Member: xx
Location:
Date: 9/1/2002
Time: 8:40:34 AM
xx
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: 9/1/2002
Time: 9:41:04 AM
I would like to talk on letting go of self and gaining interest in others.
Member: Tom S
Location: NYC
Date: 9/1/2002
Time: 11:07:07 AM
Tom, alcoholic. I was told that if I'm sitting in between my ears that the best remedy is to help another alcoholic. If I go to a meeting and share, reach out to a newcomer, pick up the phone and call a friend in the program, and get out of myself for a few minutes, it's amazing how my perspective suddenly changes. My sponsor once told me that by raising my hand to share in a meeting is one of the best and most basic services that I can perform. My experience, strength and hope, even if I'm going through some rough moments, can be beneficial to even just one person. The tools of the program may seem repetitive and redundant sometimes but they are there for a reason: they usually work. And they are simple.
Member: Mike A
Location: Elcajon, CA
Date: 9/1/2002
Time: 11:41:44 AM
Mike here Alcoholic,must be first how about talking about something we don't here much about and is the one many alcoholic quit on. The fourth step.I know for me I didn't quite understand what was being ask of me but had a good Idea. It involved soul searching and I didn't want to go there. The big book gives specific directions on how to write an inventory (pg 64-71).I would procrastinate, I would do everything under the sun to keep from looking at me.We can't live sober with ourselves until we tell someone else our whole story(pg.73 third ed.)Of course we all know there's three steps before four.read First paragraph (pg.64). Love to here your comments on the 4th step. Stay safe, sane, sober. Love you all
Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Ft Myers via Key West FL
Date: 9/1/2002
Time: 5:27:57 PM
Hi Family Charlie darling and a very grateful recovering alcholic. First Happy Labor Day Weekend. Letting go of self was hard for me, as I didn't want to coform to anything but myself,and when I finally got down to the basics of the program and started working the steps, I was able to get out of myself, and into working with others, especially the new comers as they were the ones who came in the way I did, and I try to help them to find the right way, and to listen to all they hear, as someone may just say that magic word which we know will be the start of a great and wonderful life. I have been spending alot of time on staying cyber, for one thing I have too get out of myself, and get back to meetings which I havn't been to in quite awhile, and I know my HP is keeping me sober just for today, but tomorrow wewill handel that one together. I keep coming back because I finally like the person I am becoming, and welcome all the new comers, and thank you all for helping me today. God Bless each and everyone of you. I Love You kwduke_1999@yahoo.com
Member: Valerie M.
Location: Canada
Date: 9/1/2002
Time: 6:45:04 PM
Hi everyone... thanks for the topic, Jan B.!When I read old journals from when I was newly sober and compare them with how I am today, I can definitely see a shift in my thinking. I used to be great at pretending that I was listening - when all I was really doing was rehearsing what I wanted to say next about ME! Now, I actually ask a lot of questions and am genuinely interested in what the other person has to say. I know I couldn't have grown like that if I was still drinking. That's how AA helped me - I learned the importance of sharing with others and, how to give others the chance to speak and reach out. I had to start thinking of how I could help someone else. Life's a lot more interesting outside of myself!!
Member: Dan H
Location: Glennallen Alaska
Date: 9/1/2002
Time: 7:43:52 PM
HI Everyone. Dan H. an alkie from Alaska here. Great subject. Almost every problem I have ever had to face since joining AA has boiled down to one that was created by me being so into myself, that I was forgetting that I needed to turn it over to my Higher Power. Not only am I an alkie who is naturally self absorbed, but i am also an Alaskan which are noted for being terribly independent. So the challenge was on. How to be different than I always had been. It was a slow process of going to meetings and learning how to listen....then simply admitting to myself that my Higher Power was in charge and I needed to accept that and grow from there. 5 years and getting easier. Thanks
Member: Pat S.
Location: Ohio
Date: 9/1/2002
Time: 8:58:59 PM
JanBB, thanks, this is a topic we don't talk about much. I was her(his) majesty the baby the BB talks about, and my interest in others was much like the baby's--my world revolved around me and I loved people who bought into that! When at last I wanted to let go of self and reach out to others I was a pretty appalling example of self- will run riot. I didn't know how to be interested in others, but other AAs did. I was told to pray for the release of the bondage of self, then pray for the well-being of people I was not fond of. At the same time I was told to do something good for someone everyday and DON'T TELL what I'd done. This last one was the most difficult for a person who was a legend in her own mind. Well, it worked! Still does. Lending an open hand to my fellow earth dewllers is so much better than making fists. I remember becoming aware of my hands balled into fists under my pillow every night. Even today I become aware of my hands when I'm drifting off to sleep--are they under my pillow in fists, or open to the world around me? Hope this helps. I look forward to reading how it works for all of us. Love and unity, Pat the heretic
Member: John H.
Location: Indiana, USA
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 7:01:56 AM
Great topics, getting away from self and the 4th step! This is from John, who thought that he could control his drinking, but couldn't from the early days. The 1st Step taught me differently 16 years ago that myself was fooling my self, but noone else. Today is my 16th year of contininous sobriety, simply because the program suggests recognizing that we cannot control our drinking, if one drink leads to another, then another, ad infinitum. Practicing the 1st Step day by day leads the way to Steps 2-12. It is the only step that we can perform perfectly. Working steps 2-9 by going to meetings, listening and sharing, doing what service work you can handle, getting a sponsor reading the Big Book, talk to other alcoholics etc. We all are pretty much aware of what we should do; it's a question of just doing what is suggested and that's How It Works. Getting a balance with one's self is a daily "battle" that requires surrender to a power greater than our self. a Power of your understanding; then prayer and meditation daily is a must to get the self into better balance and to receive and to feel a sense of serenity. Keep coming back; don't give up hope. This comes from an "old goat" of 84 years who began the journey at the age of 68. The program works for young and old; it's never too late to begin the journey to changing self for the better, for more productivness and self esteem. It's getting started and then being a sincere, dedicated and committed person in the cause of sobriety, serenity and more contentment. Happy days to you all, a day at a time!!
Member: Ralph G
Location: Malaysia
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 7:45:28 AM
Most people think it is easier if you have been thoroughly defeated (reached a "bottom"). That was my case. I came in as a refugee from suicide. The first meeting was a long session of trying to hide the first tears I had shed in thirty years. I began to find hope, and later courage. That Monday night was the beginning of 25 years of a new me, and a new life. Keep coming back, it helps if you "have to."
Member: Jim C
Location: Albany, NY
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 9:03:34 AM
My name is Jim and I'm an alcoholic! I always benefit from attending this on-line meeting. The topics are great and the sharing is even better. When I completed my 4th Step inventory, I found myself on top of the world. For the first time in my life, I was looking at my, good and bad, through my own eyes. Although I've taken a 4th Step several times since then, I still recall the wonderful sense of belonging to the human race that came with my first attempt. Most of all, I remained Sober! Thanks to one and all.
Member: PappyPaw B.
Location: Coldwater Michigan
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 9:51:31 AM
New week ...Old Me Hi, I am PappyPaw , I am a grateful alcoholic. A wonderful thing happened to me rite off this morning.....I awoke sober. Because of this I have a choice on how I will spend today.....I am going to go for a day of growth and soberiety. Let Go..Let God..It is a very hard task to accomplish for most. I have struggled with this most difficult task for years as it is a daily struggle for us all. We love to let our "Ego" drive so we constantly are taking it back all day, everyday, Getting into God's way. When I am all alone....I am in bad company! This is our darkest hour..."Me in Charge! My will not Thy will. I have to remember, I suffer from alcoholism ....not alcoholwuzim. I must find a way to "let go" and seek God's help daily. For me to "Let go" I must first forgive myself then the rest of my day begins to fall into place. A daily encounter with Step 11 carries me into the freedom of letting go and placing my life under the powerful umbrella of God's loving protection for each day...A very good thought Jan .. Thank you 4th step is very important.. We talked of it last week. Every meeting should hold a 4th step meeting 3 or 4 times a year to keep the meeting on track and insure a productive program leading to quality sober living. Thank each and all for your spiritual gift for this day. PappyPaw
Member: Doc
Location: USA
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 9:59:05 AM
Doc here, Does anyone remember WHMBM? World Hello..Meeting by Mail. Audrey and her gang from Indianapolis. They had a yearly get together in Buffalo NY each year. The reached thousands all over the world by mail giving them the great healing hope of AA. It was very much like this Cyber Meeting. Let me know if you know Thanks
Member: Dan D
Location: Chicago
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 10:46:35 AM
Hi everyone,I'm Dan an alcoholic Thanks for the topic Jan.Letting go of self has been 'the' struggle for milenia.For us alcoholics it is essential that we strive towards selflessness.The more I sit and think about myself,my problems,my rights, the closer the first drink seems to be.First on the list is not drinking.Next, going to meetings and actually hanging out with the group goes a long way.Doing what I am asked for AA gets me out of self.Slowing down is key for me.It seems the more I try to 'shoulder' my way through life because I want this or that right now the more into my own sickness I become.When I slow down,take a deep breath throughout the day I think and act with clarity.The clarity I need to stay sober.I also have to remember this is a life long road we are on.I will never be absolutly spiritualy fit.What we can strive for is dailey growth.
Member: FrankD
Location: NJ
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 11:26:30 AM
Thanks Jan, Letting go of self.....I was always sure the world revolved around me, maybe not the whole world, but surely the parts that mattered. :-). My interest in others was in what they could do for me. It's hard to see myself as a small part of the wide world, and to look to others for what I could do for them, but it helps to remember that in doing for them, I'm really doing for me. Maintaining this new, better way of life, Sobriety. Frank
Member: Joy V.
Location: Arizona
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 1:11:27 PM
Greetings fellow travelers! I was needing a meeting this morning so here I am. This is such a blessing when I'm not able to get to a regular group. Thank you all for your sharing. Great topic Jan BB. It's soooo much better, but I still have to fight the battle of SELF on a daily basis; self-indulgence, self-absorption, self-consciousness, self-pity, self-hatred, self-centered fear, self-righteousness, self-justification, self-sufficiency, focusing on Me, Myself and I. When left to my own devices my favorite topic is ME! The good news is, reaching out to someone less fortunate or more messed up than I am at the moment, is the sure-fire cure for my selfish tendencies. Since I live by myself most of the time and also do a lot of my work from home, I really have to make the effort to reach out. Even after being in the program for many years I can still tend to isolate myself if I'm not careful. I too have practiced the principle of doing a kindness for someone each day, which I highly recommend. And yes, if you can do it without them knowing the source, so much the better. In past my first thoughts in the morning had to do with myself or what someone had done to me or who hadn't met my expectations. I find if I can begin the day thinking about what I'm going to do for others it sets the tone for the entire 24 hours. God's blessing to you all.
Member: DavidH
Location: Nashville
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 1:16:15 PM
I once heard an old timer say quiting drinking was the easy part, the tough part was the distruction of self centeredness. I find I cannot think my way into unselfish action. I have to get off my butt and follow suggestions DO SOME SERVICE WORK. I know when Im working on the 9th step it really helps. Maybe thats why they put 'selfish ness and self seeking will slip away and we will gain interest in our fellows' in the 9th step promises.
Member: Jim C
Location: Albany, NY
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 7:35:41 PM
Hi, Jim C. again ~ Yes, I am a member of WH. Doc,you can contact me at jim4199@att.net and I'll give you all the information that you need to get in touch with the powers that be, if you're interested.
Member: Dawn H
Location: california
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 10:06:19 PM
Hi, New to this meeting. I have found isolation mainly dealing with my dogs, feeding the birds, the squirrel and being in my garden, a happy place. Then when I am out "in the world", I have the energy to give to others. I realize that this may sound self centered -- but it works for me.
Member: kimberley.s
Location: washington
Date: 9/2/2002
Time: 11:10:03 PM
Hi kimberley alcholic here, thanks to allof you very much. i too am here at this site all the time, it is the 21st century, and its a cool way to reach out, i have to regenerate myself my bein alone in quiet mmedation. its not a selfish act its what my spirit needs, i will be celebrating my b day this month it will be 12 years, and my what a change has been made, its so refreshing not to have the world revlve around me i was such high maintence!!! it is truly a joy to give of my self and my sobriety freely as the say whenever anone reaches out i want the hand of aa always to be there. its aazing how many people in the program truly care and have a genuine interest in my recovery, thanks to all of you
Member: Les
Location: San Diego
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 12:50:56 AM
Jan, thanks for the great topic. I cannot remember a time before AA when I considered anyone but myself. I lived in a hall of mirrors. Wherever I looked was a reflection of myself. The idea that anyone could not be as interested in me as I was was just not part of my consciousness. One of the most difficult changes I've had to deal with after becoming sober has been to loose interest in myself and gain interest in my fellows. To date, some progress has been made, but not nearly enough. So I will keep trying and keep asking God for help in my morning prayers, the Seventh Step and Third Step Prayers -- "Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will."
Member: jenn
Location: down south
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 10:08:45 AM
In early sobriety this kept me going. I focused on my immediate family, husband, and kids. I had to regain their trust and start with the basics of relationship building. After a year or two I could take it a little farther with extended family and friends. How rewarding it is to do something for someone else with no expected return except my self sanity and peace. My worst days are the ones where I try to drive the bus again. My best are the ones where I bring joy to others or help another alcoholic in some way. There is no way I could have embraced this concept without the program of AA. My life long slogan when I was drinking was "what in it for me?". We'll I certainly found out what was in THAT life for me, fear, anger, pain and dissapointment. Now I can live with serenity, dignity, simplicity and a hope for the future. Loving life sober.
Member: Tom A
Location: Music City, Tn.
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 10:49:30 AM
Hi,My name is Tom A., Alcoholic Great topics. Wow, I have to work on these 2 things every cotton pickin day in order to keep some sort of sanity. Sponsor said the person who can't or will not do a thorough 4th is doomed to drink again and I believe him. With 3 beautiful girls under age 10, trying to live 'selfless' becomes easier when I see all anyone really wants is my time and listening ear and eye contact. AA has given me and my family so much. KISS and that's not the rock band.
Member: Hi Derek, Alcoholic.
Location: LA
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 1:37:29 PM
My first time ever to a meeting and it's online. I want to stop drinking. where do I begin?
Member: Ralph
Location:
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 1:43:44 PM
Welcome Derek, So far you have done everything right. You have come to AA and asked for help to stop drinking. The next thing is to keep doing the same ... keep coming back, and see if anything you find here makes any sense to you.
Member: Derek
Location: LA
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 1:49:15 PM
Thank you. I have already found about 100 reasons to stop drinking. I haven't found even one reason to keep drinking.
Member: Brian F
Location: Berwickshire, Scotland
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 2:23:12 PM
Hi my name is Brian, and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Jan B. Welcome Dawn H and Derek, sounds like you've started Derek, there's also the early sobriety meeting. Yeah letting go of self, I had already disappeared into my own head, which became a prison, way before I picked up my first drink at 16. Alcohol was simply the tool that let me stay there for the next 20 years. But as the illness progressed it was increasingly difficult to stay in my own head, more of the world kept crashing in. In the form of my family, work colleagues, bosses, bank managers, the police, doctors etc. It really was hard work to maintain the image of self that I had, the image that said, "you're ok Brian, it's the world that's got it wrong". Putting down the drink was easy, I'd done it many times, keeping stopped that was different! 'Cos that meant looking at me. The self I had created was designed to protect me, and for many years it did, but it also isolated me from others, because my best method of defence was to attack others, physically, but mainly verbally. It has taken a few of these rock bottoms, that you mentioned, Ralph G, in recovery to begin to start letting the distorted self go. To ask for help from others wasn't something I would do when i was drinking, I would make myself helpless, so that others would rescue me, but I wouldn't ask forhelp. The love shown to me in the 6 years I've been in AA has helped me to see it's ok to ask for help, and I'm now seeing that it's also ok to offer help. Until recently, I couldn't see that I hadn't offered help to others I'd offered "rescue packages" so I could pat myself on the back and say, "aint I good" The latest emotional rock bottom was around my fathers health, when we got to talking about things that have been unspoken for the last 31 years in our family. About my mother. I had been angry all my life about the abandonment, only as I started to get sober, was I able to see that there were more issues here, and more people affected than just me, I was affected, but so were others. Now my dad is able to speak to me about things he wished he had done differently, and I can listen and understand and get to know him rather than just criticise him. We have a chance to do things differently this time, by the Grace of God. This has revealed another bit of that unhealthy self image which was that I'd used the abandonment issue like a suit of armour, just like the booze, for protection. Now I'm learning to live without it, just like the booze!
Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa, FL
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 3:05:52 PM
Hi everyone, My name is Tom M. and I am a Grateful recovering alcholic. I've read some pretty good stuff here today. I espeacially liked what Joy V. from Arizonia had to say. Right On! I heard it said some where " I complained because I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet." If we look around we can always find someone worse off. This sickness we live with every day is a selfish sickness. All the time I was driking I only thought about myself. Seldom did I consider anyone else. I've been sober 12 years last May 25th. I have found one of the best ways to keep me sober is to try and give of myself and working the steps. I have to admit too, that the fourth and fifth were tuff ones for me too. I also have to admit I've had to do these two a few times until I got it right, but once I did it became a new world for me.This program is simple, but it is not easy. Anything worth having usually ever is. However the rewards are unbeliveable. Thanks for the opportunity. Please excuse the bad spelling and gramer, but I think you get my point. God Bless.
Member: Charlie Darling
Location: Fort Myers via Key West FL
Date: 9/3/2002
Time: 3:37:22 PM
Hi Family Charlie Darlie a very grateful recovering Alcholic. Today I feel real good, as I finally got out of myself, and went to a meeting a first one in a long time. They were doing a step meeting and the 11th step, it was just what I needed to get out of myself, and back to meetings. I just hadto share that as it made me feel like a new person all over again, and Thanks to all of you who share as you make a difference in my life. Love you all. Charlie Darling kwduke-1999@yahoo.com
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 9/4/2002
Time: 2:31:25 AM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Thnaks for the sincere shares. Welcome newcomers! Great topic, Jan! I struggle quite a bit with this issue due to limitations and problems associated with my physical impairment, which tend to keep me focused on my own health issues. However, I find that I am at best spritually, when I am acting beyond my own immediate interests. As page 86 of the Big Book says it, "Were we thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could do to help others, or what we could pack into the stream of life."
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 9/4/2002
Time: 2:41:47 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic. To keep it I must give it away, I must learn to be more selfless, and less self centered. I try to keep this program simple, I can take each day one of two ways. Don't pick up the first drink, no matter what.Trust God in all my affairs.Clean house where necessary, and help another alcoholic. This is a great way to live. Or I can take the second option. Don't pick up the first drink no matter what. Trust Jack in all my affairs and be totally miserable. For today, I think I will try to live by the first option. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: Marion Cyhowski
Location: Ludlow, Vt
Date: 9/4/2002
Time: 9:48:28 AM
Good morning, my name is Marion Cyhowski, and I'm an alcoholic. Almost 20 years sober. Boy do I remember the early day's God let me never forget. I had not a clue that anything could ever be different, nor did I beleive that anyone ever felt the way I did, nor did I beleive that they could ever understand. I begun drinking before I began kindergarten. I had not the understanding what I was doing. I only knew that, that I was sure things would be okay after drinking some of the homemade cough syrup that my grandfather made daily. I knew no other way. over the years through blackouts, unhealthy relationships,three children, no education, I was still going down and thought that if everyone else would get their act together than I would be okay. Little did I know I was the one that had to get it together. First I needed to see that I had a problem. Second I had to accept it. Third I had to find a higher power greater than myself that I could trust, would restore me to sanity. But I needed to see that everything about me was insane. By the grace of God, I was granted the gift of insight. Today I do what has continued to work for the past 9045 days. Today I will turn my will and life over to God of my understanding, I will not pickup that first drink.
Member: Joe P.
Location: Chicago
Date: 9/4/2002
Time: 10:56:31 AM
My name is Joe, and I am an alcoholic. These would be a part of the promises found in the Big Book. “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. ...We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.” As such, my experience has been that to achieve these things we must take the steps outlined for us in the book. I did not even have a clue about my selfishness until I wrote out my inventory in the 4th Step and took the 5th Step. I found more about getting out of self and getting interested in others in the Third and Seventh Step Prayers. Each of the steps contains principles 180 degrees opposite of my natural way of living prior to coming to AA. For me, this is an ever-evolving and gradual process as I continue to practice the principles contained in the 12 Steps, keeping in mind “We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection”.
Member: Craig L (Dogmanor@yahoo.com)
Location: Aloha, Oregon
Date: 9/4/2002
Time: 10:56:57 AM
“Selfishness and self-centeredness”, that has been a tough one for me. When I came into AA, the only thing I knew for sure was I didn’t want to drink again. Everything else I believed about you and myself was doubtful. I lied about everything. I lied even when the truth would have been easier. My life was a continual defense of my ego. All I cared about you was what I could get out of you, though I tried to make you believe I was gracious. The truth of my alcoholism was the touchstone to discovering the truth about you and myself. Today, I can look in your eyes and understand your suffering. Today, I am a part of the world instead of the center. You and AA have taught me true love. Thank you.
Member: Mike H.
Location: Ventura, CA
Date: 9/4/2002
Time: 4:22:39 PM
Hi Everybody, I'm glad to have found a meeting. I probably can't give any idea of how to stay out of self. I'm so into myself, I'd likely just make things worse. Anyway, hello to the newcomers. I think it was Derek who wanted some tips on staying sober. It seems terribly corny, but just keep comin' back, it works. thanks
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 9/4/2002
Time: 6:20:31 PM
HI, Bill here. Alcoholic from Arizona. I see two old friends. Mike, I used to attend meetings at the club on Washington St. ?? In El Cajon. Joy I believe we may have served at Area over the years. I'm Bill Smith, former DCMC from Sierra Vista The topic this week in very simple. I followed the instructions in the Big Book from the very beginning. I followed them precisely as the first 100 did. I followed them the same as millions before me followed them. I was amazed before I was halfway through (the 9th Step). I lost interest in selfish things and gained interest in my fellows. Self seeking slipped away. These promises happened automatically. They are results from working the Steps. There was nothing hard about it. I hear a lot of folks saying how hard this program is. But so far no one has told me just what was so hard. I think many confuse being hard with just plain not wanting to do it. But all the Steps in the world. All the books in the world. Even all the Gods in the world will not get me sober unless I want to get sober. If the steps are not working for you and you really want to get sober, then you may want to try another avenue of recovery. There are those who are constitutionally incapable of being honest. I have met a few of them :) Thank you for being a part of my sobriety today. Bill. az-bill@mindspring.com
Member: Pete C.
Location: Moss Landing Ca.
Date: 9/4/2002
Time: 11:37:51 PM
Howdy ! my name is Pete and I am an alkiholic. I have 13 years of sobriety . I have move to a slighty remote local and am scimping on meetings. I thought I' d check out online meeting again . I just got online but l haven't set up e-mail . Well here I am online . If I don't go to meetings I become much more like I used to be, selfish , barbaric and my spelling getts eavin worser. It's good to be checkin' in.
Member: ANGIE B.
Location: CHICOTA,TX
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 12:07:27 AM
thank you one and all for a new way of life. it a relief to be "NOT THAT DAMN IMPORTANT"
Member: Michael M.
Location: New York City
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 12:11:34 AM
Hey everyone: Michael, alcoholic here. I'm back 72 days now, and while it hasn't always been easy, my gratitude is beyond description. Good topic. I find that when I'm not so consumed with the "what about me's" the quality of my life is far better. I need to work on this one obviously, as the whole preoccupation with myself and my problems is a big part of my disease. One of the simplest ways for me to do this is to simply ask another alcoholic how he's doing, and then listen to his answer. Service is another way, and now that I think of it, my sponsor has told me to get a committment this week. I suppose the steps are ultimately the best way to do this, and the promise that "we will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows" comes after step 9. I've found that if I'm really sincere in how I work the program, that promise along with others begin to show up long before. I will also say that I'm probably the most self-centered when I'm angry about something. That's not a safe neighborhood to be in for me, so I need to find a way to get out of it. Meetings, sponsor, service, any and all of those will help me. I've learned in AA that life really isn't all about me anyway. Thank God! Thanks to all who've welcomed me back! Feel free to email me at nyc_techy@yahoo.com. Peace!
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 8:17:55 AM
Jan, thanks for the topic! It seems that part of alcoholism is the self centeredness. Recovery? Maybe, but slow progress can be made. I know that friends from my teen and twenties years would not believe that I would pick up a foreigner I did not know and drive/ride across the country with them. They would also not believe I would spend a good part of my play time (vacation) with my friends helping a fellow traveler fix his ride. I know that my mother, father, and siblings would not have believed then that I would accept a hurting sibling with my disease coming to live with me. Nor that I would put up with their b.s. in not paying bills that I gave them the money specifically to pay. Today, my friends in AA know me well enough to know that I cannot seem to keep a big book. I keep giving them away. Well, the notes, and underlinings may just help someone else on the road to happy destiny. The Big Book I gave away last night had the two sentences I was pointing out in an inscription already underlined! I had gone to check the page number they were on, as I always remember them by the section they are in and the fact that they are italicized. Getting out of one's self is a cure for the disease for only the time we ARE out of ourselves. Solution, STAY out of ourselves! Again thanks Jan. I needed that to know that I was doing "Thy Will, not mine" Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: AnilG
Location: MtVernon,IL
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 9:24:42 AM
I am alcoholic Letting go of self was hard for me, as I didn't want to coform to anything but myself,and when I finally got down to the basics of the program and started working the steps, I was able to get out of myself, and into working with others, especially the new comers as they were the ones who came in the way I did, and I try to help them to find the right way, and to listen to all they hear, as someone may just say that magic word which we know will be the start of a great and wonderful life. I have been spending alot of time on staying cyber, for one thing I have too get out of myself, and get back to meetings which I havn't been to in quite awhile, and I know my HP is keeping me sober just for today, but tomorrow wewill handel that one together. Thanks to aa and alanon.
Member: buddym
Location: breckenridge,tx
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 2:37:05 PM
hi my name is buddy and i am an alcoholic. i would just like to add to the many good things i have read here. i have not had a drink since memorial day 1997! but i have to admit that for most of this period i had no contact with aa. however, i find that aa lets me be much happier in my sobriety. some might even say you are not sober without it. i dont know. i do know that since startimg to share my feelings and experience with others who might or might not benefit i have experienced aletting go that is more than worth the effort of opening up. yes it was painful to tell others about the mistakes i have made but reassuring to hear that others have done the same or similar. above all dont forget your mistakes but dont let them ride you back to ruin. it is my personal opinion that guilt is the tool of a force that would like to see us all fail at being sober. i also feel that i had to work on my personal problems thru therapy and counseling to fully appreciate my good fortune in sobriety. believe me being sober wasnt easy at first! i had to learn to live all over again. i am currently working on my lcdc and i find the classes and the promise of being able to help others who are where i have been is the biggest help i could have gotten for myself. please give aa a try remember take what you need home from the meetings and leave the rest for later , you will be surprised at how often what you thought was useless will pop up and be a blessing.
Member: Sherri R
Location: CA
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 5:02:14 PM
Sherri, Alcoholic, 3 Days Back. I want to thank all of you for sharing and pray that some of it will sink in. My head is a little bit clearer today and I really related to Michael M when he said that "I will also say that I'm probably the most self-centered when I'm angry about something. That's not a safe neighborhood to be in for me, so I need to find a way to get out of it." I'm becoming an experienced "new comer." Summer of 1988 lasted 30 days Summer of 1999 lasted 34 days (14 in an inhouse treatment program) April 2002 Lasted 2 days (attended 1 meeting) July 2002 Last 1 day (attended 0 meetings) Sept 2002 on Day 3 I saw my personal physician yesterday who just happens to be a board certified Addictionologist; a fact I did not know until yesterday (No doubt one of God's interventions in my recovery). We talked for quite a while and he commented that he couldn't believe that he missed this in the six years he has been my doctor. He wrote a prescription to get me back on my antidepressents that I had quit taking last June. He also prescribed two days of Valium to help with the detox. We talked about a plan which included getting me in an outpatient treatment program and getting back into AA and getting a temporary sponsor as soon as possible. I asked him if he was going to call me as soon as he had me in a program, and he said "No, you are going to call right now." Four attempts at living sober and I've never gotten past Step One. It's all about Sherri and always has been. I fully expected my Doctor to do the work to get me in a treatment program and I was furious when he put it back on me. Naturally, I immediately decided I'd just skip the treatment program, and of course I didn't tell him that. I woke up this morning with my head feeling a little bit clearer and I understand just how this selfishness is so destructive. I also realize that it is going to take a long time to learn to let go of self and gain interest in others. My action for today: I'm going to attend a discussion meeting at 8p.m. tonight and ask for a temporary sponsor. I want to begin working the steps as soon as possible and need a lot of help. Thank you all for your shares and thank you for listening. Sherri
Member: ernie
Location: here
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 7:22:21 PM
thanx for reminding me!
Member: Rachel
Location: France
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 11:18:52 PM
Hi everyone Rachel, alcoholic. Great topic, Jan! It's exactly what I need to hear today. My role at work has changed and I'm taking it very personally and getting into other people's heads about it. Generally when I'm trying to get into someone else's head, I'm trying to see what that person thinks about me! This stuff has woken me up and I haven't been able to get back to sleep so I thought I'd check in with you folks. Thank you all for your messages of hope and the solution. I started doing a mental 10th step on this but I got as far as "This effects my security" and then found my head on another tangent about other people at work. I'm grateful I have a job today and I'm grateful that I'm able to be a worker amongst workers -- for the most part! Most of all I'm grateful that I didn't have to drink today. Thank you all again for your messages!
Member: Rose N
Location: Deep South
Date: 9/5/2002
Time: 11:30:24 PM
Self vs. others? Like to mention big book pg 62. Step 3, "will" mind,thoughts, motives,intentions and "life" all physical activity, honestly -completely turned over to the "care" direction, guidence not "do it for me" of God, as you understand. There is no "magic cure" for my selfishness, but as I go to meetings, try to really listen, allow any one to help me, and most of all ABSORB,slowly, deeply every word of the BigBook, over and over. One day at a time, the old alcoholic self fades away, and a more serene,spiritual person evolves. So has been my fifteen years in AA.
Member: Mike W,
Location: Hillsdale, Michigan USA
Date: 9/6/2002
Time: 12:04:46 AM
Hi, I'm a "getting better" alcoholic, my name is Mike. My problem is most often in the way I perceive and beleive things to be. I came into this program with basically one problem or so I thought, that was I couldn't controll my drinking and other than that I was a fairly average individual with a couple of rather small character flaws... no big deal... right??? Take away the drink and I could in no time be eligable for sainthood by most standards... Wrong!!! The longer I stay Sober the more root issues (or sins that so easily beset me) seem to come to light. It's like peeling away the layers of an onion. To remove these defects of character I must be willing to practice the opposite. I also have learned that I must deny my selfish desires to make room for God's Better Desires for my life. When I mistreet others today what have I to blame it on? I can't very well say "sorry I treated you like that last night, I was sober.... No.. I act the way I act because I think the way I think... And My attitudes are a result of the way I beleive and think, And I act the way I act because I think the way I think ... My hearts desires affect my thinking and that affects my attitudes which affect my speech... how I talk to Myself... And CONTROLS my fellings, actions, behaivior.. Which is what brings me results, either positive or negative. And the bottom line is , if the results your getting from your actions arn't meeting your Long Term Needs, Then Youv'e got something that needs to be changed on your beleif window!!!! What are some of the Lies that have been perpetrated on you or that you have perpetrated on yourself that have drawn you in and kept you in bondage??? Are you ready to expose some of those Lies and shed the Truth on those areas of your life Even If it makes you feel uncomforatable to do so? Do you really want to be "Made Whole"(Sober, Sane , Serene ) Instead of Restless , Iritable and discontent.. How about trading in some guilt, shame, remorse, fear, anger, confussion, hopelessness, trama and melodrama...!!!! Make the SURENDER, avoid the next BENDER.. PEACE>LOVE>JOY>HOPE>CONFIDENCE>FORGIVENESS...TRADE IN YOUR SORROW FOR A BRIGHTER TOMORROW!! From my own personal experiance,Get a Higher Power(May I Recomend THe God Of The Bible) Get a Sponcer, Get Some Phone #'s, go to meeting, read the big book of AA and read the "other Big Book" Keep it simple ... God loves you, He really does, And If He could Save the Like's of me he can Save you to..And if you don't want to be Saved ... Maybe he'll Enable you to stay sobertil you do .. Thanks for listening.. Mike W.
Member: Rick C
Location: Silver Springs, Nv
Date: 9/6/2002
Time: 6:27:55 PM
Rick, alcoholic. I'm trying desperately to get out of self and thinking of others. Sometimes it is very hard for me to pray for others, especially those who have really hurt me in the past. Once I do, however, things DO change in my life. Recently I've prayed for my fiancee to find a job she really enjoys, and bingo, it has happened. The most important thing for me to remember when letting go of self, is accepting the outcomes. If I can accept the outcome of what I've prayed for or "turned over", then all is well. God Bless you all.
Member: neil r
Location: virgina
Date: 9/6/2002
Time: 9:00:13 PM
hello everyone my name is neil and i'm an alcoholic 1st time here new to computers too.i am thin skinned super sensitive and easily hurt and i found this out by doing a 4th and 5th step by the big book and with my sponsers help telling me everything i did'nt want to hear. but i did'nt drink and listened. this week it will be 12 yrs. but 4 the grace of god. thank u 1 and all 4 being here to help this drunk stay sober on this friday night.
Member: John O'L
Location: DFW, Texas
Date: 9/6/2002
Time: 11:12:10 PM
Hello, Family, this is John, an alcoholic from DFW, Texas. I find that my selfishness is firmly tied to my sense of rebellion. John was going to do it John's way, no matter what the cost, cause John knows best!!! With this wonderfully simple little formula, I managed to stay drunk and rebellious for years, and even kept the rebelliousness attitude, carefully concealed by a cloak of casual and studied indifference, for years after having my last drink. Cause I knew that John knew best, even though the world and almost everyone in it did not agree with this. Talk about being wrapped up in self!!! I know now, after over twenty years of sobriety, that indeed I am an essential, although a very small, part of this universe, as is each individual in this world. We are each one of us one of God's children and we each have a place in the grand scheme of things. I can be of maximum service when I share my experience, strength and hope with others, and give them the opportunity for sobriety that I was give decades ago. (Since I was so set on doing everything my way, I didn't take advantage of the opportunity for sobriety the first, second , or even third time I had the chance. No sir. No Ma'am. It was John's way or no way at all. Happily, I finally settled on a way other than my own, the way of AA, and because of the program I am able to share with you today. Best Wishes to All!
Member: Eric K
Location: Between Heaven and Hell
Date: 9/7/2002
Time: 12:06:17 AM
Hi, new here. I want so bad to live just one day, with out a bottle or a sense of being with out control. Im not wreckless or anything, but the bottle runs my life. Its cost me countless relationships and recently a marriage. Im honestly looking for a way to end a cycle. A cycle I began years upon years ago. Any advice would be appreciated and welcomed
Member: Ron L
Location: Winnipeg. Man. Can.
Date: 9/7/2002
Time: 7:15:54 AM
A cry for help. Eric from my own experience when I found myself in the same predicament and was in the same dilemma that I sence that you might be in, I phone A.A. and two guys came over, shared their experienc with me and offered to take me to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I went and have been sober ever since."ONE DAY AT A TIME" If you phone for A.A. help make sure you get what your phoneing for and that you are taken to an A.A. meeting and not dumped at some detox unit cause if you want a stay in a detox unit then phone that place, so my friend I hope you find the help you are looking for. And may you always walk in the sun-light of the spirit
Member: Jan BB
Location: Paris, France
Date: 9/7/2002
Time: 5:47:41 PM
Thank you to everyone who shared. So much understanding was gained by reading you all. ((Eric)) Please pick of the phone and call AA. You can talk to someone and be guided to a meeting. This is a first step in breaking the cycle. We all have been where you are and help is available. Please go and experience an AA meeting in person, you are most welcome there and we know how you feel. You may also want to try the early sobriety page listed below, for more encouragement. Thank you so much for posting, your the essence of the topic. Faith and hope ((Everyone)) janbbparis@yahoo.com
Member: Celia Schoonover
Location: Cincinnati, OH USA
Date: 9/7/2002
Time: 7:31:11 PM
Eric, I guess you were up around midnight when you posted. Are you and alcoholic? What is an alcoholic? that's where I began. the realization that I have another chronic disease, alcoholism, came to me quickly and I cried for 2 days. I had been the one who pointed the finger calling others alcoholics in a derogatory way: o-o-o-oh-h-h-h-h-h-h look at her... she's an alcoholic. Very soon as I tried to get help I learned of the a word as a disease that affects my body, mind and spirit. So being an olcoholic is not something I'm ashamed of. But like the ohers said. ONLY YOU can make the 1st phone call, attend that 1st meeting, and you know, Eric, if you speak up at that 1st meeting, you will be amazed at the response. Most of us remember having 24 hours of sobriety.... and we remember how hard it is to ask for help!!! You'll get there and when you do, hold on toyour hat!!! Ruby
Member: Eric K
Location: Salt Lake City
Date: 9/7/2002
Time: 10:21:05 PM
Thank you all for the support. Im going to see... It sounds kind of odd, but Im certain, not unfamiliar... Its just scary. Im sure that makes sense to you, even when it doesnt really to me. I will make the call, appearantly I made the first step. Thanks again. Eric
Member: Yvonne F.
Location: Chicago
Date: 9/7/2002
Time: 11:27:56 PM
Hi everyone. I've been sober for 16 yrs. and stopped going to live meetings after having kids. For few years I dabbled in on-line meetings and tonight for the first time in a long time went to a live meeting. I realize I have been living the life the infamous dry drunk for a few years now and want to stop. I want to be healthy again mentally and spiritually. I now know the years I put my children first and myself second were in vain. How could I possibly be a good mom with out taking care of myself? I just wanted to say I am happy to be back. Although I have not had a drink in all those years, I feel as if I was starting to once again be the person I once was, and hated to be. Thanks -
Member: Karlene K
Location: Mo
Date: 9/8/2002
Time: 12:56:36 AM
It's hard to get out of yourself when you've got problems swirling around you. That's when it seems I can get into the I<I<I< syndrome. Saying my 3rd Step prayer every morning, asking God what His Will is for me, and really focusing on what other people are saying in and out of meetings helps somewhat. Listening to newcomers, reading my AA literature, and trusing that my higher power whom I choose to call God is leading me. My ego is so big, that I have to constantly remind myself that what I am seeing is not about me, and that I am nothing but a grain of sand on a large beach. When I first came into the program, I thought the part in the 3rd step prayer about "Relieve me of the bondage of self"....and Take away my difficulities" was all about solving my problems and getting my debts paid. We do grow up. This prayer has a whole new meaning today, and I still say it every morning. Through the years of sobriety, the meaning of it has got deeper and deeper. It has been so worth the journey!! I have seen so many people go through so much, and not had to pick up that first drink. I have seen this program work for 59 years now....I pray that as I continue to do the basic things that AA has taught me, it will continue to work for me. Just keep It Simple, Ask God to relieve you of the "Bondage of Self"
Member: Soocyab L
Location: Oregon
Date: 9/8/2002
Time: 1:02:13 AM
Erik, good to be responding to a person reaching out for help. As others have said, pick up the phone and call AA. A live one will talk to you. I have a long term friend in SLC who needs someone new to work with. Email me at soocyab@hotmail.com and I will contact him for permission for you to call him. You have made the most important "reach out for help" you will ever make. Good Luck and do it "One Day At A time" soocyab, Oregon
Member: Karlene K.
Location: Kansas City, Mo
Date: 9/8/2002
Time: 1:05:27 AM
Staying out of yourself is hard when you have problems swirling around you. That's when it's easy for me to get into the I<I<I< syndrome. I say my third step prayer every morning. When I first came into the program, I thought that 3rd step prayer was all about getting me out of my problems and debts. Growing in the program through the years has changed all that. The part about "relieving me of bondage of self" has taken on a whole new meaning. I have seen people work this program for 59 years now. They went through all the trials that God placed in their lives, and never had to pick up that first drink by using the few basic tools that AA gives to us. Thinking of myself as a grain of sand on a beach, telling myself that what I am seeing is not about me, and really focusing on the other people in my life and around me helps keep my perspective. God does the rest.
Member: Karlene K.
Location: Kansas City, Mo
Date: 9/8/2002
Time: 1:20:17 AM
I read the 3rd step prayer every morning. The part that says "Relieve me of the Bondage of Self" has taken on a new and deeper meaning for me over the years. Thinking of myself as a grain of sand on a beach, telling myself that things I see or hear is not about me. And really focusing on what other people are saying, and feeling all help keep me out of myself. Listening to newcomers is extremely important. I have seen people work this program for 59 years, have seen them go through all the trials of life, and have not had to pick up that first drink. The basic tools that we are taught, by the Grace of God, keep us sober and growing.