Member: Lise
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
Date: April 04, 2004
Time: 06:57 PM -0400

Comments

When I first came into program, I wasn't grateful, I couldn't even truly understand the concept. I would look at all those bright shining faces and think to myself wtf have you got to be so happy about. To be honest it has taken 10 plus years of bouncing in and out of program to finally learn what gratitude and being grateful is. The one thing that I am truly grateful for today is being alive. I seen too many people die from their addictions, a few took their own lives, one was beaten to death in a drunken brawl, another was raped and murdered by the guy she picked up in a bar, four died behind the wheel of car. Recently a friend who many had tried to help over the years died. He was 42, his wife stayed with him through it all. She loved him as he was a great man, a loving man, a giving man and the father to her children but also a chronic alcoholic, who had experienced many periods of sobriety and even when using was a pretty damn good guy. She wrote a beautiful obituary, describing all the wonderful things he did, and the wonderful person he was. The very last sentence of it read "He drank himself to death" That is what he will be remembered for. I am grateful that in a drunken stupor that I didn't die. I am grateful just to be alive.


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.231.160.24
Date: April 04, 2004
Time: 07:04 PM -0400

Comments

HI Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. I am not one to make a "snoopy list" on gratitude. I am not all that tickled to be an alcoholic. But I am grateful that I found that out and very grateful I know what to do about it today. Finding out that I was alcoholic answered a lot of questions for me. I thought I was going insane, but it turned out that was only an alcoholic. And that could be dealt with. I have many gifts today. But it was you guys that showed me the road to happy destiny that was promised to me merely by coming into this room and finding my place. My gratitude is exemplified with a Thank You for being here when I needed you. Newcomers and old timers alike. Love you all Bill


Member: DonnaM
Location: Massachusetts
Remote Name: 68.234.75.162
Date: April 04, 2004
Time: 09:47 PM -0400

Comments

Donna from MA, well I didnt do too well this weekend. As before, thought i could control my drinking, well I was wrong. I always plan to just have 2 or 3 and end up having at least 5. Then I don't remember things. Not a good sign huh? I took the 12 questions and had a 9 and 3. AND YET I still question if I am an alcoholic or just a person that needs to cut down. IS THERE such a thing???? I was told that some people just need to cut down and they are not alcoholics. TRUE?? I bet not. Thisd just soooooo stinks and I cant even imagine not being able to drink forever. How do you do it? I know one day at a time. BUT how does one know FOR SURE that one is an aloholic??? Can you ever drink socially ever again???? Thanks for your help.


Member: Renee
Location: Apalachicola, FLA
Remote Name: 12.158.123.104
Date: April 04, 2004
Time: 10:31 PM -0400

Comments

DonnaM---Mass. I know exactly where you're coming from. I felt the same way when I first came into these rooms. And as a result, of not being honest with myself, I kept slipping. I found that it was only after I admitted that I was powerless over alcohol,that my life was unmanagable,by me, that I was able to comprehend One Day At a Time. I was told by an oldtimer that I didn't have to stop drinking, that I could choose at any time I wanted to whether I picked up or not. Today, because the Program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given me so many blessed tools, I don't have to drink today. Maybe tomorrow...but that's tomorrow. Thanks for letting me share. ((((((PAM B and SONNY))))))) Looking forward to seeing you two up at Sanders next weekend. Also heard Mark L was going to be there. Can't wait to see ya'll again. I'll be bringing some oysters with me, so get ready!!!


Member: DonnaM
Location: Massachusetts
Remote Name: 68.234.75.162
Date: April 04, 2004
Time: 10:51 PM -0400

Comments

I can't do it, I simply can't do it. I just can/t. I try ever week, and I fail. Are some people stronger than others?


Member: Renee
Location: Apalachicola, FLA
Remote Name: 12.158.123.104
Date: April 04, 2004
Time: 11:26 PM -0400

Comments

DonnaM....The disease of Alcoholism filled me with fear. Fear of everthing. But mostly the fear of not being able to put the drink down. I was finally sick and tired of being sick and tired. My alcoholism was becoming alot of Work. And, it had finally turned on me. It had stopped giving me that feeling of being 10 feet tall and bulletproof. I was miserable and pitiful. King Alcohol had won. I was beaten. But I continued to hold on to all those negative feelings because they were comfortable to me. I could wrap myself in my self pity and wallow all day and night because that was what I knew. I was such a victim...and it was so much easier for me to blame all those around me for my misfortune and misery. I was going to meeting and drinking, and drinking and going to meetings. But I knew these people had something I wanted..so I kept coming back because I wanted the peace and serenity that they had found in this Program. And one day someone asked me if I could just go 24 hrs without a drink and come to the meeting...I thought it couldn't be that hard so I tried it. And then I went another 24 and another...and they added up to weeks and months. I only have about 18 months, but they have been the most incredible 18 months of my Life. The fear of impending doom no longer hangs over me like a shroud. I have come to accept that I am no longer in control, and what a blessing that is. I have to remember that I only have a daily reprieve, and that for me, is based on my conscious contact with a Power greater than myself. My life is by no means perfect, but each day I don't take a drink it gets better. And as an oldtimer around these rooms says""it gets gooder and gooder" and it does. Thank you for letting me share. The people I have met in these rooms have shared their experiences with me and they have given me hope. My HP has given me the strenght.


Member: O.B.
Location: Austin
Remote Name: 63.246.170.233
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 02:44 AM -0400

Comments

Hey, my name is OB, I'm alcoholic. Man, do I remember thinking I could never quit. I guess it's pretty overwhelming to think of it as "forever". I just wanted to say to whoever there is out there reading this that I am grateful to be a recovering alcoholic. It's a path I had to take, but I wouldn't have changed a thing. On the subject of individual strength, we were all hopeless at some point, I mean that's why we're here, right? I know it's been said before, but I'll say it again: if I can do it, anybody can, because the hopeless variety, that's me. I'm not sure when I'll be back with y'all; I've got a busy week, but I wish everyone the best.


Member: Demetri
Location: NJ
Remote Name: 67.82.109.97
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 02:56 AM -0400

Comments

(((Donna M))) I knew that I was an alcoholic when I finally took the time to think about that first drunk I fell in love. I don't think about alcohol like a normal person I have a relationship with it, I romanticize it, I managed to include it in everything I considered recreational. I didn't drink everyday so I knew I wasn't an alcoholic but I thought about it an awful lot sometimes good sometimes bad. I got excited when I knew I was going to drink again and drinking didn't make sense to me unless I could feel the alcohol. Alcohol made me feel better at a party, in a social situations, with my friends, and with my family. Alcoholics share an obsessive compulsion to drink. So we don't necessarily drink all the time but we find ourselves focusing alot more attention than we should deciding whether to drink on a particular night or not. When we do drink we usually don't stop and call it a night like others we keep going to drink more and drink more to keep going. It's sounds like you're facing some difficult questions I hope I've given you some answers. Just remember if you decide to quit drinking none of us could do it alone but we can do it together!!! Please Keep Posting I'd like to know how you are doing. Thanks Demetri


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 06:51 AM -0400

Comments

Ann here, alcoholic, and 6 months plus sober thanks to all of you. I am most grateful for all of your unselfishness in your sharing. Without reading your posts on a daily basis, I would quickly forget where I came from, and how far I've gotten. This is my first time in AA. Reading your posts I know that I cannot pick up even one drink. I've read that over and over again from alot of different people here. I have noticed that our stories, as different as they start, all seem to end at the same place. With the same circumstances and the same understanding that we cannot handle alcohol. period. I listen and follow what is told to me. I have not even attempted to drink one drink. I have not even thought about it. Why would I? I have read all of the newbies and old timers posts and will learn from all of them. And, I will remember my own past. And you know what, only alcoholics care if THEY drink or not. Only alcoholics care if YOU drink or not. Normal drinkers don't care. Keep that in mind when you give alcohol so much importance in life. It is like anything else. Does anyone care if you don't eat your broccoli? (besides your mom :) )It really is as simple as that. Here's to another sober 24 for all of us, and thanks again, I'm so grateful for you!


Member: Lise
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 09:36 AM -0400

Comments

Donna, I sympathize with your struggles. But as I have stated before, just about every alkie goes through the same mental torture. Only you know if you are an alcoholic, only you know what you feel when you drink, what happens, etc, etc. There are a thousand different ways to recover, AA is just one of them. But even MM promotes abstinence and refers many of its members to AA. I wish I had the answers for you. For the past few days you seem very focused on how to live without it. Well AA and it's members will show you how it can be done, it is a guidline for living. You have to want it, to be able to do it. When I first came into program and was trying to stay sober, I was a daily drinker. I knew carrying a bottle around with me was not normal drinking but I had gotten to the point where I felt I needed it with me, whether I drank from it or not. I considered my self a problem drinker and not an alcoholic and thought that if I went to AA they I would learn how to drink responsibly. I can remember sitting at meetings and hearing peoples stories and thinking, I didn't do that so I'm not an alkie, that hasn't happended so I am not an alkie, etc, etc, Well for the next few years I bounced in and out of those rooms, struggling to maintain sobriety, going from a daily drinker to a binge drinker. In those bouncing years I managed to lose my teaching career along with too many other jobs to even count, separate a few times from my husband, gathered up 3 dui's, and 2 dd's,had my parents take custody of my then only child, plenty of friends wrote me off and told me not to bother contacting them. Plus the embarrassment, shame, guilt, everything just piled up higher and higher as I dug a deeper and deeper hole. Now, my point is, if I had just swallowed my pride, and listened 10 years ago, and got with the program I could have saved myself and others a whole lot of grief. Everything that I had heard other people do all those years ago, I eventually did myself, they were right then and they are still right now. Get a big book, get to a meeting, just do it, just try it because like I said to you before you can have a drink anytime you want to.


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 10:25 AM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, I messed up this weekend. I thought I had things under control. I really thought that I was going to giv eup alcohol. Some more personal issues started and I couldn't handle anything, I got anxiety lik eyou wouldn' tbelieve so I went to a friends house where they were all drinking and hanging out. Well thats when I said I will have one to relax my body. I drank all through the night and then to top it off, we ended up playing with some other party favors. This is so crazy. i was doing so well. Why is my life this way. What is going to happen to me. Sometimes I just want to sleep forever, never get out of bed, just dream my dreams and forget about everything. It was hard to come to work today, it was hard to get out of bed, It was so hard to tell myself it was just a mistake. Its all so hard. I give up, I am going to a meeting tonight. I thought that I didn't want to be there, but I need help. I don't think that I can go on if I make another mistake. I don't think that I can look at myself again and say its going to be okay. I hate myself. I hate how I feel, I hate that I am ruining my life. God, I just don't know how to change, I don't know if I have the strength. I am so weak.


Member: Demetri
Location: NJ
Remote Name: 67.82.109.97
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 11:42 AM -0400

Comments

(((LISA M))) I've posted to you before. I've been told to chase my recovery like I did my drink or drug. I say this to you because by going to the rooms you will learn more about the process of staying sober. I have only found ACCEPTANCE and LOVE in the rooms of AA. Working with the steps requires getting a sponsor and a network of other sober people you can fall back on and talk to when things are rough. You say you gave up your old friends and that's great, so now go out and make some new ones. You don't have anything to lose. If you're shy don't share right away. I was sure I was never going to fall again - then I stopped going to meetings and relapsed. I sounded just like you I honestly never wanted to pick it up again and was so sure I never would - Then Bam the shit hit the fan again and because I didn't have a sponsor or a network or the faces of the people in the rooms (who I now feel depend on me to stay sober just as I do them), I went back out there for some more self education and found every bottom has a lower bottom. All I really know is I don't know how to stay sober and I need to take suggests from other's that have done it before me, it's taken me accepting that fact to do it. I am speaking as someone who hated the rooms I've found every excuse I could not to go but I realize now that those excuses were my disease trying to keep itself alive. The steps are a process that are working today for over 2 million people. I'm sorry for the lecture it must be the father in me. One more thing to keep in mind would be to stay away from people places and things you used with or at. It's great to see you still posting. Keep coming back. -Demetri


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 69.3.218.230
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 12:00 PM -0400

Comments

My life had became completely unmanageable when I first came around. The thought of a life without alcohol proved to me that I had a problem. After I admited I had a problem the hard part was actually doing something about the problem, which was me. It was pointed out to me by family and friends that I never was really happy with all the gifts in my life. I started to believe them for once. Little by little I began to see I could live without alcohol by working this program. Little by little I began to see the blessings in my life and learned to really appreciate them. Little by little I began to think what I can contribute instead of what I could take in Life.


Member: Anne B.
Location: TX
Remote Name: 12.43.229.149
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 01:17 PM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone. It's my first time to post, and it's entirely appropriate that the topic is gratitude. I've been lurking here for months...I originally came here last fall looking for a friend who had shut me out in his early sobriety. Amazingly, I found him here on the first site I looked at, which I took as some sort of sign. But really I found much more than that. As I read all the postings here, I began to see myself in everything that you've been through. I used to think I just drank a lot, but it wasn't a problem because it didn't really affect anyone except maybe myself. It slowly dawned on me that even if it just affected ME, it was a problem. I was drinking not to feel my feelings, and having been through a divorce and other life changes, I was having A LOT of feelings. Therefore, I was drinking A LOT. I finally realized that feeling like crap all day at work and needing to sleep all weekend were signs that there was a problem. And my drinking WAS affecting others, particularly my children. I have taken care of all their physical needs but more often than not I was not there emotionally, either because I was tired and hungover or I was overwhelmed by my feelings. So to me, the cunning and baffling part of this disease has been the way I have been able to hide all kinds of truths from myself. I have been sober for 4 whole days now and already there are changes. I'm still having a hard time with the feelings, particularly when alone at night after the kids have gone to bed. That was my prime drinking time, and now my closest companion is gone. But I find that meetings (both ftf and online) show me little by little how to face my truths and my feelings about them. I am grateful to have found this site and grateful to everyone (including my friend) for expressing their feelings and honesty. Thanks for showing me the path.


Member: Jim D
Location: Fl
Remote Name: 24.92.177.168
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 01:54 PM -0400

Comments

Hi all, When I first came to AA I didn't want to drink, but I really wanted a drink. I did what people suggested and in spite of myself, things started to get better. How do you know your a drunk? If you have to ask you probably are. Does your drinking cause problems in your life? One thing that was suggested early on to me was to take the total number of hours in the last month that I spent getting booze, drinking and getting over a hangover, divide that by 30, that gives me the # of hrs in a day I devoted to drinking and devote the same amount of time in the next 30 days on soberity. How long is forever? If you die today and had a drink last night forever was only 1 day.


Member: William S
Location: Austin, TX
Remote Name: 129.116.242.248
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 03:16 PM -0400

Comments

I am grateful that the folks in AA are always willing to take me in when I so desperately need it. Last time I posted, I had 175 days. Today I have 2. Really thought I was on track and slipped in a state of blind denial last Friday--got flooded w/ too many feelings & lost it, Yet, I'm grateful to my HP that I was able to at least muster the courage to go to a couple of meetings yesterday, and was taken back in quickly and without judgement, I have other friends that do the same (they know who they are) but not like those in the program, who know what I'm experiencing. This program, whether f2f or online, is incredible, a real god-thing.


Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 03:50 PM -0400

Comments

Hi all, Peace and love... I'm not sure what to write right now...I almost feel like I've given up. I've been trying this program for 5 years now...out and in, mostly out. I now have 2 duis and have gained weight like you'd not believe...I'm miserable, but feel that alcohol is my only comfort. I'm depressed. I could have everything in the world going for me, yet nothing, it would seem. I could go back to meetings, but I feel like (they know me) what's the point. It would seem that anyone would look at me like such a loser...not being able to stay sober for longer than a month or two at a time. My sick story each time I go is the same one...pathetic, eh? I almost would like to go back to rehab...you know, give me a little chance away from this world for a while...I liked it there...I was safe. This world (and life in general) scares me. I'm 34, have a great job, a beautiful house, a great man, a cute puppy, and well, I used to be really attractive...now i feel fat and ugly...I couldn't care about anything. We're thinking of starting a family...I'm not even sure I'd trust myself. I mean I'd love to say that I'd NEVER do anything to harm my baby, but inside I'm scared that I'd not be able to control myself...I'd have to lock myself up in some sanitarium or something...I guess I'm feeling pretty darn sorry for myself. I need fellowship, not just at an arm's length, but much closer... Thank you for listening.


Member: DaveT
Location: Michigan
Remote Name: 129.9.163.234
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 04:13 PM -0400

Comments

Hi Holly from Michigan. Dave an alcholic here. Come to an AA meeting in Rochester, Michigan at St. Phillips Church on Saturday morning. There you will find a great bunch of men and women who you probably don't know. It is just north of University on the corner of Rochester Road and Romeo road accross from the Dairy Queen. I hope to see you there.


Member: Grateful to be sober
Location: Michigan
Remote Name: 216.86.80.12
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 07:41 PM -0400

Comments

Hi Holly. As Dave said, we have some great sobriety here in MI! Try another meeting, maybe a woman's meeting. The point is to keep trying til you get it right. I went to meetings and still drank right after the meetings for 3 months until I got it right, until I was ready to surrender. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly......it will always materialize if we work for it. Maybe AA can teach you to love yourself again. Love and prayers to you.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 69.3.218.230
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 10:53 PM -0400

Comments

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks -- drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery. On the other hand -- and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand -- once a psychic change has occurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules." These rules or principles are the 12 steps Alcoholics Anyonomous 4rth edition The Doctor's Opinion, page xxviii Best wishes to all.


Member: Bob R
Location: Minnesota
Remote Name: 24.94.214.220
Date: April 05, 2004
Time: 11:29 PM -0400

Comments

I am grateful for many things today as I look back at all the things that I have been blessed with. I am an alcoholic and at one point, I had over 13 years of recovery. During this period of recovery, I have seen five of my family members begin their journey into recovery. During this time as well I watched my sister die from alcoholism as well as some other very sad things. Even after all of this that I have seen and me swearing off using forever, I began to use again. The beast is cunning, baffling and relentless. Through another chain of events, the hp guided me back to recovery. I am grateful the hp put alot of folks in my life to share their experience, strength and hope, because without you all, well I just don't know. I am grateful to you. I now have 60 days clean but more importantly, I have today and aint nothing going to make me pick up today. Tomorrow, well you know the line, ONE DAY AT A TIME!!! Bob R Minnesota


Member: zak T
Location: Barrow, AK Barrow, AK
Remote Name: 209.165.150.195
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 03:43 AM -0400

Comments

My name is Zak and I am an alcoholic. I know I am an alcoholic because I have spent a great deal of time examining my life by my actions and comparing the results to the definition of an alcoholic. If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck! The book Alcoholics Anonymous advises anyone questioning to drink and stop abruply, try it more than once. I can not drink two or three drinks then just quit. Once I ingest alcohol, I crave more. My mind gets bent on the idea of the next drink for me. It is all I can think about with any clarity. Nothing else matters as much as that drink. Even the elusive "buzz" is just an excuse to take the next drink. If you question being an alcoholic, perhaps you should try some controlled drinking. Getting the DT's might save your life if it convinces you of the truth. As for gratitude, I have come to the conclusion that gratitude is an action word. I have never experienced a general feeling that I would call gratitude, not as I have felt love or hatred or confusion. Gratitude is evident in my life by my posting my experience, strength and hope. It may not benefit anyone, but I am making the effort. Gratitude is evident in my life each time I sweep the floor at a meeting, show up at a meeting and share, or just sit and listen to an Alcoholic who needs to express greif and strife and pain. In short, gratitude, as I understand it, is doing those things that AA's did when I came to get sober. Many of those things like service commitments I could not see, but they made sure that the door was open and the coffee was on when my miserable butt walked through the door looking for a solution to a life that didn't work.


Member: Jeff M.
Location: midwest
Remote Name: 63.231.189.59
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 08:29 AM -0400

Comments

I became convinced when I sat down in front of my computer and wrote down all my worst memories of things I did when I drank. I did it as if I were watching myself from the outside, as an observer. I was surprised at which ones were the most damning. One incident was when I passed out on the couch after drinking from 5PM to 8PM. My little boy came down from his room, his eyes welled up with tears and asked if I would help him clean his fish bowl because his fish was dying. I was too stinking drunk to get up. I slurred some answer like "we'll do it tomorrow." I hate who I was. Even if I had done NOTHING ELSE while drinking but abandon my boy for that one night, that act alone is so damnable, so incriminating, that I don't DESERVE to drink anymore. Forget whether or not I am an alcoholic, nobody is entitled to treat a child that way! How DARE I feel entitled to drink again after what I did to that trusting child that night. I'm not saying moral outrage is useful for everyone; but in my case, I was such a proud self-satisfied drunk, being convicted like that put me back in my place, and I have never again questioned whether I can be a social drinker.


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 08:34 AM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, back on day 2. Well at least I have a few days under my belt. I am still not talking with my boyfriend/best friend. He wrote a long e-mail telling me that he can't be around me until he stops caring wether I live or die. Wow if that isn't a harsh reality I am not sure what is. Because of a DUI arrest a few years ago, yeah Florida takes this long to handle thier cases, I have to go to a MADD class last night. It really scared me. There were three speakers, one was a man who has a family, a little boy. He played rugby and after the game him and the boys got together, got a keg and did a BBQ. On the way home, he started to fall asleep, he drifted off the road and killed a man changing his tire. Another girl was hit head on, on her way to start college and now can hardley walk, when once before was an avid sprots player, another woman lost her daughter and it nearly killed her. It took heavy counceling fo rher to understand why this happened. Then they showed a slide show. They did not leave anything to the imagination, you got to see people with thier heads exploded all over the pavement, they showed body parts that you couldn't recognize, you could see how the stearing wheel goes into your ribs and body in most of these crashes. It was so real and horifying. I am actually glad that I had to go to this. I hope that it helps to keep me sober this time around. I am going to get to a meeting tonight. I think I will just listen. I am nervous, this is all so scary to me. I thought I could do it before but I messed up again so now I know I am going to have to go. Its like walking into a room with looser attached to your head and letting every one look you in the eye and without saying anything telling them all that you have done by the look on your face. Good Luck to everyone for another day sober


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 216.148.246.134
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 10:02 AM -0400

Comments

Early in life, I thought God had handed me a raw deal. I did not want to be here and I did not want to be who I was. The only time I was not afraid was when I was drinking and/or drugging. It all turned on me and beat the crap out of me. I was not grateful to be backed into that corner. When I first came to AA I used to hate the gratitude meetings. I found it hard to be grateful. As I learned to practice the steps, I discovered a Peace far greater than any drink ever brought, because it was real. Because of the steps, I have found a loving God and profound gratitude.


Member: Holly
Location: Bloomfield Hills, MI
Remote Name: 38.225.248.2
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 11:56 AM -0400

Comments

thank you Dave for your suggestion. There is one meeting I have been going to on Saturday mornings...the one on Normandy and Woodward, plus I'm thinking about doing this "Celebrate Recovery" on Friday nights at Woodside Bible Church. I'm sick and tired, and resentful and everything. I hate being in my own skin. Maybe I really don't want to get sober. Maybe a million things...I'm just really, really resentful...honestly. Maybe I'm on a pity party. Dunno. I actually drank three beers this morning before work...getting ready...for no other reason than they were in my fridge. Of course, now I want more. I'm thinking about heading out to lunch. I work with several attorneys and it is easy to do this at lunch. I'm actually really tired, unmotivated and depressed to beyond anything. God help me. thank you for "listening" God bless and keep all of you.


Member: Carrie S.
Location: Los Angeles
Remote Name: 67.119.59.36
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 12:12 PM -0400

Comments

Carrie, grateful alcoholic. I am grateful for this program, for finally getting through the doors and staying. Early sobriety was hard, the absolute hardest thing I have ever done. I came to AA because my life was hell and I was scared all the time. It was only after going to meetings, reading the book, working the steps with a sponcer,talking with other alcoholics, and relapsing a few times that I was finally able to get this thing. By that I mean I was at the point where I could truly admit to myself that I was an alcoholic and I finally understood what alcoholism was. Being an alcoholic does not make me a loser or weak or bad. I have a disease that I cannot control on my own. I am grateful that there is a solution and that I stayed around long enough to find it. It's a miracle that someone like me - a person with no hope, a girl tortured by her own head, was able to stick it out and become enlightend. If you are sick and tired and ready to try, get to meetings and do what they tell you to do - whether you believe/understand/want to. Eventually you will believe, you will understand and you will want to. It just takes TIME (Things I Must Earn). God Bless.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 01:17 PM -0400

Comments

LisaM and all who are new Have to, Need to, Want to, Love to! Get and stay sober. That was the progrssion of seeking sobriety for me and countless others in this program. It takes surrender, willingnes (time), and effort (work) The program is a program of action through the 12 steps. Go to meetings, get a good sponsor grounded in steps and get to work. Best wishes to all.


Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Remote Name: 198.108.89.38
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 03:08 PM -0400

Comments

being grateful i think is an essential key in recovery. you need to recognize what's important in your life and stick to that because it will help you get over your addiction.


Member: Jen B.
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 4.60.113.84
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 06:16 PM -0400

Comments

((Donna & Lisa)) Jen, alcoholic. I know just what you're talking about. Early on I was told that the obsession would be lifted and as I worked my way through the first few steps, it was. One day, I no longer thought about it. Someone here said something so true: I don't want TO drink, I want A drink. Right now I'm going through a hard time and would love to just not feel it. But I'm not a single drink kind of girl, and I don't want to go back there. I don't think any of us is necessarily stronger than another, but I think we do have to chase sobriety like we chased alcohol. And in the beginning that takes a leap of faith, because you haven't yet experienced the other side. It IS better. Even when it's the pits in sobriety, it doesn't hold a candle to the misery I could create drinking. Hang in there. Go to meetings and share and keep the seat warm until it takes. :)


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 67.122.165.51
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 08:20 PM -0400

Comments

Stacy, alcoholic. Today is my 1 year Birthday and boy am I grateful. When I first got sober and I was searching for meetings to go to while managing my 2 and 4 year old kids, I often came to this site. This site helped me to hold on many times in my earlier days. I have not posted much in recent months, but I do make it to F2F meetings now as often as I can. I just wanted to come back to this site and tell all of you that I love you and I love this program. What a gift this journey is. If you're new, keep coming back. I did and it works...if I work it. Blessing to all.


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.157.58
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 08:36 PM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, things seem to be getting better for once. I am really thank ful for that. I think that the longer that I continue on my sobriety the farther away all of my problems will be. I have not gotten to a meeting yet, but I found some on-line that I am going to start until I can talk myself into going. I feel like things might settle soon, I hope. I have renowned faith. My friend that I have been missing is starting to come around. I think he might give me another chance for us to be friends. I hope he does. I am really excited to think that things will get better. Its going to be wierd for awhile but I am happy that it is going somewhere, that it isn't totally and completly ruined. I guess I need him. I hate that I do but I do. Today is Day 2. I think I might be on the right track.


Member: DonnaM
Location: Massachusetts
Remote Name: 68.234.75.162
Date: April 06, 2004
Time: 08:50 PM -0400

Comments

Donna here again. I am grateful for all the people that have shared and for all the advice you have given me. Slippery, I read, with an open mind, a lot of that site you posted. Everyone has a right to their opinion. What I liked better than that though was what you said about taking responsibility for yourself and just stopping. I am trying to do that. Honestly, it has only been 2 days sober now and my body just feels so much better. I really appreciate all the wonderful, and sometimes eye opening, advice I have gotten from this site. I am so glad I found it. I am having a cup of herbal tea right now instead of wine. Its funny, I work out at a health club 3-4 times a week. I eat very healthy and take vitamins and herbal supplements. Makes no sense to ruin it all by pouring alcohol down my throat over and over again. But I do it so well. I got a call today that my dad had a heart attack. He will be having surgery Wed or Thurs.I will be leaving to go and be with my family. What will be hard is that when we are all together we all drink. Great huh? I guarantee I will be given a hard time about not drinking. (If I can actually do it) I really am going to do my best and I will be remembering alot of what I have read here. You have all been so kind and caring. I am grateful for that. Next step is a meeting. I will let you know when that happens.


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 64.12.116.195
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 05:46 AM -0400

Comments

Hi Everyone! 6 months plus thanks to you! This note is for Lisa M. Hi Lisa, this is a loser. This is a loser that is an alcoholic. This is a loser that 6 months ago got a DUI with my son in the car. This is a loser who saw my sons eyes from inside a police station while I was getting fingerprinted. This is a loser who woke up the next day and hasn't had a drink since. This is a loser who has listened to the other losers and learned. This is a loser whose life has changed so much for the good that I wouldn't go back for anything in the world. This is a loser who loves all of the other losers and would have them as friends any day, any time. I happen to love losers if that is what you think we are. I'm proud to be a loser, and a sober one! Here's to another sober 24 to all of us. Especially you Lisa M.


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 09:00 AM -0400

Comments

(((ANN))) Hi, you brought tears to my eyes when I read what you said. This is all so hard and so hard to understand. I am so glad that there are others to talk to. I have been thinking more positivley about getting to meetings. I think that if anything I might at least make some friends that know what I am going through. Its just that I guess I am still fighting this thing. I don't want to be this person. But I know that if I don't accept it I am going to be back to day 1 in no time. It hurts so much. My friend-ex-boyfriend thinks that I am a liar, he has lost faith that I will stop. I have been through all of the stages and he was there for all of them. I thought I could pace myself with my drinking, I thought if I stopped hanging out with those friends that get wild it would stop, I thought that if I alienated myself for awhile to only my boyfriend, that didn't work. Now I realize that I am going to have to fight this thing. I am going to have to accept it or have another day waking up with anxiety and stress and depression wondering whats the point anymore. Today is day 3. I am actually feeling okay. I woke up, got some breakfast, was planning to get some exercise but was caught in my dream and wanted to stay there. It was a very wierd one, I was trying to help a girl to get out of a drug filled life. It wasn't anyone familiar to me, there was just different flashes of a party scene or a house that she was in or whatever. Maybe its was me. :-) Thanks everyone for listening, I feel so much better everytime I write here and let out all of my feelings. As you can see I haven't held anything back :-) HERE's TO ANOTHER DAY SOBER!!!!!!!


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 10:43 AM -0400

Comments

Hi All, I'm Kelly a Grateful recovering alcoholic. Loser... Nope, that was me drunk! Today I'm a (((winner))) thanks to AA, TAKING ALL THE SUGGESTIONS AND WORKING A DAILY PROGRAM OF RECOVERY. I could not do it on my own. I needed to learn so much. I have learned a lot in 18 months in the program. I am really living today, each day, for the first time through new eyes and it is wonderful. Gratefully I lived to see it. I cheated death so many times and I know it. Each day today I have sober is precious and I learn something new everyday it seems. I am at the point in my recovery now that I can give something back and what a gift that is. To be of maximum service to God and others on a daily basis! Way Cool!!! If your new or wondering if you are an alcoholic you are! That is just the way it is. What are you going to do about it? Think about it! Go to an AA meeting and see what the program has to offer other then the hell of active alcoholism. It saved my life. Everyone have a great week and remember... "We get busy living or we get busy dying". Kelly :)


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 11:00 AM -0400

Comments

Adam, alcoholic. What I would like to suggest to those of you who are new in AA and having a hard time with gratitude is this: one thing you can be grateful for at this stage of the game is that by going to AA, you have made a decision to surround yourself with people who only to help you get sober and stay sober ourselves. That's it...there's no catch, just a sincere desire to be helpful. We don't want your money, nor are we interested in seeing that you get more of it. We aren't concerned with how much or how little you drank, nor are we sizing you up by how low you have gone down that spiral into an alcoholic hell. We're not going to stop you if you want to leave, nor are we going to throw you out if you don't take what we have to offer. All we want to do is to live life without alcohol and help you live life without alcohol. If you're new and trying to stop drinking, try to conceive how lucky you are to be surrounded by people who don't want anything for you except to see you build a sober life and want nothing from you except your cooperation to help build it. It was a lifesaver for me to make that realization. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Angela B.
Location: Marshfield
Remote Name: 66.228.69.226
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 03:54 PM -0400

Comments

Hey everyone Angela-alcoholic here this is my second time posting and I could use some advice. I've been around AA for about a year and now I have about a month and a half of sobriety and so far its been going well. I think I really have it this time. I just did a third step with my sponsor the other day. But when I go to meetings or read the Big Book, the stories make me almost miss drinking and the semi-good feelings I used to get come back. I know I'm not going to drink but does anyone have any advice on how to do this a little more comfortably?:)


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 04:36 PM -0400

Comments

Hi Angela, Great your asking that question! The reason why you feel like drinking when you read drinking stories is because you are an alcoholic. It is normal for us. I still have moments where I will be in a store and find myself gazing at a wine display or driving home and pass by a bar and see someone leaving three sheets to the wind and think, I remember that feeling. Only for a second my subconsious tells me that it would be a "good time", then I snap out of it and remember where it brought me. I (think) myself through the drink. If I'm having a paricularly rough day I pick up the phone and call another alki. It works every time hearing what I need to hear from someone like me. I need to stay close to AA because I'm an alki and I think like an alki. It is normal to have drinking thoughts but please pick up the phone if it continues or get yourself to a meeting and raise your hand. It works for me! Good Luck, Kelly :)


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 68.235.230.84
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 08:41 PM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, I am glad to see that we are all still on our sober trail. I am starting my on-line school again tommorow and it takes so much time from me that I know I will not have anytime to think about alcohol. I think its the bes thing for me. Things are looking up, my friend is back in my life. We spent some time together tonight. i feel good about that. I don't think that a relationship will ever happen with us again, but I really don't want that I just needed someone right now. So having him makes me feel stronger on my recovery. i am sure you all are tired of hearing me talk about how sad I am about loosing him :-) So I guess that will be the end of those tears for now. At least I feel like I have a clearer conscious now. I don't have all the crap to worry about and can focus on me. I think its not good to need someone as I find myself doing. It makes me scared that if something happens again with us, will that cause me to go back to drinking. Does anyone else here depend on people for encouragement. Do you think its better to keep your distance from others and find strength in yourself?


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 205.188.116.195
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 10:37 PM -0400

Comments

Hi Lisa!, OK, I'm triple dipping, sorry. I just came from a meeting where I heard the answer to your question. You may not like it but it rang true for me. The reason they say to stay out of relationships for the first year is because we need to work steps 4 and 5 before you can have a healthy relationship. Having a relationship newly sober is like throwing gasoline on your character defects. Unfortunately the only way us alki's know how to put out a fire is with alcohol. That is why relationships push so many of us back out there drinking. School and a boyfriend, etc. are also diversions from working on ourselves which we desperately need to do. Plain and simple anything you put ahead of your sobriety your going to lose along with your sobriety. I know this sounds harsh but we are always are looking for the easier, softer way and it is a deadend every time because there is no recovery in the easy, (quick fix). The inside job/ the steps, are the only way I have become a semi- healthy, sober woman. Think about it. Best of Luck, Kelly :)


Member: Demetri
Location: NJ
Remote Name: 67.82.109.97
Date: April 07, 2004
Time: 11:58 PM -0400

Comments

(((LISA))) Congradulations on another day sober!!! Have you gotten to a meeting yet? I've been going to some online meetings as a substitute if I can't get out. I get a great feeling going to those meetings as well but I still recommend getting into the rooms. Keep coming back. ((Donna M)) Congradulations on another day sober!!! Stay away from people, places, and things you drank with or at. It sounds like you are going to have trouble doing that as far as your family goes. If you have to be around them and I don't recommend it - don't drink be your own person. You are the only one who can pick up that first drink. If you feel you don't want to drink you could invite a sober friend? I remember you not being sure whether you were an alkie or not are you still debating? There will always be one last time for Me as long as I forget the pain I went through as a drunk. I hated myself for being so weak every time I gave in again. If you still need to do some more "research" as they say Keep Coming Back. Love and Best Wishes to All!!! Demetri


Member: Shannon
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 12:57 AM -0400

Comments

Shannon. Alcoholic. Struggle and try. There is something magic about every moment. Sober or not. Does that mean I have not yet hit my bottom? After all this shit? I fight to come around. I fight myself, my mind. More arrests. Three this year; 2004, though never before arrested. I cry and wish for better and then look around and see how much worse off are others. Justify my situation. Struggle! Ann in Ohio...I look for you here, when I show up. This time it isn't Sunday. Shannon


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.164.230.8
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 01:02 AM -0400

Comments

For the newcomer from the book titled, Alcoholics Anonymous. The wisest investment of $5 ever spent if you have a drinking problem. First Forward written in 1938, membership is in the millions today We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all. http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/


Member: Desdimonah
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 68.218.199.60
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 10:42 AM -0400

Comments

Good morning, Desdimonah checking in! Happy sobriety to all. I wanted to share a lil' experience, strength and hope with you, Lisa. I know, trust me, how I know the first steps toward a sober life are/can be with or without your significant other. I'd been either married or in a long term relationship all my adult life. When it was time, when I'd hit my bottom, I had to face the facts that I had to do this on my own, for me only, not for my boyfriend, not for my family, not for my friends. We ended a 4 year relationship. I felt he had bailed on me, didn't trust me, didn't love me enough, that I wasn't worthy of his patience and his love. But, now nearly 8 months later, I'm free! So free. I can concentrate on MY sobriety. I can live and enjoy and grow and learn all about myself. Good, bad or ugly. I truly am enjoying single life in a sober world. I was scared to death to be alone those first few days, but in retrospect I see that I easily fell into a new, happy, peaceful existance all on my own. It's not always easy. For the first time in my life I'm solely dependent on myself (with my higher powers guidance) and I absolutely love the life I've been granted. I'm in no way eager to begin a new relationship. I'm of no use and no good to anyone right now. And, knowing this keeps me content. I've developed wonderful, loving friendships with both men and women from my homegroups and I wouldn't trade this life today for anything! Good luck to you, God bless you and know if you keep coming back and continue to stay willing and begin working these steps; you're life will become more amazing than you thought possible.


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 68.235.230.84
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 11:28 AM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, Today is day 4!! Thanks Kelly and everyone for your support. I know that you are right about avoiding a relationship. I think I already knew that after feeling how much more worse I am when he left the first time. I think that jumping back into something would just cause me to repeat the same circle. I need to heal. I need to have a life for once. I am so tired of this being the topic of my day. I am not going to drink. How about I am going to get some exercise and get myself healthy, how about I am going to better myself with an education. Anything except this problem. I know that its been a few days and I am getting that confidence back that I was lacking and I know thats a dnager zone for me. I know that after a few weeks sober I will start thinking that I have this all under control. I have done things that I am not proud of and have learned my lesson. I know that will lead me right back to Day 1. So I guess I know that for know I have to keep on committing to this program and spend time here once a day. I have gotten to two on-loine meetings so far and have shared. I liked it. Everyone there is so caring and open. No matter what your story is, they always have something positive to say to you. Like you are capable of doing anything while drunk, its not who you are. I liked that. Thanks for listening. This is a great group. I am glad to have you all with me.


Member: KimM
Location: Pompano Beach, FL
Remote Name: 63.135.65.172
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 03:03 PM -0400

Comments

My name is KimM and I am so grateful that I am an alcoholic and I claim my seat in many meetings online and F2F. For All that is new and coming back, I am grateful for YOU! You have shared that everything is the same BS in my old life. I THOUGHT, I COULD, and I WOULD be in CONTROL. I can't, I don't and have given the Control over to a HP. So I CAN'T DRINK, big Deal! Life goes on, things happen and I am still a social-lite person at gatherings. My alcholism (like others too) uses the fear to make me think that there was no use in trying to accept and quit drinking. My HP (GOD) specializes in hopeless cases. God took over when I gave up trying to work it out for myself. My EX said I belonged in a rubber room strait jacket, hand cuffed and shackled. Thank God that I have the disease of Alcoholism and the place I went to knew me more than I knew myself. For it has been 6.5 years know and I am grateful that they did not listen to my EX for I have the Sober life to enjoy every day.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 05:01 PM -0400

Comments

Shout out to... Ed, Katd,Ruby, thinking about you guys, hope you're just to busy going to F2F meetings.


Member: Lise
Location: Alberta
Remote Name: 24.71.223.142
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 07:21 PM -0400

Comments

Hello to all, Shannon, I have a saying which may be a applicalbe to you. It is not that everytime I drank I got in trouble, rather everytime I was in trouble I had been drinking. Lisa M, keep on trucking baby. I would just like to share something. For many years I believed that I couldn't sober up alone, I mean besides AA that I needed to be with my husband even though the relationship had been severly faltering for years and very toxic. My last time out I made some major decisions, one of them was to separate and eventually divorce my husband of 13 years. It was a very hard decision for me to make but I had to admit defeat and be honest with myself that I really didn't love him anymore that I just really wanted him so I wouldn't have to be alone and so that I would have someone to help me pick up the pieces. Now, both of us are the happiest we have been in years, and we are apart. In early sobriety I needed to be away from him and my children so that I could focus on myself and my sobriety. No that I love myself, I really enjoy being single, because I am never really alone as the hand of AA is always there.


Member: Terri G
Location: Orlando, FL
Remote Name: 68.18.60.28
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 11:09 PM -0400

Comments

I'm Terri, an alcoholic. I'm early in sobriety - again. I recently relapsed, and thought I was back on track. Today my minister boyfriend ended our relationship - not for the first time. I have absolutely no relatives, so I feel like a total orphan. I've hung onto him through thick and thin for two years, no matter what. He's put me though some hoops, but I thought if... Yesterday everything was beautiful, then today it ended with a phone call. Jesus apparently came down the mountain and told him that I'm evil, and that he can never see or talk to me again. He's definitely nutty, and I've put up with it, and defended him all this time. Now I'm left being a laughingstock and all alone. Read all about it in the Coffee Pot. I know that I should feel grateful that I had him in my life, that I've gotten as far as I've gotten, but right now I'm writing terrible things in my journal. I never thought I'd be alone after my divorce, and I hate it. I've passed up some fantastic guys to be with him, and now I'm still alone. I guess it's meant to be, but... Please offer me some words of wisdom that will help. I've been to two meetings today, but everyone here knows him, and me, and it's difficult to share. Therefore, I'm here. You guys don't know us, so I can be honest. Don't want to bore you, but I've never once celebrated Easter, and was truly looking forward to it. Now it's trashed, and I'm wondering if there really is a loving and caring God. Please help me get some perspective. Terri


Member: Stephen C
Location: North Stratford,N.H.
Remote Name: 165.121.132.102
Date: April 08, 2004
Time: 11:26 PM -0400

Comments

well a special Hello to you (Donna M----Mass.) and to (Lisa M.----FL.)-hope you both have a Happy Easter and keep up the good work with the program,well everyone I made it to 10 months of soberity got my chip last friday and been doing alot of service work,because i need to to this for me and as far as being grateful,Im totally grateful,because ive been outthere help people that need it and also so gald that im sober today and tonight and i miss my meeting tonight but ive been on the phone for 12 hours helping another and i love it and so if there is anyone out there that is new and needs just to talk or a firend im here and im responisable and you can reach me that the following emails;fruitbomber20027@hotmail.com and germgrabber2000@yahoo.com and hope everyone is grateful today because why your sober tonight so if there isnt anyone that hasnt told you today that they love you,well,Im ok...


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 24.48.38.226
Date: April 09, 2004
Time: 09:09 AM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, made it to day 5. God yesterday was really hard. I feel like I made some sort of stepping stone. I had this wierd desperate urge to just give up and do what I know. I didn't, I attended and on-line meeting. The topic was fear. It seemed they knew exactly what I was thinking. Anyway, I think listening made me come back to my senses and realize that this thing is scary, but its what I want to do and need to do in order to regain my sanity.


Member: KimM
Location: Pompano Beach, FL
Remote Name: 63.135.65.172
Date: April 09, 2004
Time: 09:21 AM -0400

Comments

TerriG= Write those terrible things in your journal. It is an expression of your hurt. When my sponsees get into relationships and it ends abruptly; I ask them to write a letter to that person. A week later write another letter and then at the end of the month write another. Take the three letters, reread them, and then burn them. Release the pain and hurt and move on with YOUR life. You are NOT ALONE in your journey. You are not an orphan! Alot of us have been through this path and there will be alot more to come. Bite whatever you have to and share in the meetings as you choose to share. So you might not be able to make it through a share without crying or throwing a temper tantrum. But the more you share the more you build your self-esteem. The stronger your program gets and do not allow anyone to deter you from receiving a life in Sobriety. The choice to drink or use is always our choice and not the other person, place, or thing. It is not GOD's choice, it only belongs to us. I do not know your religous background, but Easter is a religous holiday. If you believe in Jesus Christ then celebrate the love that you have for him and do something for yourself. My first holidays in sobriety I surrounded myself in meetings, at clubhouses that were having free meals, or at churches the were having get togethers. And I know that in your area there are many meetings and clubhouses. Get on the phone with intergroup and find you a gathering. Do you have a sponser? Get with her/him for help! If not get one, this weekend. Meeting hop! Hop like the Easter Bunny that travels all around the world just like Santa. You have to do the work to remain SOBER. At times it is not easy, it will be the hardest thing that you will have to do on that day, but it does get better. Lots of Prayers and Love Coming your way! My God is a loving and caring God, I put my life in his every morning and Thank him Every evening. Kim M


Member: Cathy H. D.
Location: Albany, Ca.
Remote Name: 216.100.135.132
Date: April 09, 2004
Time: 04:08 PM -0400

Comments

Hi all, My name is Cathy H.D. an I am an alcoholic. Some days I need to remind myself that we are all doing what the world believes it is impossible for us to do. That is going 24 hours without a drink. I am so grateful that I have heard this in a meeting. To all the newcomers, *please* keep coming back. And please keep going to face to face meetings. I was recently at one where a beautiful young woman was sharing. She was one of the best looking women I have ever seen. She shared that she just could not accept the fact that she is an alcoholic. So, she had decided to end her life. She still had the black eye from her previous very serious suicide attempt a few days prior. A friend of mine, sober a little while, had also had a suicide attempt around the same time, so I shared about that. The bottom line is, I have never seen this woman again. She had left the meeting early and refused to talk to anyone before she left. Before this happened, I used to bemoan the fact that I did not look like someone like her. Now, I am just so *grateful* that I have conceded to my innermost self that I am an alcoholic. Through working the steps, doing tons of service, and going to lots of meetings, this program has saved my life. This is my first time sharing, this is a great site! Keep coming back! -Cathy H.D.


Member: Susan MM
Location: Colorado
Remote Name: 24.8.28.230
Date: April 09, 2004
Time: 10:59 PM -0400

Comments

Hi all, Susan alcoholic. I've been lurking on this site for awhile; just now decided to post. I've gone to meetings before and was sober for about 5 years, started drinking socially and in the last year or so I've gotten out of control. I have no legal trouble, don't drink at the family gatherings (although I'm usually the only one) and don't fight with anyone when I'm drinking so everybody thinks I'm fine-but I am clearly out of control and I hate my life when I'm hungover and tired and depressed all the time! I'm on almost 72 hours this time although it's a pretty big deal tonight since Friday nights are usually my drinking nights-home alone with my thoughts and fears. I feel good tonight and want to thank you all for the support and kindness you show here. I know I need a meeting but haven't found a womens group yet-still looking. Thanks and hope to be back here tomorrow!


Member: Barry M.
Location: Alamogordo, New Mexico
Remote Name: 65.54.97.152
Date: April 10, 2004
Time: 04:35 AM -0400

Comments

Hi all, I'm Barry an alcoholic. Being grateful in early sobriety for just about anything we have left is a blessing in its self. I'm just at 67 days and not one of them was easy, but its what I want and NEED in my life because without my sobriety I doubt very much that I would have much life left. I drank heavy for the better part of 30 years and don't have any major medical problems (YET) which I am extremely grateful for. finely waking up and surrendering completely was my saving grace. Its like having a second chance at life, and one other thing that I've found to be an absolute is total and COMPLETE honesty with yourself. Don't hide from yourself, you may not like you very much right now but it does get better so be honest with you and even if its not a pretty picture right now, look at yourself in the mirror and accept that you are you and you do have choices today. Be thankful that you still have a chance at life... some of us will go back out and never make it back to AA alive. We all have the ability to make it in this program and we will never be turned away for a relapse however, we have to be willing to go to any leanths to stay clean and sober today. All these silly sayings are there for us to use because they having meaning. One day at a time, thats all we have people, just today. Wake up, say a pray, be honest and stay in today. One other thing that may help us newbies is never forgetting where we came from, meaning don't dwell on the past but keep it in the back of your mind all the misery we caused ourselves while drinking and to others, the heartbreak, the lies we told, the people we hurt and all the other bad things we did while drinking. This doesn't make us bad people, it only makes us sick people trying to get better and when the time comes we will make our amends but until then just try liking you for who and what you are. God Bless youall, be good and take care of you


Member: Mike L
Location: kzoo Mi
Remote Name: 24.176.12.155
Date: April 10, 2004
Time: 09:27 AM -0400

Comments

Terri G.- From my perspective, I think it's rare or downright impossible to go through life(whether it's while sober or drunk) and not be a "Laughing stock", at least a couple times. At least you're still alive to hear them laughing. Just as you can't depend on any person to keep you sober, you also can't depend on any person to keep you happy. One of the biggest things I've learned from AA(besides I don't have to drink)is that To really live you have to be responsible for your own happiness. Being alone today does not mean you have to be alone tomorrow. As far as writing terrible things in your journal. I would say that's the perfect place for them. At least your'e not acting out on those "terrible things". There's no such thing as a bad thought, it's what you do with them that matters. I'm just glad your'e here sharing and I hope my cliche ridden post helps.


Member: LisaM
Location: FL
Remote Name: 68.235.230.84
Date: April 10, 2004
Time: 10:28 AM -0400

Comments

Hi everyone, I am onto Day 6. I feel great. I have let go of the one person I keep talking about :-). I don't need him, I realized it. I can do this alone. And the person that I was will slowly fade away. Last night was tuff. I was shaking inside and out I was so scared of what was going to happen to me and I went to a 7-11 and thought I will just have one to relax, and then I started reminding myself of all the bad things, I went back and forth in that parking lot telling myself I can have just one, it will be okay and then I walked in got a pack of cigs and went to my parents house. I made it. I made it to today. I woke up feeling great and looked outside and thought, wow I have the whole day to play, no getting over a night before, no drama of what happened, nothing. I can breath easy and be happy today. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone as we enjoy another day sober.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: April 10, 2004
Time: 11:24 AM -0400

Comments

Way to go Lisa. now take it a step further. Look up a meeting in your local area and go there. Get some numbers from people at that meeting who will be willing to support you... eventually you won't wind up in that parking lot, fighting yourself, or the that person inside you that wants to pull the "fuck it" switch and drink to solve your problems. You'll use those numbers and call other alcoholics that have learned to live sober. They are waiting to welcome you and help you find peace of mind. You'll remember Day 6 as being the beginning of the end for your old life and the start on the path to a new design for living.


Member: Carrie S.
Location: Los Angeles
Remote Name: 67.117.47.230
Date: April 10, 2004
Time: 11:41 AM -0400

Comments

Carrie, alcoholic. Sorry for posting twice. I just need to say, once again, if you are new and struggling please get yourself to 90 meetings in 90 days. Don't think about it, just do it. Do it whether you feel like it or not, want to or not, understand it or not. Alcoholism will win out against our will power. I have 14 months and 20 days of sobriety and I am GRATEFUL to be sober, but that crazy voice in my head still tries to get me to drink. It's only through AA and God that I have the strength to see my way through another sober day, one day at a time. I can't do this thing on my own, I never could and I never will. Once I got that through my head, the road got a hell of alot easier for me. God Bless.


Member: Robert S.
Location: Detroit, MI
Remote Name: 4.165.57.88
Date: April 10, 2004
Time: 07:05 PM -0400

Comments

Bob, alcohalic. grateful that I don't have to drink today. I still get weird though like I lose my temper over stupid things sometimes and then I'm like I'll show you I'll drink. That is so insane. I'm staying in another city for easter and dont like the meetings around here so I'm trying this for the first time. I can lose my gratitude so easy , so selfish yeh I quilify. I am such an alcohalic. Can you relate?


Member: Steven062802
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.131.190.84
Date: April 11, 2004
Time: 12:39 AM -0400

Comments

I am just so darn grateful for finding this site...just found you guys and I'm just so darn happy. I've just passed one year and nine months without a drink...I'm in my sophmore year and boy, have I been acting like it! Last month I was walking tall and acting like I knew everything...that the desire to drink had been removed from me forever. Wrong. Everything went wrong this month...work, family, friends...a mess. But, I did an inventory (a little look at my old step 4 and a little work on step 10) and took a deep breath. Things really don't seem as bad when I work my program. What really made me want to post was having read Lisa's posts. I really wish you all the best...what you wrote brought me to tears tonight. You allowed me to remember just what it was like...and what it was like when I realized that I didn't have to hurt anymore. That my slide down a very slippery slope had ended and that I could get up, dust myself off and ask for some help in climbing back up that hill. Now, with the help I get from AA, my sponcor ( I strongly recomend getting one) and my sponcees...my view of life is just fine. I would encourage you to find a face to face meeting...I needed to have people around me when I got sober. People who could see that I was hurting and help me when I couldn't ask for help. Your message of new found sobriety is so inspirational. Thank you for helping me stay sober...that's what you do when you share. You help everyone around you. God bless. Steven