Member: Rachael L.
Location: Ca.
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 11:26:42 PM
Hello, I'm Rachael, alcoholic. I'd like to discuss depression. I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one who has experienced that before and since getting sober. It comes and goes but seems to be coming right now. Thanks.
Member: Debbie K
Location:
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 11:44:36 PM
Hello my name is Debbie and I agree that depression is probably the most common side effect of alcoholism. I can recognize it's onset when I begin to have a hard time getting easy or mundane tasks accomplished- usually when I am not directly involved in service work. I sponser and am sponsered and go to meetings- but if I'm not on a steering committee or helping lead a rehab meeting you will find me depressed.
Member: Bill S
Location: Alaska
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 11:57:46 PM
Yes, I seem to struggle with depression too. I am six years sober in my 40's. It seems I have to make a big push of effort to start things and then have to get into a "zone" to finish. My self centeredness rebels at this state bemoaning the fact that it seems to come so easy for other people!
Member: Gary D
Location: Bremerton,Wa
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 1:45:56 AM
hi i'm gary. i have 9 days sober again. i have depression. when things go wrong or something happen i get depresed and drink a whole 12 pack of beer and then start hurting myself and in up in the local hospital mental ward. i still sometimes hang around people that drinks. i have roomate that drinks and do drugs. what would you suggest i do ? i need some answers.
Member: JC
Location: Sac,CA.
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 3:32:52 AM
Hi,my name is JC and I'm an alcaholic.I too go through that dmned deprssion thing.It seems that every time it goes away and I start feeling good about myself my wife will get angry over something that has happened (I'm not trying to do any bashing or finger-pointing but it seems that she's usually angry over petty things),then she starts yelling.I've only 2 days sober now(I know that isn't long)but I'm just starting to realize that I use that for an excuse to go after a bottle.We have been talking about my alcahol problem with out any fighting lately and that is making it alot easyier to pass-up the liquor store.I know that we still have a long way to go with this thing.But I hope the worst is finally behind us. Gary in Bremerton,I don't know if I'm supposed to give advice (especially only after 2 days for me being sober).But here's my input,persanaly I would get away from my roomate and try to stop going around those people that drink it only makes it harder to stay sober.About the depression issue,what I do is maybe whatch a funny movie os something or get online and go to a funny web site,they are usually pretty easy to find.If the depression caused from somthing that you can't shake off with something like that,then I would find a good friend or someone close to talk to and help me through the hard time.I was using it for a reason to drink and there is absoloutly no real reason why we should drink. I hope I'm not out of line her but this is just my personal opinion for Gary in Bremerton,WA.
Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 4:31:53 AM
Rachael, thanks for the topic. I was depressed almost exactly 10 years ago. I had my reasons, of course. My wife was pg at age 43 and this pregnacy would put us into 'double digits' as far as the number of children we had! My stock market investments were doing terrible due to Saddam Hussein going into Kuwait. I was smoking again, after 14 yrs without them because I was under stress at work (my boss actually expected me to PRODUCE, the nerve of some people!). I was on the SEEFOOD diet (all the food you see you eat). I spent a lot of my spare time in my bedroom feeling sorry for myself. Finally I went out and got drunk and found my way to AA (12/12/90) and I can honestly say I have not felt depressed since. (I have felt down, but not depressed - like there is no hope). Thanks for the topic and the trip down memory lane.
I heard recently "if we dwell on the past we get DEPRESSED, if we dwell on the future we get anxious, that's why it is so important to stay in the present." I have heard that concept many many times over the last 10 years, but I really like this 'version' of it.
Thanks for letting me share and thanks for all who come here.
Member: Maria K
Location: Finland
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 6:06:04 AM
Hello every one! My name is Maria K and I´m an alcoholic. Depression is a familiar feeling to me also. Sometimes it comes like a wave over me, making me feel so helpless. Many times I find that the opposite side is proud; it´s difficult to admit my own weaknesses. The key is prayer and meditation, it helps me finally to realize “the first things first”. Then comes the gratitude and serenity. I hope the process will become easier by staying cyber one day at a time! Thanks for letting me share, Maria K
Member: Nancy A
Location: Vancouver Canada
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 7:21:57 AM
Depression,interesting topic. It's a natural part of life's ups&downs. From my own experience it is not caused by not going to enough meetings or not doing enough service work. I have found that seeking help outside of AA(like professional counselling) has helped me a great deal. Just recently I spent an entire day crying on&off. I couldn't understand why? I'm sure if I took it to a meeting I would have been told to "work the steps" or "help a newcomer" instead I opted for some help from a professional instead of laymen that think they know what's best for me. Turns out I was going through some changes within myself at that time and feeling alone and afraid. I got past it. Everything passes eventually.
I have been sober for quite some time. However I stopped going to meetings just over a year ago. I was in need of some real deprogramming let me tell you. Anyone who is new I strongly encourage you to continue going to meetings for support and fellowship but get your recovery elsewhere. AA is full of some real whakos and the longer they are sober the more AA brainwashing has occured so take it all with a grain of salt. I don't mean to sound so derogatory but be "open minded" and check out some other means of recovery before you decide what fits for you. I suggest checking out a website called aadeprogramming.com. I was amazed when I found out what else was out there.Remember be "honest open minded and willing" it's your recovery. Make up your own mind.
Member: sierra
Location: canada
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 8:29:20 AM
Depression is something that I am starting to go through right at the moment. I am really upset with my husband and my life and the thoughts right now of walking out are so strong that I am having trouble keeping myself in the house. The main thing keeping me here are my two children whom I love more than life itself. I am new to being sober - less than a week, but I know that if I don't quit drinking I am not going to be able to live with myself for very much longer let alone my family. One day at a time, one minute at a time. I have started taking St. John's Wart to see if that will help to take the edge off of things. I have no problem getting help in that manner. I quit smoking using Zyban almost two years ago, so drugs intended to help with a specific problem do at times enable one to hold onto your promises to yourself to change. I have tried AA and it didn't go well. Someone had mentioned about going to meetings and staying low-keyed until you felt comfortable being there. I was never given that chance and felt like I was being pushed in all directions. I have enough people in my life telling me what to do and what not to do that I don't need to add to that list right now. I really appriciate the support that I have received from various web sites and I hope that maybe from on line meetings I may once again try face2face meetings in the near future. Until next time God bless everyone here thanks for listening.
Member: Sharon F
Location: Cool, rainy, but beautiful Portland, OR
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 8:41:43 AM
Depression.. Yep, that's me.. However, professsional counceling helps.. at least with me. With 7 family deaths in 6 months.. no matter how hard I worked the program,I am a basket case! I can find graitude even today, the day I pick up my husbands ashes and divide his things with his 4 girls. The Big Book of AA recomends pro help when needed. NOT AA "doctors". My 1st year of Soberity I listened to the AA doctors and threw away all meds. I had a heart attack, stroke, blood clots in my lungs, bitten by both rattlesnake and black widow spider, lost my 3 children to a drunk driver in one car accident, my step-father died, step sister died.. and I did NOT have to drink.. Depressed, I buried it.. in AA "do-gooder". Today, 22+ years later, I finally am getting the pro help I have needed all along. I keep up with my meetings, talk to recovering Alcoholics DAILY, work my program to the best of my ability and when I cannot pray.. I know I need help, and my AA family, HERE as well as f2f pray for me!! I am finally learning it is alright to be depressed, this too will pass!! Love and prayers, Sharon
Member: Bert.K.
Location: Victoria Australia
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 9:01:04 AM
Hi I'm Bert.K from Victoria Australia and a non practicing Alcoholic only because I have A.A. in my life and I practice the program on a daily basis. Sierra I do sincerely hope that you will try the A.A. meetings again and remember that we can only show you how we got and are staying sober no one person can speak on behalf of A.A.and no one should tell you what to do,we lead by example only and you will find someone to follow. Someone who has a good solid sobriety and doesn't force you to do anything your not comfortable with. Good Luck and keep comming back to this site,we need you. Sorry I didn't share on depression but I have taken up enough space, thank you all for being here on this site. Bert.K.
Member: Dave H
Location: Madison Wi.
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 9:02:19 AM
To echo a previous entry: AA is not a cure all. The founders respected other paths that people need to take. On the other hand, as an old timer put it to me (and with a wry smile) AA has some sick people in it too. I'm feeling that it is deeply important to be honest with such concerns as depression for once we face it and take it on (one part of one day at a time) I for one feel that I am not the only one and that is very important for me. JC from Sac Ca, you have two powerful days, I have 11 years, thank you for your advice. I needed it, and was thinking along the same lines. Thanks for helping me too. Dave
Member: Sheri H.
Location: Kentucky
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 9:42:14 AM
Hello,
I'm really not sure where to start. My name is Sheri. I drank my last beer Friday, Nov. 3, 2000. I haven't even been to my first AA meeting. I have gone on line, however, and within an hour of my cry for help, I had five separate emails from recovering alcoholics. They shared their stories and it occurred to me that for me drinking was precipitated as a result of my being depressed. Alcohol numbed me so I didn't have to think about failed relationships, job offers that I didn't get, etc. What I'm saying is that the alcohol did not "depress" me, I drank because I was depressed. It's ironic that with a degree in Psychology my destructive behavior seems clear to me but I have felt powerless to do anything about it. I'm doing something about it now!! I believe it is called CONVICTION. Take care all.
Member: LeeEllen
Location: Michigan
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 10:38:53 AM
Hi - My name is LeeEllen and I'm an alcoholic with 7 years sober. Seems like all recovering alcoholics I've talked to have in common the fact that they were depressed all their lives --- even before crossing that invisible line to alcoholism. For me, I didn't know how to live on this earth --- couldn't "fit in," didn't feel like I belonged, felt like a failure, constantly "people-pleased," ignored my own wants and needs and concentrated on everyone else's (martyr syndrome?). I just plain lost myself somewhere, and alcohol made all this disappear. I felt equal, successful, pretty, capable, etc. when drinking until the inevitable crash the next day, only to start all over again.
After finding AA, I realized that I wasn't alone, that there were millions of people like me who understood and brought me into their fold with loving arms. I finally belonged. I'm grateful to be an alcoholic -- now I have some guidelines to follow to help me live a happy life! Sure, there are obstacles but today I don't have to drink to overcome them----or at least live with them. Thanks for letting me share. God Bless! Peace, LeeEllen
Member: knows where archives are
Location: if need be
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 10:57:55 AM
I have not bee depressed all my life but know what it's like to "not fit in". I realize now that 'normal' is merely a setting on the dryer.
I go to AA meetings to hear the experience, strength and hope of new people, oldtimers and oddtimers alike. Hehehe.
I agree wholeheartedly with persom who posted: "I really like to hear from older AA members who don't simply repeat the AA rhetoric but complement it with their own perceptions based on experience".
Just like at real meetings, I need people to talk to me with respect. We are all equals here whether we have 5 days, 5 years or 50 years (I know two people who have 50+ years sobriety).
Please share your experience, strength and hope, not more trivia from the past that anybody could find if they made the effort. It is the experience in your own life that we cannot find in archives.
May your sobriety dates never change
Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa Fl
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 11:09:01 AM
Depression is a matter of choice, Just like taking that first drink is a choice. Thank God for AA. Once we come to know about the program and what we can get through it, with the help of other suffering alcohlics we can get through that depression. But we have to chose to do so. Thanks Tom M
Member: Mike V.
Location: Maple Valley, WA
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 12:18:33 PM
Gary D. The only thing you need to change is everything
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 12:43:20 PM
move a muscle ,change a thought...i like that slogan.it tells me to do something, anything.if i sit and watch to much i start feeling sorry for myself,so i do simple things for me and i do things for other people too.the more meetings i attend the better i seem to do in many ways,i try to do like abe lincoln says"most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."i know that it's just not that easy sometimes but one must try....haveing faith,and not drinking today,will give me my best chance for happiness today....i'm tony an alcoholic
Member: Karen A
Location: Atlanta
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 12:47:14 PM
Now that I do not drink anymore (6 months), my depression is not nearly as bad. I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I never thought I could quit drinking- AA has helped me. I realize now feelings are only that- just feelings- reactions to thoughts. I can choose what thoughts I have and therefore help with the feelings. I have to have faith that this too will get better and get into the positive. If things are not working the way I am doing them, I make changes, talk to other alkies, spend time with friends, don't sit around by myself obsessing and dwelling. I am sure there are people out there who have bigger problems than me. Find the positives to be thankful for and stop dwelling on the negative. I am responsible for my own happiness. Pray.
Member: francis
Location:
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 12:50:48 PM
gary d.,
get rid of your roomate for starter.
Member: purple dino
Location:
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 1:20:23 PM
has anyone seen baby-bop?
barney
Member: Lynn D B
Location: Maine
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 1:54:51 PM
hi everybody! my name is lynn and i am an alcoholic. this is a great topic and one i am very familiar with. i am at least 4th generation alcoholic and have seen many members of my family suffer from and with alcoholism and depression. i believe that they go hand in hand. i can really identify with sheri's comment. it is like the old saying," which came first - the chicken or the egg?". did i drink because i was depressed or did the booze make me depressed? it's a tough one and one that my sponsor and i have discussed at length. by the grace of my Higher Power and the fellowship of Alcoholic's Anonymous i haven't had to take a drink since 12-24-99. ten and one half months sober and i am on the roller coaster ride of my life. it has been suggested to me to eat sugar as this will "alleviate" the cravings for booze but for this alcoholic, sugar is just solid alcohol and it continues the obsession in my mind. there are many differing opinions but speaking for myself,my brain will get it's substance one way or another... whether in the liquid form or solid, as in white sugar or white flour. just a suggestion from someone who's done ALOT of research on the subject. if you have the plug in the jug but can't shake the thoughts, check out your diet and the way you feed your body. just a couple of other brief thoughts: GARY> get out of the barbershop before you get a haircut, man! SHARON> you are a great example of "no matter what" and if you didn't drink over losing 7 family members, whew...thank you for sharing your story. lastly, i must state my opinion,and i do have one and it does stink, that depression is NOT a choice. thanks for letting me share. God, grant me the serenity...
Member: Lynn D B
Location: Maine
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 1:57:35 PM
hi everybody! my name is lynn and i am an alcoholic. this is a great topic and one i am very familiar with. i am at least 4th generation alcoholic and have seen many members of my family suffer from and with alcoholism and depression. i believe that they go hand in hand. i can really identify with sheri's comment. it is like the old saying," which came first - the chicken or the egg?". did i drink because i was depressed or did the booze make me depressed? it's a tough one and one that my sponsor and i have discussed at length. by the grace of my Higher Power and the fellowship of Alcoholic's Anonymous i haven't had to take a drink since 12-24-99. ten and one half months sober and i am on the roller coaster ride of my life. it has been suggested to me to eat sugar as this will "alleviate" the cravings for booze but for this alcoholic, sugar is just solid alcohol and it continues the obsession in my mind. there are many differing opinions but speaking for myself,my brain will get it's substance one way or another... whether in the liquid form or solid, as in white sugar or white flour. just a suggestion from someone who's done ALOT of research on the subject. if you have the plug in the jug but can't shake the thoughts, check out your diet and the way you feed your body. just a couple of other brief thoughts: GARY> get out of the barbershop before you get a haircut, man! SHARON> you are a great example of "no matter what" and if you didn't drink over losing 7 family members, whew...thank you for sharing your story. lastly, i must state my opinion,and i do have one and it does stink, that depression is NOT a choice. thanks for letting me share. God, grant me the serenity...
Member: William,A.
Location: N.Carolina
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 2:09:59 PM
Good afternoon,I am an alcololic named William I am really greatful that I am aware of the difference between lazyness& depression. Thanks to this wonderful fellowship I am happly and sober,and living in N.Carolina with my wife and children and am presently looking for work and depression is the furthest thing from my mind,especially since I have been to many A/A.. meetings in my old home state where I have met people who some refused to work this program and looked for a pill to do for them what they probably could have done for themselves buy get- ting a sponsor and looking at themselves,also I have watched others tell some of these sames persons that it is ok to talk about these things in our daily A/A.meetings and what sometimes have occured is that the real trouble- makers if you may were more than likly the persons that could have suggested that they take that to either thier doctors or to thier sponsors who may have a good idea of the real deal (laziness) or not.
In A/A.I have seen many get better and some stay the same ,some live and some die from untreated alcholisiam we all know at least (01) person that just does not drink and goes to meeting and will not work this program. The same applys for the people that help these people by saying live and let live mean I get better at the expience of others,even if that means staying in A/A in order to become popular telling the less expecting what they want to hear in-order to be popular in the name of GOD, A/A,& other people.
Be sure you are getting the real deal.
Member: Teri B
Location: Texas
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 2:21:13 PM
Hi All. I'm Teri an alcoholic. What a joy to be able to have a meeting like this! I started a new job after being unemployed for 6 months and I have not been able to make a meeting. This is great.... I also suffer from depression and have for 20 years. I drank in the begenning and then sobered up 12 years ago, I found that I neeed a little more than a meeting, so I went into counseling and am on medication on a daily basis. Some say that it is another addiction. I will disagree. Depression can be a serious imbalance of chemicals that the body needs to function "normally". This is my case. I have to take my medication just as a diabetic has to have insulin. I have gone off of it on a couple of occasions, but the chemical I need in my bod just isn't there. I will stress that this can only be diagnosed by a professional. Depression is different from having a bad day or losing a family member, although it can be brought on by these life occurences. I call these the "bumps in the road of life" as they will jar your teeth out of your head as you pass over them, but will smooth out after time...Thanks for letting me share. I hope this helps and remember Keep the faith and it'll come....Teri B.
Member: John D.
Location: Raleigh
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 3:56:34 PM
I'm John, alcoholic from NC. I had a tooth pulled Thursday and was given pain meds to take while I was in pain. Well I suffer from manic depression, but everything is cool if I take my meds. Well the pain medicien must have cancelled out the anti-depressiants cause I went through a manic episode. For those of you who don't know what I am talking about, a manic episode starts out where I am jacked up to the point of feeling like I am on coke, then you come crashing down and no matter how you try you just feel down in the dumps and want to sleep, I slept about 18 hours yesterday. I quit taking the pain pills Saturday, and today I feel 100% better. I am fourtunate to have a loving spouse who tries her best to understand what is wrong with me. I got a big meeting tonight at my home group and I am chairing a meeting Thursday, I think I'll get to the meeting tonight a little early. Thanks for letting me share. visit my discussion board: http://pub30.ezboard.com/fjohndsaadiscussionboardfrm1
Member: Craig L
Location: Beaverton, OR
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 5:12:37 PM
Thanks for the interesting topic. I suffered from depression most of my life. When I first discovered drugs and alcohol, I thought that I was saved. It was insidious how much I dedicated my life to staying loaded and away from any feelings. In the later years the “good” effects of being high got shorter and shorter, until it was only minutes of relief before I sank back into morbid desperation. I was absolutely isolated from everything except getting loaded. I popped in and out of therapy and took prescriptions while lying to my doctors about my drinking and continued to use. I have no clue how I survived, as I only wanted to die. My last drunk ended with a trip to the hospital and I was finally forced to be honest with my doctor. He gave me a couple prescriptions to help with anxiety and depression, with a plan for discontinuing their use. I have also known some AAs that felt-using antidepressants is not being “clean”. I don’t know about that, but I do know over the past six months I have not had a drink and I have a conscious contact with God. I have also had to face some difficult situations that would have sent me out to seek annihilation. When I still find myself settling into agitation/depression, I remind myself it is only a feeling and will pass. I also find mediation and helping others helps keep me moving back into a happy state of mind. Even the big book tells us to seek out medical help when required. I may have gotten some recovery relying only on the program of AA, but the two together gave me the one-two punch to get out of myself and become very active in AA and Life. I pray every day with gratitude, work the steps, go to daily meetings and follow the directions of my doctor. If you are new and struggling with depression and “self medication”, try getting honest with your doctor, follow the suggested program of AA and you are 100% assured of feeling much better. Thank you for being here.
Member: Dave P.
Location: Mass.
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 5:21:02 PM
Hi everyone, i'm Dave an alcoholic for sure. Depression is a very real truth to many of us. The best thing I've heard regarding this subject is to seek professional help. I new a member whom in my opinion sufferd a clinical depression. Was advised by a so called old timer ;To Get Of The Pittie Pot; upon which he sat. The member after which had taken this advice remained depressed. Dont fiqure. Anyway he has since been to the docs and with the proper meds hasat least a beginning on finding some peace in this world we live. Thank God weve made some progress.
Member: Sheri H
Location: Kentucky
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 6:49:18 PM
Hi, I'm Sheri. This is my third and final attempt to submitting a comment (server failure). Does anyone out there have advice on what to expect for a first visit to an AA meeting? I took my last drink and smoked my last cigarette Friday, Nov.3, 2000. What's my story? I forgot to pick up my son from daycare Friday because I was drunk. That was my wake up call. Also, are there any specific chat rooms or online AA meetings anyone can recommend? Lastly, has anyone ever had problems with extremely rapid heart rate (250bpm)? What did you do? I'd like to know as I'm scheduled for tests and a cadiologist and I want to know if all this is necessary. My email address is sherina34@kih.net. Thanks.
Member: Chrisine M.
Location: wine country, sonoma county,ca.
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 8:28:40 PM
Hi everyone, I also suffer from manic depression. What a rollercoaster. I have not been able to give up drinking for any length of time but really want to every morning. As the day wears on I become more and more convinced that my early morning anxiety was nothing more than that. I think this is called denial! I know I must sound like a baskit case, and baskit case I am. But, by all outwards appearances I probably seem fine. I am a mother of three, married to the father of all my children, live in a million dollar home which I bought, drive a $50,000 car, and am financially independant. I am probably what they call a soccer mom as I spend my day driving the kids around to sports, dance,choir,etc. I am also probably one of the most unhappy people alive. Drinking seems to be the only thing that relieves the stress and anxiety I feel on a daily basis. I've gone to aa meetings before. Please don't think me arrogant, but I, and them, were on different planets in every way possible except for the fact that we were alcoholics. I hope you understand that I am not bragging. I would appreciate you input.
Member: LeeEllen
Location: Michigan
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 9:13:12 PM
Hi -- LeeEllen here & alcoholic.
Hi Christine----Perhaps I've misinterpreted your post, but "things" such as an expensive house, car, lifestyle don't ensure our happiness. I'm sure many of the people you may have encountered in prior AA meetings have more in common with you than you may think. Maybe they rent their homes and ride the bus, but they drink for much the same reason as you do---because they're alcoholics.
When I came to AA, there were people from all walks of life. I was told early-on to take the cotton out of my ears and stick it in my mouth (a cliche, but it was helpful!). When I began to REALLY listen to their stories I was surprised to hear mine! Sure, the details were different as well as the sequence of events but all-in-all it was much the same and it brought us all to the tables. I can't remember anyone saying that they were happy "out there" and that's why they came to AA.
I was never arrested, but I can relate to the person who spent time behind bars----guilt, shame, remorse. I never lost a job because of drinking, but I can relate to the person who has---guilt, shame, remorse.
I guess what I'm saying is everyone who tells their story tells a little bit of mine, but a whole lot of how I felt. The physical and emotional parts know no status---there are no barriers to alcoholism. I hope you'll try meetings again----if you really listen, you'll hear your story. God Bless. Peace, LeeEllen
Member: lee
Location: peterborough
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 10:59:51 PM
Dear tom, i have known many people in the program and outside that suffer from depression. Bill W. suffered from depression.
To be depressed is not always a choice for these people (like picking up first drink is).
We need to stick to subject we know...alcoholism and it's treatment. Yes folks, i am an alcoholic...never said i wasn't hehehe
Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry,N.H,.
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 11:01:54 PM
Hi Rhonda, alcoholic. Good topic one that everyone seems to relate to on some level. Thanks for all the great ES&H
Member: dena k
Location: eugene or
Date: 11/6/00
Time: 11:03:30 PM
Depression-good topic i've had to realize that I was powerless over my depression and when I started to work the steps around the issue it really helped- I don't discount the use of herbs or pharmaceuticals- they can be great tools to help work on letting my emotions guide me rather than rule me. I can share what worked for me and how I have been able to be in recovery one day at a time for a few days (13 yrs+) every day is a gift and a challeng for me as a recovering person there is always something I feel deprived of ( one definition of depression) and I can either let it become a problem or I can use whatever to help me think a nd act appropriately in every situation-I remember what has been suggested that works for me call your sponser, work the steps ,let go let god of my understanding, write, meditate, stay clean and sober one day at a time- it works!!!!
Member: Melissa
Location: Texas
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 12:00:13 AM
Hi, I'm Melissa & an alcoholic. Depression is not a state of mind - it is a physical disorder. Our neurochemistry becomes messed up after all the damage we've done to ourselves. Depression is no more a state of mind than cancer is. I can't stand it when someone who claims to be a recovering, loving individual berates another recovering, loving individual for being depressed, "snap out of it", "you can get happy", "you must not be working your program right", etc. Plain ignorance.
I've been through 1 serious depression during my 6 years of sobriety & several less severe episodes. I hated the idea of taking meds but as it was already stated, Bill knew that AA was not the cure for every ailment. So I did what my sponsor & doctor told me to do. Depression is a scary place for me, I know how to make myself feel better. WHen my head is cloudy because of the depression, I don't feel connected to God & fear picking up my own version of medication. Fortunately, I went to the Dr.before it went that far. And I have very few problems with depression today & am able to do some quality step work w/o being so overwhelmed by those dark, ugly feelings.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 3:00:38 AM
Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic.Depression is something that affects all people at one time or another in and out of the rooms of AA.The Big Book tells us that we must tend to our other problems.I am not an Pschologist or Psychiatrist and therefore not qualified to advise anyone on this serious condition.Professional help ought to be sought.I was told early on, my advice could kill another alcoholic. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless all.
Member: Russell H
Location: NSW Australia
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 5:59:35 AM
We are all sick people trying to get well, not well people trying to get better. The Big Book tells me that people with problems other then alcoholism should refer those problems to qualified practioners. I don't put mind altering substances into my body because I no longer need to,however, if my physical or mental condition required professionally prescribed medication I would not hesitate to use it. I have seen the terrible demise of members refusing such needed medication because some clown told them 'pills are for dills.' Shoemaker stick to thy last. I am entitled to discuss what it was like, what happened and what it is like now. I am not entitled to give unqualified advice. On the other hand, I do not have to listen to bad advice. God Bless you all, no matter what happens keep coming back.
Member: Bob H.
Location: South Bend,In.
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 7:29:51 AM
Bob alcoholic, depression,is something i don"t like but i can accept that i have it today sometimes .I find that if i focus on my recovery and not on the depression ,don"t drink ,go to meetings work the steps my depression is less and less.Look for the good,depression tells me i "m still not well an d i stil have work to do .the good thing about it to day is it helps me to take a better look at myself and the continue to look to my higher power for help it also helps keep me humble .An Gary,when i came to this program they toldme i had to let go of people ,places,and things,be willing to go to any length to not take a drink and go to meetings ,meetings and more meetings,keepthe focus on my sobriety and everythingelse would fall into place.Hang in this program ,<it does get better >
Member: LeeEllen
Location: Michigan
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 10:04:20 AM
Hi - LeeEllen & an alcoholic. For me, getting out of myself and into helping others works best. I'm great at obsessing about my "problems," but if I'm busy doing some kind of service work I don't have time to think of all my so-called woes. There have been times when I've allowed myself to get just plain exhausted from concentrating on the negative and those are the times when I either call my sponsor, get to a meeting, call a newcomer or all the above. H.A.L.T. has been drummed into my head too, and it helps me remember that I'm the only one who can take care of me---I'm no use to anyone else if I'm not physically/spiritually fit. Thanks for letting me share. Peace, LeeEllen
Member: dena k
Location: or
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 1:09:20 PM
hello everyone, my name is dena and i'm a recovering alcoholic.Today I am sober and I woke up and i am grateful for being alive.i have found in my recovery that real medical problems cannot be ignored.my story is like so many others- my first diagnosis was severe depression and i found that once i treated tha depression i had the energy to accept and deal with my alcoholism-like so many it was a symptom for me - a way to self medicate myself wrongly to treat that depression i've had all my life because of other things-i accept that i can't take that first one-that i must work the program diligently-that i must always be conscious of my intent for my disease puts some wierd twists in my thinking for me - i have to daily(even after 13 yrs) give myself positive affirmations to reprogram my thoughts from lifelong negative thinking-i was convinced that anything wrong was because of me. writing is something i do every day around a topic and with gratitude i am making this group part of my daily program today i can believe that i am a capable and competent person, i can accept that i am human and that when i make a mistake that it is ok- it is only stuff and stuff can be fixed- i don't need to punish myself because someone doesn't like an idea or something that i've said and working the program has gotten me ther today i can be with all kinds of people and it's ok for i know that i have a HP that is always with me to protect me and guide me a long my path according to HP will and not mine-letting go is another key to let go of depression- when all the world is not my fault then it is easier in my mind to let go and feel ok with myself and those around me i was told early on to flush the anger and this too helped thanx for letting me share here's to sobriety and health
Member: jason
Location:
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 1:38:20 PM
nomansland is a terrible place to be in my mind
Member: Melissa B.
Location: Canada
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 2:16:39 PM
Dear Christine, Except for the quality of your home and car, your story is my story! You wrote 'drinking is the only thing that relieves the anxiety and stress I feel on a daily basis' and I just wanted to say, that's what I thought, and that's how I felt, too. It seems important to share that what happened to me is that I found out that drinking was CAUSING the anxiety and stress I felt on a daily basis. But I didn't know that until I stopped drinking. All the anxiety and all the stress melted away. It's only been sixteen months and all the outside things are the same (kids, husband, home, SOCCER...) and all the inside things are completely different and I am comfortable living in my own skin now. I went to AA too, and looked around and thought 'no way', but basically when the pain became too great, I went back and discovered that AA had changed dramatically! God knows I don't wish anyone pain, but I do wish recovery for those that want it. Good luck to you - and please remember, no matter what it feels like, you're truly not alone. Lots of love, from Melissa, an alcoholic.
Member: Jon H
Location: AZ
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 2:22:53 PM
My name is Jon and I am a Alchoholic When I get depressed I talk to my sponsor or to a friend or go to a meeting, online meetings are no substitute for the real thing.
Member: Julie H
Location: Detroit
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 5:46:37 PM
I'm so glad to see people in AA acknowledging clinical depression. I have known many depression sufferers who don't drink. I am one of those folks who suffers from both diseases (depression and alcoholism), and what a deadly combination! I know that I need medication for my depression. I also know that I need AA for my alcoholism. When I don't make a place for both in my day to day life, I'm asking for trouble. For those of us who are considered "dual diagnosis," there are groups out there that acknowledge alcoholism and depression/schizophrenia, etc., and don't say "pills are for dills." Seek them out if you need them. What a great topic. Thank you all for sharing.
Member: William,A...
Location: N.Carolina
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 6:10:35 PM
This is mainly to the soccor mom: Honey be-greatful that you are alive,and at times in your right mind,you weere probably right the one thing that you and those people had in common was the fact that you both were members of A/A. Listen,back in (1991) I came in- to A/A,for the second time,but the difference this time is that I came to learn how to live not just to stop drinking ,you see I had stopped drinking many times but never did I ask any questions about those things that trobled me inside,when I did that for the first time I then started to get some relief like never bef- ore and in A/A,I also found the trur meaning of love thy self.So please give yourself as well as your family a break stay while you are here you dont have to feel the way you feel right afteer you drop the kids off and are faced with yourself. I love you because I have know choice in the matter.
Member: Billy H
Location: Philly
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 7:13:20 PM
Hi,everyone.My name is Billy and Iam an alcoholic.I've been reading everyone posts and I also can relate to the topic of the week.for me ther is an obvious connection between depression and self-esteem .The more depression we experience,the more difficulty we usually have in retaining a positive sense of self.Depression is flattening .It could actuallybe called a spiritual steamroller.Ithink thatcourage is necessary in dealing with depression.It takes toughness to win.When all the strategizing is done,all the info gained,what is left is simply the call for stamina and grit.Even when"going on"is the last thing we may want or do.It takes alot of courage to make a simple affirmation when we feel the world is coming down around us.To get to a meeting when all we want to do is sleep or cry is sheer bravery,and nothing less.To reach out when all we want to do is isolate maytake the heroism of a medal-of-honor winner.When all is said and done,toughness maybe our best weapon.My prayers are with all who suffer today. TREASURE YOURSELF AND YOUR SOBRIETY!! peace Billy H.
Member: MARIANNE S.
Location: BOSTON, MA
Date: 11/7/00
Time: 8:39:57 PM
HI, IM MARIANNE. IM AN ALCOHOLIC. I ACTUALLY HAVENT GONE TO ANY MEETINGS THIS WEEK SO THIS IS WHY I DECIDED TO CHECK OUT THE WEB. ANYWAY, DEPRESSION IS MY BIGGEST ISSUE. I HAVE BEEN DEPRESSED FOR OVER THREE YEARS AND EXTREMELY SUICIDAL THE PAST FEW MONTHS. I ACTUALLY TRIED TO KILL MYSELF WHEN I WAS DRUNK BUT MY FATHER FOUND ME. I DONT KNOW NOW IF IM LUCKY TO BE ALIVE OR NOT. SOME DAYS I AM HAPPY THAT I AM HERE, NOT EXTREMELY HAPPY BUT OK WITH LIFE. MOST DAYS I HATE MYSELF AND LIFE. I AM GETTING MY TWO MONTH CHIP NEXT WED. I AM EXPERIENCING ALOT OF SHAKING AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. I THINK I AM GOING CRAZY. I JUST NEED TO TELL SOMEONE AND I FEEL SO SCARED TALKING IN PERSON OR CALLING SOMEONE. I THINK THAT WE ALL SEEM TO WANT TO TALK ABOUT OURSLEVES ALL THE TIME AT MEETINGS AND I OFTEN FIND THAT I NEVER GET TO FINISH MY STORY BECAUSE SOMEONE INTERUPTS ME. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO HELP AND A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THAT HAVE DONE SERIOUS CRIMES AND STUFF DONT HELP ME WHEN I HEAR THEM. I DIDNT DRINK EVERYDAY. JUST ON THE WEEKENDS. I ONLY DRANK FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. I AM ONLY 19. I DONT RELATE TO ALOT OF PEOPLES STORIES. I JUST KNOW THAT WHEN I ANSWER THE QUESTIONS ON WHETHER OR NOT I HAVE I PROBLEM I ALWAYS DO. I DONT REALLY KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF. THE PEOPLE IN AA SEEM LIKE THERE LIVES ARE SO GREAT JUST HANGING OUT AND BEING IN BED BY 12 BUT I SERIOUSLY CANT TAKE ANY MORE OF THAT. THIS WEEKEND WAS THE FIRST WEEKEND THAT I HAD FUN SOBER AND IT WAS BECAUSE I SKIPPED MY MEETING AND WENT TO SOME PARTIES. YES, I HAD A HARD TIME NOT DRINKING BUT IT IS BETTER THAN GOING TO SOME AA DANCE THAT ENDS AT 12 AND FEELING LIKE A LOSER BEING HOME SO EARLY. ANYWAY THIS IS REALLY LONG BUT IT ALL CONTRIBUTES TO MY DEPRESSION AND I AM SEEKING OTHER HELP. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SAY WHAT I NEEDED TO. MARIANNE S.
Member: Walt
Location: Norcal
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 9:44:04 AM
Walt, alcoholic.........Marianne, thank you for your painful share, once again I am reminded that as I think I am I'll be. In 1987 I was refered to a pilot study for PROZAC, where they tested me and said that I was very depressed. Thank God that I somehow didn't start the drug, but stopped the real cause of my depression, alcohol. That was Feb 15 1988, and from that day to this I haven't had to drink or drug, but I have had to live with my thinking every day since. If you read the Big Book carefully you will see that that is an alcoholic's real problem. Do whatever it takes to not drink or drug a day at a time and H.P. will do for you what you can't do right now for yourself. Please believe me when I tell you that this gift that you have been given for two months is worth more than whatever you can imagine at this moment. Via con Dios
Member: Roseann A
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 10:59:01 AM
I think I'm an alcoholic. I've never admitted that to myself before. I am very afraid and depressed. I've never been to any kind of meeting before and I hope it is okay for me to be here. Roseann A
Member: Mrs Linda D
Location: Houston, Texas
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 2:05:17 PM
I'm an addict & alcoholic - my name is Linda. Great topic. I too suffer from depression, and sometimes "normal" periods. I have been this way all my life. The depression sometimes made me JUST this side of suicidal. I would take a bottle of pills to kill myself, and then find myself in my parent's bedroom in the middle of the night. Off to the hospital for the lovely charcoal shakes.
I have noticed a few things about this in my sobriety.
1. I was so "high" on being sober that the depression had no where to go. I was "MS. AA"
2. The depression came when things go normal. I would work my program as hard as I could to try and eliviate the depression. Doing the steps, praying, meditating, anything anyone suggested.
3. Nothing seemed to work. Then somone suggested going to a doctor to see if there was a PHYSICAL problem.
4. BINGO! We have a winner.
I still have my ups and my pretty bad downs. But I am still alive and going to meetings.
I have also noticed the ones who say your'e not sober if you are taking an antidepressant have never needed to take one.
Kind of like a "normal" drinker saying, why can't you just stop drinking like I do.
In AA if you ask long enough, someone has gone through exactly what you are going through. If they haven't been there, they do not need to give you advise on something they know nothing about.
It's a beautiful day to be clean and sober!!!!!
Member: lu-lu
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 2:08:14 PM
(((gary)))) lose the roomate, and avoid "slippery places" on page 100/101, The beautiful big book says (something like) "we can do all these things PROVIDED WE ARE SPIRITUALY FIT... (i'm paraphrasing so,please read it y'self...)i achieve spiritual fitness thru working a solid program,for my first 9 months i did not go to "slippery places" without an "A.A. HEAD" and when i finnally felt "safe" to visit a "friend" i'd used to sell pot to, i found we did not have much in common any longer... when i got to A.A. a bit over 7 years ago i was willing (thank god) to do the things suggested,now adays i feel safe to go where ever the hell i please, i sing so i frequently go to bars, and find myself in the company of people who drink and use... it's not like i would not like to participate but JUST LIKE THE BEAUTIFULL BIG BOOK SAYS: "we recoil as if from a hot flame.."(thats page 84/85) STEPS STEPS STEPS +PLUS A BIT OF ATTENTION TO THE TRADITIONS HAVE SAVED,AND CHANGED MY LIFE! hang in there lil' newcomer............ AS FOR DEPRESSION, I really believe it to be a HUMAN condition non-alcoholics get it too! i'm just greatfull i can feel today, when i'm depressed i've been taught to write about it call my sponsor, sometimes it means a new lesson is on the way, or that something in my life needs to change,pulling my head out of my butt hole long enough to be of service to SOMEONE ELSE, OFTEN HELPS TREMENDOUSLY, prayer and acknowledging what I AM GREATFULL for helps too.
Member: dena k
Location: oregon
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 2:24:15 PM
hi everyone, Dena here, recovering person living one day at a time in sobriety. Marianne, thank you for sharing. I need to hear the newcomer and the perspective that is brought thru your eyes. Stay sober!!! there are many ways ro accomplish working the program-some do it in isolation, some do it by obsessing on the groups--what matters is that I stay clean, work the program to the best of my ability and continue to grow. When I first got to the program I was told that we stopped maturing emotionally at the time that we started to drink and was that true for me and it was painful to "grow up" when I thought I was already grown-was I mistaken. This procass is a painful and lonely trip for me at times however it is also one with great rewards and friends who I can be all of my crazy self with and that's ok. For me, my friends were on my side- I would go to parties and they would ensure(the host that is) that I would not be confrontd with substances and thay knew that I would leave if I got uncomfortable with the level of the party. some 'friends'I did have to let go of and at each step of the way I struggled with depression and guilt- I'm finding that when I set a limit with someone and I feel guilty I am doing the right thing. I too was one of those that helped to get FDA approval of prozac and for me it was a lifesaver I was able to deal with my emotions and the crap in my life I know for me it helped in my recovery-at least I could get out of bed each day and had the strength to give myself positive affirmations each day.I still do this on a daily basis and for me it works. I am productive now and able to interact with people in an appropriate way. there are a lot of different meetings out there and I believe and advocate that if one meeting doesn't work go to another. don't give up--life gets good in recovery dena
Member: Deborah P.
Location: Georgia
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 3:09:41 PM
My name is Deborah and I'm an alcoholic. I lost 2 grandparents and 2 babies and didn;t drink. I have gotten outside help with therapy and medication. I'm much better now and have concluded therapy. I agree with previous comments that we are not "doctors" in AA and even the big book says outside help is needed at times. I do work the steps and attend "live" meetings which I would strongly suggest to all the newcomers. To all the newcomers, good luck and I know each of you are important to God and He will help you if you allow. Thanks.
Member: LU_LU
Location: head angel
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 3:13:10 PM
mrs. linda d. have you ever heard of "singleness of purpose"??????
Member: SHUT UP
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 4:33:19 PM
To Lu-Lu: SHUT UP you are a moron.
Spiritually fit? In a pig's eye you are!!
Keep coming back...but just to read, don't
comment. Nobody here wants what you have to
offer. Shut the fek up will ya!!
Member: rod
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 6:21:48 PM
yea you tell her htU,you slime bucket mammas bed boy.
rodriguiz
Member: shutup
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 6:25:06 PM
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++)>>>>>>>
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++)<<<<<<>>>>>>> which side of da tracks are ya frum
shutup
Member: du-du
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 6:27:10 PM
my name is du-du
Member: lu-lu
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 7:03:55 PM
Member: htU
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 7:48:39 PM
llluuuuu-llllllllluuuuuuulu-lu------lu-lu where are you honnie pie?????
htU
Member: Billy H
Location: Philly
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 8:25:33 PM
Hey everyone my name is Billy and iam an alcoholic.Welcome Roseanne!!I you would like more information and to find out if you belong.You could keep coming back to this site or you could go to http://www.sobervoices.com.Hardest part is admitting your an Alcoholic and it willget easier.Keep coming back.There are alot of great women on this site.Iam sure that they would love tohelp w/ any questions you might have.Congratulations your on your way to wonderful life if you really want it.
Member: 0b9
Location:
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 9:50:54 PM
the page cannot be displayed...........
..........imagine that
Member: Marsha W
Location: Northern Chile
Date: 11/8/00
Time: 9:54:45 PM
(((Marianne - Boston))) I just read your post and cried - the depression and suicide attempts sounded just like me at your age, except that I didn't start to drink until I was 24 and it didn't become a problem for a years after that. PLEASE, PLEASE don't listen to the AA fanatics who tell you just to stop drinking and go to meetings. Get yourself to a doctor or mental health clinic first and find out from a professional if you need medication for your depression. Don't be afraid to talk to the person about your drinking and if he/she thinks the program would be a help for you, then keep trying. And keep checking out different groups; some have more young people than others and you will feel more comfortable and will relate better to their stories. But please get medical/professional advice (about your depression first and drinking second) as fast as you can.
And keep visiting this site - there are some people with wonderful, inspiring thoughts and great wisdom, and they aren't always the ones who have years of sobriety. Just ignore the fanatics and occasional sickos!!!
Please keep in touch with the site and know that people are praying for you to get the help you need. God bless!! And try to stay away from the drinking - it may not be your number one problem but it sure doesn't help anything.
Member: Nancy Brennan
Location: Crawfordsville, IN
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 12:04:31 AM
Hello everyone! I'm Nancy & I'm an alcoholic!! I am very grateful to be an alcoholic! I hold my head high when I say this. If I wasn't, I would of never found A.A. Someone said it earlier, even "NORMAL" people (whatever that is) get depressed. But at least I have a program that teaches me to live life on lifes terms if I choose to do so. The "NORMIES" don't have this advantage. I know alot of us in A.A. can also choose to continue in the depression, self-pity, self centeredness, whatever one wishes to call it, BUT WHY???? That's exactly how I was when I drank daily. I was miserable & made everyone around me miserable too. As an "old timer" in this program says alot, "I have to have an attitude of gratitude" I always have something to be grateful for, if I choose to see it. That's much more satisfying than the other way. I have went down & lost all I want to to this disease. My life is so much better today. I have gained so many neat things in soberity. I also have to watch the people, places, & things I involve myself with today. That makes alot of difference in my peace of mind. And right now I choose to stick with the winners. When I get involved with recovering people, I usually stay on the right track. My High Power & I must be doing something right, I have not found it necessary to pick up a drink for 2 years now (the 8th)!! This is the longest I've been sober since my first attempt at it in 1993. THERE IS NO REASON GOOD ENOUGH TODAY FOR ME TO PICK UP THAT FIRST DRINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to become WILLING though, I had to hit that last bottom, I pray every night it was my last! And I couldn't of done it without you people in A.A. & my High Power (a god of my own understanding) Remember in the first paragraph of How It Works: "There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest." I have not "YET" had to seek professional help for this situation. I know alot who have & their lives became alot better. GO TO ANY LENGTHS!! I have this one last thing to share: 12 Rewards Of The 12 Step Program
1. Hope instead of desperation.
2. Faith instead of despair.
3. Courage instead of fear.
4. Peace of mind instead of confusion.
5. Self-respect instead of self contempt.
6. Self-confidence instead of helplessness.
7. The respect of others instead of their pity and contempt.
8. A clean conscience instead of a sense of guilt.
9. Real friendships instead of loneliness.
10. A clean pattern of life instead of a purposeless existence.
11. The love and understanding of our families instead of their doubts and fears.
12. The freedom of a happy life instead of the bondage of an Alcoholic obsession.
The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
Thank you all for letting me share. I hope I didn't ramble too much!!
Everyone have a wonderful day! I know I'm going to!!
Member: LU-LU2001-
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 1:16:05 AM
hey ((((shut-up)))) oh, don't tell me,you MUST BE ONE OF THOSE "unique ones" who has no respect for, and/or knowledge of ; singleness of purpose... you poor little defiant twit, hopefully you won't have to "go out" too many times before you get it."principals before personalities" includes your personality too! what little there is of it...i was most likely here when you got here and i will surely be here when you're gone! but do keep coming back to spew your dis-ease , for,its IDIOTS LIKE YOURSELF THAT HELP TEACH THE REST OF US ABOUT PATIENCE,AND TOLERANCE.... ((((SHUT-UP.... did your mother name you that? or have you just heard it sooo much that you really believe its your name? "keep coming in your own crack"you sick fucker,and i'll be praying for you... TO GET EVERYTHING YOU TRUELY DESERVE.... LU-LU.. .
Member: Joe A. DOS 2/19/71
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 6:13:48 AM
Hi, everyone! Joe A. of Portland back again.
In one of the "pop" psychology books so popular back in the 70s and 80s, the author had a whole chapter on depression. This chapter began with the words "In the absence of a physical reason, every depression is the direct result of being denied something we want too much."
If you are a newcomer, probably there is still alcohol in your bloodstream. Alcohol is a depressant drug. Apparently there are many other physical reasons for depression, but since I am not a doctor, I will not comment on them. Instead, I will share my experience and realizations on this subject.
I used to go around saying, "I want what I want when I want, and I want it right now." I have finally come to realize that was not my attitude at all. My REAL attitude was, "I've got to have what I want when I want it and I've got to have it the moment it occurs to me."
That "got to have" is a demand. To see the effects of making demands, see page 76 of the 12x12. What it says is effect is that the chief activator of our character defects is self-centered fear, usually fear that we will not get what we want of will lose something we've got. A life lived on the basis of unsatisfied DEMANDS is a life of continual disturbance and frustration.
There is the cause of the non-physically-related depressions. I stopped making all those demands when I finally got sick and tired of living my life in the unhappy mode and not a moment sooner. Somewhere is the AA literature, I have seen the idea that "some of us must be beaten into a state of reasonableness." Yep, that is me all right! LOL
Peace, love and happy sobriety to all!
Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West Fl.
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 6:22:02 AM
Hi Family Charlie Darling a very gratful recovering alcholic, and today I am not depressed why because of AA it has helped me to get my life back on track, for I always beat myself up about everything , and today I pray and turn it over to GOD as prayer works in all aspects of the day. My mornining prayer is short and simple . it is God help me to realize that nothing is going to happen that you and I can't handel and we have been handling it for a few 24 now, and I can look in the mirror today and say I love you Charlie instead of beating myself up. Meeting makers make it, and I slacked off on meetings for about 6 mos and found out I was starting to get into that rut again and I spoke to my boss and asked if I could start at 9am instead of 8:30am because I needed my morning meetings and being he is a practing alcholic he did say ok, and who knows maybe my asking will help him to find a better way of life instead of all the depression he has. To the new comers you have to change everything in order to change yourself, and that is people places and things. So keep coming back it works if you work it. And you to will end up loving yourself. So I'll keep coming back to get my daily dose of medicine.Love you all kwduke@keysdigital.com
Member: BevR
Location: RI
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 8:26:41 AM
Hello Everyone, I'm Bev a grateful recovering alchoholic & compulsive gambler. Those were the 2 major addictions in my life although there have been others. What's most significant for me is that after 17 years of active participation in AA I married a guy from the program & we both stopped going to meetings. It is only through the Grace of my own HP that I have been given the gift of GA & have not found it necessary to pick up a drink. What is most obvious to me that without a program of recovery my life truly does become unmanagable so I'm now a grateful member of both programs.
Depression, for me, has been a life long challenge. When I first came in to AA back in 72' many people felt that even perscription drugs were unacceptable. Today I know that as long as I am honest with my Dr.'s & use the meds as perscribed they can be helpful. Yes it has been necessary for me to find a therapist & take meds when all else fails. Most of the time being active in the programs, helping others, keeping myself busy & productive, talking to others in recovery & maintaining an attitude of gratitude is enough, but during those times when the depression comes creeping back I now know what I need to do. Thanks to my HP, GA, AA, a wonderful sponsor & many friends in both programs I have been able to deal with the feelings...one day at a time!
It has been 3 months since I last took any meds for depression. What works for me now is having an awareness of when I'm slipping back in to the "stinking thinking" that enables the dark moods to become prevalent. Changing my thinking..."an attitude adjustment" works wonders for me. I do believe that recovery is a very personal & individual thing that each of us must work at on a daily basis. I would never presume to have the answers for someone else, but know that by sharing my own experience, strength & hope it might help someone else to find their way to a better life also. I do hope that anyone who suffers from depression will seek professional help & continue to be active in the program also. Without the caring & sharing of my brothers & sisters in recovery I would not be here today to learn from all of you. Thanks for being here.
Member: Andie L
Location: Ireland
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 8:39:11 AM
I think nearly all alcoholics suffer depression. It is hand in hand with the disease. But it does get easier by going to meetings and handing it over to the higher power (as I understand him). There is a piece in the Big Book that says "Acceptance is the key to ALL my problems". I believe that with all my heart. If I can accept situations in my life and if I believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be at in this life, I find it easier to fight the depression. I am sober two and a half years and I fought depression for a long time. But it wasn't until I came to terms with this higher power that I got some peace. Best of luck to all.
Member: Roseann A
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 10:38:22 AM
Billy...thank you for welcoming me. I have been doing a lots of reading and I think I understand where I am. I was hoping to communicate with people here but it doesn't seem like a safe place for me. I'll keep trying perhaps with a different message board. Thanks again.
Member: shutup
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 12:57:16 PM
lu-lu,
EAT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
shutup
Member: dena k
Location: or
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 1:13:45 PM
hi-dena recovering person-in reviewing what has been shared i remember that there are people in the program and that means all different view points and levels of recovery and i am grateful for just this- at one time i would get depressed because it wasnot how i want it now i know it is not my will and whan I accept what is for what it is then life is better- I stopped fighting with myself and others and now life is good each day is a new beginning for me and today I feel happy and able to so without too much effort the program has allowed me to think things thru for myself and have the strength to take risks and make mistakes in recovery today dena
Member: shut up
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 2:27:32 PM
The instructions were relatively simple....SHUT UP lu-lu-loser
Member: Scott A.
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 3:36:32 PM
I would have to say that if you are an alcoholic then you have suffered from depression at some time during your drinking days. I used to drink to get rid of the dpression, it would only work for a few hours. As i sobbered up I would find the same problems I ran away from were still there causing me to pick the bottle up again. This was an endless cycle. A negative feedback loop, never ending always turning. When I sobered up and didn't have the bottle to fall back on the depression just stayed for a while. The thing I used to make it dissapear was gone. I had to accually look at what drinking had done to me, my life and the people around me. Things I never wanted to see, things I had ran wawy from for a long time, years. By working the steps and turning my life over to god, the depresion started to slip away, I now find the promises coming true, only through the grace of god. SOME DAYS I STILL GET DEPRESSED, but through prayer and god's hand I can get through it without a drink. I know that no matter how down I am a drink will only get me more down. Remeber use your numbers your friends who are sober, and god to get through those times.
Member: Lynn D B
Location: Maine
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 4:43:21 PM
hello everyone, my name is still lynn and i am still an alcoholic. this is the first week i've been to this site and am VERY impressed with what i've read so far. it is good to remember back to my first days of sobriety and know, in my heart, that i don't ever want to feel like that again. i know that for today, i won't ever have to IF i don't take that 1st drink. that is one of the promises i hold on to the hardest. sometimes it is my life raft; the only thing keeping me from sinking into the depression and then, inevitably, into the bottle. for all the new comers, keep coming back and find a meeting that is right for you. [marianne, check out ala-teen]i would like to say to lu-lu that i was having a lot of respect for you tolerating that behaviour until i saw you sink back into it yourself. we all must remember that..."SOME ARE SICKER THAN OTHERS" and lu-lu and shut up have proved it to me.thanks you two for helping keep me sober today! MAY OUR HIGHER POWER TOUCH YOU ALL!!!
Member: Denise l S
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 5:55:28 PM
HI! I havent been here for awhile. DEPRESSION!! The biggest part of my alcoholic cycle!! Even thouogh I have sooo much to do somedays I just want to sit on my couch and be a veggie!!The idea that I am SUPERWOMAN depresses me!The fact that I am NOT Superwoman depresses me! Everytime I accomplish something I get depressed and when I don't accomplish something I get depressed!!This issue is a constant battle for me and I dont want to rely on anything to help that...The doctor wants to give me meds but I feel half whole on them so I am trying to deal with it on my own sober and clear minded.I dont know if what I wrote makes any sense.
BYE!
Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 6:07:42 PM
Depression, that sadness or lack of oneness is but another word for uselessness and self pity that shall slip away with the promises. The closer I get to God the more employed I become, the more love I have, to wit: joy in the holy ghost that the program points to is poured over me or shed abroad in my heart. Once that oneness is there we are no longer orphens as before and the sadness goes away for there is no place left for it; Draw nigh unto God and he will draw nigh unto you; If I neglect myself to that dreadful point where God is in none of my thoughts then the spirit will leave me to the emptyness that cannot but follow, for without food and light I cannot well live as one of the saints once replied. The word of God is that food and the light will follow by the grace of God; herein lies the saying "but for the grace of God go I." It's often not stated as a quest, but it is to be sought after for without it love joy and peace are wanting and who could not be depressed because it? The world is in opposition to this directive, it will choke out all spiritual progress if I give myself to obey it and its principles, but I must die to the basic principles of this world if I am to be worthy of the felloship I desire with God, herein then is that letting go absolutly of the which half measures avail nothing. But God is gracious if we are not neglegent toward him, he will not turn his face from me if I abide in him and walk in him and rely on him. To let go and let God is not to find lonelyness, on the contrary it brings me into felloship with the Father and with his Son our Lord, and all lonelyness has no place at after all....
Member: lu-lu
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 6:20:13 PM
the big beautifull big book says i dont have to. so there mr.shutup-out
lu-lu
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 7:09:11 PM
My Name is Bill and I am an alcoholic. The day I walked into these rooms. That was all I knew. That was all I had to know. It wasn't until further along in recovery did I find out that I had issues other than alcohol that needed attention. But I had to deal with my alcoholism first.
I hold a degree in Nuclear Medicine but I do not practice medicine. I have read a lot of these posts. Now I offer some sound advice on depression.
If you are clinically depressed. See a doctor
If you think you are clinically depressed. See a doctor.
If you are unsure whether or not you are clinically depressed. See a doctor.
If you are diagnosed and given medication. Then follow your doctors orders. Do not let anyone in AA tell you you are not sober if you take prescribed medications in accordance to your doctors orders.
Finally make sure that your doctor knows you are alcoholic. There may be some non mind altering drug available.
The first words out of my mouth when I see a new doctor is that I am an alcoholic that has not had a drink since 1981. I am a smoker who has not had a cigarette since 1993. I also mention that if he feels addictive medication in appropriate for me, then I will take it but he better be ready to de-tos me. :)
Bill, az-bill@primenet.com
Member: LU-LU2001
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 8:57:57 PM
(((lu-lu (the impostor))))))thanks for watching my back , but don't worry i can handle these dry geeks, all by m'self, please allow me to apologize for the mean word i called you, i won't do it again...unless of course you provoke me... "we step on the toes of our fellows, and they retaliate ,seemingly without provication..."
Member: me
Location: here
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 9:03:20 PM
Hey there Mr. Shut-Up........ Why are you calling lulu a loser you loser. Haven't you ever had a hard time with both of your diseases? I should think that you have with your two diseases-a double problem--that you would seek out double help and therefore you wouldn't be such an ass hole and would be more in the solution and looking for answers not only in the first 164 pages, but the rest of them also and the 12&12 and in all of the pamphlets. Bill W. wrote an excellent one before he croaked about outside issues. Pick it up. Read it. It is after all APPROVED AA literature. Maybe if you were better informed about the solution to this disease and not the disease itself, you wouldn't mind the truth from lulu
Member: LU-LU2001
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 9:04:08 PM
(((((shut-up))))) if you have a problem with me how bout you write about it , call your sponsor,(if you even have one)and pray for me,i'll be here praying for you ,to get everything you deserve... EVERYTHING!
Member: (((())))
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 9:09:39 PM
OK,only if you promise to let me peak,that is if your still not wearing panties!!!!!
(((((((( imposter))))
Member: me
Location: here
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 9:28:44 PM
hi lu-lu,
you cutie you!!!!!!!
me
Member: shutup
Location:
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 9:31:01 PM
i like 'em nasty
shutup
Member: Marie
Location: Alcoholics Anonymous
Date: 11/9/00
Time: 10:06:59 PM
I'm Marie, I'm an alcoholic,Thank God the steps worked in my life before I was half way through, if I didn't start getting relief from depression early on I wouldn't have stayed sober for very long, thats not to say I still don't get depressed from time to time, life will do that to us all you know,the difference today is I know what to do about it, I Pray!! Thanks for listening.
Member: Crickett C.
Location: Texas
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 1:17:19 AM
Hi, My name is Crickett and I'm an Alcoholic. I take paxil for depression. I've been wanting to stop but I'm affraid to. I have just over 11 months sober and I dont want to loose it.
Member: Doug
Location: BC
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 3:32:12 AM
Hello everyone my name is Doug S and I am an alcoholic, depression for me is one of the biggest things that has caused many relapses in my live. When then pain becomes so intense and fear creeps in frig everything and run. This has caused me to screw up. luckily I have made in back in these doors. I have been in and out of the program for 20 years and when I work the steps and go to meetings I do well, when I take my own will back, thats when I am in trouble. My false pride or ego have been my biggest downfall in my sobriety, reaching out for help and doing what Iam sudjested to do works. I dont wear my heart on a sleeve and trust everyone with personal issues. I would like to find someone who has a significant amount of sobriety who could also help me thru the 12 steps. Which I honestly have never completely made it thru. Thanks for being there when i needed that extra push not to drink. God bless and I wish everyone another 24 hrs.
Member: Michael
Location: AZ
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 3:55:44 AM
Hello! My name is Michael and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! Thanks to those who sincerely shared!
I think depression and feeling depressed is virtually par for the course for us alcoholics. I've certainly struggled with it in sobriety, more so in earlier sobriety because I've since learned a lot about how to effectively overcome depression and feelings of depression through continued sobriety and the use of the AA "spiritual toolkit.".
One of the most important things I've learned is don't count on overcoming depressive symptoms in a day and don't take on too much at once. In other words, "Easy does it, but do it!" Stay sober, stick with the AA program, don't hesitate to seek professional help and medication if necessary, and, most of all, don't listen to AA's who try to play doctor.
There is a good AA pamphlet entitled "The AA Member--Medication and other Drugs" that can be purchased at the New York Office (and perhaps from local Inergroup/Central Offices) for 25 cents that discusses the issue of depression and taking medication.
Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West Fl
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 6:54:47 AM
Good morning family Charlie Darling a very gratful recovering Alcholic. Yesterday was the first time I had a chance to visit this sight in awhile as we got a new system and was getting it installed properly, and when I shared yesterday felt I added my ESH, well I went to an 8am meeting called the attitude adjustment which is agreat meeting and an even better way to start our day. Well would you believe that the topic was depression. And to qoute some members. It is isolation, lonliness so we have to get out of ourselves, and do more meetings, and hang around with other alcholic, go for coffee after meetings or ice cream, get a phone list, call your sponsor, as we all used to isolate when we were drinking and now we don't have to has there are so many of us out there and togeather we help each other. Today I plan not to get depressed as when I got depressed I darnk, but when I was happy I also drank, but today if I get depressed I go to a meeting and share about it, also if I'm happy I go to meetings and share. It works if we work it, and I love new comers as they help me more than I help myself. Get involved in service work, no matter if it is for AA or another orginization,do for others and we soon forget about our problems of depression. Just remember we can only do one day at a time. Thank you for letting me share, and I will keep coming back. Oh yes I ignore all the idiots who put others down, as if we get wrapped up in what they are trying to do we play right into thier hands, and I just pray for them and they go away from my mind, I am here for my sobriety and today I love sobriety. Thank you family for helping me to stay sober just for today. I love you all
Member: DEMAND REVOTE
Location:
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 1:10:13 PM
charlie,
WE DEMAND A REVOTE..........WHO'S THE GOVENOR THERE ANYWAY??????????????????
REVOTE
Member: dena k
Location: or
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 1:12:54 PM
dena- recovering person- I am so grateful for people like lu-lu-, they help me remember what denial is like and the coping mechanisms I used to use for my feelings of powerlesness. Today I can think things thru and have the strength to look at life on life's terms even if I don't like what I see.HOW is how I do this and the use of an antidepressant for my lifelong depression(Yes I can say this-I am a medical profassional). the medication is a tool for me ,not the answer.I still must do what the program suggests in order to stop my stinking thinking-another life long trait even before my first drink when I was five yrs old. Therapy can be a very effective tool-for me it was a key for I did not know how to wisely choose who I told what!the therapist was a safe place for me --it felt safer than meetings which I also did on a daily basis in early recovery. Now I end up with spontaneous meetings thruou the day for a lot of the people I have in my life are recovering from something and use the 12 steps. I now have this forum for a daily place to go and share and feel safe doing so Today I feel some depression and I'm having a hard time getting myself to do what I've made commitments to do-so--- I am here and sharing, then I will read my big book, pray and go do it anyways and act as if I want to. I do know that this emotion will pass and that I will survive today with G-D's help I'll go to a meeting and spend time with one of my sponsees the bottom line for me is that I do not drink or use and the day is a success I remember to keep it simple and take one thing at a time and not overwhelm myself with the big picture may you all have a wonderful day according to your HP's will dena
Member: me
Location:
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 2:00:32 PM
hey lu-lu2001,
where are you hiding,you little cutie you!!!!!
can i peek now?????!!!!!!!!
me
Member: Chris H.
Location: FLoriDA
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 2:56:05 PM
Chris here--Alcoholic/bulimic/addict--To CHristine--I can really identify with you. We come from similar life-styles, and when I first came to A.A.--I thought I had NOTHING in common with the people in the rooms. However, they moreI stayed and the more I tried to get sober, the more I realized that I had incommon with them. Today , I am so greatful that I have a place to go to where I am not a sq.peg in a round hole. I love the people in my group, because we have our hearts and struggles in common. The outward stuff makes no difference, because we are all ADDICTS struggling to stay sober together. Boy, depression has really been my problem lately and I am 7 yr. in the program...sometimes life just beats the chemicals in your body down and you need help. I have been on 40 mgs. of Prozac and have lately been on the verge of breakdown...I finally went to the Doc. and she said that I probably needed new meds. I can always tell when I am about to loose it...when I think that I cannot function in my life anymore...Serenity!!
Member: don k.
Location:
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 4:24:43 PM
does prozac not work then?i need something,i think im loosing it. help
don k.
Member: ron m
Location: wilmington,de
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 4:58:54 PM
Hi my names ron, i am an alcoholic. i've told my wife that, a close friend and God. Now i've told you. i have been sober for about 36 hours. i have been clinically depressed several times over the years. probably am now. the depression and s/a are so intertwined i don't know where or which started first. i am medicated on something called celexa, a ssri. whether it helps or not, i'm unsure. i had been sober for months before a recent binge. i'm going to stay sober tonite.
Member: Renee R
Location: Oakland, California
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 5:32:57 PM
Hi I'm an alcoholic. My name is Renee from Oakland, California. Depression for me is part of the cunning, baffeling and powerful aspects of the disease of alcoholism. The more I try to hide my depression the worse it gets... just like my alcoholism did. I have been sober for almost 12 years and depression pops its ugly head up frequently... especially when I don't attend meetings on a regular basis; I'm not taking care of myself spiritually, mentally or physically or I just plain forget that I am a recovering alcoholic who has to remain spiritually, mentally and physically fit by attending meetings on a regular basis and talking about what's going on with me. Wow, its amazing, just writing this little bit to remind myself of who I am and what I need to do has made me feel better.
Member: bert
Location:
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 7:31:29 PM
i wish i had a life, but im to old to learn,ive wasted my life in a bottle im so depressed i want to die.
bert
Member: sarah k
Location: new jersy
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 7:53:38 PM
hi i have been sober for three weeks. this is the hardest thing i have ever done. i attend college and it seem that alcohol is all around me all of the time. i cant not go to school just because my friends drink. when they go out to the bar i get so lonely feeling, and depressed. i know i can go home to my family but i feel like i need to be by myself.
Member: bert
Location:
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 8:09:07 PM
i know how you feel sarah,alcohol everywhere,i dont even leave the house anymore,its so lonely i think im going crazy.
bert
Member: dena
Location: or
Date: 11/10/00
Time: 8:26:25 PM
get a sponsor, seek professional help from someone who understands alcoholism,go to a meeting, pray, take it one minute at a time if you need to.these all work for me and sometimes i need to do all of them to get thru without alcohol at my side.the more i do these things the easier they become and all of a sudden i realize that i have new habits....just stay sober and it will all work out just as my HP wills it to be,when i get out of my own way life flows without the values of good and bad.
Member: Nancy Brennan
Location: Crawfordsville, IN
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 2:20:06 AM
Hi everybody, I'm Nancy & I'm an alcoholic!! Wow Bert, 36 hours (which hopefully more by this time) is wonderful!!!!!!!! Reading your message helped me remember the hopelessness I had when I made it back to the program 2 years ago the 9th of this month. I wanted to die too when I was active in my disease, at least I thought I did. And when I was first sobering up, & all the problems that I had caused during my using, was there staring me in the face, I was scared to death!! But I had to become WILLING to face up to the damage I had caused in my life & my families lives, who I love & love me dearly, I had some serious work to do. I cannot change what I did in the past! But I can make it better today if I don't pick up that first drink. Because believe me, each time I went back out, it only got worse, creating more problems in my life!! My life has turned around so much. Things do get better. I was told if I gave this program the time & effort that I gave my drinking, and boy did I put alot of both into drinking, it could work in my life too! And they weren't lying. I have gained SO much back. I don't want to die anymore. What would that of done to my 2 boys'? I heard the other night in a meeting, "Suicide is a permanent solution to what is probably a temporary problem." If I face what is going on in my life at the time, I will get better! Man those people in those rooms sure know what they're talking about, well, most of them. (I don't know about lu lu & shutup!!!!!!) Please hang in there & your life can be better also, "Good things happen to alcoholics who don't drink!" one day at a time. Sometimes even minutes at a time. Thanks for letting me share. There is no PROBLEM so great that a DRINK won't make it WORSE I haven't always remembered this, but I do today!! Your friend in AA, Nancy
Member: Martin
Location: NY
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 9:06:07 AM
Hi, my name is Martin and I'm an alcoholic.
I've been drunk and depressed and I've been sober and depressed. Drunk and depressed is worse.
Sober and depressed I might feel tired, lethargic, sad, lacking in hope, and lacking in ambition. But drunk and depressed I feel all of those things plus terrified, confused, physically ill, ashamed, incapable of working properly, and often broke.
Eight months ago I was going to five meetings a week, I was doing the atheist version of prayer twice a day, and I was actively working the steps and I was very depressed. I felt so bad that I thought I couldn't feel any worse if I drank. I was wrong. Oh, boy was I wrong! I drank whiskey for about a month. I can't describe how bad it was
Now I'm neither drunk nor depressed so I guess that too passed. I wish I hadn't drunk over it.
Member: zeke k
Location: oil city
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 10:28:26 AM
zeke, alcoholic i have being fighting depression for years, it must run in my family i finally had to seek professsional help and after my trys my doctors figured out the right medications. today i have to admit i am the happiest i have ever been in all my life. and i owe all th the fellowship of aa. which showed that there was life after alcohol. and to the two men who worked with me when i first came in aa. thank you
Member: LU-LU HEAD ANGEL
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 1:50:29 PM
((((((((((dena k. ))))))))))))) you treatment center twit, too good to go to meetings regularly, are you THAT well.... as for your "better than, been there, WAS like that comments ...FUCK OFF, you don't know me well enough to make those JUDGEMENTS or take my inventory for that matter...TAKE ANOTHER PROZAC honey you're losin it'
Member: LU-LU HEAD ANGEL
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 2:00:12 PM
((((((((((dena k. ))))))))))))) you treatment center twit, too good to go to meetings regularly, are you THAT well.... as for your "better than, been there, WAS like that comments ...FUCK OFF, you don't know me well enough to make those JUDGEMENTS or take my inventory for that matter...TAKE ANOTHER PROZAC honey you're losin it'
Member: Karyn H.
Location: Wyandotte, MI
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 2:07:09 PM
Hi, my name is Karyn and I'm an alcoholic. I also suffer from major depression. This is my first time visiting this site and I think the idea of sharing on-line is great. I have a hard time sharing at meetings because I feel uncomfortable talking in large groups and to people I don't know.
Depression is very real and you can't just snap out of it like some people think you can. I have suffered from it since age 5. At age 10 I started drinking. My depression got worse as the years went on. I started seeing therapists and psychatrists at age 16. I continued to drink and the depression continued to get worse.
At age 24 I went into the hospital because I was suicidal. I quit drinking for a few months and started feeling better. Not long after that I figured I was ok to go out and drink again. I got my first DWI a few months later, three weeks after that I got an OUIL. Still depressed and drinking I went to see a therapist again. I saw her for ~1 year and lied to her the whole time, telling her I wasn't drinking. She thought I was doing better and I stopped going to see her.
At age 28 I got another DWI. I became very depressed and ended up in the hospital again. I did not quit drinking however. All along I had been taking anti-depressants and drinking, wondering why I was still feeling depressed.
In September of this year I wound up in the hospital again for depression, once again I wanted to kill myself. I only stayed one day, came home and started drinking again. I wanted all of the pain to stop and knew it wouldn't unless I quit drinking. I ended up going into Brighton Hospital for substance abuse. This time I was going to be treated not only for my depression but also for my alcoholism. I stayed for 17 days and have not had a drink since October 17. One thing I learned is that first you have to get sober, then you can work on everything else. I was put on all new medications for my depression and I'm feeling great.
If you suffer from depression there is help out there. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right help, but keep looking, it's worth it. Keep in mind though, all the help in the world will not help unless you really want to get better. You have to help yourself too by changing your way of thinking and your negative attitudes. Easier said than done!
One last thing, for the people that aren't using this site for what it was meant for: find somewhere else to dick around. AA is a place for people with a desire to stop drinking to share their experience, strength and hope.
Member: LU-LU2001head angel
Location: but seriously folks
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 2:59:56 PM
((((((((LYNN B.)))))))) thank you??..??.... what-ever..... please know, i have an imposter... te he he..................... oh (((("the topic" DEPRESSION)))))) I've had a taste of that.. yummy..... alcoholics annonymous has taught me to deal with it when it comes,(i read other books other than the beautiful big book, and in doing so know that) "depression" is NOT a condition that ONLY alcoholics experience...were JUST NOT that SPECIAL, never the less, i've learned about stuff to do, like writing a list of the things i am greatfull for, taking a long walk, just me n' my H.P. and giving thanks ALL along the way, for any and everything from being able to see,laugh, learn, change, walk,cry, wish, try, to the sky the flowers, other people, etc. etc. etc...also they taught me to "take action" to pull my head out of my back side long enough to help someone else, to pray,asking WHAT is gods will for me,AND THE POWER to carry it out... (the beautiful big book says god wants us to be happy, joyous n' free...), when i had about 3 years i got really depressed, i called someone, (another thing they taught me to do) he said "you need to meditate,baby..." he had me sit down in a comfortable chair,close my eyes,and we went to the moon... i was up there all alone the earth looked sooo small, "gives you a lil' perspective" he said, then he told me that i was holding a "sound wand" and to point it at the earth, so i could hear all the noise and confusion, then BACK behind me to only hear the moon, quiet,peacefull,and again to the earth,then back to the moon, then he says," o.k.honey, now imagine yourself as your happiest, when you felt the most beautiful, put on a long pretty white dress,can you see her coming up over the edge of the moon?she has a box for you, do you like gold?" he says," how 'bout rubys,emeralds,pearls,saphires" i tell him "yes" " o.k. he tells me,the box is gold and covered with um, i asked him, whats in the box, he tells me " i don't know... what ever you like, a pair of wings? a note that says i love you?" i picked the wings, had her put um on, he told me to thank her,and she and i took of to fly 'round the universe... it was cool,..... sometimes when i'm depressed thats just the way it is... and i let myself "be there" knowing "this to shall pass,((((((((((NANCY from indiana))))))))))) nancy dear, i was on my 3rd round of the steps while you were barfing in the gutter or should i say the barn yard, maybe you could get together with dena k. and read pg.67,par.2 in the 12&12 its all about being annoyed, feeling superior,gossip, character assassination, and self rightiousness...... its all you,babe! keep coming back, you'll get it sooner or later... luv LU-LU(the real lu-lu)
Member: Hope P
Location: WVa
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 3:12:01 PM
My name is hope and I am an alcoholic. I just came on to the internet and I did it becasue I am depressed. The topic of depression fits. With 13 years of soberiety, I would have hoped this would have abated, Yet it comes back at any given time. Meetings, fellowship seem to help but I wished there was a cure for this stinking thinking. I moved to WV 2 years ago, and haven't made that many friends. My job requires me to travel.
Member: (imposter)
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 3:32:51 PM
lu-lu,
the moon???????wings???????magic wands??? what are you smoking there girl?????????????? wow........and i thought i was out there!!(HE-HE OK................back to earth,silk,and mission impossible???
Member: Jeff C.
Location: Sacramento
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 3:48:38 PM
My name is Jeff and I'm a recovered drunk.
Heck yes, depression is common in "recovery".
So is elation. So is sadness. So is happiness. And pain. And joy.
Kind of a strange thought, huh?
Yes, I went through periods of fairly deep depression in early sobriety. But, how could it be otherwise? Who WOULDN'T get depressed, if, when they looked back on their drunken life, they could clearly and finally see what they had done to themselves and the pain they had caused others.
So, it also made sense that those depressing thoughts and episodes lessened as I took the Steps and cleared up the wreakage of my past. They lessened as I slowly gained back some self respect for doing the RIGHT things instead of the wrong ones and could see the constructive things I was accomplishing instead of focusing on the destructive things I had DONE.
When I was new, I found that ANY emotion (other than numbness or terror) was something NEW. And, OMG, I thought I needed to DO something about them. <grin>
But I have come to understand that AA has simply tranformed me into a basic human being, no better or worse than any other. And ALL human beings have these emotions at one time or another. The "good" feelings and the "bad". I don't have to "do" anything about them. As life progresses, the feelings seem to ebb and flow like the tide. I've learned to just ride them out, knowing they will only last until the next of life's "moments" changes them.
Certainly, any debilitating or incapacitating depression should be assessed by a doctor. Sometimes, medicine might (and should) be prescribed and taken.
But, oftentimes, I hear people describing feelings that are perfectly normal. We just need to understand that. It gets better. It changes. Joy and happiness may very well be the order of the day TOMORROW, IF I continue to do the right thing TODAY.
And hope for THAT can usually carry me through until then.
best, Jeff
Member: LU-LU 2001
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 4:07:13 PM
((((((( imposter))))))))) i'm not smoking... tried "mari-wana maintenance" bout 10 years ago... 3 years later iwas right back where i started, lots o' whiskey,crank,crack, H, pills, loved the shrooms, bla bla bla,... yea so no i'm not smoking,not even cigs... i have 3 days off cigs, and i miss it already...gotta "work a bit C -U IN A MINUTE.. luv the REAL lu-lu
Member: 1956
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 5:15:19 PM
lu-lu,
i hear ya!many years of crank,whiskey here too. and party,party,party.......this is why im all burnt out now!!!!!!!
imposter
Member: Hammered, 7&7
Location: NJ
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 5:42:08 PM
Hammered, depressed alcoholic. Very entertaining, especially the stuff about poor Lulu. It would seem that her detractors should have something better to do with their time than f*** with someone online. For me, the active drunk that I am, this has been enlightening as well as humoruos. Good luck to all the sots out there, dry, sober or otherwise.
Member: (((((())))))
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 6:42:31 PM
7/7, well ya know its just one of them kick back saturdays.kind of boring-but sure beats sitting, sleeping in jail all day......see i can just kind 'o mess on the 'puter.hang out and be sober. (((()))))
Member: Hammered, 7&7
Location: NJ
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 6:59:29 PM
((((0)))) What the f*** do you know? You are probably all comfortable in something that someone has handed you on a silver platter. I have been jailed, it was alright until I sobered up. I have been institutionalized, it was alright as long as I was sedated. So who the Hell are you to say it is alright to hang out on the computer and spill out bullshit. F*** you, and if I could I would jam it down your throat, ...oh excuse me, that is the alcohol talking.....
Member: (((((((())))))))))))))
Location: your brown eye blue
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 7:36:57 PM
institution huh?????
oh i get it......thats why they call you 7UP. youve been "HAMMERED".....there too.ha-ha-ha- ha-haha-ha(yo should of slept on your back) with one eye open.didnt enjoy that blanket party with soap in the socks did ya!ha,ha that will teach ya.i like silver platters sucker. ((((())))))))))
Member: ((((((((())))))))
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 7:40:12 PM
ps jersey sucks, too gay for us
Member: Hammered, 7&7
Location: NJ & proud of it.
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 8:09:33 PM
(((Hole)))
Jersey is just fine except for all the European f***s who emigrate here. Ha-ha, Ho-ho. What the f*** are you doing on a recovery (sober) website? Your dick too sore from surfin' dirty pictures? Ha-ha, ho-ho, he-he!!!
Member: Hammered, 7&7
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 9:08:37 PM
My previous comments must have been misinterpreted by the powers that be. The fact is that i'm an alcoholic in trouble, activley drinking and I need your help.
Member: ((((((())))))))))
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 9:53:09 PM
well stop drinking and go to a meeting.
Member: Hammered,
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 10:25:45 PM
Touche!!!
Member: ))))))))))))((((((((((
Location:
Date: 11/11/00
Time: 10:36:38 PM
turtle
Member: Tony B.
Location: KS
Date: 11/12/00
Time: 12:25:21 AM
God,I offer myself to thee- to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those i would help of Thy power, thy love, and thy way of life. may i do thy will always!!!!