Member: TRISH H
Location: MICHIGAN CITY, IN
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 3:15:22 PM
WELL, I WROTE YESTERDAY THAT I AM NEW TO THIS, AND I HAVE ONLY CONCENTRATED ON READING, RATHER THAN CONTRIBUTING. I AM UNDER THE IMPRESSION EVERY INDIVIDUAL HAS A PERSONAL, SOMETIMES NOT OBVIOUS REASON THEY BECAME AN ALCOHOLIC. I AM TRYING TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF UNDERSTANDING MY OWN. ANY INPUT?
Member: Lionel C
Location: Sydney Australia
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 3:25:38 PM
hello Lionel alcoholic
it's 0700hrs mon morning as i'm writing this . ive been reflecting lately on some things that were said to me when i first came to the fellowship...And how important they have been in my recovery and how important they are today. Thats Live one day at a time}Get to meetings} Dont pick up a drink no matter what}Get aaaaaaaaa sponser}Its the first drink that does tthe damage)Get a Big Book}I'm just realizing how important those sugestions have Been to me>I would like to know how others feel about some of these sugestions and maybe hear what keeps you coming back.Need you all.
Lionel.C
Member: Jack D
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 3:45:07 PM
Hi Everyone,
I went to go to a Christmas Party last night for my girlfriends work at the Flamingo Hilton...I never had the desire to drink and we both attended a meeting before the party (she isn't a acoholic)...but I have to tell you being new to the program I felt like an alien at this affair...about 200 people were there the food was great but it was abnormal for me to show up for this kind of event without having a few shots and beers before I got there and of course I would have been one of the first at the bar. I talked to my sponsor before hand and told him I did make a commentment to be there over a month ago and I felt alright as far as not drinking...but I never thought about how uncomfortable I would feel in this situation being sober...I left the party several times and went into the bathroom stall and prayed to my higher power to let me get through this and just relax...my sponsor said with time that will happen...I will be able to be myself in all situations when enough time and sobrity has passed...anyway that was nothing compared to the first drink...I thank God I didn't even have a craving to drink...oh well hope everyone has a great holiday...and keep sober. Love you all ;o)
Member: Gage
Location: South
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 4:12:38 PM
Hi all. I'm Gage and I'm an alcoholic. Welcome, Trish! I may have been born an alcoholic. If that's true, and I had never taken my first drink, it wouldn't matter. Of course, I did drink and became progressively obsessed with drinking to the point where everything in my life was planned around drinking. Anything that didn't conform with the plan, (family, home, business), had to take a backseat to my drinking. So, the question is am I an alcoholic, and no matter how obvious the answer may be to the people who know me, the only answer that really counts is mine. If the answer is yes, then in order to survive, I have to find a way first, to break that obsession, and second, a way to live that will allow me to not drink again. That's what the AA program and way of life is about. If I were to expend too much energy on anything more than how to embrace that program and make it work for me, I might get lost, because I am an extremely complexed (and, at least with myself, dishonest) person who is attempting to live in a simple, honest way. So, I try not to worry about the "why's".
Thanks for the topic, Trish. By the way, I bet there are some really wonderful things about yourself for which you don't know the reason either.
Member: Tom M.
Location: Homosassa Florida
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 5:26:41 PM
Hi everyone, I am Tom M and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. Trish, It really dosen't matter how or when you became an alcoholic. The great thing is that you reconized you had a problem,and you are trying to do something about it. I don't know how old you are, you sound rather young. If so all the better cause if you grab hold of this program you can have a great life, but the important thing is that you have started. I am 60 years old and did not take this program seriously until I was 51. Oh I came around in my 20s but I had to keep going out and do some more research. 30 years later, and 30 years of trying to decide if I was alcoholic or not, of being sick and tired all the time. Missed up marrages, people not wanting to be around me. Lost jobs, hundredof thousands of dollars spent on hospitals and recovery programs. It finally got so sick and tired of being sick and tired, I started working at a program one day at a time. Now with almost 9 years of being sober I still stay away from parties, and places where a lot of drinking goes on. Because I did not trust myself to not take a drink. Trish talk to your sponser, go to 90 meetings in 90 days and then if you want to go back to drinking we will be glad to refund all the misery you missed. Good luck and God Bless. Keep coming back. Thanks for the opportunity to share. I didn't proff read so please over look the missed spelling and poor gramer.
Member: aa
Location: alaska
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 5:38:05 PM
Jack, good for you!!!!! It's always hard to go to a "drinking" function. I'm glad that you had your girlfriend with you and that you got through it. I'm sorry if I was hard on you before. I was wrong. Hope you can get through the holidays sober. With a little help from your friends and your higher power; as well as your inner strength; you will. Good luck and God bless.
Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 5:45:34 PM
I`m Jeff I`m an alcoholic This took me at lest 3 months of meetings to say & believe. I was only going to attend enought meetings to get everyone off my back then things could get back to normal. I didnt think I was that bad, I knew I had a drinking problem "BUT" ??? Trish, AS AN ALCOHOLIC the only advice I can give anyone is, get to a AA meeting, listen, get a Big Book, read it, & If you think you are an alcoholic then you can get down to terms & conditions. "Dont get the cart before the hourse". "First things first"
Good luck, keep coming back!
Member: Peter M
Location: Australia
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 6:49:18 PM
I spent 4 1/2 years in this program looking through every piece of literature, AA approved or not, & eventually went back out to do some more drinking. This went on for 12 months before I was fortunate enough to get back to AA I still dont know Why I became alcoholic. I just know that I am. All I really need to know is what this disease really is and how to live each day without it destroying my life. I,ve been sober for 5 years now & I wouldný have it any other way. I am Blessed that the members that came into my life had the ability to know how to focus my mind on the relevant issue; Recovery from Alcoholism. Meetings,(how I used to hate them), The Big Book,( how much I misunderstood it),Sponsership(how hard it was to open up)& eventually 12th step work,(how great it is to see someone make some progress). Still dont know why or how I became alcoholic, but I know that today my life has changed so much so, that I am no longer a slave to my disease. Good on ya Trish,& regards to all from Aussie Land. Pete.
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 7:59:01 PM
Hi, Lessa E here, happy, grateful, recovering alcoholic. Welcome, Trish! And thanks for a very good topic. You know, I wondered how/why I became an alcoholic, too. I'm a scientist by training, and getting to the 'root cause' of things is something that I do for a living. I looked into my background to see if I had alcoholic relatives - sure do, on both parents side. So maybe it was genetic? But, my mom & dad weren't drunks and none of my 3 siblings are. So that didn't convince me. Maybe I was allergic to it. But, surface skin tests didn't show it (and those tests sure did for animals, dust and molds, which I have a violent reaction to.) So I wasn't convinced that was the reason. Did I lack in my religious life? No, I went to church and did charity work. Was I just a 'weak' person? No, I lost 70 pounds and have kept that off for years and years. I compete in triathlons. I searched and searched and couldn't come up with a reason as to why I am or why I became a drunk.
I continued investigating and trying to fix what I thought MIGHT be the cause. And kept going back out there and proving I was, in fact, an alcoholic. Every time I took a drink, I couldn't predict what would happen. And I could predict, pretty accurately, that I wouldn't be able to stop, even when I wanted to. Which wasn't all that often.
So you know what? I don't care HOW or WHY I became an alcoholic. I AM one. Period. I accept it. And am following the suggestions outlined in the BB and the 12&12. I go to f2f meetings, work the steps with a sponsor and try to reach out to others. The debate is over. I'm a drunk and that will never change. however, I'm not the person I was when I drank. And that's what matters today.
Thank goodness for AA. It's saving my life. One day at a time. Thanks also for letting me share.
Member: Leif B.
Location: New England
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 7:59:37 PM
Regardless of how much it has been written about and studied , no-one really knows the reason "Why" one becomes alcoholic : the actual mechanism by which this occurs , as with many other Diseases, is unknown .
Only Drink enough long enough , and one's biochemistry becomes irrevocably changed ; Insanity follows..sometimes rapidly ,sometimes over a great many years . Either way the End Result is the same : Self - Destruction , the Disintegration of one's Life and the visiting of endless Misery upon those around one .
In other words , Excessive Drinking is the only Known Cause of Alcoholism , and the only one any of us who are Recovering NEED to know .
But , naturally , as an "Ineffectual Intellectual ", I often bothered myself with the Why's and Wherefores early on as well .. One explanation which works for me is that Alcoholism is a Genetic Predisposition activated by the intake of Alcohol . Why or how this takes place , no-one knows . Ask any Doctor , " Shrink " , or Priest who's dealt with Alcoholics , (Actively drinking OR Recovering )and, as educated and compassionate as some of those folks are , they ultimately (I'VE found) Have to agree with our Big Book ,that, like Alcohol itself, this Disease is Cunning , Baffling , Powerful , and Oh, SO Deadly !
TRISH : There are never any Orders given here, in our Fellowship , only Suggestions ; But , I've often heard that our Suggestions are Suggested the way that it is "Suggested " , when in Freefall from an aeroplane ,that one pull the 'Chute's rip-cord !!
Member: Phyllis
Location: G.R. Michigan
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 8:22:34 PM
Hi Trish- I'm Phyllis and I am an alcholic- I have always wondered the same thing - I heard everyone else talking about when they crossed the treshhold from normal drinking and alcholism - For me, I have never been able to drink normally - (since I was 12) There was even a period of my life when I wondered what was wrong with them, and why they didn't like to drink as much as I did? I have been told it runs in families ( my grandfather was an alcoholic)What I do know through my own experieces in the past with short periods of abstinance (without the steps)it is a progressive illness that worsens over time (especially for women)I like what Gage said about "being born an alcoholic" and today after two years of sobriety I have found that it is one of the best things that could have happened to me I have a program to live by, and people to show me "HOW" to live one day at a time and be happy. I still have days where resentment creeps up though they are getting fewer and fewer and farther in between. God Bless You Trisha and Keep Coming Back!!!!!!!!!!!It Works!
Member: Jack D
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 8:31:41 PM
Dear aa,
Glad to hear from you and for your support...the old saying goes "it takes two to tango" so please except my apology for my part in last weeks display, but all that matters is that both of us are still CLEAN and SOBER.
It's been 8 days without a drink or any weed and I feel much better now that it is nessesary for me to let go of both...
My addictions were supported and maintained by denial, which is the monster hiding in the darkness afraid to be seen in the light, denial was a way of life and the problem continued on it's downward slide until I finally let the truth shine in.
I know that whatever was communicated between us last week was part of this process of letting the light shine through for both of us.
God Bless you and I do feel and Love you, I have prayed for both of us many times this passed week and look at the magic of God's hand at work.
Hope the rest of our brothers and sisters didn't get offended or turned off by our display (I doubt that) but again I offer my hand in friendship to you aa and one day God willing we will meet, if not here on this planet then in the place where we go afterwards.
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 8:34:41 PM
Adam, alcoholic.
Now, this is an interesting topic.... I really can think of only one thing that made me an alcoholic and that was picking up a drink. Sure, I have "family issues" that include abuse and emotional blackmail in my childhood... Yes, I have an alcoholic parent... Of course, I felt like I never belonged anywhere... but I don't think any of those things are what made me an alcoholic. They may have CONTRIUBUTED to my disease, but DRINKING is what made me an alcoholic. I'm willing to wager there are people out there who have gone through (or are going through) a lot of the same experiences I went through in my past, but they didn't pick up a drink and become addicted to alcohol. Picking up a drink and becoming addicted to alcohol is what happened to me...and if I had never done that, I would not have become an alcoholic.
Just my thoughts on the matter. Still, I'm glad this topic came up. Thanks Trish.
God bless.
Member: Chris S
Location: Asheville, NC USA
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 9:12:03 PM
Hello everyone! I'm Chris and I am a grateful sober alcoholic. Great topic Trish. I just sat still for a few minutes after a read it. Its something I have thought about from time to time myself, however, before I really explored it, I excepted, whole heartedly that I was an alcoholic. I could only do that after many meetings. I went to at least 90 face to face meetings in the first 90 days. I continued after to go to daily meetings for a long time. I got dry enough to look at my past, and compared my story to pieces of other members stories. I related to the Big Book. I especially like the Doctors Opinion. I have a desease. After I had been sober a few years I found out my mom had been married to a man other than the dad I knew. That the dad I knew had married her when I was 4 yrs old and adopted my brother and me. Immediately I wanted to know if my biological father was a drunk. He is not! It was almost upsetting to me. Well this did not get me drunk, being convinced that I was alcoholic from the first drinks I had in the 5th grade. Drank alcoholicly in high school. Was full blown alcoholic in college. Got sober at age 21 and I am 32 now. I now know alot more about my biological past. There is alcohol in my family. My dad that raised me has alcoholism in his family. Its everywhere in this world. But is doesn't matter. I have it, and it has lead me to a way of life I could have never dreamed about. Being sober has given me so many things to greatful for. I am married and have 2 beautiful children. I am here for them. I have lots of family now that I am in contact with my biological father, his wife, and 3 other sisters I did not now. It is amazing what being sober has allowed me to experience.
Jack, Glad you got through the Christmas party. Tough time of the year getting sober, but you can do it one day at a time. I remember feeling like you did. I still feel out of place sometimes. I leave functions sometimes, or do not attend sometimes. Its ok for me to do whatever I need to keep sober. I have even upset family members by leaving functions to find my aa family. They have always understood after they have time to think about how I used to be and why I do what I do now.
Only in this fellowship have I ever seen two people have an exchange of words like you and Alaska did and so quickly reconsile and I beleive we all will grow and do grow from such experiences. I commented the other night that this median of communicating probably allows for an exchange of words that would not normally occur in a f2f meeting. Things happen for a reason and this site allowed many people to work on the steps and ourselves in a safe environment.
God Bless Everyone.
Member: aa
Location: alaska
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 9:34:35 PM
dear jack (and all):
After last week, I sat down and really thought about why I was REACTING so strongly, instead of ACTING. What you had to say really brought out some negative feelings about MYSELF. I foolishly allowed myself to act like an ass. I am sorry for this. But it did make me do some soul searching, so I guess in a way it was a good thing. This has taught me that no matter how long you've been in the program or been sober, a little "stepping" is good for all. Hang in there Jack. I feel that your heart and your mind and your soul are in the right place. Sometimes it takes awhile to be comfortable in your (sober) skin. Our society is geared around "social drinking". What I have learned over the years is that almost all the people I know that drink do so for the high; to "relax" to "be able to talk to people", etc..... I feel fortunate that we in AA are learning to live "high on life". Wouldn't it be great if everyone worked the steps? Anyway. Hope everyone has a safe, happy SOBER Christmas. God bless us everyone!!!!!!!!!!
Member: aa
Location: alaska
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 9:38:03 PM
PS: Jack: I will be in LV for business in the spring; maybe we can take in a meeting together. Will let you know when date is finalized. aa
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 9:40:52 PM
Trish, welcome. I love your share ... it is so true. Being new, only concentrating on reading (or in Face to Face meetings listening), then contributing even though we are confused as to how or why. That's why we say "Keep coming back" The sharing of the Experience, Strength and Hope, working the twelve steps and the twelve traditions helps each and everyone of us get to the bottom of understanding our own disease of alcoholism and helps us live sober one day at a time. So Trish ... keep coming back and you will indeed get your own understanding. Thanks, one and all for sharing the Experience, Strength and Hope. Keep coming back one and all.
Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, TX USA
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 9:41:06 PM
Hi Trish, and everyone else. I am an alcoholic named Curtis. Why am I an alcoholic? because I can't control my drinking, it controls me once I take the first drink. Page 30 in the BB states "We acoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking." That describes me. For me, just Curtis L, I think I drank because I didn't have a spiritual life. I do know that at 15, I was not happy with the world because I couldn't get my way all the time, and I didn't like Curtis. A few years later when I started drinking, I felt more at ease with life. I liked the effect produced by alcohol, but I didn't like the blackouts and legal problems, so I decided I needed to 'control' my drinking. In my late 30's, I realized that I didn't have control of how much I was going to drink once I started drinking. In my early 40's, I found out that I didn't have a choice as to when I was going to drink. Alcohol has become my master. I was out of control. I was 44 when I went to my first AA meeting on May 4, 1985, and I haven't had a drink since. I was completely defeated by alcohol. I found a higher power that I chose to call God through the twelve Steps of AA, and try to live His will today rather than my own. I personally chose to believe that God loved me enough to see that I'd rejected Him in the church of my upbringing and He allowed me to drink for 25 years to get me to a teachable point; AA. So, a part of why I became an alcoholic is that I lacked a spirituality. Some doctors say the brains of us alkies are different. Some say we inherit it. Don't know, or really care how I got it, but I know that my solution is a daily reprieve based on my spiritual condition. AA saved my life. Your friend in recovery, Curtis L.
Member: sdfa
Location: sfs
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 10:10:51 PM
asasd
Member: tech
Location:
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 10:11:12 PM
test
Member: Jen B.
Location: West Coast
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 10:12:07 PM
Hi all, Jen alcoholic. Welcome and thanks for the topic Trish.
You know, I knew before I ever drank that I was (would be) an alcoholic. My parents both drank and drugged heavily until I was 9, from then on I was warned about the family genes, dragged to AA and Alateen, watched others in the family continue to struggle with drinking. When I picked up my first drink at 17, I knew I was playing with fire. Less than a year later I was blacking out with some regularity, binge drinking and thinking I was a 'different' kind of alcoholic from my parents, you know, the non-obnoxious kind. LOL! Okay, okay, so for the next 10 or 11 years that I drank and supplemented with pharmaceuticals, I knew I was an alcoholic, a drug addict, and I think I thought there was no avoiding it with the genes and all. I also thought I would eventually get sober and live happily ever after the way my parents had. Like it was a LONG party that eventually would have to end with boring sobriety.
What I didn't know was how low alcohol would take me, that I would put it before everything and everyone, that I would try to kill myself before it occured to me that the destruction wielded by it wasn't always obvious. I didn't have DUIs, I hadn't lost a job or house, I just wanted to die. I couldn't see how that was related to drinking. I honestly didn't even believe it until I was sober awhile.
I have 9 months next week. I think I'm an alcholic because a) it was modeled to me, b) I'm not sure about the genetic or allergic part, but let's say that was part of it, c) I thought I was unique, I was terrified and lonely and stayed that way for a long time. As Natalie Merchant says so eloquently, 'the bottle has been to me, my only friend, my worst enemy.'
Things are different now, and Trish, we all wonder why. It doesn't matter really, but we can't help but think, hm, how come? It has been the best thing that ever happened to me. If sobriety hadn't found me when it did, alcoholism would have been the last thing that ever happened to me.
Peace out & keep coming back.
Member: Arque M
Location: Gulfport Florida
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 10:30:19 PM
hey Trish, welcome and thanks for the great topic... My name is Arque and I am an alcoholic, I am convinced I was born an alcoholic-I was born with fetal alcohol syndrome in 1965 but I really don't think that is what they called it back then. In 1969 I came down with scarlett fever and left me partially paralized until I was in kindergarden at that time I was on so many drugs to stop the pain that life just didn't phase me. I had my first real drink when I was in 3rd grade, actually I was at the bar with my parents (see the genes) and while they were on the dance floor I drank both of their drinks, my father was a straight whiskey man and my mom drank rum and coke well both of them wee too buzzed to notice I drank their drink and like the good little alcolic that my father was he ordered a new round. I decide that I would not take the chance and drink that round but I knew right then and there that I liked the taste of booze. It was down hill from there by the time I was in 7th grade booze became my crutche and noone knew that I evevn drank. By the time I was driving I was manipulating a local guy who worked at the liquor store to "keep me stocked" and also knew that a friend of my fathers always looked for a drinking partner so I had avenues according to my mom they never knew I had a problem. The word denial comes into play here. I didn't come into recovery until I was 29 years old I have been in recovery for 5 years and my life is full of miracles. I am raising three lovely children on my own, have completed my BS in Criminal Justice, am in the process of adopting a baby and also obtaining my medical foster license to take care of abused medically ill infants. I have a long way to go but by practicing and working on the steps one day at a time I have a shot at this disease that we call alcoholism, I have the desire to stop drinking and give back what was given to me. Thanks everyone for my sobriety and from one alcoholic to another I am always availible to offer my experience, strength and hope. Thanks for letting me share
Member: Jack D
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 12/2/2001
Time: 10:45:31 PM
Dear aa,
Keep me posted on your trip to Vegas...I will gladly attend a meeting with you...and would enjoy having lunch or dinner also...it sure feels better to know we can go through what we did last week and quickly resolve things.
Also to avoid posting to many comments to communicate with you, here is my e-mail address loveprojectlove@yahoo.com e-mail me anytime...I know a higher power brought us together for some purpose, and I would love to have you as part of my sobrity support...I'm sure I have a lot I can learn from you, 10 years is a long time and to remain clean and sober and I'm new to all this.
God Bless you aa, hope to meet you in the spring here in Vegas.
Member: Doris H
Location: Oregon
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 12:24:59 AM
Good evening. My name is Doris and I am an alcoholic. I became an active alcoholic as a means of escape. I was tired of always being worried. I was tired of living in fear. I was tired of feeling like my life was out of control and I had NO power. I started drinking and guess what? IT GOT WORSE!!! I have been sober 5 years now and I have to admit most of it has been better. But! life keeps on happening doesn't it? Wherever you go? ? ? There you are! ! ! God bless you all. Doris
Member: carla m
Location:
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 12:43:37 AM
himy name is carlene and i am an alcoholic. i've spent the past five years fooling myself that i was sober.. i spent ten days in rehab and meetings for a year. i got my 1st cake and went home and smoked a joint. i justified that because it was not alcohol. i haven't continuously drank like i had but i have gotten drunk. my husband works nights so it's made it easier for me to get away with it. i never did the 12 steps..i have brought friends to meetings and have lectured my brother for not sticking with the program. last night i thought i coud hide my drinking around my husband but it did not work. he was quiet around me today but didn't say anything about my drinking last night. he went to work and called me when he got ther and asked me "what's up", your not drinking are you? i didn't know what to say except for no..i couldn't deny last night because i don't remember what i did. he said he couldn't go back to where he had been before and i answered no "we can't". it's so hard though.....i don't go to meetings anymore..i never had or don't really want a sponsor because it would only take away from the time i have to spend with my husband and being the peerfect wife. and it's not that i'm unhappy..sometimes i just get bored. one thing that bother's me is my husband has had friends who were alcoholics and has said there is something wrong with people who can't drink..they are not normal. ssince i did have a few drinks today i guess tomorrow will be my "1st day". i have a full time job running a medical office and get up every morning at 4:45 to walk my dog before work so if you think a cyper aa meeting can work for someone like me please let me know. i can't do this alone but i feel like i have to. thank you for listening to my problems.
Member: Arque
Location: Gulfport FL
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 1:13:23 AM
my name ia arque and I am an alcoholic. Carla the first step to recovery is surrender and with this comes acceptance. I had to surrender to my disease andd let go off any romantis idea I had that I could hide my deinking or control my drinking. I am an alcoholic there is no way that I could do either. The keys to recovery are in the steps, attending meetings, working and living the steps and talking to and taaking the advice of a sponser, by doing those things I have managed to stay sober for 5 years and I love myself today, I love my life, I am still working on charactert defects but they are slowly dissappearing too. My disease took me to lows I never want to go to again. I choose to be in ecovery today staying away from all things bad for me concentrating on staaying sober anndd livving one day at a time. Good luck and thank for letting me share
Member: Jack D
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 1:13:25 AM
Dear Carla M,
First off WOW, It doesn't sound like your the perfect wife if you have to lie and hide from your husband...I have found that a sponsor is like a sobrity coach and their not there to keep you from your life but to help you create a life sober...as far as there being something wrong with people who can't drink there is something wrong with us we're ACOHOLICS...I shared something earier today and I will repeat it incase you didn't see it...
My addictions were supported and maintained by denial, which is the monster hiding in the darkness afraid to be seen in the light, denial was a way of life and the problem continued on it's downward slide until I finally let the truth shine in.
If you are truly an acoholic...get a sponsor, go to meeting (I suggest the 90 meeting in 90 days) read the big book and pray to your higher power...DON'T SMOKE POT...that's what kept me from getting sober and living a clean life.
If you have childern remember they my have the dease and your example of working the program my save thier lives one day...the next drink you take could be life or death for someone you care about.
I will pray for you...I know what it feels like to live a lie and it's nothing I want to pass on to my Son...Love and Peace be with you as you work this out.
Member: kATHRYN *S*
Location: wEST COAST
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 2:31:06 AM
i WONDERED WHY iHAD TO BE THEONE IN A FAMILY OF 7 ALONG WITH MY DAD AND BROTHER TO BE SUCH A PERSON ALWAYS IN TROUBLE WITH OR WITH OUT A DRINK...i FOUND IT TO BE A DISEASE THAT IS PAST ON THROUGH A FAMILY SKIPING SOME AS IT DID IN MY FAMILY...fOR A LONG TIME NOT REALLY UNDERSTANDING THAT BEHAVIOR ONCE AFTER DRINKING ALCOHOL DOES CHANGE FOR THE ALCOHOLIC BUT NOT FOR THE NON- ALCOHOLIC. i FOUND THAT TO BE TRUE AND ONCE IN aa I BEGAN TO DO REASEARCH PAPERS AND LOOK FOR PROOF THAT IT IS A DISEASE..lIKE ANY OTHER DISEASE I RESEARCHED DAY AND NIGHT UNTIL i CAME TO BELLIEVE IT IS A DIS-EASE...aLMOST 20 YEARS AGO i CAME TO aa AND ACCEPTED THE FACTS NOT JUST HEAR SAY AND THAT WAY KNOW WHAT i HAD MADE IT EASIER TO DEAL WITH AS FOR HEALING.....tHERE IS NO CURE BUT THERE IS HEALILNG AND IT IS ALL FOUND IN THE 12 AND 12 PLUS THE BIG BOOK...AND MANY OF THE OTHER BOOKS AND LEAFLETS ..i OWE OTHER ALCOHOLICS MY TIME AND PATIENCE WHILE TEACHING THEM HOW IT WORKS... THANK YU FOR LETTING ME WRITE TOYOU ALL ...
Member: scott b
Location: portage ind
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 2:43:51 AM
hitrishforme,iquitaskingwhyamianalcoholic,idonthavethatanswer,
idoknowthatiamanalcoholic.thequestionthatidoaskmyselfiswhatami
goingtodoaboutbeinganalcholic.iknowmeetingsandaprogramforsobriety
arewhatineedforapositvefuture.sowhyamianalcholicmyhereditarylink,myup
bringing,myfriends.tomeitdoesntmatterwhatisimportanttomeiswhatamigonnadoto
changemyself.thanksforlistening.haveagoodweekall.
Member: Theresa H.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 3:22:12 AM
I came to understand I was an alcoholic over a process of time. My drinking increased when my only child moved away to college and I was all alone, save for two small dogs, in a big house.
I drank out of boredom, drank to fall asleep, I drank due to pressure from my job, drank caused I liked a certain flavor of wine. Drank because it was the weekend, or Monday. And oops tuesday was bad, as was the rest of the week, so I drank some more!
Then I started getting the shakes in the morning. Needed to have a drink to get going! And make sure to get home at night before they set back in. I gave up on drinking coffee at work, as I couldn't carry the cup back to my desk with out spilling it or worse yet, having someone see me carrying it and notice it was shaking.
I went to a regular doc at that time for followups on a cancer I had. I was in my last year and about to be told I was free at last. My regular doc had retired. I don't know if he noticed my shaking, as he never said so.
But the new one did. she said I was shaky and too thin. She thought I might have thyroid cancer or a over active thyroid. She said that would make me shake. She did a series of blood test in the lab. Either case would requie surgery of some degree. She said she was so sure she would eat her hat if I did not have it.
While I was waiting for the tests, I was honestly praying that it was the thyroid, even if it was the cancer. YOu see that would mean the shakes did not come from the drinking, so the drinking would be ok!!! And I wouldn't shake anymore! Well, the thyroid was ok. She chalked up the shakes to fear of cancer doctors. That really happened and I can't believe my mind thought the way it did at the time. I would rather have had the cancer than be an alcoholic.
I continued to drink, and finally was convinced by my 20 year old daughter and my boyfriend of 13 years that I needed to stop. I was not a mean drunk. I was a happy one! But they worried about my health and they could tell it the drinking was increasing.
I went to an MD at their insitence. She wanted to put me in the hospital to detox, but I refused, so she let me do it at home with drugs for blood pressure and seizures and 24 hour supervision. Daily trips to the doctor as well.
I have been 30 days sober as of today.
They had me see a counsler once. She asked me what nationality I was, I said Irish and Welsh. She said, oh you have the Irish Virus! I don't know that statistics on the truth behind this, but she claimed people of Irish ancestory had a high risk for this illness. I guess that would suggest a genetic link, if it is true. The technicalities of what makes me an alki and not just a drinker I am not totally sure of at this point, but still doing some reading.
I do know why I started to drink so heavily. I hated my job, my daughter went off to college, my boyfreind was transferred to another state, but dad was very ill and I was very lonely and depressed. That stuff would numb me up enough to be able to go to sleep at night.
Then it took over my life, eventually taking my life from my control.
Like an earlier person, I don't buy the allergy bit. I am allergic to morphine. I get hives, I can't swallow and have trouble breathing. I do not have that reaction to alcohol. But the problem is the reaction I have is not being able to stop after one.
It is a trick I wish I could learn. But you know what they say about teaching old dogs new tricks. If they said I was diabetic, I wouldn't eat sweets. They say I am an alcoholic, so I won't drink alcohol.
Theresa
Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit (richr_srcp@hotmail.com)
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 4:38:18 AM
Trish, thanks for the topic. I can't remember it ever being brought up here before. I have a few responses.
A long time ago I heard a catchy phrase that stuck with me. I believe the origin was Japanese, or at least Asian and it is chauvinistic, but I'm sure you ladies won't mind. :-)
First man takes drink, then DRINK takes drink, finally drink takes MAN.
The other thing I heard while my mother was in a 28-day treatment facility in 1986. It was one of those 'family days' where we saw some videos, heard some lectures and attended some group meetings. I can't remember the statistics precisely, but it went something like this... If neither of your parents is alcoholic, your chances of becoming an alcoholic are around 10%. If one of your parents is alcoholic, your chances of becoming an alcoholic are 40-50%. If both of your parents are alcohlic, your chances of becoming an alcoholic are ~70-90%! My dad died an active alcoholic. My mom died with 8 years of sobriety!
And lastly, in my other fellowship, we read at meetings from a piece of literature called the Combo Book. It has this little Q&A: Q: "Is knowing why we gambled important?" A: "Perhaps, however insofar as stopping gambling, many Gamblers Anonymous members have been able to abstain from gambling without the knowledge of why they gambled."
Anyway, almost on 12/12/90 I joined AA and haven't had a drink since! Thanks for letting me share. P.S. I gotta tell you that when I read aa's apology to Jack, it moved me to tears! Isn't this program g-r-e-a-t?
Member: Gina W
Location: NZ
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 6:23:04 AM
Dear Trish. Thanks for the topic. At times I have looked very hard into "why" or "how" I became an alcoholic. I looked into my family tree- one suspect on my mother's side but not a definite. Was it because I drank a lot, and then became an alcoholic through excessive drinking? Hmmm- very questionable. Over the 15 years of my drinking career, I had more "sober" years than not. Right from the word go, at 12 years old, when alcohol became accessable I loved it, and drank to get drunk. It was fairly instant for me, but did not perceive it to be a problem until there were times, in my later teens where it became inappropriate- then realised that I could not control my drinking consistantly, and so I embarked on several years on what they call the "dry drunk syndrome". It is becoming clear to me now that alcohol was the perfect answer for my "ism". A very unique ism at that. One that I have struggled with immensely because I wanted a simple answer. I did not realise that the simple answer was in AA. Now I am starting to realise the true meaning of, "we tried to look for an easier, softer way". What has happened for me at two years sober, is that I have been confronted with behaviour and my alcoholic mind. This more than anything has convinced me of the ism that I believe I was born with. Scientists are working hard on isolating what is different about the brains of alcoholics. One book reports that alcoholics have 50% less of a certain hormone which helps produce feel good neurotransmitters, and that alcohol, when induced, activates the production of this particular hormone. There are other theories. Some of which have some evidence. So, in the future, some scientist is going to isolate some gene and come up with a "miricle cure". Some how this doesn't sit right with me. Deep down, in the big sceme of things I can't help thinking that we are the lucky ones, though it sure hasn't felt like that lately:) God Bless, Gina.
Member: LeeEllen
Location: MI
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 7:39:35 AM
Hello all - Lee here and a recovering alcoholic.
Trish - thanks for the topic. I too used to wonder how and why I became an alcoholic, particularly since my folks were both alcoholics and I had sworn I'd never "end up like them." But, I did.
I always felt kind of invisible, even as a kid. Never fit in, wasn't as pretty as, as good as, as thin as, etc. I was just "there" even to my folks.
When I drank, I THOUGHT I was funny, pretty, worthy, etc. It was the only way I felt to become part of. Is that the reason??? I don't know.
I do believe that one can be predisposed to becoming an alcoholic. Out of 4 children, I was the only one who became an alcoholic & smoker, so that theory doesn't really hold much credence for me, but looking back thru the family history it makes more sense. I'm not trying to rationalize, because I had a choice and for that I'm responsible.
In the long run, it doesn't matter why or how. It just is. It's up to me to stop the cycle. It's up to me to show by example, to help others who are suffering, to follow the steps and continue to grow. With the help of AA and you people, that just might happen. Thanks for letting me share. Peace, Lee
Member: Michele M.
Location: Whitby, Ontario
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 10:56:00 AM
It doesn't matter how or why I became an alcoholic - I am an alcoholic and that is all that matters to me. I had to admit and accept this fact before I could begin to recover from this fatal disease. I cannot afford the mental energy it would take to try and figure out how or why I became an alcoholic. I just am, and I am grateful for this awareness, because I can work on me and make positive changes in my life. Today I am addicted to Alcoholics Anonymous, the fellowship, and the 12 steps of recovery. We "trudge" the road of Happy Destiny". Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 11:27:41 AM
Hi, I'm Pam, an alcoholic,
I was always we will never know which came first - the chicken or the egg - & even if we could know, that knowledge does not do one thing for us to achieve sobriety.
I personally believe I was born an alcoholic due to what I know about myself since earliest childhood due to years of growing in these Steps One Day At A Time. I had all the "isms" long before I had progressed to the point of picking up my first drink.
In BB - Fred's Story pg 39 is about a man who had everything going for him & living a quite successfully content happy life & had absolutely no reason to drink - yet he was an alcoholic.
That confirms my own belief of being born with it (a drink just waiting to happen)
The prior chapters: "Dr's Opinion" "There Is A Solution" & earlier in this chp "More About Alcoholism" explains that altho we drank for the Affects - how alcohol affects us is abnormal. It does not affect us in the same ways as alcohol affects 'normal drinkers' That is the reason they cannot understand us.
These chapters give the facts, info, Symptoms of Alcoholism so we can see if we identify - because no one can Diagnos us as Alcoholic except our own selves. This is the reason behind the suggestion to Not drink (nor drug) & to make 90 meetings in 90 days so you can Listen & see if you Identify for making your own Diagnosis based on the facts in BB.
BB also tells us there is no known answer to "why" are we alcoholic - only the info for making our own Diagnosis. And that this book - the BB is our Manual: the complete Directions to follow if we want to be freed from the hopeless malady of this fatal, progressive disease that is out to utterly destroy us & the lives of all those around us.
Live in the Solution - Live in Today - "Now" is the only time happening. Yesterday is gone forever & tomorrow may never come. All we have is Today. Thanks for letting me share. Pam
Member: Lydia W.
Location:
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 11:59:10 AM
hi y'all my name is lydia and i am an alcoholic. both of my parents were also alcoholics, one is now dead, the other is still in denial at age 80. i stoppped blaming them years ago. i am what i am. (WHEN is the pot going to change over?)
Member: kathy o
Location: nyc
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 12:50:59 PM
Hello,
Does getting obscenely drunk with an all day hangover once a month make me an alcoholic?
If so, am I this way because at 28, I am occasionally partying like I am still in college or am I an alcoholic who needs help?
I am a control freak in every other aspect of my life, so blacking out and losing control depresses me along with the headache/throwing up. Could it be that I am insecure at heart?
Should I attned a meeting?
Member: Mark D
Location:
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 1:10:54 PM
The cause of alcoholism. Genetic; environment; or some of both. It's a good thing to think about when you are working on your 4th Step.
Until you get to that step consider this scenario that was related to me early in sobriety. two guys are on a fishing trip when a leak springs out of the bottom of their rowboat. One guy claims the boat was damaged when they pushed off. The other guy insists that a rock from the road shot out from the trailer tires on their way to the lake. Either argument is viable. Neither argument is going to stop the leak, however. If they don't concentrate on putting a plug in the hole instead of worrying about the cause? they are sunk.
Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 1:20:19 PM
Hi Trish and welcome! Thanks for the topic.
Speaking for myself, I don't need to know why I am an alcoholic. What is important, and paramount to my sobriety, is to know that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. Whether I was born one or became one doesn't have any bearing on my life today. It used to, though, before I surrendered to this disease.
You see, I started "social" drinking in the 8th grade and was a black out drinker with personality changes and all the other chaos that comes with drinking from the "first hello." I then spent the rest of my teens and twenties trying to figure out WHY I drank and drugged like I did and how I could JUST STOP the craziness and have fun. I tried counselling, meditation/yoga, health foods, classical music, relationships, exercise, education... the list goes on and on.
Then, when I relapsed in 1999 after having 21 months of sobriety and hit a bottom that I had only heard about from the podium, I realized that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC and nothing is going to change that fact. You see, it doesn't matter to me if I was "made" one from my childhood or I was "born" one from my genes... either way I have the disease and it can't be undone... only managed one day at a time through the help of higher power and the program of alcoholics anonymous.
Have a great day you all and thanks for listening (if ya did :-)).
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 1:36:21 PM
What a wonderful topic and shares today! As a resently sober guy, I spent a lot of time on this one! So much good stuff, here is my 2 cents.
- Doesn't matter how we became drunks, we are drunks and want to live a better life. AA is best way for us to do that. - We don't understand why we have other traits (good or bad) but that doesn't invalidate them for us. We accept that we are tone deaf, are taller than our siblings, can't tell a joke, have eye for colors, etc. - I don't think medical science is going to bail us out (it may help us some). I think the cause has multiple variables, and how those line up for each idividual is just too complex for doctors to whip up a pill for us to take each day. - Maybe we are the lucky ones. Maybe it is a gift. How I view almost everything around me is fundamentaly different since I set the bottle down. When I go to meetings I feel something I don't feel elsewhere, a very good thing. A very honest thing. Maybe AA was divinely inspired to bring us closer to our maker.
Couldn't get to a F2F today, thanks for being there for me!
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@Yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 3:45:28 PM
Great topic! I drank a few times before, but the night of my graduation there were four of us, sharing a bottle of Ripple. I remember feeling that there was not enough, the others were ready to find something else to do, but all I could think about was how to get more. Over the next few decades, I drank and drugged with an imagined sense of control. It was during the last few years that I realized I could not stop. Many times I did not want to drink, but couldn’t seem to stop myself. AA put me off, at first because of the “allergy” theory as described in the Doctors Opinion. All I knew was it didn’t matter what drug I used. I always ended up in the same place, always wanting more and there was never enough, even if it would kill me. Allergies are specific to a single chemical.
Today, I know I don’t have to understand the mechanism of addiction. I just need to know that my body and mind behave differently than most people when I put alcohol in it. Today I have practical psychological and spiritual tools I learned and learn in AA, which allow me to cope without taking a drink. I’m grateful for the life and relationship with God, I have been granted through AA. Please! “Keep Coming Back”
Member: Jack D
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 4:08:58 PM
Rich R of Detroit,
aa's response does show how effective this program is...it also brought me to tears...it let me also know the power of prayer in these cases.
I'm from Detroit...what happened to the Lions?
Member: sonia
Location: Uk
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 5:41:52 PM
I spent an awfull long time thinking about whether was an alcoholic or not, and it really did seem like the most important question that i would ever ask myself. I wanted a blood test and there wasnt one, i tried to look back at my history as my disease had been progressive, and yet not progressive, i have always had blackouts in drink, but have always been able to go out with friends and drink normally, end the evening with a coffee and be happy, sometimes i wouldnt stop for no one. In the end what really did become important (much more important than the label of alcoholic) was that my behavior while drinking became unacceptable to me, That is the only difference that really matters, between my drinking in the early days and drinking in the later. My drinking caused me to not like me more. It stopped giving and started taking away. Am i an alcoholic, i dont know and i dont care, i choose to call myself one, because i am fairly sure i am. Whatever i am i like what i have now better than what i had then, i had to fight damn hard to get here, and i went through a lot of pain to get here, and i refuse to give this away just because there isnt a definitive diagnoses. What if a blood test said "no sonia you are not an alcoholic", it wouldnt make the shit i went through any less. It would just mean it didnt make sense. I like what not drinking and trying to follow a program of recovery gives me. I honetly beleive there is nothing that alcohol can give me that i cant get twofold in sobriety.
Member: TMG
Location: Zion/North
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 7:12:02 PM
In my case there were more reasons why I sought toxic escapes from things that just plain bothered me but I didn’t know why than you could shake a stick at!. When I got into the “causes and conditions” of my toxic career I found that religion was perhaps the most significant thing that bothered me. The more I looked back at it all, the more I was convinced of this! When I first started to take a more honest look at "God as we understood Him" in AA, I had no idea what I was getting into! This was a few 24 hours ago, and I am still at it! The religion I was brought up in did nothing to instill any confidence in me towards God, as they taught me He is a mean hateful God that tortures people for all eternity if they don't abide by what the church they go to teaches. I just couldn't swallow that stuff, so I was very much inclined to rebel against it, even at an early age, for I had my first eight years of schooling by the hand of nuns at a Catholic Parochial School! So even though I wasn't consciously thinking of drinking to get away from all that stuff about being tormented in a "hell" forever, the seeds for a career in alcoholism were certainly being planted!! And needless to say they found fertile ground! Then as I grew older I started to hear that Jews were no good for this, that and the other reason; and Protestants weren’t worth the “powder to blow them to hell” either! Not in the classrooms did I hear this, but at home and in other circles I was going around. Being an impressionable youth I suppose I was quite disturbed by all this, for it still bothers me today! So to make a long story short, I did start to get extremely honest with myself in AA, and when I started to advance in spiritual things I fell in with a bunch of people who were just students of the Bible, not affiliating themselves with any of the well established religions, but just meeting in each others homes on Sunday morning to have Bible study meetings. Well I found out through them that there is no such place as a “hell” underneath the earth, that it is all a conspiracy of sorts to keep people enslaved to false religions through fear! That was a great burden to be rid of for me, and then I started to really to grow along spiritual lines.” So for God to remove my defects of character, etc., and I suppose I still have some, took a long time, but I stayed with it “One Day At A Time,” and will continue the same! For now since a new fear of “terrorism” is spreading throughout the earth like an frenzied epidemic, people rush about seeking some refuge in these false-religions, and there is none! And I have confidence that I will be able to prevail against all this fear and war-mongering with only the Bible in my own home and without any hypocritical religions!! “One Day At A Time!” And of course if you want to keep it you have to give it away! So I now have two websites to do that with at
http://www.geocities.com/tmgzion/
http://www.geocities.com/tmgnorth/
which you might want to take a look at.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 8:49:57 PM
Hello. Bill here alcoholic from Arizona. I visit Michigan City nearly every year Trish. I have an Al-Anon friend in Chesterton. Out paths may cross someday.
I became an alcholic by sitting on too many bar stools and drinking to much booze. There is absolutely no other way I know of to become alcoholic
I am a medical care professional and I could make a case of it possibly being genetic. But that is unimportant since if I didn't take the first drink that would not apply.
In the Doctor's opinion... the Roman numerals at the beginning of the Big Book he says. "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. He also describes the phenomenon of craving being limited to alcoholic only.
The effects are numerous. There are happy drunks, sad drunks, crying drunks, laughing drunks, traveling drunks, fighting drunks, lay back drunks. The common factor here is they are all drunks. That is all that needs to be identified to take the first two steps. Step one is the problem, Step two defines the solution
If it turns out you are not alcoholic, be grateful. That too is covered in the Big Book. So stick around and find out one way or another. Alcoholism is not contagious. No one can catch it from us.
Dr. Silkworth also has an excellent article on "Slips and Human Nature" I urge all my sponsees to read it. I have a copy if any of you will email me for it.
Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today
Bill az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Gerry Mc
Location: Florida
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 8:51:07 PM
RE: Cathy O. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member: Ocher
Location: midwest
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 9:16:06 PM
For anyone who's having trouble with the program, check this site: www.aadeprogramming.com. Really opened my eyes. You see, folks, it really is all up to you. No one else. Good luck.
Member: carla m
Location:
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 10:13:50 PM
dear jack: i didn't mean that i "was" the perfect wife. i meant that i try to "funtion" as the perfect wife. i cook and clean, do all the shopping, pay the bills etc. see..this is part of my problem...i'm a people pleaser. i'm even trying to explain what i meant to you so you won't think badly of me. sorry, i know this is not a chat room but i just had to let this out. p.s. i've made it through day one! and thank you for your prayers!
Member: Jarvis M
Location: North Cen. Illinois jam46930@hotmail.com
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 10:15:10 PM
Hi Jarvis here sober by the grace of God and the program of A.A.since 8/2/91 Trish first one must determin if they are an alcoholic. Being totaly honest with your self, turn to page 44 of the Big Book and read lines 4 threw 7, remember be compleatly honest with yourself. It dosn't matter if you were born an alcoholic, drank your self into one or if you caught it off a tolit seat, the fact of the matter is if you are an alcoholic what you do about it is all that matters. Glad to be sober Thanks for letting me share.
Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 10:20:12 PM
To Theresa H. Florida, you told my story!!! I agree with all you said. I know why I drank ,it numbed all the bad stuff in life. And I don't buy the allergy theory. I have enjoyed three good years after I had sense to see a doctor. There has been a lot of bad stuff in these years but the urge to drink has gone. I try to do more with my life these days, I ask each day that I can help others to enjoy their day and I give as much of my time as I can to others. This seems to help me a lot. I know why I became an alchoholic too. After a while you drink more and more to get the same anesthetic affect, then when the body gets over burdened the alchohol turns mean and works against you. I never want to go through those last couple of drinking weeks again in my life, and that is really what keeps me sober.
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 10:37:27 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!
Excellent topic, Trish! I have read that there are various reasons--genetic, cultural, and circumstantial, for one becoming an alcoholic. I have found pursuing this line of reasoning to explain my alcoholism is more interesting than it is helpful.
Of course, while I saw nothing wrong with exploring these reasons to help explain my alcoholism, in the end, I found that it tended to be a "post mortem" exercise, because finding such causes would not cure my alcoholism--it only helped explain it.
Member: Lissa L
Location:
Date: 12/3/2001
Time: 11:32:13 PM
I'm Lissa & an alcoholic, thanks Trish for such a reflective topic. I believe that I am not an alcoholic because I have a problem with drinking. I believe I drink because I am an alcoholic & was born that way. I believe very strongly that "alcohol is but a symptom" of my problem.
Member: john f
Location: west
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 12:39:14 AM
MY name is john and i AM an alcoholic, when i 1st came to the program i was told to practice the 3b's and i would be ok. be honest be brief be seated.... a man with one chopstick will always be hungry but if he shares that stick with another they both shall be fed.
trish share your newcomerism and you will help another sober person to make it untill midnight
Member: Jimbo C
Location: Venice, CA USA
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 12:56:03 AM
My name is Jim and I AM an alcoholic, I came into the program to get help for my drinking. But now I too see that the "alcohol is but a symptom". I feel fortunate that I have a disease that I can do something about, and that also allows me to work on myself. There are many who suffer from terminal illnesses that do not have our chance at recovery.
Discovering the reasons behind my drinking has been greatly helped by working with a sponsor who has time sober and a systematic program of working the steps.
Member: Jack D
Location: Las Vegas
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 1:16:36 AM
Carla M,
Not to worry this happens when communicating this way...sometimes people get mixed messages (it's happened to me several times)...well that does change things...I never thought badly of you I just though you were in a confusing place (I've been there).
But Anyway...Congrats on your 1 day!!!
And as far as cooking, all the shopping, paying the bills, the secret is it's not what you do, it's how you do it...your are a free woman who has choosen to do this and your in a place where you can choose anything that you want...there are places on this earth where you wouldn't even be allowed to learn or speak.
Your FREE honey, choose what you want...find something that gives you a burning desire and move toward it "one day at a time" start with baby steps and momentum will start you moving as fast as the planet hurtles throught space.
You may want to start with this business of sobrity...if you have the diease we have then this must be #1 top priority!
Everything else will follow.
I Keep you in my prayers.
Member: Roye G
Location: Ga US
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 8:52:49 AM
Hi, I am Roye and a alcoholic. Lissa, I agree with you. I too was born alcoholic and I feel that if I had not been born that way, I would have never known the joys of having my "character defects" slowly taken away.Shoot, I would not even known that I had them. But God being who He is knew that is what it would take for me to take my rightful position in this world of His. Thats why I am grateful for being born an alcoholic, just wish He could have found an easier way!!
Member: Roye G
Location: Ga US
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 8:52:50 AM
Hi, I am Roye and a alcoholic. Lissa, I agree with you. I too was born alcoholic and I feel that if I had not been born that way, I would have never known the joys of having my "character defects" slowly taken away.Shoot, I would not even known that I had them. But God being who He is knew that is what it would take for me to take my rightful position in this world of His. Thats why I am grateful for being born an alcoholic, just wish He could have found an easier way!!
Member: John E
Location: NJ
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 9:23:45 AM
I'm John a grateful alcoholic, I want to share my personal feeling about alcohol. Clinically, it is a chemical solvent, a toxin, and a drug. When I ingest it, it activates a self destruct mechanism. It does this every single time. Alcohol makes me high-drunk-ill, sure but it does that for everybody in sufficient quantity, so why not stop if causes problems? There's the addictive part, but many of us start again after we've been dried out for a while. AA showed me that the reason an alcholic can still be miserable even when the alcohol is removed, is that so much spiritual destruction has taken place and that is an agony few of us can live with for a very long time. People in that state of mind have to reach for something for relief, a bottle, drug or worse. The meetings and fellowship can provide the sincere newcomer with an incredible relief from pain and isolation, if they don't drink. (90 meetings in 90 days) Action, commitment and involvment carry us further. Steps, speaking, sponsorship and commitment seem to be the key for the many incredible people I've met who are sober for the long run.
Member: Melissa B.
Location: Canada
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 10:41:33 AM
Hi, Melissa, alcoholic.
Great topic, Trish, thanks.
On one of Dr. Paul's tapes, I heard "I don't know if I'm an alcoholic because I drank too much. I think it's entirely possible that I drank too much because I'm an alcoholic." I used to care about this stuff, but I don't anymore. Living in the solution now, not the problem. Welcome, Carla, I read your post and thought 'yup, that's me. Perfect wife and mother.' And I was a drunk. I'm still all those things, (not perfectly) but it's like the fellow above said: everything can stay the same and still be entirely different. It was my attitude that changed. It would be great to hear from you; congratulations on one day. They do add up!
Member: Melissa
Location: Canada
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 10:44:45 AM
Oh, dear, just read my post; sorry for the double-dip, but I wanted to clarify that I am still a wife and mother, still an alcoholic, but not a PRACTICING alcoholic!
Member: Jimbo C.
Location: Venice, CA USA
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 12:37:12 PM
My name is Jim and I AM an Alcoholic.
There's a line in the Movie BARFLY, "When I drink I move in the wrong direction." My intellectual mind will try to figure out things, this has gotten in the way of my sobriety in the past. Like Melissa B. said, I need to focus on the solution.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Scott L.
Location: Florida
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 1:05:53 PM
Hi Trish,my name is Scott and I'm an alcoholic. Both of my Grandfathers died of alcoholism at a young age. I believe it runs in the family. I never drank normally. I became a blackout drinker around 19 or 20, and this continued for several years. For me,regarding alcohol, I dont have an on off switch. When I start, I can't stop. After 60 days in A.A. for no reason, I was at a music concert by myself, and decided to have a beer, one beer. A bar tab of over $60, a blackout, and incredible guilt followed. That was my last drunk. I had proven to myself that I was an alcoholic and belonged in A.A. Luckily I stayed around the rooms of A.A., prayed, and worked the steps with a sponsor until the obsession to drink was lifted. I'm coming up on 7 years sober, and the obsession has yet to return. I pray daily, talk with my sponsor, and attend meetings regularly. It says in the Big Book somewhere, that we had to conceed to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic. Once I did that, an overwhelming sense of relief followed. Along with that came the awareness that I had to take some action. They say that surrendering makes us stronger. Thats been my experience, only if I surrender to that power greater than ourselves, and fully trust that this power knows whats best and will guide me to better things. Good luck to all of you.
Member: Inez
Location: South Georgia
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 3:47:07 PM
Hi Trish. Like so many before me, I too believe I was born an alcoholic. It also runs throughout my family. Several family members have already died or are dying from this disease. It is truly cunning, baffling, and powerful. I have been in and out of the program of AA for about 15 years. At this point I’ve got two blessed years of sobriety. I know for certain that those two years can be gone the second I pick up a drink of alcohol. Just don’t drink and go to meetings ! I’ve heard that so much in the rooms of AA. It’s not that simple but then, in another way it is. I have much to be thankful for. A loving God has been my salvation. I don’t know why I’m still alive or what my higher power has in store for me next but, I know the only way to keep what I have is to give it away daily. Love Inez
Member: Joe D.
Location: New England
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 7:40:33 PM
Hi, I'm Joe, an alcoholic.
I believe I was born into alcoholism (all my family members are alcholics on both sides). I didn't know this and started drinking when I was in high school. I had only drank a few times and my brothers used to make fun of me because I wouldn't drink and do drugs with them. Well, one day my brother had a keg party at the house and I drank with them (I drank around 20 beers or so). I was, from that point on, accepted by them. I also started drinking more and more. I am now 38 and I finally realize and accept that I am an alcoholic. I have two weeks sobriety and look foward to one more day tomorrow. Thanks for letting me share!
Member: Anonymous1/4
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 12/4/2001
Time: 10:46:27 PM
BB pg 34,How then shall we help our readers determine, to their own satisfaction,whether they are one of us. WE as members of A.A.can only suggest things which come out of the A.A. program as discribed in the BB +12+12.The book suggest that a new person try reading chapter 3,more about alcoholism,13 pages. There is also a letter from a, doctor called "the doctors opion" that would be worth reading.For myself,i did'nt know that i was really an alcoholic until istarted reading the books.Only then did i begin to understand what alcoholism was,wasn't,how it affected me mentally physically emotionally,intellectually,spiritually inall areas of mine life. The best thing i did for myself,i read the book,still do.
Member: Steven L
Location: Mentone, CA
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 12:53:24 AM
The how and why of becoming an alcoholic have become irrelevant for me the past 13+ years I've been sober. At some points along this path I thought of the allergy aspects, at other times I've reflected upon the genetic predisposition towards this addiction and at still others I felt I just wanted/liked to drink because of how it made me feel. AND when I arrived, I had been beaten so low by my alcoholism I did not care what the cause was. It is kind of like being attacked by a great vicious monster... you don't care why you're being attacked--you only care about escape. And once you've escaped you will do anything necessary to not go back there again--not caring why you were attacked... so K.C.B.! (purely from my own experience)
Member: Jeff B
Location: Northern CA
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 2:03:28 AM
Hi- My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. That's a great topic Trish. I don't know when I crossed the line between normal drinking and what I consider alcoholic drinking. I don't think it matters as much when or why. What matters is that I remember what I am today (alcoholic). I need to remember the results of my drinking.
The book has been mentioned above - the best definitions for me are:
A. I am alcoholic because I have lost the ability to control my drinking. B. I am alcholic because I can't stop drinking for any considerable lenghth of time without God & AA. c. I am alcoholic because I never know what will happen once I start.
Alcoholism is a spirtual, mental, and physical condition. I think differently, drink differently and my mind body and spirit react differently to alcohol than normal drinkers react.
Being aware of my alcholism is one of the best gifts God &AA have given me. - it lets me stay in AA. - it gives me hope that as long as I do my part in AA I can stay sober and I have a chance. (drunk - I am a gonner)
There are only 2 things that make me comfortable in my own skin. 1. lots of booze 2. lots of God and AA.
number 2 is so much better - thanks to everyone for being here.
Member: AAYAH
Location: Granite State
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 5:39:11 AM
could someone tell me where i can find in the books where it says "go to 90 meetings in 90 days". Is a person failing the program if they can't comply, conform to this suggestion?
Member: FRED B GOOD
Location: SUNNY SOUTH FLORIDA
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 11:27:40 AM
TRUE WE ALL HAVE UNDER A REASON WE DRINK TO MUCH. GET A SPONCER AND KEEP COMMING BACK. YOU CAN WORK ON THESE ISSUES DOWN THE ROAD. JUST STAY ON STEP 1 FOR NOW AND KEEP COMMING BACK.
Member: Chuck K.
Location: North East
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 11:57:59 AM
Hi, My name is Chuck and I'm an alcoholic.
Great topic Trish!! Thanks. I became an alcoholic after 30+ years of moderate controlled drinking. I was very much in control all those years with only 1-2 drinks a day but eventually it got me. It was like something kicked in and I couldn't get enough until I just about ruined my Marriage, my other relationships and my life. I drank like that for a year before I finally saw the light. I have no idea why!!! All I know is that I am an alcoholic and that is all I really need to know as far as I am concerned. I'm so greatful that I am now sober and living day by day. I thank HP for AA and for this website. This forum really has helped me a lot. Its a daily struggle but well worth it one day at a time. Good Luck!!
Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 12:08:24 PM
Chris Here---alcoholic/addict/bulimic...I argree with everyone else that it doesn't matter why I am an alcoholic, but that I AM one.IN fact, I am a very licky one who has found this program of recovery. Someone in my home groupsaid thatif when they get to heaven, they fine out that they are not an alcoholic , it won't matter to them, because the program of A.A. is such a wonderful way to live. I completely agree. All I know is that there ane solutions in this program to many of the reasons that I used. ANd working the program is certainly a better life that using. I am forever grateful.!!!
Member: Charlie
Location: SW Louisiana
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 12:18:29 PM
Hi all! Trish on your topic I have wondered this myself and found it really doesn't matter, the fact is that "I AM" an alcholic and addict. I will not give you any advice, I will tell you that in my case I have to give up the drugs even though I have chronic pain, and if I give them up I will also have to give up drinking because one will lead to the other. As far as why I am an alcholic/addict HUM, I JUST AM AND THAT'S THE WAY IT IS... I guess I will have to try and practice what I am preaching here I WILL NOT take that first drink or pain pill. Don't try to disect things too much just accept them for what they are, I guess this is what I am trying to say. Acceptance is the KEY. Now if I can just practice what I preach I will be able to keep my family intact. God Bless you all. Thanks for this forum giving me a chance share these thoughts with ya'll.
Member: CG
Location: Mountains
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 12:25:50 PM
Chris here an alcoholic.
Trish, I spent much time "early in sobriety" trying to figure out why I became an alcoholic. I dug into past issues of mental and physical abuse, and all sorts of things such as my family history of alcoholism. Some alcoholics have no family history of abuse or alcoholism. In the end it did not matter, as knowledge of the "why" did not keep me sober.
Doing the program has kept me sober, a day at a time. Being an alcoholic is a state of being, a fact of my life, and the solution to this grave problem in my life is the program of AA. I have taken many advanced toxicology classes and now pretty much understand the metabolic processes of alcoholism, and how these alcoholic metabolites affected my internal systems and organs. An alcoholic processes alcohol differently than a "normie," and the chemical metabolites are different in an alcoholic than in a normal drinker. That means that "alcohol" becomes a decidedly addictive and lethal chemical when processed in my body, but does not in the body of a normal drinker. This fact of organic chemistry changes nothing. I am an alcoholic. To give you an analogy, you can take Tylenol for pain but better not give it to your cat, because the metabolic process of a cat is enough different that it can turn Tylenol into a lethal chemical.
Now that I know I have the disease, I can address the causes and conditions of my illness through the steps of the program, and they work, if I work them, plain and simple. The only requirement is a "desire" to stop drinking. If there is no desire, there can be no recovery. This is a simple but baffling fact, because there are many alcoholics that are today destroying their lives and the lives of others, and who desperately need help, but will die today, because they cannot surrender to the fact they have the disease of alcoholism, and that they are powerless to manage this illness by will power. Will power cannot change the physical manifestation of disease (try to will away cancer) however; having the desire to be sober can allow an alcoholic to do the steps necessary for a program of "recovery," and this recovery can put my illness into remission. However, once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. It is like what happens to a cucumber once it has been soaked long enough in vinegar, it becomes a pickle, and is never again a cucumber. This is a progressive and lethal physical disease that kills a very large number of our population each year. I remember about 10 years ago a scientist came up with the magic pill to cure alcoholics, but it didn't work, and lots of people who tried it ended up drunk and dead as a result. For some very complex reasons, there won't be a chemical that can undo an alcoholic.
This disease is like none other in the purely physical sense, as the disease has consequences in the physical, psychological, and spiritual dimension, as well as affecting others around us. The psychological consequences of alcoholism affects all our family members, friends, and acquaintances. For this reason, we have steps to clear-up the problem our alcoholism has caused to others, so that our personal environment can be clear of the reciprocating affect, or cycle of consequences, that reinforces our drinking behavior. However, be clear on one thing, we drink because we are alcoholics, and not because of anything around us, that's the way it is for me. This understanding was hard for me to grasp, in the beginning, because my alcoholic denial was so very deeply rooted. Denial is a particularly rough stage of experiencing a loss of self life. Denial can kill an alcoholic. Everyone around me could see my alcoholism when I first got here, but I could barely see it my self: cunning, baffling, powerful, and patient is this disease.
But by using a higher power and AA, there is the possibility for me to keep this disease in remission, and for that I am truly grateful, as I should have died from this disease long ago.
Sober blessings to you all!
Member: tony two toes
Location: western states
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 12:40:09 PM
TO AAYHA, no where in the book is there a reference to 90 in 90, however i found that the meeting were the only safe place for me.i did 240 meeting in the 1st 90 days and that saved my life and the lives of those around me.We don't have to do anything for there are no rules in AA and i have found that following those who have gained sobriety gave me the gift of not drinking. "It is our choices that show what we are truly are,far more than our abilities" J.K. Rowlings in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
Member: Jake
Location: Oregon
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 12:59:30 PM
To AAYAH, I haven't read anything about 90 meetings in 90 days anyplace. I believe that it's a type of slogan or saying that developed within AA. They all are of great benefit. I love them. The Big Book says that we claim spiritual progress, not spiritual perfection. If any of us ever got to claim "perfection", then we could probablly drink perfectlly too. Don't ask yourself if you are failing the program, just ask yourself if you are failing yourself, or your Higher Power. Take it one day at a time, and don't sweat the small stuff. If you know what to do, then just do it. If you don't know what to do, then ask. Help is allways nearby. Merry Christmas !
Member: mary k
Location: ne ohio
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 2:18:24 PM
when did i become a diabetic, was it the first pepsi i drank or the last helping of mac and cheese i had befor i was diagnosed? the point is addictions are diseases. just like my body's inability to produce insulin and metabolize carbs i am also unable to process alcohol the same way most people do. the bigger issue ( to me ) is how you take care of yourself. i have to take insulin and restrict my diet to stay alive, i also have to not take drugs or alcohol to stay alive. there is a diagram they use in most treatment centers that shows the exact process the alcoholic body uses to metabolize alcohol and why we are affected the way we are; maybe someone out there can come up with it, it is really kinda intersting. stay healthy, and have a nice holida.
Member: Don C.
Location: Arlington Tx.
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 2:53:53 PM
Hi family, My name's Don and I'm an alcoholic. I had my last drink on Nov 17, 1984 and I'm extremely grateful for that. I believe what the Big Book says about how or why I became an alcoholic. It says that "When we became alcoholic crushed by a self imposed crises we could not postpone or evade".I believe that whatever the reason it probably had to do with self. After all that's what my problem is anyway. Just don't drink, come to meetings and get a sponsor. Then follow directions.
Member: Jimbo C
Location: Venice, CA USA
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 3:07:11 PM
My name is Jim and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic Trish.
I am not sure what genetic or environmental conditions made me an alcoholic. My parents are normies but I have Alcoholism on all four sides of my family. My first drinking, at age 13, was till I barfed and passed out with the spinning bed. Then I couldn't wait to do it again.
Thank God I have a disease I can do something about. Many diseases, AIDS, Cancer etc., hold their sufferers hostage and have their way with them. Through AA we can recover and hold our disease in remission. I pray to God to give me willingness to thoroughly follow this path.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Bonny G.
Location: Hot Springs, AR
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 3:31:10 PM
Thanks for the topic and all the comments. I just am, no if, and's or but's about it. I'll always be an alcoholic, however, the difference is will I die sober or drunk. I am grateful to be sober today, even if I sometimes slip back into my alcoholic ways of selfishness, pride and ego. I can work on these things, one day at a time, without a drink. Being of sober mind and body is what this alcoholic strives for each day. And some days are better than others. Thank you all for sharing, I really needed it today, and it was a great way to get out of me and into you for a little while. Life's hail storm hit, and I'm out of wheels for my meeting and you sure helped me today. As always, I'm a grateful recoverying alcoholic.
Member: Maria G
Location: Grand Forks, ND
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 4:06:15 PM
My name is Maria and I am an alcoholic. I am in the beginning right now, I have been sober for 52 hours and I am very alone. I have just failed out of college for the third time and my life is basically in the gutter. It is hard to see any hope for me right now. Everything I want to do in my life or have tried has been ruined by alcohol. It is hard for others to really understand the immensity of my problem because I hide it very well. I am broke and I am so tired of asking my parents for help. I am afraid of the future. But I have stopped drinking. I just need to take that next step.
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 4:12:43 PM
Trish, thank you so much for the subject. It is always interesting to discuss the whys and wherefores. We are an intelligent and curious lot, we alcoholics, and we could complicate a peanut butter sandwich.
The BB writers were well aware of our complicated natures and gave us a very stearn warning about it on page 39. I like to copy things onto the Cyber meeting sites because quotes are about the only things which I can spell correctly and sometimes not even then. Anyway here is the quote: "But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge. This is a point we wish to emphasize and re-emphasdize, to smash home on our alcoholic readers as it has been revealed to us out of bitter experience." The words from absolutely to self-knowledge are even italicized for more emphasise. I suspect a very important point is being made here.
So, while the question of why we are alcoholics is interesting it has no real bearing on the solution. I do not have the words to express the gratitude I feel for the fact that I am an alcoholic, that I am living at this time, and that I found AA. The undeserved life I've been given exceeds my wildest dreams. Thank you AA members, past and present, and thank You, the HP.
Member: cg
Location:
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 4:30:40 PM
Maria, another alcoholic here. By taking the next step you too can have the promises of the program. You'll hear things like, "easy does it but do it," "just go to meetings and don't drink between meetings," and "keep coming back."
We are here by choice, so it only takes the "desire to be sober" "one day at a time."
Maria, this program has worked for me, a day at a time, for 18+ years, and if I can make it, so can you.
Good luck!
Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 4:34:13 PM
Hi Ed here, an alcoholic, the only advise I can give you is go to meetings, work on the 12 steps and read the big book. Contract on your higher power and just take one day at a time.
Member: Joe H
Location: PA
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 5:51:23 PM
Hi Everyone, Good topic Trish! I almost posted the other day where the roots of my alcoholism started, to the best of my knowledge. I had the whole thing ready to post but then decided it was too silly. Briefly and with little detail I will say I was about ten years of age the first time I got drunk and continued to drink till the age of forty nine. I will be forever grateful to AA for helping me to admit to the problem and putting me on the path to recovery.I still have a long way to go! The other thing that helped me is that I am the type of person who declares "I have a problem" and "I will do the following to solve the problem" and then stubbornly stick with it. For instance, when I quit smoking back in 1981, I told my family and friends that I was going to do it and could not go back on my word. I declared my alcoholism to my wife, brother, children and surprizingly none of them argued that I was wrong, and so I put myself in a corner that left me no choice but to do the right thing. I am under no circumstance suggesting that anyone else try this, it is something that works for me and may kill you.
I also would like to make some comments to TMG and His post. You seem to be trying to recruit people for some religion of your own making or perhaps a group of like minded individuals. I believe you are entitled to believe as you see fit as am I and all who come here. I am Catholic and love my faith very much and am sorry to see You in such pain and turmoil. I surmised from your post that where your problems started was at home, it's very hard to deal with life when as a young person you're being bombarded with conflicting morals. It looks like you had to turn your back on your family to start to recover anything of your personal life. As for the Church's teachings of hell, it is basically being deprived of coexistence with God for Eternity. Which of the Ten Commandments did You find unacceptable? I know of people who have bad things happen to them and they blame God. Illness, natural diasters, acts of violence, accidents happen to all, lets face it eventually we all die from this life and are born into eternal life. I know how I want to spend eternity and I hope yours works out for you as well. I would suggest that you drop your hate of organized religion. Religion is a lot of things to a lot of people but it is also a discipline which all laws of civilization are based. Without law and order there can be no civilization. Just some thoughts that you brought to mind.
I'll continue to pray for all I meet here, Love, Joe H
Member: TRISH
Location: INDIANA
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 6:46:45 PM
I JUST HAVE TO SAY "WOW!" I CAN'T BELIEVE ALL THE RESPONSE I GOT FROM MY FIRST COMMENTS. I DON'T GET A LOT OF TIME ONLINE, BUT I WOULD LIKE TO GET ON MORE FREQUENTLY NOW THAT I FEEL SO WELCOME! IT WAS NICE TO READ ALL THE COMMENTS I RECEIVED BACK, AND I FEEL THERE IS A LOT OF HARD WORK BEING DONE BY ALL IN THIS RECOVERY PROCESS. I THINK THIS IS A GREAT PLACE TO GET HELP. ONE-ON-ONE, BUT SOMEWHAT ANONYMOUS. I CAN SEE HOW SOMEONE COULD GET TO THE STAGE WHERE THEY ARE COMFORTABLE TALKING ABOUT THEIR ADDICTIONS, BECAUSE THERE ISN'T THE JUDGEMENT HERE THAT I SO FREQUENTLY RUN ACROSS. THANKS TO ALL WHO HAVE TAKEN THEIR TIME TO READ THIS!
Member: Could be anyone
Location: Anywhere
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 8:16:10 PM
You're quite welcome...it was a heck of a great topic!
Member: Janice P.
Location: Illinois
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 9:32:48 PM
When I first came in to the program, I spent months trying to figure out how I became and alcoholic. I am sure there are many reasons, some of which I will never know. For me, the important thing is that I am an alcoholic but I was lucky enough to realize I had a problem and am willing to accept that fact. To me , it doesn't matter how I got here--I was lucky enough to get here and have a chance to turn my life around. The first few months, I would say "yes, I am an alcoholic", and the next day, "well, maybe I'm not that bad". In my heart of hearts I know that I cannot drink and ITS OKAY. I didn't want to be an alcoholic because I thought it meant I was a failure as a person. Now I know that's the furthest thing from the truth. Admitting you are alcoholic is humbling, but it is the first step in trying to start living a decent life. Sobriety doesn't make your problems go away, but it does help you deal with them without drinking. I have been sober a little over a year now, and I am really glad to be where I am today
Member: Peter De
Location: Jersey Shore
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 11:08:41 PM
Once pickled always a pickle. When, where, how, and why are questions I gave up a long time ago. Today it is about expectations and not being disappointed at myself and others for not meeting mine. How dare I, hun...Getting off the debating team and not to take myself so damned seriously, one day at a time...
Member: Lyla D
Location: Polk City, Fl
Date: 12/5/2001
Time: 11:59:35 PM
WOW!!!! Great shares from everyone! Love it. I had my first drink at 15 and my last at 27 (I think). In between I got drunk, had blackouts, worshipped at the porcelin (sp? know it's wrong)throne and got pregnant the first time I ever had sex, was drunk at the time. Go figure. My mother's family is full of alcoholics and I believe that, to a degree, it is genetic. I drank to shut off my brain, when it rained, when the sun was up and when the sun went down. Let's just say, I got drunk a lot. Guess what, I'm an alcoholic. I didn't get arrested or get a DUI, though I should have many times over, was very lucky I never ran anyone over or hit anyone and killed them. My Higher Power watched over me as He watches over me, now. It doesn't matter WHY I am an alcoholic, what matters is that I am and in order to be one that doesn't drink, I need to go to meetings, make coffee, help others and most importantly-NOT DRINK!
Kathy O-go to some meetings, sounds like maybe there is a problem there. You have to be the one that makes that decision, good luck and remember, you never have to be alone, again.
Member: jenifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 12/6/2001
Time: 1:18:55 AM
I really need to share this. yesterday I injured myself and came home from the hospital with little white pills and a lot of pain. I took two pills as instructed and lay down on the couch. The world turned into a beautiful place, I was happy, contented and the pain? well it didn't really matter, life was great. The phone rang. I hauled myself of the couch and made an eratic journey to the phone, I could hardly focus to pick it up and the conversation? I cannot remember now who I was even talking to. Then I felt as sick as in the olden days. The good feeling was gone and I felt rotten, rolling insides etc. etc. This was worse than the pain of the injury!! All night I suffered as much as had I drunk a bottle of booze. Today the pills are history. But I am wondering why this happened, did it happen because I'm a alcholic, is my system so damaged that it can't tolerate a moderate drug? Three years ago the doctor said I was a lucky one and in good shape. If all patients had that experience with two of those pills I doubt the drug company would have a business! I have been clean for over 3 years, but this brought back the horrors of my drinking. If it had ever dulled in my mind, if I was having any little thoughts of ''just one won't hurt '' this experience has banished them. The little pills were called Hydromorphone. So watch out people. A visit to your local hospital can be a danger to your sobriety. I wonder if I hadn't had the unpleasant symtems,and had just the happy ones....would I have taken more pills....for pleasure, not for pain. I just don't know.
Member: Mike D
Location: SF, CA
Date: 12/6/2001
Time: 7:40:27 AM
Hello everyone. Mike here, I'm an alcoholic. It's my first time writing so I can't promise I'll keep it short, but I'll try to stay focused on Trish's topic as the guidelines suggest :)
I have never thought about the question "why am I an alcoholic?"; probably because I only just truly admitted this to be true 2 days ago. Over the years I have come up with plenty of rationale as to "why I'm NOT an alcoholic". In retrospect, I see that this wasn't rationale for anything, it was a collection of excuses to support my denial of the truth; that I was, inevitably, an alcoholic. This may sound familiar to some: "I might ABUSE alcohol, sure, but I'm NOT an alcoholic, nor can I be - I'm not in jail. I'm not landing myself in the hospital. I don't drink when I wake up in the morning. I don't drink everyday. I'm not losing jobs or apartments." This was all true, but I knew, and still know very well, that these are not the metrics for being an alcoholic; they are just a FEW of the symptoms, and the possible effects of what can happen when an alcoholic drinks. I was just "lucky" enough to not have had these particular ones exist for me. I'm sure, if they ever had, I would have come up with some other excuse why I wasn't an alcoholic because I had, and have been, conveniently ignoring all of the sympotms of alcoholism that I DID have, and DO have.
So, this weekend I hit "my bottom". Still no jail time, no hospitals, no lost jobs; but I don't want "my bottom" to involve such events or for it to be anything worse than where I am today with my drinking. I looked at the "12 questions" again and scored an impressive 10 out of 12 "yesses" - a 6 point "improvement" from when I last asked the questions of myself not too long ago. Way to go Mike!! I also thought about the displeasure of watching my mom's brother drink himself to death by age 34, leaving behind a wake of physical and emotional devastation for so many friends and family. As a matter of fact, it was he, my uncle, my friend, who got me drunk for the first time for my 15th birthday, 15 years ago.
For some reason I found the strength on Monday to be honest with myself, look deep, DEEP inside, and finally say, for the first time, "I am an alcoholic and I want to stop drinking", and truly meant it. I'm sick and tired of the apologies, and the empty promises that go along with them, after my unpredictable episodes of uncontrollable drinking. I'm tired of thinking "I don't want another one, I know I shouldn't have another one", yet "another one" is exactly what I have. I know another effort to "cut-back" or "drink responsibly" or "drink, but don't get drunk" or "learn to maintain control of my actions when I'm drunk" is no longer an option.
Oh yeah, the discussion topic (sorry). So it is now that you have me thinking "why am I an alcoholic?" And quite honestly, I don't care why. It's not important to me. What's important is that I am - we are - alcoholics. It's important that we've come to the honest realization that we ARE powerless over alcohol and our drinking has rendered our lives unmanagable. And, most importantly, we are committed to not drinking and not allowing alcohol control our lives, at the very least, just for today.
Thanks to everyone here who shares; you'll be a tremendous asset to me in my efforts to not drink again. I am so pleased with the 3 days and 3 AA meetings I have experienced so far, and look forward to tomorrow and contiuning on my path to a HAPPY life free of alcohol.
Best wishes for a wonderful holiday season, and another day.
Mike
Member: Joe C.
Location: Ohio
Date: 12/6/2001
Time: 10:09:17 AM
Hello Everyone, For me I never had God in my life, which means love. The idea of a loving God was something I never fully understood. Hence I become a person full of resentment (anger)and Fear (lack of faith) I have found both love and courage in this program and throught working the steps. The 12 step allows me to practice loving the more I do loving things the more I love myself and others. The other steps allow me to practice courage. Not sure why I am a Drunk! Just gratiful there is a way to fix it or aleast arest it for awhile.
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 12/6/2001
Time: 12:05:43 PM
(((Mike))) Welcome! Keep coming back. (((All other newcomers))) Welcome! Keep coming back. Take what is useful and leave the rest...you may pick it up later you may not.
Member: Janet M.
Location: KY
Date: 12/6/2001
Time: 2:52:17 PM
I am an alcoholic because I love the way I feel when I am drunk. I loved that feeling the first time I drank. It's like magic in a bottle. We only go backward from there. That good feeling wore out. I hope I can remember that for the rest of my life.
Member: AL
Location: CT
Date: 12/6/2001
Time: 6:36:39 PM
I'm Al I'm an alcoholic I also believe that "alcohol is but a symptom" All the answers we are looking for are in the steps.Working with a sponser and developing a relationship with a Higher Power have kept me sober today.All I did was show up and ask for help! Keep Coming
Member: Rick D
Location: AZ
Date: 12/6/2001
Time: 6:51:16 PM
My name is Rick and I am an alcoholic. My entire family are alcoholics except for the one making the accusation. Alcoholism has killed many members of my family and is continuing to do so. As some of the veils have been lifted my old associates, family members, and new people that I meet's behavior patterns are very obvious as to the disfunction involved. I'm having a hard time not calling them on ther crap. I sometimes wonder when I'm practicing alcoholic behavior or just being human. Any comments or insight would be welcome.
Member: Randy V
Location: Wayne, Mi
Date: 12/6/2001
Time: 11:07:31 PM
Hi, My name is Randy and I am a real Alcoholic. I have come to realize that I can Why myself to death. It is not about the Why, it is about What Are We Going To Do Now. You see this could be God's way of trying to get you closer to him. He allows things to happen that causes us to question, but what god is really doing is try to get us to call upon him so we can experiece his greater glory.
Like we are told, Live and let Live, First things First, But for the grace of god, Easy does it. If you take the first word of each says you have.
Live First But Easy.
Have a great day everyone. In love and spirit.
Member: Stephanie M.
Location: West Coast
Date: 12/7/2001
Time: 12:29:13 AM
Hi Tish and everyone else. It has been great to read all the comments. I needed to hear the variety of experiences people have. This is my 7th day of not drinking and 4th meeting. I do not know why I am an alcoholic. It gives me a sense of security to just say I am an alcoholic. For 15 years I drank occassionally. I would have 3 glasses of wine and not feel a need to drink anymore. I was hypervigilant. Alcoholism progressed for me overnight. I had simply never drank enough in one day to know what was beneath my hypervigilance. One day I sat down and started drinking to drown personal pain. I did not stop for 4 or 5 years. I couldn't stop. I tried. I am glad you asked this question Tish. For several days I have wondered if I could abstain from alcohol for a couple years. Then take special herbs to help my physiology return to it's previous state...and resume drinking on occassion...in moderation. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot drink just one drink today...not tomorrow or even in a few months...my physiology changed as a result of excessive amounts of alcohol over an extended period of time. The whys are unknown. Right now I am just concerned with not drinking. I will have time to answer my questions. I am grateful for AA. I am an alcoholic and working the 12 steps is going to help me.
Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 12/7/2001
Time: 7:29:17 AM
TRISH I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO WELCOME YOU AND TELL YOU TO KEEP COMING BACK THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE WHERE YOU CAN SCREW UP AND THE PEOPLE WILL HONESTLY TELL TO KEEP TRYING, SO HANG IN THERE AND REMEMBER THERE IS KNOW REASON TO TAKE THE FIRST DRINK.THEY TOLD ME TO READ THE FIRST 164PG. OF THE BIG BOOK WHEN I FIRST STARTED. I WOULD SUGGEST THE DOCTOR`S OPINON IN THIS IT EXPLAINS HOW THIS A DISEASE THAT WILL STAY IN REMISSION AS LONG AS WE DO NOT TAKE THE FIRST DRINK AND FOR ME THIS SEEMED PRETTY EASY UNTIL THINK ABOUT NOT EVER TAKING ANOTHER DRINK IN YOUR LIFE AND THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I THOUGHT IN THE BEGINNING AND THEN SOMEBODY SAID TRY TO THINK ABOUT NOT DRINKING TODAY AND THAT HELPED, BUT FOR ME THAT WAS EVEN TO LONG, SO I HAD MY DAY`S BROKE DOWN INTO MINUTES AND IT WORKED. I HAVE RAMBLED LONG ENOUGH IT IS JUST GREAT TO SHARE ON A GREAT TOPIC THANK`S TO ALL AND GOD BLESS.
Member: Eric
Location: VA
Date: 12/7/2001
Time: 8:45:44 AM
Good morning Trish. I is interesting tht people tend to distance themselves from others' pain by giving them advice. That way, if you don't take their advice, it's not their fault if the pain continues.
I love to feel high. It is easier for me to change the way that I feel by adding a substance than to analyze the way that I am feeling and alter my behavior in other ways to affect a change. It's my choice, my fault.
Important things are simple. Simple things are hard. If it doesn't matter it doesn't matter.
Love, Eric. ewr@gamewood.net
Member: Sunny
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 12/7/2001
Time: 11:51:13 AM
Trish, I believe I went full blown alcoholic when I drank in excess for 9 years. AA ruined my drinking days. After an extended stay in a treatment center, I had a month sober back in May 2001. Since then, I've only got 2-3 days at a time. Same old hell and misery...just like they say it's fully refundable. What has drinking done for me in the last year? Cost me thousands and damm near killed me.... What a great friend to let into your house....Sorry, I get mad at the disease sometimes...
God Bless you Trish in your recovery...
God Bless anyone in recovery.....
Member: Tony G
Location: Doncaster UK
Date: 12/7/2001
Time: 12:28:44 PM
Hi, Gang. Tony, Limey Alcoholic. Thanks Trish for the theme. I am glad to hear so many folk claiming alcoholism from birth. Been in recovery now 2,140 days a day at a time, all due to the program, the people in this fellowship and the Great Power behind them.
From as early as I can remember, I exhibited alcoholic traits. At the age of three I was throwing stones at passing cars, presumably to draw attention to myself. Always the loner in the playground, last to be picked for the soccer side, always out of step and at odds with my peers and the school. It wasn't until I got to university that drinking started in earnest, but it felt like my whole life I'd been waiting for "adulthood" and the freedom to drink what I wanted, when I wanted it. That turned out to be every day in increasing quantities for the next 27 years.
Just so greatful I found tou guys when I did, because I'd be dead now if I hadn't.
God Bless All Alcoholics.
TonySoberToday@aol.com
Member: JM
Location: middle of nowhere
Date: 12/7/2001
Time: 4:11:55 PM
Brilliant Topic Trish, and keep coming back here. I came from a long line of alcoholics too and LOVED drinking from the very first day, but it took me to a very lonely, frightening place. I first ventured into the AA rooms 8 years ago and although I got 3 years under my belt, I had to go out and test step one again!! That slip which lasted a good 4 years convinced me that I was alcoholic - perhaps I hadn't reached my bottom the first time. Today with the help of the fellowship and my HP I am 19 months sober and this time I'm getting it - One Day at a Time. Good luck Trish, keep coming back love JM
Member: regina g
Location:
Date: 12/7/2001
Time: 7:33:14 PM
I am Regina, alcoholic. Good topic Trish! For me it was easy to see I was an alcoholic. The question was not why but what can I do about it.
I tried AA about 6 years back and was always trying to figure it out. How could I fix this? How I was different than all the other members. What that got me was an additional 4 years of pain. I thought with my so called intelligence I could figure this one out.
It is only by the grace of G-d that I am alive and sober today. My last drunk, and bottom, consisted of a choice between entering treatment, leaving my job, or putting a gun to my head. I had reached a point where the alcohol did not take away the pain anymore. And, for that I am grateful. I entered treatment and AA helplessly hopeless and willing to try it someone else’s way. And, it has worked 24 hours at a time for this alcoholic.
The people who loved me when I couldn’t love myself made some tough suggestions: 90 meetings in 90 days, get a sponsor, call another alcoholic every day, and never pick up that first drink before picking up the phone and talking to another alcoholic.
Its funny all those things I thought I wanted and needed when I was out there don’t mean so much to me anymore. Through this program and my higher power and by working thru the 12 steps I have found a little bit of peace in my life. I can appreciate the good in people today. And, life is pretty darn good. When it isn’t, tomorrow will be better as long as I don’t pick up that first drink.
I used to relish the victim role. My thought was if U had my life you would drink too. Today, I have a pretty cool life. Those people who accepted me taught me how to love myself. And, I learned to pass the love on to the new women who walk through the doors of AA.
I think for me one of the most important things to do is to keep it real simple. As a friend of mine says, I can complicate chocolate milk. Don’t drink, go to meetings and call my sponsor.
Grateful to find this site and G-d bless us all
Member: Patricia
Location: New York
Date: 12/8/2001
Time: 10:27:24 AM
Good morning to all fellow AA's. I am so grateful to be part of the STAYING CYBER SITE. Trish, Thank for the excellent topic. This is my very favorit site. I love to be a part of the discussion and read everyones shares. I had my first sips of alcohol as a child of 7 years old. I would take a small sip from my uncles beer, my aunts wine, and any other drink I could get my hands on. I believe I was born an alcoholic, because I loved the effect that alcohol gave me from a very young age. By the time I was 11, I shared a 6 pack with a friend, she drank 1/2 a beer and got sick, I continued to finish the remaining beer, got drunk, and immediately wanted more. To make a long story short, THE FIRST DRINK I TAKE IS GUARANTEED TO MAKE ME DRUNK! ONE IS TOO MUCH AND A THOUSAND IS NOT ENOUGH! Thanks everyone for keeping me sober another day. Meeting makers make it. AA is the miracle place for my recovery and to keep me sane and gives me all the answers I need about my alcoholism. HAPPY SOBER DAY TO ALL!
Member: Steve K.
Location: Bethel, N.Y.
Date: 12/8/2001
Time: 10:29:09 AM
HI Trish, Steve alcoholic. For many years I drank, started out slow and progressad to having had to drink to be normal. I didn`t have any idea why I had to use alcohol to get through a day. I thought that all I had to do was put down the bottle, and that was it. After 2 DWI`S I went into a 6 month program and found out that I was using alcohol to take care of my faults, not being able to socialize, inferior, afraid what people would think of me, so alcohol gave me the chance to take the edge off my fears and worries, so it wasn`t the alcohol, it was in my thinking. Until I learned that I could these things without my crutch of alcohol Ichanged my whole live around this happened with AA and a great believe in my HIHGER POWER. I have been sober for 14 months, and it`s a new world Trish it isn`t as cmplicated as it sounds. Good luck, and keep the faith I see things I never saw before.
Soon I may learn to type better but who realy cares.
Member: Mario M
Location: Detroit,MI
Date: 12/8/2001
Time: 12:31:38 PM
Hi! I Mario An alcoholic, I wasn't born an alcoholic I made myself an alcoholic thru my life,,, I tried so hard to stop drinking on my own but, I always fell triyng it,,,,,only the grace of my creator and father has giving me the opportunity to live until today, and the wonderful power of the program of AA,,,,I only have one week of recovery, after three years of being in and out of the program,,,,,,,and the only think that I have to say to trish is that I always have been an alcoholic since I was 14,,,,now I'm 40, with the the only difference that today i'm a recovery alcoholic instead of a disgraceful alcoholic,,,,,,,God Bless you all,,,M.M
Member: Jim H.
Location: Nebraska
Date: 12/8/2001
Time: 7:57:43 PM
Although I have over 13 years of continous sobriety and have remained active in the Fellowship, on certain matters I'm still crazy as a loon, to put it mildly. As the Big Book states, the alcohol consumption was only a symptom of far deeper problems. Of course, I have to abstain to get my foot on the first rung of recovery, but after that it has taken an ongoing series of actions to steer a rather awkward ship. My only hope, I believe, is to keep that insanity in remission.
Member: Love
Location: Everywhere
Date: 12/9/2001
Time: 3:57:07 AM
The concept of Right & Wrong are only real in our minds (in the realm of duality) That's why when people (AA, RR or a doctor for that matter) tell people things and get them to believe it, it can cause death, suffering or freedom.
TO THINK IS TO CREATE, at this point I think it's safe to say some people are in a place where AA will be the best method for getting sober (although it might fade in time) and then there are some that things like RR will work better because of where these people are mentally.
I started Self-Developemnet 7 years ago...and I could never understand way some people in AA would think that the 12 steps is the only way to not only stop drinking but learn to live sober.
Those 12 steps show up in Tony Robbins stuff, Wayne Dyer, Deepok Chopra, Converasations with God, Think and Grow Rich (which by the way is where I learned the importants of a personal Moral inventory years ago)
Because of the intense study of this information over the last 7 years I have been able to elevate my live even though I was drinking, and successfully stop with the help of a One-on-One relationship with God which dewells within me and you..
I worked through resentments, anger issues and discovered a higher power without AA, RR or SOS, and through this path I have found that my power lies beyond my conditioning...get rid of all my lables and before you stand an extention of the living God or Higher Power...whatever you call it.
The good news is just like looking at 2 islands from a boat...lets say one has lots of plants and animals and the other one is about a mile away and has nothing but rocks on it...looking at the islands from the boat they look very seperate...but if we could drain the ocean down 25 feet and looked at what was there what would we see?
Well they would both have coral, seeweed and other plant life they would look almost alike if not the same...now drain the ocean to the floor and what do we see...these islands aren't seperate at all they are connected.
And so are we...to each other...and to the living Higher Power ;o)
Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 12/9/2001
Time: 9:15:34 AM
How did I become alcholic??. feeling good after I had my first drink forgot my problems until I was ready to ahve another drink. First I slept well each time I drank I woke up inthe morning thanking God He gave me another life another to live to Drink. It increased my productive until the last years when it nearly took my life. Thanks to AA-Alnon