohol). Every morning I wake up, the gorilla is there. Every night, he finds a way to climb back up there. Many people walk around with this gorilla on their back, they are smart and create people. But with this gorilla, the are rendered mostly useless. I LOVE U ALL


Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Date: November 11, 2003
Time: 03:42 PM

Comments

<<Lee>> Hi, I really related to your story. My husband had no idea how problematic my relationship to alcohol had become. My kids didn't either. I guess they thought seeing mom every night with a bottle of wine and a wine glass was normal. How were they to know any different? I finally realized it was not "normal" behavior. I went to an AA meeting. Got drunk that night and the two nights following. Decided to quit. Went to another AA meeting and was an emotional wreck. I didn't realize withdrawl had already hit me. I ended up in detox which shocked my husband and kids. Then I went to outpatient for a bit, and here I am with almost 90 days sober, attending AA meetings regularly and starting down the steps with a sponsor's help. At first it was hard for my husband, but after the initial denyal, and by seeing the change in me and how happy and healthy I'm starting to feel, my husband now realized just how good this change is. And now I'm educating my teen age kids on the dangers that will face them if they choose to drink with alcoholism as long running thing in my family. It's all for the good. And I thank God.


Member: linda c
Location: canada
Date: November 11, 2003
Time: 06:53 PM

Comments

good afternoon, well i passed the liquor store today, thank god, i am a stay at home drinker and have virtually no friends. my routine is to stop at the liquor store, drink a 6 pack of beer and go to bed. boy am i sick and tired of that behavior. the last 4 days have been go for a walk and read the big book. it is tough these first days but at least the shaking has stopped. Thanks for listening.


Member: Dave
Location: n.y.
Date: November 11, 2003
Time: 08:52 PM

Comments

Good job Linda C. Your going to live a sober life an you have a great start . keep it up.I promise it gets better in time.


Member: CC N.
Location: Southern US
Date: November 11, 2003
Time: 10:29 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm CC and I'm an alcoholic. I just found this site and have read and learned from all of your comments. I came to this meeting because I needed a jolt into reality. Things have been kinda bad for the past few days and I needed some wisdom. The "most important person in a meeting is the Newcomer"--don't forget that--newcomers have a lot of wisdom. I've been around AA for awhile, I've stumbled and fallen more times than I care to admit but through the grace of my HP that I choose to call God, I'm sober today. I know that when my brain feels like scrambled eggs, it's hard for me to read anything. So, if anyone who reads this can identify with scrambled eggs then you'll understand that I'm going to write my comments in "list form" for easier reading (I hope) Well here goes: 1-- The first thing to come out of many a newly recovering person's mouth when they hear "90 meetings in 90 days" is "Oh no, do I have to?" I said a lot worse than that!! No. You don't have to unless you really want to "change your routine". That's what it's for. That 3 month commitment is there to establish a new pattern--to develop a new routine. Boy we sure could get to the bars or liquor stores 90 in 90... 2-- Higher Power scares a lot of good drunks away from AA. Just remember, that until you can believe in a power greater than yourself, use the AA group as your higher power and just believe that THEY believe. It's simple. Yeah, we all use the God word a lot. I happen to believe in God but the phrase "God as you understand him(her,it)" is key to developing your own beliefs. Nobody can tell you what to believe. 3--I love the comment about willingness. We use "H.O.W" which means Honesty, Openness(or openmindedness), and Willingness. Honesty--honesty with yourself, with your HP is a good beginning. Openness--being openminded about new ideas, new ways to stay sober, new things to try. Willingness--being willing to go to any lengths. Like someone said in the above comments, we were willing to go to any lengths to get a drink so we must be willing to do the same to stay sober. 4--I know how football and beer go together. Around here, there are a bunch of folks in AA who get together and watch the games, talk dirty and drink Cokes. Maybe finding a bunch of AA football nuts to watch the games would help. 5--One more thing and I'll shut up. Linda C., I know you've tried this thing before but from my own experience I've got to tell ya. I'm a loner and when I first got sober I didn't have any friends either. My pattern was-- I went out and got drunk. I stayed home and got drunk. But any aquaintances I had were drunks also. So, being sober was no fun. I hated it and I hated AA. I didn't want to admit I was powerless over anything(1st step). I didn't think anything could really help me, certainly not a Higher Power who had (in my sick mind) deserted me a long time ago(2nd and 3rd steps). I didn't want a sponsor because I didn't want anyone telling me what to do. I hated reading all that old Big Book full of boring old stories and I wasn't about to spill my guts to a virtual stranger (4th and 5th steps). I was a "dry drunk" and miserable. Well, I drank again and felt justified doing it. Sick, huh? You bet! I'm still a sick puppy but a sober one. I'm sober only because I "acted as if" I didn't hate AA. I acted as if I loved the Big Book... Guess what--it works. AA starts to be a routine like taking a shower. You just DO it. Suddenly, you have friends--all kinds of friends. I'm trying to not to preach but I think some of this sounds a little "preachy". Forgive my shortcomings. I'm still working on it, though. I do know it works if you WORK it. God grant me the serenity... Thanks for sharing and listening. CC N.


Member: SC Tech
Location: x
Remote Name: 24.238.82.99
Date: November 11, 2003
Time: 10:44 PM -0500

Comments

test


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.0.184.118
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 01:54 AM -0500

Comments

Hi! Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. On Friday, August 21, 1981, I woke up in my converted shed and chicken coop, picked up a partial quart on the floor by my bed, went to the bathroom, sat down next to the toilet and sipped and puked until the shakes left and the booze stayed down. Put on an old dirty shirt then went to Waldo's bar. At about 3 pm I slammed down a half drink on the bar. Yelled, "Bullshit, there has to be a better way to live" I walked out of that bar, never to return to a bar again to drink. The following Thursday I came into AA. The next morning me and a friend started through the Steps. He believed it would work, I did not. But I was willing to try. We are both sober today. This morning, I woke up in my super single waterbed, with clean sheets. Said a very short prayer. Showered, shaved, even brushed my teeth. Put on clean clothes even clean underwear. Went to a fridge full of good food. Had breakfast and got on with my day. I got all the things done today that I wanted to get done. Things started to improve from the very moment I sat down that last drink. But, if I forget even for one moment where I came from, I could be back there at Waldo's Bar. (now the White Front) finishing that half drink. Booze...cunning, baffling, and very very patient. Thanks, Love ya Bill


Member: Ardis
Location: FL
Remote Name: 172.173.231.228
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 02:47 AM -0500

Comments

Changing old routines is the name of the game. That does not mean that it is easy, but that is the bottom line. JUST DON'T DRINK OR DO ANY OTHER DRUGS - INCLUDING TOBACCO - and nature will do the rest. After time, you will be relieved of your addiction(s). You don't need the steps. Just ask God to give you the strength and whatever happens DO NOT DRINK OR USE ANY OTHER DRUGS. That's it. You will find it gets easier every day. It is important that you not do what so many in AA do, substitute another drug addiction for your alcohol addiction. So many in AA quit drinking and then kill themselves smoking or taking pills. If you follow this path, you have made no progress whatsoever. STOP ALL ALCOHOL AND ALL TOBACCO AND OTHER DRUGS NOW, rather than having to start over with fighting another addiction later. You will be so happy that you did. A completely clean and sober life is worth every effort. God Bless All.


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 05:08 AM -0500

Comments

42 days! Yesterday I had my first "flashback" of drinking. Weird.., but it wasn't hard to fight it this time.. so cunning.. I'll take it a day at a time and I'll be fine. Here's to another 24 sober hours to everyone!


Member: toddc
Location: Indianapolis
Remote Name: 65.26.180.227
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 06:04 AM -0500

Comments

I've managed 12 days now and know I have changed my routine. Instead of stopping at the lounge on the way home I either go to the westside club (aa clubhouse) or straight home and read the posts on ths or another site. I have also been reading the Big Book at www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww. Thus far this change has really kept thoughts of using pretty much out of my head. Good luck to all and keep coming back.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 07:03 AM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), Just have to double dip this morning. I have had a couple days from hell and really needed to read something uplifting. Thanks for the hope that NOTHING on God's green earth is worth picking up a drink over! I am not used to the new format yet and can't scroll up to see but I think it was CCM that helped? Great post and no you did not sound like you were preaching to the choir! It just made sense to me. ((AZbill)), Lol, I could picture you slamming that drink down! I have done that myself... sat at a bar wondering if this was it? and if it was I gotta find something better! Also, I do forget what wonderful things I take for granted like clean sheets, food, getting things done now that I'm sober. Thanks for the visual man. To all the recent newcomers you give me hope and remind me where I was at last year. Keep coming back and posting, You are the most important person in AA! Post even if it is to only see yourself type how your doing, one day ,5,10 and so on. Believe it or not by simply writing your feelings down your taking the 1st step. It's called 'asking for help' and it was hard for this stubborn alki but so very worth it. 24 and there's so much more, Kelly :)


Member: Kim B.
Location: Clarkston, MI
Remote Name: 155.188.255.3
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 01:06 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, all, Kim here, alcoholic. I am on day one of sobriety. I have been procrastinating as long as possible before returning to aa. I feel terrible today, my life is gradually falling apart. I have never had much more than 60 days of sobriety in the past, and that was a long time ago. I can remember that things did get better for me back then when I was going to meetings. I want to be sober. My boyfriend left me Saturday because I was "psychotic" Sat night. He is right. I was psychotic. I need help and don't know where to start. I am very shy in those meetings, I get anxiety attacks when it is my turn to speak. Thanks for being here.


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.16
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 03:31 PM -0500

Comments

Kim - Know that you are not alone. In fact, I'm on day one as well. Back in April - May I was sober for about 60 days and going to aa meetings. I, too, have trouble speaking at those group sessions. I became disenchanted with the meetings for various reasons. Quit going and was soon drinking again. This morning I finally emptied out what booze I had left. Now to get through the cocktail hour, where I would normally drink 12-14 ounces of gin. Rarely remembered the next morning what I had had for dinner -- or even whether I had eaten. I'll be praying that both you and I make it through this day.


Member: Hamish
Location:
Remote Name: 210.8.232.5
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 07:29 PM -0500

Comments

Hi all, Hamish here, grateful alcoholic After 2 years of going to AA meetings I've realised that I didn't let go of all my old ideas. I dropped off from meetings recently for about 6-8 weeks. I started listening to my head - the head was telling me that I didn't need a sponsor or AA. My head will tell me whatever it needs to separate you from me! so sadly I started isolating and I got depressed because I was listening to my head tell me how there wasn't much hope etc etc - I started feeling sorry for myself. This is crazy thinking! so it's time for me to get honest and get back close to my Higher Power and stay close to AA. I'll be going to a meeting today and keeping my ears open. Anyhow, hugs to all - there is hope - and AA can help us stay sober and peaceful - obviously I'm not just there yet (ie. peaceful that is,- my brain is still busy judging everything alot of the time)rather than trusting in my Higher Power)but this too SHALL PASS. One day at a time don't pick up the first drink and go to meetings! Hang around because the miracle will happen.Hamish:)


Member: Angie
Location: Costa Mesa California
Remote Name: 4.21.203.3
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 07:30 PM -0500

Comments

This is a good topic ... i had wanted to change long before i did .. fact is i just wanted my life to be different but i guess i kept hoping it would just poof magically happen as if my some magical power or something ... because thats all i was doing wanting to change i wasn't changing anything i was doing .... not the people i associated with , not my behavior , nothing .... But then i ended up in rehab ... and they spelled it all out for me ... and i just thank God i was ready when i got there .... if i hadn't of been nothing i heard there would have sunk in .... i now see where all along there were people that would come in go in my life that were trying to tell me things ... things to help me ... but i never heard them .... i fought everything they said ,..... thought they were just trying to control me .... i know now they just were able to see how much trouble i was in even though i couldnt see it for the life of me ..... During my time in recovery and because i finally began to listen to everything ... all the speakers at meetings, to the staff at my recovery home, to anyone with anything to say about how to change my life I finally for the first time in my life HEARD them ... i have change just about all of my old routines ... For the most part it was all so unhealthy ... because my ways of thinking were so unhealthy ... i have changed my friends , i have change my attitudes , the way i treat other people , the way i look at life , i have changed the things i do , the things i dont do .... the things i believe in not all but most have changed ... and for once i believe in myself ... most of the time .... and in 4 days i will a year of one days at a time sober ... and i thank you all for it


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Remote Name: 198.81.26.113
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 07:39 PM -0500

Comments

So, a newcomer was telling some of us, after a Meeting, that he was going crazy. He said that each night as he was driving home from work he passed a liquor store from which he had, previously, bought his booze and it was all he could do not to stop and buy some more -- the temptation was great. We suggested he take a different route home. The next week, after the Meeting, he reported that he took our advice and it worked. He felt a lot better. Why, he even said thank you. Imagine that.


Member: Ardis :)
Location: Florida Central Gulf Coast
Remote Name: 172.154.48.213
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 11:17 PM -0500

Comments

Hey everybody. Just change your routine every day to elimate the negatives in your life. That means no addictive substances of any kind - NO alcohol, not even a little; NO tobacco, not even one cigarette; NO mood alterting pills, not even one: No drugs period. It may not be easy, but I promise it will be worth it. Best to all.


Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 11:17 PM -0500

Comments

hang in there (((kim b ))))) thing will get better i promise you iv'e been there congrats on day 1and day 2


Member: maverick
Location: remote
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 11:35 PM -0500

Comments

The best old routine I've changed in my life was from going to meetings, to the much more advanced stage of actually living and NOT going to meetings. Possibly the best change I've ever made in my life, and definitely within the last several years. The peace of mind, heart, and spirit can not be matched and I thank God for the grace to be able to leave the crutch of meetings behind. I pray many are able to never go through the brainwashing mill of meetings and get truly sober, not the delusional AA-way. I also pray those so deeply immersed within the evil insidiousness that is meetings may be granted the grace to see the Light and change their old routines as well....


Member: Cec H.
Location: Rivercity
Remote Name: 172.145.253.57
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 11:37 PM -0500

Comments

Good advice ardis. You have to stay 100% clean and sober. Then, the rest will come. If your not 100% clean and sober, you cant accomopish much. You see all those old timers in meetings smoking away. Ignore them. They wont ever get clean and sober. Look for the ones who got there act together. Hang in there.


Member: Cec H.
Location: Rivercity
Remote Name: 172.145.253.57
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 11:41 PM -0500

Comments

Also, listen to the maverick. Go to meetings for a while instead of drinking, but then follow mav's advice and get on with living. Thanks mav, great to hear from you again.


Member: Ardis ;)
Location: Florida Central Gulf Coast
Remote Name: 24.161.246.231
Date: November 12, 2003
Time: 11:57 PM -0500

Comments

Since this is my FIRST time posting on this page this week, I wonder why I have an imposter twice? ========================================= My name is Ardis ;) I am a female recovered alcoholic and I have a smiley wink behind my name. ========================================= Changing old routines: I had to take a different road home in very early sobriety to not drive by my favorite bar, The Golden Elk. Then I had to change drinking at night by going to AA meetings and going to the Coffeeshop for the meeting after the AA meeting, although the Coffeeshop served alcohol. It was very hard and I felt so lost and lonely in early sobriety, like if I had crawled from a black hole underneath a rock. I had to change my behavior, and that took time and I had to make a start on the 12 steps. I had to change my outlook, that took time and going through the 12 steps. It was the most boring book but also the most fascinating, it spelled H-O-P-E. It took me 12 years to finally get sober, and today I can honestly say, it is easier to stay sober than to get sober. I also am now completely convinced that I am an alcoholic and can never drink any alcohol again with success. I am also willing to go to any lengths TODAY to STAY sober just like when I first came into AA to stay. No sobriety, no life, just a trail of tears. Today I have no fear for alcohol but a very healthy respect for the consequences, it would be my downfall. When I drank I was a liar, a thief and a cheat, I had to change that routine of drinking and blaming ... if only he/she/it etc. -- What a sad existence that was. Alcohol took me places I did not want to go, now sobriety takes me to every place I DO want to go and some more! I had to question each and every routine I had in early sobriety, uncover, discover and discard or keep. Not ALL old routines were bad, I had to look at them through a new pair of glasses because I was and am willing to go to any lenghts to stay sober. And that way of life becomes after a while an old routine too, to be and stay sober, to never even think about alcohol for me anymore, what a blessing that is. God speed with us all, Ardis ;)


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 68.171.89.45
Date: November 13, 2003
Time: 06:25 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, Day 43 here... everytime I read here, I learn so much. Thanks so much for sharing everyone. It helps us all. I was just reading and just had a thought. You know, when I go into a restaurant and they have cake and I like cake, but I can't have cake, I don't freak out. I just don't order cake. I guess that is how I am approaching my sobriety. I choose to not drink and stay sober rather than avoid the situations and that for me makes me stronger. Alcohol is everywhere. Unlike illecit drugs, we have to face it on our tv, on our radio, at our gas stations, at the grocery store, etc. If I "avoided" the confrontation with alcohol, I would also avoid my internal strength. I think back on the times I was drinking and then on the times I have been sober and there is just one choice. Not even close, Sobriety. Here's to another sober 24 for everyone.


Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 13, 2003
Time: 09:34 AM -0500

Comments

mark m here just thought i say good morning to all mav you shouldn't try to get people to not go to meetings iv'e read alot of your BS and you should keep your thoughts to your self your not helping at all


Member: big bill
Location: west kingston RI
Remote Name: 12.91.32.214
Date: November 13, 2003
Time: 12:25 PM -0500

Comments

mavrick: if you donot need meetings why are you on this website. as you suggested,get a life. big bill west kingston RI


Member: ljs
Location: usa
Remote Name: 216.138.5.59
Date: November 13, 2003
Time: 03:33 PM -0500

Comments

Amanda from Montana has one of the best postings I've read about changing old habits. Great job, Amanda. Other thoughts: In the first few days of sobriety..go to as many meetings as you can and tough it out. It'll get better fast. My first day sober wasc terrible. I was ready to die. I had support. I went to meetings. It got better. That was a few 24 hours ago..just a few. Take care.


Member: Landru
Location: SF Bay Area
Remote Name: 63.205.66.240
Date: November 14, 2003
Time: 12:23 AM -0500

Comments

I just got 90 days this week, and I want to say thanks to everybody here. A couple of times I have awakened troubled in the middle of the night. I eventually found this site and it has provided great comfort. There was a great meeting last week about fear, and it was if that topic was chosen just for me. It helped terribly. Sometimes it feels like I am doing every thing wrong. But I go to meetings every day. I have a sponsor and I do service. Thank you everyone. Keep coming back.


Member: cathy d.
Location: Ann Arbor MI
Remote Name: 68.40.199.204
Date: November 14, 2003
Time: 09:23 AM -0500

Comments

hi. I'm still an alcoholic. Thanks Landru for the topic of Fear. I realized that I'm afraid today. I've got over 9 years but still need reminding of the basics. Also thanks for the topic of sponsor and service, I've yet to see someone relapse who sticks with meetings--sponsor-- service. Not saying it doesn't happen, just that I haven't seen it. Thanks for reading.


Member: eric q
Location: wi
Remote Name: 12.73.151.64
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 02:05 AM -0500

Comments

I wrote "Do you remember the 1000 pound gorilla on your back? That is what it is like being addicted to a substance(alcohol). Every morning I wake up, the gorilla is there. Every night, he finds a way to climb back up there. Many people walk around with this gorilla on their back, they are smart and creative people. But with this gorilla, they are rendered mostly useless." Keep writing, sharing thoughts. It will help us ALL.


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 05:53 AM -0500

Comments

45 days.. couldn't have done it without all of you. Here's to another 24!


Member: toddc
Location: Indianapolis
Remote Name: 65.26.180.227
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 06:27 AM -0500

Comments

way to go Ann on 45 days. I completed 2 weeks yesterday. But as I see it that is all behind me and now I am concentrating on a new 24 hours.I am going to keep going to meetings and when that isn't possible I will read these posts here and read the big book for support.


Member: Aaron W.
Location: Portland OR
Remote Name: 12.224.118.198
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 07:33 AM -0500

Comments

I am sober one year on the 15th. I just wanted to say hang on and go to lots of meetings. This moment is so beautful in my life. I thank all who walk on this path. God has the answers may you find and seek this power. I pray for all the sick today and my they find peace. I 'm going to my Home group at Eastside 7am. I'm even having someone pick me up. I hope I don't cry and remain calm.


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.16
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 11:16 AM -0500

Comments

Mav - So what do you do to stay sober. I have no love for those meetings, but if I'm honest I have to say I'm not doing very well on my own. "Get on with living" sounds good, but living for me, for a very long time, has included getting drunk. So if I don't replace drinking with meetings, what do I replace it with? Sounds like maybe you have some answers, and I'd like to hear them.


Member: maverick
Location: remote
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 12:46 PM -0500

Comments

Well Ed, since you asked: There are any number of things to do besides going to meetings, namely talking to a professional(s)--NOT necessarily a CASAC though, but a priest or whomever---someone who understands alcoholism much better than the fools in AA who claim to. Being a slobbering drunk gives them not only no special powers, but makes their brain mush if anything, yet they pretend to have some "special powers" that can help other alkies. What a load of crap, just like the silly lady from Ann Arbor who said she's never seen someone who goes to meetings, sponsors, etc., etc. get drunk again----That's only because she doesn't use the simple tools of eyes that God gave her. I mean that is right up there with the all-time dumbest and UNtrue things ever said. Hell, most everyone in and out of AA knows AA has a very, very LOW sucess rate. So do most other brands as well, but the point isn't to be pounded into the box of AA or anything else for that matter. It's to find out what works for you Ed, YOU---ED---and ONLY ED can truly answer that, but it obviously helps to have someone point you towards your path. Maybe it is AA, God help you if it is, or maybe it's Church, or maybe it's immersing yourself in reading, writing, arithmetic, whatever. Prayer is generally the best mode for anyone, but it too is just a beginning of actually changing the behavior of drinking like a pig itself. Hire an independent psychologist, preferably NOT in AA(good news is-few are), and see what he/she may have to say. Do not buy into the brainwashing ideology of the likes of Ann Arbor lady that AA works for everybody if you do these certain things, that's simply a lie. I've been sober longer than her and have seen literally thousands do exactly as she prescribed and die horrendous alcoholic deaths. On the flip side, I've also seen literally thousands who never go meetings, or only a few the first year or two, and then live full, happy, contented lives. Sure, some of those "fall" too, just as some in AA stay sober, that's the whole point Ed.... There is NO "magic formula" or "secret recipe" or "silver bullet" or whatever, there's only you and God and finding out what your personal path to sobriety is, NOT what the fools in AA meetings tell you it is.... I wish I could tell you what it is Ed, but I haven't a clue, and that is what seperates me from the idiots in AA: I am fully and totally aware and cognizant of the fact I don't know what anyone else's path is or is not and I don't force feed the brainwashed mentality as they do, thus I am not liked very well, as you can plainly see. It is very disturbing to some to have their irrational comfort zone disrupted, but in the end, they may with the grace of God just start to open their eyes to the Truth....


Member: Amanda H
Location: NW Montana
Remote Name: 64.91.114.5
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 03:56 PM -0500

Comments

LInda C Isolating yourself is not going to keep you sober. Contact your sponsor and get started again. You know how to get back on track. Call her or e-mail her I know she is still willing to help you!What she is not willing to do is help you BS yourself. Isn't her help better than the roller coster you have been on?? She still cares and wants to help.


Member: Anonymous
Location: Canada
Remote Name: 142.154.130.213
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 07:07 PM -0500

Comments

Whatis Alcoholic's Anonymous success rate?? I have a date set for detox and then straight to rehab. I will be gone away for a almost a month and if their success rate is not very positive, I would like to consider other options.


Member: maverick
Location: remote
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: November 15, 2003
Time: 11:19 PM -0500

Comments

Anon in Canada}}} AA's "success" rate is roughly around 7-9%, but of course there are no "records and pure empirical evidence as you might well deduce from the obvious....You would be well advised to indeed check out other options as many, many other ways work for many, many others, and some most certainly with higher "success' rates. Also with more of a true level of success, NOT just not drinking be the measure of such....