Member: Pi Koan
Location: New York
Remote Name: 64.12.96.233
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 10:34 AM -0500

Comments

It seems that old traditions never die as we in AA have shown, when our God of our own conception is a masculine gender God taken of course from the context of the Greek-Judeo-Christian-Muslim traditions where the chief god head is male. I personally don't have any problems with that since I am a man myself and I have my own biases why women are more likely to be irrational and emotional rather than man, but that's besides the point, the point is that when you tell people to have their own conception of God, you dont go ahead and imply that it is of a masculine gender. I mean this has been going on since the AA organization has been formed and it has never been challenged, because of course traditions as always has been exemplified by the great religions of the world and other spiritual organizations, traditions transcends truth. See when you question why things are like that and people see that angle of how wrong they could be while all their lives they were taught that that is how it should supposed to be then right away they will think that your ideas are wrong since all their lives and what other people common held beliefs were in opposition to the truth that you pointed out and it couldn't be that they are wrong since they are the majority, but you are wrong. So in retrospect because you pointed out something which makes them guilty of the untruth that they have been believing all their lives, it's either you shall be erejected and xterminated or you will become their prophet. And that exactly happened to Christ with the Jewish traditions, as we can all still see now, the Jews still believed on their tradtions and would not believe in Christ despite all the persecutions and the annihilations of Christian Europe before. All these of course is because of Christ pointing out to the Jewish people that traditions are not always right, and that of course have caused his life and rejection from his own people. While the cycle of this whole dynamic process is that in the course of history the Christians became the majority and the Jews became the minority exiles in Christian lands. And of course they are now the object of hate since they were the ones responsible for their holding on to their beliefs and not believe to this one man's "going against tradition" in a land where all believe in this one man who went against tradition to have their own whole traditions based on this man. In this circumstance the Jews were the ones who were going against their (Christians) traditions so to speak and had to suffer from it by being persecuted and annihilated. All these is because people are not willing to give up long held traditions. For me I really don't care about Tradition that much but I have to pay for it since you cannot be a team player and an invisible man if you want to have an identity, you'll become like them Jesus Christs an egocentric starter of a new tradtion yet end up being hated, ridiculed and persecuted, and all you did was just follow your own enlightenment.


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Remote Name: 198.81.26.170
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 10:44 AM -0500

Comments

Say what?


Member: Marv L
Location: Ms.
Remote Name: 209.240.205.61
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 10:45 AM -0500

Comments

I"m Marv,alcoholic..maybe im first in line? Todays meditation from the TwentyFourHours A Day book tells how resentments backfire and hurt US."Getting even with people doesnt help us...instead of punishing others,we only hurt our peace of mind." Well said! AA helped me deal with resentments, I had built up so many only a bottle could help me deal with them. Working the steps cleared away the wreckage of my past,and today I can look at the broader picture and practice living and letting live..In the front of this book is a sanscrit proverb,second verse is: "FOr yesterday is but a dream,and tomorrow is only a vision,but TODAY,well lived,makes every yesterday a dream of happiness,and every tomorrow a vision of hope...Look well,therefore,to THIS DAY.. Thanks,everybody,for helping me stay sober another day. Not a clear topic,but sure a good way to live.((((HUGS)))to all .


Member: jules h.
Location: Iowa
Remote Name: 207.32.45.62
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 12:23 PM -0500

Comments

Greetings from the corn state,I'm Jules and I'm an alcoholic.... Getting over resentments is a good topic, I find that everytime I'm disturbed or resentful, there's something wrong with me! That's what my sponsor's for, to hash it over with and also other healthy women in the program. I believe my first 4th and 5th steps cleared away all resentments from the past as far back as I could remember (5yrs. old and on), but resentments do crop up still and that's when I need to do mini 5th steps to see my part, where I'm wrong. I want to be happy, joyous and free today and the program is teaching me how to do that, but it is a slow, steady walk with GOD. Thanks for letting me share!


Member: Renee
Location: Apalachicola, FLA
Remote Name: 12.35.154.186
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 03:29 PM -0500

Comments

Great Topic! And exactly the one I needed this morning. Still being a newcomer to this Miraculous Program, it has taken me some time to understand and grasp the meaning of many of the slogans...ODAAT, was the hardest for me. But this morning I realized the meaning of "the liquor was but a symptom." ........I am harboring resentments and anger. Both of these detremental to an alcoholic. ME. And I am just now realizing how harmful and dishonest I am being with myself, and others around me. I am quick to say that nothing is bothering me...that I'm not mad about anything when asked. But I am and apparently I have a bit of soul searching to do. I am finally having to get Honest about ME! and I admit that it's a bit scary. I have not been Honest, Openminded or WILLINGLY to do the things I need to in order to make progress. I haven't been willing to work the Program as it should be. No wonder I've been feeling stuck for several months now. I do just enough to not drink...but not enough to take a good hard look at myself and make some progress. I was at the Panama City Beach Roundup this weekend when I began to realize all this. I guews being around all those people who are being as honest as they can and working this program to the best of their ability has had an impact on me. And I really needed a kick in the ass!~!! "Faith without Works is another one the light bulb just came on about. And I thought I was a really brillant sort of girl....lol....Sometimes slowly is making more sense to me. Seems like I've been spending alot of time being resentful and mad instead of being grateful. I have everything to be grateful for today. I'm not dead,imprisoned or committed. Yet....but continuing on the road I have been on, those "yets" are not that far away. And not being grateful makes me see just how self centered and selfish I am today. I'm acting like a snotty brat should have everything handed to her on a silver platter. Why should I have to work for anything? People should just bow and do my bidding on command. But I see now that I am not giving anything back. and I am realizing that the person I have been for so long is one I'd rather not live with any longer. I am a giving, loving person but my resentful attitude towards Life in general sucks. No one owes me anything...I owe them. And I owe myself the love and respect that comes with learning how to live a different Life..a Sober Life. I have only been in Alcoholics Anonymous for 14 months. I've been lurking in the StayingCyber site for 2 yrs...watching people learn and grow. This site helped me not pick up a drink in the wee hours of the morning when I wanted to drink and couldn't sleep. I owe you all so much. And there are so many people in here who have what I want. My resentments are keeping me from having a continuous constant contact with my God. And they are holding me back from making any progress in this Journey. I can see now that I have the choice to make changes in my Life, right now. Changes in my stinking thinking,my attitude,and in all my other affairs. Allowing my resentments and angry to consume that space between my ears constantly has to end. I have to feel a bit of pain in order to grow. And if it means being uncomfortable for awhile, that's okay. My resentments and angry are like a warm blanket that I can wrap myself up in and simmer in. But the simmering stage has now reached the boiling point and I am being reduced to the point of either drinking again or being stuck in misery. So.........having vented a bit, disjointed as it may seem, I feel better. I know that talking about it helps...and I'm often the one who never shares in meetings because I might sound stupid or nutty. But the pride and ego also have to go. Pride always goes before a fall..and in my case a big Slip. Thank you all for sharing your ES&H with me. I always take something home with me when I come here.And I always have to remember that I don't have to do this alone. Sandless Oysters and Blue Skies for all.... ((((Sanders...esp. you))))))


Member: daviddave8
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 204.186.117.105
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 03:33 PM -0500

Comments

resentments always backfire on myself, only hurt me. te person you hate does not even know you are thinkin of them so we should enjoy life instead of resenting anyone.


Member: Kevin P.
Location: Austin,TX
Remote Name: 24.243.199.76
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 04:09 PM -0500

Comments

I was first here in the AM morning hours...but the website hadn't switched to the new week yet. I had a topic. Now my commitee in my head is saying "Fish it", now I have resentment!!!! Kevin P.


Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Remote Name: 68.46.171.95
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 04:25 PM -0500

Comments

I used to cherish my resentments, but I have been told, and have come to believe that holding a resentment is like taking poison yourself and hoping the other person dies. Frank


Member: BrianB
Location: Thailand
Remote Name: 169.210.100.12
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 04:28 PM -0500

Comments

Getting rid of resentments is one of the most difficult things I can tackle, using the AA program. Not the little flushes of anger that occur on a daily basis, but the deep seated ones that never seem to go away. I resent the fact that I was bullied at school, it contributed (I think) to my incipient alcoholism. I resent that when I left the Army, I was nominated for an award (MBE) but it was stopped by a senior officer who I had clashed with. These resentments are still there. OK, I try and recognise them for what they are worth, and try and let go, but the fact that I comment on them now indicates they still have a trace imagery in my life. How to eradicate them? I dunno, they are part of long term memory. The only thing is, in the light of day, they don't play part of my 'daily program'. Renee related resentments to anger, I think this is true. Short term anger, usually at another person, is a 'resentment waiting to fester'. I look at anger, and find it is my response to being challenged. My ego, usually. Behind that is fear, fear that I am wrong and to be found out, fear that I am not 'in control', fear that I might be physically harmed. On that basis, one way of looking at deep resentments is a deep seated fear. That is a natural human emotion, I have to learn to live with it, but it's bloody hard at times, isn't it? I know the theory, it's the practice that's hard. See thee, Brian.


Member: Pi Koan
Location: New York
Remote Name: 64.12.96.233
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 05:45 PM -0500

Comments

This is just to clarify my discussion above whom nobody seems to pick up except the question of Les what was it all about. Somebody told me before that Western minds are simple minds that they cannot really grasp philosophical things with depth and I really didnt believe that at first because I have very high expectations of the people of the first world. But just to be quick here in summary of what I was saying above: Nobody seems to question why in AA it is said that God is of the masculine gender, and that is because nobody questions traditions. Now there was this Jewish man who question tradition and went against the faith of his whole people proclaiming himself as God the Messiah who of course was blasphemy to his people the Jews enough to put him to death. Because he went against traditions. Then as history unfolded this man's religion had become a majority religion in Europe where the Jews now become exiles there. So what do you supposed happened to them? They were persecuted and tortured and annihilated, because the tables had changed. It is now the majority's tradition that Christ is God the Messiah Savior of mankind and they the anti-Christ. This is what traditions do to people baby, and I feel pity for you if you dont even question our tradition why our God is in a masculine gender.


Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Remote Name: 198.81.26.170
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 05:54 PM -0500

Comments

To deal with serious resentments I have and still do follow the directions in the book Alcoholics Anonymous beginning on page # 64 for taking the Fourth Step. If, after finding my part in the resentment does not erase the resentment or I have no part in it and the resentment persists I follow the directions found on p. # 552 in the Big Book. It has always, without fail, each time I've used the above methods erased my resentments. Trying to think my way out of a resentment or trying to ignore a resentment has never worked and I know because I've tried.


Member: Rarely
Location: Canada
Remote Name: 142.161.180.76
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 07:31 PM -0500

Comments

RESENTMENT eh. First I want to thank Marv. L. for the great topic, I was told to pray for the person who I have a resentment at. With that in mind the day came when someone did some thing that I resented and I knew that I should say a prayer but instead I said to myself that the S.O.B. didn't deserve my prayers, The first person I met who asked me how it was going I told him all about the guy I resented, and how Id like to take a 2x4 six feet long and hit him across the bridge of the nose so hard that blood would squirt out his ears, It only got worse and I noticed after about the third day all my freinds where avoiding me. I dont like to walk on this earth alone, and I knew why everyone was steering clear of me, I was so angry and so ready to explode that no one wanted to be near me in case I exploded all over them. I had to say a prayer. and thought why didnt I just do it in the beginning and avoid all the hassel. Im not going to say that I have lived up to this new idea each and every time I have a resentment. But I do know where it can take me if I choose to hang on to them. Thanks for letting me share... Ron alcoholic


Member: Joe B.
Location: Charleston,W.V.
Remote Name: 152.163.253.70
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 07:58 PM -0500

Comments

Hi Gang, Rememberits higher power. A lot of AAs get resentful if you mention God in their early sobriety. Its a lesson in humility to be aware of the other person and care. Try to keep your awareness going . Ive heard it said my hp or program could get you drunk.


Member: Billie T,
Location: Daytona
Remote Name: 65.35.95.222
Date: 07 Dec 2003
Time: 11:49 PM -0500

Comments

I knew that if I came to a meeting, I would get what I need. Resentments crop up in my life to let me walk the walk and not just talk the talk. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: toddc
Location: Indianapolis
Remote Name: 65.26.180.227
Date: 08 Dec 2003
Time: 06:42 AM -0500

Comments

The one main resentment I have is towards myself. I spent the last several years knowing that I had a problem, but took no action to stop it. I know there is no one else to blame but myself.Real friends just don't really exist as most people I kneew were just other drunks in the bar and could care less about me. With that said, I wish everyone a successful next 24 hours.


Member: Adam H.
Location: New York, NY
Remote Name: 64.232.156.194
Date: 08 Dec 2003
Time: 10:09 AM -0500

Comments

Adam, alcoholic. This is a great topic. I love that quip about drinking poison and expecting the other person to die...Frank, I may have to quote you on that one sometime! It's actually apt description of myself because when I am neck-deep in self-righteous anger, I don't have any more control over what I do or say than I did over alcohol when I was drinking. What's even weirder is that I really used to get such a rush out of an argument with another person that days, weeks, even years later, I would still be playing the scenario in my head feeling just as hurt, violent and vindicated as I did at the actual time. Needless to say, it made a lot of sense to me when my sponsor told me that the Latin roots of the word "resentment" literally meant "to re-feel." That was precisely what I was doing...forcing myself to refeel the pain long after the injury. That I got a rush out of doing that....man, that's absolute insanity! I can't tell you how grateful I am that the actions of the steps have given me tools to deal with the anger and actions to get my focus of myself. Love this program!


Member: Beto L
Location: Tampico, Mexico
Remote Name: 66.68.107.110
Date: 08 Dec 2003
Time: 03:04 PM -0500

Comments

Well, PiKoan, maybe if you were named Betsy they would have taken your topic seriously. I believe that when the book says, "Why don't you choose your own concept of God..." that it means exactly that. I worked as a night watchman at a detox hospital one time, and a few of the couselors, who had been sober less time than I had, used to ask me questions. There was a patient who was a Satanist, who used to write hateful messages on the bathroom wall in shit. One counselor asked me what if someone says their higher power is Satan. I told him, because I believe it, that you should recommend they ask Satan in the morning to help them stay sober today, and if they make the day sober they should thank Satan at night. Personally, Satanism seemed a bit messy to me. I have heard some feminists who rewrite the steps. "...God as we understood God.." etc. It just seems a pointless gesture to me. Thanks for starting an intersting topic that seems to have been too complicated. love and right breathing, Beto


Member: TexasGal
Location: Texas
Remote Name: 163.179.2.171
Date: 08 Dec 2003
Time: 03:18 PM -0500

Comments

Happy Birthday to Me -- 15 years! Keep it simple, y'all. PiKoan, that means you too.


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West FL
Remote Name: 66.156.230.79
Date: 08 Dec 2003
Time: 04:29 PM -0500

Comments

Hello Family Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering Alcholic, and Resentments WOW what atopic, as I can get them very easily, but today I do not choose to get them for I know they will take me down quicker than anything else. But in my morniong prayers I always ask my HP not to let me get resentments today, and it helps. But today I almost got a big one, as where I work this other person who works there as well also goes to meetings and they shared about things this morning, and I knew they were in fear, and also not being honest, for I knew the whole story, and they wanted people to feel sorry for them, I lamost said something but turned, and said a short prayer and it helped. Today i can't afford resentments. Thank you all for your shares, and I really get alot out of staying cyber for I found this site about 3-4 yeras ago, and they helped me when I could'nt get to a meeting. Thank you all for helping me to stay sober for another 24 hours. God Bless each and everyone of you.Peace and Love Charlie Darling kwduke_1999@yahoo.com


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.0.184.118
Date: 08 Dec 2003
Time: 06:54 PM -0500

Comments

Hi all, My name is Bill, I am an alcoholic. I am also a member of the Steering Committee. It is with a great deal of sadness that in the spirit of rotation I must leave the Steering Committee. It is time for one of you to take the baton and press on. You are the only one who can nominate you. We need representation from the meeting goers. It was not a difficult job. Over the past year I answered about a 100 inquiries. I have met several new friends. I have been successful 100% of the time. I never once took a drink all year. :) God bless you all.... In the Fellowship of the Spirit, Bill


Member: Russ
Location: San Francisco
Remote Name: 67.169.167.240
Date: 08 Dec 2003
Time: 11:40 PM -0500

Comments

Russ alcoholic. Thank you for the topic of resentments. It is interesting that my mind is usually in the pilot's seat, running my life, rather than ME. Thank God, through AA and other spiritual trainings, I am learning that I HAVE a mind, but I am NOT my mind. In order to be in human form, I need my mind, but first I need to learn that I am resonsible NOT for the first thought that passes through my mind, at any given time, but I am responsible as to whether or not I choose to hang onto that thought beyond its initial passing through. My mind makes up things about experiences I have with others, like say my roommate, and then I get to choose whether or not I buy into the story my mind made up around whatever the experience was. (i.e.) S/he said "no" to my request and I made up (or bought into what my mind made up) that she doesn't like me. All she really said, was no--to that one thing. How long I hold onto resentments is the curious part. Now, when I realize I have a resentment I go to the person and say something to the effect of, "When you said 'No' to me regarding blah, blah, blah, I made up that you didn't like me and because of that I have distanced myself from you. I would like to acknowledge that I made that up and get back into reality, with you." Thanks for listening/reading...R


Member: Daphne
Location: Tennessee
Remote Name: 205.188.209.140
Date: 09 Dec 2003
Time: 12:11 AM -0500

Comments

My name is Daphne & I am a alcoholic (Hi Daphne!) My resentments suck the vvery life force from me. I cannot control the way others are, I can control me. That's all I need to know. Wasting away in an alcoholic deluge will not solve my problems sadly. I have tried time and time again. The beast that lurks within is fed by rage and angst and so riddled with resentment. Wash it all down with a drinky drink and all is right with the world. Yeah right. Thank you AA for shedding light into my darkness. Blessings to you all as we travel the road to happy destiny.


Member: jim wa
Location: atlanta, ga
Remote Name: 207.69.139.135
Date: 09 Dec 2003
Time: 01:15 AM -0500

Comments

Hi, I'm Jim a grateful recovering alcoholic. Not quite sure what the topic is. As far as a God of my understanding, I was brought up in one of the religions that portrays God as a male figure. I'm sure this comes from living in a male dominated society. Being limited to the human experience, I think it makes it easier for some of us to understand God if we give God human qualities such as gender. I am grateful that today, I can chose a God of my understanding. I don't know what gender my God is. Why would the creator of the Universe need a gender? Anyway, thank you God for another day sober. As far as resentments, I've had a few. Thanks to the 12 steps, Today I don't have to hang on to them. Now when someone does something that I percieve as wrong, I can understand that they are another human, dealing with life the way they know how. Their actions or words are just that, THEIRS and may not have anything to do with me. I am also able to see when I am wrong (sometimes with a little help) and to admit it. It's all about growing spiritually. Some are sicker than others. Today I know that the only thing I can change is me. The more loving I am, the more love I get back. Thanks to the person before me who quoted the Sanskrit proverb in the beginning of 24 Hrs a day...I think that is the whole idea of this program. Doing the right thing today so that I have no regrets when today becomes yesterday, and no fear, but only hope for tomorrow. Life isn't always a bowl of cherries. I am dealing with some serious health issues. Amazingly, with the help of this program, I am able to feel happy joyous and free and to live in today. One day at a time. I wouldn't trade today for anything. This program is wonderful and it really does work. Thanks God for today. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: sheri
Location: wyoming
Remote Name: 209.193.78.96
Date: 09 Dec 2003
Time: 10:27 PM -0500

Comments

It is a hard thing, resentment! I find that I am the one I am resenting. Haveing come to this program more than 29 years ago and still falling down. but for the grace of my higher power I am alive if we do not forgive ourself or others we can not recover! And as for God it is all up to our own understanding not what others understand,


Member: Lauren
Location: California
Remote Name: 198.81.26.170
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 04:32 AM -0500

Comments

Hello. Lauren, Alcoholic. How wonderful it was to find this web-site. Up late writing late minute papers for finals week. It was all in God's grace when he lead me to this web-page. I have been in deep resentment for the last two to three months. I just recently grew out of the whole experience with much more work to do!!! The strangest thing is that all my resentments and pain are self inflected. If I want happiness it is up to me to work for it. However, when I am sitting in my resentments it is an opportunity for much growth. For people I resent I also fear, and faith in dead when I hold onto fear. The main lesson in my resentments is that everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be in this moment. If I resent someone..I do. I feel the pain and walk through it with the help of God, my sponor, and the 12-steps. And once again God showed me who is always in control. For there is a plan for you as there is for everyone in life. Much peace, love, and roses. Cali Girl


Member: Mike L
Location: kzoo Mi
Remote Name: 198.108.161.198
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 09:00 AM -0500

Comments

I've found that the majority of my resentments today are because someone didn't do what I wanted, or someone didn't agree with what I thought, or someone didn't know what I wanted. Is it just me or does anybody else see a common thread there?????


Member: Susan A.
Location: Vernon, Connecticut
Remote Name: 204.167.53.86
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 11:47 AM -0500

Comments

Hi All, I'm Susan and I'm an Alcoholic. Great topic, perfect for me today. The huge resentments of the past have responded really well to our recommended treatment (the steps). When I get resentments today, they allow me to keep my focus and blame on others, and I use this to avoid what I could be doing in the 'here and now' for my own growth, for other people, on the job, spiritualy, all areas. When these killers creep into my day, I'm in trouble, because this alkie won't live feeling bad for too long. Even after a few 24 hrs, my first reaction usually isn't to reach out, pray, talk about it with others, work through it, etc; my first reaction is anesthetize the fear and run-away. Thank you, God, that I can usually recognize my personal 'red-flags' pretty quickly and work the steps to see where I'm off-kilter again, and trust God that, once again, whatever is in front of me is a stepping stone, not a stumbling block. (When I don't see that I'm acting out all over the place, I've got a sponsor and good friends who'll point it out to me.) I love this program. I like the saying above about drinking poison and hoping the other guy dies. Another one I heard is that resentments are when I didn't get my way in the past, Anger is when I don't get my way today, and Fear is that I won't get my way in the future. Kind of keep the ball in my court. Thanks for being here today.


Member: AZbill
Location: azbill1172@cox.net
Remote Name: 68.0.184.118
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 02:20 PM -0500

Comments

HI. Bill here, alcoholic from Arizona. I do a resentment check every evening. It is a part of the 11th Step. I review my day. If a resentment crops up then I take care of it. I use the column form to do a 10th step. Just to see my part in it. Just because I have a resentment does not mean I owe an amend on it. Unless I have acted on it and harmed someone. I see that the God gender has shown back up again. I do not know if God is a he or a she. It does't matter to me. But I do know that in the English language "he" is the proper pronoun to use when the gender is unknown. Just because a group of people got together and decided God was male does not mean that God is male. Heck there are all kinds of "Gods" in India alone. LOL I am sure some of them must be female. It matters not in AA and the last time I looked this is AA. Love you. Bill


Member: Robyn
Location: IN
Remote Name: 209.43.106.56
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 02:30 PM -0500

Comments

Resentment...hmm..I have one huge resentment that I can't seem to get rid of. It is literally consuming my life. I know that it is wrong and that if I would just accept it, life would be easier. Ya, Right! I can't accept right now. I haven't talked to my sponsor about it yet because deep down I know what she is going to say. Great topic for me. It hits right at home. Funny how that happens so much. Thanks to all. Robyn-Alcoholic/Addict


Member: Kelly M
Location: NH
Remote Name: 64.12.96.233
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 03:28 PM -0500

Comments

Thanks Marv for the topic. (Resentments) the #1 killer of alcoholics! At holiday time especially we come face to face with people we resent but have to see. I am working on a few myself and the Steps have helped me greatly. A woman in AA told me to try this and I did and the resentment evaporated in a week. She said that when your "packing" a resentment say to yourself: "Bless him/her, change me". Repeat it over and over to yourself... "Bless him, change me"... why it works is unknown but I just thought I'd put it out there. Thanks for helping to keep me sober today! This will be my second sober Christmas and I am very grateful. Kelly :)


Member: Betsy
Location: Washington
Remote Name: 12.208.172.13
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 05:10 PM -0500

Comments

“Well, PiKoan, maybe if you were named Betsy they would have taken your topic seriously.” ============= LOL, Well, my name is Betsy and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for the pre-vetting, ((Beto))) <smile>. ============= I love this topic. I came in to this program with so many resentments, and of course have not been immune to adding a few here and there since. Following the steps took care of most of them easily enough, although there was at least one, like ((Robyn)) was talking about, that was so huge that it wasn’t just a matter of getting rid of it, but wanting to get rid of it. Thank God my sponsor finally made me see that no matter how understandable a resentment may be, the effects on me simply were not something I could afford and still stay sober. So, she had me pray for him for 30 days, however unwillingly, (after praying for willingness, lol!), and you know it worked. Mostly…. ============= Day to day resentments seem to stem, for me anyway, from a need to be in charge of the universe. My section, your section, whatever, doesn’t matter, I’m afraid! If I can keep working on this my resentments seem to stay in check. ============ Thanks for helping me stay sober today! ============ Happy 15 Texas Gal!! Betsy


Member: Gina
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 64.136.26.235
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 05:20 PM -0500

Comments

Hi All! Gina from PA. Resentment is a killer for us. I know for myself I am having a very hard time dealing with some resentments in my life. I agree that it is usually when something happens that I can not control. Still having a problem in the control area. But saying the resentment prayer really does help me. I learned this prayer when I first came to AA 18 years ago and it still helps me today. For those of you who don't know it, it is pray for 15 days for the thing or person you have a resentment about. Pray that they have all in life that you would want for yourself. It really works when we take the focus of ourself.


Member: daviddave8
Location: Pennsylvania
Remote Name: 204.186.14.60
Date: 10 Dec 2003
Time: 06:18 PM -0500

Comments

robyn talk to your sponsor she will help even if you think not.


Member: maryw
Location: kansas
Remote Name: 68.103.52.156
Date: 11 Dec 2003
Time: 01:55 AM -0500

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RESENTMENT...my sponsor told me when i was new to the program that i wasn't as smart as i thought i was (i resented that LOL). she then told me to look up words to get the real meaning of the word. okay.. Resentment The Latin roots of 'resentment,' re and sentire, mean 'to feel again' -- to feel over and over again the pain caused by the wrong that was done. to feel again, like rubbing salt in my own wounds... picking at them, keeping them open and raw.. not a lovely picture, is it? that is what i do, when i carry resentments. letting go of that resentment is a lot of the 'personal work' done in forgiving, and is often what takes so long. because i've tied forgiving and forgetting together. i don't want to forget my ex beat me or that he never has paid a cent of child support. my self will says that i'm righteous with my resentment. AA taught me that righteousness is deadly. but, i can forgive him, cuz he has lost more than i have. looking at the other side of the coin.. what happened as a result of his actions... he lost a wife, he lost 2 wonderful children.. he is guilty of income tax evasion...what did i get out of his actions? a wonderful husband and 2 of the best children a person could ask for.. sure they grew up with less money that what was their right. however, it taught them the value of money and what a real father was. so, i can forgive him his losses and yet remember what has gave me so much. my sponsor told me that resentment is like an acid, it slowly destroys the vessel that carries it. hugs, mary y0mary@hotmail.com


Member: maryw
Location: kansas
Remote Name: 68.103.52.156
Date: 11 Dec 2003
Time: 02:04 AM -0500

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pi koan, the reason the gender of the hogher power is referred to as a he, is that the english language is patriarchal based language. just as mailman and washerwoman. he is just used as a generic term for a pronoun. my sponsor also told me not to sweat symantics... to do that is just mental masturbation.. which as an acoholic / addict i excel at!!


Member: katd
Location: so cal
Remote Name: 67.117.217.95
Date: 11 Dec 2003
Time: 03:34 PM -0500

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Kathy - alcoholic here, To Pi Koan, I dont think the western mind is any different than other regions. I just think people are attracted to what is relevant to them. Perhaps your topic was not pertinient for today. I think it is interesting, though not relevant to my sobriety. I do think that the term 'male', 'man', 'he' ect ect is used in an androgenous way typically. It is even used to label both sexes very specifically in Genesis ch 1 v 26 where it says "And God saith, `Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness, and let them rule over fish of the sea, and over fowl of the heavens, and over cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that is creeping on the earth.' 27 And God prepareth the man in His image; in the image of God He prepared him, a male and a female He prepared them." You see man really means human, male and female. Not that the sex of God, if God really has a sex (which I kinda think not), is relevant in the least to me.


Member: Darin
Location: Miss.
Remote Name: 64.12.96.233
Date: 12 Dec 2003
Time: 05:58 AM -0500

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hello every one. Darin here, alcoholic. Resentments. I have plenty but i am getting better at not gathering up to many new ones.It was interesting to find in my 4th step that I mainly resented myself. those that I thought had wronged me in most cases probably never knew a problem existed. My ego does have an inferiority complex. Forgiveness seems to be an answer for me possibly because it is a hard thing to have even if its just to forgive my own smaller mistakes. I am pleased to have found this website and hope it will be the jumpstart I need to get back into the fellowship. I have been unable to attend many meetings this year due to my job keeping me offshore. Knowing my recovery must come first I had to leave that job. Some might understand when I say the longer you stay away the harder it is to get back. Taking a drink fortunately has not been an issue since I dont want to drink anymore having returned to A.A. after a 7yr relapse, and 2yr sober before that I finally became willing. With gods help one day at a time I will return to the meetings, find out where my sponsor is and celebrate 1yr. on Jan. 1 2004 Holiday greetings and blessings to everyone.


Member: Dale W
Location: Casper, WY.
Remote Name: 65.178.192.11
Date: 12 Dec 2003
Time: 10:39 AM -0500

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Hi! I'm Dale an alcoholic. Well we know what the B.B. says about resentments, and when they crop up what to do. as for me I have come to find out in practicing principals is that. It is better to suffer wrong than do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust. So by trying to overcome the spiritual malady I been allowed a higher power in my life that has gave me a trusting heart, along with the wisdom to depend only upon that higher power. In the end my sobriety comes first, and it don't matter if people are in unity with me I must be in unity with them. Then and only then does my selfishness and self-seeking start to slip away, and resentments become less and less, I can comprehend the word serenity and peace. Thanks


Member: Matt S.
Location: CA
Remote Name: 24.126.36.130
Date: 12 Dec 2003
Time: 02:27 PM -0500

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I agree whole heartedly, resentment does nothing but keep us in the past. While we must look to the past in order to learn from our mistakes, we must not keep ourselves in the past, that will only keep us from growing. One who lives and dwells in the past, will always stay at that state in their lives, but one who learns from their prior mistakes will push forward and grow. I have found, in myself, that if I keep going and keep pushing I will never feel like I am stuck. Resentment can only bind us to the past, but it takes learning from these things we resent to help us in the future.


Member: Mike P.
Location: Taylors Falls, MN
Remote Name: 67.104.220.91
Date: 12 Dec 2003
Time: 05:25 PM -0500

Comments

Me and my old self-righteous anger, what a miserable pair we have been! I am truly one of those who wants to leave anger to those better able to deal with it than me. Resentment feeds my ego which has been almost as poisonous to my life and spiritual health as my drinking! When I keep a resentment, I keep spiritual sickness and feel more distant from others. When I pray for those I am angry at, I transcend my self-righteous and self-pity with compassion and understanding and this just feels a whole lot better than hanging onto a grudge. Besides this, when I am full of resentment, self-pity, depression, bitterness et al (yuck)....I am not in very good shape for my higher power to work through me into this world. My resentments were just more excuses for me to drink. Well, today I choose not to drink and not to hang on to anything that prevents me from being of maximum usefulness to others. I can be right or I can be happy. Today, I'd rather be happy thank you. Mike p. - Taylors Falls, MN


Member: chellsea p
Location: arkansas
Remote Name: 166.102.26.57
Date: 13 Dec 2003
Time: 10:09 PM -0500

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chellsea here alcoholic/addict ihave a very strong resentment toward my mother.i have trouble facing her and being firm with her.im afraid she wont understand or will be hurt or mad at me but at the same time i just want to yell at her and tell her to quit stringing me along.i probally need to get my butt in gear and make an amends to her also.let ya know what happens. glad to be here. 6 months today!!!!