Member: Allison
Location: Penn St.
Date: September 07, 2003
Time: 07:56 AM

Comments

Never had one, never gonna get one, been sober almost twenty years and very happy, joyous, and free. My life is extremely fulfilling in every way and I certainly don't need someone to give me orders on what to do with it as that is what my experience has been with seeing way too much of in AA.


Member: Glen
Location: Tx
Date: September 07, 2003
Time: 09:18 AM

Comments

I don't have one, either, although I had someone who I greatly respected show me how he worked the steps, and I have, in turn, shown others how I did it. That to me is what AA and sponsorship is all about.


Member: Kerry B 3/21/80
Location: Idaho
Date: September 07, 2003
Time: 10:16 AM

Comments

Well, I don't have one either - I have many. I would not venture to say that any of them are "official" sponsors. It was important when I was new to have at least one person that I trusted to answer my many questions concerning the steps. And it was important to allow at least one other human being know me, at least as well as I knew myself at the time. The best way to learn anything, this not just pertaining to the program, is to ask someone who has already been in and thru the learning situation that you are in. Using those who have gone before us to share their experience, strength, and hope has worked the best for me. I came across a quote the other day, that hit the nail on the head for me when I was new and confused, particularly about myself. "What do you want to be?" "I would like to be myself. I tried other things but I always failed." Anonymous


Member: Dr. M
Location: Pacific NW
Date: September 07, 2003
Time: 10:20 PM

Comments

I do have a sponsor. She has 14 years sober, and I trust that she has the experience to go along with my strength and hope. Together, we might be able to keep this alcoholic sober for another 24 hours. I like to think that the old timers in AA had the right idea several years ago. I do work the steps, and I did get a sponsor. But...look for similarities...take what you want and leave the rest. If having a sponsor works for you, great. If not having a sponsor works for you, great.


Member: Diane L
Location:
Date: September 07, 2003
Time: 10:47 PM

Comments


Member: Cindy
Location:
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 08:11 AM

Comments

everyone likes this one Getting A Sponsor. Some people need it some don't it is hard to trust people. I guess its all how bad you want it and your willing to do whatever it thats.


Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 08:16 AM

Comments

Sponsors to me are like guides. If I am going on a wilderness hike in the mountains I would have a person to guide me and show me the way. I would pick one that I could trust and that knows the trail to follow. AA is the same. I must pick someone that I trust and can guide me along the "trail".


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 09:00 AM

Comments

Hi All, Kelly an alcoholic. It is a beautiful almost fall day here in New England. I had a great weekend. I went to a seafood festival at Hampton Beach. I avoided the beer tents no problem! I have been trying hard to use my sponsor better. I do follow her directions and I know I could not do a thorough Step 4 or 5 without her help. I don't call her enough. I'm really not that needy but she says I'm hanging onto my will by not calling. I had a hard time finding a sponsor. It took me a temporary one and then 6 months to ask my current sponsor. I wanted a woman I could respect that had gone through the Steps and had a sponsor herself. I also wanted someone I could trust with my innermost secrets. It was a tall bill to fill. That is why I think a temporary sponsor is a good idea in the beginning. Now I primarily use my sponsor just to work my Steps. I don't have a lot of issues and if I did I would get a therapist or seek professional help. Some people bring all their baggage to meetings and it takes the focus off the primary purpose. I'm not equipped to help with some things. Mental issues, marriage counseling etc. My sponsor stays out of it too and tells me to work on my program and pray on it the rest will work itself out. This has been true for me. The healthier I get the easier the answers come and they come from within me through my HP. Pretty cool! Everyone have a great week. Kelly


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 09:22 AM

Comments

Well put Mike H,i to found a man who was on this program and he guided me through this program and i still have contact with him he became a friend! and for those without one well done ! i know i couldnt have got far without mine! and ill be 17 years sober on the 15th sept Regards L-RAY


Member: Amanda R
Location: Arizona
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 01:20 PM

Comments

I had 2 different sponsors who were so controlling and crazy I had to leave them. Now I don't have one but my HP is doing a pretty good job!


Member: Babe
Location:
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 01:26 PM

Comments

Im sure ive done the steps literally and on paper over 300 times or more. Ive done them with all kinds of sponsors because i changed them like underwear. And i had to, because one of them pushed catholisism on me, another started using me as her sponser. another one was way too much into "control and jealousy and insecurity issues" so how could she pass on something to me when she hadn't cleaned her own house , i had multiple and more numerous sponsers who would chat away for hours, and never once mentioned "hey maybe we should do the steps?... ((which was astonishing. Another sponsor was worried cause her old man was puttin the moves on me behind her back, so of course the solution was to get rid of me... hmm lets see, oh and here's a classic, some lady, who i barely know has "self appointed herself my sponsor, and right in front of everyone juring a coffee shop gathering, starts almost shouting out the advice she had for me which i never asked for and wasn't in need of, as i was just enjoying being out for coffee... found out later she's pretty sick still, so forgiveness not a problem, and principles being before personalities, she was also very good to me on a few occasions, so you just let it go. That was really common in the early going, ((people who you never asked to be your sponsor, or for advice just start spoutin out the answers for ya... sheesh!..i did it too))And so what?.. i would have been so confused with all the different people telling you that thier 'brand of doing the steps is the only way"... which was all too common))... if it wasn't for god, so i don't have sponsors anymore and in no way do i plan to have one ever again, but i have to say, that doing the steps so many different ways, because so many had their take on the steps, was a good thing in the end,,, and i owe it all to my hp. and myself for having the guts to fire and hire as many times as i needed to, until i got it,, now i know how to do them, AND FOR SURE IF YOUR IN THE EARLY GOING YOU NEED SOME HELP WITH THEM, AND IF YOUR LUCKY YOU'LL HAVE THE SAME EXPERIENCE I HAD AND REALIZE YOU GOTTA DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO TO GET IT, SO JUST DO IT if a sponsor is a nut, fire them and move on look for another, but make sure its valid reasons and not just that they told you the truth about your sick and selfish self, cause that when i would play games and i got nowhere fast doing that. HOW CAN A PERSON EXPECT TO DO THIS PROGRAM AND THESE STEPS WITH OUT SOMEONE SHOWING THEM AND HELPING THEM OUT AT FIRST. IVE SEEN IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN, Oh and here's a good classic: People who have " trust"issues.... ppllleeeeeazzzzzee... who the hell could have trusted me all my alcoholic life? So how stupid is that to land aa and now talk about how i can't trust" people ..no body gave a damb who "i could and couldn't trust, its like this.. did i want to feel proud because i had a "trust issue" to hang on to , to make me feel important" or did i want to get well? i chose the later... and something else i can tell you for sure is going to happen if you actually do get well. Alot of sick and egotistical people in aa will not like it... at all!... especially if you surpass thier quality of sobriety... they really hate that, when you've worked really hard, and you havn't been around as many years as them and you have better quality sobriety, but for the grace of god, then it gets interesting, you start to learn more and more how "sick you 'are not' anymore! by the examples you see there on a regular basis, and although its sad and shocking because you'll care about them, you'll also get to feel really good about yourself, and you'll have that knowing feeling' that you've done pretty good. its worth it. I do not attend aa anymore, but the early going of sobriety is critical, and it takes time, usually a person needs alot of help, and they should get it. If not in aa, then regular councilling, and all kinds of other stuff if needed. thanx for all your shares.


Member: Nancy
Location: any AA room
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 01:31 PM

Comments

Hello my name is Nancy and I'm a greatful recovering alcoholic. Getting a sponsor was the single most important thing I did for myself within the program. She has led me through all 12 Steps and has been there for me in any way I've needed. I think getting and keeping a sponsor is crucial in recovery. My own best thinking got me drunk and kept me drunk so another person's perspective is critical as well as extremely helpful. I encourage anyone who is starting out to find a person who has been in the Program for awhile and lives the Principals in all their affairs to help you. They will gladly give you what was so freely given to them. One alcoholic helping another alcoholic is the basis of why AA has worked for millions.


Member: Andrew
Location: Missouri
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 01:57 PM

Comments

Through the grace of my HP and the fellowship of AA, I have been sober since 11/3/91. That is a miracle. I think the debate over getting or not getting a sponsor is actually about letting go or not letting go of percieved control. I have found that most alcoholics like to feel in control. In admitting we could use some help from someone that has gone before us is often hard. Our ego's tell us we need no help and we can be in control. It is letting go of this idea in all things, including sponsorship, that helps us grow. Having a sponsor is just one way of reminding me where I came from and where I can go.


Member: kenh
Location: NYC
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 02:17 PM

Comments

I have been sober for alomst 4 months now. It has become my full time job. I go to 10 meetings a week but feel outside of those meetings I don't have anyone to talk to.


Member: Sara B
Location: MN
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 03:22 PM

Comments

I am on my eighth day of sobriety, not much, but to me I am a new person. The same person, but much more refined. It hasn't been long, but it has been long coming. I am 22 years old, and my friends frequent the bars. Right now I am not strong enough to, Thank God for my sponsor. Whom I met my first night, we were both running late. I must have been really lucky to meet her, she already knows more about me than the majority of my friends. She knows me from a different aspect, I think it is hard for my other friends to view me in the way I now view myself. I don't know how anyone could do it by themselves! Good Job!


Member: ken H
Location: NYC
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 03:31 PM

Comments

I feel so alone outdside of the meetings. I feel that those are the only people who know me now. I am a much different person than I used to be. I also talp to my sponsor quite a bit. But when I have to go anywhere I feel like I am in a fish bowl and people are afraid to talk to me. Not knowing what to say. At those events when I can't find another member of the fellowship i just want to scream. I feel like I never have someone to talk to when I need them most.


Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 07:19 PM

Comments

HI. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. Been sober ever since I knowed how. But I had to be shown. I came into AA with a drinking buddy. The next day he moved in with me and we started through the steps. He was sober one day and I had been sober 7 days. He had something I wanted. I did not believe that AA would work for me and he believed it would work for him. I wanted that. I needed that. We were two alcoholics that wanted to get sober and all we had was a big book and each other. Nothing else was needed. In AA sponsor and sponsored meet as equals. Just as Bill and Doctor Bob did. None of my sponsors have told me to do anything that could not be correlated by the Big Book. None of my sponsors have said to me. "If you want what I got then you must do what I did." Ego B.S. If they had I would have pointed them to the door and said..."Use it". I just celebrated a lot of years last month and my "Sponsor of the moment" :) handed me my coin and told the group, "I am Bill's sponsor, but he probably has 99 others as well. Yep.. Thank you all for helping me to stay sober today and being one of the aforementioned 99... Bill


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 08:04 PM

Comments

When I first came to AA I was, like many of us, terribly frightened. One of the things I held on to in my fear was the inability to admit that I needed all the help I could get. Anyway, here is how it went: It did not take long to recognize that, to a man, those alcoholics who seemed to enjoy life the most talked of taking the Steps of AA following the directions in the Big Book. So, I started to read the Big Book, after all I was an intelligent educated individual and thought I could take the Steps without help. I chose not to realize that I was in AA because I could not help myself when it came to alcohol consumption or managing my life. The fact that I was an atheist did not help at all. As I review those days the only strength I seemed to have had was the ability to make the fellowship of AA my first Higher Power. The overwhelming opinion of that Higher Power was that newcomers should get a sponsor to help with taking the Steps and that the Steps must be taken if I was serious about learning to live a sober life happy, joyous, and free. After a few false starts at taking the Steps I finally admitted, to myself, that I needed someone to help me. I selected a man that seemed to have what I needed -- a firm belief in God and a happy life. One day I screwed up what courage I could, discarded what false pride I could, and ask the man for help. That was one of the most difficult and scary things I had ever done. He said that he would be glad to help me take the Steps if I was willing to go to any lengths to gain and retain sobriety and if not I should find someone else. The relationship worked out well and we took the Steps following the instructions in the Big Book. In the last sixteen years I have had a sponsor continually until about a year ago when my last sponsor died and I have yet to replace him. It has been my experience that after taking the Steps a sponsor becomes a friend that can be confided in and can help solve those life problems that occur from time to time. It has also been my experience that one need never sail uncharted waters in AA because someone can always be found that has survived whatever problems we may be facing and in that way we all, more or less, sponsor one another. Incidentally, I am no longer an atheist. I now have a profound faith in God, as I understand God. I pray that any new comers reading this posting will have as much good luck with this program as I have had.


Member:
Location:
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 10:55 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Pam - an alcoholic. I had a sponsor since my very 1st AA mtg - & without a sponsor - I never would've made it! (eventually became best friends). . . having 'trust-issues' & not wanting to be 'told what to do' will only stand in the way of getting the most we can out of this program. >>>>> Look around - all of those who have STAYED sober & have good quality sobriety, started off w/the help of a sponsor at least till got thru all 12 Steps. >>>>> all of those who keep going out drinking are not working w/a sponsor. - says it all for me. >>>>> Getting a sponsor was so good for me, too, because I came in too intelligent for my own good, so dam self-sufficient & already knowing it all about everything that no one had ever been able to tell me something that could help me. & learning how to ask for help AND then let them help me was something I more than needed! >>>>> I also needed to be accountable to someone w/that daily morning phone call (or I know I would've been w/people places & things I didn't belong with if I wanted to achieve sobriety) >>>>> having a sponsor is one of the best things that ever happened to me. rather than the old ideas that involve "contempt prior to investigation" - I suggest to give it a try - see for yourself whether its for you or not. If the 1st one turns out to be a flake (like my 1st was) - or even the 2nd & 3rd - try try again. By having a sponsor, we learn how to sponsor when we've reached Step 12. By sponsoring others is how we will grow & is how we will STAY sober. thank for letting me share. Pam


Member: Pam B - Sobergirl91 at hotmail dot com
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: September 08, 2003
Time: 10:58 PM

Comments

oops! hit the button just as I noticed I hadn't filled in my name


Member: Remmy
Location: Seattle
Date: September 09, 2003
Time: 12:40 AM

Comments

Still drunk and drinking as I write this. Why a sponser? Is another Avatar really the way to go? Just drunk and curious.


Member: Becky
Location: Also Seattle
Date: September 09, 2003
Time: 01:54 PM

Comments

Why a sponsor? With my long experience of 26 days sober I can only say that I'm glad I've just found one to start with. Remember the Bob Dylan song, "Youve Gotta Serve Somebody?" Well I just don't want it to be the drink anymore and need help out of the maze.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: September 09, 2003
Time: 09:09 PM

Comments

hi Diane here day 168 sober I got no sponser but my HP my Bible also helps me a lot I believe that God has taken away my desire to drink but I do stay on guard and know I can never take another drink or the cycle starts all over again for me


Member: mel m
Location: washington
Date: September 10, 2003
Time: 02:19 AM

Comments

welcome newcomers. a sponsor is simply someone i have listened carefully to; decided that we have some commonalities(cuz i want an understanding guide) and that that person has something i want, be it strength hope, peace tact, trustworthiness, ya cant know all that rt away but in watching and listening to people it doesn't take long to figure out who i could be comfortable with. i need guidance. the people ive seen who have even a little serenity day to day have sponsors and utilize them. it's just like my old drinkin buddies-some didnt pan out so i left those and found ones i could relate to-it's the same psychology-really. my first sponsor kept preaching to me about al-anon and how i needed that, truth was i had some issues there, she was rt BUT i just wanted to not drink and alanon wasnt helping with the shakes!! i just wanted to know "how do i not drink for a whole day" so i got me a new sponsor had her ever since, worked and still do all the steps with her and thank god for her on a reg basis. she has helped me with stuff i thought i was alone in- found out i wasnt alone at all.what a great feeling!! thanks ken too liked what you had to say. my sponsor is not a marriage counselor, financial aide, or a dumping ground. she is simply a friend who worked the steps before me then with me and has since helped me see my part in every screwy little thing in day to day life that i can freak out about, --insanity level down and serenity levels up. thx mel


Member: Mark
Location: NY
Date: September 10, 2003
Time: 09:12 AM

Comments

Good stuff as usual babygirl. I've been thinking of ya and while I disagree with you at times, it's always not only sincere, but generally "spot on." I may differ a little on the sponsorship idea as people do NOT really need at ANY time--yes even early-on --- but the part about getting emotionally healthy and realizing how sick those in AA for long periods without drinking are terribly sick without drinking is yes scary and sad, yet enlightened all at the samr time. Good stuff and I appreciate your valuable input.


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Date: September 10, 2003
Time: 09:37 AM

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. I have a sponsor. He has a sponsor. His sponsor has a sponsor. He gave me some simple suggestions that had been given to him by his sponsor, and he gave me direction in taking the Twelve Steps in the same fashion that he had received. I know today that I could not have worked the program of AA by myself without some kind of direction from another alcoholic who was taking these steps. I don’t stay sober by myself. I don’t know whether I “need” a sponsor – I know that having a sponsor has worked for me, and that I have a great sober life today because I was struck willing to take some suggestions and directions from somebody other than myself. Thank you all for your comments. joep041699@mindspring.com


Member: Lori
Location: Florida
Date: September 10, 2003
Time: 10:37 AM

Comments

I spent a lifetime making bad choices. When I came to AA they didn't go away very quickly & I did make some poor choices in choosing a sponsor. I also learned a lesson by that choice. Nothing happens in God's world by mistake. He has the blue prints. I have had some very wonderful people guide me through this simple program ( suggesting ) things I need to do. There are no leaders here, there are no AA Guru's, just a couple of Drunks extending their hand to another to help them along the journey of life. I could not do it alone. Every time I did something "MY WAY" I screwed it up. When i think I know it all or I can do it myself, I know my disease is "DOING PUSHUPS" on my brain. By example a sponsor showed me tollerance, love, peace & most of all HOPE. That there was hope for this hopeless soul. This is a "WE" program. The "I" program I was existing in sucked. God Bless you all on your journey.


Member: Vicky M.
Location: Mississippi
Date: September 10, 2003
Time: 12:07 PM

Comments

My name is Vicky and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for almost 6 months now. It feels great. Thanks for the topic. I have a sponsor, but we don't really "click", so I haven't used her like I should. So, I am searching for a new one in my home group. I enjoy reading what others new in sobriety have to say. Thanks for letting me share and for helping me to stay sober.


Member: AZbill
Location: az-bill@mindspring.com
Date: September 10, 2003
Time: 12:38 PM

Comments

HI All.. I guess this is my week for double dipping but I thought, what the hey, I will share this. I went to college as a challenge in sobriety. At every major exam, I used a tutor to go over the test material. Tutor? Sponsor? Whatever. I wound up an A student with a B average. 3.4 Not all that good but a lot better than if I has done it on my own. I think we would do a lot better in AA if we stayed out of semantics. :) Bill


Member: Touched
Location:
Date: September 10, 2003
Time: 06:27 PM

Comments

AZBill, you're the best! Semantics are good, by the by....but heart-felt and healthy and leading by example are worth at least as much. You get my vote.


Member: Gotta make sure
Location: newcomers know the TRUTH
Date: September 10, 2003
Time: 09:31 PM

Comments

Name: Take a wild guess--- Location: Hell, take a few...... Date: 9/10/2003 Time: 9:27:49 PM Comments: You people are a trip---the anon who posted that it was NEVER about c&p jobs is RIGHT. Now you are trying to con yourselves into believing your own LIES? Are you people really that damn crazy or just that brainwashed? Never once was anything said about the cut&paste thing until AFTER it was done(checking the ISP's) and then only as an aside. Now all of a sudden you people are trying to say you were "open" to those with "different" ideas than the standard canned aa rhetoric? THAT IS A BLATANT LIE! You ONLY checked the ISP's because the posts were deemed "abusive" by the "powers that be" and later claimed they were taking the whole pot up when in fact PamB. did the major cut&paste job herself of only what she ALONE deemed the "real" pot. Yeah she owned up to it, but so what---all the other c&p job was was an effort to apply the "open-mindedness" that AA is supposed to espouse by adding the rest of the page---PERIOD!!! How do I know?----I am the one who did it! Who am I? You know me by several names here as I am under neither any moral nor ethical obligation to disclose my real-life name and identity, or do we really need to have the entire ANONYMITY discussion yet AGAIN? It is HALF of what AA is--like it or not..... So trace away if you'd like, hell be sure to inform my server if you want, it makes no difference to me as I have never done anything wrong here and the record here of past posts will certainly indicate to anyone with a brain in their head.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 01:32 AM

Comments

Stacy, alcoholic. Getting a sponsor was something I did soon in sobriety simply because I knew that it was something that went against my diseased thinking. I was running the show and I was failing. I decided that I was going to give my HP the control and trust in AA for recovery. The Book and other literature talk about sponsorship. I took the advice from people who had what I wanted. They all said, "do you have a sponsor????" I went against my urge to just do this thing MY WAY. I had found a book about working the steps. I had printed info off a website with instructions for working the steps. But, one night in a meeting it hit me ---- I am afraid to get a sponsor simply because I may have to change. I may have to be honest. I may have to do things that make me uncomfortable. I decided that moment that before I left the meeting I would ask someone to help me get started. I did that because I knew that if I was going to progress in recovery that I would have to start shutting up and start listening to someone else. Thank you for being here.


Member: Debbie G
Location:
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 06:31 AM

Comments

My name is Deb. And I have come to the realization this morning that I am an alcohlic. I am having some real money problems; boyfriend moved out a month ago, and I haven't been off the bottle since. I woke up this morning worried and upset about something I had heard, and I almost went over to the neighbors to grab a beer. I talked myself out of it and made a pot of coffee for the first time in a month. Is doing it on this site enough for most of you? You talk sponsors, did you all go to outside meetings? I am looking for a second job, and trying to believe there is a higher power - I do believe in God, but I never remember to thank him when something good happens.


Member: Kev P.
Location: Texas
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 09:40 AM

Comments

(DEB) Way to go! Just stay off the booze till midnite and you got a day sobriety. 24 hours, one day at a time. Outside meetings and a sponsor will be big help. I never could stay sober on my own. I had to have help from meetings, friends, family ect. and also admit to God I could not do it without out His help. It's easiest for me to just roll out of bed on my knees and just ask then. But I admit I don't always. He will help you will see. Ask him to show himself to you in getting sober. I don't have a hang-over this morning. Feels good. I believe I'll stay sober again today. Midnight is only 15 hours away! Kev P.


Member: Cecilia D
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 09:45 AM

Comments

Hello, I have had severl sponsors; only one worked out for a few months. She helped me with the first 4 steps, and explained each step in detail and that each step has a deeper meaning. Also, she was there when I struggled, and help me understand that if I stuck with the plan, and used the first three steps as a new foundation (aka the "triangle") that it help me maintain my sobriety. I've had had some slips, but I keep coming back. Love and best wishes to all. C


Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 03:44 PM

Comments

God hasn't brought me this far to let me fall in sobriety now. I'm having alot of fear today. My Father is dying of cancer and I have no control over it. He may not make it through the week, but I am not alone, God is with me and nothing is worth taking a drink today. I've been having a rough time financially and my electricity was disconnected this morning but I got paid today and have made it to the light company to get that taken care of so I'll have a cool place to lay my head tonight. I thank God for that, I left my husband almost a year ago, and I want to go back so bad. I tried to tell myself I left him so I could get sober but really I left so I could drink the way I wanted to. We are talking about reconciling. My child (teenager) is so rebellious and things seem so bleak. The only thing that I can find today to be grateful for is my sobriety. It's hard to feel this pain. I know a drink won't help. Things seem bad but they are not as bad as they could be. If I choose to drink they will be worse. I guess I just needed to say that. Nothing happens in His world by mistake. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. My sponsor is not available to call so I'm reaching out here and I've had to go back and forth to this since I work in a call center, but I feel better just getting this out, it's true, this program works if you work it and use the tools, one of which to reach out to another alcoholic. I'm so glad I'm here, my not be where I want to be, but it's not where I was. Thanks for listening,


Member: Erin M.
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 04:36 PM

Comments

This is my first time to this site and I feel a strong need to talk. I apologize if my comments are excessively long. Today is Thursday, Sept. 11th. For the past several years, there have been many ocassions when friends have questioned by drug use. I never stole from family and friends and I wasn't using on a daily basis (actually only 2-4 times per month) so I knew that I was in control. There would be months that went by without me shoving white powder up my nose. So I KNEW I didn't have a problem. How quickly things change. The only time that I ever wanted coke was when I was drinking. Then I wanted to drink so that I could do coke. But again, I was in control. My best friend is dealing with a pill addition and after months and months of talks and support...guess what? I am an addict (and I know that you are all thinking, "What a shock"). I've finally been able to admit that to my friend and my husband. I am going to do everything that I can to, not get rid of it (yes I know that I will always be an addict) but change my problem. I would appreciate any feedback that you can give someone who is just coping with her problem. Positive and negative. Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy confession.


Member: Mark M
Location: Cincy Ohio
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 04:51 PM

Comments

Erin, this is my first time on this site as well. i heard about it today at a noon meeting. not surprizing that as always i walk away with something that i didn't have before. Are you in the program or have you stumbled across this page in a random search? in either case, meetings are a wonderful thing. i haven't been in the program for a very long time, but i know that meetings are the key for me and many others. an hour at a meeting is an hour spent clean and sober. if nothing else, it's that. i am also having a problem with my steps. like i said, i've been going to meetings for a few months now, but still go out on a regular basis. for me, it's the second step that i'm struggling with. i have no problem acknowledgeing what i am, and that i have a disease. it's the letting go part and believing that there is a way out, and that i'm not going to be the one to open that door that is the difficult part. if anyone has any comments on that little boulder in the road i would appreciate it. keeping in line with the original topic, i have a temporary sponsor who has many 24 hours of sobriety strung together. he's a great help, when i call on him, and doesn't push me when i don't. i think that that is the key for me. basically, the tools of the program are there to be used. we just need to be couragous enough to pick them up. thanks for this site, and any advice.


Member: tracy
Location: Essex, England
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 05:13 PM

Comments

((CECILIA)) Thanks for your quote Re the first 3 steps aka the triangle. I likes that its one of those things I will take away with me thank you! ((CARRIE)) How are you?


Member: Connie
Location: \
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 07:24 PM

Comments

I'm Connie a grateful, recovering alcoholic, Gonna double dip here, Erin and Mark, the first step is the hardest. Congratulations on making that important admission. If you want to get clean and sober you're in the right place - Erin, I hope you make it to a face to face meeting - and Mark, keep making it. My experience is that meeting makers make it. One day at a time with a little faith and God's grace, we can make it. A book that sure helped me alot in early recovery (which I'm still in) is titled Living Sober - it details methods some AAs have used to live sober. God bless you both, thanks for being here for me.


Member: Jan B
Location: New York
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 09:19 PM

Comments

Hi there, I haven't comment in a long time, but I think you either go into a meeting and click with a sponsor or your don't. Everyone has different needs. There is a term called Multiple intelligences - which means we all relate on a different level. Some of us need a sponsor to survive and some of us would fail if we had to go through a sponsor. What is important is that we go to meetings and share our experiences. For me, I have to connect with my sponsor.. I can't just pick one hap-hazardly .. there has to be a connection. I think just looking for a sponsor without looking for a connection is wrong. Yes, maybe some need a temporary sponsor to survive, but look for one that you can relate to. Someone once told me to look for some one that has what you want on every level... not just sobriety - then you have the sponsor that will fit your needs. I am new to this so maybe some of the old timers can respond.


Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 11:49 PM

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. The guy who took me to my first meeting is my sponsor. He's not my guru, he's my trusted friend. Like a number of people above have mentioned, he was also the guy who helped me take the steps. When the book mentions "our way of life", it's talking about the last three steps, I think. So, I still have a sponsor and we still talk about the steps. How to get a sponsor? Go ask someone to help you take the steps. Take it from there.


Member:
Location:
Date: September 11, 2003
Time: 11:58 PM

Comments

find someone that has what i want on every level? you're kidding right? only something as assinine as that could be said in an imitation aa meeting!


Member: Samantha
Location: Tacoma WA
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 12:22 AM

Comments

My advice on getting a sponsor is to be very careful and don't get in a hurry. If you get the wrong sponsor, he or she can set you back. As most of us 'old timers' know, while there are relatively few in A.A. who have actual long term sobriety, there are even fewer who are qualified to be a sponsor - maybe one out of a hundred. Look for someone who is mature, humble, intelligent, and who has actual sobriety. If he or she still does a little drinking, is hooked on cigarettes, relies on pills to get them through the day, he or she is NOT qualified to be a sponsor. You have to be COMPLETELY clean and sober to help another person (no alcohol, no tobacco, no pills). After you find someone who meets this test, ask around as to whether that person would be a suitable sponsor. If he or she is truly qualified, you will get no negative responses. Further, if you have anything in your background that you want to make sure is kept secret when you do your fifth step, you had better pick a professional person who has the standing of legal privilege - a doctor, a lawyer, a minister, a psychologist. Unfortunately, too many 'sponsors' like to tell people what they have heard in confidence. Take heart. It may be hard to find a truly qualified sponsor, but the effort will be worth it. Take care all.


Member:
Location:
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 07:05 AM

Comments

good one samantha


Member: Sam
Location:
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 07:44 AM

Comments

I don't want to sponsor anybody and I have 17 years and I have never sponsor anyone.


Member:
Location:
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 10:33 AM

Comments

Also good one Sam---are you Samantha??


Member: Mike R
Location: USA
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 01:02 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Mike. I'm an alcoholic. This is my first meeting since my last drink. I have less than 24 hours at this point, but I wan't to stay sober. I am pleased to be here. It's a great relief to make this first step. With this posting, I will try once again to put my life and my sobriety in God's hands.


Member: M
Location: USA
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 03:54 PM

Comments

May you know that the Hand of God is with you always, Mike.


Member: Dee
Location:
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 04:12 PM

Comments

I will try once again to put my life and my sobriety in God's hands. May you know that the Hand of God is with you always.If so why are so many things wrong.


Member: KAT
Location: MA
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 05:06 PM

Comments

Wow! What a perfect topic considering I've been upset all day long about something my "sponsor" said to me last night. I've only been sober for 90 days (am getting my chip tonight!!) and I met this woman about two weeks ago. She said "do you have a sponsor yet?" and I said that I was feeling my way around and hadn't found one yet. She said "that is too long to be without one" and self-appointed herself as mine. So far so good until last night she invited me to another meeting. She picked me up at my house and saw a picture of my family with me, my husband and my two sons. She said "oh your boys are going to be so happy to get their mother back." and then said "You're going to be a great mother." I wanted to haul off and belt her one. I could die tomorrow and know that if I've done nothing else right in my entire life, it was that I was a good mother. My parents died when I was young and I never felt loved and it was my number one goal to make sure that my kids knew they were loved beyond compare. I once had a guidance counselor from my boys school call and said "you can just tell by the way your sons walk down the hall that they are truly loved." It was the greatest compliment I have ever received. I went to the meeting pissed and didn't say anything, but when I got home I asked my boys who are 15 and 17 if they felt at all like that. They both said "no way mom" and my youngest said "although I understand why you're doing this, you are probably the least likely person to be in AA" and then my oldest son said "Mom, take everything you hear with a grain of salt and find your own way through this." That's the last thing I need is a sponsor to piss me off and make me want to drink. However, as a mother, the reaction and affirming response from my sons was a gift from God. Thanks for letting me vent all this and please reply to me if you have any advice. Thanks and God bless.


Member: KP
Location: Austin,TX
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 05:20 PM

Comments

I am not going to drink today. I will read my Bigbook too. I've asked God to help me stay sober since I can't in my own strength.


Member: Susan A.
Location: Vernon, Connecticut
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 06:08 PM

Comments

Hi all, I'm Susan and I'm an Alcoholic. I believe accepting the need for a sponsor/guide and getting/using one, was one of the first concrete actions of willingness I made. Stacy, I liked what you said about being afraid to get a sponsor because of having to change or get honest or do something uncomfortable. Today, that's usually why I don't call when I should. I have had a sponsor pretty much from the first, and hope to have one always. It's wonderful making a true connection with another sober woman in a way that helps us BOTH. KAT, thanks for a great post. My first sponsor appointed herself, too; it wasn't a good 'fit' but she WAS a good short sponsor. By the time I knew I needed a different sponsor, I'd learned a lot about myself AND dealing with another person SOBER (I forced myself to talk to her about things that bothered me, which was new behavior for me). So, I learned about compassion for myself and others (ex: understanding my needs and her needs), and being true to myself (understanding what I really needed/wanted: a guide and friend and mentor to learn how to LIVE sober). I found a woman who was willing to COMMIT to me and pass on what was so freely given to her (the SOLUTION to my drinking problem). I am amazed to have the gift of doing the same for other women today. Dora was the first person I ever REALLY believed love ME just as I was, warts and all. Her belief in me allowed ME to start believing. Believing allowed me to start changing. Man, what a great journey this is. Thanks, all, for being here.


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 06:57 PM

Comments

Kerry here an alcoholic. I believe that most people who end up at AA need a sponsor of some sort. A sponsor is someone to help teach you the steps. Most of us would have solved our drinking problem alone if we could have. The 12 steps teach us living skills. Like any other learned skill there are books availible on the subject. The Big Book is our text book to learn how to live successfully. I have found that every subject/skill that I have ever learned, is always enhanced by being taught by someone skilled in the specific subject. It is important to chose someone that clearly knows the subject. When I first came to AA, I had know clue who actually worked the steps in their life. It took time to see who was just talk and who actually walked the talk. In the meantime though, I basically used the group as my sponsor. Kind of a group concensous deal. That allowed me to get to know many people by asking them for help when I had questions or problems. As I got to know each of them better it helped me to narrow down my choices for a sponsor. Alcoholism is a life and death issue. I, for one, wanted the best help I could find to help me make the "life" choice. My sponsor has 5 years sober, his sponsor has 14 years, and his sponsor has 28 years sober. That is a lot of experience that I have to learn from.


Member: Bob S.
Location: Canada
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 07:09 PM

Comments

I just asked a fellow to be my sponsor. Talking to him is easy...sharing with him is still very awkward. Any suggestions?


Member: angie
Location: california
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 07:39 PM

Comments

speaking of getting a sponsor ... oh i was always so scared ... and just recently i had to get a new sponsor ... i was afraid that i would have to start over on my steps .... but someone on this site pointed out that ... "we shrink " at nothing ... and so i realized i'd rather start all over then to risk going back out there ,..... and the sponsor i have is a straight out of the book ... i like it ... but now she wants me to go out and get sponsees thank goodness thats a whole other topic...


Member: Markus Arelius
Location: Rome
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 08:45 PM

Comments

Sorry, I don't know if that last one went through or not. Anyway, Kat, sounds like you already know what to do to me---fire the individual. The "self-appointment" said something right off the bat as they are always to be wary of, but whatever eh? Pray for the lady and move on is all. You sound like a wonderful woman and fine mother, both now and always. Your post was truly encouraging for me and I've been sober a long time, just beware of all the control-freaks in AA as they are abundant. Keep doing what you're doing sweetheart and count your blessings as they sound plentiful also. Just one more tidbit of advice--if you decide you even really "need" a sponsor, take your time and CHOOSE wisely as their are very few whom are actually "qualified" to do the work. As many have stated here already, you don't HAVE to have one, however most do, but to each their own. I pray you find your journey even more pleasant than the blessed road you've already apparently been traveling. There's an old dude on the coffepot that always says, "it just keeps gettin gooder an gooder!" May God hold you in the palm of His hand as well--be well dear woman........


Member: Markus Arelius
Location: Rome
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 08:46 PM

Comments

Sorry, I don't know if that last one went through or not. Anyway, Kat, sounds like you already know what to do to me---fire the individual. The "self-appointment" said something right off the bat as they are always to be wary of, but whatever eh? Pray for the lady and move on is all. You sound like a wonderful woman and fine mother, both now and always. Your post was truly encouraging for me and I've been sober a long time, just beware of all the control-freaks in AA as they are abundant. Keep doing what you're doing sweetheart and count your blessings as they sound plentiful also. Just one more tidbit of advice--if you decide you even really "need" a sponsor, take your time and CHOOSE wisely as there are very few whom are actually "qualified" to do the work. As many have stated here already, you don't HAVE to have one, however most do, but to each their own. I pray you find your journey even more pleasant than the blessed road you've already apparently been traveling. There's an old dude on the coffepot that always says, "it just keeps gettin gooder an gooder!" May God hold you in the palm of His hand as well--be well dear woman........


Member:
Location:
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 09:24 PM

Comments

I read this site today and someone posted that had my name on a post that wasn't me.


Member: Stumpy
Location: Texas
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 11:20 PM

Comments

Hola, Dee. I will attempt to answer your question, "If the hand of God is with me, why are so many things wrong?" First, just as God is with us, evil is present all around us and tries to take us away from God's love. This has been true throughout history. If you are a Christian, read about Jesus' temptations while he was in the wilderness for forty days. Second, many of us rely upon ourselves instead of relying upon God. I know it was true for me. I was totally self-sufficient, or so I thought. After my experience with alcoholism, I realize that I, as a human, am truly powerless. I used to THINK that I was a good Christian and that I knew God. I was wrong. Now I have a relationship with God that I would have never known if my life hadn't taken the path it did. Dee, put all your faith and trust in God. Believe that He is with you and that He has a plan for you. Then follow His will in every aspect of your life. You will see the wisdom of His ways. God Bless you. My prayers will be with you.


Member: Stumpy
Location: Texas
Date: September 12, 2003
Time: 11:41 PM

Comments

Hola, Kat. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. I must agree with Marcus Arelius, that any person who 'self-appoints' herself as a sponsor raises a red flag. But, how is a newcomer supposed to know that? Most just think that another person is trying to help them. In fact, as Marcus points out, there are many in AA who are control freaks. They cannot run their own lives, so they 'appoint' themselves sponsors and try to control other's lives. Invariably, bad results occur. 'When the blind lead the blind, they both end up in the ditch.' As mentioned, decide first IF you need a sponsor. Then take your time and carefully choose one. As has been said, a truly qualified sponsor is a rare person indeed. Samantha gives some good advice on what to look for. Finally, remember that your self-appointed sponsor probably has more problems than you can possibly imagine. I doubt she was acting with any sort of animus in her statments. So just let it go. Your children have confirmed their love for you and that is all that matters. Your children will be with you for the rest of your life. You never have to see or speak to your former sponsor again if you don't want to. Congratulations on your 90 days and Keep on Truckin'!


Member:
Location:
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 09:40 AM

Comments

Thanks for that Stumpy---Excellent, excellent advice for not just Kat, but ALL of us! Thanks again!


Member: Kat
Location: MA
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 11:24 AM

Comments

Thanks so much for all the great advice, love and support. I just had to write again and tell you all the miracles that have transpired as a direct result of that uncomfortable situation... How God does work in wonderous ways. After talking with my husband and sons and praying to God to help me let it go, I decided to write an email to a friend who passed away in March 2000. He had 12 years of sobriety and I loved him with all my heart. I wrote, Dear Dave, I write this knowing full well that I will send it off into cyber-space and get it back undeliverable, but I need to reach out and connect with you... I wish you were here to be my sponsor..." It went on in a very deep way and then I hit "send." Yesterday morning I received a reply. I was almost afraid to open it and then figured it was an auto-responder that goes out to anyone who still writes to that address. However, it turned out to be from Dave's wife who had only been married to Dave for less than a year when he died. She said she regularly checks that address and hoped I didn't feel that my space was invaded. She said she was sitting there crying tears of joy to know that her husband's message and life was still making an impact. She said "I'm sure you were and are a great mother because Dave only surrounded himself with great people." And then she said "I know Dave is very proud of you for your 90 days... Congratulations!" It was a gift from God, pure and simple. It gave me the courage to call my sponsor and tell her I was offended and she said she has to learn how to not assume things and how she might rephrase things depending on each individual rather than grouping everyone into the same "alcoholic boat." There was so much learning going on in all directions and none of it made me want to drink. Ta dah!!! Love and blessings to you all... and a giant hug to (((((Marcus))))) :)Kat


Member: Kat
Location:
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 11:26 AM

Comments

ooops... that's ((((Markus)))) not Marcus... sorry - I figure if you're going to hug someone, at least spell their name correctly!!! :) Kat


Member: Kat
Location:
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 11:38 AM

Comments

Well now I feel bad for not hugging ((((Stumpy)))) and ((((Susan A)))) and here's one extra for all of us (((((*)))))


Member: Melissa
Location: Canada
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 11:52 AM

Comments

Well, my sponsor "self-appointed" herself. Actually, she offered to serve as a temporary sponsor and said that that meant she'd take me to different meetings, introduce me to people she knew, and answer questions that I had about AA. She also shared her own story with me. She explained that no matter what I felt on this subject, that she and I were on a level playing field, with the sole difference being that she'd had longer practical experience in how to live without drinking. At the time, she was two years without a drink, and one year active in Alcoholics Anonymous and I was her first sponsee. She never, ever told me what to do about the so-called details of my tangled life, but she'd ask questions and I'd be able to make my own decisions, which was a pretty valuable learning experience. Looking back, I was a person who honestly wanted to get well, and was ready to do whatever it took - of course I was led to a healthy person, a Higher Power takes care of people who want to get well. When we are at the turning point, the right persons appear for us. I identified with Kat's feelings, because I thought I was a really good mother, too. And in some respects I was; I did everything the books said to do if you want to be a good mother. Now I know that this was an ego-feeding propisition, it was more about me than it was about the kids, but it was some time before I could bear to look at the fact that my actions were good enough, but my motives stunk. Honesty didn't kill me, it set me free, and my sponsor just listened as I made my way through one sober day after another. She made the common suggestions, get to lots of meetings, work and live the steps, I took every last suggestion, and it worked. I feel a lot more right-sized today, the silent raging ego is in check, and I haven't needed a drink (or wanted one, that's the real miracle) in over four years. I had help beyond measure from a sponsor who knew the truth that I couldn't even begin to guess at - that helping me would keep her sober. It's really pretty simple, and it does work.


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 01:22 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, feeling good today. I am on Day #2. Yes I relapsed again, but still in good spirits of making it. I am going to church tommorow and there is a group meeting at the church to discuss religion on Mondays that I want to attend. Still haven't gone to a meeting. Found out the time and place of a meeting for every night of the week, drove to one, and as I came close to the turn but I kept driving. Just couldn't do it. I already know what all of you are going to say but I just can't get myself to walk through the doors. I have been lower than low and still it feels somehow worse to become a member of an AA group. Yes I know it sounds ridiculous, but I guess to walk through those doors I have to give up every ounce of pride that I have left and I can't. I wonder how many people doom thierselves just as I am all because of pride. Well I went to the doctors and they put me on some stupid anti depressant. I am taking them and its amazing how good I feel although my life is still shit. The guy that lives near me that I spoke about last week has become a good friend. He wants to take me out on a date but I told him I am just not ready to date anyone so he is happy just as friends. Afterwards I started thinking pretty deeply about my problem and my life and I think that I started understanding that my problem revolves around fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not being as fun as I think people want me to be, fear of being alone, fear of who I really am. I sound like a walking talk show sometimes :-). So now that I have put my finger on the problem what they hell do you do next.. I sort of challenged myself to stop being afraid to be real, to live everyday as it should be lived and each time you think that you miss your friends or even yourself, remember its just fear because this new life is sort of the unknown, you haven't really lived it so how do you know what you will get out of it. So What do you all think, it won't work right, I need to get to a meeting. I know I know, I just can't seem to walk in those doors. And here I am talking about fear. Well I think that I am going to go to one tonight. Just going to go, thats it, if I am challenging my fear then I am just going to find some strength to walk in there. And stop being so ashamed!!!


Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 02:57 PM

Comments

CHris here--alcoholic/addict/// september...I ,too, felt such reluctance to go to a meeting...But I must encourage you that your shame will turn to peace when you find a meeting that is right for you. Hang in there! As for the importance of a sponsor...I can't say enough about how important my sponsor has been to my sobriety. I guess I have been lucky. I first had a temporary sponsor, and then got my present sponsor. I would never have made it without her. She hs just the right mix of love and honesty. It has made all the difference in the world to have some one who has a lot more sanity than I do to guide me through life. My best efforts had gotten me into the rooms, so I needed a lot of help. So I think that a sponsor is vital. And I am so greatful that GOd gave me mine.


Member: Sunshine
Location: Philadelphia
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 03:10 PM

Comments

Kat, thank you so much for your beatiful story about your friend Dave. I got goose bumps when I was reading it and someone once told me that when you get goose bumps like that, it is the Spirit of David or whoever is being spoken about. That was very nice of his wife also to respond. And, you also gave her a gift of words and memories. I actually have two sponsors.. some are sicker than others:) One is my step sponsor and the other is I guess my daily contact and it's a little embarrassing to say but like a mother figure type. I've had difficulty with them since the beginning. Yes, trust issues, uniqueness... whatever else I could come up with to keep myself isolated from the world. It's taken me a while to get the relationship with my step sponsor going. But we have begun the 1st step. I had 8 1/2 yrs and chose to drink. Now I'm starting over. Thank God for that opportunity... for it all. I'm really trying to be honest with who I am today. Pride says, "Dare not pass this way and Fear says, "You dare not look!" Pride & Fear have crippled me! Not anymore. I have been out of work for 3 months so far and will stay out until I feel ready to go back. This is my life I'm fighting for and I am my own worst enemy.. of course I love to blame others though too. I don't feel very strong right now as far as dealing with the outside world. Maybe I'm weak, but this is how I feel I need to handle it. Money is tight being on disability, but it all works out in the long run. For once, I'm trusting my Higher Power, the program, myself, the fellowship and the outside help that I'm seeking... trusting the process! I can not think my way into trusting, I have to act my way into trust... in other words just do it. Thanks for listening.


Member: Kat
Location:
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 03:41 PM

Comments

Hey September - EVERYONE can relate to that fear of walking in those doors. I heard a speaker once tell and audience member who was complaining about her finances say "The anxiety you feel is not about your finances, it's about what you're not doing about them." and I immediately related that to my drinking. And when I finally got the courage to walk through those doors it reminded me of my fear of skiing. I didn't learn how to ski until I was 40 and the main reason was that I was afraid of getting off the ski-lift. The first time I slid by butt off and skied down that tiny little hill I looked back and said "and THAT was what had me scared all those years?" I have a feeling that your anxiety is also not about your drinking, but what you're not doing about it... walking through those doors. People (and angels)are waiting on the other side with opened arms. The day my therapist handed me the AA book of meetings and said "when you're ready, I know a great women's group at Milton Hospital" the very next day the Virgin Mary appeared on the window of that hospital (perhaps you read about it in the paper)and I took it as a sign that was especially for me. I went to the very next meeting and my therapist was shocked and said that no one has ever acted so quickly on her suggestion of attending an AA meeting like that in her entire career! When it's right you'll know it... I hope and pray that it is tonight. I think you'll be surprised when you look back at those doors and say "And THAT was what I was so scared about?" September is a great time for embracing change... God bless you.


Member: Cecilia D
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 03:45 PM

Comments

Hi Carrie from Essex :-) I'm hanging in there; this week was really hard for me, on Sept. 11, 2001 I started binging and could not stop and now the struggle to stay sober continues . . . Life's too short, and I pray that everyone stops and tell family and friends how much they love them. Everyone please: easy does it,and please forgive yourselves and those who've hurt you. Peace. C


Member: Robin A.
Location: Florida
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 04:37 PM

Comments

September: Keep dpoing the same thing over and over, expecting different results is what comes to mind when I read your posts. What exactly is it that you find so scarry about going into a meeting? I went into my first one almost 4 and a half years ago-and I am so glad I did. My life has improved 500% from what I was then. Where in Florida are you? I am located in Central FL-Polk County. If you'd like-if your nearby-email me and I'll take you to a meeting. rjamato@hotmail.com


Member: MM
Location: midwest
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 08:11 PM

Comments

some advice please. i know that this isn't in keeping with the topic of a sponsor, but i just had something happen that i found problematic. i've been struggling to stay sober for months now and can only pull 2-3 days together at a time right now. why? it's another post. basically my sex life with my wife has been suffering tremendously for this and other reasons. tonight, she took a bath, and while she was in the tub i started drinking. after she got out she got all dolled up in some new things, unbeknownst to me. when she called me into the bedroom i was surprized to see her in that way and wanted to be with her, but because i had been drinking i didn't feel that i could. so right now she's in the bedroom crying and upset because she thinks that i neglect her and i'm here typing. i love her and know that i want to be with her. i just can't when i drink, and that is usually everyday. is there a way i can explain this to her in a reasonable way? please, someone respond to this. i'm new to this site and enjoy it so far.


Member: Rona M
Location: Scotand
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 08:51 PM

Comments

Hi.Amazed at the responses here.I wish all newcomers the very best.This works and if we do as the book suggests the rewards are amazing.Its possible to stay sober without a sponsor but perhaps look at why not?There arw people I know whove lifted a drink after 27 years etc-they were not on the program.


Member: Kat
Location:
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 10:25 PM

Comments

MM - the discussion page's topic is "sex and sobriety", maybe your post should go there. Go to a meeting and get a 24 hour chip and ask God to take away the desire. Give it all to Him and you will find that eventually the desire will be gone and you can be totally present for your wife.


Member: Karen A.
Location: FL
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 10:26 PM

Comments

I left my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years and i feel 100% better. He is a recovering crack addict and has alot problems. He always took them out on me and never focused on himself instead he focused on me. He was a controller, always right, manipulated people, his way or no way, and he never practiced what he preached! He always took me to strip joints and let me drink under his supervision and sick as I am, I did not mind drinking. He got the kicks when I watched the strippers dance. Just a week ago, he bought a camcorder without letting me know and he taped us making love and I was furious. He violated my bounderies and has no respect for me. I wanted to leave him numerous times, but I was scared and very dependant on him. I had to follow my heart this time and leave him for my own good! He is in drugcourt in Sarasota, FL and now there is a warrant out for him because he tested positive for pot. I am now living with my parent's, spending all my time with my 4 year old son and finally getting along with my ex-husband. I'm going to my home group any chance I can get and they all make me feel so alive again and that I have my HP by side 24/7!!! I have had sponser's in the past and I just can't connect with any of the women. I have trust and self-esteem issues. I know in time, I will find the right person who will keep me under her wing and fly with her in peace. Thanks so much for reading and I'll keep you all updated. God bless you all.


Member:
Location:
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 10:57 PM

Comments

is somthin wrong over on the pot? cant anyone get through or what?


Member: Pam B - Sobergirl91 at hotmail dot com
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 11:25 PM

Comments

I don't know what kind of program Samantha from Tomoka, WA is in (Perfectionists Anonymous maybe) but its not the AA Program. Read the BB - read Step 12 in the 12&12. When someone is ready to begin working w/others as a "sponsor" - it means that person has completed applying all 12 Steps into their life & is living them to the best of their humanly possible ability to stay sober one day at a time. We AA's commence to grow FROM working w/others. We are not on some unrealistic cross next to Jesus Christ before we're "ready" to begin sponsoring.>>>>> (((Kat))) - it sounds like that woman offered to sponsor you because 90 days is an awfully long time to be hanging around w/no sponsor - she cared to see you stay sober & help you if she may. It sounded like she only meant well & to be encouraging as the "usual" is that the majority were far from ideal as mothers or fathers when we get to AA. I would suggest talking to her & share w/her as you have here.- the 2 of you are just beginning to get to know each other & she is not a perfected being - just an alcoholic reaching out trying to help another alcoholic so together you can both stay sober today. She made a mistake & altho its a sensitive issue to you, I'm sure she didn't intend to hurt you. Prayers with you. email anytime if you'd like & thanks for being here. Pam


Member: THE COFFEE POT IS BROKEN
Location:
Date: September 13, 2003
Time: 11:28 PM

Comments


Member: A
Location:
Date: September 14, 2003
Time: 12:17 AM

Comments

Hi, I don't know if it's ok that I'm writing in your chatroom or whatever this is, but I'm wondering why I drink and would like to stop. When I'm stressed or upset, I drink, I like to get drunk, but I hate what I do and who I am when I'm drunk. I dont' know what to do and I don't know if I have a problem or not. Can someone tell me anything useful? Thank you and again, I apologize if this was not in accordance to your website.


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: September 14, 2003
Time: 12:41 AM

Comments

Hi A, Welcome to Staying Cyber. This is the Early Sobriety meeting and it is certainly ok for you to ask questions about drinking anytime you like. If you have the desire to stop drinking, you are at the right place. Most of us here asked ourselves the same questions and have found a solution to our drinking problems. If you are wondering why you drink I would recommend that you start reading what we refer to as the Big Book. Here is a link to a website that has the Book. http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html The Chapter titled the Doctors Opinion will give you the answer to why many people drink when they like being drunk but don't like themselves when they are drunk. No need to apologize many people here are more than happy to help you. Keep Coming Back.


Member: Danise S
Location: Texas
Date: September 14, 2003
Time: 01:06 AM

Comments

new here and looking for support. very interested in the site. looking forward to getting to know people like me.


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX
Date: September 14, 2003
Time: 01:26 AM

Comments

Welcome Danise, Glad you are here and if you are like us we already know each other ;) Another note for the post above from "A". The Chapter "There Is A Solution" goes into great detail about drinking problems. Nite everyone wishing all a safe and sober weekend.