Member: Rarely
Location: Canada
Remote Name: 206.45.167.78
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 07:41 AM -0500

Comments

How about giving and having no expectations for getting anything in return, It was a hard lesson for me to learn, a lesson Im still working on.


Member: Robert H
Location: Columbus, OH.
Remote Name: 65.31.16.183
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 07:58 AM -0500

Comments

Hello all, Robert here, an alcoholic. That's a great topic, and I think it is a lesson that for me, I will always be learning. However, I was able to at least get myself to understand this lesson by reminding myself that having no expectation of a return of my gifts, would allow me to be happy with whatever I got; even if that was nothing. Not to mention that my motivation for doing something should not be "the gift I will receive in return." www. alcoholrecovery.net


Member: Sierra
Location: Canada
Remote Name: 63.135.9.237
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 08:03 AM -0500

Comments

My inability to say "no" and giving of myself and not expecting anything is part of the reason why I still drink. Drinking is a coping vice and not a very good one at that. I have a few committments that are coming to an end near the end of this year. Once those are out of the way the plan is to concentrate on myself. I personally take great pleasure in helping others when problems arise and the self gratification I feel is the only reward I need, but the stressors that these acts put on my personal time is what is causing the problems. There is no ME time. Just like drinking I tend to go overboard and not pace myself. I know for others this is not the case and sharing of themselves is very hard to do, but once you get started and realize the different rewards that come from doing something just for the sake of doing it are worth more than anything thing else. Have a great 24.


Member: Mike H
Location: Jackson Michigan
Remote Name: 68.76.52.139
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 09:47 AM -0500

Comments

Giving with expectations of return is very upsetting when it doesn't get returned. I always gave of my time and money helping others only so they would help me. I was in constant turmoil due to the fact that money loaned was not being returned, although I had helped someone they were not returning the favor, etc. Today, if I can help I do without expecting anything in return. It is very hard to do this on a regular basis but I am working at it to the best of my ability. Great to be sober.


Member: jules h.
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 207.177.18.219
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 10:06 AM -0500

Comments

Hi all, it's a great day to be alive,and sober isn't it! I'm jules and I'm an alcoholic.. Giving without expecting anything in return is a great topic, the program has taught me that gift. When I give in any way today, I give from the heart, and my motives are different then in the days when I gave so you would except me or like me. To quote from THE PROFESSOR AND THE PARADOX, "WE GIVE AWAY TO KEEP. That seems absurd and untrue. How can you keep anything if you give it away? But in order to keep whatever it is we get in A.A., we must go about giving it away to others, for no fees or rewards of any kind. When we cannot afford to give away what we have received so freely in A.A., we had better get ready for our next "drunk." It will happen every time. We've got to continue to give it away in order to keep it. Thanks for letting me share.........


Member: daviddave8
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 207.44.5.68
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 11:35 AM -0500

Comments

to give and not get anything in return was hard for me to,but i am getting better at not expecting something in return.it gets better with time.


Member: Pi Koan
Location: New York
Remote Name: 205.188.209.140
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 03:17 PM -0500

Comments

The cliche' "Inorder to keep something we must give it away", this of course is pertaining to our sobriety embodied in Step 12. But not to expect something in return just for the goodness of the act itself not by the fruits of it is a higher transcendental sphere to look at things. For to really be objective about it then, the satisfaction of the deed itself is already the compensation. I remember once when I was watching this documentary film of the Jewish Holocaust in the concentration camps there was a big sign that said, "Work shall set you free." If we really see things in how they saw it we could see the truth about the cliche' because a lot of them were dying out of starvation, diseases, and being sent to the gas chambers but it was working itself that they become free. See the laws of the Universe is ruled by cause and effect- whatever you give that you also shall receive maybe not right away or directly but by all means in a whole lotta ways. What comes around goes around, we are ruled by Karma. When people are victims then they vicitimize in return. Dominance has always a high level of hierarchy in the place of the herd. The more dominant you are the more respect you get and the advantages you get for being the alpha male-female in the food chain. Even in AA group core circles you can see who are the dominant species around, the ones that you don't want to cross and have respect for if you want to continue going there. Even in our discussions here people are so adept in speaking in the mainline thought for approval, because we know once we sing a different tune then not only do we face being ganged up, ridiculed and ostracized, we also know that we could doubt our very own sanities because we are different, which I think has more impact. So by all means we learn to shut up and listen and then when we learn to speak we speak of what everybody has heard and will approve of, that my friend is a greater satisfaction in the comfort zone of acceptance and belongingness, which I know is what we call Sobriety.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 205.188.209.140
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 10:09 PM -0500

Comments

Hi ((All)), Kelly an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic Rarely. I don't see the connection in myself for this and drinking because of the way I was raised and what I learned religiously. I have often wondered why people had bumper stickers that told people to "practice random acts of kindness", It seems that everyone should know that golden rule? I also at work when we were asked to donate part of our hourly pay to the United Way and I did not, I was questioned about it. I told my boss that I like to contribute to my own charities in my own ways. I have my own ideas ingrained about (true charity). It is, "True charity is something freely given from the heart with no thought of recognition, or recompense". My boss did not understand that concept, just the bottom line which was having everyone in our department giving to this organization. I eventually got through to him that by not giving of my own free will it was not 'true charity'. I love doing 12th step work in AA because it is mostly anonymous. If I had to toot my own horn about it, it would take away the best part for me. Even bragging about doing 12th step work would be defeating the purpose. When I can help another drunk with a ride or support it makes me feel good inside and that is why I do it. As a drunk my world got really small and was just centered around my drinking and myself. Helping another drunk gets me outside of myself and focused on mankind and giving to the greater good... Alms...You know, we really are our brothers keepers, etc. Happy and Sober holidays to all, Kelly :)


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.0.184.118
Date: 14 Dec 2003
Time: 11:39 PM -0500

Comments

Hi all, My name is Bill, I am an alcoholic. I am also a member of the Steering Committee. It is with a great deal of sadness that in the spirit of rotation I must leave the Steering Committee. It is time for one of you to take the baton and press on. You are the only one who can nominate you. We need representation from the meeting goers. It was not a difficult job. Over the past year I answered about a 100 inquiries. I have met several new friends. I have been successful 100% of the time. I never once took a drink all year. :) God bless you all.... In the Fellowship of the Spirit, Bill


Member: Rarely
Location: Canada
Remote Name: 206.45.165.101
Date: 15 Dec 2003
Time: 09:42 AM -0500

Comments

My names Ron and Im an alcoholic, it was only when I came to the program that I became aware of how selfish I was. I asked myself why? was it because I was abandoned as a child and thrown in with all those other abandoned kids each of us fending for ourself as best as we knew how. To this day I have wondered what it would be like to have a mother - dad - sister or brother who just gave unconditional love and who I could love unconditional. For those of you who will jump up and say thats what we have in A.A. I disagree, to experience the love of A.A. one has to go to meetings, one has to stay sober, read the big book, do the steps, etc. etc. its not unconditional. So how come I became so selfish did I learn it in jail where every man is for himself - did I learn it on the street, on skid row, in the hostels, all I know is that I was a very selfish man, and those were the last words that where told to me when I did my first 5 step, Oh I was good at giving you the shirt off my back, " that was easy," but what about giving of myself, my time, my caring, my encouragement, I was once pulling my kid on his sled and I said to myself " no one ever pulled me on a sled when I was a kid, My sponsor told me to take the kid to the skating rink, I thought I have more important things to do than watch the kid flip flop all over the ice. I conned and stole because you never had to pay it back. So thats just a little bit about me when I came to you. Have I changed? Well I was told how to give of myself and expect nothing in return.... But Im still good at giving you the shirt off my back, which is not the same. I have learnt from watching others and some of the kindness I see astounds me. My sponsor gave of himself, gave me his knowledge, his direction, his kindness and time. I could never understand why. We were so oppisite he being educated and a professional, the son of the chief of police in a large city. yet he took time out of his busy life to share this program and his way of life with me. I know he expected nothing in return.... WHAT A BLESSING


Member: Kat
Location: Boston
Remote Name: 24.91.168.81
Date: 15 Dec 2003
Time: 10:07 AM -0500

Comments

(((Ron))) very brave post. I too am just realizing how selfish I've been. With 6 months of sobriety under my belt and the fog just clearing I am slowly and humbly realizing that my whole life resounded in "me & I" It is not an easy thing to face... but better late than never and it really has me facing this holiday with love and giving in my heart. No wonder I've always had money problems in the past... I was hoarding and fearful and wasn't open and generous... I'm changing... Thank God. love to all, kat


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: 15 Dec 2003
Time: 10:40 AM -0500

Comments

Adam, alcoholic. Wow...it's only the first day or so since Rarely posted the topic and I already love what I have read. It never ceases to amaze (and embarrass) me to realize that after being in Alcoholics Anonymous for a few twenty-four hours that I still have an agenda for how people should behave when I have done them a favor or given of myself to them: seems I always expect to be rewarded in turn or, at the very least, I expect my act of kindness to never be forgotten. Rather vain of me, isn't it? I'm glad that through Steps 6 and 7 I was given a good lesson in humility that helps me when I want to ask "Where's MINE?" My sponsor told me that the gift of being honest with people was not that people would be honest with me in turn...instead the gift was that I would get to be an honest man and have the dignity and self-respect that comes from being an honest man. He said that if I learned to love unconditionally, the gift I would get is the privellege of being a loving person, not necessarily that I would get loved in return. His guidance really got me out of that habit of behaving well or giving of myself in hopes of there being something in it for me. I have tried to do that a day at a time, and some days/circumstances are easier than others. The nice thing is that, sure enough, I am slowly starting to learn that there is virtue in simply being a generous man and giving of myself for that reason alone. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: dave.s
Location: driffield e.yorks
Remote Name: 80.225.170.139
Date: 15 Dec 2003
Time: 11:30 AM -0500

Comments

Rarely-Canada What an excellent subject you choose I think "To become the person you always wanted others to be" I hope this makes sense Best Wishes to all, Dave S


Member: Blair
Location: Canada
Remote Name: 142.177.193.173
Date: 15 Dec 2003
Time: 03:58 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, I'm Blair and I'm alcoholic, great topic. So much to learn and to practice when it comes to giving and not expect anything in return. All my life when I gave or did something for someone I would alwas expect them to give back or do something for me and if that didn't happen I would become very anger and swear I wouldn't do anything for that person again,and I would carry a resentment around with me. I learned by giving of myself without any expections was so rewarding to myself and anger free and I didn't have to build up any resentments. The other thing that I learned was NOT to let anyone know what you do for someone, just to keep it to yourself,man what a hard thing to practice becuse we alcoholics like to let everyone know what we do so we can get a pat on the back. Try doing something for someone and keep it to yourself and you will get one heck of a felling. Thanks for the topic.


Member: JZ
Location: New York
Remote Name: 24.185.88.14
Date: 16 Dec 2003
Time: 07:04 AM -0500

Comments

Great topic Randy, especially at this time of year. I was just in the process of building on a resentment something along the line of "look at what I did for this person ... and not even a heartfelt thank you ...". Then I came here and was reminded that giving should have no strings attached whatsoever. I realized that when I gave, I gave of myself because it brought me great joy. Because I didn't get the fanfare in return that I 'thought' I deserved, I was starting to head down the road of resentment and anger. There's no coincidence that we get what we need when we need it ... and the lesson I'm in the middle of right now is when we give of ourselves and our material things, we are giving to a Higher Power and there is no 'pay back' greater than the sobriety He has given me and the peace and joy of living a day at a time without a drink. So am I resentful that this person hasn't kissed my feet for 'all I did for him" ... no, because I didn't do it for him, I did it for the God of my understanding and in that, I take great joy and find great peace. Thanks so much for sharing everyone.


Member: JZ
Location: New York
Remote Name: 24.185.88.14
Date: 16 Dec 2003
Time: 07:06 AM -0500

Comments

My apologies, I meant 'Rarely' not Randy. :)


Member: Mike L
Location: kzoo Mi
Remote Name: 67.72.225.134
Date: 16 Dec 2003
Time: 08:02 AM -0500

Comments

I really like thi topic because it's really made me think about my motives. This might be splitting hairs but while the idea of no expectations is a good one I think it's wrong. even with the idea of keeping it by giving it away there is an expectation of staying sober( at least by me). Everything action I do has some expectation on results. The thing is, I don't think they are unrealistic expectations.If I help someone stay sober, I don't expect their undying gratitude or recognition but I do expect a kind thought and that they try to give to someone else. Then I take it for granted that this will happen and I let it go. I don't think it is the expectation that leads to my resentments, but it's the not letting go part. Once again, sorry if I'm splitting hairs here but I'm good at that


Member: Scott K.
Location: Northeast
Remote Name: 13.13.137.1
Date: 16 Dec 2003
Time: 08:32 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, My name is Scott and I'm an alcoholic. Giving without expecting anything in return.... Good topic, especially for me. I used to think that I really did that all the time. Boy was I fooling myself. Its funny how becoming sober changes my thinking. I can now see how just about everything I gave in the past had an expectation that would benefit me. That has not changed a lot but I am working at it. I think that being aware is a good start and now I do try to carry that out. We had a snow storm this weekend that really socked us in up here in the north. Last night when I got home from an 11hour stressful day, I saw my neighbor who would never give me the time of day, shoveling his drive which he ignored during the storm. He was really struggling and tired so I offered to help him and he accepted. We finished the driveway, he thanked me and I went back home for dinner. I really felt good about helping him and truely do not expect anything in return. It did me good and helped temper the resentment that was building inside me regarding him. A small step but "progress not perfection" Thanks for listening.


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.12.96.233
Date: 16 Dec 2003
Time: 09:36 AM -0500

Comments

Ron-Canada, Your post made me teary. I keep going back to it. It was so honest. Even though you had a horrible childhood your turning it around and that is truely a miracle. I understand the question a lot better now and not from my narrow perspective. I take a lot of things for granted like a happy childhood. My Grampy had a childhood much like yours. He was the biggest kid on the holidays and now I know why. He never had it himself but experienced it as an adult through his own Grandkids. Have a great Christmas this year Ron. Kelly :)


Member: KEN
Location: NEW BRUNSWICK
Remote Name: 170.224.224.102
Date: 16 Dec 2003
Time: 06:11 PM -0500

Comments

HI AM Ken from new brunswick,gratefull drunk lol when i first came into aa that all we did, its called caring, heck no we didnt expect to get any thing back, we gave for the joy of it, no mater what it took. man it was great, that was 24yrs ago, .man things have changed, so much other stuff,happening in aa, seems like all take just hoping that this isnt the end, just because that the hand of aa isnt reaching out enough thanks


Member: Joe B.
Location: Charleston,W.V.
Remote Name: 152.163.253.70
Date: 16 Dec 2003
Time: 08:12 PM -0500

Comments

hi gang, Im not sure you can give without getting something back.


Member: Rick
Location: Middle East
Remote Name: 195.229.241.235
Date: 17 Dec 2003
Time: 12:39 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, everybody. I'm Rick, an alcoholic, teaching in the Middle East (GMT + 4). I have less than a week under my belt and am probably not even allowed an opinion. I agree with Bill(?). Is it possible to give and receive nothing in return? I doubt it. Receive nothing in public, nothing extrinsic, perhaps. The fact that you "had" and MADE A CONSICOUS CHOICE TO GIVE is no small thing, and it usually brings its own reward. If you expect a billboard dedicated in your honor, no, but the act of giving, to repeat myself, is no small thing. To have and to choose not to give is a pretty serious sin, if I can use such an outdated term. And in giving you are "choosing." "No man is an island;" you don't exist in a vacuum. Everything you do has an impact on others. Choose good. (No, this is not an error.)


Member: Joe P
Location: Chicago
Remote Name: 67.73.169.190
Date: 17 Dec 2003
Time: 10:35 AM -0500

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. We may not be able to give without getting something back, but at issue is giving without EXPECTING anything in return. What I receive generally does not cause me problems. My EXPECTATIONS cause me problems. When I have expectations about what I should get back from giving, then what I get and what I expect frequently do not match up very well. Then I am at risk of my ego getting in the way and building a resentment because I did not get what I expected. And once I get my ego and resentment building going, I am at risk for acting in a demanding and selfish manner. All of which leads to more of the same and eventually to the bottle because I'll no longer want to deal with the reality I created. How do I know that this is what happens to me? Because I regularly begin this process in my life. The difference today is that I have tools for recognizing and interrupting this process before I get to the point where a drink seems like the only solution. Thank you for all your comments.


Member: Lonie Mc.
Location: San Marcos, TX
Remote Name: 147.26.110.181
Date: 17 Dec 2003
Time: 05:57 PM -0500

Comments

Howdy, Yall: I'm Lonie, I'm an alcoholic, and new to the group. I'm back in grad school and not getting to near enough F2F meetings, so here I am. I love the saying, "Expectations are Premeditated resentments." And boy is it true for me. If I expect ANYTHING, I'm setting myself up for a resentment--only the number 1 killer of alcholics. One thing that has really helped me give without expectations: getting help when I need it. I'm starting to understand that when I give freely, HP gives freely to me. So, I see each opportunity to give as my part in the wheel of the Universe. I make sure that the receipient of my giving understands that they are to give whenever they have the opportunity, and that will repay me. In doing that, I've discovered I get help whenever I need it. And I give back by giving to another. with hope and heart, Lonie


Member: Chris T.
Location: Abingdon, Maryland
Remote Name: 12.77.52.111
Date: 17 Dec 2003
Time: 06:03 PM -0500

Comments

Hi, my name is Chris and I am an alcoholic. Giving freely is sometimes a difficult thing to do. Yet, as i have learned in the program and through the steps of recovery, it can be done without expecting things in return. The best part is that results can often be three to four times better than one could ever dream of. If you learn how to do service work, it is all part of learning how to provide service to other human beings without expectation of return. I learned that in the very beginning and to this day, continue to be reminded about giving freely.


Member: Susan A.
Location: Vernon, Connecticut
Remote Name: 204.167.53.86
Date: 17 Dec 2003
Time: 06:19 PM -0500

Comments

Hi All, I'm Susan and I'm an Alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Rarely. My motive for giving anything of myself used to be so that you'd like me, think I'm good, overlook the next thing I do wrong, stay around, give me stuff, etc. I secretly resented the heck out of 'doing for you', but would never tell you that. And I hated me for being such a false person. What a cesspool. I had trouble grasping what this 'giving without expectations' meant; I had to let go of thoughts like 'the other guy is getting over on me', etc. What worked for me was to say 'it doesn't matter what the other guy does; what do -I- want to do or feel is right to do'. This helped me start growing in my sobriety. Doing a kind thing for someone and not telling anyone about it is a great tool, too. (Of Course we get to feel good, too, and start putting chunks of self-esteem, acceptance and love back into us.) Helping others in AA is something I feel responsible to do. I WANT the hand of AA to be there for the next one, and I WANT to pass on to someone those things that my sponsor and AA gave me. I'm so grateful for her unselfishness and focus on our AA steps; she really helped pull this drunk out of the muck and set me on the right track. Over and over, she told me not to thank her; she was just doing what was done for her. That's what I need to do, too. When I reach out to another, or give a ride, or a welcome, etc., it's not so I can feel good, it's so the other person can hopefully get closer to sobriety. As a matter of fact, sometimes it feels bad to be pooped on by a newcomer. I was told that's why we call(ed) them pigeons. So what?! I'm wash 'n wear. The seed of sobriety was planted in me about 4 years before I actually made it into an AA room. Who knows what effect our actions really have on others, or when the seeds will grow. I try to act accordingly. Thanks for a great meeting.


Member: Michael B
Location: Edwall
Remote Name: 67.0.129.73
Date: 18 Dec 2003
Time: 11:19 PM -0500

Comments

Hi everyone,first time on. I'm a new found alcoholic.Giving is a easy thing to do for my self, as far as getting nothing in return is a little differant.I have always like helping people,but in the hope they are willing to try to help them selves.I find not many people who I tried to help are really willing or do not know to start helping them selves. It is good to give.


Member: Stacy
Location: West Coast
Remote Name: 67.126.181.242
Date: 19 Dec 2003
Time: 12:01 AM -0500

Comments

HI all. Stacy, alcoholic. Great topic, Rarely. I am coping differently this holiday season. I'm seeing how many gifts of myself I can give and not get caught. I do this as a mechanism to stay out of myself and my selfishness. I used to think I was sooooooo giving and soooooo generous....and why don't people do that for meeeeee???? Ugh! I didn't realize that I was giving contingent upon what I might get! And then I got to be mad and full of self-pity when it was not reciprocated to my liking. This process led me to my freezer for the JD bottle. This year, I will give, give, give to stay sober and free. Grateful to God and AA for my sobriety today. Happy Holidays.


Member: Nate W.
Location: Spokane, WA
Remote Name: 67.170.98.93
Date: 19 Dec 2003
Time: 12:35 PM -0500

Comments

I have always liked getting, and who doesn't! But this year I have decided on what I will be getting the others, but I am not worried whether I get any this year or not, just because I think Christmas should be about the family being together and presents are just an extra.


Member: Susan
Location: Orlando, FL
Remote Name: 69.22.116.248
Date: 19 Dec 2003
Time: 09:43 PM -0500

Comments

I'm Susan, alcoholic. Thanks for the topic. The phrase that sticks with me is "Expectations are a down payment on a resentment." Most of my resentments are based on my selfish expectations, only I always called it being helpful or having high standards. What nonsense it was and sometimes still is. I've found that when living the program, I continually question my motives. By doing that, it gets easier to give every day without expecting payback. I've also found that when giving to a sponsee that isn't ready at least I stayed sober another day, which is a miracle.


Member: Rob H
Location: San Diego
Remote Name: 24.4.104.111
Date: 19 Dec 2003
Time: 09:52 PM -0500

Comments

I'm an alcoholic, my name's Rob. Expectations is where I'm struggling right now. I just got off an 8 month deployment in the Middle East. My expectations that I had of what life was going to be like when I returned is proving to be off the mark. I asked the woman I was seeing before I left to marry me while I was gone and her and her little boy came from Canada to san diego to be with me as soon as I got back. Never mind all the headache of the newness of it all... where my expations are failing me the most is in that I thought she'd be really supportive of my recovery (I'd gotten sober between the last time I'd seen her and now)especially because she has plenty of practicing alcoholics in her family. But that's not showing to be the case at all. Of course I want to balance my recovery with our relationship, but every time I want to take the time to go to a meeting she gets shitty about it. I know that my recovery HAS GOT TO COME FIRST, but I'm not sure how to approach her about it. I try to explain what it means to me (which is really hard because she's a normie and has never lived the life we have, even if she has seen it her whole lif) and every time I try she come's back with what are obviously misinformed opinions of what recovery is. Things like "Yes Rob, I know how much it means to you, you talk about it EVERY DAY! You don't need it every day, it's been over a year!" etc etc. So I just don't know what to do. I know that if my recovery is going to be a point of resentment on either of our parts in this relationship, then the relationship is going to have to go. As much as I love her, and I really do love her and her boy, I know that in this case the fear and the pain of going through with this breakup is going to have to be faced. I simply don't have any other choice. Or do I? if anyone has any advice, please share.


Member: Sean c
Location: New York
Remote Name: 146.203.128.1
Date: 20 Dec 2003
Time: 09:51 PM -0500

Comments

Hi my name is Sean and Im an alcholic.this is my first time at this cyber space. I have to watch out for expectations.In less than two weeks I will be outsourced on my job and the negative expectations occur which is self pity and loss of self esteem I know I must go or seek why I am like this?I am an alcholic with all the charcter defect of self I need to concentrate on helping other alcholics to acheive soberity


Member: cathy d.
Location: Ann Arbor MI
Remote Name: 68.40.199.204
Date: 20 Dec 2003
Time: 10:59 PM -0500

Comments

Hi. I want to address the topic of expectation that Rob H. brought up. I've been in program 9+ years, my spouse is not. I've found that he and my other friends don't really like to be reminded about my recovery program at all. So I talk AA with my AA friends and live AA with my husband whether he realizes it or not. Members do not understand frequently, they oftem find us nutty sounding.


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.0.184.118
Date: 21 Dec 2003
Time: 01:02 AM -0500

Comments

Hi Rob H, I did not trade a bar stool for a seat in AA. What I mean by that is, I did not swap isolation in booze for isolation in recovery. I am a hard core alcoholic. My last binge lasted over a year. I don't even know how long. But blind drunk every day. In the beginning I only could make one meeting a week. It was rare that I made over three meetings a week. Most times it was one or two. I had to learn how to balance my life. At one point I was able to balance a 40 hour week, carry 12 semester hours (B+ average)and still made one or two meetings a week. If you are working the program out of the Big Book, I suggest you read, "To The Wives" and "The Family After". If you have a 3rd edition of the big book, read Dr Paul's real message which starts on page 450. If you are working out of the 4th edition his marital problems are discussed on page 407. Feel free to email me any questions. I suspect too that you are a Marine or Navy. It may help you to know that I am a 20 year squid and I have been personally invited to several Marine Corps Balls and have met Chesty Puller. Worked with Pappy Boyington's outfit in Korea. LOL. Take care guy this thing will work out. Has your wife every considered Al-Anon? That may help her to understand..Hope I hear from you,or any other interested person. Love ya Bill