Member: Al Coholic
Location: Stressville
Date: 9/22/2002
Time: 9:13:54 AM

Comments

Please help me to get insight as to how to cope with those "under your authority" so to speak when there is a spirit of rebellion involved and strife and division tries to come in to cause distruction in the family unit.. Also dealing with the anger and resentments associated with dealing with others when they are acting "Not so loveable" Thanks for your input on this and holding the "demons in check"


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Ft Myers via Key West FL
Date: 9/22/2002
Time: 9:17:46 AM

Comments

Can't believe I am first. Charlie Darling a very gratful recovering alcholic. I am so gratful I don't drink, and boy yesterday I did alot of praying, as I got a call from my sister in CT, and she has been going through alot of serious health problems, first she had cancer of the uteris, and now she has a bag, and then the other day she went to the doctor, and she now has a spot on he, my mind is not working right, as I can only think about her, and so gratful I don't want a drink, as thgen I could not be here for her. But this one is pretty serious, and the doctor told her you remember Micheal Lanndon, well he died from the same thing. After I got off the phone I was in a rather funk, but carried on doing different things here, and it helped. I went to coffeepot, and laughed, and that helped I did alot of praying and that helped, and this morning I awoke, and had a good nights sleep, but had a dream about my sponsor, so I guess I will call him later. But today I don't want a drink, as I know where that will take me, and I have to stay in the present, so I can be sane for my sister whom I love very much. My Partner gave me alot of tlc, and even said he would do the dishes for the next week to keep my hands out of water, because they break out when I have stress. Thank God and the fellowship of AA to keep me going so I can be strong for my love ones. Have a great day as I plan to. Not Drink, share with others, and alot of things to do around the house for I have company arriving sometime this week. Thank you for letting me share, and to let you all know I am so gratful for the program of AA as I could not handel this full plate I have right now a few years back. I Love you all thank you for being here. Oh yes the lump is in her pancarass. Prayers help, and I know that my Hp don.t want me to drink over this which I could have quite easily. The big book helps to keep my mind off all that is going around. And just for today I am so Gratful that I don't want a drink to take away the pain I am feeling. Love you all Charlie Darling kwduke_1999@yahoo.com


Member: Bruce N
Location: Houston Tx
Date: 9/22/2002
Time: 12:01:04 PM

Comments

Thank you for sharing Charlie, I'm Bruce an alcoholic. I know that I know that nothing gets better, it only gets worse if I take a drink. It's a tempory solution at best creating a long term problem. My heart goes out to your sister and you and my family and I will turn our prayers your way today. To my knowledge and from my experience God is the only long term solution to all my problems today. He is the great physician and healer of both my body and soul and I pray he does a great healing in your sister today. God bless you and keep you.


Member: Kathy D
Location: AM, OH
Date: 9/22/2002
Time: 3:10:08 PM

Comments

Hi I am Kathy and I am an alcoholic. This is my first meeting on this site. I don't really have anything to share on the topic but just want to see how all this works. I have been sober three years and yesterday a friend that also had three years sobriety checked herself back into a care unit. It makes me wonder why I still have the program today and she has lost it. Thanks Bruce you said what I needed to hear today.


Member: Dan H
Location: Glennallen Alaska
Date: 9/22/2002
Time: 4:16:54 PM

Comments

Hi Al. Dan...another alkie here. Man, I remember what my kids put me through when I was first getting sober. For the first time in their lives there was someone there to discipline them and try to make them tow the line. They had been used to sliding through and gettin over on a drunk and his poor wife who was scared to try anything by herself. All I can do when I get angry at others is to turn it over to my higher power and pray for patience and serenity. Accept the things I cannot change. As an alkie I want to have everything my way and I believe now that I can't do that and have to go with the Creators plan and hope for the best. Whatever you do don't take that first drink and keep coming back. Charlie....my families prayers are with you and your sister. Grateful for all of you, Danl


Member: Libby
Location: Canada
Date: 9/22/2002
Time: 6:54:26 PM

Comments

Charlie my heart and prayers go to you and your family. Not the way any of us want to realize how great our sobriety is, but as you said, if you were still drinking you wouldn't be a source of support for your sister. Hang in there and don't let the bottle beat you! I don't know how to respond to the first statement posted here as I am not sure what it is you are asking or looking for. No one can undermine your attempts to getting and staying sober except for yourself. When those around you seem to be wearing you down for the "good" old days because they can't handle the fact that you can think straight now you need to get out of the house for a walk or send them walking! I know around here my husband can't handle it when I am sober and he isn't. The funny thing there is that he use to get upset when the tables were turned! My children seem to enjoy having a mother who isn't flip-flopping on her decisions and they know that I will follow through the words that leave my mouth. When things are getting you down you need to think back about why you have decided to get sober and think forward about why you are going to sober and not let anyone influence those choice. Hope you all have a great week.


Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 9/22/2002
Time: 11:47:02 PM

Comments

Hi. Bill here, Alcoholic from Arizona. I believe I can tie the first two shares together. Me getting into recovery did not prevent my mother from dying in year 3, but it did teach me how to deal with it. And A God Shot as well when one of my college professors came up to me and said. "Stick with your support group. I don't know how you feel about anonymity but been sober 8 years." Out of nowhere I had support. Me getting sober did not prevent me from getting fired in year 8, but I did get a call that afternoon to come to work somewhere else. Another God Shot. Not drinking did not prevent me from contracting cancer with only 4 to 6 months to live in 1994, but I learned to get out of the problem and into the solution in AA. I was stage 3 and terminal before I was symtomatic. The Docs told me they did what they could, and that the only thing that saved me was my sense of humor and my attitude. I am grateful to you all for teaching me that. Many years ago there was a bumper sticker, "CHIT HAPPENS". I found that to be very true, but when it does, I flush it. And you all taught me how to do that as well. What I have learned over the years was that AA did not lead me to the gates of Heaven and let me in, But it did lead me to the gates of Hell and let me out. Thank you very much for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill az-bill@mindspring.com


Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 9/22/2002
Time: 11:57:41 PM

Comments

My name is Jeff i`m an alcoholic. Good topics this week, ya i think the 1st one is about kids well ya know, the other day i caught myself telling the youngest one that when i was his age i never did that, i never talked to my parents that way etc...Went to my moms to mow later that week & told her what the little one was up to, well long story short she set me straight, YES i was the same way. We joke about that mothers curse thing, goes like this... "when you have kids i hope they grow up to be just like you" well the only thing i know about kids is ya have to just love them & hope they turn out to be good people. Dad told me one time that you have till they reach 12 years of age to teach them right from wrong, after that they are on there own ? All you can do is your best thats it. Good luck. May Dad was a simple man i miss him. Charlie the only thing i can add is nothing happens in God`s world by mistake. Hope this helps. Thanks


Member: Becky C
Location: Rancho Cucamonga, CA
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 2:36:20 AM

Comments

I try to treat "those under my authority" (meaning my children) as if they were a newcomer. And I restate "I try". I don't always remember that when things are getting crazy- but an old sponsor told me that and it makes sense to me. Other than that, if they aren;t your children or your direct employees, then they are NOT under your authority. Remember, our Higher Power did not save our butts from our alcoholic misery so we could continue in sobriety to think about and serve ourselves only. We are to try to think about what we can begin putting into this great world of ours, what we can contribute to those around us. We share this world with the people around us and we need to remember that it is not all about us anymore. My marriage is ending this week, and there is nothing more I can do to save it. My husband I met in an AA meeting, we had 8 semi-happy years together, then he relapsed on crack-cocaine and mucho alcohol. He has become a crazy man with a large spending habit and I have to leave before I drink from complete frustration with trying to deal with all the problems he's causing. Even through this (and trying to take care of my daughter and shelter her as much as possible) I know that I am here on borrowed time, and God is with me. Every step of the way. And I can get through this, without drinking. (because that would make it MUCH worse- don't you agree!!)


Member: Mike Alcoholic
Location: Rialto, CA
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 2:44:27 AM

Comments

On the topic-You're lucky to still have a family, and so am I. What I have to remember in my sobriety is that I was not always the levelheaded one who knew the right ways and the wrong ways of going about things. I was a horrible son, brother, and member of society, but I was given a daily reprieve by God to try and turn my life around and do the right thing. And, because of the way I treated my family and others, it will take some time for me to earn the respect that I feel I should have. So, in my daily encounters with people and situations, I try to remember that these things are blessings and that I should feel grateful to have the opporotunity to be part of. Even the problems, headaches, and bad things that go on in life have to be considered as gifts from the point of view of almost dying. And that's where I was as a person. But a quick little solution or exercise in regards to your problem that has helped me in similar situations has been to, first off pray, and then think of all the persons in your life that you're having difficulty with as being members of AA who just don't know it. I discovered a while back that I tend to give people in the fellowship more respect, patience, and understanding than I do people on the streets. But once I did make that discovery, I turned it full circle by believing that most people on the streets are sick people too, and therefore should be afforded the same lattitude.


Member: V.
Location: Midwest
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 8:25:06 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm V., PHD (Poor Helpless Drunk) and when it's kids under your authority then it's kids that are your responsibility. You just have to do the next right thing for them. And that is a tall order, but being sober cut it down to size for this PHD. Drinking I could NOT stay in the NOW, and we all pretty much know we can't leap ahead with kids, they're much too fast for us and unpredictible. Also while we have an illusion of temporary control, in the long run we really can't control how they will turn out. So I try to take it one day, hour, or minute at a time, do the best with what I have right now, and turn the rest over to my HP. Prayer keeps me aware that God's will is best not mine. They all grow up and grow hair and putting a brick on their heads won't even slow them down a little bit! Best thing for me to do NOW is try to enjoy them while they're around, 'cause I know someday they'll be GAWN!! Above all is LOVE and a sense of humor helps.


Member: Dave M.
Location: willits ca.
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 9:10:54 AM

Comments

Dave alcoholic,ex boss,parent. Daeling with subordinates,or children are about the same. Love, compation, understanding and disapline. Wow what an order, remember as we do our best to work on repairing the past we never forget the past as do the ones we are dealing with. Just because we got sober doesnot mean we will get back or create instant respect for us. Tollorance helps. I was a drunk boss once I got sober didnt mean the people working under me could forget it. There was lots of resentment directed at me, it took me going back to being just another worker to become respected by some of my ex subordiates. just the same in my home life to gain respect there I had to become a new dad. It isn't easy but the creator will not give us more than we can handle at this time. Page 449 and 459 in the 3rd edition helped me alot, along with lotts of meetings. My daughter once told me I was alot easyer to deal with drunk than sober. That one set me down, I ask her what do you, mean? She just said when you were drunk you would argee to most anything now you have rules and don't let me break them thank you dad. She now has bein clean and sober for three years. The guys I work with like me as a worker and when I have to be a boss they repect me, some still wish I drank so they could get away with loafing on the job, but when the profit checks come in they thank me for being sober. Today I try to live the program not just work it. I will live my life as it happens without the intervention of alcohol or other substances. I will thank my higher power for the chance to live one more day, see the sun rise, see it set, and have a meetin inbetween.


Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 9:46:36 AM

Comments

While I was still active in my disease. I thought keeping myself supplied with alcohol and drugs was ďmanagingĒ my life. Alcohol finally beat me into total surrender. I entered into this life with apparent difficulties, which were not of my own making. When I could find nothing else to drink at, I could always just blame the injustice in my life. Things change, and often they change in ways I donít understand. Thanks to our third step, I no longer have to dwell in the darkness of my fears alone. God is more powerful than all my problems.


Member: john,alcoholic
Location:
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 1:23:44 PM

Comments

"asked his protection and care with complete abandon" is what i have been using lately when those i love seem to hate me. i hate to say it, but i think they get angry because i have something they don't -- this incredibly powerful program. it's only recently i've seen the word "protection" in how it works. emotionally, i have felt protected from stuff that used to cut to the core. came across a small aa booklet in which i found five of bill w.'s grapevine articles (on faith, fear, honesty, humility and love). in 1958 at 20-something years sober, he wondered why he and so many other "oldsters" who have the "booze cure" still lacked emotional sobriety. in fact, he called emotional sobriety the "next frontier" in aa. he saw his basic flaw as dependence -- almost absolute dependence -- on people or circumstances to supply him with prestige, security and the like. "there wasn't a chance of making the outgoing love of St. Francis a workable and joyous way of life until these fatal and almost absolute dependencies were cut away....for my dependency meant demand-- a demand for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me." he "exerted every ounce of will and action to cut off these faulty emotional dependencies upon people, upon aa, indeed, upon any set of circumstances whatsoever." he found he could happily, and workably, begin to love somewhat like st. francis did. he found he was "set free to live and love". he found "a quiet place in bright sunshine". he did it, as has been said in one of the first above comments, by treating people like a "twelfth step case" in which the results were left up to god. is there any better test of this than children and loved ones? thank you so much for the topics and all your comments this a.m. i will have a better day with this in mind. love you all.


Member: Mike G.
Location: lexington, kentucky
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 2:56:07 PM

Comments

this is my first time to participate in a cyber meeting. i'll get right to the point... i'm going a bit nuts today. i may be breaking the "topic" chain, but i simply need to lay it out in front of another aa. i get my 12 year token thursday but sometimes i feel just like toay is the very begining. i know... feelings are not facts... the truth is mostly revealed to me through the steps... but making contact with another aa. thank god for you people


Member: Terry/alcoholic
Location:
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 3:05:43 PM

Comments

I've been sober for 9 months now and things seem to be getting better till, you get slapped in the face . Yesterday my 14 year old son came home drunk and i am having a really hard time with that,He said he was sorry , he explained the whole night and how he caved in to peer pressure and he really liked the feeling ,along with he has tried smoking pot lately. I'm divorced , because of my drinking and he threw that in my face last night .I had flash backs of my life and what ifs ,what could i have done dif. i have to shuft up i'm all ofer the place with my thoughts . thanks for sharing .


Member: Ron L
Location: Winnipeg. Man. Can.
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 3:32:14 PM

Comments

I never had no family. As a welfare kid I was shuffled from home to home. I know what it is to be beaten as a kid. I have been hit so hard on the head with a bloom handles that I wondered what that wet feeling trickling down the side of my head was, blood of course. My head is plastered with scares and bumps Ive been beaten so bad that the man beating me slide down the wall in total exhaustion. I know all about jail. At 37 yrs old I realized that not once as a kid was I ever kissed or hugged. NOT ONCE. ALCOHOL made me feel warm, loved, okay, ALCOHOL gave me wings to fly...then it took away the sky. Im sober now and have been for many years. I ofen wonder what it would be like to have a Mom and Dad, a sister or brother, Im talking about just one blood relative to care about and have them care about me. What is it like to love some one because you always have?


Member: Kim D.
Location: Bridgewater
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 3:38:34 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Kim and I am an alcoholic. The first thing that comes to mind when reading Al Coholic's topic discussion is: Alcoholism is a FAMILY disease and my drinking effected my family. Period. As I began sobering up, it became apparent to me that I, who formerly thought that my drinking didn't effect my then 7 year old son Ben, HAD in fact hurt him and that just being sober wasn't going to make things better. I had to ACT. How? First, by being present in HIS life, instead of him being present in mine. I had to give him the gift of TIME, which in turn made him feel valuable as a person. My drinking robbed him of that for the first 6 years of his life because of my self-centeredness. Second, I had to be CONSISTENT. I was never consistent when drinking/being hung over. I would make promises and break them or I would set a limit then relent because it was too much effort to enforce it. Third, I had to give my son the RESPECT that I ask for from him. I listened to him - validated his feelings - while still being a parent. The fact is, I am still "undoing" the damage I did while drinking, and I've been sober for over 3 years now. Lots of times I ask for help from my HP to not be reactive to situations... to act, not out of EGO, but out of what is truly best for my son... and to remember that above all else - I LOVE him. I love him enough to keep trying to be the best mother I can, ODATT.


Member: Jeff
Location: Ne.
Date: 9/23/2002
Time: 10:52:57 PM

Comments

To Ron L.... Don`t forget about your brothers & sisters in AA. Ya know we love ya! Millions of us! Sorry about the double post guys it needed to be said.


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 12:33:29 AM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thanks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for sharing this, Charlie. I can only share experience about the loss of my grandmother (who was like a mother to me) in early sobriety. I think the anguish and unsettling feeling you are having are normal under the circumstances, and the fact that you shared your experience with other AA's was something that I did when I lost my grandmother. It was also something that helped me, as did my decision to attend extra meetings etc I eventually accepted my powerless over the situation and one day at a time I got through the trauma without picking up a drink. My prayers go out to you and your sister.


Member: Dyana W.
Location: Prineville Oregon
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 8:35:41 AM

Comments

Hi Dyana alkie here....... Im knew to this site but I would like to say to the guy that asked what its like to have family that loves you, WE in AA LOVE YOU! You are WANTED,NEEDED and LOVED! I have never had a family to call my own until I had kids and they are almost grown but t hey are precious to me. I have had alot of making up to do in the past 4 years of sobriety cuz I wasnt capable of being there emotionaly for them when I was drinking. It hasnt been easy but it is worth all th eeffort that I have ! Stay safe,sober and sane!


Member: Bill P.
Location: Michigan
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 9:59:31 AM

Comments

To Ron L - You will always have your brothers and sisters in AA. We love you, and we need you. I'm convinced the unity and love we have in AA is the true miracle from God that lets the healing begin, and continue for the rest of our lives. Know that we love you and you are in our prayers.


Member: Joe P.
Location: Chicago
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 1:04:05 PM

Comments

My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. When it comes to life and coping with any number of types of stress, my sponsor usually gives me a simple answer Ė Donít drink and go to meetings. That may sound too simple, but I have found it to work for me. If I do not pick up the first drink and go to regular meetings on a regular basis, the answer will appear when I really need it. Usually, I will hear at a meeting which of the principles in the Twelve Steps applies to that particular situation, if only I donít drink and go to meetings. Frequently, the answer that comes is that I need to bring contact with my higher power into the situation. I have found that even with my children and direct employees I need to recognize that any authority is not really mine, but really belongs to God as I understand Him. But for your own particular answers, donít drink and go to meetings and listen for the answers. (((Ron L.))) Ė that was a very moving share. In AA, we never have to be alone, unloved, and unloving again unless we want to. Thanks for helping me stay sober today to all of you.


Member: Stacy E
Location: Kentucky
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 2:10:54 PM

Comments

Ron, No child should be unsafe or unloved. The fact that you have remained sober for many years proves what a truly strong person you really are. Do you have a family of your own now? Maybe we can't hug you physically, but please know that our arms are wrapped warmly around you in the spiritual sense. Keep coming back!


Member: TedU
Location: Wheaton, MD
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 3:26:46 PM

Comments

Whether it is with children, subordinates or anyone else for that matter the operative word is THINK. THINK. THINK. If I want to say something before I say anything I ask myself three things, Is it true? Is it Right? Is it Kind? I wait even longer before I do anything. When drinking I reacted first then thought. Working the steps taught me to be aware of who I am before I act. If I did mess up then promptly admit I was wrong.


Member: Leland
Location: Santa Barbara, CA
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 4:13:15 PM

Comments

Especially tangled topics of mortality and family. In my first year, I thought my father was going to die due to an illness. At that point, my family and I were not talking at all. When my 9th step came around, I made amends and took my relationships as they were in that moment after attempting to make them right. Some on that list said ok or thanks or worse and went away. Others stayed around, like my parents. I'm gald I had all the steps before that made it possible not only to stay still, both literally and figuratively, long enough to feel the results, but also to have some emotionally clarity to really experience the effects of being vulnerable. In short, we don't really know the results of how sobriety will impact our lives or the lives around us. We do know it is much better than what we could offer before.


Member: Art M
Location: PA
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 4:36:51 PM

Comments

I was sober 2 years when my son tried to commit suicide. I learned from my wife that he was addicted to drugs for 5-6- years before that! My wife was leaving unopened liquor bottles all over the place so that I would drink again!. She liked me better that way! It took me all that time to notice what I had created in my family. This, of course, made me guilty as hell. My son's "shrink" even told me that my years of drinking had a lot to do with it. (Wasn't that nice of him). These problems only scratched the surface. MUCH more was about to happen! Today, I know that all of that pain was necessary for me to create a foundation for change and growth. I started it all with my drinking, but AA gave me the means to change it all over many grueling hours, over many , many meetings. After many years of wondering what the hell was the purpose of it all, AA and just not drinking and going to meetings changed everything. Today I live amazed and delighted and grateful that all I had to do was don't drink and go to meetings. "Utilize don't Analyse" Find and have faith in your Higher Power, and everything will take care of itself. Believe me. It works if you work it!!!!


Member: Debbie B.
Location: Lexington, Ky.
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 10:23:30 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Debbie, alcoholic/drug addict, this is my first cyber meeting. I've been sober for almost seven years. I put my family through hell with my alcoholism especially my daughter, I had to be very consistent with my actions and also had to let her let go of all her anger and hurt and know that my alcoholism had made her sick to, its a healing process for everyone invovled and it takes time and alot of letting go and letting God. I lost my father almost two years ago. He had diabetes and had to go into the hospital to have a leg amputated and while he was there the hospital accidentally killed him, it is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through and am still going through because of a lawsuit. I thank God that I was sober and there for him, and for the last few years sober that I had with him. I always remember that God will never put to much on me that I can't handle. I think that Joe said it best, Keep it simple, don't drink and go to meetings.


Member: FRANK D
Location: PENNA
Date: 9/24/2002
Time: 11:58:46 PM

Comments

JUST READ THE FIRST TRAD.(UNITY) THIRD TRAD.(GIFT) FIFTH TRAD. (BOOZE) -----------------------------------------------


Member: G C
Location: In
Date: 9/25/2002
Time: 2:40:51 AM

Comments

Hi all G here and would like to share a little I haven't for a while. To Kathy D you still have the program for one reason and that is you want sobriety more than to drink for today. The only reason anyone has to drink is because they want it more than they want to stay sober. You can't work your friends program only yours. For Terry about your son it's the same you can't do it for him. I have a 17 yr old who is using and I swear it is so hard but the program teaches us one day at a time for ourselves and I have given him all I know but he chooses not to use it yet. (your eligible too.) For Charlie I feel for you I went through a cancer battle with my sister and it was the toughest thing I ever had to go through with her and we have always been very close but it was hard cause her daughter and I weren't on the best of terms but I had to accept it but not like it. I have a friend in AA who says we tolerate things. Acceptance isn't the answer. I am not saying I agree but it's a good argument I guess. I wish everyone well and by the grace of god we'll all stay sober for 24 more.


Member: honest al
Location: bc.
Date: 9/25/2002
Time: 7:29:34 PM

Comments

When i came to AA, a longtimer shared with me that there are many many, if not most of us that will not go very far beyond putting the plug in the jug. He also said that some will get to a certain point and plateau. myself i had almost 6 years of sober and clean time if you don't count the few times i 'snuck'vanilla into my hot chocolate...or the liquor filled chocolates that i had at christmas time..or the once or twice that i took that properly prescribed medicine just a little more than i was suppose to. God, i can see now that i was just barely hanging on for most of those 6 years. i finally stopped going to meetings, and within about 4 months i drank again. it doesn't matter that i didn't crash my car, or lose my license or kill anyone or black out etc etc. The point is that i had way way to high expectations. i thought that i should have had the solid career and a husband add all sorts of other promises..that i felt i deserved for staying "mostly sober and clean" for 6 years. i became very angry with aa and resented everyone. i decided that aa truly wasn't helping me. i had given it my best shot. i had gotten involved in service at several levels..i was committed, i showed up but was always grudgingly under half steam" to quote the book. To anyone out there who can relate.. just want to say, that some of us have a lot more crap and past stuff to clear, and as i found out acceptance now is my best medicine...its okay with me today, and i have stopped comparing myself with everyone else. i am still not sure how to just "be" in social situations. and having fun and participating in AA is the next step to learning all this stuff. i suffer from extremely low self esteem..and no it is not just because i am an alcoholic...it comes from being abandoned at a very young age by both my parents and practically raising myself... i have strengths that are unique to my situation, and although i have sought outside help many times and it has helped....i see that it is still in my higher power's hands...and that's okay with me today..i don't drink. i am getting real, and i have a sponsor and i do the steps and i go to meetings. and lately i am having a spiritual experience. and i feel different. for the very first time in Sobriety...after 6 years and a slip really really good things are happening. so new one's...easy does it on yourself. '


Member: pbs
Location: Akron
Date: 9/25/2002
Time: 9:21:31 PM

Comments

Oh, what memories wrapped in the custodian share. Sober two years I visited my son,just 17, in juvey for the last time--next time out he'd be an adult. We talked a lot and he said he used alcohol and drugs (anyone remember fruit salad) because he couldn't stand tension in his life. I talked of the necessity of some tension in life -standing up, telephone wires, etc. Of course it wasn't enough. Today, sober 30 yrs in Nov., I can at last meet f2f w/my boy who is now 42. He was paroled last year after spending more than half his life incarcerated, 10 of those years in maximum security. He's been sober 14 years. We laugh a lot like we always did, he still can't tell a joke because he breaks up before the punch line. He works his program, I work mine. Today he blames no one but himself for his life choices. Tension? Oh, I'd give up so much for him to feel tension again. And so would he. He's in an advanced stage of a terminal neurological disease. I'm too aware of how he will die so we spend our time as well as we can. Some days good, some days not so good. We have full lives, and the journey has been joyfull, raw, cold, sad, fun, exciting, filled with family and friends and the ESH of countless AAs doing it one day at a time. So, all you loving, caring, and frustrated parents, I've learned 'ya gotta LET GO AND LET GOD. If your heart breaks, your nerves scream out, your head is in a vise, and you can't share anything worthwhile with the offpring know you did your best, you went to any lengths, and you never stopped loving unconditionally. I don't tell this story to gain sympathy but to share my ESH with parents 'who still suffer'. Adolescence is such a tough age. I lived there most of my life. As for our children, every day we should be more ready to let them go, and every day they should be more ready to go. A bit like AA, it's a day at a time. Besides, the kids are only on loan, you know. Love to all. pbs


Member: TMP
Location: Tazlina, Alaska
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 1:33:03 AM

Comments

Hi my name is Tana Mae and I am an alcoholic. Just finding that out scares me. This is my first time here. I just started going to meetings about a week ago and I have been sober for almost two months now. Before that I was sober 2 1/2 years without any support from AA or anyone. It was hard and there were many times I wanted to commit suicide and forget it all and just drink. I am now learning there are meetings and people that can help when I am feeling the pressures of this life. I, too, have a family member who had tumors/cancer on all the major organs of her body. She now has a lifelong issue with seizures because of scar tissue on her brain. She is such an inspiration to me because she is strong and has not turned to alcohol. My children are happy that they again have a sober mother and they are adjusting well to my sobriety. They give me hugs when they know that I am in a tornado. I try not to let them see me go through those times but they know. Just wanted to share that. All of you have written something that has touched me and helped me to see that meetings are important to keep on this road to sobriety. Today was hard and I almost started to drink but I decided to go to a meeting where I shared and even could laugh at what I was going through. MEETINGS ARE IMPORTANT!!!! WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GOES TO AA!!! Keep up the good work all of you and keep on keeping on!! Love to you all!!


Member: Tony P
Location: Canada
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 4:13:58 AM

Comments

Tony, Alcoholic. Becoming sober has been my redemption. I did not know how to support other people when they needed it. I would run and hide in booze. As a sober person, I was able to let my kids teach me how to be a good parent (instead of talking all the time, I listened for a change). As a sober person, I was able to be with my sister when she went in for surgery to check a potential cancerous growth (turned out to be a benign cist). She was scared and needed someone to be with her. I can't fix others (accept the things I cannot change), but I can do my part to support others in times of need (courage to change the things I can). Have a good sober day/hour/minute/moment Tony


Member: Shelly
Location: NE
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 5:31:34 AM

Comments

I'm Shelly, and an alcoholic.In a few days I will have 60 days. This is my 3rd attempt at sobriety. Going back into the rooms of aa was like finding a long lost friend and i know i will stay sober this day. I couldn't sleep and missed my meeting tonight so here I am and I have to laugh and also cry about all that has been written. I just grounded my 14 yr old "perfect" daughter as consequences for her behavior. She will be missing her first homecoming dance and its just about killing me to not give in. But this minute I won't. I feel for all of you for your losses and suffering. I always remember that God only gives me what I can handle and to Always THINK before I speak. I am constantly amazed how God also gives me what I need, the weeks topic has been on my mind since Saturday and I think i can sleep now.Thanks!!!


Member: Laura D.
Location: Henry county ,Kentucky
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 8:55:53 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Laura, and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is feb 22,94, and for that I am truly grateful to this program and a higher power that I found in these meetings and that I call God. I'm new to the computer world and to this site. Thank you for being here, and for sharing from your hearts. Like when I started in AA I have sat back and just watched for a few weeks, but there are a few things I would like to share. I have 3 children, 4 step-children and 6 grandchildren, and I am happy to say that this program has allowed me to repair some of the fences with my children and step-children, and that none of my grandchildren have had to see me drunk. I consider all of these relationships a gift from God, since when I was drinking, I was incapable of a relationship with anyone. Some of the time it has been really hard, but I have a great sponser, and a great set of steps to work. One of the most important things she may have ever said to me was that "God doesn't have any grandchildren" for some reason I could understand that and it helped me to ease up a little on thinking I had some sort of power over my children's lives or my grandchildren's life. The pressure was off, and I could concentrate more on just loving them and trying to do the next right thing. I don't always succede, but it's progress, not perfection . as for the rest of my family, I found them all here in AA. Thanks family.


Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Ft Myers via Key West FL
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 9:12:52 AM

Comments

Good Morning Family Charlie Darling a very grateful recovering Alcholic. Thank you each and everyone of you for the support and the prayers you are sending my sisters way. I will be calling her tonight to find out how she made out, and what is the next step. I know my next step, and that is to turn my will over to care of God, as it is in his hands as to the out come. But I called my 79 yr old aunt yesterday for her BD, and she said boy all that Gladys is going through, and she still has a smile, but thats the way she is, as I know she got away from the church and god thing years ago, and I believe in my heart he has not left her , and maybe with my getting sober, she learned from my spiritual growth. God Bless you all, and thank you for letting me share. I Love you my FAMILY. kwduke-1999@yahoo.com


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 10:32:39 AM

Comments

Laura D., you've probably got a couple of chronological years on me, and I know that you do in sobriety as well. We both have our children back (mentally), for that it is obvious we are both grateful. I do not have grandchildren as of yet, but the children both have plenty of time for that, and I can wait. I am though, looking forward to absolutely spoiling the grand children, and then gladly giving them back:)I missed much of the growth periods of both children, and for that I am sorry. I am not sorry to be living it WITH them today. They both have ceased to avoid me, and that is a gift not specifically stated in the promises, but in my view it truly is one of the greatest gifts I could ever have recieved. Another is that my daughter has chosen to live with me instead of her mom, becuase mom held on too tightly. As she is now 19, I am mostly advisor, and she does come for that. I am so gratified when she does. She actually trusts that dad will not condem her, and will have solutions to many problems that are new to her, but not to me. I have been blessed by the things I have learned in AA, as it sounds you have as well. Charlie, glad to hear your sister is doing well. I visited your neck of the woods the summer of 2001. Wish I could figure out how to live there at the same level as where I do now. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Don
Location: Nebraska
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 1:23:25 PM

Comments

Hey everyone, Don-alcoholic. Today is day 7 for me (One week, ohhh yeah!), and it feels pretty alright. I'm very grateful to have come to some new understandings in this past week, and to have mustered up the bravery to let go of some of the "issues" regarding my own family life. I'm 28, no wife or kids (and desire neither *LOL*), and never have been married. I'm still in close contact with my parents and brother however, and the resentments of the past (and present) are too numerous to keep track of. This last week I've realized (finally, after jumping in and out of the program for a year now) that it's time to let go. Start forgiving. Start living. Understand that where I am at in life is okay, and where they are at is okay too--as long as I am accepting of that. I'm glad to have found all of you on this site, and encourage all of you (as well as myself, of course...) to keep it simple. Take care.


Member: Rick
Location: NE
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 7:44:38 PM

Comments

Hi everyone! I know I have a drinking problem. And yes I have a desire to stop. But I know what lies ahead of me... and I don't know if I have what it takes to make it through.


Member: RobinA
Location: Florida
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 9:49:42 PM

Comments

Prayers for you and your Sister (((Charlie Darling)))


Member: kimberley
Location: washington
Date: 9/26/2002
Time: 10:49:58 PM

Comments

hi everyone, kimberley here recovering alcholic, thanks to all of you for all the profound words, to add to my sobriety, especially to arizona bill, the past few eeks i have been losing it emotionally,but once again you have all renforced the basic concept of turning it over, i lost my beloved sponser 7 years ago to breast cancer, at the age of 36, i crawled emotionally and all of my program people held me and cried with me, i do know that god doesnt take things from you the world does, and god gives them back a millon times better, thanks all of you for sharing.


Member: Donna S. for Sister in the Spirit
Location: Fresno, CA
Date: 9/27/2002
Time: 2:33:38 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, Donna, Greatful Recovered alcoholic here. ((Al)) Time heals all things, and when the "demons" show their ugly heads simply thank them for sharing and move on to the next indicated thing. Remember when we were drinking we were not to loving either, Patience is having the ability to get through adversity, strife and STRESS "withOUT" complaining and Pain is the touchstone to all Spirtual Growth! Keep trudging and coming back. The BigBook says our disease is a repatious creditor and boy are our debt great to those we love, in the ninth step our debts begin to get paid and we start to feel the healing within ourselves, and the family and friends come as a great bi-product or if you will as chocholate chips to be be added to our cookie. ((Charlie)) I just lost my oldest friend in life to the big C. Her suffering is over and God knows I will miss her but I know she is only as far away as my nearest consious thought, Thank God for Memories that "I can remember"! My prayers are with you and yours. ((Ron L.)) You were REBORN upon entering AA and if you have been sober many years; You already know what it is like to love someone because you always have, your AA family members! Our first tradition is Unity baby, if you have gotten personal recovery from that feeling then you know what blood family is suposed to feel like but some blood families do not ever get that. Be with God Everyone, Love Donna S. for Sister in the Spirit


Member: Rarely
Location:
Date: 9/27/2002
Time: 3:54:13 AM

Comments

I sure identify With Ron L. as our history and up bringing is one and the same, I too have been in A.A. many years. (29) And in all that time not once have I found the same kind of love that I would perceive a Mother would have for a Son. Nor have I ever experienced the sharing and guidance that a teenage Son would get from a Father. The unconditional love one might get from a sibling. Unconditional love oh yeah its there in A.A. alright. its there if one stays sober and goes to meetings, its there if one does the steps. Unconditional love in A.A. is there if you do a whole lot of things to make one self loveable. Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share ( share ) I don't think that means give advise. Giving advise is a neat way of not looking at your self. The only person that knows what its like to sit at a meeting and listen to some one gripe about their family and wish that they had just one family member to love rather that gripe about are people like Ron L. and myself. I'll never know what its like to recieve an inheritance from a family member. I could go on but I hope I made a point and that is A.A. is not a cure all for all things its a fellowship and thats far cry from the love a Mother has for a Son


Member: Don
Location: Nebraska
Date: 9/27/2002
Time: 2:27:04 PM

Comments

Hey, it's Don again. Still an Alcoholic. As you stated Rick (btw, I'm a newcomer from NE as well...) it does take a lot maintain sobriety in the face of all of the issues that lie ahead (many of which have been neglected for quite some time...). I find that when I'm thinking this way, it helps to focus on what lies ahead if I continue to medicate myself. Consider it, and weigh the pros and cons. I think you'll find that your quest for sobriety (in the longrun) will be no more difficult than abusing yourself with the chemicals. Furthermore, this road will reward you--something that will never happen at the bottom of a beer mug. Hang in there--we're with 'ya! (Stating the obvious; just pick up a "where and when," we're all over!) Thanks for being there everyone in AA!


Member: Robert T.
Location: Beaverton, Or.
Date: 9/27/2002
Time: 7:22:34 PM

Comments

Hello I am Robert and I am an alcoholic. I pray for you Charlie and your sister. As I have been doing the things that are suggested, my life seems to be getting better. It's absolute to having a Higher Power in my life. Just as I THINK I can't go another day I read about somebody that's doing worse than me. I always find that to be true. There is so much we can do for others, when we think we are doing poorly. I love A.A. It's helped me get in touch with my fellow men and women. Hang in there Charlie and everyone that shares his pain. {{{{{{{GROUP}}}}}}}}}} Robert


Member: Frank S.
Location: Scottsbluff NE
Date: 9/28/2002
Time: 12:24:13 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Frank and I am an alcoholic. By the grace of God, sponsorship and this fellowship I have been sober since March 3, 1995. I am not sure that all of the "demons" will ever be conquered. What I do know is that when faced with grief, resentment or any other troublesome situation, there is only one way for me to deal with it. I have learned through working this program and "practicing these principles" in all my affairs that it is I who must change! For it is my perception and my reaction to such things that eventually will push me over the top. I have a major anger problem, but even that is being dilluted by remembering that "love and tolerance is our code". Thanks for being there for me.


Member: anonymous alcoholic (DOS 12/12/90)
Location: 2689 Ridgecrest Drive
Date: 9/29/2002
Time: 8:37:55 AM

Comments

Problems with kids since I've been sober? I've had a few! Nice thing about recovery is that the same Higher Power who gives me that little extra ummph to help me not to drink, can (if I ask him) give me that little extra bit of patience to deal with the rug rats! Thanks for reminding me that I do NOT run da show!


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 9/29/2002
Time: 10:40:38 AM

Comments

Rarely, even the worst have good things about them, while the best have bad things about them. Get off the pity pot! It has never brought one out of depression. Family members can have a powerful positive influence in our lives, BUT it can be just as bad as good. Sister just moved in with me. Why? Well, she is losing her house. Why? She has the same dis-ease we do, just manifested differently. She goes to prescription drugs, because that smart doctor told her to take them. Over use, and alcohol added really have her a mess at times. Parents? How about living your life with one sharp front tooth, that got broken from being smacked in the face at dinner for refusing to eat your sweet potatoes? Inheritance? How about having to pay "on the spot" for you mother's funeral, because the home was not willing to carry the debt? How about dad, who left his wife at that time with huge medical bills, and a total of 8000 dollars of insurance. Step mom was so worried that us kids would want it. I told her to look at me, I had not missed any meals lately. Insurance proceeds were hers. Cost to me, nothing. She paid for funeral and plot and the rest. When we get on the pity pot, it's very hard to see our blessings, for we are feeling sorry for those things that did not go our way. I am not bitter, nor dwelling on those things above that I shared. I can tell you that the parental love may or may not be unconditional. My dad lived in the same town as I did for ten years. My phone number was listed. Not once did he call. I finally contacted him. Who was wrong in this? We both were. When he died of self induced liver failure (many too many drinks, huh!), we had been in touch and I had gotten to know him again. For that I am thankful. No inheritance? He did in his life what he was capable of. ALcoholics do not have a great trck record of leaving much for those left behind, other than some of the problems that find those left behind. Rarely, work the program, take the steps. Go to meetings, don't drink. I think you will find a life that is far more worthwhile than you describe in your post. Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: D.D.
Location: WA
Date: 9/29/2002
Time: 1:56:31 PM

Comments

This is my first online AA meeting, the stories are very interesting, some are quite similar.I was around a lot of drinkers this weekend at a UW game tailgate party, i would have been drinking if i was 21, but everyone there had kids my age or younger.Needless to say, i had a clean weekend and it feels good remembering everthing i said and did this weekend! Thanks for sharing, D.D.