Member: crazed
Location:
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 12:26:27 AM

Comments

hi all,

am i here first? i dont have a topic so ill pass!!!! still crazed


Member: Yvonne
Location: Scotland
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 1:37:46 AM

Comments

Hello Everybody,

My children are really pleased that I am now sober but they also seem to resent it in a way. When I was drinking they often got their own way...allowed to stay out late, given extra money,not checked up onetc. Anything to give me a quiet life and stop them arguing when I had a hangover. I would let my daughter stay over at freinds as I would be too drunk to pick her up but I didn,t always check the suitability of those freinds or wether she was even staying there.

Now that I am sober we have constant rows about discipline and she becomes very angry and hurtful when she can no longer manipulate me. The last time I said no about something to her she accused me of being pissed out of my brains. She was on the phone from a freinds house and it was said for everybody there to hear and to really hurt me. I am finding this hard to deal with and wonder if anybody else has had to deal with a similar scenario

Love Yvonne


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 2:10:12 AM

Comments

Hi Yvonne, and all others. I come from a long line of alcoholics, so the way we thought and behaved was based on generations of distorted thinking and acting. Not an excuse for me, only a way to explain the following: AA gave me a more normal way of being, of thinking and acting. The changes I made were wellcomed by some of my family but made me seem like an odd-ball to many others because I wasn't "cooperating" with the old way of behaving, couldn't be manipulated and would not manipulate. The result for me is a much greater sense of peace with most people and in most situations, but not with all family members. The unpopularity there is well worth the discomfort given the improvements in all other areas of my life...all thanks to the fellowship (you all), God and a willingness to change. So Yvonne, yes I can relate and commend you for your courage in the face of you angry child and the influence this has on your reputation with her friends. You will be appreciated in the long run for your new ways of behaving. God speed and shelter you while the storms of your recovery come and pass. I'm still not completely accepted by my children and it's been since '83. Hang in there. And yes, I'm an alcoholic, named Bob.


Member: ChuckM
Location: Alberta
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 2:15:02 AM

Comments

I'm chuck, an alcoholic

Yvonne, your changing from the insane behavior to the sane. Kids always react to a percieved loss of freedom. My guide now is what I am doing right with God. I think you are. Hang in and ride it out. I will bet that your daughter will thank you some day for setting sane boundaries. Love

Peace and Serenity


Member: Eric  J.
Location: Northern California
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 3:01:10 AM

Comments

My name is Eric, and I am an alcoholic.

I always like to check in at the beginning of this meeting. For those of us not talking about our children, I would like to introduce step 3 as the alternate topic.

There are days when things are going well, and there are days when I need to remember that God is in charge. At these times I sometimes think it is better to confront, and from time to time, I think it is best to keep my mouth shut.

I have been doing sobriety a long time, and have learned that either answer can turn out to have been right or wrong. Generally speaking, the better I know a person, the more likely I am to confront them. I don't always stay in balance, but often I do.

Can you please remind me how to "turn it over?" Sometimes I forget!

If you don't take the first drink, you won't get drunk. You only have to stay sober one day at a time. And any idiot can stay sober for 24 hours.


Member: Bonnie C - 5/30/80
Location:
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 4:06:56 AM

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here (((ROOM-HUG))) to those that share their hearts here on a reg basis, thank you from the bottom of mine. to those that are new to AA or this site a heartfelt *welcome home*.

ahhhhhhhh kids & sobriety, good topic ((yvonne)) My experience was very painful, then joyful, when i got here i had 2 sons, 14- jock, 8- computer nerd and a daughter 13- acting out all the families problems. at 1+ yrs sober i had a 2 month period that changed my course. my 14yr old daughter ran away, a wk later my 15 yr old broke his finger playing basketball, 2 days after that my 9yr old son broke his arm playing with a truck in the spin cycle of the washer, a wk later my 15 yr old had kidney failure (he had lost all body heat and on way to hosp when i touched him he said it burnt, i was so scared, his body shut down but was brought back, i was with him the whole time), while he was in hosp. a stranger called and said daughter was in a moped accident then brought her home for me to take to hosp., knee hit ground, handlebar hit thigh, everything popped out from bone, didn't even rip her jeans, 200+ stitches just to close the wound, skin graphs and plastic surgery just to get it to heal, she and oldest had medication reactions, husband's ship was in drydock in another city. thanks giving and Christmas were coming up and i was turning 32. around my birthday it got worse, car broke, lost job. daughters boyfriend came and picked her up while i was at work (she was on crutches and in a cast, having med reactions) oldest hadn't made it home from school, his first day back and decided to stay at his buddies for awhile, and 9yr old whose arm was in a cast left the neighbors home where he was being watched by his friends mom to watch tv at home in his arm cast. a long story short, called home, found out where everyone was, hung up, cried, boss fired me to be home with my babies, came home, threw a jug of milk against wall, sent kids to their rooms, called husb whose roommate said he was at a kegger, told roommate to have him call me or i was bringing kids up that nite, husb called, i said i want divorce and you can have the kids or i could leave that nite and would call commanding officer to have him sent home. he made arrangements to be home on weekends so i could go to sponsors house to do nothing. Had to put my daughter in juvie hall twice before i left. i did leave my kids and house overlooking the ocean about 9 months later only to have the kids move in with me one at a time starting 6 months after i'd left. The reason I told you this is that no matter what happens, don't drink or use and it will change, sometimes get worse and then better, but hang in there and in time there will be a healing of the family. They all (including husb) hated the fact i was sober. I was starting to stand up for my sobriety anyway. I wasn't as controllable anymore or guilty. nobody understood how hard all this was. I wanted them to respect and love me but i wasn't very respectable or loveable just sober. hell i didn't love myself. that took time. so i just had to be patient with myself and if i couldn't be patient with them i had to walk away and just not add any more crap to make amends for. i didn't know how to be a parent. Today, have made amends to them many times over the yrs, have them all in my life. 2 are very close, the youngest is still coming around. I wasn't a very good mom but I got a second chance I have 4 grandbabies that think i'm the best thing since peanut butter and jelly and their moms and dads (who are all really good parents) trust me with their most precious gifts. I feel forgiven. When I have had a painful time since then i always think back to that time and know that what I'm going thru is a piece of cake comparitively. has saved my life many times. wow, didn't figure all that would come out tonight. hope it helps someone. Dear God please bless all that venture here. love and hugs, bon -- bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: Sheri F
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 6:06:00 AM

Comments

Sheri F here, alki in Soberity. Yvonne, you are not alone. My son hated AA and HIS Mom growing up. He was 20 then, living at home, manupulating (sp. at 3 am is worse than usual) and his S-- didn't stink..Oh he took me to meetings and waited to make sure I didn't go in one door and out the other, but he was not going to be like his Mom.For that I am grateful but today, 22 yrs later something is mentioned from the past and his KING sized RESENTMENT jumps to the surface. The only amends that I can make to my "baby" is to stay sober and work at being trustworthy. He lets me see my 5 yr old grandson and trust me with his care but he won't forgive Mom her past. I gave up trying to please him. He no longer could "run" Mom and so he would be an a--hole and try to get to her that way. The ONLY one I have to listen to is my God. He forgave me and if Duane doesn't it becomes His problem. He is a potential AA'er.Has all the "ism's" just not enough booze YET. Hang in there, in time the children will grow up and so will you in your soberity then mending begins. Just remember YOUR program is yours and time takes care of our "babies". No matter how big or old they get, they will ALWAYS be your "babies. God is in his heaven and all is right with us as long as we don't drink. Love you all, and thank you for your prayers Tonight my daughter is doing better than her father, fear is rampant in the family BUT MY God and AA carries me thru. Get the mail I sent? Love and Prayers, Sheri F PS: "This too will pass," honest it does.


Member: Wouter K
Location: Netherlands
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 7:19:25 AM

Comments

hello there, Wouter here, alkie who went for holidays to Italy, Florence Siena etc. Wow !!!

Growing up gave me a lot of freedom, my mother a working women and my father a working alkie. So I did do all the wrong things a young boy can do: drink and not study much get into trouble with the law with girls ect etc. Then, becoming a young man a continued on that road, drink some more, drop out of college, trouble with jobs and relations and struggle and stumble and fall.

Then suddenly I was hitting 40, oops...

Relation number x was not working, I was working but I hated my boss and my job and myself.

I had my last drinking and smoking marijurony binge and only then, after a paranoid insanity- attack with my girlfriend I knew this had to STOP.

So I did, and now I am crying cause I am happy and sad and happy and sad. It feels so good to be home, oh all those Italiens, the arts and the landscapes they made there in Toscany, wow !! First time I cried over beauty in manmade nature, first time I cried over pieces of art.

I am happy to read this site again and then happy to write this, I am happy I saw my ex yesterday, the day I returned.

Yvonne, thanks for the topic, although it seems there is hardly any connection with your subject.

Bye bye for now, love tears and peace.

Do your excercise and eat your vitamines !!!

STAY STRONG EVERYONE


Member: Wouter K
Location: Netherlands
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 7:20:43 AM

Comments

hello there, Wouter here, alkie who went for holidays to Italy, Florence Siena etc. Wow !!!

Growing up gave me a lot of freedom, my mother a working women and my father a working alkie. So I did do all the wrong things a young boy can do: drink and not study much get into trouble with the law with girls ect etc. Then, becoming a young man a continued on that road, drink some more, drop out of college, trouble with jobs and relations and struggle and stumble and fall.

Then suddenly I was hitting 40, oops...

Relation number x was not working, I was working but I hated my boss and my job and myself.

I had my last drinking and smoking marijurony binge and only then, after a paranoid insanity- attack with my girlfriend I knew this had to STOP.

So I did, and now I am crying cause I am happy and sad and happy and sad. It feels so good to be home, oh all those Italiens, the arts and the landscapes they made there in Toscany, wow !! First time I cried over beauty in manmade nature, first time I cried over pieces of art.

I am happy to read this site again and then happy to write this, I am happy I saw my ex yesterday, the day I returned.

Yvonne, thanks for the topic, although it seems there is hardly any connection with your subject.

Bye bye for now, love tears and peace.

Do your excercise and eat your vitamines !!!

STAY STRONG EVERYONE


Member: Carol C.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 7:24:12 AM

Comments

Hi Carol Alcoholic!

This is just what I need to hear right now. My son is 19 and has decided not to go into the Navy which was the plan since he was a jr. in highschool and the reason he's not going is he's partying with his friends. He has the I don't care about nothing attitude. Had been driving a honda I gave him without a liscience and has had tickets and an accident. So I repossed the car and now am practicing letting go. He brings me right back to how I felt at 19. I was doing the same things. And noone could tell me anything. He doesnt' want a sober life right now and favors my ex's life so letting go needs to be worked on big time for me. I am putting a call to my counsler to help straighten out my head and am letting people in the program know where I'm at. I know I will not pick up over this cause I've been through worse. Maybe a tough spot right now but I know I will get through this and things will work out for the best.

Have a good week everyone.


Member: Karen A
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 7:52:26 AM

Comments

Hi there everyone - Karen Alcoholic, Good to hear you Yvonne - as a child of an alcolic mother - who I used to manipulate myself, she could only lead me by example in the end. NOw she celebrates 6yrs sobriety and I have just celebrated 1 yr sobriety. The main reasons for our arguements in the drinking days was because we were so much alike. I used to have all my friends stay at our place and we would get up to no good and I would say 'don't worry shes drunk or in blackout and would never know', but I was really hiding my embarrassment and resentment of what I now know to be a very sick lady. Thank god for AA and thank god I had my mother 'to show by example' not just words.


Member: Stan M.
Location: Findlay, OH
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 8:09:54 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Stan and I'm an alcoholic. I guess I've been really blessed on this one. My son was much happier after I got sober. As for he rest of the family, they aren't necessarily. I think that's because today I try to live a sober life and they are threatened.

One thing that I was told in the Unit, and in AA from the time I entered was that alcoholism is a family disease, and that just because I got sober, didn't mean the rest of the people around me who were affected by my alcoholism immediately became "well." In fact, some of them got worse.

In reference to the Third Step, I've found that I finally got a good handle on that one after rigorously practicing Step Eleven. It was pretty hard to turn my will and my life over to a God with whom I had no conscious contact.

As a side benefit, when I practice Step Eleven, "praying only for a knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out." I find that many of the problems with family, friends, and associates some how go away. I think it's because I'm allowing my Higher Power to run things, rather than tryig to do His job.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Anne F.
Location: California
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 9:43:26 AM

Comments

God bless you,fellow alcoholics. I sobered up when my son was 5 years old and until just recently he could push any and all buttons with guilt. The thing that made the biggest difference in dealing with him was for me to go to Al-Anon. He isn't an alcoholic - yet - but I didn't know how to worry about myself, my sobriety, and my relationship with my higher power instead of trying to make my son happy. I have almost 20 years in AA and I needed Al-Anon to make me get back on track. It's easy to neglect my own program if I am busy trying to fix those around me. There was a saying in AA when I first came in "Scratch and alcoholic and you'ff fine a co-alcoholic". That is oh so true. Most of us were exposed to alcolism or to alcoholic behavior growing up - how would we know how to have normal relationships with others, even our children? God bless you all.


Member: Bill M
Location: Southeast Georgia
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 9:47:42 AM

Comments

Bill, Alcoholic

Ahhhhhhhh, kids, husbands, wives, mother-in-laws and soberity, such good issues to talk about with our sponsor. Most of my personal issues can be summed up with holding on to old ideas, and doing it my old way. It seemed that my sponsor always has the proper answers. When I'm looking for sympathy I skip the part about talking with the sponsor. I think sympathy is under rated, but so it flattery. I like both. I was also put off when I found out that very few people were interested in hearing the details of my problems with my family. I understand a good source for information on controlling the family is a good women' s only group or Alanon. When I was insisting on doing it the old way, I didn't care about or know anything about the third step. I knew my life was unmanagable but I had not been able to come to or come to believe - Recognition of the insane thinking and God helps when we are ready to ask God to relieve us from the bondage of self and to take away our difficulties. It was some years later that I would realize that in this 3rd step I had been told what God had in mind for me do after my victory over my difficulties. I didn't think people were talking about me when they said, "When all else fails read the directions". Still have problems with that today...... oh yes to "Crazed" - hate for anyone to just be ignored, In the beginning I picked up on "emotional and mental disorders", for my excuse, but after getting to know some with real wet brains..what can I say? - Keep coming back until you become one of AA's miracles.


Member: Another Alcoholic
Location: Out Here
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 10:22:30 AM

Comments

Yvonne..what you are experiencing is called "LIFE." No one in this program (not even Bill W and Dr. Bob) ever said that sobriety takes away the problems and issues that life brings with it. Sobriety offers us the ability to deal with life as it is presented to us without becoming stupid wacked out drunk.

I am guessing that the topic for this week is manipulation, so that is the avenue I will discuss. When I first got sober, I was filled with enormous feelings of guilt and fear. I allowed those feelings to rule and control me for a very long time and eventually I became a "DOOR MAT" to my family, friends, work associates and so on. Somewhere along the line, after working the steps, I realized that being a doormat was not what this program advocates.

This program taught me self respect and love. So, not only did I STOP manipulating others, but I also STOPPED being manipulated by others. I finally had to say NO, to those who led me around by the nose by using guilt/fear tactics. My Ex-Husband was a perfect example of that. He used my own fear and guilt as a means of manipulating me into staying with him. Stupid me, I thought this meant that he REALLY loved me, when the truth was that he was in extreme fear himself. He didn't want to live with himself, so he used me to feed his insecure ego. I finally got miserable enough to STOP the sick cycle I had allowed myself to get in to. So, my advice to those out there still struggling with those who wish to manipulate them is to this: "GET OFF THE GUILT/FEAR WAGON" once and for all and STAND ON YOUR OWN TWO FEET! Say NO to those out there who feed their own sick insecurities by keeping us down. After all this program is about growing up and being responsible for ourselves. If we stay in these sick cycles, we are sure to drink because we remain sick ourselves.

Tell your daughter, Yvonne, she does not have the control over you that she obviously thinks she does! Stand up for yourself because the more you allow it, the more miserable you will become and that is a recipe for a good drunk! Controlling people don't like it when we grow up and get better because they lose the ability to manipulate us. But guess what? This program is NOT about them, it is about US getting better!!!


Member: Me Too
Location:
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 10:29:19 AM

Comments

Manipulation destroys lives!!! People who manipulate are as sick as they accuse us of being. They have no self love so they take joy in trying to control others. People who allow themselves to be manipulated are just as bad. Learn how to love yourself and you will be FREE of such destructive behaviors. This is a fact not just a promise. Life is meant to be experienced in joy. Why do we destroy this gift that God gave us by manipulating or being manipulated? Because we are ungrateful, fear ridden weaklings, that's why!!

Learn self love and you will be set free.


Member: Anne
Location: California
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 11:26:41 AM

Comments

To Bill M of Southeast Georgia, and anyone else who thinks Al anon is a womens group: it's not. It's for anyone, male or female, who has a friend or family member who has trouble with alcohol.


Member: Cindi M
Location: Florida
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 11:37:09 AM

Comments

Hi there! I'm Cindi, an alkie. I'm addicted to "more". This is my first time here. I've been trying to get sober for more than a year. I am coming on 60 days sober with the help of AA and my higher power. I used to let my children, husband, job, weather, etc. "drive me drink". Today I realize I am responsible for my sobriety. This topic is just what I needed to hear. My 13 year old daughter has run away several times in the past two months and my 18 year old son moved out last week because "he can't take" living in our house anymore. Yes, things have definitly changed. I'm still very green in this program, but I don't plan on drinking today over my kids, my husband, my job, the weather, etc. I think I'll listen to your suggestions and experiences and hopes. Thanks for being here and thank you Yvonne for the topic.


Member: Edie R.
Location: S.C.
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 11:48:51 AM

Comments

Oh Yvonne, can I ever so relate to you on this issue. When I got sober, my first time in AA, my daughter was 13 years old and she was just like your daughter. She acted out for the next 5 years. I admitted her to 3 different hospitals, took her to counseling and tried everything suggested to me. She would go through bad power struggles, there were even plenty of nights I would go to bed with my door locked for fear of what she might do. Thank God I had plenty of support from people in AA. I would always ask God why I had to go through all of this and his answer to me was so that I could be support for others going through this same situation. I want you to know that I am here for you. Talk, talk, talk about this with people in the program and know that your higher power will get you through this and you can stay sober and your children will grow up one day. My Daughter and I now have that beautiful relationship that I always wanted then and she is 23 now with children of her own. You are in my prayers because I know how painful this is for you. Please feel free to e mail me at nanna12@infoave.net


Member: Edie
Location: S.C.
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 12:08:48 PM

Comments

Hello Everyone, I'm Edie an alcoholic. I sure have read some good things on here this morning.

Sanders, I was also touched by your story, thanks for sharing that with us.

Corrine, I always enjoy your posts and I wish I could express myself as good as you. It is like I know what I am trying to say but when I put it to words it sometimes looks and sounds wrong.

Sheri, you and your family are in my prayers. You are not in self pity you are just grieving, it's okay and needed. Sometimes I just need to hear others tell me it's okay.

I hope everyone has a great Labor Day. We have had lots of rain here but it's still great to have time off of work.

Sounds like Brian and the gang had a great time and I wish I could have been there with ya'll. I am looking forward to meeting some good people off of here in November in Virginia and I can't wait.

I wish all a happy sober day.


Member: Russell
Location: NYC
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 1:31:48 PM

Comments

Russell, Alcoholic

I like the Thrid step being a topic. Makes sense I get what I need, since that is what I am working on now. Turning my will and my life over to the care of a Higher power as I understand him.

I am experienceing the willingness and the desire(When I run the show all sorts of bad things happen, resentment, drinking, etc). I know that I am powerless over even the first drop of booze. Once I drink, who knows what will happen.

The problem is that I don't have an inkling of understanding of what a higher power is. To me the higher Power is one word: God. That's the word I say when I hit my knees during the day.

I thinks that Might just be coming to a vague understanding.

I was having trouble falling asleep last nite, and I started to mull over just that topic. Then I started thinking of nature, biology, life and wilderness. Then it came to me that a complex symmetry underlies all of it. How can a pile of amino acids combine into a protein, and then, quite naturally, that chain of seemingly random set of molecules can start to twist and line up to create something that was once inactive into a little mechanical device. All without the hand of man to intervene! I thinks that is somthing quite astonishing and beautiful. This stuff happens in every living organism. just looking at that aspect is what leads me to a partial conclusion that there is something all powerful and intelligent and guiding nature and the universe.

If something is that intelligent and able to help me to stay sober and change towards a direction that leads me to a more productive, thankful and helpful existance, then I am willing.

Now about today. I have having sadness over a broken relationship. Prayer helps, but my sorrow is great. I treated this person in a neglectful way when iwas out there and being the most selfish person imaginable. Now that I have come into the rooms, and started to work the steps with all the willingness I can pray for, my desire is to be a more generous and giving partner. Just when I was rounding the bend to being a giver rather than a taker, she hit the road and is now seeing another person. All I asked of her was a little more patience for the first few weeks and then things would change. They did, and she left. I am powerless over other peoples' actions. I have to accept that. All I can do is pray for her and that she finds happiness.

I do this to prevent me from having a resentment. It states in the Big Book that resentment is the biggest poison a recovering alcoholic can have. If an alcoholic carries and nutures resentment, then an alocoholic is doomed to drink. I dont want to drink today. I want to be a loving, giving and accepting person today.

I am hoping that my sharing will make the feelings easier. But feelings are something I have to face today. I just have to remember that feelings(including sadness) are a natural part of life. I know that I truly miss her. If I continue to work on acceptance and a relationship with a higher power, then there is a bright futer for me. Those promises are outlined in page 83 of the Big Book.

Thatnk you and God bless us all.


Member: Anieta R.
Location: Ga.
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 4:06:41 PM

Comments

Thanks Yevonne, My situation is with my family although sober for 1+ they still treat me as if im that 14 year old that was abused and neglected by them years ago. I have just reciently had to move into there home in order to get another start in another town and it is a miserable experience although I thought I had forgiven them for the past I find myself getting those old feelings again. I moved from chicago to Atlanta, they offered it to me because the struggle was rough I was on the verge of losing my apartment etc. I was not able to find a job fast enough. So they suggested that I move to Ga. the land of opp. I did and now I feel alone and sometimes miserable. thank god for this site. I have no car and I have been working for a month now saving money but not making meetings and not being around other drunks like self. They drink! Family manipulation is whats going on they can be so evil and they know they hurt me but the good thing, the thing that is so different for me today is I believe what my higher power is doing for me like building patience in me and tolerance for others who are not working in a program and who do not believe in change that are still practicing sick behavior, the difference is I am aware today and can let go sometime not right then and there but within a few minutes or so because I continue to look at where I was just 2 years ago and where I am today. Saving money and really working toward a goal. The wine looked good yesterday but I can't drink because the cycle will pick back up and I will destroy not only who I begun to love but my children and god bless them, My parents and there da.. house. My wonderful sponser pass into a better place a little over a month ago and she left me alot of knowledge, Im miss her she was truly there for me. Im now missing my recovering family in chicago (jack clark's) God has other plans for me so I take what I've learned and put it in use.


Member: Dave H
Location: Madison Wisc.
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 8:54:17 PM

Comments

Yvonne, I often suggest the Chapter in the Big Book entitled "The Family Afterword" I liked the ideas by Stan and Another Alcoholic Out too. Anieta I remember being stuck in a little rural town in Wisconsin without a car. If I wouldn't have asked for help and come from the heart I might have not made it. The a few of the local AA's picked me up like clockwork ad took me to meetings. I'm getting choked up remembering this time. They saved my life; but I had to ask. It is not an imposition it is practicing the principles in all our affairs. Hang in there folks and go for it. Thanks, Dave


Member: Harry K.
Location: U.K
Date: 9/4/00
Time: 9:12:18 PM

Comments

WOW! Thanks guy's, I must say I feel much better now! Compared to the persevearance some of you have demonstrated, I've got nothing to complain about! Thank you all for helping me stay sober today! It will help me be there for you tomarrow! Love and a huge (((HUG)))!!


Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N.H.
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 12:03:49 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Rhonda and I'm an alcoholic. Good topics as always. At 9 1/2mos. sober I'm just focusing on my recovery. Yes things with my family are changing because I'm changing. It's o.k. I have the tools of the program and my higher power which I call God. Thanks for all the wisdom and I'll remember that fear is lack of faith.


Member: Lorrie R
Location: Michigan
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 12:12:50 AM

Comments

Hi everyone - my name is Lorrie and I am an alcoholic & addict. It is by the Grace of God & the program of AA that I am sober/clean today (plus sane & serene most of the time). When I was getting sober, my daughter was 15 and beginning to practice her disease(s). She was a chronic run-away; had been an honor student, cheerleader, was getting picked up as a minor in possession, made several trips to juvie. How I wanted to protect her from herself and to shield her from some of the experiences I had during my drinking & druging years! Painful emotional turmoil was my constant companion, along with guilt for all the things I did and did not do as a mother and fear that something terrible would happen to her. I began to turn her over to God one nite when I realized that God had taken care of me all the years that I drank & drugged and that He would watch over her as well. I accepted the fact that even if my worst fears materialized, with His help I could and would get thru them. One of my 1st steps of surrender...The situation did not immediately get better, but little by little I became more peaceful. I kept my daily sobriety at the top of the list and began applying the steps to my life. I attended meetings, talked with my sponsor, went to work every day and tried to get on with life. I asked God for guidance, courage & strength and to help me stay sober (physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually) and I thanked him every nite for doing so. The Serenity Prayer was & still is a wonderful tool to keep the focus on my recovery. I became an Alateen & an Alatot sponsor. Some of the young people in the Alateen group went to school with my daughter and some were her friends and they "hung" out together. Part of the requirement to be a sponsor in these programs was to attend at least one Alanon meeting a week. My first door of recovery had been Alanon, which led me to the doors of AA, so for me, that wasn't a problem (it was/is a blessing in disquise). The Alateens taught me so much about parenting - they shared things in meetings that blew my mind and I began to understand where my daughter was coming from. One young man in particular shared about now that his parents were clean & sober, all the rules had changed...they now wanted to know where he was, who he was with, and they expected him to participate in family life, not only socially but to take on some of the duties around the house. A statement he made regarding all this was that just because "they" were in recovery, didn't mean he was or wanted to be...he much preferred the freedom he had while his parents were practicing. I realized that by becoming sober, although it was the best thing that had happened to and for me I really upset the family dynamics. I learned from others in the program(s) that anger, rebellion, resentment were very common responses. Our children, family & friends no longer knew what to expect from us and they could be mad as He__ and feel like we were forcing recovery down their throats. I insisted my daughter go to Alateen, but not the group I was sponsoring. Funny thing was that as I applied this program to my life and made sobriety my first priority, answers began to appear to resolve existing problems & to avoid creating new ones. Again, this did NOT happen over nite. One day, again at wits end about my daughter's behavior & after several calls from juvie to come and get her and my refusals to do so - I again surrendered. I left work went home to talk with my roommate who had 5 yrs of sobriety at that time (unfathonable to me who had 4 months)...I opened the phone book on the table in front of me and found a recovery home for teenagers. I realized for myself that this was not an "accident" it was divine guidance. I called them and made an appointment for later on that day, picked my daughter up, telling her before I took her with me that she had time to shower, change her clothes & where we were going. If she didn't agree, I wasn't taking her home.

It was a nightmare ride - she verbally abused me, threatened to jump out of the car, screamed, cried, pleaded & made tons of promises that she would change. I kept driving (with God's help & reassurance in my head & heart) knowing I was doing the "right" thing for both of us. She stayed for 42 days...and immediately went back to her old friends and haunts. She had turned 15 while she was in rehab...within a few days, because she could not/would not respect my sobriety or co-operate in any way with the new rules of conduct, I watched as she packed her things in garbage bags & moved out, holding on to my chair & keeping my mouth shut was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. (I prayed the whole time in my head).

I cried many tears, continued to love her from afar, kept my word about the things I assured her I would do (provide medical & dental coverage, buy prescriptions when necessary, continue her education expenses), the basics but she would need to be responsible for lodging, food, entertainment. We sold a car we had purchased for her birthday. I practiced a lot of "tough love".

Today, my daughter & I are are good friends. We cherish the gifts we have been given. Once I got out of the way and let God take over it all worked out just the way it was suppose to - all of this was a perfect place and way to apply the 3rd step to my life. Sorry for being so long winded - hope it helps someone.


Member: morty
Location: Ga.
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 12:53:00 AM

Comments

Instead of your counselor to straighten your head out.. ahem, why not TRY the 12 steps of AA, a SPONSOR and-- gee, perhaps a homegroup?

that is what they told me.

It may even help. who knows?


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 3:15:22 PM

Comments

"Hear this, you elders; Listen to me; all you inhabitants of the land!...Has the like of this happened in your days, or in the days of your forefathers?

Tell it to your children and let them tell it to theirs; Let one generation pass it on to another.

What the locust has left, the swarmer devours; what the swarmer has left, the hopper devours; and what the hopper has left the grub devours.

Wake up, you drunkards, and weep! Mourn for the new wine, all you wine-drinkers, for it is denyed to you"...

Many in times past have considered themselves to be under a curse; or under some power greater than themselves, some have undertaken to rid themselves of the overshadowing effects of a bad sceene. They compensate this way and that, to blot out a passed sentence that has been sent out. But how few these days consider themselves to be under: or controled by, a verse? A simple bible verse some would say, and, in this case The first chapter of the book of the prophet Joel. How few there are who understand the depth to which their lives are knit to that self same verse...And so it is in these days of the which we now live that, we as they in times past find the wine denied to us. Here I could state that God's word is not a calender date that passes away on the morrow but even in the shallowness of our understanding we acknowledge it to be so, that His word trandsends time and space. Far too often we like to think of the same as history and consider not that it passes to each new generation.

And so it is, that as we look around us we see the mighty hand of God at work in this very area where the bars fade out of the land one after another; where in music city usa they say a murder has been done on music row and to their livelyhood; for the musicians have had to find other work: The days of the corner bar are all but over and who will risk his self to dance till two on a Saturday night the way things are? AA has begun to prosper and though none wants to see these days nor be a part of them nevertheless we live.

But what is it all about and why must we be in this number, that God has pulled as it were, this verse from his pocket to show unto us?...Shaw, how soon we forget the sixties and the seventies where God was in none of our thoughts and we were all given over to mirth and meriment. How many souls perished in their sins by this neglect of God? The days of the Beatles were in swing as God counted the lost that went by Him. So,, what can we say of these things and what is the account of it:? Is not God for us rather than against us? Yea he is; but not to that party that lasts for a day and is gone, but according to the soul that lives on and on. Truly he is not against wine for it was Jesus's first miricle on earth to turn the water to wine: but who can not but hear, and who's heart would not go out, and who would not be touched by another verse that he has in his pocket: "Hear O Heavens and give ear O earth, I have reared up children for myself and they have all gone astray, each to his own way, The Ox knows it's owner, and the donkey it's master's stall, but my people do not know, these be all who have deserted the Lord.

Things look better to him these days as each of us in AA lift up our eyes on step three, it's this he wants for us, to live...


Member: SuNNy
Location:
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 5:57:41 PM

Comments

I love scripture as much as the next person, but somehow this just doesn't seem like the right place.

Anyway, Yvonne, it's not uncommon, as you are learning, to enter a program of recovery and find your children responding negatively. The roles are reversed now, and no longer to their advantage. Parents acting like parents rather than best friends or children themselves clearly defines their role: children, not adults.

Hang in there. Truth: You may never regain the reins of control, but boundaries are essential for the sanity and welfare of yourself and the greater family you live with and within. Put the tools to work for you. Commence the AA way of life. Hey, you're not alone and there's hope -- unless of course, you prefer the easier, softer way and go back to drinking. Then all your problems are solved.

Just be willing to do what is in front of you, just for today.


Member: John B.
Location: Newark Delaware
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 6:43:51 PM

Comments

Hi Im John and Alcoholic in recovery for a while now I am having trouble with anger. I make meetings and try to work the steps the best I can. And still get really angry. I am on medication for Bi-Polar disorder. I am still having the problem. I am newly married to my wife for one yr now, she has two children from a previous marriage. Theyl are teenagers. I already went through the bringing up of kids, Im not sure I can do that again.


Member: HC
Location:
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 9:35:32 PM

Comments

JOHN B, I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL,GOT TEENS AND2 GRAND KIDS HERE MOST THE TIME.IM ON CELEXA AND BUSPAR, BUT IM STILL GOING CRAZY THOUGH,I NEED SOME OTHERT KIND OF MEDS I THINK. HC


Member: ric
Location:
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 9:37:48 PM

Comments

HEY SHORTY MORTY, you still hangin in there? ric


Member: Terry Wade
Location: Monmouth ILL
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 10:24:49 PM

Comments

prozak puppies and jesus freaks. thank god i have a home group! tough love and other physchobabble, BAH HUMBUG


Member: David B.
Location: Kc Mo
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 10:57:02 PM

Comments

My name is David I am a alcoholic. Sometimes we as Individuals talk of personal things and we as Individuals are sorry. Are primary purpose is? So the Key to sobriety the gift, Surrender, ask His protection and care with complete abandon,Yeild as to the right of way. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, The courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to Know the Difference.


Member: Rick
Location: Texas
Date: 9/5/00
Time: 11:36:24 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Rick, and I'm an alcoholic.

I'm a new member to AA and this discussion group. I am not new to the problems we are facing. Last week, I went too far by addressing things other people were saying and not telling things from my own experiences and perspective. Sorry. As to whether or not I'm a psychologist, well, yes I am. And not just a “want to be” or a student, the real thing. It would appear that I just jumped in here too fast and definitely in the wrong role. Again, sorry.

So why not do my shrink stuff and leave AA alone? Because I know all of that stuff, and frankly, knowledge alone is not helping me stay away from alcohol.

There is one thing that I am concerned about. I didn't want to share too much to begin with because I didn't know if it was safe or not. From what I've seen, it can be extraordinarily brutal and vicious in here. If I open up my feelings and challenges to you, are you going to use them to help me or hurt me?

Morty, I don't recall anyone ever speaking to me the way you did last week - and I spent eight years in the armed forces. I accept the advise and criticism that some of you have given because you have been here much longer than I have and know the rules of this place.

I do believe that this site has a lot to offer, and I want to be a part of it. Morty, can we accept each other as flawed individuals (me sometimes analyzing things to death, and you sometimes explosive) and move on in peace? We may seem to be at opposite extremes. That’s fine. I am only interested in the truth and staying sober.

Well, I don't want to go on too long lest some become impatient. However, I want to let you all know that the things you have written have given me the strength to remain abstinent for one more day. Thank you.

p.s. I did not write that previous question signed ric. And as for psychobabble, it is just a different (sometimes more technical) way of describing what we are trying to come to grips with here. Remember, some are going to have more issues than just alcohol to deal with. I understand, and I wish you all the best.

However, here, I am just another alcoholic trying to make it through one more day of sobriety.


Member: Sheri F
Location: cool cloudy Portland, OR
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 1:57:29 AM

Comments

Sheri F WELCOME Rick and all newcomers!!! You can get the love, guidence and support here. Yes there always will be the a--holes in AA as well as in every area of life. Here we can delete.. as we walk away in f2f meetings. If you are willing to go to ANY length for your soberity, then you are in the right place. It is only 4 minutes at a time.. not a 24 hour day. Just stop and change the day.. You can start the day over any time. No one says it has to be a 24 hr day. I took 4 minutes at a time for nearly 3 years before I realized I was taking this program one day at a time. Those 4 cotton pick'en minutes added to 22 yrs. You CAN do it! Hang in there.. If I can do it you can too. Love and prayers, Sheri F.

PS. coffee pot down?


Member: Bert.K.
Location: Victoria Australia
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 4:45:04 AM

Comments

Hi to all alkies ,I'm Bert.K.alkie from ausie land and glad to be sober. Hey lets remember this is Alcoholics Anonymous and not Bible study. Anyhow I feel so very very lucky and so very grateful that both our sons and later in my sobriety their partners were just grateful that Dad just didn't drink anymore and they were wonderful, I know I am in the minority but by God I feel so good about that because my family means the world to me now (and always did but I just didn't know it) And to all in this room who are having problems with their children just stop and think how much worse things could get if we were back on the booze. THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE FOR ME TO HAVE ANOTHER DAY OF HAPPY SOBRIETY. Bert.K. from Victoria Australia.


Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 5:12:27 AM

Comments

Rich R, alcholic without the alcohol. (I guess that means I'm Rich R, "ic")

I have a LARGE family. My oldest thinks I'm nuts not to drink. I believe it's b/c he still likes to drink. My second oldest just plain thinks I'm nuts. My third oldest thinks it's great that I'm in recovery for so many addictions. My fourth oldest quit drinking b/c she's afraid she might end up like me! My fifth oldest drinks some but does ALL KINDS of thrill seeking stuff too. My sixth oldest is a party animal, not sure if she drinks though. My seventh oldest is a typical teenage boy (strange). My eighth oldest prefers food to alcohol. My ninth oldest is proud of me. My tenth oldest (aka youngest) could care less as long as I attend his soccer games! Thanks for letting me share :-)


Member: Karen H
Location: Newtown, PA
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 6:35:42 AM

Comments

Howdy to all. Karen here, alcoholic. Anger, family members that manipulate, Lord am I in the right place. Last night I gave it to my mother in law with both barrels. She's been sponging money off my family for years, she's divorced and 61 and has no interest in my husband and children except when she's needing something. After 16 years, last night, when she told me she was quitting yet another job because yet another boss was "unethical and insane" I told her she was being irresponsible, that she should pay back the money we already gave her, that she shouldn't expect us to be her parent and that the fact that she was in town this weekend and didn't even stop by to see my kids and husband was just mean. Then I got personal... Took some pot shots, true and straight shots but none the less, too close to the bone in too mean a spirit. My husband was mad for a while then cooled down and was very loving and said that her manipulation had destroyed a lot of lives and we're cool.... but now of course, she'll relay the conversation to the rest of the family and I haven't much hope I'll look good, though most of them are well onto her game and will probably laugh about it. But after 17 years of sobriety, I probably knew better. Restraint of tongue and pen, blah blah blah. Who knows. Maybe something good'll come out of it. Even if it's just that I hold my tongue next time. Peace to all, even that bozo who's making fun of people.


Member: care
Location:
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 8:09:22 AM

Comments

teach your children well...crosby, stills, nash, and young


Member: Kent W
Location: Houston, Tx
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 9:58:25 AM

Comments

Hi Kent alcholic here...

Rick, I understand exactly what you mean. It is difficult to put you problems out there in front of a group of people. I also know that is the "ONLY" way to stay clean and sober. For years I refused to face my problems in AA. What happened? I was locked up in jail 3 times. I was hospitalized twice. I nearly lost everything that I had, and became physically and mentally ill. Having my pride hurt once in a while dosen't seem like anything compared to all of that. I am very grateful for this program and ALL of the people in it. Thanks for letting my share....


Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 10:48:46 AM

Comments

Mary, alcy

Change is difficult whether one is an alcoholic or not. Some adjust eventually and some resist thru their lifetime. I have to accept that or else I go crazy.

For me, repitition of the new behavior (or new attitude) seems to solidify it best. Like all else the more you do something the quicker it becomes second nature. Standing firm in new behaviors and/or beliefs is probably one of the hardest tasks we alcys face. After 12+ years of continuous sobriety certain members of my family STILL see me and treat me as they did when I was active. Do I allow myself to be mistreated? No. But that does not stop them from doing it again and again and again...... Sometimes it can make me feel as if I have not made any progress at all - and that is when I must remember that feelings are not facts. Family members, especially, know where our buttons are --- they put them there. Not only do I need to build up and maintain my defense system to stay away from that first drink but it was also necessary to create a defense system (utilizing the people and the tools of AA) against the power my family held, and can still hold, over me. Not easy by any means. We have to replace our old "tapes" with new ones and that takes t-i-m-e (that dirty four letter word) and practice.

THE WORD AROUND THE HALLS OF AA IS HOPE !!

God bless all - Mary


Member: Angie
Location: CA
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 11:05:37 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, Angela alcholic. I am very new to this whole thing. It is incredible to see that I am not alone in this whole thing. There are so many people out there with a whole lot more issues and situations that I have never had to deal with. By finally seeing that my lifestlye will get me to there "place" very quickly, I am so happy to find this site. Went to my first meeting yesterday, wow. This site is a great way to start mey day-2!


Member: SuNNy
Location: Across the river where it's rainy and cloudy too!
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 12:27:28 PM

Comments

Hey Texas Rick: Welcome Ya'll!

When sharing in forums such as these it's important for me to remember that honesty without compassion is brutaility. That way, I re-check my motives and make sure I don't subject anyone to my "honesty" which is subject to change at any given time. How's that for psychobabble? LOL. Truly, the only person I need to be rigorously honest with is meself.

These forums are great enhancements to those of us that need little sanity breaks throughout the day that can't get away from the office or the kids. However, there are also our disabled friends that can't get to meetings, and this is "it." So, carrying the message means, for this alkie, that I do so in a way that's attractive here, the bathroom, the board room. Practicing the principles of the program in all my affairs is essential if I am to commence the AA way of life.

As for the negative stuff, well, I need those folks too. They always refer me to page 449, which is like a breath of fresh air in a really stinky bathroom. Ahh...freedom from bondage.

Have a sober peaceful day!


Member: IG, Kim
Location: South Korea
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 12:41:00 PM

Comments

Hi, everybody. I am IK, Kim in the south Korea. I have remained sober 4 years and 6 months. Yes, change is difficult, whether one is alcholic or not. However, unless we alcholics are not changed, we cannot help but pick up the first cup of liquor some day and can lead to death. Change for me means growth, development, and sobriety. Though it is difficult to be changed, it is so much valuable and important to me. So I have tried to change the way of life which I had lived for the drinking years. Nowadays I am enjoying the change. I owe all these things to AA and the HP. Thanks for letting me share. Be happy and peaceful in your days.


Member: IG, Kim
Location: South Korea
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 12:47:18 PM

Comments

Hi, everybody. I am IK, Kim in the south Korea. I have remained sober 4 years and 6 months. Yes, change is difficult, whether one is alcholic or not. However, unless we alcholics are changed, we cannot help but pick up the first cup of liquor some day and can lead to death. Change for me means growth, development, and sobriety. Though it is difficult to be changed, it is so much valuable and important to me. So I have tried to change the way of life which I had lived for the drinking years. Nowadays I am enjoying the change. I owe all these things to AA and the HP. Thanks for letting me share. Be happy and peaceful in your days


Member: Lisa K.
Location: Michigan
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 1:51:26 PM

Comments

Hi family, I'm Lisa and I'm an alcoholic... Throughout the year's of sobriety, I've learned that I can't control people, places and things. It is vitally important to keep the focus on myself (I get really sick when I attempt to be in someone elses head trying to understand their thoughts, motives, etc.; it's hard enough to understand myself sometimes. Through sitting around many meetings, I've seen that over time (and lots of it, sometimes), family relations change. I try to remember that it took a long time for me to get to where I am today, and to be patient with those around me, as well as myself. The third step and manipulation are good topics for me as I am struggling with a neighbor who is a "grand manipulator" and doesn't respect boundaries or "no". I have risked to take care of myself in this situation and expressing myself through setting boundaries, but her anger still scares me. I realize that it is important to continue to do the next right thing and to leave the outcome to God. I don't like feeling afraid when people attempt to control through manipulation and anger...I struggle when this happens. Especially when she smiles as she does so. Anyways, the most important thing is that I'm (we're sober), I have a God in my life and a personal relationship with him, many wonderful things to be grateful for and no hangover. What a miracle to wake up with choices today. It just doesn't get any better than this! You're in my prayers as well as all of the suffering alcoholics still out there practicing this devastating disease.


Member: morty
Location: ga.
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 4:05:29 PM

Comments

rick, did you want some CHEESE with that Whine?


Member: Mark H
Location: South Dakota US
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 5:50:57 PM

Comments

Hi. I'm Mark, Alcoholic. I've been sober 2 days. Trying to stay sober 20 years. Going to AA f2f meetings for 6 months. I like what Cindi M said, she is "addicted to more". When it comes to alcohol, that is very true for me. I start, and can't stop. I also have used the excuse that I let my wife, step kids, drive me to drink. Although I haven't stayed sober the whole time, the things that have been said in the meetings is beginning to make a little sense. The fact that what happens in my life is going to go on whether I drink or not, and how I react to them is what I need to work on. For me, it's not a matter of getting sober, it's a matter of staying sober. Sometimes I think that I would be able to stay sober if I left my wife, and step kids. I cannot say that would help, because I don't know for sure. I am just praying to my higher power each day that I "get it", which means getting what I see that others in the program have. Peace, Serenity, Happiness. Isn't that what we all want? Just like Cindi M, I am realizing that I am responsible for my sobriety, and I want to be sober. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 6:39:07 PM

Comments

Well well well, here we are in aa; that place that respects all religious back grounds; all we've had to do was throw our bibles away to get it done!? Shall I praise you for this? Nay, We could afford to loose the big book, say, if somebody got drunk that attended the meetings, and one was arroused to utter `such hypocrites... would they then throw the big book away? Nay, (but that's what's happened to many a bible) the church or it's members did not measure up, and yet we welcome back in aa the one that relapsed and pat ourselves on the back for it? I say again, we can afford to lose the big book; But if the bible is lost so also is the program...


Member: Mike W
Location: Norwood,Pa
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 9:25:31 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, I'm Mike an alcoholic

Angela Welcome and congratulations,one day without a drink is a miracle,and that is all we have, TODAY. Life can be wonderful without a drink, I have met so many caring and loving people at meetings. I have made friends who will give everything they have, and expect nothig in return. It just keeps getting better, Keep Coming Back

Rick, you are right. Knowledge will not keep me sober. I admitted 20 years ago that I was alcoholic. That knowledge kept me a slave to alcohol for 16 more years, losing everything, and everyone in my life over and over. It was only when I surrendered, and admitted that I had no idea how to run my ownlife, that I found a way to save my life.

I thank God every morning for another day sober. I go to meetings,walking into a meeting I am washed over with a feeling of relief, I belong. I work the steps the best that I can . I try to be the best person that I can be, what people think of me is none of my business. What I think of myself is what I have to live with every day.

There is a way out Have a Fantastic Journey


Member: Rick
Location: Texas
Date: 9/6/00
Time: 11:54:18 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Rick, and I am an alcoholic.

Thanks to all of you who addressed me.

Sherri F. Thanks for your encouragement. You have truly been a guiding light since I have started reading these discussions.

Rich R. Wow! 10? Oh, and sorry for the confusion, ric.

Kent and Mike W., thanks.

Morty, whatever. On the other hand, can you PLEASE address "anonymous" for us all? Nobody can do that quite like you!

The discussion this week started out talking about children and family members. Over summer break, I took my son to South Padre Island. While sitting on the balcony overlooking the Gulf, drinking my favorite concotion, my twelve year old son asked me when I was going to quit drinking. I told him that I have been working on drinking moderately. He then said, "Dad, you've been trying to drink moderately my whole life! When are you just going to quit?!"

Another reason to add to the long list of why I am here.


Member: GREGG G.
Location: KENNEWICK, WA
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 12:18:26 PM

Comments


Member: t.t.
Location:
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 1:06:35 PM

Comments

gregg g., what happened?talk to us.we are all ears.

terry


Member: Matt C. P.
Location: Riverside
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 3:54:31 PM

Comments

Hello, My name is Matt and this is my first time posting on Staying Cyber. I believe the topic is on your children and how being an alcoholic has affected them and your relationship with them. Well, first of all I would probably be at an AA meeting if I could drive. The state of California has decided it would be best if I refrained from driving for a year. This is a constant reminder to my children that their father is different from the other dads and I think it is very embarrassing to them. This is just one of many things that affects my children because I'm an alcoholic.

Hope I'm doing this right Matt C. P.


Member: jodi  l.
Location: colo
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 5:50:31 PM

Comments

HELLO AFTER THE GENRAL SOBERING UP HAPPENS THEN COMES THE REAL WORK BECAUSE THE ENTIRE FAMILY INCLUDING OUTSIDE FAMILY MEMMBERS GO THREW A BIG CHANGE BECAUSE WE GO THROUGH SUCH DRAMATIC CHANGES JODI L. COLO


Member: Michelle
Location: Oz
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 5:57:21 PM

Comments

Michelle, Alcoholic...It's funny, I always thought I was alone in the kid-sabotaging thing. I just knew they'd be thrilled mom was sober. They consciously were, but the underlying truth revealed other motives. Guilt, Manipulation, Selfishness...monkey does what monkey sees. Old habits die hard, just because I got sober; my family didn't get healthy overnight. Trust is another big issue. Just because I say I'm sober, why should they believe me this time. It just takes time, faith and patience, on both ends.


Member: Rod K
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 8:05:22 PM

Comments

Hi, My name is Rod and I'm an alcoholic. Well, I don't have any kids but I really wanted to talk anyway. Things are just getting harder and harder. It seemed a lot easier when I was drinking. I had lots of support, most of my bills were up to date enough to keep everything, I had a girlfriend and a steady paycheck. I went into rehab for 6 weeks and I have no place to live, most of my things are starting to be repossessed, I am alone and am in serious jeopardy of losing my job. This really sucks. I was staying with a woman who also quit drinking not long ago, I have two months sober, and she decided, and I agree, that it's not best for us to stay together. We both have to work on ourselves and falling in love at this point may seriously hurt our recovery. Everything seems to be falling apart. The only good thing lately is that I haven't picked up a drink. I am trying to take responsibility for my own actions, but when I get some things worked out by the fact that some people who I have helped many, many times before, say they will help and then at the last minute go back on their word, I get very frustrated. They just seem to make matters worse. I don't expect help from anyone, but when it is offered, I feel good, and accept, I wish they would follow through. Now that I've got that off my chest I feel a little better. I just have to pick up and do the best I can. I don't blame anyone else for the situation I am in, although it may sound like it. I just needed to whine a little I guess. Thanks for anyone who is listening and I have to do it one day at a time.


Member: Mary T.
Location: Florida
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 8:22:48 PM

Comments

Hi; I'm Mary, an alcoholic. Glad to be here, and glad to be sober today. Not driving is no reason not to go to a meeting. MANY members of AA are glad to help drive folks to meetings. It's part of reaching out our hands. Call your local AA and tell them that you want to go to meetings but need a ride; they will refer you to someone who can help. This will also give you an excellent opportunity to get to know folks and talk with them one-on-one. As good as this site is, it does not replace live meetings, especially for newcomers. If you want to get to a meeting, you'll find a way. It's part of going to any length to stay sober.


Member: CHERYL L.
Location: CALIFORNIA, KY
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 10:18:11 PM

Comments

HI ALL I AM AN ADDICT/ALCOHOLIC WHOM MY HIGHER POWER LIKES FOR YOU ALL TO CALL CHERYL. I AM FAIRLY NEW TO THE PROGRAM TOO. BUT IN THE VERY SHORT TIME I'VE BEEN INVOLVED, I'VE LEARNED MORE ABOUT MYSELF THAN I CARED TO KNOW. UNTIL I FIGURED OUT THAT IT'S REALLY NOT THE DRUGS AND ALCOHOL THAT ARE MY PROBLEM. I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FROM SICK SOUL DISEASE. AND DON'T YOU KNOW WHEN I STARTED FEEDING MY SOUL HEALTHY THINGS (AA, PRAYER, POSITIVE THINKING, ETC.) I FELT BETTER ALMOST IMMEDIATELY!

THEY KEEP TELLING ME THAT ALL I HAVE TO DO IS FIX ME AND THE REST WILL COME. WELL, MY KIDS ACT BETTER, MY HUSBAND BELIEVES IN GOD NOW, AND MY PRAYERS ARE BEING ANSWERED DAILY. IT IS AMAZING! MY FAMILY THOUGHT THAT WHEN I CAME OUT OF DETOX THAT EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE JUST WONDERFUL. WELL IT WASN'T AT FIRST AND THEN IT GOT BETTER AND BETTER AND THEN I GOT DRUNK AND HIGH. I DON'T KNOW WHY I GUESS I FELL OFF THAT PINK CLOUD EVERYONE SAID I WAS ON. THAT SUCKED BAD BUT I THINK IT MADE ME STRONGER. IT ACTUALLY HURT ME THAT MY KIDS DIDN'T SEEM TO BE UPSET BY IT. KIDS ARE FUNNY THAT WAY. BUT I THINK THAT THE PART WHERE I GOT INTO MYSELF AND GOT RID OF ALL THE SHIT KINDA MADE THEM SEE THE SUFFERING WE GO THROUGH.

I PRAY EVERY DAY FOR GOD TO WATCH OVER ALL THE CHILDREN AND THAT HE WON'T LET THEM MAKE THE SAME HORRIBLE MISTAKES THAT SOME OF US HAVE MADE. ALCOHOL AND DRUGS. SOUL DESTROYERS.

I NOW HAVE 15 DAYS SOBRIETY SINCE MY SLIP. MY PRAYERS GO OUT TO THE ALCOHOLIC WHO STILL SUFFERS. GOD BLESS ALL.


Member: Rick
Location: Texas
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 11:21:59 PM

Comments

Hello everyone, My name is Rick, and I'm an alcoholic. When I listen to the honesty and pain in everyone's life, I feel really humbled.

Rod, I think I know how you feel. At one point, I literally lost EVERYTHING. I lost my family, home, honor and self-respect. Alcohol was not the only factor, but it certainly didn't help.

As Cheryl was saying, it does and will get better. Don't give up on God or on yourself.


Member: CHERYL
Location: KY
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 11:36:08 PM

Comments

HEY RICK! R U THE PSYCHOLOGIST OR PSYCHIATRIST?


Member: Lorrie R
Location: Michigan
Date: 9/7/00
Time: 11:46:35 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone - Lorrie, Alcoholic, Addict here in Michigan. If this forum was a face to face meeting, I would be able to thank those of you who have shared here. I would also be able to encourage the newcomers to keep coming back - and suggest that they not leave before the miracle happens. If we were face to face, I would also be able to give you those hugs (if you wanted them) that are better than words some days. It's interesting being "here", I can see some of the people who sit around the tables where I go to meetings...you just have different names. Although, I am fairly new to posting here, I have to agree with who ever said, it can be brutal here, and I especially liked being reminded about the "brutal" honesty. Words in print can easily be misinterpreted, where if we were face to face, voice inflection and body language would be easier to see. However, this is an Alcoholics Anonymous forum and the page begins with the Preamble, and we are here to share "our" experience, strength, and hope with each other. It doesn't mean one of us is "right" and one of us "wrong". The big book states we don't have to grovel anymore, and I think that also applies to sharing. Maybe we can agree to disagree and not take someone else's opinion to be personally devastating. How important is it really comes to mind - will it matter a day, week or year from now?

However, on the other side of the coin, again this is an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. I understand and know a little bit about where the principals and steps of this program originated. AA comes of Age provides a lot of the early struggles and ideas that helped create this program of recovery and how our forefathers made decisions based on their experiences and used the tools that were given to them as divine guidance. As Dr. Bob said on his death bed, let's Keep It Simple, lest we mess it up. (This is a paraphrase, not verbatim.)

A lot of us have struggled with the "spiritual" concepts. and the 3rd Step states God as we understood Him. I have a long term friend who could not get past her "religious" beliefs and teachings and did a lot of "evangalizing" in meetings...which incidentally turned a lot of people off...The Little Red Book finally gave her some insight, as to the how's and why's religion is better left undiscussed in meetings. It does not suggest, nor am I that it isn't valid or important to us as individuals. I do have to remember that there are atheist (whether I agree or believe the same way as someone else is none of their business), as well as people who's relgious practice are diffent from mine, nor do I feel it is my place to make them accept my beliefs or practice their connection with a higher power as I do...The 3rd Tradition states - the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

When I hear or read things in a meeting which disturb me, I have learned to look at myself. Quite often, it is a reflection of who I am, who I have been, or who I might be. I can then walk away in compassion or empathy; or change something in or about me; or decide whether I want to follow in the person who is sharing footsteps.

My sponsor always reminds me to "stick with the winners". For me that means those people who apply this program, the best they can to every aspect of their lives. The people who have made a committment to go to any lengths to stay sober and those people who have not picked up a drink, no matter what. The quality of someone's sobriety is far more important to me than the length of time they have not picked up a drink. I think most of us who have been sober for a few 24 hours know who the people are that are sober and miserable...they show us through their words and behaviors.

A special thought for newcomers, and a reminder to myself, getting sober and learning how to live life without alcohol (or drugs) is confusing and frightening to some degree. In my early sobriety I was convinced that I had entered a world where a "foreign" language was spoken and none of it made sense. Those people who were willing and able to reach out to me urged me to keep coming back and not to spend too much time on understanding or analyzing the program. My job for the moment, as it is today, was to not pick up that first drink. Bring your body and the mind will follow they said. A book my home group in Santa Cruz gave to newcomers was Living Sober. It was simple enough that I could read a paragraph or two and not become overwhelmed with too much information at once. It might help some of you.

I do not take my sobriety for granted, don't believe I ever have, and hope I never do. I want to remain teachable and I have discovered the longer I stay sober, the less I know, but the more willing I am to keep an open mind, and leave the judgment, progress and recovery to those people I love and care about to them and their higher power. I'll reach out my hand in help, whenever the opportunity presents itself, if I am able. I try to always remember this is not "my" progam, it is the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and the 1st 164 pages will provide successful answers for any/all situations I encounter along the pat of recovery. That's my part of the footwork - God decides for me about the how & when when I ask for His guidance. Hugs to all -


Member: connie
Location:
Date: 9/8/00
Time: 1:10:23 AM

Comments

I like the wording of step three Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him

So it is my choice and it is up to me to let go and let god, and what I get out of this programme is want effort I put into it. If I am resentful or angry it's because I am no working the steps If I am craving it's a reminder how easy it is to forget where I've come from,and the struggles I have had to go through just to have moments of peace in my life And the god of my understanding is waiting for me to open my eyes and get down and pray. For if I don't open how will I ever hear the messages of hope and the wonder and I will be stuck in the cicle of self pity and distruction.My god is forgiving and understanding that I am only human and I will make mistakes it' up to me to learn from them and to grow I have to put the effort into this life or I shall never grow


Member: Bonnie C 5/30/80
Location:
Date: 9/8/00
Time: 2:11:12 AM

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here - sorry for the double dip this week but I have a special request for my AA family here on the web and I'm unable to get into the coffee pot to post this, please let the coffee pot know that theres an urgent prayer request here. thanks family.

Last night about 10pm a dear friend, in and out of AA for yrs, decided to come back into the program, before she called, she went to a meeting, called and we discussed it, laughed and talked about all the fun things we were going to do. She said how she'd just gotten it, how she had to finally work this thing for herself, instead of others, how she had found a job and was going to work on Friday, how one of our other friends was going to pick her up on his motorcycle today and take her to a meeting. How she was going to use this extra money to visit her son and granddaughter next month. What a wonderful conversation, we told each other that we loved one another and hung up. My heart was so happy. This gal had even lived with us until she drank. She then moved back in with her sister since that was a stipultion to living here, no booze, no drugs. We remained close friends though. They just live across the street so we saw each other often. so I saw the ups and downs. This girl has a heart of gold,(when sober) is very talented and also has our disease. She didn't think the steps applied to her, was always waiting on things to be perfect to take any suggestion. Every time things would start to go in a positive direction she would sabbotage it and get drunk or loaded. Well yesterday was no different apparently except for one thing, after she had a few beers to celebrate, she got depressed as we all know alcohol can do and since she had just gotten her prescriptions filled for her antidepressants and sleeping pills, 30 of each, she decided to take them all. Last night, she talked to me, then to her sister out of state, took all these pills, the sister out of state called the sister here in town and at 12:30 they found her. She had aspirated, cardiac arrested 3 times. Don't know how long brain had been without oxygen. Shes in a coma. My daughter went up to see her and when she yelled at her - Hussy, wake up, her eyes fluttered, (they always joke with each other like that) when she said, squeeze my hand, damit, she tried but her whole body moved _ so either its spasms or its like she can understand but can't communicate. (always my biggest fear, to be in that situation) I know of one alcoholic that was sober for 1 1/2 yrs, took 2 shots of whiskey and before she finished the second, started having seizures, breaking all the little bones in her heels and had cardiac arrest. Thank God her husb who was on his way to work,listened to that gut feeling and turned around and found her. Brought her back to us, she helped me stay sober. But this is about my dear friend who needs your prayers for healing or to be taken home to God. All that I've been praying is for her total healing if it be His will. My prayer for each and every one of you is to not give up before the miracle happens and please don't take your disease lightly. Her mom, dad and son are flying in tonight. Her son will have the dreaded duty of the decision to turn the machine off thats breathing for his mom and the Nana of his baby daughter. His wife just left him and hes trying to raise his daughter on his own. A really good kid. No anonimity broken here. I know with her heart, if her story can help one person she'd be happy. She would do it herself if she was able. Please pray for my dear friend with our disease. Thank you from the bottom of my sad heart. Dear God please bless all who venture here, love and hugs, bon -- bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 9/8/00
Time: 10:52:00 AM

Comments

bonnie,thats a very sad story...they don't portray those things in the beer ads.i don't have children,but i've got lots of neices and nephews,i go to there birthday party's ...i bring them a gift and a card....when i was drinking i wouldn't do that because i'd be in a bar,those things would cut into my drinking time and took me from my barroom freinds...who by the way havn't come calling in over two years ....i'm so glad i broke the ties and connections with alcohol,i'll practice the steps in my life,again,today....i'm an alcoholic,i'm tony


Member: Deb K.
Location: West Kootenays
Date: 9/8/00
Time: 12:00:06 PM

Comments

Deb K. and I am an alcholic. Thanks for the topic Yvonne. I remember when I was 15 and my father became a member of AA. He took me for a walk and wanted to talk to me, I believe now that it was to try and make amends, and he tried to hold my hand. I was very angry at him, and I tld him that he was not there for me then why should I believe him now? I will never forget that day. Today, I have grown daughters of my own. I joined the program when they were 7 and 11. The dynamics of our family did change emensely, I could remember things that I said, I was home more, I set boundaries. I did have alot of guilt and they knew how to push the buttons...my sponsor helped me see that. Today, a lot of grief has passed in all our growing up. My eldest daughter came back home, at 25, and after talking to her she told me that when I began AA and they could see that I was serious, that then was when they began thier rebellion. Before that there were no rules, they more or less took care of themselves. I had to go back to that day with my Dad, and remember how I had felt. The hope was that he stuck with the program and he really was there for me, when I needed him. It took me another 23 years to learn that. Today my girls are back home after many lessons and they are appreciating that I am here. They are 25 and 21 now. Thank God they are not as thick headed as I was...It does get better and there is always hope....Thanks for letting me share and another 24 to all of us even if it takes 4 minutes at a time :)


Member: observer3
Location:
Date: 9/8/00
Time: 4:23:23 PM

Comments

terry wade,

prozac puppies?,jesus frieks?your either a homo or a lesbian.........YOUR HOME GROUP.......no thanks.........i can only imagine what goes on there........no thank you


Member: Robin L.
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Date: 9/8/00
Time: 11:09:30 PM

Comments

Hi everybody, My name is Robin, I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time at this site, and I'm so happy to be here! All of your comments are so wonderful! I've been sober for 20 years (one day at a time), and I always feel at home with sober alcoholics. This site has made me feel much better. I was having a problem at my job and I went to a meeting, which helped, but I felt I need more, and I got it here. Thank all of you for helping me stay sober for one more day. For Rick and any other newcomers whose feelings have been hurt by seeming insensitive people; One of my earliest lessons in sobriety was that everybody has an opinion, and people can give them freely, as they choose,which makes it possible for me to do the same. I learned that sometimes my feelings would be hurt, and I that I didn't have to drink over it! There's that miracle again! I have also learned that that the level of resect I am shown by others, is the level of respect they have for themselves. Bless your sobriety!


Member: Verda G
Location: Texas
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 12:56:40 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Verda and I am an alcoholic. Sober since June 1998 and very grateful. My little boy was 18 months old when I quit drinking and drugging and today he cannot remember his "Momma" falling down in front of him and walking around in a black out for hours. I have a 20 month old daughter who will never know what her Mommy was like when she drank...as long as I keep doing the deal. I have just moved and miss my "home group". But I have been attending meetings here and trying to make friends with other women in AA. This program has saved my life and probably will be a lifesaver to my children. Yes, I take them to meetings. I am not naive enough to think they will never try alcohol, but at least now they will know there is another way. I have to admit...there are days when my children are my "higher Power" and it keeps me sober until I get back to "the God of my Understanding" Thanks for letting me share my experience and hope. This is the first time I have been here. I'll share it with my friends.


Member: David B
Location: NSW Australia
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 5:50:52 AM

Comments

Yvonne, If you belive in the principles you are trying to pass onto your children, stick by them no matter what the kids throw back in your face from your past. Remember they are lerning a new life as you are. As you progress so will they, but it all takes time and commitment. I have been sober for 18yrs and my two boys are only now starting to appreciate me. But then I was as big an a hole as could be. Stck by your new values, we are all with you. David B.


Member: Jason D.
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 8:29:27 AM

Comments

This is my first time on 'Staying Cyber'. I have been sober for 2 years, 9 months, 2 weeks, 3 Days, and the past 24 hours. Sometimes I really need to talk to someone who is not a member of a local group. Additionally, I have just moved and I am having a hard time finding a new sponsor. I thought this might help.


Member: Jason D.
Location: Charlottesvlle, VA
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 8:36:29 AM

Comments

I am looking for some expereince, strength, and hope regarding past sexual behaviours. When I was 'out there', I raised a lot of hell and did many things I never thought I would do while seeking to gratify myself. I have done fearless and searching inventories on all of this stuff, and it reeally worked. But sometimes I thihk of the things I have done and think that what I have done will not be accepted. I accept it, those who are close to me do, so why am I worried? Does anyone have any expereince, strength, and hope concerning this? Thanks.


Member: Dawn
Location:
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 11:38:22 AM

Comments

Hi guys!Alkie addict here. Its been a couple weeks since I checked in. thanks for all the input on children. Im a single mom stuggeling to learn how to raise these babies of mine. When I got sober I found out I didnt know the first thing about takeing care of myself or my children. I learned that most of my childrens actions where reactions to my behavors. That was a big shock to me becouse I thought I was a wonderful mom (even though I was drunk or high every day...geeze...)What I had was some very angry children and Ididnt know how to deal with it at all. what I did was get counseling for me and my children. It has really calmed down at my house. Im not claiming any kind of Brady Bunch household but its alot calmer. Something else that was tought to me was that by letting my children see me takeing care of myself no matter what kind of crap is going on is something my kids can learn from. I also like to talk to my childern about prayer and letting them know that my higher power takes care of us.I know as a child I was never told anything about Gods will,or anything pertaining to God. I grew up thinking there was no such thing. Today my higher power is the most wonderful part of my life.I grew up feeling so alone.Ihope that my babies will always know that there is always someone with them that loves them,and can take care of them better than even I can. Thanks for letting me share .


Member: Joanna M.
Location: Canada
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 1:47:15 PM

Comments

I think the most lonely I ever felt was after I had been sober for about 15 months. I was visiting my family and realized that although I had sobered up, they were still the same old people, with the same dysfunctional ways as when I was drinking. It was the strangest feeling, because although I was grateful for my sobriety and enjoying life, I felt closer to them somehow when I was drinking. After praying about it though, and speaking with my sponsor, I realized that for years I had been relating to them on an unhealthy level. And now here I was sober, and a lot healthier emotionally, still trying to relate to them on that same level. Something had to change. It was important for me to talk less and act more, and drop all of my realistic expectations of them. My job was to try to understand instead of trying to be understood. I took comfort in the part in the Big Book that talks about recognizing that some of those people around me are sick and that I should consider that when dealing with them. Now that I've accepted that, my relationship with my family members is a lot more peaceful. Their acceptance of my sobriety is something that has taken time. I suspect that if you work your program to the best of your ability, children and spouses will eventually come to accept the fact that they must now look at their behaviour rather than yours.


Member: Joanna M.
Location: Canada
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 2:02:25 PM

Comments

I think the most lonely I ever felt was after I had been sober for about 15 months. I was visiting my family and realized that although I had sobered up, they were still the same old people, with the same dysfunctional ways as when I was drinking. It was the strangest feeling, because although I was grateful for my sobriety and enjoying life, I felt closer to them somehow when I was drinking. After praying about it though, and speaking with my sponsor, I realized that for years I had been relating to them on an unhealthy level. And now here I was sober, and a lot healthier emotionally, still trying to relate to them on that same level. Something had to change. It was important for me to talk less and act more, and drop all of my realistic expectations of them. My job was to try to understand instead of trying to be understood. I took comfort in the part in the Big Book that talks about recognizing that some of those people around me are sick and that I should consider that when dealing with them. Now that I've accepted that, my relationship with my family members is a lot more peaceful. Their acceptance of my sobriety is something that has taken time. I suspect that if you work your program to the best of your ability, children and spouses will eventually come to accept the fact that they must now look at their behaviour rather than yours.


Member: Chris H. 
Location: Florida
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 3:17:33 PM

Comments

Hi all..ALcoholic/ addict/Bulimic here...BOy is this a good topic for me today...My 21 yr. old is moving out of the house--(finally!) and we are on the best of terms...I will miss him, but I am thrilled that he is happily going to school(Hasn't been), and moving on with life...I ,like others on this sight, have made so many mistake in raising my children...Most of them a result of using and the depression it caused...BUt I can say now , that my HP gave me two Yrs. to have this child at home and renew our relationship...He has grow up and matured so much in these last 2 yrs. and we have arelationship that I would never have dreamed possible. I am so greatful and am looking forward to what God is going to do with my relationship with my 18 yr. old as he stas homea and goes to community college this year. What is is about these 18 yr. olds ? We could hardly speak last year and already as I Let go, our relationshi is improving greatly. Just this week , I found out he has been smoking regularily..so instead of frieking out and trying to control him ( like I used to do ) , I was able to share my story of addiction, and tell him that if he ever felt he needed help that we could get it for him. I know he drinks alot and eats WAY too much. I have been praying for an opportunity to share wiht him like this for months...I have really learned that sometimes it takes a long time, but things eventually wark out. None of this would have been possible with out me being in recovery and working all of these years on myself and my recovery and the 12 Steps...Thanks ALL!!!


Member: Michael Bowles
Location: AZ
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 8:15:10 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! Thanks everyone for sharing!

No! I haven't had a similar experience than you, Yvonne. But I have had heartbreaking experiences with my family since getting sober, as I mentioned last week.

Without getting into detail again this week, I will say that one thing I've learned about family relations is that a lot of damage to has occurred due to my drinking, with certain dynamics developing in each of my family relationships based primarily on my years of drinking and their response to it.

I also learned that my primary responsibility is to stay sober, try to practice the principles of the AA Program in all my affairs, and expect some turmoil as the dynamics of each of these relations change, for better or worse.


Member: Sandy B
Location: cool colorful Colorado
Date: 9/9/00
Time: 9:10:32 PM

Comments

I got sober when my son was 6, but mostly living with his dad. Now he is 18 and definitely working on his own story. I pray daily for him and love him from afar. Recently he invited me to his outpatient Family Nite -- boy, did that experience make me grateful for both AA and Alanon in my life! But also a wake-up call and an intense need to revisit steps 1-3 (again).

I am powerless over alcohol and alcoholism, AND the way all these other people think about it, the progression of their disease, their choices and their opinions. Forget trying to control or manipulate them -- even "just" trying to figure them out can make my life unmanageable!

I was shocked how much denial, anger, distorted thinking, etc I saw. I wanted to tell them "the answer" (AA and Alanon) and at the same time I just wanted the h___ out of there because they were so sick & mean!

It took me 3 days to see I was judging and analyzing them the same way the "Bad Dads" in there were judging & analyzing their sons! Yikes! So I have to have a power greater than myself to straighten out my thinking, and I have to turn it ALL that over to the CARE of my HP.

In one way, Alanon helps me more than AA with my distorted thinking abt my son's difficulties. In AA the message is clear, "if you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it, THEN you're ready." I love that, because it means when I go to AA meetings, chances are the people there chose to be there and are choosing to be sober. It's for people who WANT it, not people who need it.

I can't shortcut the process for anyone else, even my son, no matter how much I love him or want to help. In Alanon I find a way to keep from obsessing about his decisions, so that his life, problems, choices don't dominate my thinking.

Trusting that "God has a plan and somehow this is part of it," is easy when the going is smooth. I am grateful to all my AA & Alanon friends who help me remember HP is trustworthy & to stay on the path -- even when it gets rocky!


Member: minnie
Location:
Date: 9/10/00
Time: 12:22:15 AM

Comments

m.....i.....c....k......e.....y

m.....o.....u....s.......e

d....o......n....a....l......d

d.....u......c.........k


Member: Bill M.
Location: Southeast Georgia
Date: 9/10/00
Time: 9:36:28 AM

Comments

Bill, Acoholic Poor me, poor me, pour ole me, pour ole me a drink.....Thats exactly how I feel sometimes.... , I realize that dealing with the hard times makes me a little stronger in this battle to grow up. I have often thought that it was unfair for these AA people to suggest that we stop drinking for a while to see if things got better, and then when things started getting better, they came up with this bit about having to grow up and act like adults. It just doesn't seem fair. One of the good things I have found that comes along in sobriety is finding out change is not always bad. To those who write letters instead of comments here, please get a life. Do you really think you are the only one that has a Big Book?


Member: Rick
Location: Texas
Date: 9/10/00
Time: 5:02:42 PM

Comments

Cheryl, yes. I am a psychologist. However, I am just another member of the group here.


Member: michele
Location: ca
Date: 9/10/00
Time: 6:49:17 PM

Comments

yvonne- my husband is having real problems with me being sober---he has now one to take care of and feels useless. When I was drunk he knew what to expect. When I'm in a bad mood and ready to drink he's happy to be in a position to save me. I don't know what to do --dump him or drink.