Member: davez
Location: berkleymi
Remote Name: 68.84.185.200
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 11:54 AM -0500

Comments

Whoa, I hope there's a glitch or something and no one can post here on using this wonderful tool, the Serenity Prayer. No other saying in AA puts things in perspective quite like the prayer does for me. Often I use it as a meditational tool to bring things into a better focus, especially the serenity to accept things I cannot change. I cannot tell you all the pain this has saved me from beating my head against walls. Too often I hear people dis these corny sayings of AA. Funny thing is, I don't hear folk with sobriety laugh at 'em. Yep, yes sir, let go, let God and use the Prayer.


Member: Teresa R.
Location: MT
Remote Name: 67.27.95.220
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 12:05 PM -0500

Comments

Teresa R. alcoholic here, this is the first time I have admitted out loud to myself that I am in fact an alcoholic. This morning I finally told my husband that I'm an alcoholic. He said he already knew given what my New Year's resolution is. This is my 22nd day of sobriety thanks be to God for delivering me!! I pray daily for my continued sobriety and throughout my waking hours I lean on the serentity prayer when daily stresses arise. What an awesome God we have that will carry this burden so we don't have to!!!


Member: Bob W
Location: Grimsby UK
Remote Name: 62.254.0.30
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 12:05 PM -0500

Comments

For me the Serenity Prayer is a cornerstone to meetings.It gives a few moments to reflect on things that have been said and composes the mind for the way ahead. There is an animated (and full) version at www.addictions.org/serenity.htm Stay Sober


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 12:18 PM -0500

Comments

Adam, alcoholic. When I lived in Japan and went to meetings out there, the Japanese used to call this "the Little Prayer." I'm not sure why I find that heartwarming, but I do. I guess it's because it is a little prayer, but the things we ask for in it are big...REAL BIG. "Courage to change the things I can..." For me, that's the biggest and most important part of the Serenity Prayer for me. To take some responsibility and action in sobriety, to continue to look at my part in my own life and make amends where necessary, to reach out my hadn to another person and offer help knowing that they might not want it, to trust that my life is in the care of a Higher Power who loves me, good and bad... that stuff requires a lot of courage for me. My own emotional resources are not sufficient to provide someone like me who is driven by a hundred forms of self-centered fear the courage to do those things. But in the Serenity (Little) Prayer, I can ask for the courage to do it, and having asked, I can practice real faith which is walking through what scares me, gaining experience, strength and hope along the way. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Robyn
Location: IN
Remote Name: 209.43.99.82
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 02:17 PM -0500

Comments

Robyn here, an Alcoholic/Addict. The Serenity Prayer has saved me a ton-o-times. I didn't know how to pray when I first started AA. I felt really weird and found it quite hard to pray without feeling like an idiot. The Serenity Prayer was an easy way for me pray and an easy way to calm myself. Just like me to find the easy way out:) I now use it when I can't cope and need to check myself. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.226.19.154
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 03:14 PM -0500

Comments

HI. Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. The "Little Prayer" (love that) says big things to me. Generally I use it as a part of my 11th Step. The part where I may become confused during the day. It is the last line that does the trick. "The wisdom to know the difference". All I am doing here is asking God to help me differentiate between what I can change and what I need to turn over. Love you, Bill


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.115.8.196
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 04:20 PM -0500

Comments

Kathy Alcoholic here, 27 days. Still a struggle and I still want a drink at the end of the day. I guess it is getting a little easier, I have realized I can survive the tense feelings or whatever without a drink. It is not comfortable maybe but neither is drinking comfortable really. I wish I remembered to use the SP more often. I guess it is a habit I need to develop as I forget the destructive ones. Replace bad habits with good. Hard to do, easy to say. Anyway, I recently read a longer/original language version of the prayer I thought was great, here it is if you want to read it: God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other. Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace, Taking, as Jesus did, This sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it, Trusting that You will make all things right, If I surrender to Your will, So that I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen. I especially like the use of the word GRACE in teh original. I know for me I need my HPs GRACE to do much of anything worthwhile. Even to like some people. On my own I am crabby, cynical, judgemental, blah blah blah. With GOds grace I am a decent human being on most occasions. Not all as my reliance on God is very imperfect. SOmething I want changed. I hope things are OK out there for you all. I have been to a number of F2F meetings. It helps. I need a sponsor again though. THe one I thought I had was too far away and wanted me to get one close by. Ah well. I will try this eve. I say that here to be accountable. Otherwise I will go to the meeting, sit there, and dash out without taliking to a soul. I am committing to talk to one woman and getting one phone number this eve. How scary it that! God bless you all. His Grace is there for us all no matter what we have done. NO MATTER. love K.


Member: Ruby
Location: CT
Remote Name: 24.151.96.131
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 06:47 PM -0500

Comments

Hi everybody, Katd, you are so couragous and real. I really admire you. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I blew it. Drank with my husband on his birthday this week end. Then I drank again Sunday, because I'd already blown it. Got some encouraging feedback on the pot, but I wanted to post here, too. I don't know if I'll be able to do this. I'm going to give it another try though. I admire all of you who are here and are trying. Ruby


Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.91.168.81
Date: January 12, 2004
Time: 11:00 PM -0500

Comments

When I was ten years old my father died. My mother was a wreck. One day a priest came over to talk with her because she had threatened to leave us kids because she just couldn't survive without my dad. The priest took out a small pad of paper and a magic marker and wrote "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" I thought he was Jesus or something... and I thought he made it up on the spot. My mother framed that handwritten little scrap of paper and it sat on the stereo for years and years. I thought we were the only family who knew that prayer and that it was "channeled" only for us. At ten years old, I wasn't sure what it meant exactly but I definitely knew that the death of my father was something I could not change. I wasn't sure what the rest of the prayer meant until many years later. And when I first walked into AA I thought someone had stolen my family's prayer!! LOL!! I've used it the most at meetings when a speaker goes on and on and on and on... and I want to stand up and scream "shut the f%^$ up" and then I feel bad because I'm really not a very kind person and everyone else looks so kind and so attentive to that person spilling their guts out and telling every single little detail of their life. So the serenity prayer helps me to be patient and accept that person just the way they are and it makes me thankful that the person is sober and also that I'm sober too. One day I was a wreck and was worrying about every little thing in my own life and decided to write in my journal. I wrote down all the crap that was going on in my life and then asked myself "what's missing here?" and then I wrote "Oh, I know! God, serenity, acceptance, courage and wisdom!!" Ruby - keep coming back... KatyD - way to go... One day at a time. love, Kat


Member: m
Location: texas
Remote Name: 68.90.202.134
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 12:29 AM -0500

Comments

The bad new is it's true Ruby, you can't do it BUT the good news is your higher power CAN. Keep comin back and hit as many live meetings as you can. Tell people that you're struggling and get one-on-one with some women. God bless you all and thanks for posting. Just finishing up Day 12 for me and I'm so grateful. The Serenity Prayer has brought my mind back into a right focus hundreds of times over the years. It's the epitome of Keep it Simple and it truly works.


Member: Darold S.
Location: Alaska
Remote Name: 216.47.16.18
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 01:46 AM -0500

Comments

hello,to ya all people that want to change to be a better person,Darold here recovering alcoholic My serenity prayer is like thanking god for each day I pray an ask him for forgiveness of all the bad i did I hope it works out, it might be ive bin sober little over a year now,good topic


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 05:04 AM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone, Ann here, alcoholic, 113 days. The serenity prayer did one thing for me. It took 44 years, but I finally came to the realization that stuff happens. I finally came to understand that things sometimes happen that we have no control over. And you know what, it even happens to those people in the big house with the big car with the perfect family and perfect kids! Not just me! LOL! For so long, I thought things happened to only me. Poor ole me. I'm sure some of the things happened because of my poor judgement while drinking, but some things just happened. Now when things happen, I find a path around and go for it. I move forward. It seems in these past 113 days I've had more things "happen" than should be legal, but I figure I'm just being tested. And I'm passing the test thanks to AA and all of you. Keep walking around them folks, they are only temporary.. and here's to another sober 24 for all of us.


Member: big bill
Location: west kingston RI
Remote Name: 12.76.183.111
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 06:04 AM -0500

Comments

wild bill west kingston ri i'll be using the serinety prayer a lot today.today will be my first day sober in about six weeks.i relapsed before the holidays and am struggling once again to get sober.i just emptied two bottles of wine down the kitchen sink.pray for me please.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 09:11 AM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), "God, Grant me the {Serenity} to accept the things I can't change, {Courage} to change the things I can, and the {Wisdom} to know the difference". I can't say that prayer without adding (others) after the things I can't change and adding (myself) after the things I can! So true! ((Big Bill)) and ((Ruby)), great on wanting to start over! Do you know what the most normal thing for an alcoholic to do is? DRINK! You can't change the fact you are an alcoholic but you can change yourself by not picking up the first drink. I'll pray for you that you pray to God to remove the obsession to drink for this 24 hour period....Today. It really works. I never really understood this prayer until I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, Step 1. I can't drink again (ever) in safety. Once you put a cucumber into the brine and make it into a pickle it can never go back to being a cucumber again. The point being: "Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic". I used to think ...Oh, man! say it isn't so! There has to be a way I can get away with it one more time...One last tango in Paris, etc. Well I can't! and ya know what? Once I accepted that I was an alcoholic it became easier to accept that to drink for me is to die. For today I am not going to pick up the first drink, go to a meeting and pray for God to help remove my obsession. GodBless us ((all)) on the journey and don't you ever give up! Kelly :)


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Remote Name: 65.102.43.100
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 09:47 AM -0500

Comments

Early in recovery, I was always trying to figure things out. I wasted a lot of time analyzing everything. The serenity prayer was one of those simple things I could learn and do without thinking too much. Just do it and keep coming back.


Member: sallie.g
Location: houston
Remote Name: 4.72.128.6
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 10:50 AM -0500

Comments

We are all praying for you big bill. Keep coming back. sallie


Member: Scott W
Location: Houston
Remote Name: 152.163.252.130
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 10:57 AM -0500

Comments

Scott W here, true feeble-brained alcoholic. We use the Serenity Prayer at the beginning of each meeting, after a monent of silence to do with as we see fit. I use this time to ask for the grace to be able to listen with open ears, mind and heart. And if called upon to share may I do so honestly and without reserve. I also have to put the word 'please' at the start of the Serenity Prayer. I have found I have to ask for God's grace, not demand it. I assume 'please' is implied at the start of the prayer, but silently saying it makes me more comfortable because I am asking, not demanding. 57 days and counting...love to all.


Member: Johnni H.
Location: Itasca, Tx.
Remote Name: 67.30.40.71
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 11:42 AM -0500

Comments

Johnni H. here I now have 6 days sober and really really needed to hear the things I did here today! It becomes so easy to put the God suit back on and think I have controle again. (Insanity) Thank you all for putting things back into perspective for me. I moved here about 4 months ago and have only been to one meeting and I know that for an alcoholic like me w/out meetings is playing with fire! I need meetings to keep me sain and in touch with poeple like me. Thank my HP for AA.


Member: KellyM
Location: WA
Remote Name: 63.149.217.4
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 12:33 PM -0500

Comments

I live by the Serenity Prayer everyday of my life. With or without alcohol it is truley an lifesaver to have by your side to keep you in check.


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.115.11.196
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 04:31 PM -0500

Comments

Afternoon, Kathy alcohic here. - Big Bill - you are in my prayers! - Kat - I loved the story of the SP you told though I am sad you were so young when your Dad died, can't imagine the pain there. -Ruby-, I am just picking up the pieces again after a relapse, it is hard and the thing that is the biggest help outside what my HP is doing, is going to meetings. That is not what I wanted to hear or do, but it seems these people are right when they suggest it. I did what I said I would do last night at the meeting. I got 2 womens phone numbers and talked briefly to them. I was sweating and red. Very strange that it is so darn hard to reach out f2f. Why is that???? So not I need to be accountable for calling them. I will call at least one woman in the program by tomorrow eve. That is what I need to be accountable for now, besides not drinking. If anyone has any ideas on how to get into the habit of using the SP and other prayer/my HP please let me know. It seems when things get hot my brain goes and I dont do what I know I should do to help things. Love and prayers to all.


Member: Becky R
Location: Central Oregon
Remote Name: 66.62.141.114
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 05:43 PM -0500

Comments

Becky, recovering alcoholic & addict, here in Central Oregon. Life is good today. 67 days clean and sober. First time in 28 years I have been sober for the holidays. (Started drinking at age 14.) Thank God for the Serentiy Prayer. I have prayed this prayer many times over the past 2 weeks. I am doing my 4th step, and it is very humbling and humilating. What a mess I made of my life. I am so grateful for all our prayers. For those who shared about their relapses - A fellow AA friend said to me on my relapse "Pick a date and keep it!" I did just that. So pick a date and keep it, and keep coming back. Just one day at a time. Becky


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: January 13, 2004
Time: 05:56 PM -0500

Comments

Prayer (like all the other spiritual tools laid at our feet) is not enough to lift the compulsion to drink, especially if you are a real alcoholic. I say a "real alcoholic because their seems to be a good number of hard drinkers in AA today who can get by without really working the program. Real alcoholics who do not work a program diligently, will almost always drink again. Trust me. I was one of them. Our program, in its original form, has been watered down with too much Political Correctness. You here the girl or the guy at meetings saying... "Don't drink, go to meetings... If you don't drink, you don't get drunk... or meeting makers make it. My favorite brush off from some one who has all the answers is... just say the serenity prayer, that always helped me." If I hear another person say " I choose not to drink today" I just might start drinking again.(a joke, just a joke) Thank God I started seeking out people in meetings that had really knew how to help others by not enabling the newcomer to believe in the dribble that I actually had a choice in either drinking or not drinking. The srenity prayer is a powerful prayer, don't get me wrong, but not enough to keep me sober. In saying the serenity prayer, if you pay particular attention to "grant me the courage to change the things I can" Out of that thought should spring you into ACTION. Too many people rest on "accepting the things we cannout change." It all ABOUT changing ourselves. If Lack of power was our dilemma and we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves, then once we acknowledged that fact, why weren't we able to let that power guide us TO TAKING ACTION? Wanting to change and actually changing are two different things. Mere Faith in trusting in God is useless without TAKING ACTION to change. When I first came around I did only what I thought i needed to do. First off, I didn't know if I was really alcoholic, so I went back out there again and did what the book suggested to me. I went back out there again and tried some controlled drinking. The last time I came back, half dead, I decided I had had enough. I got a sponsor (action on my part) who was firmly grounded in the Big Book. My sponsor, in order to maintain his daily reprieve from drinking, which was contigient on his spirtual condition, helped me through the steps (action on his part) My compulsion to drink started to subside greatly once I took action in Step 3 and continued to subside during the process of working the steps (more action) When I had my spitual awakening (which was promised to me)as a result of of WORKING the steps, I had to take more & more action... Helping others. "It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee, Thy will (not mine) be done." These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will." Into Action page 85 In the original "How it works" it started by stating "Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our DIRECTIONS. To follow directions is to follow the actions of others. See how this works? One more thought. I realize people suffer from alcoholism in various degrees. My wish for those who haven't suffered enough is that they realize this is a deadly progressive disease and it will eventually kill you. If you are ever to work harder in your life, let that time be now. Start now by really listening to those who work a good program. You'll know who they are. They will ALWAYS help you. Their sobriety depends on it. GOd will keep you sober only if YOU work at it. Keep coming back, it works if you work it. jim r. Formerely a high bottom drunk


Member: big bill
Location: west kingston RI
Remote Name: 12.76.183.184
Date: January 14, 2004
Time: 05:51 AM -0500

Comments

big bill west kingston,ri thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.with the help of god+the serinety prayer i made it through the first 24 hrs.went to a h2h last night for the first time in along time.it made me feel good. peace and love to all!! big bill


Member: Dwight P
Location: Seattle
Remote Name: 170.173.0.65
Date: January 14, 2004
Time: 08:37 AM -0500

Comments

Today is day 4 of being clean and sober. Praise God! I refuse to wallow in shame and guilt for my recent using past although that would be inconsistant with my ex-wifes wishes. There will be plenty of time to deal with the harms I have inflicted on others as I work the steps. Today I'm claming my birthright as a child of god and a christian to recieve forgiveness and embrace self acceptance as I take responsibility for my disease and my recovery one day at a time. I've been reading the 12X12 and I'm so grateful for the liturature and the practical means it provides to mobalize a life of recovery. This morning I got up and prayed that god would take my will and my life as I move through the day. What does that mean? It means I need to hear form god through out the day and in every circumstance I encounter. It means that when I go to the meeting and a native american friend who acknowledges me and my return to the program reports how he was afraid for his life when the temprature was in the teens last week because he is homeless and sleeping in the back of a U-haul trailer, that I extend myself to him first in understanding and concern and second that I prayerfully consider offering him shelter for the night. When you do this to the least of my breatherin you do it unto me. I can't imagine sleeping outside at night and staying sober through the process. That is committment to recovery. I am so grateful for the abundance that I still have in my life and the opportunity to be clean again. On the way home this afternoon I had stinking thinking surface as I thought about stopping at the casino for a free meal. HA! a free meal, a free line, a free drink, what a joke. I have to be honest with myself and others or I will surely fail to stay clean. Pray for me. Please


Member: Shannon
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: January 14, 2004
Time: 11:01 AM -0500

Comments

My name is Shannon and I am a raging alcoholic. I have been aware of that since entering AA in 1987 at the age of 17. I had one year clean and sober when I relapsed and other than a couple of meetings in '98 I have been struggling to live and drink. It seems I cannot do both. I need to either live OR drink. The last week has been one of the worst of my life. I smoked crack for the first time because it was offered and I was drunk. Within 24 hours I had all my money stolen and three days later my boyfriend and I had a huge fight wherein I attacked him and he struck back. Now I have lost him too. I have two days clean and sober. The Serenity Prayer runs through my mind constantly. I know I need to actually go to meetings, but this is a start and closer than I have been in about 20 years. Love to you all, Shannon.


Member: patrick
Location: NorCal
Remote Name: 165.247.211.9
Date: January 14, 2004
Time: 03:50 PM -0500

Comments

I have 135 days today. I was up to nearly 2 fifths a day, plus being a powder fiend. I tried many times over the past ten years and could never get very far. I went through a 30 day detox program but this time, I got a very strong sponsor right afterwards. We- I am not good at turning to others for help, but i talk to him every day. I have worked the steps and continue every day. My spirituality ebbs and flows.. but i WORK every day. people drop like flies around me.. but i work every day.


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: January 14, 2004
Time: 03:57 PM -0500

Comments

Ann, alcoholic, and gratefully recovering day by day. Shannon, I'm sure that right now everything seems horrible. Some of us just need to bottom out before we put our head above water and breathe. I bottomed out. I got arrested for DUI with my son in the car. Therefore child endangerment. I have to spend 6 days in jail and 6 months of probation. I would give none of it back now. I am SO grateful for that "horrible" day back in September. So is my son. He got his mom back. My life now is so much better and the future is so much brighter. The first few weeks are tough. Alot of things will be going thru your head. Alot of thoughts that will try to pull you in the wrong direction. That is why the face to face meetings at least at first are so important. When I went I was offered so much hope that I couldn't fail. I got a wonderful woman as a sponsor, went to meetings whenever I could, read every piece of AA literature I could get my hands on and found this wonderful website. Every single day I read something or do something towards my recovery. Please find a meeting and if anything, just go thru the door, sit down and listen. My thoughts are with you and all of us who work it day by day. Here's to another sober 24 for all of us.


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.115.10.119
Date: January 14, 2004
Time: 08:21 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, Akthy Alcoholic here, I really really appreciated JimR comments. Thanks for shedding some light for me. I say the prayer and stuff, here I sit at 5 PM really wanting a drinking and nothing is taking that away. I dont yet have a sponsor, I guess I have not yet found one of those you described who do the book as you stated, I have to keep asking it seems. Anyway, I am here with my 2 year old, no options for a meeting this eve, no sitter. I Have no defense against the drink. I keeep asking God to remove the desire. I came here and read your comments. I feel a fraction of relief. But I just want to cry cuz I just want to drink and know I have everything to loose if I do. So I cant. I have to stop the debate in my head whether to go to the store and get some booze. THis is just a dump - sorry. Day 29 if I make it to bed w/o that drink that I really want. thanks for elistening. I wish JimR lived here in San DIego and was a woman cuz I could use a sponosr like that right now.


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 209.86.106.33
Date: January 14, 2004
Time: 10:16 PM -0500

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. In the 12X12 at the end of the Third Step, one sentence is added to the Serenity Prayer. "Thy will, not mine, be done." I like that. === Shannon, go to the meetings. === Kat D Hang in there, call anybody in AA. If you want a sponsor like Jim R, start asking around. We have a member who posts from San Diego, I think he is away right now, but maybe he knows some women in your area. His name is Les. === When I post on the Coffee Pot, I almost always end with "Don't drink and go to meetings". Why? Because if you don't drink, and you go to meetings, you just may hear somebody with a message like Jim R's. That is where I heard that message.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 67.122.33.7
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 01:38 AM -0500

Comments

Stacy, alcoholic. Just hit 9 months. Grateful to God and AA for the life I've loving today. I have always loved the SP....even long before I knew anything of AA or my disease. As a child I heard it. It comforted me then in my alcoholic home (Mom was) and it comforts me today in MY alcoholic, recovering alcoholic home I should say. It's the first thing I do when I feel scared, agitated or confused...say the SP. In the BB it says to pause when agitated. The pause for me is the SP!!! Have a great 24 all.


Member: big bill
Location: west kingston RI
Remote Name: 12.76.183.211
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 05:50 AM -0500

Comments

hi big bill here and two days sober.talk about early sobrity.the serneity pray has helped me get through these first two days.feeling positive.stay sober. peace and love big bill


Member: daviddave8
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 207.44.5.93
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 10:05 AM -0500

Comments

Big Bill welcome back,one day at a time it works.Your one of the lucky GOD chozen to be able to return others have died,GOD BLSS YOU>


Member: Scott K.
Location: Northeast
Remote Name: 13.13.137.1
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 11:14 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, My name is Scott and Iím an alcoholic. It is encouraging to see so many of us alcoholics trying to get off the booze and get sober. Kat d, I hope you did go to bed without taking that drink but even if you didnít, we are still here to encourage you. It is such a bitch wanting to drink so bad but knowing that things will just get worse if you do, and believe me, things will get worse, not better. Just keep thinking of your child and try to keep the focus there. San Diego, wow!! There must be a million meetings around there!! You can take your kid also, many young mothers in my home group bring their babies and everyone understands. Face to face meetings are what did it for me. They may also have a sponsor list or temporary sponsor list so find a meeting and GO!! You may be surprised at the support you will get. We canít do this alone, not and stay sober. Big Bill, thanks for trashing that wine, the sewer is where it belongs as far as I am concerned. That stuff nearly ruined my life, that is for sure. Hang in there Bill!! Hang in there ((all of you)), it really does get better, Iím proof of that. Scott K.


Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 64.12.96.75
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 11:30 AM -0500

Comments

Hey big Bill!In a family of 11 children Big Bill was the oldest and the leader.When I saw your name I couldn't help but think about him. He's a good man and so are you!I went to meetings and didn't drink in between them.I'm not as smart as most of the people who walk through the door or post on this site but I haven't had to live with the self inflicted pain caused by alcohol and it's poisonious effects for over 20 years one day at a time.You can do it to, and as Red Green says "were all Rootin for ya".Hang in there Big Bill! Sincerly, Mike


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 12:28 PM -0500

Comments

katD You have to go to any length to keep your distance from that first drink. I remember the torture of wanting to pick up that first drink. At times like you describe the Serentiy Prayer was a good tool. Say it over and over and over again when the urge overcomes you. If you do the urge will subside. Think of you sweet baby. Do like Joe said Say thy will be done not mine. Sometimes you have to take it minute by minute until you get yourself to a meeting where people will help you. You have ask for that help by calling other alcoholics. If you have no numbers, someone will provide you with one here. If they are their game they will always help you. If you can't get a baby sitter bring your baby to a meeting early. Before the meeting starts, ask someone to help you, tell them your situation about wanting to drink. I'll bet you $1000 they WILL help you. They'll probably allow you to bring your baby into the meeting, or someone might be able to talk to you in another room. If anyone in this program would turn down an alcoholic in need, then shame on them, because helping other alcoholics is what we're here for. Like Joe P. said, You need to only ask. If they aren't willing to help, or even if they're reluctant to help then that's luck for you, because you don't didn't need half measures. You can find someone today that will help you face to face, just get to a meeting. Someone there is waiting to help you. Their sobriety depends on it. I can do what I can, a few times a day on this site and support you as much as I can. But I encourage that you find someone in your area you can meet with face to face. You don't neccesarily need a women sponsor, either, at least temporarily. That's up to you. A true AA member who has worked and works the steps honestly will never take advantage of anyone's vulnerabilty in early sobriety. Just watch out for the 13th step. Unfortunately, it does happen in our midst. I still recomend a women for the long term. Good luck to you Katd and keep posting on this site and the Pot. There are plenty of good people here who care for you and will help you. You are in my prayers as all of you are. As Joe and Charlie say, "You need the prayers, I need the practice"


Member: Katy
Location: CA
Remote Name: 66.42.122.184
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 01:04 PM -0500

Comments

Hey Mike J, sounds pretty smart to me, those twenty years! Congrats. The Serenity Prayer is very easy to remember, and the ideas put forth are simple, and clear, and when truly meditated on and pondered deeply and honestly can turn a life around. A true gem, ideas that can be used for the rest of my life, drinker or not. (which I am, 9 years sobriety).


Member: Susan H
Location: AZ
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 01:22 PM -0500

Comments

How do you walk back out of hell? I often feel that I have no prayer. I asked someone that once. He said, "You can't." Please tell me he was wrong.


Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Remote Name: 64.65.147.127
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 03:28 PM -0500

Comments

Becky here, I've been pulled out of hell many times in my life. I can't take credit and say I walked out, but God pulled me out each and every time I asked Him to. The Serenity Prayer is something I should have said 1000 times yesterday when I found myself in a hellish pit of depression. I somehow forgot that! Like I must be slow or something! Thank God I didn't drink and went to a meeting. Today is good. I'm going to try to "pause" and use the Serenity Prayer when I get anxious again. Thanks all - gratefully sober 5 months today.


Member: Trace
Location: England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 03:39 PM -0500

Comments

{{CARRIE}}} If your still out there I made it !!! 5 days time and you will have too!! Trace your sister across the pond


Member: Susan H
Location: AZ
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 03:49 PM -0500

Comments

I don't need the arrogance, Becky. I think you must have meant to help, but you did not. So God helped you every time you asked. I have been asking, too.


Member: Trace
Location: England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 04:22 PM -0500

Comments

SUSAN H~ You can walk back out of hell, as alcoholics we have all been to hell. Hence the expression ..Religeion is for people who fear going to hell, sprituality is for people who have been to hell. Believe me kiddo I have been to hell and back many times but am now in heaven on earth. Good luck and keep the faith Trace x


Member: Trace
Location: England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 04:27 PM -0500

Comments

SUSAN H~ I just typed a post and it got lost so if it comes back dont think i have gone nuts lol. but in answer to your question that is a way back from hell. I have been to hell and back many times over my 27yr drinking career. Religion is for people who fear going to hell Sprituality is for people who have been to hell. Just keep the faith.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 04:45 PM -0500

Comments

A great site for those who would like to know more about the history of AA, among other cool teachings in life. The best gift that aa gave to me, besides a new relationship with God, was learning to be willing to have an open mind again. All you need is to be willing to believe. If you do that your world will change forever. http://www.barefootsworld.net/aaserenityprayerorig.html


Member: Susan H
Location: AZ
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 06:39 PM -0500

Comments

Thank you, Trace from England and jimr, and Becky. Thank you for taking the time out of your life to listen and respond. I will make it back.


Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 64.12.96.75
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 07:02 PM -0500

Comments

Thank you Katy! Susan it's just not true that a person can't come back from the hell we put ourselves into when we were drinking and using.Many of us have come back from conditions so severe that those around us belive it must have been a miricle, and there right it is .You can do it too, just like we did, that is go to meetings and don't drink or use in between meetings one day at a time. At times I've been reduced to using the serenity prayer as a mantra.I think I'm making contact.


Member: Ruby
Location: CT
Remote Name: 24.151.98.43
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 07:56 PM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone, (((Big Bill))) (((Susan H))) I haven't got much to offer right now - I'm barely sober, myself, but I want you to know that I'm rooting for you! Went to my 1st meeting in a LOT of years Tuesday night. I was so uncomfortable going, and I dreaded having to have a turn to speak (fortunately, I didn't have to speak), but it was a good good mtg. Step One, as luck would have it. I don't have that one down yet, by a longshot. But I really appreciated hearing people talk about it. And a couple of the people were SO funny (there is no sense of humor like an alcoholic's) that I laughed my arse off. Everybody says it will get better. I'm gonna have to take that on faith. Don't know if I'm going to be able to do this or not, but I really appreciate that you are all here and I don't feel all alone. Ruby


Member: Susan H
Location: AZ
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 09:09 PM -0500

Comments

Ruby, you are not all alone. If I can do this, you can. I can take these steps and walk out of hell. Hold my hand. We will walk out together. Please, hold my hand.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.222.178.139
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 09:46 PM -0500

Comments

Ruby and Susan, hang in there! You can do this. Ruby awesome on going to a meeting, a step meeting, and on Step one to boot! That is the only Step we have to do perfect every day. Sounds like a God shot to me! What part of CT are you from? I was born in Norwich and grew up in Niantic/ East Lyme. Been in NH since 86 but still have family in CT. Please don't despair even if it seems hopeless. Keep doing the action part...((meetings)) and God will take care of the rest. Your not alone right now, God is carrying you. Keep posting, Kelly :)


Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.91.168.81
Date: January 15, 2004
Time: 11:28 PM -0500

Comments

Ruby & Susan - I have been sober for 7 months and am only now really "getting" step one. Yes, I said "i'm an alcoholic" at my third meeting, and yes, I've known I didn't drink "normally" for many, many years... but it really took all 7 months to really grasp the meaning of my life was unmanageable and I had no power over alcohol. That deep understanding came from going to meetings and hearing something that resonated with me EVERY SINGLE TIME!! No matter how low their bottom was or regardless of the details that made their story different than mine, there was always something that I found myself shaking my head yes to. Whether it be hiding a wine bottle at the bottom of the trash or stocking up on the weekend and having it be gone by Saturday, or whatever... it takes a long time of reviewing and noticiing to finally accept it... at least it did for me... I belong in the AA for Dummies class I guess!! This week has totally sucked emotionally for me. I have no desire to drink... but I really have no desire to feel the shit I'm feeling and not have my old habits to fall back on. But if it were easy, everyone would be sober!! There is an expression that says "you cannot sharpen a razor on velvet" - not sure why anyone would try to do that or how our lives compare with a razor - but I guess in order to be "sharp" in our own lives we need a rougher surface of "shit" to keep us sharp!! How's that for some deep prophet-like shit!!! Thanks for being here... I need all of you... alot!! I feel better already and I was sobbing when I signed on!! Thank God for all of you! Love, Kat


Member: stanly
Location: mi
Remote Name: 12.73.150.17
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 02:20 AM -0500

Comments

Bacchus has sunk more men(or women), than Poseidon. Good times?, now i'm in the bad times of booze. Topic for next week, miracle. when you stop with the booze, things always get better. I need miralce stories. I know its within reach. luz u all


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 205.188.208.101
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 06:37 AM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone, 106 days and counting ( I accidently put in 113 days earlier this week instead of 103 days..sorry). And no, not all of them good ones. Yesterday I went to my probation officer for the first time. As a matter of fact, she is probably reading this. Anyway, it was weird for me. I've never been in any trouble before, and at 44 years old, didn't expect it now. But as with everything else, I'll get there one day at a time. It's o.k. though as I'm not drinking anymore. I don't have the desire for drink. And I handle situations day by day knowing that I will wake up the next day sober and ready for a good day! Since no one else seems to recognize our accomplishments, here's to all of us who have taken our disease seriously and done something about it (Hey, even without court appointment)! Here's to those of us who have come to a point in our life and said "enough" and have done it. Here's especially to those who are on their first days and here sharing and getting everyones strength. And here's to all who go to bed tonight proud of themselves for getting one more day under their belt! Thanks to all for your support. I told my probation officer how much you have all helped over these last few months and help every single day. You are my home group and I'm proud of all of us.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.222.178.139
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 07:59 AM -0500

Comments

(((stanly))) If you want to hear a freakin miracle well your readin one right now! Man, can I relate to how "sunk" you feel! I came to this site drunk for years and just read others hope. Had my wine glass perched next to my puter, sometimes passed out in front of it. I did not want to drink anymore but I did not know how to stop drinking either. That was the tough part for me. It took time to realize I needed (help) to stop. I checked myself into a rehab on Oct. 1 2002 for 5 days and have still visited this site everyday since...only I'm sober now! My life is 150% better sober and I would not have believed that then if I did not read it so much here over the years. When I could not believe in myself I got hope reading of others that did recover. Keep coming back stanly, Kelly :)


Member: Scott K.
Location: Northeast
Remote Name: 13.13.137.1
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 09:02 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, I'm Scott and I'm an alcoholic. Lots of talk about God here!! We need to remember that what we need is "a power greater than outselves" to get sober. That is not God to everyone. Remember "We agnostics" from BB. Lots have happened to some of us and we blame the God of our past so it is difficult to relate to all these miracles that have been thrown around on this page lately. I know it is meant well but lets try to be sensitive to those of us who struggle with a loving God. I am sober almost 2 years now because of the fellowship of AA and the company I am now keeping. Believe me, I have a HP but it sure isn't the God of my past who took so much from me. My HP is new and fresh and becomes revealed to be more and more every day, as long as I don't drink. IT TAKES TIME!! Thanks, Scott K.


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.226.19.154
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 09:47 AM -0500

Comments

Step Three mentions a God as we understand Him. It does not name this God. If we would look up the word God, we will find that God is not allied with any sect, denomination, organization or institution. In Emmet Fox's "Sermon on the Mount", one of the reference volumes used to write the Big Book, God is a spiritual entity and not a religious entity. As an aside, I have good friends that are agnostic, good friends that are atheist and I know a few devil worshippers. I have been to Native American sweat lodges. I do not question anyone's choice nor the quality of their sobriety. Nor do I question their freedom of choice given in the 3rd Step. Love you, Bill


Member: Susan H
Location: AZ
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 11:31 AM -0500

Comments

This is probably stupid. I have never been to a meeting and I don't know what the twelve steps are and I didn't know I would ever offend someone by saying, "God." I'm just looking for help. I thought I could make it out yesterday, didn't happen. I have searched this site all night. Can someone tell me what the twelve steps are?


Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Remote Name: 64.65.147.127
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 11:37 AM -0500

Comments

(Susan H)I'm so sorry if I sounded arrogant. I did only intend to help and share my experience. I also didn't mean to imply that there wasn't some effort required on my part to move to a better place in my life. Blame it on my early sobritey and the fact that posting on a forum like this does not allow you to see me, hear me, or feel the kind "vibes" I wish to send everyone's way as we seek to overcome this terrible disease. I hope you find someone with more experience in the program to help.


Member: Susan H
Location: AZ
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 11:46 AM -0500

Comments

Becky in seattle, the last thing I want to do is hurt one more person. I admire the fact that you are trying and that you made the effort to give something to me. Thank you.


Member: Becky
Location: Seattle
Remote Name: 64.65.147.127
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 11:57 AM -0500

Comments

No worries, Susan. If you do make it to a meeting, they usually have AA literature for sale, there you can buy the two main books used in AA, "Alcoholics Anonymous" and "12 Steps and 12 traditions." (Commonly called the Big Book and the 12 by 12) The 12 steps are explained in detail between these two books. I'm availing myself of a sponsor who is guiding me thru the 12 steps. People's dedication to help me amazes me. Peace to all.


Member: Susan H
Location: AZ
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 12:12 PM -0500

Comments

Will someone please tell me what the twelve steps are? Please?


Member: Shannon
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 12:23 PM -0500

Comments

It is still Shannon and now not really sober at all. Things continue to deteriorate and I keep trying to tell everyone that everything is okay when it is so not okay. Ann in OH, Bless you and thank you for your love. The police have been to my house three times this morning and I got no sleep. Ironically, so very ironically, it is my job to deal with women who have lost their way, with AODA issues. I am a giant fake and I am completely falling apart. I have nothing left to do but go to the meetings. Can I get there or not?!? Right now I hate myself so much. I am gasping for air and survival and I think I am going down so damn hard and I can't seem to stop and I am totally losing it.


Member: jimr
Location: chicago
Remote Name: 64.109.136.4
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 12:29 PM -0500

Comments

Susan, If you are an alcoholic like me, you will find that you suffer physically, mentally and spiritualy. Physically, an alcoholic has what is called an allergy to drinking alcohol. The manifistation of an allergy to someone who eats starwberries and is allergic to strawberries is a rash. The manisfistation of an alcoholic who continues to drink alcohol is what is called "the phenomona of craving" When we drink, we crave more. Read about the physical aspects of this disease in the chapter called "The Doctor's Opinion in the (Big Book) Alcoholics Anonymous. We also suffer from what is called "an obcession of the mind" That is a subconcious thought that once we know what alcohol does to us (the consequences of our drinking to us and those around us) we somehow get the idea in our heads that we can drink like normal people (insanity in a sense) Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting diffent results. Then we also suffer from what is called a malady of the spirit. We are simply in disharmony with our spirituality, in our minds, our relationship with God/Higher Power and the physical world around us. The steps are our tools to get back in harmony with 3 things. 1. The spirit or our spiritualality (relationship with God/Higher Power -- 2. Our minds or to get back our mental harmony with ourselves -- 3. The physical world, which is to get back in harmony with the world around us. What the 12 steps does for us is this. Steps 1 through 3 gets us right with the spiritual and our relationship with God or a Power Greater than ourselves, your own conception of Higher Power. Steps 4,5,6,7, Gets us back in harmony with our mind and how we percieve ourselves in this world (its getting to know ourselves). Steps 8 and 9 helps get us back in harmony with the world around us (our relationships with others) Steps 10 through 12 helps us maintain our spiritual, mental and physical world harmony and helps us grow mentally, spiritually and physically. The STEPS are what we call "a design for Living." We come into AA to learn how to quit drinking and we find, if we work this program to the best of our abilty, we receive much much more than what we ever expected. We receive a wonderful way to live happy, joyous and free. Here are the twelve steps. Here are the steps we took, which are suggested (for me I took them as Directions) as a program of recovery: 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Now Susan, If you think you have a problem with drinking, and want to go to any length to make your life better, I suggest you really get to a meeting to find out more. There are people willing to help you. You'll never have to be ALONE again.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.222.178.139
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 01:54 PM -0500

Comments

12 STEPS, http://home.capecod.net/~rogerg/recovery/WkgAA.html


Member: Susan H
Location: AZ
Remote Name: 198.81.26.74
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 02:21 PM -0500

Comments

May God, or any higher power, bless you, Kelly. Thank you for giving me what I asked for.


Member: sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 204.227.205.36
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 03:50 PM -0500

Comments

Sheri Here Still sick alki but sober (((jimr))) your awsome I think most of you here are great !! seems to me you all going out of your way for the new comer thoughts are weaking me today you know this alki brain really just wants to die thank you all for sharing Sheri


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.117.217.68
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 05:13 PM -0500

Comments

Hi All, KatD Alcoholic. I got 30 days! Thanks to all of your help. Thanks to F2F meetings too of course. I appreciate so much all of your shares. Those with more time, we really need you here so please keep posting. You have no idea how much help you are to me and I bet many others. Anyway, I made it through a few evenings of cravings. I did get to a meeting last night. I will take JimRís advice and just take my son (2 years old) to a F2F meeting when things get hairy. It is tough though as he is the epitome of 2, does not play nice and quiet, refuses to be cared for by anyone but Mom most of the time, just a strong willed boy. SO the thought of trying to participate in a meeting and keeping him under control, is a bit much. But I will try. I hope the cravings subside. It is tough walking through them night after night. I work hard to turn it all over to God, but these feelings are sticky and stubborn. ((Shannon)) it sounds like you are really drowning. I pray that you get to a meeting and that some wonderful women swoop you up in their arms and love and help you. I would do that if I were there, and am doing that very thing in my heart for you now. The serenity prayer is a vehicle for me, to get in touch with God. And getting in touch with God is how I am going to make it. My spiritual life has to change first I guess. Then I hope my physical and mental lives will. But with a mess of a spirit there are no resources to work on anything else. I found that any prayer or mantra or whatever works for each individual person to get in touch with that piece would work. I donít have to repeat that prayer or pray to the God that anyone else believes in (I do believe in the Christian GOd though, by my own personal choice) . I need to find what my heart needs and work it. Many thanks again to ((JimR)). Take care all, Kathy


Member: Ruby
Location: CT
Remote Name: 24.151.98.28
Date: January 16, 2004
Time: 06:19 PM -0500

Comments

Thanks Kat and Kelly. Susan, I'm holding on tight. Don't let go! Shannon, I can relate to how you're feeling. I'm in the substance abuse field, and I TOTALLY get feeling like a hypocrite. I get all paranoid about it sometimes, but for now, I'm just thinking about getting through today without drinking. That's it for me. I haven't even gotten close to step one yet. But I didn't drink today, so I guess it's a good day. If my employer ever finds out what a mess I made out of my life, I'll deal with it then I guess. Thinking about it now is more than I can handle. Where's Big Bill? Ruby


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Remote Name: 64.12.96.44
Date: January 17, 2004
Time: 04:47 AM -0500

Comments

Shannon, you are not a hypocrite. A hypocrite would be a person who actually doesn't help the people they are supposed to help. You do help those people and you do that well. Trust me when I say that you are not the only person in your position that has "issues". Have you ever wondered why people go into social work to begin with? What you don't know how to do is help yourself. Sometimes it takes a person outside of yourself to see what is happening within yourself. That is where ftof AA meetings are great. Believe it or not, you are not the only person facing the problems you are facing. I promise you that in one meeting you will at least meet one person who is going or has gone thru what you are going thru. I remember my first meeting. How can I relate to these people. I've never been here before. They aren't like me. WRONG! I was amazed as to the people I met. People JUST like me who have experienced the same things, and I learned from all of them. I was able to take their days, months, or years and apply them to my life, and I feel as I got their much sooner than I would have without them. Get to a meeting. Open up. Without the drink, your life and job will start to fall back in place. Please learn from me and do it now before you hit the bottom and possibly hurt yourself or another. We are all there for you. Anytime you need a promise of hope, read these postings. They will leave you with such a belief in humanity and humility. Here's to another great 24 for all of us!


Member: Trace
Location: England
Remote Name: 62.255.64.7
Date: January 17, 2004
Time: 07:05 AM -0500

Comments

I have not long ago been taken thro steps 4/5 I have been sober a yr, I hit many emotional lows during that time, in fact once the drink was gone the insanity of the illness was free to show itself, and boy did it! a friend of mine wanted to call an emergency doctor one night I said why? she said cant you see your ill, well I knew I wasnt'happy or acting rational but I couldnt see the insanity she could, from that moment of desperation I stopped fucking about with AA and put both feet in. As I say I have just done steps4/5 and everything my sponser said would now happen is happening. She said the pic will become clearer boy that is so true. I awoke this morning with the clearest picture of my FEAR that I have spent all my life runing from, I could feel the coat of thorns I have been wearing. I was told aged 5 that I was adopted and boy at that moment I emotionally disconnected, strange because no more could have happened it had happened at that moment I was adopted full stop, but this morning I saw clearly that I have been reliving and reliving the childhood fear of the worse thing happening, but the worse had already happened but I was still runining and runing and when drinking and drinking I was recreating my age old fear over and over again, I was dreading my drinking partner walking away and they werent going to but I created it by pushing them away and hence my fear was revisted and revisted in stead of facing the fear and accepting it as it was just a fear unfounded to some extent I had spent my life projecting what could happen to me when it had already happened. The disease was keeping its self safe I was living in a circle. On one occassion when I was 18 I went over the pub lunch time with a friend got pissed and we decided not to go back to work sat around in the city of London and my fear of abandonment took over I give her so much crap she said fuck you and left me sitting on a wall. Immediatley I felt that my fear had arrived I was alone how could I go on, I stood at the edge of the road daring me to jump in front of a car, nope didnt do that, so i preceeded to walk the 5 miles home god knows how I did that. I remember walking along scraping my knucles along a wall until they bled, now I can see the pain I was in my own prison. Today I am free from this fear I can see it its no longer ruling me I can rationalize it. Without the steps I wouldnt be where I am now. HAPPY full of GRATITUDE and believe me this is from the most angriest person i know, I am telling you It fucking works!!! trace62.v@ntlworld.com


Member: Dennis
Location: PA
Remote Name: 64.78.111.54
Date: January 17, 2004
Time: 08:44 AM -0500

Comments

Dennis, alcoholic here. A lot of struggles going on here, but a lot of good news, too. Kathy, congratulations on 30 days. Really like what you said about replacing bad habits with good ones. You asked earlier in the week how to get in the habit of using the Serenity Prayer. What worked for me was writing it down and putting it next to my bed so I saw it last thing at night and first thing in the morning. Also put a copy next to my easy chair, and you could put a copy in your purse. Hope this helps. God bless and a sober 24 to all.


Member: Rebecca S
Location: W
Remote Name: 65.33.47.183
Date: January 17, 2004
Time: 11:12 AM -0500

Comments

Great suggestion for Kathy, Denis ..Rebecca here DOS June 13,2003. The serenity prayer is very powerful. It works for me too. Sometimes it helps to "break it into small pieces" so you really can maximize your own understanding. Trace, thanks for the share... also to other newcommers like me, the coffee pot is a great place to go too if you need to just talk... I am new on this whole site.. I can't believe how much time I've spent already. This program is incredible, I could not be sober without the rooms and without GOD. I finally have a loving God of my understanding, He never left me, I just found that out in this program...I lost my mother very suddenly in August 2003, only 60 days sober at the time....That situation proved that if I didn't drink over that, there is nothing WORTH drinking over.. That my friends is a miracle. To even say/type that is a miracle..We are all miracles and our work is not finished here. I know I should have died several times, but, thanks to God, I'm not done---Still sober, Rebecca


Member: Shannon
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Remote Name: 152.163.252.68
Date: January 18, 2004
Time: 12:30 AM -0500

Comments

The week is about to refresh, but before it does I would like to thank you all for sharing with me in these dark days and look forward to brighter ones. I left work early yesterday and went to the Alano club and though no meeting was going on, met some wonderful people who talked to me and made me feel very, very welcome. This is not going to be easy. I am being charged with battery for some of my mistakes earlier this week and if my work or children find out I will be so sad...and maybe fired. But I am going to do this and this site is my starting point. Now that I have found it, I will continue to visit and use it. It is the vehicle that got me going in the first place. I wouldn't have walked through that door yesterday if I hadn't been here first. God, Grant me the Serenity....


Member: Rebecca S
Location: Winter Park, Florida
Remote Name: 65.33.47.183
Date: January 18, 2004
Time: 12:33 AM -0500

Comments

Shannon, Hang in there sweetheart! ODAAT. I never had to face charges, but alcohol beat my ass!! We are here...The serenity prayer is very powerful. Use it, it all works around here!! still sober Rebecca


Member: Mike J.
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 152.163.252.130
Date: January 18, 2004
Time: 09:24 AM -0500

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Hang in there Shannon.I did face charges 26 years ago and I can still remember the pain as though it were yesterday. It took me another couple years to find the rooms of AA but it took even longer for me to be called into court to face the charges. When I got ther I had been sober for over a year and the outcome was much, much diffrent than it could have been.I didn't go to jail and because I found this program I never had to face the fear of being jailed again because of bad decisions I had made while intoxicated.God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.Keep coming back Shannon!