Member: Corinne B., Alcoholic here, there & can't believe I'm First!
Location: Camino, CA - Cherished Home o'Mine
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 12:13:44 AM

Comments

Hey Good People! First one in, looks like! How's about we talk about what it was like for you when you knew you were gonna make it as a sober person in AA? What was that pivotal point when you realized there was no turning back, and you knew that the only way to stay sober was to actually do the work that's suggested in the Big Book - as in the Steps?

I guess I'll share about that later in the week, as right now I hope to beat out whomever else might be trying to pick a topic! LOL!!


Member: mike
Location: way out west
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 12:27:36 AM

Comments

mike alcoholic. when i first got sober i didn't trust myself anymore. my intentions and my actions were pretty opposite. so after i'd been sober for 1 1/2 years and had been off probation for a few weeks and knew i was going to meetings for myself and not the judge then i knew i was on the right trail. there has been some bumps in the road but iv'e been sober now for 23 years by the grace of god through the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous. have a good week all.


Member: The crazy world of AvrilG
Location: Belgium
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 12:47:50 AM

Comments

We stood at the turning point? I lay at the turning point!! I had been loosely associated with AA for 7yrs, and managed to stay dry for 6 months when I picked up again, and (although I do NOT recommend this method!) THIS was the point of no return for me. 3 days into, and desperately trying to come out of a bender to end all benders, something happened. I KNEW that after 7 yrs of trying, I could NOT win over that first drink. I got back to the rooms, I shut the gob and opened the mind and the ears. I put the drink down, got a sponsor, and eventually, gave lifts to meetings, help set up the meeting room, got involved in service, and slowly, but surely, recovery began, and it has not stopped yet!

Very grateful to be a part of, rather than apart from.

Have a very Merry and sober Christmas, and a Happy New Day.

AvrilG@sobervoices.com


Member: Mike A
Location: Elcajon, CA.
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 2:37:33 AM

Comments

I was locked up one more time and was going through a divorce and just being sick and tired of being sick and tired. Nothing worse than wanting a drink and not being able to get one.Iwas hurting over the seperation of my wife and kids.Something had to change, I was bankrupt mentally,physically, spiritually. I would attend the A.A. meetings in the facilty for the first time on my own.Convienced I was bodally and mentally different than my fellows I could admit to myself I be alcoholic.So I believe it was when I took the first step 100% no reservations. I was through,I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink.Again I think doing this thing for myself for the first time had a lot to do with it.Not for the wife, courts,job,anybody,just for me.Thank God I had that moment of clarity and realized I was distroying my life and everybodies around me. I'm here to stay "One Day At A Time" DOS 1/20/83 "Merry Christmas"


Member: Laila
Location: Turku , Finland
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 3:14:45 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Laila and I'm an alcoholic. When I came to AA in 1996 I was fascinated by the whole thing! All these people, SOBER, one day at a time! All they seemed to do was go to meetings, read the BB and 12x12 and they were fine. I was one of those who used to laugh at those who shared about working the steps according to the BB, and having a sponsor. THAT stuff was for sissies. Until early this year when I had two severe depressions, and started looking at the reasons; I HADN'T WORKED THE STEPS ACCORDING TO THE SUGGESTIONS IN THE BB,AND I DIDN'T HAVE A SPONSOR. Today I have a sponsor, and I'm going through the Step-process according to the suggestuons in the BB. This year has been the best AA year in my life! Now I know that I have a chance of making it through life happy, joyous and free!

Merry Xmas everyone! Everybody have a safe and sober 24 hours! Love, Laila email: limperska@hotmail.com


Member: AnilG  
Location: MtVernon,ILL
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 7:59:17 AM

Comments

i am an alcholic it was intresting first to attend aa meetings first i could not believe as to how aa can help u to remain sober but as i got involved deeper and more i shared with other people i understood the real meaning of the higher power and way i see him.


Member: miriam w.
Location: baltimore, maryland
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 9:32:31 AM

Comments

I came into aa in 1988 to save a marriage. It didn't work. I managed to stay dry 8 years by working with other alcoholics and addicts as my job but made a conscious decision to field test in 1996. I was out for 2 years and things didn't get any better so I went into treatment for 28 days and started again, BUT I tried to do it my way and a year later tried to social drink again. This time I was out for 1 year and my family was tired of my behaviors so in january of 2000 they asked me to leave. I went into detox, back to aa and got my own place.... It was the first time I had ever been on my own in my life. I finally turned my life and my will over to a GOD of my understanding and did what it is suggested. I go to meetings, I got and use my sponsor and I work the steps to the best of my ability. after 10 years off and on i am a newcomer but the quality of my 10 months of sobriety this time far outweighs any quantity i have ever had. The pivotal point for me this time was my final belief and acceptance that i am an alcoholic and i have to work a program to change my life and stay sober.By the grace of GOD and aa my family asked me to come home in may and i have never been happier. Not because they took me back but because i am a different person. I have faith that a power greater then myself shows me what to do on a daily basis, if i take the time to listen and i say thank you every night.


Member: Sharon F
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 9:59:35 AM

Comments

Happy Holidays: I walked into the doors of AA at the instance of my son. Walking in with a .45 on my hip, 6'1", 320 lb., tight jeans,Stetson, and said, "All right you sob's I want what you have. A small statured man,slid the .45 away from me and told me to set down and shut up. I did. It took about 2 meetings for me to realize that I belonged here. I was told that I had a disease and that was alcoholism and AA was my medicine, if I was a diabetic I would have to take insulin, I have to take AA. It was about 9 months later that I WANTED to go to a meeting, not Have to.. I always had wanted that sparkle in the eye, the feeling of being wanted and needed, now I had it and I kept coming back and working the steps to the best of my ability in order to obtain and keep that sparkle. I still am "going back" because I want to.. AA is my insurance policy and I MUST keep it paid up..this is a life and death deal to me and if my ins. isn't paid in advance, I have no assurance I can live. I like to live this new life, it is the easier and softer way for me. Have a great holiday.... Love and prayers, Sharon Frey slfrey@Yahoo.com


Member: Sharon L.
Location: Texas
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 10:33:04 AM

Comments

Hi folks. I'm Sharon and I'm an alcoholic. I'm going to my first aa meeting tomorrow night. It's been great for me to come here and read what you've written. At least I know I'm not the only person in the world to feel like this. Your words give me stregnth, and I really nead that right now. I just wanted to say thank you.


Member: Kennedy S
Location: A small town
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 10:58:17 AM

Comments

Hi, my husband has decided to sober up and I would like to know how I can help him stay on the right track.He has been to 4 treatment centers and has quit for 3years and started back up again.Just this weekend he was drunk for 3 days straight.He made it miserable for me and our daughter.So,I told him he had to quit or I was leaving him.So, he agreed to quit,but how do you help him stay that way?Thank you for listening!Mrs.S


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 10:58:39 AM

Comments

Hi family, I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic.

I was so spiritually, emotionally, physically and psychologically sick and bankrupt when I got here, I just wanted out. I wasn't afraid, in the least, of dying. Only of living. I'd had enough but had no idea of a way out. Too chicken shit to off myself. I get a sick, nauseaus feeling in my gut when I think of that time in my life.

The company I worked for, at the time, thought more of me than I did, so they sent me to treatment. Thats it! I was just ready. The people I worked with put one of those "no bozo's" stickers on my office door...and I felt much worse about me than they did! Lost the job and gained a life, and quite a wonderful one, at that, by the grace of G~d and this fellowship. I may get to take credit for suiting up and showing up, but I'm not even so sure of that. (for me it's dangerous to take credit for anything that my ego can run with).

Mike A: I went into treatment in your neck of the woods in La Jolla, and almost identically to your dos. Sharon F: Thanks for the story and the mental pictures it conjured for me! It's a movie scene!

May we all have knowledge of G~d's will and the power to carry that out. Bob


Member: sherry
Location: calif
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 11:11:05 AM

Comments

Hi all, well its been 2 days since I drank, I have the problem where I don't drink all the time but when I do I can't stop till drunk or passout occurs. 25 years ago, I went to an AA counselor and told him I thought I was an alcoholic. He asked me if I drank in the a.m., I said no. He asked if I drank every day I said no, but when I drink I get drunk every time. He told me that he didn't think I was an alcoholic. I was really sad at that news cause I knew I was. When you wake up in someone elses bed other than your mates and didn't intend to do that somethings wrong, among a hundred other things I have done under the influence. I have been in and out of AA meetings since that time. If you think you have a problem with booze you probably do. I am able to go months, but not years sober. So with this topic today I will say that when I do attend meetings I can stay sober. I just found this site 2 days ago and I look forward to reading what others are sharing. I fully intend to incorporate this site as part of my daily AA input. Thanks for being here. Pray for me. God bless


Member: Craig L
Location: Beaverton, OR
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 12:05:28 PM

Comments

Im Craig and I suffer from the incurable, fatal disease of alcoholism. I actually came into AA for good during my relapse. It was while I was trying to drink myself to death that I gave up the fight. I stopped fighting everything. My life was so miserable, I no longer wanted to live, I surrendered absolutely. After detox, I was ready to do whatever it took to keep me from returning to that state of desperation. Alcohol had beaten me and by surrendering to that fact I also surrendered to God. Now I work the program of AA as a life and death obligation. I have found peace and serenity in carrying the message. I have nothing but compassion for those of you still struggling with addiction. You are only kidding yourself, as you cannot beat it. It is a paradox that we can win by giving up. I can assure you if you keep up the fight it WILL get worse and I can also promise you there is a solution in AA. God bless


Member: Paul Mc.
Location: NY City
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 12:13:33 PM

Comments

Good afternoon to you all! the first time it hit me that AA could work for me was about a week after my last drink. It was suggested by a shrink whom I had a couple visits with that I "try to lay off the booze" for a week or ten days" and to try to attend a few AA meetings "just to check it out". I took offense to this of course, and intrepreted his suggestion to not drink for a week as a dare. After about 3 days, I was physically sick, in a continual state of panic and nightly visited by imaginary attacks of bugs which no amount of scratching seemed to get rid of. I was in pretty desparate shape, although I told myself I was fine and it was the world that had gone nuts. Finally around the 4th day I called AA and met some guy at a meeting. Frankly I didn't care for him or the meeting, but it did leave an impression: I saw a large crowd of healthy, attractive people who were laughing, smiling, talking and weren't drinking, and from what little I was able to glean from the discussion, hadn't in quite awhile and had lost most of the desire to. This impression was the first that glued itself to my soggy,sad brain. Then, around the one week mark I experienced a feeling that I am most grateful to have always been able to remeber clearly: I had a feeling of accomplishment and the inkling of real self-esteem simply by not drinking for seven days straight! What a revelation that something seemingly so simple had such a profound impact. Aftere I hit ninety days, I still could barely believe that I had gotten this far, and still harbored a fear that this wouldn't last. I had A habit of great beginnings and leaving it unfinished, thats when I really started to get the one day at a time concept. After 12+ years its still working.

I am grateful to have found this site as I am infirm currently due to complications from knee surgery and unable to attend my meeting and marooned at home. I have problems with getting isolated even in good health but coupled with being fairly immobile, the situation is often very acute.

Also I have been prescribed some pretty potent painkillers which I have been needing (and actually I'm glad to have them as they are a relief) due to my condition, but I am a bit uncomfortable taking them as they really make me feel quite doped up which I both dislike and yet like as well. I speak to my wife and with friends and monitor this which I have to do, as I believe the opportunity for abuse lies in secrecy.

Newcomers: keep coming back! Go to meetings, get a sponsor< etc. AA DOES work if you work it. Check your attitude at the door and try to listen to the suggestions without prejudice. Don't try to figure it all out! You DONT HAVE TO DRINK TODAY.

regards,


Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Double dipping
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 12:17:01 PM

Comments

Kennedy here is a link where you can text chat with recovering alkies AND their famlies (Alanon members) and any questions you have will be answered.

http://www.alcoholismhelp.com/index/html/sgp34.html

also:

http://www.sobervoices.com/home.htm

alternatively, feel free to e-mail anyone who posts their e-mail address here or on other sites.

goodallavril@hotmail.com


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 12:33:17 PM

Comments

SHERRY Calif.

Please do not get yourself confused, you did NOT see an AA counsellor, there is no such thing, the only people you will find in AA are alcoholics, NOT counsellors (well, some of them MAY be, but not in the AA rooms, and not counselling alkies, and certainly NOT telling someone who believes they ARE an alkie that they are probably NOT an alkie.

If YOU believe you are an alkie, you probably are, and need to get to AA in order to address the problem. What you probably DID see is an alcohol counsellor, not in the remotest bit connected with AA. Most AA people will NOT comment on someone else's problem, therefore, you ARE an alcoholic if YOU say you are, and not one sober member of AA will tell you otherwise, nor will anyone tell you you ARE an alcoholic, THAT is your decision.

If you want to drink, that is your business, if you want to STOP drinking, then that is OUR (AA's) business. The links above will be good for you too, and also e-mail anyone you think can help.


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 12:40:04 PM

Comments

Kim here... alcoholic.

When I re-entered the halls on 8/2/99, I wasn't sure that I was going to "make it" as a sober person. All I knew was that my life was a mess and I was on the verge of loosing everything near and dear to me. I wanted the pain to stop and the heat of my back, period.

The pivotal point when I knew there was no turning back to my old way of living (drinking and drugging) happened when I was about 4 months sober. The first few months I showed up and spoke on the phone daily with my first sponsor, but that's it. But around Christmas of last year, LIFE started to happen: stress at work, financial stress, ex-husband stress and the stinking thinking set in again. I felt trapped by my life because I knew that returning to the bottle would mean loosing my son, my apartment and my job, but living sober was becoming hard, too.

That's when I got active with my group, went on commitments, and got honest with myself about my options: to return to a life of misery or to start changing myself so that I could live peacefully in my own head when things started to happen or people didn't treat me the way I wanted them to. The pivotal point in my sobriety came around this time last year when I ACCEPTED my alcoholism as the permanent, death sentence it is and ACCEPTED that I could only change my way of relating to the world in sobriety. Drinking is out for me today, but living miserable in sobriety isn't much of an option, either. So I started to GET HONEST, TAKE THE SUGGESTIONS, AND BEGAN "WORKING THE STEPS" to the best of my ability.


Member: Maria K
Location: Finland
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 1:06:30 PM

Comments

Wellcome to AA, Sharon L! I hope you had good meeting. My first meeting happened for over 18 years ago; it was a day that Ill always remember. One day at a time also I have had the mercy to keep sober since that. Keep on going to meetings!


Member: Bill
Location: CA
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 1:36:05 PM

Comments

Hi every one my name is Bill and I am an Alcoholic. The Big Book in chapter 3 I think states that we don't diagnose other people as alcoholic. It suggests that if you have any doubt step over to the nearest bar and try some controlled drinking. It won't take long to decide if you are of alcoholic mind.I am sure this isn't an exact quote but close enough to let you know only you can decide if you are Alcoholic. When I came to my first meeting in 1976 a certain bottom was expected for the program to work. Today I see youg people coming into the program with a "High Bottom" and put together long and useful lives of sobriety. Please go to meetings and listen to the people that know you best other Alcoholics. Thanks


Member: Marty G.
Location: Manitowoc, WI.
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 3:12:42 PM

Comments

Hi all, For me, it took 25 years trying to control my drinking,and the loss of some really good things in life to realize I was headed for the desease of alcoholism.Once I started going to meetings, reading the big book, and not picking up that first drink, things started changing. I am now going to be 6 years in A.A., and life is a lot better. I still need my meetings, though, as life can still get rough if I try to take control again! Have a good X-MASS everyone.


Member: Denise H.
Location: Maine
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 3:40:23 PM

Comments

hello, The turning point of my sober life was at 6 years sober when I realized my life was still unmanageable SOBER. Why? Because I was still trying to manage it. The decision to turn my life over to a power bigger than me and work the 12 steps with a sponsor has changed everything. I love AA and life again. happy holidays all.


Member: Brandon M
Location: Bloomfeild Hills, Michigan
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 4:16:39 PM

Comments

I tired of being tired. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm a 20 year old drunk that loves to hurt. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but once life is going well, I try to destory it. This time I went a little to far. I had 4 months clean, the longest since I was 13. I went out and drank myself, until I could not feel anymore. I did not get "cought". The point is I know. I'm not really sure what to do. I know I have to pick up the peices, I'm scard of telling people about how I messed up agian. It hurts, hurting the people that have faith in me. Sometimes I think it's hopeless to change


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 6:20:44 PM

Comments

Bill here. I am an alcoholic. I been sober ever since I knowed how.

Great topic Corinne. Glad you made it in first. Good to see your post too Miriam.

I have had many points in my recovery when I realized I was going to make it. Realized that I was in the right place. Turning points if you will. I call them "God Shots".

I walked into these rooms totally convinced that AA would not work for me. Totally convinced that I was one of those who was constitutionally incapable. Perhaps suffering from grave emotional and mental disorders. AA will not work for me.

The first change was about a month later. I had gone through the steps the first time. I felt a sense of relief and a belief that this just may work this time.

A few months later I was reading "How it Works" at a meeting. When I reached ".....and are willing to to to any length..." I was struck dumb. (And you have heard me speak Corrine..Can you imagine me being struck dumb..????). At that point, I found out that I really was willing. Another God Shot.

At one year after handing me my one year coin, my sponsor said "I want you to start thinking about where you want to be this time next year" At this point I started learning how to live one day at a time. Goal setting and achievement.

At 17 months I entered College. A few months after that I was amazed at where I was in life. I realized that God really was doing for me what I could not do for myself.

And the most important turning point for me was not when I found out that God loved me, but when I found out that I loved God. I have no idea when that thought occurred.

Not too Shabby when I realize that I came from the alleys, wrapped around steam pipes, and living in a chicken coop. You see. I realize now that I had to step on every stepping stone along the way to get where I am today. But if I would forget, even for one minute, where I came from; I could be out there somewhere beating on a bar top, and wondering how in the heck I got there again.

AZbill

az-bill@primenet.com


Member: ((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))
Location:
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 6:47:49 PM

Comments

lu-lu,

where are you???????????

(((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))


Member: JohnO
Location: England
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 6:51:04 PM

Comments

Hello, my name is John and I am a Alcoholic. I have been around AA for about 12 months now. My longest spell of sobriety is about 6 weeks and 3 of them were in a detox centre.I just seem to have a self destruct button and when things are going fine I think I can go out there and just drink for a day or two and then knock it on the head for a while . I know this goes against all the suggestions of the programme and suggestions of other AA members who have been so kind and given me so much help and advise.I have lost another relationship to a girl I love dearly and I am hoping that this will be the turning point for me . I have been to AA meetings 7 days running and not drunk for 7 days running. Meery Christmas and a happy new year to you all.Any help,advice very much appreciated. JOHNO9367@AOL.COM


Member: William.A
Location: High-Point.
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 7:40:35 PM

Comments

Hello:William.A.--Alky.

Remembering what it was like when I finally made that desicion to stick out the entire A/A.program,came after I was beaten down by pride and the heart,breaking news that the woman that I thought was to be the one called miss right made a descision to be with someone else even thought I felt that she could not make it without me since I felt I was then Gods gift to the free world and every womans dream, need I say that when boy meets girl on A/A campus and lust falls into play we who have expeerienced this feeling know just what to do providing we do what this program suggests of us,by working a few simply steps,also doing things like giving time-time,as well as learning first to love ones self before taking our sickness and spreading it on someone else.

I would like to say that after a few tries at this situation I still had it in mind that if only she could realiize that I was sent her by GOD to be the fulfillment in her life,still she had other plans and was off and running right back to a re-lapse that allowed me to think that now she needs me more than ever before,That still was not the answer for her.

Can we start to see a pattern here,or can we see maybe what might occur when a person looks for ful-fillment in some-one,else and not give themsleve a chance to get to know the real person inside,that person that thier H-P wanted them to know in the begining.

Today,I can honestly say that I have realized that the moment I made the descision to work the A/A program to the best of my ability something happened beyoung my wildest dreams,I started to get healthy,wealhty and wise I also started to get to know that scared little boy that I kept looking for in that A/A relationship.

Today,I married a Non-Alky and living sober it is ten (10) years later I still attend A/A meeting,I have relocated after nine (09) years and life could be better but just for today I could be happy with what my H-P has allowed me to experience,any success ,I may be having is surely Gods not William,s.

Thank,s to all who helped me along my journey,as well as for those who put up with me as a non drinking Alky (N.U.T.S.) not using the steps.


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, fla
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 8:35:59 PM

Comments

hello my name is richard ...i am an alcoholic.......my first pivital point was the night i was sleeping in the bushes ...praying to jesus , and wondering what my friends of old would have said had they seen me then. ....The realization came to me that i need to learn how to live without drinking !!!..the next morning wheni awoke .the desire to drink had been removed and i was on cloud nine !!.........from that day untill this day at 5469 days ..it has been one day at atime .staying sober and learning and useing the program to live sober ..in which ever community i am with...... i am a better church member and citizen because of my sobriety and my daily participation .......thank you .in love and service.........


Member: Mark B.
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 8:50:36 PM

Comments

Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic, What? I don't know that this is too relevant for me. I really don't know what some of you people are talking about. God returned me to sanity regarding booze and dope. They will kill me dead. That's what the book says. Drinking isn't an option in my life. I don't choose not to drink or use. It isn't a viable option because being a sane person regarding booze and drugs, I don't want to die. There is no choice. I don't want to commit suicide.I understand today that if I did, I'd be killing the wrong person. Doing what I do for a living, I've seen firsthand the devastation this disease wrecks in people's lives and those in the immiediate vicinity. After seeing a 39 year old man in a drunken rage blow his daughter's head off, then his own, in front of his nine year old son, I'm really going to even think about drinking? I 12 stepped a guy who had been identified as having a potential problem with alcohol. I worked with him for almost 6 months, when, he decided he didn't want what we have, and went out drinking. About 3 months later I got called on a Sunday afternoon to go out to an accident scene. It seems as that he drove his car into a bridge embankment at about 80 mph. Then the next day I had to go down to the LA county morgue and photograph his autopsy. Drinking is really a choice, huh? Those are but a few of the incidents I've seen thoughout the years. I've never known I'm going to "make it". I don't take my sobriety for granted, and I'm just as diligent today, as I was when I first came into this deal. See, all the deaths that I've seen, all the attempted suicides, the rapes, the assaults, they do one thing, they help keep me sober. My sponsor told me a long time ago that "Some people have to die, so other may live". Cold hard reality for me. I don't want to seem as if I'm bumming, cuz I'm not. Life today is a wonderful precious gift, and I treat it as such. I've never been so happy, joyous and free in my life, and know what? I'm enough of a cynic to keep coming back to see if it gets better, like I hear in meetings! If you're new, don't drink or use, go to meetings, and try and do what's suggested of you to do. This deal works, and it's all about just trudging the road of happy destiny. If I can get clean and sober, anybody can. Instructions are printed in the book, whata simple deal, it doesn't even require any original brainpower. Thank God for that. Hugs and a Merry Merry and a Happy Happy to all! And too all a goodnight.

Mark


Member: Emily
Location: Phila
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 9:11:14 PM

Comments

The only thing I know for certain is that I have a daily repieve - today. There are no guarantees for tomorrow. I believe that if I ever get too cocky about my recovery, i.e., knowing that I'm going to make it, I will most surely drink. I can never take this gift for granted. That's what it is - a gift, & it can be taken away. It is in my HP's hands, not mine..it is His will, not mine be done.


Member: Michele
Location: ca
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 10:08:15 PM

Comments

kennedy!! go to avrils suggested web site it's wonderful. spontaneious and right on. You can help him by insisting you'll be there along with the program. Be brave enough to go through the next change however...It's the stairway to your relationship..I think anyway it is. take care and keep in touch


Member: Ed A
Location: Demming, Wa
Date: 12/18/00
Time: 11:57:20 PM

Comments

my first meeting will be this week...hey lu - lu...9 days sober....Deming, Wa. is 20 miles N.E. of Bellingham....close to Canada


Member: Mike A.
Location: Texas
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 2:27:52 AM

Comments

I was in and out of the rooms of AA for over two years before I had my last drink in March of 96. At least I haven't had to drink today. I don't know that I have ever come to the place of realization that I was "going to make it" in AA. I'm not sure today that I will make it. It seems to me that my lack of self-esteem and confidence in this area is directly proportional to my participation in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. It doesn't mean anything that I have not had a drink ... the big book says that alcohol is only a symptom. For the past 4 years I have continued to try to keep control over my life. I stopped going to meeting (until last week) and I started running the show. I found my higher power (God as I know him) in church, but I didn't allow him to take control either. After working through steps 1 thru 3, I seem to have recanted.

All of that being said, the last time I got drunk, i loathed myself the next day. I did realize after my bottom (maybe I'll share about it sometime) that the only way I would remain sober was through AA. Even now, as the last few years have me deep into a dry drunk and fleeting thoughts of drinking go by, I know AA is the ONLY way I can do this. I want to do it right this time. Please pray that God will give me the courage to press onward with the program. I hear it works if you work it. :-)


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 2:54:57 AM

Comments

Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic.When I first got sober, I considered sober people as being next akin to rigomortus.I absolutely hated being sober. For me the key to finding out truly what this program has to offer, and I don't recommend this for anyone, was to leave the rooms of AA and just not drink.I can honestly say that the only thing I got out of just not drinking was misery.The key for me to good sobriety is I am useful today,no more no less, but useful.I have a reason to get up in the morning. Old saying, life is life, joy is optional.The joy for me is the steps.The solution to every problem big or small is in the steps. Thru the Grace of God,and the Fellowship of AA, I have been blessed.If my life does not get any better than it is at this moment, no qualms, no regrets, no looking back.I am truly truly blessed, and for this I hope to remain eternally grateful. Thanks for allowing me to share, God Bless and Merry Christmas.


Member: sc
Location:
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 3:23:57 PM

Comments

i got the elves working overtime,im running a little behind this year.that dang george bush borrowed my little people to count chads in florida,no presents for him this year.

santa claus


Member: sc
Location:
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 3:24:13 PM

Comments

i got the elves working overtime,im running a little behind this year.that dang george bush borrowed my little people to count chads in florida,no presents for him this year.

santa claus


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 3:57:53 PM

Comments

What I wonder do I say to someone who has been somuch misguided and taken this approach to "Looking to things above rather than to the things of the earth" in such a manner as is here stated in this topic? "The just shall live by faith," but what I hear here in this topic and in many meetings around AA is the assumption that, the just shall live by sobriety!? Sobriety is still a part of that that is below, it is not and never will be the final product any more than setting the newspaper aside to go to work can be said to be the same as selling all you own to follow your lord, of course ya gotta get up to leave; and you have to set the booze aside to follow God. What I mean to say is:- What were you doing before you decided to do what ever it is you did, that is the question; for that it is you must leave behind, that it is you must set aside whether it be the newspaper or a bottle of beer. In the same way, what were you doing (that is drinking) before you decided to do what ever it is you did (which was commit your life to God) and in this case the drinking thing is like the newspaper, its what you left behind to follow God in the same way as the fishing nets were what the disiples of Christ left behind to follow the lord. What and if when Jesus came upon these first few disciples they were drinking wine! they would have left it to follow the lord, and so it is with you, or at least so it was with the founders of AA who committed their lives to God, they left the booze behind. Levi was at the tax collectors booth when the lord called him; Bill and Bob were drinking beer, so I ask you, what were you doing?....


Member: Sara J.
Location: WA state
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 4:09:52 PM

Comments

I don't know if I'll ever "know" that I'm going to make it as a sober person. That's like saying I'll never drink again and I know that however much I want to, I can't guarentee that. I have had a terrible week, one stupid thing after another and all I can think is "Thank God I'm not drinking too". When I first began to try to get sober (it took SEVERAL attempts, we all know the siren's song) whenever something "bad" would happen I would think "Jeez, and I can't even have a drink!" Now I think "Wow, thank you God for my not drinking!" I know that drinking would just make it worse and even more unmanageable than life sometimes is. I used to have dreams about drinking, now my dreams are nightmares about alcoholic blackouts.

Somedays my sobriety is set in bedrock, others it feels like it's built on quicksand. But so long as I never pick up the bottle, it gets better. But if I did...God help me.


Member: Corinne B., Alcoholic here, there & grateful for the 12 Steps of AA.
Location: Camino, CA - Keep on Keepin' On
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 4:40:11 PM

Comments

Hello again. I decided I better put in my share now, as I have no idea if I'll get to it before the week is out.

The reason I worded the suggested topic as I did was because I'd been dry in AA for 6 years the first go 'round, and never did have the feeling that I really understood or appreciated the full effects of sobriety. I was just hanging on for dear life that time because I'd never actually done the work in the Steps. Oh, I thought I had in some ways; but over time, when I no longer felt any euphoria over being sober, I knew sadly that I'd missed a critical phase of my development. I hadn't a clue how to redirect my sobriety, and so I drank again when the pain got too great to bear.

It took another 6 and a half years of drinking on an almost daily basis to get back to AA. At first, I experienced that grand re-awakening and the feeling that my ship had come in. Oh, how I had missed the meetings and fellowship of others who'd almost gone down with the alcoholic ship! Reading that Big Book again for the first time in so many years brought me great comfort those first few weeks back in AA.

As time wore on, and real-life issues presented themselves, I plummeted a couple of times back into active alcoholic despair. Though short-lived, they provided me glimpses at the horrible state of affairs I faced if I continued for long. When I finally put down the last drink, I felt no euphoria in it at all whatsoever, and it would be a long 9 months before I got around to doing the work again.

I had to reach such a low emotional bottom, while not drinking, before realizing how much I needed to work those steps, and to be able to find out what the magic was in doing so, that so many AAs had told me over the years. The long & the short of it was this: The moment I surrendered my will, while working diligently on those 2nd & 3rd propositions, I began to be lifted out of the mire of depression, anxiety and fear that had held me back for so many years. Two thoughts came to mind almost instantaneously: 1) That I was the one who'd held onto all that was keeping me sick; and 2) that I had to get well in order to help others get well. It was just that quick! No sooner than I'd had those two thoughts that I knew I was on the road to a lasting and permanent recovery.

That may sound presumptuous to many who've not had such a profound psychological re-arrangement of thoughts and cognition, but to one who has lived it, and continues to, I know it to my core. The best explanation I can give is that of a glimpse of before and after. Before: I cared not one iota about anyone but myself. No wonder I'd suffered under near-psychotic delusional depression for so long; I was utterly obsessed with self! After: My near-ever waking thought is geared toward the welfare of, and the reaching out to help, others.

I never would have believed I could be happy, joyous and free by giving of myself to others! That sounded like so much crap and way too much energy to spend, especially considering that I am physically disabled by extremely painful and fatiguing conditions! Why, who has time to be concerned for others when you don't have the energy to do so? It's all I could do to take care of myself and my needs and wants, right?

Oh, but did I ever have it backwards! I get so much out of the giving that I do now. I owe it all to good sponsorship, and the caring and giving of so many wonderful AAs, both here in California and back in Florida, as well as one particularly generous person up in Canada, who reached out to me when I could barely lift my head at times, but somehow their messages of encouragement and hope got through.

If you have not yet earnestly worked those Steps in the Big Book with an experienced sponsor, I can only say you are short-changing yourself, because I know that; I lived that.

May Peace Be With You and Yours...


Member: Carl B
Location: Maine
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 5:15:15 PM

Comments

It's nice to be in touch with myself again--the real me doesn't need a drink to get through the day . I'm finding more of myself to be proud of as each day goes by.Merry Christmas to all!!!


Member: santa
Location: north pole
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 6:53:54 PM

Comments

and to all a goodnite................

santa


Member: Tired of Being sick and Tired
Location: the world
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 6:58:53 PM

Comments

Im grateful this site and message board are here.,..just found it and need it. It is helping me to release some of my denial, you see, I have been revolving like a door since I first I found the program some 15+ years. Struggleing as a I see my world crumble hurting those around me and myself daily. I know that when I work the program I quickly get healthy and start to regain a sense of adventure and appreciation for life. My concept of a higher power becomes clear and I am for the first time "truely happy joyous and free". Jail and death are the only roads I see if I keep up drinking..nothing has seemed to scare me and I am starting to worry about my fate. Maybe this is good. thanks and merry Hollidays


Member: Samantha Y
Location: Detroit, MI
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 7:34:15 PM

Comments

Hi, My name is Samantha and I am an alcoholic. When I first walked into the rooms of AA I was so sick of drinking that I was willing to try anything to stop. I haven't had a hard time staying sober. Honesty, Openness and Willingness is all it takes. That spells the H.O.W. of it. That is what makes the program so successful. It is simple and easy if you choose for it to be. When I was still drinking I knew I was an alcoholic. I knew that my life was unmanageable. It took what I consider an act of God to get me to step 2. My car was stolen while I was in treatment and was found over a week later in Virginia. The thing is I had never reported it stolen. It had been driven from Atlanta, GA to Cumberland County, VA. It was found and I am still driving the car today. Sober. This incident happened after I had said "If you're there God, show me the money" and he did. That was enough for me to know there was a Higher Power and he could restore me to sanity. At that point I became willing to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I UNDERSTOOD Him. I had already worked Steps 1,2 and 3 before I ever walked in the rooms.


Member: wilbur
Location: virginia
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 8:59:43 PM

Comments

samantha,thanks for letting me "BORROW" your car


Member: Norm P
Location: Indiana
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 10:48:55 PM

Comments

Like Bill,I came(back)to AA believing I had no chance to recover. I knew other people did but thought I was too far gone. When I was in a treatment center(voluntarily)the first time,they said they would be very pleased if one of the 20 of us would stay sober. I was sure I was the one. Two months later,I was drunk. I had those reservations the Big Book talks about and left the door open just a crack. I sincerely wanted to stay sober but I thought,"If it gets bad enough,I will have no choice but to drink." Sure enough,it did and I drank for the next 3 years. I took comfort in what I thought was a fact,that I was already drinking as much as I could so it couldn't get any worse but it did. When I returned to AA,minus all hope of recovery,I had surrendered but didn't know it at the time. I was willing to go to any lengths and I did. It took me 3 months to realize I didn't have to get drunk because I had never stayed sober more than 2 months before. Thank God,it has turned out to be more than a "vacation" from my alcoholism. P.S.-Thanks for the card,Corrine.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 12/19/00
Time: 11:03:10 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

I finally made a committment to try the AA program and seek continued sobriety when I hit bottom. In other words, I just remember feeling beaten--physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually from the drinking!

This feeling of defeat was, in the end, the reason I turned to AA, and the memory of this feeling is still one major reason why I stick with AA, one day at a time.


Member: Smitty P.
Location: Illinois
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 12:07:15 AM

Comments

Hi Ed A. in Washington. Today must be 10 days for you and I was happy to see yer gonna go to yer first meeting this week. That is super. Just remember that we all felt scared to go to our first meeting. Let us know how it turns out, okay?

I couldnt appreciate sobriety much at first. I had to get beat up pretty bad a few times before it stuck on me. Not really sure what the turning point for me was, but it probaly had to do with my sponsor saying that if I wasnt gonna be willing to do the work, then he wasnt gonna be willing to sponsor me anymore either. That felt like such a cold shot but it got my attention, and I buckeled down to do that step work. A few weeks into it things started to click and aways on down the line, I felt like I didnt fear the drink anymore. It was somewhere there abouts when the fear left that I started gettin an inkling that I was gonna make it stick this time. God willing, its gonna be 27 years come February 27th, but it took me 10 years of trying and starting over many times for it to finally stick.


Member: ALCOHOLC
Location: TRUDGING THE ROAD...
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 1:34:10 AM

Comments

HI IM AN ALCOHOLIC

NOT MUCH TO SHARE...HAVEN'T BEEN TO A F2F IN A COUPLE OF WEEKS BUT I'VE DECIDED TO GO BACK TO MY HOME GROUP. I BEEN TO THIS ROOM SEVERAL TIMES AND THE 12 STEP CONNECTION BUT I DON'T FEEL THE SAME SPIRITUAL CONNECTION IN F2F

NO URGE TO DRINK THANKS TO MY HP AND MY WORKING THE STEPS, PRAYER.

IT WORKS IF YOU WORK IT...I TAKE ANOTHER 24, KEEP COMING BACK


Member: Jeff
Location: Northern CA
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 9:23:01 AM

Comments

Hi, My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. I have recently moved and I am not as comfortable with the change as I would like to be. I had been going to 3 or 4 meetings a week in MI and I have only been to that many in the last 2 weeks.

The topic of knowing AA is going to work for me is a good one. I know that things will work through the good / God / Hp /people in the meetings around here. God did not go anywhere -its me adjusting or fighting or struggling or whatever it is I do when I don't feel right.

What I need to remember is who and what I am and who and who and what I could be. I am a drunk who doesn't drink through the Grace of God and the program and fellowship of AA. I could be a drunk again or I could keep making progress very slowly toward being a person more like what some power greater than myself has in mind.

The faith/confidence of knowing that I am going to make it in AA comes and goes. When it goes; I count on Him and you all until it comes back. The alternative of drinking is always there - not a pleasent thought but a fact. He and you let me not choose it.

Great to be here - thank you all for sharing and letting me also.


Member: Lori H.
Location: Dakota
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 12:56:14 PM

Comments

I've had a couple of times that I felt I was gonna "make it". The first time was after the first meeting. The restlessness that was inside me was immediately calmed. I went home, looked in the mirror, told myself I was an alcoholic (honesty!), and bawled my eyes out. I even was given a sponsor that first night, and the ugly head of rebellion reared when I was told to give her my phone number...but I did it.

Later on, life happened, and I thought I was missing something by not going to treatment, and I doubted if I was going to get "it". Thank God that passed. I didn't go back out to do more research.

At 3 years sober, I hit the wall. I thought I had done all the steps, cleaned up the past as best I could; had the house in the suburbs, the car, the boat, the 2 kid nuclear family, life was great--I don't need AA anymore. I went to 2 meetings my 4th year of sobriety. I didn't celebrate my birthday that year out of shame. I owed the program much more than I was giving it, which wasn't anything at that time. I was also doing everything myself (I don't need your help, thank you very much.)

Between years 4 and 5, I got so good at working MY program that I had an affair, divorced my husband, and almost had a slip. That was pivotal for me, because I was on my knees praying--that's what ya do when you're back's against the wall, right?--and I went back to a meeting, got a sponsor, used the sponsor, rather than just saying I had one, and worked the steps over--with her. That was the second time I felt I was gonna make it in AA. But this time I knew it couldn't be me in charge, and for the most part it hasn't been. I still have days I want to be in control, and God let's me...He know's I'll be back.

My sponsor's the same way. She lets me have all the rope I want to hang myself when I choose not to work the steps to the best of my ability. She tells me to pray for rigorous honesty. And she'll ask me "what step are you on today?" And when she checks up on my progress of whatever, and I tell her I haven't done it yet, she says "God's not kicking you in the a** yet, huh?"

I know now that the only way for me to stay sober is to ask for my HP's guidance AND be willing to follow it, whatever it may be. What I have been given is totally by grace, and I gotta give it away every day. Peace to you all, and have a Merry Christmas!


Member: Lou C.
Location: Victoria B.C
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 1:23:33 PM

Comments

Hello all ! I'm Lou and I'm a greatfull alcoholic. It took me a second kick at the can. Sober for 2 1/2 years and boom; where the heck did the last year go? I still thought "I" was my greater power! When I realized that I had to finally become ruthlessly honest and humble to the bitter end, things started to change. I had a home again.


Member: Chris H.     
Location: Fla.
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 1:44:03 PM

Comments

Chris H. here---Alcoholic/addict/bulimic---I don't know when I thought I would make it but I think It was about at 5 years---I'm sorry to all of you that it took so long but it did---with the help of my HP and my wonderful sponsor I was able to make it...I have not heard anyone talk in this meeting about getting throught the holidays---One day at a time< I guess...I uusually get pretty depressed because of all of my expectations...this year has been a little better because I have just taken it as it comes...my father is coming for the holiday and I am working on putting that in its proper perspective...He was pretty much my abuser(only verbally) in my childhood--so I am trying not to fall into that victum -codependant roll---I know that I am in the drivers seat now as he has ruined all of his other relationships---but it is still a struggle---WIth the help of AA and my HP ---I know it will be better!!!"I can do all things throug Him wh stregthens me!!" Merry Christmas!~!!


Member: Joanne M
Location: PA
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 2:37:21 PM

Comments

In response to JOHNO9367 and a message re: the topic.....

My name is Joanne and I an alcoholic as well. I read you note on the Staying Cyber AA site and I was once where you are. I had fowled up relations with family and friends and ofcourse boyfriends. None of that mattered to me though because my reaction to these fowl ups was for me to drink them away and deny all responsibility. It wasn't until I was completely emotionally beaten up that I knew I had a serious problem and all the while I was AROUND the rooms for 2 years but not really in them. The main reason for that was because I always used a drink as an escape , a vacation of sorts, or so I thought. In reality, after getting some clean time together I saw that all I was doing was running from issues that would never go away unless I dealt with them. When I was beaten down I made a decison as it says in the first step, to turn my will and my life over to my HP. It didn't matter if my HP was a book, a picture or God as long as I gave those things up to something Greater than myself. I knew that there had been countless times that I had tried to drink again without getting drunk and I knew that every time I tried I failed. Alcohol had Power Over Me!!!!! I hated to admit that. I am sure u are hurting since losing your love, I have been there. I can tell u that no matter how much hurt you feel it will not get you sober. What will get you sober is if you make the decision to give your will and your life up to a HP and follow the steps. You may not win your love back but I can assure you that in staying sober you will explore relationships that are healthy and will make you happy. ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!! JUST DON'T DRINK!!! Giovanna676@aol.com


Member: pinkie
Location:
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 4:06:14 PM

Comments

dont drink dont stink


Member: wouter
Location: neth
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 4:35:55 PM

Comments

Wouter, alkie, I went to an aa meeting for the first time, i sat next to an old guy with sparkling blue eyes, he had a face of hard drinking for years but his eys were clear. he spoke about... but then i knew i made the right desicion. hardly ever go there but go here, Stayingcyber, write and read about Alcoholism, and through that i get to know me. The end came even before going to aa, it was a moment of total despair at a party, and ruining my relationship with a wonderful girl. She did some very good things to me, and one of them was saying i had to go out of her house and live on my own. we struggled on, buty it was gone, i had messed it up. i didn't want to mess up the rest of my chances to come. Love peace and strenght


Member: (((())
Location:
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 7:54:01 PM

Comments

where is my hp.............lu-lu at????????????

(((()))


Member: Rachael O.
Location: NM
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 8:58:51 PM

Comments

You know, Corrine, thats such a great topic and I just hope I can make some sense because while I was just posting on the other mtg about the 1st step, I think my mind strayed a little, but considering how much life Ive lived and how little there is left, thats probably expected and not such a bad thing.

I can remember just coming upon this A & A thing way back when thinking whats this possibly gonna do to make any difference? Hell Id been to church before and it sounded like a whole lotta hooey to me, sounded just like stuff they used to tell me to do as a little girl to be good and get along real nice like in life. That werent for me, no sir! I liked to keep things stirred up because life sure could get pretty darned boring where I come from! I needed me some excitment dont ya see and I learned how to get it by stealling my daddy's hooch out from under his car seat or behind the outhouse. Well anyway, when I came to A & A as some of us liked to call it back then for kicks, I could see I was gonna have to do some changing to fit in this place, as there weren't too many women around in those days. Well I didnt like the thought of change not one bit and I resisted it for many months after I arrived on the scene. Then one day this man who was sponsoring me because there was no way in hell I was gonna get along with another woman yet, told me "Rach, you gonna have to git you another sponsor cause Im gonna be moving soon and Im worried about you. You so hard headed and you dont see that you gotta change and the only way you gonna change is to let God in." I dont know what hit me harder - being told he was gonna move away and that Id have to ask someone else to help me - or that he didnt think I was gonna make it cause I hadnt changed enough to make it. Whichever it was we talked some more before he moved away and he helped me make the transition to the only other woman I would hardly talk to and what a blessing in disguise all that turned out to be. So I guess it was being forced to facing change in my early sobriety that struck a chord in me to go on to making more changes to stay sober. I really felt I was gonna make it once I got used to the new sponsor and started taking her words of wisdom to heart. I really felt like Id let someone else in on my secret thoughts and feelings and that was such a huge change for me. I suddenly knew God had done all that, because Id resisted that sort of thing all my life. That must have been when it all snapped into a snug fit and its been fitting for a long while now. Thanks again for the topic.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Oxnard Ca.
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 9:14:01 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Chris and I'm a grateful alcoholic. Huh? For me it was a night after a very spiritual meeting, just sitting on my bed in a treatment center and somehow I admitted way down deep inside that I was an alcoholic. Now I've said that to wives, judges, probation officers, etc. for years but this time to myself and it felt really good. Happy Holidays to all thanks for listening God Bless!


Member: Leigh
Location: L.A.
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 9:42:30 PM

Comments

I am a newcomer. Went to my second meeting today and accepted my newcomer chip. A few days ago, a friend of mine told me he was in the program and asked me to come to a meeting with him "just to check it out." He recognized himself in me, and even though I thought I was getting by ok, it took hearing him relate his experiences and seeing the similarities in our stories to realize I, too, have a problem. I also realized that if he could be sober, so could I, and my life would be better for it.

While I don't believe I've had my ultimate "turning point" yet, I was a big turing point in my life to simply admit there was something wrong and that I need help to over come it. My hand was shaking when I took that chip today. I had to swallow hard when I said my name and told everyone that "I'm an alchoholic." It was brutal just saying the words. As soon as it was out of my mouth though, I knew it was true and the feeling that I was doing something about it was tremendously positive. It was a pivotal moment.

Two days sober is not a lot, but I feel good and strong and buoyed by the support of all the caring people I met, and most of all by the concern of my friend who reached out to me and helped me set my feet on this new path. It feels wonderful to be understood and cared about.

Thanks for listening. I'll keep coming back.


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 12/20/00
Time: 11:42:48 PM

Comments

Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic, Wouter, do me a favor. Go to one of the meetings at Nova Zemblastraat. When you go in there, ask if Igor is there. If he is, look him straight in the eye, and ask him if he's still sober. When he starts sputtering, tell him you were told to by Air Force Mark online. He should remember me. Also, go to an NA meeting and see Ted J. Ask him the same things. Both of them are old friends of mine. Thanks

Mark


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 10:08:51 AM

Comments

HI Leigh and welcome.

Two hours is a miracle for some of us. You have indeed reached a pivotal point in your life. YOu have defined the problem, now define the solution. Step 2. Give is all you got. :)

Bill az-bill@primenet.com


Member: sherry
Location: california
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 11:31:53 AM

Comments

okay well I tried to drink again. x-mas party. Controlled myself while I was there but I wasn't finished drinking. Bought a large bottle of wine and drank almost the whole thing. Of course I'm sick as a dog. I lasted 4 days and then drank. I wish my pride would get the hell out of the way. I'm gonna find a meeting and go to it today. I need to surrender this cause I don't think my body can take it any more. This site is wonderful, I feel like at least I can talk to people who understand. My husband keeps asking me "why, why, why" do you drink when you have no problems? My answer is I don't know. But I do no, I'm alcoholic and have known this for 25 years. I think this is my bottom and I hope it is. Thanks for being here.


Member: as bill sees it
Location:
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 11:58:24 AM

Comments

sherry go to a meeting


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 12:46:36 PM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic, sober today by the grace of God and AA. Thanks, Corinne, for the great topic. Sunday morning, President's Day weekend, 1979. That's when I saw the light. I was deathly hung over and sick and tired. I went to my knees and asked God to take over, telling him I'd screwed it up. Somehow, a miracle happened and for the first time, I did not have to have a drink. In some way, through the haze, I could tell that I was going to get through that day without drinking. I told my wife if DTs started, to take me to the hospital, because I was done. Since then, it's been just that way. Pray in the morning, ask for God's light in my life, don't drink today no matter what, and thank God at the end of the day for saving me. Sometimes I think it should be more complicated. For me, though, it was that simple. That first day was when I knew that I'd make it, not for life, just for that day. So I just kept doing the same thing. Now it's been 21 years. Thank you, God, for all of the blessings and please, God, watch over my fellow alcoholics and me. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred


Member: Joyce F.
Location: Dodge City Kansas
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 2:17:19 PM

Comments


Member: JB
Location: Orange County, CA
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 3:22:49 PM

Comments

Im an alcoholic, and my name is Jason. The most important thing I can share is I have been sober since March 1st of 98. Turning point in sobriety, that is now Im making a sponser change and a homegroup change. This is the firs time I have been alone in sobriety and it is do or die time. This is the time I will find out if Ima here for the real deal, Iam here to stay sober. That is why I came here.So what I have been taught is take the action, Im all over the phone finding meetings to go to and getting hook ups to stay busy. Iam just grateful that AA is such a big place and that there is always some where to go when I need it. Thank you for My sobriety.

To Sherry: Make a decision whether your a drunk or not, you'll make yourself crazy. I did it for 9 years trying over and over.

God Bless


Member: bert k.
Location:
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 4:47:36 PM

Comments

im not a drunk,i just like drinking day and nite am i in denial?

bert k.


Member: von
Location: Akron
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 6:03:27 PM

Comments

Corrine-Thanks for a great topic. Sometimes I get on this site and everyone's all over the place, but you definitely struck a common chord - and we all have something to say, "young" or "old".

I never thought I was going to make it in AA. By the time I came in I was a daily drinker and never thought the obsession would ever leave. What I did was listened to what you told me to do, read my Big Book, went to a ton of meetings (still do), got a sponsor, and put one foot in front of the other. I know that if I would have really stopped to look around, I would have panicked and gone back to my old, yet comfortable ways...the dreary, vomity, anxious, discontented life of active drinking. Hopeless, depressed, infantile, and insane.

Then one day, about six months later I dared to realize that I had experienced no mood or mind-altering substances for that entire time, then it dawned on me that the obsession was gone. As the fog lifted, hope and you people helped me to develop my relationship with my Higher Power, and because of this program of rigorous honesty, openmindedness and willingness, by God's Grace and the help of you people, I have been sober since July 23, 1999.

I had little to do with it. When I came in I knew nothing about staying sober. All I knew is that I had made a choice to surrender. For the newcomers, read what people have written above. It works if you work it.

Mrs. Kennedy S. - something for you to think about--Go to alanon. The truth of the matter is alcoholism is a family disease, which means if your husband has it, then you're sick too. This doesn't mean you have a problem with drinking, but you definitely have a problem. If you want to help him, go to alanon. To make it more clear: Who's sicker, the one throwing up or the one cleaning it up? Love means I won't lie to you to spare your feelings.

Merry Christmas, everyone, God bless you and keep you all.


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 6:33:48 PM

Comments

sherry says, "My husband keeps asking me "why, why, why," do you drink when you have no problems? My answer is, she says, I don't know? "Well; It starts with a W and it has a o in it then follows an r and an l and lastly the word ends with a d." I wont add it all up for you but contrary to popular belief, the world is the what and the why and the because that we drink; though we often blame ourselves falsely against it because its a hard pill to swallow, And it is the also that must be admitted in step one that pertains to this selfsame unmanagable life that we must needs confess, that we also have need of another way. Jesus is for us then this Way, and the Truth and the life by the government thereof; We look to God for a better way by him, a better way than the world has offered or can offer. Too often in AA I hear acceptance to the world rather than God as the answer to the world, which amounts to one more if not another in a long line of half measures that avail nothing; The honesty of the program if you'll read that it is rigorous is the profound fact that it is the world and the host of it in its darkness that upkeeps it that we must admit has dismantled our hope of the presuit of happiness of the which I might add, God will not allow to be attaind here in this life apart from him, for we must admit also that this life is temporal and come out from it and be His or in the end he will say, "I never knew you" But, be not of a faint heart, All things are possible with God, with Him, shall nothing be impossible if you'll but turn to God's word....


Member: Jim B
Location: Doulassville,PA
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 7:03:12 PM

Comments

Jim alcohlic,I was a dry metting maker for six years this was long enough for me to develop a proffession and start to believe that I no longer needed AA.After six months without meetings I drank once again Once I started I couldn't stopfor two years. During this time I lost a proffessional licence and once again felt totally sick and tired. I returned to AA and obtained a BB, a sponsor and a willingness to follow suggestions. Today I feel well, I'm now covienced I need God and AA to guide me through life. It will be 30 months on the 29th and my life has never been co WONDERFUL I've been given a second chance!!!!!!


Member: Jim B
Location: Doulassville,PA
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 7:03:19 PM

Comments

Jim alcohlic,I was a dry metting maker for six years this was long enough for me to develop a proffession and start to believe that I no longer needed AA.After six months without meetings I drank once again Once I started I couldn't stopfor two years. During this time I lost a proffessional licence and once again felt totally sick and tired. I returned to AA and obtained a BB, a sponsor and a willingness to follow suggestions. Today I feel well, I'm now covienced I need God and AA to guide me through life. It will be 30 months on the 29th and my life has never been co WONDERFUL I've been given a second chance!!!!!!


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 7:04:51 PM

Comments

Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic, You know hwy I drank and used drugs? They worked intially. They killed the pain, they filled IT,(see above a few days), they were my life, my higher power. My whole life when I was dragged through the doors of AA was all about booze and dope, and the getting and using MORE baby. Anything to check out. I knew of no other way of life, I couldn't imagine life with the booze or without it. I existed to get loaded. Life was all about coming too in the morning, struggling to get at least my teeth brushed before I started puking. I later learned that Colgate MFP and scotch didn't mix too well together and that puking was a natural cause of the mixture. That was real enlightening for me. Another great moment of revelation was when I was told, " Mark, if you don't drink or use, you don't get fucked up". Wow, that was just too deep for me. That one almost overloaded me at first. It was so profound and simple. this couldn't be that simple could it? I mean, people talk about and quote this book, they say the instructions are in there, can it be that simple? Don't I have to dream up a solution, wave the majic wand, beat the shit outa somebody? IT CAN'T BE THAT SIMPLE!!!!!! And yet, I've come to discover that it is. I've come to discover that I'm a real simple person, no different, no better, no worse than anybody else walking the streets of life. I have the same needs as any other human being. Part of my greatest problem is my ego, demands that I complicate my life up to no end. No wonder I get screwed up at times. The steps are all about ego deflation, and let me tell you, I continually need mine deflated which is why I stay as active as I can in this deal, continually needing to work on myself. Now, I'll let ya'all in on another little tidbit I discovered a few years ago. It isn't so much the final destination that matters. It's all about the journey. See that's where all the living, the loving, the life, takes place at, on the journey. Trudging the road, I be a diligent trudger on this "broad and roomy, all inclusive, never exclusive or forebidding", road.

Mark


Member: Melissa
Location:
Date: 12/21/00
Time: 11:49:02 PM

Comments

The pivotal point for me was that sobriety was the only key to freedom for me since I had many criminal consequences hanging over me. After some time as a "guest" of the State of Texas, I became willing to go to any lengths to get sober & stay sober. Not just for physical freedom but for freedom from my alcoholism & addictions & the behaviors that go with that. I'm so very grateful that when no one could help me up, they helped me down. And while I was down there, I really made the decision to turn my will & life over to the care of God, regardless of what that meant or what it took.


Member: free
Location:
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 1:57:14 AM

Comments

mellisa,

jail sucks dont it!!!!!!!!


Member: anti-government
Location:
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 2:01:28 AM

Comments

mark,

you must be in the military huh?

spit shine dem boots


Member: sunny
Location: New Bedford, Mass
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 5:37:30 AM

Comments

I'm a member here at Stayingcyber, and welcome to all the newcomers. You are members when you say you are.

Recently,I went to the wake and funeral of a woman 20 years sober. I think she made it. All I have is a chance to stay sober one more day. It has been around 4018 days since I had a drink. I have AA reflexes now. I have what I saw in others that I wanted. But, the goal is to live sober and then to die sober. Then I expect to check in at the big meeting in the sky and see if those alkies think I made it yet.


Member: Brian G
Location: Kingston, NY
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 11:01:44 AM

Comments

Brian Alcoholic, when i came around i was 17, i came in after a suicide attempt gone bad, i was spiritually bankrupt i came in on my knees, and after my pink cloud wore of, smog covered the sky. in my first year i was miserable because i knew there was no way i could ever drink again i was dry as a desert, just recently ive decided to change that and work on the solution and not the problem, i dont feel bad saying im dry today because im aware of the defects and the solution is a process thank you for letting me share


Member: marty h.
Location:
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 11:31:41 AM

Comments

lu-lu is no longer with us,she has been spotted down by the mission with a bottle of voldka in hand.we will pray for her.


Member: sherryt
Location: california
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 1:03:05 PM

Comments

sherry here, I went to a meeting yesterday. I really enjoyed the discussion, however I can see why some users get confused. Some of their bottoms are very low and mine I guess is high thanks to god. Your right when you say I need to decide if I'm an alcoholic. I have decided and I am. When I spoke with the AA person on the phone yesterday she stressed the importance of finding a meeting where you fit in and you can relate to. I am searching for other meetings(maybe women's first) so I can associate with my disease better. Thank God, thru all these years I've not had a DUI or jail. Your also right when you say all you have to do is not drink. That's the number one concept, cause I know if I pick up that first drink, I don't know how the night will end. AA will work for me if I work it. Thanks for being here.


Member: white
Location: christmas
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 1:16:13 PM

Comments

im dreaming of a white christmas,,i would have it no other way.....if ya get my drift.....


Member: dorthy
Location: oz
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 1:51:55 PM

Comments

if i could just get back to emerald city......


Member: Mark D
Location: Concord,NH
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 2:20:05 PM

Comments

One would have thought that my turning point was climbing up out of the embankment that I tumbled down trying to take a piss. It was 9 AM on a weekday and I pulled over a couple hundred feet from where I work. I had killed off the better part of a bottle of gin. But although that had a profound effect on me, it wasn't until I got involved in an out-patient program, started going to meetings--that about 2 months later, I practically did the same thing over again. God help me, I NEVER want to have reason to hate myself as deeply as I did that morning. Something broke that morning. Whether it was a conscience that could no longer be pushed away, or the realization of this damned compulsion causing my life to collapse around me; I had allready accepted being an alcoholic. What I wanted then for the first time, is to proceed with my life and give up any hope, occasion or loophole that would allow me to drink again. It's only been 70 days since then. I'm just starting to get active in AA, but I feel a clarity and peace now that I'm not sure I've ever known before.


Member: Last Straw
Location: Babylon
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 3:04:23 PM

Comments

With all this holiday malarky that many drank to escape from, here is an interesting review of events that you might do well to look over:

http://www.eskimo.com/~billz/truth/volumes/v2/study_09.html


Member: Last Straw
Location: Babylon
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 3:18:42 PM

Comments

If you have trouble getting this on the above URL try:

http://www.eskimo.com/~billz/Truth/Volumes/V2/Study_09.html


Member: philip r
Location: ohio
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 7:14:03 PM

Comments

two months sober today..no turning point yet but i am gaining confidence every passing day..


Member: OBSERVER
Location: EARTH
Date: 12/22/00
Time: 11:48:40 PM

Comments

DOROTHY AND WHITE

SAVE IT FOR THE CHATROOMS, MORONS


Member: white
Location:
Date: 12/23/00
Time: 12:29:41 AM

Comments

earth observer;

clean my toilet moron


Member: bb
Location:
Date: 12/23/00
Time: 1:47:55 PM

Comments

i have a fruitcake for earth observer,lu-lu made it.......................


Member: tee-he-he
Location:
Date: 12/23/00
Time: 2:28:13 PM

Comments

it looks more like a cheese log though


Member: Dawn R.
Location: Canada
Date: 12/23/00
Time: 6:25:38 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Dawn and I am an alcoholic. I've read through some of the letters quite quickly(I'm at work) so I'm not completely clear on the topic, but I have something I need to get off my chest and bring up for other AA's to comment on. I was chairing a meeting last thursday night(my home group) and opened the floor for members to pick topics. We have a guy who is a little mentally challeged and has a habit of yelling out whatever comes off the top of his head. Anyway he first yelled out Gratitude and it went up on the board, then a silent room and then he yelled out ignorrance and I said that wasn't a recovery related topic, but I realized later it could be, but my motive for turning down his second topic was wanting a topic from someone else (16 other AA's in the room). Anyway a girl with about 6 months soberity slammed me for censoring(her word) the topics, when in reality all I really wanted as the chairperson was input from some of the other AA's in the room. I realize now, I should have made my motives clearer to the room at large, but people make mistakes. I'm sharing this because its 2 days later and I am still thinking about it and how I could have dealt with it in a better manner. It's the first time I have ever been critized like that in front of a room full of people. I knew the source (new person) calls for tolerance, but I still feel rather shitty about the whole thing. I know most people will tell me to talk with her and the group openly. Yes to the group I will, be I only see this girl at meetings when she gets a chip. Any input would be helpful so I can move past this. I know my pride got hurt somewhat because I like to think I am doing what's right for the group and maybe sometimes I don't. I know I'll be chairing that same meeting next week and she'll be gone until the 9 month chip rolls around. Any input would be appreciated, because I am finding at 4+ years I still don't deal that well with conflict, especially when witnessed by 16 other people. I made some stupid statement about being the chairperson and having control because I'm the chairperson, but I sounded pretty lame even to myself. I suppose I need some facts. Dawn


Member: rabasheeba
Location:
Date: 12/23/00
Time: 8:57:50 PM

Comments

dawn, dont sweat the small stuff.........

the whole world is dsyfuuntional


Member: Dawn R.
Location: Canada
Date: 12/23/00
Time: 10:25:33 PM

Comments

I suppose it is small stuff, but it sure doesn't feel like it sometimes. Why does this alcoholic have to be so DAMNED sensitive. I just hate that so much sometimes, because its all small stuff really. Dawn


Member: Mike R
Location: Friday Harbor
Date: 12/23/00
Time: 10:59:54 PM

Comments

Icamefrom an abusive family emotionly and physicaly the path I took caused me to desert wives children led me to jails mental institutions and in 1985 when I arrived at AA I was given an unwarented gift from god sobierty. Life immediatly got better. I found by doing the required things to be healthy I was able to be the man I had always wanted to be, but when things get good for me I slack off and of course things get real dark again. I found big ego, little good, I've also found that the real gift of an AA meetings is not what you give me, but it's what I can get from you people. This the first time I've seen this site and I found myself crying reading your postings. Thank You


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person
Location: Deetroit
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 3:59:34 AM

Comments

What was it like for me when I first realized I was going to STAY sober (10 years ago)? It was great! I think it was a relived feeling, but it was very deep. Grateful was part of it too. Like finding the answer to one of my big problems in life. And alcohol wasn't THAT big of a problem for me, probably because my Dad was an active alcoholic until he died and I pretty much vowed NOT to be like him. So I DIDN'T lose control EVERY time I drank. But it happened enuf to get me into recovery. Then I started getting honest about my other addictions (compulsive gambling, smoking, overeating, Internet addiction, on and on).

I haven't yet reached the point that I know that I can be "sober" from ALL of my addictions (at the same time), but I am willing to keep coming to various meetings in hopes that some day that will happen to me!

Thanks for the topic Corinne. I can't remember every having this as a discussion topic. It is refreshing. Merry Christmas all :-)


Member: mike
Location: way out west
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 7:54:42 AM

Comments

mike,alcoholic, dear Dawn this for me has become a simple program. when i'm disturbed i look at my part . who did i hurt . what did i do. whats my side of the street. then i go to those persons and admit my wrong. then i feel better. i dont have to figure out the world anymore. simple really. the hard part for me is to look at me . but im getting better at it. also at my favorite meetings the topic is introduced by reading something from the big book or other confrence approved literature. good luck. principles before personalities is the simplest and most comfortable way to live.


Member: johno
Location: England
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 8:29:09 AM

Comments

To everone out there A Merry christmas and a happy new year I am going out tonight with members of AA it has been a terible year for me , but more so for all the people i have hurt because of my drinking I wish i could make amends right now but i cant God willing i will one day


Member: MIKE H.
Location: S.W. FLORIDA
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 8:45:13 AM

Comments

HI EVERY ONE MY NAME IS mike and I am an ALCOHOLIC. My first comment is to Kennedy S, the best thing I think you can do for your husband is just be there for him. When I stopped drinking I needed the support of my family, and I thank GOD every day that I got it! Now back to the topic. I knew I was going to make it about 3 months after I got sober. I took a good long look at my life, the places I had been and the place I am in now. I like this place! That was when I knew I had to stay sober. Not for anyone else, just for me. My life and my 24 year marriage have never been better. I have the support of a good woman, a good friend and a wonderful church. Now every day I hope and pray I will never turn back. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL! STAY SOBER!


Member: Corinne B., Alcoholic here, there & grateful for serenity.
Location: Camino, CA - No White Christmas Here This Year!
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 1:01:51 PM

Comments

I just wanted to pop in and thank everyone for your posts this week.

Have a Very Merry Christmas Everyone!!!

If you don't celebrate Christmas, have a great sober day!!!


Member: Mitchell K.
Location: Orange County, NY
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 1:05:37 PM

Comments

Wishing everyone a happy, joyous and free holiday season. Just remember - each day is a day full of wonder, a wonderful day...

I hope to "meet" some of the friends I've made here at Wilson House in Vermont on January 6th. I'll be doing a one-day seminar (9AM-5PM) on the early days of AA and How It Worked. If anyone wants any information on the day you can go to the Wilson House web site at http://www.wilsonhouse.org or e-mail me at how_it_worked@excite.com

Peace and God bless...

Mitchell K.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 3:05:04 PM

Comments

Dear Dawn,

I do not think you did anything "wrong". I believe your motives were in the right place.

I would love to share a beautiful experience I had early in my sobriety. I got sober in Boulder County and attended a Tuesday night meeting in the city of Boulder, Colorado.

At that meeting was a former Professor from C.U. He had a wet brain from his drinking. Each and every Tuesday the Chair would call on him to share. He was totally incoherent and babbled in moronic syllables. Retarded monotones. Totally unintelligible. He was asked to share every time he attended this meeting.

I never questioned that one way or another. But often wondered. Then It dawned on me. (no pun intended.) :) We may not have understood what this gentleman was saying, but chances are real good that he knew what he was saying.

This was one of the most beautiful displays of love and tolerance I have ever seen in Alcoholics Anonymous. I believe that I would have gone with the first topic he hollered out. It really matters not since it is rare we stay "on topic" anyway. At least at the Mercican meetings. LOL

By the way I have attended meetings and have many AA friends in British Columbia and Ontario. Drop me a line someday.

Bill az-bill@primenet.com


Member: SANTA
Location:
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 3:36:25 PM

Comments

GOD IS GREAT GOD IS GOOD GOD IS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD


Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 4:54:57 PM

Comments

Hi Ed alcholic. The past 8 mos. in AA it has been rough going but with the help of others I mange to handle one day at a time.


Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 4:55:47 PM

Comments

Hi Ed alcholic. The past 8 mos. in AA it has been rough going but with the help of others I mange to handle one day at a time.


Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N.H.
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 9:48:54 PM

Comments

Hi Rhonda, alcoholic. Seasons'Greetings. This is my second sober holiday season and everyone in AA was right when they say every year is better then the last. Great postings this week and after an afternoon with my inlaws it was just what I needed. Half kidding as I say the serenity prayer repeatly!

Thanks for being here. Happy Holidays. Where's Charlie been?


Member: OBSERVER
Location: EARTH
Date: 12/24/00
Time: 10:48:39 PM

Comments

WHITE AND BB

BITE MY BIG ONE LOL