Member: Tim S.
Location: Reading, Pa.
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 08:13 AM
My name is Tim, I am an alchoholic. After 19 months of no contact with my children(due to a very loud and bitter argument in there presence, and a consequential P.F.A.)I was able to talk to my son yesterday. I've been told by my X for the last month that none of my children wanted to talk to me (I also have 3 daughters}. At first I didn't want to believe that they didn't want to talk to me but then I one day heard my X asking my daughters if they wanted to speak to me and they said no. this sent me for a loop ! But through what I've learned in this program so far I knew to trust my HIGHER POWER and let things happen as he has them planned for me. I am greatful for the patience this program has taught me and and the peace of mind I have while waiting for things to happen in HIS time, not mine.I honestly believe now that everything in life happens for a reason. Good or bad there is alesson to learn. I,m greatful for the presence of mind to figure out what these lessons are. Thnx,Tim
Member: John M
Location: Cocoa Beach, FL
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 08:32 AM
Hi all, My name is John and I'm an alcoholic. I originally posted this last week, but since I posted it Saturday, that didn't leave much time for response. For those who did respond, thank you very much. Vivian thank you for praying for me. And Robert, thankfully my children are mine and my ex-wife's (divorced 3 years) not the current girlfriend, so I don't have to deal with the children in the middle of all this. But I would like to hear more of your thoughts. Anyway, here is the original post. And in keeping with the topic of gratitude, let me add that I am very grateful that I haven't drank over this. In fact, other than this one problem I am in many ways happier than I have ever been in my life. Hi all, I am John and I'm an alcholic. Even I've been coming to AA since July, I've yet to reach 30 days. But I am at 25 now, and I don't have a desire to drink, so I hope I'll make it this time. Pray for me. Because of my childcare situation I haven't been able to make a meeting since Wednesday. But I've been going through some emotional hell this week and I need to share and perhaps hear other people's thoughts. When I started to get sober, my relationship with my girlfriend of 2 years began to fall apart. She is a practicing alcholic who hasn't come to grips with her problems, yet. I believe she wants to, and I think she wanted me to guide her, but I wasn't capable of doing that. In fact, I withdrew from her. I was very troubled by the whole situation. Even though much of our relationship had revolved around partying, that wasn't all of it. We truly loved each other and were able to share our deepest feelings with each other, a first for both of us. But as I said, we drifted apart. On my side it was because when I was sober, I was disgusted with her drinking. On her part, I think she was afraid of the direction I was going, since she was not ready to do that yet. She kept looking for some affirmation from me that everything was going to be OK, but I couldn't give it to her. About a month ago, we finally broke up. There was no fight or anything involved. It just happened. At first, I felt as if a great weight was lifted off my shoulders and I through myself into AA in away that I didn't before. And this time it "took" for me, I'm truly going through a spiritual rebirth that amazes me. I have no desire to drink and all the desire in the world to turn my life around. On Monday morning she called me over some minor matter. And it was the first time we really talked since the breakup. And I felt all my love bubbling back the surface. And I started thinking about getting back together with her. But there was a problem, she was already dating somebody else. As a matter of fact, she started dating him within a few days of our breakup. All week, I prayed for guidance (Where in the past I would have prayed for God to just give me what I wanted). I spoke with her and e-mailed each other several times during the week. Each time her answer was she couldn't go back to me. But in every conversation and e-mail, there were also hints that she still desparately loved me. My praying led me to the conclusion, that I should not hold anything back. To get to the point, I asked her to marry me. At first she seemed overwhelmed and said she needed to think about it. But a few hours letter she answered me no in a very angry e-mail. Now I'm left in the position of accepting this. Luckily, I haven't drank over it. In fact, the thought of drinking only entered my head for a split second. If this is God's will, I have to accept it. But it is very hard, because I know she still loves me and if she followed her heart we would be back together. She says her relationship with this new guy is great, but I know rebound relationships never work. I won't pursue her anymore, but there is still a part of me that believes she'll change her mind. I'm not counting on, nor am I praying for it. The only thing I'm praying for is serenity and the strength to always do the right thing. Has anybody else had to deal with a crumbling relationship while newly sober. I'd love to hear how you dealt with it. God Bless, John
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 08:56 AM
HI. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. In 1972, I trashed a wife and 6 daughters for no other reason except for the fact that they were interfering with my drinking. I put down my last drink in 1981. Today I have my former wife, my hubby in law and all 6 of my girls back in my life. Or probably more appropriate to say they took me back into their lives. This did not happen overnight. In fact it took one of my daughters about 17 years past the divorce and 9 years into my sobriety before she came back into my life. All AA does is help sober alcoholics stay sober. There is no guarantees beyond that. However, as long as I stay sober, then I have a great chance of improving past relationships and gaining new ones if I choose to work on it. The one thing I did do beyond making amends was send a card to each for birthdays and holidays. Nothing more. Just a card signed Dad. Thank you all for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill. az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Gillian
Location: Northern Canada
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 10:54 AM
What a time of year to decide to quit drinking - Christmas! I saw my doctor he told me that I have to quit drinking and that I have to lose weight because of high blood pressure. I am really struggling with both right now. I am grateful that I have a chance to try and do this on my own instead of having to take medication to control the blood pressure. I understand that it can make you feel even worse. I have been trying to quit drinking now for 10 years. Seem to be able to stop for about a month or two and then the cravings get bad and I give into the bottle. It is also hard to quit when you live with someone who drinks and isn't willing to quit. I know that is just an excuse to pick up again. Tim I hope and pray that all works out with your children. To everyone out there have a great week.
Member: Joe M
Location: New York
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 10:54 AM
Hi Im Joe and I'm an Alcoholic, I'm not feeling gratitiude today but i know i do have a lot to be thankful for. While I wasnt working on myself, My wife decided to work in a bar as a bar tender. At first this was not a problem. I was not drinking but i also was not working my program. I thought i could do it alone just not drink. Well after getting a wake up call from my Higher Power, It was drink over it or get back to meetings. I'm greatful for the person from AA he put in my path. I told this guy what was going on and he took me back into the rooms. I need to stay there now. I hate this bar job my wife holds and want her to quit today. She wont and im frustrated. I walked away and had to ask God To helpl me with me. Im waiting on God now. I guess with God and the AA program with the help of all of you, I should feel nothing but graditude. So im gratful for even being aware of this today. Thank you for being here.
Member: Cecilia D
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 12:42 PM
Hello. Cecilia, alcoholic here. Gratitude -- I have so much gratitude inside of me today. I'm grateful to my Higher Power that I stayed sober for the 1st time this Thanksgiving. I'm grateful that I still have my job(I could have been fired because of my absences). I'm grateful to my children, who've been very supportive of my effort to stay sober. and I'm grateful for this website, where I can read how other newbee sober alcoholics gather to tell their stories. To Tim, John, Bill, Gillian, and Joe hang in there and I'll pray for all of you. I'm having marital problems too, and I'm trying to keep an open mind and let my Higher Power decide what will happen. I'm scared that I might lose my children's love, but I have to believe that if I keep the "channels open" that they will be there. Love to all, Cecilia
Member: Cecilia D
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 01:07 PM
Oh, I forgot here is a website about gratitude. Call Scapegoat's Sanctuary:http://www.whalenbrothers.com/sg/aathings/lvsober/16-20.htm#19%20Being%20grateful Cecilia
Member: Mike S
Location: Wisconsin
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 01:13 PM
Hi John, I am new to all this, but please accept my humble opinion ( I am as confused as you are sometimes, if not more.). You Can Do It. You need to work on yourself as a sober individual. Sometimes love just is not enough. Work on yourself and make 31 Days. Then 40. Then a year! I am afraid that your ex will not help you in a positive way that will support sobriety. Don't fall into routine in which you both enable each other, either intentionally or not. My wife and I are going through a trial seperation now. We have been to counseling. One thing that has come up is that her resentment towards my unacceptable behaviour has caused her to drink more and more. She has started to get into her co-dependency issues. I told her that we both need to quit alcohol, because if we don't, it can always be a source of conflict between us. Well...that's my two cents. If you would ever like to correspond my email is nomorerocks@yahoo.com.
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 01:31 PM
I'm Chris --I'm an alcoholic/addict---Great to be here...I missed last week---Though I'm not feeling very greatful right now...I am greatful...I have come so far since i rededicated my self to this program a few months ago. I am so greatful for that ...I am have even been able to be a bit honest with my father over the holiday...Being with him is the reason I am not "feeling"very greatful, but I have been taught in this program to write down my gratidude list and that pretty soon the feeling will come..I also know that I can trust my Higher Power (who I call GOd) to make things better if I just keep my side of the stret clean..Today I feel caught between two powerful men, my husband and my father, but I am soooo very much better than I used to be. I am now focused on my Higher Pwer and the principles of this program to give me my serenity rather than other people. No longer do I have to be controlled by the feelings of others and for that I am eternally greatful. I am also physically soo much better since coming into the program ...I am ssso very greatful for that.... My children are doing so much better and I am greatful for that...I have learned in this program that the healthier( soberly and emotionally) I get, the healthier everyone around me can get...It is a slow process to learn this, but if I can remember " progress not perfection", life goes easier for me..Happpy Thanksgiving to all..
Member: Deb Sz
Location: NH
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 03:01 PM
Hello; My name is Debbie, and I'm an alcoholic. I am new to the online meetings, so bear with me (thanks) I am gratefull in this holiday season that I chose to "Let go and let God" ( and those around me who wished to help) Get me checked into detox, and wish me well in my recovery. This is also the best gift I can give myself and my children this year. I am 17 days sober, and attending an outpatient aftercare program that is helping me a lot. I am also grateful for that. I thank my higher power every day that I found this program, and AA
Member: Kathy P.
Location: Mass
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 05:52 PM
Gratitude, a timely topic since it is a new week, a new month and new chance to put our old selves behind us and begin anew as sober beings. Without question I am grateful for my 33 days of sobriety (so far.) Whatever I thought alcohol gave me, I am just beginning to realize how much more it took away. I am so lucky to still have my family and my heart goes out to those of you who are struggling with divorce, separation and other relationship problems, especially with your children. But as a wise person once said: "There is no problem that can't be made worse by drinking." Sobriety is our only hope for a better life and to better the lives of those we have hurt. Hang in there everyone because I surely will. I wish for us all the best holiday season yet.
Member: claree
Location: Idaho panhandle
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 09:53 PM
I'm gratefull to, for the first time, have the courage to buy non-alcoholic wine. So I can still drink wine and stay sober. It tastes pretty good, too! Hello all, my name is Clare and I'm an alcoholic--this is my fourth day.
Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: December 01, 2002
Time: 11:11 PM
I'm Gage. I'm an alcoholic. Those are two things that will always be true as long as I'm alive. When I wake my son in the mornings to get him ready for school I'm often overwhelmed with how marvelous he is and how grateful I am to AA for returning me to him. I love being sober and not suffering from a hangover when we talk in the mornings. He is so bright and innocent, he just fills me to the brim with wonder. It would be pure hell for me to be seperated from him, but that is exactly what alcohol did -- it kept me from my family, it destroyed my friends' faith in me, and it had me in a constant state of retreat from the living. I was no more than a walking, talking dead man. But alcohol for me was like a leech's bite. When a leech bites it doesn't sting. In fact, the leech has chemicals in its saliva that numb the skin around the bite, so the host doesn't feel a thing. All the while, the leech is sucking the life out of the host. Alcohol numbed me. It took so much out of my life that I didn't even know was missing until I got sober. Some of you are suffering that way. Some of you are just beginning, others are starting over. Some haven't managed to put down the booze at all yet. Whatever your situation, I believe that if you will simply accept that you can't make drinking work for you anymore, resolve to put it down no matter what, get a sober friend in AA who is willing if need be to sit on you to help you keep that resolution, and begin taking the twelve steps to the best of your ability, that you will wake up one of these mornings soon and realize that you are really alive. You'll start to see incredible wonder in the simplest of things, and you will know to your soul that you are grateful for them. that's my hope and prayer for all of us. Peace be with you.
Member: Bob B
Location: Vanderbilt, Mi
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 07:10 AM
HI, I'm Bob, an alcoholic. I am trully saddened but some of these posts. I see some as being misled into thinking that they can drink "near drinks" and no one is telling them the truth. If it has alcohol in it is is ALCOHOL. "Half measures avail us nothing". Don't play games with your lives PLEASE. Russian roulette has not produced a winner that I have ever heard of. As for those with relationship problems let me caution you that our best relationship was or is with our addiction of choice. We were lonely so we chose those that were like us,ie...ducks hang out with ducks. So if we quit drinking those other ducks don't relate anymore. If you folks ever take the 12 steps you will find that we never trully had a healthy relationship of any kind. Read pages 52 & 53 of the 12x12. If we could have done life, we wouldn't have needed to drink or drug. I found after being 100% honest with me that nothing ever really mattered except my booze. All else were "add ons " so instead of focusing on others the book suggests we focus on sobriety and finding a God of our understanding that can and will remove our problems if we but look for them, write them down and own them and tell another person. The first page of Chapter 3 in the Big Book talks about our "obsessions & delusions. These aren't just booze and drugs. Find a sponsor that can and will take you through the 12 steps. There you will find all the promises in the book and if you don't know where they are....on every page!! God Bless all of you in your efforts. Don't quit quittin !!
Member: Maia E.
Location: St. Louis, MO
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 10:26 AM
Hello all. Maia/alcoholic. Wanted to share a short poem I wrote about life before sobriety. Spinning, spinning, out of control nothing to cling to, nothing to hold conscious feeling, where have you gone? mindless, endless, trying to hold on.. searching,searching, where is the light? Big black hole with no end in sight. Where are we going? Back where we've been.. Get the same feeling again and again. Spinning, falling, going nowhere... An endless dance of gloom and despair. Thanks to AA and all of you for helping me stay sober. Keep coming back..it really does work if you work it. God Bless.
Member: Melissa B.
Location: Canada
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 12:35 PM
Maia, thanks, if I could write poetry, I would have written a poem like that in active addiction. Especially, "where are we going, back where we've been", so true. I agree with Bob, and would say to Clare, don't fool yourself. We were at a dinner party the other night and the hostess had bought a bottle of 'non-alcoholic wine' for me. I had to say 'thank you, no' and not surprisingly she argued with me, saying it was perfectly fine. I say not surprisingly because she has tried to quit drinking and has decided that instead of quitting, she will just control her drinking. I've found in my sobriety that the only people who care what I drink have an intimate relationship with alcohol themselves. The others don't care. I really understood what Bob had to say about relationships, I, too, only had a relationship with vodka, though on the outside I looked like a caring mom, wife, friend, employee, it was only a facade, so I wouldn't get caught and have to give up my only real relationship. I went to extraordinary lengths to preserve that 'outside', and finally ran out of energy and had to become honest with myself. I WAS a drunk, I couldn't quit and stay quit and I was so scared I was willing to do anything to change, which meant going back to AA (which I initially disdained as having nothing to offer me, and was, as well, too "religious" - yuck) and doing the things that sober people did. My first impressions of AA I later realized were all about me and my not wanting to stop drinking. I HAD to knock AA because I just couldn't imagine a life without alcohol. I totally and completely identify with Gage's post because that is exactly what happened to me. And I really did wake up one morning, and discover that I was really alive. It's the best feeling. I don't know where someone as arrogant and narrow-minded as I was found the courage to go back to AA and learn to live the 12 steps and practice spiritual principles, actually, I do know - pain. Enough pain and I was willing to do anything. I am sitting here this morning enjoying a cup of coffee and feeling grateful for being alive, and immeasurably grateful for my sobriety and all the lovely things in my life. I had all these same lovely things in my addiction, all these blessings and because I was drinking, I was completely unable to see them. I am a human being, a woman, who cannot drink alcohol, ever, in any quantity, disguised any way. Recognizing and accepting that truth changed my life because it led me to the steps, which changed ME, and today I am free from my addiction. Which is the greatest blessing of all, because it is the one that makes everything else possible. Thank you for my sobriety.
Member: Michelle M.
Location: Va
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 12:35 PM
Hi there. I'm Michelle and I'm an alcoholic. That is the first time I think I've made myself admit it...really admit. I'm scared and I feel very alone right now. I want to make a change in my life but I don't know where to start. Everytime I think I can stop drinking something happens, when it rains it pours, I just got out of a 4 year relationship. I have no money and nothing - pretty much it's like i'm starting over from scrach. Then my car broke down compleately, and to top it all off I found out I have cancer. I was sober for almost two months... and now look at me. I want to change so bad but I don't know how. I'm scared to ask for help, and I don't know who to turn to. I tell myself that I'm not going to drink or that I will just have one drink, but I always go back. I need help. That's why I'm here I hope that someone somewhere can help. Because I can see the end, and it just keeps getting closer......
Member: mike b
Location: Indiana
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 03:16 PM
Hello Deb Sz and all, Im Mike B and Im alcoholic. I am six months sober and feel great. I cannot seem to find a sponsor. I just cant relate to any of the other people in my meetings other than the drink. What suggestions might someone help me with on this???? michaelblodgett@hotmail.com
Member: claree
Location: Idaho Panhandle
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 04:33 PM
Grateful to have online AA. Sorry for my arrogance yesterday. I have just he online--this is day 5. I am Clare, an alcoholic. I set myself up to fall like I did with yesterday's post. Thank you, Bob B and Melissa B. I have no Big Book; I print things from on line-so far. My sincere appologies.
Member: Sarah M.
Location: East Coast
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 05:28 PM
Hello. Clare, congratulations on Day 5! I am right behind you on day 4. I was doing well, I thought, with almost 4 months, but now I'm starting over. Maia....was a wonderful poem, thank you. Thanks for helping me stay sober....
Member: G
Location:
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 08:21 PM
Michelle, give AA a try.
Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 08:37 PM
I'm Karen, alcoholic. I am grateful for nine months sober today. Not always easy, but a day at a time, I'm making it. To those of you with only a few days, I still remember vividly the fool I made of myself on my last night of drunkenness. I checked myself into rehab the next day, and I think that brought me to my senses. Thanks for being here. I don't have a f2f meeting to go to today and would probably sit there and say nothing even if I did. It is easier to share here.
Member: Opal
Location: MI
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 10:36 PM
Opal, grateful recovering alcoholic here. ((Mike B.)) hang in there, it will happen. Is there anyone willing to be a temporary sponsor at any of the meetings? I was turned down many, many times in the beginning looking for a sponsor, it is a very hurtful feeling but we just have to keep trying. Maybe try different meetings to meet different people, even one of the online groups can yield a sponsor. Do whatever it takes and keep coming back! Congratulations on 6 months!! (Karen P.)) congratulations on 9 months, glad you are here!
Member: Joe M
Location: New York
Date: December 02, 2002
Time: 11:18 PM
Hi Im Joe, Alcoholic. ((Michelle M)) ! I feel your pain. I know that scared aone feeling it terrible. All the problems and then your health. Wow you got to be strong. May i suggest to get a sponcor and call every day. more then once if you need to. Try to get to meetings and dont drink. Get in touch with your Higher Power. I did and it helps. Get as close as you can to HP, Sponcor and the rooms. My prays go out to you . Please Hang in there and dont pick up. That drink will surely make things worse. ((Cecilia D)) Thank you For your Prayers and support, Thank You All.
Member: Tami R
Location: NH
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 06:41 AM
My name is Tami and soon I'll be able to speak at meetings. I think that will help me alot. I have to put all this crap behind me and learn to help others . That to me is a really good reason to stay sober.
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 10:04 AM
Karen P. - Congrats on 9 months! You are a great example to me, at 6 1/2 months sober. Peace, Bill
Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 12:31 PM
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. From early on, my sponsor would ask me if I drank that day. When I reply that I have not, he says, “Then you have had a good day!” No matter what else, I thank God at the end of the day for that day sober – my gratitude always starts there. Like Bob B., I do NOT recommend the so-called “non-alcoholic” wines and beers. Firstly, most of them still contain traces of alcohol, and thus we place ourselves at risk for activating craving for alcohol with even those small amounts. Secondly, if you are an alcoholic like me, you drank for the effect. I drank beer, wine, whiskey, and whatever because I liked the effect of alcohol. For me, beer and wine and whiskey were not beverages. They are alcohol, drank for effect. Psychologically, I would be looking for that effect in “nonalcoholic” beer or wine. Please don’t take risks with your lives just for the “taste”. There are plenty of foods and beverages that taste good that never contained any alcohol whatsoever. Mike B – For me, a sponsor is a person who guides us through the 12 Steps. The minimal requirement for a sponsor for me is that he has been guided through the 12 Steps and has a sponsor himself. “Relating” to him is optional. And if it really doesn’t work, you can always start over with somebody else. Karen P – Congratulations on 9 months! ODAAT! Thanks for all the comments. Don’t drink and go to meetings. Joe - joep041699@mindspring.com
Member: claree
Location: Panhandle Idaho
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 03:58 PM
Michelle M you have alot of reasons to be depressed. Alcohol is a depressant and will only contribute to the hardships you experience. God is there with you. Sometimes He speaks in a whisper so you need to listen long and hard for His voice. With a sober head you can feel the Love reaching out to touch your heart from God. Michelle, my name is Clare and I am an alcoholic; this is my sixth day sober. I am new to AA but not new to God, still starting on the 12 steps gives me more guidance to find my mangeable life. Thank you every one for your encouraging and guiding words.
Member: CAROL S.
Location: AUBURN, MAINE
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 05:21 PM
TO JOHN M. FROM COCOA BEACH, FL. HI, MY NAME IS CAROL S. AND I'M FROM AUBURN, ME. I KNOW WHAT YOUR GOING THRU. MY BOYFRIEND OF 4 1/2 YRS LIVES RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS FROM ME AND WE BROKE UP OCT. 13TH AND ON OCT. 21ST, HE HAD A NEW GIRLFRIEND AND SHE MOVED RIGHT IN. SHE IS OR WAS HIS BEST FRIEND'S WIFE. THAT IS ANOTHER SITUATION THAT IS HIS PROBLEM. BUT ANYWAY, WE BROKE UP AFTER I CAME BACK FROM A WOMEN'S 11TH STEP RETREAT. THIS WAS MY 4TH TIME GOING AND THE WOMEN THERE TOLD ME THAT EVERY TIME I GO ALL I DO IS COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT LOVE I'M NOT GETTING FROM MY BOYFRIEND AND THAT I SHOULD BE DOING A 4TH STEP TO BETTER MYSELF. TO WORK ON MYSELF. SO, I SAID OK, I'LL WORK ON MYSELF. THE MISTAKE I MADE WAS THINKING I COULDN'T WORK ON MYSELF WHILE I WAS IN THE RELATIONSHIP, SO WHEN I GOT HOME I MOVED ALL MY STUFF BACK TO MY APARTMENT, UPSTAIRS, AND WHEN HE GOT HOME I WENT DOWN AND TOLD HIM I NEEDED TO WORK ON MYSELF AND THAT I COULDN'T DO IT WHILE STILL IN THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM. WHAT A BIG MISTAKE THAT WAS. I CAN WORK ON MYSELF WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP AND NOW IT'S SEEMS TO BE TOO LATE. BUT WE'VE BEEN TALKING AND HE DOESN'T SEEM TO THINK THE RELATIONSHIP HE'S IN NOW IS GOING TO LAST MUCH LONGER. HE WANTS TO GET BACK TOGETHER WITH ME. I JUST KEEP SAYING THE 3RD STEP PRAYER ALL DAY LONG AND THAT HELPS ME TO KEEP THE FOCUS ON ME AND NOT ON HIM AND WHAT'S GOING ON DOWNSTAIRS. IT'S SO HARD WITH HIM LIVING DOWNSTAIRS BUT I CAN'T AFFORD TO MOVE AND I KNOW HE'S NOT GOING TO MOVE SO I HAVE TO ACCEPT THE SITUATION AS IT IS. I HOPE THIS HAS HELPED YOU A LITTLE, JOHN. SAY THE 3RD STEP PRAYER. BY THE WAY, I HAVE BEEN SOBER THIS TIME NOW FOR 9 MONTHS BUT WOULD OF HAD 9 YEARS THIS PAST SEPTEMBER IF I HADN'T OF HAD 2 BEERS THIS PAST FEBRUARY. BUT ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK JOHN AND KEEP PRAYING. HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU. THANKS, CAROL S.
Member: bobby
Location: usa
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 06:26 PM
Hi. This is Bobby. I wrote on the normal coffee pot place, but then later realized there is a beginners dealy here. Anyways, my name is Bobby and i'm a problem binge drinker. I was arrested last Tuesday last Tuesday and reopened my eyes to my risky behavior. I feel like total crap and like a slimy freakin' criminal. <<pasted from another email>>>>>> I have come really close to previous dui's. I can think of many for me. once i was stopped in northern california where i was working last and a cop pulled me over for expired plates. they asked if i've been drinking and i said yes, so they field tested me which i feel i passed. but they gave me an on the spot breathe test and i passed it by .01 bac. that was a close one. they didn't even site me for expired plates, just told me to get new ones. another time a cop stopped me for the same reason, but i guess he didn't smell my breathe, so he let me go. another time they caught me after leaving a strip club (an ex-pasttime of mine that i don't really do anymore). they thought i had bought drugs nearby (i don't do street drugs), so they checked my car, but only found my antidepressants. they field tested me but thought that i did fine so the cut me loose. the closest time was when i was on vacation in reno and got caught on some old railroad tracks (teeter tottering in the center of my truck). i thought it was fine for awhile, so i went to a bar next door and drank myself silly then asked a bunch of guys to help me get it off. the cops came and arrested me. but the DUI was dropped because i wasn't actually in control of the car... they only suspected that i was drinking and driving when i got caught on the tracks, which isn't enough for conviction. they did make me pay a $365 find, and take a m.a.d.d. class and correspondence course because my bac was .2? something. most people would be on the floor at that level so they knew i had issues in my head, which is right. Now this last DUI citing last Tuesday is the biggest eye opener to me. There's no question I was driving and they took a blood sample which i'm sure will be up there because i drank a pint of vodka with no water or juice with it and on an empty stomach. I'm not denying that I have a problem, but i'm not really ready to call myself an alchoholic.... right now i'm just labelling myself a problem binge drinker.
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 07:11 PM
Lessa E here, grateful recovering alcoholic. I had a really hard time doing the 'gratitude thing' when I came back. You see, I'd been so-called 'sober' before for 5 and 2 years at a time. I tried AA - to what I thought was the best of my ability - during the 2 year period. And had still relapsed. This last relapse ended with a DUI. For a long time the only thing I could think to be grateful for was "Hey, at least I'm not in jail." And I meant it - I wasn't able to be grateful for much more. I thought I was truly one of those folks who was 'constitutionally incapable of being honest." And I felt truly hopeless and helpless. I fell into depression which was exacerbated when I got laid off from a job that paid really well and I wondered why I wasn't dead. Well, I kept coming back. I worked the steps to the best of my ability. And those cliches I used to HATE started working. The 'bring the body, the mind and heart will follow'. "The only two meetings you should go to are the ones you want to go to and the ones you don't want to go to." "There's nothing so wrong with today that a drink won't make worse." And the one I'm truly most grateful for today that I never, ever understood before: "We'll love you until you learn to love yourself." My current sponsor started working with me when I was in the depths of the depression - and my circumstances changed radically. Oh, financially they went into the toilet - I got laid off. However, thanks to the program, thanks to the fellowship and most of all to my HP whom I know as God, I didn't have to pick up a drink over any of it. And what a difference this spiritual change has made. When my sponsor started working with me, she used to SUGGEST (???) to me that I write down 5 things every night that I was grateful for. And, the first time I said I couldn't think of 5 things she asked me where I was gonna lay my head down. "On my pillow"m, I answered. "Where?" Hmm...is she trying to get tricky? "In my bedroom." "And where is your bedroom?" "In my house....." It finally began to dawn on me. There are some folks who don't have a couple DUI's like I do - folks that went out and got only one...but who ended up killing someone accidentally. Only by the grace of God did I not kill anybody. I have ALOT to be grateful for. Oh, I have days when I need to be reminded of that. But today, I'm so grateful for the program. I'm so grateful I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a drunk. I'm grateful that today I can CHOOSE not to drink - when I was 'out there' I never had that choice. I simply HAD to drink. I'm grateful I can go to meetings, that I have the internet to help out when I'm sick (like I am this week) and can't get to as many F2F's. I'm grateful that today, I can live life on life's terms, not run away from it into the black-hole of alcoholism from which this drunk has been lucky enough to step out of again. And I need to remember that gratitude daily....another saying on a wall of a local AA club: "A grateful drunk won't drink." Another one that comes in handy, "Want what you have." lessa_e@hotmail.com
Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 09:13 PM
Hi, I'm Karen, alcoholic, nine months and one day sober. Thanks for the support. They say six to nine months is the hardest time. It got hard at times, but really wasn't all that bad. Now I've just got to make it to a year, one day at a time. But I don't know how I'll ever get up the nerve to speak (a tradition at my home group) when I get my one year chip. I like coming here because I can talk away without having to endure public speaking. Anyway, thanks for being here.
Member: kirsten
Location: montreal
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 11:10 PM
kirsten here, alcoholic. It's amazing how people come and go here.... Good luck to everyone on their journey's into sobriety. Some days really suck, but you're worth it. 131 days now. I don't pretend to advocate all of AA. I had a rough go with the program and after 10 years, I finally made up my mind to stop. None of this powerlessness. I spent my life blaming others for my weaknesses, it was high time I got a grip. I also don't condone AA. Every person has to choose for themselves their best route to sobriety. I do miss the fellowship of AA and the stories. Getting to hear about the how's and why's is a great motivator. But my thoughts on sobriety don't work with the fundamentals of this board. I do know that I am grateful to have read about your days and have gained strength from it. I am grateful to have finally understood that I can not drink. I am grateful that I have no guilt and no remorse and no strange bruises. I hope I don't open a can of worms here, but I survive on near-beer. It's not a problem for me and has never been a risky thing for me. In fact, if I have my .5, I know I am okay, but if I don't , I am at risk. Just coz it is a problem for some, doesn't mean it doesn't help others. That is why it was designed, after all. These low-alcohol beverages were created with alcoholics in mind. So, if it works for you, then do it. Whatever it takes to keep you sober. anyhow everyone, Good 24, kirsten
Member: bobby
Location: usa arizona
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 11:45 PM
i agree with you kirsten. -bobby
Member: bobby
Location: usa arizona
Date: December 03, 2002
Time: 11:46 PM
i agree with you kirsten. -bobby
Member: mary
Location:
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 08:33 AM
hi im mary v and i am an alcholic and an addict i guess that the thing that i am most greatful for is the fact that the internet is here, i just dont feel comfortable going to the group meetings around here and i dont know where any are outside of my area. i cant seem to find a sponsor. i am 48 hours sober i dont wanna drink. any way if you would link to talk i am saboina25@excitepm
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 09:37 AM
Kirsten - While I can understand and support your view, I must say that for me, drinking the near-beers (or wines) would ultimately lead me back to the straight beer. The alcoholism that has me works mostly in my head. The similarity of the near-beer would trigger me to want the real thing. I've gained far too much in 6 1/2 months of sobriety to give it up just so I can "tease" my mind with near-beers, etc. If it works for you, great, but I think what is important is that each one of us knows what works for us. In my case, teasing myself with these near-alcoholic beverages is a bad move. Thanks for sharing, and for keeping me sober today. Peace.
Member: Ryan F
Location: s.w.
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 10:06 AM
Hi I'm Ryan an alcoholic "gratitude" what a cool word. I think I would have to say that I am most thankful now for my young son to be able to look up to me and still be able to say I love you dada and I can appreciate it without being drunk or pasted out on the couch.this is the longest I have ever stayed sober before, it has been about 4 and a half weeks now. I do feel better but I have to be honest and say that some days are tough.I read a post a few days ago that said,"the holidays, what a great time to try and quit drinking" well I figure if a person can make it through the holidays, any other time should be easy. To people with relationship problems, it seems that if you do stay sober,everything will work out the way it should---maybe stay with the same person or realize that maybe that person is not right for you in your new sobriety anyway.(just something to think about)Thanks everyone. and have a good sober day. Ryan
Member: Peacefully sober today
Location: The Prairies
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 10:39 AM
Well, then, drink near-beer, Kristen. For myself, I have been 'between drinks' for months on end, with near-beer and low-alcohol wine. With respect, 131 is not a very long time. My ego wouldn't let me consider powerlessness for a long time "Me, powerless? I think not!". I've been sober for a few years now, and I understand that we are all different and that works for me won't for another person. Some people manage their addiction and some people get free of it on a daily basis. Life wasn't so good for me when I was managing my addiction so I took steps (literally, grin*) to change myself in order not to need to manage it. I'm sitting here, free of my addiction, today. I think an open mind is a very good thing to have, and while I support everyone's desire to not drink any which way they can, things always change, circumstances change and an open mind has saved my butt on many occasions. And yes, people do come and go here like crazy. The program and steps of AA are not for the fainthearted, and everyone, absolutely everyone, is in a process. No one's arrived anywhere, and that includes me. I wonder what will happen in your life, and wish you well.
Member: Mike S
Location: Wisconsin
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 11:01 AM
Good Morning. I have stopped drinking recently. I would drink every 2 - 3 weeks, and about every third time I would over do it to the extreme. I we from hard booze to beer back to hard booze. I have started to read the Big Book and realize there are different definitions of alcoholism. I am most likely an alcoholic. I do not want to ruin my life. I do not want to play Russian Roulette as Bob so eloquently put. I am just looking for some response to my following feelings. I have not craved alcohol(and have been out with friends who drink), yet I feel strange, knowing that I have made the committment not to drink ever again. I would like to get involved with productive on line meetings/ emails, ect. I am not one for in person meetings. The Big Book has made me aware of attitudes(some that I havehad) that allow an individual to relapse. That was very helpful. My email is nomorerocks@yahoo.com I would enjoy any correspondances.
Member: Kim C
Location: BC Canada
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 02:14 PM
Good morning. My name is Kim. I believe I am an alcoholic. I would like to belive I am more a hibitual drinker than an addicted one, but I may still be lying to myself. Either way, I know I have a problem. I don't live near to a town that offers AA meetings, and have no real support. I could use any help, and or advise to help keep me sober. I am only three days clean, and already second guessing myself, and my choice to be clean. HELP! I will leave my email address, as I don't know how to properly use this yet to check for specific responses to my own posts. bc_girl@mail.com I wish all a wonderful day, Kim
Member: Kim C
Location: BC Canada
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 02:18 PM
Kim again, I forgot in my previous post to say what I am most grateful for. My children. Thank God for them!!
Member:
Location:
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 02:19 PM
Regaurding near beer that would be like a near Cigarette for me a former a Tobacco Junky It can't happen,Sweet and Simple,end of story,Just my opinion...
Member: Robert A
Location: Central Valley, CA
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 04:03 PM
Hi John M. & all in Ealry Sobriety(ES), I found myself relating very much with the feelings John was going through so I wrote specifically to him, but after reading others I realized that there was a theme of raw feelings with those in ES. I still want to share my experiences to you John and I also hope others could benefit from it. Well let me first say that I believe you can make it to 30 days and more. I reread your posting and thought how deep your feelings are for your Ex? girlfriend. In light of this I think its awesome that you also seem very level-headed about it. The not driking helps doesn't it? One thing that I definitely found true for me was that I was very easily attracted to other things when I stopped drinking. Like women especially. As a man I thinks its common to almost expect a woman to be the nurturer for us. I personally havent experienced a culture that doesnt have its role defined this way. Im sure this must be hellish for those women who arent so good at this for whatever reason. So in ES I tended to gravitate toward those things that made me feel good(an ovious replacement for the booze)like women,exercise,coffee(too much of it actually)Bible Studies,etc. Well the problem was that the woman I was closest to at the time was also a drinker. We had been dating maybe 1 yr 1/2 or so and I really liked her. Actually I had probably started falling in Love with her. She was in words mostly supportive and encouraging of my sobriety. Hovever in deed she really wasnt. Often she wanted to borrow $ and for me to listen to her drama stories of what happened the last time she got loaded etc. After awhile I realized that outside of an AA meeting or someone that was sober most of what she was saying was too much for me so I distanced myself. It seemed like when I did this she started contacting me more and I began to take it as a sign that she was seriously considering a relationship and getting sober/well too. So it was real hard to let go of feelings for her and I actually left 2 recovery programs because of my confusion about her. We started going to Church together but she only went to 1 AA meeting with me. Well let me say that the one thing I know today that if I knew then I didnt practice it well was boundries. Letting her problems be hers and dealing with mine as a priorities was not happening. I was so tied up in my feeling for her/us that I neglected myself. I wont play God and tell you what to do about her but I do believe that a sober you is best all around. It looks like your kids live with you or something if you have childcare issues. This may be an area you could switch your feelings towards. Its been helpful but not easy for me. Nothing changed my life like realizing the role model I was for my son. I hope some of this is helpfull and may God be with you all in ES.
Member: claree
Location: Panhandle Idaho
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 05:43 PM
7th day sober. Everything is in God's hands--some thing He gave to me to do. ;-) Hi, I'm Clare an alcoholic.
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 06:30 PM
I think I have made it past the owrst part of my drinking day...my desire to drink usually comes between 12 noon and 3pm....habit times....stress times....though I think of it other times too. I may just make it four days. I hope to say that I made it tomorrow! Have a good night all! Kim
Member: Anthony L
Location: Florida
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 07:24 PM
Here I am atarting over again. Recently had a DUI which woke me to my drinking problem, again ( many wake up calls!) Since the DUI I've 4 weeks and 2 weeks and with every falling out I think I get closer to the answer but never for sure. I have also had 6 months in the past but none of this matters now because I am back at the starting gate(4 days)....and here is what I cannot seem to conquer: How do we leave behind a supposed "friend" and begin to have FUN without him? Signing off, the alcoholic that I am!
Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 07:37 PM
Kim C. Go to More Choices above and it will enable you to fine your name amongst the comments. It will also bring you to your own last entry, which is a good place to begin looking. Hope you are doing well with your newfound sobriety. My sponsor got sober at this site before she got up the nerve to go to f2f meetings. She steered me here when I was having trouble getting to meetings because of being out of town and because I dread sharing in f2f meetings. I'm having a rough day and in the past would drink over it (any excuse was a good one, and no excuse worked pretty well, too). But I've got nine months and two days under my belt and I hope that I'm in for the long-haul. Thanks for being here.
Member: To KIM C
Location:
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 10:39 PM
KIM C, to check for responses to your post, look for your name. If it appears this way ((KIM C)), that means someone gave you a cyber hug.
Member: Robin A
Location: FL rjamato@hotmail.com
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 10:41 PM
Another way to find where you last posted is to hold down the CTRL key and the F key at the same time. That brings up a box you can type your name in and search-it will bring you to your name anywhere on the page. Just keep hitting next until it says "finished searching the page" and that will be the last one. Helps to find any replies made to you specifically as well-if your name was in the message. Works well for searching for key words also. Near Beer = or closer to: Near Death IMHO!
Member: p.s. to KIM C...
Location:
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 10:46 PM
... and to anyone else who needs it. There are lots of live AA chat sites on the www. If you wait patiently, our URL guru, GLEN, will post a link for you.
Member: Opal
Location: MI
Date: December 04, 2002
Time: 10:47 PM
Kristen, you do have a right to your opinions of course. I have to object to your rejection of AA to be fair to the new comers here. Just the fact that you are here visiting an AA site proves that you do believe somewhat in the program, you are using it here. I also agree with Bill P. Alcohol is alcohol, abstinence is the only answer resulting in recovery. Good luck to you and remember you are always welcome here and wish you well. I pray you find the surrender necessary to recover.
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 10:16 AM
To all who have replied thus far, my deepest thanks and gratitude on this, my fourth full day of sobriety! YEAH me! I basically live in a logging camp, and am over an hour from any town. I would find the live www meetings very helpful I think. My spouse is so supportive in this, but he cannot relate to my wanting to drink so badly. I feel ashamed to admit to him how hard this really is for me. How scary. I find I do better if I don't try to imagine all the times in the future I will *want* or MISS having a beer, and just try to get through today. Thank you all so much for replying....I feel less alone when I read here... Kim
Member: Bill L
Location: Coastal Oregon
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 10:25 AM
Bill L here, grateful to be an alcoholic today, rather than the useless, embarassing drunk I used to be. Also grateful that I only have to keep off the booze today. I've got all my other life stuff to plan out for as the weeks and months roll out in front of me. I've been playing this game on a daily basis for 552 days now, and it has never made me comfortable to think of this as a "life choice." I may end up never drinking again, but as an alcoholic that has relapsed in the past I know that it can be very easy to slip back into old habits. I do the stuff suggested to me, which recently has been praying for my sponsor (a potential resentment cuz the jerk doesn't return my calls). I don't think I will try wine or beer that is "non-alcoholic" because I fear it would make it easier to slip back to the better stuff. That is just me though. The exception I take is the reason for it's creation. It basically allows spirits companies sell a beverage to a wider audience. It means more profits for them. It is not a service from a non-profit corporation. Philip Morris makes ultra light cigarettes, but I'm sure ex-smokers don't light them up without thinking "this is a cigarette, no matter what they call it." Enough of the rant. :-) Everyone here has sobriety for today, and I'm grateful for that. Let's not worry about tomorrow, it will happen despite us. If you need help with sobriety, call your local Intergroup office and explain your needs. They won't ask for your name, and they will be able to help you out. All they want to do is "help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety", and your "desire to stop drinking" gives them that permission. Maybe Glen has a website for you, but the easiest resource is to look in the White Pages under "Alcoholics Anonymous" and call that phone number. Peace and Love to all --Bill L
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 10:29 AM
...and if I might be allowed to add to the near beer thread....I couldn't tease myself with near beer....for me it would be sobriety suicide...only my opinion... Kim
Member: Kathy P.
Location: Mass
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 11:01 AM
Hi Kim C. So glad to read your letter because I can really relate to it. I am sober going on 37 days today and I still have not been able to tell anyone I know except for my husband that I have quit drinking. I am just too embarressed still to discuss it with anyone and even my husband doesn't know how badly I feel about it and how hard it had been for me. It's just easier for me not to talk about it I guess except for here on this site where we really understand each other. The first two weeks were hell for me but by the end of the third week it was getting much easier and now after more than a month I feel so happy with my decision. No more depression or blues about it. Yesterday was my birthday and I didn't miss having a drink to "celebrate" at all. My sobriety is my gift to myself. So hang in there and congratulations on your four days. We are all here to help each other so check in a lot!
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 11:58 AM
Kathy P THanks for your reply. I am a stay at home mom, so though I am kept busy, my days tend to drag on....minutes I want to drink seem to drag on for hours, and seem never ending...I wish I lived near a town that had meetings....i think i could use them...but for now I will be grateful i found this site. Kim
Member: JL
Location: The Beach
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 03:56 PM
Three years ago I walked into my first AA meeting. I had made a promise to my wife that “I would do something”. I had been trying for years to control my drinking which had been a fruitless endeavor. I knew I was an alcoholic, stared at myself in front of the mirror and reprimanded myself in a regular basis. Every morning I thought why did I do that again? How am I going to make it through this day? I was hopeless. I figured I would die a drunk and that was that. Before I walked into that meeting near where I work I had done a bit of research on the web, talked to my doctor, and spoke with some friends who were sober. They all suggested that I check out an AA meeting. I went in and one guy walked up to me and asked if I had something to sign. I gave him a puzzled look and he said you know for drunk driving violation. I knew right then I was in the wrong place. I was the king of drunk driving, tens of thousands of miles logged while drunk behind the wheel. Never got caught! What I was looking for was a place where I would learn how to drink, not learn how to drive and not get caught. I was much too smart for those AA’s. Nevertheless, I attended meetings and managed 60 days without a drink and I must’ve thought I was cured, because I started right up again. Then I found that it was next to impossible to string together any amount of time whatsoever. I could manage a few days, maybe a week and then I would start the cycle again. But during this time things had changed, I knew what it was like to feel good from the 60 days of abstinence. I had seen and heard about miracles in the rooms of AA. I was even gaining my family back. I began a descent back into hell although brief it was rapid. I began to blackout again on a regular basis. I began hiding my drinking like never before, I just could not put it down. I did all they told me, sponsor, steps, meetings, book, prayer, all of it. It was no use. Then one day I just was half way through a bottle and stopped. I have not had a drink since. Later on I realized that during those five months I had not worked Step One. I now know that I have a power greater than myself to turn to. Heading into the holidays, now my fourth one sober, I must remind myself how bad it was, and how in just over two years my whole life has been revolutionized. There is now no way I can ever drink successfully again. I know that. I was given a choice in drink and I choose not to. And what keeps me sober today are the things they told me in the beginning, go to meetings, read the book, pray and meditate, speak to my sponsor and keep close with other recovering alcoholics. In the meeting I attend every morning, there were 7 newcomers. There is hope for all of us today if we are willing to work this program. My name is Jeff and I am one grateful alcoholic.
Member: Rob S.
Location: Spartanburg SC
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 04:58 PM
Hi my name is rob,I'm 19 and I am an alcoholic. I have not been to a meeting in over a year. I have slipped to the point of nothing. I went to a doctor and tried to get my prescription filled for my concerta since I am Adhd. Well the pharmacy down in SC did not have the precription that I needed so I had to go back to the doctor. Well I hadn't taken my medicine and the pee test I took showed up positive for alcohol. I of course had to call my mom and tell her the whole ordeal. She of course said you need to go to a meeting and so here I am. I have gratitude to god for giving me this mishap to see the light. I am grateful to be sober today and to be headed back on the right track, the AA one. Rob
Member: Anne
Location: New York
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 05:28 PM
Your stories are all so inspiring to me. I only hope I can be as successful as some of you have been in the past. I have 5 days sober so far,which is more than I've had in awhile. I just hope I can stay sober. Sometimes it's hard to imagine and I often don't know where to turn to for help but hearing stories like those posted on here inspire me and know that other people are going through the same things that I am. John I am praying for you and everyone else that is making an effort to stop drinking, I just hope someones praying for me. thanks
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 06:00 PM
eyes tired, back aching, heart thundering in my chest...mentally exhausted...kids screaming...palms sweating...mantra....just today, just today, just today, just today...God, please just get me through TODAY SOBER
Member: Ric M.
Location: VA
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 06:04 PM
Hi All! New here but not to the program. Almost one day sober here. The drinks just seem to keep coming back. Can't seem to break the cycle. I am grateful for organizations like this, they do help, especially if you work them! This time, with help from the Higher Power, and a better attitude, I think I can make it! I have finally woken up to all of the problems my drinking has caused my family, and myself. Gonna make it this time!!
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 06:32 PM
Mike S, No one can/should tell you or anyone else, you are an alcoholic. There is no clear line for us. That is how it is “Cunning Baffling and Powerful”. As my drinking progressed, I continued to lie to myself. Whenever I started feeling a little better, then I would try one more time to have the wonderful feeling alcohol used to give me. As my life became more miserable because of my drinking, I began to believe I needed to stop, but I didn’t change anything else in my life and I found it difficult to stay stopped. AA did not make a lot of sense when I came in the doors, but I was done fighting King Alcohol. It has been a few days since I had a drink and my sober life today is awesome beyond description. Gratitude: Early in recover I was grateful to be out of the horrible cycle of active alcoholism. No more hang-overs and all the other physical parts of the disease. Today sobriety allows me to sanely choose whether to be joyful and grateful for the abundance of my life, or dwell in self pity and ego. I do not have that choice when I was drink.
Member: Anthony L
Location: Florida
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 08:07 PM
.....day 5 and still looking for something better to do than think about a drink! Although working until I drop has worked so far I'd still like some suggestions on what one can do for fun besides party. Please refer to an earlier post(12/4/02, 7 pm). The alcoholic!
Member: Opal
Location: MI
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 09:45 PM
I just wanted to say that reading the posts here from people with 1 day to several years sobriety is so inspiring and keeping me sober. Newcomers to the AA program don't realize that by helping them, we are also helping ourselves. Hang in there and God Bless. (Anthony L.) Try local AA meetings, there is one at least once a day. From there you hear about dances, open talks or just going out for coffee with some new sober friends. You will begin to have fun doing things you never realized were there when the alcoholic fog was in. Good luck and keep coming back. opal@sobercity.com if anyone needs me.
Member: Melissa
Location: Canada (BC, too)
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 10:27 PM
Love and support and empathy, Kim. It WILL get better. Please post again and let us know how you are doing.
Member: Kelly M
Location: New Hampshire
Date: December 05, 2002
Time: 11:32 PM
Hi All, As Dr. Laura says, gratitude is an attitude and feelings are just feelings. I am not a Dr. Laura fan but respect some of her beliefs. The softer, kinder way has never worked for me. I don't need a pat on the head but a kick in the pants! I have a great respect for AA and the 12 steps because it works for this alcoholic... "If" I work it. Tonight I attended another great meeting and found out about the Alcathon for Christmas. It is a great way to spend the holiday in a safe fun, environment. It runs from Christmas Eve through Christmas. This will be my first one and I am looking forward to it. It is my first sober Christmas in many years. I have such gratitude to AA for helping me get my life back. Also for not letting my feelings rule my life and actions. I don't have to act upon every feeling, I have to think things through first then make a decision. It is so easy for me to leap before I look based on my feelings but my sobriety depends on my self control and smart choices. This week it has been people, places and things again. Still don't work the concept right but am trying. I have backed off from some people, places and things until I can handle them more gracefully. Being newly sober I still want to drive the bus. I want, I want,I want and I WANT IT NOW! The Big Book says no major changes in the first year for a reason. You have to have it to give it away. I don't have it yet. It doesn't mean I do not want to move, fall in love, go back to school but for now easy does it works for this alcoholic. Thanks for listening to my rant fest all. I lurk here quite a bit and enjoy reading the posts, especially the regulars, always gleaning your wisdom......................... Kelly :)
Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 12:15 AM
I'm Gagae, an alcoholic. ANTHONY L., I'll take a stab at answering your question. (This may sound strange, so bear with it.) I used to drive a stick shift with a cultch. I drove one for years. In fact, I learned how to drive with a stick shift. Then, a year or so ago, I bought an automatic. For the first few weeks, I kept feeling around on the floorboard with my foot for the clutch. It took a while to stop doing that, it was just a habit. But now I've changed for real -- I'm no longer a stick shift driver, I'm an automatic driver. My habits now are those of an automatic driver, then. I hope you see what I'm getting at. After you get used to being sober for a while, then you start having different habits from the ones you had when you drank. Things that probably would not have been fun to you when you drank, may start to seem fun once you are really used to being sober. (Hope that makes sense. Just give it time. You'll know what's fun to you, because it will FEEL fun.)
Member: Typoed my own name -- I'm Gage
Location:
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 12:45 AM
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 09:44 AM
Kim - read your post from 6:00 last night. Hope you're doing okay. Hang on, it gets better. We love you. Bill
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 10:21 AM
Melissa, Bill P. Thank you SO much for your support. Your words got me through yesterday...and it was rough, but I am grateful that I have infact made a full 5 days sober, today will be six. It seems so small, compared to some, but to me it is a huge thing. If I had a sponsor, I would have driven the poor person crazy yesterday, I think, but instead I re-read supportive emails, and cried, and prayed for just enough strength to get through every 5 minutes. It is frustrating because I don't understand if the cravings are physical, or mental, or both, but I hate not being in control...the crazy thing is, when I drink, I am even in less control. I am not a "I'll have 3 beer on a Sunday afternoon while I wash the car", person...though that is what I would say to myself. The only difference is...those three always turned into at LEAST 12....more if I was still awake. That is sad, and disgusting...I like sober Kim better. SO, I begin day six, grateful for Bill P, and Melissa, this site, and the past five days. Kim
Member:
Location:
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 02:00 PM
Any time sober for an alcoholic is no small thing. Any time sober for an alcoholic is a major achievement. Go to meetings and don't drink in between. This is a many faceted program, but we have to have the desire to stop drinking and just stay sober today!
Member: Kathy P.
Location: Mass
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 04:06 PM
Hi Kim C. Congrats on another day. Everyone is hard earned, isn't it?!! Like I said in a prior post, my first two weeks were hell, but everyday that you can go without drinking makes you more and more proud of yourself and more determined to stay the course. It is tough, for sure and I know from my own experience and that of others on this site who were kind enough to help me through it, that depression and anxiety are a typical part of the early stage of getting sober. I was afraid that I was never going to feel any better and that my life would be dull and bleak forever once I gave up alcohol. The good news is that kind of thinking is the addiction talking and once you are used to being without the alcohol even for a few weeks your whole view changes and you begin to see how good life can be without it. I still have plenty of tough moments, but they are much easier to cope with because I can now feel how good I feel! If that makes any sense, and I want to keep on feeling good. Hang in there, the easier times will come. Good luck and remember we are all here for you.
Member: David
Location: Erie, PA
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 04:23 PM
Gage, Good analogy. Thaks for the story.
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada (bc_girl@mail.com)
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 04:54 PM
Kathy P....much thanks for your post, and support. I am some what self centered today, as I have (I think foolishly) invited my brother up to visit, and I am terrified, because he is one of my favorite people to toss back a few cold beers with. I did inform him no drinking, but I hope on some unconscious level I am not setting myself up with an "excuse" to drink...not that I need any, but I am sure you understand...if I can't fail alone, I will make the environment such that I CAN fail....ARGH....God grant me the strength....to prove to myself i can do this. I like Kim sober...my spouse likes me sober....I don't want to go through the last five days again...I think I am an idiot to test myself this soon, but I guess I can't hide from the world forever. EEEPS...sorry, Kathy...this was a gratitude post for your kindness to post to me, and your support, and it turned into...God only knows what...a babbling session....I do suffer depression, and am on medication, and anxiety already....and self medicated with alcohol often, but that of course wasn't the only reason I drank...just one reason, or excuse of many :) Thank you for helping to keep me sober today...Bless you, and I wish you peace and love, Kim
Member: Kelly M
Location: New Hampshire
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 05:17 PM
Hi All, Just checking back in. I forgot a few things I wanted to mention. First ((Gage)), I liked the analogy, Clutch/ Crutch vs. Automatic/ Automatic sober habits. So true! Also there is fun after drinking just a different kind of fun. Fun that is (safe). Not DUI's, unsafe sex, drinking buddies, bar rooms and clubs, ruined relationships with spouses and children, institutions, jails and death. I know... Long list but in my short time sober I have heard it all and lived some of it. Fun being newly sober is different but much more enjoyable. I have friends now that call me if they have not heard from me because they care. I lost some of what I thought were friends when I became sober. Guess they were not the friends I thought they were??? Fun has definately changed for me. Hanging out at coffee places and driving around just talking and laughing after meetings with friends in the program is a blast. Driving home late and seeing a cop makes me smile not cringe now. It is like, Yeah, pull me over, make my night. I'll blow a 0.0 for ya!!! but I digress. What I wanted to say is that life for me has gotten so much better and healthier. I only have 40 days but they are all good days! I also love to read from the newcomer like me even though I said regulars above. I gravitate to the old timers and those with good sobriety because they have the wisdom I am looking for. You can't fool them, they have heard it all but still try to help the newcomer. Listen to them about near beer, working your own program without AA, HP problems, relationship problems, sponsors etc. They won't steer you wrong! Just for today, Don't Drink...... Kelly :)
Member: Mariana C
Location: Colombia
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 05:21 PM
Hi all, i have been sober for 6 days now, and I am feeling quite lonely, but thanks to you all I have made it through these past 6 days. I hope I make it this time, because I just had a relapse. I thank you all for listening and being here for me as I will be here for you. All of you take care and keep it simple
Member:
Location:
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 05:47 PM
Hi all! Shannon, alcoholic/addict. Wow, I can't believe how much I have missed this place. GRATITUDE is something that I grow stonger in everyday. The more I am sober and see the miracles in my life and the ones around me, my gratitude becomes overwhelming. I just have to give it back. God has blessed my life in more ways that I myself can realize, or that I'm just now noticing. Living a life of sobriety compared to what I used to live is never-ending gratitude in it's self. It's not always peachy, but my worst possible day sober, will always be better than my best day loaded. Thanks Oh, (((Gage))) love the analogy.
Member: Shannon H.
Location: MS
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 05:48 PM
Hi all! Shannon, alcoholic/addict. Wow, I can't believe how much I have missed this place. GRATITUDE is something that I grow stonger in everyday. The more I am sober and see the miracles in my life and the ones around me, my gratitude becomes overwhelming. I just have to give it back. God has blessed my life in more ways that I myself can realize, or that I'm just now noticing. Living a life of sobriety compared to what I used to live is never-ending gratitude in it's self. It's not always peachy, but my worst possible day sober, will always be better than my best day loaded. Thanks Oh, (((Gage))) love the analogy.
Member: Marv L
Location: Laurel,MS
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 10:36 PM
Hi,I"m Marv,alcoholic. Sure enjoyed the shares!We missed you,too,(( Shannon )). Isnt it wonderful to live a sober day,and enjoy life as we should have been living it all along? And we know that our higher power keeps meeting our needs--heard someone once say our problem is alcoholISm,never becomes alcoholWASm ! I AM an alcoholic, will never be true that i WAS an alcoholic. Took a lot to fill the hole that was in me when I came to AA,and I"m still feeling for the clutch on lifes floorboard,Gage,LOL!! Maybe these are two of the most important words in the text follow what we read from How it Works, at meetings..they are:"Being convinced".. part of the pain of early sobriety is useful to convince me a drink will NEVER solve any problem for me; thank you for reminding me it really does get better.Have a great weekend,sober!
Member: mark Nugent
Location: dillwyn, Va
Date: December 06, 2002
Time: 11:40 PM
I always thought that my problem was alcohol for a long period of time. Nut I found out that my problem is alcohloism which is very different. The drinking does get in the way with hangovers, blackouts, financial and legal problems and all those great relationship reoubles. The real problem is that I don't know how to live sober with some peace of mind. Before AA, I would quick drinking and life would get boring, depressing. I would start thinking too much and not about good stuff but about how much my life sucks. The program of alcoholics anonymous-the 12 steps- is a design for living. I do not believe in slips. People are just not done drinking because if you are you will get a sponser and take the action that is necessary. I have been sober for a little while and I have no desire to drink and do not think about drinking abd that is thanks to the twelve steps, my sponser, God, and my home group. Don't say you have tried AA until you have done the steps. You are just around AA and the message don't drink and go to meetings is good at first but it will kill you unless you take more action.--markpnugent@yahoo.com
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada(bc_girl@mail.com)
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 01:43 AM
i killed six days today...i am ashamed...i am better than this...please God, deliver me from this evil...from myself...my own worst enemy....only my desire to be sober has allowed me to share that I fell....I am sorry, and ashamed...please God lift me from this....sometimes I wish I were normal...talk about the weather...politics....anything but me...I am Kim, I am an alcoholic, and today I drank...i hate myself
Member: kat
Location: calgary
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 02:33 AM
hi all my name is kat and i am an alchoholic so i realize.things have always been the way they are for along time and it was not until recently that i thought to me my god you drink to much.now that i have come to realize this i think to me my god you drink 3 times a week.always beer never anything harder but where will i end up ???????
Member: Brian d
Location: Issaquah, Wa
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 04:51 AM
It's late and I'm feeling crappy. I am in the midst of a 72 hour shift with no meetings. I had read about the online groups. Perhaps I should give this a try. Grattitude... My 12 yr sober girlfriend stopped by and had dinner with me. My children are safe. and I woke up drawing breath and sober! Celebrate my small victories huh?
Member: Kathy P.
Location: Mass
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 08:27 AM
Hi Kim C. Sorry to hear about your relapse. I'm guessing it was triggered by your brother's visit? I'm sure you feel badly about it, but you can always try again today. Remember when you were six years old and trying to learn how to ride a bike? No matter how many times you fell off that bike you got back on and tried again because you had an ultimate goal in mind. If you had the courage to do it when you were six years old, then you have the courage to do it now. We're all with you.
Member: Kim C
Location: BC, Canada(bc_girl@mail.com)
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 10:39 AM
Kathy P..thank you for taking the time to post. Yes, I suppose it might have been triggered by my brothers visit.....but I am still the one who drank...no one forced me...except what I call, the gallery of assholes in my mind. I am terribly ashamed...but I made six days...well, I guess only five....I can do it again...I need to...want to....Thank you for your support...it helps ALOT...Kim
Member: Thomas M.
Location: S. Fl.
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 10:51 AM
Kim C. don't beat yourself up to bad, ( although ya might want to take a swing at that brother of yours if that was the cause). pick yourself up, dust yourself off and if you truly want what we have so gratiously been given, then don't drink, get to a meeting and read that Big Book, We will always be here for you, but only you can do the work it takes to get where you want to be. God bless. Thomas
Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 11:46 AM
Hi all, Kim C. - Thanks for sharing about your relapse. Sorry to hear you slipped, but don't beat yourself up over it. I like Thomas's comment, just read the Big Book, and talk to someone else when moments get tough. We depend on each other in this program and it works that way. In my early sobriety, it has been very important that I guard against the unguarded moments (like when your Brother visited). I have to give myself the protection that I need to stay sober. In fact, I have had to make my primary purpose staying sober. Everything, and I mean everything.... comes second to staying sober. Welcome back and remember, we are all here to help however we can, but it is up to you to help yourself. God Bless you and keep coming back! Peace. Bill
Member: Melissa B
Location: BC
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 11:53 AM
Hi, Kim, we're alcoholic, that's what we do, we drink. It took ten months (they weren't much fun) until I stopped drinking. (I'm not alone, and neither are you.) But think about this: it takes an enormous amount of energy to beat yourself up, it really does, energy that you could be using to try again. I had to try again a lot. Telling myself I was a hopeless loser didn't help, all it did was keep driving me back to drink, but I didn't know it at the time. Please. It's not hopeless. JUST FOR TODAY. Please keep post- ing, no matter where you're at. Love and light and empathy and support.
Member: Kevin C
Location: Michigan
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 02:43 PM
Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm an alcoholic. I'm still a newcomer to the program, but through the grace of God and the fellowship of AA I am just days away from 5 months of continuous sobriety. For me, this is nothing short of a miracle, and I am very grateful. The memories of the pain, despair, shame, and hopelessness of my drinking days are still very real. Kim C., my heart hurts to hear about your relapse. (I remember many of my own all too well.) I add my voice to the many who have already said, "Don't beat yourself up over it. Move on." God forgives, and we do too. Continuing to dwell on it will only lead to the next drink, and we're all only one drink away from our next drunk. Thank God you "keep coming back". The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking, so welcome back!!!!!! When I first came into AA, one thing that was difficult for me to get was the whole idea of victory through surrender to a higher power. I figured sobriety was all about ME being strong, exerting my will power, "white-knuckling" it every minute of every day. I'm coming to see that the 12 steps are not about will power. (Telling an alcoholic to exercise more will power is like telling someone who just ate a whole box of ExLax to use their will power on the runs...) The steps ARE about admitting that our best efforts, our best intentions, and our best thinking were not enough to rescue us from a fatal disease. We needed, and continue to need, help from a power bigger than us and our disease. Someone summarized the first 3 steps in these words: "I couldn't, God could, so I let Him." For me, it was difficult to admit I was powerless, and even more difficult to even begin to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity, but doing it is saving my life, ONE DAY AT A TIME. Today, I'm learning to do what the people at AA meetings have told me, like asking God for help in the morning just for this 24 hours, thanking Him (not myself) every night for another day sober, avoiding wet places and wet faces, and practicing gratitude. "Remember that we deal with alcohol: cunning, baffling, powerful. Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power, that one is God. May you find Him now." As we say in AA, "Easy does it." Hold on to the Promises in the Big Book, especially the last one, "We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves." Things WILL get better... You're in my prayers. Please remember me in your prayers as well!
Member: Simon
Location: Ontario
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 04:21 PM
Hi All, This is my first post. I have a question for you 'longer-timers-than-I'. Last night was my fourth night clean and sober (and nicotine free....yes, I'm going to kill 3 demons at once....I've tried to do them one at a time and it doesn't work for me) and I still find myself tossing and turning until well after daylight. Even before substance abuse I would still get a good and long night sleep, even though I was never a deep sleeper. It seems now though, that my mind is spinning in high-gear, especially while I am trying to sleep, almost as though it is trying to make up for lost time. I'm not thinking about guilt or remorse, just general, non-specific things....any thoughts or advice would be welcome. I'm gratefull that my eyes and mind are sharp once again....even though my mind won't let me sleep.
Member: Anne
Location: New York
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 06:48 PM
Kim...Take everyone's advice and don't beat yourself up over this relapse, I know it's easier said then done. The most important thing is that you are admitting that you want to stop drinking...That is a huge accomplishment in itself. I have relapsed before too, but you know what? You just have to start over and it does get easier and much better. The fact that you had 6 days sober is a wonderful accomplishment as well. I know you can do it, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please post and let us know how you are doing.
Member: Just my thought
Location:
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 07:06 PM
Simon, just possibly your mind can't let you sleep because it needs to stay awake so the 'demons won't get to you'. Your mind can't relax because it still thinks it's in charge and in control of the addiction. A suggestion (only a suggestion) would be to go to the archives here and look for a meeting on the topic of Surrender. If nothing else, it'll make for interesting reading. Best of luck, my friend!
Member: Melvin S.
Location: Houston,Tx.
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 09:00 PM
Hi Family, My Melvin S. & I am definitely a drunk. I finally had to come to the conclusion, that I WANT to live a clean & productive life. Concerning Graditude. I have been for nine yrs. & in Dec. of 2001, I visited my mother, two sisters & brother grave-site. That day I relasped. I went to my home group told them everything, stayed 2 months, relasped, went back to my home group, stayed 6 months. Then relasped; so it's a roll-coastal for the last past 3 months, just on friday, if I don't have to work sat.. It's apparent to me that I am very very ungrateful to GOD(MY HIGHER POWER). I have have decided to give myself a chance again. There's nothing to do, but to do it, with the help of GOD & my A.A.family. If there is any men or women that have spend multitude of years in a penal institution, please e-mail me at Pretty55papa@aol.com. I have only been home 2 years & did a total of 22 & half years in prison(4 trips). I want to stay clean & free. I am truly grateful that GOD has given me another chance. I AM ASKING FOR EVERYONE HELP! TEACH ME HOW TO LIVE!!!!!!
Member: RYAN F
Location: USA
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 10:09 PM
HI ROB S. ANNE AND MARIANA,HOPE YOU ARE DOING WELL,AND MADE IT THROUGH TODAY SOBER. I BELIEVE THE FIRST FEW WEEKS ARE VERY TOUGH,AND I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT. I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YOU AND HOPE YOU ARE PRAYING FOR YOURSELF. THANK YOU
Member: Dry in the Desert
Location: Nevada
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 10:58 PM
Simon ! Thanks for sharing and congratulations on your new clean life !! Forget the demons and enjoy bedtime ! Try a hot bath (even a bubble bath….Yeah, its OK for guys too !!). Fresh sheets on the bed, clean “jammies” and an easy-to-read book. You will be sleeping peacefully soon. Pleasant Dreams !!
Member: Ed Z.
Location: Ohio
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 11:53 PM
Hello, Ed Z. I am an alcholic. THE FULL SERENITY PRAYER IS GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE. COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN. WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME, ENJOYING ONE MOMENT AT A TIME ACCEPTING HARDSHIP AS APATHWAY TO PEACE TAKING AS JESUS DID THIS SINFUL WORLD AS IT IS NOT I WOULD HAVEIT. TRUSTING THAT YOU WILL MAKE ALL THING RIGHT IF I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL. SO THAT I MAY BE REASONABLY HAPPY WITH YOU8 FOREVER IN THE NEXT AMEN. WRITTEN BY RHEINHOLD NEIBUHR I hope Kim from BC Marcie, Idaho, Kathy P. and anyone male or female understand the gratitutde you may find in the short or long version of the SERENITY PRAYER.
Member: Ed Z.
Location: Ohio
Date: December 07, 2002
Time: 11:53 PM
Hello, Ed Z. I am an alcholic. THE FULL SERENITY PRAYER IS GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE. COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN. WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME, ENJOYING ONE MOMENT AT A TIME ACCEPTING HARDSHIP AS APATHWAY TO PEACE TAKING AS JESUS DID THIS SINFUL WORLD AS IT IS NOT I WOULD HAVEIT. TRUSTING THAT YOU WILL MAKE ALL THING RIGHT IF I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL. SO THAT I MAY BE REASONABLY HAPPY WITH YOU8 FOREVER IN THE NEXT AMEN. WRITTEN BY RHEINHOLD NEIBUHR I hope Kim from BC Marcie, Idaho, Kathy P. and anyone male or female understand the gratitutde you may find in the short or long version of the SERENITY PRAYER.
Member: TO MELVIN
Location:
Date: December 08, 2002
Time: 04:54 AM
Melvin, this is just a thought, but instead of looking for other people who've been in prison, why don't you just look long and hard at what it is that put you in that prison? If it was alcoholism that put you there, then, AA can help. Start with the first step.
Member: anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: December 08, 2002
Time: 06:16 AM
Hi. Gratitude, what a topic, especially this time of year. I would like to share about 2 things I have to be grateful for today. First, I am coming up on my 12th anniversary of my last drink/drunk and for that I am truly grateful. But, even more than that (small) miracle, I am grateful for coming up on 12 DAYS of 'abstinence' in another 12-step fellowship. I believe in the 'total abstinence' goal of recovery. Except, for me, that not only means avoidng things like 'near beer'. It also means abstaining from ANY mind or mood altering substance or activity that I can (will) do addictively or compulsively. Thanks.