Member: Mike A
Location: El cajon, CA
Time: 3:29:38 PM
"Living in the Now" It was told to me if I had one foot in yesterday and one foot into tomorrow I would shit on today. I believe that, life is presous. Yesterdays gone and tomorrow may never come, all we have is right now.The future is a sucsession of right nows.Prior to coming into Alcoholics Anonymous I always lived in the past or the future.I had low or no self esteem,no self worth, Filled with fear, shame guilt, remorse.I finally bottom out in Jan.83 and asked a man that had 12 stepped me while I was in an Institution to be my sponsor.He and his wife and all the fellowship loved me until I could love myself.The twelve steps enabled me to see who I was and who I wasn't.I learned Honesty, open mindedness and willing.Life is good today as long as I don't try to run things.I have a higher power that I listen to, to help guide me, and it works One Day At A Time.My serinity is porportionate with my Spirituality.Keep coming back until the miracle happens.
Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, Texas
Time: 7:30:04 PM
Hello Friends. I'm an alcoholic named Curtis. I found a Higher Power as THE result of the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. I call that power God. As Mike stated, my serenity is proportionate to my spirituality. I've been relying on God since I found his love in AA in 1985. Today, I hope that you will join me and I will be on bended knees to pray for all of the worlds leaders, and ask God to guide each and every one of us. We are ALL his creation. I especially pray for our commander in chief that he continue to follow his spiritual way of life, that this world may find peace. I suspect that it will not be soon in coming, but with God at our side, I will not fear. I absolutely will not live my free live that has been give to me by this program in fear of what I consider a lunatic. United we stand. Love in the fellowship from Goliad, Texas in the United States of America.
Member: Mary Louise
Time: 8:02:08 PM
I think one of the finest gifts of sobriety in AA for me has been learning how to LIVE in the now. I could never be where I was before coming to AA, because it was too painful....painful because there was never enough.
My first meetings lasted 'hours' in my mind, until I began to understand that it was o.k. to be "present" in the present.
Today, even though my life is nothing like I thought it would be at this stage of my life, and I don't have all the material things of success, haven't experienced all the sights and happenings I thought I would, the MIRACLE is that today, I have enough.
I have enough.....and that would be about the inside healing and regrowth that comes as a result of working the steps of AA in every area of my life. And it is about the real connection to the God of my understanding that holds my life together and gives me ..."enough".
Member: Michael B.
Time: 8:02:11 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict,sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the topic, Mike A.!
"Living in the now" is a real challenge for me. One problem related to living in the now concerns feelings of guilt and shame, which lead to me dwell in the past. Stinkin' thinkin'.
A second problem here for me is projecting into the future, which also prevents me from living in the now. Either way I lose. Again, stinkin' thinkin'.
Nevertheless, I've made noticeable progress towards living in the now by sticking to AA's spiritual toolkit and not picking up that first drink.
Member: John H
Time: 8:08:01 PM
This is John, a recovering alcoholic. Now is now always. I didn't think of it that way before stopping drinking a day at a time over 15 years ago. It was at first difficult to understand that my life needs to accept daily challenges in a positive and constructive way, as best I can at any given "now. Keep going to meetings, study the AA literature, confide to a sponsor, share at meetings,do service, elected and/or non-elected; learn to pray and meditate with your Higher Power. Keep at it, with committment, perserverence and gratitude. You won't be sorry! Good luck and God's speed, not your own. Thanks for being here!
Member: Jennifer S.
Time: 8:46:10 PM
According to "Twelve Concepts", p. 40, 'One day at a time', (or 'living in the now') is a 'valuable principle' which 'refers to our mental and emotional lives'. We must stay in the day emotionally and 'not foolishly repine over the past nor wishfully daydream about the future'.
God gave us the ability for thought and foresight and intended for us to use it. As humans, we may at times miscalculate, but 'that is better than to refuse to think at all'.
It is when we insist on dwelling on things we cannot change that we begin to lose our serinity, if we ever had it to begin with. It is our reaction to life which we must alter, or we will never be spiritually fit.
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Time: 9:22:43 PM
You know, this is a very good topic for me right now, especially so. My mind gets caught up in the mental gymnastics of trying to project just how long this illness of Bob's will rule my life, and his. I'll think thoughts like, I'd be surprised if he made it to Thanksgiving, or now that he'll probably live about another 4 months. Then what happens is I get frustrated that he's still alive, suffering so many horrible effects of this damned Cancer that's eating away his whole body, and why can't it just stop sooner? Make it more convenient for me and less painful for him.
I once voiced those very concerns at a mtg, and someone from that mtg took it to my then-sponsor, who came to me with it, saying I shouldn't be sharing like that in mtgs. Why the hell not? If not in a mtg, then where?
But I digress - thanks for opening up the topic I need to read more about. I just wanted to offer up what does happen, in the worst case scenario, to me, at least, when I start to project my desires for the future onto today. I get frustrated, short-tempered, impatient, etc, etc. How on earth can I enjoy just what is going on right this very minute if I've already decided the date on which I hope my husband will or won't die? Oy Vey - Alcoholism is such a mind-boggling disease to live with, even long after we're sober a few 24s. But I have spoken with a normie (whatever the hell that is) about these thoughts and was told these are not Alcoholic thoughts, they are pretty much typical, human concerns, borne by most spouses facing the imminent death of their partners. The danger in having them for an Alcoholic and not talking about them, is these thoughts are what put us at risk for drinking again, if we don't face them, and talk them over with someone like ourselves, who understands. That's the beauty of AA - there is usually someone, somewhere, who's had a similar experience, who can share their ES&H and help you put things into perspective, getting you back on track, helping you once again, live in the day.
Thank you, Mike, for bringing up this topic & I'll do some more reading.
Location: South LA
Time: 9:49:28 PM
My name is Gage, and I'm an alcoholic. Recently, I did my fourth step inventory. I had a rough start on it. There are a number of painful episodes from my past that I was afraid to dredge up because of my fear of lapsing into depression, which I have suffered horribly from at times in my life. I don't know whether it came simply from praying about it, or from discussing it with my sponsor, or both, but after uncapping the past I found it not too difficult to sift through. Part of what helped me I think was the resolution that the past is just that -- the past. My reason for uncovering it is in order to begin learning how to live today. My sponsor and my sober friends in AA tell me that if I will continue with the steps that I will reach a point where "One Day at a Time" will no longer be just a prescription for not drinking, but a way of life. These folks seem happy to me, so I have chosen to believe what they tell me.
Member: James B f
Time: 10:03:31 PM
To all of you I offer warm greetings This is a very meaningful topic, the most sought after of all the principles of the program. It is with great disdain that I acknowledge the feelings that you, connie, must be experiencing at this time. Having had a mother, a father-in-law die of cancer, and now an ex wife in its throws, I can very closely relate, the "here and now" becomes some sort of myth as you anticipate the inevitable, hope for the impossible and search for the serene. I cannot releive your pain, just want you to be always aware that you are loved from around the world. As callous as this may sound "this too will pass": GOD'S hands are much bigger than mine or yours, put the problems in the hands that can handle them. You can only be the best spouse and person that is possible, and to do so you must take care of YOU. Alcoholic thinking would be that you are not supposed to feel the things you describe: Truth is that you do and that's okay. To you and your husband I offer these simple words; I can't, GOD can, I think I'll let him. I share your grief and hope you receive many blessings. Live in the present; hard to do, but every minute may present gifts that you may not get if your "out" Warmest.....
Member: Tim R..
Location: Northern California
Time: 1:47:33 AM
I'm Tim & I'm an alcoholic.
An Old Oldtimer offered the following for me to ponder:
Yesterday is past, tomorrow has not happened, today is a gift; that why it's called "The Present".
Corrine (Dearheart) of course you have every right to bring your concerns and feelings about Bob's fight with cancer to an AA Mtg. Be as comforted as you can; that there are many many people who include the both of you in their prayers.
Thank you for allowing me to share, I remain,
Yours in sobriety,
Member: Paul R.
Location: Kirkland, WA
Time: 2:40:35 AM
Hello everyone, my name is Paul and I am an alcholic. It is good to be in a meeting of alcoholics and one that is focused on recovery.
This year, I made a pledge to rework the steps for a more indepth look at myself and to find a closer contact with God. This was my third Fourth Step in my four years of sobriety. This was also my longest. It was the Grace of God that gave me the strength to honestly look at myself, identify my character defects, and tell them to my sponsor. God was definitly with me during the process. I learned so much about myself, both good and bad. I had no fear.
I really learned to love today, love God, and love myself. I can't function in yesterday or tomorrow. If I do, I might as well go get a beer.
I make good decisions today. Last night I went to a party. I got tired of the trying to talk to people who had booze breath. I finally told the host I couldn't take the smell of the alcohol. He understood. I got out of there early enough to hit a speaker meeting. There I ran into a friend and we had a good meeting after the meeting. I went home serene and peaceful. I was where I needed to be. God gave me this ability.
I love God, the program of AA, the fellowship of AA, and being clean/sober. Every day and sometimes every moment seems like a gift. By living in the present, I have become a grateful child of God.
Thank you all for my sobriety.
Member: erin f.
Time: 8:12:17 AM
Hi Everyone, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Erin.
I have really been suffering with not staying in today. It is a really good topic for me to hear, because I don't hear it enough.
This was a very crucial first step for me to stay sober in the very beginning, because I was never living in the present before I came to AA. I was constantly living in the past with regrets and feelings of shame and guilt...and then escaping that into the future where I made endless promises to myself that I could make things better. Unfortunately, I didn't have the power to either erase the past or change the future...and therefore my life in the present became more and more unmanageable, cured only by the elusive feeling of freedom that came after that first drink and carried on into oblivion.
I am grateful not to be there, drinking, today. But I am still trying to erase my past hurts and leap into the future where everything is "perfect", meanwhile today I feel miserable.
I read the share about the 4th step that someone was afraid to really get into because of depression. I have been working, bit by bit, on my 4th for over 5 months now and I am extremely depressed. I feel near hopeless. Thankfully, I keep reaching out to you alcoholics because its the only thing I know how to do...drinking is no longer an option.
You people just keep reminding me that this too shall pass and that it is part of the process. I need that constant reminder because I am ready to give up so many times during the day. I have been sober a few 24 hours and I guess I expect to feel better by now, not to be in THIS place.
Well, thats all i have for now. I am so glad to be able to share this because I don't always feel this safe to share in the bigger "face to face" meetings.
God bless and thanks for being here AA.
Time: 9:26:21 AM
Chombo alcoholic, I got to this page when there was not a topic and I thought fo a while about a topic.I could not come with a better one.I am stuck in the past like with crazy glue. I start the 4th step about a week ago,a couple of days ago I stopped doing it because it got to a point where I start to feel very anxious.Reading Gage's post like I am getting the strength to continue to do the 4th step. I am not drinking or using but I know that if I continue in this mental state I am a good candidate to go back to the old neighborhood and even if I don't go back this is HELL. Thank You for the topic I need this push. Chombo
Member: Tammy H
Time: 10:32:40 AM
I'm Tammy and a cross-addicted alcoholic, this is a very good topic. I,too am starting on the fourth step and am alittle apprehensive about it. There are times I dont want to go back "there" but i think if i keep my mind on the here and now while doing it, i'll be able to accept myself better and the influence my past has on the person i am today. I'm still getting to know myself but living one day at a time has given me the ability to really enjoy life and deal better on life's terms. I do what's in front of me today, and let God handle the rest. It sure takes some pressure off me! God is simply amazing and i no longer have to "see it to believe it", instead i "believe it to see it" and that's what true faith is. Thanks to all of u for ur comments and i'm proud to say i'm one of them. God bless!
Member: Vini B
Time: 11:08:47 AM
Morning from L.A. Am Vini, alcoholic.
"Living in the Now".... i guess that this is where am coming from now. i've had a lot of incidents in my past that now have led me to better live in the now. from my past experiences i have learn to better understand what is it that i need to do today. my future will surely benefit from my past. if i really stop to think about it, they are all dependent of one another, but i guess that the most important outcome of this, is that it builds a better today. thanks for the topic.
Location: NW USA
Time: 11:25:16 AM
Corinne B., Thanks for sharing your experience, strength and hope. Your are in the right place. Keep coming back. Twenty years ago I had cancer.Altho I appreciated the help I got from the medical people(I am cancer free to day), the help I got from the program was truely a BLESSING. I could go to a meeting and be in the "Now", I began to understand that the hardest time to turn my will and life over to the care of God would be when I have to give up my life. I began to understand the sharing of the experience, strength and hope gives "Healing Power" to carry out the will of God in life and death ... a true blessing not to have to do it all "DRUNK". I am 60 years old now and my body is not in perfect condition, so I know I will sooner or late have to face death ... but I have people like you sharing their experience, strength and hope...THANKS! KEEP COMING BACK, KEEP SHARING!
Member: matt m.
Time: 12:01:57 PM
matt here,addict & alcoholic.for you who are struggling with the 4th step,a counselor gave me some insightful advice as i went thru the pain of my 4th:don't begin it 'til you know exactly when & with whom you'll do your 5th.and if the emotional baggage gets too heavy stop where you are & relieve yourself of whatever is on your list thus far.there is no perfect way to do this step;it's whatever works for you.as for living in the now;my search for spirituality has led me to eastern manners of thought which concern themselves with "mindfulness"i.e.:being conscious of every aspect of life that surrounds me.when i meditate i repeat to myself"now i am breathing in,now i am breathing out".it helps me to focus on the now.as i wash dishes i am mindful of what the dish is:the ceramic it was formed from,the artistry it represents,the person who lit the kiln that it was fired in,etc.i find it helps me to appreciate many of the small,supposedly insignificant matters which used to totally escape my attention.i find this "mindfulness"of others and their joys and sorrows helps me empathize with other humans and get outside of my own travails for the moment.and for me that's what my life is about:this moment.it's the only true guarantee i have.thank you all for your wit,wisdom and humanity in this room.i often share what i learn here in my f2f meetings;you have all been a blessing,most especially shimmy jimmy.believe it or not,his postings really make me think and find some humor in the chaos of normal existence.people like jimmy require me to "think outside the box"which is very good for me,even if i don't feel great about it all the time. peace to you all and your families,matt.
Time: 1:00:13 PM
Cabot alcoholic here. I just lost one of my best friends last week. He was my cat and best friend of 12 years. I find when I am grieving it is very difficult to stay in the now. All kind of thoughts from the past come flooding in and I cry. Thank you for allowing me to share my sorrow with all of you it gives me comfort.
Member: Lynne C.
Location: NS Canada
Time: 5:14:18 PM
Hello, my name is Lynne and I am an alcoholic. This is my first visit to the AA site. Living in the now, what an excellent topic for my first visit. I have been sporadically attending various group meetings for the past three years, but I have not found a home group. (I live in a very rural area and the nearest meeting is 1/2 hour drive from here. Due to family commitments I cannot often leave my home for such a length of time, excuses, excuses...) Since the time I first confronted my illness, I have stayed sober from the drink. However, I am now unsucessfully battling with an addiction to prescription drugs in an effort to escape the pains of my past. It is a very hard battle to fight, and I have felt so very alone since it is socially acceptable and the medical community encourages my abuse. I pray constantly for help and hope I have finally found it. I know there are many others like me and only you can understand my self loathing each time I pop another pill. Reading through this site has been very inspirational and serves as a wonderful reminder to live life ONE DAY AT A TIME. I pray to God that with his help and with yours I will finally learn to focus on today so I no longer feel the need to escape from all those yesterdays. Thank you. Peace to all. Lynne PS to Cabot: My condolences in the loss of your cat. Our pets are such wonderful nonjudgemental listeners and sources of true unconditional love. I hope you take comfort that he is with God and you will one day meet again. "Faithful friends never leave us... They just run ahead to wait for us in a happier place." author unknown
Member: TIM B
Location: ATLANTA ,GA
Time: 6:07:53 PM
Hello, my name is Tim. I am an alcohlic-addict who lives in the future. I continuously trash today by refusing to remember the past, which ultimately destroys any real future. I am at my wits end, so here I am again, praying, begging and pleading to my higher power to release me from this bondage. I realize that I have a real problem with being honest. Not only in admitting my powerlessness over alcohol and drugs, but I have trouble being honest in my everyday life.I really am taking this one day at a time and in some cases one hour at a time. I have complete and total faith that my God can deliver. My being honest really scares me and I really have to be aware of what I am saying on a word to word basis in order to even begin to deal with this problem. So, I'm not really sure that I even stayed on the topic or if my starting place is correct. But I do know that I want help and I am "SICK AND TIRED" of being "SICK AND TIRED"
Location: here and now
Time: 7:27:17 PM
"Living In The Now" Living in the now has to be gotten in a round about way; Strange as it may seem, one must begin to "look to things above, not to things on the earth, (so says the bible of it) for, you died, and your life is hidden in Christ, only then, once hidden in Chirst are we able to go about the day free of worry or providing for ourselves as we did before. "Take no thought for your life, what you shall eat or what you shall put on, this too is part of living in today or the now; Its strange I say because when someone begins to look to things above, to God and to judgement day, to the life of the world to come, He thinks to himself, that he has lost the very thing he is trying to attain-that is living in the now, but, this is not so, For you cannot live in the now until you have died to the ways of the world and to self and have no other ambition than to look to God, all the live long day at first, but you'll soon see as I did, that all the live long day soon fades away into adventure and stepping out in faith by the word of God. We cannot serve God and money too, and so long as we are preoccupied with the cares of this life we shall not soon see any free time which only cometh from God. "If the son sets you free, you shall be free indeed" Free I say to live in the now which irronicly, only comes from looking elsewhere! To the life of the world to come then, then we find, the here and now!!
Time: 8:46:49 PM
Living in the Now has, for me, been a hard lesson to learn, but I have found that by focusing on 'what I can do for others today' turns what used to be boring & depressing into gratefulness and joy for every moment I have. At the end of the day I thank God for every opportunity to have been 'relieved of the bondage of self', and I sleep really well. To Lynn C., I too, live far away from meetings & have many other commitments, but the more I make an effort to get to meetings, the better I do mentally & spiritually. Go for it, you'll be glad you did. Good Luck.
Member: Ronnie B.
Time: 9:07:32 PM
Hi I'm Ronnie and I'm an alcoholic. Living in today is something that I'm learning to do "One Day at a Time". For awhile I was looking in my past and regretting things I didn't say or do and then looking to my future and arranging it in my mind how I was going to change it. It doesn't work. All I have is today and I try to live it to the fullest, to be the best I can be today and to let my life go with the flow. By turning my will over to God as I understand him and working on not trying to control the people, places and things in the here and now. Whenever I take control of those things, that is when I have problems. By taking that 4th & 5th Step it has allowed me to live in the now without regrets and what if's. Today by the Grace of God and the fellowship, I am sober and can be of service to others. Each new day is a precious gift that I have been given and I intend to make the most of it.
For Connie, this is the place to share whatever it is that you are going through. I sometimes believe that people who are not alcoholics, do not understand us and our way of life. As an alcoholic I do understand those feelings. Just remember that God is with us all the time and he does not leave us. God Bless You and Keep the Faith. Thanks for listening. Ronnie
Member: Scott M.
Location: North Brunswick, NJ
Time: 9:10:13 PM
I'm an alcoholic, my name is Scott. This is a pretty cool site,first time that I'm posting here. Its funny, but when I was "out there", I was much better at living in the moment...I mean my whole immediate focus was where was my next drink or drug was coming from, and how was I gonna get it! Some of the slogans help me here...like "Let God Go and Let God". Ahhh...the third step...when I am not needing to run the show (I still have a little control freak in me, i.e. FEAR...afraid that I'll lose something I have, or not get something I want)then its much easier to stay in the day. For the folks struggling with the 4th step, for me I had to make sure I was confident in the 3rd step. Again, one thing that held me back, was that self centered fear...afraid to finally learn the truth about myself...you see, even though I didn't particularly like myself when I got here, at least I knew what to expect from myself, even if it was negative behavior. I mean what if I change my life, and I still don't like myself...or worse yet, God forbid other people wouldn't like me. Yikes. Anyway, I put off my 4th step for awhile because, you guessed it, I was living in the future...the fact that I then knew I would need to do a 5th step. Also, Corrine, meetings are for sharing whats on your heart. The last time I checked, anonymity is the very cornerstone of AA. I don't attend meetings where my anonymity is broken. I have an emotional and spiritual disease that is characterized by the abuse of alcohol. If I'm "feeling" something that I need to share, I share it! God bless you and your husband, I will pray for you both. Sorry everyone for the "rant", but I just plain got excited when I found this site. Have a sober day.
Member: Dan H. Diggarelli14@hotmail.com
Time: 9:10:42 PM
My name is Dan and I'm an alcoholic who is living in the now. Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery and today's a present. I don't regret anything that's happened in the past. It took those near death experiences, car crashes, fights, sleeping outside etc for me to be where I am today. Living in the now and making the best of it, for me, is better preparing for tomorrow. I'm sober, today is a miracle. Peace in the middle east.
Time: 2:50:17 AM
Thank you all for being here, old timers and new comers-you people are special! You all help me peel away the layers that I have to deal with. an inch, a foot,a yard, a mile--- one day at a time! Live for the day!
Time: 4:37:09 AM
I'm Chuck, an alcoholic
I found out the cause of all my misery, why I had to drink to kill the pain.
I was either guilty, ashamed or remorseful for the things I had done or not done. The past. Or I was scared of what was going to happen. The future. I did not have time for today. All that I have.
By doing the steps I have cleared up the past and now that I have a Higher Power the fear of the future is gone.
The only way that I can stay in the now is by constantly reading pages 86, 87, 88 Big Book which gives me the prayer and meditation to improve my concious contact with God in step 11.
Corinne may God be with you in this trying time. Since we are not perfect we will slip out of the groove but I have always found that turning to God is the only answer I have.
My biker friend gave me the saying as follows; Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift, that's why it's called the present.
Peace and Serenity
Member: Ed G,
Time: 6:40:12 AM
Hi Ed Alcoholic, Living in the now is like one day at a time. I can't think of yesterday or what tomorrow might bring. I do what I can today and then I let me Higher Power do the rest. For my sobriety I have to continue to go to AA meetings, read my big book, work the 12 steps, and pray everyday to my higher power. Being with people in AA has given me strenght and hope. So thank you all for the support and keep coming back.
Time: 8:05:57 AM
Corrine; I have been in that situation, with a terminally ill spouse, and having had the same feelings of wishing it was just OVER so I could get on with my life. But now that it is over..wishing for one more opportunity to say "I love you." I have learned a big leson through that experience, and that is to never let a loved one leave the house w/o telling them I love them.To try harder to be conscious of the things I say and do with my loved ones.My late hubby's illness took 7 years and ended quietly at home.Even though we were "prepared" it was still hard to deal with, and at times seemed as though I wouldn't survive it..but here I am and HP has blessed me greatly with a new husband and a new home.Step children that actually treat me with respect and affection and I am ever so grateful for these thing. Many people won't understand your feelings of frustration and ,yes, anger that this disease takes so long to run it's course. It's painful and degrading to the victim, and frustrating and also painful for those caregivers who witness it. ((((((((((((Corrine)))))))))
Member: Jeff B
Location: Northern CA
Time: 10:00:38 AM
Hi, My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. 24 hour living is a very good tool. I am one alcoholic who can get caught up in the emotional baggage of the past and fear of the future and forget the now. AA has taught me not to drink one day at a time and is starting to teach me live that way too. I need to remember the facts of the past - they can help me stay sober. If I share the facts and how I remember feeling with an alcoholic it helps us both today. Showing up in the present and walking through, aware at times of the gift, forgetting and remembering, deciding to try the good stuff when I remember. Making wrong decisions at times. I am trying to take the right action now. It is really the only circumstance we know - It's the only place we're allowed. Right Now. I often forget and drift off into 10 minutes away or 20 years ago, but I am slowly getting better. Thank you everyone.
Member: James B
Time: 10:37:11 AM
A short amend: Corrinne, I called you Connie, only because I'm so old its hard to see the screen.....sorry, it will not happen again.
Location: Cyber Village
Time: 12:55:49 PM
Another alcoholic here.
Living in the moment is all I can do, and I use the Serenity Prayer to deal with thoughts about the past and future. Living life a day at a time keeps me sober.
May peace be with all who pass by this site today!
Time: 3:28:58 PM
Thanks for the topic and sharing. Living in the Now is important to my sobriety. When I get squirley it's almost always because I've jumped into the past or future. I don't dwell on the past using it to beat myself up and use it to support the stinkin' thinkin' that I get occasionally. Recovery has also taught me how to plan ahead. The only difference is I've learned not to plan the outcome because that is what's beyond my control.
Matt M- I learned that the way to do the program is as outlined in the Big Book. No where does it say do not start your 4th step until you have chosen the person and place for your 5th! Sober oldtimers have taught me that if I'm having trouble with a step, consider that perhaps I'm still on the step before. That means that if you're having trouble with your 4th, go back to your third. Easy does it, let go and let God.
Lynne - Good luck with the pills. I was taught that real sobriety meant totally abstinence from any mood or mind-altering substances, which explains my sobriety date. Even if I stopped drinking 7 months prior to that date, I was still holding onto other substances. It's only when my sponsor helped me get completely honest with myself could I finally really start living a sober life and really walking the walk.
Time: 9:07:24 PM
Questions: What is an 'f2'f meeting that I see referred to here? This is a new expression for me & I don't know exactly what it means. Thanks for an explanation.
Member: Mike A
Location: El Cajon, CA.
Time: 10:23:18 PM
It is a face to face meeting (traditional AA meeting.)
Member: Jeff B
Location: Northern CA
Time: 10:29:55 PM
Dale the f2f is face to face/traditional AA meetings. (here I go with more than you may need to know) You can find one by looking up Alcholics Anonymous in the phone book - the person on the line will give directions and answer any questions you have aboout your local meetings. Also check out the coffee pot part of this web site. It is there for all kinds of stuff: questions/jokes/hellos/even unknown wierd stuff from some/ etc..It's interesting too. Welcome. Hope to see you on these pages.
Member: Greta E.
Location: Greater Boston
Time: 12:41:24 AM
I'm Greta, an alcoholic sober today by the Grace of God.
This is my first time posting to this group. I used online AA years ago (I think it was just beginning then). So much for the past part of today's topic.
One reason I wanted this site is that I've stopped going to meetings at all regularly. I do have a sponsor. I do pray. I have been sober for some time and I have made a start on inventory with the help of a sponsor.
I've just tired of the meetings in my area. I know this leads to trouble, if left unchecked.
I've never been a big meeting goer- was pretty much always more into our literature (conference approved) and being with a sponsor.
Living in the Now? Not this alcoholic, at least not today. I'm all in tomorrow and yesterday. Therefore, thank you for this site (I'm hoping I'm now a member of this group) and for this topic. Thanks also all of you for your shares. I need *sober* voices, with *sober* lives, to boot.
Love from Boston (Somerville), MA, Greta
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Time: 2:22:00 AM
Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic. Today is nothing more than the tomorrow that I worried about yesterday. All anyone has is this exact moment, no guarantees from God beyond this absolute moment. Thanks for allowing me to share, and God Bless.
Member: Joe M.
Time: 11:44:18 AM
Hi: Joe here, alcoholic for sure. When I first came to you I thought, "My God, these are the most irresponsible people I've ever met. They're like a duck. They wake up in a new world every morning". But then it occurred to me that I had come into AA in March, but was constantly worried about how I would get through the next Christmas Holidays without drinking. And what about the 4th of July? Finally I began to understand what you were saying to me. If it ain't happening today Baby, it ain't happening! And besides, I don't drink on Wednesdays. Love ya all. Joe
Member: Lessa E
Time: 4:11:58 PM
Hello, Lessa E, grateful recovering alcoholic. Living in the Now......that was something I never, ever did when I was using. During the day, I was anticipating what horror would befall me that day. I felt the guilt and shame I had as a result of yet another night of drinking and then passing out was a visible aura that others could see. I walked around expecting the worst. And my guilty imagining resulted in a constant need to overachieve to prove I wasn't a complete loser.
As evening approached, I couldn't wait to get home. As I looked forward to my evening, I could anticipate the the mellow feeling that would follow after gulping down a couple of quick ones. That fear - that rock-hard knot in my gut - would slowly dissipate as the liquor took hold. Of course, I couldn't predict what would happen after that mellow feeling gave way to blackouts. But it was the only relief I could get from my fears.
A Today? There was none. The first part of the day was filled with guilt over what I'd done in the past. The middle of the day was anticipating relief from the guilt. And the last part was drinking to find some peace. What a vicious cycle...one that I was completely powerless.
Thank God for AA! Today, thanks to working the steps, I can face the 'today' no matter what it holds. I have a God of my understanding that I can turn things over to. And I have fellow members who have been through the same struggles and understand where I'm coming from. Oh yeah, the Today sometimes stinks. But, as another member mentioned, if things are too miserable, I can work with others...that usually gets me grateful for my own situation in a hurry.
Thanks for another great topic.
Time: 7:03:57 PM
sup man howa be your day.Alcahol is cool
Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Time: 7:36:58 PM
Great topic! The experience, strength and hope sahred thus far has been awesome and I intend to print out this "meeting" and carry it with me in my journal for a while. I'm not sure I have anything to add that hasn't already been shared, but I do want to say that this is good lesson for me to continue to learn because one of the hardest things for me to do in sobriety is not lose today worrying about the future. I am grateful for the slogan "One Day at a Time."
Glad to be here and sober...and Corinne, my prayers are with you. God bless.
Time: 10:31:12 PM
Time: 10:39:39 PM
Hi my name is jeremy.I am a alcoholic with a desire to quit.I am only 17 years old, and also tierd of drinking.I have never really been to big on what may be a bad drinking or what I like to drink better.All I know is that I have been a drinker all my life and I want to quit.
Member: Connie C.
Location: Northern California
Time: 11:44:03 PM
To Jeremy: The only requirement for AA membership is a desire to stop drinking. Call your local Alcoholics Anonymous office or hot line. We are in the phone book. Find out when and where the meetings are, and go. If possible, ask to talk to a sober member of AA before you go to a meeting.
Time: 11:47:32 PM
Jeremy, you know all that you need to know. Call AA in your town to find out where and when the next meeting near you takes place. Go there and tell them just what you told us.
Member: Ray W.
Location: Sodus, N.Y.
Time: 12:13:57 AM
To Jeremy, we only stop drinking for one day. If that's too hard, try one hour or one minute. But please do yourself a favor and seek out a meeting near your home. Doing it alone "my way" only prolonged the agony.
Member: Gina W
Location: New Zealand
Time: 8:24:33 AM
Hi, my name is Gina and I am an alcoholic. I'm very excited to be here. I just got this computer and the internet and am enjoying browsing. Nice to be connected to alcoholics all over the world. As for the topic, keeping it in the day, I am getting better at not living in the past in my regrets and bitterness. AA has taught me that I am responsible. That helps me to keep in the day. Thanks for being there. Gina
Member: Matt R
Time: 9:45:09 AM
Hi Everyone, my name is Matt and I am an 'Alcoholic'-John from G you even spelt it wrong.I came to AA some time ago little Knowing what to expect but what I found fills that space that was empty for the vast majority of my life. 'Live in the day' is always a difficult one to get your head round but how about 'Live in the step'. For me this was invaluable because I was always 3 steps ahead in my programme. For those of you contemplating step 4, do not worry, a GOOD step 3 and your step 4 WILL fly as you will be working with Gods strength not your own.
Step four sufferers are normally worried about step five but as I say 'Live in the step not just the day'and step four seems so much more manageable.
Corrine, hang in there, our thoughts are with you.
God Bless, Matt.
Member: Leif B.
Location: New England
Time: 1:19:06 PM
Pain and Fear kept me going to meetings in the very beginning : I couldnt go back and dared not look ahead ; I just wanted the pain to lessen -- going from feeling wretched and not being capable of carrying on a conversation .to being able to nod hello, or even (gasp!)shake someone's hand,looking at something higher than another's shoes ,to simply being unhappy like most of the human race ,was all I could envision . Hazy early sobriety ; "Shake and Bake " I used to call withdraws (Tremors and sweating) or "Shake,rattle and roll" : Tremors,addled thoughts"rattled "or nonexistent self-worth consequent to cognizance of wreckage of last binge.. Hell on Earth.Slow,painful Death. Thank God that's gone O.D.A.T. Too often , though,now-as then - I allow Pain and Fear to force me into the Now instead of seeking out my place in Creation :Living within the Living Moment. Recently health worries -and national disaster-caused me to reign myself in more tightly than before ,and I went from drifting away from the Fellowship ,to realising that self-pity is a deadly luxury I must forego .
I know now,and truly FEEL , that when I "let go absolutely " and want just what I need , I'll always have enough . I greeted the Dawn upon a cliff when the Sunrise kissed the Sea ; I am one with Creation ,as much as my human capacity will allow . I am Alive : I Want for nothing .
Time: 1:23:20 PM
Hello All - LeeEllen here and a grateful recovering alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Mike A.
For Corinne - Early this year I was in the same position as you -- my husband was dying of cancer and I wanted his suffering to stop on my demand! I found myself projecting into the "after he's gone" period, worried about ME and MY feelings, etc. I spent too much time in my head instead of at his side, talking, comforting, loving. Even tho' he sometimes wasn't "here" mentally, I knew he could hear me. He taught me so much in his last 2 weeks, even tho he couldn't speak a word. God took him home when HE decided it was time. And you're right - I don't think it's just Alcoholic thinking -- it's human. I also don't understand why some didn't think you should talk about it at the tables.
Today, I MUST live in the now. All my life, I've dwelled on the past and feared the future. I can't do it anymore. Step #4 showed me with brilliant clarity how I'd been living and Step #5 enabled me to dump the garbage I'd been carrying and bury it, while giving me the power to forge ahead with the steps. It's definitely a cleansing of the soul and something that needs doing from time to time -- not just once. By learning my past mistakes, it's easier to live in the now --- and take care of things as they come up.
Thank you all for being here and for letting me share. God Bless us all. Peace, LeeEllen
Time: 8:27:04 PM
I had difficulty living in the now today...am so afraid of the future.....know in my head & in my heart I am afraid to 'turn it over', but I know that's what I have to do....when will I be ready to just 'let go & let God'?.....I am afraid of my fear. So I prayed a lot today for the ability to confront my fears and thanked God for AA. Jeremy: All of AA will be there for you. It will help if you let it. Trust us.
Member: Bev C
Time: 8:36:24 PM
Hello, I'm Bev and I'm an alcoholic. Damn that was hard! I haven't admitted those words in a couple of years. I was in rehab and thought I could handle drinking again because I thought I could control it. BIG MISTAKE!!! I attended my first AA meeting a few days ago in quite a long time. I realize that I need these meetings and I need the wise advice from people like you. Thank-You for being there for me. I'm gonna make it this time!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME! Take care and God bless all of you. Your Friend, Bev (flint, mi)
Time: 11:10:58 PM
to stop drinking now
Member: Pamela C
Location: Honolulu, Hi
Time: 4:15:15 AM
Aloha All! Thanks for the topic,Mike. 86 days sober today. Sitting here being able to type at 10pm is a honest here and today fact. Couldn't do that for years. I think every day,"I'm getting older by the minute, so make each minute count." I don't have time today to waste it, and not even remember what I wasted. Thanks for sharing everyone. This is my first time here, and great after my meeting tonight.
Time: 7:00:17 AM
When I first came around AA, I could not figure out what the phrase, "stay in the day" meant exactly. I felt that I was facing the reality of the day; I sure felt the pain. But, in retrospect, I was anticipating tomorrow based on yesterday, which could only spell disaster. It took a while for me, but I realized that I was always expecting the future to be bring exactly what the past had brought. Dreading the future, while remembering the past. What a vicious cycle, no wonder I feared everything. Completely ignoring the power of the present. The present is a gift, that has the power to change the future. It is this power that I cling to now. As time goes on, and the pain disipates, I can remember the past without reliving it. Mike A. stated that "the future is a succession of right nows." Right now I have the power to create the past (one that I'll choose to remember) and prepare for the future (one that I don't have to fear). This is where the power lies...right now.
Member: Claire H
Location: Pacific Northwest
Time: 3:24:09 PM
Hi all. I'm Claire and I'm an addict. Thank you for this topic...it couldn't have come along at a better time.
I don't find myself living in the past as much as I project my desires into the future. Then when those desires are not met, I find myself angry and ready to slip back into the abyss of drugs.
Living in the present is a very difficult thing for me to do and to see that there are so many others that struggle with this is a relief in a way. I thought I was the only one...there's that addict in me again!
Being able to read what you all have done, and are doing, to stay in the present will surely help me do the same if I only "listen".
Thank you for being here and for another day clean.
Time: 7:15:04 PM
Today has been a pretty wierd one for me, with scares about terrorism and all. I have to live minute to minute, when I get a rush of panic, and remember that it is all in God's hands..Also, I have to remember that perfect love casts out fear. When I remember that I have turned over my will to the God I understand, I can get past the fear..and live in the peaceful now.
Time: 7:19:13 PM
Hi Blair,an alcoholic.The topic "Living in the Now" is a great topic for me as an alcoholic. When it comes to my sobriety all I have is the 24hrs.that is in front of me.When things come about in my life I should try to deal with them as best as I can in a day so I will stay away from that drink.I should talk to my sponsor if there are things that are troublesome for me so problems don't pile up.Then there are things that go on in my life that I have to plan for,such as a wedding or Xmas gifts, a trip next year,putting money away for my retirement,etc. etc. But I was told NOT TO EXPECT THE OUTCOME.
Member: Doug K
Location: Brilliant fall colors of thr W. Mi shoreline
Time: 10:07:18 PM
Hi everyone, my name is Douyg and I'm an alcoholic.
So I woke up this morning and realized that this was a brand new day. Nobody, ever, had lived this day before; and for whatever reason my HP has chosen me to participate in it. I don't know if I'll finnish it out, but I think it would be a good idea for me to do the best I can with each moment granted.
Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N.H,.
Time: 10:21:51 PM
Hi I'm Rhonda and I'm an alcoholic. Great postings and of course just what I need to read about. I'm coming up on my 2nd anniversary qith the Grace of God. I try to take life one day at a time. This program doesn't need to be difficult. We have tools. Thanks for the topic.
Member: neil henry
Location: Hilo hawaii
Time: 12:17:28 AM
Hello family I'm neil and I;m a alcoholic and a drug addict I got 45 days and I want 46 so I'LL stay in the now and turn it over thanks for all the good stuff . nervis 21@ aol .com
Member: Rita F
Time: 1:55:53 AM
Hi family, I'm Rita and I AM an alcoholic. Hp has done it again, as usual just what I need to hear. I told my sponser that I was having trouble with the "Here and now" and doing my fourth step. She replied: so what makes you think you can go out and drink again? And I said WHAT? She said:What reservations do you have that you think you can go out and drink again? I said I never want to go out and drink again, what has that got to do with the 4th step? She replied: you obviously want to go drink again or you would be doing "Whatever it takes" to go forward with your 4th step, staying in the here and now, and getting your past onto paper so that you can be rid of the garbage. Makes sense. I have read a lot of really good posts on here, I am grateful for this site. I now that my wandering into my past and trying to control or project the future is the need to look back at my third step. (She told me that too, and someone else has said the same thing). Thanks for letting me share, God Bless all of you, I thank you for taking that moment of silence in the meetings when I was still out there, and I will be doing the same, as well as keeping you all in my prayers. Peace
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Time: 8:21:19 AM
I am an alcholic "living now" is to me like taking day at a time or hr or minute at a time.I dont see any point to dwell on my past 'cause it is very painful during my days of insanity. future nobody has seen but what my actions are for today will chart my future course. Now I live day at a time with my HP and follow Gods will/Follow 12 steps.thanks to all AAmembers.
Member: Les M.
Location: San Diego
Time: 1:50:58 PM
Thank you all for your comments.Neil H. congratulations on your forty five days. Thank you as well for reminding me that the best way to secure a sober tomorrow is by staying sober today.
What a great concept, all I have to do is not drink for 24 hours. I had been more or less insanely drunk for 4 years when I first heard the one day at a time thing and I kept trying for 6 months to make that one day without a drink. Finally, it happened I made it, one entire day without a drink. What a horrible day that was. Well I made an entire terrible week without a drink. On the seventh, or eighth day I responded to an uncontrolable desire to drink. As the booze went down my throat I realized and admitted to my innermost self that I was alcoholic, which is, of course, the first step in recovery. I've not had as drink since that moment.
I understand that I'm never going to be cured of alcoholism. What I have is a daily reprieve from alcohol which is contingent upon the maintenance of a spiritual condition. If each day I take the steps required to maintain that spiritual condition I will not drink that day. For this I'm truly grateful.
Location: SWAN LAKE, N.Y.
Time: 2:08:33 PM
ONE YEAR SOBER TODAY. WITH THE HELP OF MY HIGHERPOWER, AND YOU GUYS !!!!!!! SEE IT DOES WORK. THANK YOU ALL.
Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit (email@example.com)
Time: 3:29:29 PM
Living in the now? Do I have to? Please, it's a lot easier for me to go over and over the past, even if it just this morning's past than to try to be present right now right here. Thanks for the topic, but I'd rather GO BACK and read what others have shared IN THE PAST.
Member: chris H.
Time: 4:48:33 PM
Hi all --I'm Chris..I'm an alcoholic/addict/bulimic....What a great topic...I think that we always need to hear how to live in the day....FOr me it is an on going process---to learn how to let the past go and not fear the future... I have just recently learned how deeply I have hurt some one that I dearly love...I feel so guilty about it that I cannot even go to the person to apologize...In other words, I am so involved with myself that I cannot think about the other person. I need to accept GOd's forgiveness of me and move on the the ammends step. I am also so tied up in my concern about what this person will say to me if I do try to make ammends that I am frozen in fear. I have projected the Worst, and am afraid that I will loose that person. I need to do what the program suggests and leave the rest up to my HP> Let go and LEt God!!! Easy to say , but not so easy to do. What I do Know is that in the past when I have done what the program suggests...my life is so much better. And even if I do not get the results I want, I usually get serenity which is much more valuable than anything else...to me...Well, thanks for the topic... I really needed it today so I could better live in today!!!
Location: South LA
Time: 9:59:06 PM
Diver, congrats! One year is great!!! One day at a time I hope to see that one year birthday in a few months myself. Again, congrats!
Member: Mark L
Location: Sacramento, CA
Time: 1:33:14 AM
Yesterday is history and to learn from mistakes, Tommorrow is a dream or plan and TODAY is the Serenity Prayer.
Member: Curtis L.
Location: Goliad, Texas
Time: 2:14:26 AM
I am an alcholic named Curtis. I'm still confused at times about how the word SELFISH is used and what it means to the members of our fellowship. I guess it is one of the paradoxes of our program. I think we must be selfish to survive, but on page 62, the BB talks about "getting rid of self". I can accept this in the Step 3 context of placing God's will before our own, but I still have human relationships in which I must be concerned about self or become a door mat. An explanation of this would really help me. A grateful recovering alcoholic, Curtis
Member: David R.
Time: 6:31:56 AM
Hello everyone. My name is David and I am an alcoholic. I've been sober since February of this year by the grace of God. To me the word selfish serves two functions. One, it is a character flaw that each one of us must overcome, for as long as we remain living for self, and what we want, the longer we will hang there on the verge of relapse. Two, you have to be somewhat selfish to sustain recovery. You can't stay sober for your family, friends etc. This is something YOU have to want.If we stay sober because "my wife don't want me to drink" or "I've got to do this for my kids", then inevitably the evil sefish will eventually win out and you will drink. Good luck to everybody, pray everyday, and don't take that first sip.
Member: JUDY L
Location: PAWLEYS ISLAND, SC
Time: 7:44:26 AM
HI I AM JUDY AN ALCOHOLIC/ADDICT. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME HERE AND IT IS GREAT. I AM NEWLY SOBER AGAIN.. LIVING IN THE NOW IS SO HARD FOR ME. LIKE EVERYONE I HAVE GUILT AND REGRETS OF THE PAST AND HOPES AND DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE. FEAR OF BEING ALONE OR HURT BY SOMEONE IS MY FOCUS OF THE FUTURE RIGHT NOW. I REALIZE AND AM REMINDED BY THIS MEETING TO STAY IN TODAY AND TO TRUST IN MY HIGHER POWER. WHERE ELSE CAN I GO AND GET SUCH POSITIVE FEEDBACK FOR FREE? I WILL CONTINUE TO LOG ON AND THANKS FOR BEING HERE FOR THIS STILL VERY CONFUSED AND HURTING ALCOHOLIC.. GOD BLESS
Time: 8:44:28 AM
Curtis, I too was confused about the word selfish. I've heard the phrase, "this is a selfish program," and then, "selfishness is a character defect." I've been using the term "self-centered" to deal with the character defect aspect. If the focus of my actions are on "what is in it for me", except in regards to recovery, then I am probably being selfish. Are my thoughts completely wrapped up in myself or are they focused on my fellow human beings? For so long I only thought of myself and looked for situations where the outcome would prove favorable for me, without regard as to the impact on others. An example: If I was mad, then everyone around me better just deal with that. Sometimes it helps to use a sponser or someone in the program as a sounding-board to determine our true agendas.