Member: Lisa E.
Location: Garrison,NY
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 10:23:35
Hi. Lisa, alcoholic. Thank you for the topic of acceptance and willingness. As I have shared previously, I have had to reinforce my willingness to go to any lengths for my sobriety. When I came to AA two and a half yrs ago, it was with a fervor to do anything that was asked of me. i have to remember how bad that last drunk was and what the alcohol took from me and those around me. Since being sober, i have had alot of mountains to climb, but I can truly say that it has been worth it. The greatest gift though has been knowing that i don't have to be the person i was before and that my HP loves me. I have to surrender my will and do his. Thank you to all of you who have just come back, it does not get any better out there. If anyone would like to e-mail me, my address is SirArt7@msn.com
Member: Steve H.
Location: Hewitt
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 10:42:27
HI, Steve, alcoholic. It took willingness before I could take any constructive action. And of course, circumstances made me willing on 11-4-81. During this journey, I have been willing to accept life on life's terms without taking a drink. That is indeed a miracle for me. If I can be of help to anyone, you may contact me at steveholt1@juno.com. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: ROB R.
Location: B.C. CANADA
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 12:48:14
ACCEPTANCE IS THE ANSWER TO ALL MY PROBLEMS TODAY...WHEN I FIRST CAME TO THIS PROGRAM (AA) SOME TIME AGO I HAD TO LEARN TO LIVE BY THIS.ALL THE ANSWERS ONE NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT THE TOPIC OF ACCEPTANCE ARE LISTED ON p.448-449 OF THE BIG BOOK.WISHING YOU ALL ANOTHER 24 HOURS.. ROB R.
Member: JCP ^\^
Location: Penn's Woods
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 12:51:54
BB p.. 25 "We had but two alternatives . . . the bitter end . . . (or) to accept spiritual help." P. 163 . . . "what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor."
I'm J, a grateful alcoholic:
The first thing I learned (not as fast as I needed) was that A.A. is more focused than I was, even though to a newcomer it might look a little loose.
This is where the slogan First Things First comes in. Thanks to my Higher Power, I did not take a first drink, but that was only the door to sobriety. I still have a long way to go, as you doubtless have surmised. On top of that I feel A.A. deserves my attention just for putting up with me this long.
A.A.'s basic unit is people, not computers; and from my experience I have to urge living meetings -- I've attended in seven states which may not be much but any of the meetings could have met my needs. (I'd get help in A.A. if I were developing a notion that only a particular meeting or type could help me.)
For a time I felt the opposite -- how could such a loose outfit focus on anything? I probably now owe my life to being wrong on this.
Lest someone get the idea I memorized the Big Book, I just looked up the key words Lisa suggested in the top post with the search. I may have picked it off this Cyber site, I don't remember whom to credit, but here it is if you'd like.
Thanks, Lisa, whoever you are. It's a provocative subject.
dixyflier@usa.net
Member: Christa H
Location:
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 13:26:13
I decided today that I am an alcoholic (acceptance) and I have the willingness to stop drinking. I'm hoping that this online forum will be of help to me. I just checked it out for the first time.
Member: Ella
Location: Orlando
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 14:24:10
Hi-I'm Ella and I'm an alcoholic. Each day I pray and I put my faith in God. I accept that I am not in charge. I forget it periodically throughout the day but I try to remember as much as I can. When something goes wrong or I'm scared I let it go and it feels so much better. During the times that I forget this resource I can feel terrible because of all of the pressure on me alone. When I do accept that I am not in this alone I can survive. If I am willing to release my power then my HP seems to always be there to take care of things. It's an amazing thing. I only speak for myself. Thank you all for being here for me. Take care.
Member: Andy M
Location: phx
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 14:31:34
Member: Andy M
Location: phx
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 14:33:19
hi first time here
Member: BRIAN H
Location: RAPID CITY S. D.
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 14:38:10
I'M BRIAN,Alcoholic, for the first six months of my soberity i was locked in the county jail and i attended four meetings a week to make it look good for the judge,hoping he would give me a sentence cut,at six months i got my sentence cut and went in to see my p.o.about the conditions of my probation,he looked ay me and said "were not placing you on probation your completly free to do what you want, just get out of here" i knew right then and there that i could go out and start using again, just one thing though , some thing had happen to me in those six months and four meetings a week, i had accepted deep down in my gut that i was a real alcoholic and didn't have a shot at any kind of life that i would want and still take that drink and i had the WANT TO or willingness to what ever takes to sober and clean 24hrs. at a time. that was almost nine years ago and today taking that drink is not even an option.lifes been very rewarding to me this way, why else would i still be here,eveen though lately i had some tough domestic problems(women)i still look forward to what a sober life has in store for me.i'm full of hope and even alittle peace of mind,thanx. MATHEM@WEBTV.NET.
Member: Marta A.
Location: MB,Canada
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 14:55:31
Hi Marta,alcoholic. I would sincerely like to welcome Christa. I came into this program 5 months ago after spending a period of time in a withdrawl unit and I can remember how difficult it was accepting that I was an alcoholic and that I had to get help. At 20 the last thing I had planned on becoming was a member of AA . Today I thank god every day for giving me a chance to live a life with possibilities of a future. I did not come to accept the reality of my situation on my own. My father was a contributing factor. I want to share this story with everybody,because I believe it explains how many of us have felt over the years. My dad took me to a doctor about 1 month after I came to AA. I had pneumonia at the time. Sitting in the doctor's office can be anything but fun so he started looking through the magazines and children's books. Deciding to embarass me he began to read a children's story out loud to me. It was not until he finished and explained to me that the story reminded him of me that I understood the significance of his actions. The story went as follows. There once was a little bunny who was very unhappy being a bunny. He refused to accept that he had to remain a bunny for the rest of his life, so he decided to travel the world and explore his options. He left home,leaving behind all the people who loved him and went to find his place in the world. First he met up with the bears, but it didn't take him long to realize that he was not happy sleeping all winter. He then tried to live as a skunk ,but as we can all guess the smell eventually drove him away. Finally he found the animals he wanted to be most like,birds. Unfortunately it took the bunny getting very hurt when he tried to fly to realize that he could never become a bird. Sad and alone the bunny traveled around until he saw a few bunnies on the trail one day. These bunnies were having a great time together and they seemed so happy. They also greeted him warmly and made him feel right at home. It was at that point that the little bunny realized that what he was searching for had always been with him. It was the fact that he was a bunny and the only thing that he would ever be was a bunny. For the first time in his life the bunny was very happy. He returned home to his family and started to live a happy life as a bunny. I hope that you enjoy this story as much as I did. This was my door to accepting who I really was and starting to live a happy life as a "bunny". I wish everybody another 24 and if anybody would like to get in touch with me;you can do so at marta@escape.ca
Member: Lori D
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 15:43:59
Hi everyone, my name is Lori and I am an alcoholic. Special welcome to Andy M and Christa H. Come here often and read it all. It took me more than 30 years of trying to live my life by own rules befor I could accept that i had a special problem. I was not thrilled at admitting that I was an alcoholic and that I could not manage my own life, but I was releaved that I was not alone and that there was help for me. It took me months in the program befor I could accept or understand being powerless over alcohol. After awhile, my head cleared up enough to know that I did not need to understand everything at once and that all I needed to do was what the program and the people in the AA halls said had worked for them. Mostly, it did come down to acceptance. Accepting that I had a disease and accepting that I needed help in treating it. The rest was foot work. Don't drink, go to meetings, ask for help and get a sponsor. I did not/do not do the program perfectly, but I do it to the best of my ability. I own my present life to this program of recovery and the people in the AA halls. Thanks to this program, in June I celebrated my 14th years sober. To me, that is a miracle. To the new people, stick around, listen and try doing what has worked for others. We each maintain our sobriety one day at a time.
Member: Donna M.
Location: Oregon
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 15:48:37
Hi all, Donna, alcoholic. Acceptance has not been the hard part for me. I have always known that I was an alcoholic, it was the willingness to do something about it that I lacked. I have two days clean and sober today, and it's really hard to keep that willingness. I find myself isolating in my house for fear if I go out with any of my friends, I'll drink. I sincerely do not want alcohol to be a part of my life anymore, but this is so scary. I'll pray for another 24 hours. Thank you all for letting me share.
Member: Leslie F
Location: Canada
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 16:20:58
I'm Leslie and I'm an alchoholic...these words are difficult to write and at this point impossible to say. As I read the words of Lori D and other sober people, my eyes filled with tears because I can't imagine that I could go for one week without a drink let alone 14 years. I also agree with Donna who wrote that acceptance was never the hard part. I have also always known that I have a drinking problem but I can't figure out how to stay sober. I have cried, prayed, denied, accepted, denied again, admitted, cried some more, prayed harder and then wondered why I can't seem to live without alchohol. I need help, I accept that. I'm an alshoholic, I accept that. What I can't accept is this emptyness and the constant feeling that I am a fraud. I need help.
Member: Holly
Location: California
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 16:41:08
Hmmm...I thought maybe I was an alcoholic since I was drinking too much but then I said I was going to stop and I just did. Like, no big deal. And I don't say this to offend or make feel ad people who do find it a big deal, but I am wondering seriously what it means that it was so easy.
Example: three days ago I make this big decision not to drink anymore and pour out the wine in my cabinents and fine. I watch a movie expecting to feel differently or crave a beer or something, but no. Okay, the next day our neighbors thank us for something we did for them by leaving a six pack of beer on the front step. Well, I think this might make it harder not to drink since the night before there wasn't actually anything in the house to drink but port which I hate. But nope. The next night my husband is drinking the beer and I didn't even want one. Just as a test, I gave myself permission to have one if I wanted it. I went to get him another one and opened it and smelled it and no. I didn't feel like drinking it. I mean, i could have drank it, but I wasn't feeling a strong urge to or anything. I had some lemonaid strictly becuase it sounded better.
I mean, if I was an alcoholic wouldn't I feel some kind of chemical attraction to the beer? Wouldn't I want it even if I make a decision not to drink it?
I used to think I did not have an "addictive personality" since one time I was taking these tranquilzers at a really high dose and my doctor wanted to wean me slowly and I just ignored his advise and decided I wouldn't take them anymore and tossed them out and that was that. I had really nasty withdrawls of jitteryness and feeling sick for weeks, but I never felt an urge to go back to taking the pills, nor was I tempted to take a lower dose. I even had a prescription for a lower dose.
Hmmmm...I am not in denial or anything, I am just trying to figure this out. It would technically be eaiser for me to drink in moderation as a solution since you know, beer and wine is everwhere and I like it. If a person *can* drink in moderation, should they try it? I know a lot of people try it and fail, but I have never tried it before. I just either drink or don't drink. Neither bugs me one way or the other, I just recognize that if I can drink a bottle of wine a night it isn't normal or healthy. It is also expensive and not helpful to my diet.
I just feel like a wierdo and I don't think I understand this at all. Any advise?
Member: Geri W
Location: VA
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 17:27:27
Hi folks. Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here.
Welcome to all the newecomers. Donna, 2 days is awsome. Andy, Christa and Leslie, glad you are here.
Holly, pages 30 - 41 in the Book of Alcoholic Anonymous pretty well describes all the different types of alcohics - it's online, so you can research it there. No one but you can determine if you are one of us.
Acceptance is the key to my life today. I learned all about it at face-to-face AA meetings, reading the Big Book, getting a sponsor and doing the 12 steps. Now - I practice the principles in all of my affairs. Notice, I said practice. Because I strive for progress, not perfection. I do not accept the things that I can change, and pray for the wisdom to know what they are. Try it. If you don't like it, AA will kindly refund your misery.
Peace
Member: Tim P.
Location: utah
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 18:12:51
The topic of disscusion on acceptance was great ineeded this meeting.Thank you all for being there for me.Bless you all.
Member: Bonnie Z.
Location: PA
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 19:13:08
Hi, my name is Bonnie and I'm an alcoholic.
When I came in over 10 years ago, I knew I had a problem and had to stop, but "I wasn't an alcoholic." I started going to meetings to help a friend of mine. What I soon realized was, I had to accept that I was the alcoholic(that took me about a month into the program). Since getting that acceptance of my problem, I've had an amazing journey. My willingness has come slowly, but I can say that I have not picked up a drink in all this time, NO MATTER WHAT. It has taken me quite some time to get where I am now, but it will be but a brief moment back to where I used to be if I pick up but one drink.
I have the willingness today to do whatever it takes to stay sober. I have all the tools I need, but no one will pick them up for me. There have been many wonderful people along the way who have helped me, but again, I am responsible to use the tools I have been given.
It is easy to get telephone numbers. What I also had to remember was that the phone is not too heavy to lift if I need help. We're all worth it-hang in there, it does get better.
love and hugs to you all JTBSFRIEND@aol.com
Member: Mary S.
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 19:38:55
Holly, one thing I heard many years ago is that it is not how much you drink, but what it does to you. As my sponsor would say, in your heart of hearts you know the answer. Obviously, something is telling you something is wrong. Try the 24 hour plan. Just for today, I won't drink. Try a meeting or two and just listen. Do you identify with what's being said? Does something you hear hit home? Remember, one is too many and twenty is not enough. You can always go back if you want. Only you can make the decision to call yourself an alcoholic. There are all different types of stories, so yours is not unique. Try a live meeting and talk to the women there. E mail me if you wish at msully@gateway.net. Good luck
Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 19:39:15
Hello, all. Patt, grateful, recovering alcoholic here. Thanks for the topic, Lisa. Went to my Big Book study meeting today and the meeting after the meeting, where we talked about WANTING this program and being willing to "go to any lengths" to get it.
I have accepted that I am an alcoholic. But what does that mean in my life? At one time, it meant, for me, that when I was confronted with situations which baffled me and for which I had no answers or solutions, I dove into my bottle of vodka, swam around quite a bit, thought I'd found what I was looking for, and then surfaced. Ye gods, what a shock. Nothing had changed, except things had gotten worse for me, and all I could look forward to was another godawful 24 hours of agony. Is that a sane way to live life? When I finally realized that I was killing myself with alcohol and that I was becoming invisible in the meantime (if you've felt this, you'll know what I mean), I admitted to myself and to my husband that I needed help. I couldn't even stop drinking when I wanted to, even with all the vaunted SELF-WILL that I mistakenly thought I had. Went into treatment shortly after that and began discovering a few things about this disease and my self-imposed misery. Introduction to AA and all the blessings it offered me, if I was WILLING to work for them, was God-given. Today, I know that one of my greatest enemies is complacency. I don't have another sober in me, but there could be another drunk if I don't keep on with my homework--steps, service, sharing, passing it on. Major medical for this sick (but getting better, not well) alcoholic.
Thank you all for being here. Gave out the web site address at today's meeting--maybe we'll have a few more here from Oregon shortly, maybe not. But I'll keep coming back because I need all the help I can get. Life shore do happen, don't it??
Love and sobriety to all. "Trust God, clean house, help others." Patt
Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 19:50:23
Hi. My name is Tacey and I'm an alcoholic. I just was thinking about willingness. I think that, for me, I get confused with the words we use in this program. I am afraid that I am not sure what "willingness" really means. For me, there are so many types and degrees of willingness. All I know is that I have had enough willingness and acceptance and humility and gratitude and whatever else is necessary for sobriety to keep me without drinking and using for almost 17 years. This is a miracle I thank my God for every time I think about it.
I was writing earlier that, for me, I didn't get sober through willingness. I just don't believe I had it in me. I believe I got sober through some kind of total surrender and divine intervention. I believe my initial sobriety was more about grace than willingness or acceptance. Now, once I had a little bit of sobriety, I had to take some immediate and continuous action. And, that took willingness. But, at the very beginning, it had nothing to do with will power or my own intiative.
Today I still struggle with acceptance. There are things that happen around me every day that I do not agree with. I only know that I am not in charge. Through the 3rd step, I have learned that God is my employer, my prinicipal, my director. I am here to do the role He assigns. My job today is to try to find out what He wants me to do. And, what He wants me to do is always right in front of me. It's the simple footwork that can be tedious, boring, and difficult. The stuff that noone else will do and that needs to be done for my life to be good. So, I keep trudging and God does the rest. I am not in charge--I don't even know what I'm supposed to accept and not accept. I'm just not that smart.
And, for the lady who had no trouble quitting--it's either God's grace or you're not an alcoholic. Good luck in finding out. Keep going to meetings and keep an open mind.
Member: Phil A
Location: Geordieland UK
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 20:16:01
Hi All
Bonnie
It isn't about how much you drink, it's how the drink affects you. Sometimes I could go and have a few drinks, but sooner or later I'd end up back where I started. Complatency is one of our biggest enemies. TThis
"http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/" http://www.recovery.org/aa/bigbook/ww/index.html
Thanks for the topic of acceptance. For some reason unknown to me I found acceptance pretty easy, but that does not mean that I will never drink again, but what it does mean is that I never have to drink again, if I follow the 12 suggested steps of recovery to the best of my ability.
wallyphil@currantbun.com
Peace and Serenity. Phil
Member: Joe B.
Location: Redding Calif.
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 20:29:37
This amazing to me, I've spent most of today working with a sponsee on beginning his 9th step. He thought he couldn't give up his hatred towards some people in his life, buy finally saw that fear was causing this defect of character. Faith in AA then gave him the willingness to continue working this step & on hi way home he made his 1st amend & it was a very big one, the relief was apparent to me when he called me, & it reminded me of what willingness and acceptance of the solution can do for us when we can't find the truth on our own.
Member: Bill B
Location: MA
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 21:11:25
Its odd that i found this site today with the subject of acceptance.just this morning i admitted that i had a problem with alchol.thanks for beining here ill be back often. Bill
Member: Jorge R.
Location: Costa Rica (Central America)
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 21:16:10
Hi, My name is Jorge (George) and I am Alcoholic, thanks GOD for this. If I would not accepted that I am alcoholic, I will be DEAD. Welcome to Christa H, and Andy M, Keep online!
Thanks Martha A., your "bunny" story, is the same story for a lot of us, including me. In my case, acceptance was not easy, but when I realized my alcoholic condition, AA gave me a hand, and I understood that I am not alone. Other people had same problem and shared experience, strenght and hope with me. Believe me, AA saved my life.
Dear Donna M, you are begining, I suggest you assist to the face to face meetings, as many as you can, We can not fight alone against alcoholic disease, We need the help of GOD and our AA brothers, Step 2 establishes that GOD after We had a meeting, will give us sanity for living better, day by day. Keep in touch, go ahead! GOD bless you.
Leslie F, Sometimes I had that kind of feelings (Be fraud, etc.) but I understood that I am not perfect (And of course GOD knows that) But only we have to try and try, we have the rest of our life for keep trying, and GOD will help us, you will find that you can walk (may be slow) but sure! We have the AA program: We can do it .
Holly: Geri gave you a good response, try also the self diagnose questions (you can get this brochure in any AA group).
Only a last thing: Acceptance and willingness are the right way to live the AA program.
GOD bless you all,
Jorge R. Costa Rica Central America
Member: Ernie M.
Location: San Diego
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 21:49:06
Hello, my name is Ernie and I'm an alcoholic. I think this is cool, it's my first visit to the site. Anyhow, acceptance of my disease did enable me to surrender and now acceptance is pretty much the answer to all my problems. Usually if I'm uptight about something it will turn out I'm trying to control or change something I just can't. When I finally realize this, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, I can return to a more serene state of mind. My sponser has had to remind me that acceptance doesn't mean that you like it, just that you accept it. Email- ernienana@msn.com Thanx
Member: day
Location: saint cross
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 22:46:19
New to this site 8/15/99. Acceptance is the tough part as alcohol has played such a long time role as a social favor ( some 19 years ). Being accepted by myself, family and friends as not drinking will be slow but has already started showing signs of positive reinforcement. Accepting the problem has begun, the willingness not to consume alcohol has existed for awhile and is gaining momentum. Here we go.
Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts USA
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 23:04:52
Steve F., alcoholic
Holly, you're not a weirdo. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. That means if you have it, it gets worse as you get older. And it seems to progress faster in some people than it does for others. It sounds like you're young (younger than me, anyway) and you can't tell yet where alcohol is going to take you. Maybe you're not an alcoholic. I don't wish that on you or anyone else.
For a long time, I was "able" to drink moderately - if I had to. But I didn't want to drink that way. What I really wanted was to drink as much as I could, as fast as I could. And when I was younger, I did just that, quite often.
When I turned 41, I started controlling my drinking very tightly. I wasn't always successful, but I tried it for more than 10 years, and drove myself to the edge of a nervous breakdown. I came to AA 6 months ago, at the age of 52, to reclaim my mental health. If you can drink moderately whenever you drink, without affecting your mental health, then more power to you. I finally had to accept the fact that I couldn't do that.
Member: Lisa E.
Location: Garrison,NY
Date: 15 Aug 1999
Time: 23:10:30
Hi. My name is Lisa, I'm an alocholic. Thank you all for keeping me sober for another day. LeslieF. Keep coming back, it is worth it. Remember that God does for us what we cannot do for ourselves at this point. You are in the right place. To everyone else having a hard time-hang in there. You can do it. I thank God for this program, and pray for acceptance and willingness on my part on a daily basis. love to you all. Contact me at SirArt7@msn.com
Member: Karen V
Location: Racine, WI
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 00:21:35
Hi, Karen, alcoholic/addict. Today I have the acceptance that I have the disease of alcoholism. I have known this for twenty years but have continued to drink. Today I am ten days sober. I am trying to find the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober. It is not easy. I don't appear to yet have the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober. I have been in the program for about three yeears and only manage to stay sober for about six months at a time. Apparently I don't have the willingness to do whatever it takes to stay sober. But I'll keep trying one day at a time. Thanks to all of you for your comments.
Member: Deb
Location: Ma.
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 00:59:37
Holly - I admire your courage and honesty very much. Something must have attracted you to this web site? Alcoholism is three part - Spiritual, Physical and Mental. Maybe it effects one of these areas before the others. Even before I became desperate there were subtle signs that alcohol was slowly making my choices....I was more comfortable around people who accepted drinking....sometimes I could go without drinking yet when life got stressful I wanted a drink for relief.
There is a Checklist that indicates a likelihood of alcoholism.
Fear, pain and desperation motivated me to go to AA...I don't know if that is willingness? Once in AA, once I saw people who were comfortable being alcoholic - then I became willing. I had to see how others did "acceptance" before I could. Before that my denial was protecting me. I was afraid of being alcoholic.....until AA showed me there was nothing to be afraid of.
A close friend was jealous when she saw how my life turned around in AA. She didn't think she was alcoholic (neither did I). She went to AlAnon to support me........she didn't drink often nor suffer cravings yet alcohol was controlling her thoughts, who she chose to be with and where she went. Her mind was preocuppied. I guess it was her mental turmoil and the peace she saw in AA - I'm not sure really. She could identify with the feelings other alcoholics talked about. She is happily sober seven years now and in AA.
AA continues to offer me a life beyond what I ever knew even existed. Before AA I settled for less without even knowing it. I've heard Alanon members say the same thing too!
I wrote more than I planned - I didn't want to log-off! I'm going on vacation and will miss visiting here this week.... I am grateful to all of you, hearing you has helped so much!
Member: Carol R.
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 01:06:59
Hi, my name is Carol and I'm alcoholic. I was not able to go to a meeting today and found this site through a friend. This is wonderful, it's like being at a meeting. I feel you are all my best friends. Welcome to the newcomers. Acceptance did not come to me right away, as I attended AA at first for someone else who thought I should be there. I played along, until after several weeks or so of listening to other's stories, I realized mine was much worse than a lot of them. Now that was a shocker and a wakeup call. I started to realize I WAS an alcoholic and my eyes opened up to where I was heading and that frightened me. I also saw in you people something I had missed for a long, long time - serenity and laughter. Today I pray for humility, so that I can stay in acceptance and be receptive to my Higher Power. Thank you all for being here and sharing.
Member: Delain
Location: U.P. Michigan
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 02:10:54
Hi my name is Delain and I'm and alcoholic. Gosh does Holly sound like me when I first came into the program about 10 years ago. I came in 2 years dry, because I could control my drinking when I choose to. It wasn't just the alcohol that was the problem for me it was that "ism" that I needed help with.
The Big Book was handed to me and I was told to read it. I did and something in there scared me enough to make me willing to listen. The bunny story kind of tells it all. It was the first place I ever felt that I truly belonged and there were people in those rooms that understood how I felt and could talk about their feelings honestly. I vividly remember the day I admitted I was and alcoholic to another humanbeing and MYSELF. That was the day I became willing, and willingness to me is teachability. With the help of my HP I pray that I will always be willing. Thanks everyone for being there. I live in a remote area with few meetings and I sure need these on line meetings.
Member: Holly
Location: CA
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 02:32:31
Hi All,
Me again (Holly) I had to organize my thought. The thing is, I got a DUI a while back and to be really honest - it was a great experience!!! Suddenly all of these people were opening their arms to me. I had to do work release and the comraderie that was present among these 12 girls working our rear ends off all day in the sun...well, it was amazing.
Then I had to go to these classes for four months and people were so great! No matter what had happened in your life, people were there for you once a week. People were kind and considerate and helpful. THEN I had to go to an AA meeting and I was sad to leave. People were like, practically opening their arms to me.
It has all been over for about two months and I guess I just miss it. I didn't go back to AA becuase I felt like a fraud. Like, secretly I was thinking how nice it would be if I had a serious problem so I could join such a great group of people. Plus have a reason to get out of the house. You know, nothing helps find a sitter like a court order. :-)
Anyway, I think I have to say I convinced myself that I was an alcoholic. I drink because I like the taste of wine, and to a lesser degree beer. But I really can take it or leave it. I made myself have a beer tonight and it was heavy and not what I felt like drinking. I felt like a coke, but we are out. As for stress: my husband is on a business trip and the dog is barking and I am scared to death of being here alone: so if I ever had a good reason to drink, now would be the time!
Well, I was just going to kill the link to this site but I really wanted to thank everyone here for their time. I *did* read the links, by the way. I feel so compelled by some of the stories here, I so wish I could offer some advice...but the very fact that I can't. That I don't really understand...that is the answer to my question.
Oh well. I guess I wish there was a support group for lonely homemakers. I didn't meant o waste anyone's time or stear the board in a wrong direction. You all are so helpful you can't imagine. And trust me, if I ever find my drinking is out of control in any way at ALL, I know where to go!!! Again, thank you so much for those people who offered their support and advise.
H-
I am not social, really. I don't go out drinking or anything like that so I don't have any external pressures *or* ways to measure myself.
Member: Ellen D.
Location:
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 02:40:23
My name is Ellen and I'm an Alcoholic. Thanks, Delain your story is a lot like mine. I had 2 years dry (no AA), but one day life got just too tough & I started drinking again - 3 months later I was in AA. Kicking & screaming of course! 10 years later, I still need to keep it green. And I sure am thankful. Graitude has played a huge part for me in this program. Thanks for being here.
Acceptance to me is facing reality and then letting go. Too often when I was drinking I couldn't look at what was really going on, with other people or even inside myself. Now, I make myself look, process what I know and then let it go. It's constantly trying to do the next right thing.
Member: Jan K
Location: Australia
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 04:35:33
Welcome to Christa H, Andy M and Marta H. To Leslie F, you say you feel like a fraud because you can stop drinking so easily. But you accepted your problem and were ready for a change. (I know that tremors and anxiety hit me, but that was coming down from a bottle of spirits PLUS wine every day). The hard part comes from not picking up again ... remembering that just that first drink can put you back to the nightly bottle (AND a bigger waistband!!) To Donna M - good for you - 2 days is a long time. I related to your story, as I felt similar emotions once making that first step to an AA meeting (having browsed these pages night & day for about a week). I found it helped me to keep physically busy - clean cupboards, wash your car, cat, hair, walls. I spent all my spare cash for that week on plants & mulch and got weeding in the garden. The evenings were lonely and a bit scary (like you, I isolated - and had become a bit of a hermit anyway, so no-one "knew" I had such a huge problem to overcome) but then I started cooking and freezing things, so I would start eating well again. Keep busy, try herbal tea, drink lots of water. Give yourself permission to stay at home for a week away from people and potential trigger points. Just accept that you need some time for yourself and meditate, pray or reflect - just on the next hour or so for now - and thank your HP for spending it sober and ask for help. I wish you well. Thanks for these pages and good luck to all ...
Member: Albuquerque John
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 07:12:39
Many thanks for the topic.
Thinking back all them years ago a kind of emotional gratitude flows in! I have stated before that my stewardship in AA is simply to pass the message that was passed to me. In retrospect what I would not accept and would not become willing to accept was that I could stay sober on will power or go to 90 meetings in 90 days or sit for years saying to myself I have to stay away from a drink. Tried all that nonsense – just got restless irritable and discontent and went back regularly to the substance that took all these feelings away.
I also remember thinking that maybe someday I’ll find out what my problem is. I also remember thinking why don’t I say my name is John – I used to be a parrot but I’m alright now, I’m alright now, I’m alright now. Eventually, though, I went on the biggest bender of my life that almost killed me and I am grateful I did. See I needed alcohol to find the solution. I could not have found the solution without booze. I hit a bottom so hard, which was so low that I can never really forget it and that was my moment that I like to call my moment of clarity – my first acceptance that I knew the gig was over. I knew that moment that booze and me had to part company – my body couldn’t take any more alcohol but my mind wanted it. Boy, was that a dilemma!
That moment was my first real honest acceptance that I needed a Power greater than myself if I was to survive.
The place I was found was so remote and strange to me, but that’s where I in my blackout had gone. I believe today that that is where an alcoholic of my type has to go – to be beaten into submission by a substance which I had thought my friend for many years. I was truly rescued by a searching party. In my fog I even heard them say this is just what we’re looking for, but I didn’t truly accept that at the time. I was put in the back of an old truck and delivered to an AA meeting in a country and among people who were so very strange to me, but I remember sitting there listening and picking up a tiny particle of hope and accepting that tiny particle of hope. The hand of AA was extended to me by that tiny group of people – they fed me, clothed me, nursed me through all the physical and mental pain that goes along with withdrawals – but I came through it, the sweats, the hallucinations and when the physical pain ended I was left with the mental pain. However, slowly but slowly I began to accept what is God’s greatest gift – AA’s description of an alcoholic of my type. I remember thinking this type of AA is so far different from anything I had heard before and it was explained to me that I was now on a journey through the pages of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
I remember the willingness I had in listening and accepting that there was a way out eventually. I remember learning and accepting Doctor Silkworth’s description of an alcoholic. I also remember learning about AA’s other doctor, Carl Jung – my problem was not just physical but was centred in my mind.
I remember accepting and becoming willing to identify with Bill W. I remember accepting with great willingness that there was a solution. I remember becoming willing to learn more about alcoholism. I remember accepting that I had been given a choice in the Chapter to the Agnostic to find a God of my understanding. I remember accepting in Chapter 5 how the First One Hundred had recovered from a similar state to that I was found in – I remember how I had to put it into action for one day at a time for the rest of my life, having established in Step 4 what were my fears, resentments and anger along with self centredness, self pity – in fact all the traits that go long with being a crazy mixed up adult child of non-alcoholic parents. Moreover, how I was obsessed with ideas that were so so far from reality, I honestly don’t know how the world put up with me – fact is it didn’t!
From that precious step I not only learned about my defects, I also learned my strengths and how I should go about rectifying my past mistakes. This has meant me trying to make amends for harms done and my part in them.
I have learned a lot from this trip to Europe – something I had to do. If I am to live life on a spiritual basis then I can no longer blame people places and things for my alcoholism. Basically, I have found two factors that apply to my ongoing recovery one day at a time – I accept a power greater than myself in AA and I have learned to be willing to clean house.
Member: Debra
Location: W. Va.
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 09:42:53
I keep trying to quit, something draws me back in. I don't pretend to understand it, but I do accept it. I know I have a problem with alcohol. It runs in my family as well as my husbands family. I watch as my children watch (and learn) and say tomorrow I will stop. I am so sick and angry about this that I don't know what to do. I tried a couple of meetings it just wasn't for me. The group was either to hard core or too advanced. I am ashamed to ask for help but for my childrens sake I need to. I have tightness in my chest and anxiety for days following drinking. I am young (30's) and think this is a side affect to drinking, has anyone experianced this. I don't think I have ever felt so alone in my entire life.
Member: Molly
Location: Pike's peak area
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 11:16:51
Hi all... acceptance & willingness. I am having conflicting thoughts now. I am new here. I am exploring the aa thing.I don't know how to accept the fact that i am alcoholic. I sure can't yet find the willingness to stop drinking. I am a housewife & mom and want to be as good as possible at it ( like so many other women)but i find my expectations of myself are not being met. A vicious cycle, really. I am getting alot out of the women's stories. I think we women tend to trip ourselves up and complicate our thoughts as much as possible. Who knows why!!! I'm trying to think of things one at a time and find a way toward the willingness I need to change my alcoholic behavior. Or does the acceptance come first? Does all this stuff (steps, etc.) have to be in some type of order to work? Q: does anyone know of any successful online recovered? I live in a remote area and have little ones...Husband is interested in aa too. For his own drinking. Maybe any tales of couples success? Holly B. loneliness can be so hard I drink alone alot too, not in bars. I can't afford them , either HA HA. What do i do, leave my kids in the car? no way. I don't want this problem to ever get to that point. I have never tried to stop completely but have tried to switch or limit drinks and hide liquor sometimes. self-destructive ,for sure. Feeling less like a weirdo every time i visit here.... Please write w/ any advice............Mollydmill@aol.com please include subject so i won't accidently throw you out w/ the aol junk mail!
Member: Pam G
Location: CA
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 11:41:20
Hi all Pam here Im an alcoholic. I have accepted that i am an alcoholic and I have the willingness to stop its actually being able to thats hard. I want to stop more thatn anything but I struggle everyday. Im hoping one day I will find the strength to do so. Finding this sight and participating in the discussion meetings helps. everyone seems to be so nice and understanding. Thanks for all your past comments and future ones.
Member: read c
Location: Vermont
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 12:48:15
Read alcoholic. Acceptance and willingness, I am willing to accept my faults and start over with people,places and things. I accept that I have a problem with drink and that it is alright to cry.I am willing to listen and be in the solution.I accept the new responsability of growing up. I find it very hard not to accept when I am not willing. My will has to accept my problem and then move on to a meeting. I will my will to thy will o'higher power!I faked it and had alot of ignorence when I just got into the program while staying sober but now it is time to enter a new platough and relize that I am growing more mature and life is here now in my face and I can not run anymore I need to face my fears and accept problems and accept them for what they are. I can configure them any way I want as long as the job gets done and I stay sober and follow the guidelines of A.A. & some other good stuff like getting a sponser. I am sober 21 months and I accept that one day at a time some times a slow minute at a time. All I can end up saying is that I am not in controle and I am a good alcoholic and keep coming back it works if you work it, big hug o'yey just don't drink today it's all small stuff chef read 1!
Member: scottg
Location: Fort Bragg
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 12:53:45
WOW! I just spent the last hour+ reading these comments. I fit into some and dont fit into others. I am not sure if I am an alchoholic however my wife is telling me I need to stop drinking. I have no alcohol related negative issues. I have a great life (great job, great family, great health and great life (except for my wife nagging)). I like to drink, with the guys, at events and what not. I cant convince myself I have a problem ( I do have a little doubt). Whats next?
Member: Joanna
Location: PDX
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 13:36:30
Joanna- Member of A.A. Welcome to anyone who is new. You are welcome and wanted in A.A. My experince is all I can share, accepting that I was an alcoholic was easy in fact it was a true blessing. I had been searching my whole life, to find what the hell was wrong with me. I had felt so screwed up all my life, I never got "it" I didn't understand the rules to this so called life I had been living. I felt so lost. When I found A.A. or when it found me, my life really began. I came in the doors scared, lonely , detoxing, and ready to accept anything someone said that would make me feel better. I listened, 30 meetings in 30 days, don't drink between those meetings, go to as meetings as possible, try to reach out and ask for a womans help. Try to let these strangers help me, for it was said to me that everyone was new once and part of this wonderful program is that we get to give it away. I cried alot in those early days and I still do. Willingness and Accecptance is paramount for my sobriety. I encourage anyone who is new to try this out, you know what drinking is like,how about trying to stay sober, with the help of A.A. I try to stay willing and stay in acceptance somedays are easier than others. A.A. gave me a life. A life that is full and is wonderfull. A.A. filled the void I was trying to fill with alcohol. I am very gratifull and I feel very blessed, in June I celebrated 3 years, and last Friday I turned 30. I have never had it so good. Joanna. Please keep coming back, reach out and remember its just for today.
Member: Lisa K.
Location: San Diego, CA
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 13:39:06
Hi, Lisa alcoholic. Acceptance has been the beginning and the end for me. As I came to these rooms I accepted that life as I knew it must come to an end. I couldn't go on the way I was and after hearing "myself" through those who shared that first night, I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. I "died to self", and then...a new beginning. A life without alcohol and EVERYTHING that comes with sobriety. With two toddlers 2.5 and 1 yr. my life was chaotic, to say the least. But throught perserverance and willingness to do what was suggested of me I stayed sober and learned about Lisa, the real me. It took a little while for "my God" to become real to me, I was trying to force it, but as it says in the BB "when the door was cracked...." I really came to believe. Now 2.5 years later and a blessed 3rd "sober baby" I am experiencing the promises. I AM IN ACCEPTANCE THAT THERE IS NO TURNING BACK, THAT MY LIFE IS IN CONSTANT FLUCTUATION AND IF I DON'T TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK I'LL STAY SOBER. This is my first time online and I would welcome any remarks as well as where do I go for live chats? Are they only scheduled? or are there some 'round the clock?
Living life sober one day at a time.
Member: Julia L
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 13:55:32
To Molly and anyone else wondering whether or not they qualify to be on this page -
See the posting giving the address for the Big Book - look at the FAQs and make up your own mind. The convincer for me is the Doctor's Opinion - sometimes I drank sometimes I didn't and for a period of five and a half years stayed dry in AA out of sheer bloodymindedness. This may help Molly with her question.
My first time round in AA my partner was also a sometime member of AA who continued to go in and out as he pleased. As it would have been more comfortable for him for his wife to continue to drink I decided I would show him and so stayed dry! This is real cockeyed alcoholic thinking.
Relieved of that first husband and with no mental defence - no real understanding of the Programme of Recovery and still believing myself to be the greatest power on earth - I drank again.
Some blackouts later and having met a real alcoholic and decided - well not so much a decision as it seemed to be a good idea at the time - to get together, eventually I arrived back in AA via Al-Anon. If an undecided real alcoholic wants to feel uncomfortable try Al-Anon - they were all talking about me!
So, AA for partners - yes it can work provided that each lives his or her own programme, attends different meetings and has a realistic view of marriage. When I see and hear about the build up to the wedding day that most people want, all I wonder is what's going to happen next when they fall off the pink cloud.
What happens next is a bit like coming off the pink cloud of early sobriety - suddenly realising that life is still happening and I, yes me the big I am, am expected to take full responsibility for my part in it.
Acceptance for me is the bit in Chapter 3 - conceding to my innermost self that I am alcoholic and all that that entails.
Willingness is to put into action everything I am learning through the Programme of Recovery "in all our affairs" as it says in the 12th Step and using the example of the First One Hundred to be convinced that it works.
However, marriage, like AA, only gives back in direct proportion to what is put in - if I have a bad day then the world can seem a black place - but if I accept that it is my reaction to life that clouds my judgement and accept that I am neither the pinnacle of perfection nor lower than a snake's belly but just something ordinary in between then there is balance in my life.
That's what I need - balance not the highs and lows I thought were necessary for "happiness" - now peace of mind and a contented sobriety are my aims - 24 hours at a time I can claim progress and, thank God, I no longer have to strive for some sort of perfection in order to seek approval from another human being.
The other half and I are not easy to live with - God forbid I should try to live with a non-alcoholic, but that's just for me; I'm sure it can work, but I'm just too selfish to be able to explain who I am - it's much easier for a real alcoholic to know another and to share (or not share on those bloodyminded days)E S and H on a daily basis.
When I finally followed my partner to New Mexico, my state of mind at the time expected a big warm welcome and recognition of my special status, not just from him but the world in gneral - that was before I went back to AA. It has been an interesting and at times painful journey to the realisation of where I belong in the grand scheme of things - an acceptance of being an alcoholic dealing with life on life's terms and willingness to follow a "suggested" programme of recovery. Nobody could "tell" this alcoholic anything - and it's still not easy, something my partner would undoubtedly confirm!
Good luck to all those who are wondering - as I've heard said many times before - better to be in AA wondering than dying outside and never knowing how good life can be.
Member: Lisa LC
Location: Ventura County, CA.
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 14:50:55
Hi, my name is Lisa LC and I am an alcoholic and an addict- This weeks topic, on acceptance and willingness is a great choice, thank you Lisa E. I've enjoyed the readings here and I heard alot of good sharing. For myself, the accecptance aspect of my being an alcoholic came for me when NOTHING else worked any more. I could'nt get drunk or high any more and I was truely at the lowest bottom and I new that I WAS A REAL ALCOHOLIC!! I now knew that I needed to accept it and either die or get help fast. Since I never could get up courage to die, I finally asked for help. Now that brings to me willingness. I was willing to do anything it took to stay clean and sober. It took alot going in and out of these AA doors and meetings not to mention recovery hospitals to get to my thinking I have right now. That's what it took for me. To those of us that are new to this program of AA, you don't have to go in and out and get to the very bottom like I did. You can stick around here and begin the wonderful journey down the right path now-just listen hard, pray to God, get to all the face to face meetings and you can become willing and accept the fact that we are alcoholic and accept it-there is no way around this disease. For me, to use/drink is to DIE and I feel grateful that I am here right now and able to help whomever needs help-It was done for me, it's my turn for me to help anyone whom as become "Willing to do anything it takes" to stay sober today. I don't have alot of time, but you don't have to waste 9 years like I did to be able to have the gift of sticking around now not later or even NEVER. If you are wondering if you need to be here, then you probably need to be. I have found this to be true. I hope all the newer people than myself stay and find out how wonderful life can be. I promise you this. It takes time, but this program surely works. I would not trade my life for anything, I love Alcoholics Annoyomous and I thank you all and God for this. This has been a pleasure to be here today and to be able to share, thank you. STAY HERE, IT WORKS. Oh and thanks AVRIL for you for the nice emial, that was nice. Make it a great day-Lisa LC/ LCRMOMX3@cs.com
Member: Patt
Location: Oregon
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 14:53:42
Patt, alcoholic in remission today by the Grace of God. Just had to say something to those who've posted that they're wondering about whether or not they're alcoholic. PLEASE, PLEASE realize that this "thing", disease, whatever, that we have isn't anything to play with. Reaching out for help from AA, or whoever you feel comfortable in asking (priests, ministers, rabbis, doctors), is not a sign of weakness but of strength and a will to live.
When I was brand new in the Program, I tended to listen to the stories and compare them to my own. Then, in a meeting, I heard the word "Yet", and realized that it was just a matter of time before I could put DUIIs, jails, institutions, suicide attempts, etc., etc., on my list. This thing is progressive, just as aging is (if the alternative doesn't get to us first). I want to live to a healthy, ripe old-age and do it sober with a good Program. There's nothing harmful about going to AA meetings (face-to-face)--it can only help. Do what's sugggested. Keep your eyes and ears open and your rear in the chair. Be of service. Next thing you know you'll look at yourself in the mirror and realize that you're sober and life is getting different for you. That's what I did and have to do each day of my life. And am I glad I took that first step, "Admitted that I was powerless over alcohol, and that my life was unmanageable." Had a little trouble with the "unmanageable" part, but an honest appraisal showed me how bang on it was.
Debra, Holly, and Scott, please get yourselves to a meeting and listen to those folks on this site who've shared their experience, strength, and HOPE with you.
Peace, serenity, and sobriety to all. "Trust God, clean house, help others." Patt
Member: Laura B.
Location: NV, USA
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 15:25:18
Hi Everyone, This is my first time here. I've known I am an alcoholic for 20 years. Accepting what I am is not the problem, stopping the drinking is. I think I use alcohol as a means to muffle things. I've stopped for periods of times and have felt great, but I always go back. I just turned 40 and I think my body is starting to feel the effects of the abuse. I think I'm heading for serious trouble and I need help in stopping the abuse before it's too late. I live in a small town and don't want to attend AA meetings here. I'm hoping I can get some support and help here. Thanks for listening.
Member: Christa H
Location: USA
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 18:41:36
Hi Scott,
If you're not convinced you have a problem, go to the AA links on this site. They have an alcoholics questionnaire there. If you answer "yes" more than twice (not 4 times, as they say), you likely have a problem that will only become worse over time. The acceptance part is the hardest for a long time. Sometimes it takes a major event to wake up and say: enough is enough.
Member: Lucky Jim
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 19:01:23
Jim here, a lucky Irish alcoholic. Lucky because I finally accepted the fact, long known by my friends and family, that I was an alcoholic and had absolutely no control over my alcohol intake. One of the great problems in Ireland for those who are prone to this "weakness", as it is euphemistically called, is the central role played by pubs in all our social and even business affairs. In the cities as well as the smaller towns the pub is the centre of activity, a place to meet friends, make friends, do business, listen to music and generally be in touch with what's going on. As a result of this special place of the pub in Irish society, it's very difficult indeed to accept that you must turn your back on it to a great extent when you admit that you are unable to control alcohol. Far from acceptance, when I was doing my 90 meetings in 90 days, my over-riding emotions were anger and envy - I just kept thinking "Why me? Why the hell should they all be able to drink?" However, as I earn my living in places which sell booze, I had to come to terms with it. And gradually that feeling of standing on the beach waving while everyone else joyfully drifted out to sea was replaced by a feeling of gratitude that I was one of the lucky ones. I would have been the leader of the pack at one time, inevitably making a fool of myself and alienating others while under the impression that I was the life and soul of the party. I still occasionally envy my friends as they get stuck into a few after work, but not for long.As soon as they begin to lose their grip on reality I thank whatever higher power got me here that I escaped from that awful enslavement. Good luck to you all, and to the beginners - it does get easier. I didn't believe it either, but it's true! Lucky Jim.
Member: Merv. D.
Location: North Bay Ont. Canada
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 19:40:26
Hi my name is Merv. and I am an Alcoholic. Acceptance and Willingness. Scott G I identify with you and your feelings, you sound like me fourteen years and seven months ago. I was alone in our home, my wife went to my sons place as she was sick of nagging ( so made a move to escape ) At 11:15 that night I awakened opened another beer and went to our small bathroom of the rec room. I had a half beer in my hand when I looked in the mirror,and the sight I saw caused me to pour out the last of that beer. I cried out (God help me) at the same time. I feel sure that i didn't want him to take away my best friend, I just wanted help. I went to bed tossed a turned all night, I had been drunk for five days. antway the next morning at 9:00 a.m. the phone rang, it was my daughter-in-law who told me she had been in touch with this mutual friend who had thirty two years in the program and would talk to me if I wished. My thoughts were this will get the monkey of my back I'll talk to him. I didn't have any intention of stopping the booze. I was in total denial, I don't know what I wanted God to do but I know I didn't want to give up my best friend Alcohol. Anyway I talked to little Jimmie that morning, he spent two hours with me and convinced me I should attend one of those meetings ( I had heard about those meetings). Anyway I attended that meeting and something happened, for the first time in my life I felt that maybe i didn't have to drink in order to survive. I had been a daily drinker for ten years previous and had been drinking for thirty years. I have been attending meetings ever since and haven't had to pick up a drink or any other mood altering substance since that day jan 29 1985. so it doesn't matter how you get here the important thing is that each and everyone of are here. it is obvious that after i came to the program i had to become willing and i had to accept the fact that I was an Alcoholic. You know God works in ways that is impossable for us humans to understand but the fact still remains that I asked him to help me and he did not in the way that I wanted but in the way that was proper. That is what I call a miracle, getting sobriety and couldn't even admit to myself that I wanted it. i hope this message will help any of the newcomers. Just surrender and let it happen, I still find it hard to believe that I once thought the way I did, I have a completed change in attittude. Today I spend much of my time working with Alcoholics. I will say to the new comers, go to meetings in your area, as many as possable at first and as many as are necessary later. Today I go to meetings not because I have to or don't have to I go because they do something for me. i can only keep this wonderful life if i give it away. Thanks for the opportunity to share. Merv.
Member: Clayton S.
Location: CA
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 20:32:25
Hello, I am Clayton I haven't been around in awhile but I am still sober by the grace of God and this program I started coming here while in an intensive outpatient program and this place helped me when I was truly overwhelmed. I have 8 and a half months today and life is better if I truly accept the things and positions I have willingly placed myself in. Many times I hear alcoholics talk about acceptance in terms of us accepting other people places and things. I am now learning that what I have to accept is my alcoholism and addiction. The rest is God's will for us.. through acceptance I pray for strength to put one foot in front of the other. I read your post Holly and hope that you can accept your disease. DUI's aren't normal behavior for those lucky people who "just like beer"...You are welcome and needed here when you are ready!!! I have to accept that this thing I have is not just who I am, it is not just how I am. It is WHAT I am...biologically, psychologically, and spiritually. I won't get better or gain control. I don't just love the things I do (beer, wine whiskey meth) I need them, now I need this program instead and my life is getting better one day at a time..
Member: andy mac
Location: somerset,pa.
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 23:11:57
Jim the irish over heren have the same problemas you have in Ireland my whole life centered around the local taproom, that was were we would go to meet our friends and bs all of the time get grossly drunk and make a total ass out of ourselves the music may have been on the juke box instead of live, however the atmosphere was basically the same.I am happy to say that I don't need that nonsense anymore,I attend 5to6 aa meetings a week and after a meeting we all go to a restaurant and bs over a cup of coffee.Since I came into the program I haven't seen any of my old so called friends.It is strange when you think that they would loan you money to buy booze and of course they expected you to buy them a few drinks,I wonder if I asked them to loan me the money to buy a BB would they be so willing? the bottom line is that they were enablers not friends.I would love to be able to email you,I have been to Ireland 3x and Irelished every minute of it.My e-mail address is irish@shol.com
Member: louise s.
Location: long island, ny
Date: 16 Aug 1999
Time: 23:38:28
Hi-Louise,alcoholic-Accepting that I was an alcoholic was not too difficult. I drank 24/7 and my thoughts were consumed with aquiring the drink, drinking the drink and how to get rid of all the bottles now that we have to recycle. My trouble with acceptance began when I realized that I had to accept myself for who I am, faults and all and to accept the world for what it is. In my first year of sobriety I thought my sponser was speaking a foreign language because I could not accept myself or anyone else. I beleive that it was through the grace of my HP that I finally began to accept--my spiritual awakening. I have eight years sobriety and still have to learn to accept that I have no control over people, places and things. My parents and most siblings still drink, my husband still drinks and I have to accept that my marriage is over. I am grateful for the rooms and people of AA. It is with your help that I stay sober. Thanks to everyone who shared.
Member: Johnita S
Location: Missouri
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 01:31:37
Hi I'm Johnita and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time to any AA web site, and I'm not sure exactly why I came. I have been a member of AA since 9/12/95 and really don't have a problem accepting that I am an alcoholic, even though, like Holly I had no problem saying no more drink. The real problem I have right now is accepting life on lifes terms. Without going into detail, let me just say that everything I have worked so hard for in the past 3 years is falling apart. My sponsor tells me I am at a full HALT and I am isolating myself from folks I have been friends with since I came in. I have lost the willingness to fight. My only thing I have going for me is my sobriety. I still think like an alcoholic at times and really would just like to escape, but I know that isn't the answer. I just feel very helpless/hopeless right now and have lost everything and everybody who matters to me including myself, but I want to pull out of the tailspin I know can be deadly to me. The problems I am facing are of my own making, so I don't feel like I'm getting into self-pity. I'm just giving in to the pressure and can't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel that has always been there since I walked into my first meeting. I'm losing faith and hope.
Sorry to be on such a downer, but I have been here a couple of months now and just want to stay sober and healthy.
God bless and thanks for listening
Member: JACK B
Location: Cumbola Pa
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 03:41:45
Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic.When I came into AA noone ever told me that my life would be a bed of roses.What they told me was that if I made the 12 step program my way of life then I would be able to ACCEPT and deal with whatever came into my life one day at a time wtihout picking up a drink.That is pretty much what has happened to this alcoholic.I relate the twelve step program to the Serenity Prayer.God grant me the serenity to accept, the first three steps,the courage to change, steps four thru nine and the wisdom steps 10 thru 12.The most important thing I must accept on a daily basis is that I am an alcoholic and I can't pick up a drink today.
Through acceptance of the twelve steps of AA as my life today, I am able to accept the fact that the only gimme I have is the breath that I am taking at this moment.God hasn't promised me anything other than the breath I take now.Being able to accept what God has given me has made life that much more enjoyable than any life I ever had when I drank.Today the most important thing in my life has got to be not to pick up a drink, if I pick up that first drink I am going back to a personal living hell that I don't ever want to return to.I have been truly blessed by this wonderful Grace from God and I totally accept this for what it is.An undeserved,unwarranted blessing that I have done absolutely nothing to deserve.The most important thing that I accept today other than being an alcoholic is that I approve of the way I live and for the first time in my life I am able to accept me as I am.
As far as willingness go, I need to be willing to give back to others what was so freely given to me.I must remember at all times that when anyone, anywhere reaches out for help I want to hand of AA to always be there, for that I am responsible and more than willing to help wherever we are needed.
God Bless each and everyone in this wonderful wonderful fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Member: Thad M
Location: WA
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 04:00:09
Hi, I'm Thad and I'm an alcoholic; This is my first time here and I'm grateful for this... acceptance for me came when I finally realized that I couldn't quit. No matter what I read or what I tried, nothing worked. I just couldn't stop, I drank when I didn't want to and I had to admit that I didn't know anything about honesty because I was living a lie. I had been trying for years to control my drinking and had never suceeded. It took me to the point of self loathing and daily thoughts of suicide to get me here, I had to hit bottom, for me there was no other way, I honestly could not imagine life without alcohol and I was done with my life with it. So, It was not so much a matter of acceptance for me, rather I had reached the end of my drinking career and there seemed to be no escape. I had been blacking out for years, was starting to get the d.t.'s , my hang overs lasted for 3 and 4 days at a time and I had absolutely no control over how much I drank. These were the facts of life for me, no acceptance required . I had been trying to hide my drinking from my wife who had already given me my last-last chance, and as a result our relationship was just about over. I hated living but wasn't ready to die. So I sort of came into acceptance like the guy in the big book who jaywalks until his broken body won't carry him out into the street anymore. My take on willingness started with my willingness to believe the other people in AA when you told me you had found a way out. I listened to your stories, and I couldn't find any reason not to believe them. You drank like I did, you did the steps and now you don't. It is simple put like that but it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to talk at first, it was harder to make phone calls to people I had just met, ask someone to sponser me, but the question is are you willing to do the steps? As I'm sure those of you who have done them know, you do have to go to any and every length to do a fifth step or a ninth. I knew of thes steps 13 years ago when I first read the big book and I certainly was not willing to do them, more like flat out refused! I couldn't imagine doing all 12 let alone just one... but twelve and a half years of insanity left me with just two options: life or death, it's just that simple, six months ago I came to AA, got a sponser and did the steps It was probably the most difficult thing I've ever done but I had nothing to loose and everything to gain. I pray that some of you find the willingness to go to any length without having to go through what I did. Thanks for listening, AA absolutely works! Blessed be
Member: Michael B.
Location: Arizona
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 06:40:40
Hi! My name is Michael, and I am an alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! Similar to what John in Scotland discussed, my willingness to seek help for my alcoholism and to follow the steps and suggestions of the AA program was entirely dependent on my hitting bottom. In my early days of sobriety, I preferred to believe that it was my own good intentions that caused me to seek help for my alcoholism, but eventually I began to realize that it was not until I had been badly beaten by the booze that I actually became willing to seek help for my alcoholism. It's clear to me now that, as an alcoholic, if I could still have fun drinking, I'd still be "out there" But hitting bottom taught me I couldn't have fun anymore drinking. Willingness, of course, applies to more than simply using the tools of the program to stay sober. As time passes, it also means becoming willing to adopt spiritual principles. In other words, we need to become willing to change and grow, as opposed to being on a "dry drunk." Fortunately, the extreme dynamic that initially prompted me to seek help for my alcoholism, i.e., having to be beaten badly beforehand, does not typically apply to me regarding spiritual growth, although it still does more than I would like. But alas, such is the nature of spiritual and emotional growth for me--no pain, no gain, a concept which more properly belongs under the topic of acceptance and which I'm too tired to share about now.
Johnita: I know what you're talking about. Some things that have helped me include 1)trying not to project today's misery into the next day or decade, 2) reexamining the suggestions from the booklet "Living Sober" or reapplying some suggestions I took when I first got sober but later discarded 3) preparing a schedule which amounts to "Easy Does It, but Do It" (in other words, each day do some things that need to be done, but don't try to do too much), and of course, 4) forcing myself to do as many of the things we hear suggested over and over again from other AA's as I can. On the other hand, sometimes adding a completely new daily ritual has been just as helpful for me during times where I have had a problem not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, such as setting aside a period(s) at some point during my day for prayer, meditation, reflection, and reading of AA and other spiritual literature.
Member: Steve H.
Location: Hewtt, Tx.
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 07:22:22
Hi, Steve, an alcoholic. My sobriety date is 11-4-81. This is for Johnnita. One of the tools that AA gave me was to know "that this too shall pass." If I don't take the first drink and continue to do the deal, life continues to get different. Change is the one constant. I know this because I just lost a job I enjoyed for 6 years. WE had to move back to the place where it all started over 17 years ago. If I live in the moment and do the next right thing, everything will be taken care of--it always has been. So hang in there and trust God!
Member: Gracie
Location: Texas Forever
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 09:09:35
Gracie here, an alcoholic. First, I had to admit that I was/am powerless over alcohol. Later on I accepted my alcoholism because I was tired of fighting the program and I was beaten into a state of reasonablness by my own character defects. Today I not only admit and accept my alcoholism but I embrace it. Having this disease has been the single greatest blessing of my life. I was forced into a depth of spirituality that I probably would have never entered. One little story and then I'll give up the keyboard. The Voice said, "come to the edge" and the people said, "no, we are afraid." The Voice said, "come to the edge" and they said, "no we are still afraid we will fall." Again the Voice said, "come to the edge." And so they did come. Then He pushed them off the edge and THEY FLEW.
Member: Joe L
Location:
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 13:49:51
Hello: My name is Joe after 10 years of off again and on sobreity. Friday i was forced to accept the fact if i don't put and keep God and AA in my life it will be ending. Accepted being alcoholic 10yrs. ago quess i missed the point in life is unmanagable all these years,untill it was obvious even to a practicing alcoholic. I dont know how to put my life in the hands of a higher power but i'm finally trying. Doing what was suggested by the one person i trust completly, praying daily even if i dont feel it helps he says in time i'll understand. Deep down i know he's right.
I've got a long road ahead but i'm going to take it.
Member: Billie P.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 13:53:30
I am drinking while I am reading these posts - of course, just a couple to get over my hangover -
still can't say the a word, but do know that I have a drinking problem. And I don't want to stop.
But I have to if I want the life I want. Thank you all - I've read about half the posts, and am going to and read the rest of them... is there a message board here which allows a little more of a dialog? Not necessarily live chat, but where you can post on a topic and others post on a topic that interests them?
I know I need help but am scared I can't do it. Apparently many of you understand my thinking. Thank you again for listening...
Member: jodie m.
Location:
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 13:55:04
i'm jodie, alcoholic. i've accepted that i have some major issues to work out within myself, and i have slowly come to realize the chain of events that have led to my abuse of alcohol. i am a perfectionist by nature, and i am perpetually guilty of defining myself by how others perceive me, so admitting that i have some major "issues" does not thrill me. in fact, it deeply hurts me. but i realize that i need to seek help and i need to come to terms with this part of me in the hopes that i will eventually be able to both reconcile and differentiate between the real me and the me plus the baggage. i pray that i do not sound convuluted. this is my first time actually participating in the discussion and i'm quite frightened by the prospect of putting my thoughts in cyberspace for the whole world to see...
Member: Laura
Location:
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 14:13:19
OK folks, I know I'm not supposed to post more then one time in a week, but I feel the need. I'm reaching here and in dire straits. My husband is mad (I don't blame him one bit!)and my life is falling apart! I know, boo, hoo! poor Laura, but I need a solution. Never mind, the answer is obvious.
Member: Laura
Location:
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 14:13:35
OK folks, I know I'm not supposed to post more then one time in a week, but I feel the need. I'm reaching here and in dire straits. My husband is mad (I don't blame him one bit!)and my life is falling apart! I know, boo, hoo! poor Laura, but I need a solution. Never mind, the answer is obvious.
Member: Jen P.
Location: Eastern PA
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 18:00:03
I wnat to check in and say that I admitted I was an alcoholic years before I got sober, and I ACCEPTED that I was an alcoholic quite sometime after I had been sober in AA. Today I have a serene acceptance, even gratitude for the fact that I am an alcoholic. The program of the twelve steps and the way of the first one hundred has given me a life I never thought I could have during all those desperate years of wanting to drink but not wanting to. I gained willingness as I went along, took suggestions, and watched my life changing. The friends I have found in this fellowship are the best!! For all newcomers, if you know you have a problem, why not give AA a chance? I am so glad I did. Thanks for my sobriety, it is all of you and my Higher Power that keep me sober. Love to all.
Member: Angela
Location: NY
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 18:21:39
Hello - I am in desperate need of help - I have been reading these postings for about a month and felt so great to feel I was not alone in my battle against alcohol. I stayed sober for 3 wks. and then had some real personal problems and all these emotions that I did not know what to do with - except drink again I know I cannot get "drunk enough" to erase all these feelings - I just don't know what to do with them. I know a face to face meeting is the best way - but TRULY for now I am home with young children - no means of transportation and truly noone to watch them. So my only hope is that one or , hopefully, some of you out there will PLEASE email me and sort of be my online sponsors - PLEASE I hope someone will not mind helping me try and get and stay sober. For the 3 wks. I was sober I felt so much better but somehow I've slipped back and can't find my way out. My email is BLincks @ aol.com
Member: Karen L
Location: San Diego
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 19:36:44
Acceptance became much eisier for me when I was informed acceptance does not necessarily mean agreement. I can accept a person's abhorant behavior, though I am not in agreement with it. You see? Now willingness, I must pray for the "willingness". I was told that in early sobriety (and the first 5 years ARE early sobriety) pray for the willingness. I still do that. Good luck, keep coming back, read the book and call your sponsor.
Member: Christa H
Location: USA
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 20:12:36
Johnita,
Your are suffering from depression. I am not an advocate of therapy, it helps some people and it doesn't help others. But you should seek the help of a psychiatrist, who will prescribe the proper medication for you. Once the medication kicks in, you will start to be able to think clear and tackle on your problems.
All the best.
Member: TerriB
Location:
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 20:32:08
Hi again. Terri here-I wrote a few days ago, I am a night drinker. Why is it some days I want to quit drinking so bad, and other days I dont care? I know I have a problem, I cant have one drink or two, if I drink... I drink. I hate myself when I drink. I hate most things when I drink. My Mother was an Alcholic..when I told her I joined AA and I mentioned that her drinking had a lot to do with mine, she went into a rage, she told me I was crazy, that she never had a problem...it was my father. ??Sometimes I am so confused. I dont blame anyone but myself. I cant control this part of my life and I need help. I need a sponser still and have not gotten one. I still am at the beginning of this and I slip up. Any words of advice? I need anything I can get. My husband thinks I am just to emotional, I need something here...I am trying to get help but everywhere I turn I cant get it. I love this board and I think it helps me . Stay Sober fellow people...I will try. Tomorrow is a new day.
Member: Donna M
Location: Oregon
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 20:37:47
Hi all, Donna, alcoholic. I have 5 days clean and sober today! Yea! I went to a live meeting yesterday and I wanted to share something I heard there: "Alcoholics are ego-manics with an inferiority complex, we think we are so wonderful but allow ourselves to wake up in pools of our own vomit". This sounds like me. Also, my roommate just got back from California and she bought 3 huge bottles of my favorite kinds of alcoholic drinks, because she "forgot" I wasn't drinking. This stresses me out, but not horribly. What I am really having a hard time dealing with is the break-up of my relationship. My ex-boyfriend and I were together for a year, and we broke up a month ago. He is already dating someone else and this hurts so much because I had so much invested in our relationship. I feel totally used and it is so hard to deal with this sober. I know drinking would make things worse, plus if I were to drink I'm sure I would embarrass myself by verbally assualting him and his new fling. That's all I have for now. Thanks for letting me vent.
Member: JOHN M
Location: SOUTHAMPTON N.Y.
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 21:27:59
HI, I'M JOHN AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. ACCEPTANCE CAME MUCH LATER IN THE PROGRAM FOR ME. I WAS MANDATED BY THE STATE TO GO TO AA. IWAS IN SERIOSE TROUBLE AND WAS FACING 1-3 YEARS IN JAIL. I WENT TO AA DURING MY COURT CASES TO LOOK GOOD FOR THE JUDGE. WHEN MY SENTENCING CAME, I WAS SOBER SIX MONTHS. THEY OFFERD ME 5 YEARS PROBATION----MY LAWYER SAID TO TAKE IT. MY SPONSOR , WHO HAD DONE FEDERAL TIME TOLD ME TO PLEAD GUILTY AND REFUSE PROBATION. I THOUGHT HE WAS CRAZY. HE INFORMED ME THAT PROBATION WAS 5 YEARS OF REPORTING EVERY MOVE I MADE, NO LEAVING THE STATE, THEY COULD COME TO MY HOUSE, MY JOB...ANYWHERE .I WAS UNDER THEIR POWER AND COULD BE SENT AWAY FOR ANY INFRACTIONS. I TOOK HIS ADVICE I PLEAD GUILTY AND WAITED FOR THE CONSEQUENCES. THE JUDGE LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS A BUG UNDER A MICROSCOPE. HE LOWERED MY SENTENCE TO 6 MONTHS TO A YEAR. HE SENT ME TO COUNTY JAIL RATHER THAN UPSTATE. I WAS RELEASED IN 4 MONTHS. JAIL WAS A NIGHTMARE BUT I SAYED SOBER. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE THAT I OWNED MY OWN BEHAVIOR AND TOOK WHAT I HAD COMING TO ME. IT COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE. THAT WAS IN 1989. I HAVE BEEN SOBER SINCE. I AM GETTING MARRIED IN NOVEMBER, I HAVE A GREAT JOB, I HAVE TWO STEPKIDS THAT I LOOK AT AS OWN. I SPONSOR A FEW GUYS AND REGULARLY ATTEND FACE TO FACE MEETINGS. I LOVE AA, I LOVE BEING SOBER. I STILL HAVE THE SAME SPONSOR. HE REMINDS ME OF WHERE I CAME FROM...WHERE I'M GOING...AND WHERE I COULD END UP. AA HAS ALLOWED ME TO BECOME A USEFUL HUMAN BEING. THANKS
Member: David H.
Location: Kentucky Paducah
Date: 17 Aug 1999
Time: 23:41:14
There is not a problem that a drink will not make worst.
Member: glo
Location: abq,nm
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 09:16:51
Glo, alcoholic here. There's some interesting reading here this week. As I've shared before, when I was "out there" I knew I was an alcoholic. Even though I didn't drink everyday I knew that if I had one I wouldn't/couldn't stop. I would ask a close friend of mine who was a dry alcoholic (no program)how she could just not drink. I'd ask this same question of others who didn't drink and of course there was never an answer I could accept. One night, in a drunken stupor, I was home in tears over my miserable, lonely life. This was not a first except that this time I got really angry and I remember saying to myself, "just accept it. This is your life. You work and you drink beer and nobody cares. That's just the way it is and you will die a lonely old boozer." That was the end of that and I continued living life has usual. Within a couple of months I found myself in an AA meeting with a friend (you know, I was there to support her)and I haven't strayed very far since. In retrospect, I believe that night I "gave up" was really me doing the 1st step, "admitted we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable". After that the willingness followed. So to anybody out there asking the question, "How do I not drink?" my response would be pray for the willingness to not drink and then take it one day at a time. Peace, glo
Member: Chris H.
Location: Colorado
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 11:46:17
Hi I'm Chris H. and I'm an alcoholic.
Christa H, it is great to hear you've determined you're an alcoholic, and have come to the right place. I would recommend going to 90 ‘face to face' meetings in 90 days, reading the Big Book (I've recently started doing this again myself), getting a sponsor, and doing the steps. The program works if you work it. This program works for people who have the DESIRE to stop drinking, and it has worked for me a "day at a time" for the past 16 years. Not all the last 16 years have been rosy. I've had some painful times, including recently, but I've been willing to receive help, listen, do the footwork, and these are making a difference in my life, slowly. I think more will be revealed to me in future. I have hope.
Johnita, I have been through times like you are experiencing. Most of my sobriety has been great, but there have been times that haven't been easy. I have experienced depression a few times, as well, but have made it through without pills, drugs, or a psychiatrist. I actually had to turn away from that solution to save my life. However, I am ‘not' knocking medicine, because this is an option for some people in the program, just not for me. When I do the program, and work through my emotional stuff with other alcoholics, or with people who are spiritually fit to deal with such issues, my experience has been that I make it through. "The same hammer that shatters the glass also forages the steel." Surviving hard times strengthens us.
I have been recently called upon to focus more attention on my connection with a higher power, rather than just relying on others to think for me. You'd think that being a belligerent alcoholic personality, I'd easily gravitate toward this type of thinking, well, for me this is growth. Before I came to AA, I relied on ‘me' only, and this didn't work, so when I got in the program, I had to reverse that mind-set to survive. However, now I'm being encouraged to establish a stronger connection with my HP. I'm beginning to realize that I picked people who validated what I thought they should say at the time (just another form of control), and did not ask for and listen to what God intended for me. Wow, ego manifested another strange way.
God of my understanding has kept me sober for the past 16 years, and now again, I'm called upon to listen to his message, and this takes willingness. For example, I recently spent a day alone praying and meditating, and got back only one word "go." Pray tell what this is supposed to mean? Oh well, I do know the day I spent focusing on establishing a quiet connection with my higher power gave me inner strength, but I've yet to understand what I'm called upon to do. I'm sure answers will come, in time, God's and not mine. The real key here is that through my willingness to do the program the way God intended, I have a chance at a new life that is happy, joyous, and free.
(God bless all)
Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 12:28:40
Good Morning!
My name is Tom A. a grateful sober alcoholic TODAY by the grace of a wonderful Higher Power and this Way of Life we have in AA.
Thank you Lisa E. out there in Garrison, New York for the two topics "Acceptance & Willingness."
Upon my entry into AA, I was told that this was a "Suggested Program of Recovery" and that there were no MUSTS, but a lot of YOU BETTERS. I have read many YOU BETTERS this week and for that I am very very grateful. I suggest the following formula, which has been very helpful in daily sobriety.
HONESTY+OPENMINDEDNESS+WILLINGNESS = ACCEPTANCE.
Somewhere in the Big Book it says that honesty, openmindedness, and willingness are essentials in maintianing sobriety one-day-at-a-time and it has been my experience that they were right on target. The HOW Principles, just work at least they have for me.
We welcome all the newcomers to this meeting and we want you to know that you are the MOST IMPORTANT person at this meeting. I also offer a several suggestions that have been shared with me personally. "Most alcoholic's, who come to AA for the first time are at least two year late in their arrival." "The problem with most alcoholic's is that they expect 8 years of sobriety in 72 hours." My suggestion is this try each day to practice "First Things First, Live and Let Live and Easy Does It" and let the miracle of sobriety happen. I took my last drink of alcohol on July 25, 1960 and at our local AA groups birthday night July 28, 1999, I was give my 39 year token. My miracle began the first night when one of the speaker's said "Any damn fool can stay sober for twenty-four hours." All I can say is that this program works and it my hope that you will join us in the Happy, Joyous, and Free Way of Life.
Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!
God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net
Member: Isaac R
Location: Darlington
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 12:33:19
I have a great deal of problems with acceptence which is why I am verry grateful to have found this meeting thanks
isaac
Member: Albuquerque John
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 13:03:58
To Johnita Missouri
My stewardship in AA is to pass on the message as it was passed to me.
What is it you are trying to hold on to? What is it you are trying to escape from? This is where the pencil and the piece of paper come in. See, the problems of an alcoholic centre in the mind - try transferring it from your mind to paper. If you think the solutions to your problems are in people, places and things then you might just be secure in your own insecurity.
In my early days in AA I had a lot of problems in 3 areas, money, employment and women. Funny thing is these were the three areas I WAS IN CHARGE OF.
Step 3 says "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him". To me, that meant letting go of the little nitty gritty things that, at the time, my mind thought God might not be interested in - he was probably too busy. Kind of like thinking God's really not interested in these areas of my life.
But that's how I got to AA - self will run riot, holding on to my old ideas. The only way to let the light in is to remove the things that block the sunlight of the spirit.
By the way, the only time I see a shrink or a therapist is when he phones me for advice. Before I came to AA and followed the directions of the Programme of the First One Hundred, that is Big Book pages 1-164, it used to be me phoning the therapist for advice.
The Programme of AA is the greatest gift I have ever found. Try it - this is a programme of action. Good luck.
Member: Liz H.
Location: Jackson
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 13:23:33
Hi, I'm not new to AA, but this is my first time online. I hope to share my experience, strength, & hope. It has been my experience that acceptance is a process. ( I used to hate it when people told me anything was a "process", because I couldn't check it off my list! To me, acceptance means ACTION!!!! The only thing that sank into my brain the first two years was "Keep Coming Back". That I did, drunk. It took me 2 years & a lot of outside help to get my first 24 hours outside of a treatment program. Keep is Simple Stupid (KISS) became my mantra. This acceptance = action evolved into going to meetings, getting a sponsor, reading the Big Book, taking first things first, doing the next right thing, trusting my Higher Power, and cleaning house. I now have 6+ years. Please take what you need from this and leave the rest.
Member: PAB K
Location: BEDFORDSHIRE UK.
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 17:14:14
IT TOOK ME ABOUT 11 MONTHS OF ATTENDING AA MEETINGS EVERY NIGHT AND MUCH MUCH MORE PAIN FOR ME TO ACCEPT THAT I REALLY WAS POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL. I HAD LOST MY MARRIAGE MY HOME AND ANY SELF RESPECT DURING MY CRONIC ALCOHOLIC DRINKING PHASE, AND THANK GOD I HAD A MOMENT OF SANITY/CLARITY WHEN MY DAUGHTER ASKED ME AFTER A DRINKING SPREE , IF SHE SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL OR STAY AT HOME AND LOOK AFTER ME, SHE WAS 11YEARS OLD AND I WAS 34,,,(FOR A MOMENT I WANTED HER TO STAY HOME ) IT WAS AT THAT POINT THAT I SURRENDERED. ASKED A SPONSOR TO HELP ME WITH THE PROGRAMME OF RECOVERY. I JOINED A STRONG GROUP AND GOT INVOLVED IN AA. I HAVE NOT WANTED OR NEEDED TO PICK UP A DRINK SINCE 23/5/89
Member: PAB K
Location: BEDFORDSHIRE UK.
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 17:14:35
IT TOOK ME ABOUT 11 MONTHS OF ATTENDING AA MEETINGS EVERY NIGHT AND MUCH MUCH MORE PAIN FOR ME TO ACCEPT THAT I REALLY WAS POWERLESS OVER ALCOHOL. I HAD LOST MY MARRIAGE MY HOME AND ANY SELF RESPECT DURING MY CRONIC ALCOHOLIC DRINKING PHASE, AND THANK GOD I HAD A MOMENT OF SANITY/CLARITY WHEN MY DAUGHTER ASKED ME AFTER A DRINKING SPREE , IF SHE SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL OR STAY AT HOME AND LOOK AFTER ME, SHE WAS 11YEARS OLD AND I WAS 34,,,(FOR A MOMENT I WANTED HER TO STAY HOME ) IT WAS AT THAT POINT THAT I SURRENDERED. ASKED A SPONSOR TO HELP ME WITH THE PROGRAMME OF RECOVERY. I JOINED A STRONG GROUP AND GOT INVOLVED IN AA. I HAVE NOT WANTED OR NEEDED TO PICK UP A DRINK SINCE 23/5/89
Member: Tammy B
Location: ky
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 19:55:12
I have accept it and have willingness but aways cant go to meetings so i am glad for you guys. I have been sober3 months and it fells good but averboby says i am not trying or giving it my all. I am giving it my all. all that i can thanks for listening. If you like to help email me at snookims31@hotmail.com
Member: geoffo
Location: ny
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 21:48:05
hi everybody congrats to those who did'nt drink today.That;s all we have, today.this my first visit to here , I love it Acceptance and I hate it . Sometimes I want to scream when somebody suggests i read page 449 in the big book.I suppose that means I probably need to let go of something. I keep having to do this over and over again...but I am an alcoholic...and I have an ego as big as a new england barn, and until it shrinks,I'm going to have trouble with acceptance! I think I'll keep coming back...
Member: Bill W
Location: Australia
Date: 18 Aug 1999
Time: 22:39:40
Topic - Acceptance
I am an alcoholic and my name is Bill. This the way I introduce myself as a reminder of my acceptance of the unchangeability of my condition. I can ( & have) changed my name, appearance, job, address, marital status etc., but have never been able to change the fact that I am an alcoholic, so I just HAVE to accept this without further denial. That is why I just say "what I am" before I say "who I am."
I believe that my recovery began when I finally accepted the fact about MY alcoholism. That is, I've got it & it ain't going to go away.
I have come to believe that acceptance is an active condition, not passive as some would say. I admitted that I was an alcoholic long before I stopped drinking. Admitting alcoholism did nothing for me. "OK," I'd say, "So I'm an alcoholic - pour me another drink."
When I came to ACCEPT that I was an alcoholic I reached the stage where I could say, "OK, so I'm an alcoholic. With this knowledge what shall I do to deal with this situation?" However, this revelation could not come to me until I was willing to receive it.
I then began to live my life on accepting that I was an alcoholic and that I could do something about it. This change of attitude from admittance to acceptance is the foundation for the actions I have taken to enable me to live like a human being. That's why I believe ACCEPTANCE is an action word - it's the foundation of all the actions I have taken
Member: Dr. Bob
Location: Arizona
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 03:18:58
Hi! my name is Dr. Bob, and I am a recovering alcoholic, sober today only by the grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to the newcomers! and thanks Bill W. for sharing your thoughts on "acceptance." I too have had a similar experience regarding acceptance--at least as it concerns my alcoholism. I could admit in the latter years of my drinking that I was an alcoholic, but for me to accept that and all it entailed meant that I had to admit I needed help. Each day that I practice the AA program as best I can is a day that I accept I am an alcoholic and that I am powerless over alcohol. As I mentioned in an earlier message, accepting the spiritual principles of the program, that is, learning to grow up and live sober, has been a challenge for me. Some days I do better than others. But, generally speaking, as time has passed, I have been better able to accept the concept of "no pain, no gain," which in turn makes the pain more bearable or acceptable. The emotional turmoil or confusion that typically accompanies any genuine spiritual growth I have experienced is nowhere near as dominating and traumatic as it was in my early sobriety. Thank God!
Member: Gabrielle P.
Location: Mansfield, TX
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 08:32:16
Hi! Gabrielle, grateful recovering alcoholic here. I love the topic of acceptence. I am constantly having to deal with it. there are different levels as I go along in my sobriety. At first I had to accept I was an alcoholic and for me that meant own the idea of it entirely. I was so sick when I got here (Nov. 20,1987), that I had a hard time accepting that I wanted to live much less anything else. I didn't have a problem drinking, the booze always found its way down my throat quite nicely thank you! My problem was I didn't know what it was to live. I had no concept of morals, I could have cared less if you were in trouble, I would taken your last dime if I could figure out how to pry it loose from your fingers. The news flash when I got here was that I had to accept that I was a very poor excuse for a human being but if I became willing to do whatever it would take, I could learn how to live a life that would be acceptable to others. I had gotten to a point where I didn't if you liked me or not I didn't need you anyway. I would call my sponser and start telling her about some horrible thing that had happened to me and she would just keep repeating to me to read page 449 in the Big Book and call her tommorrow and then she would hang up!!!! I would of course call her back and with each call become increasingly hostile, this process continued for several months until I accepted that I needed to shut my mouth, quit whing, read the Big Book, go to meetings and more meetings, reach out to others daily, turn my will over to care of my HP as I understood him, and above all else listen to those who had gone before me into the meetings and had gained wisdom enough to open their mouths and give the gift to others. What I do to stay sober may send you back out and vice versa, but I can listen today to what others have to offer me and that for me is the first thing I need to do. Thank you for being here for me today, and for that I am grateful! In sobriety, in life, in A.A. Gabrielle
Member: Paula N.
Location: Milford,Pa.
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 10:36:05
Hi,my name is Paula.I"m so greatful to be a recovering alcoholic.I"ve been in the A.A, program 26 years and sometimes get very complacent.I thank you all for helping me keep it green.Welcome to the newcomers.It does get better.{We get better]It is not easy but it is worth it!!!!
Member: Angela
Location: NY
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 10:43:51
Hi all - 2 days ago when I posted here I was at an all time low. Today I am 2 days sober - not a long time but a start. I want to thank those of you who took the time to e mail me - it really meant a lot to me. I deleted some of those e mails by mistake and didn't get to respond personally- I want to thank CHRISTA and JOHNITA for taking the time to email me. Johnita I have seen from your posts you are having a rough time - I admire you for your strength in not taking a drink during these hard times - you are an inspiration. I will keep you in my prayers that things will start looking up for you. Thanks again to all.
Member: Andy mac
Location: somerset, PA.
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 14:15:00
Tammy B we give out sobriety medallions at our meetings and the inscription says"To thine ownself be true" dont let negative people stand in your way,turn it over to your to your HP,he is more qualified than anyone to judge you and your efforts in sobriety.tammy email me at irish@shol.com
Member: John Doe
Location: Eerywhere
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 15:06:11
PHIL if you are so bloody sober, why do you only ever reply as a cross-share to someone else (usually to disagree and put your own point across)??? Never ever do you share of your life. My guess is you do not have a sponsor, since your knowledge of the program is allowing you to argue the point on anything at all,and the pedestal you are building for yourself is getting higher by the minute, watch out for the fall, man, you gonna hit base real bad. Two minutes sober and calling all the freaking shots - get real, pal, you are one hell of a sick guy. i'm afraid my acceptance is sadly lacking when it comes down to idiots who set themselves up as judge, jury and hanging committee. Keep going to real f2f's, Phil, THEN when you have a sponsor, have done at least SOME of the program, come back and tell us how to do it, don't try to pass a message which you yourself very clearly do not have
Member: John W
Location: Spfld IL
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 15:38:58
Hi! John alcoholic. Acceptance is something I have to really remember to turn over to my higher power, for me its about surrendering my will,my perspective or viewpoint and to allow a new or different understanding into my thinking. When I was drinking my mind was blank or one track thinking, now that I'm sober I can try live on lifes terms and have some serenity to accept those people, places and things that I can't change thanks to the progran of aa and my HP. Thanks for letting me share, John
Member: Sasha
Location: CA
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 16:05:26
Hi! I'm new to the discussion board but I want to share on this topic. By the way I'm an alcoholic and 17 days sober. I was recently married and had returned to therapy about 6 months ago because I wanted to be sure and get well before I had children. My mother had been abusive to me especially emotionally abusive, and her mother had been abusive to her too. So she thought she was different and raised me better but boy did she screw up. She and none of my family ever drank, but she had anxiety and depression and a control issue over me, but would never go to therapy(always blamed everything on me - my problem) to heal herself from her abuse so she could not be effective in raising me, in fact I have developed quite a few mental disorders starting in childhood. Well, I had decided that I was going to get better before I had children so I would be able to raise them right so I got back on medication and started psychotherapy but of course didn't stop drinking - no problem there, that helps, right? So I had the willingness to get well, but not the acceptance of my having a drinking problem. So I start these steps to get over my panic attacks, like facing your fears and doing more and more each day. But I was afraid to leave the house, so what do I do? Have a drink, and then I can handle going out. And then I get a job where I have to talk to people, but panic and messup the first day, so what do I do? Next time bring a bottle of juice and vodka drink in my backpack, so I can have a swig when I start feeling nervous. So now I'm too scared to do anything without a drink, but its not enough to conquer the fear so I still stay in my house and don't go anywhere except occasionally to the liquor store. So I go to the therapist and say "This method of facing the fear isn't working, in fact, things have gotten worse". So I finally come clean about the drinking because now I'm afraid of being an alcoholic, and find out I wasn't really facing my fears but covering them up and therapy doesn't work unless you actually feel your feelings. But when I start drinking too much and become afraid of being an alcoholic, I can always cut down. But the fact is I always start drinking too much again after awhile. But it is so difficult to accept being an alcoholic. It sounds like such a dirty word. I don't know why it was so easy for me to accept be mentally ill, I guess I had been that way for alot longer, and alcohol always seemed like such a relief for me. I had the willingness to get well so I went to a meeting and still wasn't sure if I really was alcoholic, maybe I was just crazy. I've had to will myself to accept this and I'm still in the process of acceptance, but like they say,"where there's a will there's a way". Now I have to work on letting go of my self will and giving it over to the HP. Now thats really gonna be another tough one for me. Another discussion I guess. Later
Member:
Location:
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 18:26:21
Hmm. It says here to add your comments on the DISCUSSION topic. Let's see, acceptance doesn't mean I have to like something. I do like myself, however, and it's a real shame that our primary purpose is not being observed by some people here. (Oops, sorry, that's taking someone's inventory). And what is our primary purpose, anyone? "To stay sober and HELP others to achieve sobriety", not to attack each other. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.
Member: Avril G
Location: Driffield UK
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 20:26:05
A simple programme for complicated people??? Yeah, I reckon I go along with that.. Quite often, I find I have to pray for the willingness to accept the things I cannot change!!??! There is still a little part of me (in truth it is a very BIG part of me) which says This I can change!!! It is usually a belligerent attempt at trying to suit the world to MY liking instead of accepting the things I cannot change and fitting MYSELF into the world. I was a drunk for 23yrs, and sober for just over 9yrs, and I was told early in recovery, that if I could stay sober for the same length of time that I drank, then I could consider myself sober!! I still have a long way to go, but today, I try not to take myself too damn seriously (Rule #62) My Big Book falls open at page 449, Acceptance it is the most read page in my book. Yet STILL I cock up!!! That is due to the fact that I am human, NOT super-human!! It took me 7yrs to accept that I am an alcoholic, and that my life was unmanageable, though I had admitted it at my first ever AA meeting. Acceptance was not so easy, so this simple programme has never been all that easy for this stubborn, arrogant, egotistical bitch of woman who was first introduced to AA. It is getting easier, day by day, and I can accept most things, but usually only AFTER I have tried to change them and failed!! I have phone cards with my name and contact numbers on, and the message on it says, "If I am not at home, accepting the things I cannot change, I will be out trying to change the things I cannot accept, so please leave a message and I will get back to you as soon as I am finished trying to change the world"
Thanks for the topic
Goodie@cwcom.net
Member: jeff s
Location: alabama
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 20:31:30
hi, i am really trying to stop drinking. 4 weeks ago i checked myself into a dry out clinic. i have been dry for 30 days now. i know i am an alcoholic. i love my wife and i am going to change.
Member: Steve N
Location: Plaistow NH
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 20:31:53
Hi all, I'm Steve and an alcoholic. Acceptance is something I'm usually fairly good at, but I always had difficulty accepting my condition. I first got sober back in march of 92, did AA religiously for 2 years but never really accepted my alcoholism, then life struck and I found a good excuse not to go anymore ( good so I thought). I managed to stay sober for 5 more years without the program. Six months ago I had a beer when out on a blind date, yesterday I picked up my 24 hour chip. Its good to be back and this harsh leason has taught me to accept the fact that I'm just like all of you, I haven't beaten this thing, I just outran it for a while. In six months I let alcohol tear down almost everything 7 years of sobriety got me. I now accept my alcoholism, its for life and so must be the program and I'll tell you, I've never been more willing to goto meetings than I am now. Since I'm a single dad, I dont get out much and its great to find a site like this I can goto when I cant get to a meeting. Thanks for being here.......Steve N
Member: Dave H.
Location: Madison/Baraboo Wisconsin area
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 20:37:55
To Leslie F in Canada, My heart is with you but I must pass a bit of information along. I didn't read where you have "worked the steps" working the steps with a sponsor (female in this case) is the key. The "willingness is the key" slogan is also about "working the steps." My experience is that the promises continue to come true, if I work the steps. Not to drive the idea into the ground, but those I've seen who have activley pursued recovery via action have yielded wonderful results. I'm in your corner, so take action which can counter the committee that wants to fill our heads weith negative old meassages. Peace-Baraboo Dave
Member: Joan
Location: Florida
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 21:10:39
Hi, Joan an Alcoholic, this is a day 32 for me. I am very grateful to read all of your stories. I am also a work-aholic. So I don't get to go to as many live metings as I would I like... though they are very good. Acceptance.. well, I have know for several years, even though I have been drinking for 20 years, that I was an Alcohlic.. I just didn't want to or know how to stop. I really only attended meetings.. just to listen. I have not started to read the Big Book or get a sponsor. Any thoughts on the next step i should take?
Member: Laura G.
Location: Chili
Date: 19 Aug 1999
Time: 21:46:39
Hi, My name is Laura. This is my first time admitting to anyone other than my husband that I have a drinking problem. I need to look at the different types of alcoholics in the big book, but I'm pretty sure I'm one of you. I need to accept that I am powerless to control it and pray that God will bend my will to His. I am very open for suggestions from anyone that wants to contact me at grrgun@northsidecomp.com It is nice to see that I am not the only "newbie" here and know that we will all support each other in our growth.
Laura G.
Member: LISA S
Location: ENGLAND
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 04:36:36
HI, I'M, LISA, ALCOHOLIC. NOW AT 31 YRS I HAVE KNOWN OF MY CONDITION FOR 10 YEARS, BUT THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD SOME HOW GO AWAY, FOR THE LAST 3 YEARS I HAVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF AA, NEVER DID I HAVE TROUBLE UNDERSTANDING THE DISEASE AND I WENT ALONG TO MEETINGS AND EVEN ENJOYED THEM, I NEVER HAD A PROBLEM WITH THE IDEA OF A HP, AS I WAS BROUGHT UP TO BELEIVE THAT THERE IS SOMTHING FAR GREATER THAN US. BUT STILL AFTER A COUPLE OF MONTHS OF BEING SOBER I WOULD ALWAYS GO BACK ON THAT BENDER. I HAVE RECENTLY LEARNT THAT SIMPLY GOING TO MEETINGS AND PUTTING DOWN THE DRINK IS NOT ENOUGH (AS I SECRETELY SUSPECTED ALL ALONG)NOW I AM STARTING TO UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF LETTING GO AND HANDING OVER MY POWER TO GOD, I HAVE MORE OR LESS BEEN FORCED TO SEE THIS BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY TO GET ROUND ALL MY RESENTMENTS THAT CLOUD MY LIFE TODAY, I NEVER SEEM TO BE ABLE TO FIND A SOLUTION, SO ALL THAT STUFF IN THE BB ABOUT OUR WILL BEING NO GOOD AND INSTEAD TO LIVE BY GODS WILL IS STARTING TO MAKE SOME SENSE, MY NATURAL WILL IS TO DRINK, GO CRAZY AND DIE, SO INSTEAD I HAVE TO FOLLOW GODS WILL IF I AM TO HAVE A USEFUL AND FULLFILLING LIFE I THOUGHT I COULD SKIRT ROUND THAT WHOLE ISSUE, NOT ONLY CAN I NOT SKIRT ROUND IT, I ALSO CANNOT BE HALF HEARTED ABOUT IT, I KNOW THAT FOR THIS PROGRAM TO WORK IT IS EITHER ALL OR NOTHING. ITS NOT EASY AND SOMETIMES I HAVE TO FORCE MYSELF TO REMEMBER TO PRAY AND HAND OVER MY WILL, BUT I HOPE WITH TIME THAT IT WILL BECOME SECOND NATURE. I HAVE A LONG LONG WAY TO GO, AND WITHOUT AA I KNOW THAT I WOULD BE DOOMED, I AM GRATEFUL TODAY TO HAVE FOUND AA AND COUNT MYSELF AS ONE OF THE LUCKY ONES. IF THERE ARE ANY NEW COMERS READING THIS, PLEASE DONT'T BE LIKE ME AND THINK YOU CAN RUN FROM ALCOHOLISM,YOU CANNOT, IT GETS WORSE, SO TRY NOT TO WASTE MORE TIME FINDING OUT - GO TO MEETINGS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE, AND ALWAYS KEEP AN OPEN MIND.AND I PROMISE YOU THAT SLOWLY BUT TRULY YOUR LIFE WILL GET BETTER LOVE TO EVERYONE LISAXX
Member: Fred M
Location: Maryland
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 07:13:30
My name is Fred and I'm an alcoholic. I accepted the fact that I could not control my drinking and asked God to take over on Feb 19, 1979. On that day, my life started and my "jail sentence" imposed by alcohol ended. I have for some reason been afraid to go to meetings, but I have read the big book and everything else I could get my hands on over the years. I recently read "Drinking, a Love Story", by Caroline Knapp, and she inspired me to start attending AA. I am starting my AA experience through this meeting, and I thank God for everything written here, especially comments by Tom A, Bill W, Albuquerque John, Dr. Bob, and Gabrielle P. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. I also am praying for all who commented here that they are just starting sobriety and are having a hard time. Do I ever remember the first weeks. Thanks again to all who wrote here. The insights were invaluable to me and I hope I can contribute my experiences in the future.
Member: GABRIELLE P.
Location: MANSFIELD, TX
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 08:14:26
HI! GABRIELLE, GRATEFUL RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC! TO FRED AND JEFF S., SOMETIME IN MY FIRST SIX MONTHS I MET A MAN WHO LOOKED TO HAVE BEEN BORN IN A.A. I NOTICED RIGHT AWAY HE NEVER SHARED AT MEETINGS HOW LONG HE HAD BEEN SOBER. SO I ASKED HIM ONE NIGHT HOW MUCH TIME DID HE HAVE; AND HE REPLIED ONE DAY. I THOUGHT THAT WAS STRANGE SO I LET IT GO. I DIDN'T SEE HIM FOR QUITE AWHILE AND THEN I RAN INTO HIM AGAIN AT ANOTHER MEETING, I FELT BOLD SINCE I HAD JUST MADE 2YRS. AND I PROUDLY ANNOUNCED IT.I WENT UP TO HIM FIGURING I HAD LEARNED HOW TO SPEAK AND ASKED HIM AGAIN, I SAID HEY I MADE 2YRS TONIGHT WON'T YOU PLEASE TELL ME NOW HOW MANY YRS YOU HAVE? HE LOOKED AT ME AND QUIETLY REPLIED, I HAVE ONE DAY AND BECAUSE I LOVE ALL ALCOHOLICS I WILL TELL YOU THAT IF YOU ARE REALLY WORKING YOUR PROGRAM, FOLLOWING THE 12 STEPS AS PRESCRIBED AND CALLING ON YOUR HP TO GUIDE YOU ON A DAILY BASIS THAT IS ALL YOU WILL EVER HAVE. IT TOOK ME SOME TIME TO FIGURE THAT OUT. WISDOM CAN SOMETIMES BE HIDDEN IN THE KINDEST REMARKS. SO KEEP COMING BACK, YOU CAN'T FAIL UNTIL YOU STOP TRYING. I WILL LOVE ANY ALCOHOLIC WHO SHOWS UP SIMPLY BECAUSE HE WILL SURELY TEACH ME SOMETHING IF I LISTEN CAREFULLY ENOUGH! IN SOBRIETY, IN LIFE, IN A.A. GABRIELLE
Member: cg
Location: st.pete, fl
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 09:13:01
I'm Cara Alcoholic Iam coming back into the program .Iam so glad to find you all here. If anyone has any tips on how to use these sites more to my benefit . Please e'mail me at marino13@hotmail.com thanks alot. I'am sober today !! Cara
i was really happy to find all of you on here
Member: cg
Location: st.pete, fl
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 09:18:31
I'm Cara Alcoholic Iam coming back into the program .Iam so glad to find you all here. If anyone has any tips on how to use these sites more to my benefit . Please e'mail me at marino13@hotmail.com thanks alot. I'am sober today !! Cara
i was really happy to find all of you on here
Member: Debra W.
Location: Grand Prairie, Texas
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 09:42:38
Hi I'm Debra and an alcoholic! I could accept that I was an alcoholic when I came into the program because I was at the end of my rope. I was beaten down and sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was willing to do anything that was suggested to me. I got a sponsor, a Big Book,and the serenity prayer. I started working my steps to the best of my ability. Going to meetings, sharing, making coffee, and just kept coming back. It took time but that was all I had. Things are much better now and to the newcomer I say "don't quit before the miracle happens". Just believe that we believe for today.
Member: Albuquerque John
Location: Scotland (today)
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 10:56:40
Yes Ma'am - oh Gracie, we can laugh today can't we!?
Just read your 17 August posting. Yes, I was through the other side many years ago - that's the place where not many go - I think maybe you've been there. Boy I never ever want to forget the experience, cause that's powerful knowledge.
I remember a big Navajo saying to me as I was cleaning out the coraal, Man nobody said this was going to be easy, and I hated him at the time. The fact is to-day I love the guy because he handed me a kit of spiritual tools and showed me a way out of what I had voluntarily entered into but I didn't know because I was so so sick. This sure is a miracle.
Yes ma'am, we sure do fly. Big AA flight attendant kept looking at me on the way over the Big Pond (Atlantic Ocean). After 11 hours she tapped me on the shoulder and said "I got it - I remember you, you're a friend of Bill W aren't you?" My heart gave a little twitch - we are the luckiest people in the world Gracie, we are all friends of Bill W on this site.
God bless
Member: Cherita S.
Location: TX
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 12:53:03
Hi, I'm Cherita, can't say "it" yet, first time here or anywhere...
I want to be free of alcohol's grip, but I can't/don't want to quit.
I don't know how "typical" I am, as if it matters, but here goes..
age: 45... been drinking: off & on (mostly on) since high school... people who suspect I have a problem: NONE ... family: married 18+ years, 3 kids, ages 15, almost 13 & 6...
I'm well-respected, liked and even looked up to in any circle of people who "know" me, i.e. community (yeah, I'm active), schools (always on the PTA board or helping in other ways); church (various positions of responsibility & leadership), business (with an established professional firm with my husband, though my current focus is more with the family than work)etc., etc.
What they don't know, & sadly don't suspect, is that, despite my high level of functioning, I can't live without the drink. I don't even care if it's vodka, wine or vanilla!
I live for the opportunity to drink. It permeates my life.
The interesting things are: (a) no one knows (or maybe they do & don't care), (b) I can go for a week or more without a drink if the circumstances call for it. For instance, I've been on two wonderful mission trips to an impoverished Central American country. I didn't even THINK about it while I was there. (c)I am fully functional. I do my many jobs (& do them well), and am very reliable. (d) I am very spiritual & am on an ongoing journey. (e) Despite my size (5'4", 115 lbs) I rarely suffer any hangover type symptoms. (F) I probably consume 8+oz per day.
I NEED HELP, BUT I CAN'T SEEM TO LET GO!
Member: chris h.
Location:
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 13:43:31
Hi everyone! Chris H. here alcoholic/addict.
Boy did I need this topic today. I had just said to myself,"I am so tired of this stupid disease! I wish I didn't have it!"This meeting has helped me to remember ,"to accept the things I cannot change, and to change the things I can"! One of the things that helps me when I get in a place like this if to think of all the
things that I have to be greatful for...this meeting being one of them.
To Leslie F., One of the things that people in the program used to say to me,when I would be in a place like you are, is "Keep coming back until the miracle happens." Boy did that help, and boy
was that true!! The other thing that helped me was to do 90 meetings in 90 days. You may already be doing that, but it really helped me
Thanks everyone for sharing and for being here!!!
Member: scottg
Location: Ft. Bragg
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 13:51:52
Cherita:
Your me!
Very successful, great job, school board, unitway way executive, dad, wife (she knows), and have fun time. I can weeks, although I hate it. I am sure I am an A... but feel I can controll it. I do want help, but I'm not ready to stop, I dont want to stop most of the time. My mom was an A.. and has been sober for 6 years now. She says I will be ready to stop but its just not bad enough yet. Good Luck in making yourself happy, I hope you have get the will before I do.
Member: Christa H
Location: USA
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 21:04:46
Cherita and Scott,
Just as Scott's mom said: It's not bad enough yet. People have said, and this is also my own experience, that it gets worse over time. We drink more and more, and suddenly those blackouts start to happen. THAT'S the time when acceptance that we are alcoholics kicks in. I wish you both well. My 6th day of sobriety, by the way. Solely based on strong will and those message boards here.
Member: Mike F.
Location: Columbus, OH
Date: 20 Aug 1999
Time: 21:52:09
One of the amazing things that I never knew before joining AA is that my disease of alcoholism is the ONLY disease that I know of that CONSTANTLY tells me that I don't have a disease (cunning, baffling and powerful!).
For many years, I honestly believed that I was basically a good guy, who just drank a little a 'too much' sometimes...but...When I drank -- bad things ALWAYS seemed to happen. So, I attributed these 'bad things' to bad luck, being at the wrong place at the wrong time, or simply being a victim (again!) of unfortunate circumstances beyond my control.
I thought: "no one really knows or should care about how I REALLY drink but me, besides, I'm not 'hurting' anyone". I was married, two beautiful daughters, nice house, two cars in the garage, good job, 'a fine upstanding citizen' who contributed a lot to society and 'deserved to have a cold one every now and then'. What a self-scam that was! But I TRULY believed that! (I don't remember, in over 25 years of drinking, EVER having only 'ONE cold one every now and then'...that just wasn't my style!)
My experience has taught me that I had to reach my individual "bottom" -- for some it's jail or the homeless shelter, others the hospital or psyche ward and yet some are fortunate enough to get here before the really 'bad stuff' happens...for me, it was a matter of FINALLY 'being sick and tired of being sick and tired'.
It took a Power greater than myself to enabling me to accept my alcoholism, join AA, 'practice these principles in all of my affairs' and lead a much better life than I was 4+ years ago. For me, it's progress -- not perfection..life is much, much better now. Still has it's ups and downs, of course, but, at least I don't have to complicate my life and the lives of those around me with alcohol, if I choose not to just for today!
I've heard that there's more to this program than merely putting the 'plug in the jug'..and, for me, that is so true...The AA way of life for me has been a lifesaver - both physically and emotionally!
Thanks for letting me share...I'm going to keep coming back!!
Member: Matt M.
Location: San Diego
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 00:22:33
'But for the grace' is a powerful statement. Sort of says that it is NOT 'I', but points out that there is more to life. I have been sober for just over a year now and I am in the clouds still. I am just starting to see that there is a ground to rest my feet on. Sobriety has brought me to a point where I can see I was not directing everything in my life, and that is where the acceptance comes in. I want to be sober, I want to be clean, and I cannot do it by myself. Thank you Lisa E. for picking this topic.
Member: Frank D
Location: Willowgrove,Penna.
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 00:49:08
To Whom It Might Concern,All you need is the Third-Tradition. The Only Requirment For Membership is a Desire to stop Drinking. ( that is the Key)--If you dont have that you Have Nothing. I had to Drink every Drink before I got the desire not to drink. Now I am comming up on 22 years of contin--------sobriety. Big-Frank (Singleness of Purpose)
Member: tony l
Location: kane county, il.
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 03:19:42
hi, I'm tony and i'm an alcoholic. I can't say that i'm a new comer, since I went to my first meeting in 91. I stopped drinking for 4 years, and Ive been drinking since 95. I can't stop now. I really know that drinking is a problem for me, but I just can't stop. I know that I should, and I go to meetings now and then, but I don't have enough will. I am in such a terrible hole. I feel this way every day, and you would think that I could just quit, but I can't let go. I feel like I know what you all would say to me and I think it won't help. But please say it anyway, and maybe it will.
tony
Member: tony l.
Location: Kane County, Il.
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 03:28:07
Hi, this is tony agoin, and I'm an alcoholic. I wnated to say also, that I could never speak in meetings, and I am vey grateful for this forum.
Member: Christa H
Location: USA
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 08:57:51
Tony,
I'm not good in public speaking either and I'm very glad that this forum exists. Maybe in one of the contributions you will see yourself and it will give you the enlightenment you need to say: I want to stop drinking and I will do it as of today. Bad things do happen to alcoholics sooner or later, so why not become smart about it by participating in this forum.
Good luck!
Member: Flora K
Location:
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 10:23:01
Hello, my name is Flora k and I am an alcoholic- Today I have a little bit of willing ness to deal with my disease and acceptance of it. I feel lucky to have a disease for which there is a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition. My sister has an agressive cancer and may not be so lucky. I only became willing to go to meetings when two nondrinking friends forced me to by sitting with me and saying they valued me and that drinking was destroying me , giving me names and numbers and saying they would take me to a meeting. I chose to ask my local AA to send a recovering woman to talk to me at home and take me to my first meeting. She said she was glad to do it, it kept her sober. I too try to keep the memory green now. I feared AA would be full of sanctimonious, judgmental people who would demand to know why I hadn't come in years before. Funny now, especially when I hear others say the opposite, they "couldn't" go to AA because they imagined it was full of Skid Road types. I "couldn't" go to a meeting until I was defeated because I couldn't imagine life without alcohol. That was my core problem and I was so surprised to hear at my first meeting that the program was designed exactly for that..to teach this alcoholic how to live one day or even one minute at a time without alcohol. Grateful today-thank you for being here.
Member: Andres G.
Location: Bogota, Colombia
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 14:23:49
Hi, Andres here alcoholic/addict. Ia am extremely grateful for all your comments. I am also just beggining my journey through recovery and I've only been clean and sober a few 24hs. Willingness for me is a complicated topic for me, even more since I began to work my steps. I have heard myself say that I am willing to do ANYTHING in order to keep myself from drinking or using again, but sometimes I ask myself how far am I really willing to go.I have many conflicts with anything that presents itself as a figure of authority and even though I have been trying to be humble and not only asked for help but also willing to recieve it and apply it, but lately I have been trying to take things into my own hands taking what I think are safe decitions to make. I have started to feel guilty for taking decitions on my own. I don't like to have people watching me over and that is what's been happening with my family. Ever since I came out of an institution where I was recieving treatment (emotional and spiritual), everybody is watching me to see where I "mess up" or when I will miss something on my schedule just to jump on my back and tell me that I am starting to relapse. I am trying to follow my program daily and it is only for my own mental and spiritual benefit that I keep working my program. My HP has placed me on the road to recovery and has granted me the blessing of getting to know the program. I gess I am feeling guilty because I know I should be asking for more help. I have been three weeks out of the institution and I have been attending at least one meeting a day, most of the time two, and I still haven't found a person with whom I feel confortable enough to be sponsored by him. Is this my fear of feeling controled by someone elses authority?
Thanks for being here and I'll be visiting more ofton. You guys are really helpful!!! Happy 24!!
Member: Sally W.
Location: Chapel Hill, NC
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 14:24:55
I'm Sally, an alcoholic. Someone just told me about this site, and I find it both marvelous and a little scary. A commom symptom of alcoholism is a tendency to "isolate", and I'd hate for anyone to short-change him/herself by trying to get and stay sober without going to live meetings. It's especially hard for the "high bottom drunks" (those who are functioning well) to really get it without direct relationships. When you go to a meeting, you don't have to be a "public speaker". But you have to say that you're new and that you're struggling. You will be amazed at how easy it is after you've done that. I could never imagine quitting totally, but it just happened, one day at a time.
Now when my alcoholism says, "You're probably not an alcoholic", I can laugh about the attempted trickery with a roomful of others who used to fall for the trick.
Member: Dennis A.
Location: Palm City, FL.
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 14:50:22
Hi,I am a alcoholic my name is Dennis. In early sobriety a man I came to know and love shared with me willingness was the key to sobriety and as I continued to go too meetings I learned that acceptance was the lock that it opens. I found that if I was willing to believe in a Higher Power which became God as I understand Him acceptance would come. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly but it will alway's come if we put our faith and trust in He who has all power, that one is God may you find him now. Keith A. no-longer attends AA meetings in this life but I will alway's be Gratefull for his experience, strenth and hope. puma5@pop.gate.net, Thanks for allowing me to share.
Member: Travis. A
Location: OREGON
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 17:09:10
Hi i'm travis and i am an alcholic the topic of acceptance is a topic that has been a hard one for me as i am one of those people that will rebel to the bitter end. i just recently became really tired of working a program messing with my probation officer and all the people that really care about me so i left my wife and kids and went on a weeks drunk. because of my decision to go back out not only did i endup in the hospital with an broken jaw and my kids now will more than likley be wards of the state. it taught me that if I don't accept that i i am an alcholic and quit fighting everybody( RE PG449 BIG BOOK OF A.A) that there is no hope for me as a man a father a husband anything it just is not worth it any more if it ever was to begin with...............
Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, Massachusetts USA
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 17:22:52
Steve F., alcoholic
Hi Sasha. You say it is easier for you to accept the fact that you are mentally ill, than it is to accept the fact that you have the disease of alcoholism (i.e. that you are an alcoholic). Would it help if I mentioned that alcoholism is in part a mental illness? That certainly helped me.
Hi Cherita. We're all a little bit different, but I've met a lot of people in AA who have stories similar to yours. It doesn't matter how often you drink, what you drink, where or with whom you drink, or how much you drink - the only "requirement" for "membership" in AA is a desire to stop drinking.
Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 18:13:45
In my case, the willingness came after I accepted the fact that I had to change. Once I knew that my life could not continue on its present course, I bacame willing to seek and accept the help that I needed. I just thank God that AA was there to help. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: MaryJ
Location: WA
Date: 21 Aug 1999
Time: 18:55:00
Hi, I'm Mary and an alcoholic. Laura and Cherita, get yourself to a meeting and a medical professional you can trust. Cherita, if you say you have 8+, it probably means you do alot more (been there, done that). Don't lie to yourselves, willingness and acceptance are part of the healing process. It is difficult to acknowledge that you are an alcoholic and even more difficult to accept this situation.
Yes, I am a professional that can pass as a social drinker, but I am not. Yes, I am highly educated with a very good, responsible job. Let's face it, we can fool many people. We can't fool ourselves or God.
I hope you all check back.