Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 4:32:32 PM

Comments

Steve, alcoholic

I'm still fairly new to AA, and I thought I had "finished" step 1, but someone newer than me recently asked me about the concept of one's life being unmanageable. How far down does one have to go before one can consider one's life "unmanageable."


Member: Tom B
Location: fla
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 4:46:18 PM

Comments

Tom B. ALCOHOLIC

My life was not unmanageable,until I entered AA.Thouhgt I had it the way I wanted it to be. I drank because I drank,I did what I did becaause thats what I wanted to do.Notice all the I's. AA taught me how unmanageable my life really was through working the first 7 steps. After taking a morale inventory of myself was able to find out what Iwas really all about This is a program of change We can live sober or achieve sobriety,sober sucks.Now I try to have some good orderly direction.Stopped fighting everything and started acceppting people places things as they are not as I would have them Life is good.Thanks for letting me share.


Member: BRETT D
Location: midwest
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 4:58:57 PM

Comments

For me the only truth is that I am the one who drinks not the so called disease. WE choose to drink, we are not forced !WE have only mananaged to be who we are through stupidity of choosing to drink!


Member: Brenda F.
Location: Manitoba
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 5:33:17 PM

Comments

Life can be unmanageable in many ways..financially, emotionally, physically, ad infinitum. Some of us end up on the actual skid row, but you can be there in your own head too, so it really doesn't matter how low you have to go, its whatever it takes to make you realize you have a disease with consequences -and I truly believe it is a disease, an obsession and a compulsion. The big book calls it a physical allergy coupled with obsessino of the mind. I know for myself it was a physical illness, the first drink triggered the allergy which made me lose the ability to choose..thats a compulsion. So each of us has a different bottom, some high, some very low, but there is a solution for the unmanageability, working the 12 steps and living life the way our higher power would have us. After achieving "sobriety" i believe there are many other issues to work on, the "ism" part of the illness. I think that is what you may be getting at Steve. Just my opinion..G


Member: Carol
Location: Georgia (USA)
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 5:57:53 PM

Comments

Thanks, Steve for a topic related to alcoholism. Page 52 describes unmanagability (drunk or sober). It doesn't say anything about two cars in the garage, having a job, etc. things I sometimes hear at meetings to describe unmanagablity. Alcoholism is inside me - not in a bottle. Alcohol just brings to the surface the character defects (selfish, selfcentered, dishonest, fearful)that add to the problem. The person I was will drink again. I must change and the steps are the road to change.

I am looking forward to a week of comments on this subject. Thanks all.


Member: MARY K
Location: BOSTON
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 6:19:18 PM

Comments

hi all! i'm mary - definately an alcoholic - my own drinking didn't require a definition of the word unmanageable, my whole life was a mess due to booze (relationships, self-worth, unemployable, ect. ect.,). Funny - i thought the booze was what was keeping me together!!!

I used to look down on those who hadn't lost all that I had - shit, i'd still be drinking if I had just one positive thing left. Then I heard at a meeting "Try getting sober with a $100 bill in your pocket". For me $10 always meant 2 six packs and a pack of No Name cigarettes. Put me in my place pretty quick.

Per the Oxford Dictionary: unmanageable- adj. - not (easily) managed, manipulated and controlled.

God bless you and those you love. Mary.


Member: Mike R.
Location: Wyoming
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 6:32:13 PM

Comments

I know for me my life becomeing unmanageable it meant that I could no longer control not only people,places and things it meant that I could no longer control me. I could no longer control my actions, my mouth,my emotions or my alchohol. therefore it left me at a point of wanting to end it all. But by the grace of my HP Iwas able to find AA and was able to begin a new learning process in the textbook for a happy sober life. Today I have found that whatever my problems may be I can pick up the BB and my HP will lead me to find the answers if I alow him to. MR


Member: James Lupp
Location: Montrose, Colorado
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 7:50:10 PM

Comments

James alky,

Things were manageable to me as long as the liquor stores were open and I had plenty of booze. Then I realized, there is no such thing as ENOUGH booze! The terrors were there whether I drank or not. Life was crazy sober or drunk. My life was completely wrapped around the next drink! The next drink was always the BEST drink. The stuff was licking my butt all over the place and still, I could not leave it alone. I thought unmanageable meant not paying bills, living on the street or puking on anyone within reach, DUIs, messing my pants. Those were just some things I do when I drink too much. I always drank too much! So AA helped me see POWERLESS and now I look at UNMANAGEABILITY, that's what I felt when NOT drinking. All I had to do was look at how my life was before I ever took a drink. And why that first drink did it's magic for me. Now life without a drink is the problem. Living sober is my problem. I do to people, places and things the exact same things I did with alcohol. That is my exact nature I am looking at in steps four and five. I do not "work" steps, I try to "live" them instead. This keeps me on beam. Working with others on these steps keeps me fresh.

Contrary to what some may say, powerlessness and unmanageabilty states of being change to "Higher Powered" and "Living life on life's terms" The ideas in step one put together, tell me I'm not equipped to do this on my own, and it's OK to resign as general manager of the Universe.

Thanks to all who shared and 12 stepped me. James L.


Member: Edwin Y.
Location: Culpeper Va.
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 8:12:15 PM

Comments

Hi I am Edwin and I am an alcholic, Syaing sober was not easy for me until I learned that being sober was more than just staying alcohol and drug free. I asked my sponsor. Why do we have to be honest in all our affairs and "normal" people can "have fun"? He simply said it will not kill them but it will kill us. Then he told me about an affair he had with an Alonon other than his wife, he managed to stay dry through it but it caused him more pain than pleasure.


Member: anonymous                 
Location: N,J,
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 8:36:04 PM

Comments

Thnks Edwin for that last message im in that pain right now and thats just what it is pain.


Member: Doug K
Location: Hart, Mi
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 9:42:38 PM

Comments

Hi everybody, my name is Doug and I'm an alcoholic. So I'm a few weeks sober, sitting in the livingroom of my first sponsor, Fred H. ( aka nine finger Freddy, retired Iron-woroker from Detroit, knarly-assed, straight shooting, butt kicking A.A.) And he says to me," O.K. Doug, where you at in working the steps?" I point out to him that I had the first half of step one down pat, but I was having a little problem with the "unmanagability thing". When he gave me one of these funny looks, I explained myself-My wife still loved me, I hadn't spent a night in jail, spotless driving record, never lost a job etc ad nauseum. He looked at me and asked quietly,"Then why are you here?" It amazes me sometimes how fast the mind works(not just my mouth), but in an instant the last years of my drinking flashed by, constant thoughts of suicide, deafening guilt and remorse, loneliness, self loathing, the Four Horsemen thundering in my head every morning as I reached for the alcohol that was both my messiah and my murderer, the awareness of my lying, cheating, stealing( most of it perpetrated on my family), did I mention the shame and disgust? So I smiled back at Fred and said "Good point."

Thank you.


Member: DJ
Location: Ontario Canada
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 11:25:39 PM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic and my name is DJ. To my new friend Steve F. in Mass. .... you asked "how far down do you have to go ?"

I use to ask my self the same question. My answer was somewhere in the first step ... in the 12 and 12. I had to fall far enough to cling to these steps as a drowning man clings to a life preserver. Members of the fellowship told me I that I did not have to ride in the truck all the way to the dump either. I was given the choice to drink or stay in AA, when I came in, and that I am only a drink away from my next drunk. So I chose to stay ... I admitted i was an alcohcolic ... but i still have a house, wife, car and job ... where is the unmanagabilty in my life ??

As Big John from Washago put it ... " if you are using the brain that got you here to solve your problems ... good luck fellow !"

I didn't know how to live without drinking ... how do I go to events sober ... what do I do after work ... who do I make friends with now that I don't drink ....

All good questions that can drive me crazy !

If i accept the fact that I cannot have one drink, because of my disease, then it is insanity to go out and have one anyways ... For me ( an alcoholic ) to drink is to die ...

So I am following directions Don't drink and go to meetings !!! and my life is getting alittle more managable .... one day at a time

Best of Luck Steve !


Member: Darwin D
Location: Brandon, Mb, Canada
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 11:33:30 PM

Comments

Hello everyone My name is Darwin and I am an alcoholic. I don't think that anyone person can tell another that their life is unmanageable. This is something that every person has to figure out for themselves. To some people ending up on skid row is when their lives became unmanageable. To others just losing their temper might be the trigger that makes them realize that life has become unmanageable. In my case it was a combination of factors from losing jobs, friends and family to my obsessive thinking, that I was the only one that mattered. I found that with the help of the program of AA the umanageability has lessened. It is by no means a perfect and serene life that I lead now, but I'll tell you what, it sure beats the hell out of where I was at 4 years ago. If you folks out there wouldn't mind please send up a prayer for my First Sponsor Ray L. He lost his battle with Cancer on Friday evening. He maintained his sobriety throughout this battle and passed away surrounded by his family's love. Thank you!


Member: JCP  ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 11/21/99
Time: 11:43:31 PM

Comments

"Faced with alcoholic destruction, we became open-minded on spiritual matters. In this respect alcohol was a great persuader."--As Bill Sees It, p. 87

Bill's saying "when we became" -- quite different from supposing that my life BECAME unmanageable when I admitted it--something like my house burst into flames when I called the fire department.

All those years, back to when the drinking was "only festive" and not daily, it depended on forever finding bigger and better ways and means to manage the unmanageable.

Only when, because my supplies of lies had run so low, I admitted it WAS unmanageable did it start to get dealt with at all.

I never forget sitting there drinking for no reason (certainly beyond "manageable") while a voice in the juke sang, "Who doooo, who do you think you're fooling?"

Still, I only had to fool one person to keep my ass in a whole heap of trouble -- that was the one drinking and pouting back at me in that mirror behind the bar.


Member: Rob R.
Location: B.C. Canada
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 3:39:12 AM

Comments

Hi friends: My name is Rob,and i am a greatfull Alcoholic.I do recall a time not so many years ago when I thought the 2 words,GREATFULL,and ALCOHOLIC,contridicted each other.I also recall draging around a hudge resentment for months over a member telling me that my life had been no more unmanageable than his.I was infuriated after all this being a man with the double garage,the wife,kids,and money in his bank account.I being the one to have been in jails, institutions,and very near death.After all he had probably never gone hungry a day in his life,and would never have a clue as to whatfine cullinary delights could be found in a dumpster.I was allmost positive that he never had to pull a truck up to the back entrance of buisness in order to be able to buy his 12 year old scotch. And you know I disscouvered through listening to this man speak that all these facts were true,but also that he and myself had way more in common than I could ever have imagined.When I began lisening to the feelings rather than the story,I no longer could resent.So I guess its not so much how much or how little we drank,or what roads it took us down that matter.What really does matter is how it affected us,and we all find our bottoms,and unmanageabillity,where we find it...


Member: Ann P.
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 4:34:07 AM

Comments

Ann P., alcoholic,

At first, I could only buy the first part of Step 1, althought my life was in completely shattered, I thought that part belonged to my own intellect. My sponser pointed out "if I was powerless over alcohol', not was unmanage, and that was enough to quailfy, that more would be revealed as I progressed---oh, boy, was she ever right. The problems that I thought were the least of my problems were shown to be the worst, but this took some time and working of the steps. Just my experience.


Member: Christa
Location: USA
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 4:55:59 AM

Comments

I found the first part of the first step to be true - having become powerless over alcohol - to be true. Not being able to stop after this first drink. So many nights where I went to bed between 7:00 and 8:00 PM because I was already drunk, not remembering the last part of the night before the next morning. Ok, I was always fine in the morning, that's why this went on for so long. However, after one too many blackouts and ending up in the emergency room, I said to myself this is going to stop. I don't HAVED to go all the way to the bottom. I am an individual with a brain, I'm going to prevent the worst. And it's been working since Aug. 15. Amazing how a change in attitude can make us focus on the right things. And this attitude change must come from within, nobody can make us admitting that we are in fact an alcoholic. Good luck.


Member: Greg
Location: U.S.A.
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 6:14:27 AM

Comments

My life has always been unmanageable, from the time I was in grade school, thru college. If you ask my employer how I am doing, he will tell you, "great guy, good employee". If I was completely honest with him, he would fire me. Ask my wife, I'm honest with her, she's ready to leave. I believe that when the consequences of my disease have finally gotten to the point that I am willing to try to do ANYTHING that is suggested by literature, sponser, group, then I have gone as far as I need to go. The book says that we persue the illusion of trying to drink like normal people to the assylum or death. I don't believe that anyone can determine how far you have to go before you accept that this is the way to a manageable and usefully whole life. I hope that you don't die like so many of us have. I have had to make the decision to change. Just remember that nothing changes if nothing changes. Gods' speed.


Member: 7th Tradition
Location: "Pass the Hat"
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 9:41:36 AM

Comments

We have no dues or fees, we are self supporting through our own contributions. Visit

"Pass the Hat".

Some have suggested an annual contribution, maybe at your annivisary.


Member: Lindy W
Location: Harrow, England
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 11:09:21 AM

Comments

I'm Lindy, alcoholic Guess the topic here is Step 1 and unmanageability. Need to keeping doing this step all the time. It is my safety net. It helps me a great deal to admit that my life TODAY can get off beam. I know I'm in trouble when I feel afraid and panicky. Then I go to Step 1. I was told the unmanageability usually started with my thinking - but I didn't have to act on it. What great advice! I learned I did not have to listen to my head, and I definitaly did not have to believe it! For me, sharing helps. Getting those thoughts out and said puts them under the spotlight. And if I don't see how 'Unmanageable' they are, my sponsor usually does. Yours in fellowship


Member: Mark C
Location: California
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 12:07:43 PM

Comments

Step 1 really has a 2nd part -- so glad you noticed. Many people never realize that.

How far do you have to go? Far enough for you. That's it. We joke in my home group that we need AA, otherwise we'd be doing other things on a Saturday night. And to the newcomer; "if you are wondering if you really are an alcoholic, why are you here? Normees don't fall into these rooms by accident. If you're here, chances are you belong here. Just keep coming back." One guy who has been to jail a few times jokes that his sponsee got here because he burned the toast one day. Not true, a bit of an exageration, but an interesting comparison to 4 trips to jail and a bunch of other stuff.

Conclusion: "How far do you have to go?" You don't have to go far. Just far enough. But if you're an alcoholic of my type, you have a high tolerance to pain. So 'not far' is actually much farther than I would have guesses. I've never been to jail. But my life was a mess when I got here. It took me a while to figure out just how much of a mess I was. Tip: take your time with Step 1. There is no rush here. Oh, and you can come back to it any time. Welcome to AA. Just keep coming back.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 12:37:38 PM

Comments

I'm Fred and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks for a good topic, Steve. There is a much used analogy about alcoholics and an elevator. It says you don't have to go all the way to the bottom floor to get off. This is perfect for me. When I got off the elevator, I had not lost my job, nor my wife, nor my kids, nor my health, nor my life....yet. But God gave me enough insight through the alcoholic blur to see that all of those things were going to happen if I did not change. In a moment of clarity, I saw that my life was chaos, and that if I kept drinking, I would soon be alone. How far down do you need to go? I guess until you've had enough. For me, enough was the thought of losing my wife and kids, of sitting alone drunk most of the time, of continuing to lie and cheat, and of being apart from God. I thank God every day for letting me get off the elevator when he did. My life was truly unmanageable. Now, I have a life of freedom and countless blessings, including AA. Thanks for letting me share. Love, Fred


Member: Tedd T.
Location: Omaha, NE
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 3:35:49 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Tedd, and I'm an alcoholic. The topic of unmanageability is a good one. When I drank, things got bad. It all came to head, when I decided to drive after half a bottle of Vodka, five shots of Jack, and a half dozen beers. At least so I'm told, I don't exactly remember how much I drank. I just remember waking up in the police station with a DUI. It was time to stop. I cried all the way home from the police station with my parents yelling at me all the way home. I couldn't comprehend what they were saying, I could only think of how lucky I was that God had given me another chance. How, in all honesty, I probably should have killed someone, I had been so stupid. But with this new chance, even without my car, my life is more manageable. I've gotten promoted, I'm half way through college, and I've got the most supportive family I could imagine. Thanks for listening.


Member: Dan F.
Location: Falls Church, VA
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 4:07:15 PM

Comments

If you feel that your life is not on track and your attempts to correct your course have failed, then your life can be considered to be "unmanageable". If an honest self-appraisal reveals alcohol as a possible reason, then perhaps this fellowship is for you. I was not a particularly low bottom drunk, but I was certainly not happy, and I came to believe that AA had the answers. This belief had sustained me for a good many 24 hours and for that I'm extremely grateful. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: CindyD
Location: New York
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 4:09:50 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Cindy and I'm an alcoholic. Good topic..I loved being unmanageble believe it or not, that's what kept me from getting honest with myself. Relationships, work, family, so many things were effected by my abuse of alcohol. I preferred to stay in the insanity for so long..Until the "bottom" that God sent experience that snapped me out of my drunken haze. Now when life gets unmanageable, I feel it right away. Meetings, Meetings, and more Meetings, keeps this woman sober. I used to think that manageable equals boring, I forgot the word "serenity" existed until now.


Member: Nisi
Location: MD
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 5:49:19 PM

Comments

This is a good topic. My life was, is, and will always be unmanageable. I just have to keep on remembering to hand it over to God (my higher power). My drunk days would merit the description "high-bottom", but the inner pain was awful. The relief from that pain only started when I made my first step.

The unmanageability reappears in everything I attempt: from raising my kids to cooking dinner. But the difference is that now I have somewhere to go for help.


Member: Nelson V.
Location: Alberta
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 7:13:43 PM

Comments

I am a alcoholic, today I am taking my first step towards admitting the power alcohol has over me. Right about now is when I will start to the first drink oy many for the evening. To say my life is unmanagable at this point is th realization that the alcohol is managing ME.


Member: Gina B.
Location: SC
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 9:14:18 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Gina and I'm an alcoholic. Good topic Steve. When I got to AA I was afraid my bottom was too high and that I'd have to go further down. I was 24 and hadn't lost a lot of the "stuff" other people had. However, before coming to my first meeting I thought about suicide daily and the depression caused by my drinking paralyzed me with fear. I had trouble leaving the house. So, yes, I was having some trouble managing my life. I was unemployed, but that's just because the right offer hadn't come along (I was convinced). I was spiritually and emotionally bankrupt.

I had an easier time with the unmanageability then than I do sometimes today. There have been times in my sobriety when I don't like the fact that the first step says "my life IS unmanagaeable" rather than "was" unmanageable. But it's true. Today, I find that if I'm in the driver's seat rather than God (my HP) my life is totally unmanageable.

Today I believe my bottom was just right for me. If it had been any less I wouldn't be here, and if it had gone any further, I could be dead.


Member: Tim C
Location: Akron, Ohio
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 9:16:23 PM

Comments

I was once told by an oldtimer "You will find that you have hit your bottom when you decide to stop digging." Many pursue this disease to the gates of insanity or death. We each have a choice to decide how deep our own hole will be. Thank God for personal bottoms.


Member: V N
Location: Akron, OH
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 9:33:00 PM

Comments

Hello Steve, Thanks for your topic. You mentioned "finishing" Step 1. When I first came into these rooms, I knew that I was powerless over Alcohol (first part of Step 1) because I had become a daily (nightly) drinker, was unable to have just 5 drinks, and started to throw up everytime I drank. I could run out of milk and bread, but I never ran out of alcohol. I knew all the places to buy wine on Sundays, and would pick different locations so the attendants didn't think I drank too much. The powerless part was easy for me to accept. Unmanageability on the other hand was a different story. I was a "functional" drunk. What that means to me is that even though I drank excessively, I functioned quite well in society. Had a decent home in the burbs that came with a spouse and pet, went to church every Sunday and even served on the choir and liturgy ministries, ran a business, gave business presentations and speeches at the Rotary and Chamber functions, had earned 4 degrees at the height of my drinking career, and was a relatively successful business person. I spent my whole life falling up. Never losing anything external or material, but losing everything internal, especially myself and my identity. A sponsor once told me that the difference between a high bottom and a low bottom, is that in a low bottom, your head's in the gutter. In a high bottom, your head's on the curb. Either way you look at it, you are definitely some place where you don't want to be. I've heard in these rooms the phrase, "alcohol took me places I didn't want to go, gave me things I didn't want to have, and took away things I didn't want to lose". It all depends on each of us in terms of what we lose. My life was totally unmanageable, because I didn't exist anywhere in my life. All I was was a shell of a person. Doing the "right" things, saying the "right" things, and feeling like an imposter all the time. Pretty soon, it got too hard to be out in public. Always felt that people could tell I was a liar and a cheat. Afraid to answer the phone. Started to hate people, especially myself. Couldn't look at myself in the mirror. Was absolutely sure that there was a God, but that He had to be totally disgusted with me. It sounds insane, but that's where alcohol took me. I always have to remember, that it's not the outside things that determine where I'm at. It's the stuff inside of me. I knew I was in trouble, because I had nothing left inside. That is unmanagebility. When instead of going to bed at night and waking up in the morning, you pass out at night, and come to in the morning. The choice is ours. If we try to define what unmanageable means by anyone else's standards, it will be easy for my sick mind to say, "See, you still had your house, your business, your reputation, your life." But in my heart and soul, I know that I had nothing. Living death. Thanks for your topic Steve, welcome home. We love you.


Member: Deirdre F.
Location:
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 10:52:14 PM

Comments

My name is Deirdre and I'm an alcoholic. It seems like I have to do steps 1, 2, and 3 every day before I get out of bed. I have a year, and I still have days when I think I'm not really an alcoholic, and that I am the one in control. When I begin thinking I am not an alcoholic, my brain and my life become unmanageable. I begin to think I'm running the show. And I definitely am not good at running the show. It's still hard for me to pray all the time, but I apologize to my higher power if my prayers lack real commitment. Sometimes, though, my prayers are really good. My favorite times are when I am helping alcoholics and not thinking at all. My brain is dangerous.


Member: Pattw/2tees
Location: Oregon
Date: 11/22/99
Time: 11:37:52 PM

Comments

Good evening, all. Patt, grateful recovering alcoholic. It was the second half of the First Step that I was in denial about when I went into treatment. I could admit and accept my powerlessness over alcohol, but thought my life was in a shambles because I was so crazy and unable to keep things together the way any right-thinking, intelligent person would. THAT was the definition of "unmanageability," which was right there under my nose and I was too full of self-pity and others-blaming to know it. The pain was so great that I wanted to curl up in a corner, go to sleep, and never wake up. Plus the fact that I had become invisible. I was fully convinced that I'd used up all of my resources for people to recognize and validate me (!), that I'd just become stretched thin and would soon totally fade out. That is just about as goofy as you can get, but that's where I was when I got physically sober. (Lordy, putting that down just now takes me right back to the terror. I don't ever want to forget where alcohol took me.)

I was a functioning drunk, but was well on the top step of the slide at work, in my personal life, in every phase of my existence. It has only been through the power of this program, loving family and friends, and a Higher Power with whom I have a continuing, happy relationship, that I have a measure of sanity and serenity today. Taking the First Step, TOTALLY and unconditionally, was my start on the road to freedom. Absolutely necessary, and I take it every day, along with the Second and Third Steps.

Thank you for letting me share.

Trust God, clean house, help others.

Hugs, Patt


Member: Art H.
Location: R.C.B.H. (midwest)
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 7:12:22 AM

Comments

Hi all, my name is Art & I am an alcoholic. I learned a saying in treatment a long time ago. If anyone else knows where this comes from, I would like to hear from you; "My life is unmanagable, it always has been, it is now, & it always will be"

Also to Brett from midwest, I agree, it really is that simple. By all.


Member: Paul Q
Location: Toronto
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 7:58:05 AM

Comments

Lack of Power, that was our dilemma!

My life had been unmanageable since Ileft the manager at about 8 yrs old......

Open game for the other power which manifested itself in me under the lash of alcoholism......

Today I'm a free man.......thanks to the Big Book and the pathway led down by GOD through the 100 members that recovered......

Love and Service pquigley@sprint.ca


Member: Art H.
Location: Rapid City, SD
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 9:11:33 AM

Comments

Hi all, Art here, & I am an aloholic. To Mike from "here" where ever that is. I took your advise & sounded off in "coffee pot" thank you so much for telling me the "right way to do this"


Member: Andi
Location: WI
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 10:14:08 AM

Comments

Like most alcoholics I thought once I got sober life was just going to be a piece of cake. Wrong! The truth is that life is tough regardless of whether you drink or not. For me the first step meant that I needed to acknowledge the fact that life is tough at times and start to believe that getting drunk only made matters worse. I had to admit that my reasons for drinking were to avoid dealing with life's situations. I also had to admit that when I did do that my life only got harder.

My life still becomes unmanageable at times but as long as I keep the booze and getting drunk out of the picture I am able to cope with it much better. Today managing my life means to not drink and take action on what ever is presented to me. Sometimes I don't like the action I must take but in the long run I know deep down in my soul that it will keep me from that old pattern of "avoidance."

My X-Husband has reappeared in my life lately and he has started trying to control me again by feeding me a daily dose of guilt infested comments and religious threats (like God is going to send you to hell for what you did). In my drinking days I would have accepted such statements as true and drank myself into oblivion. Today, I am able to manage what I will and won't accept in my life and I decided some time back that I will NOT accept his destructive guilt trips. I asked myself "does this man think that I am going to come back to him and love him again by making me feel guilty?" The answer I got was that he's trying to control me into going back to that relationship and my "action" is to refuse to accept that as my lot in life. God wants Joy for me not Misery and I choose to manage my life according to that rule. My life is much more manageable today than ever before and the rewards do come.

Thank you all for letting me share with you this week.


Member: Phil L.D.
Location: Norfolk,NE
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 12:40:22 PM

Comments

I'm alcholic and my problem is Phil- Phil thinks he is to be able to control most anything. Truth is Phil never could manage his own life because in trying to do so he included the people,places and things that effect his life. My unmanageability starts with my lack of control for things to turn out the way I want them to. It is only in coming to AA that I realize that only sick people don't realize that not everything works just the way it is supposed to all the time. Those who share their own experience, strength and hope show me the ways to turn. I turn to the serenity prayer now because my life will always be unmanageable. Through the acceptance of what is unmanageable I can get on with getting courage to change what is manageable-ME.


Member: Julie
Location:
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 1:49:30 PM

Comments

Hi. I don't know whether or not I am an alcoholic. And I don't feel that my life is out of control, but I've started this habit that worries me. I come home from work thinking I'll have a glass of wine to relax and unwind, and I'm having fun so that glass turns to half a bottle (I'm not that big), I go to sleep, and I wake up with a hangover and feel disgusted with myself. I'm worried because alcoholism runs in my family. I just can't tell if I'm being hypervigilent or if I should seek further help.


Member: Bonnie C   ---   5/30/80
Location: Seattle
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 4:17:47 PM

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, (((ROOM-HUG))) haven't read posts yet, I love u all, thanks for the great topic ((steve)) I have to work the 1st step on everything and everybody in my world because I am a control freak. I have to insert the name of the person, place or thing in the "I am powerless over ____ and my life is unmanageable" by me. How unmanageable does it have to get, wellllllll, what they told me when I got here was that I could get off the elevator at any floor or that I could persue it to the gates of insanity or death. Coming in the doors of AA gave me that choice. I chose to give this program everything that it asked. I got the sponsor, I work the steps over and over, I do service work. I don't drink or use when the pain gets intense, My mom died 12 days after I got sober, I have been divorced, left my kids and home, saw my car towed away, have had all my stuff ripped off, a couple times, been married and divorced in the program. Have had friends and a sponsor die. Have had the highest natural highs and the lowest lows. Have fallen in love and been rejected. Have had my kids reject me and scream that they hated me. But thru it all, booze, drugs and pills are not an option. I embrace the pain as I was told and try to learn from my experiences. unsuccessfully at times for I have to go thru the same things over and over again till I learn. I thought you people were crazy when you would say it was going to get better. I wanted to give up many times but there was that inkling of hope that you were right. Thank God for inklings!!!!!!!! I just got off the phone with one of my sons, who wished me a happy *50*th birtday, earlier my daughter did the same, just read an email from my other son and daughter in law who are trying really hard to have my 4th grandchild before midnight tonight. My sweetie gave me the sweetest card and choclates to enjoy with my morning coffee. Friends and relatives are sending vitamins and condolences *teehee* cause they know my sense of humor these days. My ex husbands family includes me and mine for Thanksgiving dinner where theres the Christmas name drawing. None, NONE of this would have been possible 19yrs ago. I could have stayed in my addiction, but thank God you folks were there to let me know the choices. Thank God I chose to take your suggestions and not use or drink or kill myself. I am not special, God let me have that moment of clarity to make that decision. He Gives us all that Grace, what we choose to do with it is what determines what our life is gonna be like. My life is not perfect by any means but when it comes to a gratitude list that I do daily, I now get writers cramp. When I got here it read, I got eyes, I got ears, I can walk. I thank you for what you have given me extended family. love and hugs, bon --- Dear God please bless all who venture here. --- bonzoc2@aol.com


Member: Christine C
Location: MA
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 5:00:02 PM

Comments

Julie, I guess you'll do until a 'real' alchoholic comes along. Go to lots of meetings, get to make friends (slowly) and ask for help. Your life will become more manageable and far more enjoyable.


Member: sue.g.
Location: u.k.
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 5:07:51 PM

Comments

Hi im sue,i'm an alcoholic. 5 months ago i wouldnt have known "unmanageability" if it came up and spat in my face. but i was lucky i got into a very good clinic and on a very good programe that has given me the tools i need to start making my life (a bit at a time) manageable. So i give my gratitude for my life and futre to the people in these rooms for my continuing sobrity without you all i would have been lost. Thank-You all, let us all take it one day at a time together.


Member: sue.g.
Location: u.k.
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 5:08:41 PM

Comments

Hi im sue,i'm an alcoholic. 5 months ago i wouldnt have known "unmanageability" if it came up and spat in my face. but i was lucky i got into a very good clinic and on a very good programe that has given me the tools i need to start making my life (a bit at a time) manageable. So i give my gratitude for my life and futre to the people in these rooms for my continuing sobrity without you all i would have been lost. Thank-You all, let us all take it one day at a time together.


Member: Frank D.
Location: Vancouver WA
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 5:35:27 PM

Comments

Step one is very special to me, I say our first three steps most every day apon awaking to reality. This I feel has become second nature to me and shows that AA is working in my life. Yes helping me to work through unmanageable life on life terms. God Bless us all, and thank you for being here!


Member: Victoria G.
Location: Yolo County near Davis, California
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 10:39:28 PM

Comments

Step One:

My God... so many of us. Was sober 10 years and lost my way. I remember how and why I don't possess this gift from God anymore. But my relapse sounds so rediculous that I question my ability to make construtive decisions in my life. I'm a 46 year old woman that now questions every move I have made since my relapse.

Sobriety can be elusive; at least for me. I cannot go to meetings for a number of reasons; however, I seek someone to correspond with to help me. That is the only thing I know...I need help.

So, once again (first relapse 6 years old) I am powerless. Does anyone understand???

Status: On disability from being an office manager for Information Technology, Business Resources, Engineering, Graphic Design and Multi Media at a CA university.

Married with a 29 year old gay son that I may be in a codependent relationship with.

Adopted daughter, Desiree G., that loves me. Have had her since 4 yrs and she is now 7. Very complicated family situation.

Owner of a sucessful business in the Davis, California.

Separated from all close familyn ties, consequently, very alone.

Married 6 times three to present husband.

Experienced a spiritual contact with my higher power through a light at the beginning of my first sobriety.

And.... very afraid. I've been praying since my relapse. I'm afraid God has abandoned me like everyone else -- or is it me? I have a 7 year old daughter that needs me so it must be me.

This is a desperate attempt to open communication that can bring me back to my roots. The fundamentals that saved my life the first time. The fundamentals of self respect, dignity, love for myself, hence, others; others, and fellowship.

I had it, I lost it, and cannot find peace of mind no matter how I try. I've tried through art. I know that is somehere in my future, however, I just feel sad inside. Ashamed, depressed, scared, and most of all disappointed. The child inside me continues to be harmed.

So... my e-mail expresses my feelings. The feelings of an alcoholic. They seem so irrelevant to the real world. But here goes.

La Victoria


Member: Charee R.
Location: So. Florida
Date: 11/23/99
Time: 10:45:47 PM

Comments

Hi family. I'm an alcoholic named Charee. I never thought my life was unmanageable when I was drinking even thou my kids wouldn't be around me if they saw me drinking or the times I went clubbing with a cast on both hands and still trying to hold a drink. I thought I had control of my drinking and the problems I was having were because others wanted to see me miserable. Today after working step 1 constantly I know all the insanity was a part of the unmanageability. I was told I couldn't get sober until I reached my bottom and there are all types of bottoms and accept how unmanageable my life is.A few 24 hours later my life is more manageable than it was but there's always a degree of unmanageability. That's why I constantly have to work the steps. After working the steps a few times I'm still finding things that were unmanageable when I was drinking. Even tho I knew a lot of times when my life was unmanageable I didn't do anything about it because I felt others caused the problems. Today I have to own up to my part in the unmanageability and stop traveling the river denial. WHEN IS MY LIFE CONSIDERED UNMANAGEABLE??? WHEN THE WORD UNMANAGEABLE ENTERS MY THOUGHTS...

Luv you all Cha


Member: Barbara W
Location: Guam
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 3:08:34 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Barbara, an alcoholic. Julie, you sound like you are starting the way I did with my downhill slide into alcoholism. I started with wine every night to relax and then eventually it turned into a carafe every night. I then quite drinking on my own for nearly nine years and then started to drink beer to relieve pain from mowing lawns seven days a week to pay off my ex for his share of equity in the house after our divorce. The beer turned to Vodka which turned into finishing nearly the whole thing everyday. I still thought my life was managable because I had a 40 hour a week office job plus still mowed lawns on the side and kept up my house just fine. I never had hangovers and felt good most days. Then the booze started controlling me more and more. I started to have to drink around the clock to avoid getting the "shakes" and feeling ill. I tried to stop drinking a couple of times and within 72 hours the DT's kicked my butt good and hard and drove me back to the next drink. That's when I realized I had completely lost control. It was a do or die situation. I either had to quit somehow or I would eventually die from it. So I finally went to a doctor and asked how I can stop drinking. He provided me a good outpatient program to control the severe physical withdrawal and suggested A.A. Now I am finally on my road to recovery. I have a long way to go, but I thank God I finally made the decision and acted upon it. So Julie, if you are already questioning yourself, you already know you are losing control! Try A.A. it should help you through it. Thanks for allowing me to share!


Member: Laila l
Location: Turku-Ňbo,Finland
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 8:16:04 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Laila and I'm an alcoholic. My life was unmanagable because I was either very drunk or very hangover most of the time. I drank because life didn't treat me the way I THOUGHT i should be treated, I was feeling extremely sorry for myself all the time, had no-one to talk to about my problems, WOULD NOT talk to anybody about my problems unless I was very very drunk, thought that I was less of a person because I was having problems....And I come from a family where we have a good recipe for solving problems: GET DRUNK.

then one day a friend told me that also young people (I was 24 at the time) were allowed to join AA, and i tried it, and got hooked immediatelY! Now I*ve been sober for over 3 years and I'm very happy about that.

Of course my life still gets/feels unmanagable many times, but today I have the right tools to solve the problems. THANK YOU EVERYBODY!! TAKE CARE! Love from Laila lasuli@hotmail.com


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 8:23:48 AM

Comments

My name is JC and Iím an alcoholic.

Thanks for the topic, Steve. I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, so I stopped drinkiní, and stayed stopped one day at a time, with the help of my AA friends (getting the glass out of my hand). The next move was tryiní to change myself in living the 12 Steps in order to become a more decent and happy human being. The process of getting the glass out of my head had already begun before I was aware of it.

Julie, the only requierement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Youíre not supposed to live several years in Hell like some of us did. AA may be worth trying if that glass turning to an half bottle bothers you.

Thanks for letting me share. jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.


Member: Corky R
Location: Foresthill, Calif
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 1:15:34 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Corky, and I am an, well, you know..... I haven't hit rock-bottom yet, but maybe that's only because I have a great boss. Well, sixty days of sobriety were gone like that. Thought I could control that first drink and the next thing you know it's three days later.Anyway, I am determined. Alcohol is surely a sneaky mistress. Very two-faced. That's how I am too..When I have bouts of sobriety I'm a happy, contented individual--good citizen, model employee. When I sit around my house and drink, I can get to be a very morose person....like Jecykl and Hyde..I lock my doors and think dark thoughts. It's the alcohol pure and simple. Vitamin therapy helps in case no one knows that. I've got the 1st step pretty good, it's the next 2 I have trouble with. I'm sure I'll see that topic one of these days. I love this site, though, and it feels like a Godsend I found it. Barbara W. Where were you 25 years ago? NOW you tell me. Your story is JUST like mine.(didn't mow lawns though).


Member: Pat C.
Location: Jersey, Channel Islands.
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 3:17:36 PM

Comments

Hi! I'm Pat and I'm an alcoholic. Before I came into A.A. I knew I was powerless over alcohol. I thought that if I stopped drinking I would not get myself into so much trouble, because with alcohol I had no control over my life.Now I realise that I cannot afford to take control of my life since insanity (step 2) can creep back into my life and if that happens I really need help (step 3) It's important for me to remember that my life is unmanagable today so I try to ask for God's help to get me through. And it works.


Member: Jim B.
Location: Roi Namur RMI
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 4:46:42 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Jim Happy to know I,m an alcoholic & grateful to be sober today. I remember a saying when I first came around the meetings; "Watch out for step 1, its a big one." I never appreciated what that meant until after I had been sober for a few 24Hrs. The first part of the step is when we admit we're alcoholics. Admitting there is a problem is critical to finding a solution, otherwise we're still in denial,right? I mean who's gonna look for a solution to a problem they think they don't have? The second part of the step has to do with ego deflation, admitting that we can not solve this problem left to our own resources. This is basically the message that Rowland H. communicated to Bill W. when Dr. Jung had pronounced Rowland as a hopeless case after working with him for some years without sucess. Dr. Jung indicated to Rowland that his only remaining hope was to attempt some sort of religious conversion as medical science had so far not had any sucess with alcoholics of his type. This is why early members were what could be termed last gaspers, they had to be completely beatin down in order to surrender. Today we see people who have not suffered some of the more drastic consequences of chronic alcoholism getting sober. People come to meetings and are able to see the hopelessness of their continued attempt to control their drinking and they see that the program works for others. So it is not necessary for them to slip to the depths that some of us have in order to become willing to get help. Thanks for lettin me share and Happy Thanksgiving! Jim B.


Member: fk
Location: Ct
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 10:48:39 PM

Comments

hi


Member: Joseph T.
Location: Denver,Co
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 11:08:53 PM

Comments

Hi,my name is Joseph and i am an alcoholic.thanks , i needed this.


Member: coky
Location:
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 11:52:24 PM

Comments

I could a good discus0ion corky


Member: corky
Location:
Date: 11/24/99
Time: 11:53:29 PM

Comments

I could a good discus0ion corky


Member: jenifer d
Location: england
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 12:41:18 AM

Comments

Julie, follow barbara's advice and do it soon. Her story could be mine, except for mowing lawns. You do not want to go where we have been, believe me!


Member: Lyanna
Location: British Columbia, Can
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 1:01:14 AM

Comments

My name is Lyanna and I am an alcoholic..Step one for me was a real eye opener.. I too thought my life was totally manageable until i came into the program of AA and my life fell apart. "So when's it supposed to get better i would ask my sponsor?" My partner left , my daughter was almost killed and I lost my job..Well four and half years later, my marriage fell apart, my dauhgter tries to commit suiside and I had to quit my job(I loved this job). so again I asked "When does it get batter?" My sponsor asked me "Did you drink through all this?" No. My daughter is still alive, but for the Grace of God, the man I married was very abusive and my boss was a very nasty lady. So i guess by making some hard decisions in life my life is better. I didn't drink through all I went through and I'm sober today because of the program of AA and I am ever so grateful..Thankyou..

Lyanna, Vernon BC Canada


Member: NAVYJOE
Location: Mountain View & Sunnyvale
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 1:34:45 AM

Comments

Victoria G in Yolo County Near Davis, Ca:

I was reading your posting and thought that perhaps you may be open to my comments. If not, then I understand. You mentioned about not making sound decisions anymore and that you may not have the gift that God had given you before. I believe in my heart that God is there with you. Perhaps it may be you that has given up on God. God never leaves us. God does not make things happen. I believe that he allows things to happen to us. Maybe he has other plans for you. When one door closes another one opens. No matter what happens in our life, no matter how devastating there is always a positive side, if only we seach our hearts. Alcoholics are sensitive. I do not like to get in anothers beliefs but when alot is going on in my life I pray. God answers all our prayers. Sometimes, Yes, No, Maybe, or Wait. I also will go to a church and sit quiet for about a half hour to an hour and just get in touch with God. He and you are the only ones who know your motives and intentions. What other people think of me today is none of my business. I may be a male, but I can feel all of your feelings. Stop beating yourself up Victoria. My first sponsor told me it is not the quanity but the quality in your program. I am a re-tread in the program also. I have only 14 years of sobriety and you know what Victoria. I still have life problems today. All I can do is the best I can and do the footwork. I try to do God's will and not mine and ask him for guidance. And when I think that the whole world is caving in on me and my life, I have to remember this: "MY NAME IS NAVYJOE, I AM A CHILD OF GOD AND THE UNIVERSE, I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HERE" I hope that this has helped you Victoria. You and your loved ones are in my prayers. If you would like to E-mail post your address on here for me. And lastly, "Do one nice thing for yourself everyday."


Member: Ann P.
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 1:53:44 AM

Comments

Hi, Ann P., alcoholic,

A counselor gave me the first tools, to my understanding of manageability, thanks-Morris, wherever you are. He told me that if I was willing to walk over, under, around, toward or away from any person, place or thing, to maintain my soberity, that was manageability. My life has not been a pink cloud but I can do it sober with God's help.

Julie, welcome, people usually do not end up at AA be it on the internet or a meeting by accident, please stay around for investigation. You owe yourself that opportunity.

Victoria, glad you made it back, some do not. Don't be too ashambed or prideful to ask for help, get on the phone now and call AA. Go to meetings and talk until you find someone you can relate to---This is you life, you are one of God's children and important to him and us. I'm praying for you.

God's joy and blessings for Thanksgiving to my AA family all over the world.----Ann


Member: kenny m
Location: ohio
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 2:08:25 AM

Comments

as i see it, as an alcoholic who will always struggle with my illness, unmanageability is when i cant make it it through "today" without a drink.today my life has been manageable, it's a constant struggle for me. thanx for lettin me share.


Member: kenny m
Location: ohio
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 2:26:25 AM

Comments

as i see it, as an alcoholic who will always struggle with my illness, unmanageability is when i cant make it it through "today" without a drink.today my life has been manageable, it's a constant struggle for me. thanx for lettin me share.

to darwin in canada, sorry for your loss brother, my prayers will include ray tonight


Member: Bob T
Location: Florida
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 2:59:18 AM

Comments

The only thing I have to be for my life to be unmanageable is to be HUMAN. I act on defects of character even though I dont want to. That to me is unmanageable. The difference between me and the non alky is that he or she may be able to afford as much of that as they want but I cant. The only solution that I know for that is God, which in my case I found through AA.


Member: Corky R.
Location:
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 9:08:16 AM

Comments

well, NAVYJOE, this may be off-topic but you brought it up, is God really there? I mean, I believe the whole universe was created by an intelligent being. But why would he be interested in our day-to-day lives? I struggle over this step. Corky


Member: Barbara
Location: CT
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 11:01:07 AM

Comments

My name is Barbara and I'm an alcoholic. I was able to keep a veneer of "sociability" on my drinking bouts for many years, but gradually I found myself alone with an empty wine bottle on my night table every morning. I was doing trips to different package stores, too, and regularly embarrassing myself publicly. AA gave me the tools i needed to achieve a degree of serenity today. I read alot about alcoholism before i would admit it. That helped. Now my daily reading and prayer help tremendously. Happy Thanksgiving. This year my gratitude is real.


Member: Corky R
Location: foresthill, Ca.
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 11:16:19 AM

Comments

Barbara, you encourage me. Does it REALLY work for you? I'm struggling today. Happy Thanksgiving to you too


Member: Rick S.
Location: B.C. NV.
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 12:56:48 PM

Comments

My name is Rick and I am still an alcoholic. Addiction is the only disease known to Man that tells you everything is perfectly fine...as it kills you. As stated at the start of the week, we did not know our lives were unmanageable. We had everything under control, sometimes things didn't go right but we could manipulate it back to what we wanted. Of course this usually meant lying, cheating, stealing. and hurting someone else to achieve this. Then when we did get what we wanted the lies and hurting got bigger and continued. The only time we seem to understand anything about unmanageable is when we were the ones who got hurt...but that was always someone elses fault. Everyones bottom is different. The common denominator seems to be this; when we get tired of living the way we are living, and doing the things we are doing, and getting what we have been getting, we will ask for help to change it. If we ask the same people we have been running with for help nothing changes...so we come to believe in a Higher Power. We then go to meetings to hear how others (who have changed) have done this changing. If we want to accomplish what they have we will follow their directions. The point is not to compare your bottom or life to someone else...that is only looking for an excuse to say "see I am not so bad, I don't need this". Oh yea... none of this works if you pick up anytime during the process of life. Seee Yaaa !!!


Member: Jim G.
Location: Hagerstown, MD
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 1:26:03 PM

Comments

I'm Jim---Alkie. About Steve's topic, managing our lives. When I try to run things, they don't come out according to my plan and that starts my troubles. They say if you wanna make God laugh, just tell him your plans. I've learned that God is in control. He plans. Consequently, my daily prayer is, "I wonder what surprise my Higher Power has for me today." And I just ride along. They call it serenity!


Member: chuck W
Location: mi
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 1:33:45 PM

Comments

Hi I am Chuck and glad to be sober today one day at a time.


Member: Doug
Location: Calgary
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 2:26:20 PM

Comments

Hi all, My name is Doug and I'm an alcoholic. Not much to say today except I have learned that my alcoholism is not the only unmanageable part of my life. Sex, money, love, it's all unmanageable, but as long as I stay sober I have half a chance. I recently decided to let my Higher Power define itself. This is a more wonderful process to me than trying to define one...It tends to make me keep my eyes and heart open...Just a thought.


Member: Barbara W.
Location: Guam
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 5:45:15 PM

Comments

Corky R., I would like to hear more abot how you are feeling and about your struggle as I am going through the same thing. This discussion area is only for a once a week posting so if you are willing, let's chat in the coffee pot room, or post your email and I will send you mine. You are right about the vitamins you mentioned earlier. My doctor prescribed a ton of them for me to try to put my metabolism back in balance. That's the first thing the booze does to make our lives unmanagable, it starts by messing up our metabolism which triggers much of the other problems of the alcohol craving and withdrawal symptoms.


Member: Craig D.
Location: UTOPIA
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 7:34:11 PM

Comments

Happy Holidays, AA family. Craig. One Day At A Time.


Member: John W
Location: Liverpool  NY
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 7:37:23 PM

Comments

I believe the oinly thing i do right one hundred % is not drink aday ata time.But its a helluva lot more than I did before I got here.ill always be on step 1 or i become too smart again and take things back into my own hand.Its in the journey that we find theres no destination.


Member: candy s.
Location: moorhead
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 9:05:20 PM

Comments

Hi I am candy and I am an alcoholic. I have lived through years of unmanageability, not knowing that it was really the alcohol. I was thinking that it was everyone else around me. Until about 3 months ago, when i decided to get help. My unmanageability was doing things i wouldnt normally do, like being sexually active or living through abusive relationships, or not doing the things in life that would have gotten me some where. My life was so unmanageable that i lost almost everything i had,even my kids.The day i lost all control of what what i was doing my life became unmanageable.Thank you


Member: jerry mallow
Location: ireland
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 9:38:27 PM

Comments

hi im jerry its my first cyber meeting not use to pc yet its good to talk my soberbrity depends on useful info


Member: doug m.
Location: edmonton canada
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 9:54:38 PM

Comments

okay I life is umanageable and I just can"t get my stuff together It all started about a year ago when I starting to drink like there was no tommorow. I had a beautifull and loving wife two beautiful children who are now 4 and 8 a nice house and all the freinds I could ask for but because of my drinking and my abuseive behavior towards my family mostly verbal but then ther come a time that I started to push my spouse around. And thank GOD she pulled the pin and told me to get some help or I will never see my kids again. well it has been 4 and 1/2 months of being sober but that is all I have now I loving partner of nineteen years has had enough of this shit and wants a divorce I lost my job my selfesteem my house and the only thing I will never loose is my kids cause I will always be there dad. I thankyou very much for all the freinds I have met through A.A. These beautiful people have shown me what life is like without booze and sure it is getting better day by day but my hurt for my partner will be long forever cause I really do love her and because of my love for her I will grant that divorce just in hope of some day to come back to me. I say a lot of prayers to her and my kids and to all of my new found freinds that I have met over the months. but enough of me. may all of you have a 24 hours and may God walk with you through your recovery every day.

se ya again beaker88


Member: Tom D
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: 11/25/99
Time: 11:13:23 PM

Comments

Tom, ordinary Alcoholic (nothing fancy about me - garden-variety Alkie, that's me). I give thanks to my Higher Power that I had not the slightest trouble with Step 1 - it was just blazingly obvious (using a phrase stolen from Renni B) that I was powerless over booze. All you wonderful people (go on, you clown, patronize everyone) have freed me from this powerlessness, with the help of God, So thank you, and hugs and kisses as appropriate and acceptable. We are all so blessed that we are the people who can liberate each other from this slavery to the bottle. Ain't it great?


Member: Brew Q.
Location: Huntington Beach
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 12:39:04 AM

Comments

Hi I'am Brew been sober 4 7yrs What ever keeps U clean keep doing it.Find YOUR GOD! F U ever liked doing something before U Got all mess up go back 2 it and try it Sober& clean. I 4 1 have started racing dirt bikes again in the dersert I am a member of R.U.T.S. Racers Under The Son Come Check out our web page at www.ruts.org. Godbless U .P.S Sometimes its 1 sec' at a time


Member: Linda W.
Location: Upstate New York
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 12:44:59 AM

Comments

Good question Steve. When I drank, my life wasn't unmanageable, it was constant crisis and disasters. The second part of Step One ". . .and that our lives had become unmanageable", I think, refers to my sober life. My sober life is unmanageable because I spent most of it drinking. I don't know how to live sober. That's why I come to meetings - to learn how to LIVE SOBER "one day at a time". I am still very confused some days as to how I should feel, act, respond, etc. I drank until I was 41 years old. I'm now 50. I have a lot of growing up to do before I can have a "manageable" life, and that takes time. Good luck to you.


Member: Kim I
Location: Maine
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 1:41:20 AM

Comments

I'm an alcoholic and just admitting it.....This is my first step in the right direction and you have all inspired me......


Member: Char M.
Location: Richfield Utah
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 3:52:07 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Char M. and I'm an alcoholic. Excellent topic - as so often happens to me, a repeat of the topic at the real time meeting I went to tonight. When I "felt" like my life was SO on the edge of caving in I finally realized that it was time to consider the possibility that I missed that day in school that taught about managing my life as a mature person. And... that it was time to look for help... I didn't even know where to look... but ON THAT SAME DAY a fellow employee came in to my office and asked if I'd like to go to a 12-step meeting with him. He had no idea I was where I was at, but I am sure my higher power did *S* It took me longer to wrap my brain around the concept that the booze and other stuff (ad infinitum) was just making that glaring weakness worse. The steps - all of them - give me a process to do the legwork of my mature life while letting God do the managing. What an incredible gift. And Steve - its true - more will be revealed and trust that simply by asking the question a layer of the onion has peeled away. Thanks for showing up - I'm extremely grateful


Member: Tim K.
Location: New England
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 9:37:13 AM

Comments

Hi - Tim, newly back to the program alcoholic. The topic is near and dear, since "admitted" my life was unmanageable again just 2 weeks ago. For me, a functional alcoholic, the disaster in my life was mostly internal, although the effects of my drinking were beginning to permeate my worldly life as well. Bottom line, I was miserable most of the time, unhappy with my job, marriage, house, neighbors and mostly profoundly unhappy with myself. I had over a year of sobriety several years ago and I remember that time when I experienced real serenity, had a wonderful spiritual life and an intuition that guided me to right action in my daily life. All gone, replaced by depression, shame, guilt, anger and a feeling of worthlessness and "what's the use" that colored all of my actions. I gained 40 pounds, started smoking, stopped exercising (something I was passionate about), hated going out except to bars and virtually stopped talking to my wife. Every morning I knew my drinking was A #1 problem in my life, but every evening I chose to give into it again, to numb the pain and forget for a while just how much of a mess I had made of my life. Thank God it didn't take a DUI or worse for me to get back to AA, just one day I had enough of being sick and tired and decided that I was willing to do whatever was necessary to turn my life around. After only 2 weeks there has been a profound change. I'm feeling peaceful again, the depression is almost gone, my anger is at about 10% of what it was, I'm interacting with people again (including my wife) and I'm feeling that wonderful spiritual connection in my life again I connect with my Higher Power through meditation and am off to a retreat this weekend.

To say it's a miracle would be true, albeit a little mushy. But I thank God for allowing me to get out of the trap, the trap that told me that it was life itself that was miserable not the alcoholism, and to once again stand in the light.

Great site - I just found it, but intend to be a regular here.


Member: Problemjohn
Location: Kirkfield, Ont, Canada
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 10:14:52 AM

Comments

Hi I'm an alcoholic and my problem is John, DJ agreed with your comments it is life and death, and the only life line we have is the twelve steps ( & fellowship )DJ U may not be an old boot yet but U have the sole for it. I have been so long away from online meetings all my favourites are gone, could someone update me on current meetings and chats, enjoy this site -30- jbutler@interhop.net


Member: Jackie
Location: Amsterdam
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 1:29:02 PM

Comments

What a great topic, thankyou as my experience strength and hope on this topic brings me to the day I walked into my first AA meeting , arrogant, confeused, crazy, frightened, pennyless, angry , very angry!!!and hadent a clue, by the way I couldnt even spell, drink took me down to an auful place, emotionally, physically and spiritually, and I dont say it just because I heard it for years , I say it because Its a fact and Im doning very well a day at a time, thank God. With out picking up a drink and also getting outside help as AA didnt fix me. I picked and pick up the tools on a daily basis and get the help I need . It ment Prayer and meditation and change my thinking and be open to help, get out of Jackies way and let God in. I, today needed to make a decision and I just listen to my God given intuition and the answer came as I felt calm and believe it. Thankyou all for this wonderfull fellowship. How do you make god laugh? ......... Tell him your plans. Bye.


Member: Ellen D
Location: PA
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 3:10:04 PM

Comments

What a good topic. One of the reasons I stopped drinking and came into AA, 11 yrs. ago was because my life was unmanageable.

I am still cleaning up from the decisions I made when I was drinking! I believe that I stopped drinking not a minute too soon. My life is not unmanageable - painful as anything sometimes. But not hopeless.

I thank God for every single day. We should all be proud of ourselves. We showed up.


Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 5:43:23 PM

Comments

Happy Belated Thanksgiving to everyone on Staying Cyber's Discussion meeting and thank you Steve for the topic.

My name is Tom A., a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and the teaching of this marvelous fellowship we call A.A.

The question of unmanageability troubled me also upon my entry into A.A. back there on July 25, 1960, but fortunately I stuck with this bunch and have learned that I can stay sober one-day-at-a-time even when it is unmanageable. There have been many good suggestions this week and I would simply add this little tool that I use quite often. I have memorized the three pertinent ideas found on page 60 of the Big Book and when unmanageability raises its ugly head I simply repeat them slowly to myself. I quote them for those who are unaware of them. (a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. (b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcholism. (c) That God could and would if He were sought.

Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!

God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net


Member: Biggin
Location: Puerto Rico
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 6:35:52 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Biggin and i'm an alcoholic. I currently live in puerto rico and cannot find a english speaking meeting here. My life right now is becoming unmanageable. I need a meeting bad. to me unmanageable is not being able to do the things i enjoy. Or having someone to talk to about shit. i have never been in a place that makes me feel like this. I hate this place, I cannot hunt, I cannot fish, my wife was involved in a drive-by shooting, I have no friends that i like that i can talk to. i cannot leave and i so very much want to be back in the woods somewhere. If anone knows of a english speaking meeting please e-mail me biggin@worldnet.att.net


Member: RuthieS
Location:
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 7:04:22 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Ruthie and I'm an alcoholic. Unmanagable? I went to treatment 2 1/2 years ago because I woke up one morning and realized that I no longer wanted to feel the empty hole inside. My children had left me, I was alone and my friends were all drunks. I had no life. Booze sucked the life right out of me. While I considered myself to be an intelligent, talented person, the only accomplishment I ever made was being able to drink more than most men on Friday nights. Thank God I found AA and sobered up before it got worse. Unfortunately, I have never been able to stay sober for long periods of time. After months I always "fall off the wagon" for a night or two. Then, with my head hanging low I jump back on. How do I stop this cycle? Thanks for listening.


Member: Micahel B.
Location: AZ
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 9:18:48 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! And thanks everyone for sharing!

During my drinking days, I enjoyed only the illusion of manageability in my life, something I directly linked to my belief that I could control my drinking or stop completely using my own resources. Of course, this illusion came crashing down in the end, when I finally admitted I was powerless over alcohol.

Fortunately, today my life is manageable as long as I don't pick up that first drink and make my best effort to practice the principles of the AA program in all my affairs. But then and only then can I consider my personal life manageable.


Member: Leroy L
Location: Warsaw Missouri
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 10:55:16 PM

Comments

By the grace of my higher power. I know that i was and could be again unmanagable. We all are one drink away.AA andthe very powerfull serinity prayer helped me to relize that alchol is my enmy not my best friend that i counted on for so long.I lived to drink and drank to live.The wisdom to know the differance. I thank him mouring and night for him showing this to me


Member: Bonnie C
Location:
Date: 11/26/99
Time: 11:17:01 PM

Comments

bon/alky again, sorry for the double post but something that I was told very early in sobriety was that the first 3 steps are, I can't, He can, so I think I'll let Him. and another thing that helped was that my sponsor had me read pages 60, 61, 62, 63, 449 thru 452 everyday in the big book. self-will run riot and acceptance. hope that helps someone ---- Dear God please bless all who venture here


Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 11/27/99
Time: 5:17:29 AM

Comments

Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Hi folks.

No need to tell another alkie about part 2 of step 1. If we are fortunate enough to make a few 24's, it becomes painfully obvious to us that our life was (is) unmanagable. As difficult as it was for me, by working steps 1 - 9, going to tons of meetings, listening to my sponsor and doing all the footwork, I have come to believe that I do not have to "manage" my life. I now believe that what step 1 meant for me was that my life was unmanagable - that my HP whom I choose to call God could no longer manage it because I had given control to King Alcohol instead of Him. I think it was never meant for me to "manage" it - to do that I would have to know what I was put here to accomplish - and I don't. There is a plan for me. My job is do the "next right thing" in all situations and to leave the results to the HP. It's tough enough to stay still long enough to allow Him to show me (usually through people) what that is for me. I have my hands full trying to live on a day to day basis being the kind of person that any HP could use to further the goodness in this world. You see, the Big Book, my sponsor and the fellowship has taught me that my living the steps in all my affairs has allowed the promises to come true for me. I don't have to "manage" anything today - just be open, honest and willing to learn and act on what I need(want) to do to maintain a consious contact with God. The rest just happens. Not always what I think I want or need - but that's ok today. Today I understand I am not the Director of this show - merely an actor trying to hit the mark throughout the play. What a relief! I've discovered the difference between "manage" and "do". I do what I can - He manages. Have a great sober day.


Member: Tracy V.
Location: Dallas
Date: 11/27/99
Time: 1:41:05 PM

Comments

To respond to Ruthie, I relate totally. I have had the same problem since entering the program in August 1997. I am one of those functional alcoholics like Julie who gets into an "after work" pattern of wine and beer, pass out every night, hungover every morning until the sickness and tiredness and hopelessness catches up with me and I run like a whipped dog back into the program. Then, I do fine for a while until some upheaval in my life happens and then I lose it again. I started going to meetings again just yesterday after about 4 months back out there and feel better already. However, I know just as you do that I have to do something different than what I have done before or it will be the same thing all over again somewhere down the line. One thing I do know is that God never leaves us...if anything, we push him away. I have missed God tremendously and know that without him, I can't do this. Friends, please help us with your insight.


Member: iris
Location: asd
Date: 11/27/99
Time: 3:38:06 PM

Comments

Hi Iris alky, thanks for the topic. Can remember my unmanageability when I was still out there, how I used to drink, how I hated myself for it and how I used to drink more to get rid of that feeling of despair and selfhate. I used to steal, lie, manipulate,,prostitute myself, beat people just in order to get my drink. Not that I really wanted to do that stuff, but I just could not find another way to help myself before I got into the program. I am still unmanageable, especially when I want things to go my own way, I discovered. I'm getting better to hand it over to God. Babysteps. The programme and God gave me another, real life and that keeps me willing and openminded, as far as I can be, 'cause I don't want to go back.I'm very grateful to be sober.Sometimes I still am unmanageable but I don't bother try to fix that, I use the tools the program gave me I call my sponsor, read the Big Book(grr..)but I have tools and I can use them. Today, I don't need much more.Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Cat
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: 11/27/99
Time: 5:00:03 PM

Comments

Hi Cat here, alcoholic. Sober 24 days. Until last month I had been sober for almost 6 years. My life is unmanageable and allways will be and when I cut my meetings back around 14 months ago it became increasingly unmanageable again until the day came when the pain became too hard, the tension in my life unbearable, hope had disappeared as a result of lack of meetings and I picked up a drink again.

I only drank again on 2 separate occasions, both times around the clock meaning, I drank until I passed out and on awakening drank again. It was not pretty, police intervention straight away, the disapointment in my sons face and him pleading me not to drink "for him", loosing my purse, drunk driving, not being able to get my son to school, puttting my boyfriends job on the line, suicidal thoughts, attempting to jump of the back of a speeding boat, abusing neighbours as I accused them of calling the police on me and more. As they say if you don't like what we have in AA your misery will be refunded.

I was lucky things could have got worse anfd I have to remember that.

It was hard getting back to meetings and I could easily sit at home and dwell in morbid reflection of my situation ie being a lone parent, my relationship just breaking up after 2 years, no parents, no job at the moment etc. etc. but that will not get me anywhere.

I have been lucky enough to start once again "living in the solution and not the problem". It was very hard going back to meetings and identifying as a few days sober again but it definately beats what is waiting for me if I continue to drink, the support which has once agin been offered to me is heartwarming, I have finally felt connected with AA again and with my fellow human beings, what a nice feeling instead of living in isolation and not getting close to people, as they will know how "bad" I am.

My hardest struggle is keeping away from my partne. I have had to end the relationship as he is a daily drinker and although probably the best friend I have ever had, he can become Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde when he drinks , not allways but enough, and it is too hard for me to live with, coupled with all the gambling. I guess he is also controlling and I let him become my higher power. I dont know if he is an alcoholic, but it certainly ran in his family "in his words".

I can get into feeling guilty about leaving him, as though I was there when it suited me and that when I wanted to gamble and act out and now that I want to be this sober person I can feel like I have dumped him like a peice of trash.

I know I have to protect myself and my son and being around pubs and clubs, which is his life, is not good for me. Unmanageable, I guess so. If anybody has been in a similiar situation any advise would be appreciated , mind you I might not take all of it, Im an alcoholic, but Im definately open to suggestions.


Member: LINDA
Location: DRIFFIELD
Date: 11/27/99
Time: 8:02:40 PM

Comments

Hello Linda here i have never done this before i am new here,my sponsor is Avril she shares here sometimes.My life became very unmanagable in my drinking days,i am a single parent with five children ageing from eight to seventeen, life to me seemed bleek i woke up drank i was very scared i had been abused and i abused my eldest played the role as mother and i hit her for it,i shook and cryed my house was clean and the children dressed smart i really thought knowbody knew i drank,of course they did i became a very sick lady in desperation i reached out for AA thank god i did i am coming up to two years sober and my family and home shines with love ,thank you all for being there


Member: Terri
Location: visiting in NC
Date: 11/27/99
Time: 10:05:58 PM

Comments

Hi everyone! I'm Terri, from Butler, Pa and new at the internet experience of AA. Funny this should be the topic of the week because for the past week I've been feeling quite unmanageable again myself. But, This Too Shall Pass!

For me, the hardest part of surrender was in not being able to recognize the similarities. Of course I wanted to focus on the differences and that does not mean that they did not exist, it means that I had to work harder to find my answers. Unmanageability for me is in my thoughts and my feelings and how (left to my own will or personality/ego) I choose to cope-- which generally meant to escape; alcohol being just one of the many means by which I could do so. To recall what it was like, I just need to take a look today at my thoughts and feelings about drinkling again and there I go, off instantly into all that insanity again. By the way-- that second step was probably harder even though it didn't take near as much time to do (the 1st took me about 12 years to get a clue). The only relief I got was in looking up the definition of sanity-- of clear, sound mind; able to make or use sound judgment. Well, for each drink I were ever to consume (even if it were just one) I could never argue the fact that my judgment were impaired. DUI school taught me that a long time ago. Thanks AA for another place to share.


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota.fla
Date: 11/27/99
Time: 10:15:57 PM

Comments

hello my name is richard m, i am an alcoholic.......... step one is one i go to first each day ..then when i am sure i got it right i go to step two..etc......it really is one day at a time ....... on this day i couldn't make it to a face a face ......unmanagibility has been creeping up on me..!!!!!! i was at least able to do this .......my sobriety date is 12/28/85..........> it gets longer ..........but never realy easier!!!!!!!...those that retrn after relapsing make that clear!! ..thanks for reading this ...may you be successfull in your recovery....the 7th step prayer helps a lot!


Member: Paula
Location: MASS
Date: 11/27/99
Time: 11:09:37 PM

Comments

Hi, My name is Paula and I can barely type. JOKE! Myn life is more than unmanageable. I live in this fassssad! I work everyday, I take care of my 2 daughers everyday,I am married (thats all I can say about that) and I drink everyday and I acutally fool people ( but not myself) It blows me away at how much I can drink and function but I know that I am secretly and self destructing myself because I hate myself. I have never had help from the day I wad born. A drunken father ( who is now soberr a mom who had nowhere to run.

I needed to vent. Thank You!