Member: Higher Power is
Location: Up Above
Date:
October 13, 2002
Time: 09:47 AM
Simple advise, but sometime it is the hardest thing to do. Change the people, places, and things in your life. That is when true growth can and will be found. God bless all and keep trudging this road to happy destiny.
Member:
Marie
Location: Ca.
Date: October 13, 2002
Time:
02:41 PM
Where are all the posts?? I clicked on last weeks meeting to check out posts from yesterday (Sat)and I think it's from the week before. Maybe it's my computer but I can't be the 2nd person posting today - it's @ 11:45 pacific time!
Member: Sarah
Location:
NW USA
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 03:02 PM
Hi, Sarah and I am a recovering alcoholic. "Changing old routines" ... great topic for a beginner's meeting. 'My old routine' was to take a drink. In fact, it was so much of 'my old routine' I associated it with feeling normal, with feeling sane. BUT 'my old routines' was a "Destroying Power", destroying normal, sane living. At first 'My new routine' of not drinking felt very abnormal, felt insanely confusing. Thanks, change is possible with your Experience, Strength and Hope shared(your common ordinary parables of living sober), the Steps and Traditions (learning to work in my everyday life the principles taught in the Steps and Traditions) and a "Healing Power"(I like to call my HP a "Healing Power" as it keeps me focused on the primary purpose and action of the HP that I am turning my will and life over to). My change has been 'One day at a time' and 'Easy does it, but do it'. The changes in my life have been 'progress, not perfection'. As I have gained Experience, Strength and Hope in sober living I have come to associate Soberity with feeling normal, feeling sane and with accepting change. Welcome all, Keep coming back.
Member: MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 03:22 PM
Sarah- You wrote: <The changes in my life have been 'progress, not perfection'> Those are very good words. I slip often but I don't beat myself up over it as that would just make me feel worse about myself and increase my desire to drink. On a different topic, where ARE yesterdays posts? I was in the middle of communicating with a couple of people that were having a real rough weekend and I wanted to try and help them at least by staying in touch....
Member: Adam H.
Location:
Chicago, IL
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 03:47 PM
Adam, alcoholic. When I was new the longtimers warned me about staying out of bars and frat houses by saying: "Don't go to the barber shop if you don't need a haircut." I knew what hanging out in bars and frat houses had gotten me...DRUNK EVERY DAMN TIME! And as far as the company I kept was concerned, I'm glad my sponsor could point out to me that it was hard to see the benefit of hanging out with people who got me so enraged that I ended up stealing (money, booze, etc.) from them and getting drunk...EVERY DAMN TIME! Yes, I had to remember that when I made a decision to go to any length for victory over alcohol, it also meant that I had be willing to change all those places and faces in order to stay sober. The good news is that as time passed, I did find new places and faces. The places all have happy or meaningful memories attached to them rather than war stories, and the faces belong to folks love and appreciate me for who and what I am....and I them. Grateful to be sober.
Member: Tech
Location:
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 05:30 PM
The link to Last Weeks Meeting now points to the posts Oct 6-Oct 13. Our apologies for the mix-up
Member: gallagher
Location: seoul, korea
Date: October
13, 2002
Time: 05:36 PM
mikef and wiseguy -- mike -- your post on coffee made me laugh like hell! it's so true though, coffee and booze really compliment each other and i feel like i'm totally addicted to both of them. i often use booze to self medicate for insomnia and anxiety and coffee to fight the dreadful affects of the hangover the day after. then again, at night, i need the beer to calm me down from the coffee. man, what a vicious circle. a lot of people going sober for the first time have a hard time falling asleep. i would DEFINITELY avoid coffee in the late afternoons/ evenings. it's really a no-brainer, even for a lot of non-alcoholics. avoid the caffeine late in the day! regardless, i've enjoyed reading all of your posts. it's helping me gather strength for my next attempt at sobriety which is supposedly tonight. i've tried a couple of times during the past 2 months and failed. i'm 29 and have been drinking pretty heavily for the past 10 years. if i could just make it through that first week and break the physical addiction, maybe it would get easier. i'm so tired of this problem. it's my dirty secret -- a lot of my friends don't even realize i drink every night. it's funny how something so life-threatening and all-consuming can be easy to hide in certain circumstances. thanks everybody for the posts. it's difficult to find meetings here and reading online is the next best thing. i went to some court-ordered meetings about 5 years ago, but was in the major denial mode, and didn't find them very useful. now, i wish i could go to a meeting. for all of you who are scared to go to a f2f meeting, don't worry. take advantage of such a great resource. "let go" of your fear. just give it a try and see what happens. i'll post again soon and let you know how my most recent sobriety project is going. good luck all!
Member: gallagher
Location: seoul, korea
Date:
October 13, 2002
Time: 05:54 PM
hi everyone. i'm 29 and have been drinking heavily for about 10 years. i feel like my drinking started accelerating about a year ago when i moved abroad from north america. i guess my new found anonymity, being away from family and friends, and a cushy work schedule gave me a better venue for more reckless drinking. regardless, i've decided to try to get clean. i made it sunday night without alcohol after a heavy week of nearly going out every night. this is the third attempt in about 2 months to quit. the longest i made it was about 4 days. i'm not sure why i failed last time. i found myself in a jazz bar and couldn't resist ordering that gin and tonic. maybe i should have avoided that old "playground" to begin with -- at least until i've gone a few months and have more confidence. i do have a small confession -- i cheated sunday by taking a mild sedative before bed. sleeplessness is a big problem, but the last thing i want is to become addicted to another pill. i just thought ... as long as i'm not drinking ... why not have a little help in falling alseep the first few nights. i realize the dangers ... i've read the posts in some of the NA rooms and being addicted to some of the pills can be just as bad as alcohol. i guess it's all the same monster, but it was so nice waking up without a hangover. i just feel like i've developed a physical addiction to alcohol and the pill might be useful for the first 4 days. even in detox, they often will give benzodiazapines (in decreasing doses) to addicts to curb withdrawal symptoms. this is probably a stupid idea of mine ... another way of denying the root of the problem. any thoughts on this?
Member: gallagher
Location: seoul, korea
Date: October 13, 2002
Time:
06:08 PM
gallagher, alcoholic. it's hard to say goodbye to old friends, even if they are primary contributors to your sickness. i'm curious how most of you newbies are dealing with this issue. do you find it difficult to be around people during the early stages -- unless they are people who are also recovering? i think we have to change our patterns of socialization drastically and it's easier to just not see some people at all. are most of you "out" about your addiction? it's kind of a secret of mine, but i'm starting to understand why a lot of recovering addicts come out with their problem and just tell everyone -- it's almost easier in some ways. that way, if one of your drinking buddies call you up -- you just say: look i'm an alcoholic and trying to quit. i can't see you right now instead of some other excuse not to hang out with a "friend." it's a serious issue. i have a difficult time with it. because all of this is a secret, and i realized that "friends" were a big impetus to get me to drink, i went so far as to develop a lie about how i was on this medication for an ear infection and i couldn't drink for three weeks. maybe that's one approach, if you don't want to tell old playmates initially about your addiction. i don't like being dishonest, but whatever it takes to stay clean ....
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 06:33 PM
Here are the things that were told to me when I first came to AA and that I subsequently found to be true. AA is not a self-help program. If we could help ourselves we would have no need for AA. AA is not a religious program, but is spiritual in nature. There are two aspects of AA: the Fellowship and the Program. The Fellowship is a very powerful thing and is sufficient to keep some of us sober. Most of us however are of the hopeless variety of alcoholic and to acquire and retain sobriety require the profound change, which comes from taking the Steps of AA. Being of the hopeless and real variety of alcoholic it was suggested in very certain terms that I take each and every Step in the order they are presented following the directions contained in the book, “Alcoholics Anonymous.” Furthermore, I should find someone who had taken the Steps and seemed to be living a life “happy, joyous and free” and ask that person for help. I found someone, asked and he became my “sponsor.” Together we read the Big Book and followed the directions for taking the Steps as best we could. The more experienced members of AA also suggested that I attend AA Meetings on a regular basis as often as I drank. Not only should I attend Meetings frequently, but also I should acquire and fulfill commitments at these Meetings. Wash the coffee cups (some Meetings still had glass cups at that time), make coffee, mind the literature, greet people, be a secretary or treasurer, GSR or Intergroup Rep. anything would do. Talk to people newer than I. Not only give my phone number to new comers but get their numbers and call them. Having done what was suggested I continue to do what was suggested, to the best of my ability, and my life has become wonderful. I now live “happy, joyous and free.” With diligence and willingness you can do the same. I wish whoever reads this luck in gaining and maintaining sobriety.
Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date:
October 13, 2002
Time: 06:59 PM
Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. When I was very, very, very new to sobriety, in fact I was still in the Care Unit, I heard that I would have to stay out of slippery (drinking) places. This worried me because I had been a home drinker and rarely went out to bars. What I came to find out was the slippery place was in my own Head not in my House. So what I had to change was how I react to things. Usually for me, the first way that comes into my mind to handle a situation is the wrong way. I have to step back for a moment and think about everything I have learned in AA and then usually I can do the next right thing.
Member: DennisR
Location: Charlotte
Date: October 13,
2002
Time: 08:48 PM
My name is Dennis and I am an alcoholic. I have spent the day at home and tried to get to a meeting but could not find the church it was in. Must have goofed on the directions. So it is great to find this site and read the contributions. Thank you all for sharing
Member: Ken V.
Location: Tenn.
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 10:23 PM
My name is Ken and I'm an alcoholic. I used to live in Brooklyn, bartending and waiting tables in Park Slope. My lover moved me out and down to Tenn. before I was able to completely destroy myself with cocaine and booze. It took me a little over a year to get the courage to go back to meetings (I had 5 yrs. from '85 to 90). This Nov.1st I will have 90 days clean and sober. The last to go was pot. My gratitude towards what was done for me can't ever be expressed enough. The strain on our relationship has been great considering the distance. It's only recently that I've come to realize the tension that I am responsible for. My anger towards myself sometimes bubbles over onto the person I love the most. Anger, that thing that I can't afford. I don't get angry, I get resent- ful. Full of fear and frustration. My sponsor is key to my current sobriety. More than that I use the phone, even when I feel that I can handle a situation, I find that I screw things up with the best intentions. Restraint of tongue and pen as it states in the steps is ever present in my mind. Still, I forget, and just blurt out what's on my mind, thinking I'm doing the right thing only to find out that I've been hurtfull and blaming. Tricky thing this disease. Thank God I'm sober and am capable of learning from my mistakes, but usually only if they're pointed out by someone with more experience at this stuff than me. Leaving the old crap behind and embracing a new sober life with my lover,who also happens to now be sober and growing in the program, is exciting and my deepest desire is to stick around for the miracle to happen. Thanks for listening to my rambling. Don't drink and go to meetings.
Member: Mark A
Location: Canada
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 10:30 PM
les in san diego I will be in your town oct 26 for three days Can you suggest some good meetings. I am a business man who gets drunk too often. PLs help. If you are available let me know I would like to find out about the AA scene in SD. thanks
Member: MikeF
Location: Southern California
Date: October 13, 2002
Time: 10:45 PM
Gallagher... MikeF here - Alcoholic...I guess I'm really lucky somehow as I don't have any trouble at all sleeping when I've had a sober day. Why? I don't know but frankly, I think as long as I'm asleep I'm not thinking about that first drink and if I don't have any booze in my system and I know I haven't had any I don't wake up in the middle of the night sweating what happened the night before and worrying that my wife will be pissed and (rightfully so) at me the next morning. That's one of the greatest things I love about a sober day...a good nights sleep. Of course, I do wake up and worry about whether I have some booze stashed away somewhere for the next morning, if I need it. Sad, but I guess that's why we're all here.
Member: Gage
Location:
La
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 12:23 AM
Here are two things that will always be true, and I will carry them with me wherever I go: I'm Gage and I am an alcoholic. My belief is that if I'll accept these facts, take the suggestions that have given to me through the steps of the AA program and put them first in my life, and continue to try to share what I find here, then I can live. And my life will be as full and rich as I will allow it to be. Good luck to all, and thank you for being here.
Member:
Ken V.
Location: Tenn.
Date: October 14, 2002
Time:
12:28 AM
Ken. Alcoholic. I knew I coudn't stay sober and clean staying around the people that I hung with at the bar and restaurant. The jobs just became a trigger for me. I'd promise myself every morning before dragging my butt to work that I wouldn't get drunk or high that day knowing that I'd never be able to keep that promise to myself or anyone else. Booze was behind the bar that I was in charge of and had free license to partake of and the drugs were a delivery call away. Every night I'd lay awake in bed praying for an hour sleep before I'd have to go and do it again and also praying to God to not let me die. 4 years or so this went on. I know that the people I called "friends" are still sitting at that same bar and if I showed up they'd think that I got stuck in the mens room. A drink and a line would be waiting for me. It's all waiting for me to pick up where I left off. I don't tame lions. I don't go in the lions den. I don't believe I have another 12 years of experimentation left in me. I might have another drunk in me left but I know in my heart I don't have another recovery. Death or insanity. I've trailed the razors edge of both. God, thank you for another sober day. And thank all of you in the fellowship. It's not often that the gift is given twice, much less the obsession lifted twice. I have a purpose here in this world. Now it's up to me to find it. Sponsorship, sharing, honesty, commitments, speaking. These are the keys to that "joyous and free" life that Les speaks of. I'm sure ther are more, the Big Book (something I never read the first time around), the Steps, and prayer(something that is so present in my life today). Thanks for listening.
Member:
Billy P
Location: NYC
Date: October 14, 2002
Time:
02:11 AM
I am so sick of booze and drugs i am 35 years old and sick of the whole damn lifestyle.But latly i feel so depreesed and alone but I know something has to change the whole lifestyle no longer makes me happy.
Member: Ralph K
Location: Lexington, Michigan
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 04:09 AM
Insomnia used to be a big demon for me. It just takes a little time. "This too shall pass." Warm milk. Reading. Stephen King calls it "book valium." Sometimes I wake after a few hours and just get up and read for a while. I used to lay in bed and try to fight it but that just made me more uptight and wound up. I think it might be a problem of clinging to our old ways. I used to pass out and sleep 12 hours in a drug induced la-la land. Sober sleep is just like sober life-it takes a little getting used to.
Member: DennisH
Location: Davidson NC
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 11:06
AM
Good morning! It is wonderful to be sober today and not worried about what I did last night because I was sober yesterday too. I have 30 days today and am really greatful for this program and people who shared in this meeting so far.
Member: Marie
Location: Ca
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 11:30 AM
I can so relate to the insomnia/alcohol/coffee thing - insomnia is my biggest demon also, but this last time I stopped drinking I only went 4 or 5 nights with bad insomnia, then normal sleep started to kick in. Mike F you ARE lucky that sleep wasn't a problem when you gave up drinking. Also having to give up appetite suppressents (prescription, but still a crutch) as they interfere with sleep. Wow its tough to try to be a "normal" person!!!! Thanks to everyone for their input!
Member: dave P
Location: Pa
Date:
October 14, 2002
Time: 01:21 PM
helping with sleep is one of the excuses i continue to use for drinking and using tranquilizers. of course i always wake up with a headache the next day, and feeling like the quality of sleep was poor. also my wife tells me my sleep is very restless. on those niights that i don't drink, even if the quantity of sleep is less, the quality is ALWAYS better. why i can't get this concept thru my thick skull i just don't know.
Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 02:12 PM
Hi Everyone! I have to get ready for work, so I don't have time to read the posts right now. I just wanted to tell Mike S. from Louisville to try posting again. Sometimes the postings get lost in cyber space. I'm in Louisville too and it would be nice to have someone nearby to talk to and maybe attend meetings with. Please give it another shot (no pun intended). Everyone STAY SOBER! With love, Stacy.
Member: MikeF
Location:
CA
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 04:05 PM
MikeF here again - alcoholic - I must be really unusual and I guess very lucky at the same time after reading the posts here regarding sleep problems. I never realized that was such a problem for people trying to quit...I've always thought I slept well because if I've had a sober day/night I don't have to get up five times a night and go to the bathroom, and I don't have to wake up at 3AM and worry about what I did the night before, where my car is or if my wife will be pissed off at me the next morning. I have noticed that I DO have much more vivid dreams without booze in my system though. Occasionally, I have tried drinking a cup of "Sleepy Time" tea, sold in health food stores and that's helped. But be aware however, that it contains valerium root, the main ingrediant (in a natural form) of Valium if you're avoiding all meds. Stay cool...
Member:
Corinne B.
Location: TreeBombHome, CA
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 04:16 PM
Esp. for the guy in Seoul, Korea - A couple things happened the very first time I was introduced to AA. One was that I went right in to my boss and told him I'd had a problem with both drinking and cocaine, and that I was immediately doing something about it from that moment forward. About 6 weeks later, I had to do an amend on stealing and I got immediately fired. My sponsor went with me when I returned all the stuff to the store, to make the amend, and to watch me get fired. I'd never had anyone "hold my hand" through anything so serious in my life. I had faced something head on, with someone's help, and then I moved on. Found a new job, eventually changed careers a few times, but one day on top of another day, I stayed sober for about 6 years, and drank (no drugs) again for the next 6 1/2 years, once I stopped applying the suggested 12 steps on a daily basis and forgot the correct order of my priorities. Simply put: I really just wasn't done, perhaps too young to really get it, that this is a life and death matter. I see that now, especially after almost dying 6 months before attempting to get sober again, from 7 bleeding ulcers, due to way too much red wine and anti-depressants/liver disease, you name it. I was a mess by the time I got back to AA beginning in November 1998. So, having comparative analysis skills behind me (aka R&D - research & development - in sobie-lingo), now that I've been sober again 3 1/2 years, after being back out there for that 6 1/2 years I mentioned earlier, I realize the difference in my own case is that with drinking only those years back out, I can now see alcoholism alone as being a life or death matter, where I honestly didn't believe that before. Drugs haven't even part of the equation for me for so long now, I sometimes forget all about that part of my old, former life. One thing I will mention, too, for anyone else stopping cocaine, what helped me was taking an amino acid called Tyrosine or Phenylalanine. What happens in cocaine addiction is that the chemicals in the pleasure center of the brain (dopamine, I think it is) do not just go back to normal after taking coke out of the equation - those brain chemicals dump way lower than normal, causing the ensuing depression. I believe this also applies to alkies, anymore, as so many of us do suffer depression while trying to get sober. It was info passed on through a medical person way back in 1986 when I first got clean/sober. I also added a prayer, asking God to help me sleep, and the next thing I would know, I'd be waking up, very refreshed, in the morning. I wasn't so fortunate in getting sober the 2nd time. I did have to resort to chemical help for sleep, and had to get off that stuff, after sobering up about 2 1/2 months. It was the hardest thing, even harder than the first time round. It takes months to get Benzo's out of the system. Anywhere from 5 to 15 months, in my own case. They are the worst drug for alkies to use, very, highly addictive. They (Xanax, Clonopin, Ativan) will actually start causing anxiety when used long-term. Well, I've gone on way too long. I hope some of this personal experience is useful to someone. Also, Kava-Kava is a very helpful herbal supplement to ease anxiety in early sobriety, I found one per morning was all I needed to help me while detoxing from the Xanax in 1999. All I know is no 2 of us are identical (check your DNA charts) and some people do need or have to go through getting extra help at first. It's okay - so long as it works. One sure way for anything not to work, and that is to never even make the first attempt. So, once you're started out, you really and truly are getting on the right track. Just make sure to water the seeds that have been planted, and someday, you will grow into a beautiful flower. I promise!
Member: Chris H.
Location:
KS
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 04:56 PM
Hi all....feeling very sad today...darn alcohol addiction anyway! I can't seem to string together more than two days of staying sober and then I find a reason to go get some beer. Well, today that's just not going to happen. My playground is at home too. I've never been a bar goer. Sleeping is hard for me too. What makes me really made is I can't sleep at night but have a hard time staying awake sometimes during the day. Guess I better cut way back on the caffeine and see if that helps. Thanks for being here you all....I need ya!
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date:
October 14, 2002
Time: 05:18 PM
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. There are some interesting passages in the Big Book regarding being around alcohol and drinkers. The first set comes after the 10th Step. “We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we will recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically”. (pp. 84-85) “That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition”. (p. 85). The next set comes after the 12th step. “Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do”. (p. 100) “So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there”. (p. 101)... The caution here is that these occur after Steps 10 and 12, and each of us reaches this point in our own time. Until that time, we may be too unpracticed in examining our own motivations to risk being around people who drink. You may be taking risks with your sobriety if you try to be in drinking environments before you are “spiritually fit” to do so. For me, in early sobriety and even today, I try to be sure that I have a way out of any and every situation. I never want to feel trapped in a situation where there is drinking. Also, it may help to focus on the positive rather than avoiding the negative. I tended to do a lot of my drinking alone at home. When I came to AA, I didn’t work hard to avoid drinking situations because I was too busy attending meetings, taking the steps with my sponsor, and making some new friends in the fellowship of AA. Again, if you haven’t yet made a face to face (f2f) meeting, please consider doing so, maybe even today. I can only speak for myself, but f2f contact with others is essential to me for staying sober. Joe joep041699@mindspring.com
Member: Opal H.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 14,
2002
Time: 08:21 PM
((Billy P.)) We have to be 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' sometimes to find the willingness to seek out this program. You read here many of us are happy, joyous and free and trying to help lead you and others to this same place. If you can make it to a F2F meeting there will be lots of friendly people who over time can help with that lonliness you feel. We are united by our disease and in numbers there is strength and help. Please keep coming back. ((Chris H.)) just don't stop trying and keep coming back!!! God Bless All.
Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 14, 2002
Time: 09:45 PM
AHHHH, Insomia boy ol' boy, you don't have to tell me that word twice. Just started AA 10 days ago and have been in a world of hurt. I also can't seem to make it more than 2 or 3 day without picking up a drink again. For me, I think I sleep a whole hour for the night and am so tired in the day and can't sleep still. Then there's all the mental confusion throughout the day all those crazy emotions coming at ya at once. I think I pick up that drink cause I just get so sick and tired of being tired. Read all the post today and might try those remedies, it really can't hurt to try, and maybe I actually can keep going on and not have an attitude about it. Anyways, don't stop trying and keep coming back!!!
Member:
Location:
Date: October
14, 2002
Time: 11:16 PM
Deciding to change routines playmates and playpens. Interesting subject considering that tonight I just blew both. 43 days, but one cannot throw out a husband of almost 20 years. Nor can one decide that the playpen is shut down until they can come to terms with what is going on. My playpen has been shut down for 43 days. Not good if I want to keep my 20 year playmate around. It is hard to quit drinkig, when your partner has not interest. It is hard to seperate everthing when there are children involved and you don't know what to do. Don't drink is a very familar statement, but when you can't seem to conect with your partner what do you do? Tonight it seemed to be a join him or lose him situation. Very sad. Very lonley. Very scared.
Member:
Location:
Date:
October 14, 2002
Time: 11:16 PM
Deciding to change routines playmates and playpens. Interesting subject considering that tonight I just blew both. 43 days, but one cannot throw out a husband of almost 20 years. Nor can one decide that the playpen is shut down until they can come to terms with what is going on. My playpen has been shut down for 43 days. Not good if I want to keep my 20 year playmate around. It is hard to quit drinkig, when your partner has not interest. It is hard to seperate everthing when there are children involved and you don't know what to do. Don't drink is a very familar statement, but when you can't seem to conect with your partner what do you do? Tonight it seemed to be a join him or lose him situation. Very sad. Very lonley. Very scared.
Member: Dave P
Location:
Date: October 15, 2002
Time: 09:26 AM
just struggling to put even two days of sobriety together has been tough. it's always one excuse or another my twisted , addicted , brain seems to be able to manufacture to get its fix. i'm so sick and tired of this garbage, yet somehow cannot get rid of it. i did read something recently that made a whole lotta sense, if only i could do it. alcoholics need to have two overwhelming priorities in life. the first is staying sober. the second......everything else.
Member: Marie
Location: Ca.
Date: October 15, 2002
Time: 11:50 AM
Made it to day 2 - 1 night of sobriety and one night of insomnia - between no wine, coyotes howling, dogs barking and my husband snoring, sleep just wasn't gonna happen! To Joe P: What does that mean may not be good to be in drinking environments before you are "spiritually fit"?? I am, unfortunately, agnostic, and that scared me to read that as I am in drinking environments frequently going to friends house for dinner, out of towners coming to visit etc. Anyway, I REALLY want to do this - I hope I can. To anonymous poster: Try not to feel so lonely - there are lots of people at this site reaching out and willing to help. It would be sad if you felt you had to drink to keep your husband. Keep coming back here - it's very helpful to know you are not alone in this sit'n.
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: October 15, 2002
Time: 12:37 PM
Hi, my name is Sarah and I am a recovering alcoholic. I am double dipping to encourage the anonymous poster. I am what is called a 'double winner' ... I have to work both the A.A. program and the Alanon program. My alcoholism was like a mobile of me and my playmates(family) kept in balance by 'my drinking'. When I was sober, I elt 'unbalanced' AND my family felt 'unbalanced'. So, I would drink again, thinking we would all feel 'balanced'. My disease is a disease of 'alcoholism' AND 'the alcoholic family'. I have to work both programs as my disease tells me to keep the mobile in balance with as a practicing alcoholic. So ... a suggestion ... try going to an face to face Alanon meeting, find someone who says "I am a double winner", they can help you. My disease has not been easy to treat, but I kept coming back and today I have 5+ years ... one day at time. So, please Keep coming back!
Member:
Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: October 15, 2002
Time: 01:47 PM
Hi everyone. My name is Kim and I am an alcoholic. My first sponsor used to say that "old place and old faces" where dangerous triggers and to avoid them as much as possible in the early days of my recovery. I heeded his advice and chose my first Home Group because it was on a Friday night, my main drinking night. I got active with that group and through service became accountable to my Home Group. During the first year of my sobriety, that made missing meetings on a Friday night next to impossible and most of the time the desire to drink had left by the time the meeting was over on Friday. I was safe for another day - phew! Old faces can still trigger me, so I no longer hang out with the people I did when I was drinking. I had an old friend call me out of the blue a couple of weeks ago and ask if I wanted to go out for a while. I told him I don't drink anymore - haven't in over 3 years - and he said, "You don't have to drink to go out. Just come along and have soda or something." Yeah, right. Me sitting at a bar sipping soda???? I don't think so. I respectively declined and told him that my life fell apart when I drank and I have too much to loose today to risk hanging out in bars drinking soda. The fellowship of AA helped with the lonliness in those first few months. Getting active with my group by going on committments or hitting meetings I knew they'd be at filled empty hours and kept me sober. In the early days I had very little defense against that first drink and to protect my fragile sobriety, I took the suggestions I heard and one of them was to not hang out with old friends in my old stomping grounds. It was one of the many tools I was given in AA.
Member: Terry
Location: NJ
Date:
October 15, 2002
Time: 05:31 PM
Hello everyone Terry alcoholic here; remember me, the one who brought up this coffee thing last week. Well yesterday was 7days, and I am actually sleeping, with the help of de-caf after 6 and warm-milk after that. On about Sat, I started with horrible pains that seem to suggest ulcers, especially since red wine was my drink of choice along with about 9 each napaproxin and tylenol along with two benedryl a day. I imagine had those pains before but couldn't remember or maybe it just started after I quit. Going for a good physical tomorrow to see what the damage is. As to withdrawal, I seemed to get away with only the shakes, headaches and no sleep. I must have come under the wire with how much I drank to avoid detox. I know if it had gone any further I would have been there. There, I found something to be grateful about. Am so glad for this site while waiting for my meetings. Thanks to you all. God bless.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 15, 2002
Time: 05:35 PM
Member: Lu S.
Location: Northern CA
Date: October 15, 2002
Time: 06:29 PM
Hi...I'm Lu and an alcoholic. I had many years in recovery - went out but I am now back and have 45 days sober today. I honestly believe I do not have another recovery in me....I certainly have another drumk left. I still have a family somewhat intact. They are leary and I cannot blame them. I am attending a meeting a day - minimum. Thought this would be a helpful addition to my program of recovery. Thanks for hearing me out.
Member: matt m.
Location: marin county , CA
Date: October 15, 2002
Time:
06:55 PM
my name is matt, i am an alcoholic. I have a disease. This disease will kill me if i do not treat it . Never have i heard of a disease that is so inexpensive to diagnose and and maintain its arrestment. WE ARE incredibly blessed to have gotten stricken with this dilemma. I understand that that might sound strange to some of us at first.Of all the wicked illnesses to have gotten , i'll take this one. Go to A MEETING!!!!!!! Ask questions , ask someone to be your sponsor, ask for the basic text of meetings The (BIG BOOK) , to further investigate whether or not you are an alcoholic. Do something different.... don't try to ........ do.
Member:
Location:
Date: October 15, 2002
Time: 09:37 PM
If you haven't picked up a drink/drug today then your a miracle!
Member: matthew g
Location: jax, fl
Date: October 15,
2002
Time: 10:08 PM
matt, alcoholic. i initially had trouble getting to sleep and was sure that i would never be able to doze off like others. i shared this with my sponsor and he suggested saying a prayer and reading the bb. it took a few days but i can now say...it works! review your day, say thanks to your hp and spend a few minutes in the bb or 12&12 and see how it works for you. good luck. ps... i am so excited about finding this web site are there any "live" meeting sites???
Member:
Phil T
Location: NJ
Date: October 16, 2002
Time:
12:14 AM
Hi, My name is Phil and I am an alcohlic. This message is for Billy P who posted above. Billy, I live in NJ and was in a similar situation as you when I quit over two years ago. My advice: 1. Get to a meeting every day. Try "The Mustard Seed" off of Lexington in mid-town Manhattan. 2. Buy a copy of the Big Book and read it every day. 3. Don't give up. Even if you drink again. I started my journey in sobriety at this board in March 2000. 4. Keep reading this board in the meantime. 5. Email me: njexec@hotmail.com if you need help getting plugged-in to AA. Right now you are skating on thin ice and will need the helping hand of multiple AA members to help you figure this out. Try to keep and open mind and remember that to get 2, 5 or 25 years, we all had to say to ourselves (in your own words): "I am so sick of booze and drugs i am 35 years old and sick of the whole damn lifestyle.But latly i feel so depreesed and alone but I know something has to change the whole lifestyle no longer makes me happy." Regards, Phil
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date:
October 16, 2002
Time: 12:24 AM
Marie – I apologize if my comment was confusing. I would suggest “spiritually fit” might mean having taken the 12 Steps with a sponsor who took the steps with a sponsor in what ever manner is right for you. I would also suggest reading Appendix II on Spiritual Experience (pp. 567-568) in the Big Book, which refers the spiritual experience as “a profound alteration in his reaction to life”. Also, in my opinion, “spiritually fit” refers to ones ability to examine one’s own motivations. These things often take some time to occur, thus the caution about drinking people and environments. But there is no set rule, and what is right for one is not for another. Please be careful out there. “Remember that we deal with alcohol – cunning, baffling, powerful”. (BB p.58) Being agnostic does not mean that you cannot be “spiritually fit” under those definitions. Good for you on day two, day three is just one more 24 hour period, so go for it. You CAN do it. Joe joep041699@mindspring.com
Member: Pilar
Location:
San Antonio, Tx.
Date: October 16, 2002
Time: 05:14 AM
I have one year and one month, thank God. Early recovery is not fun, but necessary. Alot of times I just want to run and escape and take a trip somewhere cus my life is so boring and so unbearable, but that's when i need to go to meetings...thank God for AA or I would be dead, for all I ever did was drink over codependent relationships and it's a relief to know that there is a solution to all this insanity and extreme lonliness.
Member:
Lisa D
Location: Va
Date: October 16, 2002
Time:
05:40 AM
i've been trying for years to get sober but nothing seems to work. i get caught up in the peer pressure to drink with my friends. i guess i'm ashamed to tell them that i have a drinking problem so i go with the flow. i know that i can't allow the peer pressure to get to me. i also know that if these people were my friends they would support me. i just need to stand my ground.
Member: thomas
Location: S. Fla.
Date:
October 16, 2002
Time: 06:34 AM
Thomas here, grateful to God and you guys to be sober today. Only thing I can add to insomnia is that I have been sober for some time now and still don't sleep very well. I have no trouble falling asleep it's staying asleep that get's me. So I get up and read and then go for a run, read, meditate and go make a buck or two. Some nights are better than others. But, one thing is for sure, my worst tired in the morning is 100 times better than my last hangover. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Chris H.
Location: KS
Date:
October 16, 2002
Time: 06:58 AM
Chris here, three days sober now....that's a long time for me. The bad thing is last night I came home from work and just started in on my husband about something and could NOT believe the rage that came out. I know we drink to hide from that stuff but why would I do it for what was a very small matter? This emotional rollercoaster is making me crazy but I intend to hang in there 24 hours at a time.
Member: Jack H.
Location: Orlando
Date: October 16, 2002
Time: 09:34 AM
Hello Everyone, My name is Jack and i'll always be an alcoholic. First i would like thank all of you for sharing something of yourselves to help crazy old Jack continue to live a happy sober life. i've seen many posts above with the general theme of "I" am having trouble doing this or that. It brings to mind last April when i picked up the medalion, (which i ALWAYS carry in my pocket), to celebrate 22 years of continuous sobriety. i was asked the usual question -- "how did you do it?" My answer was, and still is -- "I'm an alcoholic. I can't do anything worthwhile by myself. With the help of God WE helped Jack live happy, sober, and free." AA is not a self help program. It is a group of wonderful people who help each other so that WE can all get, and stay, well. It took quite a while, but, by working the 12 steps with the help of a sponsor i am able to sleep like a baby because i no longer care to do the kinds of things which used to keep me awake worrying about. Keep going to meetings. The miracle is free to all who try to work the steps. Peace, and love Jack (jackh@netpass.com)
Member: Richard S.
Location: NH
Date:
October 16, 2002
Time: 05:56 PM
Day 16 without a drink. But this day was harder than the ones before. My mouth waters as I sit here thinking about my addiction. Rats! A Random Thought. The folks posting on this site seem to be very articulate. I can't help but think about those alcoholics who lack the writing skills to communicate, and(like myself) are affraid to go to face to face meetings. Are they lost forever? Blessings.
Member: Marie
Location: Ca
Date: October 16, 2002
Time: 08:38 PM
Thanks Joe P. for your comments -I appreciate them. I ordered the BB Sept 17th adn it still hasn't arrived - I ordered it on-line and rec'd a confirmation of payment but no book - they said 2 to 4 weeks, it's now been 4 weeks and a day - I e-mailed them they said they'd look into it. Meantime I went to Borders and loitered around the "recovery" section and felt too self-concious to persue it - how ridiculous I am. Anyway, day 3 and another night of insomnia last night - finally got up and took a Sominex and fell asleep and felt drugged all day today. Just want to get thru the evening w/ no wine!!!
Member: Mark D
Location: NH
Date: October 16, 2002
Time: 10:22 PM
I read a headline for a feature on the cover of some dumb magazine. It read, "SLEEP- THE NEW SEX!". I wouldn't go quite that far but when the hamster stops running the wheel in your brain after a period of sobriety; and you're able to maintain some serenity- that feeling of sliding into bed with a clear conscious and drifting off to sleep is great.The warm milk, sleepytime tea, warm bath, reading- are all good inducements. Unfortunately for the newcomer to sobriety I think Time is the essential first ingredient. Time to allow your brain and body to de-pickle, time to work the steps and gain a measure of accomplishment and self-esteem. If you've made progress today in your sobriety by not drinking TODAY, trying to be a better person TODAY and maybe having something in the Big Book or heard in a meeting click, TODAY--give yourself a break and know you've done what you are supposed to do. The gifts of sobriety are mostly incremental.
Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October 16, 2002
Time: 11:06 PM
Hey to all, Good to hear all the posts tonight, Wow, I think each and everyone of you's is going thru what I'm going thru. Thirteen days for me going to my first meeting and its been a hell of a ride. Two steps forward, Two steps back. I have been going to meetings everyday as suggested and already I am burnt out. I think I just want the quick answers and am finding out there are none. Thats a bit discouraging for myself and already want to quit. I'm just tired of being tired!! I just keep looking at this as a hopeless situation, and going to meetings everyday and seeing people happy is not helping right now. My sponser told me I will see the bigger picture later, but to keep up with the meetings. I'm not sure I can, I know I got to get some perspective to keep going on. But I think I'm trying to find excuses. Anyways, (((Marie, CA))) still sounds like you are trying to this alone!! They will give you a free Big Book when you go to your first meeting and tell them your a newcomer. Anyways, your 3 days is better than mine. Struggling is a daily thing for me, hope I can still keep going on. Anyways, Thanks for all the post tonight and goodnight!!!!
Member: Robin
Location: FL
Date: October
17, 2002
Time: 12:07 AM
Marie in CA: In the meanwhile...here is the first 164 pages of the Big Book of AA to have online. http://www.aainsa.org/BigBook/index.htm
Member:
Location:
Date: October 17, 2002
Time: 12:10 AM
Just run your mouse over the link above...its "clickable"
Member: Marty A
Location:
Date: October 17, 2002
Time: 02:09 AM
Hi, my names Marty and I'm an alcoholic. I'm 28 and have been drinking heavily for 10 years. I've never been to an AA meeting but I've tried countless times to stop. Anyway, it's really helped to read your stories. Thanks.
Member: Chris H.
Location: KS
Date: October 17, 2002
Time: 07:42 AM
Hi Marty, I think you'll be glad you found this meeting. My name is Chris and I'm starting my fourth day of sobriety. I can't say "Wow! This is really great!" yet, but I can say it's nice to wake up not regretting what I might have done or said the night before. FC, please hang in there. Your posts have given me some hope. I'll bet your sponsor is right. Things will become clearer soon. I like what Jack said above....this is a WE thing and when we try to make it a ME thing it will be much harder.
Member: Beth H.
Location: Canada
Date:
October 17, 2002
Time: 09:19 AM
Good morning all! Came here the last couple days and it was blank. Eeeek! Glad to see it back. This is a very timely topic for me. Tomorrow night is the big family booze-up (disguised as quality time with relatives), and I've been thinking all week about how I can approach this with my mother-in-law. I've gotten past worrying about hurting her feelings. If I tell her that I'm struggling to achieve sobriety, and it's just too difficult to be around free-flowing alcohol, she'll understand. I don't have to tell her that when I'm at her house, with her grown children, I'm in a place where no one cares if I get sh**faced or not. Actually, they're more uncomfortable if I don't! The next problem will be explaining why i don't want my small son to go there without me. i don't want to imply that she and my husband aren't capable of looking after him without my omniscient presence. it's just that he deserves better than being shoved alone into the TV room while the grownups get drunk in the living room. I'm a drunk too, and that's why I'm stopping - because I don't want him to be raised by drunks. How can I not be laying blame, and still protecting myself and my son, and not alienate my in-laws? And for the person who extra-anonymously posted about losing their playmate/husband of 20 years...please e-mail me at billthehen@yahoo.co.uk - we have so much to chat about! I am in the exact same situation and it's scaring the hell out of me. Love to all, the 4-year-old in question is whining to play Little Howie's Funhouse on the computer. At least I'm not hungover - my headache is about to get bigger! :)
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 17, 2002
Time: 09:22 AM
Bill P. here - still alcoholic. Just a quick check in to say thank you for helping me stay sober for another 24! 5+ months sober and the fog continues to lift. I'm seeing and feeling things that went unnoticed before. Thanks to this fellowship of alcoholics, WE recover together. I cannot do this alone. I need all of you. Thanks and God Bless you all.
Member:
Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date:
October 17, 2002
Time: 10:56 AM
Earlier in recovery I thought I could just stop drinking and keep behaving like I had been. I tried drinking no alcohol beer and sodas. It was hilarious. I would drink a six pack worth of fluid in half the time. This was always a losing proposition, before the night was over a real drink would be a good idea. If you only knew how unique my situation was you’d understand why I needed to drink. Stopping for me was not easy. I ended up in a hospital ICU and only with the help of my doctor was I able to get enough clean time to see my insanity. There were a bazillion things I had to change to stay sober. My sponsor told me I only had to change one thing “EVERYTHING”. Richard S, I used to search for the differences between others and myself. Recovery became a lot more fun when I started to see the similarities. You are needed and wanted regardless of your opinion of yourself.
Member: Marie
Location: Ca.
Date: October
17, 2002
Time: 12:08 PM
Robin in Fla. Thanks SO much for the info on the BB - I appreciate it VERY much!!!!!!!!!! Also FC - you are AWESOME - 13 days is great because it includes at least one weekend maybe 2 which are usually the hardest!! I've only gone that long a couple of times in the last 20 plus years and I didn't suffer the withdrawals that you have - insomnia has been my worst symptom (along with that overwhelming desire to pour a nice cold glass of white wine)speaking of...how are the physical symptoms for you after 13 days??? This is my fourth day - am proud of myself, my husband went to bed early last night (after drinking 2 pepsis, always amazes me) and I sat up alone after kids went to bed and fought off the big urge for wine or any other kind of alcohol - I made some sleepy time tea and read a mindless article in People and went to bed - tossed and turned for a couple of hours but sleep was better last night than previous 2 nights - thanks to everyone, your posts keep me going!
Member: Hamish
Location:
Sydney, Australia
Date: October 17, 2002
Time: 01:08 PM
My names Hamish & I'm an alcoholic. Well done to the people in early sobriety. It does get better & it is well worth it. I've been sober for just over a year and you can do it but you won't do it alone. General comment: You have to want it and it will take some effort. Keep coming back. Read the big book, go to meetings. ASK for help. Be kind to yourself in the very early days. Keep up the good work to Marie and others - one day at a time.
Member: daveP
Location: PA
Date: October 17, 2002
Time: 01:48 PM
Hey guys, daveP , alcoholic, checking in.This site has been a great comfort to me, knowing that everyone here has gone thru what i am going thru, trying , trying and trying again to stay sober. somewhere along the line yesterday, i managed to have an evening without getting drunk. I don't know what it was that was different yesterday from almost every other day where i don't make it, but waking up today was so wonderful i couldn't believe it. Sure i was up far later than i'd have been with a bunch of drinks and some valium, but i had reached the point yesterday that i just didn't care . The thing i still can't understand, is that if i know how much better i feel the morning after not drinking, why in the hell do i keep slipping up and forgetting this? I hope i can remember for just today, how much better i feel. thanks again, hope to make day#2.
Member: Jutta H.
Location: Cologne (Germany)
Date: October 17, 2002
Time:
01:52 PM
Hi!My name is Jutta and I am an alcoholic.When I got back to AA this last time around,I felt like I had nobody left.I thought that I had worn out my friends and places. I remembered that AA was a warm and friendly place and so I simply went back to "rest" for a while. The first 3 weeks, I just went to work and to meetings at night. I needed to "cocoon" in AA for a while. Once I felt better, I started to worry about about changing my lifestyle and getting a sponsor who may tell me what to do. Right then, I was lucky to meet some young people who were very enthusiatic about sobriety and seemed to have a real zest for life.They were doing all kinds of fun things together...and they took me along. I never had so much fun in my life. We did all these things together...dancing, bowling, picnics, road trips to AA events and birthdays. When I was drinking I always had "big designs and plans" of what I would do one day and how much fun I would have. But that was just another lie. I was only interested in alcolhol in those days. Sober, I have experienced so many wonderful and exciting things. I have met so many interesting and warm hearted people.And as for my "old friends"...some have come back into my life and our relationships are even better today than they had been in the past.Others have vanished as we discovered that we had only alcohol in common. I am glad today, that I have a sponsor in my life who lovingly tells me the truth about myself and gently guides me through the steps and the past three years of sobriety. So to everybody who is worried about loosing something by getting sober...I can assure you the opposite is true. Sobriety has made my life full and rich with "real people" and "real places". Happy 24 hours, everyone! Jutta
Member: Tami R
Location: NH
Date: October
17, 2002
Time: 05:06 PM
Well, Christmas is coming and Thanksgiving and I hope and pray that I'll be able to deal with the drinking going around all around me. I have found that usually when I want a drink, something is bothering me. Its been three weeks. Thank you God
Member: Beth H.
Location: Chilly Canada
Date: October
17, 2002
Time: 07:58 PM
((((Marie, FC)))) Please e-mail me -billthehen@yahoo.co.uk - I identify so much with what both of you say. I'd really love to talk more!
Member: Chris H.
Location: KS
Date: October 17, 2002
Time: 08:11 PM
Oh boy.......what great posts today.....Tami don't EVEN be thinking about Thanksgiving and Xmas......sweetie we need to get through today! Or at least I do! For those who got to wake up sober today.....what a blessing and I hope and pray your HP keeps working that miralce in your life...I dont have all that many sober awakenings myself....
Member: Richard S
Location: NH
Date:
October 17, 2002
Time: 10:32 PM
Holidays and vacations are on my mind to ((Tami R)). My wife and I and others (friends and acquaintances)planned a trip to Mexico the week of Thanksgiving. I'm not looking forward to it for a couple of good reasons. I don't like to fly. (Actually flying isn't so bad it's the takeoff and landing that I worry about.)Also, We're going with some pretty heavy drinkers and the pressure to drink with them will be there. Any advice for this reluctant traveler?
Member: Tami R
Location: NH
Date: October 18, 2002
Time: 06:38 AM
Well I feel strongly that if I ask my HP and family to understand my recovery that I need to be HOME and close to meetings this year. If they cant deal with that, I'm sorry. That is what I need to do........we all have to beware of 'slippery' places.
Member:
Phil A
Location: Geordieland UK
Date: October 18, 2002
Time: 07:13 AM
Tami, well done on three weeks. Christmas is still two and a half month's away and barely worth thinking about. Stay in the moment and stay in today. Alcoholics have no mental defence against that first drink. The first Christmas when I got sober I had the feelings of dread, anticipation, fear and a bad case of the "what if's". It so happened that on Christmas Eve I was working and got home loaded with some type of flu bug so I didn't make it anyway even if I'd wanted to. Do what you think is best for you regardless of what your family thinks or wants you to do. The program and the twelve steps are my only defence against that first drink and all I have is a daily reprieve from my alcoholism contingent on my spiritual condition. Dave P, You need never drink again unless ya have other plans. Hang on in there and don't drink no matter what, even if your ass is on fire! When I first came into the program and I heard Chapter five read out "How it works" I focused on the words "There are those too who are mentally incapable of taking these steps" but further on it says "Do not be discouraged, they can and do recover if they have the capacity to be honest". In order to stop drinking and stay stopped drinking I had to stop drinking, sounds corny but even that concept escaped me. GeordieWally@aol.com
Member: Marie
Location: Ca
Date: October 18, 2002
Time: 11:19 AM
Starting my fifth day today, made it thru another night (Chris H. I think you are on the same day as I) Richard S., we always spend the holidays around heavy drinkers (me being right in there and one of them) and I know its early to worry but I can't help think about it also. I am just going to take it a day at a time and hopefully I will have gathered more strength by the holidays. Right now a big Thanksgiving dinner without wine (before, during, and after dinner) sounds a bit dreary to me, but trying not to jump ahead. I'll just think about today for now. My best to everyone out there and to another day of sobriety - it's starting to feel really good!
Member: AZbill
Location:
Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: October 18, 2002
Time: 02:27 PM
Hi Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. Not a newcomer but in the spirit of our Preamble I chose to post in here. I did not have a bit of trouble changing playmates or playgrounds. I put my last drink down on a Friday. Fear set in almost immediately. Mainly the fear of alcoholic seizure. I have seen them and it ain't pretty. Also the fear of being alone. So just to be around people I went back the the barroom and drank cokes. A day or so later I was asked to leave. LOL. I was making other folks look at their drinking and they did not like that. So believe me..abnormal drinkers do not want non drinkers around. Getting into Aloholics Anonymous put me with a group of people that understood. I mean the Face to Face AA. Not just posting on line. It is important to see others sober. Feel the hugs. See the bright look in the eyes. Hear the LOL's. Realize the hope in recovery. I am comfortable around folks today. I have drinking friends and non drinking friends, I have friends in the program and normie friends. The changing of playmates and playgrounds did not mean that I could not be around folks that drank. It means that I do not hang around the same class of people today thatI did when I was drinking. Nor do I go to the same places today that I did when I was drinking. I have been blessed with this change. I even have my former wife, my hubby in law and all six of my daughers in my life today. I am welcome in their homes. I was at an awards dinner one time and the lady I was sitting next to called the waiter over an asked for some water. She had shoved away a half of a glass of wine because, "it was starting to make her dizzy". My retirement party was held in a bar. One of my colleagues came up to me and said, "Bill, I am coming to your party but I can only drink one drink. If I drink two, I may start to giggle and I do not like to giggle". That is a big change for me. Ya gotta love em. :) I just don't do the same things or go to the same places that I used to. The instructions for going into places that serve booze may be found on page 101 to 103 in our basic text "Alcoholics Anonymous. This is well past the 11th Step. It is not a good idea to hang out in these places early on. I was sober and into recovery about five years or more before I did all of this with any frequency. The last time I was in a night club was last New Year's Eve. And that was because there was a prime rib buffet and a magic show. The booze served was not factor. As a matter of fact only one at my table of six had a drink. One drink. LOL. There is life after alcohol. We are not boring dull and glum. :) Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill email: az-bill@mindspring.com
Member:
MikeF
Location: CA
Date: October 18, 2002
Time:
07:57 PM
MikeF here - Well, it's Friday night and I'm planning (meaning hopeing & praying) for a sober weekend. I'm not so much worried about tonight, but those morning cravings really kick me in the butt.((FC)) and ((BillP))...will you'all be around Saturday and Sunday? I may need ya for support. Thanks and good luck to us all this weekend...
Member: alan
Location: uk
Date: October 18, 2002
Time: 08:18 PM
what shall i do? I've been drinking, but have maanaged to stay stopped, for a week and a half, my partner thinks i've been stopped for longer, (deception for previous 2 years) She's been askin if i hav been drinkin!!! pos attitude there then! it would break her heart if i told her, how can i sort myself out, please, i need help but AA in my area is shit, lots of you will or must etc, very oppressive, I've had enough without aany other shit, Trouble is I know the big book inside out, been to joe and charlies study groups, and still i'm fucked
Member: Bill R.
Location: East Coast
Date: October 18, 2002
Time: 09:59
PM
I'm taking my first steps again...last went through a serious recovery effort in 1998. I appreciate all the comments, it was like trying on an old favorite coat you haven't worn in a while and immediately recognizing why it was your favorite coat in the first place...I found my favorite coat again. Though I had major problems leading up to 1998, somehow I found a way to "discover" the world of recovery before totally wrecking my life. I started slowly drinking again in 2001 and only recently decided to stop through the help of re-entering recovery. It's crazy to me, during the height of my first recovery I just knew I wouldn't drink again. I really did...but learned through a serious post-recovery "career not yet" that caught up with me due to drinking...that this is very very dangerous business...the business of losing your sobriety. Though mentally I've been talking the talk, my actions have been to not walk the walk. I finally made the plunge to get it right. In the last year..and as usual, once I reached a certain point in a new assignment, my job stress increases and again my alcohol use and abuse increases. Two weeks ago I finally faced the facts AGAIN, I've dropped back to a point where drinking is seriously starting to effect everyone and everything around me. So tonight, once I submit my comments, I'm pulling out my old AA paperwork and will read everything..every sheet in my file AGAIN. A file consisting of a month of inpatient rehab treatment, medical records from an acute pancreatitis episode, a military discipline report for a "freak" minor drinking related incident overseas that ballooned into a major infraction on my record & reputation, and 1 year's worth of mandatory weekly outpatient counseling reviews where I graduated "clean and sober." Though I'm still a grateful and recovery alcoholic, I did slip back into this less abusive yet strangely familiar version of my former self. I've been fortunate, as much as I've tried to ruin things, my family and career (...military record recovered okay from the episode) have survived some major self-inflicted drinking wounds and I'm still here typing...I get that faulty logic and feel like I'm on the verge of a BIG SCREW UP. But tonight as my personal first step back I'll just accept the fact that I'm powerless over this addiction and I'll just keeping coming back for a while. All the best to you all. Peace
Member: Bill R.
Location: East Coast
Date: October 18, 2002
Time: 10:00 PM
I'm taking my first steps again...last went through a serious recovery effort in 1998. I appreciate all the comments, it was like trying on an old favorite coat you haven't worn in a while and immediately recognizing why it was your favorite coat in the first place...I found my favorite coat again. Though I had major problems leading up to 1998, somehow I found a way to "discover" the world of recovery before totally wrecking my life. I started slowly drinking again in 2001 and only recently decided to stop through the help of re-entering recovery. It's crazy to me, during the height of my first recovery I just knew I wouldn't drink again. I really did...but learned through a serious post-recovery "career not yet" that caught up with me due to drinking...that this is very very dangerous business...the business of losing your sobriety. Though mentally I've been talking the talk, my actions have been to not walk the walk. I finally made the plunge to get it right. In the last year..and as usual, once I reached a certain point in a new assignment, my job stress increases and again my alcohol use and abuse increases. Two weeks ago I finally faced the facts AGAIN, I've dropped back to a point where drinking is seriously starting to effect everyone and everything around me. So tonight, once I submit my comments, I'm pulling out my old AA paperwork and will read everything..every sheet in my file AGAIN. A file consisting of a month of inpatient rehab treatment, medical records from an acute pancreatitis episode, a military discipline report for a "freak" minor drinking related incident overseas that ballooned into a major infraction on my record & reputation, and 1 year's worth of mandatory weekly outpatient counseling reviews where I graduated "clean and sober." Though I'm still a grateful and recovery alcoholic, I did slip back into this less abusive yet strangely familiar version of my former self. I've been fortunate, as much as I've tried to ruin things, my family and career (...military record recovered okay from the episode) have survived some major self-inflicted drinking wounds and I'm still here typing...I get that faulty logic and feel like I'm on the verge of a BIG SCREW UP. But tonight as my personal first step back I'll just accept the fact that I'm powerless over this addiction and I'll just keeping coming back for a while. All the best to you all. Peace
Member:
Marie
Location: Ca.
Date: October 18, 2002
Time:
11:56 PM
BillR - I am someone struggling with sobriety and only have 5 days - I am home alone tonight probably for the first time in 3 years (husband out of town, both kids at sleepovers) and I had an overwhelming desire for alcohol, even got the vodka out to see how much there was then decided to check this site first - after reading your post I am going downstairs, finish making cookies for soccer snack tomorrow, put the vodka away and make some tea. Thanks.
Member: sammy
Location:
europe
Date: October 19, 2002
Time: 01:50 AM
I am writing with almost 9 weeks sober. I could relate to Pilar in Texas as she has described just how I am feeling at the moment. I have finished a relationship with a person that I was really dependent on. I did not realise just how dependent that I had become and it is very hard to deal with the fact that she is not coming back. It is probably harder to deal with my fear of being alone at the moment and also having to stand on my own 2 feet. I have not done this in a long time and now I do not have alcohol or somebody to be dependent on it can get scary. It is tempting sometimes to just run and hide. It feels like this will take forever to change. But the good news is I also feel like I am going to hang in there until it does change.Suppose I am trying to change too fast. If possible I would like to hear a little more from Pilar about how it has changed in a year. Good luck to everybody trying to get sober. Hope you all make it Sammy
Member: FC
Location: CA
Date: October
19, 2002
Time: 02:50 AM
Hey to all, Just came from 2 great meetings today and was feeling pretty good and postive today. Lots of encouragement going my way, I even started to committ to meetings as suggested by my sponser, like help out for meetings, putting away chairs, tables etc. I have been going to numerous meetings as suggested and am now sharing at meetings. (Still quite hard, cause I don't know what to say only being sober a couple days.)But I'm trying, anyways walked in the door and had all kinds of messages from friends planning trips and or parties for things coming up, All I have been doing with myself is working and going to meetings, I'm starting to miss my life and seeing where it went. Now my friends are calling and wanting to see me. Some drink, some do not!Temptation is knocking at the doors and I don't know if I'm yet ready to go out like a normal person. Everyone in my life knows I drink but have no idea I'm in AA. I don't want to shun them out, this is my problem, But if I keep blowing them off, I think they will think, I'm being an ass!!! What to do, Temptation is now on my mind! I don't think I'm strong enough yet, any suggestion? Anyways, (((Mike.F))) hang in there, my weekends are always the hardest, thats why I go to two or three meetings, just so I will stay sober for the weekend. Keep posting, I try and check the post daily. (((Marie.CA))) get rid of all the booze in the house, its a temptation having it in your home!Well goodnight all, keep coming back, and don't drink!!!!!!!
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: October 19,
2002
Time: 08:11 AM
Mike F. - I up just checking in and got your note. I coach my youngest's soccer team and we have a game at 9:00. I'll be around all weekend, so post your thoughts and I'll check in. I can relate to your weekend cravings too. They do get less intense as time passes. I'm 160 days sober and things keep getting better. One thing I recommend for the cravings: when it hits you, drop to your knees and humbly ask God to remove the compulsion to drink. I've used this several times over the last 5 months, and it works every time. Thanks for checking in and let me know how you're doing. Hope you have a great weekend! Peace and God Bless.
Member: Sherri R
Location: California
Date: October 19,
2002
Time: 01:54 PM
Sherri, Alcoholic, 47 days. FC, I can really relate to how you are feeling and also frequently attend two or meetings a day. I have plans to go out to dinner with ex-coworkers next Thursday. They will all be drinking. I have layed the ground work by telling one of them that I am not drinking because I have a lot of things on my plate right now and I have found that I feel better with a level head. I didn't go into any more details, but the nice thing is that she replied "I know what you mean." One thing that really helps me is to read pages 83-85 in the big book every morning. This is the promises. "What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. 'How can I best serve Thee--Thy will (not mine) be done.' These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will." My understanding of this is that if I do the spiritial footwork and my motives are clean, I can participate in activities where I once drank. So that is the deal I make with my higher power. If I have done my spiritial work and I am honest about my motives that I can participate in these activities. If not I stay home. I also want to add that because I am so early in my sobriety I do not rely on my own judgement on this. I talk to my sponsor on a daily basis and accept her feedback as sound judgment. Sherri
Member: Phil A
Location: Geordieland UK
Date: October
19, 2002
Time: 03:05 PM
((Alan)) You've been honest with us and you've been honest with yourself, perhaps now it's time to be honest with the folks in your meetings (If you haven't been already) and maybe also your partner. Ya can't stay sober for her, you've got to be sober for YOU because YOU want to be sober. People in general appreciate honesty and this is an honest program. A man who forgets history is doomed to repeat it. GeordieWally@aol.com
Member: gallagher
Location:
seoul, korea
Date: October 20, 2002
Time: 02:34 AM
well, i made it 2 days without alcohol last week and then broke like a twig after a work meeting when several co-workers went out drinking and invited me. after that, a three day bender, too sick to work, sleeping all day, generally feeling disoriented and sick. horrible hangover after the first night. dry heaves all day, unable to hold down even cola or water. i don't know why drinking is so tempting with after effects like that. the more alcohol, the more the loss of inhibitions and reckless promiscuity. the void that alcohol leaves in your life is immense and you wrestle with that emptiness everyday -- trying to fill it anyway that you can -- whether through food, laziness, sex, drugs and more and more drink. i think i experienced a little clarity yesterday after this last binge. last night managed with only one beer and plan to go tonight without any. i hope that it works this time. i know it's up to me, but it's easy to get discouraged when you continually fail. i think i just need to avoid everyone right now and focus on myself. i don't need a social life -- i need to get healthy and if that means ignoring my friends and lovers for a while so be it. health comes first. good luck everyone. hopefully, i'll have better news for you the next time i post.
Member: Eric H
Location: NY
Date: October 20, 2002
Time: 02:38 AM
Hey Folks, As someone who's belonged to staying cyber for a few years, I have to say that I am so glad to see so many folks trying to get and stay sober. I know that I was sick when I first tried to get sober. My body was giving out, and I had a world of trouble going on. Cops chasing me, cops looking for me, homeless, etc. By all means, every sign looked like I should try to get sober, and I did try. I felt like I wanted to get sober, but when I started hearing the suggestions that the sober folks gave out, I thought ' What do they know, I can do this anyway, I REALLY want this, and I am different than them'. So that suggestion of not hanging out with old friends.. well, my friends care about me, they want me to be happy, they won't let me use when I am around. Yeah, well, that lasted all of 15 minutes, seriously. I went to see them on a weekend at a party. " Eric, you look so much better, have a beer". First time around, I said no. Second time, guess I'll try again tomorrow. That happened for 2 years, and not just with that suggestion, but darn near all of them. I may have been deathly sick, but I still thought I knew best for me, and I would call the shots in my life thank you. Got me 2 years of trying, of never having more than 48 days of sobriety, of dozens of 'welcome back' meetings for me, of waking up saying 'why can't I get this!' I had to come to a point where I accepted that I did not know how to do this, and I needed help. I guess that was my real bottom, and not the physical cravings and illness. Most of the time, I've had to exhaust all other ways of getting the message until I am beaten into submission. I know so many folks who don't need to get beaten up like that. In the ensuing years, I've found that I am becoming more willing to work this program, simply because I don't like the pain associated with NOT doing it. I have a great life today, even though I am going through a lot of serious challenges now. That person that I 'was' is still in here, waiting for me to pick up a drink. This program is the only thing that I have found that works for me. I don't ever want to go back to that way of death.