Member: Kristina
Location: MD
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 07:53 AM

Comments

Good topic. I very early in my sobriety and only a month into a marriage. My husband threatened to leave me if I didn't get help. (I've been an alocoholic displaying alcoholic behavior for years, so I'm not sure why he even went through with the wedding.) Now he's upset because I say I can never drink again. He thinks I'm going to ruin his social life and his fun. He is not an alcoholic and can handle his usage. He wants to "get a handle" on it. I've been trying to "get a handle on it" for years. I took him to a meeting with me yesterday, it didn't help. any suggestions??


Member: lydia W
Location: savannah
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 09:24 AM

Comments

(Kristina) my ex husband and i met in a bar and got married because we had the same number of DUI's (What a bond.. he is now in jail again) I know you love the guy, but after a while, if he doesn't GET where you're coming from, well hell i don't know..hang in there, baby, don't make any major decisions now unless he becomes a total asshole. then book. love, lyd


Member: Pat H.
Location: No Virginia
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 10:47 AM

Comments

I always promised myself when my alcoholic son came home to live (retired from the military)I would go to alanon--now it's come to pass and I can find a lot of help and ESH from these people. My AA meetings always come first,but that's OK because there are always people there with ESH to share about this problem. It all falls intp place to help me keep my serenity.


Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 11:12 AM

Comments

Kim V here alcoholic. I know for me in early recovery I would not have made it living with someone who was actively drinking or drugging. Most stories I have heard of people who do manage to get sober in that situation find that there spouse gets upset when they start to get well because the spouse needs them to be sick to keep the relationship the same. I have seen a few people manage to stay sober through AA and alanon. I know for me it was way too dangerous as I knew a relaspe meant death for me as I was that far gone. I knew in my heart if I went back out I would never make it back into these rooms again. So I guess for me the questions was how badly did I want it. I chose to stay alive and today I live joyous, happy and free. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: tracy
Location: England
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 11:53 AM

Comments

i only last wk had words with my hubby about him going out and drinking i wanted him to tell me that he will give it up as well. Well we went to the family session at my treatment prog and discussed this with my councellor and she asked if i was jealous that he could still drink i said with all my heart no, but when i went home i relised i was and if i opened my eyes and got over my resentment of that fact he was indeed trying to adjust very well to me but i couldn't see that she this denial business is a serious thing. tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 12:19 PM

Comments

HI Kristina. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona and worse. I am a Baltimoron. Raised out the 7200 block Harford Rd in Hamilton. LOL. I would highly suggest that your husband go to Alanon. It is an organization for friends and families of alcoholics. They work the same 12 Steps we do but from a different angle. One big hint: You need to get sober for yourself. If you are getting sober for any other reason it will not work. Take care and I wish you both the best. Bill email: az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: shannon b.
Location: canada
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 12:55 PM

Comments

omg--I'm sitting here crying. How do I quit? I'm way out of control here.


Member:
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 03:56 PM

Comments

(((Shannon))) God loves you. We love you. We pray for you. Try to go to a meeting you can find one by looking in www.alcoholics-anonymous.org then look up Canada. It's all listed in there. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Take care of yourself. meg


Member: MT
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 05:28 PM

Comments

Ok, this may be a little off topic. I just decided that I am an alcoholic. Like most people, I was in denial for a while (trying to drink "normally"). It didn't work. Friday, the walls crashed totally. I've already had to drop out of school for the semester (I thought I could get it together and go back). Well, Friday was a learning experience. My bf works out of town and was in, so after I got off work, we went to have a couple of drinks. I proceded to get totally ripped, to make a long story short, it was Dr.Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde. I got broken up with and had the cops called, I didn't get in trouble, but easily could have. I woke up to my best friend telling me everything that had happened. I began to cry, realizing that I was incapable of even one drink. Now on to the topic. My two best friend just think that I am young and that it is normal. They both drink a lot and never seem to get into trouble, but I have no control. I do get into trouble, and they don't realize that. I really need support, and since my now ex won't even talk to me I don't have it. Thanks for listening, MT


Member: JS
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 05:31 PM

Comments

I need to find a good online real time chat for support. There are several reasons that I can't go to any local meetings, it would cause other problems in my life due to my career and people that would see me enter and be working in the meeting. I know that they are confidential, but the people that see you walk in the door can tell whoever they want. Any sites that you know of that have this option???


Member: Stuart M
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 05:42 PM

Comments

Hi, Interesting topic. I Used to think that the way I drank was a moral issue or sinful or any number of things but an illness I know now that I was not a bad person but was physically,mentally and spiritually sick I mention this because it was when my wife realised this too that things began to work better between us (she found out through AlAnon) God Bless you all


Member: John P
Location: Tampa Bay
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 06:04 PM

Comments

Hi JS The link below has some good chat rooms. You have to download some free software, (available at their site) to use them. http://www.sobercity.com/ If you need to talk to somebody, look up Alcoholics Anonymous in the phone book, whoever answers will be glad to talk to you. Feel free to drop me a line... jperegoy@tampabay.rr.com My mailbox is always open. Have a Happy, John P. (alcoholic)


Member: Dawn M
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 06:29 PM

Comments

Thank you JS - and thank you John P. I, too, am new to the site and need to "chat" with people who have similar stories or insight into dependence on alcohol. I am also most reluctant to enter a meeting because of my high profile in the community and media. There are, as we know, people who would use alcoholism as a weapon of derision and try to hurt me (more than it already has - secretly). I will use the info you've given, and the kindness you've offered, as a beacon on my way to recovery. Or, "how to last a day without my chardonnay..." ~ sounds like a good country song, doesn't it? FYI I am a 40 year old, highly successful business woman, wife and mom. My life is amazing, except...for my dependence on alcohol. Thanks again for your guidance.


Member:
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 06:36 PM

Comments

A tad bit too much EGO there as well {{Dawn}}


Member: Dawn M
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 07:59 PM

Comments

Youch. What is an alcoholic, if not an egomaniac with a massive inferiority complex? Why the judgment about ego? I came here for support - my first outing, as it were - I don't understand. I only wrote the truth. Is it my reluctance to go to a meeting? If you only knew...I AM in therapy twice a week, so I'm doing the work - just in a different way. Does "different" mean bad? I know that is not what AA is about ~ or at least that's what I've believed...?


Member: Kristina
Location: MD
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 08:11 PM

Comments

Thanks for your words and support, Lyd, Kim Tracy and Bill. Living with (and being married to) someone who can drink normally and not understand why on earth I can't is difficult. Alanon is a great suggestion. As I believe it is with Dawn, my obession and cravings are driving me mad. It's not so bad in the morning, but as the "witching hour" gets closer, I begin to experience irritability, restlessness and anxiety. Cocktails from 5:00 until bedtime has been a way of life for the last 15 years. It helps to know that others have the same feelings. Thanks for being out there.


Member: Victor M
Location: NYC
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 08:34 PM

Comments

Victor M, alcoholic. Dawn, The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. You are in the right place. People will be people in and out of the rooms. It's funny, I was worried people would see me at or going to meetings but it never bothered me that they might see me staggering, or slurring or urinating in public. At least not enough to stop drinking. Maybe there are specific types of AA groups where you live? We have doctors groups and business owners groups in NYC just so peoples work and standing will not be compromised. 'Someone who is drinking and using' doesn't sound like social drinking. I could hang out with a social drinker who respected what I was doing and knew I was trying to quit and wouldn't keep hounding me to use. I couldn't spend time with people getting wasted or people who wanted me to use. I needed to stay away. If I lived with someone, and we were a couple, I'd get to ALANON meetings. If they were just a roommate, I'd establish rules for using- Like not here- Or look to move. I know I don't need to make it even more difficult than it already is and early on, it was really difficult. I mean, it was a strange, new, fear filled world that I was trying to negotiate while not doing what I was geneticly and behaviorly inclined to do. Get drunk. Thanks


Member: Judi
Location: Liberty NC
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 09:04 PM

Comments

Judi,alcoholic. This has been great for me right now. Its been a bad day. Dawn,pay no mind to the jerk that won't sign his post!!! Still alot of hateful people in this world.And unfortunatly here too? The good guys out number the bad so don't give up on this 'tool' for recovery. I too can't make meetings for other reasons. In the bigger towns sometimes they have meetings for the higher profile folks. They all have something to lose and all have your problem. I had in mind Ft.Laud. Living with an active alcoholic was awful in alot of ways for me but also kept me sober. A whole different set of problems to be sure. We are no longer together and today I don't have to deal with that. I truely need to hear all of you share as we all begin to realize the depth of our illness. Being so out of control is very scarey and so easy to denie. There IS HOPE. We are all on the right road. Hugs!


Member:
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 09:06 PM

Comments

Hey Dawn, don't worry about the ego comment. There are reasons that some of us simply can't go to a public meeting. I'm glad that the chat room was shared with me. Hang in there Dawn.


Member: Dawn M
Location:
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 09:30 PM

Comments

Oh, thank you! I've so much to say here, but I'm way off topic, so out of respect for those of you who are facing the dual demons of facing down an addiction, AND living with and looking at someone who still uses - I will bow out, to let others share your stories and gain inspiration as I have tonight. I am so grateful for your support. Hugs back...especially to you, Victor. Kristina and Shannon - I wish you, I wish us all, strength.


Member: Farris
Location: Little Rock
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 01:27 AM

Comments


Member: Jan
Location:
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 09:06 AM

Comments

Dawn, several months ago, I was so inspired by this site and for the first time in a long time, felt hope. I jumped right in and posted only to have someone pick my post out of many that shared a little more than I did, make a hateful comment to me. I did not return here until recently--thinking well who needs that on top of everything else I'm trying to deal with. I admire you posting after the comment was made and I want to thank all the lovely people who have made positive comments to you. They are the majority and why I let one stupid post disrupt my recovery will give you a clue as to some of my "other" problems--like a lot of insecurity!!! Thanks to all you good people out there and good luck to everyone. Please pray for me, I'm going to keep trying.


Member: Maggie
Location: IL
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 09:11 AM

Comments

Hi all! Maggie here, ALCOHOLIC. To those who feel they can't get to a meeting for ANY reason, you are not ready to take the first step. That's o.k. The only thing I can say would keep me from a meeting would be a health emergency with one of my children (Well, I guess there is a reason)Alcohol is cunning baffling and powerful. It will keep you in denial until you are at the end, down on the ground begging God to keep you alive just one more day. Believe me, if those of you think that being of high profile is a reason not to go to A.A., I wish you well. Alcohol does NOT discriminate, it will bring you to the gates of hell no matter who you are. A.A.- A FELLOWSHIP. Where we are all the SAME! When those of you are ready to quit drinking and come to a meeting (any meeting) you will be welcomed by those who share your hell. I just read something really cool yesterday. "The public knowledge of our lives is that we no longer drink,we must except that if we are to live in peace" Anybody who needs a helping hand will find it in A.A. Thanks all and God Bless Maggie


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 09:21 AM

Comments

Living with someone....... I took my wife to the bar two to four times a week for four years into my sobriety. Usually the same place. They knew what I was having the minute they saw us. My tea and a pitcher was delivered by the time we sat down. She had to have the special SOME days, so they could not guess what she was having that day. I finally declined to go to the bar anymore. I did not try to tell her she could not go. Not my decision. Between May and August it went downhill. We have since divorced. I loved her then, as I do now. I have moved on as has she. I am still sober, as I did want what THEY had in those meetings. I have it now, and others see the "it" when they see and hear me. Those here who cannot go to meetings, your time will come. I could not go either, until I was ready. When I was ready, the first was tough, the rest a snap. Today I have a program that allows me to get through life and it's surprises, both bad and good, without my old friend John Barleycorn. For that I am grateful. AA works, nothing else did for me. If you've come here, you've taken a step that may just become a major marker of the first day of the rest of your life. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 11:02 AM

Comments

I'm Gage, an alcoholic. There's some lines in the Big Book that I like in particular because they describe very well how I lived for many years. I think they might apply to the topic of living with a drinker as well. It's the part that compares us to actors, acting in a play that we've written to be our lives, yet the other actors in the play keep gunking things up because they won't stick to the script we've written. Of course, I paraphrased what the passage says, but I think it's pretty accurate a description of how I thought about life for most of mine up til now. I also thought of my life as being one big accident. It started when I was a kid -- I was born in the wrong place, had the wrong parents, had the wrong body, had the wrong name, hair color, you name it. Everything was an accident. Or I was like this container that had to be filled with other people or it would be empty. But the container has a leak in it, and all the people I fill it with eventually leak out and I have to look for other people to fill it with. The greatest fear, then, was that I'd run out of people to fill the container with, and I'd be empty again. Anyway, I never tried just being honest with myself and others. AA has something that will fill me up, but I still have to renew it everyday -- I'm still a leaky container. I can't say exactly what it is I've found in AA that fills me up, because I'm not really sure what to call it yet. But, as long as I begin my day by filling up with it, I'm pretty much able to let others go and come as they need to, and fill up with whatever it is they think they need. AA has a remarkably simple way of beginning the process in a person. It starts with what I've already told you: "I'm Gage -- that's the skin I'm in, the one I was given -- and I'm an alcoholic." Neither one of those things is an accident. Neither one of those things is something I can't live with and be happy. If any of you are just beginning, I hope you give this simple program a real try. The program is contained in our book, Alcoholics Anonymous. If you don't have a copy of it, it's easy to get. You can even find it online. Look it over, find in it what strikes you as true and concentrate on that for the time being. Look at the first step and see if you can take it. "More will be revealed to you later." As for meetings, again, look at that first step. If you think you'd like to take it, then you may want to meet some other people who have taken it also.


Member:
Location:
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 12:51 PM

Comments

To JS.... try www.winnerscirclemeeting.com


Member:
Location:
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 02:38 PM

Comments

hello,jason l here,addict/alcoholic-for me,living with my other half,who does drink on occasion,does not threaten my sobrity at all.she knows enough,and respects me enough to go out by herself,or,call somebody else.but it wasnt always that way.a few weeks ago,she asked me to go out with her and her brother,and some of his friends.of corse i said no,and at the time,all was forgotten,until she came home,and confronted me on why i didnt want to spend time with her?now its hard enough to explain my situation to her when she is sober,let alone crocked off of tequilla!i dont even remember how it happened,but she literaly started to beat the shit out of me.i am by no means a wife beater,never ever not once,layed a hand on her!i just simply let her go,and the next day when she saw my face,which looked like a plate of scrambled eggs,because of her fingernails,she immediately began to apologize to me over and over!not to mention she treated me like the king of the world ever since.i simply told her that i love her and my heart belongs to her,but if it ever happens again,i would blast her into next week!so needless to say,now she takes me,and my sobrity a lot more serious!


Member: Rebecca G
Location:
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 03:18 PM

Comments

My experience living with my active alcoholic husband had a variety of phases: in the beginning, I wanted to pretend that my being sober wasn't a huge change in our lives (of course it was! we were best drinking buds!) and that having alcohol around the house wouldn't bother me. We had friends over when I had around 30 days sober and served alcohol; I almost lost my mind with jealousy and resentment (why can't *I* drink if everyone else can?! I've since learned the answer to that one, of course). It took that one time to convince me that I couldn't have alcohol around the house. I then went through a phase where I thought I could handle it if he drank while we were out, say at a restaurant over dinner. I couldn't. Next, it was whether or not I could handle sleeping in the same bed with him when he had been out drinking without me but smelled like alcohol. I couldn't handle that either. The last and only remaining option, it seemed to me, was for him to stop drinking altogether which, since he's cross-addicted too, was not just a "snap of the fingers" kind of process for him. He wasn't ready to commit to a program of recovery, and we separated (over six months ago). Life itself isn't any easier, but it IS easier to keep my focus on my own sobriety. During the course of the past year, I've figured out that I might have had an easier time early on being around alcohol or someone who's been drinking if I had started up with AA as soon as I got sober (I was in intensive outpatient therapy at a rehab; the "spiritual sickness" aspect of addiction was not the focus, however, and I continued to insist that MY will be done, not my higher power's; this was why I could justify continuing to kick and scream "it's not fair!" when exposed to other's drinking). In my experience, getting a sponsor, starting to work the steps in earnest and reading the Big Book were the things that have brought on the greatest changes. I don't know whether or not my husband and I will reconcile. What I do know is that putting some space between us was the only way we could, either of us, get and stay sober.


Member:
Location:
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 07:49 PM

Comments

You're a woman of courage, Rebecca, thank you for sharing your story.


Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 08:43 PM

Comments

Kim V here alcoholic. I hear people like Dawn and others who have reasons of being in the public eye and are reluctant to go to meetings and I understand this and think it is great that you are reaching out in other ways. I wanted to share my thoughts on this. Fear holds us hostage. Anyone in the public eye whether political or whatever, when they try to hide something and it is then found out without them disclosing it themselves, they have to do some fast talking, and end up looking bad. However in AA it is our personal choice who we tell we are alcoholics. I have found that when I stopped hiding from my past, started doing the next right thing, I lost the shame of the past, and gained a freedom. A freedom of not worrying about "what if they find out". I am proud to be a recoverying alcoholic. I mean I didn't sit and think, when I grow up I want to be an alcoholic. But whether in public office or the media or whatever, I would have no fear as the AA I have come to know is a loving family of support and I would not advertise the fact that I am in AA but I certainly could not care less who finds out. When I see bumper stickers that say "I am a friend of Bill W" or "Still Powerless", I know that the people in those vechiles are some of our own. I have a feeling some people did have clue as to our drinking problems and were just to polite to say so. However regarless however you choose to get support the imporant thing is that you choose to seek it. That takes courage in itself. Best Wishes to all.


Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 08:51 PM

Comments

Kim V here alcoholic. I hear people like Dawn and others who have reasons of being in the public eye and are reluctant to go to meetings and I understand this and think it is great that you are reaching out in other ways. I wanted to share my thoughts on this. Fear holds us hostage. Anyone in the public eye whether political or whatever, when they try to hide something and it is then found out without them disclosing it themselves, they have to do some fast talking, and end up looking bad. However in AA it is our personal choice who we tell we are alcoholics. I have found that when I stopped hiding from my past, started doing the next right thing, I lost the shame of the past, and gained a freedom. A freedom of not worrying about "what if they find out". I am proud to be a recoverying alcoholic. I mean I didn't sit and think, when I grow up I want to be an alcoholic. But whether in public office or the media or whatever, I would have no fear as the AA I have come to know is a loving family of support and I would not advertise the fact that I am in AA but I certainly could not care less who finds out. When I see bumper stickers that say "I am a friend of Bill W" or "Still Powerless", I know that the people in those vechiles are some of our own. I have a feeling some people did have clue as to our drinking problems and were just to polite to say so. However regarless however you choose to get support the imporant thing is that you choose to seek it. That takes courage in itself. Best Wishes to all.


Member: Dawn M
Location:
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 08:54 PM

Comments

Me again - Dawn, alcoholic. Thank you to Kim, Maggie and Jan. I have found a sponsor already - albeit online - and through her encouragement and guidance have searched out and found a meeting at a church not even HALF a block from my own home! (okay - it's under reno and won't be available for a few months). While I was quite content to wait it out - I think instead I'll go a beginners' meeting a week tomorrow with my husband. That's okay, isn't it - to have a little physical moral support your first time out? Remember - when I posted here 24 hours ago a meeting wasn't even a possibility. You all have been amazing. And Rebecca - yours is a story of strength and inspiration. Truly. Thank you.


Member: darlene
Location: pa
Date: March 10, 2003
Time: 11:44 PM

Comments

hi i'm darlene a grateful alcoholic, when i was in rehab my counsler asked how i was going home to a spouse that still used. she asked this in front of everyone. i was so angry at her, i prayed (if you can call this prayer) you better do something about this. then i stomped around not talking to anyone just thinking the nerve of that woman!!! over and over this went through my head until about an hour later when a small voice said yes the nerve of that woman doing her job. well that certainly brang me up short, i then went and really prayed that god would forgive me and i had to hand it over to him. i knew god is for marriage and the thought of ending a 29 year marriage was an impossible thought for me. well to make a long story short god worked it out just fine. our god is an awesome god.. he is ready and willing we just have to take it there and leave it there. its hard to do but trust me i can't, he can so i'm gonna let him thanks and loads of hugs to everyone


Member: Karen W.
Location: Odessa, TX
Date: March 11, 2003
Time: 04:51 AM

Comments

I to am afraid of going to a meeting. I know that the only person who cares if I go is ME. I live in a small city and I know the chances of someone seeing me entering the building are high. Talk about ego, get a gander at mine! The thought that I would risk my spiritual and physical health because someone might see ME? Maybe the real reason is because if someone does see me, and then sees me drinking, I will be a double failure. "Can't even do that right". I too am working up the courage. I tend to be an all or nothing person. Either happy or sad, drunk or sober, etc. Pray that I chose sober. 36yrs., three beautiful babies, stay at home mom. Not that it matters


Member: Nadine Clary
Location: Cocoa,Florida
Date: March 11, 2003
Time: 09:56 AM

Comments


Member: Nadine Clary
Location: Cocoa,Florida
Date: March 11, 2003
Time: 10:05 AM

Comments

Hi. My name is Nadine and I'm an alcholic that just found this web site.Really enjoy hearing from you all.Have been a AA member for over 21 years,and I couldn't of quit drinking without the help of AA and God.I havrn't needed a drink since entering the doors of AA,I had hit my bottom,lost custody of my two children and a 14 year marriage.while drinking I had to be a perfectionist about my house,cooking,taking care of kids and working.Today I have a relationship with my kids and they forgive me as they know its a sickness. I'm happy and free today and grateful for my soberity. I thank God each day for my soberity and AA.I've made numerous friends in AA and they understand where I am coming from.God bless each and every one of you,and thanks for your comments.Nadine


Member: darryl d
Location: fl
Date: March 11, 2003
Time: 10:28 AM

Comments

get a sponsor, make sure the person you chose wants to take you thru the 12 steps, start the steps right away, continue with the steps until you complete all 12, wellness should return, then share you experience with other alcoholics.just for today, i will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. i will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.


Member:
Location:
Date: March 11, 2003
Time: 01:03 PM

Comments

Hello eveyone, It's nice to hear someone say; "You look good today. Are ypu doing something different?" You bet we are!!!!!


Member: Helena M
Location: Australia
Date: March 11, 2003
Time: 07:24 PM

Comments

Hi Helena Alcoholic. I have been blessed in the last 8 months as I have not had a desire to pick up a drink since I walked into my first meeting and felt like I had come home. Dawn, good luck at your first F2F meeting - I am sure you will find you have made a right decision. Although I have been sober only 8 months I have come up against a few situations where drinking ( by other people) has been involved and what I have found is that I can handle a non alcoholic "having a drink or two " because their drinking patterns are so alien to me as an alcoholic, that it is like they are not even drinking alcohol. What I cannot be around is any type of alcoholic behaviour or someone who is drinking to get drunk - it's too close to where I was just 8 short months ago. I am incredibly lucky in that being a solitary sort of drinker I had not surrounded myself with other alcoholics and the people in my life are blessedly free of this disease, my brother lives with me and he and his girlfriend often have a glass of wine or two and it seems like a miracle happens every time because I don't want to join them. Thanks to this program, I now know that as an alcoholic I cannot just sit there and genteelly sip on my glass of cab sav, my behaviour and thinking patterns about the act of drinking differ so markedly from theirs that it is worlds apart. Waht they are doing is the opposite from what I know of drinking. I give thanks to my HP every time I have to go to a social event now, because I would miss out on so much fun if I could not be around non-alcoholics when they have a drink. I love to socialise and I am able to do it so much better without alcohol. I feel for those who have a spouse to deal with as this is such a different kettle of fish, I lost my partner before I got sober and I know he is still active in his addictions, so that too in the long run has been a blessing as I have not had to deal with a close partner wanting me to join him in his "fun". To those who are in this situation I can only say this : those people in my life who truly love and care about me would never dream of doing anything to endanger my recovery, and the rest can go to hell in a handbasket - 'cause I have gotten my life back and I am not giving that up for anything. Anyway that has been my experience and for what it is worth it is working for me today. Thanks for being here and thanks for listening.


Member: Karen P.
Location:
Date: March 11, 2003
Time: 10:16 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Karen, alcoholic. I'm really tired and I'm not going to say much tonight, but I wanted you all to know that I got my one year chip, and having to say a few words in front of the group didn't kill me. You all have helped me get through my first year, and I appreciate it. Thank God my partner rarely drinks, or I would have been sunk a long time ago. I can handles an occasional social drink on her part, but one invitation to join in, especially in the earliest days, and I would have been in big trouble. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Natalie T.
Location: Austin, TX
Date: March 11, 2003
Time: 11:54 PM

Comments

I just turned 21 and I am an alcoholic, or shall I say I turned 21 at 14. This is a very, very hard time for me. A week after my 21st, I go into a club, blacked out, started kicking and punching people then having two guys and two girls dragging me outside to do who knows what and the next day my parents made me quit my job, pack my bags in Austin and move back to Dallas. This has been going on for too long now. Alcoholism runs in my family, my grandfather commited suicide when he was drunk, my entire family drinks (except my parents) it's in my blood. I crave it. Without support from family and friends I would still be drinking and who knows probably be dead. Last week I went to my first AA meeting and realized I have the desire to change. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Hugh S.
Location:
Date: March 12, 2003
Time: 12:30 AM

Comments

Hello, I've known I am an alcoholic for years, and have tried to stop before. For the most part I've made a joke of stopping and relapsed into a "functioning alcoholic". You know the guy: Has a decent job, owns a home, always ready to have fun... So far my attempts to quit have been short lived because I'm acceptable to everybody but myself. It gives that guy inside that wants to drink a perfect out. "Hey, you're a salesman! What about those customers that like to drink?" Or the re-enforcement I percieve by being this outgoing person when I drink, but relatively quiet when I don't. Don't take me wrong, I don't get sloppy when I drink and not realize that the people I'm with know I'm a drunk. I'm very careful about that. I'm just tired of going home at night and drinking beer (you're not an alcoholic if you just drink BEER, right?) until I flop into bed at 9:00. I usually don't have a hangover either. I'm a divorced guy (alcohol played no big part in that) with 1/2 custody of my 13 YO daughter whom I adore, but she sees me this way (not sloppy, but drinking lots of beer every night) and it hurts me because I know it's a bad example for her too. Plus, I want to have more of a life than this. How do you get started and stick to this program? I'm not big on the Bible version of God, but believe there is some entity that spins life. Let me know if you have any personal experience like this... Thanks.


Member: Kevin C
Location: Detroit
Date: March 12, 2003
Time: 04:38 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Kevin C and I'm an alcoholic. Hugh S, there are thousands of us out there who have personal experiences we can share with you. We can relate our stories of "out of control" drinking, our inability to stop and stay stopped, our emptiness, shame, and remorse. We understand what you're going thru! There are many of us who can also relate the personal experience of finding a way OUT of this hell. It began when we swallowed our pride and walked in the doors of our first AA meeting. For some of us it was tough to take that step, but it proved to be the beginning of a whole new life. We discovered we were not alone, and that there is a simple "program" (really a way of life) that honestly works. If you're serious about stopping drinking and changing your life, give AA a try for 90 days. If you have an open mind and are willing to be taught, you can discover a whole new life. Good luck!


Member:
Location:
Date: March 12, 2003
Time: 07:05 PM

Comments

(((Karen))), Great Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Member: Robin
Location: FL
Date: March 12, 2003
Time: 07:36 PM

Comments


Member: Robin A
Location: FL
Date: March 12, 2003
Time: 09:03 PM

Comments

Once again...someone trying to post under anothers name. Guess its G~ds way of shutting you up by leaving the post blank. Thanks for thinking of me though!


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: March 13, 2003
Time: 12:30 AM

Comments

Hi, Kelly an alcoholic. I am not in recovery living with an active drunk so I don't know how I would deal with it. I don't want to live with an active alcoholic ever again. I have lived both extremes and it broke my heart both times. My first love was 12 years older than me and in recovery when we met. I was with him 5 years and 3 of those he was a bad drunk. Leaving him after finally giving up was hard because we had a son. He died when Ryan was 4 of alcoholism at 37. I became alcoholic in my 30's and got engaged to a wonderful man during this period. He put up with my drinking for years but finally asked me to go to rehab. I did and went to AA for 6 months. I picked the bottle back up and he was so mad. I gave his ring back and moved out because I knew I was not done and he was too good of a man to ruin his life with my drinking. That was such a hard thing to do and I cried for 2 years and got drunk every night(good excuse). I endured someones alcoholism and then made another endure mine. It has come full circle for me. Another part of the problem is the children that have to live with our mess. They can't leave and have to be upset by it all the time. I remember hearing my son cry and going in his room and seeing him looking at photo albums of his Dad and him as a baby. He does not remember his Dad at all but wishes he was still alive. My son's girlfriend lost her Mom to drunk driving at 32 in Massachusetts so they have a common bond of losing a parent to booze. Both of them asked if they could be at my meeting next week to pick up my 6 month chip. I was honored, this means as much to them as it does to me. It is not like my getting sober will bring their Dad or Mom back but that with AA there is hope that a parent can recover from alcoholism. We can achieve sobriety if we work for it! To everyone new keep reading here even if your drinking at your computer like I used to! Your planting the seed in your mind that you can break this cycle of being chained to alcohol. Everyone have a safe and sober 24. Kelly


Member: Bill L
Location: NW Oregon
Date: March 13, 2003
Time: 02:51 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm and alcoholic and my name is Bill. I've not posted here for a while, but have come through a low period of my life and realized that I can only get what I give. I broke up with my gf tonight, after a three week period of depression and unhappiness with how developments in her life were affecting our relationship. Realizing that I was depressed was a big step for me, and the first clue was that I had been thinking of drinking over it. First rule is that there is NOTHING worth drinking over. I love this woman dearly, and it broke my heart to tell her that in order to preserve my sanity and sobriety we had to call it quits. I'm not sure it's really over, but it will be unless she changes some things in her life. She doesn't drink, so this is off topic, but it boils down to the same thing. As a result of doing the steps, and spending almost two years as a sober and recovering alcoholic, I am able to put my sobriety first. It seems perverse, but I felt better after breaking things off, and I think that is because I had openly and honestly shared my feelings and frustrations. I have given it to my HP (she's not it) and what happens will happen. I don't know the ending, just that today I did the next right thing, and it was the hardest "right thing" I've ever done, since it hurt someone else. No meeting for me tonight, so I've read all of these posts instead. Thank you all for sharing, and courage to everyone that reads or posts. Get to a f2f meeting any way you can, wearing dark glasses or a Richard Nixon mask if that is what it takes. Go and listen and maybe tell your story. It is common knowledge that George Bush quit drinking and "other stuff," and he became President. I can think of many other famous people that have dramatically improved their lives by becoming sober. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I placed a lot of obstacles in my path to sobriety. They are only an option, not a requirement for the Promises to come true. ((everyone)) Bill L.


Member: T-Bone
Location: Fla.
Date: March 13, 2003
Time: 05:32 AM

Comments

Thanks all for keeping me sober for another 24. Congrats to Karen on 1 year, WTG.


Member: Tammy T.
Location: Colorado
Date: March 13, 2003
Time: 10:00 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Tammy this is my first time here. I have been sober 12 days today. And as you all know, it may not seem like very long to a non-alcoholic, but to an alcoholic it is an eternity. I consider my husband an alcoholic too, but not the same type. He has about 17 days today. So far we have both been able to stay sober and if he were still drinking there is no possible way my sobriety would be safe. Because I too get jealous when I see other people drinking and right now I am too weak to even be tempted. I am turning 35 on the 18th of March and my mind is trying to trap me....it is telling me it is okay to drink on my birthday and I have started to listen. I know it is off the topic, but I need some serious input before the Big Day. I have come this far and don't want to fall....but my mind is setting me up and I am having a hard time filtering out the silly things it is telling me. I have felt real good the past week or so, and waking up without a hangover should be plenty to keep me sober, but we tend to forget the pain don't we? Thank you for listening to me. Tammy T.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: March 13, 2003
Time: 03:55 PM

Comments

Tammy... Just go to a meeting on your birthday and share just what you wrote here. It is that simple. I don't know where you are in Colorado. I got sober in Louisville, CO. Put down my last drink in Waldo's Bar. Know known as The White Front. Tale care and welcome to the Fellowship. Happy Birthday.. Bill email: az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: JL
Location: The Beach
Date: March 13, 2003
Time: 06:04 PM

Comments

I have also come full circle. I started my recovery right here on the pages of Staying Cyber. The hope and encouragement I received allowed me to get my ass to an AA meeting and begin my life over. I did not know at the time that is what I was doing, but through working the steps it is what happened. I applaud anyone who is staying sober today. I am fortunate to be married to a non-drinker. Can't say how she put up with me for 17 years of drinking. I cannot say what it would be like to live with another alcoholic who is still practicing, but I imagine quite hard. Life is very different today, I still get in plenty of situations where there is a lot of alcohol, sometimes I leave, sometimes I am a designated driver, and most of the time I am eternally greatful that I don't have to do that anymore. Hugh, your post really touched me. If you have a desire to stop drinking, that is all you need to make a start. I read all the first 164 pages of the big book of AA on line then I went to a meeting. I was able to find a god of my understanding, you will too.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: March 14, 2003
Time: 01:49 AM

Comments

Hi((Bill L))Long time no see! You really inspired me tonight with your post. You handled your current problem in such a healthy way and did not have to pick up over it. NOTHING is worth drinking over! I hope it works out and as I hear so much (we have choices today)in every aspect of our lives, relationships included. It says in the Big Book to hand over these types of problems to our higher power. Anyone that jeapordizes my sobriety has to go because otherwise they will be shoveling dirt on me. Congratulations on having the courage to do the right thing. ((Karen)) Way to go on a year! ((Tammy)) Listen to Azbill about a meeting. When you start romancing your next drink its time to pull out the stops because your mind is listening to the disease.((( Gage))) I have always felt like the container with the leak in it until I found AA. Thanks for sharing that. May all our cups overfloweth and no longer leak. Kelly


Member: Terri C
Location: Cincinnati
Date: March 14, 2003
Time: 09:25 PM

Comments

Hello to all, and esp. to DAWN. I have been lurking at this site for months and finally, today, I made my first face-to-face meeting. I had called yesterday to find out where/when I could attend. Then when I got there I sat in my car for 10 minutes getting up the courage to walk through the door. The people were welcoming, but not in an overbearing manner. I felt they were really happy that I'd made it (even though none of them knew me, they KNOW me) For once I didn't have to hide, or cover-up my drinking problem, we are all in the same boat. Thank God I made it today, it has really put a fire under my rear to keep straightened up, and I know I have lots of people (and phone numbers!) to use whenever I need a boost. I encourage you all to get to a FTF meeting asap, it will amaze you the "normal" people just like you that are there! Good Luck and God bless. I STAYED SOBER TODAY!!!!!


Member: Melanie
Location: Akron, Ohio, USA
Date: March 14, 2003
Time: 10:50 PM

Comments

Hello Friends! TAMMY; have you tried telling yourself it's OK NOT to drink on your birthday? That thought was such a shock to me the first time, yet seemed so obvious to others. Make other plans. I always reward myself with a peanut butter and hot fudge sundae these days. Lots of calories, but not as many as a whole night drinking! I've never lived with a drinker, I was the drinker. But I do know that whether they drink or use or not; your partner is either WITH you in this life or AGAINST you. Stick with those who are with you. We are with you! Love and blessings to YOU!


Member: M T
Location:
Date: March 15, 2003
Time: 01:27 AM

Comments

JS, try aarecovery.com Mat...


Member: Angie
Location: Surrey, UK
Date: March 15, 2003
Time: 12:01 PM

Comments

Hello all, all your messages have encouraged me in my battle against IT. Drink has ruined a lot of things for me as it just renders me totally useless. I will keep returning to this site.


Member: tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: March 15, 2003
Time: 12:32 PM

Comments

Hi ((Angie)) and welcome keep coming back i have for 2months and its working, nothing else has ever worked. tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: tracy
Location: Essex England
Date: March 15, 2003
Time: 12:32 PM

Comments

Hi ((Angie)) and welcome keep coming back i have for 2months and its working, nothing else has ever worked. tracy.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Jackie
Location: England
Date: March 15, 2003
Time: 05:59 PM

Comments

Thanks everyone for all the great sharing, it really helps. I was totally in love with a wet alcoholic and refused to take direction and get out of the relationship. I knew best! I've finally handed it over and ended it two weeks ago. Life's tough but I feel deep down that my Higher Power is there and working for me now. I like Melanie's comment about someone being there for you or not, my ex held a drink under my nose saying, "Go on smell it, taste it!" He also used to "surprise" me with a fridge full of Bacardi Breezers! Sometimes I feel scared of being alone and wish I had someone there to cuddle me and tell me it will be okay, then I remember he never did that anyway and always seemed to make problems worse. I'm having an awful time financially at the moment but I'm facing it and working to get out of the mess so my Higher Power must be there, giving me the push I need. I feel so low at the moment and have to remind myself at least I haven't picked up or it would all be much worse. Take care xx


Member: DK
Location: NY
Date: March 15, 2003
Time: 08:27 PM

Comments

HELLO ALL. WELL, HERE I AM. HOPEFULLY I JUST DRANK MY LAST DRINK YESTERDAY. NEED TO CUT OUT THE BULLSHIT AND START BEING MYSELF WITHOUT THE BOOZE. I KNOW I CAN DO IT (HOPEFULLY). JUST HAVE TO TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.


Member: Steve H
Location: Guernsey C.I
Date: March 16, 2003
Time: 08:33 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Steve and I am a alcoholic, sober for 2 wks today, this is my 5th try in 4 years and i am going to to it this time for my sake and my familys sake. bBy the why I am only 34 years old,single