Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 11:03 AM
Hi! I'm Kathy and I am an alcoholic. I have always heard in the AA rooms...don't make any changes in the first year of soberity. I have found this to be a good idea. Major changes are hard rather they were your idea or not. I know for me..losing my job this past year has but a strain on my marriage that I never would have imagined anything could be. Along with that and trying to "get sober" I don't know what I would have done. I remember thinking when I first lost my job "God why did you wait until I didn't have the booze to soften the blow?" BUT...quickly this thought turned to "Thank God I'm sober and go out and look for work, interviews, etc." That's what I've learned in these rooms...Turn my Attitude to Gratitude.
Member: greatginny pflorida
Location:
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 11:41 AM
Member: greatginny pflorida
Location:
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 11:41 AM
Member: RA
Location: FL
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 03:00 PM
greatginny pflorida: Don't hit ENTER-and don't worry-happens to all of us :-)
Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 08:42 PM
Hi, I'm Karen and I'm an alcoholic. Today is my first AA birthday and I can't get to a meeting. I will be getting my one year chip from my sponsor next Friday evening. Just wanted to share. Thanks for being here.
Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 10:02 PM
Kim V Yes it it true the AA suggestion is not to make any major decisions for at least a year. I know for me I needed to keep the focus on me and my recovery. I needed to be selfish and get well first. I needed to keep things real simple, keep a low stress level because I was learning how to "FEEL EMOTIONS" for the first time, and boy were they intense. I could not afford any distractions and also my thinking and decision making skills at that point we not very good. So I had to just keep doing the next right thing and trust that my higher power had great things in store for me if I would just be willing to have some patience and guess what. It worked. Here I am 6 1/2 years later. Thanks for being here.
Member: Gage
Location: La
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 10:40 PM
I'm Gage, an alcoholic. ((Karen P.)), congratulations on your first birthday!! I've been reading your posts here and at the Coffee Pot and I know it hasn't exactly been a cakewalk for you. You've earned that chip! ((Farris)) in Little Rock, congrats on finally getting rid of that Scotch. Stay sober. Someday, when you're able to see the humor in it, you are going to have a wonderfully funny story to tell about your early sober days. ((Kelly)) in NH, how are you doing? I'm one of those folk who suffers from "grave emotional and mental disorders". I say that in meetings occasionally and most people think I'm trying to be humorous. I usually don't say otherwise, but the fact is, I'm not kidding. I really don't have to have alcohol for my thinking to become clouded and my judgement impaired. It's a good idea for me to run things by a trusted friend in AA from time to time when it comes to making big decisions. Sometimes, even people who are clear-headed by nature can become too involved in a situation to see it for what it really is, while a friend who cares yet is not emotionally involved in the situation may see it in a better light.
Member: Joy S
Location: Chas.SC
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 10:48 PM
Congradulations Karen! Just throwing in a few remarks- the biggest decisions I needed to make at first were to- PICK UP A CHIP, GO TO MEETINGS, GET A SPONSOR & GET ON MY KNEES AND ASK A POWER GREATER THAN MYSELF TO KEEP ME SOBER. In January somehow it had all turned into 2 years! AA works when you work it! I can't tell you how wonderful my life has become in this short time.(And it was horrible for so long.)I wish love, happiness & sobriety to you all. Love
Member: Debbie M.
Location: SD
Date: March 02, 2003
Time: 11:39 PM
Debbie, alcoholic. I am making my, approximately, 7th attempt at sobriety. I am swearing to myself, to God and to everyone here, that I will follow the program this time, I will do the steps, I will get a sponsor. I am so scared that I can't do it. I read something in my 24 hours book about how I am giving this problem to God and once I give it to him, I can't take it back, therefore, I can't pick up another drink. This makes sense to me. Thanks everyone for being here.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 12:10 AM
Hi All, No major decisions in the first year! I was told this repeatedly when I was new and I'm trying to follow the advice. So far so good except a little trouble with the no relationships part. I dipped my toe in and quickly realized that I was in no way ready and ran like hell. To be perfectly honest I just wanted one thing but the man was becoming attached to me so rather than break his heart I cut him free. It was the right thing to do and living a chaste life never killed a girl. I need to focus everything on staying sober and working the steps. My 18 year old son and my home and pets need attention too. That is about all I can handle right now but it's ok, I'm getting better. As ((Kim V)) mentioned there are so many EMOTIONS that are coming out of me now that I am sober. Happiness, sadness, anger, euphoria, lust, bewilderment, etc. Just feeling them is different and new but to act on them all would get me locked up! Speaking of getting locked up.... (((Gage))) Your funny! I will have to use that in a meeting. Hi,I'm Kelly and I'm an alcoholic that suffers from grave emotional and mental disorders! That would go over like a fart in Church! It would be the truth though. I have Major Depression, PTSD, and a Panic Disorder. They are all under control and much better since I have been sober and the meds can work the way they are supposed to. There are quite a few people with Dual Diagnosis in the program so it is not a stigma. As far as the no major changes I am going to try and wait the year and then see how I feel then. Everyone that speaks about relapsing blames not listening to that rule, getting overwhelmed and going back out. AA has given me so much this far and with the grace of God he will show me when the time is right. Don't give up before the miracle happens... Kelly
Member: Adam H.
Location: Chicago, IL
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 01:16 AM
Adam, alcoholic. Thank you Joy C from SC for your share! Even though I know people in AA are talking about things like getting a divorce, moving, entering into a new romantic relationship and such when they say to newcomers "Don't make any major decisions in your first year...", I don't ever tell a newcomer not to make any major decisions when they first come in because deciding to stick with AA, get a sponsor and actually do the the 12 Steps ARE major decisions. Given my experience in AA, I would even go as far as to say they are "life-altering decisions," and if I had to wait a year before making them, I guarantee you, I would still be out there drinking myself to death...and I WOULD have, too, because I am a master at rationalization and making excuses for doing the bare minimum. Thanks for letting me throw in my two cents, and Karen....CONGRATULATIONS! Grateful to be sober.
Member: Hamish
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 02:53 AM
Hi Hamish here, grateful alcoholic. Karen Happy Birthday!Just a short message to my AA family:Don't pick up the first drink, one day at a time,and go to meetings. Once the first drop gets into the alcoholic, alcohol becomes the MASTER and the alcoholic becomes the slave.For those early on, keep going to meetings! and get to a face to face meeting,IT WILL GET BETTER and the obession to drink will leave you.AA works but you have to want it so GO TO MEETINGS, and remember NO BIG DECISIONS IN THE FIRST 12 MONTHS! Hugs to all...Hamish
Member: T-Bone
Location: S. Fla
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 06:18 AM
T-bone here grateful to be sober this 24 by the grace of God. Thanks for all the sharing, and congrats to Karen on 1 year WTG and to Debbie keep comin back.
Member: Kathy K. .
Location: Northeast
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 06:36 AM
Debbie M. - As long as you keep telling yourself you can't achieve sobriety , you're setting yourself up for failure. OF COURSE you can do it!! We're here to help you - just remember we have all done it.
Member: Maggie
Location: IL
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 09:14 AM
Hi All,Magie here, grateful recovering Alcoholic! I say grateful because in agreeing with (Hamish)Just beginning this journey of recovery through A.A. is a HUGE major decision! As I began mine,I engulfed my life in staying sober and that meant NOT just not picking up that first drink but changing who I am. As I began to work the steps, my mind started to learn how to live life on lifes terms, and with that very big changes occured that HAD to if I were to stay sober. So far those MAJOR DECISIONS have kept me grounded and sober. I attend a meeting everyday, sometimes two. My commitment to myself and God is doing WHATEVER IT TAKES to stay sober and sometimes that involves those "Major Decisions" we are told to stay away from. Since the day we were born,we had to fall down and learn on our own what works and what doesn't.All and all, if we become willing and teachable, it falls in place (though not the way we might like it at the moment.) Stick with the winners and God will guide you. Thanks all. Don't drink just for today! Maggie
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 12:39 PM
HI. Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. Thanks Adam you are right on the money. No major changes may seem like a good suggestion, but what might be a major change for one may not be for another. I was sober about a month when my former boss asked me if I would like to return to work. I certainly was not going to turn that offer down because someone in AA told me to wait a year. In the first year we should generally be on the same page. We are all alike in our disease. We all should be doing the Steps as precisely instructed by our basic text. But at the same time we all may learn at different speeds. Some of us may need professional help. If you do; seek it outside of AA. It is not my job, as a member of AA, to practice medicine, psychiatry, nursing or to offer counselling. I hold a degree in the medical field, and may be involved in some of these activities on a personal basis, but never as a part of my membership in AA. The only options my early sponsors gave me was if it is in the big book I must do it. If if is not then it becomes optional. Do it or don't as I see fit. This program teaches us how WE get sober not how I got sober. Love ya, Bill email: az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Bill P.
Location: Brighton, Michigan
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 01:59 PM
Bill P. here, alcoholic. I've been hanging out at the Coffee Pot page most of the last 9 months. Just jumping in here to say hello to all of you. This program works! Peace. ((Debbie M)) - You can do it, when it's for yourself, and yourself alone. Please get phone numbers of people in the program, and if you don't have any, get to a meeting. There will be people there to help you. I couldn't stop on my own, so I asked for help. God has gifted us with this fellowship, and it's the only place I've found where everyone wants you to succeed. To me, sobriety is life, and I've decided to make my primary purpose in life to stay sober. Nothing else, nothing...., is as important as that. God Bless you and keep the faith. You Can Do It!!!!! Bill
Member: G
Location:
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 04:49 PM
((Debbie M)), you can do it. And when YOU can't, WE can. You'll make it. Bless you.
Member: Kevin C
Location: Detroit
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 06:38 PM
Hi, my name is Kevin C and I am an alcoholic. Just want to say thanks to everybody for being a part of my sobriety today. I do several f2f meetings every week, but checking in here during the day always helps too! Congrats, ((Karen P))! You're an encouragement to us all. I've still got four and a half months left before I get to 1 year, but for the first time in my life I believe it CAN and WILL happen if I keep working the program and looking to my higher power for strength. Seven and a half months may not be a lot of sobriety, but it's more than I have ever had. And it's a miracle!!! Life's still has its stresses, but I haven't found a problem yet that a drink wouldn't make worse. ((Gage)), ((Bill P)), (((all of you))), thanks for your constant encouragement over the past weeks. There are a lot of us that don't post every week but read faithfully, and your sharing does make a difference!
Member: Kevin C
Location: Atlanta
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 08:28 PM
I am sitting here with tears in my eyes hoping that someday soon I can say I am sober. Right now I am very scared and not sure what to do first. I am so proud of all of you who have beat it. Please pray for me that I will be part of the gang real soon. Keep on keepin on!!!
Member: Karen P.
Location: Wrightsville & Atlanta, GA
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 08:52 PM
I am appreciating the comments of both Kevins. Seven and a half months is a lot of sobriety, but I know how far away a year can look from that perspective. One day at a time. Kevin in Atlanta, I was right where you are just a year and one day ago. I wanted to go to rehab but was so drunk a taxi driver refused to take me. It was an embarrassing night, and was my bottom. You will make a decision when you reach yours. You only have to decide not to drink for one day. Get yourself to a meeting, ask someone to sponsor you, call them every day. Get the support you need. If you are not ready yet, hopefully you will be soon. I wasn't ready when I first went to AA. I bought wine on the way home. It took three months and that embarrassing night (which I don't remember much of because I was in a black-out)for me to take my first truly honest step toward sobriety. And I'm not saying I've got it licked. I still need the support of my sponsor, the meetings, and the memory of that night to keep me sober. I've struggled with the HP issue, and even that's not a done deal. But one day at a time, I've been able to make it. I can't believe it's been a year, but it has. Thanks for letting me share. If I can help you can reach me at Poelman@msn.com.
Member: Eric F
Location: Toronto, Canada
Date: March 03, 2003
Time: 09:04 PM
Eric F. here, a still-practicing alcoholic. I was sober/dry for 19 years, retired (which Bill says is just a synonym for sloth) and after 2 years picked up a drink. I'v been 6 years drinking, in and out of the program, a meeting here, a meeting there. Frankly, I don't know if I want to quit or just want to want to quit. So, as some one above, wrote I do want to make that one major change and see out my years in sobriety. Please pray for and support me.
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 02:05 AM
Congratulations (((Karen P))). On your one year anniversary. You are an example that the program works and keep up your great attitude! I can relate to the loss of dignity when we got drunk. I needed those to hit bottom. To anyone struggling, (Kevin) and (Eric) just keep coming back. Hit a meeting and pick up the phone. My sponsor and I brought a meeting to a woman in a nursing home tonight. She was in a wheelchair and about 90 lbs. She told her story and man was it sad. She was in 10 rehabs, lost her husband and kids and could just not get sober. She put the booze down a year ago but because her kids disowned her she stopped eating for a couple months and got nerve damage and can't walk or use her hands well. She turned 43 yesterday. If you think you have it bad there are some pathetic cases out there. Drinking is the gift that keeps on taking that is for sure. I'll keep you and all us sick and suffering alcoholics in my prayers tonight. One Dy At A Time... Kelly
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 02:29 AM
Oops, I mean't to end with (One Day At A Time). Kelly
Member: jjohn e
Location:
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 08:00 AM
HI I am john an alchlic first day life has made becessart some matters that require my attention it is necesary for me to stay sober i know this is my road
Member: Roxanne F.
Location: Hornell, NY
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 08:07 AM
Hello, Roxanne here, alcoholic My experience early in recovery was such an emotional time and I always had the desire to be deamed terminally unique, which of course was one of my first lessons in AA. Uniqueness kept me drunk!!! The second was that my feelings of sadness, lonliness, despair, and SELF-PITY is what got and kept me drunk for years, so I was told that my feelings dont really matter because all that helps me do is stay focused on the problem. Coming to AA was the biggest desicion I have ever made in my life. I didnt even think that hard about having kids. To me it came down to being willing. Honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness. I had suffured with myself long enough to know that I dont want to suffer with that same person anymore!! She makes the worst desicions and the most awfull choices. So through the journey of AA and the guidence of a sponsor(who has worked the steps and has a sponsor) and definately a GOD of MY understanding, I know that I have other choices rather than getting drunk. It is simple!! The BIG BOOK has the answer to all my lifes problems. Read it, do the work. What could it possibly hurt. Roxanne rfuller@stny.rr.com
Member: Jackie
Location: England
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 09:34 AM
Hi (Kelly) I think iy does us all good to hear things like that. I know I haven't reached many of my "yets" but they're out there waiting for me to pick up. I get full of the "poor me's" , Roxanne talks about being unique, I felt like I was unique in sobriety because it's so much harder for me than everyone else!! I've had to face up to it's me trying to run my life on self-will that makes it hard and I still try to control my environment and try to fix people. I've had to make a major change and get out of a relationship with a wet alcoholic. It's not easy but I've decided to throw in the towel and "let go and let God" The support I've had from AA friends is absolutely amazing. Lifes tough but at least I remember what I did every night and I have unconditional love from my fellow "alkies" thanks everyone for being there for me, love in fellowship xx
Member: JASON L.
Location: PENNSYLVANIA
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 12:27 PM
hello,Jason l. here,addict,alcoholic-just wanted to add that the only major change in my life that i have made is the friends that i choose to have.i think that major changes are a bad thing in your first year of recovery,but major changes to people places and things is a must,weather its your first day,or your first year of recovery...
Member: Sheila L-M
Location: Lakeville, MA
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 01:06 PM
My name is Sheila and I am an alcoholic. This is my very first time in any AA forum. I have tried to stay sober on my own but have failed each time. I desperately need to stop drinking before I ruin my life. I have been lucky, so far, that nothing major has happened as a result of my drinking. I can't stay lucky forever. I look forward to any of your comments and encouragement. I am 43, have 2 wonderful children, a good job and a wonderful (new) husband. My divorce 2 years ago was the trigger for my drinking problem to kick in. I don't want to ruin my life and am terrified I won't have the will power to succeed. Thanks for listening.
Member: Kevin C
Location: Atlanta
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 04:24 PM
(Sheila L-M) I'm right with you girl. I started drinking heavy after my divorce, but it was about 7 years ago. Got a great family which I'm gonna lose if I don't get it together. I've tried on my own several times , but I'm to deep in the bottle to get out without a helping hand. I'm just not sure where to start. I called my local a.a. hotline and got a recording of all these different groups meeting at different places. Open discussion, closed discussions. Not sure where I belong or need to start. Maybe somebody can help us learn what to do after you decided to get sober. Iwill keep you in my thoughts and prayers as I hope you will me. Maybe we can lisk it together.
Member:
Location:
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 05:06 PM
you could start with a little willingness all it takes is a little to open the door to faith faith without works is dead so get to a meeting, get a sponsor and get to work we don't get this by osmosis or by wishing it's a simple program but it's hard work. you only have to do it one day at a time. GOD BLESS
Member:
Location:
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 05:07 PM
you could start with a little willingness all it takes is a little to open the door to faith faith without works is dead so get to a meeting, get a sponsor and get to work we don't get this by osmosis or by wishing it's a simple program but it's hard work. you only have to do it one day at a time. GOD BLESS
Member: Todd G.
Location: Illinois
Date: March 04, 2003
Time: 11:19 PM
Hi all, Todd here definately an alcoholic. I can relate to the not knowing if I want to quit, not knowing where to start, that whole mind game that I play with myself, You know the routine drink all night, Swear that this is the last night and then have the same conversation every night. I have tried several times on my own and it has never worked. I started attending meetings ( 2 in the last Month) but bought beer on the way home. Went last night to a meeting and I have not drank today. I guess you can say I made it 24hrs. Tomorrow I will go to a meeting and Pray that God keeps me sober for another 24hrs. Thank you all for your posts. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!
Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Date: March 05, 2003
Time: 01:42 AM
Hi (((Jackie))), So good to hear that your work and relationship problem worked out. You did not have to drink over it either! Way to go! Thanks (Roxanne) for the 'unique' explanation. I used to think I was unique until I realized so was everyone else! That was a kick in the pants I needed. The (poor me's) Pour me, pour me, pour me another drink, also gave me a big reason to drink until I saw people at meetings with it a lot worse then me that were happy, joyous and free. The promises in the Big Book do come true if you work the program. To everyone new get to a meeting and keep going drunk or sober until you get it. The AA hotline will give you the time and place of a meeting and then at the meeting ask for a meeting list and you can pick your meetings. Speaker/ discussion meetings are a good way to start. Everything will fall into place once you take the first step. Everyone have a great, sober 24. Kelly
Member: Jackie
Location: England
Date: March 05, 2003
Time: 06:04 AM
Kevin and Shelia, you don't need will power, it's self will thats ruined all our lives! Just let go and hand over! Get to meetings, it really does work! If you accept you are powerless over alcohol and the first drink leads to a drunk you dont need to do anymore except look around you at the meetings and decide you want what the others have got! I'm really struggling with life, don't know how I'll feed my kids for the next month and don't know how I'll get to work as I cant afford diesel but just for today I am not going to pick up and I'm just about to cycle 9 miles to a meeting because that's where I need to be. Take care xx
Member:
Location:
Date: March 05, 2003
Time: 09:45 PM
Todd, you've got the right idea. Take it one day at a time.
Member: Marty G
Location: Cowtown
Date: March 05, 2003
Time: 09:54 PM
Hello all, Marty a big time alcoholic. ((Kevin & Sheila)) it sounds to me that you are about to make a "major decision". I will pray that a higher power will help in your process. My major decision to turn my will over to my higher power was very difficult. It still is because I have to do it every day when I pray for the strength to not pickup. Sometimes I have to repeat this many times during my day, not to just keep from picking up but also to motivate to go to a meeting, or to do the next right thing or whatever it is. I have listened to the people who have great lenghts of sobriety and that is a big part of my program. Lately in totally different meetings the topic of geting sober and trying to maintain is to pray, pray, pray. Of course the usual suspect go hand in hand with this, go to meetings,read,service etc. but for some reason the emphasis has been prayer. I don't know why this has come up so often so recently but I gave it a try. I can't say that it has changed all of a sudden but it has helped to calm me when I have to make the decision to turn my will over to my higher power. Which if I don't do this then I'm back to the useless drunk that I was, and I don't want to see that part of me again. So if you can't make a meeting or talk with someone pray for help, it may just work. Nothing lost in trying. I will pray for you. Peace. mg
Member: Janet L
Location: Costa Rica
Date: March 06, 2003
Time: 12:06 AM
Hi, I'm Janet, an alcoholic for sure! Ummmmm Major decisions----funny, I have been posting on the CP and not checking this site much and boy do I need to hear your comments on making major decisions. Thanks AZBill for your comments---sometimes it IS right to make a big decision. I am presently applying for a new job, and jumping through lots of hoops to get it. It will mean more $ for us,and a better school for my 11 year old son. But it also requires a move. Big decision. But one that I feel is the right thing to do. Also, I have said yes recently to a proposal of marriage. That decision has sent quite a few of my AA friends into a whirlwind of advice and concern. But to me it is another right thing to do. So, yes, sometimes as someone said, these major decisions can become major mistakes, but perhaps God is granting me things that I couldn't receive while I was out there drinking. (I have about 70 days more or less). I am very very happy, and so thrilled to be sober, and I like who I am so much more than I ever did. In fact, I am learning to love who Janet is, thus making it possible for me to love others. I don't know what else to say except that my happiness has been hampered by nay-sayers in the rooms, in my family, among my friends. . . .but I am also grateful that I continue to feel that I am making the next right step albeit a major decision. Thanks for letting me share. . . . janet
Member: Trish K.
Location: So. California - AV
Date: March 06, 2003
Time: 01:42 AM
Hi, I'm Trish K. and I'm an alcoholic. I have also been advised not to make any "major" decision during my first year -- as the decision to stop drinking is major enough. I am celebrating 90 days today and I was so proud of myself when I went up and got my chip tonight. I have tried to stop drinking on numerous occasions, only to give in to my so-called lack of will power. The last time I knew that I could control my drinking I ended up passed out on the bathroom floor - woke me up in a hurry. I cracked my head so hard I lived with a good shiner for about 3-4 weeks. That was a hard one to try and pass off, but I managed (convincingly or not). Anyway, it's funny but there are so many things-- now that I have decided that I want what those in AA have, I want to start working to "FIX" me. Problem is, I can't do them all at once, it's overwhelming and I am setting myself up for Poor me (Pour Me) as I believe I've seen it written here. I need to learn patience, moderation, and trust in a Power Greater than myself. Being Sober and attending meetings and taking an "active" approach to this whole effort is an adjustment not just for me but also for my Husband, and my 12-year-old son. Both have been supportive (but have their doubts as to the point of all this and that I really need to go to these meetings - but I haven't gotten nixed on going).... My son is confused a bit, but is right there rooting for me which makes me realize all the more what a good, sensitive kid I have (unfortunately, I don't think I had a lot to do with that as I was intoxicated most of his life (with the exception of my pregnancy, a 9 month period in 2000 (after the floor incident) and most recently the past 90 days). So, I will take the next 9 months slowly -- try to really listen in my meetings and through my AA reading and share when possible and learn about Trish -- and hopefully like that person as I learn more about her. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: peter c
Location: Long Island
Date: March 06, 2003
Time: 06:45 AM
When I first came to AA I was told "no major decisions in the 1st year". then I was told "staying sober is easy...don't drink and change everything". I heard lots of other slogans, too. Like "90 meetings in 90 days". None of these are in the manual (BIg Book). For me, sobriety is in the program..12 Steps/12 Traditions. The fellowship gives me the opportunity to put the program into action, and to "test drive" dealing with other people. Something I did not do very well before. Change is part of life. THe question is not when to make a change as it is "will the change add to or detract from my sobriety?" Have I done this kind of thing before wiht bad results, what makes me this it will be different this time? Am I in charge, making a change based on self will? Or am I following GOd's path? To me, those are the things to focus on.
Member: meg
Location: cowtown
Date: March 06, 2003
Time: 11:33 AM
Trish congrates on ninety day!!!!
Member: janet
Location: Costa Rica
Date: March 06, 2003
Time: 06:20 PM
((peter C))) thanks for your comments. I really like the thought "will it add or detract from my sobriety"? Thanks for giving me yet another perspective to view my major decisions. Janet
Member: J.A.K
Location:
Date: March 06, 2003
Time: 08:19 PM
Member: J.A.K
Location: Colorado
Date: March 06, 2003
Time: 08:21 PM
Member: Elizabeth R. S.
Location: Virginia
Date: March 06, 2003
Time: 09:28 PM
Only a person emotionally sick would propose marriage to a person two months sober; but that is exactly the sort of person we attract when we are in the disease or early in recovery. I shudder to think of the choices I would have made, early in recovery, when I was so happy to be sober that I thought I was 'well'. The 'no major decisions' suggestion (and it is only a suggestion borne out of an enormous lived experience) in the first year is valid because people who work the steps (necessary to achieve contented sobriety) change so much that choices made before this change no longer make sense. The woman I was would have drank again. The woman I became no longer finds it necessary to drink, and the people I used to be comfortable with I can't connect to anymore. How could I have chosen a life partner without knowing myself first? I regret to say that at two months sober I had only made a bare beginning, but that 'pink cloud' can be very, very deceptive. And we alcoholics can't wait for anything, we are in such a hurry to get settled and perfect and 'somewhere' by Thursday. But we didn't get sick overnight, and we just don't get better overnight either. And I'm no oldtimer, not even a middle-timer, but it's been a few years now that I've been sober and it's always hard to see women sober up, and go rushing into decisions that so frequently end in pain. May God bless up and grant us all that hardest thing of all patience to grow.
Member: janet
Location: Costa Rica
Date: March 07, 2003
Time: 05:42 AM
thanks for sharing,Elizabeth. You may have said some things that I need to hear, no matter how difficult. do you have any advise/comments about the new job change too?
Member: Tracy
Location: England
Date: March 07, 2003
Time: 02:16 PM
hI folks, I am a typical alcoholic, after only 7wks sober the longest time in 26 yrs, and 4 wks into a treatment prog that is teaching me how to change i got this sudden urge to change my job at the end of the prog, i just feel that my job won't satisfy me anymore, but me thinks, hey Trace your doing it again try to run your own life and we know the mess you usually make of that. tracy.v@ntlworld.com
Member: Ed Z.
Location: Ohio
Date: March 07, 2003
Time: 07:14 PM
Hello, Ed Z. alcoholic who believes Son Of a Bitch Everything is Real (SOBER). Janet, A comment on the coffee pot says: "is only a suggestion born out of enormously lived experience" I have seen and read all advice given recently about marriage on this site. Frankly, I can't find advice only traces of experience, strength and hope. If one requests real advice in jobs and or relationships, learn at Louise Hayes books and publishing company. I sobered up to understand jobs and or relationships, found out my relationship with myself and the steps became staggering. Dwyer,Gray, Larsen, Chopra, Myss, Williamson, Hendrix are just a few respected authors but in the first year Hayes is OK. I have a size 13 EEE shoe and anymore typed prancing about relationships and marriage will insert them in my mouth. Ann, Thank You for sending simple information to me about Easter Weekend SoberFling. Now I process life on life's terms to see if I can get there. Newcomers, I and many others feel priviliged to give humble feedback, mostly through screwups. Love extended sober family.
Member: LINDA
Location: PENSYLVANIA
Date: March 07, 2003
Time: 11:17 PM
AN OLDTIMER.(FEMALE) IN THE PROGRAM TOLD ME "YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT IF YOU STAY SOBER" TO THIS DAY I DON'T THINK I HAVE EVER HEARD ANYTHING MORE STUPID THAN HER COMMENT.. I HAD ASKED HER EXPERIENCE STRENGTH AND HOPE ON A RELATIONSHIP I WAS CONSIDERING TAKING FURTHER...MEANING LIVING TOGETHER. I WAS EXTREMELY VULNERABLE AND IT ENDED IN POLICE ACTION LOOKING BACK (HINDSIGHT ALWAYS A BIT CLEARER... I AM CONVINCED THAT SHE DID THIS BECAUSE OF HER ANGER AT NEW PEOPLE (WHO CARES THEY DON'T LISTEN ANYWAYS) ATTITUDE.. IT WAS COLD AND MEAN AND DEFINATELY "NOT" OUT OF HER KNOWLEDGE TO TELL ME THE TRUTH... AND THE STUPID THING WAS THAT "I WOULD HAVE LISTENED" BECAUSE I RESPECTED THE FACT THAT SHE HAD BEEN SOBER 26 YEARS, HAD A REGULAR HOME GROUP, AND ALWAYS SEEMED TO BE HELPING NEW PEOPLE. IN THE BEGINING OF SOBRIETY I DIDN'T KNOW "IN EXACTLY WHAT WAYS..I WAS SICK..ONLY THAT I WAS SICK"..THIS DECISION COST ME MY SOBRIETY..I DRANK OVER IT BECAUSE IT WAS SO TOXIC AND ABUSIVE.. MANY OF THE WOMEN IN AA HAVE "WOMEN" ISSUES... IF YOU ARE RELATIVELY GOOD LOOKING AND POSITIVE.. EXPECT TO BE 'ENVIED' AND LEFT OUT,, AND SECRETLY SOME OF THE OLD BAGS HOPE TO SEE YOU FAIL.. THE PROGRAM IS PERFECT BUT LETS FACE IT FOLKS.. IF EVER THERE WAS A PLACE TO FIND SICK PEOPLE.. AA IS A PRIME EXAMPLE... YOU'VE GOT TO PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR GUT ABOUT PEOPLE THERE...SADLY MOST OF THEM REALLY DO NOT GET VERY WELL.. ) AND WHEN 'YOUR SICK' YOU'LL ATTRACT THEM EVEN MORE SO.. TO GET WELL YOU'VE GOT TO STICK TO THOSE WINNERS..IF YOU GET A SPONSOR AND THEY AREN'T OFFERING TO TAKE YOU THROUGH THE STEPS" THEN ASK SOMEONE ELSE...DON'T JUST TAKE "THIER WORDS OF SO CALLED WISDOM" THEY ARE ONLY HUMAN AFTER ALL.. IF I WAS GOING TO GET MARRIED,, I WOULD TALK TO A 'MARRIAGE COUCILOR, AND READ ALOT OF BOOKS ON THE SUBJECT... AND MAYBE EVEN DO THE STEPS ON THE SITUATION....AND TAKE MY TIME. DON'T ALLOW ANOTHER TO 'TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR DECISIONS' JANET.. YOU SOUND LIKE A POSTIIVE GIRL WITH LOTS GOING FOR YOURSELF... BE TRUE TO THINE OWN SELF" LOL AND HOPES FOR YOU TO MEET SOME REALLY GOOD WOMEN SPONSORS IN AA.
Member: Kim V
Location: kvaughn@madison.main.nc.us
Date: March 08, 2003
Time: 02:29 AM
Kim V here alcoholic. Linda in PA. I hear you blaming this lady who told you "you can do anything if you stay sober", as you got into a bad relationship and say it then was her fault you drank over it. WE alcoholics always find reasons to blame other people so we can drink over it. It is called rationalizations and denial. You say you know she did this on purpose because she resents the new comers and is tired of them. Funny how you are a expert on other people's motives. I suggest you stick to taking your inventory, it may help you stay sober. You say if she had only told you the truth you would have listened about the relationship. I haven't met anyone yet who asks firsts and then listens to sugestions about getting into a relationship in their first year of soberity. The reason people ask is because they are hoping to HEAR WHAT THE WANT TO HEAR, and they will keep asking different people until they get the answer they want. You already knew it wasn't a good idea or you would not have asked. I strongly suggest you take some responsibility for getting yourself in a bad situation, getting your feeling hurts over a relationsip and chosing to drink over it. Once you admit that truth you might be able to go on from there. For me when I got rid of MY SELF PIT< BLAMIG OTHERS< and learned to be accountable for my actions is when my life changed and I have been sober ever since. 6 1/2 years now. So I guess it works. Good luck to you.
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: March 08, 2003
Time: 02:46 AM
Hi everyone, good topic. The only major decision I made my first year, that stayed in my life, was sobriety and thank God for that. Hit each and every what one would call a "major" decision, change in home, job and got engaged, all in the first twelve months of sobriety. I felt so good, alive, heck nothing could stop me, except life itself. Spent my first year learning what Good Orderly Direction ment. I was not the same person, inside and out from day 1 to day 365, yet, no one could tell me that, or at the least, I could not hear it. Step three kicked in at the start of year two and that is when my self will changed direction, as well as life. As long as we keep putting one sober day next to another sober day, we have a chance. Thanks for letting me share, Gentle Wishes, janbbparis@yahoo.com
Member: T-Bone
Location: S. Fla
Date: March 08, 2003
Time: 06:18 AM
Well said Kim!
Member: BJ L
Location: LEXINGTON KY
Date: March 08, 2003
Time: 12:02 PM
HELLO FAMILY,BJ ALCOHOLIC TODAY IS A BEATIFUL DAY ITS LIKE 70+HERE TODAY AND ANY DAY LIKE THIS 90 DAYS AGO WOULD HAVE BEEN A GOOD DAY TO DRINK BUT TODAY I HAVE A REASON TO STAY SOBER CAUSE I WAS MENTALLY AND PHISICALLY BROKEN DOWN WHEN I GOT HERE YESTERDAY IFOUND OUT MY AUNT DIED AND IT TOUR ME UP INSIDE AND ANY OTHER DAY IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A REASON FOR ME TO GET DRUNK YOU KNOW TO TRY AND KILL THE PAIN BUT TODAY I HAVE A PRINCIPAL AND SOME STEPS I CAN PUT ON ALL MY PROBLEMS AND 90 DAYS AGO I DID NOT HAVE THAT I ALSO HAVE A VERY POWERFUL SPONSOR AND SUPPORT GROUP THAT I CAN GO TO WITH MY PROBLEMS AND THEY EITHER GIVE ME A SUGGESTION OR PIONT ME IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION TO GET THE RIGHT ADVICE I DO MY FITH STEP TOMMOROW AND THATS A REAL FEAR FACTOR FOR ME CAUSE I DONT REALLY WANT TO TELL SOMONE EVERYTHING WRONG THAT I HAVE DONE CAUSE THAT MEANS YOU WILL KNOW HOW I REALLY AM BUT I KNOW I MUST DO THIS TO BE SET FREE THE 12AND 12 TELLS ME I HAVE TO GET HONEST WITH SOMONE OR EVERYBODY IN ORDER TO LIVE LONG AND HAPPILY SO I MUST DO THIS OR I WILL END UP DRINKING OR EVEN WORSE DIE FROM DRINKING WELL MY NAME IS BJ ALCOHOLIC LOVE YOU ALL
Member: Ana D
Location:
Date: March 08, 2003
Time: 06:39 PM
Hi am Ana, alcoholic, trying this again for the 3rd time. Praying I can do it this time. Have been reading your comments and many have been inspirational. Thanks for sharing.
Member: meg
Location:
Date: March 08, 2003
Time: 08:26 PM
Ana D, I'm in the same boat and the people in this program have helped beyond belief. They have taught me the tools I need to remain sober. They also taught me to laugh, cry, bitch, complain, and how to feel my emotions in a sober state. I can say that without the people of AA I seriously doubt my sobriety would not have lasted one single day. I keep you in my prayers. One day at a time. mg
Member: Elizabeth
Location: Virginia
Date: March 08, 2003
Time: 09:18 PM
I just read your comment, Janet, please, don't take anything said as "advice". I loathe advice, and wouldn't be surprised to hear you feel the same way. As a sober woman, I care about other sober women, but before I care, I realize that this is your life, your path, not anyone else's. I liked Ed Z.'s phrasing, "humble feedback", I thought that sounded really gentle. From my experience, one of the most valuable suggestions, was to "give time, time". Me? I just wish you well, one day at a time, and sobriety without end.
Member: Jim K
Location: Alabama
Date: March 08, 2003
Time: 11:45 PM
Hi Ya'll just glad to be here and sober on a saturay night
Member: Kathy K.
Location: Northeast
Date: March 09, 2003
Time: 05:56 AM
debbie M. - SD -How are you doing? Please post and let us know. We care about you!!