Member: Avid
Location: Lurker
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 08:54 AM

Comments

Duh....Don't drink first---need anymore be said? Just keep in mind that it is only the FIRST thing we do. Easy does it, but DO it applies here for sure.. First, do NOT get slip-sloppin every single minute of your life and then we can start to do the other things as it's not rocket-science to figure out drunk is NOT good, eh>?


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 09:56 AM

Comments

Just to let you know I'm on day 4 without a drink. Some rough spots, restless sleep and wild dreams with headaches when waking. It also feels like something is missing when I get home from work when I normally reach for my 16 oz Bud. But drinking is no longer an option for me. Blessings to everyone


Member: Irene
Location: Ontario
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 10:14 AM

Comments

Way to go Rich. I have quit yet. Guess I haven't reached that point, but I can feel it is coming sooner than later. The first thing for me is to decide that yes I am worth it. I am worth putting first for a change and putting an honest effort in taking care of myself and not those around me which causes stress which give me the excuse to drink. An never ending cirlce. Hope you all have a great Sunday.


Member: Pat H.
Location: Northern Va.
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 10:58 AM

Comments

"First things first" just seems to me to be another way of saying keep it simple.As simple as it gets is not picking up a drink this 24. Doing what it takes to accomplish that goal is my priority a day at a time. The bad days are the days I let everything and everyone get in there ahead of my priorities.


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 11:00 AM

Comments

Day #7. Off to the city with the kids!


Member: Kari
Location: CA
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 11:54 AM

Comments

First things first: make God a priority, get through each day without a drink, get plenty of sleep during these first 30 days, take care of yourself so that you can love and take care of others. ((Ethan)) Glad to hear that we are both on Day 7. You sound like you are enjoying yourself. I am leaving for church right now and don't know what the afternoon has in store for us yet. Just really enjoying the extra energy that comes with being sober. My daughter and I were up at 5:30am snuggling in bed, watching Mary Poppins on video.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 12:07 PM

Comments

One day at a time, or hour or minute, if need be. And by that mantra, I have been able to stay sober 6 months today. Well, that saying and meetings and having a sponcer and the steps and fellowship, and oh ya - GOD. We can all stay sober TODAY. God bless all of us.


Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 12:35 PM

Comments

First things first--if you dont lift the first drink you cant get drunk! it all begins there, Regards L-RAY


Member: Sheri
Location: Ca
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 01:29 PM

Comments

I'm Sheri alcoholic. I did take that first beer last night and ended up in the hard stuff later. I'm at that point. I have to quit and don't seem to be able to. I have many many pressures and stresses at home and work, like many of you do. I wish I could say I've been sober for a month, year, ten years. Today again is day one. This site gives me hope so one day at a time again.


Member: Manny
Location: Aussie
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 01:40 PM

Comments

Hang in there Sheri from Cali, we're all rootin for ya. Kari in Cali and Ethan))) Way to go kids, we're proud of you, keep it up. Nice to hear about your daughter Kari and your kids Ethan, the most important things in life, beautiful. You are nice examples for Sheri and others like myself as we all need to know we can do it too...Congrats to the C-Carrie in Cali on her 6 months--another shining example in early recovery!!!


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 02:34 PM

Comments

First thing for me to do is to accept step 2 in my heart then move on to the third. Seems easy but just now my faith has wimped out.


Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 02:40 PM

Comments

Hang in Sherry , I had many false starts but I have nearly six years under my belt now and drinking is the last thing on my mind today. This is a great site, I have never been toa f2f meeting and I'm doing fine . But I have good support at home , guess that makes the difference. I need lots of down time too, that's time by myself to do my own thing and thinking. I remember counting the non drink days , I would get to a good number then bingo! I was off again. Then the drink stopped working. I went from ''wow this feels good '' to getting up through the night for a drink because I couldn't sleep for nerves [as the effects of the previous drinks wore off] Don't let yourselves get to that point , quitting now might seem difficult but nowhere as bad as continued drinking will take you. I forgot the topic !!!! Sorry , just wanted to say good luck to all.


Member: Kari
Location: CA
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 04:01 PM

Comments

((Sheri)) I know what you mean about the stresses of life. I have MANY! As I stated in last weeks post, my husband has been in Iraq for 10 months and I have raised my daughter alone since she was only a few months old. He is a high ranking military officer and so even when he is here, he is working alot and I am left to handle everything else. I am only on Day 7 myself, so I'm not the most experienced here, but the conclusion that I finally came to after much wasted time and heartache, is that drinking is only going to make the stresses of life even more unmanageable. I hope that makes sense. ((Rich)) On Day 4, I was still feeling alot of withdrawal symptoms - headache, edema, tired, fever, night sweats, but very little shaking. I don't know how much you were drinking before, but it sounds like you are right there where I was on Day 4. I was drinking enough to have broken capillaries in my cheeks, but nothing that makeup or a little laser work can't get rid of, which I will probably have done if I can make it for good this time. Anyhow, Day 5 was much better. By Day 6, I was a new person. I've been trying over and over again for almost 5 years (been drinking heavily for 17 years). This is the first time I have gone to AA though.


Member: Dennis K
Location: PA
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 04:04 PM

Comments

I have 5 months sober now, and my "first thing" is to pray. As soon as I wake up, I thank God for this beautiful sober day, and ask Him to take over my life and my will so that I can do His will. I repeat this during the day every time I start to feel stressed out, and it helps make the stress problem seem much easier to deal with. Then I say it again when I go to bed and I can go to sleep knowing that life is beautiful - when I'm sober.


Member: Robin
Location: Iowa
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 09:47 PM

Comments

Robin here alcoholic. I have 112 days sober. It is not easy but I have to keep reminding myself that getting drunk won't help me at all. Don't take the first drink and you won't have to worry about how that little demon (alcohol) will come out. Thanks for letting me share. Everyone hang in there in their first couple of days it is rough. Learning as I go no expert here.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 10:53 PM

Comments

Hi Diane here day 117 sober (Dennis) your right about the praying that does help and thanking him each day for another sober day helps me also, Life is getting so much better here at my Home and this is a good week with my Son he is doing good again. I just have to remember to keep sober and keep praying for my children


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 11:18 PM

Comments

Hi All, Hope you all had a nice Sunday. I thought it was Sunday yesterday for a few hours till someone at the wedding I went to clued me in. I guess I killed a few more brain cells than I thought. First Things First means for me that first and foremost is my program. It had to come before even my son but he understands. It has to come before EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE just as alcohol did for many years. I just replaced all the energy I put into drinking into working my program. I pray every morning for God to keep me from a drink and at bedtime I thank him for one more sober day. My morning starts with my daily reflections book and coffee. I then plan my day around my meeting or meetings. Usually a AA friend or two calls and we talk. I visit Staying Cyber most mornings and then shower. It gets me off on the right foot. My primary purpose each day is to stay sober and it really does seem to work for me to start it out with AA and my HP. I hit two meetings today and went to the pool with some friends and had a very enjoyable day. Most days are so good now. The only down point is the man I broke up with last week seems to be following me around to my meetings and was at the pool. He also sent me another e-mail begging me to talk to him. It is ok because I'm not playing into his game/ giving up my power. I asked for space and he can not respect that anymore than he could respect me. My sponsor said that he is having trouble with acceptance but to stick to my guns on mine. No waffling! It is so nice to have choices today based on sober decisions I make for myself and what is good for Kelly. I have power again... way cool! Rich, Hang in there, the physical stuff passes around day four. If you are having trouble with Step Two go back to Step one. When ready to start Step 2 try reading Chapter 4, We Agnostics. The first three paragraphs on page 45 pretty well say it. Good Luck. Irene, keep coming. Ethan, hope you had a nice day with the kids and Congrats you and Kari on day 7! Congrats Carrie on 6 months and Robin on 112 days... Awesome! Sheri, Begin again and keep it one day at a time. You can do it. Hi Diane, hope you enjoyed your weekend. Landscape Ray, so true, we can't get drunk without picking up the first one. To everyone else I may have missed have a safe and sober week. Kelly


Member: RON B.
Location: HOUSTON, TX.
Date: July 20, 2003
Time: 11:57 PM

Comments

Hi Rich, my name is Ron and I had the same problem with step 2 as it seems you are. The thing that helped me was that I had to relize that step two said that "I CAME TO BELIVE" AND NOT "I believed". The amasing thing about this program is that it worked for me even though I didn't, at first, believe it would. You see this program will only work for those who do it, rather you belive in it or not. If you work the steps believe me you to will come to believe. Have faith and move on to step three.


Member: Aprill G
Location:
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 12:25 AM

Comments

Thanks for all the nice and supportive comments from my posting last week. I am really nervous about trying to attend another meeting. I guess I'm just so insecure. I haven't drank anything in 5 days and I seem fine. I don't drink ALL the time, I just don't quit once I start. That's why I struggle with the whole "alcoholism" thing. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, but yet I can be something I allow to over power me, so some of these 12 steps I read over seemed pretty helpful. I don't know what to do, I guess I'll just see what feedback I get and talk to my counselor some more about it. Thanks for your help and I must say how impressed I was at reading all the other remarks, you are all doing great it sounds like, keep up the hard, but excellent work.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 12:28 AM

Comments

Hi Ron, So true, we don't have to believe in the beginning. My sponsor told me something on Step two I want to pass on. Step two is like baking a cake. As you are making the cake you can be thinking the whole time about (pizza) but when you open the oven when it is done a (cake) comes out.


Member: Jane C.
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 03:30 AM

Comments

Jane C.alcoholic back tonight and gratefully sober..made it through day 7..Thank you God..It's 11:15 PM here now..time for me to get some sleep..the dogs are out cold and SNORING too!..Life really can be so pleasant when we are sober...we can take notice of things that we'd never enjoy when we get drunk...How I HATE that word..I have these 2 dogs that my boyfriend said I needed and I never thought they would give me so much pleasure..getting under my feet most of the day, following me around the house...Ethan, your post was short and sweet..Good for you..have a sober Monday..Karib, I hope we both get through Monday with God's Grace..He's with me practically all day long...I don't even know what I talk to him about most of the time...can't seem to get my concentration back yet, but he's with me, especially when I'm out driving..I HATE to drive..it's been one of my phobias since I was a teen..Imagine how nutty I was when I was drinking...praying out loud for God to get me through the day without getting in the car..most days I made it..one day I didn't.. I have the habit of jumping the curb making right turns...even when not drinking..one day the rear bumper of the car ended in the small ditch near the curb and I don't know how it happened..luckily it was in a pretty much no traffic area..the cops here were not around too or I'm sure I would have had a serious problem..that was my bottom..and this happened about a week before I finally put down the drink..Oh, how I pray I never take it up again..I KNOW that I can't do it anymore..I'm tired of living with total fear about what may happen next.. I hope everyone has a very great day tomorrrow and post again..don't know what I'do without this program..


Member: Anna H.
Location:
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 05:09 AM

Comments

Hi. I'm Anna and I'm an alcoholic. I have been going to meetings for the past four days and have been sober for those days. I have a hard time with admitting that I am an alcoholic and also have been listening to people at meetings who are so much worse than I ever was that I start thinking that maybe I am not an alcoholic, though deep down I know I am. It is just like me to feel like a misfit, even with a bunch of other misfits. Glad to be here and want my life to be better.


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 08:51 AM

Comments

Starting on day 5 sober. Another restless night of wild dreams and torment. But one good thing is emerging- my sex drive is re-awakening. What a pleasent surprize. Thanks (Kari) for your encouragement and (Kelly)for your reference to Chapter 4 on Agnostics. BTW I don't have the BB is it available on line? (Ron B) thanks for the insight on step 2 it gives me hope. I'm going to keep buzy today getting my car to the shop for a new transmission, mow the lawn,tend my garden, mabey even have time to bake a cake before I get ready for the Eagles concert tonight. Thanks for all your support and blessings to you and those you love.


Member: Tom
Location: NY
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

Day 37. First things first for me is coming on here. I actually start my day this way. Read all the posts and think about what I've read throughout the day. Then I come back from time to time and again before I go to bed. Seems like I gave up one addiction for another. A healthier one too. Best of luck to all.


Member:
Location:
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 09:26 AM

Comments

((TOM)) I have watch you grow keep going man


Member: ms
Location: ny
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 09:30 AM

Comments

hi, this is the first response that i have made but often read the sight. like so many beginners i to stop and start over and over again. i always believe that this time i will do it. not so. this sight gives me hope. i know that i need to find my higher power, but at times i feel like a real hypocrite asking for help when it is because of what i have chosen to do to myself. today my programs is to just stay in the day. when i relive the past it just gets fowl! so, sorry for the rambling but i am trying not to drink today and needed to get that out there


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 09:37 AM

Comments

Hi April G, your dilemma is in "More About Alcoholism", Chapter 3. The Idea that we could drink like normal people had to be smashed. I used to rationalize I could drink like normal people until I picked up the first drink and then look out. I lost all ability to stop. Because the disease centers in the mind we can tell ourselves all kinds of lies to justify our sprees. Walk through the fear and get to a meeting even if you are scared. You don't have to say anything just listen. If you don't like that meeting try another one till you find one you like. Your willingness is great! Rich, It sounds like you are getting yourself back. Drunk dreams and feelings of sexuality included. Everything feels so real when we are not drunk. I'm jealous your going to an Eagles concert. I'm dating myself but they were really popular when I was in High School. Hotel California was our class song. It made this lyric jump in my head, "I have a peaceful easy feeling and I know you won't let me down, cause I'm already standing on the ground". Have a great time at the concert. You can read/ download a Big Book at: http://www.recovery.org/aa/ Scroll down to the links. Jane Alaska, Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only challenged driver out there! Keep on truckin. I'm not afraid of driving but everyone on the road is afraid of me... lol. Hey I've only totalled like 7 cars in my life and everytime I did I was sober... Yikes! Keep up the good fight all and lets not drink just for today just because we are worth it. Kelly


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex, England
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 09:40 AM

Comments

((MS)) We didn't do anything bad to ourselves, we were suffering. I to always thought this time I will beat it I know I will. Until the next drink of course and then the merry-go-round that was until god woke me up one morning and led me to AA, I would never have got their on will power alone, since that day 6months ago he has stood beside me and my faith grows and grows. What harm does asking for help do? To admit we are not that person we thought we were is the begining to find the person we really are. Even today I can get a bit of the old character defect (PRIDE) come into play but I just open my mouth and let the words come out and boy what a relief that is. People around you find it easy to ask you for help if they see that you yourself are not afraid to ask. So maybe your asking for help will one day save someones life!


Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 12:05 PM

Comments

Hi all - I'm Pam - an alcoholic. I was also told at my very 1st mtg to pray for God to keep me from taking a drink or a drug for these next 24 hrs the moment I opened my eyes in the morning - (& pray for God to remove it each time the thought or craving happened during the day - & then talk to another sober AA about - preferably get to a mtg too. I battled cravings 24/7 in my early months) - At my 1st mtg the sober AA's told me if I didn't believe in God or didn't believe God would do that for me - then ask the God they believed in because He would do the same for me as He's been doing for them if I ask Him to. I was told that First Things First means that my own Sobriety has to be placed & always kept in my #1 Top Priority Slot before anything else or I will end up losing anything I place as more important if I don't. For me that has always meant anything I have to do in order to stay sober (don't drink, pray, read the BB, talk w/my sponsor each day, phoning other AA's, attending at least 1 f2f mtg a day, getting active in a home group, being greeter at the door, making coffee, helping to set up & clean up at mtgs, asking for help as often as I need it, thanking God (my HP) for another sober day each night before bed) - so far it works for me so I think I will keep at it - one day at a time. Thanks for letting me share. Pam


Member: Early G.
Location:
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 12:17 PM

Comments

Good Morning! Day 8 for me. I'm feeling much better this week than the first. I had this horrible headache for the last three days and I was wondering if anyone else had experienced that in the beginning? It seems to be lifting now, but I can't find the trigger. Anyway, I too have found this site to be something I look forward to each day. I love reading the comments and different situations. When I would drink, I told myself it was because I was different than "normal" people and I just did not know skills to handle my problems and emotions like everyone else seemed to be able to do. This site helps me to realize that many people don't have those skills, but are brave enough to try and learn them without alcohol. Thanks to all!


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 12:50 PM

Comments

What I am observing about myself as I interact with others on this site is that I find myself looking at it as " what's in it for me?" What am I getting out of this rather than what can I contribute to this site that will benefit others. I've been selfish and self centered all my life and I see this as a real problem. But first things first. Mabey once the fog lifts I can work on that.Thanks (Kelly) for the reference to the BB. I read the chapter already. When the Eagles play "Hotel California" tonight, I'll be thinking of you. Blessings.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 12:54 PM

Comments

Having worked with many guys, Iíve observed for many, as the fog clears, family, SOs and job will often take priority over attending meetings and learning the steps. I canít think of a single one of those people who are still sober today. Alcohol beat the living crap out of me, I have no doubt it will be my master again if I donít take the right actions. My recovery has become the most important thing in my life today. With that, I get to have a relationship with God and people. I get to keep my job and all the other wonderful gifts; I will lose if I drink. ďThe first thing I place above my recovery is the second thing I lose, if I give up my recovery.Ē


Member: September
Location: Florida
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 01:08 PM

Comments

Working on day 2. I finally deicded to admit to myself that I have a problemw ith alcohol. I always thought I could stop drinking whenever I wanted, but now I see that I just can't. I am not someone who wakes up and needs the alcohol, I just find myself always drinking myself silly. I thought I could control my drinking so I continue to put myself in the situation of being out in bars and things and alls it takes is one drink and I am on a rampage. So I guess I feel the same as April G. But I see that if I don't so something now, I will soon be worse. I know that I am worse today as I was a few years back when it didn't seem to have so much control over me. The problem id getting to a meeting. I just can't seem to bring myself to go. I feel as though that would be to harsh of a reality for me and for some reason very scary. I guess I am just going to have to take a deep breath and go.


Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson MI
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 01:24 PM

Comments

Mike, alcoholic. In all aspects of life is the term "first things first". Whether I am trying to stay sober, read a book, or put something together,etc.. When I read a book I don't read the last chapter first. I read the first, then the second, and so on. I handle my sobriety the same way. It is all about my following the directions and in the proper order. I didn't start out at step 12, I started out with step 1, then step 2, and so on. First things first.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 02:11 PM

Comments

Hi day 118 blue Monday but sober


Member: Kari
Location: CA
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 02:40 PM

Comments

((Early G)) We are both on Day 8, along with Ethan. The first three days were SO hard and I did have the headaches that you are talking about, as well as other withdrawal symptoms. But today I feel great and I ran 4 miles on the treadmill (I was up to 8 miles before I had my most recent relapse.) Hang in there with us. ((September)) Walking into an AA meeting for the first time was the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. It was so hard because I perceived "those" people to be drastically different than me. I still don't know if I belong there. It's pretty uncomfortable for me, but I have found out that even if I thought "those" people were different from me, our stories are sure similar. It has given me the chance to hear other's stories and to see that if I continue to think I don't have a problem and if I continue this life, I am going to end up like the people in AA that were late stage alcoholics (I am/was a middle stage alcoholic). Go to a meeting at least once. I know that it gave me something to think about if I even think about taking another drink. It also made me realize that I am not alone by any means. There are alot of people out there suffering just like you. A great book is "Beyond the Influence." Look it up on Amazon to get author, as I don't have the book right in front of me at this minute. But it has really changed the way I look at alcohol. ((Ethan)) How was the trip to the city? I hope you are on Day 8 with me. I'm sure you are at work right now.


Member: September
Location: Florida
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 02:55 PM

Comments

((Kari)) Thanks for your advice. Your right, as I am reading through the postings I see that there are ma ny stories that are just like mine. Silly anough, I didn't see alcoholism as having stages, but that makes sense, those that I perceive as needing to go to AA meetings are late stage alcoholics and maybe I am int he early to middle stages of alcoholism. I do know that it has effected my life and because of that I have ended up here. So I know that I do have a problem, maybe I just haven't really accepted it in my heart and thats why I don't want to go to the meetings. I will get that book. Thanks for the suggestion. Good luck to you as well, sounds like you are doing great. ((Diane)) 118 days sober, thats great. I really hope i can stay strong enough to get there. Good Luck and stay postive!! September


Member: Jay Kay
Location: Pennsylvania
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 08:43 PM

Comments

I hear you September and April G. I'm on day 8. I didn't drink every day, just one or two days a week. Usually Friday night. But no matter what I told myself going into the night, and no matter how many times I said to myself "you're going to be moderate tonight", it never worked. I'd get going and not stop. The thing about it was, that once I started, I got a little voice that told me, go ahead, you can have another vodka tonic, or scotch, or when you're done with that, a few extra beers...you know why? You deserve it, you can handle it, you're an adult, it's your life. I finally got tired of listening to that voice, tired of losing days to hangovers, tired of worrying the next day about what I said or did, tired of not remembering chunks of the evening, tired of being out of control. So last Monday I said, I can't do this anymore. By Friday, I went to a face to face meeting. Then I went to one Saturday morning, then Saturday night. I'm still in shock over the whole week, and can't believe I'm doing this, but it feels more right than wrong. Good luck to you.


Member: SHAWN M.
Location: MASS
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 10:07 PM

Comments

HEY FOLKS,SHAWN HERE.WELL, I FRIGGN BLEW IT.ANOTHER TWO WEEKS I WOULD HAVE HAD SIX MONTHS.LIKE YOU SHERRY I AM BACK TO SQUARE ONE.I KNOW I SHOULD NOT BE TO HARD ON MYSELF BUT IM PISSED.IF I DID IT ONCE I WILL PROBLY DO IT AGAIN.IF I DO IT AGAIN I MIGHT AS WELL JUST GO BACK TO JAIL.I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK TO JAIL.I WANT TO STAY SOBER.I HAVE NOT EVEN BEEN HOME TWO WEEKS.I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST MY PEACEFUL AND SOBER FRAME OF MIND THAT QUICK.I JUST HAD TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST.THANX FOR LISTENING AND I WILL CATCH YALL TOMMOROW. PEACE & PRAYERS SHAWN M. SSDAWG33@WMCONNECT.COM


Member: Kari
Location: CA
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 11:03 PM

Comments

((Ethan)) Where are you? I'm getting worried that you didn't make it to Day 8.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 11:30 PM

Comments

((Jay Kay)) Your last couple sentences really hit home for me. Early last week, I was in shock that it had come to this. Picking up the phone and calling someone that could help me was completely humiliating even though the person on the other end didn't know me at all. (I had called a rehab center to find out about their outpatient program; the whole memory is a little foggy since it was the day after a 4 day binge). The most shocking thing, was when I took the assessment thinking that it would either show that I was just a bit of a problem drinker or else an early stage alcoholic, but the results revealed that I was well into the middle stages of alcoholism. I bawled. ((Ethan)) Sorry if my previous post sounds like I don't have faith in you. I know that God is there for you and that most likely you made it to Day 8. ((Shawn)) Sorry to hear what happened. You are in my prayers.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 11:39 PM

Comments

Kari just say a prayer for him some folks come on here and then I never see them again and it's so sad but you got to keep on with your journy of staying sober it's up to you. I pray he comes back and I'm sure he will but I've seen so many come and stay awhile then never come back again and it's so sad cause we never know, I'm Diane on day 118 and today was pretty blue for me but I still made it another day and God willing I'll stay sober the rest of my life, good for you on day 8 keep on trucking and Shawn just pick yourself up and start over heck at least you are here and admit your slip so keep coming back cause it does work, and thanks (September) for noticing me sometimes I see a post and I just get down so far and forget who said what and so many good post that it's hard on this lady to remember them all but I still read them. We are on a journey to a sober and better life and we can do it together


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: July 21, 2003
Time: 11:54 PM

Comments

HI Bill here alcoholic from Arizona. "First Things First" Takes on a deeper meaning as we travel the Happy Road. In the beginning It meant that that I had to learn how to get and stay sober. If I stay sober then I have a shot at resolving problems that crop up from day to day. This bromide show up in the "Family After"...and alludes to the man stopped drinking but still was a heavy smoker and coffee drinker and was admonished. So again early on best we stick to recovery from alcohol I got sober in 1981 and quit smoking in 1994. I still drink coffee by the gallons. :) az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Becca
Location: California
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 12:06 AM

Comments

Hi, well first to Shawn. Don't beat yourself up. You slipped, but you just GET BACK ON. A seat and a hand is waiting for you. Diane, congrats on 118days. I have 111 today. it's been an interesting ride. I have been feelin' a little funny. It's as if things are too good. and it's not a manic high. it's just i'm doing what i'm told, working the steps, staying close to the program....who the hell is this girl? It's great but it's weird. Trying to go slow and keep it simple. My mind still races. Thanks Kari for the suggestion. I'm going to try and check out the book. I sure thank everyone for their shares. I've gotten so much out of a lot of them. I was feeling overwhelmed with the intense ones, but I figured everyone is entitled to their opinions and it's all good. I hope everyone is starting their weekend out well.


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 01:37 AM

Comments

Hi all. Finally back from the city and ready to bring Day #8 to an end. But first, on the topic - my first thing is God. When I remember that, I grow, when I forget, I die. ((Kari)) Thanks very much for rooting for me. So glad to hear you're also on day 8. We ended up staying overnight in a hotel to give the kids even more of an adventure. They loved it all and were great. I looked disaster in the face a couple of times. We went out to dinner and when my wife ordered a beer, the waiter then turned to me and asked if I would also like a 'libation'. I honestly didn't know what I would say as I answered. I really, really wanted a beer (or 2 or 12), but instead the words that came out were 'no thanks, diet pepsi for me, please'. Phew. Not sure where that came from. Then back at the hotel, there was a complimentary 'manager's reception' going on in the lobby / restaurant area as we walked in - with free booze for guests for 2 hours. I couldn't believe it. I'd never heard of such a thing. All I could think was: "where have these free hotel booze parties been all my life?? This is my kind of hotel!" Well, I survived that one by eating ice cream with my kids while my wife had the beer. The sugar kept me up late, but I know I still felt better then her when the kids all woke up 6 am! Want to thank every one here for helping me get this far. Still not real sure how this all works, but I do know thinking about the people here all working so hard at trying to get and/or stay sober played a big role in my getting through the last 48 hours sober. Thanks for being there.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 02:08 AM

Comments

((Ethan)) Yeeaaahhhh! (That's me being a cheerleader.) I am SO happy for you. That is so funny about the hotel booze party. I guess you are being tested like never before, aren't you? Even though you will want to say that God got you through both scenes, which I'm sure he did, aren't you just a wee proud of YOURSELF though too?? Tell more about the other drinker in your house. How does she feel about your problem drinking? The reason I ask is because I think I could admit I had a problem long before my husband was willing to see it. He kept telling me that I just needed to use better judgment and better control. He didn't get that after the first drink I didn't care about judgment and control. It wasn't until I started doing some scary s*#t that he admitted we need to get some help for me. ((To everyone else)) Sorry that I posted so many times today. I know I'm not suppose to per the message board rules. I just kind of need to "connect" here in these first 10 days. It's helping me to not drink.


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX (kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 03:11 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, Kerry here an alcoholic. Great job on another sober 24 hours and also to those still struggling for continuing to try. There is a solution and it is worth the effort. I like the way AZBill describes First Things First as a continuing effort. For me the first thing was recognizing and accepting the unmanagability of my life while drinking. I liked to think I was in control but my life was a complete shamble. Seeing the mess is fine but now I had a decision to make. Continue to spiral downward or get off my butt and take some action. I knew from being in AA before and from my 10 year experiment that I couldn't do this on my own. So my First Things First changed to Do the Next Right Thing. For me that was to accept that I could never use alcohol again unless I wanted continue that downward spiral to the bitter end. Next since I knew I couldn't do it, I would have to go to AA again and start praying. Each day I just focus on the Next Right Thing to do that will help me to stay sober. It is really simple if we just break it down into small steps of progress. Will I ever do it perfectly?...NO. But if I continue to have an open mind and take action by doing what is suggested, I get a little better each day. The total problem is overwhelming but if I just focus on a tiny portion of it I make progress and feel a little better each day. As the days add up so do the 'little betters' into a 'big better'. Thank you all for helping me add another little better to my life today.


Member: Tom
Location: NY
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 08:48 AM

Comments

Mick, mariahb: Hope to see you soon. Good luck.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 09:26 AM

Comments

Hi All, Just another day in paradise. Shawn, I'm sorry about the slip. You are on the outside now so you may need to connect at meetings and get a sponsor for the transition. Don't give up man, jail is not the only way to stay sober. You can do it cause your worth it! Diane I hope today brings you a smile and out of the blue room. Day 119!!! Whoo Hoo. Have you done anything for yourself lately? What about a little retail therapy? A new outfit or sandals. Just a thought and smiles from me to you. Ethan, Wow sounds like fun. You did great on facing all the temptations too. I myself grab an ice cream instead and it is so much better. For everyone else hang in there and keep coming back here. AZbill, I drink way to much coffee now myself. It used to be one cup a day because I had the shakes so bad. Now it is a pot! First things first and a little to much coffee is not going to lead to jail, death or institutions! Hey Rich, How was the concert? Thanks for reading that chapter and I hope it helped. I will hope that the Eagles someday make it over to the East Coast. I'll leave it with a few bars from Hotel California... circa 1978....... Mirrors on the ceiling Pink champagne on ice And she said We are all just prisoners here Of our own device And in the master's chambers They gathered for the feast They stab it with their steely knives But they just can't kill the beast....


Member: September
Location: Florida
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 09:29 AM

Comments

Hello everyone, starting on day 3 of my sobriety. Last night was hard for me. My sister has a drug and alcohol problem that is pretty bad and she is now the worse that I have ever scene. I wish things could just be simple sometimes. She came home after 3 days and was so out of it you wouldn't have even recognized her. She looked like she lost 10 lbs in those 3 days and her mind was completley gone. God, I wish you could help her. She is a sweet person. Always wanting to make others happy, always telling everyone how much she loves them but for some reason doesn't like herself. So today is hard for me, I just feel like getting off work and going for a few beers and drowning out all that I saw last night. But I am not going to do that. If anything I never want to be like that so I have to stay strong to help her. I have to keep my faith that one day things WILL be better. ((Kari)) keep talking girl. All your posts make this group feel like more of a family. I am getting so much inspiration just knowing that everyone out there is rooting for each other. I think from this group I am feeling less afraid to go to a face to face group. There seem to be alot of others like me, or at the same level in alcoholism as me. I hope that I can learn something to give back to my sister. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. ~September


Member: ms
Location: ny
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 10:10 AM

Comments

september i too starting day 3, so, let's keep it up. sorry about your sister but your priority needs to be you right now. to everyone i can't tell you how great it is to read the posts. today i am just going to remember that god is there to help me not drink today. that is where i am working to stay in the day, not whallow in the past or predict the future. have a terrific days, a many smiles


Member: Rich
Location: NH
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 10:48 AM

Comments

Hey (Kelly M)the Eagles concert was AWESOME great seats, great memories. BTW the concert was at the Verizon arena in NH. Isn't that in your neck of the woods? Starting day 6 sober but feelin blue for some unknown reason.


Member: JB
Location: NY
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 11:32 AM

Comments

The past few weeks there have been many discussions of slips and startovers. I fall into that category. I was on this wonderful site last Nov. proclaiming to all that I was beginning my path to sobriety. Well, that path took me to the holidays and all that goes with them. I don't need to tell any of you what went on until now. We all know. Anyway, I have never left this site but felt that I had to remain silent during my drinking. This was out of respect for sobriety. I feel sobriety is something that is deserved and something to be respected. So, here I am back again. You have taught me alot in my months of silence, but I am praying that now on day 2 I will be able to be a full participant in staying sober together. First things first to me right now is to understand that sobriety comes first before all things. Understanding that, I can ask for help from my HP, AA and all of you.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 11:41 AM

Comments

All of you in your first weeks of recovery give me so much. What a miracle that any of us have made it into these rooms! Do your selves a favor and write about these feelings, this time in your recovery is what you will use the rest of your lives to stay sober, one day at a time. I make sure I will never forget what it was like to wake up sober and be amazed. I remember what it was like to realize that I hadn't thought about alcohol for an hour or two. I remind myself that I used to be scared to go to bed without a drink. I can now go to the grocery store with out noticing the wine aisle. Today I don't get jumpy at 8 o'clock at night with out booze in the house. And I have NEVER, EVER woken up in the morning wishing I had drank the night before. It's been a crazy year, three relapses and lots and lots of prayer - today I have 6 months and 1 day of sobriety, and more gifts than I ever could have imagined. It's not an easy road, but it is a glorious one. Keep comming back!


Member: Tracy
Location: Essex, England
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 11:46 AM

Comments

((CARRIE)) you got your date wrong again. LOL! You have 6months and 1 wk same as me remember. Email some time so we can share our sobriety it would be nice to talk to someone with the same lenght of time! tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Michael K
Location: NYC
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 12:36 PM

Comments

thanks everyone for your comments--this is a wonderful site----JayKay--I identified so much with all of what you said---tired of being sick and tired, blackouts---never being moderate when drinking was concerned---and that awful "out of control feeling"--- if it helps at all---i NEVER thought i could stop and could not imagine life without booze---im on DAY 131 and although it hasnt been easy, i have peace of mind and a sense of self-worth and dignity that i've never felt before---stick with it and keep reaching out to people.....you are doing great.......best wishes to everyone MK


Member: Early G.
Location:
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 03:07 PM

Comments

Early G. here...day nine. ((Kari)) My SO supports my efforts, but believes it's really not that hard to quit. You just don't drink. Wel, that's fine for him maybe, but he doesn't know what it's like to crave a drink right after coffee time is over in the morning, or the first time someone looks at you funny that day, or even worse, when something legitimately difficult occurs. When I get off work at night I don't eat or drink ANYTHING because I'm afraid it will start a craving. Deep down I don't want to drink, but I'm reminded of all the times drinking has been fun in my life. The last few years haven't been fun. Everyday, sometimes all day, no social interactions (or avoided ones) and isolation because of shame. But physically I feel pretty good now (minus the headaches) and have been working out in the afternoon, instead of drinking before work. Everyone here is so encouraging. I hope to be able to see past myself someday, and offer that back as well. Today I keep thinking "You've got it under control now. You can drink again once in awhile." But I know about those 9 A.M. start times, and drinking before work is something I'm so ashamed of...But a beer sounds so good...just do something, anything else but drink to get through this moment. Isn't there any sugar in this damn house? Anyway, : ) Thank-you for being there.


Member: Dave G
Location: NC
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 03:14 PM

Comments

Greetings all! On day 5,584. Congrats Rick, Irene, Ethan, Kari, Carrie, Sheri, Dennis K, Robin, Diane, Aprill, Jane, Anna, Tom, MS, Early, September, Jay Kay, SHAWN and Becca! I don't know all the details of your story, however I can share that I had a lot of the same problems. I went back out after one year of sobriety and had enough white chips to tile a bathroom with! It worked when I was ready to get a sponsor and start following all of the little suggestions that he gave me. I guess that may be because I too had a lot of reservations as to whether or not I was a REAL alcoholic. I found that a belly full of alcohol and a head full of AA helped me hit my bottom at the age of 18. I was first introduced to the program at the age of 15. I bounced in and out for 3 years and never really accepted step one. Everyone's story is different, I know but the first step is really the only step that I can work perfectly. I can get caught up in the semantics about how this step or that page is worded but the bottom line is that without willingness, I cannot and will not stay sober. One of the things that I absolutely love about this program is that there were so many people that were able to love me when I could not love myself. I hope that you all are able to attend meetings so that we can wrap our arms around you and give you the love that we feel in our hearts for you. And know that when Billy Bob or Jim, or Rita, or whoever comes up to you and sticks out their hand to you or hugs you, that it is also us out here in cyber space that have been posting our words of encouragement. If you don't find people coming up to you in meetings and feel like you are apart from the group, you can do what I did and share a quick blurb about how it has been for you and how you are having a tough time. Nothing melts through shyness for an alcoholic like a fellow member reaching out for help. Lots of love to you all, Dave PS-I don't know if this helps you, but thanks for getting me out of my head for a few minutes.


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 03:19 PM

Comments

Wondering if you can obtain an on-line sponser. Someone to personally e-mail or something. Does anyone have anything as that.


Member: Dave G
Location: NC
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 03:25 PM

Comments

September- Do you have a regular sponsor?


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 04:03 PM

Comments

No regular sponsor-just starting. So far on-line meetings is all that I have been using but I wanted to get further into the program. I am thinking about going to a meeting tonight but I guess I perfer to facelessly talk to someone about how to get through my ups and downs.


Member: Dave G
Location: NC
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 05:37 PM

Comments

September- I have never heard of such a thing, but who knows? Maybe you will start a trend. I personally like to be able to talk to my sponsorees so I can hear their voice.


Member:
Location:
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 05:48 PM

Comments

I'm kind of nervous to ask this, but since I'm not all up on the lingo, "What is hitting bottom?" I've heard this term for years from recovering alcoholics, but have yet to really grasp it. I've also heard "high bottom" so that muds it up for me. I'll be anonymous here since I feel dumb to be asking about something everyone seems to get.


Member: Jane C.
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 07:09 PM

Comments

Jane C..alcoholic here..I wish I could speak to so many today, but I'm having an eye problem today and won't be on to long..but for SHAWN Please, Please, don't ever gove up ! I can share with you and everyone that I had a relapse after 18 YEARS..I'm back now and trying SOOO hard to stay away from that FIRST drink....my first time in AA was a total success as far as getting good sobriety...I stayed in and sober without ever bouncing in and out like so many others...I was really blessed with God's Grace..I wanted it Soooooo bad...this time it seems to be more of a battle for me and I know part of the problem is where I'm living..we are going to move to another part of Alaska sometime early next year, maybe sooner..we're just wanting to have a very quiet and peaceful life away from all this temptation...SHAWN..you'll be back on track TODAY hopefully...with the help of God...keep asking Him.. Listen to me..giving advice and only on day 9 and parying and hoping that I'll get through it..yet somehow this seems harder that the first time..I know I need to get to meetings..but as yet that willingness hasn't come...but the willingness to stay sober is utmost in my heart and mind...For everyone else...I need you help and all the posts are so important to me..and I pray for everyone to stay sober.. Today and one day at a time..may God Bless you all today..tomorrow will start a new day for us all...


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 08:49 PM

Comments

Hi all. Day #9 is a bit stressful - trying to complete a work project while working from home. I'm thinking of you all and will try to connect later. Just wanted to share something I heard today that encouraged me. Sir Edmund Hillary was the first to climb Mt Everest. But despite a courageous all-out effort, he failed in his first attempt, with several members of his party dying on the mountain. He was called before the English Parliament to be recognized for his heroic attempt. Entering to a standing ovation, he ignored the Members, walked straight to the front of the room where there was a large picture of Everest hanging on the wall. Pointing up at the picture of the mountain, he addressed it in a booming, even threatening voice, saying: "You won, THIS time! But YOU'RE as big as you're ever going to get. I'M still growing!!!" Here's to growth, and climbing mountains, one day at a time.


Member: SHAWN M.
Location: MASS
Date: July 22, 2003
Time: 09:53 PM

Comments

WHATS UP FOLKS?SHAWN HERE,ALCHOHOLIC.WELL NOW THAT I'M ALL DONE BEATING MYSELF UP OVER MY SOMEWHAT PRE-MEDITATED SLIP I GUESS IT'S OK TO SAY I HAVE MADE IT THRU DAY# 2 "AGAIN".AS FOR INPUT ON THE TOPIC "FIRST THINGS FIRST". I GUESS FOR ME IT'S LIKE I HAVE TO BE SELFISH TO SOME EXTENT.THE FIRST THING FOR ME IS TO MAKE SURE MY STAYING SOBER COMES FIRST OVER ANY THING.WE ALL HAVE UNIQUE AND SOMETIMES COMPLICATED QUALITYS THAT CAN BE DOWN FALLS.ONE OF MINE HAS ALWAYS BEEN TAKING CARE SHAWN SECOND AND EVERYONE ELSE FIRST. THANX SHAWN M.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 12:07 AM

Comments

Closing out Day 9. Went to another AA meeting today and was completely humbled by the amazing old folks I met there. Everyone was so kind and genuinely eager to hear my story as well as tell me what it was like for them in the beginning. I cannot tell you in words what it was like to be with these people. I feel accepted even with my drinking problem. I didn't feel like I had to be embarrassed to share with them about my behaviors that were the result of drinking. I think about 7 people came up to me after the meeting and gave me their phone numbers and some words of encouragement. Let me put it this way, the meeting was over at 1pm and I looked at my watch when I pulled out of the parking lot and it was 2:15!


Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 12:17 AM

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. There's the first thing right there: Who I am and what I am. If I am still alive tomorrow morning, when I wake up, the roof of my house may have blown away in a storm. My wife and child may have left me. My car may have been stolen. Or maybe I will have won the lottery and am fabulously rich. Things in my life may change, but who I am and what I am will not have changed. For as long as I am alive, I will be me, and I will always be an alcoholic. It's a fact -- I can imagine it without having to take a drink. I can imagine myself with a glass of scotch on the rocks. I take the first gulp and it burns its way down my throat, and when it hits, I will begin to feel euphoric. But the very second that I begin to feel that, I will not want that feeling to go away. The moment I feel it, I won't be thinking about the drink in my glass, but the one to follow. That's the craving setting in. So, from there, I'll just drink until I can't drink anymore. Whenever I come to, I'll once again be filled with fear and remorse, and no matter what is my resolve, it will not be long before I will want that feeling of euphoria to come back. That's the compulsion. (By the way, that fear and remorse isn't a side effect of alcoholism -- it's the very heart and soul of alcoholism.) That's what happened to me time after time after time. I'm an alcoholic. Somebody mentioned the second step above, and they said their faith is waning. Take heart, friend. Read the step again. It doesn't say anything about faith. It says that we came to believe something. If I tell you that you can't possibly any more of a hopeless alcoholic than I am, will you believe me? And you know, if I got what I deserve, I'd be dead and forgotten by now. If I tell you that there is no reason why a power greater than a hopeless alcoholic's power (a power greater than ourselves) would not help you if it would help me, will you believe me? Why would it help me and not help you? Don't beat yourself to death. Just take the step. First things first.


Member: Aprill G
Location:
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 12:31 AM

Comments

Hello everyone. Thanks for your help. I screwed up today. I went a whole week and tonight, just couldn't do it. I don't know why really - just upset about stupid stuff and I let myself down. This is about as hard as losing weight! Nothing is ever going to change. Good luck to all of you working so hard and doing so well.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 02:45 AM

Comments

((Trace)) Believe me I didn't get the date wrone!!! 1/20/03 - you are a week ahead of me sista!!! April - nothing changes if nothing changes, just keep comming back. If I got it, BELIEVE ME, you can get it too!! There's no special trick, you just gotta believe that God can take all your pain and misery away and give you the keys to the kingdom. It's all about faith and that is what we work towards everyday. The point is, that we are WILLING to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are GUIDES to progress. We claim spiritual PROGRESS rather than spiritual perfection. You don't have to understand all of it, I am just begining to get even a fraction of what is happening to me. What I finally have down 100% is that I am completely powerless over alcohol, that my life had become unmanageable, I believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity, and everyday I learn how to better turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand him. Okay, maybe it sounds like alot - BUT IT WORKS AND BABY WE ARE ALL WORTH IT ;)


Member: Kathy K.
Location: Northeast
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 05:48 AM

Comments

September The easiest way to get through your ups and downs is to go to a meeting and find a sponsor - if you want. a temporary one. I waited for over a year before I got a sponsor - a big mistake - could have saved myself a lot of misery and grief had I listened to those who encouraged me to get a sponsor first thing.


Member: Jane C.
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 07:27 AM

Comments

Jane C. GAGE..you said it all... I don't think I could have said it better...I am what I am..An Alcoholic..I'm An Alcoholic today, was An Alcoholic yesterday and will still be AN Alcoholic tomorrow..but I pray that with Gods help that I will be a sober one...it's about 3:15 AM here now and I know that I won't drink...I never drank in the middle of the night, even in my darkest days of this problem..it was the time getting ready for work that my diseased mind craved just one drink to start the day..I would pour some wine into my teacup, so that no one knew what I was doing.. then I would first prcede to actually Gag BEFORE the first sip.. my body was wanting to reject that drink so bad..my mind and body were just SO confused...today starts my 10 th.day and prayfully I hope to through it..it will be a busy day so that usually helps...I think I'll go back to bed now...even the dogs are asleep..May God Bless everyone with his Grace today...tomorrow will take care of itself...one day at a time..


Member: mariab
Location: north florida
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 08:27 AM

Comments

Hi everyone. I have not been posting b/c I have been drinking. Not heavily, "just the wine cooler" phase. So, I guess I'm in denial. But I'm not proud of myself and want to give this another try. I can see from all the posts that it may take a very long time. I'm grateful that I haven't been getting "smashed," just a light buzz but we all know that no alcohol is what I need. I have a lot of personal problems, marriage fell apart, huge debt, man I am living with who promised to marry me and take care of my daughter decided he didn't want to make such a commitment after all... This morning I lay in bed and tried to put all my cares, the ones I can't control, in a basket and put them in the hands of God. It was a slightly successful imagery exercise. I'm also trying to quit smoking, and not being successful, so I can have two things to be down on myself about. However, today I resolve to use the patch and not stop at that convenience store on the way home. I am a single mom and must take care of myself for my children. I'm going to look for a minister to talk to, too. There is a lovely Unitarian pastor nearby who I think may be amenable to the idea. Lots of prayer, lots of hope, Mariab. Thanks, ((TOM)) for noticing I wasn't around. This is a lonely road, a lonely life sometimes. But they key is to look for the beauty and joy. By nature, I am a worrier, but the example of folks with over 100 days is so encouraging.


Member: September
Location: Florida
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 08:37 AM

Comments

Hello everyone, I am starting on day #4. Feeling great today. Have been depressed for so long that I haven't been exercising or taking care of myself and I am thinking of getting to a gym tonight. Also getting excited that I have only three more weeks until I am able to move into my apartment. I am currently livi ng with my family including my sister who has a drug and alcohol problem. Getting away and seperating myself I feel will really help me to suceed with my goals. I wo't be able to get the furniture that I wanted just because this weekend I couldn't help myself but to go out and drink like crazy for about two days, but I am starting a second job and trying to stay positive that soon things will be better. I guess the hardest pa rt of all of this is understanding that I am an alcoholic. I am labeled. No matter what I accomplish, alcohol will always be an issue for me. I am amazed to hear some of the stories of being sober for years and then having one drink and the whole nightmare starting over again. I guess I need to see alcohol as no good rather than fun. It seems as though it is there in everything that I do, go to a BAr B Que, my friends want to drink a few, go to dinner, everyone wants some wine or a beer, go out fo rfun and of course that only consists of a bar or a club, go to the beach and everyone wants to fill up the cooler. So I guess the hardest part of the whole thing is being the one who can't hang out with everyone else because of this label, because I am an alcoholic. This is the battle going on inside of me. Can't understand why the hell can't just have one or two beers and end the day, can't understand why I have to be the one who has to be different, but I just have to surrender to the fact that I can either be miserable or I can find new ways of having fun, and hopefully I can be strong enough to go to the beach with my silly friends and thier cooler of alcohol and just be happy to have my water and be hanging out with them. So I guess First things First would be forget about all the things that you think you are missing and out whats most important first, and thats your sanity, your happiness, you, not alcohol. Good Luck to everyone, really glad to be a part of this group, it is really helping me so much to hear your stories and be able to talk about mine.


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 08:45 AM

Comments

Starting day 7 sober. I'm still feeling down for the 2nd straight day. I thought my spirit would be flying by now. It may be trhat I am bored. My business is slow (unexpectedly so) and I worry about paying my bills. But strangely enough I don't have the urge to drink. I'm reading the downloaded version of the BB and working on step 2.


Member: DebLH
Location: WI
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 10:10 AM

Comments

Deb, recovering alcoholic/addict. I get to work in the morning and I come to this site and download the meetings to read during the day when I need to occupy my wandering mind. Sometimes I post right away and other times I think about it for a few days. It's funny though I don't really feel like a part of all of you corresponding on a first name basis, I do feel a connection that I value so much. I can't tell you how often I've wished I could do something to give back all I get from reading these posts. It's funny I thought of (mariab) this morning on my hour drive to work, I said a prayer and then this morning you're back. I missed you. You make a difference. You all make a difference, wether you know it or not. I love to see you counting the days. People care and for me meetings, online or f2f are how I learned that I'm worth it. (September) one of the first things I had to do was change the people, places and things that filled my life. My recovering friends have made it possible for me to do all the things you listed, sober. My recovery friends are like the family I never had. I see that as one of the greatest gifts of AA, friends & social activities where I don't have to drink water and feel like I'm missing anything. I would strongly recommend you find a flesh & blood person or 2 to help you learn to trust, but I have been doing some online sponsorship. I see it as an added tool, not a replacement. My sobriety date is 7/5/85 and if you or anybody else would like to email me I'd be happy to correspond. Don't give up, and keep coming back it does get better. For me the first thing I must always remember is to not drink or use. I feel like when I alter my mind I can't make that concious contact with God and that's the most important part of my sobriety and my life. With God anything is possible, without my life was one disaster after another. Sorry this got so long & thanks for letting me share. (DebLH@sobercity.com)


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 11:35 AM

Comments

((mariab)) Welcome back - you were missed. I think your idea to talk with a minister is a good one. I've thought of doing the same thing. I'm working hard on trying to grow spiritually. I've been close to Him and really want the peace back, and now I also understand a key to success in this program is a reliance on God. He's in control, I'm not. I sometimes think He even lets us screw-up our lives and feel lots of pain to allow us to learn how weak we are and how much we need Him. ((April)) Don't give up. I came and went (silently) from this site for years. Seems we all do it on our own time frame, but please keep coming back. ((Kari)) Sounds like a great experience at the meeting yesterday. That must have taken lots of courage. I really admire you for going, speaking and connecting face to face. Also, you asked about my wife and drinking. It's one of my toughest challenges. Her drinking is much like mine - looks pretty in control to outside world most of time, when in fact, it's frequent, abusive, lonely. She'll never initiate a conversation about it, but if I do, she'll admit it's a problem, bad for health, our relationship, kids, relationship with God, etc. But there's never a change in her behavior. When I get sober, like this, her drinking and all the ways it hurts our family, drives me nuts. ((JayKay)) I also relate to what you're saying. Over the years I'd routinely not drink several days per week, only drink a few some other days, then I'd drink till I passed out a couple times per week. I'd wonder if I truly was an alcoholic, but finally figured out it's just semantics. I do have a problem and I'm sick of being hung-over, irritable, impatient with our kids, ineffective at running my business, etc. Time to grow up and address the problem - so, here I am. ((Rich)) Hang in there. When I've quit before, the blues gradually lifted - but it took a few weeks. Another option is meds. I did Prozac briefly for depression - but kept right on drinking, in fact, I felt so good, I drank more then ever. So not sure if that would have helped me or not. This time I'm now trying to behave myself into feeling a little better with diet, prayer/Bible /BB reading, sharing on this site, exercise (I mountain bike or run), etc. Thanks again to everyone here for all your posts. They all help me. Best wishes for a great, sober day. You're in my thoughts and prayers.


Member: JB
Location: NY
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 11:35 AM

Comments

Day 3 is here and I'm starting the day tired. I don't sleep well when I stop the alcohol. In fact, last night I don't think I slept at all. But, having failed at this before I am going to do things differently this time. In the past, when trying to get sober, I would always try to keep things as they would be on a normal day. How exhausting! No sleep and trying to keep everything together. I get more tired thinking about it. Things like keeping the house immaculate, inside and out. Making sure all laundry and food shopping was done. Bills paid on time. Phone calls to friends or family in need. Always improving the home in some hugh way,ie new deck being put on, new windows being taken out and replaced, wood floors being refinished. I think you're getting the point. I never stopped. And at the end of any given day, I was so exhausted the only thing I wanted was a drink. It relaxed me. It was my reward for a job well done. Forgot to mention, that I have also moved 4 times in 5 years for husbands job. So, this time I'm going to take it slow... I am going to start my day with prayer and with that prayer, which is new to me as an adult, I will ask for direction, and hopefully my days will take a different path. I'm just very tired, and I want very much to be sober. Thanks for listening.


Member:
Location:
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 01:58 PM

Comments

This site is so much more encouraging when people actually respond to questions asked and acknowledge newcomers. I have only been here a short time, but already try to offer at least hello's to others that I feel empathy with. I have been acknowledged a few times, but usually when I post and come back later to see if anyone gives a crap if I'm still sober, doing well, or whatever, there is no response at all. Some of you here have several years of sobriety, and a notice of attendance and sharing would mean a lot to a newcomer.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 02:55 PM

Comments

First Things First... for this alcoholic in recovery this means putting my sobriety into the #1 slot and allowing everything else to fall into place. ((Necomers)) Welcome. Keep coming back - this program works.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 03:19 PM

Comments

Day 10 for me. ((JB)) That is exactly what you need to do - take it easy in the beginning and get rest during the day if you are not sleeping at night. I totally understand what you are saying. As a matter of fact, I have tried to stop drinking several times and used the "keeping busy" thing to prevent me from drinking and it failed everytime. Mainly because alcohol puts me into a manic state for about 6 hours before I start downhill. I would get exhausted and drink as a way to push on and then also as a reward and a relaxant. I am a perfectionist to an insane degree (especially about fitness, clothes, hair, makeup, house, car and in my profession before staying at home with daughter). Yes, I admit that I am one of those people that scrubs my tile with a toothbrush! It holds me back (example: I won't go for a run unless I can do at least 5 miles. It's stupid, I mean 3 miles would be just fine, right??) In fact, I was on an anti-anxiety drug for awhile so that I could learn to chill out a little bit. This personality flaw has held me back so much in my life and DEFINITELY has contributed to my using alcohol as a coping method. (Example: drinking when the least stressful thing happens) Anyhow, getting back to the topic of "rest." -- During my most recent relapse, I was doing all the mommy stuff (playgroup, park, reading, pool, toys) all day, drinking from 5pm-3am while I did work around the house, and sleeping only 3am-5am for about 2 weeks straight. This time getting sober, I put my 1 year old in daycare two days a week (which was so hard, but it's best for everyone), cleared my calendar, started telling people "no", devised a nutritional plan for myself, bought myself new workout clothes and running shoes, and got a facial to try to recover from "alcohol skin." When my daughter is in daycare I work on her scrapbook, attend AA meetings, workout at the gym, practice piano, manage our stocks, read the Big Book, visit this website, run errands and usually try to tackle one big household thing (yesterday cleaned out the garage). Then when she comes home I can focus on her and it is SO fun. I know it sounds like I'm still doing alot, but I AM sleeping all the way through the night now (10pm-5am), so I'm not tired. But if you aren't sleeping, you need to rest. Remember HALT, you have to be especially careful not to drink when you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or TIRED. When I went to an AA meeting the other day, a lady was talking to me and I said, "I have to get home and get my ironing done." She said, "forget that, take it to the cleaners, you have more important things to focus on than ironing." I have never done something like that as I don't consider myself to be that spoiled that I cannot even iron my own clothes, but I did what she suggested today and surprisingly 9 pieces of clothing is only going to cost $21 to get pressed! Totally worth it as it would have taken me at least an hour to press all that. (You know - cargo shorts and pants, so difficult to iron with all those pockets). My husband has been telling me stuff like this for years, trying to explain that it is stupid for me to clean the house when I can pay someone $5 an hour to do it and in the mean time I can be making $50 an hour in my profession. It makes sense, but I wasn't raised that way. I came from a poverty stricken home where we cleaned up after OURSELVES and we thought that people that had housecleaners were spoiled brats. ((no name)) Sorry that you haven't been acknowledged. I am a newcomer too, so I never feel like I can really answer alot of questions. I think what happens is that people on this site start corresponding with one person or another and they don't have time to say hello to others. I know I am kind of that way myself, I don't have an hour to read and respond to every post. I am very strict on myself as far as computer and TV goes. It's just too easy to let a couple hours slip away when you are on the computer and I just don't have time like that. But, anyhow "hello" and please keep coming back. (( Ethan)) Wow, that is quite a dilemma with the Mrs. I am lucky enough to have a husband that told me that he is willing to give up alcohol if it will help me to give it up. (And he does not have a drinking problem at all). His words were, "we don't need alcohol to have fun." Back in January, we together poured hundreds of dollars of booze down the drain, sold our beautiful wine rack, and returned unopened booze to the store and exchanged it for about a years supply of Diet Coke. Of course, I thought I was never going to take a drink again, but unfortunately, even though we banned a supply from the house, it is just so easy to buy at the grocery store, and that is kind of how I relapsed. This time I hope it will be different since I am paying major bucks for daycare so that I can get my act together, plus missing spending time with my daughter. I'm not going to be as willing to throw it all away. Sorry all for the long post. I have broken the 300 word rule, but once I get going, well you know -- I can really ramble on. I just thought it might be helpful for others to hear the things I am doing to tackle this, but now I read back over my post and it sounds like me, me, me. Sorry, I'm not usually so self-centered.


Member: Barry C
Location: Central Fl, via CT
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 03:40 PM

Comments

First things first to me means Don't Drink and Go To meetings. Then I can learn to live life on life's terms. Sometimes its good, sometimes not so good. To the newcomer who asked about bottoms, high bottom etc, you will not want to take the actions needed to stay sober unless you really have had enough pain. Hitting bottom is what you do when your ready to quit, surrender, stop fighting. F2f meetings are most likely the best place to get a sponsor. I couldn't get away with BS as easy at f2f meeting. Keep coming back, it works. Congrats all new comers. Day 5k and something.


Member: mariab
Location: north florida
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 04:09 PM

Comments

Good afternoon everyone, I came home from work early today and DID NOT buy alcohol. I feel sick, don't know or much care why, but I'm going to rest and not drink. Thanks (DebLH) for thinking and praying for me. How ironic and beautiful that you thought of me today when I returned to the board. There was a comment above from someone who said they were not responded to. But you didn't give your NAME :) It is true that sometimes one wants a direct response and doesn't get it, but I believe most people here are trying to give it their all, to others, to God, to their families and to themselves. Trust that coming here and reading will give you peace and solace. If you really want a direct response, you could directly request it, too. RE hitting bottom: I understand that question. I'm a professional who was (is) a mostly secret nightime drinker, have kept my job, no one there knows... but my marriage ended in part b/c of my affair with Mr. Wine. So, the bottom is relative and for everyone who hasn't had a DUI and etc. etc., like me, I guess what I think is that IT COULD HAPPEN NEXT TIME. It is comforting to read the words written about "at least you are still here" to folks w/relapses. That can be taken two ways--still here on Early Sobriety and still in this world. Blessings to all, I wish you strength and courage. Have a good night. I might be back :) It is so NICE to think that this avenue is open to all of us.


Member: Tom
Location: NY
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 05:35 PM

Comments

No name and/or no city generally wouldn't illicit a voluntary response unless you asked for one.


Member: Jane C.
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 06:59 PM

Comments

Jane C...An Alcoholic...(Kari) Your post may have been long, but it was eye-opening to me...YOU ARE MUCH TOO BUSY..and I thought I was too much so...My boyfriend Mike just bought and old fishing boat that he is refurbishing and he's down at the harbor everymorning at 6 AM until 5 or 6 in the PM...We are both perfectionists and I think he is worse than I am as he is a man... He has me running all over town either picking up supplies that he needs or taking him to the lumber yard as he has no drivers liscence.. Then there is taking him lunch.. picking him up after working on the boat and driving downtown to check on his son and a man that he is working with who is disabled...He recently bought me a great little dog...then added another one for me to care for and tonight we are picking his dog up at the airport.. Feeding these pets and walking them and TRYING to get them to LISTEN is sometimes harder than dealing with a small baby...I guess what I do the most is run here and there so much that at the end of the day I am just exhausted and overtired...as you have been...Mike doesn't sleep too well nights either..he still has viet-nam nightmares..he was a POW for 7 weeks and the things that he told me they did to him were just too horrendous to repeat...I don't know how he ever got out alive... That was where he picked up the drugs..he has long since put them out of his life and has been into trying to do what he can to get others to straighen up...no one listens..sad for him to feel that he isn't getting through to him...today so far I didn't drink...I think I will make it through..I pray we all do... ( For NO NAME/NO LOCATION)..I know that we all give a "crap as you say"...keep coming back..you'll see that everyone cares...it's also kind or hard to remember all the names of the people who have posted without going over the posts a few times..I read them all...every day...I'm on at least twice if I can do it... God be with you. ( MArib ),,,I'm glad you are back...don't give up.., sometimes we just have to stop and start over many times before we get the seiousness of this disease of Alcoholism...I did a lot of stopping and starting this past year..I pray God that this is the stop that takes..God is very important in my life...HE always has been...I try to ask everyday for sobriety, but some- times all I do is talk to him and don't even ask..I know that I should and I'm going to try to remeber to ask everyday...I find that I thank Him more than ask for anything for myself...God Bless you all today.. and take you through the evening without the FIRST drink....


Member: Erin C
Location: Denver
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 07:34 PM

Comments

Hello everyone. I am a beginner again - terrified, but glad to be here, and so glad to have found this site. Today is my first sober day - and you have all reminded me what has been missing during this long, dark period when I lost my sobriety of 8 years. I've been missing humility, prayer, meditation... and the knowledge that I am not alone. Thank you for being here for me today. Thank you for saying all the things you've said, and for giving me the courage to speak up, as well. Thank you, God, for my first sober day.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: July 23, 2003
Time: 11:44 PM

Comments

hi Diane day 120 guess it's now 4 months and today I don't even have the excitment to even read all the post. I am so depressed and don't really know why, I am tempted to drink again cause I am feeling like my husband and my son both drink some and I can not even enjoy any at all but don't think that is why I am depressed just very depressed right now.... maybe Thursday will be a better day


Member: Response to No Name
Location:
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 05:03 AM

Comments

A likely reason for not being welcomed or acknowledges after some have aleady posted may be because this page is 1 of the 3 "meeting" pages in this site. We are suppposed to post on the topic once a week. The coffee pot is not a meeting - anything can be discussed, greetings & encouragements to one another - & we can post each day. Join in any time you like. All are welcome.


Member: mariab
Location: north florida
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 06:56 AM

Comments

Good morning, anyone. I drank 2 wine coolers last night. Our state lottery is at 60million and I went to buy tickets and the obsession got me. I'm grateful I didn't get drunk, but I have to stop altogether. It will happen. God, but it is frustrating. I didn't listen to the wise words about HALT! I was lonely. Well, time to get ready to work.


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 08:31 AM

Comments

Day 7 without a drink. (Diane) I pray that today will be better for you. I can understand your pain cause I get that way too. Sometimes a good night's rest will change that. 120 days sober seems a long way off for me. I once stopped for 54 days and felt confident that I could control it. When my wife and I went on vacation last year,I gave myself permission to drink while on vacation telling myself that I would stop again afterwards. I've been drinking ever since. Blessings to all of you.


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 08:57 AM

Comments

Hello everyone, today is day #5. Things are getting better. Feel good today. Didn't get a chance to do the exercise thing last night, ended up training longer than I thought at my second job. This weekend is going to be hard for me. I usually feel better and stronger after not drinking for a few days and kid myself into thinking that I can go out with the girls and have fun and I won't go over board..this time, but as always that never works. I am thinking of taking up some kind of group hobbie so that I can look forward to doing that on my weekends rather than going out to the bars. Any suggestions? I guess my biggest problem is getting bored and frustrated that I can't just do what I want, I have to remember where that gets me though. I am thinking of becoming certified to dive and going out each weekend with the dive groups. The only thing is that I am working on getting into the new apartment so I have no money right now. ((mariab)) You really should stop the drinking, I know that when I get this low I can drink one or two and call it a night for only so long until I am back into my crazy drink drink drink for two days sometimes three insanity. I am really pushing for you. :-) ((Diane)) Stay strong, you will be happy you did. 4 months sober is really something to be proud of, don't forget all the reasons why you hate alcohol. Thats my problem is after time passes you forget how much you hate it and think about how much fun and just relaxing it was. Hey look at me, working on 5 days sober, my first time and already feeling strong enough to try and give you guys inspiration. I better not get ahead of myself :-) Thanks to all of you for listening and being here. This group is teaching me so much and really keeping me inspired to keep going. My prayers are with each of you!


Member: Early G.
Location:
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 12:16 PM

Comments

Starting over again. Sucks because I had 10 days, and was feeling so good. So, (((Mariab))), we are at the same place now. I get lonely too, but am trying to enjoy sober time alone by rediscovering art, reading, and gardening. When you're drunk that stuff is hard to do effectively. (((Jane))), your posts give me so much. Thanks for keeping it real. (((September))) You have inspirational plans for alternatives to drinking. My prayers are for us all, and I thank my HP for letting my know this site. I couldn't forsee the events that triggered choosing to drink yesterday, but I made the choice. It's my best friend. There was no way I wanted to go through yesterday alone. I still thought of everyone here though, and knew I would get stronger if I kept at it. Even though I gave up yesterday, I hope someday that I will be able to see the silver linings without numbing myself through the initial pain. The multitude of stressful events just compounded, and I thought drinking would make me feel better. My best friend? With friends like that, who needs enemies. But I'm still here, humbled, afraid, and confused, but sober. : ) A good day to all.


Member: MEETING
Location: more meeting
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 12:52 PM

Comments

STOP IT ALL OF YOU do you want to stop drinking. Than you get your butts to the meetings.Like it says FIRST THINGS FIRST meetings tell them you have 1 day 2days 3 days.And they will tell you the same thing meetings you need alot of them.The more meetings the more tools you will learn to fight the obsection of drinking or your thinking.This is a good site but its not a meeting and AA MEETING.Don't fool yourself into thinking this is an AA meeting.As I read alot of these comments I can see alot of mistakes that alot of people are makeing.Useing this site for and AA MEETING is only one. First things first meetings go to the aa meetings. To me this site is a tool not an AA meeting. If you really want to stop drinking you will do whatever it thats.Its your life not my if you want to guit drinking run don't walk to every meeting you can get to.Get every tool you can get and be glad you did.I'm sorry but all of your mistakes make me stonger. And for all the people with long soberty who have relapes just rember you thought you had all the answers but your back. You should have never left but you had all the answers. and you still think you do but your just fineing out it harder 2nd 3th time around.I guess you didn't hear that good the first time around MEETING don't walk run you can't do it aloan. You just think you can good luck it not easy.Just rember you'll be back and I'll tell you again you should have never left.So first things first MEETING MEETING MORE MEETING AND MORE MEETING. I'LL see you there


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 01:00 PM

Comments

Hey September I have a group activity for you, it's called AA. I encourage everyone here who doesn't go to regular meetings to GO TO MEETINGS, that is if you would like to stay sober and become free from insanity. Just putting down the drink is not enough. This site is fine as filler, but it is not the program that will save your life and give you a new one.


Member: Johnson
Location: Colorado
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 01:02 PM

Comments

Meetings are NOT that important. They're o.k. and may certainly be useful at first, but not imperative by any means. The above post is ludicrous AA brainwashing material and the poor poster needs prayers.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 01:06 PM

Comments

I feel sorry for you angry man.


Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 01:21 PM

Comments

Sorry, promise this is my last post today. But when people bring up brain washing when they are talking about AA, I hear someone who has an ax to grind with the program. Usually because that person either doesn't have a clue about alcoholism or because the person still doesn't want to admit complete powerlessness. And trust me, as long as you are involved with AA, you will meet these people ALL THE TIME. Listen, I am not brain washed, I have been saved. What would be the point of brain washing anyways? To get people to keep comming back for the dollar a day they put in the basket?? It makes NO SENCE this AA brain washing argument. Sure, you are going to meet people in the program who are still very sick people, who like to use this program to judge others as to how well they are "working it", people who may use sponcership as a means of power/control over others - but that is not the whole of AA. We have a book, follow that book and go to meetings to remind yourself that you are an alcoholic and to help others who are newer than you. Meetings ARE important, anyone who tells you they are not is headed on their own willfull and possibly dangerous path. Go to meetings, decide for yourself - but if you decide meetings are not for you, PLEASE don't try to stand in the way of someone elses recovery. Don't forget - misery loves company, and that is what AA bashers are, pure misery.


Member: Johnson
Location: Colorado
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 01:26 PM

Comments

Nope, pure misery is trading your bar-stool for a chair in AA. Real recovery doesn't involve hangin out at meetings forever, sorry for you lady, you may be the one standing in someone's path to true recovery.....


Member: Beth
Location: TX
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 02:03 PM

Comments

Hello to everyone. I'm Beth and I admitted I was an alcoholic years ago (at least two). I have never been to an AA meeting and probably will never go to one. I am a Christian and have been since I was young. I quit once for 4 days. I was so proud of myself. That was the longest I've ever gone. I don't mess with the little stuff like beer. I go straight for the hardcore. I'm 40 have three beautiful children and a fiance' who is God's Gift to Women. Truly I am blessed. Except for the demon in the bottle. I've prayed, I've cried, I've cursed, I've attempted suicide right before my lover's eyes. I've DRIVEN in my car to the store DRUNK to get more when I was out. I just found this page and finally I see the light at the end of the bottle. This is a MEETING (to the comment before) and this is the only place many of us will go. I hope I will live on this page for some time to come as I finally realize there are people out there just like me - This is my first day - again. I prayed that it will not be my last. Bless you all, and Sheri - Girl I know where you're comin' from.


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 02:09 PM

Comments

((Carrie)) I understand everyone here says that meetings are important, but thats one hour one day or I guess you could make it more than that, my point is that we have to have a life beyond alcohol, we can't live our lives as only an alcoholic, what about being a runner, or a tennis player, what about everything else that there is to life. Isn't one big part of changing that you learn to live without alcohol, well that has to mean learn to live...not just learn to go to a meeting. So can't I be more positive and find ways of having fun. Don't take this the wrong way, I am just hoping that I don't have to live everyday of my life thinking about alcohol.


Member: Beth
Location: TX
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 02:19 PM

Comments

I live for the day when alcohol is no longer on my mind 24/7.


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 02:28 PM

Comments

((Early G)) and ((Beth)) just wanted to wish you both the best. ((Carrie)) and ((Johnson)) I don't know how this disease works but i am learning more and more from it and maybe since there are stages of alcoholism there is also certain things that are necessary to each person that aren't for others. So to each thier own. So far this site has helped me accept my problem and little by little I am understanding it more and more. On Monday I cried just because I needed help and today I feel happy to know there are others out there just like me. Sorry this is my last post


Member: Jackie
Location: MN
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 02:30 PM

Comments

Welcome to all of you new comers. I am a rookie myself. (((Beth))) You can do this. If I can, you can. I am 35, with a 21 year drinking career behind me. The last two years were the worst. Downhill at a very rapid speed. Started drinking in the morning. Mornings where I would throw up the first few sips until I could keep them down, and continued all day, or passed out and woke back up to start again. I have an 11 year old daughter, couldn't ask for a better daughter :) We have always been close, but in sobriety I can't even begin to tell you how much better it is. I used to drop her off at school, stop at the liquor store and down a 1/2 pint on the way to work. Or a six pack. I even started drinking at work. NUTS!!! 24/7 alcohol came first. I didn't know how to face life without it. Until Christmas morning. No one could wake me up. Long story short, went to ER, then to detox, off to rehab. I am lucky to be here today. Next week I will have 7 months under my belt, and I actually LOVE life!!! Its hard and takes time, and WORK! But you can do it. Still have my ups and downs. But I would rather be able to feel/deal with them with a clear head. Its all good. All the things that went unappreciated before, I am truly ashamed of. Life has so much to offer, it really is an adventure finding this out :) Hang tough! PEACE Jackie jaxj35@netzero.net


Member: JB
Location: NY
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 02:40 PM

Comments

Day 4. I'm feeling a bit stronger emotionally than I have been the past 3 days. Still very tired and feel a little spacey? Thank you (Kari) for your advice and support. You do sound like one very busy lady. I loved to drink, but I have to hand it to you. Drinking until 3a.m., getting up with a baby and doing all that you do in a day...WOW! I'm very glad you have chosen to be sober, because I don't know how anyone could last too long on that schedule. So, I'm cheering for you! It is so very, very helpful to read everyone's comments and stories that I honestly don't know if I could be on day 4 without all of you. Thank you for being here. What is alcohol skin? Maybe I have it and don't know it. Yikes!!


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 03:00 PM

Comments

Day 11 for me. Wow, is it TENSE in here or what? On the topic of MEETINGS, I have been to 4 face to face meetings and find it to be extremely helpful. It has been 100 times more helpful than just logging onto this site. Yes, this website is wonderful, but the f2f meetings have been very important in ways that I could not forsee until after the meetings. Nothing can beat outstretched hands and smiles of f2f meetings and here is why. I don't know what kind of people are in other meetings, but the meetings that I have been to were(and almost feel like I have to whisper this) "actually FUN." I mean yes, hearing the stories and telling my story was very painful, but it was very obvious to me that the people in those meetings are good friends who joke around with each other. Some of those people have been sober long enough, that when they tell their stories there are parts where they can actually laugh at themselves for their delusional thinking about alcohol. And when they tell these stories you see parts of yourself in each person. After one of the meetings, a group of individuals invited me to go have lunch with them at a local restaurant to talk about lighter things. When you get on this website and talk with people, you really don't know whether or not they are like you at all. When I read someone's post I am always thinking, "yeah, I hear them, but is there life REALLY like mine AT ALL?" And you can't know that without actually meeting the person. We are visual beings and don't label me the snot for saying this because you people know what I am talking about -- we can tell ALOT by looking at a person. On this website, you don't know if you are talking to some deadbeat dad living in a 5th wheel or a power lady who is running a lucrative company. And I'm not saying that I don't want to talk to the deadbeat dad. I think we can all learn from each other no matter what the gender, education level, or socio-economic history. But when you go to face to face meetings you SEE other people and you know who the people are that you can actually relate to and share with knowing that they will understand the parts of your life that seem to lead to drinking too much. And because of that, I have had ladies approach me because they know I am like them too. One of them talked to me in the parking lot for over and hour and some of the things she said have already had a major impact on my daily life. I'm sorry but I'm not going to be nearly as willing to listen to some college frat boy that is on this site because once again he got drunk at a tailgate party and woke up on the lawn of the frat house, or some never married, rough around the edges old woman with nasty toenails and 21 cats whose alcohol of choice was Pabst Blue Ribbon. I don't relate to those people. I am going to be much more willing to listen and share with a person who has had some experience with the stresses of the professional world and raising a family with values, and whose drinking problems include 25 year old bottles of Dow port, and wining and dining clients. Call me a b*#ch if you want, I am being honest and I STARTED out drinking Budweiser when I was 14 and I was a party girl in high school and college but I don't relate to that anymore. By the time I was 30, I would get so drunk that I wouldn't even think twice about uncorking a $150 bottle of Cabernet Franc. My drinking in the past 7 years was alone, sitting in front of the computer while working through stacks of papers for my job or going out to happy hour with colleagues all still dressed up from work. The message boards have been around so long already, that people are starting to forget the disadvantages to this technology --- you cannot see a person's facial expressions. Yes using the correct words can convey emotion, however, alot of people are not that good at writing to begin with, much less to insert emotion in their writing. And I think that main thing here is that when I leave this site - I don't necessarily feel that much better, but when I leave a f2f meeting I feel great, happy and optimistic about the future. Just my two cents.


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 03:01 PM

Comments

HEy everyone last post I swear. There is a thread from another site from someone who is labeled as "A"that I thought I would share: "When I was in the hospital, having just been told I had about a 20% chance of surviving the next 48 hours one thing was going through my head. IF ONLY, IF ONLY, IF ONLY. I am lucky, I got my only. Since you are writing, and looking for help it would seem you have your only too. Take it, run with it, never ever mess around with it. There are so many people who never got it. You don't have to see the edge, it's disgusting and terrible. Does it get better, I don't know, it must do. I know I feel good today better than yesterday and I'll let you know how tommorrow goes. For now I gonna enjoy my only. A. " Good Luck to everyone


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 03:05 PM

Comments

((JB)) "Alcohol skin" is my way of saying that I really needed a facial after all the times that I fell asleep drunk before I had a chance to wash my makeup off. My skin was just kind of dull and my pores were icky.


Member: Sheri
Location: Ca
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 03:20 PM

Comments

Hi Sheri here, alcoholic. Shawn, Ethan, Becca, Kelly, Kari, Jane, September, Dave, Carrie and all. It's great when you slip and you come to this site and see your name addressed and know that other people on this site have all the fears, remorse and concerns over what we did the night before. I also fall into that category. When I wake up in the middle of the night with my clothes on instead of a nightgown, I know that someone must have poured me into the bed. That's very sad, as I have company in my home right now, and I sure don't feel like asking who was the nice person who did that. I am sick and tired of my drunkeness. I do want to go to meetings, I do want to be sober an enjoy life sober. Please everyone say a prayer for me today, and I will try not to pick up that first drink today and I will read these posts a couple time a day. Thanks for being here.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 03:54 PM

Comments

(((Sheri))) Hugs to you. You need them today.


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX (kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 04:02 PM

Comments

Hi Kerry here an alcoholic. Diane hang in there, we have about the same amount of time sober. Last week right at about 120 days I was having the same sort of feelings. This week is a total different story. The feelings passed. So keep in mind, this too shall pass. I was fortunate to have a group of people at my regular meeting to talk to about it. Many had similar experiences. I also had my first dream of relapsing that seemed very real. It took about 15 minutes after I woke up to realize it was just a dream. I was terrified at the thought of throwing 4 months down the drain. I never want to live again like I used to. I know you don't want to go to meetings but I found them essential especially in early sobriety. My prayers are with you.


Member: Jane C.
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 04:22 PM

Comments

Jane C..an alcoholic..I need to say this everyday..admit it to everyone..I'll keep this short and post again later today..I am sober.. and for me it is God, God and more God..and all of you here on this site for now...I'm struggling with the meeting thing for now...I did them and stayed sober so many years..BUT there are other ways to stay sober..My Father was sober for 17 years on his own...before he died..and he died sober at 87 years old...There is a very good book that I've had for many Years..I found it just yesterday...God's work, I'm sure..It's called "The Kingdom of Self"..by Earl Jabay...it's one of the best books I've ever read about US...all people...not just alcoholics..Written by a Physchiatrist who met a member of AA in his hospital...he proceded to have a spiritual awakening and found that the principals of AA was very beneficial in treating his patients..I read a part to Mike and he got very interested..he's trying to quit smoking and having a hard time...it's all about God..GET THE BOOK..it's all about God and spiritualtiy...it will help...just the bit of reading I did yesterday has given me the courage to beat this thing...until I get to some meetings...I won't make them my life however..3 a week will do it for me...I hope with the help of God.. you will all have a sober day..YOU CAN DO IT...just ask Him...


Member: SWEETDREAMS
Location:
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 06:28 PM

Comments

I want to quit drinking but I don't want to go to the meetings.I want to be a weightlifter but I don't want to lift any weights.I want to win the lottory but I don't buy tickets. SWEETDREAMS


Member: TO JANE C.
Location: SEE THIS
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 06:46 PM

Comments

Im an alcoholic. The way I see it is, You can pray until hell freezes over and all you'll get is a big skateing rink, I find that faith without works is dead. I prayed to stop drinking had a good pull of the bottle and prayed some more, that never worked, so I blamed God for my drinking. Thank God for A.A. and the steps,


Member: bigg
Location: nv
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 07:22 PM

Comments

b alky hey jane this a new comers sight and theres been alot more people saved from hooch reading the big book than any other book you could mention ...though god is everything to my sobriety ...i owe finding a god to A.A>it might serve some people that are not quite as cured as you are to KEEP IT SIMPLE...


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 10:29 PM

Comments

hi Diane here and I can safely say I am now on day 121 sober, thanks for the comments from Rich it touched my heart and September thanks. I also want to thank (((Kerry C ))) for telling me it will pass. Today is a better day and I did not slip I just keep thinking of how bad booze made me feel it also makes me blow up and I like this slimmer body. When I drink I actually blow up like someone who is allergic to booze, my face gets really puffy so that stays in the back of my mind when ever I get tempted, on how much better in the long run that I feel. I do have my bad days and I know I need to find a meeting f2f with other people like me. Funny I finally relized what the heck f2f was hahaha it is face to face right? I guess this shows how un-meeting I really am, I live kind of in the sticks so meetings would be a long drive not a good excuse cause I know they would probably help me with my depression. It was good to read all tonight and very good advice and thanks Kerry C for telling me this will pass...take care and God bless, I am going to find that book, also prayers coming your way (((Sheri))) and hugs too oh and Kari I can relate on the skin thing with not washing my face when I would drink or brushing my teeth cause I just pasted out


Member: SHAWN M.
Location: MASS
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 10:37 PM

Comments

SHAWN HERE,ALCHOHOLIC.SHERI,PRAYERS TO YOU.YOU TO KERRY FROM TX.I'VE BEEN A LITTLE GRUMPY TODAY BUT STILL IT IS DAY #4.STILL CAN'T BELIEVE THAT JUST A WEEK AGO MY DAYS WERE IN THE TRIPLE DIGITS.(KERRY)I AM NOW ABLE TO BANG OUT 3 MEETINGS A WEEK.I EVEN SPOKE UP A COUPLE TIMES WICH IS HARD FOR ME CONSIDERING THAT FOR YEARS I COULD HARDLY SPEAK AT ALL UNLESS I WAS 4 INCHES INTO A BOTTLE. ANYWAY I STILL FEEL THE NEED FOR MORE MEETINGS.THIS RIG ON MY ANKLE IS A BURDEN ON MY RECOVERY AND THAT MAKES THIS SITE KIND OF A BLESSING FOR ME.THANX EVERBODY FOR READING. PEACE & PRAYERS SHAWN M.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 11:23 PM

Comments

Hi All, It is nice to read you all sober or slipping but coming back and trying. I have been gone all day and it was busy here on the board. I wanted to tell Diane to hang in there. I pray you get through the funk your in. If not call your doctor if it is not passing. I see a division going on here about f2f meetings in early sobriety versus working your own program. I found my own program did not work because I am a bad alcoholic and the most normal thing for me to do is drink. AA this time around is working for me and not only that but is enriching my life. The spiritual tools I learn in meetings can be used in all aspects of my life. The friendships I have in AA far surpass any long gone drinking buddies I once had. I use this board to compliment my f2f meetings but they could never replace them for me. JB, Welcome back! I remember you from when I got sober in October. I have a little over 10 months... Hard to believe. Kari, Kerry C. Carrie, and Jackie I commend you on getting to meetings and taking suggestions and working the program. For Early girl and Mariab I hope you start over and keep coming and learning what you can here. Cheri, I'll pray for you. Rich and September great on day 7 and 5. Keep trying. September, you would be suprised at the fact that there is even more life to be lived after alcohol. I'm happier now sober then I have been in years. My hobby is AA meetings, helping others, commitments etc. We have a blast and I enjoy remembering having all these good times. Beth, you still have a lot to lose but your in the right place. Only you know when you have had/ lost enough. Keep posting. Johnson, your as dry as a popcorn fart. I can see your lack of program in your crusty old words. I don't want what you have so go sell your wares elsewere. Some of these people want to trade in their barstool and get a life. If you can't help another alcoholic don't hurt one. My day rocked!!!! I woke up to a beautiful rose and fresh coffee and muffins provided by my recently reinstated boyfriend. We talked and are trying to work out the respect issues I had. Then I ran some errands, went for coffee and shopping with a friend and hit a great meeting. I talked with the woman that chaired after and she positively radiated. She is 3 years sober, happily remarried and has a life she loves. I want what she has!!! I feel hope now I can have that if I keep working this simple program and ask for help from my HP and friends. I want to see some of you get the happiness I have and that is why I come here and share. 5 years ago I came here and read drunk as a skunk to get hope from you all. In October I started posting after rehab and now I have 10 months. It is a gift. Sorry so long but I wanted to share with all of you. Everyone have a great Friday and lets keep up the good fight. Kelly


Member: Bill R.
Location: P.A.
Date: July 24, 2003
Time: 11:37 PM

Comments

((September))You're doing great,Bless you.When I was at day 5 I was in the I.C.U. wired to a wall of monitors.I couldnt have used a keyboard if I had wanted to.Between the shakes,fevers, and high blood pressure, I was in pretty bad shape, close to a heart attack. Keep heart,I'm at 52 days,lost 20 pounds and my blood pressure is back to normal.I'm starting to feel my age,35 years old.Get to a meeting, if I can do it you certainly can. You'll be surprised, I know I was.Good luck on day 6, take life one day at a time.Stay in touch.


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 08:36 AM

Comments

I have made it to Day #6. I am so happy. Last night I had dinner with a friend and she wanted to open a bottle of wine. After the hard day at work it was always my regular way to relax. I can't tell you how much I could amost taste it. But then I stop and the funny part was not wanting to report to everyone today that I messed up and then I started thinking about why I was doing what I was doing and somehow I talked myself right out of the drink and she put it away, decided not to drink without me. It was the best feeling. That was a close one though. I REALLY wanted a glass of wine, but I knew I just wouldn't end the night with one. Thank you ((Kelly M)) and ((Bill R.)). Its really great to know there are people praying for me. I wish you the best Bill R. I am so happy to hear that you have your health back. Looks like you are doing great on a diet as well. I still haven't started my exercise plan that I promised I would do, but I am going to take this one day at a time just as you said. Today I am feeling more confient about getting to a meeting. I know I keep saying that but I think I still am going back and fourth with surrending myself powerless and needing the extra help. After last night I realized that was a close call and next time might not go so well. I really want this out of my life and thats when I started thinking that its either another day of hell, picking myself up all over again and trying to somehow stay positive enough to start all over again or just simpy go to a meeting, try it, if its not something I like then at least I tried it..right? ((Diane)), ((Kari)), ((Sheri)), ((Shawn M)), ((Jane C)), (Kerry C)), ((Beth)), ((JB)) and everyone, my prayers are with each of you!


Member: c+hity thinkin
Location: MARS
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 08:53 AM

Comments

o boy I feel like haveing a few cold beers today. I got to get my head in the right place. right now its up my butt c+hity thinkin its no good.Sorry I'm just trying to get in touch with my stupid brain.I know I should go to a meeting but I don't know if I can make it by the package store. This to shall pass don't drink I'll make it just something for me to read.


Member: jus me
Location: jus me
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 09:13 AM

Comments

((C+hity)) just go with it. As you say it is only thinking, talk back to ti and ask why would you want to make you drink. Treat yourself like you would treat another Alcoholic. Take care You matter!


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 10:14 AM

Comments

September, You sound great girl! You were able to think your way through the drink! Awesome. C+hity, Pick up the hundred pound phone and get a ride to the meeting. Go the long way if it means not passing by the package store. It was good you could express your fears about it. I still feel weird when I see my old Packy. It is like I don't want to go in to buy booze but disconcerting non the less, like running into an ex or something. Bye 4 now. Kelly


Member: TOM
Location: NY
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 10:41 AM

Comments

Hi all, day 39. Still sober. Day 1 and Day 7 were great milestones for me. Ahh. day 7 A WEEK!! Good luck to all of you. Diane, glad to see you "UP" again. I've been reading all you have written since my day 1. Your inspiration and strength have helped me along the way, so here's back at ya.


Member: @@
Location: @@
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 11:14 AM

Comments

(((((((((TOM)))))))))) still watching ya growth man!


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 11:30 AM

Comments

Day 8 sober. Survived a family gathering last night without incident despite the fact that beer was flowing all around me. One thought always crosses my mind when I think about drinking. ONE DRINK IS NOT AN OPTION FOR ME. That thought seems to get me through. Blessings to everyone.


Member: Jane C.
Location: Juneau, Alaska
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 02:05 PM

Comments

Jane C...an alcoholic...but you all know that I am...I say this to remind myself..For SEE THIS and others...The Bible was here before the BB..and the BB is taken as I see it almost all from the Bible...I read them both...but there are also other things to read about alcohol problems that help us...I read just about everything I can..other books have been mentioned on this site and if they help along with the BB and God I see no harm in giving them a look..the book I suggested is based Totally on the 12 steps of AA by a man who found that these steps helped many of his patients...I think he was a wise man to see that it really is about God, and the BB and the Bible..


Member: cindy
Location: ma
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 04:59 PM

Comments

do what ever it takes please don't try to judge people for the way they think whatever works may the power be with you all just don't drink its a long road go slow stay safe


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 06:28 PM

Comments

Kerry here an alcoholic. Wishing everyone a safe and sober weekend. A little from the Dr.s' Opinion to remind us who we are. "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery. On the other hand-and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand-once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules."


Member: Phil T.
Location: Spokane
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 06:48 PM

Comments

Today is my 2nd day of sobreity and my 2nd class tonight for counseling.. Boy, it is sure hard today on Friday not to visit the boys at the tavern... How do any of control theses urges or do they go away???? Phil


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 07:10 PM

Comments

Phil T. Think of the reasons why you are trying to quit drinking, pray to your higher power asking for the urge to be removed, think it totally through from first drink to where it will lead and leave you, talk to other alcoholics about it, goto an AA meeting, And the simplest way don't go to the bar and drink the first drink. The longer you are sober and working your program the less you will have these urges.


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 08:16 PM

Comments

Phil T. Tomorrow you will be glad you didn't drink today. And a sober tomorrow will make it an even better day and so on and so on, One day at a time. Blessings to you.


Member: Bill R. a..k..a B.R.
Location: P.A
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 08:45 PM

Comments

Greetings friends,it's the weekend and that can be a trying and dangerous time for us.Be good,be stong,stay sober.I'm a little nervous myself.I,m packing for vacation in Virginia beach.It will be my first real vacation sober in a long,long time.Ive allready found a few meetings in the area and I'm looking for more. They say watch out for people,places,and things that might trigger relapse,well where I'm going is chocked full of all of the above.I feel ok now but I'm a little worried about urges when I get there.I wish the best to everyone.Remember, beware the weekend,beware of boredom,get to meetings.If you can't get to a meeting come here or call someone you can talk to.Weekends are only days and we know how to handle days,one at a time.


Member: JB
Location: NY
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 08:45 PM

Comments

Day 5. I got through but just by a very slim hair. Wow was it tough between 5pm and 7pm. You see, where I live in NY we don't have enough warm, sunny evenings to sit on the deck. The only scenario I had for this evening was a terrific dinner on the deck overlooking the new perennial garden we planted last week. Now what's missing in this scenario for an alcoholic like myself? Drinking, drinking and more drinking. It was a horrible two hours, but it has passed. You might say, why didn't you go to a meeting? I spent the day 90 miles from here. Where I just moved from. I had appts. until 4:45. So, all of this took place on my 90 mile drive back home. Many times during the drive, when I would think I was just about to find a place to turn off and buy alcohol, I would think of all of you and know that everyone of you has either been there or is there with me now. Fighting this, for me has become almost a team effort. Good luck to all of you tonight Bill R, September, C+hity, Tom, Diane, Rich, Jane C, Kerry C, Kari and anyone I may have missed. Kelly M, I remember you also and have followed much of your progress. You are an inspiration. Goodnight to all.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 08:55 PM

Comments

((Ethan)) Where are you???? I am thinking of you and hoping that you are doing well and that you are still on Day 13. I am praying for you since I haven't heard from you in awhile.


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 10:25 PM

Comments

Hi all. ((Kari)) Yup, I'm still here and on day # 12. Thanks for thinking of me! Been doing lots of yardwork in addition to running my business the last few days, so even though I've been reading the board (and silently cheering your and everyone elses' successes on!!), haven't had much energy to put into trying to communicate effectively. Just been too pooped. I've also spent some time over on an Alanon board getting some helpful ideas about more healthy ways to view my wife's drinking (i.e. I didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it, etc.) ((Jane C)) Thanks for the book suggestion - I'll check it out. Like you, I'm a firm believer in 'all things are possible through Him', and admire your devtion to your faith. Well, I'm off to bed - best wishes to everyone for a happy, sober weekend!


Member: Gage
Location:
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 10:51 PM

Comments

Wishing you all a sober weekend. Take it a day at a time, please. Hi ((Kelly)), hi ((Jane in Juneau)).


Member:
Location:
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 11:27 PM

Comments

@@


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: July 25, 2003
Time: 11:40 PM

Comments

well I'm back and it's day 122 sober and thanks so much (((Tom))) I sometimes think I am just not noticed cause I don't always have a lot to say. Way to go on day 39 I'll be watching for you each day. I talked to my Daughter today and she might get to move back to Oklahoma so I'm got them on my prayer list cause we have became so much closer now that her Mom is not a drunk no more. well My Son just came in drunk off his butt I am so glad I am sober, He will for sure be sick soon it upsets me


Member: Jerry M.
Location: Santa Cruz
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 01:02 AM

Comments

Alcohol is processed by our bodies into sugar. That "craving" we feel is sometimes the need for sugar we have established in our bodies thru our drinking. I've found it useful to drink a glass of orange juice and honey in the morning, keep choclate bars handy and have a glass of oj and honey near the bed at night. These cravings diminish with time, just as the rest of our troubles do, when we are in the fellowship of AA.Being raised in an immediate gratification society, it is hard to "take it easy", "let go and let god" figure out what "first things first" means, but habits of a lifetime don't get changed overnight. Take it easy on yourself, just do the next right thing for these 24 hours or 24 minutes or 24 seconds and time will pass and you will become the person your high power put you here to be. When we get out of ourselves and try to help someone else we truly become "recovering alcoholic's. In love and service, Jerry M.


Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 03:09 AM

Comments

Jane C. still an alcoholic...It's 10:30PM here and I passed the supreme test today...the love of my life had me running all over town for him and his sons errands...talk about HALT..I went downtown to find his son and my journey took me to the part of town I have a love hate relationship with...it's where the tourists hit all the gift shops.. the part I love...but also the part with the bars and liquor store..I walked one and half blocks past..not kidding here..5 BARS and 2 LIQUOR STORES...I popped in and out of the stores many times..into the bars quite a few times with Mike...but with him my drinking was controlled so I felt safe..( He likes to think I haven't a problem with alcohol) and he has seen me drink more than I should, but I still functioned OK.. Just got a little funny...I come out of my shell and I used to like it.. now, I am what I am and if folks don't like it, TOUGH...Anyway..I passed all of these places and didn't even feel a twinge of wanting to drink..this is only day 12..I give my thanks to God..I've only started back to church since I have been here, but I never stopped believing in the Power of God..even when my husband was diagnosed with Cancer...the two of us just accepted it and did what had to be done..there was no blaming God..and neither one of us could understand this...since both our families believed in a punishing God..we never did..I think we were hearing different things growing up... I still haven't been to meetings, but for me in some ways this site is very good for me..especially in early sobriety...I get to go over the weeks postings to see what I may have missed..in meetings there are sometimes distractions and we don't get to hear all that is being said.. I know that meetings are important.. I'm just not ready yet..but I don't think I'll ever stray far from this site..I don't even know how I found it..I probably did it the day after..when my mind was too foggy... (Diane).I hope you were able to get some of you good cheer back..4 months is a lot of sobriety..I Pray that a day at a time I will make it. (MARIABand SEPTEMBER) don't ever give up..just keep starting over and you'll succeed.(BETH)..it was driving to get more wine a few times when I ran out that really convinced me that it was time to really stop drinking...AGAIN..I was scared out of my mind..thinking that I could hurt somebody while I was behind the wheel..I'm going to say something here that is really hard for me to put down here..My younger sister.. was killed by a drunken driver in 1997..I guess you can imagine what that did to me emotionally..I was sober at the time and didn't pick up a drink..but I was physically sick for months..first because I lost the only friend that I could call at midnight because of our time difference at the time..and second because of the way she died.. Couldn't eat or sleep, and lost too much weight..still I never thought about taking a drink..all I thought about was Mary Ann..I know for me and probably for all of us..hurting someone else in this way is our biggest nightmare...This is way too long..so for now may God's Grace keep us all sober a day at a time.. through this weekend.


Member: Bob D
Location: Upstate NY
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 03:24 AM

Comments

Hello, and hope to all..this is my first post to this site. Like so many of you, I had a very tough time in the beginning of my sobriety, being an addict and an alcoholic, and admitting to myself that this was true. I'm sure that many of you felt alone, or that perhaps you were the only one that had this "problem". As you can see from this site and others like it, and at meetings that we are all the same in that we suffer from this terrible disease. We can ALL learn from each other if we allow ourselves to. In the beginning I thought this was all a bunch of garbage, but I kept at it and now nearly 9 months of being clean and sober is behind me. What lies ahead depends on whether or not I continue with the program...believe me, sober IS better. For Jane C and others like her (including me), you don't have to be everything to everybody. Slow down and enjoy the ride! If you rush through life, you die tired! For those struggling through the first days and weeks, do whatever you have to do to go one more minute, one more hour, one more day, one step at a time. It will get easier with each day! Take what YOU can use from meetings and sites such as this, and leave the rest for others. A mind is like a parachute..it works better when it's open! Keep on keeping on and love to all!


Member: Jane C.
Location: Alaska
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 03:36 AM

Comments

Jane C. again...an alcoholic..this will be it for tonight ( I hope) can't sleep, just too overtired.. (ETHAN) thanks for the nice words and you sound like you are so happy with your sobriety..I hope I get that way soon..I feel really good physically and emotionally, but really too tired to be as ambitious as you are.I get all the necessary things done..but not really any fun stuff yet..but for me that's OK for now..(GAGE) thanks for the HI..we lived in NC from 1989 to 1999 and I was sober those years..picked up the drink again in 2000..and have been drinking on and off for almost 3yrs. I'm really glad that I could see the damage I was doing to myself before it got really totally out of control..I think I was well on my way to a lot of pain and suffering. Again I thank God..I kept asking Him to show me a way to doing what I knew I had to do, but just couldn't do it..and then I found this site..and I really believe it was His doing..because I really can't remember how I found it... Time for me to go..for real...


Member: Bill R.
Location: P.A
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 09:08 AM

Comments

Greetings friend,I'm leaving for vacation.I will talk to you all in a week or two.Be good,be sober.My thoughts will be with all of you.


Member: Rich
Location: NE
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 09:57 AM

Comments

Good morning all. Day 9 sober. But still feeling depressed.


Member: September
Location: FL
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 12:01 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, yesterday was terrible. i had so many panick attcks over and over again. Never had that happen to me. I was doing fine, rented a few vdeos, got myself a sub and then it hit me, here I am all alone, everyone else enjoying thier lives and my heart starts racing and I think about the word alcoholic and how much that word scares me to associate with myself. I calmed myself down and thought about how I need to take this one day at a time, so I told myself, for tonight I am not drinking, just tonight, but my body would allof the sudden for no reason start that feeling that something is really wrong and my heart would race. I made it through last night and today I seem to feel better. I guess as you all say I should got to meetings but for some reason I am scared of the reality of it all..I am just not ready either as Jane C..good luck by the way your doing great and thanks to everyone for thinking of me. We are all doing great and its wonderful to hear, its also great to see that we still push for those that have slipped..that mistakes aren't judged...I think about each of you and your stories and it puts so much perspective on this problem, I think about how today I might not be someone who has the shakes and physically needs a drink but if I pick up a beer who knows if that will be my turning point, I think of everyone who has lost so much more than I have, but ost of all how much you all are fighting, fighting for a better life and I think is that beer really worth it when there are so many people out there praying and meeting together and hoping that somehow they can build back thier lives just because of the bottle or that glass...I guess nothing makes sense, I really don't know who I am right now and thats whats causing me to panick..I am not sure but somehow i made it, as much as I wanted to give in and just do what comes naturally, I made it again. I am so pissed that alcohol is consunming me like this, I am so pissed that I relate who I am to it, I am so angry that I have allowed myself to come to this, to be this person, that deciding to not drink is taking up so much of my time of my thoughts, I am supposed to be stronger, I am not supposed to sit and cry, I am supposed to be able to make better decisions and be done with it.... I think I need to get it together, its not that bad right... I guess I will say this is a very bad day for me


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 12:27 PM

Comments

Hi Diane here on day 123 that is over 4 months now, wow never thought I would make it this far but I have thanks to this site and my HP, Jane I have had those panic attacks but mine are more like a depression trying to come on. I like to feel up and not down which I am sure most of us do. When that depression comes on the things I love to do like (Computers) arts and crafts and I really like to play with Adobe Photo shop 7, one thing I love more then anything is when someone has a computer problem I love to try and find the answer for them and help them, but when the depression sets in I just go blank, Today is a good day, My Son did make it to work but what upset me most is that he drove home drunk for I would hate for him to kill someone .....We have housed my Son now for 3 years and went through a lot of bad days with him he is slowly doing better through a forced probation but he is playing with fire when he drinks for that could end him up in Jail but I can not make him see how much better his life would be without the drinking. He has (I believe) stop all other drugs but is still drinking which I know is not good. Please if there are any prayer Warriors in here please pray for my Son as I am daily and sometimes hourly...thanks so much for being here,,,, Diane Oklahoma


Member: buzzsaw
Location: Detroit
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 01:21 PM

Comments

Barely holding it together today. September, I can relate to all those feelings and the panic attacks. I am miserable sober, this sucks. I try to occupy my time with other things, but that is no way to live ... just trying to get through the day, not enjoying it. It is like from the time I wake up, I cannot wait for night so I can go back to sleep, so I don't have to deal with the shit in between some call "life". My ex-girlfriend is here, packing up here stuff and moving out. Very stressful, trying not to use or get in her way. She moved in with another man, and I just want to scream and WHY !?! Things could get very volitel around here. What a shitty situation.


Member: Bob D
Location: upstate NY
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 02:00 PM

Comments

Hi to all with special hello to September/Diane in OK/and buzzsaw in Detroit...Life can bring a whole lot of crap just when you think you just can't handle one more thing...I've certainly had my share...but I can tell you that you can be a lot stronger than you think if you just DON'T PICK UP!! The longer you can go clean/sober the easier it gets to handle some of the problems that keep cropping up. Life happens and will keep dishing you out crap from time to time, but clean and sober is a much better way of dealing with life on life's terms. My thoughts and prayers are with you..


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 02:35 PM

Comments

((September))((Diane))((buzzsaw)) There's something that someone once told me - or maybe I read it here - that I think of when my problems and stress get me thinking that I really really need a few beers to escape my problems: 'There isn't a problem you have, or can have, that drinking can't make worse'. This has been so true for me when I look back over my life, and remembering it is helping to keep me sober today (Day 13 for me). You're in my thoughts and prayers.


Member: Sheri
Location: Ca
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 02:49 PM

Comments

Hi Sheri, alcoholic. Ethan, Kari,JB, Br, kerry, mariab, diane, phil,jane, September, Rich, etal. Thanks for remembering me in your prayers, this is day 3 and I'm starting to feel more energy. What helps is the chocolate I eat in the afternoon or before dinner. Seems to satisfy the craving for drinks. My worse time as I have said before is happy hour. Once I get past that, or have an early dinner the craving for wine or whatever passes. Diane, I saw my daughter come in this morning early! She felt bad. I also felt bad for her as I've certainly been in that shape many times. I guess its soooo true that when you see someone that needs help and you try to share your experiences, it also helps you. For me, its one day at a time cause I know the first drink will land me drunk. God bless everyone, your in my prayers.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 02:59 PM

Comments

I had something really stressful happen today (related to my husband's job, as usual) and even though I haven't craved alcohol all that much these past few days, when this thing happened today my immediate thoughts were, "I know I'm going to drink today." I am on Day 13. I lost my composure when I was discussing this with my husband on the phone and I said, "I know these past two weeks I have taking responsibility for my drinking, but now today when this is happening I have to say that it is no wonder I drink. Your job causes me to drink." So basically, I yelled at him and told him it was his fault that I have an alcohol problem. He didn't comment on my statement, but rather he said, "OK, so this has happened and there is nothing we can do about it, but we need to make a decision about where to go from here." I am so upset, and I just don't know how I will deal with this stressful situation without drinking alcohol, but I know that alcohol is only going to make it worse. I am praying and thinking that this event that I am viewing as stressful is God's will. I just have to leave the decisions to God's will and trust because everything in the past has always worked out and maybe He has something in mind for me that I can't forsee yet. Unfortunately, I have just been eating junk for the past hour because I'm stressed. At least I'm not drinking, but hate the feeling that I am trading one addicition for another. I am wondering how bad it would be if I smoked a couple cigarettes instead of eating all this food. On second thought, that is just going to make me feel gross too. ((Ethan)) Hi, glad to hear you are doing great. You really have supportive words for all of us and I hope you know how much your posts add to my sobriety.


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 03:38 PM

Comments

((Kari)) I'm sorry to hear about whatever happened with your husband's job. It sounds difficult. When I posted a little while ago and said 'no problems drinking can't make worse' I was also giving myself some advice. Watching the kids all day today while dealing with some other stressful issues suddenly had me thinking a 12 pack might help. Think I've now come to my senses. Instead, I'm now concentrating on thinking 'this too shall pass'. And while it passes, and even though I really don't feel like it, I'm going to take the kids outside and try to focus on having some fun with them, maybe get a little exercise, etc. As a backup plan, I'll postpone my decision to consider drinking till tomorrow :) Also, I'm not superstitious, so let's you and me not give this Day #13 we're both on any kind of unwarranted credibility. Deal?


Member: Sam E
Location: Seaside
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 04:02 PM

Comments

Buzzsaw, any woman or man who can't break off a relationship without having another one to run to is in worse shape than you, so don't sweat it. All that's going to happen is she'll find another one after this one, and another one after that, and she'll never learn anything about having a truly meaningful relationship, and certainly will never be able to hold her part of a marriage together. As for you, go ahead and mourn the end of this relationship, but act like a man, not a whimpering little boy. We alcoholics don't end up in AA because of our wonderful coping skills and the world isn't going to change just because we aren't drinking. We have to change, but we won't change unless we are trying to. It doesn't always feel good. In fact, sometimes it hurts like hell. But you don't need to look for something to fill your time. You've got twelve steps to do and it sounds like you better get on them. If you'll put that first, and put that woman way on the back shelf, you'll start to change. And then you will feel better. In the meantime, when you start to feel sorry for yourself, look for something to be grateful for. Maybe you can start with being grateful you didn't kill someone on your last DWI and that your butts not sitting in prison right now.


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 04:24 PM

Comments

((Kari)) Just reread your post. Your way of describing how today's events may be God's will for you made me think of one of my faviorite Bible verses (I know, referring to the Bible probably offends some people here - but that's not my intent). It's Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God." When I'm able to wrap my mind around this, I think He's saying: 'Relax. Whatever it is you're worried about, I've got it covered. Trust me.' Thanks for bringing this to mind for me. I needed it.


Member: buzzsaw
Location: detroit
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 04:58 PM

Comments

Thanks for the encouraging words Sam, Ethan, Bob. She just left with a load of her stuff to drop off and then she is coming back for more. This could run well into the night due to the fact she did not rent a truck and she is packing everything into her small SUV. But there is some large shit that needs to go, I have no idea how but she says she will take care of it. She wants to go through the xmas shit (we have been together for 4 years), and divide it up ... I am like come on, this is nuts, just let the shit go. No, she is taking the knobs on the dresser drawers (my dresser) off because "she bought" them ... I never asked for the fucking knobs to be replaced. What a cluster fuck, excuse my language, but it is really a reflection of the chaos in the house at the moment. The dog is hiding in the corner of room under a table, he doesn't know what to think. I am gonna let her go, I have to, just keeping telling myself: stay calm, grab her stuff and keep moving it to the porch. Shit she is back ...


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 05:16 PM

Comments

((Buzzsaw)) Way to go - sounds like you're handling a tough situation well. Just let her do her thing and get out of there. Think how much better things will be for you when she is finally done and gone and you can get on with your life. In the meantime, I might be asking the dog to move over so I could climb under the table with him until the dust settles - sounds like one smart dog. I'm rooting (and praying) for you.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 05:24 PM

Comments

((Ethan)) Thank you SO much. I just returned from having lunch out with my daughter. I purposely went to a place that served no alcohol. I just needed to regroup. Your verse from the bible, makes me feel even better. Here is what happened today: As you know my husband has been away to the war for 10 months. Well, when he comes home we were suppose to be moving to another state 2weeks later. Last month, I flew to the new location and my parents drove 6 hours to meet me so they could take care of my baby while I looked for a house. I bought a house and came home, started to pack, put our house here on the market, turned in my resignation (I had only been on a leave of absence this past year for maternity so I still had to turn in a resignation), etc. Well, today my husband calls me and tells me that they changed his orders and we are no longer going to that location. So now I own a house in a state that I'm not even going to live in. Plus we have this house. So we have two houses both in states that we will not be living in by October! And to top it off, they don't know where he is going next. But it looks like we will have to somehow buy a 3rd house once we find out the new location, not to mention the wasted travel expenses and closing costs on the other house, etc. And also, I am doing this all on my own while caring for a baby, since he is in Baghdad and yet we are suppose to be ready to move within 2 weeks of his Oct. 1 return! I was so pissed that I just yelled at him about how his job is ruining our life, he needs to make a choice between job and family, blah, blah, blah. I just really tore into him and on my end I went through about half a box of tissue. This kind of thing happens with his job ALL the time and his answer to me is always, "well, at least we are making good money." And then he tests me. He says, "do you want me to quit and then we won't have any money?" Well, money is not everything is what I think and I'm sure he could find a comparable job that isn't so hard on the family. I mean for cryin out loud, he has an MBA. With his current job, one time we moved 5 times in 2 years. I feel for him though, because I think he just doesn't know what to do, he has interviewed for civilian jobs but they never pay as much plus he is only two years away from the military pension. I do realize that my drinking is my own problem and I can't blame it on his job, but come on now, don't you think the above circumstances would just about drive almost anyone to drink? I just get annoyed at how calm and logical he is about all this when I know that any normal person would find all this very stressful. Sorry for dumping on you, but I am just needy right now, as in I need someone to validate my getting freaked out about this. I guess the most important thing is that I'm not drinking. Who cares where we live as long as I'm sober, right?


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 05:29 PM

Comments

((buzzsaw)) You can do so much better than that. That is some serious game playing that is going on there. I mean who would even want to take the time to take knobs off a dresser like that. Don't take a drink because of her.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 05:38 PM

Comments

Sorry to post AGAIN, but I also wanted to say that everything I have already told you about, doesn't even factor in the stress of thinking that my husband might not come home at all. I mean look at all the crap going on in Baghdad. I don't understand how he manages to stay alive. I know I should not worry about where we move to and just be happy if he comes home.


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 06:16 PM

Comments

((Kari)) Wow - that is a predicament. Glad to hear you handled it so well today. Way to go! Isn't it amazing how distracting it can be to spend time with a tiny person who loves you to death? Kind of puts a lot of other things in perspective when you think about it (or feel it). I obviously don't know your husband, but my hunch is that under the circumstances, he's probably feeling every bit of stress you are. We (men) just tend to deal with it differently. He's probably staying calm in part to help you stay calm, and in part because it's what we responsible men are supposed to do. I tend to get super calm (at least on the outside) the more upset my wife becomes. It's probably why women tend to live 7 years longer then men! Re your newly purchased house - is the agreement on the purchase contingent upon anything, like the sale of your 'old' home? Is it possible there's escape language in the agreement you can utilize? If not, might be worth calling a few real estate lawyers in the new home state to see what advice you can get. Most lawyers will give you 10-20 minutes free consultation time over the phone. I don't blame you for being upset, and I really admire you for looking to God for help. When I remember to trust Him, He's always led me through whatever messes I've gotten myself into.


Member: sam
Location: no where lane
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 06:31 PM

Comments

I am miserable sober to I don't want to do anything but sleep.I know how you feel life sucks. I know I should go to meetings I just can't deal with that right now or anything. Nothing going right NOTHING. I'm not going to drink over it. They say things will get better but right now I just don't care anymore.WILL at least you don't have any kids with her.She has nothing good to say about you I can see that. life sucks


Member: buzzsaw
Location: detroit
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 06:50 PM

Comments

Thanks for the encouraging words Sam, Ethan, Bob. She just left with a load of her stuff to drop off and then she is coming back for more. This could run well into the night due to the fact she did not rent a truck and she is packing everything into her small SUV. But there is some large shit that needs to go, I have no idea how but she says she will take care of it. She wants to go through the xmas shit (we have been together for 4 years), and divide it up ... I am like come on, this is nuts, just let the shit go. No, she is taking the knobs on the dresser drawers (my dresser) off because "she bought" them ... I never asked for the fucking knobs to be replaced. What a cluster fuck, excuse my language, but it is really a reflection of the chaos in the house at the moment. The dog is hiding in the corner of room under a table, he doesn't know what to think. I am gonna let her go, I have to, just keeping telling myself: stay calm, grab her stuff and keep moving it to the porch. Shit she is back ...


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 06:55 PM

Comments

Hi everyone,Kerry here an alcoholic. Wow just got back from fishing to read the board. Do I sense some Resentments?...Suggested reading Big Book Chapter 5 How it Works. Here are a couple paragraphs for starters. "It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die. If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison."..."This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done."


Member: Phil T.
Location: Spokane, Wa.
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 06:56 PM

Comments

Hello; Just starting day 4 and 3 meetings and my urges today are killing me... I hope to make it through the night because I am going to an outdoor baseball game... I'm planning on bringing alot of sunflower seeds though..


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 07:19 PM

Comments

Phil T Great job on day 4 and meetings. Salty sunflower seeds might make you mightly thirsty :) I used chocolate and ice cream a lot for urges. Well off to birthday night at my home group will check back later. Barq, ice cream, and cake to celebrate the years and multiple years birthdays for the month.


Member: Kari
Location:
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 07:37 PM

Comments

((Kerry C)) Yes, I am full of resentment. I resent the fact that my husband is over in that God forsaken country fighting for homeland security and as all as anyone back in the US can do is bitch about how we shouldn't be over there anymore and about how intelligence operations failed for 9/11 (his job is intelligence). I'm especially resentful of it when I get phone calls from my husband telling me to up his life insurance for a month because of certain missions. I'm resentful when I'm dragging a baby and my doped up husband through an a German airport after surgery (he got hurt in Baghdad), just to have him be sent back over there 3 weeks later. I am resentful here at home when I am trying to do stuff like watch a screaming toddler, while the dog is pacing cause it has to go out, while I'm drilling holes into the wall to install baby gates, just to have the whole gate fall out of the wall 3 hours later, BECAUSE THERE IS NO HUSBAND COMING HOME AT THE END OF THE DAY. Or how about when I am sick with the flu but I still have to get up at all hours of the night because the baby still isn't sleeping through the night. I am resentful of it when I see everyone else enjoying their weekends as a family when my husband has been gone for the last 40 weekends and I don't have single photograph of my husband with my baby since she was a couple months old (she's 13 months now). I'm resentful when the other moms have their families close to help and I live 27 hours away from mine because of my husbands job. I wish I had time to go fishing like you or time to read Chapter 5 in the Big Book, but I haven't had a free minute in over a year. In fact, I can't think of the last time I took a shower without a toddler digging in all the bathroom drawers and taking every single cotton ball, Q-tip, and tampon out of the box before I was able to finish my shower. So there you have it. I am a very angry and resentful individual right now. I'm doing the best I can under the circumstances. Come to my house for a day and I guarantee the Big Book wouldn't keep you sober for long. Only by the grace of God can I get through this! ((Ethan)) Thank you for your words of encouragement. You are right about so many things and you have really given me something to think about today. Sorry that you had to see me being so negative (above), but Kerry's resentment statement just set me off.


Member: Tom
Location: NY
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 08:56 PM

Comments

WOW. I've been coming on here for 40 days or so and this is the most tumultuous day yet. Congrats to everyone for hanging in there. Kari, your husband sounds like a well adjusted, sensible and honorable man. Quit whining.


Member: Ethan T
Location: MA
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 08:58 PM

Comments

((Kari)) No worries. You're dealing with things most of us can't fathom. Please remember you're not alone - we're here, you have new AA friends from your f2f meetings who you could call(?), and most importantly, God will help get you through today, if you ask Him. I'm thinking and praying for you.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: July 26, 2003
Time: 11:47 PM

Comments

Thank you Sheri I needed to hear that someone else is also going through watching our loved one's and praying for them to see how much better life can be sober. My Son came home tonight sober and he was also very upset at his X girlfriend which if truth be known she is a drug addict which I've been praying that they would end it. He is not suppose to talk to any of his old drug friends. After reading about poor Kari my life seems good. Kari my heart goes out to you and your husband I pray he makes it back safe and sound. I don't agree with any war but I don't blame the guys that have to be in the War. It may be looking up here if My Son stays away from this girl who supplied all his drugs in the past. This girl has two Babies and her Mom takes them when she thinks she is on drugs which she is on them all the time. It is so sad how drugs destroy our lives and booze too. Oh Ethan thanks for the verse this gal don't mind at all if you quote the Bible.... God bless you all and have a sober night


Member: Kerry C
Location: TX(kerryctx@hotmail.com)
Date: July 27, 2003
Time: 12:18 AM

Comments

Kari the post I made was not directed at you but the room in general. See resentments give alcoholics their excuses to drink. So we must be free of them or risk drinking again. The general mood of the room was sort of resentful and angry. I posted that to help those trying to understand what is going on with them in sobriety. We think it will be all happy and good. Well life just doesn't work that way. We have to get away from the problem and focus on the solution, which is contained in the Big Book of AA. Sorry that you took it personal but as alcoholics we must change our way of thinking and acting if we want any hope to get better. This is an AA site so I think it is ok to post material from AA's Big Book.


Member: Bob D.
Location: upstate NY
Date: July 27, 2003
Time: 12:20 AM

Comments

Hope this helps with resentment......."the only people we have to get even with are those that help us" Hang in there all...


Member: Jose O
Location: Rhode Island
Date: July 27, 2003
Time: 12:42 AM

Comments

congrats Carrie from LA, I also have 6 months today. and for me I have to live today on a fist things first basis, because the first thing i do when i hit my knees down in the morning is to ask my higher power to keep me and alcoholic and a addict away from a drink and a drug just for today , and as long as i keep that first in my day everything else just seems to fall into place whether it be good or bad, i know that no matter what a drink or a drug is not an option for me. god bless


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: July 27, 2003
Time: 01:17 AM

Comments

Hi All, Wow, I think today was stress day for all of us. Kari, I can relate to the moving stress. Today was going great and was having a barbecue when the new owner of my apt. showed up and gave me my new lease and until the 30th of this month to make up my mind. I just moved in here June 1st and now I have to pack up and move again. She is raising my rent from 750 to 1100 a month and now heat will not be included. I will pay all utilities including water and sewer and snow removal and sweeping porches etc. I was floored and teared up because I had a hard time selling my home of 6 years and moving into an apt. I turned it around by hitting a couple meetings and hearing what I needed to. My mood was better when I got home. It is in God's hands and I don't want to drink over it. Last week I found out that I would not be getting SSI for my son anymore to the tune of 1,000 a month because he is now 19. He gets it because his Dad died when he was 4 but I always thought he would get it until he graduated. I have been looking for a side job to try and make it up and today this hits. I was not angry or feeling pity for myself but I did get teary because this will be tough financially to get a new place in a month that I can afford. I can't let us go homeless and I know that is not God's plan for us. I want to think that it is God's plan for us to find an even better/ nicer place to live. I have a lot of work to do in the next few weeks to try all ways of finding us a new apt. we can afford. The one thing I can't afford is a case of the poor me's... Pour me, pour me, pour me another drink. The Big Book talks about hardships being a part of life and nothing is bad enough or reason enough to drink over it. What seems to work for me is doing turn arounds. What can I do to turn this situation around? First I did the math and I cannot afford to stay, then I accepted the fact I will have to move. Going to a couple meetings took my mind off of my problem and an attitude adjustment. Now I have to solve by putting all my energy into finding the right place for my son and I by asking God for help and having the faith he will carry it out. I believe this will work out fine if I do the above. I learned this in AA and like I say it helps me in all parts of my life, the tools I learn. Hang in there Kari, keep counting those blessings and above all stay sober and it will work out. (((Gage))) Nice to hear from you, my friend with a way with words... ;) Hi Diane, Congrats on 4 months! I'll pray for your son. Rich, Sorry your down. Keep reading the BB and asking for help. Buzzsaw, Let her go and all the knobs and other junk. We get what we demand in our relationships and if she can't respect you your better off with your dog. I like the bumper sticker, I want to be the person my Dog thinks I am. Kerry C, Thanks for posting, How It Works. Resentments shut us off from the sunlight of the spirit... so true. Off to bed and I wish us all a solution to our dilemmas. Nitey Nite. Kelly