Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 00:33:32

Comments

Willingness Is the Key "Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more."--As Bill Sees It, p. 122

J here, a grateful alcoholic: How could anybody recognize willingness after seven years of daily drinking?

The Monday night of my first meeting, my willingness felt split down the middle--part of me wanted fast relief at the Boardwalk bar. I still am surprised that I got home that night with no drink--helped by the shakes and an in-and-out blackout.

From there, the only way I saw to test my willingness was to see if I could make the Tuesday night meeting without a drink. There is no way I know to communicate the depth of my doubt. For more than a year after this, I practically KNEW that sooner or later I was going to drink again--even as I managed to string together weeks and then months I felt sure it could only be a matter of time until I drank again.

This adventure was not all bad, sweating the drink. I used to pass lunch hours in my car parked down beside the river. I was tense but the view and solitude still are quite memorable.

Over time, somehow, I found or received the willingness needed; never much margin to spare, but enough so far. Since I had no a shred of expectation, I'd be a fool to even want credit for it--all I needed was a daily ration of willingness and a little help from my new friends in A.A. The result has exceeded anything I was capable even of imagining.


Member: Big John M.
Location: Modesto, CA
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 01:13:11

Comments

Hi everbody, I'm John, a real alcoholic, and a darn grateful one, too. Willingness; what a great topic! Never met a bad topic. Some I didn't like so much but I needed them just that much more. I finally opened that door a crack in July of '94. After 20+ years of drinking and other stuff, and then 11 years of trying to do the Program "my way", I finally asked my Higher Power to relieve me of it all in anyway He saw fit, including death, and I have not had the obsession to drink since. I have had some severe living problems since then but when I am in enough discomfort, I will apply the Program principles and tools, open the door a little more, and walk on through. I absolutely could not stop drinking "my way", and God relieved me when I became "willing". And, I could not have made it through some of the pain, fear and anger I have had since without the "GIFT" of this Program, enough willingness to use it, and my Higher Power. Every night when I go to bed I thank My Higher Power for all the GIFTS He has given me, beginning with sobriety, and every morning, I try to open my willingness "door" with my reading, prayer and meditation. Some days I lose it on the way to work and some days I keep for quite a while. All I need is enough discomfort and I start working hard on it again. If it weren't for this Program and all you AA's out there, I couldn't walk through some of life's challenges. And, if it weren't for my Higher Power, I wouldn't be alive or sober period. Thank God and thank you. Have a great 24!!


Member: Max H.
Location: Texas
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 01:44:06

Comments

Hi, My name is Max an alcoholic only 69 days into the AA way of life. Willingness is very important in my life right now. When I came into AA in July I was walking DEAD. I soon got a sponsor and am doing the steps. I am going to do my first ninth step (ammends) tomorrow with my 17 year old daughter. She and I have had a strained relationship since her mother and I divorced 12 years ago. I just pray that she is as willing as I am to see this through.


Member: mariap
Location: los gotos ca
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 02:27:31

Comments

Hello my name is Maria and I am an Alcoholic. Body, mind and spirit. Willingness.....Right now I am praying very hard for the willingness to trust God. I first walked into AA some six or seven years ago. I don't remember the exact year but I do remember my last drink. I have some number of years without a drink and sometimes daily meetings. Right now it feels like my world is falling apart. I can't find the ground right now. I need a meeting but it is late and have a six month old child. I have been having a hard time getting to meetings. I was looking for a live chat room but found this. It's like they say you always hear exactly what you need to hear. Maybe I will be able to sleep with the topic of willingness turning in my head. I am also staying with family, cousin, and I see myself ten years ago. Three drinks before dinner, wine with dinner then more wine....My point is there is Drink and drugs in the house and I am weak. Pray for willingness to get some emotional sobiety! Does anybody know a live AA chat room? e-mail me at mariacp@hotmail.com


Member: Eileen C
Location: Far West Texas
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 03:29:07

Comments

Willingness was hard for me at first. I was told I must have honesty, openness, and willingness to find recovery. It took a while to become willing, I had been strangely proud of my stubborness, Now I was being asked to be willing to do things that didn't even make sense to me. The first thing I could do was to be willing to at least consider these radical ideas. Then I tentatively tried some of these ideas... Letting Go and Letting God, One Day at A Time, Don't Drink and Go to Meetings... and they did work. I now willingly let God be in charge every day and thank him for a sober day and all the other miracles I am allowed to be a part of every day. It all starts with a little willingness.


Member: Carol B
Location: Nevada
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 03:29:11

Comments

Hello Everyone, Carol here, alcoholic.

I have an acronym for willing... When I Live Life I Need God....

So many of my prayers consist of my asking for the willingness to become willing, willingness to accept & willingness to listen and see what it is that He wants me to experience today.

So often, I seem to think that I'm in charge. It usually only lasts till I am reminded about my best thinking and where it got me. My HP has many lessons for me to encounter. I need only to be willing to be teachable and so many doors open to me. The many principals of the steps of this program are all available to me once I have allowed the Sunshine of the Spirit to work in my life. Thanks for being here. Carol B.


Member: Danette
Location: BC
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 06:03:55

Comments

Hi, my name is Danette and I am an alcoholic.

I am very new to the program...but I am open, honest and willing to accept the things I can not change...or rather God grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I can not change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and WISDOM to know the difference. I have only been to 3 meetings and wow, I am healing already. I have been learning my first prayer and doing a lot of listening. I had the opportunity to walk a 55, woman home the other night and just listen. I had a really good feeling about being willing to help this woman when I thought I need help. What a wonderful concept...I can hardly wait for the miracle. I hope I am not sounding to overly optimistic and positive but I know I am going to succeed in my new found way of life....One day at a time...God willing..

Thanks for sharing and letting me share...I hope I have not wandered to far off topic...

Love, Health, Harmony, Peace and Happiness to us all...We are all interconnected...:):)


Member: Danette
Location: BC
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 06:15:08

Comments

Sorry for the double post...

Thanks for the topic JCP :):):)

We are the key...not me...I need help and I thank you all for being here.

Willingness Is the Key "Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slightly open, we find that we can always open it some more."--As Bill Sees It, p. 122

I am willing to get a sponsor ASAP...perhaps I can have one online and F2F? Would appreciate any input on this....ICQ #43665642


Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 08:13:30

Comments

Don, recovering alcoholic. Not recoverED but recoverING because I didn't drink today (yeah, it's earlier, but what worked yesterday will work today),I went to a meeting, and I called my sponsor a couple of days ago. Willingness is KEY. If I have it, it implies I must have humility. I'm not in charge, God is. Now I have the ability to get help, I can become teachable. I can ACCEPT my shortcomings. I can receive new TOOLS. I can ask for help. I can take suggestions. I can surrender to become victorious, which is the paradox of the program. Simple, but not easy.


Member: Elaine C
Location: Texas
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 09:24:08

Comments

Elaine C recovering alcoholic. This is a great topic that I needed to hear . When I first came into AA I had all the willingness you could possibly have. And I still do have the willingness to not drink today. But today I am struggling with the willingness to do the other things in my life that I know I need to do to continue to stay sober. I struggle with having the willingness to work my program like I need to work it. Still struggling many times with wanting to do it my way. And this topic is helping me to see that my way doesn't work . Maybe your comments will help me become willing to get back into my program and let go and let God. Thanks for letting me share, Elaine C.


Member: Christa
Location: USA
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 09:43:50

Comments

The first of the 12 steps includes the words "admitting that we are powerless over alcohol". I think in order to work the program, we have to go step by step (and I myself, even though I read the 12 steps a while ago, just gave the fist step some serious that last week when it was a topic in the 12 steps meeting here). I think once we admitted that we are powerless over alcohol, and knowing all of its downsides, the willingness to be sober always is almost there automatically. I may be dreaming, I've only been sober for 6 weeks, but I have a strong conviction to make this a way of life. Good luck and strength.


Member: Chuck K.
Location: Texas
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 09:45:19

Comments

My name's Chuck, and I'm an alcoholic, and therefore powerless over alcohol. Because God does for me what I could never do for myself, I am sober today.

Willingness. Part of that word is WILL, the very thing I must turn over to God along with my life if I want to remain sober. That confused me greatly when I first came into the program, and I finally realized that as an alcoholic, my will was to drink. Although simple, it was abscured by the twists and turns of my diseased mind for a long time. Along with that realization came the admission that I had no hope without God and you people. That seemed daunting, almost insurmountable; but with the KEY of WILLINGNESS, the door to recovery opened. There were no big flashes, for those came later. All I had to do was be willing to believe that maybe God existed and that He would help me if I would do what you people suggested.

And He has--abundantly. I haven't had to take a drink since May of 1984, nor will I need one today. I have changed as a result of my willingess to take the steps which are suggested as our program of recovery. Today, God helps me exercise my willpower to do His Will. Our Big Book tells me it's the proper use of the will.

God Bless all here. Love from Texas.


Member: Shelly W
Location: NT, Arkansas
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 10:09:35

Comments

Hi all. I so enjoy this site and all of the pearls of wisdom shared by my fellow alcoholics. Willingness is another great topic. One that I struggle with every day.

Last week I spoke a little about fear and how that gets in the way of living my life and now I can see how fear affects me in the area of willingness as well (that darned old fear). For me, it is apparent that fear is a huge block in all aspects of my day to day life and I must work hard NOT to let it run my life again.

I love the the lock and key analogy because it is so true. When I finally stop listening to the fear and get the willingness to risk whatever it is I am facing it is so true that the door opens ever so slightly and more widely as I continue to try. It is then that I realize that if I don't take the actions to change I will stay stagnant and never learn or experience happiness and joy and willingess is the first step of that process for me. For me stagnation means eventually taking that deadly first drink.

I have always associated willingness with sacrifice and that is why I would fight it tooth and nail. But once I started standing up with my Higher Power and saying "OK today I am willing to try" and then just take one step towards whatever it is I am facing, it ALWAYS feels better and works out for my higer good.

Thank you for letting me share with you all again this week. I love this site and this glorious program.


Member: Andre
Location: Ontario
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 10:25:50

Comments

Hi: I am Andre and am an alcoholic. Willingness in the AA program. Once I had enough of depression of self will run riot, I became willing to attend an AA meeting. Then after a few meeting I became willing to take a desire chip, then willing to read the big book, the 12 and 12 . I became willing to do a 4th and 5th step and to have God remove my defect of character. So actually doing things is different than willingness. To me it is becoming aware that I have a problem but I learn a method to correct this problem. In any decisions or action in life there is always firstly the willingness or else we give ourselves permission to change something. Willingness is essential to any recovery. Yours in sobriety Andre


Member: J.L. {John}
Location: Newark,De.
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 13:28:08

Comments

Hi John{J.L} here alkie/addict

Thanks JCP for the topic of Willingness,that is something I have worked on,and found out by practicing humility,,and humbledness that I really don't have a problem with willingness,,, if I honestly want to stay sober,,,cause if i'm not willing,then i'm not giving myself the full chance I have to stay sober,,,{i'm using the letter "I" in here cause I can't speak for other people today,but this is a WE program} and so long as i'm willing to let others help me today and to help others,then I have a good chance of not drinking today,and thats Willingness for me today!!!The willingness not to drink,and to help my fellow recovering person,all of this takes practice and patience,,,something that didn't come easy for me,and still doesn't at times .

but i'm learning and thats progress,and with progress comes a lesson learned,but none would be possible ,,if I don't have the Willingness to stay sober today.

Thanks for Being here all,cause I can't do this alone, signed:John//HghClmbr

The most stupid person in this room,cause so long as I remain stupid,I remain Teachable,and so long as I remain teachable then I have the Willingness to stay Sober Today!!! :>)

{It's the day I think I know it all, and I think i'm cured that i'm in trouble} Again Thanks!!!Have A Safe and Sober Week


Member: Chris H.
Location: Coloado
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 16:28:51

Comments

Hi, I'm Chris and I'm an alcoholic.

Today, willingness for me means to be present, and to show up. There have been times I've had to pray for willingness. Fortunately, these have not been many.

I just got back from a wonderful trip in the mountains, but eventhough I feel relaxed and connected, I still know I need to show up, so I will catch a FTF meeting this evening. This is a big difference for me today. I used to only find the willingness to be present when things were so bad that I had to do the program. Thanks to my HP and some sober time behind me, I don't have to be this way, as much, these days. My sponsor has told me to stick with the winners. Winners are those people who are willing to continue to do the program to the best of their ability, have a good connection with their higher power, and as my sponsor said, "winners never quit and quitters never win." It seems that people who are truly willing show the serenity and happiness they have through their plesant smiling eyes. The program isn't always easy, because life isn't always easy. For me, sobriety and willingness have been a day at a time for 16+ years. I also know some have gone out, and come back. Well, the longest day sober depends upon who got up earliest in the morning. It is great when people come back, too. The program offers us all hope, and with willingness, a day at a time, we can be sober. God bless you all for sharing your thoughts that help keep me sober and coming back, and God bless you all who just read the postings but aren't sharing for whatever reason. You are present here, as well, to share in the miracle.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 18:21:36

Comments

Oops! I almost forgot the most important point about willingness. To succeed I hand to first admit total defeat, and then turn my will and life over to the care of God a "higher power" to succeed, and then became willing to go to any leaghts to stay sober. I realized my self will would not work. I had to admit defeat to survive.

This is such an important point to me I felt I had to clarify myself.

Thanks for allowing the amended post, and for keeping me sober a day at a time.


Member: SuzyQ
Location: NJ
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 19:35:30

Comments

Sue, alcoholic. Willingness to put the past behind me. Willingness to take the good with the bad (and not hide from it). Willness to try again every day even if yesterday was bad. Willingness to keep at it till I find what clears me head of all that clutter. Willingness to accept what life hands me today. Willingness to surrender those old ways of thinking. Willingness to believe. Thank you.


Member: Kevin K
Location: Rochester, Wa
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 21:16:23

Comments

Hi im Kevin and Im and alcoholic I really like these kind of meetings because you can somewhat think before you speak and even delete somethings you actually dont want to say like the wining you sometimes here at meetings but sometimes you to have to just let out your feelings! I would also like to thank everyone for there kind and thoughtful input in the past and wish all of you the best and God bless keep on keepin on!


Member: Norm  F
Location: Maine
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 21:56:52

Comments

Norm alcoholic. The gift of desperation gave me the Key of willingness. alcohol was my final convincer it talks about it in step two where if i were to become ready to accept help and the beginning of the belief of a higher power and he to wanted to help and that I could depend on him when everybody else had faild me. well for what ever reason i could go on forever tonite but i was told i must do three things in alcoholics 1 listen 2 listen 3 listen so i will thanks everyone for what you have given me Norm F


Member: Lisa C.
Location: Sarasota, Fl.
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 22:19:02

Comments

LisaHi everyone, my name is Lisa and I am an alcoholic from Sarasota, Fl. Willingess is an awesome topic because that's what I had to do when I first walked into the rooms of AA. I have to use willingess to stay sober and live life on life's terms and be willing to do anything and goto any length to maintain sobriety and my program of recovery. Willingess is the key to anything in yours and my life because if we have the willingess to do the walk and the talk. Lisa Sarasota, Fl.


Member: Wendy
Location: Hollywood
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 22:52:19

Comments

Hello.Wendy,alcoholic.I just found this page yesterday.Great.I can relate to the woman having a hard time getting to meetings so this is a wonderful forum.I'm feeling grateful.Wow thats a good feeling.I too have strayed so I too can relate to the woman saying about having the willingness to work the program.I'm trying to get in touch with all the things I felt first coming in,when I wanted it so much,and yes,my life depended on it. I'm trying to get out of a three and a half year dry spell and I guess it's just back to basics; keep it simple.Steps one,two,and three.That's where I'm at. Thanks for letting me share and thanks for being here.


Member: NikkiT
Location: Michigan
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 23:03:16

Comments

I pray for willingness all the time. The willingness to accept the things I cannot change, willingness to place God before myself, the willingness to do things for other people and the list goes on and on. The difference today with a quite a few 24 hours behind me is that I acutal see where I need to become more willing. Before this beautiful progam I blamed everyone else for everything I didn't like about myself. Today I accept responcibility for my actions and am willing to learn to do things differently.


Member: Heather B
Location: Calififornia
Date: 26 Sep 1999
Time: 23:14:52

Comments

Hi, I am Heather and I am an alcoholic. I am so grateful that because I am an alcoholic I can be part of Alcoholics Anonymous. If I was not an Alcoholic, even though I might find the "program" and it's "principles" helpful ... it would not truly be my home.

Soooo ... that is why I am a grateful alcoholic ... today.

I agree with all the things everyone has already shared. I am kind of at the "we find we can always open it some more" stage in my sobriety .. I can relate to what some have posted with I started with willingness to go to a meeting, then to not drink, then to read the Big Book, then to get a sponsor.

I am increasing my willingness as time passes to turn my life and my will over to the care of God as I understand God. I have been studying some of the history of AA and it is adding great depth and understanding. Studying Bill W's own spiritual journey and how he grew in willingness over the years of his sobriety has been very releiving helpful humbling and assuring for me.

Years ago I would have not been "willing" to study the history of AA but for me it was just the right time and just what I needed to continue to grow in "willingness".

As a result of this effort I have come to understand the "fellowship" of AA as a foundation for a truly spiritual life ... as a newcomer I thought I only needed AA to find God and then I could become free of the dependency of the fellowship. Now after studying the history of this wonderful program I have come to understand that the "fellowship" is as integral to the program as is my relationship with God ... I really need both .. relying on one or the other alone seems to create problems. So I have really become willing to value participate contribute and respect the "fellowship" of Alcoholics Anonymous in a way that I was not capable of before ... for me this has definitely been "opening it some more"!


Member: Susan C
Location: New Mexico
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 00:35:13

Comments

Hi Friends, glad to be here. This is a new beginning for me, and I am more than "willing" to stop the madness. I was a great AA bud three years ago, but got lost and took a wrong turn, but I am back. I was "willing" enough to find a sponsor this weekend and we are going to our first meeting tomorrow. I also found a great "chat" friend from the Forum, she knows who she is, together we are "Willing" to get sober together. We have been working hard this weekend to prepare for tomorrow. I even got out my old "chips" to gaze at with Hope, Willingness, and serenity. I am a newcomer and really appreciate all the great input you guys have shared. Thanks for sharing. :)


Member: Clint B
Location: Germany
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 02:03:18

Comments

Hi. I'm Clint and a recovering alkie. Just passed the six month mark and boy what a great ride! I can relate to everyone here. Tough going to meetings? Same here but I am willing to go to any lengths to find one. Without my willingness to become a better person and, above all, to stop drinking I have opened a door that I never new existed. I am still working the 1st step (how could he, you say?). Sometimes my willingness is too willing!! I have to do this program really slow and realize that my recovery has to be tatooed into my soul. It's not another project I can tackle and work to death and then move on to the next project. My old way of thinking was progress (fast progress) leads to perfection. Now I'm understanding that progress is important NOT perfection (we ain't saints!). My willingness is very intense but I have to do it in moderation not excess (just like my drinking). I love this program and the people in it. I never realized that too much willingness (for me)can cloud over the importance of "taking it easy", "keeping it simple", "first things first". This topic is perfect for me today. I was just thinking why I feel like I'm stagnating in the program. I'm not stagnating, it's just my old way of thinking is still there to an extent and it wants my to move quickly. God is telling me through this discussion, that speed is not important. I need to savor each lesson I learn and then move on to the next. This is the only way that I can progress.


Member: LarryMc
Location: Southern CA
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 02:16:29

Comments

Thank you all for being here. I have enjoyed all the sharing. Befor reading the comments at this site, I thought willingness was something we needed to do when we worked step three. Could it be, also, that I must be willing to stay sober on a daily basis?

I have always known that staying sober is a daily rereprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Looks like I forgot to read the rest of the paragraph on page 85 of the Big Book.

To Quote:

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. "How can I best serve Thee--Thy will (not mine) be done" These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. We can exercise our will power along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will.

End Quote

To have the proper use of the will we must of course be willing, and, also, we must follow this will by action.

Thank you for being here.


Member: sandy s
Location: PA
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 04:48:50

Comments

Hi-Sandy here...no meetings, still drinking, abusing pills, blackouts, guilt etc. Tried lamely to take my life but knew I really couldnt do it. Its 4AM My hubbys out of town again and I feel alone and deserted. Where is God and why cant I stop drinking. Why cant I stop being a jerk,why do I always have to hurt.


Member: John J
Location: ohio
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 06:57:41

Comments

Good morning. Sandy, I don't know how long you've been hitting this site, but it seems like you've been here b4. You've gotta take a little action. Pick up the phone & call A.A. Go to a f2f meeting &raise your hand &tell 'em you don't want to drink today, then do what they tell you. Get phone #s and pick up a phone b4 you pick up a drink. Read all these postings again when you wake up, If you do these few things you won't drink today.good luck,


Member: Lisa C.
Location: Sarasota, Fl.
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 08:04:13

Comments

Good Morning, Sandy it sounds like you're having a rough time with this all. You need to make meetings, get a sponsor, phone numbers and God is with you all the time. You must understand that he will always be there no matter what falls on our shoulders. You must get to a meeting you made here which is great because it shows you're not giving up to this disease. I am alcoholic and addict not by choice you and I and the rest of everybody have a disease that meetings are our medicine we have to goto to the meetings to take our medicine stay alive, you're not a jerk don't beat yourself up god did not put you here by mistake and you can stay sober and clean you just have to have the willigness to do so and you just did by signing on to this meeting at 4am. I have been in recovery for 7 years in Nov. it is so hard to do in the beginning but if you take suggestions and work with God you can work an awesome program, you've kept me sober for today and thanks for sharing and thank you for letting me share.


Member: Luke K
Location: New England
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 08:33:35

Comments

Luke here, recently admitted I'm an alcoholic. I have now been sober 1 week. I am feeling much better but somehow I wonder how long my willingness is going to hold out. I feel my desire to stay sober, my willingness, would be increased if I knew more of the rewards ahead if I stay sober. Would any of you who have been sober much longer like to share what sobriety is like as time passes? How do things improve (I'm assuming they improve) at 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 month, 6 months, 1 year, 2 years etc.? I can't yet imagine being sober for those lengths of time. I know this is somewhat off topic so if any would like to communicate directly, my e-mail is lukekeffer@hotmail.com. Thank you all so much. I feel this online meeting has helped me very much in completing my first week of sobriety.


Member: GABRIELLE P.
Location: MANSFIELD, TEXAS
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 08:42:08

Comments

HI! GABRIELLE GRATEFUL RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC HERE! I REALLY DESPISE THIS TOPIC BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE AS TO WHETHER I WAS GOING TO BE WILLING OR NOT. EVEN THOUGH THEY TELL YOU NOT TO MAKE ANY MAJOR DECISIONS IN THE FIRST YEAR I WAS CAUGHT UP IN SITUATIONS THAT CAUSED ME TO HAVE TO. MY HUSBAND OF 14 YRS FILED FOR DIVORCE, HAD A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST FOR 1 1/2 YRS FROM SEEING MY CHILDREN, I HAD TO GET A JOB, I HAD TO GET A CAR AND I HAD TO FIND A PLACE TO LIVE AND TRY TO STAY SOBER! I DIDN'T HAVE A PINK CLOUD I CAME IN HERE ON A BIG OL THUNDERSTORM AND IT SEEMED TO BE THAT WAY FOR SOMETIME. I HAD THREE SPONSERS AT ONE POINT AND I THANK GOD THEY NEVER GAVE UP ON ME. THEY STAYED WITH ME ALL THE WAY AND TAUGHT ME HOW TO BE WILLING TO ACCEPT THE GIFTS OF THE PROGRAM. I WAS VERY STUBBORN AND WAS SURE I KNEW HOW. I AM LUCKY TO HAVE FOUND PEOPLE WHO WILLING FOR ME UNTIL I COULD BECOME WILLING FOR MYSELF. I SPENT QUITE A FEW NIGHTS ON BENDED KNEE AND I HAVE NEVER REGRETTED IT. IT GAVE ME INSIGHT NOT ONLY TO WHO I WAS BUT WHOM I COULD BECOME IF ONLY I WAS WILLING TO DO THE SIMPLE STEPS OF THE PROGRAM. I HAVE A SAYING NOW THAT I KEEP POSTED EVERYWHERE IN MY HOME AND OFFICE IT SAYS: GOOD MORNING THIS IS GOD, I WILL BE HANDLING ALL YOUR PROBLEMS TODAY AND I WILL NOT NEED YOUR HELP, SO HAVE A GOOD DAY!!!

I PRAY THAT THERE WILL ALWAYS BE A NEWCOMER FOR ME TO REACH OUT TO AT MEETINGS TO HOLD AND TELL THEM THEY ARE LOVED AND NEEDED AND THAT THEY CAN MAKE IT IF THEY CAN BECOME WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.I HAVE TO BE WILLING TO HELP THEM IN ANYWAY I CAN AND I THANK GOD FOR THE CHANCE TO DO THAT EVERYDAY! IN SOBRIETY, IN A.A. IN LIFE!!


Member: Serenity
Location: Sarasota,Fl
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 08:52:22

Comments

Luke, Hi my name is Serenity! I'm an alcoholic and addict .I must tell it took a lot of courage to admit that you're an alcoholic and I know when I started 61/2 years ago it was hard for me at first but you've shown the willigness to begin a program of recovery, I was told that you can't project you're recovery the length of time you have one day at a time but you have only 24 hours and 14 hours each day. Let your sobriety have time to develope andgrow along spirtual lines, You have to work it and continue going to meetings and get phone numbers and get a sponsor, get involved in service work and work the steps, time will pass you by and before you know it you'll have a year and you'll be too tired to even think about it. Just keep comming back it works if you work. I am so proud of you for sharing that because you've just kept me sober one more day.


Member: Florsa K
Location: US
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 11:06:07

Comments

Hello-FloraK alcoholic-I am so grateful for this site and all the daily sobriety both old and new. I have been making more f2f meetings since finding this site. Willingness is a great topic. I was certainly willing to go to any lengths to drink. In fact when I was told to use the same level of willingness to get sober as I used to drink I felt I just couldn't muster the energy to be "that willing." But I did get the simple, and to me, brilliant, idea that if I don't drink today I won't get drunk. And I was willing to go to meetings because for the first time in my life I did not feel alone. I was also willing to trust a power greater than myself other than alcohol since I hadn't tried to do that before and others who sounded more like me than any people I'd ever met said it worked for them. At first this was all the willingness I had. But it did open the door to the program for me and I am deeply grateful. Thank you all for being here.


Member: Bob H
Location: 58N  136W
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 11:46:49

Comments

Bob Alcoholic I am willing to log on here and listen and to submit both missives and to the will of God. I don't think I'm willing to move myself and my children to find a job and life somewhere that has meetings on a regular. I am willing to sit by myself with a BB and see if anyone else shows up. I am willing to pray for willingness on a daily, hourly basis. My concern these days is for sanity I take sobriety for granted at times. I am willing to reach out and phone my sponsor and do. I am lost in the "willing to go to any lengths" question. I'll call my sponsor but 7:55 in the AM might not be the best time. Thank you all so much for being. Online is a lifeline for me now.

Luke K "The Promises" start on page 83 of the BB.


Member: Denise Kawkeka
Location: Carson City, Nevada
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 16:18:20

Comments

Hi, I'm Denise, a greatful recovering alcoholic. Willingness is one of my favorite topics. Of course, they all are. I look at how far I've come on this journey of life, and I can't believe that so much has changed in my life. I've always dreaded change. I've always dreaded life, as I've come to understand. I've been sober a little over four and a half years. This has been the best time of my life. To realize that I have so many gifts from my HP, is something I will always be thankful for. And all it took was willingness. The willingness and surrender to accept what my disease was doing to me, and the willingness to turn it all over and trust in my HP. I have met so many wonderful people through this program. I live in Carson City, Nevada and like to attend many different meetings in Carson, Reno and Sparks. I never knew that life could be lived to the fullest. I thought I was doomed to die as a practicing alcoholic, the same way my mother did. And the same way my father is. Thankfully, I have two younger sisters in the program (both are older, sobriety-wise). It's a miracle for all of us to be here. Stay sober, enjoy life, and know that whatever comes your way, Creator will help you in your path!

dkawkeka@govmail.state.nv.us


Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 16:35:05

Comments

THANKS JCP for a great topic, and I just love the acronym When I Live Life I Need God...(Can't remember whos that was, but thanks anyway) Another little pearl of wisdom for the sobriety bank.

I am willing today, which makes my life so much easier to live. In early days, I regularly had to pry for the willingness to become willing....Yeah, course I am willing, I'm here aren't I?? (at the one meeting per week I was only ever going to attend) Pray for someone I hate/resent?? Yeah, right, thrice times nightly...I DON'T Think!! Someone else said earlier, desperation brought about their willingness...ME TOO!!! After several more trips out to the bright lights and loud music (In the comfort of my own home???) I finally became as willing as only the dying can be, lying in a pool of piss and puke, and begging your kids to come and "give mummy a cuddle" Not seeing the look of sheer shame, fear and horror on their tiny little faces...looking them in the face when they said, "Mum, you are drunk AGAIN", and saying, "No, no love I am not well...I have a headache...etc, etc" Dear God, whatever happened on that last night of my drinking I do not know, nor do I care, because here and now, nine yrs on, still sober, and most importantly, still willing, I am so very very grateful that I eventually became sick of being sick, and like the one who posted earlier, out of the sheer desperation came willingness to go to any lengths to stop drinking. Since that time I have been married, divorced again, coped with illness, enforced retirement, financial hardship, the usual problems of parenting, my eldest daughters marriage, and all the other stuff which is part of life, and I have never since found it necessary to pick up a drink/drug or cigarette. This is the miracle of AA..A total miracle, and all I had to do was become willing... Great to see so many new names here again this week, and I welcome each and every one of you, and need you all too, so thanks for being here for me, and helping me to stay sober.

Goodie@cwcom.net

ICQ 47039989


Member: alvin r
Location: new mexico
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 17:02:54

Comments

This is all great and I appreciate all the words of wisdom, but it seems that most people just are quoting passages from the BB...we can allread that at home, or together (better), I'd rather see some real heart to heart stories and sharing than just a bunch of acronyms. anyway, this site is a lifeline for me. Willingness? I had to be willing to try and willing everyday to turn my will over, just beginning to understand that one and the significance of it, I still find that honestly I want HP help but only to get my will done, now I need to think hard about being willing to do his will.....for being in line with that will is the only way I really think I'll shake all these demons. Been a while since I went to a f2f meeting and tonight I shall try to make it... it probably shows!. bless all, for the newcomers just be willing to get better, don't drink today and go to a meeting! it's working for me and it can for you. have faith, be willing, hang in there , just for today at least.


Member: Ann-marie
Location: Chicago
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 17:40:21

Comments

Hi. Ann-marie here from Chicago, president of Alkies-R-Us, LLC, Midwest branch.

For me, willingness for SO LONG was a desire for me to "cure" myself with self-imposed visions of doom phyically, socially, professionally, financially -- and most important -- within the family.

I researched for years and scared myself with health articles, photos and books (like one of my faves, "Drinking: a love story" by Carolyn Knapp. really cool.)

But ultimately, despite a healthy lifestyle otherwise, I realize that's not enough. To summon the "willingness" to do this program for me is major. Especially since I shy away from the "Godliness" that dominates the convo of many posters here. Sure, a Higher Power can work for me in a general, nature-inspired, spirtual sense, but so much "God" babble really turns me off (no offense, believers -- I'm just being honest here...).

So willingness to change my life and willingness to ultimately admit that I probably can't abstain alone. I've tried before many times and have failed. Yep.

It's hard to admit that you need help and are willing to share your deepest worries with a group of strangers.

Anywho, later

ps -- you guys are an important inspriration for me.


Member: Letty C
Location: PA
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 18:37:27

Comments

Hi everyone my name is Letty, alcoholic. These online meetings are great! I got a computer just for the meetings since it's hard for me to get out to the ftf. I also got my first shot at willingness thru desperation. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I knew that if I wasn't willing to do the simple things that were being suggested, I would drink. I didn't want to throw this miricle away that I had somehow found (my higher power led me).

I'm one of those that is trying to align my will with my HPs. Usually when I pray, it is your will not mine be done. But, I had found about two years ago that my prayers for my husband (now ex) who is battling this disease was my will. I wanted my prayers to be answered in my time. When that sh.. with my husband went on I was about 6 years sober & doing all the right things.. but I was powerless over him & his behaviors! Today I am a single mother and I pray for his will to do something with my life. I love my life now, but without a partner/dad in the picture there is something missing. My sponsor always direct me to search for my HPs direction, and I do. I don't want to feel angry that I have to wait for God's will to happen in my life nor do I want to be resentful or prideful thinking that I didn't deserve what I got. I am focusing entirely too much on my situation. Sometimes I wait patiently sometimes not for God's will to happen. I still know today that drinking is not an option and that I must stay willing to do all the things suggested (even the ones that are hard). One day at a time things always do get better. It is still a matter of time, his time! Thank you everyone for your sharing!


Member: Beach L.
Location: East coast
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 19:27:26

Comments

Willingness - I am willing to talk and need to, however, I find that as an older person, the young people will find me boring or expect that I should be "put out to pasture. I can't relate to the hard drugs and college drinking, but I do relate to the stay-at-home mom sneaking drinks after dinner alone - I wonder how youg people really feel about having a grandmother in their midst at meetings. Perhaps you can make me feel better about going back to meetings.


Member: .. .
Location:
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 20:16:04

Comments

... Coffee Pot


Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA, USA
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 20:53:37

Comments

Hi, Bonnie here, alcoholic. Thanks for the topic of willingness. We don't get this program by osmosis, we have to be willing to do what it takes.

I certainly was willing not to hurt anymore, but what to do? The last drunk, I said to no one in particular, I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!! I was ready to go to a meeting, but did it for someone else, didn't admit right away that the problem was really me. My willingness today includes putting at least as much effort into my sobriety as I put into my drinking.

I went to a speaker meeting at a recovery facility the other night(followed by a dance). As you come in, you must pass a gentleman asking the question, "Any drugs or alcohol in your possession?" and "Please let me get your license plate#." No problem. I told the man how long I was sober, and he said, "I ONLY have such and such years." I said "NEVER say ONLY. Be proud of it." Max, NEVER say ONLY.

This site is a great resource. Love to you all, it's nice to see new faces, and old ones, too. Take care of yourselves and keep coming back, do whatever it takes to stay sober. May God bless you. For me Irish lads, Beannacht De leat.


Member: Tim V. (Treasurer)
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 27 Sep 1999
Time: 22:23:22

Comments

I screwed up and let the Post Office Box expire, resulting in many of you having checks returned. I am trying to get permission from the Steering Committee to use my home address in the future. Hold any donations until we get this straightened out.

Sorry, 10th step, I'm wrong, oops.


Member: Beach L.
Location: East Coast, USA
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 05:57:30

Comments

Hi, I posted here last night but don't see it at 6:00 a.m. this morning. Not sure how long it takes. I talked about the older woman in AA and how I feel about sharing amongst young people, I feel that I am wasting their time. I drank late in life and instead of feeling like the classic "TV" image of the perfect grandmother, now I have to admit I have had a drinking problem and this is very shameful to me. I just need some encouragement to go on. I hope you can all understand. Yes, I go to meetings, use all the proper tools, but the shame is overwhelming and I feel out of place and out of sync because I don't know about street drugs and sleeping around, etc., all I know is that if I have one glass of wine it will eventually lead to the whole bottle, but that doesn't make me any better than anyone else, however, it does in my own stinking thinking make me more lonely and desperate as an older person who just doesn't seem to "fit" anywhere. Thank you, sorry to ramble, but I have to share this from my heart.


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 07:54:37

Comments

My name is JC and I’m an alcoholic. Beach L., the only requierement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. If you have that desire, you do belong. I’ve heard shares of people who were 20 years older than me, some of their experiences are not useful for me right now, but surely will be if God decides to give me some more time to live sober, one day at time of course.

Thanks for the topic JCP. When I came to AA they didn’t talk about willingness (considering the shape I was in I suppose they didn’t dare, lol). They spoke about a little good will. “If you want what we have, all you have to do is try what we’ve done with a little good will and an open mind”. I’ve tried to drink before I was thirsty, eat sweets, phone them when I was bluesy, have contacts between meetings, read the Just For Today every morning, go regularly to meetings (and share with an open heart), 24 hours at a time .... and it worked. I never tried something they told me that didn’t work. Willingness was far more difficult, it was about changing myself, not only quit drinking.

Thanks for letting me share. jc.toller@euronet.be - ICQ 36308407.


Member: Kenneth Wolfson
Location: Maryland
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 08:30:07

Comments

Hi family...ken here..sobriety date..jan-1994... When I finally got to the rooms of AA after 22 years of drinking ..I had exhausted every ounce of "my way" thinking and was so willing to take any cure that AA seemed a likely try. My willingness only came about because of god and the removal of every belief through my own pain that I could some day drink like normal people. I was willing to come into the rooms because I had destroyed every aspect of my life with alcohol, it was either AA or death... I thank God that I chose AA. At least in those "down" moments we all have I know that there is a way up and out ! Bless you all ...and happy destiny.


Member: Mae M.
Location: New Yoek State
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 08:38:15

Comments

Hi! My name is Mae and I am an Alcoholic, 62 years old, and a grandmother too. I had to become willing to do anything to keep my sobriety, I did. To Beach L. This is a disease, and there is nothing to be ashamed of... as long as you are remaining sober, all those feeling will eventually go away... my email is maimaitree@ezaccess if you would like to e. mail me. or my icq # is 46863555, keep in tuch, go to meetings, I do. I don't go to see how old the people are, but to identify with there stories, so I can remember who I am, and where I came from... If you make enough meetings you will eventually come accross some older people too... I know they are there, because I can't be the only one. :) smile. I want thank you all for sharing your willingness, and stories, you are what keeps me sober and serene one more day, and meetings of course.. I am going to a meeting to night where they are two celebrants, one is about 26 and the other is about 65, both celebrating one year,,, Isn't that great.....luv you alll...Mae


Member: Tim V. (Treasurer)
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 10:05:40

Comments

PO Box is reinstated, I'll try to be more worthy of the task and check it monthly.

Anyone who was inconvienced, again, please accept my 10th step.

For those of you who have checks for the 7th tradition, please send them as directed under "Pass the Hat".


Member: Bee B.
Location: NC
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 10:26:27

Comments

Hello everyone! I'm Bee, a drunk and pothead. Willingness is the key. Otherwise, I'd never get out of bed. Lately my willingness ties in with gratitude. I'm willing to focus on what I have and be grateful, rather than getting caught up with what I don't have. This is to Beach L.: Alcoholism is ageless. Please try to see the similarities between yourself and others, especially the feelings. I don't relate to everything everyone else has done. YET. But I have the same disease, and it's willing to take me to any of those places at any time. I came into AA when I was 23 and was afraid the "old" people wouldn't accept me. They spilled more than I drank, etc. And there are some people whose egos make them need that one-up-manship. Hopefully, they'll mature in time. But I thank God for all the people who were there for me. Age is a non factor. This disease kills people. It doesn't care if you're young or old or where you do your drinking. If you have alcoholism and don't want to drink, AA is your program. You belong.

To Sandy S.: Ditto what John J said. You will feel alone as long as you're isolated. And you'll probably keep drinking if you try to do it all by yourself. Get some help. You asked where is God. If you focus on the word HELP long enough, you'll find him. more importantly, I do.


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 10:45:35

Comments

read the big book,see if you can find the point where the people in the book became willing.does any of it sound very familiar?hhmmmm....that helped me become very willing.my name is tony,i will always be an alcoholic.


Member: Shanna
Location: USA
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 11:09:00

Comments

Hello all - I usually just read all the postings rather than post myself - but I felt I must reply to Beach L. I am in my 30's and totally relate to your story. Believe me - your "sharing" will help many others not feel so alone. I know you made me not feel so alone - I drink home by myself and if I have 1 glass of wine - I too must have the whole bottle. Thanks for YOUR sharing!


Member: Terry
Location: chicago
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 12:43:06

Comments

Hi everyone,

This is my first on-line meeting and my first meeting of any kind in about a year. I know that I've been UN-willing to confront alcohol during this time, but at least today I was willing to find this site. This is a great forum and I know that I needed to spend the time reading all the postings. Thanks to all of you. I guess I'm recognizing that I need to stop working [not working] the program my way and return to meetings. I need to keep pushing the door open and turn my will over.

Anyway, today I discovered the willingness to seek out this meeting. I hope to retain the willingness to not drink today...maybe I'll go find a f2f meeting.


Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts USA
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 14:28:19

Comments

Steve, Alcoholic

Hi Beach - I'd like to echo what my good friend Jean-Claude said - the only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking.

I've heard it said in AA that is common for an alcoholic to feel like an outsider. I know that's true for me. I've been in AA for seven months now, and it still takes a great deal of effort for me to say hello to people and be friendly to people at meetings - but I keep doing it, because I know it's important for my recovery.

As for the age issue, I'm more or less "in-between" college age and being a grandfather, (closer to the latter, I guess!) but I'm happy to see people of all ages in my group. We have members from age 19 to over 80. And not all of us have lived in crack houses or slept in dumpsters (yet).

It does seem to me that a lot of the people who go out on frequent AA speaking commitments have very "dramatic" stories to tell. But I would bet that for every speaker with a so-called "interesting" story, there are a dozen more alcoholics like me sitting quietly in the audience precisely because we couldn't have one drink - without finishing the bottle.


Member: Darwin D
Location: Brandon,Mb,Canada
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 15:29:33

Comments

Good afternoon everyone! My name is Darwin and I am an alcoholic. For this program to work you must let your willfulness go and start doing your Higher Power's will. Whatever your HP wants you do to He/She will let you know in His/Her time not yours. Just put your trust in your HP(mine, I call God).

To Beach L: when I first came into this program approximately 4 yrs ago, my first sponsor(temporary) was a gentleman of 75 years old. He was one of the main reasons that I stuck with the program through that first year. At the time he had 46 years of sobriety. Try not to think that just because some one is younger than you that they can't relate to what you have to share. I had very little in common with my first sponsor as I was only 30 at the time but his experience, strength and hope helped me through some very rough times. Hang in there and things will get better. Try to think of the newcomer that you may help someday with your experience,strength and hope.

Have a contented 24 everyone!!!!!


Member: Avril G
Location: East Coast UK
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 17:17:40

Comments

{{{{BEACH. L}}}} WELCOME To you....(Sorry everyone else to post again) I was at a day convention last Sunday, and one very wonderful lady who has been instrumental in my recovery was sharing from the top table. Her name is Gabrielle, she has around 19-20yrs sobriety, and after the speakers had finished she was presented with a bouquet of flowers and a cake for her 74th birthday, and she is still doing 2-3 meetings each week, and is in service, as a telephone responder and 12-stepper, and she is so passionate about sobriety, and a very sober and spiritual lady, and by no means the oldest member I know. Alcoholism is no respector of age, Beach, and I still had a roof over my head, never even seen the inside of a squat, and was what is often termed a 'lace curtain drinker', very similar to what you described. Phone your local AA office now, ( as it has already been said, you have a lot to offer the members already there) God Bless you and good luck, and if you want to e-mail me please do.

Goodie@cwcom.net

ICQ 47039989


Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 28 Sep 1999
Time: 22:03:07

Comments

Dear Folks, Thank you for the subject. Pattw/2tees grateful, recovering alcoholic. When I finally got to AA when I was in treatment and it was mandatory for us to attend at least three meetings a week, after 40 years of drinking I was READY AND WILLING to do whatever it took to stop the pain. ABLE was another matter, but I found that the most important thing was "Willingness" to do whatever it took. Period. I cried and blubbered and blamed through treatment and well into my first two years of sobriety, but that was okay with you all. "Keep coming back," you said, and I did, and I will. That beginning was nine years (God willing) this coming February, and they have been the most wonderful years of my life. I've been through deaths of family and friends, marriages of children, births of numerous grandchildren, surgeries--all the ups and downs "the flesh is heir to," and I haven't had to drink over the sadnesses OR the gladnesses (those can getcha, too). Sometimes I have to pray to be willing to be willing because what's in front of me isn't something that's tops on my To Do list, but it's indicated for my highest good. So, I do it, and you know, IT WORKS!. Whaddaya know?

Surrender to my Higher Power (my God) is absolutely essential for me today, and that equates to "Willingness" for me. "Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do thy will." If you are fighting being an alcoholic, and you know in your heart and your behavior that you are, surrender to the fact that, yes, you are and there is a solution. That was the only way for me. Having the hope of The Solution brought me to tears, and still does. Tears of gratitude that I have friends and family who love and respect me and what I do to stay sober. I was a late bloomer into alcoholism--the first 30 years were mostly social drinking, but the last 10 were sheer hell. Thank God, for AA, and for all of you who've helped me get and stay sober.

I use Big Book pages 84-88 for my blueprint for living.

Good luck to all who are struggling. Go to a meeting and join us on the Road of Happy Destiny.

"Trust God, clean house, help others."

Bless you all. Patt


Member: Terri S.
Location: Boyceville, Wis.
Date: 29 Sep 1999
Time: 00:02:26

Comments

Hi everybody I'm Terri S. a alcoholic, very grateful to be sober by the grace of God and the A.A. fellowship.Willingness what a wonderful topic, this is my 20th day. I was willing to stop smoking so I could find more of my A.A. family up here. I grew up in Fla. we moved to Wis, to the house were my husband grew up to raise our two kids.on a this farm, we got here Aug, 96. 9-27-99 today 11:00pm. I have smoked for 24 years at least. my willingness to keep what I have today is the most precious thing in the world to me today, because today I have something worth keeping, by the grace of God and all you people. thank GOD I found all. Have a wounderful week see ya Terri S.


Member: todd m
Location: sarasota
Date: 29 Sep 1999
Time: 13:29:41

Comments

todd greatful alcoholic. Willingness- to be honest, willing to give my will to god. Looking at myself and stop blaming the world .Today, I know that he is in charge and i am compltely powerless over every person, place, and situation in my life. What a relief to know that i was not in control any more. I became willing to accept and be greatful for all god gives me. the pain the sorrow the hardship the good the difficult. thank you god for keeping me sober, your will be done in my life.


Member: Tom A 7/25/60
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 29 Sep 1999
Time: 14:25:00

Comments

Good Afternoon to Everyone on Staying Cyber's Discussion Meeting dealing with WILLINGNESS. Thank you JCP from Penn's Wood for providing us with this topic.

My name is Tom A. a grateful sober alcoholic today by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and the teachings I have learned in this fellowship called Alcoholic's Anonymous.

I have come to believe in the mottoes/cliches and slogans we see and hear around this program and one of the earliest ones that I have used is "HOW" often called the "HOW Program." I have found these principles to be essential to living this program, those principles being HONESTY - OPENMINDEDNESS - WILLINGNESS. This a tool I can take with me into my daily experiences and most of the time they keep me on the right track. Afterall, this AA is a Way of Life and is also a suggested program of recovery and these three principles have demonstrated there usefulness to many of us who suffer from this dreadful disease.

Hey, welcome to all the newcomers or is that NEWBIE'S in computer language. And I too, am very happy that this site is available. Keep Coming Back!

Enjoy Your Sobreity Today!

God Bless - Tom A., ate@gte.net


Member: bob b
Location: connecticut
Date: 29 Sep 1999
Time: 16:22:40

Comments

don't drink and keep coming to meetings... don't drink & go to meetings.HOW?? honesty openmind willing...and then don't drink and go to meetings.. bob b


Member: Joanna
Location: NW
Date: 29 Sep 1999
Time: 19:11:13

Comments

Joanna Member of AA-Willingness! Thats a intense topic. My latest experince of willingness is letting someone do Gods work with me. I have a character defect that I do not like and I have recently been reading about it in Step 10 and I was called on it by a friend and it hurt. I hurt like hell. I was embarresed and pissed off. But a simple 24hrs later I am gratefull that I can rise above my disease and see that God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. Yes, my lessons sometime hurt but my willingness to push aside my initial hurt feelings to see Gods work, WOW I would have never guessed I could live this way. I have never had it so good. Take it easy. Joanna


Member: Mike T.
Location: Tennesse
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 00:08:13

Comments

Wilingness is my problem. I'm distrustful of people and I don't like to allow other people into my life. I have 4 months without drinking. I don't use the term "sober" because I am full of anger and resentment. I"ve been in and out of the program for 5 years. My longest period of sobriety was 2 and half years. Fear, anger and resentment drove me to drink again.


Member: Stan M.
Location: Ohio
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 03:44:54

Comments

Hi, I'm Stan and I'm an alcoholic. Willingness has always been a problem for me. I remember saying once in a meeting that I could not do Step 3 because I wasn't sure that my Higher Power would do things the way I wanted them. I've since learned that even though I don't get the things that I "want" I always get the things I "need." I've always had a problem feeling "less" than others, but my Higher Power has seen fit to take that character defect from me, even though I hung onto it for everything I was worth. Today, when I'm unwilling to do something, I pray for the willingness to be willing. I know that sounds like doubletalk, but it works for me. A lot of times I can't pray for willingness, but I can pray that God as I understand Him will make me willing to be willing. He does! He usually speaks to me through the members of my home group and I see the error of my ways. Or, like at the meeting I went to tonight, I see some newcomer suffering through the same problems I have, only on a more intense level, and I become extremely grateful that I'm not that unwilling amymore to do my Higher Power's will. I've learned that I can count on my Higher Power for anything I "need" and sometimes he will also allow me to have a few "wants" along the way as long as I'm "Willing" to do His will and not mine.


Member: Louise A L
Location: Minnesota,USA
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 03:59:46

Comments

I've had to learn alot about willingness this past year.. I'm not done learning. I have to be willing to keep coming back, to the big book, to the doors of the clubhouse, and to my everyday life, and problems. I have to be willing to spread the message to other members, and to listen to the principles brought out in the meetings, not the personalities. Above all, I have to be willing to listen to my heart, and not to the garbage that got me to drinking in the first place. I'm grateful, and sober, today... I'm willing to make the commitment today, for this 24 hours, to be sober.. LAL.


Member: Lionel.C
Location: Campbelltonw/Australia
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 06:44:00

Comments

HI everyone my name is Lionel I am an alcoholic. J.This is a great topic because lately I've lost that willingness.The willingness to trust in this program and God as I try to understand Him. The insanity is i know things are better when I hand my life and will over to God and not try to run on selfwill.What I have found is that when you lose the willingness the openmindness and most of all the honesty go's as well.Theres been a lot of changes in my life of late which I'm not handling to well,but all of you that have shared have been an insperation to me, I need you all.I can't we can. Just for Today Lionel.


Member: Lionel.C
Location: Campbelltonw/Australia
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 06:46:08

Comments

HI everyone my name is Lionel I am an alcoholic. J.This is a great topic because lately I've lost that willingness.The willingness to trust in this program and God as I try to understand Him. The insanity is i know things are better when I hand my life and will over to God and not try to run on selfwill.What I have found is that when you lose the willingness the openmindness and most of all the honesty go's as well.Theres been a lot of changes in my life of late which I'm not handling to well,but all of you that have shared have been an insperation to me, I need you all.I can't we can. Just for Today Lionel.


Member: Jim Samuelson
Location: Madison, AL
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 10:24:21

Comments

I have searched our basic text from front to back looking for "Honesty, Openmindedness, and Willingness" - HOW and have not found it yet. I have however from where it says that you must be willing, honest and open-minded - which is WHO and the who is you. First and foremost is the willingness to just not drink today and to pick up this simple set of spiritual tools.

How we become willing is simple - King Alcohol beats us into submission or death. Once we have become willing the hard part is staying that way and not letting ourselves think our way back into the bottle. In the last 18+ years I have found only one way to remain willing. Active daily work with Alcoholics.

It is always easier to be willing to work to replace lost shoes when you have a man that believe's he has lost his feet for an example.

Read the Book and Be Good to Yourselves.


Member: J.Kevin
Location: Sacramento
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 11:02:32

Comments

Well, I've been to a few meetings before,but this is my first cyber meeting. And I can say it won't be my last! I don't type very well but that is no probloem for me if you guys can tolerate it. I'm a newcomer with 9 months sober.And since I just got my computer a month ago you'll be hearing from time to time,


Member: alvin R
Location: new mexico
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 15:19:07

Comments

After hearing all this good talk about willingness I found the willingness to attend the first face to face meetings in several months. that is so helpful in reminding me of what i am and where i came from. I still have problems turning all my will over, but at least by not drinking and going to meetings I can work on that. God bless.


Member: Chris H.
Location: Orlando
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 15:56:50

Comments

Hi all--Chris H. Here--Willingness, my sponsers favorite subject! I love this program for it taught me that I could pray for willingness. I knew myself well enough to know that I wasn't very willing..I was very stuborn!! But thank God

this in this program it is" progress not perfection"..and it is all about being having even the tiniest bit of willingness...that is the start..the Key...If we just have that, God will help us with the rest..And if we don't even have that tiny bit of willingness, then we can pray for it! I have done that and the willingness has come. God does for us what we cannot so for ourselves. I am so greatful to this program for what it has taught me about God. I have had a pboblem with depression and eating lately..and these meetings have really helped me. Thanks GUYS!!!


Member: Lisa O
Location: Wilmington, DE
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 17:52:07

Comments

Hi - My name is Lisa and I am alcoholic. I find that willingness and the 3rd step are pretty much inseperable for me. Whenever I feel "unwilling" I remember that willingness is the key to opening the door ever so slightly. Lately, I have become more willing to be more positive at work. What a change in my day as a result! My willingness to pray and mediate has been a bit more sporadic. Progress not perfection is also something I need to remember. Great to log on today. I have not felt well today and have not made any AA contact thus far. Thanks to all for the great comments.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 17:55:30

Comments

Hi Family. My name is Bill, and I am an alcoholic. When I walked into these room some years ago, I was roaming alleys, wrapping myself around steam pipes, finding the warm vents on restaurant roofs, and eventually wound up living in a converted chicken coop.

I walked into these rooms thoroughly convinced that AA would not work for me. A kind gentleman sat down with me and said that you all were going to get me well. All I had to do was change my entire way of thinkin. He also said something else very important. "We are going to teach you how". THAT got my attention. And saved my life. Had I heard "sit down and shut up"; "take the cotton out of my ears and stuff it somewhere"; LOL; I simply would have walked out and committed suicide. I could not walk another step on the road I was on.

Willing??? you bet. That man gave me hope. You see the alcohol itself made me willing. I have been to the edge and returned. It is not a question of agreeing or disagreeing. It is a question of coming to terms with recovery. Am I willing to take the measures to recover?

Later on this came into play one more time in a life threatening situation. I contracted another terminal disease in 1994. Four to six months max. Was I willing to get into recovery. You bet. I was willing to take the measures to recover.

We are much more that a non-drinking society. We are in a life threatening situation here. If you are not willing to follow the instructions written in the first 164 pages of Alcoholics Anonymous. By all means find another recovery modality. We may be the Gold Standard for the remission of Alcoholism, but there are other ways..

Oh yes, we can open that door and walk through, And if that door closes another will open. The trick is to stay out of the hallways.

Thank you all for being here and being a part of my sobriety today.

AZbill az-bill@primenet.com


Member: Arnie D.
Location: Bangor
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 19:06:08

Comments

Avril, I bet you 20 pounds you can't post less than once a week on this forum, or less than 3 times a week on CP. Send the check to Tim V. if you lose... which you will


Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 30 Sep 1999
Time: 22:31:11

Comments

Willingness has indeed been the key to my recovery. Since I was forced to start my AA program, it did not work very well at first. However, once I realized that this was the only way I was going to make, I became willing and open to the program. I thank God every day that I did. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: MaryJ
Location: Seattle
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 17:29:22

Comments

Hi, I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Willingness according to Webster means that we are ready to move forward and ready to respond. I know that I felt for a long time that I was an alcoholic, I was not ready (or willing) to acknowledge or to say out loud that I was an alcoholic and willing to take the next step of getting help and stopping to drink.

I as an alcoholic always had an excuse for why I HAD to keep drinking. I was not willing to go to the final step after admitting that I was an alcoholic to actually STOP drinking. I was in denial that I had to totally stop drinking not just limit my drinking (every alcoholics dream world).

Well, there are alot of good comments on the topic and I thank you all for sharing with the rest of us.


Member: Terri
Location: Colorado
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 18:48:26

Comments

Hi all of you trudgers, my name is Terri and I am an alcoholic. I heard it said one time that to travel down this path of recovery all I had to do was pick up my foot and my HP would carry me forward. I believe that picking up my foot means that I am willing to allow my HP to work in my life. I only became willing to ask for his help when I was beaten down by alcohol. If I find myself not being willing to do what it takes to stay sober I have to go back and look at step one and decide how badley do I want to stay sober cause I can allways have my misery back. I had 5yrs of sobriety and drank again. I feel very lucky that I am back after 3 yrears of getting all of my "yets". I directly relate my willingness to how well I have done my first step, which for me I have to do daily. I love this sight. Thanks for letting me share!


Member: BeachL
Location: E.Coast
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 19:08:41

Comments

Thank you all for your encouragement. I know the week will end and there will be a new subject on Sunday. Willing - I am willing to come back here and share, thanks to those of you who responded and all who shared their ESH. I will be a regular visitor. Thanks for keeping me willing to keep the plug in the jug. Wonderful shares on willingness, getting better.


Member: Beth A.
Location: New Mexico
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 19:40:08

Comments

Hi, my names beth and i am a grateful recovering alcoholic with 10 years,9 months and 20 days sober but whos counting. I am new on the internet and am willing / wanting to be a part of being Cuber sober. Just want to say to John---amends to our children is, in my opinion the hardest and the most ongoing amends we make. Hope your daughter is receptive but if not don't stop just keep trying. She will believe you in a few years. My children are starting to be willing to trust / believe. The good news is I am sober and finally able to be their mother because off God and AA.


Member: Fred M
Location: MD
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 19:40:26

Comments

Im Fred and I'm an alcoholic. Beach: some of the wisest contributors on this site are the women members. I hope you will stay with us for a long time, to help me learn and live sober.

Willingness: In the early days of my sobriety, it was this: total defeat and surrender; giving up my prideful thinking that I could go it alone; on my knees asking God to take over; willing to go to the hospital if necessary to get well; willing to have everyone learn I was a drunk (as if they didn't know); and willing to let God take me home if he had to, if that's what it took to keep me from a drink. It was simple thinking, after 17 years of "deep" thinking: willingness to let God decide and take over my life and point me to the next step; first five minutes at a time, then later hours at a time, then I could go a day at a time. I just kept asking God, "God, what do I do next?" It was the total defeat and willingness to let God take over that is the essence of my sobriety. As time went by, willingness became recognizing God as the reason for any success, any good fortune, any blessings, including my sobriety. It is not me that I need to thank, but God who saved my life. He continues to grant me peace and uncountable blessings. Willingness to me is humility and staying away from pride, including any thoughts that I have anything figured out better than the next guy. Willing to stay sober one more day, thanks for letting me share. Fred M


Member: Ken W.
Location: Chester Springs, PA
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 19:53:09

Comments

Ken here, recovering drunk, a day at a time. Getting willing, a day at a time to change, to grow up, to ask for help, to fit myself to be of maximum service to God (as I understand) and the people about me. It really doesn't get any better than that for me. Haven't had a bad day in my life, of course I didn't realize that til I put down the toys. A few bad moments here and there, but the days that I have in recovery are filled with joy for the journey. Making that my goal, I can't have a bad day. When I came around they told me to open my ears and listen. What I heard opened my mind, what I learned opened my heart and made me a willing, grateful human being. Is there more than that? I think not, I accept my self as I am today, I am willing to accept the work that it takes to be the me I want to be tomorrow.

Thank you for being here, visiting here, sharing your ESH. Be grateful, be well, be you!


Member: JOHN F.
Location: HOLYOKE   MA.
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 20:36:18

Comments

HELLO FELLOW ALKIES,HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING A SOBER DAY.WILLINGNESS IS A BIG WORD FOR ME. IF I DON'T HAVE IT I MAY FORGET THAT I HAVE A DISEASE THAT WILL KILL ME.I NEED TO BE WILLING TO ADMIT THAT I AM AN ALCOHOLIC ON A DAILY BASIS.THEN I NEED TO BE WILLING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.I LEARN ABOUT BEING WILLING FROM GOING TO MEETINGS,TALKING WITH MY SPONSOR, AND READING THE BIG BOOK. GOD WILLING I'LL STAY SOBER THROUGH THE NIGHT.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 21:57:43

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the fellowship. Welocme to all the newcomers! And thanks everyone for sharing!

I remember when I was first making an amends list, and I refused to put financial institutions on that list, because I felt that they had plenty of money and I really needed money. Further, this was actually the case: I DID need the money and the financial institutions I needed to make amends to did have plenty of money. So I left them of the list. Then I realized later that I had to be willing to go to any lengths to stay sober, so I added them to my amends list.

I think there is a direct connection between willingness and how badly we want to stay sober.


Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 22:24:29

Comments

"We saw we needn't always be bludgeoned and beaten into humility. It could come quite as much from our voluntary reaching for it as it could from unremitting suffering."--As Bill Sees It, p. 211.

http://www.pathfinder.com/time/time100/heroes/profile/wilson01.html

J here, a grateful alcoholic: I really appreciate every contribution here this week. A.A. has given me some time free when I may or may not been "right" about anything. I did not read much "when I needed it (like I don't still need it just as much)" which may have worked against myself longer than necessary.

All that's abstract now (as then), and if I do not drink today I cannot get drunk--I am not saying that is all I need or A.A. offers, but for me it has been an incredible start. I never believed I would get through the first night, then the first week, and so on. It's all due to A.A. people like you. So thanks.

dixyflier@usa.net


Member: Beth A.
Location: NM
Date: 01 Oct 1999
Time: 23:33:46

Comments

Hi itis Beth A. again, In my earlier message I said John, I think when I re-read all of the messages I realized that I was talking to Max, not John. Any way--Earlier I was upset. I had just gotten home from taking my son to turn himself in to law inforcement. He had several DWI's about 4 years ago and fled to avoid prosecution. He now has sobered up, has a family and is ready to straighten out his life. His willingness to do this gave me more reason to be gratefull for this program than I ever have before. Although I know he did yhe right thing--I am feeling responsible, sad, pleased with his bravery and grateful all at once. I think I would like to talk one on one with someone out there who might have some words of wisdom. My e-mail address is eaadams@zianet.com.


Member: Bruce A
Location: Bovard,PA
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 05:19:14

Comments

Hi Family,Bruce A, alcoholic. Willingness IS the key. I have to be willing to go to any length to stay sober today. That involves reading the Big Book, Getting a home group and being active in it,Getting and using a sponsor and working the 12 steps of A.A. I must be willing to be willing some days. I have to talk to my H.P. and try and let God run the show today. I have to be willing to LOVE and be LOVED today. Love you all, Bruce A.


Member: Tracey C.
Location: Japan
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 07:48:57

Comments

Hello. I'm doing a report on alcohol and found that by drinking moderate amounts of alcohol a week is healthy for you and reduces your chances of getting diseases such as the common cold, can help and/or prevent diabetes, rheumatiod arthritis, bone and fractures, osteoporosis, degestive ailments, kidney stones, and digestive ailments. If you don't beleive me, visit http://www2.potsdam.edu/alcohol-info/Health/Health.html I'm not saying you should keep drinking, don't overdue it, alcohol in larger or too large amounts can cause death.


Member: Cherise L.
Location: new home in PA
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 07:51:40

Comments

Hi my name is Cherise and I'm a Grateful Alcoholic.

I have never been more grateful that this site is still here. I am one of the founders of Staying Cyber and I never thought I would need it as much as I do now. About a month ago Barry and I had a baby as you guys probably know already. The week the baby was due Barry got transfered to Bloomsburg PA. So we moved a few days after the baby was born. Thank God I have a few years in the program, and had the WILLINGNESS all that time. Two days after we moved, my Ex sued for partial custody of our daughter. He's seen her about 12 times in the last five years, and now all the sudden wants to be her father. I truly believe the move and everything that happened is God's will and I trust that. The only problem is I have to make a decision of whether to fight this or let it Go. The man is using and drinking to the best of my knowledge, but the courts say he is entitled to be a part of her life. I know he wouldn't intentionally hurt her, but I know when I was drinking I didn't think I hurt people either, And today know the affects it had on all around me. I have the willingness to God's Will, but I truthfully can't figure out what that is.

Another major problem is the sobriety in this area. I was so lucky to have had the early recovery I had in the area I was in and with this site. I am trying so hard not to judge anyone here, but there are NO Traditions being followed, most people don't even know what they are. There is one Big Book meeting, one step meeting and no speaker meetings. Every meeting Barry and I have been to has been on the first step. I've been forcing myself to go anyway because I know there will be at least one thing I'll hear that I'll need, but truthfully I am SCARED TO DEATH. I call my support group back where I came from daily, but how long can I keep doing that.

Help!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry this is such a long post, but like I said I am so Grateful for all of you, and I know this site will help keep me going, and I really needed to vent all this. Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Thank you all for keeping this site active, we had no idea when we started it it would be so strong.

God is always there watching out for us!!!

Thank you all and I love you


Member: mr serenity
Location:
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 11:05:25

Comments

Jon, a real alcoholic straight outta page 21. I've got a tiny ammount of willingness and that's about it. everything else is a gift. If my sobriety depended on the quality, or even the quantity of my work, I'd be drunk. I am often disappointed in my best efforts but God, seemingly, is not.


Member: Paula G
Location: East Coast
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 13:00:20

Comments

Hi, Paula here, a true alcoholic (who keeps on relapses)

Willingness, I just want to stop and I am willing to try anything, but it just doesn't work. It's almost like I want to self destruct. I truly believe in my HP but sometimes I feel that I am not worthy enough to pray and be helped, because my problems are so insignifcant compared to others. I just want this disease to go away..... but it never leaves. I want peace and I will always be willing...


Member: Susan H.
Location: South Carolina
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 15:35:55

Comments

Hi, my name is Susan and I am an alcoholic. Willingness, for me, didn't come until I had no where else to go. In other words, there was no more "wiggle room". I had tried everything else and my way didn't work so I had to admit my powerless over alcohol and become willing to work the steps.


Member: Fred S.
Location: VA.
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 21:12:56

Comments

My name is Fred, I am an alcoholic and happy to be sober. After realizing exactly how Cunning, Baffling and Powerful the illness of alcoholism is. I became willing to go out into the cold or hot evening and walk to a meeting. They told me that if I was able to get there that I'd have no trouble finding a ride hope. Those rides home were filled mostly words of wisdom and it wasn't very long before I'd be told to be standing outside of my apartment building at 7:30PM and someone would give me a lift to the meeting. They to me to just bring the body and the mind would follow. As time passed I'd sometimes be asked if I had anything to share. Whenever I find myself getting into self. I know that it is time to reach and touch someone as the folks reached out and touched me. I told an old friend once that after seeing the beautiful lady on the billboard with this bottle of Black Velvet Whiskey. I finally got a bottle and nothing happened but misery and pain. He told me that the next time that I saw one of these billboards that I should stop and look around the bottom of the billboard and I would see exactly how my life would be if I drank it. I did just that and saw weeds, garbage and all sorts of trash. He was right. Good luck to all as we truge along the road to happy destiny...Fred


Member: samantha
Location: canada
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 21:45:24

Comments

Hello everyone, thought I wasn't going to post this week but I wanted to remind Paula that our sickness will never go away, we all know that. But paula, do'nt let it make you feel unworthy to pray. Our higher power accepts us and loves us anyway we are. And if we are willing to set aside time to ask for help it will be given to us. Good luck Paula, and I also think that if you are making the effort to share you are not ready to self destruct, seems more that you're ready to put up a fight!


Member: Jake J
Location: Phila., PA
Date: 02 Oct 1999
Time: 23:25:29

Comments

Hi i'm Jake and i'm an alcoholic. I am gratful that I am sober today and have been for over six years. That is truly a miracle because I didn't drink even though I had no idea how to become willing, when to become willing or why I needed to be willing. Acceptance and surrender, without them the acoholic must drink. But for the grace of God, the fellowship of AA, a homegroup and sponsorship I would have been drunk before I was able to develop any of these principles. To the newcomer, constant attendance of AA meetings, staying away from people places and things and above not drinking it works. If your an alcoholic like me I suggest you try these things willingly or unwillingly.