Member: Heide
Location: Washington
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 12:28 AM

Comments

I am in trouble. I have been sober for almost two years, and have severely fallen off the wagon. I really need a sponser and was wondering if someone would be willing to help me out. I need some one willing to go through the steps with me and be there and hopefully we can help each other. If you are interested please respond for e-mail address


Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 01:15 AM

Comments

HEIDE, I can't be your sponsor, but if you'd like to talk, gage22501@aol.com BUDDY S, I'm near New Orleans also. If you'd like to talk, same addy. Good luck to both of you and everyone else here.


Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 08:25 AM

Comments

I missed the posts for 09/07/02 and haven't been able to retrieve them from "Archives", so I really don't have any continuity here with what's going on. I am happy to be here, though. Heidi, you have much more sobriety time than I do, but I think you should try for a sponsor in your area, a F2F sponsor. Gage and so many of the people who post here are wonderful, caring people and offer lots of help, but you need a sponsor who is available to you 24/7 and available to you in person. I have had some difficulty with the sponsorship thing, mostly of my own making but I realize the importance of this person in the life and sobriety of a newcomer or a returning member. Please go to a F2F meeting. Tell them that you're looking for a sponsor, even a temporary sponsor. You should get results. Good luck! God Bless, Madelaine


Member: Laurie
Location: Wonderous, Canada
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 08:43 AM

Comments

I don't have a sponser right now and am not looking for one either. Guess I am not at that stage yet. I did manage to get through the weekend so far without a drink and I even went to a concert last night for the first time sober and straight. Afterwards I was sure glad that I wasn't in an alternate state of mind as we had front row tickets and to see these guys up close - well- it was amazing and I remember it all! Hope you have a nice relaxing Sunday. My goal for today is to be able to say tommorow morning I got through the weekend without a drink. Today is day 8.


Member: dee w
Location: fort langley
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 10:34 AM

Comments

Good for you laurie..it;s surprising how those days add up! I've been sober for five months and don't have a sponsor yet. I want to have one but think I am a bit shy about asking someone. How does one go about it..announce your're looking to the group or do you approach an individual? Also are there certain requirements to become a sponsor ie. length of sobriety? Thanks for being here..I so much appreciate this room. Take care


Member: Sherri R
Location: CA
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 11:48 AM

Comments

Sherri, Alcoholic, Day 6 (Yesss!!!). The first time I went into AA I didn't get a sponsor and that just didn't work for me at all. I was so afraid and simply not ready to connect to another human being. My second time walking through the AA doors a got a sponsor the very first day and she was a blessing from God. I feel sad that I was not ready to listen to everything she said and follow her suggestions. This is my third time back and I have a temporary sponsor, but I'm not at all happy with her. Finding a sponsor is not easy for me. In the past it was almost impossible for me to ask another human being for help. I'm working on this and it doesn't scare me nearly as much as it used to. Someone suggested to me a long time ago to attend as many meetings as I possible could and listen to other people's stories. Find "someone that has what you want" and ask them to sponsor you. Thank you for listening and sharing. Sherri


Member: tech
Location:
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 12:55 PM

Comments

Madelaine, it took a little while to get the last weeks posts over to the Archives. They are there as of now, 12:54 eastern time. Sorry for the delay


Member:
Location:
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 01:00 PM

Comments

I don't think there's any "approved " way to get a sponsor. I just spoke up at a meeting and said I didn't understand how to go about the 4th step and would somebody please give me some help and somebody did. So now she's my sponsor but I would say I have more than one as there are different people I call or write with different types of questions. For instance my "official" sponsor knows nothing about staying away from dope as she never had a problem with it. There are other people I call about that stuff. I also don't believe having a formal sponsor is necessary for everone.


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 02:06 PM

Comments

Here are the things that were told to me when I first came to AA and that I subsequently found to be true. AA is not a self-help program. If we could help ourselves we would have no need for AA. AA is not a religious program, but is spiritual in nature. There are two aspects of AA: the Fellowship and the Program. The Fellowship is a very powerful thing and is sufficient to keep some of us sober. Most of us however are of the hopeless variety of alcoholic and to acquire and retain sobriety require the profound change which comes from taking the Steps of AA. Being of the hopeless and real variety of alcoholic it was suggested in very certain terms that I take each and every Step in the order they are presented following the directions contained in the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous." Furthermore, I should find someone who had taken the Steps and seemed to be living a life "happy, joyous and free" and ask that person for help. I found someone, asked and he became my "sponsor." Together we read the Big Book and followed the directions for taking the Steps as best we could. The more experienced members of AA also suggested that I attend AA Meetings on a regular basis as often as I drank. Not only should I attend Meetings frequently, but also I should acquire and fulfill commitments at these Meetings. Wash the coffee cups (some Meetings still had glass cups at that time), make coffee, mind the literature, greet people, be a secretary or treasurer, GSR or Intergroup Rep. anything would do. Talk to people newer than I. Not only give my phone number to new comers but get their numbers and call them. Having done what was suggested I continue to do what was suggested, to the best of my ability, and my life has become wonderful. I now live "happy, joyous and free." With diligence and willingness you can do the same. I wish whoever reads this luck in gaining and maintaining sobriety.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 04:56 PM

Comments

HI Heide et al, The very first thing I do when asked to sponsor someone is the give them the pamphlet, "Questions and Answers on Sponsorship". You can get a copy at your local intergroup office. Some meetings may display pamphlets. If you have any problems finding a copy, email me your snail mail address and I will send you one. Not obligation. This Pamphlet will quell some the myths you may hear about sponsorship. Sponsors and sponsees meet as equals just as Bill Wilson and Bob Smith did. My first sponsor was sober one day and I seven, but he had something I wanted. He believed the program would work and I did not. Of course we outgrew each other and moved on to other sponsors, but he was a God-send in the very beginning if only to instill a trust in the program for me. I cannot formerly sponsor you, because I think a face to face sponsor is much more effective. You may email me and I will answer your questions and help you along. I would ask that you share what I write with your face to face sponsor for feedback. I am a medical care professional (Nuclear Medicine) and as such I use medical ethics in dealing with female sponsees. I would no more break a confidence with a sponsee (male or female) then I would with a patient (male or female). A bit on the light side. Many, too many years ago I was stationed on Whidbey Island. My very first girl friend ever was from Mount Vernon. She married my best buddy. LOL. Loganberry wine was the reason and started me on the road to alcoholism and eventually recovery. I have fond memories associated with your state. Been back a couple of times sober. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Karen C
Location: Michigan
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 06:47 PM

Comments

Oh my, I am so new (again) to AA. I went with my parents to open meetings when I was young. I find myself seriously in need of stopping drinking. I am afraid to go to a F2F meeting, I don't know why, I just am. Does anyone have any ideas?


Member:
Location:
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 07:14 PM

Comments

Karen,if you are too afraid to go alone call AA and ask for them to take you to a meeting. You will be helping them as much as they are helping you. Sherri


Member: Buddy S.
Location: near New Orleans
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 09:28 PM

Comments

Didn't drink today. Instead of buying a couple of six packs at the Winn Dixie, I bought by wife some flowers. Returned to church this morning with my daughter. Sermon was about accepting correction from loved ones. My sponser, who passed away in 1990, often remarked that there are no coincidences in recovery. Two days sober and all of the truths I knew six years ago are flooding back. I'm feeling much less anxiety tonight than I have in a long time. I know the days to come will be challenging, but I also KNOW that it'll work if I work it. Keep comming back.


Member: Steve M
Location: Long Island
Date: September 08, 2002
Time: 11:08 PM

Comments

Here is my experience concerning sponsors: When I first came into AA, I looked and listened. After three weeks, I asked a man who seemed to have a good grip on the program. He had 7 years sober, and didn't seem to pull punches. He taught me about the program of recovery, which is the 12 steps. After 7 months, we parted ways, but I learned much from him. He taught me the same things Les's sponsor taught him, ie. go to meetings as often as possible, join a group, get a commitment in that group, read the Big Book and start giving back. "you have to give it away to keep it," is something I will always remember. A sponsor is a person who helps a newcomer through the steps. A sponsor isn't necessarily a friend, though they may turn out to be one. The main thing is to go to meetings, and keep an open mind. you have to ask somebody to be your sponsor; and that isn't going to happen unless you go to meetings and listen. As long as you are willing to accept suggestions, you will be able to stay sober. It is simple, but not easy, especially for people like ourtselves who have lived a life of defiance for many years.


Member: Joe P. - joep041699@mindspring.com
Location: Chicago
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 12:20 AM

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. How to get a Sponsor? For me, a sponsor is a person (usually same sex ? if I say always, somebody will prove how I am wrong, but it is usually best to have a same sex sponsor) who will take you through the 12 Steps. My sponsor is not a financial counselor or bank, marriage counselor, fashion consultant, or any such. He guided me through the steps, and continues to guide me in practicing the principles contained in the 12 Steps. So minimum basic requirement for a sponsor in my opinion is that a sponsor should have taken all 12 Steps with a sponsor. So you could ask anybody who meets that basic requirement and does not try to give advice in extraneous areas of life. Just ask, ?Have you worked all 12 Steps with a sponsor?? Go ahead and announce that you need a sponsor in a meeting. If nobody approaches you after that, maybe you need to try some different meetings. AA?s who practice the principles of the program usually want to give of themselves. What if you and your sponsor don?t click or get along? Ask somebody else! Nowhere does it say that you must stick with a sponsor that is not helpful to you. And yes there are sick people at some meetings, so fire your sponsor and move on if you run into a sicko sponsor. I?ve seen much less of that, however, in those whose sponsoring focuses on the steps. And finally, I loved Les? post, so go back and read his again, he said it better than I did!


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 11:04 AM

Comments

When I went to my first AA meeting I was very hung over, shaky and scared. There were three guys who seemed interested in my ?Big Problems?. After the meeting they invited me to a restaurant with them. One of them became my sponsor. I suffered from terminal self-sufficiency. I desperately wanted to stop drinking and nothing I had tried alone worked. I have to smile at how shy and stuttering I was when I first asked Chyle to help me with the steps. We read the Big Book together and he told me where I was on the steps. He told me his recovery was the most important thing in his life, above his family, home and job and I have observed this to be true by his actions over the years. I tried other sponsors, but I kept returning to Chyle when I had ?real issues?. Today, I touch base with him regularly whether anything is going on or not. Today I do not say no, to anyone asking me to sponsor. I follow the same process I went through with Chyle. Many are not ready yet and I pray for them, others have found peace and carry the message of recovery. Today I leave everything in Gods hands.


Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 11:51 AM

Comments

(((Les, AZbill, Craig, Joe P)))! Thanks for your posts and your suggestions. Sounds like experience-gained wisdom there. Karen C--I also have had problems with F2F meetings, and just recently started to attend. I hear "90 meetings in 90 days" a lot, and I'm sure there are good reasons for that, but I'm taking it one meeting at a time as I can. Everyone has been very welcoming. Nobody has told me anything but supportive comments and to "keep coming back". The problem lies with me and I'm working through it. The personal stories in the Big Book are helping me right now. I would suggest getting a BB, 4th edition, and reading it. See what other people have done and why. Thanks for being here, Madelaine


Member: Pam L.
Location:
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 12:17 PM

Comments

I am not yet one day sober. Several years ago I attended one of two AA F2F meetings and even got a sponsor. She was not interested in working the steps - just chatting about bad drinking experiences. It was not because of her that I discontinued going, of course. I just wanted to keep drinking and I was also very intimidated by the F2F meeting because my family is very well known locally and they are all big drinkers and I did not want people to know that I was seeking help. (Not a new story, I am sure.) So now, years later, I continue to drink, get almost no support from my family (eg., "You should just cut back on the number of glasses of wine you drink." or: "Just drink some water in between drinks.") I am sick of feeling bad everyday, waking up in the middle of the night with a racing heart and full of fear, and wondering what obnoxious things I may have said to people on the phone or at parites. This is my first time at this online meeting or even posting anything about my desperation. I don't know what to do. I was also a member of Overeaters Anonymous for years and have those books and know the steps. I had a sponsor for that and evenually quit the meetings because I felt I was continuing to screw up with my food so I would have something to share that was interesting. So this is another reason I am put off by the F2F meetings and getting a sponsor (in person). I have been abstinent (food) for years, but I continue to drink wine like it was water. I guess this is my long-winded way of asking if there is there a way to get an online sponsor?


Member: Mark w.
Location: St. Louis
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 01:01 PM

Comments

Pam L. I can only speak of my experience. I am sober for over six years. The program of AA has worked for me. I have been visiting this site for some time now as well. While a few do make it with on line AA only, it is my feeling that the fellowship that occurs is difficult or impossible to achieve on line. In order to get a sponsor that suits Pam L., she must attend enough meetings to recognize someone who has what she wants, i.e. the spirituality or serenity or both that she desires. Many times one hears about 90 meetings in 90 days, in meetings. Those who actually do attend this many meetings, usually find two things they are searching for and in fact in need of. First, they find a home group that they feel comfortable with. Second, they find someone who they totally relate to for a sponsor. Perhaps that is a good way to go for you too. Remember, anyone attending a closed meeting of AA is there for the same reason that you are: to stop, or stay stopped, drinking. From what you said in your post it sounds to me like you "are thinking about going to AA". No sobering up method I've ever heard of that demands less than total committment works. The moderation method has had two leaders die in auto accidents. Rational recovery is based on hate that I am incapable of sustaining. There are others, but, in the event you decide to join AA, it will still be there for you. It is my prayer that you decide to go ahead and join Aa as it has helped so many so much, myself included. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Tom G.
Location: Michigan
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 01:04 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Tom, an alcoholic. To get my sponsor, I just asked him for "help", and he took it from there. Coming off a relapse, he helped me get down to business and follow the suggestions found in the Big Book. I am grateful that he had the time and patience to help me get a foundation in the Program. Keep Coming Back!


Member: Karen C
Location: MI
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 02:29 PM

Comments

Madelaine, Thanks for your comments, it feels good to know that I am not alone. As far as 90 in 90, my goal this week is 1 in 7. That will be a huge step for me. In the meantime, I appreciate being able to come here and read all of the pearls of wisdom. Thanks everybody. Day 1 sober for me!


Member: Anne M
Location: NY
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 03:37 PM

Comments

Hello, I'm Anne & I'm an alcoholic. Congrats to those of you putting together some days! I have 113 days, and I initially selected my sponsor because she was the first person to approach me after a meeting, she has long-term sobriety (19 years) and has worked her steps many times. I'm not sure that we're the perfect match, but for now I will give it a chance. I have a question, though: since a sponsor's primary (or only, depending with whom I speak) purpose is to guide me thru the Steps, then when I call her every day to check in, just what are those conversations supposed to consist of? We are meeting once a week to do Step work. Some days I rant and rave about my relationship issues, but I know she is not a family counselor. Other days I really don't have anything to say so our call consists of "Hi. I'm okay. I'm going to a noon meeting. Bye" She says the calls are just to keep us in touch, but sometimes they just feel silly, and I am building resentments about them. Any thoughts?? Anne M.


Member: Rhonda G
Location: Iowa
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 03:39 PM

Comments

Hey everyone. Rhonda here. I have now been sober for 15 days. I have yet to find a sponsor. A lot of that has to do with I don't like groups so I haven't gone to a F2F meeting yet. I would also like to start with having an online sponsor. Happy 24 everyone.


Member: Ruben D
Location: Ohio
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 05:38 PM

Comments

Resentment is the No.1 offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else (paraphrase from the BB). Checking in can just be checking in! Don't sweat the small stuff. You might memorize your sponsor's phone number and have it fresh in your mind for when you really need to talk to her.thanks.


Member: Buddy S.
Location: near New Orleans
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 08:47 PM

Comments

Buddy, an alcoholic. The Chinese say that, "When the pupil is ready, the teacher will appear." I'm not quite sure how my sponser came to be my sponser 14 years ago, but he was a valued friend until his death. The main thing I think I learned was that sponsership need not be permanent nor should it ever be over valued. I think that I manufactured a dependency on him allowing me to invent the excuses necessary to engineer my relapse, even though much time passed bewteen his death and my bad decision to go back out there. Day 3 was much tougher than day 2. I reckon tomorrow will be tough and 9-11 will be a test indeed. 1 minute at a time for now. Struggling not to be hungry, angry, lonely or tired...all natural conditions for me. Just trying to keep doing the next right thing and reminding myself that I'm not bullet-proof. Keep comming back.


Member: RobinA
Location: Florida
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 09:23 PM

Comments

(((Kirsten: in Montreal))) Where have you gone? I have been following your posts and hope your still here lurking. You gave alot of HOPE to the newly sober that were/are posting here. You, even though you don't have much time yet-are able to give HOPE to the ones with less time than you that becoming sober can be done-and you can experience joy while doing it. If you've been out "adding to your story" thats ok too. Just hop back in and pick up another white chip. Sometimes it takes a long time for one to truly experience the gift that AA can give you. Remember we have all been where you are, and a problem shared is a problem halved. We will love you until you can love yourself and please don't leave before the miracle happens. KCB!!!


Member: Beth H.
Location: Canuck
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 10:31 PM

Comments

((((Kirsten)))) I'm also wondering where you are and how you're doing! As well:((((George S.)))). Me, I'm taking advice from Scot Yvonne and keeping my sobriety date stashed. I get so hung up on the number of days, I forget about taking it one day at a time. So, I know everyone here will see this, but...Kirsten and George especially, and anyone else who wants to offer me any help, my e-mail is {billthehen@yahoo.co.uk} . Love t'all.


Member: Madelaine
Location: South Texas
Date: September 09, 2002
Time: 11:48 PM

Comments

Regards to all! Buddy--You sound like the voice of experience. What is your story? Has anyone heard from Anne C? The last I heard she was trying controlled drinking, but not a word since. I welsome all newcomers. I have no answers except AA. I have 50 days sober today, and I am hanging on by my fingernails. I have had worse days, but they are all hell when the bad days come. I don't usually curse, but I've done a lot of that tonight. I can't go to the liquor store. It's closed. Thank God! Hang in there, Madelaine


Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 12:12 AM

Comments

((Madelaine)), congrats on 50 days today. That's wonderful! Everyone of you here, I wish you the best. If we all stand together, none of us will fall.


Member: Jack H.
Location: Orlando
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 10:10 AM

Comments

Hi all, My name is Jack and I'll always be an alcoholic. As a person who's been blessed with over 20 years of happy sobriety, I'd like like to relate a few of my experiences. At my first face-to-face meeting, (4/13/80), they read "How It Works" from chapter 5 in the book. In that reading is a line which says "If you want what we have and ARE WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTH TO GET IT". I wanted what thos happy people had. By doing what I was told ,"go to meetings", "get a sponsor", "work the steps", I have become one of those happy people. "Sponsor" is perhaps not the best word. I think "mentor" is a little better. When we sponsor someone we simply help them learn how to live this wonderful way of life. By helping to give the steps to others, my own sobriety grows stronger. We are all in AA for the same reason. Each of us is just one drink away from a drunk. That's why it is a WE program and not a ME program. God bless and keep coming back Jack jackh@netpass.com


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 11:16 AM

Comments

Hi everybody! Bill here, Alcoholic. Thanks for your words Jack. I'll have four great months of sobriety on 9/11. Working this program is very good for my spiritual health. As many of us know, alcoholism is a spiritual illness, and the "WE" of this program has been such a true blessing for my recovery. Thanks again Jack, for being there, and giving me the extra hope that I thank God for. Bless you all.


Member: AnneC
Location: Canada
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 11:56 AM

Comments

Yes, I second Gage's comments. HANG IN THERE!! Madelaine - 50 days is amazing!!!!!! AnneC here. I have been reading the posts every day and your comments and all the others including my Canadian friends and the other Madelaine have kept me going. I am still doing "controlled drinking" and have been since my last post. I have not posted because I did not know if it was appropriate while I was drinking in any way shape or form. I am happy with my situation at the moment but don't know if I am deluding myself. When I read the posts no one else seems to be doing what I am doing. It seems to be complete abstinence. Is there such a thing as a controlled alcoholic? This site has been my lifeline as I know it is for all of you. Good Luck to everyone you are in my prayers. I pray that September 11 will be a safe, peaceful and happy day for everyone around the world. God Bless.


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 12:28 PM

Comments

AnneC, yes, the likelyhood that you are deluding yourself is great. The lady that founded the Moderation movement was in an auto accident, that I believe involved a death. Her blood alcohol content was above the legal limit, which was higher then by the way. Most states in the US are .08 percent today, but were .10 percent in the past. You have come to the right place, and are welcome back. If you are ever ready for AA, it will be there for you too. I am sober today soley because of AA. I feel much better not risking myself and others while driving impaired today. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Ray S
Location: Nova Scotia Canada
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 12:52 PM

Comments

I have about 31/2 months in and am getting a lesson in dealing with life's problems. Things are going sideways at work and at home. I am not sure I can fix them all. But I guess I am not supposed to after all everything is the way it should be in God's world. Right now it is all about learning that I don't run the show. we can do our steps and raelly feel that we are on the right path but sometimes things just seem insurmountable. I am not drunk today and for that I am thankfull and my sponsor is not available right now so I just found a burning need to share. He is the one who gave me this website address. Good sponsors seem to know. Anyway don,t want to ramble. Have a good 24!


Member:
Location:
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 01:01 PM

Comments

Ray S. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time, one minute if you need to. Call another drunk if you have any numbers. If you don't get them soon. Don't forget to share with your higher power. Frank B.


Member: Sherri R
Location: CA
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 01:35 PM

Comments

Sherri, Alcoholic, Day 8. This is my third time back into the AA family and finding a sponsor has always been really difficult for me. I just was not very good at asking anyone for help and I certainly didn't think anyone else knew more than me. The first time I let my sponsor choose me and I simply could not listen to any of her suggestions. She was 20 years younger than me and I didn't believe that she had any real life experience. That says more about where my head was than her abilities to sponsor. The second time I found a wonderful woman but even then, I could not follow her suggestions and was unwilling or unable (most likely both) to work the steps with her. I lasted 34 days that time. This time I got a sponsor on day 3 and fired her on day 5. I recognized that I didn't see much in her that I wanted. I went to many meetings looking for someone that has what I want and two nights ago I ran into my 2nd sponsor. I cried with happiness when I saw her and asked her to please take me back. I sat in a newcomers meeting night before last and the topic was the first step. As I listened to other alcoholics share where they were on this one I realized that for years I had been admitting to everyone that I was powerless over alcohol - that my live had become unmanageable, but I simply did not understand what that step means. I have attended at least one meeting every day this past week and interestingly enough, the topic at each meeting has been Step One. At each of these meetings someone with some sobriety under their belt has shared that their sponsor told them that this is the only step that you have to do perfectly and without perfection in this step most are not able to maintain their sobriety. Having a sponsor is so important to most of us. It is not enough for me to read the steps and say, "yes, I accept that." I've had a real problem with honesty in my life and she can look me in the eyes and know when I'm in that space and call me on it. I also wouldn't give up the hugs of encouragement for anything in the world. One of the many great gifts a sponsor gives us is helping us to WORK the steps. My sponsor and I are meeting today so that I can begin working Step One. Pam, I suggest you go to a local AA meeting and pick up a meeting schedule. Attend every single woman?s meeting and listen to the women share. Look for similarities and when you hear a women share that has what you want ask her to sponsor you. If speaking in the meeting is too difficult, don't worry, you can approach her after the meeting and talk to her one-on-one.


Member: Anne Marie
Location: Portland, Ore.
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 01:55 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Anne Marie and an alcoholic. Today is my second day of sobriety, after going in and out of AA for a good 3 years. Now I'm convinced that sobriety can't be achieved unless you are 100 percent committed to it. 100 percent. For me, that means facing up to the fact that I need more help than just going to meetings and listening. I decided to resign from a so-so job so I can attend a 21-day in-patient program with ongoing intensive outpatient and follow-up help for a year. It's going to suck financially, but putting my professional life before sobriety wasn't working. Anyway, I go in tomorrow (9/11) and can't wait. I need that extra help. Period. My goal today is to keep busy and not drink. I'll probably go to a meeting as well... Anyway, I'm feeling a bit jumpy and anxious today, as I'm sure you can relate to. I just can't let my mind trick me anymore. I've given up on the booze. Thanks!


Member: Sarah D
Location: Boston, MA
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 02:34 PM

Comments

This is wonderful to read posts from the newcomers - big hugs to you all - and everyone else. You guys are what it's all about. Keep coming, keep it simple, and keep it in the moment. You rock!


Member: George S.
Location: Charlotte NC
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 04:29 PM

Comments

Hi Ya'll, I'm George S. and I'am alcoholic. Special Thanks to Beth H. for remembering me. Beth don't get hung up on the number of days sober! Just take it one day at a time! I can't even remember my subritey date, it dos't mater. What does mater is I'm sober and attending meetings. Next I'll be getting a sponsor. God bless you all!!!


Member: Ray S
Location: Nova Scotia Canada
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 08:46 PM

Comments

Ray S alcoholic. Thanks to Frank B for posting so fast and realizing my pain and frutration. It was my first time coming to this meeting and just like in a face to face meeting I can know I am not alone. I did talk to my sponsor and he was there with what I needed to hear. WE listened to a powerful speaker tape afterwards and then attended a Big Book study meeting. At this meeting I realized that I had to add a name to my list of amends from step eight that I had not even considered before. My father who died of cancer many years ago. I could not go see him during his last few days because I was so full of fear of his death. I was so selfish that I could not comprehend that he just might like to see his only son one last time before he passed away. I was there the morning he died but he was on life support at that point and probably did not know I was there. His last gasping breath still haunts me. He is buried not to far from here so I will visit his grave and say my amends. I trust my higher power will show me what I can do on his behalf. I stressed the word WE earlier because my sponsor pointed out to me that this is the first and most important word in the twelve steps. He was right!


Member: Buddy S.
Location: near New Orleans
Date: September 10, 2002
Time: 09:09 PM

Comments

I'm Buddy, an alcoholic. Wanted to say hello to my "neighbor" Gage and acknowledge his kind invitation to get in touch. I intend to do so when I get a little more comfortable with my return to the program. Madelaine, I'm just another drunk trying to turn my spirit around. My story is, for good AND ill, nothing unique. Having "recovered" from drug addiction and getting some time behind me, I decided that my life could be fuller with a little "controlled drinking". I figured that a few Miller Lites couldn't hurt a badass like me. I had run in the fast lane and survived. A "beer or two" couldn't hurt this road warrior. I had walked away where many I knew crashed and burned. (For the first time in years, I've reflected on those friends who died out there. Practicing my addiction lends nothing to their deaths but added futitity). 6 years later, I'm sick as a dog...not physically, but in deeper, more devistating ways. My world veiw is based on absolute denial of my own reality and the abandonment of my Higher Power. A wonderful guy once told me, "While you're in these rooms trying to get better, your disease is outside doing push ups." Man, he nailed that one. Miller Lite will kill a guy like me as quick as heroin because both allow the disease to attack the soul. I've learned that one can "live" a long time without a soul, if you want to call that living. THE GOOD NEWS is that both my Higher Power and the program have waited for me to come to my sences, at least for today. It is often remarked that to continue on this path will lead a drunk like me to nothing more than jails, institutions, or death. Well, I've done the jail thing and I'm so treatment slick that I think I've probably exloited that scam as far as I can. My options are limited if I choose to take that first drink. I have a beautiful four year old daughter and I don't want to die right now. Good luck to all tommorrow on what will sure to be a trying day. Don't let your sobriety be yet another victim of the terrorist attack. I need all of you to be here tommorow night and, with God's help and faith in the Twelve Steps, I'll be here with you. I cherish the last 4 days and am grateful to you all for sharing your experience, strength and hope with this poster boy for "self will run riot". Anne C, keep comming back. Everyone, keep comming back.


Member: Marsha L.
Location: Guam
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 03:35 AM

Comments

My husband doesn't want me participating in AA any longer. I feel rather entrenched by his power, but what can I do? He is genuine in his beliefs that God is all-powerful, but he also has rather conservative afflictions. What can I do but support him? He denies his alcoholism, but his tremendous thirst is only pushed aside as a 'legal trip'. He is adament in his desire for me to be his drinking 'associate', and puts threats on me if I decide to go dry.


Member: Jack H.
Location: Orlando
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 09:24 AM

Comments

Hi all, My name is Jack and I'll always be an alcoholic. A note to Anne C. No one but you and God can be sure if you are an alcoholic. The fact that you are here suggests that you have a problem with drinking. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A CONTROLLED ALCOHOLIC. During my 22 years in this wonderful way of life, I've observed many unfortunates who, for whatever reason, decided to "try it again". Those who are lucky enough to make it back ALWAYS report that it was WORSE, never better. The disease of alcoholism always gets worse with time. My only hope is to stay away from that first drink and to keep my disease in remission by using the 12 steps. God bless and keep coming back. The miracle will work for you too. Jack.


Member: Jo H
Location: Oklahoma
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 09:27 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Jo, alcoholic....two days sober... This is my second time in, the first time lasted 7 1/2 years. I've been in active relapse for a year and a half. Finally hit bottom and I'm grateful! Went to a meeting last night, going to a lunch one today and my HP is working for me all over the place. I'm working too...and this time I hope to do it right. Thanks for being here!


Member: Beth H.
Location: Canada
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 09:47 AM

Comments

(((Marsha L.))) If your husband truly believes that God is all-powerful, then why is he behaving as if HE is??? The relationship you're describing is abusive, not loving. Don't let his sickness drag you down. You're here, you must want something, right? Trust yourself! (((Jack H.))) I totally agree with you - there's no such thing as a controlled alcoholic, at least not for very long! I take medication every day for a chronic medical condition. If I don't do this for the rest of my life, I will get very sick and eventually die. I've had people ask me if I'm bothered that I need to "rely" on drugs, instead of getting better through willpower alone. Sounds weird, doesn't it? My alcoholism is the opposite. I can never have another drink, just like I can never go a day without my medication. Nothing to be ashamed of, just an illness that I have to cope with. And I'm not going to be able to grit my teeth and think it all away - I need to "rely" on something else. (((George S.))) Glad to hear you're doing well! (((EVERYONE))) Today's going to be a tough day for all, even us here in Not-America. Take a lot of deep breaths and be extra good to yourselves. Love you all.


Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 09:49 AM

Comments

Great posts from everyone. I guess we're all here looking for support while we pursue the road to sobriety.I don't have much experience bing sober the last several years. Most of my experience has been with drinking and staying drunk. I think coming here makes me aware that I'm not alone--there are many others struggling with this disease at the same time I am. There are good people, survivors, who post here and share their ES&H with us. I'm doing my best to listen to what they say. Good luck newcomers! God bless each of you today, 9/11. May we all gain peace in our world and sobriety in our lives!--Madelaine


Member: Spencer
Location: San Francisco
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 10:26 AM

Comments

Hi Ever one I'm new to AA meeting online. I would klike to meetsome new friend in sobiety. Is anyone from the area. It would be great to have some new friends to talk with and share sobrity. My e_mail is Spencac@yahoo.com. Thanks every one and thank god for being sober today. Spencer


Member: Dman
Location: Colorado
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 12:08 PM

Comments

((Marsha L)) Your husband is genuine only in his desire to keep drinking. He threatens you if you go dry?" Sounds like you are not in the most supportive situation. In addition to AA for the alcoholism, reach out to someone with a background in co-dependence, and abusive relationships. Does your employeer have an EAP- employee assistance program? Any minister, priest, or rabbi you could talk to? Can you find a good counselor? Do you have a safe place you could stay for a while if it came to that? I will be praying for you! Keep coming back!


Member: James D
Location: Camp Lejeune NC
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 01:22 PM

Comments

James here. Third time in AA in the last four years. First year lasted 3 months second 5 months, now have 31 days and this time it's for good. Moderation "management" always got out of hand eventually with me. There is no going back, the tolerance level shoots straight back up where it left before. The sacrifice to my personal relationships, health and career are too much to bear with the drinking life. So for me, it's a meeting tonite and a healthy gratefulness for today and the present state of sobriety. Just for today.............


Member: AnneC
Location: Canada
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 01:23 PM

Comments

Hi MarkW: This is a very sad day and my heart goes out to everyone who is suffering in any way. Thank you for being straight with me and for your comments. Yes I am probably deluding myself but I am staying sober and hope to stay that way. The only time I feel like a drink is when I sit down in front of the TV at night (all alone) and I can enjoy a drink without getting drunk. If I go out for the evening and there is no booze, it doesn't bother me. I am confused as I really don't think I am an alcoholic. I have always thought that if I was an alcoholic I wouldn't be able to stop after the first drink, but I can. Please enlighten me. Special thanks to Yourself, BuddyC et al for welcoming me back and although I haven't convinced myself I am an alcoholic, I obviously have a problem or I wouldn't feel the need to use this site. God Bless everyone and thanks for your support and help. Please send me your comments as I appreciate hearing from people who understand. I would respond more myself but sometimes I really don't know how to. I will keep coming back.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 02:14 PM

Comments

Hi Anne, Bill here, alcoholic. I don't need 22 years of sobriety (Like Jack) to know that there is no such thing as a controlled alcoholic. I'm four months sober today, and am extremely grateful for the opportunity to work the principles of AA and begin to recover. It's not my call to decide whether or not you are an alcoholic, only you can take that first step, when you are ready. Have you asked yourself why you want to take that drink in front of the TV? I encourage you to take an honest look at the various answers to that for yourself. The honest answers will help you to learn more about why you actually drink. In my case, I drank for any occasion - to relax, to celebrate, to grieve, to soothe anger. The fact is I was using booze in an attempt to shut out the feelings, the real world that I found unmanageable, the world that threatened. It took many years of fear, pain, and mishaps to finally discover for myself that I was spiritually sick and was medicating myself. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but asking yourself why you want to drink may help to lead you in a productive direction of discovery. Many of us have to reach an unbearable level of misery before we are able to fully grasp AA and take the first step. I stay sober one day at a time because life is much fuller, full of possibilities and freedom, when I don't drink. God Bless you and keep coming back. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.


Member: AnneM
Location: NY
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 03:20 PM

Comments

((Marsha)) My husband is an active alcholic in denial. He hates that I am sober and an AA member. We have barely spoken in the almost-4 months that I'm sober. It makes it very difficult to live in my house (I don't mean the alcohol in the house; I mean his attitude). HOWEVER, I am more important to me than he is to me. I must care for myself. If he would rather have a sick drinking buddy who might die the next time she falls down drunk and hits her head, than a sober, more level-headed, healthy wife, then he is in the wrong marriage and he is wrong for me. I am getting through one day at a time, as a divorce now would not be wise -- I need to build my emotional strength and my foundation in the program first. Please reread what you posted, and think about it.


Member: Buddy S.
Location: near New Orleans
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 08:10 PM

Comments

Buddy, an alcoholic. Peace to all on this solemn day. While driving to work this morning, I listened on the radio to the names of the murdered a year ago today. Amongst those thousands, surely people like us were among their number; people like us who, with the help of this program, managed to be sober until the end. I couldn't possibly insult their memory by taking that first drink today. Today was an easy day to inventory those many, many gifts I have recieved without earning...things I have recieved through God's grace. Tonight I am a grateful alcoholic blessed with the eperience, strength, and hope of others I have never met. Keep comming back.


Member: Madelaine
Location: Texas
Date: September 11, 2002
Time: 11:33 PM

Comments

I cccan only ssay that I am in very good company. I, like you, am here to stay sober. Difficult today. Anne C--I don't think you are a controlled alcoholic. No such thing. You wouldn't have come here unless you needed help. I love you, as do all these other striving drunks. God bless you all. Period. Keep coming back! Madelaine


Member: Jo
Location:
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 10:03 AM

Comments

Day three...still here and sober. =)


Member: James D
Location: Camp Lejeune NC
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 11:24 AM

Comments

Hang in there JO, 1st week is the hardest.


Member: James D
Location: Camp Lejeune NC
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 11:27 AM

Comments

hang in there JO, 1st week is the hardest. Read the big book every day and try and find a FTF meeting, it helps too have other folks in the flesh who know where you are coming from. James on month 2.....


Member: Carol T
Location: MI
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 11:40 AM

Comments

Karen C., I am reasonably new to AA myself and I know how frightening that first or second f2f can be. I am happy to say I have been attending meetings 3-4 days a week and it is a truly wonderful Fellowship. I live in Oakland County, Michigan. If you are nearby and would like to attend a meeting, I would be happy to pick you up or meet you there. Please e-mail me if interested @ Thrashermom1220@aol.com.


Member: Rhonda G
Location: Iowa
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 11:55 AM

Comments

Hey everyone. Rhonda here. I have been really busy the past couple of days so I have been unable to post any messages or read any of the post until today. Congratulations everyone on doing a great job at being sober. I have to tell everyone that on tuesday night I went to a bar ordered a mixed drink, actually stirred it and put it up to my mouth. I then sat it back down with out tasting it and looked at the bartender and told them to dump it out. I then left and drove around for awhile. I then stopped at another bar and ordered another mixed drink this time all I did was sit there and stare at the drink. I never touched the glass once just sat and stared. After about 45 minutes I told that bartender to dump it out and I left and went for a long drive. As much as I wanted that drink I am much happier and more glad that I didn't go through with it. I am very proud of myself for this. I just wanted to let everyone in on what has been happening with me. Thank you all for listening and caring. Happy 24 everyone. Rhonda


Member: SHANNA, M
Location: LAS VEGAS
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 12:18 PM

Comments

I just found this site. My family is starting to make comments about my drinking wine at night. I work every day and have hobbies and a home. I guess I'm wondering if I really have a problem.


Member: AnneC
Location: Canada
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 12:45 PM

Comments

Hi BillP-Michigan and everyone who responded to my cry for help. Bill you are absolutely right with your comments. When I drink in front of the TV at night, I guess I see it as my reward for getting through another day (how sad is that!). I was diagnosed as a manic depressive in 1982 and have been on lithium every since and have had no setbacks, I call it the wonder drug. As I said in my last post I know I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a problem. I still do not have the courage to go to an AA mtg., I wish I did, perhaps that would be the answer to my prayers and believe me I say prayers all the time and I thank you for yours and Madelaine thanks for your love and encouragement. I would be so ashamed if my family found out that I was on this site. My son knows I drink(and has seen me drunk but not in the last few years). He believes I have it under control (and sometimes so do I, but after reading the posts here I am not so sure). I became a single parent when my son was 5 yrs old but this drinking problem did not develop until many years later. I have tried to explain it to him but he really doesn't understand. Sorry for rambling. Like anyone else I have had my good and bad times in life and at the moment life is good (except for this need to have a drink ). I hope through prayer and all the help I am getting from this site, I will find the answers. God Bless you all and THANKS A MILLION!


Member: Alex G.
Location: Wisconsin
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 01:52 PM

Comments

Rhonda G...maybe next time that feeling comes over you, to drive to bar, you could seek a meeting. Certinly, you can get a when and where book. It is really scary to see you loosing your best friend, that drink. Hang in there Rhonda, and keep coming back. Check out those AA meetings next time, who know you may find someone just like you...*smile*


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 03:11 PM

Comments

Hi Anne C, Bill P here, still ALCOHOLIC. I understand the feeling you have about going to a meeting. I can tell you that I have received so much support from these meetings from the very start, and I encourage you to just go check it out. One of the many wonderful things about AA is the is unconditional love, and you are not expected to talk if you don't feel like it. Hang in there and keep coming back. If you want to find out where a meeting is in your area, just call AA, they are in the phonebook and we'll be happy to help. Prayers and blessings for you.


Member:
Location:
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 03:23 PM

Comments

Don Alcoholic here, Anne C. you are trying to get us to label you an alcoholic and we can't do that. Only you know the truth. Our book tells us if we have any doubts about whether we are alcoholic or not to " step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it". If you can do this and not have any reprecussions then you are probably not an alcoholic. Everyone who drinks is not an alcoholic. Good luck.


Member: Buddy S.
Location: near New Orleans
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 08:58 PM

Comments

Buddy, an alcoholic. Six days now, a recent record. Anne C., my family sleeps better knowing that I'm on this site. No one who ever had my best interests at heart (no one who ever counted) has ever been alarmed about my association with the program. They ALL knew I needed it long before I came to believe that I required help. No, being in AA has never embarrased me. However, I have lied about going to meetings when I wasn't. Grateful to all that I can recall my whereabouts for the last six days.


Member: Beth H.
Location: Great White North
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 10:57 PM

Comments

((((Buddy S.)))) I'd love to talk with you about honesty. I've been having troubles with it myself. I've put my e-mail out before, but if you need it again, here it is: billthehen@yahoo.co.uk Love to all.


Member: Margie
Location: Long Island, NY
Date: September 12, 2002
Time: 11:00 PM

Comments

Hi all, Thank you and congrats to all who have not had to drink today!! YOU are a miracle! Another alkie helping another that is how it works. I have had two successful sponsors, including my current. Both woman asked for my phone number after noticing that I was new to thier meeting. They called me, asked about me, and eventually I asked them to sponsor me. My first sponsor told me to read the big book, up to page 164, on the first phone call. I didn't even ask her to sponsor me, she just told me what to do. She knew I had no clue as to how this program worked after 3 months of dry time. She took me through the steps, and told me I was part of her support group and she mine. She said "once you have received the spiritual awakening as a result of the steps, God is your sponsor, I just helped you to see him/her more clearly." She then told me to sponsor others, to give away what I recieved, that is how we stay sober. Well, that was 5 years ago, I have just received 1 year back. I did what she suggested, but I didn't rely on God, my will was too strong and still too sick, I needed to stay honest with another humanbeing. I did not keep in touch with other woman who had done the steps ro my sponsor, except my sponsees whom I shoved the big book at thinking I was thier HP. I picked up like it was nothing, amazed that I did. I had the compulsion lifted after doing my steps, but I didn't stay close to another recovering drunk to talk out my feelings with. I didn't share honestly how I felt with another, I just preached how wonderful this program and God was. It is that need for us, the self centered liar, to hide from being open and honest with another, if we do our disease will not have a chance to sit there and yell at us that a drink will make us feel better, leading us to more hell. WE need each other, that is how it works. We need each other to stay Honest, Open and Willing. Share in a meeting, pick the first person that comes to you that has done their steps and you will have made a friend for life. Not only will that person help you to find God of your understanding, but you will learn what it means to give and receive unconditional love. God bless you all! Keep coming back, it works if you work it!


Member: Jennifer K
Location: Dallas TX
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 04:24 AM

Comments

Hi all. Just celebrated 11 months sober yesterday (the 12th). Spent 3 hours on the phone with my sponsor then prayed and took a nap. Got a call from a new sponsee this evening and spent some quiet time with my beau. My life over the past 11 months has been better than the previous 37 years, thanks to the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the first things suggested was that I get a sponsor. I didn't ask why, I just did it. I was willing then and am still willing today to go to ANY lengths to stay sober. But I had to reach my bottom before I had the willingness necessary to do it. I suspected I might be alcoholic when I was 20. I am now 38. I believe that normal people do not think they might have a problem with alcohol. Alcoholism is chronic (doesn't go away), progressive (gets worse with time), and fatal (deadly). Like any student, I needed a teacher and that is what my sponsor is to me. She teaches me how to deal with life on life's terms, develop a strong relationship with my Higher Power, and how to be honest with myself and others. The curriculum we use is outlined in exact detail in the book, "Alcoholics Anonymous". My classroom is in the smoke-filled halls of an AA meeting where hot coffee is served daily. By practicing the principles taught, I have learned to live happy, joyous and free (for the most part). I will never graduate from this program, I will die an alcoholic. But hopefully, when the time comes, I will die a sober alcoholic. I thank God as I understand Him every day for my desire to be sober, my sponsor and this program. ---- For anyone living with an alcoholic, I urge you to get help through the program Al-Anon. I've heard many alcoholics get sober in AA and get happy in Al-Anon. God bless you all.


Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 05:40 AM

Comments

Hi everybody! Stacy, here. I woke up last Sunday afternoon (the 8th) hungover and still a bit drunk and decided I'd finally had enough. I got out the phone book, found the nearest place that holds AA meetings and went and picked up the Big Book. Didn't stay for a meeting, didn't have the courage. But later on that evening I found this website and have been hanging out silently every night since. This week I have laughed with you, cried with you, pondered with you, prayed with you and been very grateful to have found you. I get off work at 3 a.m. and instead of rushing home to glug down as many bloody marys as possible before sunrise, I now look forward to coming home to y'all. I still haven't gone to a F2F meeting. For now, this website has been all the help I've needed, so I guess you're all stuck with me! I intend to keep coming back. I know that my life can only be more positive and fulfilling without alcohol and that I'll have more time for the people and things that are important to me. Maybe now I can really learn to play the guitar like I've always wanted to, now that I won't be wasting so much time and energy drinking and recouperating. (Move over, Bonnie Raitt!) So why is it that sometimes I feel so scared s---less? Thanks for being there and don't any of us give up or go away! Stacy.


Member: Greg F.
Location: livonia
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 07:07 AM

Comments

Hey Stacy. Keep it up. I thought I needed alcohol to play music. I just needed a "couple" drinks to get warmed up. Well it turns out that just playing for 10 minutes "warms" me up and alcohol has nothing to do with it. In fact, when I keep drinking the music gets worse soon after. Remember what Eric Clapton said after he got sober, "If I can't write a song sober, then I am in the wrong business" He has had alot of success writing songs sober ever since. I have been sober since Feb 8, 1999 ( last century ! ) and now I am doing more and having more fun with music then ever. Fellow aa jammers e mail me at livoniagreg@yahoo.com Stacy, if you don't want to go to a face to face meeting, how about an open talk? My second meeting was an open talk. I was still drinking at the time. Yes, drinking before the meeting. But, at an open talk meeting, you can just listen and not talk to anyone. WHich is what I wanted to do. The speaker told my own story in such detail that I was amazed. And the main thing was that he was sober now. I thought, well maybe I can be too! Greg


Member: Jo
Location: Oklahoma
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 09:50 AM

Comments

Jo here...day 4...=) Margie...I really liked what you had to say. Thanks!


Member: Karen C
Location: MI
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 10:06 AM

Comments

Hello everyone. I am so pleased to be able to post on this site. Carol T--thanks for your offer, I will be e-mailing you next with the subject of Karen C. I now see why f2f meetings are so important. Perhaps I would not have slipped so early on. The good news is I have 2 days sober again. I am deeply commited to remain that way. Thank you all for your stories and words of encouragement.


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 11:12 AM

Comments

Hello, My name is Deb. I have been a full-fledged alcoholic for 30 years. I have been in and out 9of treatment centers, and they work for a while . I come from a long line of drunks, and know I have passed it on ;to my son, he just got his third dui. and he is military, tha'ts not good. I don't like the aa meetings because i am shy and don't like to tell my dirty laundry. I just found this web site this morning, thank god. All of the letters seem to hit home in one way or other. Maybe talking to you people will help me.


Member: kirsten
Location: montreal
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 11:19 AM

Comments

hi everyone! Big Hugs - especially to Robin and Beth. I am so happy you all thought of me! I am still here and going strong. 48 mornings in a row now, I have NOT woken up with a hangover or remorse. I remember every thing I have done and said and am not ashamed of myself. I feel great and also a little frightened. I am clearly in a honeymoon phase... I even told my therapist that "the compulsion has lifted". Then I went home and wrote alot about the hell I was living at the end. Just to remember. I am pretty high on my horse if I think I am cured. I know that it is not traditional but the decision to stop for 2 years (MY decision for myself - because I am entitled to do something for myself...) is so powerful. There is no looking back from that right now. I have zero desire. Another approach may be needed in 2 years time, but until then.... if it works.... It felt like coming home to read your posts. I didn't realize I missed you all until I logged on. Wow. It is so great that we have each other. To every person here - Thank you. Urgh, Crying baby.... Sponsership tales at my next post.... God Bless! k.


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 02:11 PM

Comments

Bill P. here, alcoholic. Hey Stacy, thanks for posting your thoughts. Keep coming back, you can get some really good recovery stuff from this site. I do encourage you to check out a F2F meeting as soon as you can. If you enjoy this, you'll be lovin' the meetings in person. You'll hear a lot of stuff that you can relate to and it will give you even more hope and strength to continue recovery. I loved what you said about having more time for the people and things that are important. This has certainly been true for me since getting sober (four months on 9/11). I've been playing guitar for 27 years and the music gets better too! I has for me (can focus more on creativity). I drank for 30 years and at the end, it was tremendously hard work to order my life and activities around the drinking. Now I have more energy to use in a positive, helpful way. I'm so happy to hear about you! Keep coming, and God Bless.


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 02:31 PM

Comments

Hi, this is /deb again, will anyone write back to me I am waiting for a response. Desperate


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 02:35 PM

Comments

Hi, this is /deb again, will anyone write back to me I am waiting for a response. Desperate


Member: Pat H.
Location: Labrador Straits, Labrador
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 02:42 PM

Comments

Hi: I am Pat H. & I am Alcoholic. I am in early recovery & am sober now about 3 months. It has certainly been an intersting trip this time around. I was sober for about 15 years & went out again. It took the several years of slips for me to finally realize that staying sober & meetings alone are not enough for me. I am currently working in an isolated area of Canada (the Labrador Straits to be exact) where in order to stay sober, I had to start a meeting. At present, we are now three strong. I also had to get a sponsor who is practicing the steps. Since my sponser is away in another area of Canada, we communicate via e mail & telephone. I have just about completed my 5th step. To say it has been easy is an understatement. This has been the hardest time of my life. Being away from family, grapling with lonliness, financial issues can be difficult. I learned one thing though. As it states in page 12 of the Big Book, the worldy clamours, mostly those in my head got to me. My selishness was the root cause of all my problems & it had to be dealt with. It is coming but it is a gradual process. My comment is sponsorship & the vital importance of same. In short, it saved my life. Pat H.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 03:34 PM

Comments

I'm Chri- I'm an alcoholic/addict--To Deb C--Please hang in there and try to go to f2f meetings. You don't have to say anything. Just listen, and you will find that your "dirty laundry" isn't as bad as you thought. That's what I experienced. As I listened, I found that for the first time inmy life there were others like me. ....As for a sponsor, I got a temporary one when I first took A.A. seriously, and then moved on the the one I have now. I cannot say enough for the help she has been to me. I call her all the time and she gives me a place to talk through my problems. I guess I am very luchy because she has such a reasonable view of things. I must say also that when I was first in the program, I went to an addictions therapist for quite awhile. THe combination of the two helped me to work through the steps and and so many things that I could never have dealt with on my own. I can;t say enough about h aving a good sponsor.


Member: Ann
Location: MA
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 04:15 PM

Comments

Ann - alcoholic. Deb - I was and am still shy but went to meetings anyway. (I'm not as shy as I used to be). You don't have to air your "dirty laundry." Find someone your comfortable with (maybe you'll like what someone has to say - preferably another woman - with a good amount of sobriety - 5 years was suggested to me.) As you start to trust perhaps you'll want to and need to "air" a few things til you get rid of all your "baggage." That's may be a ways away on your journey. Don't feel this is something you have to do as soon as you walk in the door or blurt out to everybody or anybody. If you can find a sponser but it doesn't work out you can find another one. AA was the only place I felt really comfortable in the first few years. If you don't like the 1rst meeting you go to hopefully you'll like the 2nd and so on. A lot of the people I know who stayed and stay sober with the AA program had just kept going and going even if they didn't want to til they wanted to. Please keep coming back here anyway. Can you not drink for one day?


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 04:18 PM

Comments

Hi ((Deb in Vermont)). Welcome to Staying Cyber. Do you want to stop drinking, Deb? If yes is the answer, then you CAN... treatment center or no. I was in 2 detoxes three summers ago, and drank after getting out of both of them. Why? Because I wanted to drink more than I wanted to get - and stay - sober. I had to "hit a bottom" emotionally / spiritually / physically before I was willing to humble myself and accept the help of AA. It is called "the gift of desperation" and I had it - not because of myself, mind you - but because of my then 6 year old son. I have had a LOVE/HATE relationship with AA ever since, in all honesty. It's a wonderful program - it has within it's teaching the tools to recover daily from alcholism. The fellowship is good, too - some of the finest people I've ever met. What's the problem then you might ask? It's ME - the innards that are all askew - my attitude that gets way off course - my thinking that is negative - NOT the program. Fact is - I know this TODAY, but for the 14 years I bounced in and around AA (from the age of 17 - 31) -I had no clue. I just thought that the problem lied within AA so I poked holes in it every chance I could get. Today - after 3+ years of sobriety - I believe the problem isn't AA - it's me and I know when I am "off" and what to do about it. I don't know if this has helped you, Deb. I hope that you have the desire to stop drinking, because it CAN and WILL work for you if you want to stop the pain. Go and LISTEN at a meeting. Show up the next time they meet. Go to another meeting. Ask for help from a power greater than yourself to give you the courage to walk in those doors and listen. Also - please come back here and share your progress or lack thereof. We will encourage you - listen to you - love you when you can't love yourself. With love and AA Friendship, Kim D. kimtuck67@hotmail.com


Member: mark d
Location: new hampshire
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 05:16 PM

Comments

(Stacy) Welcome. I, too, found this website in early sobriety and it is great. Especially when you read posts from all over the world that you can relate to. I'd strongly suggest going to a face to face meeting though. If you're thinking of just getting by with a book and a web site you are taking on a world champion ass-kicker with half a blindfold and one hand tied behind your back. Alcoholism is the only disease that tells you that you don't have a disease. The book is essential. the website is a cool and helpful tool. A phone number from someone who you met at a meeting will save your life. These same feelings that have moved you so much reading these posts will be tenfold when you look into the eyes of someone who is sharing at a real meeting. We alcoholics tend to isolate and keep people from getting too close. Our disease likes it that way. It's a lot easier to get inside our head. The first thing that popped into my head when i read your post after you mentioned being scared -- The movie Lord of the Rings; the lead character; a hobbit, small dwarflike, peaceful creature; has the task of delivering the ring. The ring is being sought after by the big baddass dark lord of unimaginable power. An ally asks the hobbit if he is frightened. The hobbit replies -Yes. The ally, having dealt with the dark lord looks at him and says-- I don't think you're frightened enough. Don't be afraid to ask for help, Stacy. You have nothing to be embarrassed about at a meeting. we've all been there and some of us have been down the drunk road a lot further with a lot of unsavory behavior in our past. Those halls and church basements are where we are able to deal with it. Good luck and keep posting.


Member: Buddy S.
Location: near New Orleans
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 07:51 PM

Comments

Whew...made it through the week. Buddy, an alcoholic. Not too many "white knuckle moments". Well, not as many as I expected. Look forward to waking up tommorrow without memory loss, hangover or very angry wife. Today was the toughest day yet. Muscle memory. In these parts, getting drunk on Friday is nearly a community responsibility. I wonder what comes on TV on Friday night....Keep comming back.


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 08:54 PM

Comments

chris, Ann Kim D, thank-you for writing to me. At least I know that people are listening, but I can't get started, Where i live there are very few aa meetings, plus you know everybody, I would perfer some different kind of help, or is there any


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 08:55 PM

Comments

chris, Ann Kim D, thank-you for writing to me. At least I know that people are listening, but I can't get started, Where i live there are very few aa meetings, plus you know everybody, I would perfer some different kind of help, or is there any


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 08:57 PM

Comments

chris, Ann Kim D, thank-you for writing to me. At least I know that people are listening, but I can't get started, Where i live there are very few aa meetings, plus you know everybody, I would perfer some different kind of help, or is there any


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 09:03 PM

Comments

ann I wish that I lived closer to you, you asked if i can not drink for a day, the answer is no way it is how I get through the day. I don't work out and my husband just keeps riding me to stop drinking, or else, but nothing else ever happens. I truly and not happy in my life.


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 09:17 PM

Comments

ann I wish that I lived closer to you, you asked if i can not drink for a day, the answer is no way it is how I get through the day. I don't work out and my husband just keeps riding me to stop drinking, or else, but nothing else ever happens. I truly and not happy in my life.


Member: Ann
Location: MA
Date: September 13, 2002
Time: 10:38 PM

Comments

Ann - alcoholic. Deb I wished I lived nearer to you also. I believe you that you are truly not happy and an even worse truth is that if you continue to drink it's going to get worse. Your desperation is a gift that will hopefully get you the help you need. It sounds like your husband is trying to hang on also - it's just as bad living with an alcoholic as being one. I've been on both sides. (I don't know how much more my husband could of stood either.) Let me know thru this sight what I can do for you. There's a bunch of good people here like Kim in one of the above posts. There are also some who are struggling just like you. I'd like to send you a Big Book (the book of Alcoholics Anonymous). Can you see a private counselor or get into a detox (I've done both). I got help in many different places. You say you've been drinking for 30 years - is it possible that the people your afraid of running into already know this? Some people can hide it but usually not for that long. A guy around here who's gotten sober says it's ironic that he wasn't embarassed for the people in this small town to see his car at a local pub nightly but he was embarassed(at first) of them seeing it at the local AA meeting. Keep coming here - hopefully we'll get you to get face to face help in some way or another. This is your LIFE what are you willing to do to save it? There is a solution to your alcohol problem but your going to have to do the leg work. You could call AA in your phone book - maybe they could send someone over to see you (that happened for me.) Do you have a physician you can trust? Would your husband go with you to a meeting? I'm just throwing some ideas out to you. Getting sober alone is a very difficult thing to do. Please continue to let us know how your doing. I'll being thinking of you and praying for you and all the other suffering alcoholics. By the way - you've asked for help and that's a major step. Give yourself credit for that!


Member:
Location:
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 02:30 AM

Comments

http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/


Member: Deb D
Location: Vermont
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 07:40 AM

Comments

Deb-alcoholic- Thank you Ann for your concern, right now this morning I am so sick, I have the shakes sobadreally had a bad night, thought that I was going to die, but I still here. This is my first 24 hours, and I want it to be morre. With your help and talking to me, I feel better. thank-you Deb


Member: Alex G
Location: Wisconsin
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 08:59 AM

Comments

Alex, alcoholic. (((((((DEB))))) Hang in there dear. Ann has some good ideas, and right now everything seems so hopeless. Call the AA office and start to your road to recovery. Hang in there Deb ****HUG****


Member: Ann
Location: MA
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 09:14 AM

Comments

Ann - alcoholic. Deb I really think you should call a doctor - detoxing on your own can be dangerous. I know you said you've been in 9 detoxes already but maybe the 10th one will work - YOU can make it work. You said drinking is what gets you through the day - I know some of us think while we're in the throes of alcoholism the alcohol is the glue holding us together - it's really how your NOT getting through the day - it's killing you and destroying your family. I'm worried about you. Please post back and let us know how your doing. Long term sobriety begins with the 1rst second, minute, hour, day. Your not alone.


Member: Karen C
Location: Michigan
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 12:00 PM

Comments

Hi, Karen here an alcoholic. ((((Deb)))) What courage you have. Hang in there. Today is the beginning of my 4th sober day. Wow, it feels so good. I am already getting some energy back. Interestingly, good things are beginning to come to me. I just moved to MI just a month ago and have been feverishly searching for a job ever since. Yesterday, 3 different companies called to set up an interview. YES! Thanks for the link to the online Big Book. I plan on purchasing one with my first paycheck, but until then this link is a real blessing. I WILL be going to my 1st f2f meeting this coming week. I have promised myself. Thank you all for your support.


Member: Miranda C
Location: Vermont, USA
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 12:17 PM

Comments

Hi Deb, My name's Miranda and I live in Vermont also. I'm about 10 miles north of White River. You don't have to air your dirty laundry at an AA meeting and you don't have to say anything at all if you don't want to. Sometimes just listening to other people with the same problem helps. If you want I'll take you to a meeting if you're anyplace within driving distance from me or if you just want to talk you can e-mail me miranda@valley.net Ann's right about being careful with detoxing on your own but I expect having been through it before you know that. Deb I'm 47 and have been drinking from when I was sixteen up until January 15th of this year. I did not think I could go one day without alcohol and up until my brother took me to AA last August I couldn't. Now it's been months. There are a lot of things about AA I don't like but the proof's in the pudding for me - before I had to drink every day and now I don't.


Member: Pat H.
Location: Labrador Straits
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 12:45 PM

Comments

To Deb. Hang in there. Hope you have a good day. I will be praying for you. In the meantime, if you have a Big Book, I would suggest that you read from the 12 promises to the end of the chapter every morning & night. If you don't have a Big Book, please get one. Also, you might want to start praying (if you don't already have one) a good female sponsor who is actively working the 12 steps & the 12 steps are carved in that person's life to come into your life. God Bless. Pat H.


Member: Pat H.
Location: Labrador Straits
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 02:21 PM

Comments

To Deb: Since you ahve access to a a computer, there is a big book website online. It is as follows: http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html


Member: Jo
Location: Oklahoma
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 02:43 PM

Comments

Jo here...day 5...=) (((Deb))) hang in there and read these posts and pray.


Member: AnneC
Location: Canada
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 03:02 PM

Comments

Hang in there DebD! There are many good people on this site who are willing and able to help you. My prayers are with you. Thanks to BillP, Don and BuddyS for their reponses. BillP, I have the location of the AA mtg. closest to me. The hard part is to GO!! Don, I very rarely go to bars but when I have, I have been able to have one drink and walk away and I say this very sincerely and honestly. BuddyS you are so lucky to have your family's support. My son does not understand and does not want to talk about it. Most of my family are not big drinkers and I really do not want them to know I have a problem but it would mean the world to me if my son did. ShannaM, I can relate to what you are saying and although I enjoy a couple of mixed drinks every evening, I do not get drunk and feel fine the next morning (although I have had my moments, that why I am here). JenniferK, congrats on 11 months and thanks for your comments as I am still trying to figure it all out. Where are you Madelaine from Texas? Your last post was Sep.9 (I think), if so, you should be almost 55 days sober. Hope you are doing well, I miss your comments. Thanks to all for your comments, they really help. I look foward to checking every day. DebD keep coming back. You are all in my prayers.


Member: Robin A
Location: Florida
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 09:11 PM

Comments

(((Kirstin))) Glad your still here with us! Miss your daily updates. You can do it! KCB! Tomorrow makes the big 50! Woo Hoo! You rock, girl!


Member: Stacy E.
Location: Kentucky
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 10:31 PM

Comments

Stacy here, alcoholic. I'd like to thank Greg F., Bill P. and Mark D. for your responses to my last post. I took your advice, swallowed hard and went to my first meeting today, an open discussion. When I introduced myself and added the word "alcoholic", boy, was that powerful! I've known it for a while, but that was the first time I had actually said it, and I broke my promise to myself that I would get through it without crying no matter what. Some things are just too intense to ignore. Even though this is my seventh day sober, it feels different now. Better, but still scary. Deb, please hang in there, we're all here for you and are praying for you. I think it was Winston Churchill who said "It takes a single sunbeam to drive away many shadows." Thank all of you for being my sunbeam. Stacy.


Member: Beth H.
Location: Big Arrow, Canada
Date: September 14, 2002
Time: 10:31 PM

Comments

(((Kirsten))) So glad to see you back! You have been an inspiration to me. I'm a binge drinker as well - this makes it easy for me to deny my alcoholism. You haven't slipped since your first time here - and if you can do it, so can I! And if you're fibbing, then you're even more like me! :) (((Deb))) It's so hard those first few days. I had trouble sleeping, when I did sleep it was all nightmares and waking up sweating. Every morning I woke up at four, thinking "god is this night ever going to end" but at least I was thinking! Awake! Aware! I've often thought of alcohol as a warm and cozy cocoon, muffling me from the rest of the world. And letting go of that, facing the world bare naked and remembering every minute - well, that was really scary at first. But now my problems really don't seem so impossible. Everyday life is kind of boring, but I can handle it. You can do it! I am newly sober, still exploring a new me and a new world, and maybe it'll be wonderful eventually, but right now it's still tough. But it's so worth it. No shame, no guilt, I can hold my head high(er). Anything you can do to get here, do it. It's the best adventure. To (((everyone))) else: this site is such a lifeline. Today I walked past a cafe that's AA-run; all day open meetings. I didn't have the courage to walk in, but I saw those people (looking like regular folks, not like drunks), and I knew I might meet some wonderful people there. Hopefully my next steps will take me in the right direction. Love to all.


Member: julie l
Location: ga
Date: September 15, 2002
Time: 12:45 AM

Comments

I have decided to start tomorrow sober. i am tired of being hung over and not remembering what i did the night before. i had 3 months of sobriety a few months back and it felt so good to be sober. AA is not for me because i am just not a person to tell all to a a bunch of strangers. i hope tomorrow will be a good day..


Member: Gage
Location: LA
Date: September 15, 2002
Time: 02:42 AM

Comments

My name is Gage and I'm an alcoholic. I was hoping to find BUDDY and MADELAINE here tonight. Either one of you, if you're out there, please post and let us know how you are doing this weekend. JULIE, you don't have to tell anybody in AA anything that you don't want to. But you might find a friend or two among those strangers. I did. Whatever you decide to do, though, I wish you the best of luck.