Member: JoeE
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 12:49:19 PM
Hi all... I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. Being honest with myself and with others regarding those relationships seem to require a lot of my energy and thought.
Member: Art M.
Location: MI District 8 / Livingston Co.
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 1:17:38 PM
Joe, You betcha that honesty takes a lot of work and thought for me to. I am an alcoholic and because of my decades of addiction I have a mind set that takes me to ego and self satisfaction that I work to replace with the humility and peace/serenity that the Promises of AA DO provide if one not only works the 12 Steps of AA but lives them each and every day. My just coming up on four years in AA have given me the "game plan" for sobriety and with that sobriety the understanding of AA tools that allow me to understand my self better and to replace dishonesty with honesty, ego with humility, lonliness with fullness in presence and fear with love of each and every single 24 hours. Yep, it takes work for me to but the work shows and feels more than the effort involved. I do my best to make AA meetings, the 12 Steps, closeness with my sponsor and others in the program who "walk the talk" my addiction. Thanks for the topic.
Member: migel
Location:
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 1:23:47 PM
i see dead people again and theyre talking to me
Member: PC & Sonia
Location: uk
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 1:24:22 PM
Hello World
Being honest with myself, and others. i can do that if i think about it, and make it a focus. i can even do it in a non confrontational way if i think about it. But i find listening to what is going on inside me, aswell as trying to convey feelings to another takes a lot of energy, in day to to day life i am not sure if i dont stop to think and listen to me, that i am always being honest, old habits and defence mechanisms take over before i have even had time to think. Hopefully not so much today. They say awareness is the key, but awareness is oh so tiring. Hopefully with practice it might be a little less tiring and take a little less energy. Joe i have found being honest with myself and others so much more productive than anything else i have ever tried. Thanks for the subject, and if i am honest i was hoping to be the first one here to choose a subject. But i couldnt have chosen a better one thankyou. The key to being honest with the self for me is calm, I cant get anything straight in the middle of a heated debate, just get carried away with the war. Im right your wrong so there. lmao.
me.sonia@ntlworld.com
Member: gerri m.
Location: alaska
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 1:30:23 PM
Hi Im Gerri Alcoholic, It says im first here but it could be a bloop.My lifes been getting better in sobriety...thought the skies were just getting brighter...then last week (a blast from the past)...went to get my driving record so i could get good insurance on my new car(another benifit of being sober)...thought my record was all cleared up through court and all...but DMV had other plans.I just found out ive been drivin around for almost 3 yrs w/ a DWI on my driving record. How do we deal with the sh-t from the past and still keep our serenity?
Member: gerri m
Location: alaska
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 1:37:20 PM
oops! not the first here, but it works in with honesty. Not denying the past takes alot of honesty but keeping our serenity while we are doing it takes work. far'n away, Gerri
Member: Mark B
Location: Alaska
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 1:54:07 PM
Hi, my name is Mark and I'm an alcoholic. Honesty is a good topic. Being an alcoholic doesn't necessarily equal dishonesty, but for me honesty is always a struggle. I've been sober now for 9 years and I still struggle daily with honesty. It takes constant reminders from you people in the program about what I need to work on within myself. The reminders come from you, and the tools about what to do about things come from you, and then the solutions and the progress within my spirit come from my higher power. I asked god to keep me sober and he did...if I ask him to help me get honest, I truly believe that this is my will aligned with his will, and he will help me. I can't get help unless I ask. God, please help me make progress with my honesty today. Thanks for the topic.
Member: Scott W
Location: Houston
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 2:11:57 PM
Honesty? I don't know how to be honest. I had been living so long with dishonesty that I truly am having to come to terms with the concept. But with the help of my HP, my sponsor, friends and the program, I am learning. It's a scary thought but I realize without honesty I cannot build a new life for me-a sober life. I try to remember every day 'who would I have become without my addiction and who am I willing to become without my addiction'. With 15 days under my belt I am off on a new adventure. Thanks to all here and in AA everywhere for setting a presedent.
Love to all.
Member: Debi J
Location: Maryland
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 2:26:57 PM
Hi my name is Debi and I'm an alcoholic.
hi Joe......interesting topic.
You have to ask yourself is it worth the time and energy. For me it is. I have 110 days sober and everyday has been worth it. I have'nt put 100% in the reading and it shows. Especially on the challenging days you know the ones where your ready to rip someones face off. Alot of my energy goes to thinking. I'm sure as the days go on that the energy will be directed and channel to other area's. I sure did waste alot of time and energy on parties and having a good time. So now its time to spend the time I wasted, to recovery and being a better ME. YOU can't think of recovery in a negative way or you won't have an success. Keep it simple and take one day at a time.
have a great sober day Debi
Member: S&T
Location:
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 2:56:17 PM
hi,
I am new here. wow...honesty! I know that's something I have been trying to work on. It takes alot of thought and energy...even to be honest with myself(if that makes any sense). But I know the only thing dishonesty causes me is stress and anxiety, and I don't need that. So I guess, it worth all the energy to be honest. Thanks for lettin me share.
Member: Chris
Location: NS, Canada
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 4:29:45 PM
Chris here and alcoholic. Well, alcoholism is called a disease of denial. Why is it that an alcoholic is usually the last to know that alcoholism is their disease? That's how it was for me, cunning, baffling, powerful, and patient, as they say about the disease of alcoholism.
And through it all, all I have to do to stay sober is to have the desire to stop drinking, do the steps a day at a time, and have the willingness to go to any lengths.
In chapter 5, "How it Works," the key phrase to recovery is "honesty." Honesty is the 'minimum' I need to stay on the road to recovery, and true self honesty is not easy for this alcoholic.
I find it quite easy to blame others, the forces of nature, God, or chance for my misgivings in life. And that is total crap. My life is what I've made it, no more and no less. I've been a liar, a cheater, and all other sorts of "er's" I've also showed a measure of care, attention, and consideration to others much of the time. I cannot stay healthy by denying any part of who I am. I can only truly get sober and healthy, if I am honest about who I am and what I've done. I do the steps to take stock of my defects, clear up the wreckage of my past, right my wrongs, and move ahead without regret. I share my experience, strength, and hope with other alcoholics, so that I may continue to have sober days, a day at a time.
For me, willing to go to any lengths starts with the willingness to honestly face who I am, and what I've done. My defects are mine alone, and not the defects of other's or their opinions. To be sober I have to own up to my life.
Nobody is perfect, and no one does the program perfectly. I am glad about that, because I sure haven't, but I've been willing to grow along spiritual lines, "progress and not perfection."
I'm grateful for this program, and all the sobriety and healthy days I've been given by doing the program. AA has worked for me, one day at a time.
For anyone new to the program, people will tell you, "easy does it but do it." My suggestion is go to face to face meetings in your area, and share your story with another alcoholic. You'll be helping someone if you do, and along the way, you'll get to experience the miracles, and all you need is the desire to be sober.
AA sponsor's help me walk through the steps, but my sponsors are people and not higher powers. I chose my sponsors because they had something I did not, and by doing their program they're lives are in order. Good sponsors help me with honesty. Many of my sponsors are my friends now, and the ones that I felt weren't putting their program, and my health first are now sponsors for someone else. Remember, it is your program and no one else's.
I cannot stay sober for anyone else, but I can for me, if I'm willing to go to any lengths, one day at a time.
Sober blessings!
Member: Paul
Location: South Yorks, England
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 5:49:25 PM
This is a crucial topic - thanks joe. I find that there is no serenity without honesty. This is the only way. Alcoholism is truly a disease of denial. I think of humility as self honesty (that may be from AA literature or a meeting somewhere) and that gives me an understanding of how to approach step seven each time I realise that I need to change how I am. Alos the idea that, on the whole, I have made my life as happy as I have chosen it to be (just for today card) has been an immense challenge for me, and 100% self honesty has been the only way forward. I came to AA riddled with FEAR so as someone once told me "Face Everything And Recover".
Member: LaDonna F
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 7:22:59 PM
Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 8:15:04 PM
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today by the Grace of God and the Fellwoship. Welcome all you newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!
You're right Joe, being honest with ourselves and others takes a lot of work. Sometimes, I don't know how honest with myself I'm being. But this program is about progress and not perfection.
I've learned that, if I'm doing the best I can, then all the hard work will lead to considerable progress in being honest with myself. This, in turn, translates to progress in being honest with others.
Another challenge to being honest for me is learning to be honest with the right people and at the right time as, for example, when the Big Book mentions (pp.73-75) choosing someone to share our 5th Step with.
Member: John
Location: Georgia
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 9:21:32 PM
Hi, I'm John and I'm an alcoholic. Honesty is a great topic. It took me 10 years of being in and around AA to get honest. I picked up my first white chip in 1981 and my "last" white chip in 1991. I have 10 years now without a drink or a drug. I struggled with honesty for a long time and only when I completely surrendered to the program was I able to get honest. I was told to keep an open mind about AA,to be myself and be "honest". I went to a LOT of meetings and the program really worked me. They were great meetings and I had great sponsers. They told me to "keep coming back" and to "hang in there", no matter what. I've gone through some painful times, but have gotten through them sober. The program indeed works if you work it! Whatever I seem to go through that's very painful, my mind seems to think that it's the worst pain yet and that I won't make it. I still "hang in there" and I continue to stay sober one day at a time.
Member: Lessa
Location: Chicago
Date: 8/26/01
Time: 11:16:04 PM
Hi everybody, Lessa E, here, alcoholic. Honesty...in myself and relationships....good topic, Joe.
Honesty.....well, first, it involves being honest with myself. I need help doing it. I relapsed last year in a big way (is there any other?) I really and truly thought that I had never intended to drink again. Well, I can now say, that I honestly wanted to drink more than I wanted the program. While I may have THOUGHT I wanted the program, I wanted the benefits of sobriety without it's constraint (picking up that first drink...) Didn't somebody mention denial???? Step one is the only one I have to do perfectly....and it means I honestly admit I am powerless over alcohol.
Also, Gerri, alluded to a past DWI. (thanks for the memory jog, Gerri!!!) I have something similar in my background. In Illinois, we have something that is called 'supervision' - for a first arrests, if you pass a probationary period without further incident, it will not be put in your record as a 'conviction'. However, it still stays on your record as a DWI arrest. Your insurance doesn't go up because it wasn't a conviction. But the arrest record stays there......I'd LOVE to wish it away...(and I often have). And yet, getting to know myself again (or maybe for the first time?) honestly, I think for me, it would be another thing that I would twist, in my own convoluted alkie way. I think I could really con myself into thinking I had no ARRESTS, not just a 'no conviction'.
This honesty thing is tough....but it's the only thing that'll keep me from going out there again.
Thanks, everybody, good material so far. (And Joe, I think we'll get around to relationships in the coming week!!)
As for relationships with others, I've been having alot of problems with someone in the program recently. Someone I admired a great deal, who I looked to for advice on many things. Well, right now, I'm getting no program advice. Rather, I'm being told what to do about a mortgage, what to do about a job, how NOT to exercise, etc, etc, etc. A HUGE resentment is building. And, I talked to a trusted program confidante about it and journaled like crazy.
What's come out? Well, in this relationship (a friendship) I've given control to another person. I kind of put the other person on a pedestal because I thought her program was so good (another no-no, as the Big Book tells us.) But, my twisted logic said
Member: James
Location:
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 2:01:29 AM
James: alcoholic.
I sincerely wanted to contribute to the discussion but promptly realized what I had to say was essentially bullshit.
Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 5:51:23 AM
I'm with you, James. Very good posts, and I have nothing that will add anything.
Mark W. LMW007@aol.com
Member: Mark C.
Location: NYC
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 8:12:28 AM
Hi, Mark here. I'm an alcoholic.
Honesty is a good topic. The thing with living a lie is that it is pretty well bound to come crashing down on you one day. It's hard to keep a lie going for a long time.
When I first joined AA, about eight years ago, I was told, concerning the spiritual side of the program, that if I couldn't make it, I should fake it. That's what I did. But was a poor idea, because it ment living a lie, and I got less and less comfortable with that as time passed and the fog cleared. I drank again at six months and went on to drink for abut six years. During that time I often thought that I couldn't have sobriety if I didn't have a god. Fortunately, it doesn't work like that.
This time round I got honest. I don't believe in gods of any description, not even in the vague 'Spirit of the Universe' sense. And that's fine. That works. I've been sober for ten months, and life is so much better this way.
Thanks for being here and letting me share honestly.
Mark. C
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 9:31:31 AM
Ooops, didn't finish the thought about a troubling relationship in the previous post....
I mentioned an AA friend....I had put her on a pedestal. She was strong, hadn't taken a drink in ages and said she 'got' the program from her first meeting. "Now THIS is a person to emulate," I thought. (even though the Big Book cautions us against putting folks on a pedestal, I did it.)
So, we became friends. And I welcomed all kinds of advice, including financial, job and who I should be dating. I mean, if SHE gets the program so well, surely, if I do as she says, I will too!! Well, that was my logic at the time.
After awhile, however, what had started as suggestions turned into phone calls and emails nagging me into doing what SHE wanted me to. Jeesh!!! My mom hadn't been that controlling!!! And, needless to say, a HUGE resentment built up.
My usual is to just cut off the friendship and have nothing to do with the person. Find different meetings and don't listen. But, the program has taught me to examine relationships and be rigorously honest about what my responsibility in it is. In this case, it's a pattern...of giving control of my actions to another person. Then blaming them when I've followed advice or instructions and things haven't turned out well. And dwelling on THEIR bad advice, shortcomings, etc., instead of focusing on why I gave control up to another person in the first place. (that is, I need to continue MY inventory, not take theirs...over and over and over again...)
I don't always LIKE rigorous honesty. Heck, I hate it alot. But, it seems to be working if I let it.
Member: MARK
Location: MIDLANDS U.K.
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 11:11:28 AM
HI NEW TO THE SITE, SECOND DAY OF SOBRIETY,
JUST LIKE TO SAY LEESA THIS GIVING CONTROL TO OTHER PEOPLE IS SOMETHNG I HAVE BEEN GUILTY OF AGAIN AND AGAIN. JUST REALISED IT.
IF I AM HONEST WHEN I DO IT I AM PROBABLY SHRINKING FROM THE REPSONSIBILITY ATTACHED TO TAKING THESE DECISIONS FOR MY PART ANYWAY.
WHEN I LOOK AT RELATIONSHIPS FAMILY, FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES WHERE IT IS EASIER TO LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THAT DECISION SO I CAN BLAME THEM FOR THE CONSEQUENCES (IE DRINKING) I GUESS FOR ME I AM REALISING THAT DRINKNG IS DENIAL, AND A FORM OF COWARDICE THAT CAN ONLY BE OVERCOME WITH MY OWN HONESTY. THIS STUFF STARTING TO MAKE SENSE. THANKS.
Member: John B.
Location: Florida
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 11:49:14 AM
This is my third time trying AA in the past ten years - the first two times failing because (I now realize) of the lack of honesty on my part. This time I'm doing everything exactly "as suggested" and it works a whole lot better than my "adjust to comfort" approach to the program. I've had absolutely no problem with the first three steps, but coming up on the 4th makes me realize I'm going to have to be more honest with myself than ever before - examining behaviors, causes, effects and motives for that behavior in the first place. It sounds exhausting, but really isn't if I let honesty (plain and unembellished) do the talking. I look forward to getting it all down on paper, to unburdening myself so I can fully move forward unencombered. Anyway, thanks for the topic, Joe. It's one of the very basics of why the program works!
Member: cat got my tounge
Location:
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 12:13:17 PM
james and mark w you suck
Member: louis scrotoface
Location:
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 12:14:36 PM
geri give me your car,you take the bus
Member: GOD
Location: UP
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 12:49:52 PM
Mouthing off in a AA forum?? Hope you ask for forgivness. This may be you last offer.
Member: Susan W
Location: Charleston, SC
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 1:27:26 PM
I have been in and out of AA for a couple of years now. I've picked up several white chips, each time with the idea that this will be my last. In fact, I thought I had the conviction. Being honest with myself is extremely difficult. I "honestly" do not know how. It is so easy to blame another person, one in particular, for my failures, and believe me, there have been many failures. I keep thinking that if I can only find that one person in AA who can be strong enough for me, then I can do it. Wrong thinking! I have to be honest enough with myself to do it myself. I'm embarrassed to go back to my meetings. I feel resentment towards some of the people there who seem so perfect in their program and recovery. Thanks for the topic and for letting me respond. I realized I need AA and all it encompases more than ever.
Member: eris w.
Location:
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 2:02:39 PM
hi i'm eris and i'm an alcoholic. this is my 12th day so i'm not through the steps by any means but i still now how hard honesty is. it was only by being honest with myself that i even went to my first meeting. further honesty allowed me to walk to the front of the room and get a beginner's keychain. it is really really tough but i've got to say that if you've come this far- you can make it. many blessings to you all.
Member: Still wearied?
Location: On the outside...
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 2:47:17 PM
In my case I found, I guess as everybody has that we had to cut them things out of our lives that were dragging us down when we were so enslaved to alcohol, drugs, ruinous thinking, and all the other so-called "friends" we had who were leading us that way! So the question arises once more for those who want to progress into a better existence than we had in the escapist pits we were chained to, as it applies to the here and now! Who are our enemies? Who are our friends? This is a question of the first importance for any given situation in life. The basic reason why all previous struggles to prevail against blatantly contradictory and hypocritical people, places and things achieved so little was a failure to unite with real friends in order to attack real enemies. A person can be a follower of that which is definitely wrong, or he can be a leader of that which is constructive change and can be a guide of others as well, and no forward development ever succeeds if other influences lead you astray. To ensure that we will definitely achieve success and will not lead others astray, we must pay attention to uniting with our real friends in order to attack our real enemies. To distinguish real friends from real enemies, we must make a general analysis of the intentions of the various other contacts and influences in our lives and of their respective attitudes towards the rightness of the constructive development that you find more comfort with and see more promise in. To simply remain in a reactionary environment for fear of offending and losing some favor with proven contradictory and hypocritical people, places and things is indeed most self-defeating and destructive! And so a plan of action in needed!!
Member: Josie
Location: KS
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 3:39:32 PM
"Being honest with myself and others regarding those relationships seem to require a lot of my energy and thought." < topic
Hi everyone!
Gee, relationships must be going around in AA lately as this is the 3rd time I've heard in less than one week. <I'm smiling>
For me, page 69 in the BB helps to keep me on the path as it tells me that my motives must be not selfish, not self centered and that telling the truth, not only to myself, but to others is a must.
Why would anyone want to have a fulfilling relationship by telling lies? <rolling my eyes, I am> For me, the truth is the only way I go. (lies are drinking tunes for me)
Relationships are important to me - caring, sharing, accepting and loving ones. Mind-games, selfish/ self-centered angry hateful relationships are not my cup of tea.
Big Book says to build a strong foundation so that the other floors can stand tall = relationships.
Josie, alcoholic.
Member: greg N
Location: MI
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 3:57:09 PM
Hi there. What you're all saying about life changes and honesty makes so much sense...but why do we have to go through so much to see that. Is it the adversity that allows us to appreciate our new lives?
Member: Josie
Location: KS
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 4:52:54 PM
PS. Someone said "uniting with true friends inorder to attack real enemies" jiggled my memory and since I'm not always good at saying what's inside of me (either being too direct or not enough); I'd like to share this with you: "There was a piece of reality that I never wanted to see: I loved (love) someone who couldn't be trusted. Again and again I suffered the disappointment of broken promises, contradicitions, and outright lies. Each time, I felt crushed, betrayed, outraged. Nevertheless, hours or sometimes days later, I put the incident out of my mind. ( I gave it to my Higher Power and forgave this person.) When the next promise was made, I trusted without hesitation and with my whole heart. I contued to find it hard to accpet that I can't trust the promises of someone I love."
There have been relationships that have been like this for me in AA and outside of AA. Today, I realize that there are some folks that no matter what I say or do will only believe that someone is always out to get them. These people I turn over to my Higher Power, whom I choose to call God; and turn to the prayer in the BB that I ask HP to give them everything.
Not all of us, I believe, are healthy sane people that are striving one day at a time to achieve sobriety in AA. Some are sicker than others and some of these have diagnosises that prevents them from seeing what is before them that is real and not some imagined thing in their minds. These people are always in my daily prayers because there I could have been like them - a reminder, so to speak.
The reality is for me that these people that used to be in my life, regardless of my feelings for them, only causes misery and pain with their paranoid thinking and mind-games for me and perhaps, it turns back to them with pain and misery also.
What's the old saying: if you keep getting burnt by standing in the fire and don't like it, get the H out.
I don't like being a crispy-critter.
And the feelings that I have - well, God has them and so do I.
Member: Brad C.
Location: Madison, WI
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 4:58:33 PM
My name is Brad and I'm an alcoholic - that's for sure. Honesty certainly is a great topic for me. I'm like a lot of people I'm sure in that when I first came in some 5 1/2 years ago I saw that line in Chapter 5 about "constitutionally incapable of being honest..." and thought, boy, I'll never make it. One of the first meetings I ever went to I brought that up as a topic and a guy with a lot of sobriety under his belt said that he always thought that if you're willing to come to the tables, get a sponsor, try to work the steps, then you are capable of being honest enough to make it in AA. Ever since then, I've tried to just accept that as good enough - just the willingness to try is all that's needed. I do often find however that the person with whom I have the most difficulty in being honest with is of course myself. I've got some stressful stuff going on in my life (gee and I'm sure I'm the only one)and it occurs to me that I'm having a lot of difficulty being honest with myself just how helpless I feel about stuff and how much it bothers me. I try very hard to "walk with faith", that is, accept that there is a reason and a plan for what's happening and I don't need to know what that plan is, and believe that I am being taken care of and that things will be alright, however things turn out. Easier said than done sometimes, though. So right now I'm just not feeling too comfortable in my own skin but since I don't see any better alternative I guess I'll keep coming back. Thanks.
Member: I hear you!
Location: Around
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 5:37:19 PM
Josie:
Did you ever see the Proverb, "faithful are the wounds of a friend! But profusely bestowed are the kisses of an enemy"? Pr 27:6
Member: Rich P
Location: Colorado
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 6:01:34 PM
It was when I started to lie to my wife about my drinking that I also had to admit the power alcohol held over me. I like to think of myself has an honest person, sometimes painfully honest when it comes to looking at myself - more accurately, my faults. So when I started telling little lies, "I didn't drink that much", or "No I haven't been drinking". I was walking on a slippery slope. Little lies becoming big lies, big lies ruining things for my family.
Today the energy and thought are spent analyzing why I just said that hurtful remark, or expressed more emotion than the situation called for. What hot button from my past did this person (wife, coworker, etc) unknowningly trigger? Then, if the situation is appropriate, I let them know what just happened and apologize.
For me, this is more about humility.
Member: JoeE
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 7:18:31 PM
Hi All. I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. I 've read some great stuff on honesty... thanks. Being honest with myself started with the first step and has been on the front burner since... Today, being honest with myself and others (relationships- whether they are intimate, casual, work, or family) really boils down to being honest with myself... about myself. Thanks again to all of you and to God for a sober day.
Member: a sinner
Location:
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 9:46:52 PM
forgive me god for mouthing off i am a sinner, i will now say three hail marys and make amends by cleaning all public restrooms.
Member: Bonny G
Location: Hot Springs, AR
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 10:41:41 PM
Thanks all for the great comments on honesty. I was glad to read that others have the same problems as I do from all over the world. I have been struggling with an amends I've got to make to some co-workers for some of the things I've said. And to me, that is being honest. I no longer have the right to say hurtful things that might sway another's opinion about someone else, and I shouldn't try to make myself look good in the eyes of others. My actions are what count today, the way I live my life should be a row model for others to follow. And what is in the past; comments or actions; should stay there. That's being honest in "all" my relationships. What gets me is that I should know better with eight years of sobriety. Even today, I still have to return time and again and do a 4th and 10th step.
Member: Racquel H.
Location: Madison, WI
Date: 8/27/01
Time: 11:03:58 PM
Racquel, Alcoholic/Addict
Honesty... I've been doing 4th step work for the past 2 or 3 weeks. It's hard work to really look at myself and see behind the masks... and the masks themselves and the reasons for them. I can't wait for this 4th step work to be finished so I can move on to 5, 6, and 7! I can't seem to stop crying! This is my 2nd 4th step. I am moving across the country in 3 wks and I don't have a sponsor and only 1 more session w/ my therapist... I really need support, any suggestions are appreciated.
It's hardest for me to be honest in my relationships when I try to take responsibility for the other person's reaction or response. When I let go and just speak my truth without worrying what others think, it's easier and less painful!
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 2:10:54 AM
Hi, I am Jack, a real alcoholic.Great topic. Being honest with myself has been and always will be one of the most difficult things I have to do. Its so much easier being honest with someone about themselves, than it is being honest with yourself about yourself. Step ten for me is what gives me either serenity or emotional hangovers. If I have an uneasy feeling about something then most likely its because I have done or said something that I know was wrong. The most important thing I most be totally honest about with myself is that I am an alcoholic, and I accept this.I can't pick up a drink today. If I keep this first and foremost and practice these principles in the 12 steps in all my affairs, I find myself having more good days than bad days. One thing I heard a Young member of my home group say is if I am honest with what I say and do, I don't have to worry about remembering what I said or did. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.
Member: Josie
Location: Dodge City
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 2:31:43 AM
Relationships are tough for this alkie for I take people as they present themselves to me to be who / what they are. In other words, I don't read between the lines. What they say is what I hear. Unfortunately for both, I think, if the truth is not spoken; we both get hurt / not just me. Example: If another alkie is before me saying certain things and I know them to be untrue, it is not my job to say "this is bs you're handing me". So I turn this person over to care of my HP and practice "live and let live".
Trust, for me, is awfully important in any relationship; and if I don't have this: all the walls that had been previously built will come tumbling down whether I want them to do this or not.
I heard a man share last evening that he was the clown, the goof, the center of attention in AA meetings and he discovered after years of doing this is because he was afraid to be himself in front of AAers.
To take time with relationships and to think about them, for me, boils down to this: stay truthful with the person, give this person my loyalty and my love. If I do this, then the walls will be strong and sturdy. If I do not receive this back from a person but instead get bs in place of it, I know from past experiences that one sided relationships do not work.
Thank God, I can turn to others and HP for help and guidance to look further into me and with patience, understanding and action on my part; hopefully with HP's help, I will change odaat.
If I spend all my time just thinking about relationships and not taking action, then I can be easily labeled an ole wind bag.
Josie, alcoholic Sweet dreams to all!
Member: Dale
Location: NewYork
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 4:21:54 AM
I had to share as I am currently not being honest with myself or with anyone else. I was sober 20 months this month and started taking valium for anxiety. I feel I broke my sobriety because pills were also apart of my drinking. I don't know if I should say f**k it and keep doing it or if I don't I'll set myself up for a disaster. If I stop did I break my sobriety is my question? I feel guilty as hell , I know that much but can't see me telling anyone about this because they'll just say "Oh she's hopeless she always relapse." Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks.
Member: Matt
Location: NY
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 5:53:12 AM
I've been reading some of the comments above. It's good to see people talking about AA and their varied experiences. I have not been to a meeting in several months, and although I can't say drinking is on my mind at this time, I do feel like running away. I moved to North Carolina last year and I have not been back North to my home in several months. I do have a trip planned shortly.
I can't fully express how much I miss the meetings I used to attend there. I had such a nice network of people and meetings available. I felt very comfortable and anytime I had a problem, there was always somebody available. Thank God for AA. I grew up in such a fog; I learned so much from the people in AA. Before AA I never listened to anyone, never prayed, and I was never greatful for anything. Gratitude was such a foreign concept to me. My experience in AA so far has been about learning how to live life. This sounds pretty hokey to people outside of AA, but it is so true.
Lately I've been looking around me and everyone seems so put together. I feel far from that. I am getting stressed about work and some of the people I work with. I can't say, alcoholism afforded me social prowess. One reason I drank when I was younger, was to help me feel more comfortable around people. I was terribly shy and had absolutely no idea what friendships were about, but I knew I need to have people in my life se, eventually, I did whatever it took. The only thing I knew back then was to drink and party like everyone else. Today is different, but it can still be difficult.
Today I have stress and pressures from work, bills, family, and my relationships. If I was in Albany, I'd know exactly where to go to get help, but down here in the south, it's not so easy. I know I need to reach out to others down here, but I am concerned that people I work with or others that I am acquainted with could find out about my participation in AA and make my life more difficult that it already is.
I know I need to do something about this fear, so I'm thining that I should go to the largest city in the area and attend some meetings there. It's certainly easier to blend in a larger city. I guess I need to let got protect me as well.
Member: Joe
Location: NY
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 6:11:08 AM
I can relate to some of the comments of Matt from NY. Who couldn't. Everyone has the same kinds of pressures in life. People with Alcoholism in their background simply have more, but God can help with all of that. But attending meetings is a must. There is magic in meetings and talking with other's from AA. It sounds like you've experienced that magic before, you just need to go to any lengths to find it again. It is ok to be scared. I'll bet you've been scared in the past, but consider how well things worked out. Pretty good?
Member: Jim
Location: NY
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 6:37:42 AM
AA has helped me learn how to work with others. I'm Jim, and I definately need help. I recently realized how much I miss meetings as well. I started this program 5+ years ago, but I still need help keeping everything together. By the time I found AA, I was so ready for my life to change. I was so unhappy and I had no idea how to change things. That's when God stepped in and showed me that AA might provide the answers I needed.
Lately, I've been dealing with a lot of fear coming from work and other areas. I can't help but to freak out at times. Attending meetings has always been so helpful. I wish I would go more often, but I always seem to find a distraction. Well, I awoke this morning about 4am because I had so much anxiety floating around in my head.
Life sure is different today than it was those five years ago. In some ways, I wish I was back there. I went to 4 meetings the first day of AA and 5 then next. From that point on, I went to 2 or 3 meetings a day for months; not so much because I was concerned about my drinking, but because I had found such a sanctuary and a vast amount of wisdom. I was very open to what others were saying. People, this time, didn't seem to get stuck on the fact that I didn't really want to talk about alcohol. The alcohol part has always seemed like a no brainer. "Clearly it has caused chaos and mayhem. And clearly I haven't the foggiest idea how to be happy." That being confessed, "How do I find security, happiness, love, and stability?!" I need to go to meetings today and ask these same questions. And then I need to listen.
I love the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. As I've read them over the years, different parts of their meaning have popped up at me. Sure, one can read them and try to understand their full message, even memorize them, but I must say, I've had the most success by not working too had at understand and practicing the steps. When God wants me to know something, he makes it very apparent. Thank God for AA. I hope I can get back to meetings and regain my faith, trust, and security.
Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 9:08:37 AM
I am an alcoholic honesty is the topic which I learnt very first day when I joined AA. everything was builkt around it the entire programm of AA. that was the sfirst required of me is to be honest about myself accept the resposibilities and results that comes with it.
Member: LU-LU....yep i'm back, get over it!
Location: 9/1/93
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 9:22:43 AM
honesty? hhaam well least it's not "gratitude" any who, as far as honestey goes way above and beyond all the crap about "being honest in relations" and "not stealing" bla bla bla, all those kind of lies are somewhat "fixable"(steps). the thing i want to always be REALLY HONEST about is the fact that I AM AN ALCOHOLIC. cause the day i convince myself of THAT LIE, the one about," oh, it was a phase, just drinks 2 a day, i can handle it.. " or what ever...oh what an awfull future that would be. if of course it turned out to be anything like it was before i got to A.A. Well,.. maaybe, with all the stuff i have learned in A.A.... Maaaybe it would be different.... JUST KIDDING, i hear it gets worse and ya know seeing "Them" come back... i believe it.
Member: Hilary E
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 9:56:55 AM
Hi everyone, Hilary here, alcoholic, definitely, drug addict, maybe. I was thinking about the discussion, and I guess for me, honesty/honest inventory of myself is something I haven't really thought too deeply of yet--I do, and I wince. I'm only sober 10 days, so it's just starting to come to, like channel reception.
I am the type of person that "stuffs" things that bother me--my mind kind of does a, "hey, file that in cabinet number 736 and throw away the key" type of deal, then it creeps up on me without my even knowing it, almost subconsciously. Plus, by not dealing with things that I avoided, I wound up looking for comfort from myself in things and activities (usually destructive). I know I have to start resolving issues in my life that I ran from, and that's really hard. I figure one little thing at a time, and not do too much too fast, and really agitate my life, and set myself up for a big flop.
In being honest with myself, I try not to be too overly critical with myself either, which I'm notoriously good at (I'm my own worst critic)--distorted self-image is something I've always had a problem with, because my basis of self worth was/has been set up on a very twisted set of values--if you are not a success, you may as well not exist type of system. Success meaning beautiful, athletic, educated, well-off, marrying well, etc. I am learning to discard these destructive and ridiculous standards, and try and live honestly and humbly--putting my HP first, and that gives me some peace--but it's very hard, like being a baby and growing up all over again, this time with only a manual (BB).
I just want to thank everyone for being here, and letting me share.
Member: Gwen
Location:
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 10:27:24 AM
Do all you bi-polar, duel diagnosis folks know that the only wat to truly get a factural diagnosis of bi-polar disorder is to have an extensive series of physical testing done, by a physical, brain x-rays, blood work (etc.) And, are you aware that if you just got a "revolving door" sort of diagnosis, meaning from just a meeting with a mental health professional, there is the possibility that you might be falsely diagnosed-like my brother. He was a drunk who went to AA, BUT REFUSED TO WORK THE STEPS OR GET A SPONCER. Then he tried to kill himself because his girl-friend-of-the-moment left him and he went to the mental ward. There, they pumped him full of meds and sent him to a "mental health professional" who had a short meeting with him, and diagnosed him on the basis of speculation, rather than fact, that he was bi-polar. That was a couple of years ago. Now he is a hermit who lives on SSI, AND STILL DRINKS LIKE A FISH. His shrink keeps experimenting with him to find the right combination of meds. My brither is now a zombie. I implore all you folks who got diagnosed like my brother, to get the facts, and if your doctor refuses to have you properly testes, for christ's sake find another. If you were falsely diagnosed, wouldn't you want to know?
Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila, PA - USA
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 10:29:31 AM
Hi all...Joe L. here, definitely alcoholic.
OHIO JOE: Thanks for the topic.
I would like to think that being honest with myself came naturally, and would be easy for me. However, being who I am and what I am, I'm grateful for A.A., my home group and my sponsor. That's why I believe so much in a home group. I believe, they help me keep me honest. They know me better than I know me.
As far as relations with others, that's where I must tread lightly. I am 26 years sober, and almost had a fight two weeks ago. I am not perfect. I was wrong. I apologized. That's why I like the ninth step - "except when to do so would injure them or others." Noone should have to suffer because I'm sober. I think, at times in my sobriety, I have been "brutally honest." Sometimes, others were just as honest with me, and it was hard to forgive them. I think that somewhere in the Big Book or step book, it says "we must be hard on ourselves and easy on others." For me, this is hard. It is very hard for me to go against the grain. I think that's why we have the fellowship though. We have groups and support. We can be happy, joyous and free. We don't have to do it alone. At times like this, I realize there is a God and he's so much smarter than I am. I think I'll keep coming back. Thanks...
Member: Adrianna
Location:
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 11:24:51 AM
Honesty is such a broad subject that we can all relate in some way. For myself honesty was the realization that I need to quit drinking. I still struggle with this issue. I quit for a week to month at a time and then tend to drift back to the lies that I am ok and I don't have a problem. The truth is that I do, and I will continue to work for the greater truth that I am an alchoholic. We all drank or drink for one reason or another. For myself it was to help relieve anxiety. But drinking only lead to a greater anxiety, and that was that I had a problem. To confront my problem I have worked on dealing with my anxiety in a natural way. I read some of the postings - in reading Dale's feeling of relapse by using valium - I would say to deal with your anxiety head on. It is dangerous when valium becomes the replacement for alchohol. Let's face it most of us who became alchoholics had a problem with dealing with anxiety. To finish my comment on this topic the only thing worse than being an alcoholic for me was hiding the fact that I am an alchoholic.
Member: tee he he
Location:
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 12:36:26 PM
lu-lu,
is that you?!!!!
im sill crazy..........
Member: ugh
Location:
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 5:12:50 PM
gwen the angry drunken miget is back
Member: Bonnie A.
Location: Michigan
Date: 8/28/01
Time: 10:39:58 PM
Hello everyone. I am very new to all of this. I have only just started reading about the AA program on-line and have had a close friend tell me of the benefits.
Being honest is very hard. Especially when everyone around you tells you that you're not sick - that everyone will forget the way you behave - or that everyone has done something like that once or twice. Staying honest and finding the support seems really hard.
Member: MissGoody2Shoes
Location: tagtail
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 1:43:15 AM
I'm an alcoholic and my nic was given to me by a very close family member, while I was in my teens.
Am I honest with myself = yes, even though at times I wish not to see the truth; but I don't have that option any more to run or hide cause sobriety, not drinking, are the steps I take daily.
Am I honest with others regarding those relationships? Some what. Example: there's some thing buried on a mound not far from me but I won't be telling anyone what it is, nor the exact location. It's a secret. One other person knows about it. If I tell, a whole bunch of lives are going to get on a roller coaster ride of their life and Miss Goody2 Shoes that I am, just can't say. Mum is the tune. Kind of reminds me of the 9th step where we make amends except when we would injure others. Injuring others is not my thing. I try very hard not to do this cause I think there is enough pain in the world without me adding more. besides the last part of the 9th step forbids me.
Do I give much thought and spend a lot of energy on those relationships? Yes. One in particular is always swirling like the winds inside of me. Step 11 is worked daily with this, as well as just listening and trusting more in HP.
What to do? I don't know. I don't have the answers. I know how I feel.
I read 27/6...friends wound vs. enemies deadly kisses. I don't see me as an enemy. I don't like force. I don't like guns. My nic is true of me, more than not. I like wearing white and riding a white horse vs wearing black and carrying weapons.
This program has taught me to love everyone and to accept them as they are and then I add, to trust everyone in AA. Strangers loved and accepted and trusted me when I walked into the doors of meeting rooms; and I pass this on.
My relationship with one is very worthy of my time and energy!
<polishing my white shoes, I quietly depart>
Member: TC
Location: Beijing
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 2:18:55 AM
Trevor here full time 24hour alcolholic
My sponsor always tells me, "...just do the next right thing..." The stuff your thinking now is not important until that next right thing comes up and the you will decide to do the right thing and be honest about what your thinking or continue the alcoholic behavior and be dishonest. Just do the next right thing...
My sponsor also told me to just take that leap of faith even if i question it...for me that is not living a lie it is the idea of not following what I think becuase if what I think worked out then i would not have needed AA. I took that leap of faith or as I heard it before, "just do it" attitude and I now know that god is always there and he alone has the power to help me...he brought me and everyone in the fellowship to AA.
P&DD Trevor
Member: Shianne
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 2:49:37 AM
Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are key factors to my sobriety. If I lie, put my blinders on and become stubborn; then I'm walking towards a drink and not away from it. Telling the truth in a relationship is important for me because I know how it feels to be deceived. However... but.... yeah, there is an area where I don't always tell the truth and that is when someone is putting their nose in my business and I don't know how to politely tell them to "butt out"; then I will say things that are not true. Sometimes later, I wil do the step and make amends and some times I give it to my Higher Power, whom I call God; and other times, I just leave it alone...giving time time.
If I truly care for someone then all the time and energy that I spend thinking about him is worth it to me. If I don't care, then I don't spend the time and energy. I try to keep it simple even though I am complicated like a piece of crystal.
Anyways, I'm glad that I don't have to be perfect today; and that if I keep coming back and working this program of sobriety odaat, I will get better. Progressing slowly some times.
Secrets I know will get me drunk so I share with at least one other what is inside of me as I don't want to go back to drinking.
Thanks for the topic, I think. I guess I need to look deeper.
Member: Jessika
Location: Holland
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 5:13:26 AM
Thanks Adrianna for the words that you wrote. I have just realised the last year that I have a problem and finally I have began dealing with it. I just feel I have been mean to my self a lot and I should instead take care of my self, start loving myself. That means stopping drinking and escaping. The drink doen'st solve it, it just makes it worse, it being anxieity. Good luck, to all, and thanks for this forum to talk.
Member: JoeE
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 9:56:29 AM
Hi, I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. When I become angry, resentful or afraid... I have taken over again. Most of the time I catch myself and am able to step back and appraise the situation. If, after my self appraisal (inventory), I still can't let go... I call my sponsor for a reality check. Many times just thinking about calling my sponsor and thinking about how I'm going to present this "major" problem allows me to be honest... you know??? Most of the time I end up not even calling him. (smile) For those of you that are just new... find a sponsor HONESTLY for me, my sponsor has made a big difference in the way I think today. Things that are not really topics for an AA meeting can be discussed and resolved 1 on 1. Thanks to All.
Member: Jarod N.
Location: Alberta
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 11:00:35 AM
Hi All. I'm Jarod,grateful alcoholic.Great topic,Joe. Struggling with honesty in all our efforts can be very daunting and at times can seem impossible.I would like to pass on a quote given to me by an old-timer at one of my very first meetings:"Remember to pray to God and swear at the mirror - not vice-versa!" Something to think about.
Wishing you all one more good day, J.N.
Member: KD
Location: Nova Scotia
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 12:06:37 PM
Hi all,,I'm Kelly and an aloholic..been drinking heavy heavy for about 12 years...on the topic of honesty..I'm honestly going to lose my wife, children,house,and possibly my job if I don't stop..I lie,steal,deny,ignore,crave,try to quit,miss work and family functions,hurt all over,,,because of my drinking...it is 1pm my time Wednesday and I am sucking on a mike's hard lemonade because my head hurts from staying up till 5am drinking wiskey and playing cards online...over the last 2 years I've quit for 1 month on 2 diff ocassions..I went to dtox for 5 days...tried anti depressants...and here I sit drinking...nobody wants to quit more than I do....thanks for listening
Member: little one
Location: midwest
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 1:22:39 PM
Hi everyone! I'm a grateful alcoholic and a member of AA. For those of you who cannot for whatever reason: medically/ or no car cannot get to AA meetings; here is the address for AA Loners-Internationalists Meeting: Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163. It's a meeting put on by AA members, who care for those of us who get stranded / or abandoned and there is no fee for this meeting-letter that is published every other month.
to be continued...thanks to my ISP, who likes to just up and terminate my connection....
Member: gil
Location: Texas
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 1:43:02 PM
Hi! I'm gil an alcoholic, Kelly get to a live AA meeting as soon as you can. Commit to 90 meetings in 90 days if you have meetings close to you. You don't have to live like that anymore. Go to meetings and get phone numbers and go to coffee with the group or what ever they do in your neck of the woods. The fellowship of other alcoholics will help more than you can imagine. God wants you to be Happy, Joyous and Free. Keep coming back, your at the right place.
Member: gil
Location: Texas
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 1:43:45 PM
Hi! I'm gil an alcoholic, Kelly get to a live AA meeting as soon as you can. Commit to 90 meetings in 90 days if you have meetings close to you. You don't have to live like that anymore. Go to meetings and get phone numbers and go to coffee with the group or what ever they do in your neck of the woods. The fellowship of other alcoholics will help more than you can imagine. God wants you to be Happy, Joyous and Free. Keep coming back, your at the right place.
Member: KD
Location: Nova Scotia
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 1:55:14 PM
AA has been something I've avoided for some reason....perhaps it's the "I'm not ready yet" thing..I need something else in my life (Even though I really have things I love to do) like songwriting....I dream of going to an aa meeting and finding such a strong connection with 1 person that i don't go for fear of not finding that 1 person..but...somethings gotta change.....hope it's me.....and soon....thx gil
Member: little one
Location: midwest
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 1:55:28 PM
truth in a relationship is a must for me even if it hurts because without it, the relationship is like wet clay: it will cover to the point of suffocation.
there is a friend (?) back east that one day I will owe amends to for I found I could not dance around her question any longer and told untruths to protect myself and another. right now though her ears are clogged so she is on my 'to do list'.
continue on
Member: little one
Location: midwest
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 2:03:55 PM
For those of you who may not have a life, I send this rope to you with a knot in it: write to AAers, who are hurting and wanting AA contact but for whatever reasons can't get to meetings. < only a suggestion
When I committed to sobriety on 1-17-74, I found that getting involved in AA groups to be very beneficial. Getting there before the meetings began: setting up the coffee, greeting new / old members, putting the ash trays out, etc. gave me or made me feel that I had a purpose in life. It was a start on a new road that I had not ever traveled before. I do the same today when I am able to attend f2f meetings - thanks to AAers who offered their hands and transportation. It's a good feeling to be apart of AA instead of looking from the outside in.
oops, here I go again :o(
Member: little one
Location: midwest
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 2:24:43 PM
to the one that I have always told the truth to: pick up the pen and get some paper and write me the old fashion way. I sent you the knot with a rope in it for a reason, sugar.
in the BB, chapters to the wives and family afterwards applies to me as an alcoholic. these two chapters give me good advice (?) pointers on how to interact with others so that we relationships are good ones. it takes time, i know this and we all grow little by little and not all in the same direction but it's a beginning that hopefully with Higher Power's help, the miracle can continue. Hopefully without the bs as bs I think belongs in the pastures where the Angus roam.
Isn't it neat that none of us, including I, have to be perfect? That mistakes are made all the time? That forgiveness is the key to begin again and again? That we each have choices to make and if we make the wrong ones, we can begin again? I love AA and AAers! I think we are the neatest people going on this world! We have a solution to all our problems, if we are painstaking in our search.
One day I hope to, alone, travel to Kansas and see a stage coach, maybe even ride one. I hear tell they are the bumpiest ride! <chuckle> I want to meet someone too and let HP take it from there. For now though, my hands are tied so I must find things that are rewarding and challenging to enrich my life and to continue with the sobriety - God given gift.
I shall include you in these steps I seek, if you choose to grab my hand and hold on. I made a promise. I will not let go!
Love to you!
AA hug to all!
Member: Chris H.
Location: FLA.
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 4:06:00 PM
Chris here--alcoholic/addict/bulimic---As Ihave said before--self honesty is the key to this alcoholics sobriety. TI is so hard to do but so very improtant. I just spent some time in my meditation this morning being self honest with my HP whom I call God.I told HIm how much I did not want to give up my character defects and how much I was not willing say, "your will not mine>"...It is so hard for me to admit those things to my HP (as if HE doesn't know it already).All I could do was ask Him to make me willing..To be honest I couldn't even ask Him that...All I could do was tell Him how I felt..I think that was a big step for me. ...I too have to face some old patterns of dealing with relationships. I ALWAYS stuffed my feelings and "lost" myself in order to please others. NOw that I feel myself getting better and begining to get involved with people OUtside the program , I find myself falling back into the old patterms of pleasing people . BOy , those old patterns are all right there "waiting" To take over my life if I let them!!!I thought they left with the addiction!!!No such luck...I guess we have to take each problem , one at a time and deal with it honestly and in a healthy manner...WIll it never end? Thank GOd that I have this sight to come to and the good people of this program to help out. See you next week!!
Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 4:08:17 PM
Hi, all and welcome newcomers. Great topic Joe. I am Donnie and I am a alcoholic. And Today HONESTY is all I have cause If I were to bullshit this I know what it would get me. I have to be honest about everything or I find myself getting into that old thinking really quick. If I want to stay sober today. I get up and ask God to help me handle each day as he see`s that I need to handle it and remember to thank him at night. I have done this for a few twenty four hour`s now and with being honest with myself and God I can`t go wrong. So, Thank`s for letting me share and God bless all.
Member: Lisa M
Location: New Jersey
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 4:37:34 PM
Hi all, I'm Lisa and I'm an alcoholic. I am only one month sober, but mentally I feel better than I ever have. I must address this topic of honesty though. I don't think I'm being totally honest with myself. For the first two weeks, I faithfully attended a meeting every day, come what may, but lately I have been slipping. I found myself going to fewer and fewer meetings...haven't been in two weeks. I'm still reading the Big Book and the Twelve and Twelve book, but I started lying to myself agin today. My inner voice was saying, "Ah, maybe you're not ann alcoholic. Maybe you were just going through a hard time" Well, luckily, I recognized in time that my justification was BS, and I didn't pick up that drink, but it was hard. I also have friends that say, "aw, come on, I don't think you ARE an alcoholic. Everyone gets like that once in a while. I just smile and pick up my diet Coke. Why though am I having a hard time getting to meetings? Am I mentally rejecting them because I believe my "Inner Voice" or is this a normal thing that happens for anyone starting out? I look forward to your feedback. Thanks for listening, and if anyone wants to contact me directly, my email is zermane@cs.com. Love and Peace
Member: Julie K
Location: Missouri
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 4:48:56 PM
Honesty sounds so simple, and yet it has proven to be quite difficult for me at times. I think my fears of failure and rejection in my past life still crop up and I find myself wanting to be dishonest to make up for it. It's like wearing an old comfortable (but beat up) pair of shoes; sure they're comfy, but they'll fall apart on you when you least expect it.
I must admit, I relapsed Monday night, I am really struggleing, but I always come back to AA because I really do have the deasire to stop drinking.
Well, later...
Member: maxt
Location:
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 5:48:14 PM
Honesty has been very difficult. I have lied to everyone around me for years trying to convince them and myself that I did not have a problem. Funny thing is, everyone already knew that I was not being truthful - I haven't fooled anyone, especially me. I have been sober for 2 days now and admit that I am an alcoholic and need help. I have been honest and pray for the strength and courage to recover.
Member: J. Dubya H.
Location: USA
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 7:12:35 PM
The Big Book doesn't say one has to do the steps, but there are close to 100 musts that are mentioned if one wants to stay sober,
The 3rd tradition mentions that the only requirement for membership in Alcoholics Anonymous is the desire to stop drinking. Unless we be honest at that requirement, indeed we will be spending a lot of energy dealing with relapses and hangovers.
We must be honest and admit that we are powerless over alcohol, and that when we drink our lives become unmamageable.
Look at the 3rd tradition and the 1st step, memorize them as a reminder for any occasion when you feel te urge to drink.
Hard to do? Takes too much energy? Is it not true that seldom is there gain without some degree of pain?
The program works but each of us have to work it. It's a question of going to work with honest effort. We know what we should do! Good Luck.
Member: jennifer d
Location: england swings
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 8:37:59 PM
hello, I am off topic a bit, but I wanted to share this. It is my three years sober comming up tommorrow. I couldn't have done it without sites like this. To any new people stopping by, I just wanted to say, " stick around, this works!! I remember well the last week of drinking. And, talking about honesty, I'd like to share this memory and ask, How can a person justify getting out of bed in the middle of the night shaking and unable to sleep,creep to the living room sneak a drink of anything alcoholic, sit on the couch hiding a strong drink under an afgan in case the spouse should appear,drinking and knowing that this is the only thing that will make the bodiy feel normal again? Be able to justify all of that action and not feel that something is awfully wrong? I sure had a lot to learn about honesty!! But alcohol is clever,and under it's influence we can justify anything.
Member: al kolic
Location: alberta, canada
Date: 8/29/01
Time: 11:54:51 PM
hi there,
honesty - that's a good one. i always thought i was honest. but stretching the truth a little, and omitting details isn't really honest is it. my 7 weeks sobriety yesterday have left me thinking about honesty. it was only about 7 weeks ago that i was honest with myself for the first time since i can remember. yet the simple act of being honest seems to bring a morsel of freedom and just a whiff of happiness.
thanks for the sight, and i'm really glad to have found it.
Member: Lessa E
Location: Chicago
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 12:14:43 AM
Hi, Lessa here, grateful recovering alcoholic,
Honesty....rigourous honesty....I hate it. But it's the only way I can stay sober.
I have a history of relapse. After prolonged periods of sobriety. I got sober the first time with a much kinder program. I mean the first step went something like this: I have a drinking problem that once had me. Hey, talk about easier, softer way!!! Nothing about powerlessness. No mention of the A-word (alcoholic). How nice, how refined!! I LOVED it. And, of course, my life got better (after 15 years of nonstop drinking, it was bound to!!) I truly believed that all my problems were the result of drinking. Because they went away when I stopped. Life wasn't great...but it didn't suck anymore. And the sobriety lasted....for about 5 years.
Then a bad relapse. This time I drank because something FANTASTIC was about to occur. And I couldn't handle it. I ended up needing intensive treatment. And I found AA (OK, since we're dealing with honesty, the treatment program ORDERED me to attend AA, I didn't go willingly on my own!) Anyway, I was attending meetings regularly - 4 or 5 per week. I was working a serious program.
The concept of honesty was a tough one. And it took more than a few meetings and a good period of time to even grasp what it involved. But, working the program, an honest program, with the help of my HP, a sponsor and the good folks in AA, helped me get back a life that I wasn't ashamed of. And one that I even enjoyed.
Now, I'm not saying this happens to everyone, I can only share what happened to me. I got busy. I cut down on my meetings....I mean, after almost 3 years, did I HONESTLY need 5 meetings/week? I cut it down to 3.
I got a nice promotion. One that paid me alot more and added more responsibilities. Including doing some travel on company business. The travel also included some mandatory company social functions. Where there was drinking. Alot of it. And it wasn't the cheap junk I used to guzzle. Very expensive liquor. Fabulous hotels. Co-workers and even bosses, getting sloshed. Regularly. I began to develop some serious resentments. And, I started looking at the folks around me, thinking that THESE people - now THEY had some serious alcohol problems. I was never that bad. Especially in public. HONESTLY.
Needless to say, I ended up relapsing. In the privacy of my own home. Only, instead of the rotgut I used to buy, I purchased this same expensive alcohol that my co-workers drank at company affairs. I deserved the best. HONESTLY.
To make a long story short, this alcoholic needs her 4-7 meetings a week. I need to hear honest folks share their experiences and hopes. My whole life I've been twisting events/places/people to suit my own self-centered purposes. And every time it's left up to me, despite my best intentions, my dishonesty has somehow allowed me to believe it would be ok for me to drink.
This alcoholic badly needs to work an honest program to maintain any semblance of serenity.
Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, Texas
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 7:33:36 AM
Page 53 in the 12 and 12 has a good statement on honesty in relationships.
Member: JoeE
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 12:34:36 PM
Hi All, I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. On the topic of needing meetings??? Or having trouble deciding whether to go??? It goes hand in hand with being honest with myself. If I don't go to meetings and stay in touch with my sponsor... I can very easily lose myself in rationalizations for not going to meetings... not working on my program. To keep it simple I need the meetings.. especially when I'm trying to decide whether or not to go to one. Don't trust those reasonsfor not going. It's like my sponsor told me:
There was a guy that hadn't been going to meetings. In talknig to his sponsor, he stated that, altough he hadn't been going to meetings, he was reading the Big Book a lot. In response his sponsor ask him if he had any cookbooks. The guy questionly replied "well yes"... his sponsor told him to get his cookbook and to find a recipe for a cake. The sponsor then ask the guy to read the recipe to him so the guy did. The sponsor ask him several more times to read the recipe to him. After reading the recipe over and over, the sponsor told the guy that he would be over shortly for a piece of the cake. The guy exclaimed "but I only read the recipe, I didn't actually make a cake!"
Member: JoeE
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 12:48:08 PM
Hi, I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. Sorry to double dip but I just wanted to add that to my previous post that going to meetings instead of finding "reasons" not to go has everything to do with being honest.
Member: Susan W.
Location: Charleston, SC
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 1:31:06 PM
Hi. Great comments. Kelly, I, too, want desperately to quit. My marriage is about to fall apart, I'm ruining us financially, I'm gaining weight from so many empty calories, etc, etc. Honesty is the one thing I must come to terms with. Honesty and fear. I quit once for 6 months. I felt so much better in every way. Unfortunately, I wasn't going to meetings, and one day my husband handed be a beer and a shot and said "you're okay now, you can handle it". Guess what, that was in December 2000. I became very angry with him. The fact is, however, I chose to take that drink and I have continued to choose drink. I became angry at God for not taking the need and desire away. I forgot how I surrendered to God when I managed to quit before. All this goes back to honesty. I'm still searching for how to find it in myself. Someone stated that they asked God to make him/her willing. That's what I'm going to do and maybe He will listen and answer. Thanks for your help.
Member: Kim C.
Location: Alberta Can
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 2:39:22 PM
Ilike the topic of honesty I heard it said in a meeting once that we are only as sick as the secrets we keep. That is true for me because if I'm not completely honest with my sponser and in my daily life my serenity goes down. When that happens the greater the chance I could go back drinking.
Member: Hilary E
Location: Poconos PA
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 3:17:19 PM
Susan W....I hear what you are saying! Once you stop being honest with yourself, and go into denial, that's when the trouble begins...I will send positive vibes your way that you can once again be sober and happy.
Best wishes from another alcoholic that knows what you're going through...
Member: Disgruntled
Location: why is someone going on on on and on
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 5:54:00 PM
Gwen you're even on this page going on about Bi-Polar have you a problem with others having a problem. Are you telling people instead of listening, living and let live
Member: Ericka E.
Location: Montana
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 6:07:45 PM
I'm Ericka and I'm an alcoholic. Everyday that I draw a sober breath I have to work on honesty. After being dishonest for so long it doesn't always come naturally. I still find that at times when I know that it is easier, safer, and more respective to tell the truth I lie anyway. I hear the dishonesty slipping out of my mouth and I'm just dumbfounded as to what just happened. I ask myself why can't I just be honest, open-minded and willing all of the time. I believe my answer to that question is that I'm an alcoholic and some things, like honesty, just requires hard work. For me humility and honesty are closely linked. I used to think if I wasn't telling every the truth if I wasn't introducing myself as an alocohlic to everyone I meet. But I've learned I don't need their acceptance as long as I accept myself. And I don't need people to tell me how much I've changed as long as I TRY everyday to be honest with myself. Remember Joe, one day at a time and just keep on trying and eventually the practice with a become a reality without you even realizing it. Thanks everyone
Member: Ed G,
Location: Bryan
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 8:14:22 PM
Hi Ed an alcoholic, Honesty is a good one. I found out that frist you have to be honest with yourself and then you can be honest with the rest of the world. I do my 12 steps, read the big book and got to meetings. Some days are harder thand otheres, but I take them one day at a time.
Member: shannon
Location: nebraska
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 11:44:35 PM
hi, heard some great stuff on hear tonight, too bad i am in those, i know your right but don't want to hear moods, i stop here daily trying to get out of funk, but I do call sponsor and go to meetings, although know i should be going to more. honesty has been the key to my two years of sobriety and right now i know i am not being honest with myself about lots of stuff, so i praying for willingness right now. thanks for letting me share. Shannon
Member: shannon
Location: nebraska
Date: 8/30/01
Time: 11:44:51 PM
hi, heard some great stuff on hear tonight, too bad i am in those, i know your right but don't want to hear moods, i stop here daily trying to get out of funk, but I do call sponsor and go to meetings, although know i should be going to more. honesty has been the key to my two years of sobriety and right now i know i am not being honest with myself about lots of stuff, so i praying for willingness right now. thanks for letting me share. Shannon
Member: Heather M
Location: Michigan
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 2:35:38 AM
Hi, I'm Heather and I'm an alcoholic. I'm rather new to the program, but so far it has helped me tremendously. This is my 17th day of sobriety, and these have been the best 17 days of my life. I am doing some serious soul searching and trying to find out who I really am again. I am grateful to everyone in the program. I didn't know there were such wonderful and helpful people. My closest friends were "Jack", "Jim", and "Jose", if you know what I mean.
Member: Jeff B
Location: Northern CA
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 7:32:38 AM
Hi, My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. Some where along the way in AA I was taugt to look up words that I thought I knew the meaning of in the dictionary. It has been a pretty cool thing when I am reading the book or Reflections or the 24hr book. When I saw this topic I pulled out my Dictionary.
honesty - noun, plural 14th century - 1. obsolete - chastity 2. a. fairness and straightforwardness of conduct b. adherence to the facts:Sincerity 3. ; any of a genus Lunaria of Europen herbs of the mustard family with toothed leaves and flat disk-shaped leave siliques. * Synonyms Honesty, honor, integity, probity mean uprightness of character or action. Honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way. Honor suggests an active or anxious regard for the standards of one's profession, calling, or position. Integrity implies trustworthiness and incorruptibility to a degree that one is incapable of being false to a trust, responsibility, or pledge. Probity implies tried and proven honesty or integrity.
I am with the dudes who were reluctant to post on honesty for fear of bullshit. I know that when I was drinking Honesty was not a word that could describe me. I would not stick to the facts, I twisted them constantly. I was not straightforward at all. I would get in trouble drinking and then I would blame it on bad luck, or the people I was with, or the cops, or the bartender- not the fact that I drank too much or that I had no control over how much I drank once I started. I would keep deciding to quit drinking and then I would start again. I would tell myself that drinking made me feel good and that I loved it and believed it, when the simple fact was I was a drunk. I was a danger to myself and anyone around me; with especially when I was in a blackout. I do not think that I thought that my drinking was normal (maybe I did at times) - I liked how I felt when I started to drink and how it let me act. It was always an adventure because it put me right in the middle of "the action", or I thought it did. I basically did not care about what might happen to me or others when I drank. When I woke up after a drunk I did feel bad - but then I would drink again and then I would feel bad and then I would drink and I would get in trouble, and then drink, and so on and on and on.
What happened was that one day I woke up feeling bad and decided to do something drastic - I called AA again and I went to a meeting. It was a speaker's meeting in Virgina Beach and I was scared but I heard something that touched me. I won a Big Book in the raffle - I told them I had one but they said to keep it and give it to someone else someday or keep it under the seat in my car.
I have not had to take a drink for 1467 days. One day at a time. I could not do that myself. I had not been without a drink for that long since I was 12 and I am 33 now. I have been taught how to live without drinking again tody and I am more comfortable with it than I have been it a long time. I believe that a power greater than me who I call God works in my life every day when I let Him. I believe that the 12 steps and AA are my way to find a way to live without drinking and then to be comfortable and sometimes happy and free. That is a lot for someone like me. I hope that I can never take a drink again as long as I am willing to maintain a certain simple attitude (p.27) and as long as I try to practice the 12 steps and continue practicing because I need lots of practice. I love AA and what it has given to me and everyone else it has touched. I have to keep practicing Honesty - sometimes I notice the dishonesty before I speak or act and sometimes I don't catch myself until after I have been dishonest. Then I get to practice trying to fix it. Thanks for being here.
Member: Pete B
Location: Indy
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 7:50:46 AM
I'm Pete...an alcohloic. Honesty, an extremely important cornerstone of my life!, not just AA, but in everything. The very first days of my sobriety I realized that I couldn't lie to myself any more, or the people of AA. I had to make a decision ... it was a "black and white" situation. I either was going to be honest or continue to corrupt myself and die. I chose to be honest!!! and obviously it wasn't easy. And the only way for me was to go to meetings and listen and feel the honesty of the AA people. This was the only path for me to stay honest.
Take a peek at the lead paragraph of How It Works (Big Book). It mentions honesty 3 times!!! That writing is there for a reason. I'm in my 15th year of sobriety and I have to be reminded of that wisdom every day.
God bless ! thank you for saving my life ... Pete
Member: George M.
Location: Medfield, Massachusetts
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 9:02:49 AM
Hi, my name is George, and I'm an alcoholic. Honesty is a great topic. Prior to getting sober, I really had very little honesty. Most of my life was making up lies, and then telling more lies to cover the lies. I was dishonest in almost all aspects of my life, and because of alcohol, I didn't care. Honesty is one area I have made progress, but it's not something that easily changes overnight. I try to be honest in all my affairs, but I'm not perfect. I also am not a saint, but I do the best that I can. I work every day to stay away from the first drink, and work on myself to improve. Thank you all for being here.
Member: Sarah
Location: NW USA
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 10:43:00 AM
Thanks for all your sharing of the healing power, the experience, strength and hope. The wisdom is true ... Alcohol is but a sympton of OUR spiritual disease. Although it is but a sympton ... it helps me "keep it simple" ... understanding the path of a sober life based on spiritual principles. Who would have thougth a "group of drunks"... with humility giving progress not perfection, truely making a sober life possible. Keep coming back.
Member: jerry
Location:
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 12:14:21 PM
Hi, my name is Jerry and I am an alcoholic. I was thinking about my cheating at golf (score, moving ball) when I read sharing about honesty. I need to be more honest and accept myself for who I am, how I play. I will work on it.I am grateful for this meeting and my sobriety. I have enough, I do enough, I am enough.
Member: jerry
Location: midwest
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 12:14:39 PM
Hi, my name is Jerry and I am an alcoholic. I was thinking about my cheating at golf (score, moving ball) when I read sharing about honesty. I need to be more honest and accept myself for who I am, how I play. I will work on it.I am grateful for this meeting and my sobriety. I have enough, I do enough, I am enough.
Member: disgruntled freak
Location: freaksville,calif
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 4:06:14 PM
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Location: freaksville,calif
Date: 8/31/01
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Location: freaksville,calif
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Location: freaksville,calif
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Location: freaksville,calif
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Location: freaksville,calif
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Location: freaksville,calif
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Location: freaksville,calif
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Location: freaksville,calif
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Location: freaksville,calif
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Location: freaksville,calif
Date: 8/31/01
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Date: 8/31/01
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Member: Ungrateful one
Location: Hooterville
Date: 8/31/01
Time: 7:48:48 PM
Thanks Jerry
Member: OMAR J.
Location: NW. OHIO
Date: 9/1/01
Time: 1:19:42 AM
HI OMAR ALCOHOLIC,I JUST WENT A MEETING AND THIS WAS OUR TOPIC ALSO.MOST OF ALL I THINK WE NEED TO BE HONEST WITH OURSELVES AND THROUGH PRACTICING HONESTY ON A DAILY BASIS IT WILL BECOME PART OF OUR LIVES.FOR ME IT TAKES ALOT OF HUMILITY TO BE LIFE SIZE AND NOT WERE WE THOUGHT WE WANTED TO BE...
Member: OMAR J.
Location: NW. OHIO
Date: 9/1/01
Time: 1:22:44 AM
HI OMAR ALCOHOLIC,I JUST WENT A MEETING AND THIS WAS OUR TOPIC ALSO.MOST OF ALL I THINK WE NEED TO BE HONEST WITH OURSELVES AND THROUGH PRACTICING HONESTY ON A DAILY BASIS IT WILL BECOME PART OF OUR LIVES.FOR ME IT TAKES ALOT OF HUMILITY TO BE LIFE SIZE AND NOT WHO I THOUGHT I WANTED TO BE...
Member: Melissa W.
Location: Texas
Date: 9/1/01
Time: 2:00:38 AM
Great topic! Honesty in regards to my alcoholism wasn't too difficult. However, honesty within relationships has been very, very difficult. I found I have to work the steps on my relationships or else I get real sick. And then that bleeds into my sobriety & serenity.
Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit (richr_srcp@hotmail.com)
Date: 9/1/01
Time: 4:55:38 AM
"Honesty with myself", now there's a topic Joe. I don't think I'll even get to honesty with others, because if I can't be honest with myself, how in the heck can I possibly be honest with someone close to me?
My sponsor took me to a church basement several years ago to do steps 4 thru 9, like the first 100 AAs did. It took 13.5 hours, but we both felt we had accomplished something. Then each workday after that my sponsor called me about 2:30pm and asked me if I did my 10th? I'd say 'no'. After several days of this I finally told him 'I did two fifths steps instead'. I was trying to be funny, but I just couldn't bring myself to do my 10th step on a daily basis because I really didn't want to be honest with myself about my daily shortcomings/character defects. I may have stopped drinking (betting/smoking/overeating/using caffeine, Internet, radio and tapes), but by God I don't have to face reality every day too, do I? That was 8 years ago and I still resist looking at my thoughts/feelings/behaviors honestly. That resistance leads me back to some of my favorite addictions (not alcohol - yet). I am so busy getting my coffee or logging on to check my email that I literally have no time for the more important things in my day like working, really working, steps 10 and 11.
Thanks for letting me share Joe. Hopefully typing this will help me to get more honest with myself just for today.
I guess I do have a passing comment about getting honest with others and that concerns sponsorship. I've got a (different) sponsor who calls me a lot now. He doesn't ask me if I've done my 10th, but he just wants to chat and find out 'what's going on' (just another way of saying inventory). I find I can talk to Jim a lot easier than Andy and when he asks me 'is there anything else?' a lot of times I will share with him something that is bugging me. So, to the extent that I can be honest with my sponsor, I stand a much better chance of being honest with the 'earth people' in my life.
Ok, now I'm done, but I'll be back :-)
Member: Art M.
Location: Livingston County, Michigan
Date: 9/1/01
Time: 9:31:23 AM
To work honesty honestly into my recovery I had to get "it". The honesty is not about anyone else. It is about being totally honest with myself and my "Higher Power". The foundation of the AA recovery program for me requires me to remember that noone else is the object of my being honest. If I am honest with my own inner feelings, my past and present, my acceptance of alcoholism and sobriety and the evils of one and benefits of the other and my absolute desire to build on the Spirituality of the AA Fellowship and program, the rest takes care of itself. It is not about other people. It is purely, simply and completely about being honest with who I was, am and am working to be within myself. The only work that it takes is a constant reminder of "How it Works" every single day and making that my addiction. Enjoy your day. Make it a great day for all that you come in contact with.
Member: Gordon G
Location: Catonsville Md
Date: 9/1/01
Time: 10:30:01 AM
Being honest with yourself you could put the problem in your higher powers hands and that should take care of it.I always turn it over to my higher power whom I call God,it works for me it could work for you, Gordon G
Member: Erv
Location: Adams WI
Date: 9/1/01
Time: 5:44:36 PM
Honesty came with my sponsor asking me, Are you a cannot or a will not ?? From Chapter 5.. LOL Erv
Member: lionel-c
Location: cambelltown/australia
Date: 9/1/01
Time: 5:54:58 PM
hi everyone lionel here rec/alcoholic//////honesty.well i'm still working on that,at least i'm honest to myself.when i'm doing something dishonest.idon't rationalize it anymore i know i'm being dishonest.thats a change for me.today i pray to God to remove any defects of character which stands in my way of being usefull to Him and this fellowship [honesty or dishonesty being one of my defects]God has removed alot of my defects.but honesty is one i'm going to have to work on a little harder myself.if i truely want to remain a sober member of this fellowship.and have the promisess of this program come true in my life.which i do.love u all /like most of you/need u all in my recovery lionel -c
Member: Mary L.
Location:
Date: 9/2/01
Time: 3:53:26 AM
Hi, all -
Haven't checked in here, this week. Am doing more and more women's on-line meetings and connections. But Rich R.'s share inspired me. First, I loved your referring to yourself as "a slowly recovering compulsive person" - it reminded me of the double- and triple-winners back east where I first got sober - the ones who had what I wanted. My sponsor told me I can't run any other addiction (compulsive shopping or overeating, my core one, not to mention codependency) without its at least eventually affecting my sobriety. Which gives new meaning to "practicing these principles in all our affairs." Of course I don't do this anything like perfectly at this point (!), and sobriety must come first/be my foundation. But I am increasingly AWARE of such lapses - I watch myself doing them and know what's going on, usually. And give myself credit for staying sober if that's the best I can do, even if it isn't the best sobriety in the world at that moment. I liked your honesty re: the coffee and e-mail. I often sit at the computer thinking I could/should be cleaning my house or practicing guitar instead. Leaving the phone clear for a program person who's trying to call. Oh, well - one day at a time. I'm good. I'm grateful for every day I'm sober and for not questioning whether I'm an alcoholic - now that' a hell I hope never to return to!
Happy Labor Day weekend, all.
Member: Hoss D
Location: NC
Date: 9/2/01
Time: 8:15:24 AM
My name is Hoss and I am an alcoholic.Honestly I cannot drink succesfuly.This took some research and development to become thouroughly convinced.Same results.(insanity doing the same thing excpecting different results)Honestly I can't drink today.Sincerely,Hoss h.dowdle@worldnet.att.net
Member: Patricia
Location: New York
Date: 9/2/01
Time: 11:26:21 AM
Good morning to all fellow AA's. Thanks for a great topic Joe. HONESTY is the true foundation of my staying sober. I feel I must be honest with myself at all times especially about my ALCOHOLISM. I am an alcoholic recovering one day at at time. That will always be a part of my being. As far as honesty in relationships, I have difficulty with relationships, re: friendships, co-workers, with people in general. I am trying to develop more social skills and to be able to be comfortable with myself as well as others. I work on these areas each day. THANKS TO EVERYONE for keeping me sober another day. HAPPY HEALTHY SOBER LABOR DAY.
Member: markn
Location: orange, ca
Date: 9/2/01
Time: 12:03:46 PM
Hi. I'm Mark, and I 'm an alcoholic. Honesty is a wonderful topic. Like so many other issues in sobriety the "more will be revealed" law applies in a big way. Learning how to "tell the truth" to others is a big first step for most of us...was for me. This kind of led to me embracing a lifestyle of not doing things I didn't want to have to tell my sponsor about or make amends over (well, not all of the time, but a lot more often. The point is, I thought about consequences more before I acted). Then honesty began to have deeper meanings....being able to be honest with myself, and finally others about my thoughts, fears and feelings. I am still amazed by the number of people in the program who think that "rigorous honesty" has something to do with their right to slam other people for what they perceive that other person to be doing. My two sponsors that I have had in my 9 years of sobriety have shown me (and taught me, to some degree) a real knack for making a kind, encouraging, but firm comment from time to time that makes me examine what I'm up to. I dont ever feel that I've been slammed, just kind of "nudged into the light" in such a fashion that I have to look at myself. What a miracle for us that this way of life, and these type of people, are here for all of us! Thanks everyone.
Member: Liz
Location: Kenya
Date: 9/2/01
Time: 5:18:36 PM
Hi Im liz and alcoholic. I am only six months sober and experienced my first relapse after only two months of sobriety. This taught me a very important thing at a very early stage of sobriety. From the start,I appeared to be honest on the outside but inside I was lying through my teeth (don't know if that makes sense to you guys out there). My relapse was the best thing that could have happened to me because it, as well as HP were screaming at me to be honest, truthful with others and "above all else to thy self be true!!" I am glad that I relapsed so early on because if I hadn't, my program would be a fraud and I would still be struggling desparetly with the lies and schemes and stories etc, which took up incredible amounts of energy and time which I am now able to use positively thank God!! I am also grateful for this site which I have discovered late at night (thanks to sobriety I have a PC and the internet) so now I have a wonderful place to turn to!! Good night and God bless.