Member: Joe L
Location: arkansas
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 11:43:05 AM
hi-joe and i am a alcohlic-good morning all- how about some imput about patience,or impatience-thanks all and have a great day joe
e-mail-foreleft1@yahoo.com
Member: Rick S.
Location: B.C. NV.
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 12:29:34 PM
My name is Rick and I am still an alcoholic... the lack of patience is not exclusive to us alki/addicts, everyone is afflicted to some degree. The problem for us is that since we are selfish and self centered in the extreme we tend to blow things out of proportion more than most. For us we then tend to use this situation to justify our actions which normally leads to a resentment. We have found that resentments are not very good for us as they can become excuses to drink. For me patience is no more than the understanding that others have the same right to be themselves (with all their faults) as I do. It is called "getting right size" It was my first sobriety change and a constant one today...I constantly surrender old ideas and old prejudices to keep me right size. Happy Hollidays...Seee Yaaa !!!
Member: Eddie W
Location: Arizona
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 12:50:39 PM
Hello all, this is a terrific board and I'm glad I found it! Today 12/5/99 would have been 11 years sobriety for me if I didn't stop going to meetings. I relapsed in March. But I'm back and that's what counts. Impatience?...yeah I've got that. I want it NOW!...as if I'm in control...well I became impatient to earn my degree, which by the way the opportunity to persue one was given to me by my higher power through the rooms of AA...so since I'm comfortably sober, I really don't have time for meetings. Well guess what...WRONG! My impatience can and does wreak havoc with my sobriety. I remember getting sober for the first time and the frustration of not understanding the steps, or not being able to get it perfect. I know today that I first had to crawl before I can walk and my recovery works that way too. Practice, Practice, Practice...and progress, not perfection. For me today It's gratitude that the fellowship is available to me...and I can get to any number of meetings as well as this one...I know this program works and I'm glad it's simple...One day at a time...Eddie
Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 1:41:12 PM
You are saying to yourself: "I'm jittery and alone. I couldn't do that." But you can. You forget that you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor." Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 163
J here, a grateful alcoholic:
I used to write sports a very long time ago, and a long time before my daily drinking, and there was a sports advice, "Let 'em come to you." I admit it's not exactly apt here, for my long fight against the first drink, because the "'em, or opponent" now when I started not drinking was nobody but myself.
I "knew" all along it would not last, no one in my family nor anyone I knew had ever quit serious drinking. I went for it, because I so badly needed the break. Whether it lasted, I could worry about later.
Meanwhile, the fight was on. My only relief was at work, where nothing was available. At lunch I used to sit in the car down by the river which I remember now as very pleasant lunch hour, even though then I was not exactly enjoying it. Days off, I had my life set up where everything was next to a bar--grocery, gas station, you name it, there was a bar next door, or at least in the location.
I know, this is superficial, but what word describes me better then? On hindsight, I think I could not help being "willing"--there was no other way but down.
Now "patience"--let it happen, but don't screw it now by taking a first drink.
Still one more to come sometime -- labor -- but patience should give us plenty to think about this week.
Thanks for letting me share. Dixyflier@adelphia.net
Member: jill c
Location: me
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 2:19:24 PM
hi my name is jill a very desperate and unworthy person. I thank god and you for finding this on the computer which i hardly ever use. i am 33 and am having a very hard time right now, with withdrawels and the mental part that comes next. I want so badly to recover i cant do this alone am i destined to die this way is this what there is for me? beecause maybe i should just do it now so i stop hurting people. i wonder why things dont matter to me because they ceartainly should. i need help so badly and do not have a car. i just cant do this alone i will not make it! i want to i need to what can i do?
Member: Joe L
Location: arkansas
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 3:10:56 PM
hello jill c there is hope-look in your phonebook and call alcoholics anonymous they will put you in touch with someone to help you good luck girl it will get better if you want it write if you want to chat joe foreleft1@yahoo.com
Member: iris
Location: amsterdam
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 3:38:19 PM
Hi everybody, I'm Iris, alcoholic, grateful to be sober today. Thanks Jill for sharing and please keep in mind that this too will pass. Impatience for me at the moment is very frustrating, I know if i could let go of certain outcomes and wouldnot be so afraid that things will happen the way i don't want them to,everything would be allright!! I'm so happy with this meeting. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Lynn A
Location: Birmingham, AL
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 5:24:25 PM
Hi everybody, my name is lynn and i am an alcoholic. Very gratefull to be sober today. Jill, it is good to hear from you. You helped to remind me what things were like when I first got here. Joe L has some good advice. Make that call and there surely will be someone to help you. The first time I ever reached out was scary but it was the forst step for me on the road to recovery. Today, God takes care of me when I let him and things are soo much better. The good news is you dont have to live the way you are living anymore. You just have to take the first step and make that telephone call. Also, just dont drink, one day at a time. Dont think about things in forevers. Lynnbug10@aol.com
Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, iowa
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 5:31:16 PM
Hi everybody. My name is Chris and I'm an alcoholic.
I find that impatience is more than a irritating and unpleasant facet of my character. Waiting in lines with an impatient scowl and pace is not a terrible sin. However, in my life, impatience is a debilitating character defect that stands in the way of God working through me. It robs me of joy and disables my serivce work. It can be deadly, especially when I get impatient with recovery. With the grace of God, I try, today anyway, to wait for the miracle, which is sure to come.
May you all have a happy and holy Christmas. I'll pass.
Member: Patrick W,
Location: Knoxville, TN.
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 5:55:43 PM
HI everyone patrick Grateful recoverying addict here. impatience is another way of say immature which seems to be a problem for us all during the developmental stages of spiritual evolution. The me first sydrome that I've always experienced has upon closer examination revelaved a true look at my most glaring defect from which I believe all others stem from and that is self rightousness, The act of being more important,more knowledgable,more right than anyone else including God. If I can stop and practice the seventh steps when I reconize these thoughts of total discontent for any situation then my patience level seems to increase along with the feeling of serenity. So in the end as with most of my defects it comes from me forgetting for that one breif moment that I am not god. Thanks for letting me share my thoughts. Love ya a lot!!!
Member: Kevin C
Location: Las Vegas Nv.
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 7:12:35 PM
Hello everyone, my name is Kevin, Im an acoholic, being recently brought back into the world of sobriety (15 days today) I can definately relate to what Jill is feeling now, the main thing that got me through the first week was the support and understandung of my home group in A.A. their love and encouragement made all the differance in the world, to Jill I would say to deffinately get in touch with an A.A. group in your area and ithink youll find it the best choice (next to sobriety) you ever made, thanks for letting me share.
Member: Pattw/2tees
Location: Oregon
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 7:47:15 PM
Hi, all, Patt, grateful and recovering alcoholic. Thank you for the subject, Joe. Patience was never my strong suit and still, today, if I don't take some deep breaths before I blurt out some silliness when I'm irritated, I pay for it. Then I have to make amends--wow, I hate that. I'm getting slower to anger these days, and have the grace of my Higher Power to turn to. He gives me the knowledge that whatever's irritating me is something that I have to work on in myself, and I'd better pay attention. Practice makes better, not perfect.
Jill, I hope you will take the advice given you by several of the posters here and call Alcoholics Anonymous in your area and ask for help. It is there for you, my dear. Let them send a woman in recovery to talk with you, or whatever arrangements you can make to get yourself to a safe place where you can start in on recovery. Good luck, and know that we've all been where you are at one time or another and we KNOW what you're feeling.
Thanks for letting me share. Patt
Member: Dianaleese S.
Location: Daytona Bch., Florida
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 8:17:43 PM
Hi, my name is Dianaleese and I am from Daytona Beach Florida, and I am an alcohlic, sober for 304 days now and counting. Impatience is me in control and patience is God in control. Impatience is defeat, patience is victory. I also have a belief that alcohol is thicker than blood which is why we, fellow alcoholics, are kindreds. We need each other because no one else well ever understand what we suffer but us. I didn't used to think this way, but now know that without my higher power and my kindred I can not be sober. To all I thank you and am glad that I was patient enough today to finally find this link. To Jill, find your kindred and they well help you. My AA rooms are my safe havens amid the storm. Where one falls two will stand... Thank you for being here and for letting me share.
Member: Kelly B
Location: NY
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 8:27:20 PM
Hi. My name is Kelly and I'm an alcoholic. Saying that's a first for me - but it felt good to finally admit it. My thoughts on the topic are that I hope I have the patience to deal with my problem and let others help me. I usually don't have the patience to listen to others - the "I'm always right attitude" - but with help I hope to learn to be more patient. Thanks for letting me get a start -
Member: KATHY K
Location: PA
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 8:55:52 PM
Hi, KATHY IN pA. i HAD LOTS OF PATIENCE. i WAS PATIENT ENOUGH TO WAIT UNTIL fRIDAY TO BUY THATT BOTTLE. pATIENT ENOUGH TO WAIT FOR MY hUBBY TO GO TO SLEEP SO i COULD CURL UP IN THE CHAIR AND DRINK AND SMOKE. mY IMPAIENCE CAME THIS WEEKEND WHEN I DIDN'T KNOW HOW I WAS GOING TO GET THRU IT WITHOUT A DRINK. I AM SO NEW AT THIS I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE ADDING COMMENTS. BUT I GOT THRU THE TIME WITH ALL OF YOU HELPING. JILL,PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT YOURSELF AS MAKING EVERYBODY ELSE UNHAPPY. YOU ARE UNHAPPY, PLEASE LET THESE PEOPLE HELP YOU. yOU AREN'T ALONE. I AM FIGHTING EVERY MINUTE THINKING THAT IT WOULD BE OK TO JUST GO OUT IN THE GARAGE AND HAVE ONE BEER. ONLY THING IS I DON'T UNDERSTAND THE NUMBER ONE IT USALLY ENDS UP LOOKING MORE LIKE A TEN. YOU AREN'T THE ONLY ONE. YOU AREN'T SOME MUTANT. PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF. WE ARE SO CLOSE IN SOBER TIME...THREEDAYS, FIVE DAYS..WHAT DIFFENCE...WE TOOK THE FIRST STEP AND SAID NO TO A DRINK. COME ON GIRL STAY WITH ME. KATH
Member: JCP ^/^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 9:15:26 PM
J here, a grateful alcoholic.
Last call!
I decided in the meeting tonight to spike Cyber. It's done, This is the last click on it.
I only have one advice--go to meetings.
If you don't want that, you don't want me.
Just remember, when all else fails, my Higher Power won't.
See you 'round.
Member: Arlene
Location: Northeast
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 11:31:49 PM
Hi, my name is Arlene. I am an alcoholic. Jill, you may be desperate, but you are not un worthy. None of got here because we were living happy lives. I know for me it took the gut level knowledge that I could not "live this way any more" Something had to change. I hope that you are desperate enough to pick up the tools of this simple program, and follow this well worn path to living happy joyus and free. Pick up that phone, make that call and get to a meeting. The answers are there.
As for impatience: My first sponser told me never to pray for patience removed, but only to have my impatience removed. I don't like they way I feel when I am banging on my highchair demading what I want when I want it. I can only feel that way for a short time, and I have to let it go. Thank you all for being here.
Member: Tam
Location: CO
Date: 12/5/99
Time: 11:54:33 PM
Hello my name is Tam and I am a alcoholic. I am going back to meetings tomorrow. After failing and falling yet again I have faith that this time will be different. It has to be! I am here tonight, spurred toward these thoughts by my patience. I've been clinging to the edge for almost two years patiently waiting for someone to save me. I woke up still drunk this morning just like I've done so many days before and it finally dawned on me that everything and everyone were just waiting patiently for me to ask for help. The reason I feel certain it will be different this time is because I am not just asking this time, no this time I am willing to listen. I welcome the guidence of family, friends, fellow members and most of a Power greater then myself. Thank you for this site and allowing me to share.
Member: Bruce G
Location: Memphis
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 12:32:20 AM
'Lo people, Bruce, alcoholic, Impatience, for me is not having things happen the way I want them to when I want them to. For a self-centered alcoholic (all of us), that means we will always be impatient because we don't really know what the hell we want. The only way out of being impatient, for me, is to take actions that lead me away from self-centeredness and toward spirituality and a relationship with a Higher Power that helps me discover the things I need! They are rarely the things I think I want. The Steps are the actions, serenity is the reward.
Member: Gerri
Location: Alaska
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 12:35:48 AM
Hello my name is Gerri and I'm an alcoholic, I'm not feeling to bright tonight. I missed my A.A. meeting. Its hard to get to them since I live in a secluded area. The topic of patience seems to go hand in hand with acceptance. I think of patience as waiting... waiting in a doctors office, waiting for a baby to be born, waiting for the sun to rise, (if your a kid) waiting for christmas morning to open your presents. I'm feeling sad right now, and some-what stressed, a part of my brain tells me "a glass of wine (or whatever) is just what I need, to help me relax". But I 'accept' the fact that I cannot drink that 'one' glass. I am patient with myself, that this sorrow (or whatever is bothering me)...will pass. I will make it through this one day w/o a drink ...and tomorrow wil be a brighter day. My Higher Power,and Loving Father will always be there for me. Thanks Gerri
Member: Gentry F.
Location: NYC
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 12:44:01 AM
Life is a gift. How we use it is up to us.
Member: Mike R
Location: WY
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 1:51:31 AM
hi mike alcoholic patience is something that i struggle with numerous times each day from the little old lady that has to tell her life story to the clerk while i wait of course always in a hurry (but half the time i dont have a clue where im going)to having my sponsor tell me im not ready for that(and i definatly dont know where im going there) it seems we always want just a little more and we want it NOW and every day i have to remind my"self" that everything happens for a reason God dosn't make mistakes and that everything that happens does so in Gods time not mine. thanks for sharing and thanks for my sobriety. MR
Member: Robert B.
Location: Boise Idaho
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 8:10:14 AM
My name is Robert and I am an alcohlic.
There is a principal of being in the moment. We also call it "One Day At A Time", or being in the here and now. It is in this principle That I have found the solution to impatience and boredom. It is also in this priciple that I have found the channel to spiritual contact.
When my thinking is in the moment, I am facing reality, and in reality there always many interesting things to take care of or to contemplate. When my thoughts turn to my self, and my expectations, I lose the moment and get lost in "what if?" or "if only". Thus serenity departs and spiritual contact fades.
Peace Robert
Member: Me
Location:
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 9:53:26 AM
"Life is a series of choices that "WE" make with Gods help. It is what determines our destiny. Not the other way around."
Fear is the root of all of our problems and when we choose to live in it, patience and tolerance is non existent. Once we have made whatever choice we are facing in our life, and it is the right choice for "us", then patience becomes a mute point. God does not wait to supply us with the answers nor does He/She expect us to suffer in waiting. When we choose, which is what our free will is for, God gives us our answer right away (usually a feeling of joy from within) it is up to us to listen. When we have to pray for patience, it more than likely means we have made a choice that is causing much pain in our hearts and souls. God's answer to that is quite basic, "we have a free will, we can choose again!" It is pretty simple! Difficult for others sometime, but a simple practice. Doesn't our program talk about keeping it simple? My gosh, if I had not been given the free will to choose and choose again, I would not be sober today because I spent many years choosing to drink and not the other. Thanks God for the gift of "free will and choice (re-choice)."
So, if you are stuggling out there and praying for patience and acceptance, how about trying again and making a different choice. You will be amazed how well it works when choices are made from the heart not the head.
You have a free will, choose again! God will not punish you for choosing again and again and again! Love to all.
Member: Stanley B
Location: Delaware
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 10:40:21 AM
((Me)) What a great posting! Thanks, I needed to hear that.
I most recently left my marriage. I made the "choice" many times to go back and be with my wife because I thought it was my destiny (lot in life). I could not figure out why, after making that choice, I was always in misery and why God was not answering my prayers for patience, tolerance and love. Well, you hit the nail on the head with your posting. The answer was that I needed to make a different choice, so I did. I finally told my wife that I could not longer just stay with her because that is what she wanted. I told her that I had to want the same thing and the truth was that I kept coming back and staying to appease her. The other truth was that she was no more happy with me there than when the relationship started to deteriorate. I told her that threatening me and trying to guilt me into staying was no longer going to work because I was not going to give into the fear anymore.
I was sitting in that situation and praying for patience and acceptance. Patience for what? Maybe if I am patient enough, God will make me love her again, tolerate the pain in my heart, etc. Maybe God will help me to accept the constant pain and suffering, etc. I am here to tell you that IT DID NOT WORK! I had to make another choice. So I did. I am sorry that my wife is sad, but as someone else pointed out on this website, I am not responsible for her joy and happiness and I am sick of my EGO telling me I am.
I am still dealing with the after affects of my choice, but it is far better than the misery I faced just staying there and being "patient" and hoping for the best. Thank you "Me" again, I keep getting messages like yours that help me know I made the right choice for me. And you are right, I do not have to pray for patience any more because it has become a mute point now.
stanb2001@aol.com
Peace to you all and keep on making those choices!
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 11:29:56 AM
Hello everyone; My name is Connie and I am an alcholic and addict. Thanks to a loving and forgiving God of my understanding and people like you, I am sober today. Jill, don't give up, it is always darkest before the dawn. When I first started recovery, it was very hard, I felt worthless and useless, sometimes now I feel sorry for myself for what my drinking cost me, I find myself slipping into that self-pity again and I have to ask God to help me remember how bad it could still be and know that the promises will come true if I work for them, some have already. I tried to drink all my troubles away and I could not. Believe me, if you could drink or drug a problem away, none of us would have any because I've drank and drugged enough for all of us. Now that I am sober and thinking somewhat clearly, I can work on my problems in a positive way and I can get more desirable results! Sometimes they do not come as fast or are fulfilled exactly as I want them to, but I have to remember, I do not have the master plan of my life - God has a plan for me and as long as I stay sober, His plan for me will be fulfiled exactly as He sees fit. Duh! He knows better that I do - my attempts to run my life without His guidance, led me to an ugly world of drinking and drugs, losing my home, nearly losing my husband and my good job of 17 years, losing the respect of my family, my 12 year old daughter especially. But I can have those things back if I stay sober and if if is His will. Getting drunk only screws up His plan for my life. Getting sober is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know that without my sobriety I would be much worse off than I am right now. If things seem bad, I have to pray that I can make it without submitting to the desire to drink, if I don't things get better...I feel better and I realize that God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. I believe he will take care of me and my needs will be met. I have much to be grateful for. My sobriety is a gift from God, today I can enjoy that gift. I pray that you will find the peace that comes with sobriety soon. I hope you all stay sober today - happy holidays from a very grateful alcoholic.
Member: Deb B.
Location: under the stars
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 12:36:11 PM
Good early morning all, Deborah;alcoholic and bulimic --impatience, an extreme refusal of "a time for every purpose...". To the extent of writhing in it is the resultant discontent. Just 12 hours ago i was basking in the sunlight of God's day -- and now so full of fear and far away. If i could just go to sleep -- Pray tommorrow be a more useful day. Bless all,keep coming back.
Member: Alcoholic
Location: No longer waiting for the Miracle
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 12:38:27 PM
"This too shall pass." Is a saying that caused me allot of pain. I had so many people repeat that line to me and so I thought it meant that I had to sit and live with the hurt and pain inside and hopefully by some miracle it would go away. Me and stanley are right, I had to finally get off my dead ass and make some life changing choices. It was not until I did that that my life finally started to get better.
I just think we ought to be careful when we make comments to other alkys like "this too shall pass" and "just pray for patience". To this alky those translated to "just sit an hope it goes away" and "suffer in silence and eventually you will reap the rewards." None of those sayings helped me to get or stay sober, in fact they kept me in my pain. "Choosing" is what made the difference. I finally was able to stay sober and live a happy life.
Member: Lyle S.
Location: At the job site (on lunch break of course)
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 1:01:00 PM
Hello everyone. My name is Lyle and I am an alcoholic. I have recently moved into a new responsibility in my career. I am no longer at my office but am now out in the field working with contractors building the buildings I helped design. This is a demonstration of patience. When I cam into the program, I was ready to change careers because I wanted to be closer to construction. They told me not to make any major changes for a year. Well here it is a year and a half later and I am out there where I wanted to be. The promises come true.
The down side of this move is that I have had to give up my daily noon meeting. It was a mini lead meeting every day at noon and was the shot in the arm that I needed in the beginning and came to love as a Home Group. So I have been stopping by this site for my noon booster. I am going to start looking for some noon meetings around the area. In this major city there must be some close by.
Remember if you are impatient, you are living in the future. If you are resentfull, you are living in the past. If you are happy, you are living in the present. Today is a gift from our higher power. That is why they call it a present.
God Bless us all with patience to live in today.
Member: Dave F
Location: wisconsin
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 1:29:35 PM
HELLO EVERYONE
DAVE NEWLY SOBER ALCOHOLIC,,38 DAYS.. i understand inpatience,,or that i need to work on my patience,, before i would blow up terrible if mywife told me any news that was bad or without thinking went against my way of thinking,i'd blow up and go off cause she didnt do what i would of done or what i thought should of been done or any troubles with my son who's 17 and struggling with his own problems,,drinking related,,i would blow up..and what good is that,i'm working on patience and my tolerence and have to realize i'm not in control or cant control somebodys actions,ive called some poeple on my list i havbent got a sponser yet but i do have numbers,,and i have more understanding today,,and thanks to my higher power,i am less likely to go crazy and blow things out of porportion,,not good when my wife or kids are afraid to talk to me cause i'll go bizzerk,,i'm working on that patience,tolerence,,understanding AA has helped me so has calling the people on my list,,, i'm working on all aspects working my program the steps and am thankful..
Member: Andi
Location: WI
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 2:27:38 PM
Hi, Andi alcoholic here. Some really good stuff this week.
(ME) I loved what you posted. It is all so true. especially the part about God answering our prayers immediately. I find it hard to believe that He sits and waits to answer our prayers.
(Stanley)I hear ya! You know I have been where you are and I am here for you. Thanks for the e-mail. There is nothing wrong with choosing yourself.
(Alcoholic) How about this saying. "In God's time." Do we really believe that God takes pleasure in watching us suffer? Do We really believe that he takes his sweet time in responding to our pleas for help? Do we really believe that we must wait patiently and painfully while God decides what to do with us? If we truly believe all of these things, then why did He give us a "Free Will?" If all we have to do is sit back and wait for God to make our choices then why the hell are we even here?
The saying "in God's time" I believe is a pathetic excuse that we use to procrastinate and not make choices in life. So we run around blaming it on God by saying, "it is not God's time." Think about it, if we were told that getting sober would come in God's time, how many of us would have made the choice to get sober when we did? I highly doubt that God took pleasure in watching us drink our pain away and then somewhere down the line when He was done being amused by our pain He gave us sobriety. NO WAY!
God's time is right now. When we ask for His assistance and help He answers right away. We are the one's who DO NOT listen to His answers. Therefore we keep choosing to remain in pain. I refuse to believe that God did not want me sober all the times I came into the program but went back out. Was that really God's time? NO, that was Andi's choice. God answered my call for help immediately, I chose to NOT listen to the answer so I remained miserable and went back out.
God gave us a free will to make choices when He presents the answers. If we choose not to listen to His answers and choose something else, that is our fault NOT His! So, like you, Alcoholic, I am sick of hearing these sayings that do nothing more than keep us in our own shit. God answers us every single time we ask and He does not make us wait.
"In God's time!" What a cop out. How about changing the saying to say "God's time is now, choose to listen to His answers."
Staying sober one day at a time. Thanks for letting me share this week.
Member: Paul B
Location: Cambridge,Ontario
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 2:38:43 PM
Hi Everyone
To me, impatience is an attempt to control a person or situation and the outcome to suit my own selfish and self centered needs. Its my need to control. If I become impatience with a store clerk because things aren't going as fast as I like than I rob myself piece of mind. Its not their fault that I am running late. I can choose another store or another time, it doesn't have to make me feel anything. I find that when I lower my expectations I am rarely disappointed.
Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 3:35:31 PM
I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic. ((Patrick W)) Thanks you for a beautiful message. I wholeheartedly agree with what you said and you said it very nicely. (((Me)) Perfect! The way you described how God gave us back the power of choice is exactly how I think of my recovery, and I am very thankful for the way you summarized it. Many of this week's posts refer to the spiritual aspects of recovery, and for that I am also very thankful. The members at my local group asked me to chair the meeting the other night. I focused on my relationship with God, and exactly how he restored my sanity, answered my prayers, and gave me back the freedom to choose not to drink and not to engage in other destructive behaviors. Sadly, I noticed one or two in attendance were not at the point where they believe a HP is the answer. This caused me to think about how I can tell my story better. I decided the story is sound, and it is those few listeners who may not be ready to hear it yet. I decided it would be a lie to minimize God's role when I talk about in my recovery and when those members are ready, they'll be able to accept it.
Patience: I need to work on it, from traffic incidents to work issues to family members. When I am impatient with people, it is stressful and unhealthy. It is also not the Golden rule. Patrick nailed it. Impatience is immaturity. Thanks again, Patrick. It is not something I want to have in my heart. I will turn to my Higher Power for help with this, because it is definitely not fixed in my life. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred.
Member: Von
Location: OH
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 3:56:03 PM
Hello Family. Von, alcoholic. I normally wait until later in the week to respond, but what everyone has said is so good and I just can't help myself. Patience and impatience is a great topic, thanks Joe. For the folks new in sobriety, HOW stands for Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness, so I applaud you for sharing your honesty with us all, it's a very important step in learning to live a sober life. Openness means being willing to listen to what others are saying. You may not agree 100%, but here in AA, we share our experience, strength, and hope. It's free. We have a saying, if you don't think our program works, we'll refund your misery 100%. You've got nothing to lose by trying the program of AA. "If you want what we have, you have to do what we did." Yes, cliches, and thank God for them. Jill, desperate - yes and we've all been there. Unworthy? Absolutely not! God doesn't make mistakes, and He made you, and you are wonderful and beautiful. One day, you will know that deep in your heart. You are fine just the way you are. It's time to get on with the program of living. Our disease is a program of dying. Don't confuse the two. And never forget, (I feel another cliche coming), "God must really love Alcoholics, because He made so many of them!!!" Stanley B, I was thrilled with your posting. I did the same thing. I tried to stay in my marriage and ignored the fact that it was killing me. Then I had a relapse. That did it for me. Within the space of a week, I packed up and left. Left all the stuff (1 acre house, in-ground pool, and lots of stuff), and rented a small house in a lousy part of town. Took me, my clothes and my company and started from scratch. Since I moved, I have found a serenity and peace I never thought possible, am really active in AA, and am on my 8th Step and still climbing. Yes, I sometimes feel sad, but I surely don't regret my decision. For once in my life, I picked me over someone else. I had to do it to stay sober. I realized that this is an all or nothing program. and I had to be willing to let go of everything, and take a leap of faith. Life is different from before, but in His infinite wisdom, God humbled me and has given me a much nicer place to live than I ever thought possible (in my heart, soul, and mind). I kept your email and may write you from time to time if you don't mind. Alcoholic, waiting for a miracle. Who are you mad at? I learned that it was me who put me in the mess of my life. It was me who chose to stay on too long. It was me who confused part 1 and 2 of the Serenity Prayer up. I realized I was accepting everything (definitely a "this too shall pass" syndrome but taken way out of context), and practing Part 1 like a pro. But the courage to change the things I can (that's the part I forgot). Then my HP through my sponsor showed my how I needed Wisdom to know the difference. God doesn't want us to live in misery and accept everything. It is up to us to determine what is within our control and what isn't. We may have free choice, but we don't always have the wisdom. I cannot blame my HP for my choices. What does this have to do with impatience? I want everything yesterday. If I am living in God's will and asking Him to use me as a vessel for His work, then what do I need to be impatient for? I know that it's only when I'm playing director and trying to run the show that I develop impatience. If I truly believe that I''ve turned it over, then God is in charge. Not me. That's the only way I'm going to stay sober. "God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt," is our 3rd step prayer. Sometimes I have to say it a thousand times a day, especially when I become impatient. I've turned it over, I must never forget who I am, and whose I am. Lyle said it best with past, present and future. And Andi, thanks for your thoughts. I love you guys. Through you, God speaks to me and answers my prayers.
Member: Charlene M
Location: Eagle Lake, Fla.
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 5:38:40 PM
Hello Everyone--My name is Charlene and I am an alcholoic. I am so happy to find this site. It was awesome to read what everyone had to say. This is great for me, for I am hearing impaired and do not hear at meetings. I will make this my place for meetings.
Patience is a very good topic, and this I fortuantely had, having disability I believe you learn patience, but, must say became very impaatient when I could not hear. Jill, please do make that phone call to AA, you are not alone, and most of all you are not worthless, learn the steps of AA and live One Day At A Time.
Thank you for letting me share. God Bless Everyone!
Member: Alcoholic
Location: Not waiting for a Miracle
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 7:03:11 PM
I want to apologize for the second post but I needed to respond to VON. Von I am NO longer waiting for the miracle as it has already happened (reread my member name & location again). I am sober. I am not angry at anyone at all and don't appreciate your making that accusation. I am merely stating my opinion on some slogans and sayings that are so freely stated in this program with little or no thought about how they may be interpreted by others. Like myself. Often times we forget that words can be taken in a negative or different way. We should be aware of that and take the time to explain rather than just throw out a bunch of slogans.
So please don't accuse me of being angry at anyone when all I am doing is sharing my ESH.
Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, fl.
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 8:14:55 PM
hello my name is richard......i am an alcoholic.........patience..a good topic ....probably a part of serenity too......if we are to persevere in our. sober lives we must practice patience on a daly basis......i recall that god will fix everything in his time.......and i learned that a thousand years can be as one day and one day can be as , a thousand years in gods world ... so patience on gods terms is a definate thing .......i like that quote for many time s in my drinking life .i feel i really lived that in a negative way....TODAY, in sobriety .he makes all things bearable and grants us just enough serenity to handle each day.....AMEN.
Member: Chris B.
Location: Central Texas
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 9:48:26 PM
Hi Y'all. I'm Chris and I'm an alcoholic.
In my experience, every time that I've prayed for patience, God has given me a wonderful opportunity to practice patience - in other words, I was usually praying from some person, place or thing to change to my "ultimate" vision of what was right and God, in his infinite sense of humor, gave me more of the same until I realized that what I had to do was accept those outer things as they are. I can't tell you the number of times I felt like I was slamming up against a brick wall trying to get to my idea of the right result - then in exhaustion I would step back a bit and realize that the door to where I wanted to go was three feet to one side. I had to change my perspective; the wall didn't.
To Jill and all the other newcomers, Welcome Home! You've made such a big step by walking in the door (or in the website?) that that alone is a miracle. This is a program that works where my drinking never did. I find the answers here that I used to drink in hopes of finding but never did find at the bottom of the glass or bottle. I know those old tapes/voices of despair and worthlessness; and I can tell you that those tapes can be erased in God's time. Just keep it simple - especially now. Get to a meeting and ask for a sponsor; and if you can't get to a meeting tonight call the AA number in your phone book and talk to another alcoholic. Believe it or not, you'll be helping them stay sober in the process. Remember, just don't drink between the time you wake up and the time you go to bed (and there were times that I went to bed pretty early to make sure I made it through certain days). ONE DAY AT A TIME (five minutes at a time if necessary). We are all in this together.
Keep coming back - it works if you work it.
Thanks y'all
Member: James D
Location: NH
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 10:51:32 PM
To Paul B, if God wants nothing more for us than our highest good and happiness, why in heavens name would He require that we lower our expectations. So if I lower my expectations of myself and believe that I am shit, then I won't get hurt or disappointed? Holy cow, man, that is the very reason I drank! Because I lowered my expectations and believed that I did not deserve anything better than the shit I had created. Oh gee, if I don't expect to be better, then I won't get disappointed when I don't get better. I think that kind of attitude calls for a drink here! Get a clue man!
Member: kimberley s.
Location: washington
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 11:03:26 PM
Hi Kimberley here recovering alcholic, i really like when someone said that if we are impateint we are living in the future, Von thank you also for hitting hoe with me i recentl got married and i believe t was wrong , I remember the days of living with mind body and spirit, I know that i wll hang with god until i cant take it anymore > I appreciate everyones post and i also agree with that i loose my peice of mind when im impatience thanks everyone for all the good stuff!!!!
Member: jerry e
Location: miss
Date: 12/6/99
Time: 11:22:14 PM
hi everyone im jerry im a drunk that wants to stay sober right now. By Gods Grace i havent drank today and i am grateful. Jill i hope you will make the program of alcoholics anonymous because it sure saved my life and much more. To all God bless each of you and what a fellowship wowwwwwwwwww
Member: Dorothy H.
Location: Illinois
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 12:24:34 AM
Hi, I'm Dorothy and a happy sober alcoholic. Just got back from a home meeting. I sometimes have to practice a lot of patience listening to sober people who want to jump in save their children who are married and want to take sides and be against their kid's spouse. It always takes two to make or break a marriage. We have enough trouble keeping our heads on straight for our own lives. So being honest when asked for an opinion and being loving in our remarks is essential, and pray for them.
Member: Dee S
Location: WASH
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 2:19:24 AM
Dee alcoholic reading though the meeting has been a real test in patience. only when I came to a place where I had two choces end it or work this program. so in coming to this point Igave my self this program. went to 89.5 meetings in 90 days got a sponser and started working the steps thats when I started to experiance some patience happening in my life.my life is on a hole new plane I still have goals and ideas that I try to persue. my program today has to come first today if my program isent first, I know what the alternative is.
Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 8:30:09 AM
My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic.
Thanks for the topic, Joe. Impatience was my usual way of living when I practised. “I want the world and I want it now!” was one of my leitmotives based on enormous ego and pride. In trying to live this program, one day at a time, in order to change my old ways, I try to acquire a little humility. When it fails and I’m getting impatient again, I have to take a break and ask me some questions. “Is this really soooo important?”, “Am I really trying to enjoy my day?”, “Who am I to not accept God’s timing and will?”. It usually helps me going back on my trails.
Speciale groetjes voor Iris!
Thanks for letting me share. jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.
Member: **?
Location:
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 9:23:33 AM
Why do we all think it is OK to view God as being so cruel as to watch us suffer while he waits to give us an answer to our prayers? Sorry, JC but get off the "let me beat myself up, because that is what humility is" kick! I agree with Andi, if we all had a better perception of God and by that I mean....
He does not make us wait for his answer. We choose not to listen.
He does not expect us to have such a low opinion of ourselves and continue to beat ourselves up. This is not humility, it is feeling sorry for ourselves.
He helps us get better so that we can be responsible and make choices, not sit on our asses and talk about a bunch of nothing.
This business of beating ourselves up and making statements like "who am I to question God's timing" is nothing more than another excuse not to listen to His answer. If you are questioning His timing, then obiviously you have heard his answer. What the heck is so difficult to accept about that!
Andi, you are right about this one. God has always answered my prayers immediately. I may not like the answers, but He answers! And the God's timing BS is just that BS. Maybe we should all start thinking more highly of our Higher Power and stop blaming him for having "poor timing." Try LISTENING to His answers.
Member: Mary L
Location: Wyoming
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 10:08:39 AM
Hi this is my first time. I just wanted to say to **? that it is unfortunate but most people have a very distorted and contradictory view of God. We are told very early on in life that God judges every move we make, we are not worthy of having a direct relationhip with him because we are all sinners, he condemns us to hell if we do not do everything right in this world and so forth. No wonder we have such a distorted view of our Higher Power and no wonder we alcoholics end up in the messes we end up in. We are constantly being told that God does not believe we are worthy of his love because we are impatient, we are selfish, we are gluttons, we are just plain bad....The thing we all forget is that he made us human and all of these so called sins are human traits that we must learn to deal with.
I am human and through this program I learn to handle my human traits. I DONT beat myself up and I DO question God's answers about everything in my life. Who am I to question him? I am his creation and he made me in his likeness. I don't believe he has issue with my questioning him because it is how I learn about the human traits he gave me and how I need to handle them. Like impatience.
God is my partner in this life and I refuse to accept the idea that he is going to send me to everlasting hell for being the human that he made me. I also will NEVER stop questioning his answers because it helps me to see the path I need to choose more clearly.
Member: Jeannie D.
Location: Washington
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 1:11:34 PM
hi, i am 27 days sober. this early in the process, everything seems to be trying your patience and your will power. I know your suppose to take it one day at a time but I can't help but look at the big picture. Especially with the holidays here, everything I know is associating with drinking. I am trying to "learn" all over again. I went with a friend dancing on Sunday. She danced anyway. I didn't know how without a couple drinks in me. anyway, I guess my patience is being tried because I am having to learn how to live. to really live!
Member: Lindy W
Location: Harrow, England
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 2:14:04 PM
I'm Lindy, an alcoholic.
Lovely sharing here - so glad I found this site.
What helps me with patience is remembering that I am where I'm supposed to be, and 'One Day At A Time". Also, when I get mad, I'm really hurting myself - and I don't want to do that anymore.
To Newcomers - Stick with it - It is much better that the alternative. You are not alone. Please call another alcoholic and just talk and listen. It will happen if you want it. It did for me and so many others.
Love you and leave you - I'm off to a meeting.
Member: John B.
Location: near Kirkfield, Ontario
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 2:21:29 PM
Hi All, I'm an alcoholic and my problem is John dd Oct 8,1981, Great site, I am living in the state of patience when I stay out of my own way when I go with God's flow, ( it's called the 3rd step ) problem is I'm also a human being and I always want to be at the center of my universe, so I must pray to have the bondage of self removed ( that's a 24hr job for me ) but somehow this HP is very kind and HE always picks me up when I fall, if I ask. Thank God this is only a daily struggle and when I live as my program suggests, I am able to start my day over any time I waver.
Love U all jbutler@interhop.net
Member: Paul B
Location: Cambridge,Ontario
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 2:58:30 PM
To James D of NH
I said to lower my expectations not eliminate them. My own experience is that if I place an unrealistic expectation upon someone or something then the possibility to be disappointed is greater. I am/was a perfectionist so this applies to me. If is doesn't to you well.... good. But it is my experience. I agree with your statement that God doesn't want anything but the best for us, but if I expect that people will change or situations will change just because I expect them to or I have set standards that are unattainable, I must change my perception or get used to being disappointed. Clue enough?
Member: Martha J
Location: Indiana
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 3:15:29 PM
Hi everyone! My name is Martha, and I'm a recovering alcoholic, and addict. I'm so excited, about finding this site! Jill: I've been where you are-I think we all have. I felt unworthy at first too-unworthy of anyone's care or help. This program has helped change all that. I can tolerate living in my own skin today. I found that I need to make an active choice to do the next right thing, then the good feelings about myself followed. You mentioned that you can't do it alone. YOU DON'T HAVE TO! That's my favorite thing about this program-I never have to face anything alone again. Imagine that you are sitting alone in a closet, crying from lonliness. There are people outside knocking, waiting to help you. You still have to choose to turn the knob, and step outside. The program is waiting to help you, but you must first open that door of isolation. No one can do it for you. You were wondering if you were destined to die from the bottle. I don't believe any of us are destined to anything. You have a choice to make. You can die in the bottle, or live in the program. It's up to you. Remember, no choice is still a choice. Also, not having a car, is not an excuse to stay out of meetings. I don't have a car, and I take the bus if I have to. I've also found many generous people in the rooms, who were happy to give me rides. The answers lie within the program, but you have to go get it. It's not going to just happen. Dee: I liked what you said about being forced to work the program, or end your life. That's where I was when I came in. The last time I was out, (37 days ago) I had become suicidal. The drink didn't work the way it used to, and I had to be trashed to do anything. I wondered why I even got up in the morning. Now, I have a reason to get up. I feel contentment deep inside- (most of the time) without any chemical assistance. I never imagined that was possible. Wahoo! Arlene: I loved what you said about the highchair. For me, that's what impatience is. I don't get exactly what I want, the moment I want it, so I bang on my tray, throw my food, and scream till my face turns blue. Often, I get the most upset over little things. (if my shower won't go to the proper temperature, it's enough to send me into a cursing frenzy) Someone mentioned stopping, and asking how important it really is. I have to do that too. If the answer is yes, then I have to look at my part. Is there anything I can do to change the situation? If not, I need to let it go. I also liked what was said, about impatience equaling imaturity. When I heard that for the first time, it helped me curb alot of my impatience, because no one wants to be immature, do they? Chris: I loved what you said about hitting the brick wall, and finding the door close by. For me, this is impatience and arrogance. I ram myself into the wall, because I'm too impatient to search for the door, and I keep doing so because I'm so arrogant, that I believe I know the way. I'm also very stubborn, and today I have to keep those things in check. Sometimes we have to hit that wall, before we are willing to look for the door. (at least that's how it was for me) I'm grateful to the program, and the many caring people in it who've stretched out their hands to me. I could never have stayed sober without them. It's a great day to be sober! Thanks for letting me share."To thine own self, be true."
Member: VON
Location: OH
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 3:39:12 PM
Stopped by for a visit and had a double posting slamming me for making an accusation. I have enough amends to make without adding anyone new on my list. I humbly ask "Not waiting for a miracle" to accept my sincerest apologies for anything I may have said that injured, upset, or hurt you. This program of recovery has given me such great gifts. Today, I can accept another's opinion and not get upset with it. I don't need to react to things anymore, but accept them instead as they way they are. One thing I always remember is the most important person in our program is the brand new one, and I don't ever want to chase someone away from our program by anything negative or derrogatory I may say. For the newcomers out there, miracles don't end. As we grow in recovery, things happen that we could have never imagined beyond our wildest dreams. The big book tells us that this is a new way of life, and to really grow, we must continue to practice the program for the rest of our lives. Take it one day at a time. I apologize for the double post. No need to abuse this priveledge. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Big John M.
Location: Modesto, CA
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 7:51:12 PM
Hi, everybody! I'm John, a real alcoholic. What great sharing on an excellent topic! As someone has said; God speaks to me through all of you. (That is, He does when I am listening which isn't all the time) Sometimes I get so wrapped up in MY stuff, I don't hear His messages or answers to my queries. Anyway, I REALLY needed to hear what I heard here as some heavyduty stuff has been going down in my life the past week and I haven't been able to get to a meeting. My younger sister (7 years) had a stroke last week and is totally incapacitated with a daughter in college, a son in high school, and an ex that won't take care of them. I am her Power of Attorney and dealing with her docters, employers, college financial aid advisors, state disability people, social workers, etc. etc. has been an excellent exercise in asking my Higher Power for the help to "stay in the now" and do His will in this stuff. I, who spent most of my life running from responsibility, (and some other things, like myself), am now reaping the benefits of this miraculous Program! If it weren't for the Grace of God I would be drunk again in the middle of it all with my codependant wife carrying me through . I don't know if I can add much about the topic except that during all this I keep catching myself, ( at least today I do catch myself) running out into the future and filling my mind with fear and anger. Then, when I catch myself in that discomfort, the Program has taught me to come back and ask God for His guidance and start dealing with just what's right in front of me right now. Thank God for this Program and thank God for all of you! Sorry for not really addressing the topic: I needed to do what I did. Good night and God bless everyone!
Member: Sheila C.
Location: Michigan
Date: 12/7/99
Time: 8:07:57 PM
Hi Sheila C. here! The big book says "lack of power was our delemma", and we have tapped into an endless source of power thru HP and AA princples! I can choose today to not stay miser-able, and not try to control the outcome of things, Hang in there Jill, we love you and all know where you are at. Just grab on to the help! This is my first time here, thanks! I needed a meeting tonight. Sheila C. Sheila C.
Member: Chuck M.
Location: oahu
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 12:25:54 AM
My nane is Chuck, and I'm an alcoholic.
Hello, all. I'm fairly new to recovery, and very new to AA online. I am leaving the states soon, and will have a hard time finding meetings conducted in English, so this is a great find. I've just reached 60 days, and I feel so good about myself. The horrors of the future have become manageable obstacles, dificult but not insurmountable. My emotions have stablized, my vocabulary has improved, and I am feeling better physically every day. I can wake each morning without the fear and confusion about the night before. Just had to express myself, thanks for listening.
Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 12:57:37 AM
About 6 months ago we let 2 foster boys stay with they're mother for a weekend,she did'nt bring them back, and legally she did'nt have to. Koy who is 2 has epilepsy and needs daily medication, the boys mother takes lithium and anti-depressants, her hands shook so violently she couldnt give Koy his meds, an aquantance has witnessed the young man having several gran mal seizures, and now were hearing he may have brain damage...I have'nt been doin real well , and giving this to God just makes me mad at God..impatient, angry, resentfull, you better believe it, do I still believe in God ? I'm havin my doubts...I think more than ever I have come to believe in the fellowship of AA, the power of people helping people and of course the twelve steps,you guys take care.
Member: JulieH
Location: West
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 1:41:00 AM
Hello All This is my very first personal experience with AA. I was searching the web to see if I could find words to enlighten me. I am facing an internal stuggle on whether I need help or not. I can't help but believe that by asking myself this question, that I do infact need help. I am not ready to present my face at a meeting. I am not ready to go public. I don't want to stop drinking entirely, at least not yet. I have not yet declared myself an alcoholic. Though I do believe I have a problem (denial? firt step in acceptance?). In reading all your comments regarding "patients" and alcoholism, I believe I do need help. I haven't experienced severe problems in my life because of drinking. In fact, overall my life has been very good. But I now I am not living to my potential. I have experienced the "impatience" so many of you have described. Feeling a void, an anxiety, an emptiness. Often in the evenings I feel that I "need" a glass of wine to relax. I feel like I have more energy than I know what to do with, so I calm it with wine. I believe that drinking has inhibited my potential. I know my drinking has contributed to a many arguments between me and my husband. I know that alcohol has inhibited our ability to communicate well. We both drink, and have both become irrational, impatient, and don't listen well after drinking. I know my patiences is much greater when I am sober. Yet, I continue to drink. I am confused as to when it's too much.
Member: gwend
Location: colorado
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 3:49:23 AM
i am so glad to see all of the new people who are finding this site.i have been missing my regular meetings and am now only going to a Sun. am meeting and a jail meeting. this site has really helped as i get to hear new people (new to me anyway) all of the time plus get to see some familiar faces. Jeannie-the first couple of years everything i did was like the first time, because when i really looked at it, i had not done anything really sober for a long, long time. i was a still a functioning alkie. i had a job, home, husband, etc. just never really 100% clean and sober. for a while i tried keeping old playgrounds and playmates, but found out that was making me miserable. my sponsor kept telling me to have patience and everything would get better. things got better as i began to make better choices in my life. a lot of times my choices met a lot of opposition, but choosing to stay away from where they served booze was an option i had to take or drink again. when this was pointed out to me the choice became much easier. don't know if this makes sense or follows the subject very well but felt like i needed to share. am working the graveyard shift right now and it takes a little while for my mind and body to get used to it. thanks all. if you want to write email is gd340@hotmail.com.
Member: JC - BELGIUM
Location: SORRYTODOUBLEDIP
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 5:41:38 AM
**?, thanks for the feedback. In my mind God is not cruel, I’m not beating myself up to be humble (just saying sometimes it doesn’t work for me and that if I question God’s will or timing I’m sure not being humble). Sorry to have given the impression to criticise Andi’s point, that was absolutely not my purpose. Maybe we could discuss this by mail, ICQ or in the Coffee Pot if you want to stay anonymous.
jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.
Member: Pascal B.
Location: kirkland lake Ont. Canada
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 1:36:48 PM
Hello i'm Pascal and i'm an alcoholic. I'm 24 yrs old and now been in the program for about 4 and a half years, and i must say that the past year has not been easy for me.Mind you after taking a second look at my situation, i'm well aware that my problem is spiritual. Its seems everything gets to me, I'm short tempered, impatient and unsatisfied.Its seems i can't let go of people, places and things but i know i must!!Do i try hard enough? Do i pray and meditate on a daily basis? Do i pause before i speak out? well the anwser is NO!for sure the only thing to do is to ask for guidance and in being as impatient that i am, I must realize that yes, God is slow; but he's never late.
Thank you Pascal B - 40977839
Member: Connie S.
Location: Nashville, TN
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 5:43:04 PM
Connie here, sorry for the double post. Julie H, thanks for sharing - if you're wondering if you really are an alcoholic, check out AA's website, and click on is AA for you. I hope you find the answers your're looking for. Sober one day at a time in Nashville, Tn.
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 7:47:51 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! And thanks everyone for sharing!
Patience has been a long time coming for me, and quite frankly, I haven't been giving up my impatience without a fight. It's only been through not picking up that first drink, practicing the principles of the program to the best of my ability, and persistently asking God to remove my chacter defects that I have been able to make some progress here.
Of course, it's still a "one day at a time" thing and some days I do better than others, but at least I'm beginning to feel comfortable with a character trait that is fully consistent with a healthy spiritual life.
Member: David B,
Location: Kansas City
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 8:14:17 PM
There is a connection sometimes patience is the greatest part of being kind. Be kind be kind be kind be kind to all.
Member: Richard W.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 8:20:38 PM
Hi I'm Richard and I am an alcoholic. First I want to thank God for this program because I have been blessed with a way to live. I have been struggling with impatience but i think that it is the way of our world. I was told once that He is always on time. I learned in this program that He comes when he is ready and that He has quite a sense of humor. It is not about me and it never was. The way I keep in check is by humility.Sometimes I must hurt to get it but When I get tired of driving the bus and trust He never lets me down. I just have to do what is right in front of me . Thanks for this meeting Peace.
Member: KathyK
Location: Pa
Date: 12/8/99
Time: 9:05:27 PM
Hi, Please forgive me for posting twice this week. This is Kath in Pa. only & days sober. About two days ago as I reread the bookmark given to me at a meeting, I found the most comforting thought of all; I will only deal with what is right in front of me today. I am a people pleaser and built my day on what would happen a year from now. Yet, if you just live with what you have to face each minute, life is so much simpler. My Mother. Father, Aunt, Uncle, and Father-in-law all have extremely serios health conditions(I'm 48 and that happens to those you love). I finally realized that instead of worrying about next JUly, why don't I enjoy them being here today. I have started to look at my whole life like this and at times get sad that I couldn't have taken this approach sooner. Thank you all for listening to a newbie expound. Be well all of you and thank you for your strength that gets me through the day. Love, Kath
Member: jennifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 12/9/99
Time: 12:39:53 AM
To Julie, west. Julie I am sure that this is not your first post on this site is it? If you have the patience and the interest in this site that makes you come back to it again and again, then you definatly have something in commen with the people here. What could that be? We don't discuss knitting patterns here, there is only one topic that is ever discussed and there is only one commen interest that keeps all of us comming back here. We're alchoholics Julie, and sorry gal, but so are you. Do something for yourself, stop pussyfooting around and admit it. You'll feel better and we aren't really a bad bunch!
Member: Jennifer
Location: IL
Date: 12/9/99
Time: 4:10:43 AM
I'm Jennifer an alcoholic...and I am feeling terrible.
I drank today...and the remorse is killing me.
I've been in and out of the program for 13+ years and have had numerous slips...but this one is really getting to me...because I'm 4 mos pregnant.
Unfortunately there are no meetings around at 3AM...but luckily I found this site.
I feel so terrible I just want to crawl in a hole and die.
My husband and daughter are sleeping and I feel really alone.
It's really hard for me to talk about relapse at meetings because I've done it so much and can't seem to stay sober for that long.
Thanks for helping me make it through a difficult night.
Jennifer
Member: Kristi J.
Location: South Georgia
Date: 12/9/99
Time: 4:13:20 PM
Kristi, alcoholic. Bravo to Mary L.! I've been having a hard time with God. Even though I been sober a while now, I see myself getting irritated with God. I grew up in "Southern Baptist" and had a seriously screwed up idea of God. AA has taught me that God is not some grouch up in heaven waiting to cast me into Hell for screwing up. That is why I took the attitude of "the hell with it" while I was drinking and doping. Today, I believe that I'm a soul that is learning about lessons in life and God is a partner to help me learn and understand. Impatience for me is a life long process. Intolerance and Impatience go hand in hand. I'm only human and probably with 50 years of sobriety and still will be practicing patience and all the other positive characteristics. Thanks!
Member: JohnO
Location: md
Date: 12/9/99
Time: 4:29:22 PM
Johno, powerless over alcohol. today i celebrate 18 months since i needed to drink. I think the key is powerless, Jennifer! Dont be afraid to go to a meeting. We're all powerless on this bus! I am sure i've made this far only by going to lots of meetings. I feel for you. Last night i had a dream that i had a drink and i was so remorseful in my dream, i woke up very grateful. But the past is past and we cant fix it, look to this day not yesterday. Love, JohnO
Member: Martha J
Location: Indiana
Date: 12/9/99
Time: 5:51:36 PM
Hi, I'm Martha, and I'm a recovering alcoholic and addict. I apologize for posting twice this week. Jennifer: It takes guts to come back, but keep coming! I applaud you for your courage!!Give yourself a break.I'll bet you'll find that you learned something by going out. (not saying that is an excuse to keep doing it) Just dust yourself, and do the next right thing. Go to a meeting, and get a start over token. I could never stay sober, till I was willing to go to any lengths to get it. There are people who care. You just have to let them. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: RoJo
Location: Georgia
Date: 12/9/99
Time: 7:46:37 PM
I don't seem to have much patience for this discussion. Lots of opinions, especially about God. What happenend to "God as you understand him". I had to come to my own understanding that God is a loving God and wants only the best for me. I don't stay convinced of that. In fact, since I suffer from a spiritual malady and a hopeless condition of mind and body, every fiber in my body can rebell against a solution of any sort. Be gentle with each other. I haven't found any shortcuts to peace of mind. If I happen to surrender on any given day, I generally have a contented day (spiritually fit). My natural state is one of restless, irritablily and discontentment. Please don't tell me I have to be patient with that state of mind. All I have to do is not drink and go to meetings, which, I am thankful are better f2f than here. Time to go to one.
Member: Sue B
Location: G.A.
Date: 12/9/99
Time: 7:55:07 PM
Member: Sue B
Location: G.A.
Date: 12/9/99
Time: 8:04:25 PM
Hi my name is Sue and I'm a alcoholic. I really like knowing that theres a on-line meeting for people just like me! It's so hard to learn patience and tolerance, it is something that I have to work on every-day, it's part of the PROCESS, of being in recovery! It does'nt matter how many 24hrs we have in this progam, it's still learning about willingness ,and "Letting Go" and letting God. All I know today is that "Alcoholics Anonymous is for people who WANT it, NOT need it"! thanks for letting me share.
kukana(SUE B)
Member: carol k.
Location: nj
Date: 12/10/99
Time: 12:24:44 AM
What is two-stepping?
Member: jerry n. Great Bender
Location: NEPA
Date: 12/10/99
Time: 2:50:00 AM
I am an alcoholic and my name is Jerry. Great to be sober today, and thanks to all for sharing. This "King Baby" had no patience when he came to AA. Today I have some. Progress not perfection. I am more patient and tolerant of others, because I am able to accept myself better. I recognize the fact that if there is something annoying about another it is usually a reflection of myself that I don't care for. Understanding my own personal powerlessness is very helpful to adding to my patience. The better fit I am spiritually the more patient I become, so I agree to all those who shared about removing self-centeredness. One tool I have been given which also helps a lot is to give time, time. IE; if I need to be somewhere, or have something done at a certain time, I need to give myself enough time with some to spare. If I need to be at work by 3:00 PM, and it is a 20 minute drive, I leave at 2:30 PM., that way I don't lose my patience with the clown who drives 40 mph in a 55 mph speed zone. On a personal note, long before I came into AA, I remember praying fervently to be taught patience. After I came to AA, I discovered my HP to be faithful and true because he has never stopped giving me lessons. If I find myself impatient I stop to think of how patient God needs to be with me. This all sounds good, but the trueth be known, I care for my mother who suffers from Alzheimers and I lose my patience more than once a day. Again progresss not perfection. Thanks to all for being here, especially newcomers. You are the most important person at any meeting. Keep coming back, it works if you work it.
Member: Gary M.
Location: Gunnison, Co.
Date: 12/10/99
Time: 12:15:09 PM
Hi, everybody, my name is Gary and I'm an alcoholic. I'm grateful to be here, sober, fully-clothed, and somewhat in my right mind. This is my 1st visit to this site and I think it's Great! In response to Jill, all I can say is "keep comin' back!!'" That's what they kept sayin' to me and I kept on doing it. (I did'nt have much else to do at the time!) I still remember what it was like for me in the early days of my sobriety. It's hard, but it gets better. Regarding patience, I think these two topics, go hand-in-hand, patience and recovery. The problem with me is that I want it NOW!!! My sponsor and I have discussed this many times. Prayer helps. But I have to be careful what I pray for. I have learned not to pray for patience, because God can place things before me that can TRY my patience. So, instead I need to ask God to remove my impatience from me. It seems to go better for me if I can do that. Thanks for letting me share!!!
Member: ..
Location:
Date: 12/10/99
Time: 12:21:21 PM
for carol:
two stepping is either a western dance or
Using the first step and twelvth (sp?) step only to stay sober
Member: Mark C
Location: French Pyrenees
Date: 12/10/99
Time: 5:17:24 PM
Hi my name is Mark and I am an alky. From UK but currently in the French Pyrenees in a tiny hill village with only about six people in it and it's freezing. Thank god for online meetings! When I first came in to AA, someone said to me, "Just get your bum on a seat in a lot of meetings and the rest is conversation." Whenever I have tried to push things beyond this - i.e., been impatient - I have got into trouble. Acceptance can be a really hard thing for me but it sure helps me to be patient a bit more. My HP has been so good to me I can hardly believe it sometimes. When I need help, it always there. If I can be patient and accept life a bit, then my HP shows me that I can enjoy life too. I never did when I was drunk.
Member: robert j.
Location: sunporch
Date: 12/10/99
Time: 7:40:29 PM
2nd share at this meeting in one week, bite me...Jennifer, Kathy, anyone else new to gettin sober KEEP COMING BACK !!! AA works...go to meetings, read the Big Book, find a sponsor to help you work the 12 steps, and remember we all know how to drink..were here to learn how to stay sober,one day at a time, take care.
Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 12/10/99
Time: 8:49:39 PM
Patience has come very slowly for me. It was always "now, now, now.." during my drinking days, especially when I was talking about my next drink. However, I have come to realize that all good things due tend to come in time, including sobriety. Therefore, I have come to be more patient, Thanks to AA and my HP. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Joan S
Location: Kitchener
Date: 12/10/99
Time: 9:06:57 PM
Hi: I'm Joan and I am still an alcoholic..grateful to have found this site. With meetings and you people it teaches me how to deal with life sober. God's will I will have four good years in January and this shows me I have to have Patients as I want the totally serenity now but know that by continually doing the twelve steps it will come. Happy Holidays to everyone!!Joan
Member: Frank D
Location: Vancouver WA
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 4:44:58 AM
Howdy all, I'll be Frank with you, I am a alcoholic. For a long time I thought being impatient was a part of being human. Now that I am learning to apply the 12 steps of AA in my life, one day at a time when being impatient is looking at me I say the serenity prayer, or look to one of the steps, like 6 or 7, mabe 10 or 11, some times the 1,2,3, step thing works. Yes for me to see impatients taking up space in my head for free only is saying I most likely have lost sight of acceptance to do with someone, someplace, or something. To day I enjoy living as patiently as I can, keeping it simple is a nice place to be. I have'nt drank for a few 24 hr. now and feel blessed by what my HP and people like all of you have shown me via this program.
God bless us all & Thank you all for being here!
Member: Avril G
Location: Northampton UK, for now
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 5:08:23 AM
{{{{JILL JENNIFER}}}} {{{{ROOM HUGZ}}}}
Patience is a virtue?? I really wouldn't know. Impatience always has been one of my most glaring character defects. When I went supermarket shopping, you would have thought I had won a 'Trolley Dash competition'!! AND for what?? For no reason at all, other than I lived life in the fast lane ALL the time. I have got better with recovery, but right now, my life is changing. I am staying with my new guy in Northampton UK, with a view to moving down here permanently in the New Year. We met online, and got together a few weeks ago, both recently separated and awaiting divorce, and some may say we are rushing into it a bit, but My last relationship was executed very slowly, methodically, and with military precision over two years, and failed miserably, so how does time make a difference? Bottom line is If all else fails, do not drink, and go through the pain.
{{{ROBERT J}}} I got most from your post this morning, since my guy has two sons, their mother is an active alkie, and she is living with an active alkie. The boys had to be brought here after a fracas on Thursday night, and are staying for some time. BUT, they do not behave the way MY kids behave. They do not do as they are told!!! I have had a go at them this morning for repeatedly doing what I have already asked them NOT to on numerous occasions.
My impatience brought me to log on here, and to read the posts, all of which are excellent, but to hear yours, Robert of illness in kids was just what I needed to hear. These two healthy little guys need to be shown a lot of love, understanding and YES patience. I EXPECTED them to confirm to MY rules of living, B4 we even get to know each other, and EXPECTATION is Pre-meditated RESENTMENT. )I heard that first in Al-Anon. My guy is very understanding and supportive, even though he is not fellowship. I guess I will restart my day from here. This programme lets me do that whenever I screw up. I Thank God for AA, and Thank AA for God, and I thank all of you for sharing on this topic.
Goodie@cwcom.net
ICQ 47039989
Member: Chris H.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 3:02:31 PM
Hi guys--Chris H. Alcoholic/Addict--Bulimic ( I'v never said that on this sight)--Good topic --pretty controversial meeting!! But good..I especially need to hear about being human--I have wanted to drink lately (6 yrs. sober).. I too had a dream that I drank, and was so glad when I woke and found I hadn't..Still it scared me ..What is going on that is doing this to me?...Thank Heaven's that this program has taught me to look inside and see what is bothering me...Boy do I love to avoid what is going on inside..I'll go to any lenghts, even when I' not drinking or using..If I can just remember not to take a drink,and hang around until the miricle happens ...That is what patience has been for me...Also to believe that God has my best interest in mind when I don't get what I want when I want it. (and boy is that hard for me) I have had to learn patience by force. I would never choose to do without by choice!Well..guys see you next week...Help me remember--one day at a time!!
Member: Chris H.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 3:02:45 PM
Hi guys--Chris H. Alcoholic/Addict--Bulimic ( I'v never said that on this sight)--Good topic --pretty controversial meeting!! But good..I especially need to hear about being human--I have wanted to drink lately (6 yrs. sober).. I too had a dream that I drank, and was so glad when I woke and found I hadn't..Still it scared me ..What is going on that is doing this to me?...Thank Heaven's that this program has taught me to look inside and see what is bothering me...Boy do I love to avoid what is going on inside..I'll go to any lenghts, even when I' not drinking or using..If I can just remember not to take a drink,and hang around until the miricle happens ...That is what patience has been for me...Also to believe that God has my best interest in mind when I don't get what I want when I want it. (and boy is that hard for me) I have had to learn patience by force. I would never choose to do without by choice!Well..guys see you next week...Help me remember--one day at a time!!
Member: Gus D.
Location:
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 4:45:14 PM
Patience. I've always wanted everything in my time. So, when I don't get what I want I crash. But one miracle that I have learned in the year I've been struggling with alcoholism is the support of my sponsor. I met him at a mini-nooner when I moved to this new city and he has ALWAYS been there. My selfishness is not being there for him when I need his help to stay sober. Talk about patience, when they say call your sponsor they are right. They have the patience to try and keep you sober
Member: Bob H
Location: 57 57' N 136 13' W
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 6:33:22 PM
Bob Alcoholic I have a theoretical understanding of patience with little actual practice. Being in town is overwhelming at times and traveling outside constitutes constant mini lessons in patience. Three kids at home and 15 or so at school are lessons in patience as well. Only by being patient can I stay in the now. most resentments I manufacture these days revolve around things not happening in "my time". (((Avril))) Repeated simple, explicit, instruction sets ignored is for me the epitome of tests of patience. I have major patience tests coming soon taking the kids to town to see their mom (another test of my patience) Xmas in general. Don't drink and go to meetings. Nothing so bad that drinking can't make it worse. on the up side I went hunting today. Blowing 25 or 30, hail smacking me in the face, outboard quit 3 or 4 times, saw no deer,froze my buns. THE FIRST TRIP OF THE YEAR WAS A MAJOR SUCCESS!! I got home and the heat had been fixed. Attitude is important. Without patience I cannot tell what my attitude is because I'm POd. If we are mirrors and as we grow spiritually we reflect gods attributes the patience part of my mirror needs 409 and a wire brush. PEACE Bob H
Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 8:48:06 PM
Hi,
I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Having patience is something I struggle with every day. I once prayed for patience and was answered by having a boss that tried my patience every working day.
I am grateful that I don't have him as a boss any more and I'm more careful about what I pray for.
Member: KathyK
Location: Pa.
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 9:15:33 PM
Hi Guys, I guess that I am trple posing this week. I am using up the last few hours of my 48h birthday. My Hub and his fiends are down stairs playing cards and drinking lovely cans of beer. I would love to be down there but I can't. I gues I am feeling a litle sory for myself. Choose those cards onstead of your wife. Thank you for letting me whine. I think that is what this is. I will stay sober and I will swallow the hurt because He just doesn't realize how hard it is. My New Family, thank you for puting up with a newbie whine. Kath
Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit (richr_srcp@hotmail.com)
Date: 12/11/99
Time: 11:27:04 PM
My last drink was almost exactly nine years ago today. Actually it was about 1 am 12/12/90. I took the family out to eat tonight to celebrate. We had a great time and, unlike nine years ago, I will remember every moment tomorrow morning when I wake up. Thanks AA, I sure appreciate my recovery.
Member: Stacey
Location: South Dakota
Date: 12/12/99
Time: 1:43:50 AM
I read through all of last week's comments. Step 1 is something I keep coming back to, no matter how long I am sober (going on 9 years). I went to my first work christmas party (they skipped it last year). It was a mixed experience. I had a good time socializing and laughing. I don't get out much; work and my daughter take up most of my time. There was more alcohol at that party than any party I had ever attended during my drinking days. It wasn't like anyone was really smashed, but I was still uncomfortable. My disease is alive and well; it likes to pop up and remind me what that it is patiently waiting for me. No, I did not give in and relapse. However, the irritable and discontent came back. I had a desire to be "bad", so I smoked a cigeratte instead (had quit over a year ago). I'm not worried about starting again, it just bothers me that I gave in to the rebellious nature at all. I struggle with the demands of being a professional and a mother, and wanting to be a "normal" 24 year old. I think of "normal" as going out on the weekends, hanging out with friends, doing crazy things. I guess my perceptions have always gotten me in trouble. I don't regret my decisions at the present; I guess the rebellious nature of my youth wants things the way they were in college. Acceptance and gratitude is what I need to be working on right now. I guess this is why I keep coming back; because it is progress, not perfection. I have lots of blessings in my life. Jennifer and Kathy, don't do this alone. Your disease is counting on that. My head was sick when I came into the program, and it couldn't fix itself. I needed a sponsor, counseling, lifestyle changes, and most of all a willingness to hang on no matter what. I went to meetings that made no sense to me at first, called my sponsor when I did not want to, went to AA functions when I wanted to be hanging out with my drinking friends, all in the hope that some time soon I would feel better. It took a while of doing things in blind faith before life felt and was better. All I knew is that i was "sick and tired of being sick in tired". Don't give up.
Member: John H.
Location: Knoxville
Date: 12/12/99
Time: 6:15:11 PM
To me impatience is not believing that God will be there when I fall.
Member: Jack Daniels
Location: The Bottle
Date: 12/12/99
Time: 10:20:42 PM
I have all the patience in the world.
Member: Graham L.
Location: Rochester, NY
Date: 12/13/99
Time: 5:30:26 AM
I'm thinking about progress, not perfection. When I first cam into the rooms, I felt I needed to work the steps perfectly. I worked very hard, but what I found was that my life had to be accepted as a process.
Now, five years along, I find it amazing that I was where I was. My sobriety is a miracle - a slow miracle, but a miracle. I try to do what's in front of me to do, and to keep it simple. I find I do not have to know why I do things all the time, and can trust my instincts and guidance. In fact, I'm grateful to that section of the big book that says that that intuition we sometimes have becomes a functioning part of our minds. I'm so grateful for my life, my sobriety, my higher power, the program.... Live Easy But Think First.