Member: Jenny Lou
Location: Spokane
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 9:34:09 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Jenny and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time to this site. I have been reading for almost an hour now. This is so cool. I go to meetings at least 3 times a week usually during the day. Its great to know that I can now visit a meeting at night. I have recently learned to live in the 24 hour period. It is so great. What a relief to not have to worry about the future or dwell on the past. Yipee. I owe my sobriety to GOD my higher power. Thanks for letting me share. I love A.A.


Member: Kevin K.
Location: Florida
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 10:13:33 PM

Comments

Hello, my name is Kevin and I am an alcoholic. It has been seven years since my last meeting and I, like Jenny, just found this site for the first time. Thank you to everyone for your unknowing support on a Saturday night. On 10/15 I had a wake up call. I got my second DUI. The first explains my meeting attendence 7 years ago (it was court ordered). Over the past 10 years I have tryed and tryed to stop drinking but have only been able to abstain for about twenty days max. every couple of years. I don't want to go on and on but I do want you people out there to know I appreciate this forum and plan to participate from now on. God Bless You All,

A Soul in Need...


Member: htU
Location:
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 10:24:10 PM

Comments

im htU,

I love all the weiner i got in my butt today, my mommy said mine was too short.

i got a new dress today.

my name is htU


Member: jose
Location: la
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 10:29:17 PM

Comments

hi htU,

CAN I COME OVER and play "dress up"with you?

jose


Member: dean
Location: getting hot over mom
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 10:33:40 PM

Comments

Like most queers, I like it in the butt...but only when mom is videotaping the event so that we can share the moment together later in our own special way. I'm a brute.


Member: rick  k
Location: victoria  b.c.
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 10:41:37 PM

Comments

howdy my name is rick i am 6 months sober and really have had a change in attitude not only towards my drinking but also the way i have been living my life (not in an honest fashion )it is great to do a meeting in this fashion a.a. has allowed me to be able to wake up in the morning and say good morning god, and not good god it is morning


Member: Lee
Location: eterborough, Ont
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 10:49:07 PM

Comments

Rick K. I like that analogy about the difference between a sober morning and a hangover morning.


Member: dean/jose
Location:
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 10:53:30 PM

Comments

I'm such a brute, don't you know?


Member: htU
Location: FAIRYLAND
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 10:53:45 PM

Comments

MY NAME IS htU my mommy likes it through and through.i wear my cherry lipstick red when i crawl in mommys bed.im such a sissy,i cant help myself

htU


Member: jose
Location:
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 11:07:35 PM

Comments

htu,

you are such a silly lil thing,but you'rer

so tight

jose


Member: htU
Location:
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 11:13:45 PM

Comments

Thank u, jose


Member: dean
Location:
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 11:17:19 PM

Comments

Me oh my i was born with schlong instead of pie,

All the boys love to make me cry,

I luv the taste of stranger's cum,

I wear high heels just like my mum.


Member: rodriguez b.
Location:
Date: 10/28/00
Time: 11:47:38 PM

Comments

ill bet u do htu

your butt buddie,

rodriguez b.


Member: htU
Location:
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 12:01:08 AM

Comments

im so queer and im so silly, thats why im known as "BACK_DOOR BILLIE" jose's my man,he pokes me well, im a woman of a man,makes me swell.

htU


Member: deano
Location:
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 12:16:01 AM

Comments

I love a sweet throbbing manhood placed inside me. I'm a brute.


Member: sister ignatia
Location:
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 12:43:48 AM

Comments

perverts..............

sister ignatia


Member: Anne T.
Location: Canada
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 12:58:13 AM

Comments

Hi! My name is Anne and I'm an alcoholic. To Dean,htU,jose, & rodriguez b - BUTT OUT. There are entertainment sites and phone lines for people like you - so go find them. I've no objection to gay people who are decent human beings - this site is not meant for filth.

Topic - Count your Blessings

I have just come home from our District Meeting - sometimes it seems I'd rather stay at home and watch T.V. or something but when I get there I am glad that I have gone and that I am involved in AA Service Work. I recently used that analogy myself, Rick, when it was my turn to go to a treatment centre and speak about my recovery in alcoholism. It has been a very difficult year for me, personally, as I had to use "tough love" on my son who lapsed back into alcoholism and drugs - but I knew well enough that while he had me to lean on for shelter and food, etc.he would not bottom out. The final straw came when he got drunk and phoned the 1-900 phone numbers to "talk dirty" several times, when I was out or asleep and I was unable to cope with the huge phone bill he had run up for me. All I can do is pray that he will return to AA and live a decent life once again.

To Kevin, I would say don't try so hard just "let go and let God". No matter how hard I tried to stop drinking I could not. Not until I handed my problem to my higher power, whom I call God, and asked Him to take care of it for me every morning, because I couldn't do it by myself. I also have to say thank you to God, for keeping me sober today, every night before I sleep. I still like to go to two or three meetings a week - I owe so much, perhaps my life to my HP and AA. But, if I want to keep it I have to give it away. Work the program, and live as you learn with each Step. It works - it really does. God has been good to me in so many ways that I didn't think were possible. So if you want to stay sober and get rid of all the miseries caused by drinking get a good sponsor and be happy. Life still deals out some rough times, but to be able to cope and deal with them without alcohol is a blessing in itself. For the newcomers to this site don't let those creeps who shouldn't be on this site worry you - there is usually a lot of good stuff to read.


Member: SteveW
Location: Ontario
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 1:00:44 AM

Comments

htU,jose and dean. You better get in touch with your higher power friends you all need help a little more than we do I am sure. But we will pray for you all.


Member: Norm P
Location: Bubbaland
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 1:19:41 AM

Comments

We do not have to tolerate these sick,anonymous cowards. A solution is on the way. Please check the 12x12 board for a little more info.


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 1:21:42 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Bob, an alcoholic. People will always set examples for me. Their way of thinking turns into their words and behaviors. So their health or illness is always expressed, and God has room for all of us. I'm grateful to be able to discern for myself which examples to embrace and follow, and those to ignore and avoid. All, of course, because of this fellowship,(most of you people) and the grace of God working in my life. I have no way of knowing what others should be doing with their lives, what God's will for them is. Only that my life has been devinely intervened. Maybe I can take credit for willingness, I'm not sure. The blessing of having been intervened though, I am sure...however it happened. I've learned that I can't live in both the problem and solution of any situation, at the same time. I get to choose one or the other. With my alcoholism, being at meetings, working the steps and with others, daily practice of my spiritual connection, and sharing my experiences with others, are the basis of my life and breath. My good fortune is that I get to do so many things that non-alcoholics do daily, while practicing my recovery. It's my life. There is no separation between my recovery and my life. It's all integrated. It becomes more and more apparent what Bill and Bob were up to in helping each other, then others. I believe it's what we are all supposed to do, in one way or another, at one time or another. I've overstayed my time and space here. Thanks for the blessing of my new life, the wisdom, kindness, and courage you give. Love to all, Bob


Member: Bert.K.
Location: Victoria Australia
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 8:24:01 AM

Comments

Hi to all I'm Bert.K. from Victoria Australia. In over 19 years of not picking up a drink one day at a time and being aware of the sayings and so forth,I believe that I work the program as best and honest as I can, I still find it hard to believe that some sick individuals use a site like this to express their very sick discriptive offensive fantasies. Do they realise that they are using servers and can be traced and dealt with by the proper authorities,so beware you are being watched and may soon recieve some very bad news. But I will pray for you all that you may find a happy life where you dont have to bore decent people.And yes I am very happy with my lot in life through the program of A.A. Thank you all for being here for me to have another day of sobriety.God Bless You All. Bert.K.


Member: Sharon F
Location: Cool, rainy, beautiful Portland,OR
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 8:50:05 AM

Comments

Welcome Jenny and Kevin . If you want to quit drinking, the ONLY thing I can do is to tell you how I did it. I went to a face to face meeting and told them here I wanted what they had, the peace of mind, the ability to laugh at myself, to stay out of trouble (cops weren't a prob,I was married to one) with everyone and everything. I wanted to STOP drinking!!! I was ask to sit down, told I was welcome,(that hadn't been the case for several years.. always asked toleave) I was told to KEEP CONING BACK. My thought was ok you suckers, I'll fix you, I will come back..and many many years later, I still am coming back ONLY because I want to. I obtained the book of Alcoholics Anonymous and read the 1st 164 pages asked questions and took the suggestions I was given in those BORING meetings until they are NOT boring any more..I found the peace and joy that I was promised. Please KEEP COMING BACK!!!! You are WANTED and NEEDED!!! Love and prayers, Sharon F dos 4/1/78 slfrey@Yahoo.com freyhirata@aol.com


Member: Martin
Location: NY
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 10:41:28 AM

Comments

Hi. My name is Martin, and I'm an alcoholic -- big time!

I guess the topic is 'one day at a time', or at least that's what I'm going to go with. This is so important for me. If I can keep that idea in my head, I'm OK. I once heard that, if I do pick up a drink, I can be damned sure it will be a 'today' on the day it happens. So if I just worry about not drinking today, all the other days will probably take care of themselves.

Then my number one excuse for hitting the bottle was always that I couldn't handle the stress without it. But when I am really stressed, I'm almost always stressed about something that's going to happen, not something that is actually happening now. If I can keep my attention on what is actually, really happening right now, and what really could happen before I go to bed tonight, I find I've got nothing to be scared of.

There was a lot of talk on this site a while back about how a grateful alcoholic doesn't get drunk. I really believe that is true. And by focusing on what I have today, instead of things I didn't like in the past or things I want to get in the future, I find it easier to be grateful.

It's not like I actually suceed in living life on a 24 hour basis, but trying to, and reminding myself to, seems to help.

A while back someone on this site said their sponser's sponser's slogan was "TODAY!", and I think it's a great one.


Member: Linda G
Location:
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 11:40:48 AM

Comments

Hi everybody, I'm Linda, an alcoholic:

How sad that some people are so bored or sick that they have to mess up a good thing for others................. I have been to this site twice before and appreciate it very much. For 17 years, I was sober in AA then picked up a drink. since that time, I have tried and tried to quit....it really gets more powerful as time goes on. Please, pray for me and I will do the same to you. For me, a really great topic would be thanking my higher power for this beautiful, sober day and again and again repeating Step 1.


Member: Dan H.
Location: Glennallen, Alaska
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 12:26:25 PM

Comments

It's just another Sunday within my 3 years of sobriety....yet each new one is better than the last. The only rough ones are the ones when I forget to be grateful for what I have TODAY !!! I was that way all last week....and miserable. Then another AA told me to quit whinin and thens immediately got better. As long as I don't pick up, every day has a chance at being better than the last. But it takes work and effort too. No pain, no gain. Couldn't have done it without all of you..including the newcomers AND the old timers that have slipped to remind me where I need to be. Thanks cleandan@pobox.alaska.net


Member: Lynn S.
Location: Oregon
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 2:22:51 PM

Comments

I'm Lynn and alcoholic. I have found that people who do these things (as above) are lonely, need attention and probably many of them are children. I actually can remember when I was drinking that I felt the same way many times. I was lonely, wanted attention and seeking it inappropriately and acted like a child. After 18 years of sobriety, I have been amazed at what I have learned at AA. I always remember that first year -I was in such a fog. But I just kept taking it a day at a time and I listened and tried to apply the slogans like: "Live and Let Live" and "Easy Does It" and "Keep it Simple, Sweetheart."

It's not for sissies.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: TOM W
Location: Marinette WI
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 2:42:37 PM

Comments

HI EVERYONE IM TOM AND IM AN ALCOHOLIC: One of the toughest things i ever did was to get myself to go to my first AA meeting. The unknown the stigma the acctual admission that i had a problem and I was the one responsible for fixing it. The first will always be with me in that i almost missed it, i thought i knew where it was but as with most things in my life i tried to control i was wrong. id be damned if i was going to be late and i was ready to give up the search and for some reason i thought JESUS if you want me there you better find it. I was at a stop sign and looked across the intersection and there it was. so again HIS WILL NOT MINE BE DONE. Thanks for letting me share TOM


Member: Lesley B
Location: UK
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 4:20:28 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone, my name is Lesley, I'm a greatful alcoholic in recovery odat just had my 12th anniversary. I've got this far by the love of the groups I regularly attend, the 12 steps and my HP. This is my first visit to this site and was a bit fazed by the wierd stuff at the begining, maybe God will work in their lives and they will get as well as the others after them that I've read. I am so grateful for where I'm at in recovery and for the tools that AA has given me. I am now able to live as a useful human being, I don't always like what comes my way and I'm not always as greatful as maybe I should, but one things for sure I have a better chance than ever with the love and support of AA and GOD.Looking forward to my next visit. God bless you all Lesley


Member: Chris H.
Location: Florida
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 4:32:52 PM

Comments

Hi---all. Alcoholic /addict /bulimic here. I like the idea of thanking God for this one sober day> I woke up in a fog today and immediatly started to complain...Then I told myself --No , I am going to think about what I have to be greatful for...being sober today-being able to go outside on this beautiful day (Florida!), having this sight to come to even if I cannot get to a meeting..the fact that my Higher Power sends me little miracles each day --if I only realize it. And He is there for me if I just ask. From this present "Tough time" I am in , He has brought some real reconciliation with my brother and a bunch of other people into my life. Just because I cannot be "out and about" today---does not mean that I don't have people in my life...good caring people....Being greatful is a descipline---which soon turns into an emotion. I just need to practice it more. I am really greatful for this sight and all you good people . Thanks for being here and for "Persevering"" one day at a Time!! Until next week!!


Member: Hog Rider
Location: Canada
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 7:22:44 PM

Comments

First,I gotta say I wish those faggots would find a porn site to spout their crap,if thir bright enough to find one,this site is for people who want to get/remain sober,so go do your sick shit somewheres else assholes,yea I mean you uth and dean or whatever your names are. Me,Im having a real rough time right now,how are you supposed to live just in today when you got court dates andshit coming up,and a lawyer with three fingers in your pocket?I know booze isn't gonna make anything better,except to get numb for awhile.Wish I could without starting the old fire raging again.Its easier to stay off it than it is to get off it,and I know where one drink will take me,but right now Im real lucky the liqour stores closed,and I wouldn't dare drive home from a bar if I went. Don't mean to whine,but life is so damn hard.


Member: larry h
Location:
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 7:35:40 PM

Comments

can this site put in some kind of safe gaurd for the sicker than others


Member: RICK K
Location: VICTORIA  BC
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 8:00:34 PM

Comments

HI RICK K TODAY IS A GOOD DAY FOR ME I HAVE FINALY INHERITED THE ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE FOR SO MANY YEARS I TRIED TO DO MY BEST TO SUB CONCIOUSLY KILL MYSELF IF ANY PERSON HAD TRIED TO LAY A BEATING SUCH AS THE ONE I LAYED ON MYSELF WITH BOOZE AND DRUGS I WOULD HAVE SURELY FOUGHT BACK IT IS CRAZY TO THINK I WILLINGLY ADMINISTERED THIS BEATING ON MYSELF ALTHOUGH MOST OF MY FEARS HAVE SUBSIDED (6 MONTHS) THE BIGGEST FEAR I HAVE TODAY IS IF I GO BACK I DON"t KNOW IF I"LL EVER GET BACK TO WHERE I AM AT TODAY IT MIGHT NOT BE A LOT TO SOME BUT TO ME IT IS A LOT THE BIG BOOK HOLDS ALL THE ANSWERS FOR ME GOD IS EITHER EVERYTHING OR HE IS NOTHING AMEN""""""""""


Member: RICK K
Location: VICTORIA BC
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 8:16:20 PM

Comments

IN REGARDS TO THE HOMO MEN ON THE SITE I THINK PAGE 67 1ST PARAGRAPH WILL DO THANKYOU AND A LIFE TIME OF SOBRIETY FOR ALL


Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N.H.
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 8:34:39 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Rhonda and an alcoholic. I'm not sure what the topic this week is but I enjoy this site and just wanted to comment. In 3 days I'll have 1 year of sobriety (HP willing) and "it" reallky does keep getting better. I joined a step group immediately and I feel that has really helped me to grow. I have a disease that tells me I don't have a disease. It must be treated daily. Small price to pay. I'm thankful for AA Keep Coming!


Member: brian h
Location: chicago
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 10:13:40 PM

Comments

my name is brian and i'm an alcoholic. Someone told me that my 8 years of sobriety is false because i'm on anti-depressannt. Is this true?


Member: Melissa W
Location: Texas
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 10:29:02 PM

Comments

For Brian H.-- NO!!! As a 6-year sober member of AA, I have seen several of our members kill themselves because their depression got out of control. Depression is a medical issue, the Big Book supports using other professionals when needed. If your Dr. says you need it, then I do not believe you have "relapsed" if taken appropriately.


Member: brian h
Location: chicago
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 10:32:19 PM

Comments

melissa- thank you very much. It has been perscribed by my doctor. I see him regularly and by no means do i enjoy any "high" from an anti-depressant


Member: Scott M
Location: Solana Beach
Date: 10/29/00
Time: 11:42:22 PM

Comments

one day at a time-I just got back from a meeting that wasn't there. As I began to curse myself for missing a meeting the first night after leaving rehab, I remembered two things, online AA and the fact that the best way to stay sober is to not drink today. I said a quiet prayer asking my higher power to continue to strengthen me in my battle and am feeling good. Thanks


Member: Angie W.
Location: USA
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 12:25:08 AM

Comments

Hey everyone.

I have had some situations that happened in my life within the past week that have caused me to reassess my drinking, because it seems to be getting a little out of control. My problem is that I LIKE to drink and I LIKE going out and having a good time. I work in the restaurant industry and the way that everyone in the industry socializes is by drinking. After work, you go to the bar next door and drink. It's weird, in younger days, I would NEVER drink and drive. I am talking not even after having one or two drinks, but there are times now where I am driving home at 9 or 10 am the next morning after drinking all night and I see people on the road going to work, and it's depressing.

I have never been to an AA meeting nor have I ever been here before, I just have been feeling weird about my drinking and I searched for "AA" on the WWW. The problem is, I don't know that I believe in AA, and I don't know that I believe that I am an alcoholic, I just know that I want things to get better.

I have spent the last three days in a stressed out state, crying and upset because I lost my purse when I was drinking on Friday. Being a restaurant manager, I had keys to my store in my purse and I would have had to change all of the locks in my store, plus admit to my boss that they were gone, at the risk of losing my job. I have been a great employee for the last three years but earlier this week, while partying after work, I let some of my friends back into my building to use the restrooms. No one took or drank anything, but I got caught and had to take some heat, so this was my second alcohol related work related offense within one week's time.

The thing is, Tuesday was my friend's birthday so we went out. After I got in trouble with letting people into the building at 3 am, I finally had it mostly blow over and by Friday, I was confident that it had blown over, so I went out again, and that was the night I thought that I lost my purse. It turns out my purse was at my friend's house the whole time. I have been beating myself up for days and it was there the whole time. It seems like every time I drink something bad happens. Also, every time I drink, I drink to be a rock star, I drink to get drunk. I don't just drink a couple of drinks, but if I drink, I want to DRINK.

I know that no one here is going to diagnose me as an alcoholic, but I am just afraid that the next time, maybe I will get pulled over or maybe I will really lose my purse, or maybe I will lose my job. I have been scared for a week that I might lose my job. I have been drinking for about 15 years. I had problems as far back as high school when I was expelled from school for drinking AT SCHOOL. Of course, I couldn't just drink and get a little happy - I got hammered and ended up getting sick all over the floor in the middle of my English class. No one wants to help, everyone thinks it's funny.

I am completely and totally TERRIFIED of ever going to an AA meeting. Besides, I think my friends and family would laugh at me. All the people I know say, "no, you don't have a drinking problem, you don't drink any more than so-and-so". So, I don't know if I actually do or not. Besides, as I have said before, I don't know that I actually believe in AA. I don't know, I just know that I have been having a lot of problems lately and they may not seem very significant, but I have actually been scared that i was going to lose my job and I just don't know what I would do if that happened. How would I support myself and how would I ever live down that stigma that a manager got fired for irresponsible drunkeness.

I don't know what I expect to get out of this, all I know is I had only ever felt as bad as I felt this weekend once before in my life and that was when I got expelled from school. And in both incidents alcohol was involved.

Thanks for listening if you have read this far. Any help or comments appreciated.


Member: Bonnie C & Diane W
Location: lovin life
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 12:39:53 AM

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) So grateful to be here today, clean and sober. PLEASE!! Please let the coffee pot know that this is here for them. Cant get in, page full and have webtv, cant view or post. Praying for those in need, happy for those with milestones and just loving being here with my friends. I promised an update on my dear friend that you all prayed for ----- Well, guess this is the best way to tell it, think she can best do it herself ------ so I'll catch you all later - love and hugs, bon --- bonzoc@webtv.net --- Dear God please bless all who venture here.

Hello, my name is Diane, alcoholic AKA THe miracle, thanks to God and all of your prayers. I'm writing this to thank every one of you for your special prayers. On Sept 7th I took 70 pain pills and tranqulizers along with beer. For what reason I still don't have a clue. Honestly except that I got really depressed and didn't like myself very much & was ready to give up. I was talking on the phone with my sister in Texas that night and had gone to an AA meeting earier that evening. I also talked to Bonnie C. but for some reason I snapped and began taking all the pills I had on hand until I was unconscious. I'm told I was found by my sister that called 911 and they sent a medical crew but I had apirated and was choking on my own vomit and it went into my lungs. I didn't have no pulse. The emergency room drs worked on me 30minutes trying to get a heartbeat. Not succeeding until I was shocked then God decided to give me one more chance to breath. I was still pretty sick and barely alive for the next 2 wks. but for some reason God let me live, I'm not sure why but I know and feel in my heart that He has big plans for me. I'm so grateful that I can't put it into words but now 1 & 1/2 mo later I'm living breathing and have a healthy body. My family and friends still can't believe it but we all know that miracles do happen. Bonnie C is my dearest friend and I thank every one of you for your prayers. I'm so blessed and now on my journey to a real and happy sobriety. I get to go to Texas on Nov 11 to visit my son Chance who is 22 and a single parent with a beautiful daughter named McKenna, who is one yr old. I know God wants me to be a part of their lives and a good mother and yes I'm a proud grandmother. Again thank you so much for loving me and teaching me how to love myself again. God Bless you all, Thanks, Diane

PS. Last night I picked up my 30 day chip and the room felt all warm and fuzzy. A special thanks to everyone who emailed me. Bill printed it out for me and when he got his 3 yr chip last night he mentioned you all. You have helped renew alot of people's faith.


Member: Lucy
Location: Washington
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 12:39:56 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Lucy, and I am an alcoholic- I have 6 months, and while I have had the 2nd step for a while, I have to say I struggle with the first. I am twenty years old,a dn it is hard to say that I have had to sober up before I could even drink legally. But, better to stop now, before things get really unpleasant, right? I need to hear young sober people I think. I would like to make sure I shouldn't just start drinking again, because it wasn't horrible, yet.

gods holding my hand, but I could use a human one too.- Lucy


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 1:21:41 AM

Comments

Brian, Melissa is absolutely correct. Anti-depressants are not a relapse, they are taking your Dr.'s ordered medication as prescribed. Too bad some of our members use their ignorance as a basis for advice-giving when nobody has asked them a question. There are a lot of "Dr.'s" in AA..it seems to be part of the disease for some of us. The place in the Big Book Melissa refers to is page 133. Bob and Bill knew we had limitations, that we did not have all of the answers for all our member's various conditions, that we needed help where we could find it. I'm glad you are seeking answers outside AA and taking good care of yourself. It is often a good idea to become involved in "talk therapy" while taking anti-depressants. There are exceptions and I'm sure your MD can advise you. I apologize for the unsolicited advice-giving, but did want to help if needed. I've experienced the benefits of process talk therapy and it has been a great adjunct to my recovery, so I can recommend it as part of my personal experience. I'm grateful to the creators of this site as it also adds to the quality of my recovery. Thanks for your sharing, and listening. Love to all, Bob, an alcoholic.


Member: Stacey L.
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 2:29:24 AM

Comments

hi my name is stacey, i AM an alcoholic. first time here. it was suggested by my sponsor, so i thought i better check it out, lol. anyway, good stuff!!! thanks to all for 12 stepping me!

god bless


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 3:50:53 AM

Comments

Hello everyone, one day at a time? My dear wife came home from her Alanon meeting with a good one-liner this week: "If I dwell on the past I get depressed; if I dwell on the future I get anxious; that's why I need to stay in the present!" I liked that.

I like the way most recovering people put things. They have a way of getting right to the point, in a way that I can remember.

Thanks to ALL who post here. You are helping me in my recovery (even if it is ONLY to learn patience and tolerance!).


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Key West Fl.
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 6:44:33 AM

Comments

Hi Family Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering alcholic, and first of all thank you Anne T for telling those sickys as this is a sight to help my sobriety not to advertise your sexuality. I have been sober for almost 4 years And yes I am gay but I come to this sight everyday to help me stay sober one day at a time, and I was so very grateful when I found this sight when I was in Maine and could not get to a meeting, and now that I am back in Key West I can get to meetings 24 hours a day, but I owe alot to all the family and friends I have come in contact at staying cyber. All I can say it works if you work it. I was very upset when I started to read this morning and to find that some sick puppies were envading our space, but I will pray for them and hope they will find a better life. I love you my family


Member: John D.
Location: Raleigh
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 8:07:30 AM

Comments

Brian, there are many people with 20 years or more that are on Anti-depresants, and I have never caught any kind of buzz by taking them. I don't know, but take what you can use and ignore the rest, cause just because someone as been sober a while that doesn't mean they are always right.


Member: D J S
Location: Mt. Albert Grp  Canada
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 8:22:38 AM

Comments

I'm an Alcoholic and my name is DJ. I have been on and off this site over the last year and i can tell you all that there have been lots of extra typing on this page .... so just ignore and look for the good typing on the page ... it's sandbox stuff eh ..... I am typing today because I read Jenny and Kevin's sharing and I wanted to pass on the simple advice i was givin' at AA ..... Don't drink ... go to meetings ... get a sponsor ... and get active in your group ... and one day at a time ... you will notice that God is doing for you which you could not do for yourself :) I don't believe for me that sitting here at the computer is going to keep me sober ... I need fellowship ... and I need to see that AA is working for my friends and for myself .... I can't see it working typing on a keyboard ... But it is nice to read the sharing from around the world and it is nice to chip in a couple of thoughts. The real meat and potatoes is at the tables of our meetings ... plus you may meet some special and have a friend forever ... not one of those friends that shows up at the bar on your pay day lol .... Keep comin' back ... it works when you work it .... AMF


Member: Maria
Location: Caracas
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 10:21:36 AM

Comments

Hi...My name is Maria,,,I am an alcoholic. First time here, dont know what else to say....just need help.I am killing myself and my family.Dont like to go to meetings...maybe this way is better.Feels sad...


Member: John D.
Location: Raleigh
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 11:11:14 AM

Comments

Maria, this board and all other discussion boards are not meant to be subsitues for meetings, going to a meeting is the best way for alcoholics to get better. You have to decide how bad you want to stop drinking, beacuse you will have to put forth a effort to work the program. And most of the things you will do to get better are gonna be uncomfortable. But the good news is that if you want this will be as dark a time as there will ever be, you can decide to put the past behind you and walk with AA one day at a time, it will be hard, but anything worth having is hard to get. Feel free to e-mail me:jdismukes@excite.com or visit my discussion board: http://pub30.ezboard.com/fjohndsaadiscussionboardfrm1


Member: Leslie M.
Location: Collegeville, PA
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 11:50:52 AM

Comments

Hi, all,

Like most people who are emotionally immature, HTU, Jose, Rodiguez and Dean are looking for attention by posting their gay sexual messages on this website. And like most immature people, they'll find someplace else to entertain themselves if they can't provoke a reaction from the rest of us ... the majority of whom, I'm sure, are sincere about our sobriety and about living as the responsible, adult people God intends for us to be.

Please forgive the unsolicited suggestion, but I think if these pathetically immature individuals are ignored, rather than reacted to, their short attention spans will play out quickly and they'll go away.

Love and good sobriety to all, Leslie M.


Member: Leslie M.
Location: Collegeville, PA
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 12:01:42 PM

Comments

Whoops - wanted to add a P.S. - My comments were not intended to suggest any kind of bias against a person's sexuality. I was directing my message toward people who visit this site and post obnoxious comments which are completely unrelated to recovery from alcohol.

Thanks! Leslie


Member: John D.
Location: Raleigh
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 12:36:06 PM

Comments

Maria, if you are still here please e-mail me at: jdismukes@excite.com I want to help you or just listen to what you have to say.


Member: doublewinner
Location:
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 1:27:58 PM

Comments

Scott, you done good. Angie, nobody laughed at me for trying to get sober. However, I embarrassed myself on a regular basis when I was drinking. A couple of times you said you weren't sure if you "believe in" AA. To me, that sounds funny - like saying I don't believe in this message board. AA is just a group of people. Many of them have or had the same problems, questions and doubts that you do. They talk about it. They might have advice, and if not they might have empathy, and if not, at least you got it off your chest.


Member: Mary A.
Location: Austin, MN
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 2:17:02 PM

Comments

One moment at a time going to meetings that is what helped me to become a sober human being.

Angie - I was in a group where there was always someone who drank more than me, I made sure there was always someone who drank more. I also found after I had went through treatment that there where people who were willing to support my choice to do soberiety and others who wanted to bring me back into the "fold" because I was making them uncomfortable about their drinking. If you have friends and family that will laugh at you about recovery then it is time for new friends and family.

One day at a time is a large chunk to deal with at times. I have done minutes that seem like hours. I know that I can't change the past and I don't know what the future will hold. I can make plans for the future, I try not to set them in stone so they can be changed. Flexability has helped me to remain calm when things have to be changed.

I don't have my own computer. I use the public library's so I am not able to visit this site often but it is nice to know it is here and when I have the chance I can read what others have to share. Take care.


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 2:49:28 PM

Comments

Hi there ! I am an alcholic.Today I am blessed that god gave me the serenity and peace within myself since I have been sober and following the 12 steps. I did not believe in God first being a sciencetist but now I do. This faith in God has made me contented with my life, happy within myself and made me a different person.I thank god that today I am still alive before it was too late.


Member: Alex C.
Location: Clearwater, FL.
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 3:29:10 PM

Comments

I'm Alex, a gay alcholic. Been sober a little over aweek now. Am back after 3 years out; was sober 5 years before that. Am so grateful this site is here. Going to meetings daily and have a sponcer and am forming a support network. Have all the AA books but still working on reading them. Yeah, it's a stumbling block, but I know if I keep doing the next right thing, I'll actually break down and crack the covers. (Actually, I did read part of to the agnostic, so that must count for something.:) ) I wanted to comment on the queens (DJ et all,) who posted their crap. Suggestion to this group: ignore them. Those types are party-crasher types who show up in the most unexpected places and love to act out, and say/do outrageous things. It's attention-getting, button-pushing stuff. The more negatively you react to them, the more they'll act out. Ignore them and they'll disapere for lack of attention.

Again, thank you for this site. Supportive e-mails welcome :) acolvin.geo@yahoo.com


Member: brian h.
Location: chicago
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 3:48:52 PM

Comments

bob s. thank you for your kind words. I need to start remembering to be true to my self and not always be swayed by people's ignorant opinoins.we must remember page83-"as God's people we stand on our feet; we don't crawl before anyone" TO THINE OWNSELF BE TRUE.


Member: Maria K
Location: Finland
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 4:25:43 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Maria and Im an alcoholic. Im so grateful I found this page, I have had a very warm feeling while reading, nearly two hours now. It is amazing how A.A works! The experiances that I have read are the same I share in A.A. meeting here in Finland.

To Angie W. I must say: if you are still unsure about your alcoholism, there are two alternatives: to keep on drinkig or to stop it and realize the real nature of this sickness. I tried so many times to control my drinking and failed every time. I knew that in A.A. I can survive, if I try only because of myself, not because of my job, or something else. The question is not how much you have drunk, but do you suffer from drinking? When I went to my first A.A meeting, I fell the warmth and love- no one asked me haw many bottles I had drunk.

God bless you all,


Member: So it is!!
Location: Demonville
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 5:35:33 PM

Comments

The only thing any truly sober-minded people can say about the 10/28/00 start of this discussion, is that prayer has been entered that those perverted scum slowly waste away in their own pestilence, for which much scripture could be quoted. For such scum there is indeed nothing else!!


Member: Laila
Location: Finland
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 5:59:08 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Laila and I'm an alcoholic. What's this week's topic????! Whatever..Tervetuloa, Maria K! (That "welcome" in Finnish) Good to see another Finn posting! :) I've been sober for a little over 4 years, and it wasn't until this spring that I "got" what AA is all about. It's about WORKING the Steps, and using them in my daily life sa well as possible. I've got a sponsor today who is great help and support. I have a homegroup that works according to the Steps and Traditions. Going to an AA get-together this weekend in Ojakkala somewhere outside Helsinki. Maria K, are you coming there? Where in Finland do you live? Drop me a line!

Everybody have a safe and sober 24 hours! Thanks for this sober day! Love, Laila

email limperska@hotmail.com


Member: JL
Location: The Beach, California
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 6:34:03 PM

Comments

Count your Blessings

I am so grateful that today I can even count my blessings. With the progression of my disease, there may soon have come a day when I would completely lose the ability to count my blessings. When the subject was gratitude I said that the most important thing for me is to start writing a gratitude list. No matter what was going on that day I always felt better. Counting my blessings is the same thing. I am truly blessed. I have so much that I could have thrown away with the help of alcohol. I am blessed that I was open minded enough to walk into a room of AA and just take my chair like the rest. I am blessed with the people in the program. I am blessed with a god of my understanding. I go to bed each night with the thoughts of the blessings bestowed upon me in my day. I awake each day blessed with what I can do. It is truly remarkable, I have eleven months in AA, six months sober and in that short time there has been a huge turnaround. So it may sound trite, or incomprehensible, but each day sober is certainly a blessing. Make each one count.


Member: Hog Rider
Location: Canada
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 8:19:47 PM

Comments

To Angie W,whatever you do,don't feel terrified about going to an AA meeting.You will meet some of the nicest people on the planet there.And going to a meeting won't confirm your an alcoholic anymore than going to a garage will make you a mehcanic.But the things you hear there might help you decide in your own mind if alcohol is a problem for you.Remember,you don't have to wait untill things get really bad before doing some research on this.Theres a hell of a lot of us that wish we hadn't.


Member: LOL
Location:
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 9:54:15 PM

Comments

People here take themselves and comments of others Sooooo f*cking seriously. Get over yourself and you just MIGHT stay sober.


Member: Kathleen L
Location: USA
Date: 10/30/00
Time: 11:04:13 PM

Comments

Well from what I gather the topic of this discussion is gratefulness. Right now I am thankful to have a roof over my head. I have been sober this time for three days now and right now am feeling extremely sorry for myself.

I am only 26, but I feel like I have lost a lot due to my drinking. My boyfriend finally told me to go away until I sought professional help. He didn't say it was my drinking, but all of my problems are a result of my drinking. I have hurt my family and my friends and most of all I am being self-destructive. I have been in rehab about 2 years ago and managed to stay sober then. I have been to AA meetings and just don't feel comfortable. I can relate with Angie W on her feelings about that...but is there any other way to stop drinking?

I know that everyone at meetings has been where I am and aren't looking down on me and I am not denying that I have a problem, so why am I not comfortable? Thanks for listening and please say a prayer for me.


Member: Tanna P.
Location: Jordan
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 12:55:11 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Tanna P. and I'm an alcoholic praying for a miracle. I have 9 yrs of sobriety, but the last year I have been running on recovery fumes. I am an American and have been living and working on my own in Amman, Jordan for the last year, without access to meetings or the fellowship of the program. Jordan is a Muslim culture where people don't admit to drinking, let alone admit to being drunks. Going without the fellowship has finally caught up with me and I am struggling with depression, and isolation, and terrified this disease is going to get me again.

I found this site, and am reading all your postings in the mornings just to feel connected again, so I can get my self up and functioning. Please keep the experience, strength and hope coming. I am praying to my HP for a miracle: fellowship.

Does anyone out there have any more suggestions for how I can practice the program and connect with the fellowship from this distance?

Thank you all for this site.


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 1:32:16 AM

Comments

Tanna, your plea buckled my knees hearing your distress and sincerity. Know that if you can be this real and honest, you are running on more than fumes. There is such humility, honesty, heart and dignity in you. I am an 18 year recovering alcoholic named Bob and live in Salt Lake City. I went through treatment 1/83 in La Jolla, CA at McDonald Center. Lost an 18+ year job in the airline business because of my alcohol, cocaine and marijuana use...also lost 3 marriages, 2 children, one house and 2 cars, and of course, my dignity and all sense of appropriateness in relating to anyone and anything dignified in the universe. I was so stuck on "I don't think very much of myself, but I'm all I think about" and couldn't see it through the blur of the booze and lies and degrading behavior. Things have changed. This fellowship (you) and the grace of God, have transformed this once disgusting alcoholic into a simple, garden variety recovering alcoholic. I'm in a modest lifestyle and very happy in a new career. My life is rewarding and gives me opportunities to notice others, to give back a little here and there. I'm sure there will be others to come to your aid on this site. Feel free to contact me direct, or others of you also on this site: mtbikerbob@dellnet.com. Yes, I'm a mt. bike idiot...I love it. It's meditative for me and I like seeing elk, deer, bears, moose, oh, and other people in mother nature. Tanna, if you need any published materials that I can get and forward to you, let me know. Start doing daily inventories of your thinking and actions. Notice whether you feel good about how you are thinking and behaving and relating to people. Remember when you were more involved in the recovery routine, how you found it possible to be kind to people even when they were not too cool? You can begin to act your way into right thinking and feeling, but can't think your way into right acting. Just do it. Your recovering personality will resurface, that sense of peace, calm and confidence you once found will return once you begin undertaking recovery regimens. Use the tools you once used, and what they produced will return...and stay in touch. You are going to be just fine, give this time and patience. I'll stop rambling on now and leave some space for others. Love to all, Bob


Member: JACK B.
Location: PALO ALTO, PA.
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 2:04:44 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic.Count your blessings is a great topic.When I think where I was at this time in 1987, I really do get a tremendous feeling of gratitude.Thru the Grace of God and the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous if I am fortunate enough to see the 23rd of November, it will mark 13 years of continous sobriety.When I think of the expression the Grace of God, I fully understand that what has been given to me is an undeserved/unwarranted blessing.If my life does not get get any better than it is at this exact moment, no regrets, no qualms, no looking back.I have been thoroughly blessed.Today I understand what the old timers meant when they told me over and over again, the greatest things in life aren't things.For this I am and hopefully will remain truly grateful.Thanks and God Bless all on our recovery journey.


Member: Laila
Location: Finland
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 3:16:21 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Laila and I'm an alcoholic. To Tanna P in Jordan: Suggestion: I joined an AA online women's group earlier this year, drop me a line and I'll tell you more about it! Great help and support online!

Everybody have a safe and sober day! Love, Laila email limperska@hotmail.com


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 4:05:22 AM

Comments

Count your blessings? Is that the topic??? Anyway, I am a compulsive person and I consider each and everyone of you to be one of MY blessings SO...I just counted all the postings for this week. So far, I have had 68 blessings! :-)

P.S. Pardon me for being so silly!


Member: Deb K.
Location: West Kootenays
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 10:04:28 AM

Comments

Deb K. and an alcoholic. There seems to be a few topics here and a few people asking for help. I heard a while back, I think it was in the coffe pot, that people that don't have a problem with alcohol never question if they are an alcoholic or not. If you are one, it is for you and only you to decide. I stuggled with that for a long while, I had friends that told me that I did not have a problem, that I was fun.. They did not however live in my skin. I was fun when I was with others, but after the party and on my own, I did not feel funny..I felt pain, loneliness, hurt and fear. Feelings that I could not show them. I decided after coming in through Alanon that I was indeed an alcoholic. There was fear of going to an AA meeting, of the people in there, of actually admitting that I am an alcoholic to me and to them because in actually doing so I would have to change and do something about me. Admitting defeat, I do not know of one alkie that liked to in the beginning, it was only after being so sick of being sick and tired that change occurred. I wish those that are suffering that they come to thier decision and act upon it one way or the other...the pain is in making a decision... I thank AA and the people in it for being there when I made mine... cedars22@hotmail.com


Member: Martin
Location: NY
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 3:07:17 PM

Comments

Martin - alki (sorry about the double-dip)

Tanna,

I knew a guy who spent a lot of time in a middle-eastern muslium country (I can't remember which one). He slipped on one of his stays, so the next time he went down, he contacted a priest or some-such professional Christian, (even though my friend was not a religeous man) and told him what the scoop was. The priest asked his friends, who asked theirs etc., and soon my friend was introduced to another alcoholic. There were only every two people at their meetings, but they had them once a week, and the guy didn't slip again.

There are also a number of online AA meatings, for example on IRC at #aa. There is one on Compuserve that happens in UK time, which might be more convinient for you.


Member: Stacey L.
Location: Eugene, Oregon
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 3:47:08 PM

Comments

tanna - my heart lept out for you, i would love to be available for you anytime. you can email me and we can support each other thru this thing called "life". i have been around aa for 18 years and would love to have you as a friend!

staceylott@hotmail.com

god bless you!


Member: Marsha W
Location: Northern Chile
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 4:11:50 PM

Comments

Hi, all. Marsha here, alcoholic. So many good postings this week. (((Angie W))) Please don't feel terrified of going to a meeting. When I dragged my sorry ass, shaking and quaking, into my first meeting, everyone was so kind and concerned and made me feel so welcome. It happened to be a speaker meeting and the woman who spoke talked about an unusual drinking behaviour that I thoought I alone possessed. It was such a relief to know I wasn't the only one in the world who did that (be sober for months with booze in the house and suddenly, for no apparent reason, get out of bed one morning at 3 a.m. and go on a binge). The wonderful thing about my first and all subsequent meetings is that no one chases you to return. You get a lot of numbers to call if you want help, you can take literature and read it if you want, but no one tries to shove the program down your throat or stalk you or hassle you in any way. That's what I had been afraid of. And if fear has crept into your life - fear of your behaviour, fear for your job, fear of keeping it all together, chances are that drinking has become a problem rather than a recreation. So please do check out a meeting.

(((Tanna P))) I'm working and living alone in a small town in Chile, no AA and no women at the two recovery groups that exist here. I, too, am longing for a meeting and this wonderful site is helping me a great deal. Feel free to e-mail me at marcatmm@hotmail.com.

(((Bob S.))) Your posting was wonderful and an inspiration.

Now there are more than 68 blessings and I am thankful for every one of the. Peace and joy to all.


Member: John D.
Location: Raleigh
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 5:10:52 PM

Comments

Everyone please visit my discussion board to share your experince, strenght and hope with me and other AA'ers Thanks John http://pub30.ezboard.com/fjohndsaadiscussionboardfrm1


Member: JW
Location: UK
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 5:35:21 PM

Comments

My name is James,Im an alcoholic.Ive been sober for just over a year and owe AA a lot.This is the first time i have been here,but i am a member of the UK site.I need AA because drinking messed me up.I still need it now because i need to get away from these so called normal people and get to my kind of people.For the first six months i thought it would be tough,but it scared me when i had cravings and thoughts of drinking after a year and i had to go back to the just for today.I dont want to drink,im just so scared of throwing everything away that ive worked for and gained.I used to look at material things,but now i realise if i drink i will lose everything,and i am glad i worry to some extent because it reminds me of what i am.thank you AA and thank you God


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 6:03:17 PM

Comments

Say why he does it; this page is used up before we got started, why wear it out, you sinned on me, no more of you. Send the waste of time in, who ever he is that I might stamp his ass out; Why sic on me?


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 7:51:15 PM

Comments

Townhouse on him, why stay here any longer, I know why he does it; It's wise to be wise; I'll wise him up; I'll foul out!


Member: brian
Location: dublin
Date: 10/31/00
Time: 8:25:58 PM

Comments

when i first came to aa i was told to go to 90 meeting in 90 days.i said no way till a man said just go to one a day so i did.iam now 2 years sober.it is important to keep in the day.i still go to lots of meeting.i also have a great higher power because i am still sober.my 2 years were no bed of roses but idid not want to escape any more.to day i can wash i was able 3 years ago.thanks to all aa members


Member: shirley
Location: Alaska
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 12:07:18 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Shirley, a gratefully recovering alcoholic. As I quickly skimmed over the "slutty" stuff, I was reminded so clearly that in our program, we learn to "live and let live" and I am so fortunate for the peace, joy and strenght of a happy life style in AA. Thanks for all the thoughts and sharing from you wonderfully faithful AA folks across the internet.


Member: KATHYNORTHEAST
Location:
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 1:40:08 AM

Comments

Kathy - Northeast - an alcoholic. Topic,I guess, is count your blessings. My surgery six weeks about which I spoke was completely successful, and Iamnow considered cancer free for the third time in eight years. This is through the grace of God as is my finding AA and sobering up 15 years ago in my 50's. I have had emphysema for 12 years and was afraid this latest surgery would leave my on O2 24/7. I have slept with it for many years which I don't mind. I did come home on O2 but have been assured by my surgeons ,physical therapists ,nurses, ect.that it is only temporary until I heal. Thanks to what I have learned in AA I am able to trust and accept being housebound for a short time . I'm so grateful to have this site and all of you help me.

JENNY LOU AND kevin k. welcome - please continue to post messages. We need you.

MARIE - I DIDN'T LIKE TO GO TO EETINGS IN THE BEGINNING EITHER. I HEARD THE OLD TIMERS ENCOURAGE ME TO KEEOP COMING ANYWAY UNTIL I LOOKED FORWARD TO COMING. IT TOOK TIME, BUT OIT DIOD HAPPEN, AND WILL HAPPEN FOR YOU IF YOU WORK FOR IT.


Member: Jeff
Location: West Michigan
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 5:42:56 AM

Comments

My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. From reading the discussion section I am seeing this as kind of a first step / gratitude meeting.

I just went to a meeting last night where there was a new guy and I am sometimes amazed at what my friends and I say. The bottom line is that we used to drink. We all had good intentions and we all found we could not stop until we admitted that we had a drinking problem, we could not fix ourselves(and we did some silly things trying to fix ourselves).

We came to AA. We all seemed to have found something we are looking for. One drunk talking to another-trying to help - expecting nothing in return but getting so much more than just not drinking.

Sometimes I feel comfortable, relaxed, and content, EVEN happy, in my own skin...NOT DRUNK. I think at some point in my drinking there was a point where I was almost felt comfortable and then I'd blow on by that point to jail, or blackout, or a fight, or breaking something, or just falling off my seat or knocking over that drink that was about to make me feel good.

In AA I have figured out that the correct amount of alcohol needed to make me feel good is none. It seems simple; but I spent years dying to find that answer. I don't know if I would have ever figured it out without you all.

If I don't keep coming back to meetings I forget the answer to my question. Today I know that if I drink I would end up worse off than when I was last drunk (SCARY) within a few days, weeks, or months. That is a good thing for me to remember.

Thank you all for being here.


Member: Tom
Location: Midwest
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 12:13:20 PM

Comments

I have struggled with the notion whether or not I am "alcoholic". I have decided to give up that struggle and to quit drinking without having that question answered.

Two books have helped me better understand drinking: "Under the Influence" by Dr. James R. Milan and Katherine Ketcham and "How to Quit Drinking Without AA" by Jerry Dorsman.

Dorsman suggests AA is a good program for many, but not all. He outlines other ways of giving up alcohol.

I hit this site alot without contributing. I find what is written here helpful at times. I don't attend face-to-face meetings, but also do not eliminate the prospect that they might be helpful to me in the future.

Angie W - I am writing because your story hit close to home. When I was about 14 I puked in a church vestibule just before Mass after getting hold of too much champagne at a wedding reception. I met my weekly church attendance obligation in the basement restroom. Nobody thought that was funny, nor did anyone suggest I had a problem. Oh yeah, I forgot to say that was the second time I accidently got drunk at a wedding reception before I was fifteen.

I drank the next 25 years and nobody said I had a problem. I was "functional". Every time I had a memory of something I did or said that was embarrassing or stupid, though - something that really made me wince - hey! I had been drinking.

I am certain I would meet anyone's definition of an alcoholic. I don't know if anyone would tell me face to face. I decided not to wait for that, to decide for myself. Let yourself know what you know.


Member: Jim L
Location: alaska
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 2:36:57 PM

Comments

hi all and to you shirley im in the soldotna area myself. anyways im 32 days sober and doin aright. I've heard some wonderful stuff on here today. People keep typing cause your fingers are keeping me and alot of others out there sober.thanks


Member: William,A.
Location: N.Carolina.
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 7:06:50 PM

Comments

William,A. because of a loving and understanding H.P. I have not had a need to pick-up a drink since 6/11/91.and for that I am truly greatful today.I was reviewing some of the comments that were made inreguards to the members that have different views on how they choose to have thier pleasures of a sexual nature and I would like to return back to the time shortly before coming into this wonderful program and remembering how peopleviewed me helped me to not want to come in for help so I would like to remind all that may read this message that we are to never critizise least we become inaffected towards our fellow members.

Safe and Sober


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 7:22:28 PM

Comments

"And I brethren, could not speak unto you as unto spiritual, but as unto carnal, even as unto babes in Christ....I have fed you with milk, and not with meat; for hitherto ye were not able to bear it, neither yet now are ye able....For ye are yet carnal; for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? It's wise to be wise, But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy....


Member: MAGGIE B
Location: NEBRASKA
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 9:18:15 PM

Comments

HELLO. MY NAME IS MAGGIE, I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. I'M WITH ALEX C. PLEASE DON'T RESPOND TO THE NASTY FOLKS. SEEMS THEY HAVE THEIR OWN "SPECIAL SICKNESS" TO DEAL WITH,THEY HAVE CHOSEN THE WRONG SITE......


Member: Bob M
Location: Seattle
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 10:22:09 PM

Comments

Well this is a first as I've noticed with many others who have posted comments. Got a bad!!! DUI and am having to consider AA as a resource. I feel reluctant and shy to attend an actual "in person" meeting and thought this might be a way to get a feeling for how to repond/interact with other folks trying to square away their lives. I've stopped drinking but it feels more like an experiment than an actual internalized choice to change my lifestyle. I appreciate everyone's comments and am grateful to have the opportunity to get started on "recovery" whatever it's supposed to be. Have a great weekend. Bob M


Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N.H.
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 10:35:27 PM

Comments

Hey, Rhonda, alcoholic. Alot of great ES&H on this site. I had to post today as it is my one year of sobriety day. Stayingcyber has been a good substitude when I need a meeting and can't get to one. Angie have an open mind and listen to learn and learn to listen. Let me have done it for you, Angie things won't get better untill you change. God bless you.


Member: Robin A.
Location: Lakeland, FL USA
Date: 11/1/00
Time: 10:59:33 PM

Comments

Hi all- Robin A alcoholic and addict here -Tanna P. in Jordan I recently have joined an online women's recovery site that has daily meeting's etc...It is an "Official AA On Line Intergroup" address is majordomo@imagicomm.com Good Luck and God Bless


Member: raidy m.
Location: a much better place
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 5:06:21 AM

Comments

I cannot get sober , "in-a- box". Face to face meetings is how I stay sober; sharing w/others, seeing the newcomers walk in that door as I did, talking with "old-timers"; participating in the home group; shaking hands to all that walk into the rooms.Working my steps, seeing first hand the program working in others lives as well as my own.Seeing the miracle happen right before my eyes. This alcoholic has allways searched looking for that , softer easier way; Face to face is only way for this simple alcoholic is able to stay sober, one meeting at a time. Course, what works for you, just might get me drunk.Simple.


Member: JACK B
Location: PALO ALTO, PA
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 5:16:20 AM

Comments

Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic.To Brian h, concerning the antidepressants you are on.You are doing what is necessary for you.If you have not picked up a drink today, you are a member in good standing of Alcoholics Anonymous.Remember the most important person in your life has got to be you. God Bless you and keep doing what you are doing one day at a time.


Member: Katie R
Location:
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 6:19:00 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Katie R and I am an alchoholic. I am very shy and find the idea of walking into a room of strangers and talking about my problem very difficult. I can stay off the drink for a month or so and then this compulsion seems to come over me and I binge for about four days with another couple of days to recover. So I'm not really recovering at all. Everyone says AA is the only answer. Please pray I get the nerve to go.


Member: paul c
Location: ohio
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 8:08:48 AM

Comments

hi everyone my is paul and i'm an alcoholic! I've been wanting to quit. day one of stopping, i picked up the newspaper and read the obituary of my 36 year old drinking buddy who was killed last friday.He had been drinking,missed a curve, rolled his truck and died instantly. three weeks ago his girlfriend gave birth to his daughter. i thank GOD for letting me read that as i had not heard of the accident at all. that has kept me sobber for 24 hours now and I'm working on day two now. with you people and GOD's help i will work through it to see tommorrow. I dont want to die, i want to live and death was where i too was heading. thanks for listening. please pray for me as i will do the ssame for you.


Member: John D.
Location: Raleigh
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 9:17:14 AM

Comments

My advice to newcomers: Make no excuses. Just don't take that first drink. Get to a REAL meeting! NO one at the meetings is better than you, we are all alcoholics who have made a mess of our lives. We have changed our lives for the better, the obsession to drink has been lifted from me and if I can do it you can do it. If anybody needs any questions answered about AA, please e-mail me: jdismukes@excite.com or visit my discussion board at: http://pub30.ezboard.com/fjohndsaadiscussionboardfrm1


Member: Serenity
Location: Edge of the World
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 12:52:39 PM

Comments

Wow! What good stuff!!! For the "newcomers" (new to AA) and the "preventures" (not sure they are alcoholics), gratitude was hard to come by. It came over time as the fog lifted and AA helped introduce me to myself.

Thanks Paul C in Ohio for sharing a pretty common consequence of our disease...death. In sobriety, I have buried more people than in my entire life without AA. I am a real, genuine alcoholic so to me, to drink means to die. I may not die an immediate physical death, but by the times I crawled into these rooms, like Marsha W described, I was "beat up from the feet up", and only 33. I was still married, had a good job, had actually earned 2 masters while qualifying, owned a thriving business, and had a lot of personal wealth. But I was dying because alcohol ran my life. Told me what to wear, who to hang out with, what weddings to go to, when to go to bed, how to wake up...Higher Power? You bet! You see, I've learned that rock bottom isn't a place you hit, but a choice you make. One day I woke up and I was out of choices except to die. Nothing mattered, not even my life. I was done. Period. My friends? What friends? When I stopped partying, they disappeared. The rest took off when I ditched my hostage (husband) and gave up the house in the burbs and moved to the inner city. In sobriety, the only thing I had in the beginning was my life, clothes, a car, and a failing business. Since that day, I have not had a need to pick up any drink or mood or mind altering substance and for that, I'm grateful.

I was a court appointed alcoholic and I didn't think I had a problem. I blamed the world and other people and situations..."It's their fault that I drink...If he wouldn't have done that to me, I wouldn't be drunk, etc..." Because of the people in AA, you all helped me stop the blame game and get to the business of living honestly. Was I an alcoholic? A court appointed counselor told me to not touch a drop for 30 days. By that afternoon, I was thinking of a drink. How about the times when in the morning I would say, "I won't drink today!". By noon, I was saying, "I will only have one drink today". By evening, I was saying "-*- it! I deserve it, I earned it!". And once again the insanity began and never ended.

Consequences? Sorry you had a bad week Hog Rider, but be honest. How many of the things you're experiencing are consequences of drinking? Have you ever heard of "drink, trouble, drink, trouble, drink, trouble..."? We've all been there. Instead of trying to find another excuse to drink, how about understanding that "we can't change life to fit us, instead life stays the same and we change". Hard to explain unless you get some time under your belt. Stick around. It gets better.

In order to stay sober yet another day, I've learned to follow the program of AA as outlined in the big book. I've also learned to do whatever it takes to stay sober. I sponsor, lead, give people rides to meetings, go to the detox ward, chair meetings, whatever it takes. I can never give enough to this program that has set me free.

Grateful? Very! The greatest blessing I have today is the knowledge that I am an alcoholic. Because of AA, I never have to live that horrible existence of lies, broken promises, black outs, shame, guilt, and insanity. Thank God. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Mark D
Location: NH
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 1:09:53 PM

Comments

To Tom/midwest-I also read that book How to Quit ...without AA, back when I was evaluating if I had a problem. It's a good book. There are no bad or misleading selections in that book.It just wasn't enough for me. After a number of failures I found that I came to a point where I felt some measure of comfort at meetings. I recall that book also took pains to walk around the "spiritual" issue. That's been the real significant breakthrough for my daily recovery. I don't go Bible-quotin' or Hi-De-Ho religeous, but I open myself up to that Higher Power at least at the beginning and end of every day. The bottom line is that you've got tomake a 3-pronged effort to grow to deal with this damned problem effectively-- 1) your mind; be open to new ways of thinking cuz' the old way just doesn't work. 2) spirit-- it will give you strength to deal. 3) emotion--learn how to use them right because drunks are usually emotionally retarded or constipated. Good luck and keep coming back.


Member: Mrs Linda D
Location: Houston, Texas
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 2:15:50 PM

Comments

To Tanna

Don't give up before the miracle. There are thousands of us out here, whose heart ached to read what you you felt. There are times I have felt that way sitting in my own home. Send me an email. I will happily correspond with you. I will also pray for you.

Email anytime - I promise I will answer.

mrs_linda_d@yahoo.com


Member: John Mc
Location: Mo
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 4:52:41 PM

Comments

To Katie R, Please, just go. The pain and misery, that you must be enduring, must be more frighting than going to a meeting. I will be praying for you. John Mc


Member: William,A.
Location: N.Carolina
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 5:43:21 PM

Comments

Dear BoB,Please note on day as a young child I was playing football,I fell and broke my arm. while setting on the doctors table the thought never came to me "I wonder if he will tell the guys that I am crying-or better yet that I am here" doctors arae or have been known to be very helpful to people like us and we are in some cases all we have.lets thank someone we have a place to go to to discuss our problems. so to you I say simply welcome to the answer to what can be a better way to understand just what may be aling you.(N-Y-A-1-2-)= Now You Are One Two. We all love you in a very special way.


Member: Libby
Location:
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 6:27:48 PM

Comments

today I am grateful for so many things. I have friends around the country, a mother and sister with beautiful sobriety, and will to support me in my sobriety. I am grateful to all the beautiful men and women (and young people) of AA who have given me my loved one, and helped me keep my life together, by the grace of god. thank you Love libby


Member: Dallas S.
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 8:30:23 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Dallas I am an alcoholic and smoker. Being part of the A.A. experience is the best thing I've done for myself thus far. 24 hrs. is a step well taken on the path of sobriety. I now understand what it takes to stay sober. I feel grateful for my HP. Without prayer and meditation, I don't know how long I'd go on hurting myself and others. Thankyou all for your time. Good-bye.


Member: Donna
Location:
Date: 11/2/00
Time: 11:16:26 PM

Comments

Hello everyone. Donna, alcoholic. Thanks to all who posted. Lots of gratitude. Thank you to Jenny Lou for reminding me to live one day at a time. I'm sober 9yrs. and still at times have trouble staying in the day. I am only able to go to about 2 mtgs. a week and reading all these wonderful posts really help keep me sober and be kind and useful to my four small children. Thank GOD for all you wonderful people!!!


Member: recoverable
Location:
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 7:00:11 AM

Comments

don't drink go to real meetings.


Member: Russell H
Location: NSW Australia
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 7:50:42 AM

Comments

Linda G., thank-you for reminding me I am only one drink away from a drunk. God Bless.


Member: Tom
Location: Midwest
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 9:43:06 AM

Comments

Mark D., NH Thanks for your response. I wrote back in Coffee Pot under Tom, M (whoops), about this date and time.


Member: DaveB
Location: New Jersey
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 9:50:51 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Dave, and I am more than reasonably sure that I am an alcoholic.

I attended my first meeting on Tuesday, fresh from a bar "socializing" after work. I felt bad going to it as I was drunk, but I was really glad I did. They have the meetings in a gym right across the street from my house, but this is the first time I really wanted to go.

It was a great experience. I got there after it started, but as I listened to the speaker, I think I'll be going back to the next one. I couldn't believe how much I could relate to this man talk about his own experiences, and found myself nodding my head on the same things that I have done in the past to hide my drinking from my wife.

Everyone was friendly, and I liked how no one said anything bad about how I was pretty lit while I was there. Unfortunately, this meeting is only held every Tuesday evening, and the next one won't be in 2 weeks, with elections and all this coming one. But I plan on going back sober, and just wanted to say that this site is great. Reading all of the postings gives me alot of relief and hope for the future.

I'll definitly be back here. Thanks to everyone for their openness.


Member: Melissa B.
Location: Canada
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 9:57:02 AM

Comments

Wow, from revolting to refreshing...thanks for all the wonderful posts - what a wonderful way to start the day... Katie, you only have to be frightened to death ONCE. We promise you'll emerge from a face-to-face meeting with a heartbeat and a pulse and perhaps a whole lot more - good luck! I think it was Tom from the Midwest - you might like 'Beyond the Influence' by the same authors of 'Under' and 'The Thinking Man's Guide to Sobriety'. Reading about alcoholism helped me a lot. It's not the same thing as action, but it's what I needed to do first. One thing can lead to another. Good luck to you, too. Another day grateful for my sobriety, and grateful to all of you, too. Love from Melissa, an alcoholic.


Member: Maureen C
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 11:39:24 AM

Comments

Tanna from Jordan- There was a letter in the October issue of the Grapevine about the Jerusalem Shalom Group. Moslems from the West Bank attended. I don't know if this helps you. You may also want to check out the AAgrapevine.org website and some AA links on this site.

Good luck in your search for the fellowship.


Member: T.J. F
Location: TEXAS
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 12:25:38 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, My name is T.J. and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober for 85 days and I am doing great. I was appointed to come to AA by the court. I thank my HP for that. If it wasn't for that I would have nevergone to a meeting. I have had 3 dui arrests. In the state of Texas that is a felony. I am 30 yrs old and I am a teacher. This is major in my profession. I could lose my job. However, through this program in the little time I have been in AA, has taught me to live one day at a time. Each day gets better and better for me. I have an awesome sponsor and I am working the steps. I try to go to as many meetings as possible. I ask my HP to help guide me through the day and I thank him at night whent I go to bed. AA does work! It has given me a new lease on life and for that I am grateful. Thank you for having this website.


Member: Jim.L
Location: alaska and sober
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 12:44:40 PM

Comments

Hi all im jim and im an alchoholic, I've been reading for about a half an hour this morning,and i've related what do you know,ha. Anyways i've seen a few peoplethat are scared to death of going to an AA meeting.Thats great i dont blame you,at least your thinkin about it. I'm a little over my first thirty days of sobriety. I was terrified of my first,second,and third meeting. Oh shoot i still get butterflies when i walk through the door.Ya its scary.BUT its a heck of a lot better than walkin through the bar door.(example)Would you rather walk in to a bar where the first guy or girl you make eye contact with thinks you looked at them funny and now they want to kick your ass OR would you rather walk through a door where the first person you look at says hi its great to see you glad you are here and later says keep coming back.CAUSE PEOPLE IT REALLY DOES WORK.Anyways people go to a meeting or 2. you dont half to stay or even go back,but if you are anything like me you probabaly will cause you want to get sober.So good luck to you all and us alchoholics will be praying for you,ha. thanks.


Member: Jeff F
Location: Arizona
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 12:58:49 PM

Comments

Angie W. - Isn't it great when strangers can help each other? Angie, I write this note especially to you since your entry touched my heart. Your words explained my feelings almost exactly. I am in search of a partnership with someone who can relate to my feelings. Like you, I don't think I have a drinking problem but as AA members I have met in the past have told me; that is the first step to recovery. Recovery from what? I have a couple of beers a night and maybe several during Monday night football gatherings. My concern is, one, can I stop if I wanted to, and two, what potential problems await me? Anyway, this was meant to be a short note for now until I know if you are interested in writing back. I look for what I call a partnership because I don't want the feeling of inferiority commonly felt in places like this. I believe in AA but I do not know if it is for me or if I need it...yet. Please write me back if you wish at: ebizaz@hotmail.com. If I don't hear from you, good luck and I will being praying for you!

Peace


Member: Eric
Location: Montana
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 1:57:39 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Eric and i am an alcoholic. I have been sober for almost five months now and i feel great. I first started going to meetings because of a court order. Having attended a few in the past few months has opened my eyes to the joys in life, i had taken for granted in the past. This is my first online meeting and i think they are great. (ONE DAY AT A TIME)


Member: Eric
Location: Montana
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 1:57:50 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Eric and i am an alcoholic. I have been sober for almost five months now and i feel great. I first started going to meetings because of a court order. Having attended a few in the past few months has opened my eyes to the joys in life, i had taken for granted in the past. This is my first online meeting and i think they are great. (ONE DAY AT A TIME)


Member: Eric
Location: Montana
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 1:58:21 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Eric and i am an alcoholic. I have been sober for almost five months now and i feel great. I first started going to meetings because of a court order. Having attended a few in the past few months has opened my eyes to the joys in life, i had taken for granted in the past. This is my first online meeting and i think they are great. (ONE DAY AT A TIME)


Member: JL
Location: The Beach, California
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 2:25:42 PM

Comments

Kathleen,

Give it some time. This thing can't be hurried. Going to meetings is really one of the basics in my sobriety. I just never knwew that there were so many willing to help a drunk like me. I came to my first few meetings and I was not at all comfortable. It gets better and better. As silly as it sounds, for me just sitting in the room and listening lead me in the right direction. To all of you that expressed unease at going to meetings, remember all you have to have is a desire to stop drinking. If you don't want to say anything you can pass if called upon. No one will ask you to do anything you don't want to do. It is for fun and for free. I became ready to take suggestions and do the work in my own time. I want to really thank all who share here too, Staying Cyber has filled in times for me when I can't get to a meeting and kept me away from the booze late at night when I felt vulnerable. Keep bringing on your experience, strength and hope.


Member: Mike V
Location: Masple Valley, WA
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 4:48:09 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Mike and I am an alcholic---- Just want to say that, what we have ia a daily reprieve contingent on the maintance of our spiritual condition. Keep it simple and I love you all, and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it.


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 5:37:36 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic. I need to make an amend for some really stupid behavior. I've violated someone's anonymity from this site and likely put other's in an uncomfortable position. My bonehead, insensitive, self-seeking, ego-maniacal curiosity satisfaction led to the discomfort, and likely embarassment, of other people. Also likely making a painful situation worse. I used someone's crisis and effort to find help in an inappropriate way. I am sorry for violating the intent of this site, and the followship, because of my own self-interest and curiosity. I am also sorry to the people who were and may have been harmed, in any way, by my behavior. I am doing this in this way because it seems an appropriate way, and I have abuse individuals using this site, but also have polluted the intent of this site, and so others using it. Bob


Member: CP
Location: scotland
Date: 11/3/00
Time: 8:14:17 PM

Comments

Pray for my friend M. No alcohol now, but narcotics still.


Member: ED G.         
Location: Bryan
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 8:25:41 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Ed G. I am an alocholic. I count my blessing everyday that I get up and don't take a drink. I thank my higher powder for the courage to do so each and everyday.


Member: Carole M
Location: London
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 3:34:09 PM

Comments

Hi, This is my first time to this site. I could not get to a meeting this evening and its great to still be able to speak to people who truly understand. I have been sober a little over 4 months now. I have some good days and some bad days but none as worse as when I was drinking, and for that I thank god every day


Member: William...A.
Location: N...Carolina.
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 6:53:15 PM

Comments

Hello,I have just moved to a new state,married the girl that had my child,we have a house,car children and a wonderful mother-in-law who has been in my corner for the better part of twenty years,she is sick with alheimers and she needs to be with us at this time because of this ---- wonderfulfellowship and the program of recovery today,I can honestly say that,I am truly blessed not only to be sober,but to have my mother-in-law in my life,being sober is giving me the chance to look at the big-pitcure,to look past my wants and wishes and to care for someone other than myself,even-though I some -times have to speak with both my new and old sponsor about just how I am feeling about the times that Iare-not feeling so greatful for what,I have as well as what has been taken from me.

Thank:God for his many,many blessings. William.A.


Member: Cheryl S
Location: Nevada
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 7:09:17 PM

Comments

Hi, I am Cheryl and I am an alcoholic. This is my first post here after my sponsor giving me the address to this site yesterday. After much reading, I have decided to jump in and post. I have 225 days sober today and am very a grateful alcoholic. I fought admitting to my alcoholism and even drank after getting out of rehab, but thankfully AA got inside of my head and messed up my drinking. My current situation is I am not physically capable of attending meetings like I was in the first few months of sobriety. I miss meetings so much, although I am staying in contact with my sponsor via phone and working my steps. My health has taken such a nose dive for the past five + months that I am having my moments of forgetting to take one day at a time in general. I have gone from being told to prepare myself to die, due to liver failure at the time, which was caused by a reaction to a precription drug that caused hepatits. My liver finally started working again, though I am left with fibrosis of the liver. Shortly after my pancreas went out of whack and ended up in the hospital, and just got out a second time this week as sick as I went in. Am more than likely facing major surgery in a few weeks. I could go on, but the real thing I need is the contact with other alcoholics and the program of recovery. I am grateful that I know recovery is not just about not drinking, it is about a new way of living. I am struggling with depression over my health and the total unknown concerning and I do not want to go back where I was before finding AA. I have read through the coffee pot and this discussion board and the topic I realize hits home for me is living one day at a time and I would venture to say I need to explore the count my blessings topic too. Some days I just so sick and see no end in site that I forget I have much to be grateful for. I would like to take the time to thank you all for posting, your honesty, your thoughts, and for being here. I feel like a kid in the candy store coming here after several months of so few meetings. Thank you all.


Member: LK
Location: Texas
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 7:58:13 PM

Comments

They say that if you stick around a while someone will tell your story. I heard mine today. Thank you Angie. Although I have been able to string together a few 24 hours, I needed to be reminded of what it was really like. That life is so unrecognizable to me today, I tend to forget just how quick she could return. I don't ever want to go back to that life. I am so grateful for the bleesings my Higher Power has given me, the fellowship of AA and the oportunities that I have today. Man, I am so grateful. I can also be so complacent, that scares me. Thanks for letting me share. I was sitting at the computer on Saturday night deciding whether or not to shower and hit the 8 O Clock when I found this site. I have never AA cybered before. Thanks again.


Member: connie p
Location: nz
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 8:28:53 PM

Comments

today I am truley grateful to be sober I haven't written for a while but I try to come to this site at lest once a week as I don't get to meetings or have a sponcer I have so much to be gratful for I can remember today.my life isn't ruled by the thought of my next drink where,when and how.I have learnt to let go and let god(and not to always take it back)


Member: carl J.
Location: midwest
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 9:35:43 PM

Comments

first time at site..if your serious about recovery people will know if your not people will know.. At first one scoffs at what is suggested (rightly so),but upon further investigation , meetings, Not drinking,etc.one begins to see the light.. i'm sober 15 yrs. and i still have trouble ...on certain days.. this too shall pass..i remind myself.. i've be diagnosed with clinical depression along with my alcoholism .. oh yes also schizophrenic... A lot to handle.. before you judge me .. remember my only problem wasn't alcohol..then it was and now it's not... I 've managed to stay sober and happy thru all this and gather strength from the gratful newcomers..thanks.. you help !! you'd think i'd have it all figured out.by now! lol day reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition... i had to stop fighting ,, at first and humbly accept help.. and search for humility ..not humiliation but humbleness of spirit...not door mats and not ceo's of billion dollar companies...lol somewhere inbetween...and it's ok to be Only ok.. May you all continue on your journey in the toughest most challenging thing in front of me in my life.. Honesty , Openmindedness, and willingness.. remember the slogans as i try to encorporate them into daily living.. Gratitude for what you have not what you don't have.. oh i could go on but it's the new comers gratitude in finding the liferafts after the sinking of the drinking Titanic is what keys me..lol one day at a time..


Member: sammie
Location: mi
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 9:56:27 PM

Comments

Hi my name is sammie I have almost 15 years sober and feel like im on fumes too. Im going through my second bout of depression and i feel so disconnected. Ive never had a problem going to meetings etc but its like pulling teeth now im doing okay and im making myself go but i feel so disconnected with the people and my sobriety. I need someone to talk to but feel so ashamed of where im at emotionally. I drive myself crazy thinking about how others see me. all this shit i got rid of when i first got clean. it was good to read awhile and get out of my head. thanks


Member: randy
Location:
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 10:44:33 PM

Comments

Hi i'm Randy, a recovering alchoholic, I would have to say that I am grateful for what I have learned thus far. I feel like a baby learning to walk. I've been sober just over 3 months. I put myself in a recovery program after years of alchohol abuse. I am at a point where I feel kind of stuck. I am a little resentful at myself for destroying my relationship with my spouse also my business associates. I ruined my credit ratings, I once had AAA credit. I destroyed my businesses, etc. I earned 150,000 dollars Canadian before I lost it all. I'm probably in debt. about 100,000 dollars. Yet today I'm sober, although I feel some resentment I have been able to look back at my life and deal with so many issues.


Member: sandman
Location: isolation
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 11:21:57 PM

Comments

sandman here,

goodnite to all and to all a goodnite,ill pray for all,please pray for me, as im feeling suicidal today.

sandman


Member: Billy H
Location: Philly
Date: 11/4/00
Time: 11:42:10 PM

Comments

Hi everyone. My name is Billy. I am an alcoholic. First time here . Its good to see all the newcomers. It is a joy to be sober today . Things may not get better but I definitely am. I 'm assuming that the meeting starts over on 11/5. So I'll share alittle then . Look forward to talkin' to everyone .Treasure yourself and your sobriety.Till then


Member: Dave P.
Location: Mass.
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 9:54:23 AM

Comments

Hey, Been sober about 22months.Thats quite awhile for me. Im an alchoholic crack head. The program takes time. I want everything right now.If you have what I got you are already aware of the fatil nature of your situation. With the help of the program; God and a sponsor I am learning to live again. I dont know about you but Im fighting for what I got. Every day every moment is a gift and Ive earned my seat in AA. Give it away; YES but dont forget to take care of you. God Bless


Member: Deborah P.
Location: Georgia
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 2:17:32 PM

Comments

to Hog Rider, I know about courts and lawyers. My husband just got a Dui. Ive been sober 7 years and 5 mts by the grace of God. All of this will pass and how great you'll feel if you don't drink. I have lost 2 grandparents and 2 babies during my sobriety and I know you can get to the other side without a drink by the power of God and aa meetings. to Brian, I've been on anti-depressents but I don't tell the world be cause of some ignorance out there. I do talk to my sponsor and close friends in the program.. If it's prescribed and doing you some good then it is fine. Good luck to all of you. Deborah, alcoholic.


Member: Gerri
Location: Alaska
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 2:26:21 PM

Comments

Hi Im Gerri an alcoholic, A shocking entry from sandman!Call someone right now! do not isolate! I'm on an antideppressant, because I have a chemical imbalance. When I'm deppressed I can out-do anybody I know in negativity. I can convince you that life sucks and I'd be better off buried. When I was drinking I would play this little head trip... I'd go off my anti-deppressnts because I thought that I didn't "need" them. Of course I then get good and depressed, which gave me the excuse to drink. I did have a close call to suicide...one I'd rather forget than share.But for the sake of anyone contimplating death vs./ life. The night after I buried my beautiful 22yr. old daughter Jessica.(it will be 4yrs. ago Nov.6}. I got wasted that night... kicked all my relatives out of my house, who were there for the wake.Called my mother in law a f-#kin b#tch ,kicked my husband where it hurt. I heard myself screaming like I wasn't in my body but some where else. I was going to take this body and throw it into the icy river below our house. I didn't get to because my oldest son held me in one of those military arm locks for a couple hrs... till a priest unexpectedly arrived @ 11;30p.m. He was an alcholic too! I suffered from my disease for another two yrs. after that. My daughters anniversary from her fatal car accident is coming up. I will not drink...the thought might cross my mind. If it does I will use the tools that I am learning about in A.A. I have almost one and a half yrs. sober. I do it one day or one min aat a time. I also have my mother staying with us now , she has alzhiemers and sometimes reminds me of someone on acid. Its hard work but I never could have done it without this program.Thanks for the share,


Member: barb_jan10
Location:
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 5:51:34 PM

Comments

What is the Topic this week?


Member: sandman
Location:
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 6:27:19 PM

Comments

help

sandman


Member: Hawkshaw (Roger H.)
Location: Kansas/Missouri
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 6:29:45 PM

Comments

At my first AA meeting, an old lady reached across the table and grasped my arm and told me: "We'll never, never, never EVER give up on you -- you'll have to give up on yourself! And maybe when I look back on my life, that's all I can take any kind of credit for....I just didn't give up on myself...the rest I owe to God and people just like you. I've been coming to these meetings...both f2f and cyber for almost 28 years now, taking what I can use and leaving what I don't. God bless!


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 6:57:41 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovery alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

There has been a lot discussed here this week, but to help myself stay focused, I'll stick to what Jenny Lou and Kevin shared about having a meeting like this.

For me, the presence of this site, among other things, has been a Godsend. Since getting ill, which included surgery, I've had to give up my former AA service activities (at least for now). Web sites like this one, then, as well as Loners (LIM), email, and the telephone have kept me in contact with AA and AA's on a daily basis and helped ensure my sobriety up to now.

Thanks techs!


Member: Michelle S
Location: Canada
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 8:13:08 PM

Comments

Hi, all havent been to this site in awhile, but still sober. I have a question for you. I've been sober just over a year now, and I'm having a real tough time emotionally. I just recently realized that the real reason I drank was to bury the emotions so that I could get on with my life. Now they are all back and I can't deal with them. I don't believe in a higher power, cause if there is one, he has a heck of a lot of explaining to do. This slide has been g going on for about 4 months now, and just when I think the worst is over and things can only get better, it gets worse. I still go to lots of meetings, but I'm not saying much anymore. I don't want to be around people cause I don't know how I'm going to react. I'm really angry and in a lot of pain. People tell me that it will get better, but my question is when!! Do I need to completely fall apart before things start to get better??


Member: Dave H
Location: Madison Wisconsin
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 8:39:33 PM

Comments

Tanna P, Your situation is indeed unique. It has gotten me to thinking about a number of the tenants of AA and how it works. First, Bill W. couldn't do it alone, neither could Dr. Bob. For me, going to any length means what it implies. If I have to move, change jobs, schools, etc to maintain a strong program I will. This isn't a geographical cure to escape; it is a geographical "step" to continue healing and growing. I believe that God is in my life but that God also works directly through other people. We are social beings and the society that you are currently in may not accept the tenants of AA. I can risk it all by not going to any length. Hope I didn't sound too preachy. I do care. Sincerely Dave


Member: Marsha W.
Location: Northern Chile
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 9:10:19 PM

Comments

Hi,all. Marsha here, alcoholic in remission. Liked that one; can't remember who posted it, but thanks.

(((Michele S.))) Hi to a fellow Canadian, eh! I can really relate to your emotional state. How about going to a meeting and letting the anger out? No one will kick you out of the meeting (providing you don't break up the furniture). A friend of mine back in Canada with 4 yrs ssobriety took a leave of absence and went into a 30-day hospital program for just the same reason - she was feeling too much anger and wasn't happy in her sobriety. It did her the world of good. Not suggesting anything so drastic, but a lot of us (especially women) have learned unwillingly (and unhealthily) to suppress anger and we mistakenly think some dire consequece will result if it rises to the surface. But when it does, no one drops dead of shock, kills themselves or us, and the world keeps right on turning.

(((Tanna P.))) Hope all is well. Before giving up your dream, remember that you may be where you are for a reason. My thoughts are with you and you have my e-mail address.

Love and a happy 24 to all.


Member: mlk
Location:
Date: 11/5/00
Time: 10:56:25 PM

Comments

"I HAD A DREAM".............

mlk