Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 06:58 AM
Could there be a better topic for this site???Hi, Carrie - alcoholic. The on going debate between alcoholics and the RIGHT way to stay sober on this site, in the rooms of AA, at the coffee houses and treatment centers. I understand biases and bad experiences and ego and pride. If you claim not to have those, you are better at denial than I am, that's for sure! But, through the steps, I am learning to see my part in things. My choice to react and get upset, try to control things. I am learning to choose to have an open mind, to trust in God - be willing to believe that just because I might not understand something, doesn't mean that things aren't exactly the way they should be.
Member: Libby
Location: Illinois
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 07:23 AM
Hi Carrie, and I hope a few others as well very soon herw! I'm an alcoholic with just a little over a year. Grateful for these web sites. I was always told there's more than one way to look at thingss but like a good alcoholic I thought mine was BEST and others better come around. What a discovery when I finally GOT step 2. "Came to believe..." what a concept. I had no info but raw statistics, absolutely no concept of what a "power greater than myself" could possibly be, but somehow managed to open my mind and wow, the promises on page 84 BB do come true. Wonder if this works for other things, too? Thanks for being here for me this 24.
Member: kim V
Location: kvaughn@madiosn.main.nc.us
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 09:43 AM
Kim V here alcoholic. Being open minded was so very hard for my 7 long years ago because I was defensive, had so many walls up, so many defense mechanisms, and just didn't trust myself or anyone else. Then I learned that I had to be willing to take risks as in trust and self disclosure to get well. I also had to trust that my way didn't work and that people with more EXPERIENCE knew what was best for me as my thinking was very unhealthy also. So I learned a new way of thinking, a new way to problem solve that was about being open minded taking in all available information and calmly making rational choices. Still 7 years sober I continuously talk about my decisions to my support system and therapist to hear feed back about my decision making, when they are important things. I am able to listen to feedback and other view points without feeling defensive even if others do not agree with me. I have a wonderful sense of peace knowing I am making decisons that are going to work out, when it is impossible to see that far ahead in the future. It is a nice way to live. Thanks for being here.
Member: Jen G
Location: NJ
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 10:03 AM
To Kim, Libby, and Carrie and everyone else--Good topic. It's often hard to be open-minded, especially when others are being "bullish" on their viewpoints, but everyone has a right to have a viewpoint. They have a right to express it, to offer advice that to them is the right advice to offer. Then we as individuals have the right to take or reject the advice. Where the problem seems to come in is when the advice-giver then gets angry at the person who rejects the advice and starts a big cycle of name-calling. Personally, I like to hear everyone's advice--whether I agree with it, adhere to it, or reject it. There's often a seed of wisdom even in opinions I don't like. Do we have to get sober in one way only? Or are there really options available? Shouldn't this web site be more about helping each other stay sober and less about how we each do it? I know it's an AA site, but sometimes people are just trying to offer another possibility for something that might work, and they get shot down. Live and let live. In the past when I attended AA meetings, I let myself get really annoyed by people who had opinions different than mine. You know what? Some of those people stayed sober, whereas I didn't. So this time, I'm trying to let everyone have an opinion, to listen in case there's something I can learn, and then to take what I need. Happy Memorial Day to all who are serving or have served their country.
Member: John K
Location: Philadelphia
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 10:58 AM
Hi all, John, alcoholic. Open-mindedness is probably the hardest thing for me, because I have always been afraid. So as a result of the fear, if I see just one possible way out (even if there are other options), I have the habit of taking it without thinking about it, (in other words, I "get scared and jump") whether it's good or not. To counteract this, I have learned in AA to use my support system and sponsor to help me make decisions...like right now, I am thinking of buying a house, which for me personally is overwhelming. I have enough trouble keeping my room tidy! But the overall process leads me to be able to live standing on my own two feet, so to speak. Finally, the biggest thing I have had to be open-minded about was God, who I hated at the time. Needless to say, it was a long journey between that hatred and the reliance I practice now; but I finally did it, since no other way I tried had worked. For the past 7 years, I have been learning to trust God more and more, which takes away my fear as things just keep working out better and better. God really will provide what you need..."if you perform your work well and stick close to Him." Thanks.
Member: Marie
Location: TN
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 08:10 PM
Hi everyone. Not sure how to do this, but I have come to realize that I have quite the unhealthy addiction to alcohol. I'm losing my husband and my mind. I really need help and when I mentioned to my friends about joining AA, they found it quite amusing. (friends?) My husband also drinks, but he does not get himself in trouble like I do. I have made such a fool of myself on countless occaisions and just dont like myself anymore. I have let myself gain weight and sleep all the time. Found some local meetings and will go to those, but where do I start when I go? What do I say? I guess you could say I'm being open minded to the possibilities of AA. Thanks for your time.
Member: MartyG
Location: CowtownOH
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 09:09 PM
Marie, glad you're here, you're in the right place. There are some really good people here who can offer a lot more advice then I can. But a suggestion for you is to go to a meeting. If you are not comfortable flying solo ask a friend or call your local AA and see if someone will meet you a few minutes before a meeting. They will help you break the ice so to speak, and make it a little easier to get that first meeting. Don't be hesitant to ask for help because the people you meet had to go through the first meeting also and know what you are going through. I can't speak for the others but I needed help going to my first meetings as I was scared and unsure what "they" did there, so I asked for a little help. For a little warmup go to the AA links and read a little bit about us. Look over the book of Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book). I hope this will help you get started. Keep posting to let us know how you are doing. Peace. meg ps phone # site fo TN anonpress.org/phone/tn.htm
Member: Bikerbabe
Location: To Marie
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 10:09 PM
Marie.. long road ahead.. go slow.. and welcome welcome.... You must realize straight off that aa and staying cyber is not without its faults and follies. If i were you i would go see an alcohol and drug councillor twice a week and get and read the literature from aa big book first 164 pages is key.. the stories are a bit morbid thankyou very much just my opinion)) lol... and i would stay out of bars, liquore stores, and away from any place there may be drinking ""just until the obbsesion is lifted my friend... and if you go to aa meetings just be very careful. Take a friend with you or your husband or a family member if you can. Hope this helps... just suggestions, its hard to know all the answers for you. good luck,,,
Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: May 25, 2003
Time: 10:48 PM
Marie, just be "careful" not to drink for the next 24 hours, go to a meeting and like the topic - keep an open mind. Some people here do not like AA, but I think we can all agree that you need help to stop drinking right now. Once you clear your head and learn about AA, you can make your own decisions.
Member: PerryW
Location: Mideast
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 12:35 AM
i know i have a long road ahead but ithink i can make with the help of people like you. PW
Member: Carlc
Location: NM
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 12:57 AM
To the new people who are just coming into AA one of the most important things to have is an open mind webster descibes it as being receptive to arguments and ideas. Please dont be like me, nobody could tell me anything, and it took a lot and I mean a lot of excruciating pain to get me just to listen, because I was living life my way, the only problem with that was that I was harming many people not just myself. Even if you drink come back, no matter what just keep coming back. There is a lot of reconstruction that lies ahead, this is a wonderful fellowship and one of the gifts that GOD has entrusted to us is the power to affect another human being, to come back from the scrap heap of life and lead productive lives. Thank you and may GOD Bless you all.
Member: L-RAY
Location: SCOTLAND
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 05:44 AM
When i came at first my mind was a closed book! nobody was getting in! i had my own ideas and they were always right and everybody else was wrong! that was a good start to soberiety lol! but as time went on i noticed that i became tolerant of peoples opinions and i started to respect people opinions! and when my mind was open i started to bring the program in to my life, so to-day i try to be open minded about most things--except Rangers winning the league!lol, still working on that one lol, i once new a girl called ((((MARIE)))) go to the meetings and introduce youself -tell them you are new and they will help you! when you walk in they will probably know! dont be afraid and the best of luck sweetheart ! as Humphy would say!! regards L-RAY
Member: marie
Location:
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 06:38 AM
Thank you all for your kind words and advice. I'm scared but know this is the path that I now need to take. (Easy to say on day 1, right?) Am further investigating meetings in my area and that was a great idea about calling ahead! (reservations?:) Thanks for having an open mind with "newbies". It takes away some of the fear.
Member: Bob
Location: AK
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 06:45 AM
Marie. go to a meeting and don't be afraid. The people there will understand because they have all "been there, done that" and they are there to welcome, help and guide you because it's their responsibility and they do it grateful for the opportunity. So go to the meeting and give them the opportunity. They'll be grateful.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 09:19 AM
Hi All, Welcome (Marie). Make that reservation and don't be late dear! Like Bob said it is a priveledge to help the newcomer and it helps us sober ones to stay sober. On being OPENMINDED... Good topic after last week for me. I have been having a hard time with some people that attend some meetings I do and copped resentments against them. They both attend a lot of meetings and alway speak. They spread mess not message and I was growing tired of hearing it. Well ya know what... Thats MY problem! Who am I to judge them? We are all in AA to get better, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Acceptance is the answer. I almost made an ammends last night to one of the persons but I had taken a friend to the meeting and wanted to do it privately. I will do it soon because I let go of the anger toward him and gave it up to God and it worked. He may never change but I can change my attitude toward him and that is growth. There used to be this bumper sticker I liked... Minds are like parachutes, they work better when open. Today is Memorial Day and lets all remember the men and women that died for our freedom. I bring flowers to a random unknown Vets grave every year. I think this year I'll bring a friend from AA with me before the parade. God Bless. Kelly
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 11:02 AM
Good posts here for the newcomer. Fear was a huge thing for me at first. The big book speaks of spiritual experiences. Appendix 2 has two sentences italicized. "Willingness, honesty, and openmindedness are the essentials of recovery. But they are indespensible." These sentences say all that the first 164 pages of that book do. The rest is just to explain to us alcoholics what these mean:) Been in AA over seven years now. Living much better, especially that part within my head. I do hope that Marie and all the other newcomers that visit this week do get to meetings, as I know for me, they saved my life, as they can yours. Mark W. LMW007 @aol.com
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 01:15 PM
hi Diane back, well I am still gone to be near my Mom who came close to maybe not making it but is fine now just very sore and a long recovery ahead of her, day 62 sober, God bless all and welcom new folks
Member: Terry M
Location: Frisco, Texas
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 01:39 PM
Hey everyone, Congratulations on your decision Marie, I just made the same one myself a few days ago ... I too am "losing my wife, and my mind!" I have only posted a couple of times here but I read them several times a day, I guess right now it is hard for me to put feelings into words, a lot of emotion going on in life here ... but I know, with faith, and the words of others, like the people we see here ... everything will be ok. To everyone ... A Happy and Safe, SOBER Memorial Day Holiday ...
Member: Sherry M
Location: California
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 05:06 PM
Hi, my name's Sherry and I am an alcoholic. I am new to AA, and want to welcome Marie, and others, and want to thank others for feeling welcome. Kelly M, you said it. I was feeling like I didn't want to go to a meeting where this one male was because we made out and he didn't listen to me and respect my body, and my words, and I got angry. I have been sober for 75 days now, and I do know about not seeing other's in relationship in earlier sobriety. I recognize that it is MY problem, I was sabotaging my efforts at AA being a place of healing for me. So now I am determined to go that very meeting, where I know he will be, and continue to speak my truth, and whether he hears it or not, he does, or not. But most importantly, is that I continue to go to AA and get help with my addiction, and get the support I need. Thank you for listening!
Member: Marsha A
Location: Florida
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 05:19 PM
Hi all and Welcome Marie. I'm Marsha and I'm an alcoholic. I was Sober for 10 years in AA and quit going. 3 years later I drank. I have been in and out now for 3 months. The longest time I have been able to stay "sober" has been 3 weeks. Today It's been 1 week and 2 days. I have no idea why it has been so hard this time, I know AA works. Maybe I just haven't been as open minded as before. I have'nt lost it all this time, my husband (doesn't drink) of course does not understand why I can't do it some other way besides going to meetings and letting someone else tell me what to do. He thinks I have the power to change myself. So sometimes I think maybe I do and try it for a while. It does'nt seem to work. I like the topic. I need to be more open minded. At this point I am just a bit confused. Thanks for listening.
Member: Barry C
Location: New Orleans, LA
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 06:35 PM
Hi..I'm Barry, an alcoholic. I can really relate to Marsha. I was sober 6 years in AA, and stopped going to meetings also. I went back out for 6 years and have just come back (now in week 3). It definitely seemed harder to me coming back, but now that I have, I'm grateful and hopeful.
Member: Jeremy B.
Location: MWC,OK
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 07:25 PM
Hi, i'm jeremy and i am a alcoholic. I welcome any newcomers to AA it is a wonderful program. I to have reciently jumped of the wagon.I have been in and out for about 4 years. One time i put together 18 months. It has been very hard to surrender again.As of today i have 2 days now.Right now i have to be open-minded to listen to suggestions from sponser's and my fellow alcholics. Today i do not know nothing except to stay in touch with this wonderful fellowship 24/7.
Member: Jeremy B.
Location: MWC,OK
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 07:26 PM
Hi, i'm jeremy and i am a alcoholic. I welcome any newcomers to AA it is a wonderful program. I to have reciently jumped of the wagon.I have been in and out for about 4 years. One time i put together 18 months. It has been very hard to surrender again.As of today i have 2 days now.Right now i have to be open-minded to listen to suggestions from sponser's and my fellow alcholics. Today i do not know nothing except to stay in touch with this wonderful fellowship 24/7.
Member: Jeremy B.
Location: MWC,OK
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 07:52 PM
well, its been nice meeting everyone, but i gotta go
Member: Carrie
Location: Los Angeles
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 08:01 PM
I just saw a friend of mine who left the program, he had a year and a half. He doesn't look very good and I asked him how he was. He said, "At six am I always wish I was back in the program." My name is Carrie and I am an alcoholic, and that is never going to change. The only thing that might change for me is my memory of what it was like, and then I am doomed.
Member: Perry W
Location: Mideast
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 08:14 PM
Good Carrie, I have a great desire to make drinking a memory,but I am scared to go cold turkey. I know if I try to slow down it wont work, because when I get started I can't always stop.PW
Member: Perry W
Location: Mideast
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 08:28 PM
Good Carrie, I have a great desire to make drinking a memory,but I am scared to go cold turkey. I know if I try to slow down it wont work, because when I get started I can't always stop.PW
Member: Heather, an alcoholic
Location: Rockies
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 09:49 PM
I almost lost my best friend and my husband, just almost a week ago. I finally found online meetings, and by the grace of God, this one. After two days spent all day on here, my best friend came back. Am still working on applying what I've heard and know to relationship w hubby. I'm lucky- I don't HAVE to leave for work, so I can spend hours and hours on this site, and for me, that's just what I need, because my husband can't spare me to go inpatient, but here I can read what everyone's written and do my best to apply it. With the help of this program, I've drastically cut my drinking, and actually now have hope that I can be free from alcohol and get a life again. At one point I had 1 1/2 years, which seemed like eternity to me. I learned that for me, as the daily meditation from Philomenia in the CP says, that a relapse is a useful part of recovery. I have now learned that "one day at a time" means not only what we are looking at as the future, but can also apply to sobriety value. I read a post here from Amber last week. She'd relapsed and come back and felt overwhelmed. She got a lot of encouragement, but she was also advised to "not count" the slip. HONESTY IS THE BASIS OF THIS PROGRAM. A slip is a slip, but it is not the end of the world. We celebrate, for chips, "x amt of continuous sobriety". Yes, she is starting over, as am I, but I have learned that if my "time sober" is the only thing keeping me sober, I will drink eventually, absolutely. I learned that the hard way, but hopefully, I learned it for good this time. Re going cold turkey, I completely understand. I've tried it several times in the last few weeks as things have been careening downhill, and finally settled on "cool turkey", but with AA, the turkey is cooling really fast. I'm not in an alcoholic fog now; I don't have sweats all night; and I have hope. My mind is re-opening. My determination to run not only my life my way, but other peoples' my way, was making me crazy and them crazy and costing me the people I love the most. Being open-minded is making it much easier to deal with certain people on this site in various meetings that were distracting at first. I'm finding the key to my open-mindedness is good ol' "live and let live". It is helping me in this site and in my non-cyber life. I'm learning that although I've done reprehensible things, the people here have chosen to love me until I can love myself, and that is a gift I'm very grateful for. Thank you all for being here and giving your love and wisdom so freely. In unity, Heather
Member: Terry M
Location: Frisco, Texas
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 10:07 PM
Wow ... I feel better ! So many people have fallen off and come back to AA. Just like me ! ;-) Maybe "open-minded" is the answer, maybe, just maybe I will work a little harder this time, and it will be the last time I have to "come back" ... Love in fellowship to all
Member: Duane P
Location: Hollywood, CA
Date: May 26, 2003
Time: 11:09 PM
I think this open minded topic is pretty scary. I've been sober for three weeks and to be being open minded is thinking that drinking is not all that bad and remembering all the good times I had while drinking and forgetting all the bad ones. I think that people on this board who have been on again and off again are the people who should not be openminded. When you are open minded you are just going to find reasons to keep drinking. If you want to stop drinking and do so for good, you are going to need to be close minded. Alcohol for us alcoholics is an extremely dangerous thing and can really screw up your life. When you are not drinking you can start being "open minded" to everything that is going on around you. I heard someone say not too long ago that the reason people drink and get drunk is to forget. If you are constantly trying to forget you cannot ever be open minded to the world around you and when you are you just want to forget it. I would caution everyone to do their best to be (1) open minded to the world and (2) close minded to anything that encourages you to drink. That is the only way to stop.
Member: robert j.
Location: angel beach
Date: May 27, 2003
Time: 12:58 AM
I guess what open-mindedness eventually meant to me was surrender,I had to quit thinking I could drink like other people,I fought it tooth and nail,I did'nt like relying on other people or believe much of what they had to say,it took time but it finally sunk in,I can still remember the feeling of relief when I finally admitted to myself,in a room full of alcoholics that I was an alcoholic.
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 27, 2003
Time: 08:07 AM
Hi everyone--Marsha here--My comment about openmindedness is this: It can happen in an instant, in a sober moment when your mind is clear and you are separated from your drinking thinking. Being open minded is to look at your situation and to tap the vast resources available to assist you in your wellness. It is to look at your past as a learning experience, your present as an opportunity, and future for possitive growth. I have found that keeping an open mind has been the deciding factor in my sobriety. My HP which to me is higher perception and that comes from God, cannot be obtained if I don't keep an open mind. BUT it takes effort. It is the easy route to slide back down the hill and cloud your mind. Thanks for listening and being here for me.
Member: Jeremy B.
Location: MWC,OK
Date: May 27, 2003
Time: 02:24 PM
Hi, everyone it's Jeremy. Being open-minded to me right now means that i have to remember that i don't know anything about staying sober and i have to have a mustard seed of faith and be open-minded to my sponsor's suggestions. I know i must remain teachable and know my best thinking got me a chair in AA.
Member: Paul D
Location: orlando fl.
Date: May 27, 2003
Time: 05:46 PM
Hi every one Im new to the online meeting,but being openminded is a good topic if a person will not open there mind too the sujestions and opions of people who have already been there and done that then they realy may not want to truly be sober.there is always someone that has been there befor us and if we open our mind heart &soul we might just be able to get through our roughest times with help from people that truly care about other peoples sobriaty even if we arent sure our selfs!keep comming back it works if you work it.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 27, 2003
Time: 10:20 PM
hi I'm Diane and (((Heather))) that was dumb me who suggested she not count her slip cause her story sounded so sad I'm only 63 days sober and I always post my days so I hope people realize if I say something that may not be a good suggestion that they can just blow that idea off and take any good one's I or someone else may have. Sorry.... I am how ever very happy to be sober and my life is better each day, God Bless
Member: Heather
Location: Rockies
Date: May 27, 2003
Time: 10:38 PM
(((Diane))) I didn't mean to cause offense to you and I certainly don't think you're dumb. I just was worried because I tried that, after I slipped with 1 1/2 years, and then, when I re-did my inventory, had to admit I couldn't even tell myself the truth, THAT kicked my butt and I definitely went back out. That's all I meant. Amber struck me as incredibly sad, too, but she'll make it. Way to go on 63 days. I'll be glad when I get there. Once again, sorry if I offended; I simply didn't want her to make same mistake I did. Hugs to you, if you'll accept them. Hi to room and thanks for your ESH and for loving me till I can truly love myself. God bless.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 27, 2003
Time: 11:21 PM
thank you Heather and no you did not offend me I was afraid I had made a bad mistake and would hate to hurt someone in their recovery over a dumb thought I typed out, lol it sounded good at the time but I really need to think hard before I stick things up on a board that is trying to help a lot of people and like I said I'm very new to this myself so I really should watch my thoughts and try to stick to the subject also there are a lot of people on here that just know the right words to say, I just know I am staying sober and not sure how just reading the board and trying to be a good example to my Son, he has a bad drug problem, I also believe he has slip this weekend cause he is calling me filthy names which he does when he is again coming down off his crank (that's speed) that is killing so many people today. It has hurt many of my family members and I'm lost as how to help my Son cause he is grown but living at my house for the past two and half years
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 12:41 AM
Hi ((Diane)), Don't worry about offending anyone here. You meant well with Amber. I'm concerned about your son. It's none of my business BUT I will add my two cents. If he is an adult with a drug problem it is up to him to get help. You can't do it for him even by setting a good example yourself. Have you looked into Alanon at all? I think it would really help you and your family. There is something called (enabling) that we can do and it just keeps perpetuating the problem. I know I must sound mean but if my 19 year old ever called me filthy names he would be escorted to the curb and told to have a nice life. I don't tolerate that from anyone especially my own. My son and I are the mutual admiration society as sickening as it sounds. We love eachother and are fiercely loyal and respectful of eachother. It's all about respect really. You do not deserve that abuse Diane. It is to late to try to change him But YOU CAN CHANGE what you will tolerate from him. Alanon can help you with this. I wish I could help more. Keep up the good work on your 64 days!!! Kelly
Member: Bikerbabe's live
Location: And kickin it for ya all"
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 04:31 AM
Heather? hello? leaving so soon? Whats wrong sweetheart? did someone tell you the truth.. in case you didn't notice.. there has been a newcomer visiting with probably more time sober than you and they are actually listening to learn.. .. So heres your ultimate test Heather.. are you gonna be so proud and save your face.. or are you gonna step up to the plate and realize that people here are more concerned about your getting sober than your one alcoholic feeling? Don't be a wissy missy.. if you stay... i think i would have more respect for you than anyone else here,:: cause man you'll have overcome your fear and prideful problem,, and that my friend is a very good start... good luck. Boooowaaaaaa BRACK! BRACK! See you in Hell..... ? Heaven then?
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 07:09 AM
Hi everyone--Marsha here and still sober--(Diane)Congratulations on day 64. I am proud of you girl. You are staying sober in the face of extreme circumstances. You are setting examples and no matter how much you love your boy, you have to let him sail his own ship. My husband and I had to use tough love on our (my stepson). We had to make the rules and stick to them. We don't see him or hear from him very often but he is out on his own and making his own decisions. We are there for him as long as he knows where we stand. It sounds like he might need some more life lessons. You are to be respected.
Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 10:04 AM
Biker Babe, that was harsh. I don't think Heather deserved that kind of sarcasm and condemnation just for speaking her mind, even if you don't agree with her. I don't think that is what this site is about. We are all here to talk and listen and KEEP AN OPEN MIND.
Member: Julie M.
Location: Alva, Fl
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 11:04 AM
Hi Everyone, Jules here. I'm an alcoholic that has always done things my way and if someone told me not to do something I went out of my way to do it. I have a hard time even today at being open-minded. I try real hard and ask my higher power, which I call God, for help and half the time before he can help me solve something I have already taken back control. I have a real problem with this. My other half tells me all the time I only see things my way, but I figure He still drinks so his opion doesn't count. Well you all are right everything is not my way, it so I wouldn't be an alcoholic right? Well I just keep coming back to meetings, pray alot and try to let go. So far this has worked for today; and that's all I have to worry about is one day at a time. If I get ahead of myself I'm just looking for an excuse to drink again. Life is wonderful one day at a time and being with others who are sober for this 24. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 11:08 AM
When I was new to AA, I would sit in meetings as the judge and jury of everything that was shared. I was angry and mean spirited. Then there were those GD oldtimers. Nothing I'd say seemed to phase them. I had a lot of opinions about those a*holes. My sponsor was very helpful in suggesting maybe I should try listening with an open mind. He warned me I would drink again with so much resentment and I was scared of drinking. It was amazing many of those I thought were total loads, turned into gurus. I am an alcoholic and my disease is physical, spiritual and mental. My only defense against my own ego is an open mind.
Member:
Location:
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 12:13 PM
Bite me Biker Babe
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 12:21 PM
Thank you so much for your kind words (((Marsha L)))I have tried the tough love thing and this is why I was cursed at last night, cause I had over heard him cursing his girl friend and she and him do drugs together, anyway if he is searching for quarters then he spent his money that he earned by working. That tells me he spent it on drugs and I've lived with him over 2 and half years so I know he is on drugs or slip this weekend. He is facing a harsh Court Date for stealing a credit card and is being investigated and he has not bothered to call the officer back so this will of course look bad on him in Court. His Lawyer told him to start paying back what he will owe for his arrest but as far as I know he has not paid a dime, so I know he will have to face all this on his own I just hate to see him mess up his life, but like someone pointed out on here he still has a lesson to learn. See (((Kelly))) we are trying very hard not to enable my Son and trying to be harder on him but when he blows the money on drugs then we are forced to put gas in his car or he won't work and if he don't work it is a lot worse cause then he stays high all the time then he threatens my life with his fist but he has not hit me yet he did however slug his Dad once. It is a long harsh story which I could write a book on but I love him and I pray God wakes him up other wise he will be in Jail and I know that will wake him up but he already stayed in jail 22 days and in a bad county Jail which believe me was nothing like our prison system it was very harsh on him. I thought when he got out he had changed but this disease is a bad one that is killing many young and old people and is worse then alcohol cause they shot it up and snort it and it destroys brain cells in a faster course of action. Our Country needs to put money in to more drug and Alcohol treatment centers other then go to war is what I think, sorry for the long post
Member:
Location:
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 03:24 PM
good share Craig L but you could have left the GD word out hehe I hate that word cause to me it is Damning my God I'm sure you don't see it that way but that is how I see it,
Member: Mike H.
Location: Jackson MI
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 05:19 PM
When I went to my first AA meeting I arrived a half hour early. This give me time to look the place over. I also was able to talk to the chairman of the meeting before a lot of people got in there. By doing this I was more comfortable and was able to keep from running out of the room. I now keep an open mind. At first I thought I knew it all, read it all, and had all the right answers. I learned in a hurry that I didn't know anything. One last thought: Listen to the message and not the messenger. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 06:45 PM
Hi everyone. Stacy, alcoholic, 52 days. Been awhile since I've been here. Busy (and sober) Memorial Day weekend. Hope all of you are well. Open minded. I used to brag about being so open minded (what a crock!) Alcoholism ended my open mindedness. Deep inside I was driven only by MY selfish desires. It wasn't a good idea unless it was MY idea. I thought everyone else was wrong. My husband was especially wrong. Anyone who had any suggestions for me were wasting their time. I would politely listen and even give them "lip service" replies, but in the end, I discounted everything suggested. I was so controlling. I was so CLOSE MINDED. As soon as I stopped putting alcohol in my system and started working on living a life of honesty I began to open my mind. I still struggle with this. Daily I need to remind myself that I am no longer running the show, my HP is. That is a big step for me in being more open minded. One day at a time I'm learning this stuff. Happy 24 to all.
Member: Mark
Location: NY
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 07:20 PM
Open-Mindedness is good only to a certain point. Of course I keep my mind open to let different ideas flow in and out, but in the end the point is the same as having an open mouth. To find something solid to bite down on!! If I just constantly let things come floating in and out of my mind and never take a stand on anything, which is the very epitome of AA(moral relativism), then the constant flow of information is useless. Same thing with the silly parachute analogy people use. Eventually you have to land on something solid or your floating in the wind forever!!! Just another case in point about the silly little saying that have little if any factual basis to them, yet people repeat over and over just because someone else said it in a meeting. Anyways, do whatever you want, just try to remember to keep that mind open to this solid view and perspective. Peace and Love to All!!!
Member: Amy
Location: L.A. area Cali.
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 09:08 PM
Hi. Amy, alcoholic. Nice topic. I am afraid to leave the house. that's why I'm here. what can I do? How to get a sponsor? I wish I was dead instead :) Amy
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 09:44 PM
Amy why are you afraid to leave your house? I don't have a sponser myself I just come to this site and read the Big Book, go here http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html it did not open up for me this time but the site may just be down so try again later if it don't open for you...and good luck, Day 64 sober for me,,, God bless
Member: Barbara
Location: Rochester, NY
Date: May 28, 2003
Time: 10:48 PM
Open mindedness reminds us to keep what you need & leave the rest. Tomorrow is another day & what worked for you yesterday, may not work today. Keep it green! Keep coming back! You may hear what you "need" to hear-just for today.
Member: Bikerbaber
Location: Hellishelping
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 04:46 AM
((Terry))Pardon moi, but what in your open mind are yu talking about? ((i don't know who you are and i don't care what you think,,, Not because i am a big meany, and no 'not because i am ignoring the protocal of recovery.. but because in the real world i don't know ya/ never met ya/ or seen ya.. and i'm not into this "love for everyone" i have never even met/ seen/ or know anything about. in fact i personally feel a little strange when someone is telling me they love me" when i havn't the foggiest idea who they are in fact i think its pretty dishonest.((no: i do not agree that what i said to Heather was harsh or anything but straight up and honest with her as i happen to think it would be great if she stays...but so what if she doesnt' So what? god is everywhere.. are we so powerful here that we are going to make or break her chances at sobriety? not likely. I will pray for you as well, ((no offense intended: and if you take it that way... that's your problem))... do you think people should pat your back all the time because your new? Thats not real... it doesn't work like that... Getting sober is just that.. sober thought.. sober mind,, sober actions. i don't care what most people think of me.. it doesnt'matter..if i make friends great! but im not really here to make friends and influence people..and im quoting the oltimers)).. i am here to be sober and carry a message.. And lucky for yu im learning to not be so pissed off at the ignorance and stupidity that is co-signed FOR other members BY other members.. so we can all get our emotional needs met and stay sick. (That is pure crap! and now im quoting ed the sock, (so what?) real life is real life. In fact there is a book on it..its called reality therapy" but i don't know who wrote it,, ide say its a 'must read' for those of us who are (Mental defectives' in full flight from reality") Big book quote.
Member: Jen G
Location: NJ
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 08:12 AM
Just wanted to say that today, I am thankful to all of you for helping me stay sober for 7 days. My vision of the world when I'm sober is so much brighter than my vision when I'm drinking. It's much easier to keep my mind open to others, to not build up resentments, and to live and let live. Thank you all. Enjoy today.
Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 09:23 AM
Bikerbabe, when did I ever say I loved you? I don't know what YOU are talking about. I was merely pointing out that you do not help people by belittling them the way you were writing to Heather. You seem exactly like the kind of person who can dish it out but can't take it. Here is a reality check for you: if you are going to be so free with your criticism prepare to get take some in return. At least I have the honestly to sign my name, unlike the anonymous person who simply wrote "bit me bikerbabe." I see you had nothing to say about that.
Member: deborah g
Location: california
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 10:21 AM
Hi.debbie alcoholic. 4 days new, after attempting to get sober for over two years. my resentments and fears always takes control. and me having an open mind???please don't make me laugh...that is what i said 2 years ago. i had to pray with my sponser to be willing, to be willing, to be willing to have an open mind. for the first time a week ago god made his presence known!!!what an awsome feeling to know that i have a purpose and god is there leading me and guiding me. even laughing at me when i refuse to follow direction. :) anyway i like this topic. bikerbabe and terry lighten up:) it takes all kinds here...i understand the conflict..i yelled at people and stormed out of meetings before...then had to go back and swallow my pride..i didn't like what they had to say...bs..but today i listen for the similarities...not the differences. marie and other truly nebies..go to a meeting (let god heal your family..if that is in his plan..let god take control of home and take care of yourself..by going to meetings and fellowship)and when you do go to the meeting the first time you just may get the feeling that you are finally "home"...welcome home everyone...god bless...god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference :) i am deborah..a not so greatful alcoholic(((LOL))))
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 11:03 AM
Diane here day 65 sober, good post deborah, Bikerbabe and terry hehe you guys sound like you are both letting out some pent up emotions so way to go to you too. I think a open mind means that we can look at someone else and their idea and evaluate the idea then if it don't apply to our situation we can throw it away. Today is a good day....
Member: Amy
Location: L.A., CA
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 11:04 AM
Hi Diane, I'm afraid to leave because there's something f-ing really wrong with me. Can't stop drinking. Can't stop crying. thanks for asking, Amy
Member: Rosemary
Location:
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 11:14 AM
Amy, what really helped me in my early sobriety (and of course what still helps me today) is to just get up and take the actions. I have to do all those little action steps that I think at the time are stupid and won't be of much use. These online chats are nice and helpful but I really think that they can only be a supplement to face-to-face communication with another alcoholic. My advice to you is to just get out there and go to meetings and get a whole bunch of phone numbers (from women of course) and then take the bull by the horns and ask someone to sponsor you. And of course just don't pick up a drink for the next 24 hours. Good luck to you! I wish you all the best. love ya, Rosemary
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 11:18 AM
Amy the reason you can't stop drinking is because (I think) that in your head you have decided all this. You can stop drinking but if you are really a heavy drinker then you need to go to a rehab center or call a Doctor to get on something to help you off the booze so you don't have bad withdrawals which can also be dangerous. I was not a heavy drinker cause my husband did help me control my drinking so I did not go through the DT's like most people do. I did have night sweats and jerking when I tried to sleep but not bad like I've had before cause I started drinking 1/2 squeezed Lemon in a cup of hot water each morning which helps repair my liver or I read it did. I also take Milk Thistle which is good for my liver and drink cranberry juice which really helps me. I am so sorry to hear you have having such a hard time, keep coming back and keep posting maybe someone here has better advice then I do cause I am very new
Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 11:27 AM
Amy, I think Diane makes a good point. It sounds like you are very frightened and shouldn't be alone right now. Perhaps a rehab where you are surrounded by knowledgable and caring people is what you need right now to get you through the most difficult part. Good luck to you.
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 12:05 PM
Hi Amy, I know that you are scared. If you don't feel like you should leave the house at least call someone--preferably a professional. My prayers are with you. The first step is the hardest.
Member: Amber H.
Location: Houston, TEXAS
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 12:30 PM
Hello Everyone, My name is Amber and I am an alcoholic. I don't want to drink today. I am the one who posted last week in the discussion meeting who seemed very sad. I really relate to all of you who have relasped with multiple years of sobriety. (((Amy))) here's my suggestion. Call an AA group around noon, 6pm, or 8pm. And if you never want to feel this way again, tell them you need a 12th step call to your house. Some people will come to your house and help you find your way out of this. Take their suggestions if you want your current way of life to change. God loves you and He has no grandchildren. He will save you from yourself if you let Him. ((Heather)) you are absolutely right. If time is all that is keeping me sober, I will drink again. Thanks to God, the fellowship of this program I have had my ego smashed, and I have got some willingness. And I am sooo greatful for that. Just want to say thanks again to all that encouraged me last week. ((Diane)) I knew your suggestion was just made because you felt bad for me (I can be kind of a drama queen sometimes). Even though I did relasp, I knew that I had to count it. I just figured, "hey, she's new, someone will tell her." :) And as far as your son goes, I sobered up the first time at eighteen. God has no grandchildren. He loves your son more than you ever could and he knows what is best for him. Trust God and pray, pray, pray. Jail is sometimes a good thing. And when you here more stories of people who have come from jail and institutions, who are now living life sober and loving it, well, I hope you find hope in that. And before I go I have one more person I'd like to say something to: Hey (((Bikerbabe))) I think it is time someone called you on the rug. Your attitude around this place (I've read alot of your posts in other meetings) sounds alot like mine about a year before I went out. You are too harsh, half your post make no sense, and you thrive on chaos. Your disrespectful in other meetings by interrupting them with trying to talking to men you've never met before! Almost like your trying to get picked up on the GD internet like some 16 year old newcomer. You "quote" old timers like you knew Bill Wilson himself, and I personally think your one hell of a misrable person. And the only message I have seen you carry is SOME ARE SICKER THAN OTHERS. I know, because I've been there. I have a book suggestion for you, "A New Pair of Glasses" by Chuck C. I am currently reading it, and remembering who I am and where I came from. But you know, you'll probabley be drunk within a year. God has His ways of fixing people like you and me, He loves us so much that He take great measures to break our mean spirits and sometimes that means taking away our pride and ego. I just hope, for your sake, you make it back and then you might be able to help someone. Hope this gives you a little insight on what we see and if YOU don't like it, that's a good reason to call your sponsor. Love ya'll (I even love Bikebabe when she can't love herself) Blessed is the man God disciplines. Amber
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 02:23 PM
way to go Amber very good post, glad you are not drinking for today and very glad you understood that I am new to this AA thing and I am just learning as I go but staying very sober and very happy sober just have to pray sometimes when things seem too harsh and God always gives me that extra strength that I need...God Bless
Member: Sue
Location: NY
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 02:34 PM
Hello all, I am once again trying to get sober and it seems to get harder every time I try. I want to mention that there are many of us who drank to hide shyness. At least I know I did, I found "alcohol" when I was 16 and was glad I was no longer shy and could be this social person I wanted to be. Here I am at 42 still leaning on alcohol and knowing that all I am is drunk not social. I forced myself to go to AA and was so happy when someone after the meeting took the time to give me her number. I was disappointed that she was not home when I called several times nor at the next meeting but the sad thing was that only this woman extended her hand to me. I had forced myself to say I was new and then I got too nervous to speak. So all I can say is that I hope others in the program will realize there are those of us afraid to speak too much and to extend a hand would help so much. Sometimes I feel that the very nature of speaking in public is what drew me to alcohol to begin with and so it is difficult to attend meetings.
Member: Seamus T
Location: Ireland
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 02:53 PM
Hi, Seamus here. I'm new to this but feel very similar to Marie. I hate myself and I'd say my wife is beginning to hate me too. I've tried so many times to give up the demon drink but there always seems to be another occasion. I don't drink everyday but when I do I go way over the top. Last night is mostly another blank, bits have been coming back now and again and I cringe when I think of the arguing and fighting and stupidity of it all. Wish the ground would swallow me up.
Member: Rosemary
Location:
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 03:06 PM
((Sue)) thank you for reminding me that i must always reach out my hand to the newcomer. keep coming back. don't give up.
Member: Tammy
Location: Colorado
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 04:01 PM
Hi I'm Tammy and am an alcoholic! Seamus, I hear what you are saying. The shame feels unbearable.....but no way could you give up your alcohol! That is just the beginning of living hell on earth. I have been sober 17 days and the catalyst was a horrible/terrible argument which led to physical fighting between me and my husband when I was drunk! I decided the morning after that I would not continue to live that way, no matter what it took! I don't care if I am invited to 200 parties this summer, I can live life without alcohol and be happy living a life sober with my beautiful family!! It's only you that can decide to do something about it. It's not easy but honestly in these 17 days - I am feeling so much happier and at peace with everything, work-husband-child-my spirituality-my life- EVERYTHING!
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 04:26 PM
Congratulations on day 17 Tammy
Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 05:59 PM
Hello everyone, Kathleen here alcoholic. Marie and all new or coming back...welcome... When I first came into AA (1976) I hated myself, was full of remorese and self pity, had been married a few times and lost custody of my youngest son. Only those who have had a child ripped out of their arms while they are crying "mommie"...can know the pain of that. Did that stop me from drinking??? no...the disease of alcohol was too powerful at that time. Finally in 82, I got to the point where I could no longer get drunk and couldn't get sober. I used to be able to drink at least a case of beer a day along with shots of tequila nd pills and pot and whatever...and my body was starting to shut down, 1 or 2 beers would put me out. Had I not stopped drinking I would have died, no doubt in my mind. I heard HOW when I got into AA, Honesty, Openmindedness and Willingness. My sponser took me through the steps and I stayed sober until the end of MArcy 1997 when after moving out of town and away from AA I got into self pity and drank again to get the courage to kill myself. Didn't work, obviously, and I'm so very grateful for that and for God and for this program of AA... Please, newcomers, don't be afraid to get sober,and go to meetings. Keep coming back, it really does work... Peace rambler@atlantic.net
Member: Barbara
Location: Rochester, NY
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 07:46 PM
Hi! My name is Barbara & I'm an alcoholic.-- I totally relate to the people that have posted so far re: difficulty of coming back after relapsing/or slipping (whichever term you prefer to use). I have been on 1 continuous relapse since Aug. '99 (that August I was 6 1/2 yrs. sober). I saw the relapse coming, but was too proud, angry, depressed & resentful to speak up & let AA people know what was going on. All the things were there to give excuses as to why I picked up: quit my job 2 mos. shy of 10 yrs., medication changes due to my Bipolar II diagnosis, husband drinks & smokes pot, my mom-in-law's health probs. (now deceased), getting tired of the "same ol'-same ol'" with the mental health outpatient thing, etc., etc...but to sum it all up-I just plain stopped going to AA mtgs. I went through my 2nd chemical dependency outpatient trtmnt program in 2001-picked up drinking "again" after 4 1/2 mos. towards the end of trtmnt & didn't tell anyone (right around when my beloved mom-in-law died). I had been college educated up to that point as a Health Science major, been in AA since 1988 (I attended my 1st AA mtg which I believe was in '82), I had good friends in sobriety in which I could of called (even my mom for that matter as she was & still is in recovery)- so what in hell was wrong with me?!! (mind blurb)..."Well, honey, you are an alcoholic in some serious denial. Now either s__t or get off the pot!" My mom-in-law 3 days before she died new I was struggling & said in all the breath that it took: "I think you're brave!" Like Sue (above post) I too felt more confident when I drank (I have as long as I remember have been painfully shy). My shyness has gotten a lot better not just because of getting older & life experiences but because it has gotten soooo painful for me that I have had to speak up & be painfully honest about how hard it has been to maintain a substantial time of sobriety. And, yeah, it takes courage because I have had to be prepared to hear what others would have to say...ie: alcoholics don't deal well with criticism (stands to reason for most of us have come from some pretty extreme dysfunctional families). One thing I am learning is how really sick I have been with alcoholism! I know in the beginning you will hear from the old timers to "take the cotten out of your ears & stick it in your mouth," but it is also good to speak up & say what's going on. You will know when that time comes to speak, because if you don't you will have this incredible anxiety on the way home after the mtg. (in fact, anxiety has been the primary factor as to why I have been having such grave difficulty putting the drink down these last 4 years). Yes, do the meeting after the meeting whether old timer or new, but try to challenge yourself if you're able & say something even if it's the smallest thing during the meeting. Maybe just bring up a topic you would like to hear, or one of the slogans. The greatest challenge for my shyness especially this past year was when the secretary would ask: "Did anyone feel like drinking today?" I finally had gotten to that "jumping off point" that the Big Book points out where the pain & suffering had become so unbearable that I was jumping out of my skin with anxiety (people pleasin' had now become passe') that I had to be the 1st one to speak and hear myself say: "Hi, I'm Barbara & I'm an alcoholic & I felt like drinking today." There have been other times too when I have also found myself saying, "I didn't feel like drinking today but I drank yesterday." (or last Friday or whatever). Simple, honest admission carries great strength in AA-you will find people saying that they "appreciate your honesty" and the beauty in all this is that in your courage to open up, you will pass that courage along to another alcoholic who will speak up & say that they too have drank (and maybe they haven't been able to speak for months on end!) but you gave them hope & stength to know that they are not alone in fighting this disease of denial for that 24 hours. In pain & suffering we alcoholics must learn to ask for help or continue to go on to the bitter hellish fatal end. If getting too self concious puts you into a tanget when trying to share-the secretary's role or someone will step in (and you will probably get cut off) and will help formulate a topic from where you're coming from. This does not mean that you are not making any sense or that people don't like you (you'll be surprised when people come up to you after the mtg to say something along the lines of: 'Hey, I like what you said." or "I definetely know how you feel"...stuff like that). It's just that it is a meeting and there is a structure to follow in about 1 hours time. Alcoholics are very perceptive in knowing when someone is in lots of pain. At that point, it's logical to hear from as many people in that meeting as possible & afterwards if you don't let your anxiety speed you right out the door (believe me I know!). AA's primary purpose is to stay sober & to help the suffering alcoholic to achieve sobriety. When the suffering gets to be unbearable- it just helps to speak up. Sitting next to someone who's supportive in knowing what you're going through could be instrumental in helping you speak up. We learn how to ask for help in AA. I have felt so much silence in AA rooms over the years (sometimes little, sometimes lots), I think I will always have a difficult time with that. Alcoholics feel each other's 'silent' pain very well. I don't mean to come across scholarly or as a know-it-all. I have just experienced a lot over the years. So I can say that this is good growth. So...I keep coming back. And am also getting my body back into (which will be my 3rd) chemcial depend trmnt prog starting next Monday. I know there is still a well person inside of me somewhere. I'm just sick & tired of feeling confused & lost. Recovery is progressive as is the disease of alcoholism. It takes time "sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly" and the promises "will materialize if we WORK for them." I went to a noon meeting today. A lady helped me a lot when she said: "God makes a Way when there seems to be no way."
Member: Jen G
Location: NJ
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 07:49 PM
Amy--You're half way there by posting. Keep it up. Come back no matter what. It might take you time. Just stay here. Jen
Member: PerryW
Location: Mideast
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 08:11 PM
Member: PerryW
Location: Mideast
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 08:13 PM
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 10:11 PM
Barbara thank you so much for your honesty and your post was very helpful for this alkie I wish you luck and prayers go with you on your rehab on Monday, please come back and let us know how you are doing
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 10:33 PM
I'm Gage, an alcoholic. I'm not sure what an open mind is, but I'm pretty sure, if I have one, I didn't come by it naturally. I have begun to learn that what I think or feel isn't always the most important thing in the world. And my thoughts or feelings are never unique.
Member: Barbara
Location: Rochester, NY
Date: May 29, 2003
Time: 10:35 PM
Thanks, Diane, for your encouragement & support. Maybe I'll see you over at the coffee pot one of these days!
Member: Jackal
Location:
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 12:34 AM
For me an open mind. Is to try something another way. Because all the ways I've tried hasn't worked. I must accept the fact that I can't stay sober, unless I open my ears and except the fact that someone in this world just might know more then I do. So, I must get rid of old ideas and listen.............
Member: Heather
Location: here whether you like it or not
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 01:08 AM
Marie, you can do this. You are welcomed; newbies, like you and I, are the lifeblood of this program. The stories in the BB are very good (and the 4th edition has some new ones) (Bikerbabe, see self there? Is that why they're "maudlin"?) Re staying out of bars or not going to the 200 parties- read p.100-102. Jeremy, liked what you said about mustard seed. Diane, I love your posts. You're only one time zone away; want to phone? For anyone: my email is leahhmc1 at hotmail.com. If we hit it off, I've got available free long distance time on my phone and I can foot charges, to a point (3 hrs/month). Also, I had a nasty, nasty exp w meth in '98 that fixed me for good on that sh**; would love to talk w your son, if he's interested. Besides, maybe not putting gas in his car will help; losing something important is sometimes what it takes (ex. this program). I know it did for me, but it worked; I won't touch that stuff w 10' pole. Don't let him be abusive; you don't deserve it. Terry and Amber, thanks so dang much!!! I don't know what Bikerb****s problem is and I've offered the olive branch and she's taken it and slapped me with it. I'm still here and despite your promise on May 28 that you'd have more respect from me than anyone else here, I SEE NO SIGNS OF THAT!!!! I DON'T WANT WHAT YOU'VE GOT!!! Did someone tell me the truth? Oh yes, quite a few people. Here's some truth for you: I have not seen one single bit of ESH from you, in any of the rooms, in an entire week. Personally, I think occasionally you get drunk/high or sober/straight long enough to actually mellow out, but that's extremely few and far between. You've been sober how long? My opinion, and that's all it is, but I'm just as entitled to it as you are, is that you may not be drinking, but you don't have serenity, because you sure as hell aren't giving it away. In your whole life? And you know we don't need the rest of the Big Book? Well, kindly fly your motorbike to the next World Convention and let them know just how wrong they are and give them your qualifications. Ditto to Mark-Albany; maybe you can go together and rewrite the program. Maybe the sayings don't work for you, but if that's the case, LEAVE THE REST!!! Nobody is forcing them down your throat. If you don't like what you read here, turn the damn thing off!!! And believe me, I had to do just that Sunday night, because I was amazed and hurt by both the outright obscenity on the coffeepot and the asshatted attitudes from someone who doesn't know thing one about compassion. Don't you remember what it's like to be new? How in hell (apparently, by your admission, your abode- maybe that explains your bubbly happiness) could you forget what it's like to be new? Read what Marie wrote-read it, read it, read it!!! IT'S SCARY TO BE NEW AND BEING MEAN TO SOMEONE WHEN THEY NEED KINDNESS IS NOT WHAT THIS PROGRAM IS ABOUT!!! Try reading in the BB the chapter "Working With Others"- read it, read it, read it!!! Those precious 164 pages of yours even include that some people keep alcohol in their homes to help the remorseful alcohol through a bitch of a hangover!!! Page 153 says "You will learn the full meaning of "Love thy neighbor as thyself"." From your behavior, I can only conclude that you two don't love yourselves, particularly because you can't believe that someone could love you when they've never seen you. News flash: we do, including me. I'm pissed as hell at you and have had enough of your crap and then some, but I still love you and you can't do a thing to stop me, so deal with it!!! Ditto you, Mark!!! Has it really been so long that you can't remember what it's like to have the shakes, hate yourself, have memories coming back that you can't bear (Seamus, I hear you!!), have blank spots you don't want to fill in but are scared not to, need help, and dig up whatever you have left to get the guts or fear or desperation to ask for help? I seriously doubt that you were met with such hostility as you've displayed when you asked for help. Have you ever really thought about the concept "Do unto others as you would be done by"? I doubt it, so hopefully this will give you a clue. This is what it feels like to have vicious, critical, sarcastic hostility directed right at you. Do you like it? I thought not. My guess is that you're developing one hell of a resentment toward me and can't wait to tell me where and how to get off. THAT'S what your posts feel like. Mark, in your case, it's patronizing bullshit, described quite well by what not to do on p 95: Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him that if he wants to get well you will do anything to help." Yes, those passages have been there the whole damn time; I don't know how you missed them, but I promise, they're still there. If you don't understand any of the words, try dictionary.com. Better yet, call your sponsor, if you got the balls and the humility (yes, they can exist at the same time), and ask them to explain it to you. End of rant. Either I'll see a change in your 'tude, or I'll just start scrolling past. Doesn't matter whether I have 1 day or 100 years of sobriety; I DON'T TAKE NO SHIT!!! Advice, love, and concern, I welcome, but I don't see any of that from either of you, so siddown and shuddup until you have something nice and/or helpful to say, because not only is it bugging me; it's bugging other people on this site, or they wouldn't be commenting!!! This is my only place to go for sobriety, dammit!!! I am housebound (if anyone gives a damn why, it's on the pot, but it doesn't matter. Regarding your comment that it doesn't matter if I come back or not, that is blatant proof that YOU, not I, haven't got the faintest idea what this program is based on; it's based on helping each other and caring about each other. Now get off my ass and back on your Harley!!! We'll both be a lot more comfortable!!! If you have anything further to say to me, my email is above; please quit disrupting meetings by ragging on me!!! To the rest: Sorry about that. It won't happen again, I assure you. Amber, great to hear from you and glad you're here; Barbara, I really enjoyed your post as well, and that's just to name a few. God bless.
Member: "ATTENTION" all those with 5 years or more
Location: Don't say anything the newcomers don't like.. it effects their "serenity"
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 02:13 AM
An appology for Heather)) Bikerbabe is sorry Heather.. for her outrageous conduct towards you. I have read about and understand your precicament.. excuse me.. ((your many predicaments)... and you are obviously in the right. i am so miserable and i am just too mean.. maybe if i keep reading your posts i can get well.. And to show my appreciation for your honesty. i'll try to never post another comment for you again as long as i am here amen... There... is that better? PS... sucker! you didn't leave now did you? bikerbabe loves alkies...
Member: Heather
Location:
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 03:13 AM
Love that scroll button!!!!
Member: Bill H
Location: Ellwood City, Pa
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 04:14 AM
Bill H./Ellwood City, Pa; Sobriety Date: 4-30-91 Hi to Marie from Tn. It sounds like the seeds of AA have been planted into you at some point in time. It also sounds like the fertilizer that is needed to make that seed grow in starting to make itself known to you. I heard very early on in my sobirety. "Don't worry about anything at an AA Meeting, Just take the cotton out of your ears and put it into your mouth. Every meeting that I have ever been to always has some Home Group Member that is willing and able to help a newcomer. They have developed a sense of knowing when someone needs a little welcome or directions to the literature or coffee pot, (PS don't fortget the donuts, too!111) I was also told to stick with the winners in the fellowship. Just like someone will know that you are a newcomer and need some direction. You will be able to see who in the program talks the talk and walks the walk. We call these members winners, pick out one of these that you think might have what you want and ask HER to be your temporary sponser. Go to several meetings and pick out the one that you feel most comfortable with and make it your Homegroup. Above all Keep It Simple. One other think I remember from early on in my recovery was Don't Think; don't drink; and Go To MEETINGS. Good luck and may God Bless You as you trudge the Road to Happy Destiny
Member: Heather
Location:
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 08:03 AM
Bikerbabe, you don't know thing one about my "predicaments" as you called them. The only reason that info is there is that someone who really does care asked why I'm homebound and I told her. It was easier to get it all over with at once than do it in pieces. I'm not asking for sympathy and I don't want any. All I want is for you to treat me the way you'd like to be treated. You might try those stories- y'know, the dang little elves got into the Big Book during the 10-odd years I was "out there" and guess what? Those stories sure ring bells now!! I guess the pixies changed them ;) because now they sound like me with details varied, but there is a lot of wisdom there. What could it hurt? It's a break from me.... Love ya. Yes, I do mean that. I also think that somehow, you and I can learn to not only get along, but be friends. Care to give it a shot? Let's see what we have in common. I'll go first; alcoholism. Your turn. :)
Member: Jen G
Location: NJ
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 08:07 AM
To Sue in NY--Welcome to this meeting. I empathize with you--your shyness and seeking alcohol to make you less shy. That was my reason for starting to drink when I was in my teens too. Then it just became an obsession to cure everything--shyness, loneliness, boredom, being part of crowd, resentments, everything. I hope you stay here and meet people who can help you online.
Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 09:13 AM
Good morning everybody. I have to admit that coffee sure tastes great after a good nights' sleep and not having to fight a hangover! I'm grateful for that this morning. Also plan to get some long overdue housework done today now that I have a little energy and a few days off from work. Heather, I went to the coffeepot which I don't normally do to read the post you mentioned on this site. Girl , I don't know where to begin with you! First of all, let me say that I am sorry from the bottom of my heart for your husband's devastating diagnosis. I can't even imagine how the two of you cope with that. I hope he is able to get good treatment to ensure his quality of life for as long as possible. Next, I want you to know that I am really rooting for you but am concerned that your thinking is fundamentally flawed. I'm only going by what you have written and there is no doubt more to the story but you write about all the problems that you face on a daily basis: living in an unsafe place where you are afraid to leave your apartment, your chronic health problems, your husband's chronic health problems, etc. Also you say that you can't get out of the house because your husband takes the car to work everyday, yet in the same breath you say that you don't have a drivers' license anyway. Now the only goal in your life that you mention other than to quit drinking is to get your PhD. A high aspiration indeed, but is it the most realistic one for you right now? I'm not saying this to rain on your parade, far from it. In order to achieve big goals you have to achieve smaller ones first. Wouldn't a better short term goal be for you to find a decent place to live? How can you accomplish anything if you can't even leave your own home? If you aren't making enough money to save for a deposit on a better place, is there a friend or relative who would take you in for just a couple of months so that you could? With that done, you could then consider signing up for one class toward your Batchelor degree and see how that goes. If you still have no car, it sounds like you live in a metropolitan area that would have a bus service to the nearest college campus. Do you see what I'm getting at here? You need to plan in specifics so you don't set yourself up for failure by making your goals too long range. That's my two and a half cents. Hope you know I mean this in the spirit of helping and not to be critcal. Happy, sober day to you all.
Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 10:49 AM
HEATHER~ Don't get sucked in, so many times that was said to me and I thought go f**K yourselve, you don't know nuffin bout me, but now I understand where I was wasting my energy on arguing back. Remember we can't change people, places or things. So use all your fight for you don't give your energy so cheaply, you deserve it for you! Sorry if this sounds like I know better, but you make me smile I can see me in you so much!1 tracy.v@ntlworld.com
Member: Bikerbabe
Location: Hellishelping
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 10:53 AM
Bikerbabe is drinking. Bite me SUCKERS!! BRACK! BRACK!
Member: Bikerbabe
Location: Hellishelping
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 11:11 AM
oopps! did I post that? VVAAAAAAAAROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM BRACK! BRACK!
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 11:57 AM
WOW what a read this morning, I am Diane and I am on day 66 sober and loving it. Heather I got your email down and will write you. I will also go read on the coffee pot although it has such long post it takes a lot to try and read all the post but I got two names down now... you and Barbara,,,,I'm not even sure if that post is from Bikerbabe or is it from mike? anyway sorry if you drank, start over and stay sober. Life is too short to stay drunk and from experience at least for me being on chats drunk, most folks can tell when you are drinking mostly from (((miss spelled words and silly comments that make no sense)))) anyway folks if your on here posting drunk??? most of us know it.... For me at the end of my drinking I got to where I did not even go on chat cause I knew they knew.... now this chat is new to me so never been on here except of course when new as Di or Diane...oh I really hate cursing,,, I feel when we stick a curse word in we are just not able to communicate with real words? maybe if some of you guys got Atomica you could find a word to replace the curse words. I'm not a saint or nothing I just hate those words especially the one's that damn my God. Thanks for your kind words Heather sometimes I wonder if my post are just dumb, I would also love to hear how I can help my Son...Oh we did not give him a dime this week so he must have saved gas money,,,his Dad wrote him a long letter telling him what he thought so maybe that helped............He is not speaking to me which I think is part of the disease when we have resentments and have done drugs or drank it does that to us....Diane
Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 01:35 PM
Hey Tracy, Read your post and I have to take exception to your interpretation that I am trying to "suck Heather in." You are certainly entitled to your opinion and I am all for a spirited (albeit civil) debate but rather than just nay-saying my opinion it would be nice if you could back up your opinion with something more concrete like your life experience in long term goals and/or higher education. I happen to have some experience in this area as I dropped out of college when I was 20 because I lived in a boring, rural area and wanted to move to someplace more interesting. That was all well and good until I hit my 30's and still could get nothing better than a minimum wage job. When I realized the benefits of a higher education I went back to school and got my degree. It was well worth it because I have a good paying job now but it was one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I did it by setting short term goals in order to achieve longer term goals which is all I am advising Heather to do. I had to spend one entire summer taking a chemistry course just to get accepted to the college program I wanted to enter. You can't get from A to D without first going through B and C. I have known many people (including my own sister) who started out with big dreams but never got anywhere because they just couldn't break down their dreams into smaller achievable goals. They sabotaged themselves before they could even get started which was my concern about Heather. That's all I wanted to say and I would truly like to hear more from you if you have anything constructive to add.
Member: Tracy
Location: England
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 01:48 PM
TERRY~ I was talking about HEATHER~ and BIKERBABE, sorry If that wasn't made clear. I hadn't read your post, but I will make a point of doing so now.
Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 02:11 PM
Sorry Tracy, I assumed you were talking about my post since it was the last one written. I apologize if I misundersood you.
Member: yu r going
Location: to nowheres vil
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 02:30 PM
Bikerbabe get back on the lithium or stop inhaling those gasoline fumes. You are one sick chick.
Member: BIKERBABE
Location: KISS OUR ASSES
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 03:43 PM
BIKERBITCH - GO TO A BAR
Member: Dale L
Location: NY
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 04:08 PM
I had five years sobriety and it's taken me twenty to start trying again to get sober. I made numerous attempts, but it never worked. Maybe I wasn'''t open minded enough. I did take suggestions though and did the steps -- the longest I had sober was l5 months. Now I can't seem to stop drinking, when I do the guilt overwhelms me. Any suggestions?
Member: Jackie
Location: MN
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 04:19 PM
Dale, I only have 5 months sober. So this is what happened to me. The guilt, shame, lonlieness, emptiness etc.....kept me drinking for years. The first few days that I was sober, were almost unbearable cause I had to FACE everything. After that, I felt this amazing weight lifted off of my shoulders, the best feeling I have ever had. I even slept better knowing that I didn't screw up the day like I had done each and every day. Woke up without the guilt and shame and didn't have to drink to escape it. Tough it out, the first couple of days are the hardest, go to lots of meetings, and be with other people like ourselves, that will help. You can do it!! :)
Member: Rosemary
Location:
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 04:27 PM
Dale - when you had 5 years sober, what were the things you did at the beginning that kept you sober? i suggest going back to that tool box and using what's in there. go to meetings. get a sponsor. work the steps of AA. get honest with yourself, another human being, and a higher power. good luck to you. i hope you have the honesty, openmindedness and willingness to get and stay sober. :)
Member: Amber H.
Location: Houston, TEXAS
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 05:14 PM
Hi, my name is Amber and I am an alcoholic. I don't want to drink today. ((Dale)) well, this is a good start. With a previous five years of continuous sobriety, you've probabley got a lot of knowledge, but no more ideas on how to apply that knowledge. Try starting over as a brand new, newcomer. Step one and step two is your best start. Here's the way it was explained to me this time (I just recently lost 3 and half years)--Step 1.) We admitted we were powerless over alcohol that our live had become unmanagable. What does this mean? That I lost the battle of life. I am a failure at drinking, thinking for myself, failure as a wife(or husband), a mother(or a father), as an employee, etc... Alcohol kicked my butt. And Step 2.) Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. What does this mean? That I'm nuts. Great. You know I was just thrilled when I learned that. LOL But, (there is always a but-thank God) all this means is that you need help and you need it bad. Staying sober is abnormal for the alcoholic, drinking is the norm. Remember that if you do drink again (I encourage you to try to get sober again) that you are only doing what a normal alcoholic does- we drink (go figure). But normal for us is also jails, institutions and death. The sheer miracale of this thing is the days we don't drink, one day at a time. However, we can't do this alone, because we don't know how. Remember, letter (B) in How It Works: no human (husband, wife, sponsor, kids, employer, grandma, best friend, etc.) can get or keep us sober. We must find a Higher Power. And in the 12 and 12, it goes into specific detail on each way in which we can do this (Step 2). Use the group if you can not seem to get down the God thing yet. But if you are like me, and tend to feel guilty about alot of stuff like relasp, no prayer life, skipping meetings, etc. then let me tell you this friend... God grace is what you need. Stop beating yourself up and start helping out His kids. Grace=free gift. You can not earn a free gift because it is free and you can't go back and make up for it either by being "extra good" this time. And God's Grace is sufficient for your needs. Forgivness-"forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others"-including me. The definition of forgive is to choose not to remember, so how can I expect God to forgive me if I keep bring up the past to Him. Let it go(Steps 4-9). And this brings us to Step 3.) Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. When I wake up, I say my third step prayer, and I drink my coffee, and I read "On awakening..." in How It Works (forgot the page number, I have it book marked) but anyway, I start my day with that type of daily reprieve. Or I read a chapter in the 12 and 12. Something to remind my brain that me, myself, and I are alcoholics. And then I tell God, I'm just here to do His work, so show me what to do. And I don't struggle, and things that use to baffle me, don't baffle me. To sum it all up, we have to first admitt COMPLETE DEFEAT. We will not do that until alcohol has proved its self to not work any longer. When the fear of drinking is greater than the fear of not drinking. Then we have to admit that we are nuts, insane, crazy, etc. and that we need God's help to restore us (another form of admission). The only thing that seperates me from ya'll and me from God is my ego. Once my ego is smashed, I just gave God room to work. When I relasped, my ego had gotton too big for my britches. But I not going into all that...I talking solutions. Then when we are stripped of our ego, we just have to make a decision to turn our day(s) over to God's will. My way I do that is to just try to do the next right thing. And for today, that is good enough. So I don't hold against myself for being an alcoholic and resorting back to drinking, if anything it hurt my pride and ego because I wasn't one of the "real" alcoholics who came in and stuck it the first time. And I lost some time. Big deal! God's Grace is sufficient for me today. He loves me inspite of myself, and if I just let Him, He will show me His will, which I believe will eventually restore me to sanity and give me all the life, happiness, peace, serenity, friends, family... I always tried to find in the bottle regardless of what my past is. Around here, opinions and pasts are like a**holes; everyone's got one. LOL Love ya'll and thank for helping me stay sober today, just for today. Amber
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 05:26 PM
good share Amber and so true see this is kind of what I was saying about not counting the slips cause God don't count when he forgives us....He puts them as far as the east is from the west to remember no more
Member: ,/
Location: .,
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 05:29 PM
I just loveeeeeeeeee all this sweeettt littllle lady talk,,,, sooooooo soooooooo niccccccccceeeeee.........
Member: Terry
Location: NY
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 06:47 PM
Great words, Amber. Thanks for the wisdom. Something for us all to think about.
Member: Not the imposter..
Location: The real live Bikerbabe...live and kickin it! kickin it good!
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 08:52 PM
This is the real Bikerbabe... and sorry honey.. (whoever you are or "are not)) i am not only ""not drinking,, i am havin a decaf organic coffee. And Its the "finest" grown in the shade of Kicking Horse Pass.... mmm mm .. Seriously ... now .. what would make you think i would be drinking? "your own thinking no doubt".. aiieehhh! Sheesh!)) Newcomers!!...got anything else for me? this is a bit boring... oh well... hope you all stay sober and "serene"... sounds like Heather is having a difficult time... I really wish she would go back out and drink,,, she wants to anyways.. and maybe she can spare us the "dump"ologue's..she's got so many problems.. i doubt it if she should even try to quit dulling the pain via drugs at this juncture of her existence... folly huck,,, Heather... what are yu going to do honey.... ?
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 09:17 PM
Biker baby what are you doing on AA site when you want someone to drink?
Member: Carlc
Location: NM
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 09:37 PM
Bikerbabe I have been gone for awhile.glad to see you are still giving them hell. Keep it up,someone has tell the truth in this world of pomp, worship and idolatry. I have never seen so much ass kissing in all my life. You are a refreshing alternative to all the bullshit I hear in AA, again I would like to thank you. People like you are hard to find. Carlc
Member: Mark
Location: NY
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 10:41 PM
I try to stay out of here as the sick ones who haven't drank for awhile are funny enough, but you guys are a trip. Well said by Carl C. ,bikerbabe's the real deal little chicky's and if you don't toughen up and quit drowning in the sauce, it's over before it even starts! Peace and Blessings for all newbies, but lay off the the bikerbabe unless your ready for it rough as she hasn't even shown you guys the hard stuff yet. Just chill and don't drink for now little ladies, that's all.
Member:
Location:
Date: May 30, 2003
Time: 10:57 PM
blow it out your ear mark you are her
Member: Bikerbabe
Location: Another Hellishelping
Date: May 31, 2003
Time: 01:39 AM
Hey Marky...someone wants "you to be "me eh? (Carl c..your welcome sweetie.) good on ya... and hey did you guys get a load of that insulting bit of nonsense about me trying to pick up on the guys here.... gee wiz... can't even joke around then? "Bummer i was going to offer Cec an apple...lol)) For the record: and i will say it again... ((i am looking for an "adult"....(hello mark)...he he..."adult sober male with stunning good looks and hung like a horse..for fun friendship and maybe even the "L word... . . . Hello? ladies? you know someone?
Member: CarolD
Location: Ga. USA
Date: May 31, 2003
Time: 01:41 AM
Hi eEveryone.... Being or staying open minded here at SC is quite a feat! *smile* Welcome to our newly sober and to those still suffering. Want to know about AA meetings? Need moree info on alcoholism? Try http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/First_AA_Meeting.html Each day sober is a victory!! Carol
Member: KG
Location: Tx
Date: May 31, 2003
Time: 03:05 PM
KG-alcoholic: being open-minded means that i have to do things that i think are stupid, dumb, and won't work. i have to be teachable in order to remain sober on a daily basis.
Member: Carlc
Location: NM
Date: May 31, 2003
Time: 06:34 PM
Today I went to the ulitmate ass kissing meeting,it was about people and their sponsors, When people say my sponsors says it tell me two things, number one this person cant think for himself, or he dosent want to take a stand for what he says, so that if he is wrong he can always say well thats what my sponsor said. I cannot believe all the jellyfish we have in AA nobody taking responsibity for nothing a room full of victims. The word sponsor is nowhere to be found in the first 164 pages where the solution is found. Today I am a free man, I crawl before no man.
Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Date: May 31, 2003
Time: 08:21 PM
hi again, Diane here day 67 sober and carlc I don't have a sponser I sponser myself but if people need a sponser more power to them and if they like being nice to each other then that is fine. Some folks are actually nice people and polite and not so disturb that they have to judge everyone else around them, as my husband always says every thing you do comes back to you so you might want to watch how you critcize everyone in the world and try and work on yourself a little more
Member: Patty
Location: Austin
Date: May 31, 2003
Time: 09:58 PM
Came to share a bit of how miracles are happening in my life. Sad that this place is becoming little more than a chat room. I sure hope other newcomers don't get discouraged. If this was all I had for a source of experience, strength and hope, I'd probably be drinking again. Fortunately I've got a great sponsor and wonderful meetings and a beautiful new attitude of gratitude that doesn't quit. I never really felt grateful before, that would seem weak. I never really asked for or accepted any help before, then I wouldn't be in control. As my sponsor said tonight, Patty, look what your control did for you..now look what your Higher Power, the steps, the literature, the meetings, and sobriety for the past 38 days has done for you. I'm buying a house for the first time in my life. I'm getting help because I shared with people who turn out to be real estate agents and mortgage loan officers..who were there at meetings and volunteered this information and their help. And I'm doing it with no drug, food, or drink to buffer the experience or numb the anxiety or "medicate" me to sleep. Yeah I'm excited and can't sleep much but so what? It's an exciting time! Who'd a thunk a drunk like me could actually make some steps towards living a responsible, respectable, healthy life? :) cool. Thanks for your positive pictures of strength, hope and sobriety.
Member: Heather
Location: Rockies
Date: May 31, 2003
Time: 11:43 PM
Hello all! Welcome to other newcomes and to those still suffering. It really CAN get better and it DOES. Thanks to all who have shared ESH today. Thanks to those who keep circulating the wisdom accumulated through the years in this program. I think part of this disease is that we don't always remember (as in feeling, visuallizing, REALLY remember) what we've learned, both about drinking and about being sober; hence the need to keep hearing the same things over and over. They're still true. Drinking will still get us the same results it did before- maybe not instantly, but it will, always. Also, SHARING the message doesn't mean that the one sharing it isn't also thinking- no one can see into that person's head. Besides, one of the ways AA works is it gets built in, like an autopilot, to take over during insanity, to "fly the plane" to somewhere where help is available. That's not stupid or lazy; that's prudent. If ass-kissing what you call "making amends where possible and trying to get along, then yes, I am an ass-kisser and proud of it. However, I'm not perfect at that either and still develop resentments and rage and they usually kick my butt eventually. I'm a slow learner sometimes. I've received some advice, both in these rooms and via email, to "let the whirling dervishes whirl" and "don't let the bastards grind you down" and recently, "don't get sucked in". Those are finally working their way through my skull, and it's a good thing, because know what? If I get pissed, I'm more likely to get piss-drunk. No thanks. I'm still sober and straight. AA, AAers, and my HP are very good to me. Thanks to all those who have been such a part of my quitting drinking and getting sober. I'm glad it's a lifelong process- if I could do it in a crash course, I'd probably be out drinking within a few months after graduating, if that long. I'll take another 24 to go and wish y'all one. In serenity, Heather
Member: Rosemary
Location:
Date: May 31, 2003
Time: 11:49 PM
Carl, how long have you been sober?
Member:
Location:
Date: June 01, 2003
Time: 12:38 AM
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: June 01, 2003
Time: 01:20 AM
Congratulations ((Patty)) on your first home! A sober home too. It made me remember the excitement of that milestone. I think my second home was even more rewarding because I was the only name on the mortgage. I had done it by myself and I could paint and decorate it any way I wanted to. Regaining my autonomy after my divorce was so important. There is not much I did not change to suit myself. My hair and clothes and hobbies etc. Unfortunately the feeling of being a freed slave did not last that long and I ended up not dealing with a lot of pain from my marriage. My drinking really took off then. I always have drank to bury. Now I am finally dealing with that pain doing step 4. I need to feel, deal and heal or I will drink again or pick up some other equally destructive coping mechanism. Writing has brought back so many things my built in forgetter (brain) had hidden. Man I LIKE PAIN. I must because I keep doing the same self defeating things expecting different results! Change is so hard. It is much easier to grab a security blanket than deal. But deal I must. I burned myself out on the alcohol panacea.... What next compulsive gambling? overeating, undereating/ already done that, sex and men/ already done that, workaholism already done that, pills and drugs etc. etc. not yet...Don't want to either. I see cross addiction in just about every AA meeting. If I don't do the inside job and turn my will and life over to the care of God on a daily basis I'm toast. That being said, I hope you all had a good day today. My day was awesome. Tommorrow I have a fun day planned and life is good. It hasn't happened overnight but I am growing more and more in the program of AA. Thanks for letting me share. Kelly
Member: CARLC
Location: NM
Date: June 01, 2003
Time: 02:27 AM
Sponsoring yourself is even worse that getting a sponsor. The book says that strenuous work one alcoholic with another was vital to permanent sobriety, it also says nothing will insure immunity from drinking as intensive work one alcholic with another. I also says having had the expierence your self you can give valuable advice, but dont get mad if they want to consult someone else. It also says, burn into the conscousness of your man that you are helping that he can get well regardless of anyone the only requirement is that he TRUST GOD, and clean house, the steps. There is a whole chapter on how to work with other not how to be pompous, worshiped and idolized.
Member: Heather
Location: Carlc
Date: June 01, 2003
Time: 03:01 AM
What was that all about?
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: June 01, 2003
Time: 06:53 AM
CarlC, I don't sponsor myself. You may not even be reponding to me??? I have a Big Book Step Study Sponsor that is taking me through the steps as laid out in the Big Book. You have a major resentment against sponsors for some reason. Did you get burned by one? Did you get fired by a sponsee? I fired my first sponsor because she could not take me through the steps but we are still friends. What in the Sam Adams is eating you for breakfast??? What's your problem? Instead of blasting sponsorship all the time why don't you tell us your personal experience with it...