Member: d shandley
Location: kansas
Remote Name: 68.103.90.84
Date: January 25, 2004
Time: 01:28 PM -0500

Comments

hello. dani here. i am glad to here this as a topic. i have been told that i am stuck in self pity do to a relapse last weekend. i had almost five months clean, and went out with a friend who is a normi and doesnt know about my problem with drugs and alcahol. i have also been struggling with the shame of being an alcahol addict at 23 years old. i am trying to start over in my sobriety but this has not been easy the last seven days. if any one has any suggestions or can relate! please help.


Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.91.168.81
Date: January 25, 2004
Time: 03:20 PM -0500

Comments

((dani))) good for you starting over again... For me it's more just eliminating the obsession with "self" rather than pittying myself. Although I do have to admit that I felt so sorry for myself for years because of all the shit that happened to me early in life. The 12 step book says "stop worrying which came first - the chicken or the egg" and I could so relate. Am I an alcoholic because of all the shit that happened to me and therefore none of it is my fault... or was I always predestined with this so called "disease" and I would've had it even if my life was picture perfect. And one last thing for Dani - good for you for getting sober at 23 - I'm 47 about to turn 48 in one more week and I've wasted so much time being wasted. Young sobriety is a gift and you are not missing out on parties... you are getting an early gift of not missing out on life. love to all - these early stages are tough... but no one said life was easy... we are learning to feel it all for the first time in a very long time... prayers for the elimination of "self" for us all. love, kat


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: January 25, 2004
Time: 07:29 PM -0500

Comments

Dani - Kat said it well, especially the part about getting clean and sober with your whole life still in front of you. Only wish I'd done what you're doing. Here I am almost 65 years old and I now have the grand total of 6 days sober. Was I an alcoholic the whole time -- started drinking as a teenager in Wichita, Kansas -- or did alcoholism finally catch up with me late in life. Ask my wife and she'll tell you I was an alcoholic in my 20s and that I did a lot to ruin her life thru my drinking. So don't wallow in self pity. Instead consider how lucky you are to be identifying this disease in its early stages. If you don't deal with it now I guarantee you it will only get harder. For now I'd suggest just working and reworking the first 3 steps. But then, I'm certainly not an expert. Let your higher power guide you through.


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: January 25, 2004
Time: 08:22 PM -0500

Comments

Adam, alcoholic. I hear in meetings a lot that old cliche: "Oh poor me... Oh poor me... Oh pour me another drink." I think that is really true in my case. If I am going to live happily in sobriety I need to always remember what I have to be grateful for as a result of the principles and actions of AA. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Mary P
Location: St. Louis
Remote Name: 67.30.65.7
Date: January 25, 2004
Time: 09:52 PM -0500

Comments

Mary P. - St. Louis I believe the only way I succeed is by doing my best to ask my higher power to accept my apologies, and ask that he watch over me just for this one day and keep me straight, I then close the book and try really hard to think only of others needs - I find if I can get the focus off of myself and give to others, I feel better and much more like I am alive and involved. My younger years were not the way I would have liked them, but now I have a family of my own and I am determined to make all their lives better and more like I wished mine had been. Hang tough - 23 is a wonderful year to wake up and live life - it is a gift don't waste it. I will give you one very good reason why you shouldn't spend long grieving after alcohol or drugs...........there is no future in it - none...there is nowhere to go but down if you continue to use and if you choose to not use there is nowhere to go but up..Help is there if you reach up. Love and best of luck and life to you..........Mary


Member: Carol V
Location: Idaho
Remote Name: 67.22.53.85
Date: January 25, 2004
Time: 11:20 PM -0500

Comments

I want to quit drinking. My life has not become unmanageable - but I do not like how much I'm drinking, nor do I like myself when I'm drinking. I'm not sure I'm an alcoholic - but do know that I drink dyfunctionally.


Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: January 25, 2004
Time: 11:47 PM -0500

Comments

Hi Carol. My name is Gage and I'm an alcoholic. You know you don't have to be an alcoholic to join us here. Grab a seat. Do you mind my asking what it is that happens when you drink that makes you say that your drinking is dysfunctional?


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.223.176.115
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 12:00 AM -0500

Comments

Hi Carol, Welcome! Knowing whether or not your an alcoholic can be tough. Here is a quiz that tells you if you are or not. Hope it helps you to decide. Good Luck and keep coming back! http://www.barefootsworld.net/20quests.html


Member: stanly
Location: mi
Remote Name: 12.73.150.218
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 02:02 AM -0500

Comments

Quiz, bs Imagine your life without alcohol. None. Would it be better or worse. Maybe thats why were here.


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 04:51 AM -0500

Comments

Eliminating self pity came the day I got sober. I'm almost 4 months sober and have faced too many obsticles to not be some kind of a test. I had a cancer scare which they still don't know what it is, but something is definately wrong with me. I'll know more this week. My good friend died at 44 last week. I had to buy a new car, my computer equipment has been self distructing one piece at a time, my cell phone died for no reason, etc. etc. Not once did I think of any self pity. What I thought was that I can't do anything about it, so just move on. Sure it's not easy, but nothing worthwhile in life is. I have finally learned that things happen to everyone. Not just me. So if something isn't going so right, do what you can to make it better and it will get better. Here's to another sober 24 for all.


Member: Mike D.
Location: Tampa, FL
Remote Name: 4.4.96.202
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 08:07 AM -0500

Comments

Mike here, like Carol V I'm still and active alcoholic, but want to quit and join in your happiness. My life is wonderful, and the alcohol is a good part of it -- thus a major part of my problem. I know I need to quit for health reasons, but drinking is a positive part of my life, at least until I wake the following morning. No hangovers as such, just a generally shitty feeling. I can usually get in a couple of sober days, then I feel so good I grab a beer. I talk to my God all the time, but he has given me free will and I damn sure exercise it. Oh well, I'll be back, wish me luck. Mike D.


Member: Carol V
Location: Idaho
Remote Name: 67.22.53.85
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 08:30 AM -0500

Comments

Kelly - thanks for the quiz. I'll take it tonight after work. Gabe - the list is long: I am "hung over" 2-3 times a weeks, I argue when I've been drinking, I'll drive after drinking (which I think is deplorable) - I could go on and on. Yet, I don't behave this way EVERY time I drink. I enjoy different types of wines and micro brews and almost feel sad to think I could never try some again. Aghhhhhhhh!


Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Remote Name: 68.76.56.44
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 08:53 AM -0500

Comments

My Dad taught me a valuble lesson a long time ago. I was constantly complaining, in other words, "poor me". He told me "Son, when you are hurting or feeling sorry for yourself, just look around you. You can always find someone that is worse off than you are. Just thank God that isn't you. Another thing he said is when you meet someone that is down, smile and see what happens. Usually they will smile back. Health and happiness to us all. Mike H.


Member: Reena B.
Location: NY
Remote Name: 64.9.117.2
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 11:01 AM -0500

Comments

People who are not alcholics do not question there drinking. They don't have to it is not an issue in there lives at all. If you question your drinking you probably have a problem. I do have a problem. That test is the best! I answer 12 yes with no problem at all. All you need to have is the desire to stop drinking and you are on your way. WELCOME


Member: dave mc
Location: canada
Remote Name: 129.100.110.197
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 12:16 PM -0500

Comments

Dave canada Hi everyone, new to sobriety, not enjoying AA much.


Member: sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 03:03 PM -0500

Comments

Sheri here addict and alki Any lengths Well when I was using I was willing to do what ever it took to get the next fix! I was willing to go to any lengths. I wish that it was at 23 could have changed a lot of things in my life as well as my children’s lives I have been a lucky junkie in some ways I have never gone to jail or been arrested I have never lost my children However I lost me many years ago and with so many years of using I believe it will take a few years clean to get me back my husband killed himself because he couldn’t QUIT/ SELF-Pity My children deserve better and as long as I don’t drink or use today I can keep working to get me back life is not easy sober or drunk but my heart feels better clean and sober. AA is the one place I have always been accepted! Only one requirement, a desire to stop drinking! They say to take what you like and leave the rest think that means you might have to look for what you want in A.A. ODAAT


Member: Kim D
Location: Bridgewater
Remote Name: 209.113.227.200
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 03:45 PM -0500

Comments

GREAT topic... and one I didn't fully understand until about 3 years sober. I was FILLED with self-pity when I walked through the doors. My alcoholism caused pain to a great many people and I WAS sorry about that, but geeeeez.... I'm hurting to you know!!! That was my war cry UNTIL I started the steps and began to write out my fourth step. I haven't written in a while, so I'm sure more will be revealed. Suffice it to say that if I had known how sick I was when I walked through the doors, I wouldn't have stayed. For, it is not DRINKING that caused me problems - it was living life on life's terms that got me all bunched up. Self-pity is one of the many character defects I have to contend with, still. However, I do have the tools to identify it and squash it before it leads me back to the bottle. ((Carol)) Like Gage said, you don't have to be an alcoholic to join us. That decision can be made at a later date. ((Young person who's name I have already forgot... LOL)) I knew I was an alkie at the age of 16. Hit my first meeting at 17... right out of high school. It took me 14 more years of "research" to finally surrender. You can take the elevator right to the bottom if you wish - or you can decide to get off here, at 23, and have a wonderful, fullfilling life ODAAT. Just don't drink today - forget about tomorrow and the next and the next - and life will unfold around you. God bless.


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.115.9.121
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 03:49 PM -0500

Comments

HI all, Kathy-alcoholic here. I like this topic as it is a confusing one for me. Some self pity is clear to me. The kind that is unclear is when I am dwelling on the past and feeling like a POS. THere is guilt and shame in there. But I know there is a big dose of self pity though. It is hard to move past all of that stuff, to get forgiveness from my HP and the people I harmed, and to then try and forgive myself. I guess that is the work of the steps. Sometimes I wonder what parts of guilt and shame are perhaps pure self pity too. Anyway, I am VERY grateful to say I have a real sponsor finally and she has 19 years and works the program in a solic way to all appearances. So this week I launch into step work! I was so excited driving home from the meeting last night you would have thought I won the lotto. I guess I did in a way....a life lotto - freedom from some of my insanity if I do the work! ((JIMR)) you are the best. THanks for your words yet again. I should not have criticized the coffee pot. Sorry. This site and the 12x12 one has lots of great stuff. As I am sure the pot does if I was a little more clear headed. ((Dani and Carol)) please keep coming here and reading, check out the 12x12 one too as there seems to be good info there too. THe thing that is really helping me is going to face to face meetings when I can. Even if I dont reach out - being around people laughing at themselves and staying sober is a miricle to behold. I pray peace finds us all today. KathyD


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.223.178.125
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 05:27 PM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), The false comfort of self-pity, from the daily reflections book says: "Self pity is one of the most unhappy and consuming defects we know. It is a bar to all spiritual progress and can cut off communication with others because if its inordinate demands for attention and sympathy. It is a maudlin form of martyrdom, which we can ill afford". > end quote. I used to feel entitled to my drinking because life had been so unfair to me! If only life had been kinder and I had made out better everything would be different. If only my parents loved me more and my boyfriends were not abusive a-holes. Yes, I'd lay around languishing in self-pity and feel I earned it. What it did was justify my spree's and downward spiral into the pit of dispair. Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink and so on. Since I got sober my gratitude has replaced my need to feel sorry for myself. I'm alive and that is a miracle. Every day I don't pick up a drink is another gift. The 12 steps have shown me that only (today) matters and if I change myself my life will change for the better. So far life is 150% better sober, I never would have thought that a couple years ago! I don't need to marinate in my own crap and reach out to others instead. I'm not all wrapped up in me all the time and that is a good thing! How exhausting it was taking my emotional pulse every five minutes, expecting everybody else to take care of me and make me happy. When you depend on others you will get let down every time because no one can take care of your every demand and not resent it. By taking the burden off others and handing it over to my higher power I feel so free and independent. Life isn't perfect and still gets me down sometimes but I don't have to drink over it today or wallow in self-pity. Besides being happy feels way better.... Kelly :)


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.115.9.121
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 06:05 PM -0500

Comments

wow Kelly, that was great! Thanks for that awesome share!!!!!!! I am inspired!


Member: Casey W.
Location: West Texas
Remote Name: 68.224.213.242
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 06:25 PM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Casey and I'm an alcoholic. Throughout my years of drinking and into early sobriety, I was full of self-pity. My dad is an alcoholic with 20 years of sobriety, my mom is a very active addict, blah blah blah blah. I don't know that I actively used these as excuses for drinking and my subsequent behavior, but I do know that they were there in the back of my mind. "If you had my life, you would drink too"--that type of thing. I now realize that self-pity is a false comfort. If I feel something is wrong, I need to do the best I can to relieve that wrong feeling. Many times the best I can do is let go of the problem. It's easier said than done, but it also gets easier with time. Glad to be here...


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 08:22 PM -0500

Comments

I'm really thankful this is the topic this week. Today I found myself throwing a big pity party for myself. Probably wouldn't have identified it as such had I not been reading the earlier posts. But there I was, just about to go out and buy a bottle because my wife put me down -- or at least that's how I interpreted it. How buying a bottle would help, I have no idea. But for a bit I just didn't give a damn. I soon recognized the self pity for what it was (thanks to this board) and asked God to please straighten out my thinking. That was this morning and I decided I could at least wait until afternoon to hit the liquor store. Never went. Figured I could go another day and at least get a full week of sobriety in this time around. I thank God and you people for getting me through a tough time of my own making. One day at a time. ED


Member: Herb S.
Location: Vancouver, B.C.
Remote Name: 24.207.30.29
Date: January 26, 2004
Time: 10:22 PM -0500

Comments

Hi folks, Herb here and I'm an alcoholic. Can't get to a meeting tonight so I'm browsing through the site. Thank you all for sharing so honestly and reminding me I don't want to have to sober up again 'cause it's hard work! Dave Mc in Canada, I'm also a Canuck and your post made me smile; pretty much similar to my first few months in AA. They used to tell me "It gets better" and I would want to shake them and say "WHEN?!" but it really does.When I was three months sober, I took a 3 month chip and said at the meeting "Well, since I got sober, my woman has left me and my dog has died...all I need now is for my pick-up truck to break down and I'll be an official country and western song!" Would you believe it, I really did have a pick-up back then and it broke down two months later!! It was official! Things are so much better now it's amazing. Keep going to meetings even when you don't feel like it...one of these days you'll hear someone tell your story and you'll understand that yeah,they understand! Good luck to ya!


Member: Gage
Location: swamp
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 01:38 AM -0500

Comments

I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. Carol, good to see you back. Good to see you here too, Mike D. Carol and Mike, I've gone to AA meetings at a prison near here and met people who have done some awful things to people, and some of them don't even remember doing what they did because they were drunk when they did it. Still, I don't know if any those people are alcoholics unless they tell me that they are. Also, I go to a meeting every Friday afternoon where there is an older lady who has been a regular there for years, and who never even swatted a fly when she was drinking. She never had a wreck or a DUI, never lost a job for drinking, never walked out on a family or had her family walk out on her. Yet she says that, without any doubt, she is an alcoholic, and I believe her. Myself, I'm not proud of everything I did while drinking, but, then, I'm not proud of everything I've done in my life period, drinking or not drinking. My story doesn't match up with that older lady's, and neither does it match up with those convicts'. But I know I'm an alcoholic, not because of the things that happened to me on the outside, as much as what happened on the inside. If I take a drink, the minute I start to feel it, I'm hooked. When I feel that drink, all I will want is to drink more, because I don't want that feeling to ever go away. That craving for more will happen even if I have to wait days for another drink. On my wedding day, I drank very little at the reception because I didn't want to get too drunk in front of my wife's family. I drank a little, and after the reception, I drove for the rest of the afternoon and most of the evening to where we went for our honeymoon, and except for a couple of beers when we stopped for supper, I didn't drink at all, but I wanted a drink the whole time. When we got to the hotel where we were staying, we checked in, and then I went straight to the hotel bar and got drunk, the point being that the first drink of wine at our reception turned on a switch in my head, a craving, that stayed with me for all those miles. If you'd like to read a better description of what happens to an alcoholic on the inside when he takes a drink, you can find one in our book, Alcoholics Anonymous, among other places, in the chapter entitled "The Doctor's Opinion". At any rate, Carol and Mike, nobody in AA diagnosed me as an alcoholic. I made the diagnosis based on something I know is true about me whether I did horrible things when I was drinking or not. You can make your own diagnosis as well. Just answer (to yourself) honestly, what happens when you take a drink.


Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 09:42 AM -0500

Comments

mark m here, alcoholic about the only thing that i can say is the word self we need to get rid of it or it will kill us having a higher power i give myself to him so i no longer have selfpity, self centerness,self-will,selfishness,self-delusion,self-seeking all have a great day


Member: Kim M.
Location: FL
Remote Name: 66.245.114.147
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 09:58 AM -0500

Comments

(MikeD) No Hangovers ,huh? Just feeeel the neeeed to graaab a beeer. I had that stinkin' thinkin' and I lost a lot of family and friends to it too! Keep coming back, but we are all allowed to make our own decisions. (Dave MC) take it eady on yourself. You will find the joy and happiness within yourself. Self-pity will disappear when you become more involved. (Carol V) I don't miss the taste. I thrived in it's chaos, no morals there. (dani) I wish I was that young, took me a long time and lost a lot of those precious years. Welcome back (Everyone) My pity came with the pain and grief of all the actions I blamed myself and others for through all those years. I pray, pray, and pray. "Help me, Higher Power, to get out of myself, to stop always thinking what I need. Show me the way with the strength to do the right thing."


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 65.102.43.100
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 10:03 AM -0500

Comments

Most of my life I felt different. I thought everyone else had gotten some secret knowledge for happiness and I was somehow left out. Alcohol amplified this feeling and worse. As I drank more, my options became less and less, so at the end all I had left was the alcohol. I came to AA hopeless and bankrupt in every way. As I dried out, I still felt like no one else could understand my suffering or even cared to try, but I resentfully kept coming back because I was afraid of drinking again. My sponsor challenged me to reach out to others and over the months, I began to hear a Truth that did apply to me. Today a few years later, I know I was (and often still am) incredibly self-centered. This is another aspect of my disease, on my own I will always eventually settle into self pity and fear, but with your help and the principles of the 12 steps, I get to be “happy, joyous and free”.


Member: Trace
Location: England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 11:39 AM -0500

Comments

My sponser always says if I feel a touch of self pity..tough get use to it gal this is the disease..plus once you are in AA YOU dont matter anymore..passing the message on is now your responsiblity..boy do I hate hearing that so for me that must be the way forward out of self.


Member: Holly B
Location: Oregon
Remote Name: 67.227.212.168
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 01:17 PM -0500

Comments

I just got out of a 25 day treatment center about 3 days ago. I have 28 days sober today. I am an addict, but find that I relate better to AA, so hope you guys don't mind me being here, instead of NA. Anyway, I found this topic interesting, as I have been feeling very FLAT since I've been home. Pretty much emotionless. Maybe I just need to pick myself up and force myself to do things that will, more than likely, make me feel better, like visiting friends, shopping, etc. I have been praying every hour, so thank goodness for my higher power. Any advise is GREATLY appreciated! Thank you all for your hope. Have a great day sober!


Member: mark m
Location: columbia tn
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 02:31 PM -0500

Comments

hello again, mark here still a alcoholic,((holly )) the best thing to do is #1 get a sponser #2 get a big book #3 read the big book over and over and over the answer to all our problems are in the big book i'm still young in the progrsm (8 mo,s) but it helps me understand my problems and how to deal with life on lifes terms god bless you


Member: eric price
Location: cleveland ohio
Remote Name: 68.170.195.139
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 02:44 PM -0500

Comments

Hello my name is Eric and i have 8months of sobriety, thank god.I am new to this and i hope it makes sense.I totally can relate to self pity, shame etc. it is a part of my desease ,it feeds my drinking.I can recall many morning after drinking where the only thing i could do was to get drunk all over again to eleviate the guilt from the night before.I experienced alot of guilt returning to A.A. I was sober as a teenager and put 9 years of clean time together.I was speaking at alot of meetings, sponcering alot of people and was very active in meetings in my area.I then decided that i could drink again,so i stopped being active and showing up for meetings and distanced myself from aa.I then drank for 12 years before getting the grace to return to a.a. Thank god for sponcership.I have learned so much from my sponcer.He told me things like "if it were up to you , you would have avoided all the pain you ever went through". well of course i would have wouldn't anybody?. I later figured out that what he was saying was if i had not gone through one of my experiences i would not have as mnuch to offer to someone else.I believe today that my job is to fit myself to be of maximum service to god and my fellow man.I have been gifted with very unique and not so unique experiences that i have to pull insight from.I was also found that when i got involved in meetings and become a member of a.a instead of just showing up ,i began to forgive myself for my relapse,and i also figured out that people in meetings forgave me a long time ago, p.s your not the only one who has slipped it comes with the desease it is the most natural thing for an alcoholic to do (drink) but it no longer has to be partt of your recovery forgive yourself (God already has) and enjoy the process of recovery,


Member: sailman
Location: NC
Remote Name: 66.43.162.74
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 02:54 PM -0500

Comments

I recently was reading a book that finally and clearly indicated that I have an addictive personality. Stated that I focus on objects for intimacy and away from the unpredictable Self. Yep, sounds just like me. The weapon of choice is alcohol but I suppose it could be most anything. How can I change?


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 03:01 PM -0500

Comments

Alcohol worked for me for years, because through drinking,I found a spiritual connection that helped me fit in. Then alcohol turned on me. When I didn't get what I wanted anymore, I cried out at the world and then to myself. Self Pity: I was driven by fear of not getting what I wanted, losing what I had, and a feeling of being found out. I wallowed in Self Pity. I was a child who never grew up in a sence. My body matured, but my mind and spirit(heart)were stuck in adolescence. I was like that before I took my first drink, I know it to be true. I didn't handle frustration very well and when the world rejected me because of my incessant needs, I cried louder. Drinking just fueled the fire for the spiritual disease. Also, I had all the signs of a physical problem with alcohol: an allergic reaction that after having had the first drink, made me crave more. (I was genetically pre-disposed to drink more and more alcohol) Feelings of guilt and remorse became more frequent because my drinking became uncontrollable. So what did I do? I drank more and more. At one point I had had enough and realized that alcohol stopped working for me. (more hangovers, social unacceptance, financial loss, failing health,lossed relationships, trouble with the law) hello? I needed another spiritual connection though. I found that connection through AA. They taught me that alcoholism is 1. a Physical disease "allergy/craving" 2. an obcession of the mind (feeling we can drink normally) 3. A spiritual disease/malady "When we overcome the Spiritual malady, our minds and bodies get better. Work the steps. We have so much hope to offer that even Walmart couldn't touch our prices. Here's what Dr. Tiebolt says about AA. Learning To Live (without alcohol) Those who view the prospect of life without abundant drive (alcohol/spirituality) as unutterably dull and boring should examine the life of members of Alcoholics Anonymous who have truly adopted the A.A. program. They will see people who have been stopped -- and who, therefore, do not have to go anywhere -- but people who are learning, for the first time in their lives, to live. They are neither dull nor wishy-washy. Quite the contrary, they are alive and interested in the realities about them. They see things in the large, are tolerant, open-minded, not close-minded bulling ahead. They are receptive to the wonders in the world about them, including the presence of a Deity who makes all this possible. They are the ones who are really living. The attainment of such a way of life is no mean accomplishment." Dr. Harry Tiebolt The Ego Factors in Surrender in Alcoholism www.thejaywalker.com In the Big Book called "Alcoholics Anonymous" Read the "Bedevilments" in the middle of page 52. "We had to ask ourselves........." Then read the "Promises" on the bottom of page 83 to the top of 84. Between those pages is the chapters "how it works" and "into action" But please read before 52 and after 84 to get the whole picture. If you don't have a book and want to change your life, whats $10 worth to you?


Member: Doug S.
Location: South Dakota
Remote Name: 216.16.65.17
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 03:20 PM -0500

Comments

Hello. Doug S. here. Being very new to recovery (My original sobriety date was Sept. 8, 2003) I still have a very large problem with self-pity. I spent 25 days at an inpatient treatment center and came out feeling 10 feet tall and bullet-proof. Little did I know that this feeling was going to end. I have heard many others say that this would happen and I knew what to do to continue to make this feeling last. I have a beautiful wife and two lovely children that have been put through the proverbial wringer from my actions. Although I have not lost as much as some from my actions, if I continue on this road of destruction, these things are sure to come. I have begun to drink again and as they told me in treatment, you WILL pick-up where you left off...it is not a slow descent as it was in the begining. I just pray that I can pick myself back up by the bootstraps and get on with life. God bless you all for having this site! I am a rather shy person and a lot of time, just don't have the courage to venture out beyond my four walls. This makes it even harder for me to make face-to-face meetings. Enough for now...will post more later. If this site helps me out with continuing my sobriety, so be it. Thanks for listening! Doug


Member: Heather2
Location: VA
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 07:42 PM -0500

Comments

Hello everyone today is my first day back. This topic is great because I have been filled with self-pity today over all the work I have ahead of me. My sponsor recommended this site. I am thankful that I have almost made it through the day. I have enjoyed reading everyone share's on this discussion.


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 08:22 PM -0500

Comments

Again, JimR, I want to thank you. This time for posting the advice to read pages 52 and 83-84 of the Big Book. I'd read those before but not as stand alone statements. I had missed how directly the bedevilments applied to me and how the promises tied directly back to the bedevilments. Maybe somebody needs to apply chapter and verse numbers to the Big Book for easier reference. :) Those paragraphs really do set out the big picture as you say. By the way, I'm now 8 days sober. The longest I've gone since last Spring, and then it was because of some health problems. Weather has been foul here in the Washington DC area the past 2 days and I've been unable or unwilling to get out to meetings. This site and your postings have helped me in these my very early days. Thanks for being here. Ed


Member: Carol V
Location: Idaho
Remote Name: 67.22.51.101
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 08:23 PM -0500

Comments

Gage - thanks for the comments - again. I haven't had a drink in 2 days. I did take the "test" and I'm sure anyone on this site can guess the results. I agree, only I can decide if I'm an alcoholic. And until I do - I'd like to not drink and see what I discover. I live in a small community and know acquaintances and business associates that attend AA meetings. I don't want to be seen in a meeting in this town. I know the premise is anonymous - but these people sure talk about who is at meetings.


Member: Johnny O
Location: California
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 27, 2004
Time: 09:37 PM -0500

Comments

Hello all... My name is Johnny O, and I'm an Alcoholic in the TRUE sense of the word. And I'm scared. I had a real awakening this past weekend, and probably should have lost my life. I am a stroke victim ( a year ago Dec.) and my Doctor, my wife even my children have asked me, begged me to stop drinking. This past weekend, I went through my usual course... A bottle of wine and then went out with my eldest son (I have 8 children- 7 boys and 1 little girl) to celebrate him joining the Military with some of his college buddys. That's when the my "Superman" complex kicked in and I was challenged to a drinking contest for money in which I KNEW I would win. 8 shots of bourbon later, my son had to carry me away. On the way home he said that I stopped breathing which scared the living shit outta him, and I didn't wake up for two days. At least 2 out of four weekends end up like this. My alcoholisim has gotten so bad that I had to change every password I have to the same thing just to remember it. I'm scared that I'm going to self destruct and need help. I can't go on like this. All I can do is consider myself an idiot, but everyone that knows I wanna change says that I've already taken the first step to getting help. I still feel like crap, because this weekend opened my eyes to all the self-centeredness that I have. All I can do is look at each day as the first day of the rest of my life, but I'm scared.


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.226.19.154
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 01:45 AM -0500

Comments

Hi Bill here alcoholic from Arizona. Just after the (a), (b), (c)'s in the big book; self pity, self, selfish, is mentioned in some form or another about 19 or 20 times. And immediately after it give us the solution for getting out of self. "God I offer my self to thee......relieve me of the bondage of self...". Just like any other real alcoholic, I once had the privilege of drinking. I abused that privilege so badly that it was removed. I did it, you did it, we did it. It was our choice. It does not behoove me to whine about it today. Build a bridge and get over it. Thank you very much , I love you, Bill


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.165.56.157
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 02:03 AM -0500

Comments

Ed What helped me when i knew that alcohol had me by baneens and i couldn't get rid of that racing mind, self pity or obsession to drink, was a lot of prayers (didn'really know how to pray but i prayed anyway), alot of meetings, and reading the big book over and over and over again. It took time, but it got to point that time became critical if i were to stay sober. i had to go to any length, i had to get INTO ACTION. i highlighted all the passages in the especially the first 164 pages. Reading chapter's: The Doctor's Opinion, There is a Solution, More about Alcoholism and We Agnostics really helped me. Identification is the key to finding the POWER. Bills story, Dr Bob's Story and the stories in the back are powerful, but the stories in "More about Alcoholism" pages 35 to 43 were the ones i identified with the most, especially good old Fred. In the middle of the first paragraph Fred states, even after knowing about the physical aspects of the disease... "I knew from that moment that I had an alcoholic mind. I saw that will power and self-knowledge wouldn't help in those strange mental blank spots." THAT BE ME. Have you ever told yourself you WEREN't going to drink no matter what happens and then did anyway. That is what is called "a strange mental blank spot." That IS the INSANITY And we think that way when we are sober. It's that crazy thought of the first drink, not taking the drink. That is the mental obcession. It is deeply implanted in out subconcious mind that we can drink like normal people. That's f*cked up thinking. That's okay though. At least we can see it now. That what the steps are for, to lift the obcession. I haven't had the compulsion to drink for a long time. If I stay spiritually fit each day I fear nothing. If i didn't surrender deeply and completely the mental obcession would have been always lurking, waiting to spring to life. We must deflate the EGO to subdue the subconcious mind of its own will and if we don't do that daily by staying spiritually fit, IT WILL INLATE AGAIN. We alcoholics tend to comply to the consequeces of our drinking (DUI's Lost relations, lost jobs) for a short peiod of time until the heat is off. Then when nobody's looking or we are enabled by others, we drink again. Or it could be that we think we're not as bad off as the guy that lost everything. If you can't drink without getting drunk and your world revolves around your drinking, whether you be happy or depressed, then you are a real alcoholic. It is time to face some painful facts, the unflattering point of departure, as they say. Self-knowledge is not enough. It doesn't matter if you lose everything or still have a family and two cars in the garage. The guy who loses everything just ran out of options before the guy who still has the stuff. The real question we have to ask ourselves is... Are we willing to continue drinking and lose everything eventially or are we willing to go to ANY length to LIVE FREE of the bullshit alcohol ALWAYS DELIVERS. When i say ANY length i mean ANY length. This ain't no party, this aint no disco, this aint no foolin' around. i either surrender deeply, completely, utterly without a fight, regardless of personal relationships, jobs, ego, material things or I comply to the wishes of others or mandates of the courts, and postpone my misery for yet another scrape or sobriety date. Once I do surrender to God/Higher Power/Mohamid/Buddha/the home group/your sponsor/the cat, It's not my life anymore, it's in his hands, my next breath is a gift, my next move is based on his will, not mine. This shit give me the chills when i think about the freedom that means. i don't have to worry about anyone one or anything anymore. He directs me, he gives me courage, he provides always. In essence i am reborn through the Power/God/the 12 steps/ the AA fellowship. i have finally found the POWER Step 2 and made a DECISION to turn my will and my LIFE over to the power. Lack of Power was my dilema before. Now i have all the power I will ever need, cause I FOUND IT. Let the rebuilding begin. i always wanted a different model anyway. Hope you want it bad enough, Ed. Feelings of self pity and uselessness will slip away indeed. A new life awaits, my friend. A life of complete managabilty, only if your will doesn't f*ck it up. Do you think God would mis-manage your life? I don't think so. Johhny O try your hardest to get to an AA meeting, pick up a volume of Alcoholics Anonymous and Read about Jim or Fred (I love Fred, he's Me) on pages 35 to 43. You're playing russian roulette with that stroke and all. I'm sure you know that. Good luck in finding the power. I hope to God you do. All you guys are GREAT! God's working through you all right now. Cause you're here and you help me stay sober! Good Night. jimr A former athiest who had a guilty pleasure called God. I used to believe in the Iron Chefs before i would turn to God. Those guys can cook some nasty stuff though. Don't you love a good helping of Sea Urchin.


Member: Kathleen
Location: Florida
Remote Name: 209.208.79.187
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 04:20 AM -0500

Comments

Hello all, Kathleen here alcoholic, Self pity will lead me to a drink faster than anything else. When I first got to AA I was so full of shame, remorse, self pity and self hatred I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. Couldn't even look myself in the eyes. Going to a lot of meetings, working the steps, especially 4 and 5 for me, helped me with the self pity thing. However, as it says in the Big book, we have a "daily repreive"...contingent on our spiritual condition... I had a wonderful sober life going and life happened, I moved away from my home town didn't get back into the program and got back into self pity. And eventually I picked up a drink to get the courage to kill myself.. Didn't work obvioulsy...God had other plans. I got back into the program, live by the principles of the steps and have over 6 years again. Life is good again. But if I don't keep up the daily things I need to do to stay sober and stay out of self pity I will drink again, or kill myself..both have the same end results. so I thank you all for being here. I also try to remember when I'm into self pity I'm out of acceptance.... Peace Kathleen


Member: Heather2
Location: VA
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 05:40 AM -0500

Comments

Hi all, day two and will be back to work and I'm full of fear this morning. I can't put a particular finger on it, just fear in general of life. The self-pity is still there, but not as much as being scared of drinking again.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.223.181.167
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 10:48 AM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), Great posts everyone! Each and every one of you help keep me sober so (help me out) and keep posting! Some of you guys are down right inspiring...:) ((Jim)), You go baby! Loved your post! >>> "Are we willing to continue drinking and lose everything eventially or are we willing to go to ANY length to LIVE FREE of the bullshit alcohol ALWAYS DELIVERS. When i say ANY length i mean ANY length. This ain't no party, this aint no disco, this aint no foolin' around. i either surrender deeply or not" >>> End quote. If that ain't the God's honest truth!!! In my state the licence plate says, "Live free or die". I used to think it mean't, party hardy till ya keel over but now sober it is much more meaningful. To drink is to die so to not die I live {free} of my mental obsession and that's booze! Today I'm really living with a smile on my face and an honesty begot of the abject misery suffered at the hand of king alcohol. It is really freeing to come here and slam that alcohol right in the kisser just like it slammed me all those years! If your new or coming back, keep reading and posting. GodBless, Kelly :)


Member: sailman
Location: NC
Remote Name: 66.43.162.74
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 02:07 PM -0500

Comments

I just had a chat with a friend of mine, trying to convince him to go to an AA meeting with me. He said lets just quit for a month and see how it goes. Dont need AA --- this is a private problem. I do not know if I can go alone, it could be embarrasing. What to do?


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Remote Name: 69.8.10.118
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 02:34 PM -0500

Comments

hi Diane here alcoholic, I am back to day 1 again, I did so good for around 7 months then got the big head thinking I could again drink. Well I soon found out the cravings to drink came back. I've been reading this page and found a lot of good advice, although I am not done reading it all yet. I plan to come back and finish my reading tonight, I've marked so I don't loose my spot. Anyway glade to be back today is my first day sober. My slip was not a long slip but it was still a slip so thanks. I also love the fact you now have a log in that sure will help not to have these copy cats on that are not who they say they are so this is great


Member: Kim M.
Location: FL
Remote Name: 66.32.245.221
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 04:03 PM -0500

Comments

Everyone-I am double dipping this week. (Diane and Johnny O) welcome back! I see you have been testing your sobriety. Did you pass or fail? (Sailman) Go to a meeting! There are so many times I feel alone, but I know I'm not and never will be. My HP is with me every step of the way. And if I feel for a second that he is not right there beside me it is only because he has gone ahead to build a bridge that will keep me safe from harm. If you don't have a HP yet, borrow mine or ask someone about theirs. We all share one way or another in this fellowship. ((HollyB)) Don't Drink, Don't Pick UP! If your butt falls off, put it in a bag and go to a meeting. And if that doesn't work go to another and another. Freinds and shopping doesn't keep you sober and clean. AA, sponsers, a big book, and a HP does. Believe me I've been there.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.222.170.191
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 04:16 PM -0500

Comments

HI (((DIANE)))!!! Welcome back... missed you! How is your life and family? (ps. This is not Kelly M from NH triple dipping, it is the alcoholic formerly known as Kelly)...wink ;)


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: January 28, 2004
Time: 08:54 PM -0500

Comments

JimR - That phrase "go to ANY lengths to quit drinking" has bothered me some. Not sure what lengths we're talking about or whether I'm willing. Don't want to drink right now, but I'm worried about those "strange mental blank spots" you and the Big Book referred to. That's me, although as I look back some sort of decision to give in preceded the action. The blank spot is that I didn't really consider the consequences or give it any serious thought. Appreciate you pointing to page 35 and on: probably just what I needed to read (and I did) at just the right time. At 9 days in I'm ripe for a "strange mental blank spot", if history is any guide. As a matter of fact, think I've come close and God saw me through it. (Yeah, I'm praying a lot too.) For now, "One day at a time" is working for me. I look forward to that better life you describe, Jim. Thanks again. Ed


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.165.62.32
Date: January 29, 2004
Time: 12:06 AM -0500

Comments

Ed, Sometimes the thought of a better life becomes a strange mental blank spot, too.


Member: Dorian
Location: North Carolina
Remote Name: 68.115.150.34
Date: January 29, 2004
Time: 08:17 AM -0500

Comments

Hi everybody, This is the first time I've shared here but many thanks to all for the valuable posts. Self-pity used to be the name of the game with me. For years that was a big excuse for me to drink. Mind you the self pity thing did not so much reflect on the horrible things I've done to others as much as was what they have done to me. Needless to say, that was a big waste of time with no accomplishments... I've been in and out of sobriety since 1998. AA has stuck with me and within me even through the tough times of relapse. Self pity is something I cannot afford due to the self destruction mode I have for self and also a trigger. Gratitude is a wonderful feeling for me especially when I don't want to be grateful. My life is so much better without the drink. By the way, I just took the test and answered all but 2 with a yes. Thanks to all for being here as you are all I have. I'm unable attend F2F meetings and I miss them very much.


Member: Diane
Location: Oklahoma
Remote Name: 69.8.10.118
Date: January 29, 2004
Time: 04:51 PM -0500

Comments

Diane here Day 2,,,, Thanks for the warm welcome Kelly M yep I feel down. I thought I could handle a few drinks but soon found out I was craving again so now I am again stop and on day 2 but heck at least I did not fall a long time before starting again. They say many have had to fall many times before they made it. I'm also almost done with the smoking patches, I know I know I quit a long time ago but got addicted to the gum so had to make my self go to the patches cause was over taking the gum and my right arm was going nuts on me cause of the excess nicotine I was chewing. Now I'm down to 14 milligrams a day which is wonderful for me cause I was up to 4 milligram gum at 12 to 14 gums a day that was way too much in fact I may have been chewing more then when I smoked lol......anyway my health is a lot better now and my arm is a lot better too. My Son is still at home and facing another rehab soon. long story there just keep us in your Prayers.... This board has gotten so much better since the log in thing, people are so much more sincere and I'm really learning what I need to learn this time....anyway it is good to be back on the road to recovery again, and yes I will find a meeting this time, did any one see Oprah? boy it sure had a lot of truth in it, I recorded it on my Tivo so I can watch it over again,,,thanks and sorry for the long post


Member: Miranda
Location: Vermont, USA
Remote Name: 198.115.160.164
Date: January 29, 2004
Time: 05:49 PM -0500

Comments

Eliminating Self-Pity: I don’t know if it’s possible for us humans to totally eliminate self-pity. I know what helps me to get out of it when I start to get in is to think it through. Most of the things that get me into self-pity mode such as finances or romantic relationships (or the lack thereof) are the direct result of choices that I have made. For instance I am quite often low on money because I made a choice in the way that I work. I chose to have time instead of money. It would hardly be logical to pity myself for being low-income when that is what I chose. Since I am human and often not logical at all, sometimes I do, until I think it through. Another thing that helps me is to lower my expectations and to remember others who are not as fortunate as I am, though that may seem like a cliché. I have a warm place to sleep, plenty to eat and a loving family. Many do not. I have my sobriety, for years I did not have that. It was suggested to me that when I got into pitying myself one thing to try was to write a list of things I’m grateful for and I do find that helpful. Another suggestion was to help someone else in some way and I find that to be helpful too.


Member: Reena B.
Location: NY
Remote Name: 207.237.1.155
Date: January 29, 2004
Time: 07:08 PM -0500

Comments

There is a difference between self pity and depression. Please know that we are not Dr's in AA we are just sharing tools. If you are Depressed please seek outside help along with AA. Many of us suffer from depression and started drinking or continued to drink to get rid of or to escape our depression-- which of course did not work-- (alchol being a depressant). Its called self medication. When we take away the alcohol we still have that secondary illness. AA helps us stay straight and sober but if we do have the chemical imbalance of depression we may need more help. Just a suggestion. I needed this information when I was in AA for 3 years and was still suffering from what I thought was self pity. I finaly got help and it made all the difference in the world.


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 144.37.86.159
Date: January 29, 2004
Time: 07:54 PM -0500

Comments

kathy-alcoholic here. I hate the way every evening is a battle to not pick up. DOes it ever get easier? Will the desire to drink ever GO AWAY? DOes that mean I am not spiritualy fit? So I haven't drank for like 45 days. But, I used to also battle an eating disorder and I have all of a sudden gotten the urges to act on that old insanity again after like 3 years free and clear. I did too. (bulimic, sorry this is not alcohol but it seems like they are tied in together in some way for me) ANyway, it is like I have to sabotage my life. I get one thing stopped only for the other ugly head to rear up. I have been diagnosed many times as 'depressed' but i thought my behavior (drinking) was causing that (depression) not the depression causing the drinking (or influencing I should say). Now I am thinking 1)I am an alcoholic 2) I am bulimic 3) I am depresed. 3 fronts that need to be dealt with somehow....or will they all be addressed when I get to this place of being spiritually fit????? I am doing meetings for AA but when I get more depressed it is harder to get out of my door to even face the day. I am going on here about my problems and not solutions for which I am sorry but right now I dont think I really have much to offer as far as solutions. I havent drank. I guess that is hope since I COULD NOT stop drinking 45 days ago - or so I thought. SOmehow that miracle occurred and I am grateful. I just needed to let off steam about my self sabotaging behavior, admit that I did it, and I guess start clean on that front today too. Be well and please keep posting your hope!


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: January 29, 2004
Time: 08:19 PM -0500

Comments

Kathy - Depression can be a very real physical illness. Have a daughter who suffered from it a few years ago, and the turn around was amazing when she got on the proper medicaction. Paxil, in her case, I think. It might be worth seeing someone about, although I think it would be important to tell them you are a recovering alcoholic. For two reasons: 1) to be sure they don't give you any medication that could set back your recovery and 2) so they can determine whether it's true depression or part of the prolonged alcohol withdrawal process. Take care of yourself, Kathy. And keep on postin! Ed


Member: Becca S
Location: Winter Park, Florida
Remote Name: 65.33.46.106
Date: January 29, 2004
Time: 10:28 PM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone!! Rebecca here, alcoholic....just checking in....hang in there everyone...ODAAT!!! some really beautiful posts...thanks for keeping me sober....Peace, Rebecca S. P.S. I had to re-register b/c of computer problems.......sorry....God Bless You ALL


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.222.170.191
Date: January 30, 2004
Time: 01:57 AM -0500

Comments

Hey ((KatD)), Easy does it kiddo. Your doing great with 45 days! I can so relate to how you feel and I'd like to offer you what helped me. Alcoholism is a three fold disease. It is mental, physical and spiritual. In new sobriety we first sober up,(physical) and second it takes a few months to clear up,(mental) and third is working the program and getting the peace,(spiritual)...or at least it worked that way for me! I am also what they call "dual diagnosis" in AA. As Ed said depression is something you need (outside) help with. I manage mine very well that way with medication. I also had an eating disorder in my teens. Heck, I just had all the ism's. I was miserable, irritable and discontent all the time. I was not comfortable in my own skin. I am also a bit neurotic and overly sensitive. Now I see that I have always had the ism's. I am an alcoholic. I spent a lot of years thinking my drinking was because of depression, my depression was because of my eating disorder, my self abusive behavior was connected somehow in the mess... someway? VERY CONFUSING!!! But to answer your question Kathy, ((yes)) it does get better and the obsession to drink does leave. It is based on your spiritual condition and that can change every day. It really comes down to how do I sort this mess out? Your alcoholism has stopped but you still feel lousy and driven by your ism's. You need to take care of all three problems. See a doc about depression, Go to a meeting every day and follow the suggestions and get a sponsor to work the AA part. The eating disorder part would be something to look into with a specialist for that. They are separate and need to be handled that way so it does not get to be a big ball in your head. I used to think it was all one thing but it is just that I have more then one problem. I know this sounds overly simple but try turning it over to God every day and you do the action part. God = Good orderly direction. You hand over how you feel to God and let him do his part and your part, the action part, is to pick up the phone and make the appointments and let the doctors help you and get to those meetings and work the program of AA to stay sober. You give over to God the things you can not change, do the action part, change the things you can and let God give you that wonderful peace. I swear this is what worked for me and it can for you too! They say AA is an easy program for complicated people. My problems overwhelmed me until I worked the program as it is laid out and then as if by magic everything just fell into place. The added bonus of AA is it gave me a program of living that works for me in (all) aspects of my life! If I WORK IT!!! Sorry so long... I hope this helped. Give it a try and always remember: "God could and would (IF) he were sought" Kelly :)


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 68.164.224.91
Date: January 30, 2004
Time: 02:06 AM -0500

Comments

Katd Hang in there,sweety. When I finally surrendered on my knees to God, out loud, I asked him to take my obcession to drink away once and for all. I asked him to take away my glaring defects and to fill my heart with love, tolerence and forgivness. My surrender was deep, more then i could ever explain to you in words. It was lifted from me that night, but i knew there was much work to do in order to keep what i just felt. It was piece of mind. i never felt that before. i went to bed with a new attitude and hope for the next day. i slept like a baby for the first time in years. That morning after more prayers, to test to see if prayer really worked(i hardly knew how to pray to a God i hardly knew) i was driven by a new attitude. Lets call it a new motivation or call it... have to, need to, want to, love to..... i HAD TO get to know my new God/Power through prayer & meditation..... i NEEDED to do the work, the steps to stay sober and get piece of mind by illiminating self-pity.... i WANTED TO go to meetings now & absorb everything good...... i LOVED TO help others cause selflessness made me feel good about myself, and helped illiminate self-pity. That night I went to a "back to basics" meeting with this new attitude. After the meeting i asked the guy who was co-chairing the meeting to be my sponsor, he was helping his sponsor run the meeting. He said yes and I just knew, deep down in my heart, that he'd say yes... because he HAD TO... NEEDED TO... WANTED TO... and LOVED TO help me stay sober in ORDER TO stay sober himself. Thoughts & Prayers to you all.


Member: Kim M.
Location: FL
Remote Name: 66.32.90.252
Date: January 30, 2004
Time: 11:14 AM -0500

Comments

Kathy, Oh baby stick around for the blessings, they are coming your way. AA really Does Work. Many of us are living and breathing proof(maybe not 100% proof) but the miracles happen every day. The obsession to drink leaves and our bodies heal, we start working this program, take suggestions and using them, call people just to say Hi!. I call my sponser and most of the time she is away, so I talk to her answering machine. She may not call me back for the same reason I call her, but I do hear from her, ecspecially when I take up all the tape on her machine. She calls me her hard to handle sponsee. I will keep you in my prayers, be good to yourself, and don't pick up that drink.


Member: dave mc
Location: canada
Remote Name: 129.100.110.242
Date: January 30, 2004
Time: 12:04 PM -0500

Comments

Hi again everyone! My name is David and I am an alcoholic! Even though I have read and reread all of this discussion I can't remember anything. I do however appreciate that so many of you are so much like me. That is comforting. If I drink, it will take me about 3 hours to get back to where I was. It scares me so much. I do feel sorry for myself quite a bit. I think part of it is that I can relate to the people I've met, but not the program.


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: January 30, 2004
Time: 10:19 PM -0500

Comments

Something has been lurking on the edges of my mind since I first went to an AA meeting, but I never put it into words until the last couple of days. That is that recovering alcoholics are some of the smartest people I've ever met. I've been impressed with the insights I hear at meetings. Maybe they're just smart about things alcoholic, but I think it's more than that. The posts by Kelly, Jim, and Kim above are just further evidence of this. On a personal note, I started out to have another pity party today. Was served a subpeona for someone suing me for $4500 in something unrelated to alcohol. Thought I had put this behind me back in October. My initial reaction was "God, why now? I'm just 11 days sober and can't handle this." Not long ago, I would have gone home, poured several big martinis, and drank until I forgot about it. But this self pity subject helped me recognize what was going on. So, instead of the martinis I called on God, told him what was going on, and turned it over to him. Where will it go from here? I have no idea, but at least I've got some peace and I didn't drink. God bless you all. Ed


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.226.19.154
Date: January 31, 2004
Time: 01:41 PM -0500

Comments

LOL. I can't resist this one. Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. Only have I heard how smart we are in these rooms. In Sobriety, I have graduated from college. Published in my field. (twice) Contributed to the community. Gotten a few. Atta boy certificates and certificates of appreciation... But not once has anyone come up to me and said. "Gee Bill, you are pretty smart, you must be an alcoholic." :) Actually I feel that one can really get too smart to work this program, but never too dumb to work it. It is a simple program for complicated people. KISS. Love ya all. Thanks, Bill


Member: Jim
Location: Elgin, Illinois
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: January 31, 2004
Time: 03:36 PM -0500

Comments

atta boy AzBill. But don't sell yourself short either. You can't call a pear an apple. Its all good. To be wise and to say you are wise are 2 different things. God wants us to become wise through sharing his strength through our actions toward others. He inspires us to become one with him. Although our so-called wisdom of yesterday was based on self and our need to over-fill our God-given basic instincts, the knowlege we gain today and actions we take are based on a different motivation. Thy will be done, not mine "The truth is this: no one of the gods loves wisdom [philosopheîn] or desires to become wise [sophós], for he is wise already. Nor does anyone else who is wise love wisdom. Neither do the ignorant love wisdom or desire to become wise, for this is the harshest thing about ignorance, that those who are neither good [agathós] nor beautiful [kalós] nor sensible [phrónimos] think that they are good enough, and do not desire that which they do not think they are lacking. Plato, Symposium, 203E-204A." You guys have a great day Peace and Love!


Member: Ed
Location: VA
Remote Name: 68.100.37.88
Date: January 31, 2004
Time: 03:44 PM -0500

Comments

See, Bill, I told you so. You demonstrate the truth of what I said. Ed