Member: STEVE L>
Location: MO.
Date: 03 Oct 1998
Time: 22:51:58

Comments

Hello, Im Steve and I,m an alcoholic. What a great topic. I always thought I was willing to do anything for my soberity. I mean some of the things I was willing to do just to drink scare the hell out of me now. I was asked to be someones sponser the other night, and I was not willing to do that. I was not willing to risk someone elses life on my experience. Some times Im amazed that I manega to stay clean and sober. So i said no. Then I talked to my sponser. Sould have been the other the way around. There I was again making decisions. I went back and asked him if he had found anyone to sonser him? Im a sonser now. You I think it really helps me more than it helps him. I have to remember, I didnt get here because someone told me they were uncomfortable with being a my sponser. It really is a great feeling. As someone said, I try never to waste aday. Thank you. Love in the program. Steve L.


Member: Rivner
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Date: 03 Oct 1998
Time: 23:17:38

Comments

Howdy, I'm an alcoholic, my name is Rivner. I'm in no position to sponsor anyone. I used to a few years ago, but I had a one day slip a couple of days ago. Life got overwhelming, meetings became fewer, the disease grew, etc. By the end of one day I was drunk - the very thing I had come to hate was back, along with all the remorse and hurt and pain in the dissapointment of loved ones dear to me. This is a miserable and insidious disease. It is my hope, since I live in remote area, that these on-line meetings can help keep the AA tape rolling in my head - leaving little room for the monster disease. Thanks for being here.


Member: LM
Location:
Date: 03 Oct 1998
Time: 23:25:19

Comments

Am I allowed to enter conversation if I am presently using ?


Member: LM
Location:
Date: 03 Oct 1998
Time: 23:30:28

Comments

Am I lost here ? or is any body out there ?


Member: Rivner
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Date: 03 Oct 1998
Time: 23:58:03

Comments

Hi LM,

Rivner here, I'm an alcoholic. What are you on?


Member: rod m
Location: australia
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 00:07:38

Comments


Member: Terri M.
Location: Arizona
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 01:08:51

Comments

Hi I am Terri M. I am an alcoholic. I am not sure what the topic is. Sponsorship seemed to be in there somewhere. I believe that having a sponsor in AA is vital to my recovery today. If I am asked to sponsor someone, I never say no. Growing up, I was taught that you never told anybody your troubles, you just dealt with it, this belief made me self-sufficient. Self-sufficiency almost killed me. I know today that I cannot do this alone, That I need my Higher Power in my life, and other people. My denial was great about my alcoholism, but that is only a symptom, my denial I find can be great about anything! My sponsor led me through the 12 steps, and over the years we have developed a close friendship. I need to always be teachable, but I am not always, sometimes I am complacent...My sponsor can usually see that long before I do, and she does not hesitate to point it out to me. Thank God! I realize today that I do not need someone to tell me what I want to hear, I need someone to tell me what I need to hear. When sponsoring others, it helps me far more than I can ever repay the sponsee. I think it is really important for us to remember, Bill W. went looking for Dr. Bob, not vice versa. AA Love, Terri


Member: fayla  g
Location: galena   ks
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 02:18:27

Comments

fayls ,alcoholic i grew up the same way terry ,dont show your feelings ,peploe dont likeyou when you cry ,ect, thats a hard way to live hideing yourfeelings iknow , i really believe your only as sick as your secrets , iknow i am i try not to keep things inside anymore , i said try im still working on this. love and hugs fayla g


Member: DJ
Location: NORFOLK
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 05:32:41

Comments

HI!! DJ ALKIE HERE

(( LIVE AND LET LIVE ))

SEAMS LIKE A GOOD TOPIC TO ME

GOD BLESS YOU ALL


Member: Steve S.
Location: Baden, Switzerland
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 07:08:42

Comments

Hi My Name is Steve And Im an Alcoholic.

Im travelling in Europe and need a meeting. I just had a business deal go sour on me and Im feeling angry , scared and resentful and don't want to be eaten up with resentment and fear. I need God's help and through AA it's always come. So here I am. On the topic of Sponsorship: I sponsor five guys in New Orleans and I can't really tell you just how much it's helped me.

But in all sincerity, those guys seem to have been sent ot me by God and my relationshhips with them help me so very much to get out of myself and also see myself through them without being so defended. This allows me to grow and make choices about my own recovery and also teaches me about love and compassion-something sorely needed in this self centered alcoholic's life. Sponsorship is one of the main ingredients

of my program. Without it my program is lacking . Also my friends and sponsor have helped me immensely.


Member: Pat R
Location: Bronx NY
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 07:54:15

Comments

Hi I never sponsored anyone and wouldn't I am reluctant to give out phone numbers unless people are a long time sober. I have problems of my own and I cannot be upset with other people calling up drunk etc. As to the person who is still using "THE ONLY REQUIREMENT FOR MEMBERSHIP IS A DESIRE TO STOP DRINKING" keep coming back. Love Ya jo2pat@mailexcite.com


Member: Stan C.
Location: Belle Fourche, SD
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 09:58:17

Comments

I'm Stan, alcoholic and addict. God Bless newcomers, those still suffering both in and out of the program, and experienced members who show the way. LM -- you most certainly are welcome here or any meeting in the world. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking." You might try the 'Coffee Pot' section @ this site, topics are much freer there. Rivner -- Some one said recently that a 'slip' was nothing more and nothing less than "Sobriety Losing It's Priority." I am alive today by the grace of the One Spirit, and sober by the miracle of these rooms! Welcome home!

I'll sign off pretty soon, 'cuz I just had to delete sentences starting with "You should" etc. I obviously am not very well if I can give advice to strangers this early in the morning! I try to keep my sharing limited to my personal experience.

Sponsorship? One of the miracles of this program, and not (in my experience,) stressed enuff today. A loving sponsor is one of the main reasons I was able to get sober, and regular meetings with him keep me grounded and helps me stay in this 24. Those I sponsor find me caring but 'tough,' if ya don't want what I have, are not willing to follow suggestions, don't ask me! If you are willing, I will do everything in my power to show you the ropes...

There I go with "you" again!" I'd better call my sponsor...Love and prayers, Stan


Member: lauren
Location: maryland
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 10:20:44

Comments

I'm lauren and an alcoholic. I was reluctant to get a sponsor in the beginning because i thought it meant someone would judge me. Eventually my counselor prevailed and i asked someone who "had something that i wanted". My fears about the process were unfounded, and it turned out to be exactly what i needed at the time - someone who understood me in the context of my alcoholism -what a relef to not have to feel shame, and to have someone who could help me to understand how the program works. I moved away and got another sponsor, who again, was able to help me make sense of myself and the pogram. 18 years later, i remain grateful to both of them for those early examples of what alcoholics anonymous is all about. One more thing - the AA pamphlet called "Questions and Answers about Sponsorship" explains what a sponsor is - and maybe more importantly - isn't. It helped me understand what the role is as "AA" sees it.


Member: nataliea.
Location: way-down, tx.
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 11:07:14

Comments

hi lm, welcome to the meeting. i looked back and the only thing in the format was, aa mem. only. if you have a desire to stop drinking you may post here if you like. check out the coffee pot if you have any questions. please feel welcome to the program. i am not very happy with my own choices for sponsorship right now, but, i still have one. learning about the spiritual malady, mental obsession, and physical cravings was vitally imp. to my recovery. a sponsor shared all this with me. in turn i share this with others. today i am recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. for that i am truly greatful. thanks for the sharing. lm-you are in my thoughts and prayers. God bless, love and peace in the fellowship natalie


Member: Bill T.
Location: Eastern shore of MD
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 12:45:00

Comments

My sponsor kind of nailed me...we talked at a meeting an I eventually told him I'd like him to be my sponsor, but I wasn't going to ask him to because I wanted him to be a friend instead. He laughed. We never did formalize the arrangement, but we both came to know that he was my sponsor. And for me he was perfect. He never dictated to me and if I asked a question he generally answered it with some kind of anecdote which somehow made sense and would be helpful - but he never told me what to do except "don't drink and go to meetings". There are all kinds of sponsor relationshps - some hard nosed, some soft sell. Hard nosed would have never worked for me. One more thing he told me was to pray whether I believed in it or not. I didn't believe, but I did it anyhow. It worked and still does 29 years later if I remember to do it.


Member: Mary G.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 14:14:43

Comments

Hi Mary alcoholic. This is my first time posting. I have been sober for 4 years, and I couldn't have done it without my sponser. Not only is she always there for me, she showed me how to be there for other people. I never can get enough of watching the miracle happen to people who stick around, and to be a part of it is the best. Have a great day.

Mary


Member: brad w
Location: NZ
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 16:04:11

Comments

Hi, my name is Brad and I am an alcoholic. I have never had a sponsor, but have been able to talk to family and friends. When I first went to AA I was angry, resentful and suspicious of others, I'm afraid I didn't believe other members motives, felt that they formed cliques and had their own scale of judging others, which I didn't understand, but suspected that I didn't rate very highly on. In short, I was a sick cookie. Now I've had a little sobriety I should probably try again at AA, things may be different. I do worry that the resentments I (still) form so easily may resurface. I think it is a legacy of my drinking that I fear relationships, and shy away from social contacts. Nevertheless, I'm still sober today, and hopeful for tomorrow. Best Brad


Member: Cynthia B
Location: LV
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 16:22:22

Comments

im an alcoholic my name is cynthia,sponcership is an important part of my sobrity.its been my experiance that you can lead a camel to water but you cant make him drink.welcome all , in my opinion there are no slips, know that if i pick up a drink its because i made tha dissision i didnt slip its what ive learned and its what i bealive.alcoholic anonymous has given me my life and so much more and for that i am very greatful on that not ill say this and ill shut up, you cant keep it without giving it away.thank god for bill w. and aa. cynthia


Member: Phyl
Location: Florida
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 16:27:44

Comments

When I saw that the topic was sponsorship,I visited the coffee shop.Ugh! I hate when that topic comes up at meetings! I've got to be honest, I am sober 9 years,thanks to my belief in my Higher Power,my attendance at at least 2-4 meetings a week, a few friends I speak with at meetings or on the phone and a very strong foundation during my first 3 years in AA. I had had three sponsors during my first 5 years, and each one disappointed me (Poor me!) by not being there when I needed them and two of them did not admit that they really did not have time to be there! After a year of shopping for a fourth sponsor,a woman with many years of sobrity said I can call her and talk with her until I find a sponsor. For two years I spoke with her every few days. She was so wise, so humble,so giving of herself. Unfortunately, she died a year ago, and I've been shopping ever since. It's not easy for a middle-aged,married woman with some time in the program to find a sponsor. At this point I don't need one to work the steps, but rather to be there to hear me think aloud, and to help me sponsor others.I had sponsored in the past but I don't feel I should at this point since I myself don't have one. I'm sorry to babble on,and I'm embarrassed to admit that I would not share this at one of my regular F2F meetings.


Member: Dee M.
Location: Sudbury, Ont. Ca.
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 19:18:27

Comments

Hi there! My name is Dee and I'm an alcoholic. I've been in the program now for a year. Unfortunately, I haven't been sober for that long. It took me a while to pick out a sponsor. I chose her carefully. She's a great person with alot to offer but I don't call her very often. Calling someone is a sign of weakness for myself and I have a difficult time reaching out. I always figure that I'm bothering her or she's too busy for me etc. I tend to keep everything bottled up for a long time then I'll blow. Sometimes it's too late. Instead to picking up the phone, I'll pick up that first drink. Of course that isen't a good idea. I have to make more of an effort to make that call and to rely on her wisdom and spirutuality. She really believes in God and talks about him often. I think it's rubbing off on me. Well got to go. I hope everyone has a great week!


Member: Dee C
Location: Michigan
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 20:09:34

Comments

Hi I'm Dee also and I'm an alcoholic. Grateful to God and AA to be sober tonight.I haven't been Blessed with the responsibility of sponsoring anyone else, yet. Looking forward to it. I just pray to God he will tell me what to do. I know he will if I listen. My sponsor is a very special person in my life today. She knows me inside and out. That is a first for this alcholic, Im sorry to say even including my mother. I've learned so much in the last year and Know I wouldn't have made it this far without the love and support of my sponsor. Have a wonder sober week and God bless you all.


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 20:32:16

Comments

HELLO EVERYONE. LOL.. MY NAME IS RICHARD M,I AM AN ALCOHOLIC....A.A. TAUGHT ME THAT SPONSERSHIP IS THE FACT OF ONE ALCOHOLIC WORKING WIYH ANOTHER ALCOHOIC. THE MANY MEN AND WOMEN WHO HAVE ENJOYED A RELATIONSHIP WITH ME HAVE BENIFITED BECAUSE WE USE THE A.A. LITERATURE ON "SPONSERSHIP"AND OTHER CONFRENCE APPROVED MATERIAL...THE MATERIAL IS OUR GUIDLINE AND PRETTY MUCH KEEPS US ON THE RIGHT PATH.. MY SOBRIETY DATE ..12-28-85'..... SO FAR IT HAS BEEN CONTIGUOUS..... forgive the caps please....love and tolerance of others is our code. ... if some one hasone more day of sobriety than you do...thy are eligible to be your sponser>>>>>>> our program dmands rigorus honesty from all parties concerned. no one is forced to either be a sponser or accept some one as their sponser.. there were times when i couldn.t sponser some one?..god just didn.t give me the strenghth.....and there were times when some one could not sponser me... i didn't drink over it or get a resentment i simply try to work the program one day at a time. today i too have this wonderfull new tool of a.a. in cyber space...i love it i know it is doing me a world of good by reading many of the comments...... my prayer is that this might help somebody........


Member: m.b.
Location: MA
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 21:14:36

Comments

This is my first entry into cyber sobriety, but I have been experienceing some adventures this past week...going to several different meetings in the area and meeting a lot of different people..I have had the same home group for many years and have very recently begun attending different AA meetings. As far as sponsorship goes, it has been extremely helpful to me to have someone who knows me and can hold me accountable. I have sponsored a few guys and it has been rewarding...I know I didn't do any of it perfectly, but we aim for progress...hopefully I will make this cyber thing part of my new and everchanging journey through sobriety, later


Member: Teri F.
Location: Ohio
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 21:53:23

Comments

Hi! I'm an alcoholic and my name is Teri. I'm very grateful to be sober today and to be involved in a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I know for a fact that the only reason I am sober today is because of a Higher Power who loves me, AA, a wonderful sponsor, and people like you all who share your experience, strength and hope with me.

My sponsor told me that there is a solution to any problem I might encounter.....all my problems could be solved by working steps and all the answers I need to deal with life are found in the Big Book. So far, what she says is true.

When I first got sober she told me to live one day at a time, pray (whether I believed in it or not), go to a meeting EVERY day, and read the big book. Since she had been sober for a while, I figured if it worked for her, it just might work for me. So far it has.

She also stressed to me the importance of having a home group where I could get to know people and they could get to know me. She said that is how I would learn to listen, and listen to learn. She said I would also learn to open up and share with those people when I felt comfortable and safe. So far that has worked too.

She told me that along with the steps, I needed to learn about the traditions because of their importance to the continuance of this wonderful fellowship. She sponsored me into service work too, because that is a very important part of recovery.

She's taught me how to be a sober person and live a useful and productive life. When things have gotten bad she's told me "this to shall pass". And it has.

I could probably go on for hours about how wonderful my sponsor is and how important her help and unconditional love have been to me! I try to follow her lead with the people I sponsor. She told me the more I worked with others, the better I would feel. So far she's been right about that too.

I heard a guy say one time that when he was working the steps for the first time, he was getting close to the end, and he asked his sponsor what happens when they got finished working the 12 steps. He said his sponsor looked him straight in the eye and said "when you think you're done working the steps, then you'd better lie down, close your eyes and hold REAL still, because you are a dead man"!

If you are new to this program, GET A SPONSOR! That's how this whole deal works.....one alcoholic working with another alcoholic.

Thanks for letting me share. Love to all......


Member: Rob F.
Location: Texas
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 23:13:04

Comments

My name is Rob and I am a alcoholic. In my opinion (which means very little in some circles) There was someone there for me when I got back to AA 4 years ago, he was a good man with 12 yrs of soberity who helped me through the first 4 steps. Unfortunately his job moved him out of state, so I found me a second sponsor who helped me with steps 5 through 8 and he also moved out of town to start a new life and job with a new wife. (I started to wonder if God was trying to tell me something) I then got me my 3ird sponsor who helped me through the last of the steps. One thing he allways told me was that I had help him more than he could ever help me, at the time I didn't understand but with time and starting to sponsor guy's myself I started to understand what he meant. as I helped each man I worked with I found that I was also reworking the steps (for me) along with him weather he stayed sober or not. I am on my fourth sponsor now and i may not call or talk with him as much as I should I allways know that this man will be there to help me walk through whatever happenes in my life. Many guy's have asked me to sponsor them, the sad part is that most of them never call or if they do call the don't call for very long and then I hear that they are drunk or in jail or just never hear from them again. I wonder if there was anything I was doing wrong but i am still sober so what I have is still working for me, so I must be doing something right. The way I see it is that these guy's where there for me WHO IN THE HELL AM I NOT TO TRY TO HELP SOMEONE WHO ASKES ME FOR HELP! The primary purpose of AA is to fit ourselfs to be of MAXIUM SERVICE TO GOD AND OUR FELLOW MAN. If I want to keep what I have I must give it away. I have given my phone number to many people even to some on the streets and have never had a problem with any of them. And if someone calls me in the middle of the night needing help or wanting to drink I am responsible (a nasty 4 sylable word) to help them for there are those who would do the same for me. anyway that is my opinion on the subject. 12&12 states "Even the newest of newcommers finds undreamed rewards as he tries to help his brother alcoholic, the one who is even blinder than he. this is indeed the kind of giving that actually demands nothing." thank you and God bless each of ya'll as you trudge the road of happy destiny.


Member: Shirla H.
Location:
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 23:27:06

Comments

Good evening! I am an alcoholic and my name is Shirla S.. It's because of sponorship and the "old-timers" that I'm around 10 years later. They loved me when I couldn't. They called me when I missed a meeting. They were "responsible" in sharing their recovery with me. I'd like to share a "God Experience" on sponsorship. I am a Fifth Step listener at the local treatment center. In January of 1997, I listened to a woman,s fifth step. She had done a very through house cleaning - almost 3 hours of talking!! There was a "gut" feeling that there were lessons that I was to learn from this woman. We exchanged phone numbers and I asked her if I could be her sponsor. We went to meetings, played at the YWCA, and developed a wonderful friendship. She was dealing with failing health due to her years of drinking. When she was faced with her mortality - all she would do is talk about gratitude and remain gentle and loving to all. On March 5, 1998, she had a major stroke that destroyed 90% of her brain and she died on March 15, 1998. I stayed with her those last 10 days of her life and will always be grateful for the 14 months that God let us have. I learned so much about love and gratitude from this newcomer. To be a sponsor in this recovery process is something that I recieve far more than I give. This is one of the many things that keep me sober. I have so much gratitude for the recovering people in my life - especially the newcomer!! Thanks for listening. If no one has told you that they love you today - I love each and every one of you. Thanks for letting me share. Shirla H.


Member: Shirla H.
Location: Iowa
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 23:27:17

Comments

Good evening! I am an alcoholic and my name is Shirla S.. It's because of sponorship and the "old-timers" that I'm around 10 years later. They loved me when I couldn't. They called me when I missed a meeting. They were "responsible" in sharing their recovery with me. I'd like to share a "God Experience" on sponsorship. I am a Fifth Step listener at the local treatment center. In January of 1997, I listened to a woman,s fifth step. She had done a very through house cleaning - almost 3 hours of talking!! There was a "gut" feeling that there were lessons that I was to learn from this woman. We exchanged phone numbers and I asked her if I could be her sponsor. We went to meetings, played at the YWCA, and developed a wonderful friendship. She was dealing with failing health due to her years of drinking. When she was faced with her mortality - all she would do is talk about gratitude and remain gentle and loving to all. On March 5, 1998, she had a major stroke that destroyed 90% of her brain and she died on March 15, 1998. I stayed with her those last 10 days of her life and will always be grateful for the 14 months that God let us have. I learned so much about love and gratitude from this newcomer. To be a sponsor in this recovery process is something that I recieve far more than I give. This is one of the many things that keep me sober. I have so much gratitude for the recovering people in my life - especially the newcomer!! Thanks for listening. If no one has told you that they love you today - I love each and every one of you. Thanks for letting me share. Shirla H.


Member: Rob G
Location: Boca Raton, Florida
Date: 04 Oct 1998
Time: 23:34:13

Comments

My name is Rob and I am an Alcoholic. I really am not sure what exactly the topic is. I believe it's about sponsorship. I have been in A. A. for eight months, and I currently do not have a sponsor.While I am on it I haven't even been to a meeting in over six weeks. I realize that it is important to have a sponsor, but lately I have not been able to even to talk about my alcoholism or go to a meeting. I feel alone, and I am scared. I am form New Jersey and have only been out of rehab for three months. My wife and my children moved from New Jersey to start our lives over again. However I find I'm afraid to ask for help, until now. I don't even know if I'm making any sense, or if I'm really even following the topic. I just know that I'm scared, I have no friends here, I have no job, and I don't even know how I'm going to pay my rent next month. I'll end this by saying I'm glad that this web site is here because I feel that maybe it can help me to find my way back to A.A.


Member: BRIAN H
Location: RAPID CITY S.D.
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 00:17:42

Comments

Hello, I'm a alcoholic and my name is Brian,I try to keep a open mind on this subject, because there are so many different sucessful examples of how drunks lke me can acheive sobriety.For one thing you won't find sponsorship anywhere in the first 164 of the BB, but you will find that carrying the message is vital.someone carried the message to me in the begining and nearly eight sober years later that same someone still carries the message to me and is one my best friends and sponsor.He never tells me what to do but shows me what good sobriety is, and if I ask him what I should do about a personal dilema(relationships or work problems etc.) he tells me that he can't advise me on this and I have to find my own solutions,each person being different from eachother(your sloutions may not nessarily be mine) beleive or not this what works for me(seven plus good years) a hard nose do as I order approach would have left me drunk or dead.when I'm asked to sponsor someone I tell them I'm willing to work with them and we let time decide if I'm their sponsor or not, which scares the hell outta them for the most part, but I have still carried and contiue to carry the message in my own sober way, like it or not. (whew) this was a long one , thank you for my sobriety and your tolerence, see-ya next week.


Member: DJ
Location: NORFOLK
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 00:18:01

Comments

HI 'I AM A

HI ALKIE HERE

ROB KEEP ASKING GOD AND EVERY ONE FOR HELP AND YOUR(( MIRACLE))

WILL COME, KNOCK AND IT WILL OPEN!!

GOD BLESS


Member: Phyllis
Location: Florida
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 04:06:24

Comments

I'm Phyllis and I'm an alcoholic and I'm sleepless at 4:00 in the morning!!Rob, I just read your post,and I want to tell you that you are not alone and that Boca Raton has loads of meetings. If you don't have a "where or when"with the meetings schedule,look in the phone book and call AA. I think there's a men's meeting at noon on Monday. I promise you...once you walk into a meeting,you'll never have to feel alone again.I hope I meet you at a meeting soon. Phyllis from Delray Beach


Member: Norm P.
Location: Indiana
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 04:58:57

Comments

Heard quite a bit of discussion so far on the difficulty of finding a sponsor and it's true. There's more than one way to skin a cat,though. The Big Book(or is it the 12x12)talks about sponsors or spiritual advisors. Today,I have spritual advisors because no one seems to want to spend the time it takes. To me,there ought to be at least a weekly meeting together to talk things over even when everything's great.Personally,I've never sponsored more than one person at a time because I'm afraid I would give everyone the short end of the stick. We need someone to walk us through the Steps when we're new and my sponsors(plural)did that. My first one got drunk after my 5th Step. Was it that ugly? For newcomers,if someone turns you down,it isn't because they don't want to help you or don't like you.Try asking them to be your temporary sponsor until you can find a permanent one(if there is such a thing). I used to think people were nuts when they said they got more out of sponsoring people than the person they sponsored did but today I know it's true. I'm best friends today with a guy who "fired" me. I don't take the credit or the blame for anyone's choices,good or bad. Some wise person said,"If they want to drink,you can't tell them anything right and if they want to stay sober, you can't tell them anything wrong".


Member: Teri F.
Location: Ohio
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 06:15:52

Comments

Hi again.

Just a quick comment to Rob. I hope you will look in your local phone book for a listing for AA. Please don't be afraid! If you reach out, the hand of AA will be there to help you.

Picking up a drink will not make your fear go away or make you feel better, but going to meetings just might!!!

God bless you--my prayers are with you and your family. Keep coming back---we need you!


Member: LynnH
Location:
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 08:53:11

Comments

Hi, I'm LynnH alcoholic.After three years of sobriety and AA I went back out for two years of misery and no AA. I don't know why but yesterday I woke up more scared than ever. Despair has me tied up in knots. I need help and for the grace of God found this web sight. I am in jeopardy of losing my family and business if I continue to drink, not to mention my life and/or someone else's life. I guess to normies, this would be enough to keep a person sober, but it never was enough before. The alcohol is too strong and clever. After attending AA for three years and then leaving, I feel more helpless than ever. I know what I need to do but haven't taken the step for help. Pretty insane huh. Well I'm off to work and will take one minute at a time. Thanks for the chance to share and I look forward to your comments.


Member: George R.
Location:
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 14:33:57

Comments

Hi LynnH! George R., Alcoholic here. Welcome back. Seek through prayer and meditation the answer to your problems and just don't drink today. You can certainly do that! No need to feel helpless; your friends are still here waiting for you. And don't be so hard on yourself - many of us have not suceeded in working this program perfectly!!! Get back to the rooms where we are. This site is great but it does not substitute for the F2F fellowship available in the rooms.

And, yes, get a sponsor as soon as you can. Did you have one two years ago before you went back out? If not, why not? And if you did, did you call him or her BEFORE you took that first drink? What step were you working on back then? Well, it really doesn't matter now but you might meditate on these things if you feel like drinking again.

Remember that we can do together what we can never do by ourselves. There is no need to feel helpless when so many of us are here and ready and willing to help. Please try to get to a meeting tonite and be willing to share your fear and dread. I'll bet that there will be those who will be willing to help you today (and tomorrow). God bless. You are loved!


Member: Linda O
Location: Pt. Brittany, FL
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 14:35:32

Comments

Hi! I'm Linda and I'm an alcoholic.

My heart goes out to both Rob and Lisa. Please, you guys, GET TO A MEETING! No one on the face of this earth understands us the way another alcoholic does. No one speaks our language!! I pray that the next time I check this site that both of you will have shared that you have attended a meeting.

About the topic: I have faith in sponsorship; however, I'm miserable at being one! Maybe there's a class somewhere on the Web for becoming a sponsor. If so, I would LOVE to attend.

Great site -- keep up the good work!


Member: Jan T.
Location: California
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 14:45:33

Comments

Hello. My name is Jan, and I'm an alcoholic. My heart goes out to Lynn H. and I remember well the feeling of despair and terror. I'm sure you know where an AA meeting is located, and I strongly suggest you head straight there....don't let anything get in your way. Your admission of powerlessness is the fist step and it sounds like you're ready to come back. We'll welcome you and help you. God bless.


Member: Sandee Y
Location: Idaho
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 14:51:53

Comments

Hi, I'm Sandee and I'm an alcoholic. I have been sober for four months as of 10/4/98. I have yet to get a sponsor, but know that I need one. I have many friends that I can call, but I am finding that it is probably not the same. I need someone that has been there and knows what I am going thru and will understand. If someone were to ask me to sponsor them, I wouldn't tell them "no" but would want them to understand that I haven't been in the program that long. One thing I have learned in AA is to never say no. God's timing is everything and He has a purpose.

Welcome LM. I hope you keep coming back. The only requirement is the desire to stop drinking. You must want that or you wouldn't be here. Also, welcome Rob. You have to learn to ask for help - that is important in recovery. Something I have and still do struggle with. In my day, asking for help was a sign of weakness, but I am realizing it takes more courage to ask for help when you need it. Hang in there and keep coming back.


Member: art h
Location: sd
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 16:45:23

Comments

I've been in program 26 years, sober 23 of these years, I used to know most answers, now I am not to bright. I have not thought about taking a drink for at least two days now, its been along time sense I felt like giving in to that thought. I still ask my self that stupid ? am I an alcee, even though I have proven that I am many many many times, now it doesn't matter, I am one and I choose not to drink today, if in my sick thinking I delude myself on a given day that I am not, than I tell my self so what, that just makes me a normal person who chooses not to drink today.


Member: Lora S.
Location: Effingham, Il.
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 18:27:54

Comments

Hi I'm Lora and I'm a grateful alcoholic, glad to be in a meeting on sponsorship--great comment by the way. Like many others, I've had more than one sponsor--the first one stuck aroundd and helped me through the first three steps, then shortly thereafter, she went back to drinking and drugging--I continue to pray that she found her way back. My second sponsor wee, he's been there for me for over 25 years now, and he taught me so many invaluable things--like I had to learn to forgive myself before I dould forgive others, that I was (am) worth saving, that the promises in the BB would come to me too if I just did the suggested steps and went to meetings, and really really worked on being rigourously honest with myself and everyone I came into contact with. Over the years, I've sponsored a few people, and as most of you know, Irecieved much more than I gave. Funny how that works, but I guess that old saying you have to give it away to keep it is true in my case. Oh yeah, one other thing that my sponsor taught me was to learn to translate, that when my Dad said "go comb your hair you look like shit" what he was really sayin was "I love you and I don't know any other way to say it." Learning that translation enabled me to develop a relationship of love not fear and hatred with my Father his last year on earth--and for me, that's one of the greatest miricles that God and the program and especially my wonderful sponsor has ever given me. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Giovanni   I
Location: South Africa
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 18:39:06

Comments

Hi Im am alcoholic I will always be an alcoholic and i will die an alcoholic and may i never forget that. My name is Giovanni.

Im from south africa and would like to chat to othe alcoholics from toronto canada how do i go about this

i say this because i would like to relocate to canada.

i would appreciate email from canadian members

my email addy is giovanni@dbn.lia.net

looking forward to hearing from you

ps this is my first time at this site so a few hint would be appreciated {{{hugs to all }}}


Member: natalie a.
Location: way-down, tx.
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 22:03:56

Comments

welcome to all the newcomers, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

to all still struggling-i had to have that spiritual experience the bb talks about. the spiritual malady was overwhelming, hence the hopelessness and despair.

"once more: the alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. his defense must come from a HIGHER POWER." pg 43

hope you all will visit us again soon- xxoo, love and peace in the program, natalie


Member: rick v
Location: norfolk va
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 22:23:49

Comments

greetings-this is rick, i'm a recovered alcoholic and recovering user trying to get healthy. all these views on sponsors has made the process less intimidating. sharing the info is highly appreciated.


Member: frankw
Location: amarillo
Date: 05 Oct 1998
Time: 22:41:09

Comments

Just started in recovery and knwo that it cannot be done alone and i need a sponser I was not being honest with myself or to person at meetings. Its easier to be honest and start in the right page. Im going to go to meetings and look for sponser to help. Thanks for being there


Member: Giovanni I
Location: south africa
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 00:05:36

Comments

Hi Im am alcoholic I will always be an alcoholic and i will die an alcoholic and may i never forget that. My name is Giovanni.

just to add to the last message that i will be needing a canadian sponsor god bless


Member: Mike C.
Location: OH
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 00:56:07

Comments

Hi all,

Mike C., alcoholic, here. Good discussion so far, glad I checked in this week! To the newcomers: AA is the place to find the way to sobriety, if that is what you honestly want. Get to a meeting, listen, and don't take that first drink! I guess the topic is sponsorship. Step one was kind of a personal thing for me, but from there on the input and guidance from a sponsor has helped me make this a successful program so far. I don't want to get too hung up on success though, it will always be one day at a time. To Pat R.: my sponsor addressed the calling him drunk issue before he agreed to sponsor me, he told me there was one rule - don't call me if you're drunk! He has turned out to be a good friend I enjoy talking to, so I just call him before I take that first drink. Thanks for allowing me to share, Mike C.


Member: Robert (Rob) D.
Location: Houston, Texas
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 02:09:51

Comments

Hi, I'm Rob, an alcoholic. I am looking for a support group to help in my efforts to maintain my sobriety. I have been clean for only eleven days, but am hopeful I can do it this. Rob


Member: PattiK
Location: NY
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 03:41:50

Comments

Hi all, I'm Pat, definitly an alcohilic. I just celebrated 2 years in AA and am just learning what my sponser is for. I have had the same sponser since before one year but I'm a slow learner with a strong will. I think you all know what I mean. Early in this discussion Bill. T from MD described my sponser for you. She always has a comeback to my foolishness to make me think, her favorite thing to say is "don't drink and go to meetings. She also advised me to pray even if I didn't believe it. I listened and have come to believe, am once again finding the faith of my childhood. My sponser is simple and to the point and is a big book purist. All you have to do is work the steps just the way it says in the big book, it's simple. Well, maybe.

As I write this we have gone over my eighth step list along time ago and I am continually being reminded that I haven't really started working the ninth. I figure that I only need to get past the first one and the rest will be a piece of cake. I'm finding it really hard to get started. Oh, I never get here early enough to chose the topic and I don't mean to get off of it but if anyone has any good advice about getting started on 9, please write about it sometime.

Thank you all for being out there.


Member: PattiK
Location: NY
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 04:01:23

Comments

Hi all, I'm Pat, definitly an alcohilic. I just celebrated 2 years in AA and am just learning what my sponser is for. I have had the same sponser since before one year but I'm a slow learner with a strong will. I think you all know what I mean. Early in this discussion Bill. T from MD described my sponser for you. She always has a comeback to my foolishness to make me think, her favorite thing to say is "don't drink and go to meetings. She also advised me to pray even if I didn't believe it. I listened and have come to believe, am once again finding the faith of my childhood. My sponser is simple and to the point and is a big book purist. All you have to do is work the steps just the way it says in the big book, it's simple. Well, maybe.

As I write this we have gone over my eighth step list along time ago and I am continually being reminded that I haven't really started working the ninth. I figure that I only need to get past the first one and the rest will be a piece of cake. I'm finding it really hard to get started. Oh, I never get here early enough to chose the topic and I don't mean to get off of it but if anyone has any good advice about getting started on 9, please write about it sometime.

Thank you all for being out there.


Member: Lynn H.
Location: Idaho
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 09:08:34

Comments

Lynn H - alcoholic, Thanks Jan T, I did go to a meeting and it wasn't as tough as I thought it would be. I was welcomed and saw many old friends. Reading the information in this discussion has helped me to realize that I need a sponsor this time. Last time I went through the steps in an out patient program and then entered aa but never got a sponsor. I have appreciated everones comments on sponsorship and will continue to go to meetings for awhile until I can find a sponsor that I believe can help me through the steps again, someone who has what I want. Thanks again.


Member: Susan T.
Location: Florida
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 10:15:28

Comments

My name is Susan, I'm an alcolholic. I'm so grateful to be sober today. I don't keep myself sober and that's one of the most powerful truths I live with today. I never dreamed I'd be doing life sober. I had never had hope of s single day of sobriety and yet a day at a time I'm sober 32 months and my life is beyond my wildest dreams. You know this thing about sponsorship is real important to me. It's part of the 'process'. A process that I trust unconditionally. Having a sponsor and using her are so important. It's that human link. Trusting and clingling to the hope of someone who has been doing this longer than me. It's her hope that so important. I mean sometimes I just don't have hope for myself to get through uncomfortable things and feelings and I rely on her hope. I say, 'I don't have enough hope for myself, do you have hope for me?' She says yes and I trust that. Asking for help is hubling and makes me real vulnerable and the reulst is always empowerment. My HIGHER POWER keeps me sober and does for me what I cannot do for myself but without the human link I don't stand a chance. I need help navigating to the truth in myself, about myself. I can't get there alone. Left with myself I'll con myself into believing the most insane of things about the world and my condition. I don't dare go in uncharted waters by myself. And I know that I help keep my sponsor sober, that she needs me as much as I need her. I have'nt sponsored many people but I know that as long as I do the best I can with what I've got, ask for guidance, and stick to experience,strength and hope that is hoinest, brutally honest I moght be useful to someone else. I can't get anyone sober, can't keep them sober and I can't do for them what they can't do for themselves, I can only hoe that I can be useful. I don't fear sponsorship, I welcome the opportunities as they come to me and recognize them as a gift. I love you all. Thanks for being here.


Member: Julie H
Location: Wichita, KS
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 11:29:23

Comments

I'm Julie and I'm an alcoholic. I always seem to find what I need to hear on this site. I have been hesitant to contact five different people who have offered because I felt I would be an inconvenience. I am also very codependent, and realizing that they need me as much as I need them makes it easier to call. I am going to call right now until I called someone, as I am sober today after a 5 day binge. Thank you all for your love and encouragement and know that you did help someone.


Member: Anthony R
Location: Pgh pa
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 14:19:48

Comments

Hi all I AM DEFINITELY A ALCOHOLIC

Ithink a sponsor is a good thing to have.In my case I just fired mine because he didnt have the time to be a sponsor. However right now I am looking for someone i can work the steps with. Someone who is living life ONE DAY AT A TIME SOBER. BY THE WAY i just hav gotten 90 days sober and it took my relapsing for 13 years to finally surrender to the we. Well thats it for now. Thanks family and if know one said they LOVE you today I do.


Member: art h
Location: SD
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 14:26:23

Comments

Alcoholism, it seems like an old friend that wants to help when times are rough, when times are good, and just any old time. It's a friend that I told to get lost with all the power of my A.A. friends and God behind me, along time ago. This so called friend likes to keep in contact, and with support I can keep him at bay, today I almost invited him in for the first time in over 20 years. I found out there is a large growth in my lung, my friend of many years wisppers in my ear, I'm here for you, its been along time but you know I can help. What a mind game this illness can play, I have three children and a wife who have never seen me take a drink, they will not see it today either, I need a meeting and contact with my sponser, see everone later.


Member: Tina K.
Location: Miami
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 18:15:42

Comments

My name is Tina and I am an alcoholic. Thanks for sharing art h. My heart goes out to you.I hope you were able to contact your sponsor and make a meeting. I have 15 months of sobriety and I need always be reminded of the insidiousness of this disease. Are you actually saying that after 20 years of continous sobriety that the call of the disease is still that strong. My understanding is that since this is a progressive disease you will not get on where you got off, you would begin where you would have been had you never quit. This is the part that scares me the most. I do not want to get sober again.I pray that I can stay sober one day at a time. Itoo have not had much luck with sponsors. I am in need of one but just can't seem to find the "right one" whatever that means! I pray God puts someone in my life, but if I'm truly honest with myself if I don't find the right sponsor I can continue to delay doing my fourth step. Fear is keeping me back. For now I'll just not drink and go to meetings. Thanks for letting me share. Love,Tina


Member: Joe D
Location: Arizona
Date: 06 Oct 1998
Time: 19:43:15

Comments

My name is Joe D., and I'm a very grateful alcoholic, especially today, because I celebrated 18 years of continuous sobriety. What a miracle my Higher Power has performed for me through His Grace and through the fellowship of AA. I had a fine sponsor who took me through the steps in order, and because of him I learned the importance of regular meetings. Today I am not the same person who walked (crawled) through the doors 18 years ago! Filled with gratitude!! Joe D.


Member: drocci
Location: drocci@vt.edu
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 00:28:15

Comments

Please help me, I am considering suicide. because I can't stop my drinking problem.... I just don't know what to do...PLEASE help drocci@vt.edu


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 01:11:41

Comments

alcoholic,tony..drocci get a yellow pages and look up alcohol you will find lots of numbers to call call one now!tell them whats on your mind and ask them for help they do this for a living they can set you up with a place to start.hang in thier,but pick up the phone and call any outfit in your area.thier are lots of good people who have been where you are now.reach out


Member: Jim G.
Location: sacramento
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 01:26:16

Comments

well, i'm not sure if i have anything to offer to the meeting, because i havn't had a sponsor for many years. and, everyone i've ever sponsored has wound-up getting drunk--but i know that that's not my fault, i'm not responsible for another's sobriety. what i do know is that everything this program has ever asked of me is the absolute oposite of what i want to do. every spiritual endeavor from working the steps, to holding out my hand to a newcomer, to group activities, has been a struggle. just when i think i've got the hang of it some new problem comes up and kicks me in the butt. my fear of people, places and things is still capable of standing in the way of my happiness as well as my usefullness to others. really changing is hard!!!!! i know because, inspite of all my apparent failures and difficulties with this whole thing, i've still managed to stay completely sober for 16 years as of the 4th of october. i'm not trying to brag, what i am trying to say is that i was always a screwed up human being, and i have no doubt that if i was still drinking i'd be dead. my problems seem to be most overwhelming when i allow expectations to take over my life. the program works when i keep it very simple. when i remember that all i originally bargained for was sobriety, everything else seems less important and i can focus on all the things i have to be grateful for. today, as a result of alcoholics anonymous, i have many many things to be grateful for.


Member: Rich H.
Location: Joplin, MO
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 02:39:31

Comments

Hi, I'm Rich, I'm an alcoholic.

This is my first visit to this site, but it will definitely not be my last.

Pat R. got my juices flowing, he sounds just like a guy named Rich some 17+ years ago, selfish and self-centerd to the max. I hate to think where Rich would be today if it hadn't been for sponsorship.

My sponsor doesn't give advice, and neither do I. I do my best to follow his example, and thus to be the best example I can for those I sponsor. I haven't made it yet, but as long as I do the best I think I know HOW each day, I have a good day.

If my primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety, and I shun sponsorship, I'm only doing half the deal.

Some of the best "counsel" I received was that if you don't have a sponsor, get one, but get one that has and uses a sponor.

One Day At A Time, Rich


Member: R Dee Gray
Location:
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 08:50:17

Comments

Pat- please look at the postings that talk about sponsoring (helping others) as they all show how much better they feel when they help others. I've been told that if I reach out to someone (just like someone reached out to me) I will find blessings and it has been true for a long time. I hope I will never have "my own problems" interefere with my ability to be there for someone who needs me. I sponsor two women in prison and am a secretary for the CFC committe penpal program (gee, no one has come after me yet). I am not that important that I have to fear other people. I am not that uncaring that I would turn away from a suffering alcoholic whether or not he had been drinking. (people were there for me!!!)I've had several women call me in the middle of the night drunk, crying and after we talk they can settle down and hopefully by us talking they have kept from doing something even stupider. There were many nights drunk I wished I had had someone to talk to! BILL W AND DR BOB WORKED WITH DRUNKS!!! are we any better???

I really liked the sharing from Robin F and Rich. This program is based on attraction rather than promotion. If you like what you see you want it. I will be available for anyone on here who needs to talk: email Rdeegrayrd@aol.com

ROBERT (ROB) D HOUSTON --- my husband & I are in Houston please email him :rdeegrayrd@aol.com


Member: Deano H.
Location: Everett Wa.
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 10:09:31

Comments

I'm Deano,alcoholic. I just celebrated five years and feel blessed and very grateful. Early on I didn't drink because I was to scared to, I didnt want to return to near death. After several old timers pounded my ego down in a particular meeting where I proclaimed it was everybody elses fault, I got a sponsor. My first sponsor took me through steps 1-6 and then relapsed. I am thankful he relapsed, it showed me we are all human and just 1 drink away. My next sponsor finished the steps with me and then flaked due to personal problems. I'm thankful he flaked, it helped me realize I could stay sober through a network of friends and my HIGHER POWER, and not just my sponsor. I have sponsered several in the program and although they've all relapsed I thank god every day that they were brought into my life. A.A. has given me the ability to love again, the ability to communicate with other men, and shown me how to reach out again to my GOD. Maybe someday my phone will ring and one of those that relapsed will need my help. If so,at least today, I'll stay sober for 24 hours more.Gratitude and thanks, Deano


Member: art h
Location: SD
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 12:30:08

Comments

Congr to Joe D, thanks Tina K., I enjoy reading or listening to others who check whats been put down here before they comment, and those that talk about their life today with A.A., instead of just cherrleading how great the program is. Tina, I did get to a meeting and heard as normal what I needed at the time. In wondering if after all this time, the illness still has that strong a pull, all I can say is what I feel, I used to know all the answers and I wasn't very happy, now that I know how dumb I am, life each day is alot less stressful and each day I find alot of fun and enjoyment. The news I had about my lung sent me flying inside, when I get that unbalanced, the illness is that strong for me. Others who have been around as long as I have, and much longer have told me they never feel the pull anymore, and some say they feel it once a week , or once aday, you get my meaning. This one guy, told me he woke up one day and the desire went away and has never returned in over 22 years, when I new everything I judged him as not being a true alcoholic. The guy keeps coming back, and through example has helped many, I can't judge that as bad, all I Know anymore is how I feel today, I am very SCARED, I am also very happy, all the people in my life are supportive, caring, and just plan great. Today will be another good day, I don't want or need to drink today. Thanks for listening or reading LOVE TO EVERONE. see you later


Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 13:05:22

Comments

Q. How can you tell if sponsorship has been successful?

A. If the sponsor stays sober.

A sponsor told me that once. Didn't feel like I was imposing on him after that. Called whenever I had to.

I've had a few sponsors. I always got exactly what I needed. My first sponsor didn't tell me to do anything. He merely suggested that I might want to not drink and go to meetings. I was a very rebellious alcoholic (and still am) and that was about as much as I was willing to listen to at the time. But it was enough for me to get dry. After being a dry drunk for a few years I came back into the program ready for some serious work and got about as much as I could handle. My sponsor this time was a meetings, meeting, and more meetings guy. We did lots of service work, carried the message to the far ends of the earth (well, almost), studied the BB and 12x12. Generally lived and breathed the program. Now I'm with a real oldtimer. Very laid back. I know what I have to do and am responsible for doing it. I talk to him about my step work (just did another 5th covering the past 3 yrs for example) and bounce major decisions off him (e.g. my recent divorce) to make sure my heart and head are in the right place.

As far as sponsoring others, very little experience. But the ones I've had were successful: I stayed sober.

Peace & Serenity


Member: Debra y.
Location: TX
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 13:07:04

Comments

Hi,my name is Debra and I'am an alcohoic. I have 64 days sobriety. I found a sponsor after about 30 days of going to meetings. My explained what she expected of me on a daily basis. My sponsor is teaching me discipline through daily task. I look forward to talking to my sponsor on a daily basis and meeting with her on a weekly basis. I go to my meetings and I find I learn so much if I just listen. I know my sponsor haves what I want and I hope someday to have one iota of the serenity this lady has. I have just started working my program, but I do understand and believe to keep what I have I have to give it away. I am very grateful for my higher power showing me I don't have to drink today and today is all I have.

Thanks for letting me share. Debra Y.


Member: Paul M
Location: W-B PA
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 13:10:05

Comments

HImy nameisPaul M and i'm an alcoholic, i don't have a sponsor yet, i just started going to meetings about a week ago.i have not drank for almost 2 years nov.15 will be 2yrs.i could not handle every day stress anymore so i decided it was time to start going to meetings .i know that it will work for me it works if you work it keep coming back. Paul M


Member: MARYANN G.
Location: MASS.
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 15:34:30

Comments

HI MARYANN, ALCOHOLIC. I'M ALITTLE CONFUSED HERE. AT FIRST I THOUGHT THE TOPIC WAS WILLINGNESS. THEN IT GOT INTO SPONSORSHIP. THEN SOME ELSE FIGURED LIVE AND LET LIVE SOUNDED GOOD. SO I GUESS IT'S UP FOR CHOICE. IT REALLY DOSEN'T MATTER TO ME. I GET SOMETHING OUT OF EVERYTHING SAID HERE. EVEN THE GUY THAT FEELS LIKE COMMITING SUICIDE. I ALMOST COMMITED SUICIDE. IT TOOK A LOT OF YEARS TO DIE. BUT DRINKING GOT ME THERE SLOWLY. SORRY, NOT A GOOD SALUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM. A.A. WAS THE ONLY THING THAT THAT WORKS FOR ME. 1)GOD 2)A.A. 3) WHAT A NICE WAY TO LIVE TODAY. I THANK EVERYONE ON THESE PAGES FOR SHARING. I CAN NOT DO IT WITHOUT YOU. EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU. GOD BLESSES US ALL. THANKS.


Member: Jon s
Location: Ithaca NY
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 15:49:41

Comments

Hi my name is Jon. S I'm have a real hard day today I want to use so bad I got off probation yesterday and now have no one to answer to but myself I worked so hard to get my 8 months in and don't want to throw it all away so I'm going to pray alot today to get 24 more hours


Member: Aaron W .
Location: Somerset, N.J>
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 17:02:45

Comments

Hi Family, I am Aaron and I am An alcolholic. My Home Group Sponsored a work shop on sponsorship a year ago. I thought it was the great idea. I heard some real good stuff. I have been sober 6 1/2 years, and I have sponsored four people 3 of the 4 are drinking again and the other one I have not heard from him in over a year. This have been very hard for me. I really don't want to sponsor anyone right now. But I know it don't work that way. My sponsor told me I can't get anyone sober nor can I get anyone drunk. I started to feel as if I am a bad sponsor. The people I sponsor have really turned me off. My tolerence and patient is probaly at it's lowest point. I must be very careful at this point. although I have over six years I need to remind myself that sobriety is a one day at a time. I need to go to a lot of meeting and take care of myself right now. Just like the guys I am sponsoring, if I don't do the right things I will drink again. I must remember, I am responsible today, and when someone reaches out, I want my hand to be there, for I responsible. (It's only but for the Grace of God it's not me.) Have a good 24, and thanks for a great topic.


Member: Linda O
Location: PB, FL
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 18:27:51

Comments

Hi! I'm Linda and I'm an alcoholic.

Drocci, your words about suicide touched me. It reminded me of my state of mind before I joined the program. I lived with the thought of suicide on a daily basis. In fact, it got to the point that I carried a hose in the back of my car just waiting to get up the nerve to use it. I had no idea that booze had brought me to that point -- that alcohol was a contributing factor in my desire to end my life. I just knew that I was a drunk, had always been a drunk, and that I didn't want to face life anymore.

AA changed all that for me. At my very first AA meeting I heard words from strangers that I had always thought but never expressed to anyone. I realized at that first meeting that I wasn't alone; that there were people out there who were exactly like me. What a revelation! Other people in the same boat I was!! And all that time I thought I was from another planet (a planet whose air was actually made up of mostly Scotch). AA saved my life. It didn't take long before thoughts of suicide came less frequently and thoughts of living sober took their place.

GET TO A MEETING! It will be the best decision you've ever made.

Let us hear how you're doing.

In love and service


Member: R. Dee Gray
Location:
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 19:32:52

Comments

For Drocci & anyone here: please feel free to email anytime you need to talk & we'll set up something. We live in Houston & can hopefully help you find some meetings to attend & offer you support thru the rough times. Dee & Robin

rdeegray@aol.com (female) Robf467@aol.com (male)


Member: william   L
Location: GLOUCESTER VA
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 20:57:24

Comments

thanks all i really enjoyed this. i was given this site 2day&promise 2 be back . god bless all my sober friends.both in and out of the rooms


Member: john k.
Location: springfield ma.
Date: 07 Oct 1998
Time: 23:44:55

Comments

Hi folks I'm new to the net with sixteen yeaers sober. I started gettting sober in Germany in a small group of G.Is. I am sure that I would not have made the first 30 days without the grace of God and my first sponsor. Later sponsors and a roomate gave me many gifts. Hope,encouragement and goals. In the early days, I did a lot of twelth step work and tried to sponsor a few people. Even though they drank, I stayed sober. The last person I sponsored. Is sober today with eight years under his belt. He was a joy to work with. Today life is interesting, but tough. I haven't done many meetings lately due to a heavy work load, but thank God for these meetings on the net. Thanks all.


Member: AddieB
Location: Prescott Arizona
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 00:18:05

Comments

Twenty years ago, a homemade sign above my home groups'door said, "those who forget are doomed to repeat". Sponsorship helps me remember what it was like and keeps me thankful on a daily basis that I never had to return to the hell of alcoholism. Thank you AA and all of you who stay sober one day at a time.


Member: Bonnie C - 5/30/80
Location: Seattle
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 05:27:43

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, (((ROOM-HUG))) hit on a few posts as I was scrolling down, compelled to comment.

((rob g - boca raton, fl)) jon my new friend, your story touched my heart, because one day I was sitting in a meeting in San Diego and this guy walked in and told it almost word for word. He sounded almost identical to how you sound in your post - what happened to him, you ask, well, by the end of that meeting one of the fellowship had given him a lead on a job, which he eventually got, others had suggested to him to seek a job in apartment management, till the job came thru, which he did, he found some really good friends in the program, his wife went to alanon and his kids went to alatot - then alateen - he shared many times that he almost didnt come to that meeting. jon, he was scared too, thank God he came in, for he helped me many times. please come and join us. go to your meeting and watch your miracles happen. you have so much, if you drink or use again, you lose it all eventually. we all do! those damned YETS!

((jon s)) hang in there till your miracle happens, go to meetings and dont drink in between, let us love you till you can love yourself, hang in there my friend, God has a purpose for you

((drocci)) call Alcoholics Anonymous in your phone book, ask where a meeting is or just have them have someone call you back to talk to you, do it, what have you got to lose? they saved my life, you are important here, let us love you till you can love yourself, hang in there my friend

SPONSORSHIP- good topic - I got one when I was 3mo sober, she had 2yrs sob, fired her because she never had time to talk to me. Got another that had 5yrs, she helped me alot but went thru a crazy time of her own and fired me, her kids and retreated for a while to do some introspection of her own, then I found one with 13yrs, I had 8 months of sobriety, did my first 5th step with her when I was 13mo sober, she walked me thru those steps many times, he doc put her on prozac and she left me mentally before she left to go to the next world, today my I have a sponsor who is in NY, we talk weekly, hes the first man sponsor i've had, I also use a woman up here who has what I want. I need to at least let someone know what I'm doing and how I'm feeling, so that when I get off track they can spot it before i get in major emotional trouble. I sponsor a few girls but they also have other sponsors since my time has been so limited. one of these days my schedule will resemble something like normalcy LOL dream on, bon! till then I'll enjoy the journey, love and hugs, bon == bonzoc@webtv.net -- dear God please bless all who venture here


Member: Alan F.
Location: TN.
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 09:36:01

Comments

Alan - Alcoholic, I've had many sponsors, some have just talked about problems and others that talked about solutions. Others had a way of getting me to think about the solution. If I continually rely on my sponsor to give me the solution I will not grow up. There are certian things that should not be discussed at meetings and thats when I need to talk to my sponsor. My sponsor also helps guide me through the steps because my way will not work. I sponsor several men who have asked me for advice on several personal situations and the only advice I give them is to inventory the situation and weigh the pros and cons then make the decision yourself. I had to learn from my mistakes and if someone guided me I would be making their mistakes and not learning from them. My sponsor is my friend, someone I can relate to, someone I can trust and someone that I can let my walls down with. I call my sponsor sometimes just to say hi, I need to stay in touch - it is to easy to disappear. I was also told early in recovery that a sponsor should have at least 4 years of recovery more than myself because they had already been where I'm at in my recovery and they also know where I'm headed. My sponsor always seems to know what I'm thinking and where I'm headed next. Thanks for being here and helping me to stay sober one more day. It is truly a great day to be sober.


Member: bon
Location: seattle
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 14:54:04

Comments

bon/alky hi ((rob)), that was to read rob, my new friend - brain cells damaged here, LOL


Member: Scott J
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 15:19:42

Comments

Wow, what a great discussion of sponsorship. I've been reading a little bit of this each day this week and finally got to the end today. It's helped me to be more appreciative of my sponsor and more willing to volunteer to be a temporary sponsor.

If someone does ask me to sponsor him, I know I'm going to describe our sponsorship the same way my sponsor described ours to me. (1) He would not lie to me about anything, even if it hurt, and wanted nothing but the truth from me, (2) What we said to each other would stay between us, and (3) he would not judge me no matter what I've done.

I surprised myself with how quickly I opened up to him (I had problems with trust.) And that trust paid off. He says that I've helped him more than he's helped me, but I have trouble believing that. Anyways, I hope I can be as open, caring, trustworthy and unconditionally loving with newcomers as my sponsor has been with me. Thanks everyone for sharing! Scott


Member: mike s
Location: Seattle
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 15:53:49

Comments

Hi, i'm an alcoholic named Mike. Although I have a sponser, I'm a bit hesitant to go to him for a Fifth Step because my higher power is the Hebrew God Jehova in the person of Jesus Christ as presented in the Bible. He remains an agvostic after 18 years in the program. I don't know how that's possible after a good Second and Third Step. At this point, I think that I will go ahead and share my Fourth Step, trusting God regardless. Thanks for AA's everywhere.


Member: anon
Location: anon
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 18:52:46

Comments

Anon. So Dee Ray, when your not in the coffee pot boasting about screwing with your hubbys' head your in here touting for sponsees, to do what, screw with their heads. Beware those who invite you to e-mail them. Take advice from the a.a. leaflet on sponsorship.


Member: JVC
Location: Florida
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 19:17:47

Comments

Mike S., I'm JVC, and I'm an alcoholic and a drug addict. It doesn't matter who or what your higher power is. I know a woman who has been sober for 12 years and she is agnostic. Her higher power is a doorknob. If you feel you can't talk to your sponser about it, talk to someone else and then tell your sponser what you discussed. Keep it simple. Sobriety is sometimes hard, but it doesn't have to be complicated. Don't drink, go to meetings, and you'll find the answers. God bless you all!


Member: Mark B
Location: Eielson AFB, AK
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 19:18:40

Comments

Mark, Dope fiend alcoholic, I was told before I moved to Holland about 10 years ago that my primary purpose is to, " Comfort the disturbed, and disturb those in comfort". After I had worked the steps with a sponsor. I can only pass on what's been given to me, in the way it was given to me. Anybody who tries to tell me anything not in the Big Book is running on BS, and offering opinions. I help people with the steps, with learning how to live clean and sober. I'm not a marrige counsellor, bank, or job placement service. Second time around in life is for fun, and I've been given a second shot at life. God takes care of fools, drunks, and children. I qualify under all three.

Mark


Member: Margie
Location: walworth N.Y.
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 19:52:31

Comments

Hi I'm Margie and Iam an alcoholic!Saying that for the first time was the real first truth I ever said about myself.I pray that I never ever forget that either. One rainy night when I was about one year sober, I was waiting for the secretary to come and open up the meeting hall.This woman walked by my car in the pouring rain,and, God gave me the strength to ask her to sit in my car and wait with me.(Scary) I thought this a great opportunity to interview a perspective sponsor.I asked her if she drank rumplemintz, my drink of choice, she said no, that she drank wine.oh well.I asked her if she was a bar drinker, because I certainly was.She replyed no, that she solely drank at home. oh well, two strikes. I asked her if she rode Harley Davidsons. She said never did, but, she has a horse. Three strikes. I asked her if she had kids,because I have three of them and thought at least we had one thing in common. No she replyed.But, I have 350 kids! she isw a principle of a school. Oh boy, and I'm a waitress! Strike five. Everything I asked her was the compklete opposite of me.You see I was looking for someone exactly like me, and that will never happen.I ended up asking her to be my sponsor the next meeting I saw her at,and 6 years later it's been a wonderful journey. I have gotten her on a Harley, I have watched her horse. I've brought her to a rock concert she has brought me to an opera.She watches my kids and she offers me her house for peace and solitude.She is never demanding or mean to me, but, loving and gentle.I know that someone will be there if I need. First and formost we are both alcoholics and that is the only thing that we need to have in common.Befor eI started sponsoring woman I was bothered because noone was asking me sponsor them,then an oldtimer said, when the teacher is ready the student will appear! I'm so grateful for my sobriety,if your grateful,don't talk about but show it,and sponsoring is my way of saying thank you to A.A.thank you


Member: Shelby R.
Location: Durango, Colorado
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 22:03:23

Comments

My name is Shelby and I'm an alcoholic. I am only sober 2 days after being out there drinking for the last 8 years. I lost sight of AA, quit going to meetings, stopped reading the Big Book and thusly went out and drank. I could use some words of wisdom because I'll be home alone tomorrow and I'm afraid I might drink.I welcome any comments. Thankyou.


Member: Doug N.
Location:
Date: 08 Oct 1998
Time: 22:42:08

Comments

Shelby, what happened to you is what I hear most often in our meetings about why we went back out. i was in and out three times before i was able to maintain sobriety for over 3 months. So far, I,m a little over a year. For tommorrow, pray and find another alcoholic to talk to. I'll pray for you. You can't do it alone.


Member: Carolyn H
Location: Arlington TX
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 01:07:36

Comments

I'm Carolyn & I'm an alcohoic...Hi family!

This is the type of topic that used to send me running for the meeting outside the meeting. I didn't need some drunk, who admitidly, couldn't manage their own life, telling ME what to do! Boy, as my sponsor said, "Carolyn, you're so sick you don't know how sick you are!"

As I became honest, open-minded and willing, I HEARD that all sponsorship does is exchange experience, strength and hope...and since my way certainly no longer (never)worked, I became very willing to have the Creator lead me to someone that could share with me just how they had been taught.

Working with a sponsor wasn't easy. It was hard work. Remember I'm fighting for my life!!! I can honestly say I was NOT little miss perfect sponsee! But God love 'em, my sponsors loved me anyway, firmly, by the Book, they showed me the way. I say sponsors because some move, some die, & unfortunatly they're all human. Some have gone back out to add to their story.

I have been taught never to say no to AA, talk with my sponsor first. Oh so many times I wanted to say no when asked to sponsor someone...especially the first time (I didn't care for the girl much, you see). But HE has a sense of humor, and I learned to love that girl, and the lessons I have learned from her. My girls keep teaching me...and just you wait...one day, when you least expect it (mine don't call daily) and you're on that pitty pot, one will call or show up, and by golly, they did listen! You'll get an earfull of everthing you ever said to them! (Just exactly when you needed to be reminded)

Thank you SO much for being here--it's my first time.

Love ya, mean it and Keep the Faith...Carolyn H


Member: Larry B
Location: East Tn
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 02:07:54

Comments

hi everyone. Larry alcoholic my first at an online discussion. GREAT topic. I struggled the past eight years trying to stay sober.Two rehab centers lots of meetings but I could only to stay sober 6 to 9 months.Sept 24, 1997 I went to a meeting crying because I had been sent to jail for the first time in my 51 years of life. An oldtimer suggested that I take a good look at the way i wasworking my program and if I wanted to drink keep doing the same things. If I wanted to have a chance of staying sober then do things differently. The first thing I did different was get my first sponser. By taking his guidance, using my higher power, and working with others I have made it through my roughest year of personal setbacks without taking a drink.Last week I picked up my BIG PENNY. Thanks AA for being there. It works If you work it!!!!


Member: exsasperated
Location: serenity park
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 04:16:11

Comments

it works if you *know* how to work it????,thats why you struggled for 8 yrs!!!!!LOL


Member: Margie
Location: Walworth,N.Y
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 12:15:39

Comments

Hi guys,I'm just ready to go out for a 7 mile run, to take care of my physical part of this disease,but, I did want to mention to Shelby,that there is no mental defense against that first drink,our defense must come from a higher power!!!You haven't had a drink in two days?Thats great,make that decision to not drink a day at a time.I'ts much easier to stay sober than to get sober.Best of luck to you and try to get to meeting a soon as you can,we have to go to any lengths to stay sober,God Bless


Member: Sandee Y
Location: Idaho
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 12:41:50

Comments

Hi everyone! I'm Sandee and I'm an alcoholic. SHELBY - I just read your post from yesterday and hope you are reading this morning. I hope you don't take that drink today and if you think you might want to, please pick up the phone or get on your computer and start typing. Those first few weeks are so tough, but you can do it. Just get to meetings or call someone. Talking BEFORE you take that first drink really does help. If you have drank, don't beat yourself up about (I hope you haven't). Just think about those 2 days that you already have and will have to start all over if you take that first drink. One thing that really helped me was "One day at a time." Sometimes in the beginning it has to be one hour or one minute at a time. Just chose to not drink for that hour and thank God when you reach that. I wish you all the luck in the world, and we are here for you. Let us know how you are doing. One day at a time, Sandee :-)


Member: Michele
Location: NJ
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 13:06:16

Comments

Hello. My name is Michele and I am an alcoholic. I praise the Lord Jesus for another day of sobriety and for all of you sharing your experience, strength and hope on sponsorship. I believe this is my first time at thios meeting and I needed one because I couldn't get away today. I am celebrating 7 years of uninterrupted sobriety. My 32nd birthday is Sunday and I am so ggrateful to be sober and living life on its own terms. I don't know where I would be without the beautiful woman God placed in my life. I wanted what she had 6 years ago and I still do today. She taught me how to live according to the 27 principles of the Program. I just became a sponsor on 12/25/97. I have 3 sponsees. 2 Linda's and a Rosie. I love them and they probably don't know how much they help me. When I feel like I want to get rid of them, I have to check myself because there is something definitely wrong with me. My sobriety is contingent upon working with others and I heard in the beginning, "the only way to keep it is to give it away". Same principle in the 11th step. (find by losing, live by dying) Anyway, I needed to stop in and read. I must remember that my primary purpose is to stay sober and to help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. To the active person, AA is for people who want it NOT need it. The only requirement for AA membership (as I know you've heard) is the DESIRE to stop drinking. This is my family on line here and without them, I can't stay sober. God's grace allows me to receive all that I don't deserve and His mercy allows me not to get all that I do deserve. To Him I owe my living and service so I thank Him for the Fellowship. Love and blessings to all.


Member: Kerry B.   3/21/80
Location: Idaho
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 14:09:24

Comments

My name is Kerry, I'm an alcoholic

Without the program of AA, and the people who came before me, and my Higher Power, I would either be dead, insane, or in jail. Thank God for the choice today, for I really didn't know how to live, I was merely surviving. I know the difference today, you can too. Really, if I can do it a day at a time, hour, minute, then so can you. Keep Coming Back, it works!! Thank all of you for sharing, I will always need to hear your experience, strenth, and hope.


Member: Connie-alcoholic
Location:
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 14:58:16

Comments

Good topic sponsorship;

When I first got in the program of AA. I had a sponsor for 4 months and then pick up again, because everytime I called her she was just to busy. I then I got another sponsor who was there 24 hours out of the day. It made a big different for me in the beginning. I did my first 12 step call when I had 1 year, and my sponsor was with me the whole time, she left work to be there with me. (I 12 step my own sister). about 6 years into my recovery, that sponsor left the program (she still sober today), so I got another sponsor I had her for 2 years, until she was taken away from me from an act I couldn't control. And when I moved to Missouri, I went through 4 sponsors, until I found one, and I also now have an online sponsor. They alway told me to work my program the best way I know how. And for today, I been going to 7-10 f2f meetings a week. Since my sobriety was taking effect. Newcomers we need to take care of or own recovery and sponsorship has always helped me out. ((((HUGS))))


Member: Mark L.
Location: Seattle
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 15:03:47

Comments


Member: Joe M
Location: Hastings, MN
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 15:39:14

Comments

Hi! My name and problem is Joe. I am an alcoholic and drug adict. Today is my last day of treatment, and I am scared! Because I will not have the structure that I had. I love my sponsor. He is very cool! He treats me like I am his own son. OOPS did I forget to tell you that I am 16? I love AA, and NA because it helps keep me sober.


Member: Gayla T.
Location:
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 15:46:12

Comments

Hi. I am Gayla, recovering alcoholic. I am new to the internet and to recovery online. I have been sober for 10 years and hope to make his my online home. Welcome to all who are new and returning. Love you and encourage you to do to meetings and begin to build your recovery family. I know how difficult it might seem justto make it another day, butthis deal really works!!! Drocci--- would you please postagain so we know you are still out there. Love and prayers to you. I love Alcoholics Anonymous and it has provided a foundation for living that that will never wear out. I also want to say that all answers are not in the first 164 pages. That is why those very pages let us know to seek help from other surces when we need them. Now, those other sources will never be enough for me by themselves, but they can certainly prove valuable. Sponsorship has been vital for me. Have had a sponsor throughout my recovery and have sponsored a few ladies. I am having a dilemma in that area right now. I agreed to sponsor a young lady who hasabout 4 yrs. I have always made time for anyone i sponsor and shared my home with them. This particular young lady seems obsessive about my time and becomes agry if she calls and gets the answering machine. We have talked about this and she becomes very manipulative and acts as if I am the one and only person that can speak to her. she leaves sometimes up to 10 messages a day on my answering machine while I am at work and shows up atmy home unannounced. I have even found her on my front porch waiting for me. I give herall thatwas given to me and encourage herto develop other relationships n the program and suggested some of that outside help I believe she needs. I am needing support and feed back about this stuation. I am literally scared, thanks to all and much love.


Member: Gayla T
Location:
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 16:09:40

Comments

PS= Gayla alcoholic. justwanted to add thatI folloed my sponsors suggestion to ask this young lady to find another sponsor. The results of thatwas hysterics. The Girl is obviously inbalanced and needs help. someone said to ut a restraining order on her but that seems so extreme. Never encountered this before. I know no one ghas THE ANSWER as far as exactly whatto do but I need all the supportI can getas i wade through this. Thanks


Member: Peg L.
Location: Florida
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 16:37:21

Comments

Gayla T My first time here too. I have almost 9 yrs sobriety and I too had a sponsee who was "out there" When my 'belly button' power begins to act up regarding a person or situation I know enough now to pay attention. I told this young lady that I could not be her sponsor and she has tried repeatedly to get me to come back but I am adamant about what I will and will not do. Remember that some are "sicker than others" and that you must pay attention to your own higher power. Some people are double addicted and I personally don't understand this type of alcoholic . Stay in touch.


Member: judy k
Location: ma
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 16:54:31

Comments

Dear Gayla T.,

My name is Judy and I am an alcoholic. I read your post with concern and want to share some advice that was given to me when I felt that a person was making requests of me with which I was uncomfortable.

I first contacted four of my group members and discussed the situation with them. The suggestions varied widely. I chose the course of action I felt most comfortable with.

I then met with this person (she was not my sponsee) and told her what I would and what I would not do with/for her. I told her when I could take her to meetings and that I was not a substitute for meetings. I told her when it was ok to call me at home - what hours and when I would be available if she needed to talk. I felt once a day was enough. I also limited the calls to 20 minutes. I told her that she was not welcome to show up at my house unannounced. This is a violation of privacy and I told her I would contact the authorities if she continued to arrive on my doorstep. I also offered to help her find professional counseling if that was what she wished.

This may sound harsh to some but it did work and I did not have to feel afraid. Please talk with your group members and get their support and advice. Feel free to e-mail me at fooge@prodigy.net if you want to talk more.

Peace, Judy


Member: Barry L
Location: PA
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 20:03:16

Comments

I'm Barry and I'm an alcoholic, alot of great stuff about sponsorship, a very important part of the Program.

For 12 years in and out of the rooms, I never thought I needed a guide, or sponsor, to help ME live life, I was so good at it! Thats why I continued to get Drunk.

I identified so much with what Brad W shared earlier, that was me, Fear of relationships, or intimacy with people, of letting anyone Know who I realy was(as if I actually knew). Thats why getting a Sponsor was vital to my sobriety, it forced me to open up and trust someone for the first time in my adult life. To get things out of my own head. To explain the parts of the Steps and Traditions I could'nt or did'nt want to Get. None of us can do this alone.

Thanks

P.S. To Michelle N. from N.J. I am not familiar with the 27 principals of the Program you refered to, would you be so kind as to go into more detail on them in the Coffee Pot Section, I am curious?


Member: howardg
Location: salinas ca.
Date: 09 Oct 1998
Time: 21:50:51

Comments

We are not human beings having a spititual experience, rather we are spiritual beings having a human experience.


Member: john mc
Location: ware herts u.k.
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 00:45:58

Comments

Hi John Mc here. R.E. Sponsorship; Quite a lot of advice so far, could be a bit confusing for the newcomer. I wonder if the B/Book has anything to say on the matter!! I turn to P.P.18 and there it is, it seems if we don't find the person described here, someone who has *this solution*, who is also in possesion of the *facts* about *themselves*, *little or nothing* can be *achieved*. Maybe we could now start sharing on how we *found* that person, assuming we have.Though why the hell we have to look for them is a mystery to me. Now that's the difficult part and also a paradox!! Ta.Ta


Member: Sandi D
Location: Salem, OR
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 01:46:08

Comments

My name is Sandi and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time on line in a meeting. I have read alot of good stuff here. It is better than I thought it would be. Thank you all for sharing your experience, strength, and hope. I have been sober for a while and know that one of the main reasons I stay sober is because I work the steps, go to meetings, talk to my sponsor and don't say NO to service work. When I am asked to take a call in the middle of the night, I do it. Also, if I am asked to sponsor someone, I do it. I was told by my first sponsor that in order for me to stay sober, I had to give away what was given to me. That meant NO was not a word I would be using when it came to working with others.

Glad to be sober and will continue to read. Thank you all


Member: lauren
Location: md
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 06:33:54

Comments

hi -to Gayla (and everyone) Im lauren, alcoholic sober 18 years.I went back to school to learn about such people as you have described -this woman does need professional help and needs to be steered to someone who specializes in treatng "personality disorders" . One thing certain, the only thing that works with such folks is to set very clear limits. Good luck.


Member: shelby  r
Location: ny
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 15:52:17

Comments

my name is shelby, i am an alcoholic [ not from ohio--but its nice to know there are other shelbys out there and sober too] you are doing good-- you know when i look back at what i thought was a terrible day, was really a good day, because i walked thru it sober-- and thats the name of the game--- its not always going to be a pleasant day-- with life there is somtimes sadness this is the reality - to accept the feelings whats good is we have each other to walk thru the sweet and the bittersweet


Member: Sheena H
Location: Luton. England
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 17:43:47

Comments

Hi, First time. I'm from united kingdom and I live in luton which is in the county of Bedfordshire. After my first contact with AA I spent another 13 years in and out. I finally with the help of a good sponsor managed to stay stopped and have now been sober for 13 years. Sadly my original sponsor no longer goes to meetings. Super sober? I still have a lovely lady that I can share with when needed. I hope a day at a time I never stop going to meetings. I am now in time a mature student studying Health and Social Studies. Love to you all.


Member: Patty H.                              
Location: Toronto, Canada
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 18:27:34

Comments

Hi, I'm also a newcomer to the net and also to AA. I have my one month medallion but I have slipped over the last three weekends. I have a sponsor but I also have been afraid to bother her. I am so used to holding all my feelings inside that I just can't allow myself to make that call. What would I say. I have failed again? Well, after reading all the wonderful, honest, messages that have been posted here, I feel that maybe the first thing I will do tonight is go to a meeting and call my sponsor.

to drocci - please log on and say you are alright. I also was suicidal but I made a call to a local detox centre, listed in the yellow pages, stayed a week to get physically better and then went looking for AA and counselling. I haven't BEEN doing the steps, or calling my sponsor and today being Saturday wanted to drink. Thank my higher power and all of you people for helping me decide to get with the program again and stay sober.


Member: Margie M.
Location: Walworth N.Y.
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 18:44:53

Comments

Hello to everyone, my name is Margie and I'm an alcoholic.Never thought that I would be grateful to be an alcoholic,but, I would never have what I havbe today if I wasn't a member of A.A.I pray that God always gives me the honesty open-mindedness and willingness to do what I have to do in a day to day basis to stay sober!


Member: Sheena  H
Location: Luton, England. UK
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 19:39:47

Comments

Hi Patty H I hope you got to speak to your sponser. One of my difficulties was that I could not talk to anyone about how I felt = so kept getting drunk. Talk about how you feel - it was hard for me in the beginning - but it helped me having a sponsor that I knew i could trust with my feelings. Only another alcoholic understood and still understands how I'mI feeling when the going gets tough. Here in England it is 01.45am so I'm off to my bed. Bye everybody.


Member: David B
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 22:51:51

Comments

I'm David, an alkie. The topic of sponsorship is a good one. There are as many different types of sponsors in AA as we can count. It has been my experience while working with my sponsor and the men I am sponsor to that the main responsibility of the sponsor is to teach the new man how to apply the steps to his life. Friendships usually bloom in the process but are not necessarily a requirement for the relationship. Sponsors are not babysitters. If a person expects his sponsor to keep him sober it is time to reevaluate his idea of the HP. God is always available, I may not be.

Love in the Fellowship DB


Member: brian k
Location: daytona fl
Date: 10 Oct 1998
Time: 23:31:41

Comments

hi i am brian and an alcoholic i do not have a sponcer that i relate real well to have had a hard finding the right one seem i use people temporarly a lot but i must keep asking till i find the right one i had had seven and half yrs till about 1 1/2 yr ago i now have 5 months again it is real good to be among the living again


Member: Mel H.
Location: Oakdale, CA.
Date: 11 Oct 1998
Time: 01:25:08

Comments

My name is Mel. Been sober 717 days, with GOD's help and me not putting any chemicals in my body. I fired my first sponsor cause I didn't want what HE had. It was being dishonest but from talking to his friends, that was a real improvement for him. So I asked another person (Paul S.) to sponsor me. That was OK but we never did anything. Just talked and went to meetings. I had talked to him the first day I left the asylum (rehab) and told my story. 33 yrs of drinking and drugging, mostly drink. Married 4 times. Lost all kind of property and money. Took what it took to get me to surrender. I was a rock and roll legend (in my own mind) and accepted that I would die drunk about twelve years ago. I did not have a drinking problem. Etc,,, Well Paul told me his story and said not to worry about doing any steps for now. Go to meetings and LISTEN and when time came to WORK the steps, I would know what to do. Man! I did a moral and immoral fourth step Jun 6, 1996 with an assistant pastor at a local church. CLEANED HOUSE and life is good now. Not happy, joyous and free all the time but today has been pretty good. Life on life's terms is a challenge for a drunk. Anyhow, I moved and got another sponsor who spent 16 yrs in San Quentin for 2nd degree. Couldn't have picked a nicer person or a better sponsor. He is a friend. He's been sober for almost 23 continuous yrs. He had a 2 wk slip 4 yrs ago when his wife died but as he says if you'll drink over that, you'll drink over anything. Be cool and take it a day at a time. That'a all we have!


Member: Vinny P.
Location: N.Y.
Date: 11 Oct 1998
Time: 21:31:53

Comments

Hi i'm vinny and i'm an alcoholic.1st web meeting. Thanks for the topic and the chance to chat. Everything helps in staying sober


Member: Vinny P.
Location: N.Y.
Date: 11 Oct 1998
Time: 21:33:38

Comments

Hi i'm vinny and i'm an alcoholic.1st web meeting. Thanks for the topic and the chance to chat. Everything helps in staying sober