Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 09:22 AM
Hi Everyone--Marsha L here an alcoholic--Staying away from the first drink. It is a major challenge in early sobriety but without this, there is no sobriety. I have found that staying away from the first drink by itself can be great because you have a day to be sober but can also lead to a false confidence in oneself. I can only stay away from the first drink if I start every day with the reminder that I am powerless over alcohol. I need to keep this in my thought process before all other thoughts in these early days. Thank you for listening.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 10:45 AM
good Morning Marsha L yes I agree, I find myself late at night thinking about a drink and I have to tell myself (no way) Last night I had those thoughts I did fight them off, what seems to keep me going right now is I know how harmful alcohol is to my liver and I'm dropping a lot of weight which is a big plus on my side, getting a lot closer to my goal and I thought last night, that it will be harder once I hit my goal weight to stay away from the forbidden drink, because I start to think I have it under control and can just have the one again, but I know that leads to more because I am unable to only have just one. so good topic staying away from the first drink Diane B
Member:
Location:
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 02:09 PM
Hi ((all%vc)O@[`փvu
Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 02:38 PM
Tracy alcoholic here, yes the first drink, the one that persuades you to drink it, then calls all its mates in to gate crash your body and mind, now i know its little secret, i have the beginings of keeping away from it. tracy.v@ntlworld.com
Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 02:38 PM
Tracy alcoholic here, yes the first drink, the one that persuades you to drink it, then calls all its mates in to gate crash your body and mind, now i know its little secret, i have the beginings of keeping away from it. tracy.v@ntlworld.com
Member: JimM
Location: CenCal
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 05:30 PM
Summer is coming and summer for me is the hardest. Here in California it gets pretty hot and there is nothing tastier than... So I try to keep a container of ice cold diet coke and have been known to guzzle diet coke out of the bottle untill the desire for a drink levels out
Member: Tami E
Location: Texas
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 07:39 PM
I can not take anymore. Goodbye
Member: Dennis K
Location: PA
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 07:58 PM
Hey Tami, not so fast! My name is Dennis, and I'm a greatful alcholic. I've been sober for almost 2 months now. But I know, if I have one drink, I'll have to have more. Then I'll feel like Hell tomorrow, and be sad and mad, embarrassed and dumb, like a failure and a bum. Do you have anything in your life to be thankful for? Just one thing? Try thanking God for that one thing. Just try it. Please! And let me know how it goes.
Member: Robin A
Location: FL
Date: April 13, 2003
Time: 09:01 PM
(((Tami))) Don't give up so easily. Come back when your ready for this. It won't work unless your ready for it to work-at least thats what happened for me. If you'd like some female contact through email...email me at rjamato@hotmail.com I've been sober 4 years and its the best thing I ever did for myself.
Member: Rob G.
Location: Spokane, WA
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 03:07 AM
I own a tavern so i'm around it every day.Each day I just remember the problems drinking has caused me and what everything I have to lose if I drink. So far that has worked for me. (sober almost 7 mo.)
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 06:52 AM
Hi Everyone, Marsha L. an alcoholic. I am staying with Early Sobriety because of the impact of the discussion topics and the thoughts that have been provoked by them. (Tami) Don't give up. You are a precious person and you are well worth recovery. Whatever problems you are experiencing, they might not be any better sober but your ability to deal with them will greatly improve. Don't take the first drink. First-- every hour and then every day. Peace.
Member: L-RAY
Location: somewere in Spain
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 07:53 AM
((((Tami))))wy dont you tell us what you cant take and maybe we can help you! better here suffering sober than out there suffering drunk! sharing is a good way of getting it out so its you choice ! be safe> My sponser in the begining told me if you dont lift the first drink you cant get drunk! and it took awhile but this alky finaly got the message and i stayed away on a daily basis and in the begining it was hard but after a while and with this program the obsession removed itself! and to-day booze dosnt play a part in my life " its there and alot of people use it for social events but i dont need it to enjoy myself! i remember taking my twin brother to a A.A.dance and he asked me how do you get up and dance without a drink(he hasnt the problem)i said i dont need it now! it never improved my dancing! lol, everything i have done upto today has stemmed from not lifting the first drink,, be safe and regards L-RAY
Member: Maggie
Location: IL
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 09:00 AM
Hi all, Maggie here. Alcoholic. When you say you can't take it anymore,((Tami)), Are you talking about the pain? I know, WE know, we've been there. See, there was one thing I didn't realize when I said the same thing, I WAS TAKING IT! So we alcoholics have a choice, stay in that god awful hell and die or seek out a better way to live, ONE DAY AT A TIME. It is our decision an ours alone. Once you make the choice, you will become part of the most wonderful fellowship there is. You will never be alone again. By the grace of God, I am a walking, talking example. Love to all, Maggie
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 09:29 AM
Maggie is right. I never thought it could be possible to stay sober and enjoy life again. It's so much better this way. I am very grateful.
Member: Eloi K.
Location: NE Mn
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 11:48 AM
Hi everyone, today is day #7. My first month was a great one, second one not good. Had a couple of slips and am now here convinced that the main answer is do not take that first drink. If you think it will end with one, you are most likely mistaken. I know that for me that first one is a drunk. I do not want to do that again, I am sick of starting over, but am with the help of God. I gave my 30 day medallian to my daughter and told her to give it back to me when I again reached 30 days and deserved to carry it again. I hope that Tami comes back. It is never too late to start again with day one. Sober is feeling better again and I really do not want to disappoint my family or myself. God help me stay sober today is my prayer today and every day.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 12:26 PM
Hi All, Kelly a drunk. It took me 40 years to figure out I can't drink even one sip of alcohol. In The Doctors Opinion they call it an allergy to alcohol.... I guess! I have never been able to quench the insatiable thirst of the first drink until I'm drunk. One is not enough and a hundred is to many. That is the way it is for me. ((Tami)) I'm glad you could admit your powerlessness here. Keep coming back! Have a great week all... Kelly
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 12:38 PM
Diane B here Alcoholic, Today is day 20 my Heart goes out to you Tami I pray you did not do something bad to yourself, you know our lower self tells us we have to drink and not worth anything when we slip but our HP is there to keep us sober and to pray to when a weak moment comes about. I remember thinking each morning if I could stop I would again be happy but I know the first drink for me at least is the start of a never ending cycle of getting drunk pray to your HP that he will help you not take that first drink no matter what Diane B
Member: Tami E
Location: NE Texas
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 12:53 PM
Hi, I apologize for being so vague with my post. What happened was I called the treatment center to find out what to do about the dt's I was having and was told not to quit cold turkey like that. So, I was just at my wits end. I had been counting my sober hours and there it went out the window. Looks like this week I will go into treatment, maybe tomorrow, I am waiting to hear back from my husband. The words "Thank You" to all of you do not seem to be strong enough to let you know how much I appreciate all of you, your prayers, your sharing, and caring.
Member: Ken L
Location: RI
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 12:55 PM
Ken here. Its been 10 days sober. My wife never questioned me as to what I was doing. She knew she had her husband back. How long for she doesnt know. Last Saturday was the tough. I went to a birthday party at my brother-in-laws. I have left his house sober maybe twice in 29 years. I did not know what to say every time he asked me if I wanted a beer. It seemed like he asked me more than usual. I thought about taking one can and filling it with water so no one would know that I was not drinking. I am glad that I did not take the first drink but it was not easy. It seems like the times I looked forward to now I hate. I noticed that his son-in-law did not drink even though it was his birthday we were celebrating. I sat with him and that helped. He knows how to refuse a drink. I can learn from him. Have a good one.
Member: Ken L
Location: RI
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 01:30 PM
Tami, please go to www.lasstech.com/music and download a song I just recorded in my home studio. Its called Open the Eyes of My Heart.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 01:59 PM
Wow Ken L you faced a hard night and you made it though thank God! and Tami so glad to hear you are going to get help in rehab so great of news I will keep you in my prayers Diane B 20 days sober
Member: Sandy S.
Location: New York
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 05:36 PM
I've decided to quit drinking "today" for about the hundredth time. I really want to succeed but am not use to this on-line stuff. Does it really help? My husband is my drinking partner so I'm afraid it isn't easy and I really want some support? He is not interested in not drinking so it's always around. I guess I'll just visit the sites and see if I can understand it all better.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 08:20 PM
hi Sandy S yes it helps me a lot and yes I also have a husband who drinks some but I told him to not let me know if he does and he loves me enough to just not tell me, he don't drink a lot so you can ever really tell he has even had any thing to drink which he is not drinking now but I also know he might again, just not around me. I'm on day 20 of not drinking I found this time if I keep track of my days it seems to help me more, I hear AA is good to go to but my husband has a position which if it got around that I was in AA he is afraid it would hurt his job, anyway I think that is a silly thought cause if I am doing AA that means I am not drinking and I am sure there are a lot of his employee's with the same problems good luck sorry I can't help that much I am also new to this, I am sure there are better people on this group with more time in sobriety then me and more learning on the big book, here is a link to the big big http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html a lot of good information so check it out Diane B
Member: meg
Location: scot;and
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 09:00 PM
there is a person who has been connected to my family for about 10 years. I know that he is drinking heavly and his wife and family are very distressed. I have had five good non drinking years and although I have not been to AA I feel I am doing ok. I would like to approach this person. But I am not sure if that is the way to go about things. Maybe I could help him. He knows I have been where he is. I think he went to AA before but it didn't work. Is it ok to approach someone and ask if you may help ? Or does this make things worse? Should I just ignore the subject when we meet. He isn't going to bring it up. Should I just shut up and leave it alone?
Member: c.b.
Location: lorain
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 09:45 PM
I Can say the bag of doritos they calling me over Eight years old Abag of them FOR a bottle they call moon sine . GOT sick IN A horse feild. Then stager home from the nabiors. THe another day my brother say joe got a DWI. I can say we sobber this man up . My friend jim his friendley worker . MY I'll have to call him . TO say joe last work truck has no more . TOday this is WaY HE NEED US!! TO stay Sobber aman for today the boys run I can say he is fearful moving on go day
Member: c.b.
Location: lorain
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 09:48 PM
I Can say the bag of doritos they calling me over Eight years old Abag of them FOR a bottle they call moon sine . GOT sick IN A horse feild. Then stager home from the nabiors. THe another day my brother say joe got a DWI. I can say we sobber this man up . My friend jim his friendley worker . MY I'll have to call him . TO say joe last work truck has no more . TOday this is WaY HE NEED US!! TO stay Sobber aman for today the boys run I can say he is fearful moving on go day
Member: c.b.
Location: lorain
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 10:54 PM
C.B. LORAIN . Ohio U.S.A ONE hour NORTHEAST OF DOCTORS BOB's Birth home I was there in 2000 the time today is eight months today I love allthe sick people out there . this program works if you work it Igot six stamps today god works it today IF we what him to or live today YOu as your paster what do you think turn it over said hool
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 14, 2003
Time: 11:47 PM
Ken L I just downloaded your song and I thank you for such a good message and hey you got a darn good voice I am now downloading the rest Diane B
Member: Robin
Location: Midwest
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 01:04 AM
Robin Sober alcoholic for 17days. Yeah. Not taking the first drink is my main mission everyday. Back in the day....lol couple days ago if I went in for one beer I was not leaving until I felt a buzz. Sloppy drunk is what I normally left as. I would plan my drinking like on the way home from work it really isn't acceptable for me to go to the bars at 11:00 without my husband but I could go to the store and get a 40 or 2. I had to make sure I got one with the highest alcohol content 5.6 or better (the better part came when I was overseas and does not necessarily mean now). That way I got "more bang for my buck". Off I would go and get drunk. If for some reason I did not get drunk and the stores were closed I would just try again the next day. So tonight as I was driving by that store the thought for one moment was on that 40, but I keep on driving because I am finally realizing that I cannot drink even one. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Julie P.
Location: Iowa
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 02:29 AM
Hi, Julie here alcoholic addict. I have 55 days today what a miracle that is!! Staying away from that first one, boy what a hard lesson to learn. One of the last times I thought I would have just one I ended up out there for over 3 years. So I try to keep that in mind whenever I have an urge cause its that first one thats the killer. Things have been going pretty well lately all thanks to me not using one day at a time. And I really mean that, there have been days that I don't think I can do it and I just tell myself, get through today, that I can handle. God Bless all of you guys and keep hanging in there!! Love ya~Juliebean
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 07:56 AM
Good Morning. Marsha an alcoholic here. (Robin) Every time I drive by one of the places that I used to buy my beer at I remember the 40 oz guys. I used to select my wine by the highest alcohol content. (Meg) If your words to your friend are given out of love, they will work for the possitive effect even if it seems to take a long time. Don't hold back. (Di B) You are almost at a month. You inspire me. (Sandy S.) I am very lucky that nobody around me drinks except my sister that lives near me and I know that it must be hard when it's right there with somebody as close as your husband.(Ken L) I admire your strength. (Juliebean)One drink put me back out there after a long time sober too. (Tami) Stay on board. We need you. (CB)Hi, The program works and what works for me today is not to take the first drink. Thanks for hearing me.
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 02:45 PM
Hi everyone. Kim here, alcoholic. ((Everyone New)) Welcome. The program of AA has taught me to stay away from that first drink for 1 24 hour period. Not for a year, two or forever, just today. How? First thing I do is get on my knees in the morning and ask a power GREATER than myself to help keep me away from a drink or a substitute. Then, as my day progresses, I make sure I have contact with at least 1 recovering alcoholic. Staying away from slippery situations, like parties or old drinking buddies, helped until I had a strong enough foundation in recovery. Going to meetings - lots of them in the beginning - helped to hear the message of recovery. Joining a group, having a sponsor and working the 12 Steps - especially STEP 1 in the beginning - were invaluable. Above all - when that urge hits because it does eventually, no matter how good we feel today - I see it for what it is - insane thinking and taking my will back - and ask for help immediately. We are powerless over that FIRST THOUGHT of a drink - but not the second or the third. ODATT.
Member: Stacy S
Location: West Coast
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 05:55 PM
Hi there. Stacy, alchoholic 9 days sober. I told my husband yesterday that I have a drinking problem. He said he knew but didn't know how much I was drinking. Being honest with him was very hard for me. I feel sooooo guilty. Sooooo deceitful. Soooooooo weak. My Mom died from this, how could I let this happen....this keeps running through my mind. I understand intellectually that I have a disease and that I did not ASK for it, but in my heart and soul I am feeling so responsible. Another thing that comes into my mind is that now that I'm being honest with him, my drinking days are officially over! Now I can't "pretend" there isn't a problem. I am missing my friend, the booze. I am scared to go into the summer months without it. We just put a pool in our backyard in our gorgeous new home and I'm pissed that I won't be drinking in my jacazzi! It's hard to envision FUN without it. It's also hard to envision PAIN and DISCOMFORT without. But I have not had a drink for 9 days and I have been in a s**tload of pain. I agree with whoever said that the sober day gives you a false sense of confidence. I catch myself saying to myself, "oh, well I haven't had a drink in over a week and I'm doing okay...maybe I was wrong about this alcoholism thing." The disease is masterful. I cannot take the first drink. I will lose...all...if I do. Going to meeting #3 tonight. Blessings to you all. ~~~Stacy
Member: Dennis K
Location: PA
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 08:50 PM
Hi, Dennis here, alcoholic, 53 days sober. Tami,I'm so glad you came back to explain what you were going through. That was scary for me, thinking "there but for the grace of God could be me". Best of luck in your treatment. We'll be looking for you back here real soon, and praying for your recovery. Ken L, way to go! You had a tough assignment, but you made it. So many other good success stories here, giving us all hope. Thanks to you all. Have another sober 24 hours.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 09:14 PM
hi all I am late on the board today I was car shopping and picked my son up at rehab, he said he doesn't have a drinking problem but when I got home I found thow up in his bathroom and signs he had really got drunk, well maybe he just had to let his hair down or find out for sure he can not handle booze anyway he is asleep now and I cleaned up that nasty mess, oh thanks Marsha for the word of encouragement I am now 21 days today that a whole three weeks hehe well my day went good thanks for being here when I need you all Di
Member: Ray
Location: R
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 09:54 PM
Hello my name is Rachel and I am 11 days sober, again. My first sponser was a women on med shack duty at the recovery center that I "graduated" in Dec. I got 30 days, than 60, now back again like the The Talking Heads said: "Same as It Ever Was". Someone was kind enough to share that this is 'progress and not perfection'. This comment helped me forgive me. My second sponser suggested that I find someone closer and more readily avalible to me. I just asked a new women to be my sponser. On topic: if you can put all you love and stive 4 in life in front of a drink than do it.
Member: JIM S
Location: FLORIDA
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 10:42 PM
Jim here for the first time. 6 DAYS out of detox and I cant drink soda out of a can because it reminds me of a beer. Dont want that NOMORE. Sort of like this JIM guy. He is 46 seems like first time I met him. 1 drink and I think I will disappear.I KNOW the first drink for me will lead to thousands.It did before.Pray for us all. THANKS
Member: JIM S
Location: FLORIDA
Date: April 15, 2003
Time: 10:43 PM
Jim here for the first time. 6 DAYS out of detox and I cant drink soda out of a can because it reminds me of a beer. Dont want that NOMORE. Sort of like this JIM guy. He is 46 seems like first time I met him. 1 drink and I think I will disappear.I KNOW the first drink for me will lead to thousands.It did before.Pray for us all. THANKS
Member: MaryC
Location: PA.
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 07:22 AM
Hi, Mary here. An alcoholic. Had 3 months of sobriety but never truly beleived that I couldn't just have one drink like everyone else at dinner. Now I beleive. That first drink led to a hurricane fight with my husband and has cost me my family. I have had to move out of my house and away from my 4 kids so they never see that again. I guess this is rock bottom. And that first drink put me here. Wish me luck. Rock bottom is a pretty lonely place to be.
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 07:42 AM
Good Morning, Marsha here an alcoholic. I made it through one more day. Thanks to God and you. I wanted to take the first drink but I knew that I couldn't because I just didn't want to start over again. (Di B)Look how strong you are becoming. 21 days and this stressful day of your son coming home has proven to me that healing is taking place in your life--you didn't drink. (Stacy)In my experience I have found that staying sober has this effect on me;- that instead of wondering how I am going to manage to have fun if I am not drinking, I discover that fun is more intense and has more dimension when I have a clear head-- and that is not to say that there isn't pain. I am experiencing pain on a level that has to do with sorting out the past. Now that I am sober one day at a time I have to face the reality of hurtful things that I have said to my husband while I was drunk. It is the same with me that I admitted to my husband about a year ago that I had a drinking problem and he too said he knew that I could't handle beer and I thought that was the end of drinking but little did he know that I got very good at hiding half pints of Absolut around the house. I had to admit to myself that I had to try life without the bottle because I wanted to feel life--good or bad and give my pain to my Higher Power and know that He will show me the way to resolve my problems and my fears in a constructive manner. This website came "out of the blue" and I am succeeding. I will be going to face to face meetings soon because I need to. If that offends any of my family members (who I might add are all sober people) or any social contacts because I might have an ice water instead of a beer then that is just to bad for them. My sobriety comes first. Just think Stacy, how much more beautiful your new home will look when you see it clearly. Sorry to have rambled on. Love and happiness to all.
Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 08:58 AM
((Jim))you are soooo! right with your post, I have been sober 3months and more things are starting to make sense like what living life on lifes terms means, I didn;t undestatnd what people meant when they said that i thought i was, back to I again, but you are right about meeting yourself for the first time, I to feel i quite like me,but for some reason that scares me, why i don't know maybe its because i have always not like me and feel safe like that but time, sober time that is reveals more of lifes little secrests that we have been blind to the world does in deed seem 2 diminsional now. tracy.v@ntlworld.com
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 09:42 AM
hi Diane here today is 22 days sober I am feeling a little sick not sure maybe just a bug, but last night my husband gave in also and bought his vodka and of course he did not drink in front of me but I could tell by his talking and it kind of made me sick inside it was like "I thought to myself how I was disgusted with him for drinking". I do love him, but my sobriety is the number one thing right now and for ever, so I will continue to pray for my HP to keep me strong and sober I had to break down today and take a Advil cause of how I am aching inside I am going to have to find a meeting if I am to survive this, I told my husband this morning that I was a little angry with him last night for tempting me by having it in the house and also at my Son cause they both know I have admitted to them both that I am a Alcolholic Maybe my Son will go out today and get a job to keep him busy I may have to get me one just to get out of this house and stay busy myself Geneva I wrote you at your email post not sure I got it right and did not say much just doing what you said to maybe get some good advice on how to handle my Son this is the hardest most heart breaking thing to see my Son messed up even if it is not the bad drugs I feel the booze is also hurting him Marsha L I wish you and me where in the same town or state cause you, I would also love to talk to but I do again appreciate your kind words that is really helping me to be stronger and go on forward toward my goal of staying sober Diane
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 11:07 AM
Hi Diane, What you said really brought tears to my eyes. I feel the same. You know from what I hear some of these folks really DO get together. Sometime I will be able to get my email address out there but right now I am not ready for my husband to read my messages. I will do my best to be a source of strength and hope that I can lean on you the same. (And everyone here.)Thanks
Member: Robert F
Location: Florida panhandle
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 11:31 AM
Hi Robert here alcoholic, today is 35 days sober everyday is a test for me as I stated before I'm a bartender I've been told to get another job if it bothers me so much but I've done this since I was 18 and this time of year is the season here and I make upwards of 2'000 dollars a week also I have no other skills I see first hand every night how many people are addicted to alcohol for a majority of my customers are "regulars" I work in a very upscale section of a resort with other bar's and resturants all around and it is not uncommon for 10 to 15 employees of the other places to come in and spend 300 dollars in an hour doing drinks and shots and that's with a discount of 25% to 50% so thats alot of drinking and when they drink they usually try to buy us drinks so it was very easy for me to drink 10 to 15 drinks very quickly within a 1 to 2 hour period alot of people know what I'm going through and for the most part I get alot of support sure I have the ones saying "come on 1 wont kill you" and there right 1 won't but the other 15 will! I've been told by the people that matter to me most and my bosses that they have noticed the improvement in me and I am being considerd for a promotionso like I said my name is Robert I'm an alcoholic and I'm sober for my 35 day.
Member: Robert F
Location: florida panhandle
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 01:05 PM
I understand totally when you say you can"t imagine doing certain things with out drinking mine are numourus (sp) pretty much everything I did involved drinking going to the beach drink, boating drink,take a break between shifts at work drink, go dancing drink,so for now I try to avoid these things it is hard because I get an invite everyday but sobriety is better so stick with it and god bless.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 02:40 PM
wow Robert good for you that would be hard but if I have it in my mind of why I am not drinking it makes it so much easier to say no Health,temper,right thinking,not doing or saying things that I did when drunk, 22 days here, hey Marsha L would be great some day to meet, Marsha how many days or weeks or months are you sober? I forgot and I love to keep track of how everyone is doing and still looking for Ken L to pop back on and say how many days he has in now, it's like a little family and I wish all you guys good luck with your sobriety Di
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 04:26 PM
Marsha L here, an alcoholic. (Robert) Wow, you gotta be strong working where you do and your information is really interesting about how much money people are spending getting drunk. I took an inventory of my own and things relating to drinking. It made me feel weird. It was alot of money down the drain. (Diane) I started on this site two weeks ago and I was sober until last Saturday night. My husband and I went out to dinner and he ordered a very RARE beer. He NEVER drinks. Anyway so I ordered one too and then when we got home I went back to the store and bought 2 shots. So, I slipped and Sunday I started counting again. I am sitting on day number 4. I was doing so good but I realize that I have to have some foresight when I walk into the resturant or grocery store or gas station. I don't go near party stores AT ALL. I know myself too well. Thanks for listening. I didn't stay away from the first drink.
Member: Ron C.
Location: Washington, DC
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 07:19 PM
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I've realized that I'm an alcoholic for several years but couldn't muster up the courage to do anything about it. I would "cut back" or abstain for a few days or a couple of weeks even. Last night, I drank 2 bottles of wine by myself and then went across the street to a bar and slammed 4 bourbons. I've always been too nervous each time I even thought about going to a meeting. I stumbled across this site as I was looking for the time of a meeting in town tonight. I'm leaving for it in a few minutes. Please pray for me.
Member: Rich P.
Location: Illinois
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 10:53 PM
Hi all. I'm back in the program. Well, I never really left, just strayed, or slipped I guess. It's been hard to admit that I am alcoholic. I keep hanging on to the idea that I can just have that one drink. But when you count a bottle as "one" drink, it's not admitting anything. So I just have to trust that my higher power will help me get through this day without the first drink.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 16, 2003
Time: 11:12 PM
hi Diane again hey Marsha at least you caught it before months went by so you did good just to slip the one night anyway glad to hear I knew at first you was saying your days then you stopped so that just made me wonder is all. you stuck to the site which I may have just stopped altogether and just started back on my bad run of drinking way too much anyway thanks for sharing with me, it kind of makes it more real when we admit those lows we have, still sober 22 days today but still a little sick guess a bug, welcome back Rich P wow listen to me and I'm so new at this oh also hi too <<<RON>>> Prayers coming your way Diane
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 12:51 AM
I'm Gage. I'm an alcoholic. I know of a woman who struggled for years to get sober, but there was always a drink out there with her name on it, and she always kept finding it. Sometimes, I imagine, she went looking for it, but at other times she just bumped into it. She finally decided that the only solution to her problem was to jump off the Mississippi River bridge, and that's what she did. Once, a long time ago, after I had managed to go without a drink for over three years, I was feeding a neighbor's cat for him while he was out of town, and I opened his refrigerator and saw a sixpack of beer in it. Lo and behold, there was that drink with my name on it! I don't even recall trying to rationalize it, I just drank it and then went on an awful binge. And, remember, I hadn't had a drink in three years! I like the analogy that compares taking the first drink to getting struck by a locomotive: If a train hits you, it isn't the caboose that kills you. For people who aren't alcoholics, it may in fact be the third, fourth, or fifth drink that gets them drunk. For people like me, it's the first drink because that's the one that turns on the craving and the compulsion to drink more. That's always going to be true about me no matter how much time I put between drinks. The problem is, how to avoid the first one. I've heard people say, well, when you're thinking about taking a drink, you need to try to think it all the way through to the end. That's good advice if I happen to be thinking about taking a drink, but on that day when I opened that refrigerator and saw that beer, I wasn't thinking of taking a drink. I wasn't thinking about anything that I recall. All that happened to me on that day was that I saw that beer and nature kicked in. My nature. The compulsion to drink hadn't left me at all, it had just been laying dormant for a few years. Seriously, I could have picked up that refrigerator and thrown it out the window before I could have thought that drink through. How many of you know what I'm talking about? I bet plenty of you do. So, basically, that pretty much means you're screwed, right? That's what the woman who jumped off that bridge thought. It's pretty much what I thought. If you know you're screwed, and you are out of ideas, and you don't feel like you have any fight left in you, believe it or not, those are good things. Go to AA, now. There is a solution to this problem and it's working for thousands of people, not one of whom had any better idea of what to do than you do. It worked for me today, and I am a sure nuff drunk, and dumb as a post. There's no reason why it can't work for you. Peace be with you.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 01:22 AM
Hi, Robert, Ron, and Rich, Welcome. It is great to see you here. I am 7 months sober by the grace of God. Who would have thunk it? Tonight I went to a Big Book meeting and we read Chapter 3, More About Alcoholism. I suggest it highly if you have a Big book. They talk a lot about the first drink and identifying if you are an alcoholic. After reading that chapter I knew I was an alcoholic beyond a shadow of a doubt! The first step is identifying and acknowleging the problem. Just coming to this site is working on the first step. Someone tonight at the meeting shared that he went out and bought a six pack without his own permission. It was sitting back in his room and he was planning his next drink. After the meeting we talked and he agreed to go home and call his sponsor and dump it out. During the meeting he got to read the paragraph that said, "Not only had I been off guard, I had made no fight whatever against the first drink. This time I had not thought of the consequences at all". He explained that had he not went to the meeting tonight and read that he would have been home and drank. A coincidence, maybe? I'd like to think of it as why AA works. One less alcoholic getting drunk tonight because of something he heard in AA that made a light go off in his head. I am so grateful to have got up this morning sober and now I am going to bed sober. I had a great day and accomplished a lot. It just gets better and better. Lets keep it one day at a time. Kelly
Member: Emma M
Location: Paris, France
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 07:31 AM
Hello, I'm Emma and I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for 5 days. I'm new here. It's very weird seeing that typed - I never thought I had too much of a problem and that I was perfectly able to cope with it. And anyway - other people get drunk right ? Then I realised (thanks to the support of an amazing husband) that with me it was different. When I had one glass of wine I would immediately want to finish the bottle, and another one if it was a long meal. Other people weren't doing that. I have a lot of weird thoughts rushing around in my head at the moment like "it's not that bad and I don't want to waste anyone's time" or "but I'm a totally normal person who's just never grown out of their student days". Then I realise that when I'm not drinking I'm normal and when I am drinking I'm irrational, over-emotional, argumentative and generally wake up with a whopping hangover the next morning, virtually no recollection of what I have done the night before and a huge fight with my husband. I'd like that to stop. I don't want to be that person. I'm scared of going to my first meeting and of the startled faces of my friends and family when I tell them and I'm worried about being treated like an oddity. I feel good at the moment and I feel proud of myself for taking the first step and contacting AA. I'm trying not to think of a whole life without alcohol but just today and I hope that when I'm faced with the craving for something to drink (which will inevitably happen) that I can go through it and come out the other end. It's been usefull to read all of your comments and I'm going to be a regular visitor. Bye, Emma
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 08:55 AM
To Emma--If I could copy and paste what you just said, you have just about summed up my journey with alcoholism.--My exception is that I usually would not want to spoil by buzz with food. This is my 5th day of sobriety after a slip. (Diane) I read this morning II Corinthians Chap 4:8-9--We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed and broken. We are perplexed, but we don't give up and quit. We are hunted down, but God never abandons us. We get knocked down, but we get up again and keep going. (Gage) I used to feed my sister's pets when she went on vacation and I would open her dog and cat food cupboard and there was always something of alcoholic nature ther with my name on it. I saw my name on countless cases of beer at the store and I just assumed that well I guess I better have it. Yesterday I didn't take the first drink and it worked. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 10:09 AM
Hey(((Gage))), Wow, I think we were on the same wavelength last night. I posted and your post was there making the same point! A coincidence, maybe? but I would like to think otherwise. I enjoyed your post especially about the woman who jumped off the bridge. I'm glad I found AA because at my end stage drinking I was looking for a way out not a way in. I thought about jumping off the bridge down the street but I could not leave my son behind. In end stage drinking you have the three horsemen looking at you hard, and death, jail or institutions. I'm glad I chose to find a way back in. Life is good now with my daily reprieve from drinking. ((Emma)) thanks for your honesty, I could relate. Get to that meeting! ((Marsha)) Thanks for sharing that verse I wrote it down. Great on 5 days!!! Have a great day all and do the next right thing. Kelly
Member: Trey M
Location: TX
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 10:45 AM
Hey - Trey here, alcoholic. I was sober in the program for a year and half before deciding I could handle ONE drink. The problem was, I have NEVER wanted just one drink. It was strange to me how the obsession took over weeks before I actually drank. I started rationalizing on a subconscious level ("I'm better now - I can drink like other people." & "The depression has lifted so I won't drink as much.") Truth be told, I slipped long before I actually took the first drink. Once alcohol was in my system it triggered the craving ... and I was off running. I thought I could drink over Labor Day weekend 2002 and make it back to the program the following Monday. Six months later, I was considering suicide in a serious way (like Gage's brige-jumper story). I never thought I would have such a hard time getting back into the program after ONE drink, but now I am convinced that the first drink is the one that gets this alcoholic drunk. Lots of people don't make it back to the program (or into the program, period), and I consider myself twice blessed. I once heard someone in a meeting say, "When I found AA, I realized that God didn't open the doors of heaven to let me in ... He opened the gates of hell to let me out." I like that. I'm 30 days sober.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 11:06 AM
Diane here back again sober day 23 I just had to copy and paste what Gage said for it sure was good and I want to read it again when I am feeling weak, Wow so many good post today, I almost had a fight with my Son even with me off the coffee. This page sure has had a lot of help so many of you with such good thoughts that it is hard to name you all. Marsha....<<<<< Way to go girl. Hey Marsha get a www.yahoo.com email or www.hotmail.com email then you can be private. anyway I made it this morning without a huge fight with my Son he had that same clearing of his throat that he always has when he has done his drugs so it scared me but he soon realized his truck was fine and left (I Hope he left to find a job) I also told him that if he starts up again he will be the one that is going to jail over his actions) and I appreciate the Bible verse. you know everyone keeps saying go to a meeting but for me it is hard cause of my location and my husband saying anyone finds out his wife is going to AA meetings will hurt his Job, but I think it could hurt his job more if his wife stayed drunk I'm staying sober one day at a time, Diane B
Member: Tammy
Location: Colorado
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 11:44 AM
I'm Tammy and I am an alcoholic. Emma! WOW. You sound like you are living your life just like me - halfway across the globe! I think the first step sums it up for me - powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable. However, I think that the powerlessness and helplessness is what drives the addiction to alcohol in the first place. Alcoholics are powerless over alcohol but I think the real truth is that somehow we feel powerless/helpless with some one or some issue in our lives. Somewhere along the way to adulthood, we began to feel that we are not like other people. I can never show anger without alcohol. Maybe the key is to express anger when not drinking....learn to speak up and relate our upsets to others without the alcohol veil. I think that alcohol had become my way of feeling in control of what I feel when I felt powerless over other things in my life! Growth and joy and true intimacy will come if we can begin to reclaim our power without the use of alcohol.
Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 01:37 PM
((Emma)) thats exactly how i felt in the begining, and when i first found this site, I thought on dear i've got nothing really incommon with these people, they seem grateful to be alcohlics, and i'm just a wierld person with a slight drinking problem, gotta laught now, I am the others and am begining to feel grateful that my path has led me here, so much knowledge has come from my being an alcoholic, i would never have sought it otherwise, and all this after just 3 months sober longest time in 26yrs!!!!
Member: Emma M
Location: Paris, France
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 01:39 PM
Hi everyone. Thanks for your support, it's great to just write down your feelings, it helps to get muddled things clear. Tammy, exactly ! I think you're right. When I started drinking heavily I was a student and feeling very insecure. I had spent 5 years in a boarding school being the most unpopular girl there and when I left and went to university and I discovered I was attractive, funny and THE person to be with when I was drinking and it was impossible to stop. I also found it very hard to get angry, stand up for myself and say difficult things that were on my mind if I was sober so I'd wait until I had had a couple of drinks and then blurt it all out at a completely inappropriate moment and cause havoc. I then had a very distructive relationship with a guy who also drank too much. Now I'm with my husband everything has changed. I stopped smoking (something I never thought I'd have the courage to do) and now, after some pretty horendous episodes, I have realised that I have a problem. I'm ashamed to admit that I nearly dropped my one year old son a couple of months ago whilst I was staggering around at a friend's house. And it took a particularily rough night and a very long and harrowing conversation with my husband to come to that point of "enough is enough". I'm sad that I won't be able to appreciate good wine and the odd cognac like other people but if it's alcohol versus a happy life I know which one I prefer. Emma M
Member: Judi
Location: NC
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 02:47 PM
Trey, I thought I could just return to AA after acouple of nights out. It doesn't work that way for this alcoholic! What a cunning baffling sickness!! Thoughts come to mind that scare me. I heard at a meeting last week, just think VERY simple things like what you are seeing. Blue car, big tree, cow whatever until the maddness goes away. It works for me. The old "baseball,baseball!" story. Sober today by the Grace of God and AA. Judi
Member: Marie M
Location: NJ
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 03:51 PM
Hi all...I am an alcoholic. This is my first time in the program and I and have been sober for 32 days. I think this topic is interesting however, I couldn't help but think that had I stayed away from the first drink I wouldn't be here. My challeneg is staying away from the "next" drink. My first drink has come and gone a long time ago. In the meetings I am so scared with all of the people returning....and the many statements that relapse is a part of recovery. I don't want to relapse to recover. And I am terrified of the "next" drink. Thanks for letting me share...
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 04:41 PM
Hi Marie and welcome back. I think what the topic means is staying away from the First Drink of your NEXT drunk. Does that make sense? If you don't pick up the first drink after being sober 36 days, you won't get drunk. Hope that helps.
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 04:41 PM
Hi Marie and welcome back. I think what the topic means is staying away from the First Drink of your NEXT drunk. Does that make sense? If you don't pick up the first drink after being sober 36 days, you won't get drunk. Hope that helps.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 05:57 PM
I've been fighting a very old habit today it is how I react in the cyber world of chat I saw it coming when I found out a dear friend found a girl friend and I was very happy for him but I felt that old weird hard to explain compulsion I had when I drank coming on, so I prayed to my HP to stop it in it's track before I do start to crave a first drink like someone said it starts way before you even take that first drink a tiny seed of thought which I think is my defect in my personality or what ever made me a nut case to drink to much anyway thanks for letting me share I know this sounded dumb but it was what I was thinking Di
Member: sean H
Location: washington st.
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 07:50 PM
I'll occasionally go out with friends, and to avoid that first drink; my glass has to be full of diet coke. If it goes half way down i get it filled up again and that seems to be working, so i'm gonna stick with that.
Member: JIM S
Location: FT. LAURDALE FLA.
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 09:20 PM
JIM here still sober today. But tomorrow might be a different story. Going over to my best friend's house to change out car engines. You see he is a drunk also, while I was drinking no one saw how much he drank because I drank 3 times as much. So he doesn't want me to stay sober because he looks bad drinking. So I'm sure he will be trying to act like old times and get me to take a beer and slip.It's been 2 long,hard,enlighting and enjoying sober weeks,I don't intend to lose that. I know what to put first in my recovery!!!!!
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 17, 2003
Time: 11:45 PM
you can do it Jim
Member: Jan
Location: New York
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 04:52 AM
I don't know what brought me here .... it was 3:00 in the morning and I couldn't sleep. For some reason I got the urge to write on the coffee pot which I haven't done in months. I have been going back and forth between sobriety and drinking. It is such a roller coaster ride. I have had thoughts of calling a counselor. Anyway, it was nice to read Gage's post. You always have such good insight for the person who is struggling early on. I believe you have a talent for writing. I wish I had that talent. Anyway, many of the women posting - I can relate to so many of your stories. That bottle of wine has kept me company more nights that I would like to admit. The cycle continues, I wake up swearing off ever drinking again, afternoon comes I feel a little better, and then on the drive home from work something comes over me to stop for a nice bottle of wine. I ask myself - why would I even think about drinking when I felt like crap earlier in the day. It is such a continuous cycle. I have tried to quit saying one day at a time - I have tried to quit saying ok - I won't drink this month - I have tried to quit going to AA. None of the above has worked for me. It is so sad. Knowing you have a disease and being so powerless over it or yourself. I can't come to this sight saying its been even one day - but I do like visiting this sight occassionally - I am hoping that someday soon I can write and say it's been a few days. I went to a counselor once who said - it's like losing a friend when you give up the bottle - the one who kept you company every night. There are also those highs and lows - I don't know what balance is like. I have only quit once for 20 days. I would like some balance in my life or at least see what it feels like. Anyway, thanks for listening. I haven't felt like posting since I haven't stayed sober for any length of time - but for some reason today I felt like sharing - thanks for listening.
Member: JIM S
Location: FT. LAURDALE
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 06:08 AM
Thanks for the support ((DI B)) let you know later how it goes.
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 06:21 AM
Hi Jan, Marsha an alcoholic here. Please don't stop posting. We understand how you feel. The roller coaster ride that you mention is very real to all of us that suffer this disease. The good intentions fly out the window when that little prompt starts eating away at you. I spent about ten sessions in counseling last year. It was purely voluntary. I have been so lucky as to never have been in trouble with the law. I learned alot about myself that I had shoved in the back of my brain that was eating me alive. First of all I have always felt this sense of lonliness and 'differentness'. I felt ignored as a child. I grew up on a farm and started to work and eat like a farm hand when I was 7 years old. When I came in for lunch I helped my Mom change my two younger sisters diapers and then I would sit at the table and my Dad would poke fun at me and call me chubby and plump and fatty. This stuff did not roll of my back and set me up for using food as a control mechanism. I became very lonely and I always looked for approval from somebody. When I got older and in my first marriage, I discovered that alcohol numbed these deeply imbedded feelings of insecurity and lonliness. I learned though counseling last year that I feed off other people and their approval. Basically I was codependent. My councelor explained that I was having a relationship with alcohol. If I gave power to alcohol--in turn, alcohol would make me feel better. I am now married to a nice man but he is as secure and self confident as I am not. When he comes homes from work all I want is a hug and I usually don't get it unless I ask for it. This really begins to set me up for a drink. I feel sad. What have I done? The old trigger(Diane) has been been pulled. I haven't done anything. The man is tired and just wants to relax. I forget that he has just finished making me two beautiful nightstands last week for our bedroom and he is true and faithful. I have stayed sober now since Sunday and by the Grace of God and not taking the first drink TODAY, I will beat this. I need you all and thanks for listening.
Member: T-Bone
Location: S. Fl.
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 06:42 AM
Diane B. What's your husband a liquor salesman??? If he is standing in the way of your sobriety based on his job, he has a problem. If your staying out of the program using his job as your excuse, maybe you need to look at that. Anyway keep coming back and good luck. Don't mean to lecture, we have all had our little denial issues to deal with, it took me a long time to get to that first meeting also. I just wish it hadn't.
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 06:51 AM
Thanks T-Bone--I need also to be reminded to get to my first meeting. But I am afraid of what my family will think. It is weird how when you KNOW what your problem is but you still need somebody's approval to get on with getting it taken care of.
Member: Irene
Location: Northern Ontario
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 08:35 AM
Very interesting and timely topic. I have been on the roller coaster for so long that I am afraid to look back and realize how many miles the ride has been. That first drink is the killer. Can't have one and a thousand won't do. I am on day 13 today. I quit drinking when I found out I had to go in for surgery. The surgery is over (nothing major) and I am almost back to "normal" and those thoughts are starting to come back to haunt me. It doesn't help that it is a holiday weekend either. I refuse this time around to get back on the roller coaster ride. I am now at the stage that when I do drink I take the next 24 hours to recover and it is losing its appeal. I don't attend AA meetings. I have in the past and found they weren't for me. Take what you want and leave the rest. I leave the meetings behind. I have more books on recovery than the local library. I figure if I buy the book through some miracle they will make me stop drinking. Realize now it is up to me to not take that first drink. To all who have posted on here, have a Happy and Sober Easter. Irene
Member: Ken L
Location: RI
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 10:10 AM
Hay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ken here, alcoholic. 14 days sober and feeling good. I am over the hump thinking that I need a drink to play music, to get the feeling. The problem is that you get high so dont here all your mistakes that your making. I dont have to wait for the headache to leave. Now I have more energy to put into my music. I live for it. I read all your postings and it gives me hope to carry on. Thanks everyone for giving me my life back.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 10:42 AM
wow so many good things happening to us all (KEN L) glad to here you are still sober was thinking about you each day. T-Bone my husband is not a bartender or anything like that he has a high position but I am still going to go to meetings I may have to go to a town further away but I will go thank you for your good advice. Marsha L girl you are doing great and I did enjoy your post. I know what you are saying about approval but I've learned from my internet life that people can give approval but we mostly need to give it to ourselves like hug yourself hehe <<<<Hugs>>>> just a hug from me to you girl. I can relate to your life so much. Irene good for you on day 13. (JAN) girl the fact you are posting is a good sign keep coming back. (JIM S) will be waiting for your post. ok I'm going to my Mom's for easter weekend so may not get to post till I get back but will try while gone. My Sister drinks a lot of wine and I usually stay with her but I am not a wine drinker I prefer vodka and diet coke anyway I am always very good at not drinking around her especially since I told her I stopped lol, I may just stay with my Mom so not to get tempted at all. My Mom never has drank, My Dad use to but stopped years ago so there house is a church lol, oh yeah day 24 YES! can't wait till I can say 1 month hehe Di B
Member: T-Bone
Location:
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 11:12 AM
Di B. The liqour salesman thing was a joke, didn't mean to offend the hubby. Take care and let us know how that first meeting goes. I'll bet you'll be surprised.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 11:28 AM
see T-Bone I'm not blonde but I don't catch a joke fast haha, I did wonder if that was a joke but truth be known he was my liquor salesman since he always supplied me with one and all I had to do is ask for one and he will for sure get me one cause he don't want to stop drinking so keep the wife drunk so he can also drink but this time I told him don't even tell me if you have any but I still smell it on his breath. they say vodka don't smell well I'm here to say bull S***t it sure does Di
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 11:30 AM
((Jim S.)) My first sponsor had a saying, "Stay away from old places and old faces" which meant that if I wanted to stay sober, then hanging around in my old haunts (bars, etc.) and with my old drinking buddies would have to cease and desist for a while. I know what you're feeling, like this guys your best friend and you WANT to go help him change that engine out. 99% of my friends when I first got sober where one's I had since elementary school. Real friends, but friends that drank alcoholically. It was hard at first, but soon I had a new circle of friends from AA and outside the halls that didn't revolve around drinking. You can too. ((Jim)) I don't mean to bust your chops or sound like a heavy, but if you go to your friends house and relapse, it won't be his fault. It'll be yours because you know the situation you are walking into and you are CHOOSING to go. I hope all goes well for, really I do. Maybe if you "have" to go, then tell your friend you'd be happy to help him but without the booze - that you're not drinking and would appreciate his support. God Bless
Member: Ron C
Location: Washington, DC
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 11:32 AM
This is Ron. I'm an alcoholic. I've been sober for 3 days now. It's 11:30 am now and for the first time in memory, I didn't get a "wake up" drink to get my day going. Thanks to every one of the posts here about the first drink. It really helped last night. I realized for the first time that I always would say "just one drink" before I took that first drink. And, that first drink would lead to a second drink then a whole bottle. I could never do it in moderation. I even tried to "ration" out my drinking and drink just so many in a day... that way I felt like I had control over it. But, if there was liquor in the house, I lived for that first drink. Hell, I live in Washington, DC and, like most people here, I have an emergency supplies kit. When I put it together with all the first aid and food supplies that they recommended, I even put a fifth of bourbon in it! That bottle stayed in the kit for 2 days. I feel good right now. I won't take that first drink now, even when I'm not feeling good.
Member: cheri
Location: calif
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 12:32 PM
Hi cr here, alcoholic, bad alcoholic. As my husband tells me I acted like an animal while drunk! I don't know what happened as I'm a black out drunk. That's the bad part. when someone else tells you what an ass you made out of yourself. The problem,? the first drink. I'm a gonner after that. I need help and I'm going to get it. Gosh parties coming up here and alot of company, I need the love and support from you guys. Thanks for listening
Member: Nadine C.
Location: Cocoa,Florida
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 12:45 PM
Hi, Nadine a alcoholic and I use to think it was the third drink that got me drunk, not the first,then through AA and listening in meetings it dawned on me,if I didn't have that first drink then I would never reach the third. Keep it simple and thats how simple it is. Since coming through the doors of AA and losing custody of my two children and the end of a 14 year marriage,I have learned that I can stay sober for one day at a time, and this is going on 22 years and I wouldn't trade it for anything. O yeah, my kids call me every day and I have 6 beautiful grandchildren and I'm even trusted to babysit. Miracles do happen threw my God and keeping the faith. Thanks for letting me post and Happy Easter to all of you out there. Nadine
Member: Ron C
Location: Washington, DC
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 01:09 PM
Cheri, hang in there. I'm a pass out, and often time, black out drunk. Once, I even managed to go to the airport nearby, rent a car and drive it home without harming anyone. I woke up the next morning and had no idea that I rented the car until I saw the keys, rental agreement, time stamp and my signature. I could've killed someone or even myself. But I digress... I have to attend business functions where booze is flowing. I've been doing these for years so I know the way events flow and I'm paying close attention to the triggers that make me take that first drink. For me, these functions are mandatory. But I've decided to not be the first one there and the first one at the bar when it opens. I'm also determined to mingle with some non-drinking coworkers... people I don't know well because they weren't part of my booze circle. In addition, no one requires that I'm there the entire night... just make a modest appearance. For me to get through it, I'll notice something nice/unique that I never paid attention to before. That will be my focus... anything that makes me not think about that first drink. You'd be amazed how pleasant music or a painting or good conversation can be without having to struggle to stand up and not slur your speech. You're in good company... many of us have been there. Let's not have that first drink together.
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 01:44 PM
Hi Jan, it is good to see you here, I've missed you. I know how much you have going for yourself and I have one word-surrender. Give up the fight, please don't let your life slip away in a fuzzy haze, growing old, thinking and waiting to be struck sober, if I could only . . . . Cross the line ((Jan)), join us, you know you belong in the rooms. This fight is getting old and your getting tired, you can end it now, right now, it's your choice. Your desire for sobriety has never left you, please, move forward to AA, let go of your judgement's of it and how this look's to others. Life started for me once I put one sober day next to another sober day. We can do it.
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 04:47 PM
Kim your right about staying away from old faces and places, I wish my Son could do that but he seems to think he has to go back. Of course I've already seen signs that he has slipped but not on speed yet on downers and booze so I am praying for him. Thanks for being here I need this board and all the good advice I keep reading on here God Bless and Happy Easter to all of you Diane B
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 05:37 PM
Hi Diane, Kim Everyone, Happy Easter and lots of love. Stay alert. This is day six for me. Thanks for being here.
Member: ellen
Location: minesota
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 08:08 PM
TAMI)) I AM SO GLAD YOUR GOING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.. AND I THOUGHT IT WAS AMAZING THAT YOU APPOLOGIZED FOR YOUR SHORT POST... THAT TELLS ME THAT YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DEGREE OF HONESTY ALREADY!! WOW. I'LL BET YOU HAVE EVERY HOPE OF A SUCSESSFUL RECOVERY. "LACK OF POWER" WAS OUR DILEMA" the big book of alcoholics anonymous. (i don't care what page)) the power we needed to stop the insanity of destroying ourselves via drugs and ..well; drugs period. that tells me i don't have the power or i would stop; real simple and obvious right? Well then; My power must come from somewhere else if i'm gonna make it ((also real simple and obvious... i was an alcoholic! low and behold, i went to aa.. wow, i should have been a rocket scientist or something. now i have a few brains cells left to rub together and know that if i am tired, i go to sleep, if i am hungry i eat if i need to pay rent, then i must have a job and with the energy left over from that.. i must think of others and be of service or selfishness will kill me. thank god i only have a few brain cells left.. i used to think way way too much... most good ideas are simple.. good orderly direction.. then "freeze the "motor mind" and go do it. and if i have to go.. well i go...and i have to go now so good bye...
Member: gallagher
Location: usa
Date: April 18, 2003
Time: 11:35 PM
affordable rehab/ detox many of you have had experiences with detox or rehab and i was wondering what is that like. i'll be returning to the states soon from korea, and i want to check into rehab for a couple of weeks to get a fresh start on sobriety. i would follow it up with 90 days/ 90 meetings. i don't think i can do it alone. how much does rehab cost? do most states have free detox for people without health insurance? i know money shouldn't be an issue when you are talking about a life/death situation, but that's the world we live in. if anyone has any info about rehab, i would be very appreciative. good luck, gallagher
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 12:30 AM
gallaher my son just got out of rehab and since he is a drug addict he has not really had a job for almost 3 years now so they said it should be free, they go by how much you make here in Oklahoma and I think they should have state paid for help, so check into it you might not have to pay if you have not worked it depends on your income here. I also think they would make arrangements to let you pay it off 24 days sober here
Member: Robin
Location: Midwest
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 01:22 AM
Robin here 21 days sober. I came here tonight because the compulsion to drink was sooo strong. i don;t know if it was the crappy rainy weather, hormones flying or what but I really wanted that drink. I didn't take it yeah!!! Because like most of ya'll I lose alot of me when I am drinking. I do the blackouts, I fight with my husband, I find excuses to drink more, I become the life of the party, the jokester to anyone not close to me, i drove when I could not even walk and on and on it goes. I am happy that I did not drink today even though mentally I was a wreck a day sober is better than a day drunk anytime. I get pissed off that summer is coming and I cannot participate in the social activities I used to. I called the church where my town has AA meetings and asked someone to call me from the group. I cannot attend the meeting in my town or the town closest (10 miles) from me because of meeting times and my work schedule. I have to go to a meeting though soon even if that means driving 30 or 40 miles. I talked too a lady that lives here and she has offered to come over and talk she has 17 years sobriety, I am proud that I made the call. Thanks for letting me share. Robin (Jan BB) hold on just keep coming back.
Member: Robin
Location: Iowa
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 01:51 AM
I am sorry I had to write again. Right now I am having a major pity party going on in my head. Questions I am asking myself are "I worked hard all week why can't I have a beer?, Why can't I be normal? How come I have no self control?" This is all crap. Mentally I understand all the literature on alcoholism, I believe I have no control over it so why am I freaking out on myself tonight? I just made me a sandwich maybe that is what I need. Maybe I need to talk to my HP. Maybe I need to really read the Serenity prayer? I think it is a natural thing with me to crave the beer especially on Friday night/Saturday morning because that is when I normally drank. What can I do? I am emotional, depressed and hurting. I know I am not alone I read all your entries. So why is it calling so strong now? Sorry for freaking out, thanks for listening. Robin Oh I live in Iowa so I will stop putting midwest as a location.
Member: Ken L
Location: RI
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 03:20 AM
Robin. It’s 3 in the morning here. It’s funny, I could not sleep because I fear going over my brother-in-law’s house on Sunday to celebrate Easter. He has a big yard, (one acre) with a horse shoe pit and a volley ball cort. It’s a big time of drinking. We end up going out even if it’s cold and raining because we are usually all buzzed up and don’t care. It’s so much fun. The thought of not drinking makes me so mad. To top it off, my wife and I are going to a club tonight to here my friend’s band. My friend and I work together and talk about music and drinking all the time. So my weekend is full of fear instead of joy. I heard someone say the other day on TV, “I’m a drunk and a looser because my parents were.” The replay was “Your parents became drunks because they had a looser like you” Stupid. I asked my higher power to help me not like booze so many times I gave up. I have heard so many people say that when they got saved they were delivered from alcohol and drugs. I don’t believe them one bit. I think they are full of S*&#@. I would like to be a fly on there shoulder to see what they are really like. I think it is a natural thing with me also to want a beer especially on Friday night and Saturday night. I use to go for a run on Sunday morning to get rid of some of the booze in my body and then have a beer and jump in the pool. I just don’t think it is worth it to drink. If I did not have this problem, it would be. We have a physical reaction to the stuff. It reminds me of a great cuz I have. He is a lobster boat capt. He also has friends that are shell fisherman. YET HE IS ALERGIT to lobster. He can’t eat the very delicious food he catches. I look at that fact. I look at the fact that my brother-in-laws drink a lot on Easter but they don’t all week and I did. Robin hang in there because I’ll be on your side all weekend. I found my old soda “TAB” in the store the other day. I didn’t think they made it anymore. I had 2 cans of it last night. I think I’m loosing it. Happy Easter Robin.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 03:33 AM
Hi Robin, Sorry your white knuckling it tonight and I hope you make it through the night sober. My only advice is that when you start to romance a drink you need to call your sponsor before you pick up a drink not after. I would also go to as many AA meetings as it takes until this passes. I am lucky and there are several a day in my area. I have gone to as many as 4 in a day. I get the support I need there and I feel safe in meetings when my head is a bad place to be. You don't have to do this alone you know. Putting down the drink is the first part but getting well is a lifetime job. I have a lot yet to learn but this is just a suggestion. Check back and let us know how your doing kay? Kelly
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 06:02 AM
Good Early Morning. Marsha from Michigan here a grateful alcoholic. (Jan BB) I too have gotten tired of the fight with alcohol. I think that this is the main element that keeps me going. This is the beginning of my seventh day in sobriety. I feel extremely glad. I believe that God has heard my prayer by leading me to this website and that part of the higher power that we speak of is the power of us as a group. I have felt a tremendous energy of love and support from you. (Ken L)I go to different family functions throughout the year and I am pretty safe because my husband doesn't drink and either does my Mom or Dad. There are two parties, however, on my husband's side that involve heavy drinking. One is in the summer and one is during the Christmas holidays. I have been working on my sobriety for over a year and although I have only put together 7 days, I have periods that I have gone two or three weeks. My point is that I just stayed home. I was that serious and continue to be. If your family needs to drink and you think that you might run into trouble, put your sobriety first and let the chips fall where they may. I am sure that you will be able to cut it. (Robin)After you made that call, didn't you feel relieved? I hope that lady comes and talks to you. I envy you that you were able to take that step. Congratulations on 21 days. In two weeks, I can say that. It has been dark and depressing here too. That doesn't help. It seems like Spring is long in coming. (Kelly M)I know that this will be a lifetime of healing and I feel happy about the growth that is coming with it. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 06:06 AM
(Diane) Congratulations on 24 days. I am so happy for you. Keep posting.
Member: T-Bone
Location: S.Fl
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 07:11 AM
Thanks Di. B. I appreciate your honesty. Gallahger: I'M of the opinion that rehabs are a guide to give you the basic tools you need to stay sober. Remember these places are profit makers unlike aa. I went through one in 1987 and at that time it was either rehab or jail, not a tough choice! They gave me everything education wise that I needed and then let me go. It was like a car wash I came in dirty, stayed 28 days and came out clean. The trouble was I had no support system set up to keep me from using again. I didn't go to meetings like they said, I quit reading the big book, like they said and I didn't work a program with a sponser, like they said, and quess what I got drunk again, LIKE THEY SAID. So, I think what I'm trying to say is rehab will give you the tools you need to stay sober aa will keep you sober. I was fortunate enough to pull myself out of my rapid tailspin and find aa again many years later. I know sometimes people that have been in the program awhile sound preachy and unsympathetic, but it is just because we have been where you are and someone kicked us in the teeth and got us back on track and we also know that "keep coming back", "it works if you work it", "one day at a time" are not just slogans but a way of life and if you follow some simple lifestyle modifications it does get better. Thanks, and oh what the hell, " keep coming back!"
Member: Mike S
Location: Mid-Michigan
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 07:36 AM
Mike S. Alcoholic. For me its almost 19 mos. sober after 38 mos. and 2 rehabs. trying. Still a baby in program, but key to this drunks recovery is not admitting my powerlessness but ACCEPTING it. I know today i cannot pick-up one, even if i cannot understand why. Still suffer greatly from the "I" and "Me", so much.Even made up my own prayer when I get urge to drink----"Are You Friggin Crazy". I always must remember, Don't pick up, go to meetings and read the literature. This is my church and you are all my fellow parishioners.
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 07:45 AM
(Mike S) I love your prayer. I think I'll add that one. 19 months sober is awesome. I won't pick up the first drink today.
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 07:55 AM
One of the wonderful things about our fellowship is that it has a spiritual foundation that transcends the physical world. That's a mouthful to say but it's true. Many a dark night over the past couple of years I took a lot of comfort, and spiritual "food" from simply repeating these words to myself: You are not alone. And that's true for all of you, as well, you aren't alone. All over the world -- and I mean literally, all over the world -- there are people in our fellowship doing what it takes to stay sober this day. Some of them are new to this and are struggling. Others have been at it a while and have learned the truth in these words: This too shall pass. Alcohol for a sober drunk can be sort of like an abusive ex-spouse who can't get over the seperation and says things like, "You'll never make it without me!" So you just say back, "No, without you is the only way I will make it", because that is the little bit of clarity that brought you to this fellowship in the first place. Some of you think you want a drink. You didn't want one the day you came to this fellowship. Think about this: Maybe it's not that you really want a drink. Maybe you are just beginning to feel how much the drink wants you. In that case, remember, you belong to alcohol anymore. That ended the day you came to this fellowship, whether it feels that way to you or not. You belong God. If you aren't able to get your head around "God", that's okay too. Sooner or later, you'll know what you want to call it. And you belong to this fellowship. And you belong to you -- "To thine ownself be true". If any of this sounds good to you, then, you don't have to drink today if you don't want to. Now that you know this, take a look at the twelve steps. See where you are in them and try to get started on the next one. One step at a time, one day at a time. That's how we do it. And we do it together. I'm an alcoholic, and my name is Gage. Glad to meet you. gage022501@aol.com
Member: Gage
Location:
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 08:03 AM
That should say, you DON'T belong to alcohol anymore. It's early morning here.
Member: Mike S
Location: Mid-Michigan
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 08:30 AM
Marsha:you know as well as I do, that whichever one of us got up first this am has the most sobriety. Relaxing this AM, than catch noon meeting and not drink today. Wherefrom in Mi? Mike S
Member: Di B
Location: Ok
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 09:01 AM
Diane here and just wanted to pop in I read all your post and learned a lot, I am 25 days sober and proud of the fact that booze won't get me Have to hurry and go to my Mom's today won't be back till Sunday night so best wishes to you all and stay sober and keep coming back Di
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 09:32 AM
(Mike)My first post was at 6:02--I have been up since 4:55 thanks to my cat. I live in the thumb area.(Gage)I took a course that used a book called Wellness Workbook. It had a whole chapter about transcending. It was very exciting. Thanks for the reminder. I have it out now. (Diane)--have fun--My husband and I are going today to a place called Macaroni Grill with some friends. The first thing that the waiter does when he/she comes to the table is to wave a huge bottle of wine in front of your face. I won't take the first drink today. Thanks for hearing me.
Member: Jan B.
Location: New York
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 01:01 PM
Hello All, I have enjoyed reading all of your posts. I think some are getting me - Jan B. and Jan BB. confused. Jan BB. helped me tremendously when I first came here about a 1 1/2 years ago. There have been a few times I have posted and then I trancend into my hole again, not to return until I feel just so bad that I need someone to share with that I know are where I am or have been there in their life before. That is when I post. I have been coming to this point again slower than usual - which makes me feel alcohol has taken over me like it had never before. Yes, I have experienced all what you have been talking about. I think in the beginning, I looked to quitting as ok this is it - and that is all. No looking back to what I had done - or where it had lead me. I am one of those take charge I can do this alone. But alcoholism is a strange disease, one that you don't want to label yourself with - or at least I didn't. Ya know if you are in a room and someone has had cancer - there are those who say oh yes, me too - I went to so and so and I am happy to be in remission. Not so with this. No one says at a party or at work "I am an alcoholic" - and has a meaningful conversation - no it is in a room or in the basement of a church we meet and call our selves anonymous - unknown origin. Anyway, I am back, into the room - or at least this chat room. I know now from my prior attempts that it isn't as easy as me saying oh ya today I am going to quit because I feel so bad today or because I can't fully remember what I did last night. I know it is hard. I know that it is one day at a time. There are so many precaustions I need to take into consideration. Who I am with - where I go - what situations I am in - my feelings - my physical state. It is not just - oh I quit - It takes so much more than that. I did talk to the boyfriend I live with last night and told him that he couldn't drink in front of me - at least not for awhile. He has a beer when he gets home. I have always told him he could drink in front of me. Thats just me not wanting to inconvience anyone. He told me you never said that when you have tried to quit before. I said it's like if you go into a recovery center - the staff doesn't sit down and have a beer at night. My home is my recovery center and I need to treat it as such. Well thats where I am today - here in gloomy New York - hoping for a glimmer of sunshine. Thanks for your thoughts. It is nice to know there are people out there who know where you are and where you have been.
Member: Tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 01:15 PM
((Jan B)) I have told people i work with that i am an alcoholic, I thought f**k they think or might say, Their thoughts are no business of mine anyway, but low and behold, everyone was very, understanding, and even quite knowledgable about the illness, so for me i have meetings in the canteen work now with "normies", so lets start a movement for meetings to be brought out into the light!! tracy.v@ntlworld.com
Member: Nadine C.
Location: Cocoa, Florida
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 01:28 PM
Hi, I'm Nadine and I'm a alcoholic with a few 24 hrs. in the AA program. Jan, think the drink through, and remember what happens when you drink, think of cross bones on the drink saying it is poison to you. There are times yet when I am tempted and I always remember my last drunk and what I went thru sobering up, so I don't want that hell anymore and I don't want to pay the price of taking that first drink. I tried everthing to quit drinking, then I went to AA and have been sober every since ,admitting my powerlessness over alcohol. It is going on 22 years and I still take it one day at a time, as the temptation is still there, My children and friends still drink around me and I accept they can drink and they never offer me a drink they support me in what I am doing by staying away from the first drink. Life is so much better, even the shitty days. I remember that "this too shall pass" and like I can't remember what upset me last week and if today is a bad day, I want remember next week why it was such a bad day. "keep it one minute or one day at a time" and all will work out. I have a daughter who is addicted to prescription drugs and she is in denial ao it doesn't do me any good to say anything, she just keeps saying that she will quit tomorrow, how familar that sounds, I said the same thing about my drinking until I quit. Good luck to you Jan and please don;t pick up the first drink, think it through. Happy Easter everybody and I do enjoy reading the postings. Nadine
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 01:37 PM
I'm CHRis--I'M an alcoholic?/addict...I picked upa a 2nd white chip last week...it was very hard, nut the minute I got into the meeting ,my Higher Power gave me the peace that I was among friends...I am glad that I did it/// It is the freshe start that I need..... I had a big fight with my husband this week . The drink does not usully come into my mind as it did over this. A friend was telling me about a recipe with Rum or whiskey in it...they kept saying how that rum would give it such a good flavor..I never even drank hard liquor , butthe more he talked about it the better it looked. Luckily, in this program I have learned to not listen to those thoughts..I havelearned to look at my life and see what could be creating that thought to me.. When my husband lashes out, my buttons of abandonment and fear get pushed. But thanks to my Higher Power, who I call God, I amlearning not to panic as muchas I used to. He( my Higher Power) will never leave me or forsake me even if others do...And I do not have to be afraid...HE will fight my battles for me...Thanks for letting me share...
Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 02:55 PM
I'm Stacy, an alcoholic. I have 2 small children and it isn't easy to get a sitter so I can go to a meeting. On the days that I can't get to meeting, I'm calling people in the program or coming to this meeting online. It's 13 days for me. Thank you for all of your sharing. Each day I wake up and realize that I didn't take the first drink yesterday and that is a victory. I get on my knees and thank God for intervening and giving me strength and giving me paths to solutions. I am part of a healing journey, not a downward spiral today. I am beginning to accept my disease and the problems I have caused in my marriage and in my life. I am very scared and at the same time very proud of the work I'm doing everyday. The Serenity Prayer, the Big Book, the members...all of this is helping. When I start to get a false sense of confidence ("I'm doing fine, not drinking in many days...I don't need AA) is when my disease is working on me. Today I WILL NOT be lured into that place. I will stay away from the first drink. I will learn to cope with life sober because I deserve happiness. My family deserves a better version of me than they've been getting lately. Happy Easter. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 04:08 PM
Ahh, (((Jan))), excellent move in regarding your boyfrined drinking in front of you. I reread your post a few times. Conditions around you matter very much. What would you think of actually going into treatment, say, this summer, when perhaps you have some time off, like thrity days, that you can slip away to Hazeldon or whatever, without everyone knowing about it? I'm sure it is tiring micro-managing yourself in early sobriety, thinking that one step ahead about who your with, where your going, what situations you are in, emotional and physical. What if you were to get away, to a safe place and go through all you need to to get to the other side, sober, stronger, healthier, all away from the glare of an expectiation of preconceived ideas of who you are? I don't know if you have entered such a program such as this, and I cannot speak from experience, as I have never been to treatment, yet, I think this would be worth a shot, for you. Plus, this could be doing something different, if you haven't done it. You know that I really care about you, and hell yes, I so much want to see you make it, to be a sober woman, happy, joyous and free. Inspiration (from other's in the rooms) and a strong desire NOT to continue being a druken lush, kept me going. It took me four years to get a year, I'm no first time winner. I wish I could give you that something, that thing that clicked, inside of me this last, first meeting back. I can pass along, that after my share at that meeting, this guy walked up to me and said, "Boy, YOU MUST GET ALOT OUT OF EARLY SOBRIETY!" That statement slapped me up the side of the head, ah, NO, I needed not one more phone number pressed into my palm and winking smile by an old timer, NO, I hated the humiliation, of raising my hand when asked if anyone was in their first thirty days, NO, I have no more rocks to turn over, on how to be a new comer. He then went on to explain how sticking around, one sober day next to another sober day is how it happens, sticking around being key. I don't know who spoke that night, but, I never forgot what that guy told me at the end of the meeting. I wish to God, I had some sort of magic, that turned the key for me to stick, one sober day next to another sober day. I love you (((Jan B.))), who would'nt, with a name like that? HOPE for (((Everyone))) janbbparis@yahoo.com
Member: Robin
Location: Iowa
Date: April 19, 2003
Time: 11:24 PM
Well I survived the night and today. Yeah!!!! Ken L and Kelly M thank you for your support. Ken L. good luck this weekend. I ate alot today I think that helped. I really do apprieciate all the advice that is given on this site, thanks. I know I cannot have that drink and I don't know what happened yesterday. Missing old habits I guess. I don't want to go back to that miserable guilt ridded, black out times I had with alcohol. Did anyone see Boomtown last week when the lawyer blacked out and found a dent with blood on it on his bumper? I was living every feeling he was having and how paniced he felt for not remembering how he got home. It made me sad. Well I think the weird part is over for now. I just need to get a little bit more prepared when it comes back again "this to shall pass." Thanks again.
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 20, 2003
Time: 07:07 AM
Hi Everyone--Marsha from Mich an alcoholic. This is the beginning of my eighth day of sobriety. Today I am happy because I didn't pick up the first drink. (Jan BB) I too have the desire to not be a drunken lush. I just never had the guts to put it quite like that. Thanks for telling it like it is. (Robin) I started having blackouts in November of 2001 and it scared me so badly that I sought counseling but didn't stop drinking. I had some pretty bad fights with my husband that I didn't even remember. After counseling started, I had longer periods of sobriety from time to time but during my time of not drinking, the guilt feelings were so crushing that I couldn't stand the pain and so I started drinking again. I need AA. I feel that this is the plan that will allow me to experience a sober life. It will take alot of guts but I am going to tell my husband that I am going to attend some meetings. This will be weird. I will put my sobriety first no matter what. Last year I had Easter dinner at my house but I had a bottle hidden and every so often I would slip away and have a shot. I was semi in the bag and that was the only way I could cope with all those people and all that cooking. Last night as I began to start cooking the feast, I had a feeling of fun and enjoyment. I remembered that feeling from a long time ago. My toxicity from the alcohol has left me physically but the mental residue is what I have to clean up. I know that job can only be done through support from you at this websight and through going to AA meetings. Thank you all for being here and letting me share.
Member: Lyn
Location: Scotland
Date: April 20, 2003
Time: 08:17 AM
Hi All So happy that I was given this address last night from a member of AA , I am 5 whole days sober,last night wasnt to good for me , I was at a meeting and tried to listen to all that was being shared but my mind was racing,drink kept coming into my mind but I knew I didnt want it, crazy thoughts, I shared these feelings and was assured by a few members that shared afterwards that what I was feeling was normal, was I glad to hear that,it helped me understand my thoughts a bit more. Thankyou to Ken for the link to the music, I am downloading it at this minute. I think the most important thing for me right now is to make my meetings my priority as I know that if I hadnt attended the meetings the past 4 nights I would be sat here with a bottle and I am so thankfull I am not! Thankyou all for listening to me .
Member: Marsha L
Location: Michigan
Date: April 20, 2003
Time: 08:21 AM
Welcome Lyn
Member: LB
Location: Missouri
Date: April 20, 2003
Time: 08:22 AM
hello. New here. Happy Easter. Its a gorgeous day Relax and enjoy what it has to offer.