Member: Janice H.
Location: Mississippi
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 08:16:40
Sorry guys. I am new and was not aware of the one post a week. I'm not even sure when a new week starts. Christina' thank you so much. Love, Janice
Member: Glen H
Location: Denton, TX
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 08:26:13
How about fear? After lots of inventory work, I have come to understand that for me, down at the bottom of all the emotions is fear. I can drink through the anger and resentments pretty quick, but really what I'm drinking for is to kill the fear.
Today, I have a HP of my own understanding. I know that as long as I remember to do what I'm supposed to do (clean house) and trust God to do his job then everything will be okay. But I have a difficult time remembering that and want to jump in and do it myself, so what I have to do is pray for his will to be done. And nothing more. And when I can do that, it really does work out even better than I ever imagined.
Member: Owen J.
Location: Aiken, SC
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 08:28:46
Hello, my name is Owen J. and I am an alcoholic. It's great to be here. Since there is no topic yet for the week, I would like to propose one which is currently giving me difficulty--after a number of 24 hrs. in the program--and I know I am not unique. It has to do with the relationship between AA (and me) and organized religion-in my case, Christian. I am struggling with a resentment against my Church for making it so difficult to focus on anything spiritual. In fact, I have some people in my Church who I believe have really harmed me and exploited me. I have to say that I have never been harmed by anyone in AA. I don't expect the Church to really help me with my sobriety. That's not really the point. Any help? I would be interested in your experience, strength, hope on this difficult topic. Thanks.
Member: Connie
Location:
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 10:56:01
Hi my name is Connie and I am an alcoholic.
Thanks for the two topics: first fear,
Fear is one of my character defects. Fear and faith do go hand and hand. So actually I can touch both topics at the same time the religious one which is Faith and the fear topic. In the book as bill sees it I would like to share a phase. "When I was driven to my knees by alcohol, I was made ready to ask for the gift of faith. And all was changed. Never again, myu pains and problems notwithstanding,would I experience my former desolation. I saw the universe to be lighted by God's love; I was alone no more."
I was told when I first came to the program. If you have fear of changing, pray on it. Well, of course all I could think of at the time was how can I pray when I am so scared of what is going to happen to ME. You know today, I to turn it over to God and I do pray on it. and when I do make this step my fears seem to disappear, like they say in the rooms If you work your steps you can pull through most of our character defects.
Thank you both for a good topic It reminds me to keep the faith and remember the fear.
Love to all in the program, smiles:-} Connie
Member: delores c
Location: las vegas
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 10:56:44
Thanks for the great topic Owen. My name is Delores & I'm an alcoholic. Many years ago a good Christian friend told me "Delores, if you find the "perfect" church you are looking for don't attend it. Because you are not perfect and you would only corupt it." It too my and my alcoholic mind years to realize that she was trying to tell me that there is no perfect church, I am not perfect and I should stop expecting to find something that does not exist. Really an exercise of the Serenity Prayer I believe. Learn to tell when to know the difference between what you can change and what you cannot. Thank you for helping me solidify this in my mind. It has occured to me from time to time over the years and your inquiry has brought it to resolution. Thank you, Delores
Member: Tony H
Location: earthlink.net
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 12:46:28
My name is Tony and by the loving Grace of God I ain't drunk no vodka today. I just wanted to share an angle I was blessed to receive... A lady came to our meeting and was hurting terribly. .. SUFFERING. So as I shared my experience strength and hope, I became aware of the extraordinary measures God had gone to, to put a LOT of alcoholics around me to help me… I shared it in the meeting and it helped both of us… Over the next few days I found myself reading the big big book looking for more answers. I was touched to realize God was using another's suffering to help me. I prayed and asked for a simple explanation that might help someone else. I had been playing acrophobia online and two acronyms came to me. The problem S. tuck U sing F ear F or E ventual R elapse
And the solution… S tart U sing F aith F or E xtending R ecovery Hope this might help someone else… Peace and sobriety. Tony Hooten
Member: Jo Ann B.
Location: Texas
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 13:19:00
My name is Jo Ann and I'm an alcoiholic. Hi, everybody-I am already feeling as if I know some of you - Janice, Connie. I attended the Episcopal church for many years before I came to A.A. and continued to go to church, only not as often. My priest used to say, "There is an invisible sign over the church door that reads, 'For Sinners Only'". That was one way of saying that none of are perfect and we never will be, The same thing is "taught" In AA and the BB. We can only strive for perfection, never attaining it but getting so much better - until it almost becomes second nature to "Practice these principles in all our affairs." Sometimes we get off the beam, and back-slide into fear, anger, resentment, and all the 7 deadly sins the church talks about. That's why we have that 10th step waiting so handily for us when we do mess up. I have been hurt by people in church, and I have also been hurst by people in A.A. Both institutions are comprised of imperfect human beings. UIn looking back, the times I have been hurt are far out-weighed by the times I've been helped. That is my experience and I am thankful forboth church and AA. Love you all.
Member: Sue G.
Location: Pa.
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 15:36:34
Hi everyone...I am an alcoholic named Sue. Fear is such an all encompassing emotion for me. It is almost as insidious as my disease. I had no idea it was the underlying thought in all my "stinking thinking". I was so filled with the "what ifs"...what if things did not turn out the way I wanted; what if I made a mistake and of course,the biggest what if of all -what if a Power Greater than myself did not want the same things I thought did! What a dilemna!!! Gratefully I was so humbled by this disease I really felt I had no choice but to TRUST and take things one day at a time. I have come to believe...:-)! I have heard it said that religion is for those afraid of going to hell and spirituality is for those who have been to hell! For me this is very true. I was unable to find in organized religion what I have found through the program of AA. So as long as I place my spirituality first, my life continues to be happy, joyous and free. And as a dirct result of my HP's intervention into my imminent death I celebrated six years of sobriety last Friday.(just had to stick that in :-)!) Thanks for letting me share...love and serenity to all
Member: Eli. C
Location: South Africa
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 15:59:27
Hi. My name is Eli and I'm an alkie. Insecurity (fear) of some form or another is at the heart of all my problems - which, as the BB tells me, are mostly of my own making. This fear of not being/having enough keeps tripping me up as long as I rely on self-will. When I am in a good spiritual condition, faith helps to fill the hole. By trusting in the process and knowing that there is a plan for me I can get better - one day at a time. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Lauren W.
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 16:36:35
Well I can certainly relate to fear. I am an addict and an alcoholic from Ann Arbor, MI. This is my first time visiting. Thanks. It's good to know this is here.
Member: Brian s
Location: central British Columbia
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 17:12:57
Member: Brian s
Location: central British Columbia
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 17:21:13
Hi my name is Brian and I'm an alcoholic.I to can relate to fear , Ihave A 2.5 year old son whom I always worry about been taken to gods gate before I go.Ican obsess about any thing and this is crasy I don't think like this much but at times it bugs me as Ishould live in today
Member: Ted B.
Location: Montreal
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 17:28:16
Hi, I'm Ted and I'm an alcoholic. A lot of my fear is rooted in pride - fear of what others will think of me - which suggests to me that the more humility I can achieve, the less fear I'll harbor. Like everything in this program, it's coming along slowly, and sometimes there are (emotional) relapses, but like any good investment, life in AA gives me more ups than downs in the long run. As for church, I tried going back a few years ago, and ended up being railroaded into a bunch of committee work and other responsibilities that I didn't want and wasn't ready for. Pissed me off, big time, so I stopped showing up. I handled it poorly, but the bottom line is I get more spirituality through AA than I ever got at church, and I LIKE doing service for AA, because it's not shoved down my throat. It's suggested to me as a means of helping me with my recovery, and it does that in spades. Thanks for listening.
Member: Trish M.
Location:
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 19:36:59
I've got it too, ... alcoholism, fears, self-reliance, you name it. I've heard it said, in AA meetings: "If you want to save your soul, go to church." "And, if you want to save your 'butt' come here." I attend both -AA regularly, and -church irregularly ... which is evidence of my lack of discipline and fear, especially since I would like to attend church more regularly and AA less often. It would certainly be progress for me to attend one or two weekly home groups regularly, church weekly, and throughout my week be willing to seek and do the "the right thing."..another words, as the HP reveals to me in meditation..be willing to live life accordingly. I tend to spread myself out attending far to many AA meetings, and with less attention to group, identity, participation and action. HP wants me to be willing to be responsible and live, make mistakes and correct these mistakes. ...in commenting, I'm discovering just how badly I could use some real humility and a reprieve from my crippling fears.
Member: Llew. B.
Location: Madison, WI.
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 21:44:03
Hi Llew. Alcoholic, the following was posted on the internet some time ago and it has helped me to understand the relationship of the AA spiritually and Religion. "Spiritually is within--how I think and feel about life--and my attitude towards it and my concept of the Higher Power. My Religion is my outward expression of those thoughts, feelings and attitudes."
Member: Eva S.
Location: Greece
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 22:00:33
How can I be member of your discussion group ?
Member: S Lewis
Location: Canada
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 22:59:56
Hi guys, my name is Susan and I am addicted to alcohol and OTHER drugs, so that of course makes me an alcoholic addicts. Fear is a super topic. I was not aware I had any fears, when I came if to AA. I thought I didn't do or say things because I didn't want to. I had no idea for quite some time, actually, that I had any fears. It was a quite an exercise in Humility, when I discovered most of my problems were due to fear. Humility to me, relief to the old times. They were quite sick of the perfect me. I survived Catholic School and am a recovering Catholic, so fear was a big part of my childhood, I guess. Today I have faith. Glen you said you prayed for Gods will. Well that was pretty easy for me once I got past the (eeeeek God stuff) Listening to the answere was the tought stuff. My sponsor said, "if you are going to pray for stuff, then be prepared to listen for the answere, he gives, not the one you want. So what I do today is listen. Im not a stupid person, and if I want to be honest with me, I know the right answer, when I hear it. Soooo, thanks for the topic and the sharing and I hope everyone has a great week.
Member: Roxanne G.
Location: Colorado
Date: 09 Aug 1998
Time: 23:05:39
My name is Roxanne and I am an alcoholic. I am a fear based person and all of my character defects stem from fear of something. When I find myself beginning to participate in one of these defects I have to ask myself what I am afraid of and then proceed as a person who is not afraid.
Member: David W.
Location: NJ, USA
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 02:17:45
Hi, David Alcoholic.
I have realized that MY fears are behind most of my troubles. It is not what others are doing or not doing, but instead my attitude and underlying fears which lead me to act in ways in which I regret. I act my worst when my attitude allows something or someone to touch off one of my underlying fears. Today, I have a choice as to how I react to things and when I act like an a_hole its usually because I am over reacting to something someone in my family has done which gets to some underlying fear I have -- like my fear of what people might think of me or my fear of financial insecurity. On the other hand, my fear of failure can be one of my greatest motivators -- but, when combined with my fear of change it can paralyze me. Fear shows an absence of faith, so I am a little disappointed to realize that my life is still filled with so many underlying insecurities. I had let my life drift away from AA, but since spotting this site (about 2 months ago) I have resumed going to face to face meetings and started reading AA literature more frequently again -- these things, along with constantly checking out the sharing at this site, have helped me get closer to AA beam I want to be on. My attitude is better and my willingnes to let my higher power guide my life is improving. Reading the big book recently has helped me adopt an attitude of willingness to have my charecter defects removed. I love AA and like myself so much more when I feel as if I am practicing AA principles on a daily basis. One thing I am concerned about is the possibility of my children having problems with drugs and alcohol when they get a little older -- my oldest just turned 10 this weekend, he has got the coolest birthday [8/8/88]. Thanks for letting me share and as I heard on the radio today while driving to the beach -- "Don't worry, be happy".
Member: Sue B.
Location: Barberton, OH
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 10:24:40
My name is Sue and I'm an alcoholic/addict. I think fear is the reason I started drinking/ using. I had a fear of life on life's terms. I was afraid to let people see the real me because I was afraid they would not like what they saw. Alcohol and drugs masked the pain and fear of life, people ,places and things. That mask is gone now. I am who I am, take it or leave it. You love me or hate me, but that problem is yours to deal with. I can now accept that life will throw you curves, but with my HP, I handle everything so much better. That old adage to count your blessings means so much more today. Today I can accept the things I cannot change. Today I have the courage to change the things I can. And best of all, I really do know the difference. Thanks for letting me share. Love to all.
Member: Claudia L.
Location: Reno, Nevada
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 11:41:01
Hi my name is Claudia and I am an alcoholic. Fear is a great discssion topic.I just finished my fourth step and fear was the underlining defect of character in most of my step. I realized for the first time that my whole life was directed by fear. what a relief to be able to let it go. I was always very insecure, with no self-esteem what so ever. Now by the grace of god, I realize how important I am and how important everyone else is in the eyes of God. I also never realized how self-centered my thinking was. It's not about me. What a great philosophy. As far as the topic of religion goes - I do choose to call my higher power God. It might not be the same God as everyone else, but that does not mean I am wrong. I think the real purpose of religion is FAITH. As long as we have faith in something, God understands. To be God - like, we need only be willing and to be able to surrender our self-will daily.
Member: Annette
Location: Cambridge, ON
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 12:56:11
Hello everyone, my name is Annette and I am a recovering drunk. I still have fears in my life and that is okay. The biggest thing I fear is the unknown. What's going to happen. When these thoughts start crossing my mind, as they often do, I need to remember that I was taught to turn it over to my HP. I have no control of the future and can only live by my faith in my HP that everything will be okay. As for the church topic, I had a long talk with my minister some time ago and decided that I gain enough from the program that I did not need to attend church. But now I have a child in my life and I would like this child to have the same opertunity as me to make her own decission. So for me to be able to expose her to differences in life, I now need to attend the church once again. I do beleive so much in the saying that religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell and spirtuality is for those of us who have been there. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Jane
Location: Ma.
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 13:23:03
Hi all. Fear. Good topic, Glen. Can't believe how long it took me in AA to realize that my huge and persistent fears were defects of character. (Defects in our case do not necessarily mean BAD--just obstacles.) And like others have said, I was not trusting God in certain areas of fear. When it was pointed out that I might let them go--wow! Lightbulb time. Before that I was using Step 2, asking to be restored to sanity, and trying other "tools" of the program. Not aware of holding on...
Also I realized much later that I only had to make a DECISION to trust God. I was waiting forever to FEEL trust.
A component to (irrational) fear can be False Evidence Appearing Real. That somtimes helps me to get back to I over E (intellect or emotions).
Organized religion not a problem for me, Owen. Church is not a museum for saints nor is AA. Asking for His will might lead you to a place that is a better fit. Just like meetings--some are better than others; but there is something somewhere for everyone. Good luck.
Love to all. Jane
Member: Bonnie
Location: Seattle
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 16:27:18
Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, (((ROOM-HUG))) first of all ((janice)) welcome - thank you for 2 good topics - ((Glen))-FEAR, fear controls all my character defects, a simple exercise for me is to leave late for work that in turn turns every one on the highway into an a--hole, if I get behind them and they're going slower than I want to. fear of looking bad, losing my job, not being able to pay my bills, etc etc, so my troubles and fears are of my own making, I have to stop procrastinating (the root). I have to get to the root of my fear and and change it from there, the only way I can get there is by writing it down, getting it up and out of me, giving it to God and then trying to the best of my ability to change my behavior, self-disciplin ((Owen))-AA & ORGANIZED RELIGION, I have gone to church most of my life, never had a bad experience with the church but I met my God who I choose to call Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, while reading the big book my second day in the program. 5/31/80 and I have been learning to trust Him and take internal instuction since that day. i kinda knew He existed all my life but never knew what a relationship could be with Him. I don't go to church on a regular basis for He doesnt live there. He lives with me at all times. I have friends in the program who are Christians and we share Him alot. If I could find a church where I felt at home like I do in AA rooms I would go every week, but my AA meetings have to be my mainstay for spirituality while addressing my alcoholism. If I'm not sober, I can't find the church. Church never kept me sober. Dear God please bless all who venture here. love and hugs, bon
Member: Glen H
Location:
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 16:46:31
Eva, please read
http://www.stayingcyber.org/scmisc/guidelin.htm
then, WELCOME!
Member: Brian S
Location: CA
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 16:49:35
My name is Brian. I am an alcoholic. Much of what has gone wrong in my life is due to fear. I remember drinking as a teenager becuase it made me feel like superman; afraid of nothing. The more I drank and as the years passed, a funny thing happened. I became more and more fearfull. It would seem that the liquid courage was actually criptonite. Now I'm trying to figure out how to re-write all the bad programming in my head. and I am afraid it is going to take me a lot longer to get better than it took to get sick.
Member: Eric H.
Location: Harbor Island N.Y.
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 19:00:12
Hi everybody, My name is Eric, and I am an alcoholic. It's my first time here, but I always feel at home in a meeting. Fear. The name itself is intimidating. I have built a life around running away, or acting out in Eric's form of defense against fear. What that got for me is missed opportunities, broken relationships, sickness, and almost death. Fear is a power greater than myself, so AA has taught me to seek a power greater than myself to combat my character defects. I have turned my will and life over to the care of God, and seek only the knowledge of his will and the power to carry his will out. Some of the challenges in life that I hate are precisely the ones that have helped me grow. Sometimes this pain comes easily, other times I kick and scream, all according to my spiritual condition for that day or moment. Practice not perfection. As to the question of religion, I have no opinion on how anyone else should conduct themselves around this issue. I can help in alcoholic discussions, but not in religion. I can give you my views, but the Big Book tells me to freely give what I recieve, not to freely give my opinion. I don't wish to give any resentments, but I can only respond in the way that I have been taught in AA. I do suggest praying for knowledge of his will, if you are working an 11th step, or praying anyway, as well as talking to your sponser. Thanks for the meeting, and the GREAT sharing. Unless you made other plans-have a great day!
Member: Lisa c.l
Location: Andover, mass.
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 19:36:50
Hello, My name is Lisa and I don't want to admit it but I think I may be an alcoholic. I am no hero, I just finished drinking but I want to try and stop tomorow. Yes I am a newbie. I quit drinking from January to April by my own willpower but then my brother died and I used it as an excuse to drink. Although I have managed to maybe get from Monday to Wednesday without drinking, I seem less and less able to keep myself from the liquor store as the weekend approaches. Once I do buy, I spend the whole weekend drinking. Any suggestions as to how I keep myself from the liquor store on the weekend ? Please let me know. I am new and I need your support. Thanks, Lisa.
Member: Kay C.
Location: Minn.
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 19:45:09
Its the very new Kay---great discussion!!! Do you see that alcoholics seem to have alot of similiar personalities???? Because the fear thing and all it involves is so true.....Or does everyone have those numerous fears-----but deal with it in other ways?? Really trying to figure this disease out!! If that is really possible!
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 21:39:41
when i was active drinking i feared everthing ,the future,past,what people thought,situations.ect. but staying sober just for today my fears sliped away now i concern myself with today my only fear now is losing this new style of living so i practice it every day aa is a good thing i stay patient relaxed and just do it!
Member: Doug K.
Location: West Michign
Date: 10 Aug 1998
Time: 23:00:46
Hi, everybody, my name is Doug, and I'm an alcoholic. Lisa, if you want to do something about your drinking, call A.A. (or just go) in your area and go to meetings. Go early, stay late, get a Big Book and READ it! Give it some time, and if you decide you are an alcoholic you will already be in the right place. If you decide you're not, then you're free to leave. This program works for alot of people, but I had to come, and I had to listen, and I had to stick around. Fear! It was the basis for my resentments, anger, hate, self-pity. When I completed my fourth and fifth steps I could see that it permeated everything that was me, and I could see that it was fear of me and the way I was living and what I had become that was the basis of my fear. The pain of my insanity got me here to A.A., and the pain of being me forced me to seek a higher power. It amazes me that without doctrine or definition, without pomp and circumstance, the very moment I asked my higher power to help me not drink that morning ( 10 mo. sober, and the first honest prayer of my life), the compusion for alcohol was lifted and each day since ( many) has been beyond my limits to fantasize. I have no fear if I have faith. Period. When I feel fear entering my day, I know that I need to make conscious contact and TRUST in my higher power. Fear comes to me when I push God away from me.
I believe, for me only, that there are many paths to spirituality, and religion is a valid path for many people. My sobriety is a daily reprieve contingent upon my spiritual condition. It is my spiritual condition that I seek to maintain, and I try to do that through faith and action ( tho sometimes better than others).
Member: Virginia
Location: Here
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 01:43:11
My name is Virginia and I am an alcoholic. I hope is it ok to share here. Driven by a hundred forms of fear I step on my fellows toes and they retalite. Seemingly without provocation. I am full of anger and resentment today. It started on Sunday night at a 1st step meeting. I spoke about my powerlessness and that always peeves me off. So I have inventory to do tonite. I just wanted to read some comments on your solutions and I was not disappointed. Thankyou. As for organized religion. I was saved from a fate worse than death on April 24, 1990. I had succeeded in drinking myself to death and I was saved by...you tell me. God? I believe God believes in me and I love him for that. So I do my very best today. I repay my debt to this program on a daily basis. For that I am eternally grateful.
Member: David B 9/8/81
Location: Idaho Falls
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 01:54:04
The twin topics of FEAR and ORGANIZED RELIGION are apropriate. I quit looking for someone to blame for my shortcomings some time back but there are some amazing ironies laying scattered about like dead soldiers in the meeting this week. I am not refering to anyone in particular, just the timbre of the discussion. Its kinda cute.
Not being terribly fearful of what others think of me, I guess I have to kick some of those dead soldiers off to the side so we can get past being paralyzed by the fear of saying something that might be politically incorrect.
My earliest recollections are of being "rightly trained" in the ways of the church. There were many church's, all Christian based. Before I get labeled as one that holds a massive resentment against Christianity let me assure you that I do consider myself a Christian today. But back to those early recollections. I was taught about the garden, everything was cool then all of a sudden Eve had to eat the forbidden fruit and POW,,, no more paradise. God didn't like them anymore, over an apple and I liked to sneak cookies when Mom said no. My goose was cooked and I knew it. The guilt started then.
Twenty-five plus years and a lot of "cookies" later I found myself almost a year and a half sober in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. Working the steps, making good progress. In the midst of a conversation with another member about the higher power he says, "Just make sure you have the right higher power, there are a lot of imposters you know". Fear like none I'd known since my youth gripped me. That fear had been planted by churchy folks that had only the best of intentions. They had no way of knowing that I was incapable of hearing the message of love they were trying to share. They did not know I could only hear the threat of what was gonna happen to me because I couldn't seem to keep it clean between my ears.
You're right! I don't go to church,, yet. I do call Jesus my higher power. I was gently guided towards him him by another alkie, he was able to talk to me in words I was able to understand. Without the boogymen of my childhood, big boogymen there I'll tell ya!
Which brings us right back to FEAR. The BB says "it was like an evil and corroding thread, the fabric of our existance was shot through with it". I can visualize the threads of fear in the fabric of my life only by working the 4th and 5th steps. Then, when I ask, God can remove those threads of fear in his time. Some fears I just get to live with. They help me to reach out with steps 1,2,&3 every morning and step 12 whenever possible. I am granted spiritual fitness because I remember where I came from. I am not afraid to admit I'm afraid to go back there. LOL
I hope there isn't a one of you out there that can identify with my story. I don't think that is the case though.
Love in the Fellowship
Member: Jim J
Location: MS Gulf coast
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 09:05:25
My name is Jim, I'm a alcoholic. I can relate to a lot that has been said. Must get off to work now. Thank everyone for sharing..
Member: JOANIE O
Location: Portland Pa. USA
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 10:59:31
Hi all Joanie O alcoholic here,Fear is evil, fear will take me where I dont want to go, I fight fear daily with faith and trust, bieng careful that I follow what my Higher Power wants me to do or be or say or be an instrament of His peace. If I let Him guide me my fear goes away and I begin to do His work. Someone said to me in very early sobriety when are you going to do God's work I started then helping others and carrying the message and I have been doing it ever since. Today God carrys me by the seat of my pants, keeps me sober removes most of my fear and allowes me to be Happy. I have not found my God in His house but I have found Him in AAwith love to all Joanie O.
Member: Jodene Alcoholic
Location: OKC
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 11:27:17
SUE G: A belated Happy Birthday!....LISA:Let me ditto what's already been said. The only way I know to not be in a liquor store is to be in an AA meeting....Welcome EVA S and all other newcomers!....Fear. EEUUUUU! It's always been so difficult for me to admit to fear. I certainly didn't want to admit to that vulnerability. Today, there continue to be times when that is true. The difference today is that I have the absolute belief that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's the stuff between here and there that gives me the quivers. When I stop to remember that God hasn't brought me this far to drop me on my behind, the fear abates. When I can stop and preferably isolate myself to ask for God's peace to surround me and for God's will to be done in a particular situation, the fear disapates. One of the gifts in sobriety I've received is the release of fear in many situations that before would have had me quaking in my boots.....One last thought; for me, the gift isn't always the ability to handle something without being afraid. For me, the gift is the ability to DO IT SCARED. That isn't due to any superhuman ability on my part. That's the gift of a loving God. May each of you feel that power and peace.
Member: TIM G
Location: MI.
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 11:38:00
can any one tell me what people places and things mean to aa recoverery program????
T.G.
Member: Rich R
Location: Detroit, MI
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 12:31:17
Hi, Rich R, alcoholic.
First I would like to welcome Lauren, from Ann Arbor. She is just down the road a piece from me.
I think I am afraid of Organized Religion. Ever since I got married (almost 30yrs ago), I have attend church with my wife. But, I was there more or less to "get my ticket punched". Just in case, at the end of the ride there IS someone checking for punched tickets! But when I got into reocvery (7yrs ago), things changed and I developed a personal relationship with my Higher Power because I needed His help on a daily basis. So, as far as spirituality I am doing great but as far as religion, I am still afraid.
One more quick thought. I remind myself of the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. What I fear most of all in life now is that Mr. Hyde will rear his ugly head again!
Thanks for reading my thoughts.
Member: Bonnie
Location: Seattle
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 13:21:06
Hi bon/alky again, sorry for the double post as we are only supposed to post once in here and on the 12 & 12 but didnt read all posts till right now, ((eva)) you are a member by just showing up and claiming your membership. please read the posting instructions, anyone who would care to, please come on over to the coffee pot and join us, ask any questions in there that you would like, you can post as many times as you want in there, I'll go on over and put the coffee on - see you there ;-) love and hugs, bon Dear God please bless all who venture here
Member: AARON W.
Location: SOMERSET, N.J.
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 15:22:56
HI FAMILY, MY NAME IS AARON AND I AM A GREATFUL RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC. WHAT A GREAT TOPIC, FEAR AND RELIGIOUS (CHURCH) BOTH OF WHICH I CAN IDENTIFY WITH. I OFTEN SHARE THAT FEAR AND PROBALY ANGER IS THE PRIMAMY CAUSE OF ME CROSSING THAT INVISIBLE LINE. I NEVER WANTED TO FEEL EITHER ONE. THANK GOD FOR A.A., I LEARNED THAT WHEN I AM FEARFUL I AM LIVING IN THE FUTURE AND WHEN I AM ANGER I AM LIVING IN THE PAST. SO WHEN I PRAY, AND I DO PRAY, I ASK GOD TO PLEASE HELP ME TO LIVE IN THE NOW. I GREW UP IN A FAMILY THAT IS VERY RELIGOUS AND WENT TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. I COULD'NT UNDERSTAND HOW THEY COULD BE SO RELIGOUS AND GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY AND STILL FALL SHORT. SO IT TURNED ME AWAY FROM THE CHURCH. BUT THANKS TO AA I AM BACK IN CHURCH AGAIN BECAUSE I REALIZE THAT CHURCH PEOPLE ARE ON TO SOMETHING. THEY BELEIVE IN GOD AND THEY WORK TOWARD PERFECTION. I ATTEND A LOT OF MEETINGS AND I GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY MAINLY BECAUSE OF AA. IN THE 12 & 12 IT CLEARLY STATES IF YOU WERE EVER INVOLVED OR AFFLIATED WITH AN INSTITUTION THAT ENFISIZED PRAYER , THIS IS A GOOD TIME TO GO BACK. MY PASTOR ALWAYS SAY " WE ARE NOT A PERFECT CHURCH, BUT WE SERVE PERFECT GOD". TODAY I KNOW EVERYONE THAT GO TO CHURCH ARE NOT PERFECT, JUST LIKE EVERYONE THAT GO TO AA IS NOT PERFECT..... BUT THE GOOD THING IS WE WORK TOWARD PERFECTION AND WE HAVE ONE THING IN COMMON WE SERVE A PERFECT GOD. THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SHARE.
Member: Karen
Location: ct
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 21:17:52
Hi my name is Karen and I'm an alcoholic. In response to Tim G. people, places and things in aa recovery are 'the things we cannnot change' and also if your new - try to stay away from the people, places and things that will trigger a drink or drug. And to Lisa - chances are if you think you might be an alcoholic you more than likely are. Get to some meetings , try it for a few months. If you follow the suggestions you will find yourself feeling better. good luck and keep in touch here each to week and let us know how youre doing.
Member: chad h.
Location: clearfeild,utah
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 21:40:45
my name is chad, I am an alcoholic(please forgive my spelling) I have so much fear but belive in my god, if that makes any sence at all I cant even make it thru a day anymore without drinking, I have been in and out of treatment three times since 91', made many freinds but being so afraid to trust that they will help me I have just lived like a shadow on a few meetings walls, i just let them know me to a point but never have trust when i need help then i cry to someone after i am drinking, i am afraid now my wife has left, i am so sick all the time i cant think of anything else but drinking, I dont know how to get passed that everyone i have known for years in A.A. will just think of me as the loser who never gets more than a few months at a time, I thought and belive I know i belive in my faith and god but i dont know how to trust anyone there ether i have had so many people in my church willing to help me with anything but fear of them really knowing the ugly side keeps me in my shell, so i am afraid of meetings, church and soberity but want in my heart to be a part of it all, my hands are shaking right now because i am trying to pour my heart out to anyone who will lisin or drink the bottle of jack i bought on the way home from work, am i just stupid or how do i get over all these years of fear??? thanks
Member: Susan C.
Location: Dierks Ar.
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 22:02:51
Hi I'm Susan and I'm an alcoholic,and by the grace of my H.P. Today I'm clean and sober, and for this I am greatful!! I am so happy to find yall out there. It is true,I'm not alone. On the topic of fear : I spent the better part of 5 YEARS beating my head against a brick wall dening FEAR of any kind. I thought I had to be strong and fearless to survive on my own. I'ts a wonder I ever was able to let go of my old thinking. I kept going back to the mettings ( mostly because I wasn't welcome at that many places any more. ) I listened and I wanted what you'all had . Slowly but surely,One Day At A Time, I came to believe, I Let Go and Let God,and I knew a new a new beginging! Today I will replace my fear with faith. Thanks. ___One Day At A TIME
Member: Marie D.
Location: Mpls, MN
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 22:52:29
The emotion of fear is not a flaw in one's character. It protects us from harm if we learn to discern wether it is appropriate fear. It can be a useful tool in our growth.I can embrace certain kinds of fear and disregard others.
For instance, if I am afraid to try something new, I can tell myself, this fear provides me an oppportunity to grow -- when I ignore the fear and try the new thing. So, fear in this case is simply there to be overcome. And after overcoming something fearful, we have grown a little and feel great. On the other hand, if my fear is telling me not to walk down a dark alley, then I heed it, I listen to my fear, I agree with it.
Between these 2 kinds of fears, I decided that my fear (or digust?) of churches was something that I should heed -- for now. I want to experience God in my own way. This fear is telling me to protect myself. And I think, for now, that's a good thing.
My fear of dying and my sometimes wrathful idea of God however is something I have to put aside, not listen to. I have to ignore that kind of fear because it prevents me from discovering God. It's no good for me. I have to trust a little, overcome the fear. Then I can grow.
In summary, I would say, when I feel fear I can ask myself: does this fear stop me from growing and will overcoming this fear make me feel triumphant? Or is this the kind of fear that I should listen to and embrace for my own protection?
Member: Marie D.
Location: MN
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 23:12:39
Forgot to say in my last note: hi I'm Marie, I'm an alchoholic.
I'd like to respond to Chad's letter. All I can say is, don't be afraid -- we're all losers at AA!;) Why do you think the rest of us are there? We all have this disease to different degrees I know. But we are all essentially the same. All afraid. All struggling. All in love with alcohol and the self-absorption that it allows us.
I haven't got it beat either. But to keep trying, to keep struggling, there's no blame in that. There is no winning or losing in the world of the alcoholic. There is only the struggle. That's what counts.
Member: Linda D.
Location: Michigan
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 23:16:25
To Lisa C in Massachusetts, I was once like you and I believe our behavior reflects well on this topic of fear. I couldn't stay sober for long because alcohol was my best friend and after losing parent, brothers, husband and boyfriends to death I feared being alone and I also feared death. Keep going to meetings and make alot of female friends. You need to socalize and share with sober people to realize what a wonderful life it can be if you stay sober. This time I have 16 months and I never want to give up my new friends. They are closer and understand me more than family and I can talk to them about my fear which has been replaced by faith. Love to all of you. Linda D.
Member: jack j
Location: texas
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 23:41:15
Member: jack j
Location: texas
Date: 11 Aug 1998
Time: 23:58:59
hi - I'm Jack - have been sober for about two years and then started drinking again - it's really bad this time I don't know what to say right now - except maybe say a prayer for me.jack
Member: Grandma Mary
Location: WA
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 00:26:33
Hi all! Mary, alcoholic and grateful for another day sober. I started in to read tonight with thoughts of what I would say when I finally got to the posting place. I was sure my fears about a situation one of my grown kids is in were as important as anything I would read and thought I needed to share them. And then, as I read, a funny thing happened - my fears gave way to a kind of peace in the face of some of the pain I read on these pages. All of a sudden, I've got my priorities straight again - funny how that works, isn't it. To all of you whose postings spoke of you pain and your seeming failed attempts to stop driking - please know that all of us have walked in your shos. We came here as losers too - and we were told to "sstck with the winners". Some of us made it stick with our first attempt - others had to keep rying. But all of us faced that fear I hear in all of your words - the fear that you will die feeling the way you do today. You don't have to - you have a choice - and you never have to pick up a drink again if you do't want to. The first time that was said to me, it really ticked me off! How could anyone know about me? And I found that no one really could know me accept the ones who had walked in my shoes. My heart and prayers go out to each of you. Tank you for coming here tonight, and reminding me that my fears are miniscule today, compared to what I felt when I still had a bottle in my hand. So soon I forget? Plese log on again and join us - we care. God Bess!
Member: DEBBY D.
Location: O'VALE CALIFORNIA
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 00:39:45
DEAR CHAD, i saw your cries for help, i'm so sorry your in all this pain, i know i,ve been in alot of pain in the past. i'm living proof that it gets better so much better, but when your up to your neck in pain and just trying to keep your head above water it's the hardest "fu__ing" thing you'll ever go through. I stopped sleeping for almost 30 days 31/2 years ago I THOUGHT I WAS LOSING MY MIND. I was soaked with fear and anxiety and nothing helped not even alcohol, believe me i drank and drank and that did'nt even stop the pain and fear. by some miracle and some anti depressants i slowly pulled out of it, and when i felt good enough i went to a meeting got together with my sponser and did a full blown 4rth step that lasted for 2 days. i told him every little thing that hurt me and all the hurt and lies i participated in. i told it all and then some. don,t give up even if you can,t see the light, i don,t know what to say to you except to surrender, quit fighting trust someone or something one day at a time. i'm REALLY THINKING ABOUT YOU HARD, i,ll check back tomarrow to see how your doing. be there!
Member: Fran Karnick
Location: Bremerton, WA
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 01:35:22
hi everyone iam fran k. and iam diffently an alcie and dregy who can not speel. but i to have a lot of fears that seem to try and run my life if i let them. to beczuse of AA they know longer get the best of me.one ofd my giggest fears was of god i was told as a kid that he would get me for all the bad things i did. today i have a wounderful friend and he is God, HP, GREAT SPIRET, FATHER no matter what the name He is bigger then me and He can do for me what i can not do for my self. love to all. anyone from the bremerton area come to 9th and mac. ask for mom i may be there. love moma fran.
Member: Chris B.
Location: Petaluma, Ca.
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 01:45:38
Hi Everyone, Chris alcoholic here. Fear is a four letter word that ran my life for many years and still does when I choose to operate on self will instead of relying on my Higher Power. When I was new, there were 3 things I hated and feared about AA: God, Inventory & Amends. To me that was the 12 steps and it scared me to death to think I might have to face up to myself and disclose my secrets to another human being, let alone this God that everyone talked about. I feared the existence of a God like the vengeful one I'd been taught about in grade school Catholic religion classes. When I realized I needed a relationship with a Higher Powerer if I was going to stay sober, I actually prayed to the Catholic God and said something like this: "I don't know if you're real or not but if you are, I can't use you to stay sober so I'm going to pray to whatever it is that keeps AA people sober." That's worked for me since Oct. 19, 1972, one day at a time. As for "Organized Religion", I have much conflict with it, beginning with the gender aspect "He, Him & His" and going on from there. I have read about many religions of the world & find much comfort in the spiritual traditions of many, but I've yet to find a home for myself that fits better than AA. It's been my spiritual home and the path to my Higher Power that makes the miracle of my sobriety possible one day at a time. Love to All & Keep Coming Back
Member: Perry H
Location: Treasurer
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 06:56:49
Time to pass the hat.
This internet meeting runs on contributions from people like you! May we suggest a one dollar donation for each year sober? (Only if you can afford that.) Once our expenses are met, the rest is sent to GSO in New York to carry the message around the world! Just as this wonderful meeting does. Please send to: Staying Cyber Box 392 Minisink Hills, Pa 18341
Thanks for taking the time to support this meeting Sincerely: Perry H
Member: larry murphy
Location: endioctt new york
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 08:59:54
in trouble again can t stop drinking
Member: jan i
Location: pa
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 11:39:58
this is the first time i have entered this web site and participated, i only want to say to larry who just wrote in. get to a meeting take it one minute at a time and call someone preferably a recovering alcoholic. some days just seem impossible to get through but if you sit and think clearly for a moment you must play the whole tape through and realize that whatever is going on will not change with a drink but rather will undoubtedly make things worse. hang in and stay on line. we are all here to help. helping others helps our sobriety. jan i
Member: Stan C.
Location: Belle Fourche, S.D.
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 17:44:58
Hi room from Stan, alcoholic...and grateful to be sober...I fought religion, spirituality, and the demon we share for a lot of years...The day I flew a white flag and told whoever that I couldn't do this anymore without help--was the last day I found it necessary to drink. On fear: when I am working a program as well as I can, fear stands for "Face Everything And Recover." When I'm dry and hangin' on, fear stands for "Forget Everything And Run." I don't have a whole lot of time sober compared to my using years, so I will keep following the suggestions in the BB and count on the fellowship and my HP (who understands me,) and take another 24. Bless those who are still suffering...
Member: Rita J.
Location: Indiasomeplace
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 18:43:18
Hi everyone, I'm Rita,and I'm an alcoholic. I just got out of treatment no.3. Fear was my major motivation this time to get help, so I must thank my HP for the word, and the feeling. The difference this time in treatment was that last time my lips were saying "Alcoholic" but the heart was full of the "fear" that I really was one!! Well, I am, and a grateful one at that.The first time I stayed sober for 16 months. My "self will run riot" took over after one Sunday meeting that I decided I "didn't need", and a week turned into two, and two turned into a month and a month turned into three months. Someone once told me if you're not working on your recovery, you're working on your relapse. The moment "I" decided not to go to that Sunday meeting, I was working on my relapse, and funny thing, it's true! Well, after a bout of controlled drinking (LOL) my disease was just like they said, and I found myself crying into my vodka (because you can't smell it) and begging for help. Now fear of that very fear is what is keeping me doing my second of 90 meetings in 90 days, because through the grace of God and you good people, someone else told me that most often you will find that the 10, 15, 20 year sobriety people did the 90/90. Pretty good advice. I do so pray for all still suffering that like Charter Hospital says, "If you don't get help here, please get it somewhere". Thanks for listening to me, and thanks for sharing. God Bless...
Member: Rita J.
Location: Indiasomeplace
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 18:44:09
Hi everyone, I'm Rita,and I'm an alcoholic. I just got out of treatment no.3. Fear was my major motivation this time to get help, so I must thank my HP for the word, and the feeling. The difference this time in treatment was that last time my lips were saying "Alcoholic" but the heart was full of the "fear" that I really was one!! Well, I am, and a grateful one at that.The first time I stayed sober for 16 months. My "self will run riot" took over after one Sunday meeting that I decided I "didn't need", and a week turned into two, and two turned into a month and a month turned into three months. Someone once told me if you're not working on your recovery, you're working on your relapse. The moment "I" decided not to go to that Sunday meeting, I was working on my relapse, and funny thing, it's true! Well, after a bout of controlled drinking (LOL) my disease was just like they said, and I found myself crying into my vodka (because you can't smell it) and begging for help. Now fear of that very fear is what is keeping me doing my second of 90 meetings in 90 days, because through the grace of God and you good people, someone else told me that most often you will find that the 10, 15, 20 year sobriety people did the 90/90. Pretty good advice. I do so pray for all still suffering that like Charter Hospital says, "If you don't get help here, please get it somewhere". Thanks for listening to me, and thanks for sharing. God Bless...
Member: Paul Q
Location: Toronto Ontario
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 18:45:50
After 12 1/2 yrs in AA And I mean wonderful full years......
I picked up a drink in July 95 Have been strugling to get back.....
FEAR and more FEAR...... Anyone who has gone out after many years please give me some feedback.... To much head knowledge......Going to meeting tonight.....
Member: Deborah S
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 19:31:06
Paul, I, too, took a drink again after many wonderful years in AA. I struggled for 5 long, miserable years trying to get back --each year was increasingly filled with more hopelessness. I can identify. Through the Grace of a Loving God, I can now look back after two years in sobriety and see that my struggles were all within myself. I could not believe that "I" could be so powerless; so I continued to try and prove that I wasn't. To my dismay, when I finally did admit that I was indeed powerless, I still could not stop drinking/using --at least not until I surrendered, asked for help, and willingly and unquestioningly accepted that help. That was the point that started my renewed journey in recovery --Literally giving up the fight! No more attempts to save face! I simply stood before the universal power (I was too angry to call that Power "God"), surrendered and accepted help. Remember: a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives; b) that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism (including our own); and c) that God could and would if He were sought! Much Love --Deborah S.
Member: Sandy L
Location: Shelton, WA.
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 21:06:10
My name is Sandy and I am grateful to you all for your comments. All of us have found grace and peace in the program one day at a time. I was filled with fear about a situation that I have no control over. As I began reading all of your comments tonight, I feel a sense of release and peace. For those of you struggling to give up the bottle - pray - I will pray for you. Thank you all for your love and understanding. I wish you peace and healing.
Member: Chris H
Location: eugene oregon
Date: 12 Aug 1998
Time: 23:26:13
Chris alcoholic,When I am in a state of fear it is because I am once again trying to depend on self reliance to solve my living problem. This has always be my problem I need to ask but one simple question is god everything or is he nothing, this never fails to return me to my right size and to relieve me of my fear of the day. Rarely haveI found that my troubles are from fear by it,s self there always seem to be a fair amount self centered ,self seeking or self delusion going on to help my fears grow and thus shut me off from the god of my understanding. Thanks for the topic it has pointed me back to the olny solution this drunk has ever found! May god bless and keep you all.
Member: Candy K
Location: Calif. USA
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 01:27:04
i am candy an alcholic, Fear for me today derives from change, and new beginnings in my life. i must remember that it is not the change that causes the pain i feel but the resistance to that change. if i always remember to take it oneday at a time i will be ok. this is my first time to this meeting and i have heard alot of good stuff. For all of you who have recently gone out. thank-you for showing me how miserable it still is out there in the drinking world. thanks...
Member: Chuck Le C
Location: yreka, no. calif.
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 04:15:16
hi everybody my name is chuck and i am an alcoholic.Today is my actual a.a. b'day I came to this way of life 33 years ago today. I sometimes celebrate my day all month cause i earned it. i was at a meeting we helped start 29 yrs ago dec. 9 1969 i am not crunching these numbers to impress you i am doing it to impress me . i know how to drink i was a professional alcoholic not a practicing one . we learned not to spill or let escape from our grasp whatever we were drinking. now back to my problem alcohol was not my real problem ! i was i still am. i have good days and bad days like we all do. those days last as long as I let them. I have a life today. when i got here i was not in great shape i was bankrupt in all dept.s spiritual moral ,ad in finitum there was no drying out places like now. i was alone watching the sun coime up for my first three days. i couldn't eat if i did every pore of my skin felt like the sun was burning me. i survived and sobered up on one meeting a week. i heard a meeting the other day where the topic was ego? if you came into a lot of meetings way back when. If ypur shoes matched you were from up town. WE didn't start throwing dollar bills in the hat either it was change all some of we 5 6 7 had to our name. sounds like a drunk a log so i will sign off and leave you with the four wors that can change your life forever TOUGH SHIT DON'T DRINK. WHATEVERcomes into your life T.S.D.D.
Member: Paul Q
Location: Toronto, ON
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 09:44:52
I'm Paul and will always be an alcoholic......
Thanks for everyones input here it is great to be able to get feedback on line while I wait to go to my next meeting.
You see after many years in AA and people telling me how great I was in AA my EGO by past my experience I became GOD and if there is 2 GOD'S one is going to get drunk.
Time in AA can worrk against us......please everyone be careful with pumping oneself up about how much time you have in AA.....
I never thought I would go out nor did many people. However, when you become the great I'am nothing can hurt you not even a drink..........................
Wishing all another 24hrs....thats all we have yesterdays time is in yesterday...........
Member: Nikki B
Location: Stroudsburg
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 10:09:13
Hey!!! I'm Nikki B and I am a greatful alcoholic!!! Both of these topics are things that I have been working with lately, and it is great that you can get what you need.
I have been living with fear, due to the changes that I have had to make with my life. It is not easy giving up things that you have become so use to. I had to come to terms with a relationship that I have been in for the last 2 years. I really do love this person and I know some where inside of him, he really loves me. We had tried to get back together many times, but you can NOT keep doing the same thing expecting different results.
I had to come to terms that no matter how much we loved each other, we would not be able to make it the way that we were going. He is in the program also. I would not blame him anymore then myself, due to the fact that we each had our own parts to due with it. I have been so afraid to be alone for so long, that it was easier to hang onto something that was wrong, then to get out in life and move on.
Now having a God in my life, that I am able to speak with and ask for guidance, I have been able to look this head on. I have let him know that I love him, but God is telling both of us, that this is not his will. A few years ago, I would have either drank over this, or ran this person down until we hated each other. We had to come to an agreement that we both need to get better and do this away from each other.
I am greatful for this program. I have learned that you need to face things head on and the right answers will come in time. Whether you like the results or not. It has to given to God and he will show us his will for us. Fear of change can become over powering, but you need to except the changes so that we can become better people. We need to do God's will and not our own. He will show us what we need to do in this life to help ourselves and to help others.
It is great to talk about fear and God in one sitting. Since most of the fear that we need to get over with God, will help us have a better life.
Thanks for letting me share. I need to keep in contact with the meetings, and then online gives me another chance to show how thankful I am to be getting better.
Nikki B.
Member: Debra C-R
Location: Boston
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 13:07:59
Hi I'm Debra I am an addict alcoholic. Today I am 18 hard days without a drink. I am sticking with the first topic : Fear. About 2 hours ago I got a call that a friend of mine committed suicide. The most messed up thing is that I thought "Good for him" I have always considered that action as an option, but fear kept me from going through with it. I can understand that when you feel pain that is chronic and there seens to be no end to it...the only way out is death. I have felt like that at times in my life. (I suffer from major depression) I then am forced to look at myself and try to figure out what I could have done to keep him here. But he didn't want to be here anymore. I am afraid that I could do the same thing. I am afraid that when I go to lunch today, that I might just have a martini or 7. I am totally messed up. Please don't be offended because of my comments. I loved this man. I miss this man. I wish I could have helped him. Fear is a daily companion for me. PS. Does anyone know about meetings in Boston, Cambridge or Charlestown? Thank you,
Member: Sashya C.
Location: Carroll, Ia
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 15:58:28
Hi. I am Sashya, alcoholic/addict...It is good to be back. I havn't had the chance to "attend" this meeting most of the summer. I just had a beautiful baby girl...July 21, 1998. Her name is Savannah Danielle, and she has been teaching me plenty about unconditional love and surrender and patience. She is so miraculous! I love her father...and up until the day she was born, I didn't think I was capable of loving more deeply...but I was wrong. Everyday my love for the two of them grows. Her father still uses drugs and I used to be very angry and bitter and resentful because I thought he was having "fun" without me....and I used to be afraid that after I got sober, he wouldn't like me anymore. But I prayed about it and I have been blessed in every sense of the word. Not only have I decided to accept God's will in this situation, whatever that may be, but I have also come to love my boyfriend for using drugs...HE REMINDS ME-DAILY-OF THE REASONS I QUIT DRINKING AND USING. He is not happy, and I was miserable before sobriety....to all of you who are still "researching" your alcoholism:Thank you, because I don't have to. I can learn from your experience. Please keep coming back and sharing with us!!! An d find a face to face meeting in your hometown...get a sponsor.... On the topic of fear....I have lived in fear, guilt and shame for so long, that sometimes I percieve "Boogymen" where there is none, just to live in that old familiar chaos again.....everyday was chaotic when I was still practicing my addiction. I have only been sober for nine months, but someone in AA told me that we all have really only been sober since we woke up this morning. And that is a decision I have to make everyday. Thank God for AA and the fellowship...I would not be able to grow without both. Someone once told me that fear stands for False Evidence Appearing Real...that makes sense to me God Bless all of you...Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Paula
Location: Mexico City
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 15:59:05
Hi! My name is Paula and I'm an alcoholic. Each time I feel fear I try to remember that it is my worst enemy and that there's only one way to finish with it: asking for the help of my best friend: my HP. Thanks for letting me share. Love to all in recovery. Felices 24 horas! Paula.
Member: judy k
Location: ma
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 17:28:26
Hi - Judy, alcoholic.
Debra C-R - All I can tell you about meetings in Boston, Cambridge and Charlestown is that there are loads of them. And I know that there are some really good noon time meetings. That might help with your martini idea...
Call Central Services (they're in the phone book) and ask them to send you a meeting book. Also, they'll tell you about meetings until the book comes in the mail.
Jack J - I said a prayer for you - LISTEN and open your heart for it. Lisa C. - ditto on meetings - I checked my book and there are plenty in andover - call Central Services and ask them. Chad h. - I'm with Marie - we've all been right where you are - whether we picked up or not - One Day At A Time means not living in our past OR our future. We can't afford to. Ask your higher power or a fellow AA to help you TODAY. And try not to worry about what's past.
Bless you and keep coming - Judy
Member: Harvey T
Location: Bowling Green,Ky
Date: 13 Aug 1998
Time: 20:05:33
On Fear topic I know from experience that we all experience it I did. I now have 14 yrs as of 8 Aug. It lasted for about 4 months and then went away. I went to at least 4 meeings a day for 6 months and sometime more. My higher power, The groups and the meeting kept mwe sober. This is my second time. First time I quit AA after a year. Didnt need it I thought but started drinking again after a total of 11 years. So I know without AA I would be dead
Member: Kelley J.
Location: Dry Desert, CA
Date: 14 Aug 1998
Time: 00:32:19
Hello Family, I'm Kelley Alcoholic. Jack I'll pray for you to get sober. I too relasped after two and a half years. A friend of mine died and I did'nt get to say goodbye. I realized that it did me absolutely no good to get drunk again. I felt lousy I was still alcoholic and I still had to face the greiving process for my friend. It was wasted time. About the topic. I heard once that fear and faith won't ride in the same vehicle. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Debra C-R
Location: Boston
Date: 14 Aug 1998
Time: 12:20:26
Debra addict alkie from hell. Well, I am still here, drink free. (no martinis for me). Just wanted to let someone know. I am still dealing with fear. When my friend killed himself it brought me back to a time when I tried to do the same thing. I often think about it, but it is FEAR of the unknown that keeps me here on earth daily. I am ready to go. I hope to God that it gets better, because if this is it, I will be extremely disappointed. So much pain, hate and crap going on. I try to find the good, but today I am having a hard time. Thank you for all who have posted here. You have no idea how much this helps me. Jack, I am praying for you. I am praying for all of us. You should all be proud that you are sober today. It is not an easy task. I am afraid that I might drink again, at the same time, I am afraid to spend the rest of my life sober. Sorry, I am sort of all over the place. Thank you for listening. Please pray for me, I need it. Deb
Member: Barry P.
Location: Maui
Date: 14 Aug 1998
Time: 18:56:09
Hi Everyone, my name is Barry and I'm an alcoholic. Fear is always a good topic. I have found that for me, I have to be willing. On a daily basis. To turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand him. And to do that, it all starts with going to a meeting. On a daily basis. For a long period of time I stopped going to meetings. It seemed that after a couple of years of sobriety I got to a level of comfort that I was happy with and just stopped going to meeting. I guess my alcoholic mind said, "if I don't do anything else, I won't change this state". For a number of years I didn't go to many meetings. Maybe once or twice a month. I finally ended up running the whole show, all by myself again. I was a classic case of self-will run riot. Until I got to a point that I was feeling like my whole life was out of control. Just as if I were drinking again. I had to make some changes, and I started going back to meetings. Today I try to get to at least 1 meeting a day. A lot of the time, I have to force myself to go. My mind tells me that I have better things to do! But, I go anyway and I'm always glad I did.
You see, I'm an alcoholic! I need all of you to remind me of that on a daily basis. I don't communicate with God too well by myself. When left alone to talk or pray to God. I'm eaisly distracted. The T.V. the computer etc. But if I show up at a meeting, I get to see God face to face. IN YOU! Then it reminds me that he's working in my life too. WOW, pretty cool stuff.
Turning my will and my life over to the care of God is probalbly the most fearful thing I know. If I turn all this over to him, what will be left for me? The answer is EVERYTHING! Most of my fear stems from my expectations of myself and others. If I turn it over to God, then I don't have all those expectations. I'm just a vehicle of God and "Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world be mistake" p.449 Which says to me that no matter what I do, if I'm doing Gods work, then I'm really okay. NO FEAR!
Go to meetings, don't drink and be willing. Thanks for being here.
Aloha, Barry
Member: Sandy K
Location: New Jersey
Date: 14 Aug 1998
Time: 23:37:31
Hi, I'm Sandy and I'm an alcoholic. Congratulations and hapy birthday Chuck. Today I have 7 years sobriety and I coudn't be more grateful. Owen, When I first came into the the program I too had a problem with religion and spirituality. Went to a retreat and discussions on it and learned that there are two religion and spirituality. I prefer spirituality but I do go to church every Sunday. I go because I feel it pleases my God and he is so good to meon an everyday basis thatI feel it's the least I can do. I was born with fear. I had a pain in my stomach always. It went away when I became a menber of aa, which I love -- it has totally changed my life. The pain is gone but some of the fear is still here, fear of people mainly. I pray on this and it's really getting better. I've had it all my life - can't expect to go away in such a short period of time. God helps me deal with it when I ask him. Lisa, you only have to stop drinking for one day. Going to a meeting helped me not to have a drink - one day at a time. Remember, it's only one day. Get up in the morning and say that you won't have a drink today andgo to a meeting. Remember it's only for today. My prayers are with all of you especially those who are in such pain. Love you all. Thanks for keeping me alive.
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 01:02:15
hi al tony , alcohol. deb thiers so much to learn ,see ,read,do,touch,feel,experiance,try,love......how can you say "if this is it" stay sober but set yourself some sort of goal,even a small one youl find that yo can never get enough.get to your goal and youl over come some fears also.spirituality is also a wonderful thing! good luck try hard!
Member: Planet Marty
Location: New Jersey
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 01:59:24
WOW! Look at me now. Talk about fear! This is my first day on the internet and I am very confused. I have been told not to be afraid to ask for help and I certainly need it here. Well all I need say is I am grateful to be sober and happy that such a site is available.
Member: Planet Marty
Location: New Jersey
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 01:59:55
WOW! Look at me now. Talk about fear! This is my first day on the internet and I am very confused. I have been told not to be afraid to ask for help and I certainly need it here. Well all I need say is I am grateful to be sober and happy that such a site is available.
Member: Marie P.
Location: southern California
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 03:45:19
Member: Marie P.
Location: southern California
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 04:00:24
Hi everyone, I am Marie, alcoholic. I just got hooked up to the internet, glad you are here. Fear, that was our topic at the meeting last Saturday. Seems it is one thing that keeps coming back with a mind of it's own. I just lost my Dad in May back in Virginia. So I have been really going through a lot of head trips. For one thing, all the stress, anger, and fear after being with my family, I have gotten much closer to the fellowship of AA. I had a real tough time getting back in a standing position. I suppose I just about lost it. It all hit me at once about a month after my Dad's funeral. Wow, I am so very grateful for all my AA family. You taught me, one more time that the program really, REALLY works. About fear, my feeling has been, I just ain't good enough and I mind as well give up trying to be, that is where you come in with your hugs and smiles and tell me to pray, keep coming back, walk through the grief and don't even think about drinking no matter what. My sobriety date is April 13, 1980. But I still am an alcoholic and always will be and that is why I have to constantly stay close to the program. And no matter what, things will work out according to God's time for us. Nothing happens in His time, by mistake. Thank you for letting me share, thanks for being here.
Member: Diane
Location: NW Hills of CT
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 08:58:49
Hello everyone, I'm Diane, and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is 4/11/98.
Talk about FEAR, on 4/11/98 I FEARED LIVING WITHOUT ALCOHOL! Everything scared me. When I went into rehab one of our discussions was about spirituality. Nothing new here, I thought to myself. Yes, I believe in a Higher Power. Yes, I choose to call my Higher Power God. Yes, I pray. BUT...when we talked about praying for oneself...asking HP for forgiveness, asking HP for guidance, asking HP to completely take over sometimes...well that was NEW to me. Because you see, somewhere along the line someone sold me a bill of goods. Someone (probably a Nun in Catechism or whatever) told me that it was a SIN to pray for yourself. So I NEVER did! Not in all my life. And now I do. Not for anything selfish, of course. But I pray daily for the strength to get through the next 24. And most importantly, when I'm afraid, when I feel FEAR, I ask HP to take over. And a wonderful calmness seems to settle in, because HP takes away all the fear. I'm not trying to push any beliefs in God. I'm only sharing with you that there is a way to live through fear! I know because I used to be afraid of everything and now I know there's nothing to fear.
Member: Bob C.
Location: Calgary
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 13:12:09
Bob C.,alcoholic. The B.B. says that fear is the common thread that runs through our lives and I know that to be true! When I think of all of the trouble that I put myself through because I was afraid to do the right thing..... If you took the B.B. book and made fear the main topic rather than alcoholism, it would read pretty much the same. 'Admitted we were powerless over fear""were entirely ready to have God remove our fear""humbly asked Him to remove our fear""that a power greater then ourselvea could restore us to fearlessness," etc. Again I come back to what the B.B. keeps pointing out,that I am in need of a power outside of myself to overcome this curse. Step 3 is what takes the power of fear out of my life, because probably no human power could have relieved my fearfulness, but God could (can) and would (does)if he were sought. Good morning Di! So good to see you on these pages again!
Member: Dan T.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 15:15:36
Hey all, this is my 1st time in here, I have been sober since 8/18/85 and am about to make the rounds here in la to take cakes. Hope all are doing well one day at a time.
Member: kayr
Location: Houston TX
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 21:13:51
Hello. It's interesting that I finally got the courage to do a net search on alcoholics annoymous. Maybe it's a miracle...I don't know. I'm shaking all over, though, to find the twin topics because this is my problem! I was a christian actively striving to serve God with my life. After my second child was born I came down with major post-partum depression (I think I'm the poster child for it - probably find my picture next to the entry in the dictionary). Ironically enough, because I do not believe in the use of drugs in any form I refused the anti-depressents I was offered and turned to a Christian psychologist. I won't go into any details except to say that, after what he said to me in his office, the only way that I have been able to survive the fear that he left me with is to turn to alcohol. I'm pretty sure it's called post-traumatic-stress-disorder. Unfortunately I can't go to another psychologist for help as that is part of the fear. I don't know why I'm telling all this except that it feels so good to see that maybe I'm not the only christian alcholic on planet earth.
Member: Rich A.
Location: Milwaukee Wis.
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 23:47:33
Hi my name is Rich and I'm an alcoholic.I'm new to this sobriety thing and fear of going back out there again is constantly with me. I've achieved sobriety before, but I always seem to think there is still something out there for me even though I know better. I will have to stay around the first step and trust in my higher power. My way of being in touch with my higher power is a combination of some teachings of organized religion and traditional native american spirituality since I'm Ojibway Indian. This seems to be working for me. I want to thank everyone for all the help you have given me and for letting me share with you. I'll say a prayer for all of you. Rich
Member: Louise
Location: Canada
Date: 15 Aug 1998
Time: 23:50:45
I'm Louise and I'm an alcoholic. Although I have a few 24's under my belt it is so great to know that others share the same feelings. Never a day goes by that I don't thank God for showing me a way out of the self destructive mess I found myself in. When I finally accepted that I had made the mess all by myself and accepted responsibility for it my fear started leaving.
I would like to share something regarding God and religion. I was told, when God was the furthest thing from my mind, to think of the word "God" as "good, orderly direction". You know we love slogans, but this one worked for me at the beginning.
Love this site.....just found it but think I'll be a frequent visitor. Thanks for being there!!!
Louise.
Member: Kimberley
Location: California
Date: 16 Aug 1998
Time: 02:01:46
Hello everyone, my name is Kimberley and I am an alcoholic.
When I get into "Fear", it usually means that there is something I'm not dealing with head on or that I've stopped doing something I usually do as part of my program...mostly...it's when I've stopped praying.
I used to be full of anxiety which of course was tangled up with alot of fear...about everything...as long as I kept putting the alcohol in, I thought I could keep the fear away...but of course it didn't, it only created more fear and anxiety. Thomas Merton wrote "Anxiety is the mark of spiritual insecurity". I totally related to that...it home for me.
My fear...anxiety...was a lack of spirituality. "A God of my own understanding"...thank the heavens for AA...they told me to find a power greater than myself...and until I did, people let me use theirs....Thanks to you all...God Bless...
Kimberley....:-)
Member: tom glifornia
Location:
Date: 16 Aug 1998
Time: 02:56:34
I am Tom. I am an alcoholic. "anxiety is the rk of spiritual insecurity" Where I am fearfultt fear with faith. ak for the serenity to ept things I cannot change and the courage to ne those things that I can positively affect.thank you Kimberly.