Member: Alan A.
Location: Leics England
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 1:28:52 AM

Comments

My name is Alan I live in England after 39 years drinking I joined AA not my wish at the time but I've now had 7years without a drink But I'm now feeling restless and fancy a drink I try to put these thoughts out of my head but find it difficult my main meeting has changed over secs., and the new one is a bit flippant my other meetings are 20miles away and transport is difficult perhaps its all excusessomeone advise. Alan A.


Member: Alan A.
Location: Leics England
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 1:29:16 AM

Comments

My name is Alan I live in England after 39 years drinking I joined AA not my wish at the time but I've now had 7years without a drink But I'm now feeling restless and fancy a drink I try to put these thoughts out of my head but find it difficult my main meeting has changed over secs., and the new one is a bit flippant my other meetings are 20miles away and transport is difficult perhaps its all excusessomeone advise. Alan A.


Member: Jeff B.
Location: Northern CA
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 2:35:24 AM

Comments

Hi My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. It seems that the topic would be the insanity of alcoholism. Alan you have described it exactly. I know, I have it too.

I have known since I was 18 or so that I did not seem to drink like "normal" people. Blackouts and trouble started early for me. I kept drinking.

I came to AA and it made sense that if I did not take drink I could not get drunk and would not get in trouble. AA worked and things got better. I decided that I could drink.

This time in AA I am 33 and have not had to take a drink for over three years. I go to meetings and read my book, and pray, and try to fit in, and do my job in AA. A sponsor who told me I am at the meetings for me and one other drunk who may need help.

The insanity of the first drink....that is the insanity that God can and will restore today (step 2) if I remember Him and remember how powerless I am over alcohol and how unmanageable my life is without Him.

Thanks for being here.


Member: Lowrider
Location:
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 4:15:26 AM

Comments

Lowrider here, alcoholic! Alan A. you are a godsend! I had almost 9 years sobriety and stood on that shakey ground you are on until it turned into an earthquake. At 5 years sober I felt snug and secure in my sobriety. So much so that I started doing things that I never would have played around with in my first 5 years. I felt I could play around a little more...I started sneaking around alittle and NOT telling my sponsor all that I was doing. I was able to get away with these things and felt like they were not hampering my sobriety any. I then ventured out a little more and alittle more. By then I had some pretty good secrets within me and I got sicker. The though of drinking came into my head and also dropping out of AA started running thru my thoughts. Then in a crooked way of justification I started thinking I did not want to be as "saintly as AA required me to be" which was bullshit..but by then I was as far from saintly as one could get. (I know AA does not require me to be saintly) but it was how I convinced myself to stop going to meetings. Now the picture is complete...I am not working no steps, talking with a sponsor nor going to meetings and helping others. Plus I am doing and thinking about doing all the thing I loved so much before sobriety..Then I took the drink! This has turned into a much longer story than I wanted so I'll shorten it up some. TO SUM THIS ALL UP..MY "SLIP" CAME WAY BEFORE I TOOK THE DRINK...In affect it started when I started do old behaviors and not being honest with myself and my sponsor about what I was doing.

So now I am back into action with only a few days of sobriety, it's not easy and I feel like crap at times...but just want to say for me and maybe you. It's never to late to get honest about what our thoughts and actions are...UNLESS WE DRINK FIRST...then it's a bit too damn late! I'm just lucky by the grace of God that I have another chance!! Most don't make it back for obvious reasons. Glad I could share...and thank god for this site!! Low


Member: Ann
Location: Ohio
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 6:45:35 AM

Comments

Hello, Ann alcoholic, I am so new at this. For me, the insanity is so simple. That is just deciding to take a drink knowing that as soon as I do, I lose control. Why would someone do that? I have done it repeatedly.

I am 6 days sober and very grateful for AA and the help and support I have gotten here. It is what is getting me through the weekend.


Member: James D.
Location: Justin ,Tx.
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 6:46:50 AM

Comments

I am a 37 year old alchoholic and after six years of sobriety I decided that my life was well enough in order,and thatI had matured enough as a sober alchoholic that I could probably drink without having to suffer the side effects(jails, institutions, and death)that kicked my *** in the past. The insanity of this disease tells me that I am in control, I can do this on my own, I dont need meetings,and yes I am doing well enough to have just one drink. Well after a year in relapse and three geographical changes I find myself back in a small town in Texas wondering just what went wrong. How long before I actually took that first drink was I already in relapse of the principles and fellowship of this program? Just for today I know that my only defense against the insanity of this Disease is: Believing that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity. And meetings, meetings, meetings. Bill and Bob had it right! Only another alchoholic has seen and felt the insanity we have, and can help us through on ours. CUNNING! BAFFELING! POWERFUL!


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 7:15:42 AM

Comments

Insanity, yes! The thoughts going through our heads is the dis-ease trying it's mightiest to get us to go back to the drink. I have those thoughts often. It seems that today they are easier to block, but I cannot answer for any day but today. One thing that helps me a lot is to have visitors at my homegroup meeting. A treatment center brings a bus load of newcomers a couple of times a month, and the presence of those who feel the bite of the pain so much more clearly because of it being so much more recent really helps me. Many of them cannot really share because they are not ready to bare their souls. That's O.K. because I've been there. I see the pain and struggle they stll have to endure, and my resolve becomes much stronger. Yes, we alcoholics need the newcomers just as badly as they need us. What a program! ODAAT

Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Garth T
Location: FL
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 8:48:17 AM

Comments

Im Garth and Im an alcoholic,

Wellcom to the club allen. I know exactly how you feel. Im 37 years old about thirteen years ago I first found AA and got sober. things could not have been better. I accomplished more in those years of sobriety then in all the preceding years. Then I stopped going to meetings. things were fine for awhile. then I took the first drink, Im not exactly sure af the date is must have been late 98, and I did ok for awhile I only drank three beers at a time, with many months between, but I was not "sober" in those times. That lasted for about a year and half then I could not stop at three. I would try to quit,but it did'ent last my drinking flucuated up and down with dry periods. but I was always thinking about the next time I could get drunk. Thank God nothing bad happened in the past 3-4 years. My guardian Angel must have been watching over me. well three nights ago I had my last drink I had one of the few sane thoughts I have nowadays. I thought why don't I go back to AA, well I went to that meeting yesterday and shared this story. I am already feeling the insanity of alcohol slipping away, and I feel wonderful.

Allen you are in the same boat as all of us. please share your feelings with people at a local meeting even if you have to drive 100 miles to get there.

Thanks for letting me share


Member: Shelley M.
Location: Florida
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 10:08:47 AM

Comments

Well all,Good Day to you. I have a similar problem,, don't want a drink,can't have a drinkI did so much damage to my body from alcohol,had surgery on my pancreas in June Now I have diabetes,,All beause I thought alcoholwas my choice of life..Well found out after close to death two times in the last six months,it will never overpower me again..I have since left A.A,,They were very supportive and a great family to me,,but after my recovery from surgery,always calling,When are you going to a Meeting? You have to go to a meeting,.I lost faith in them,Thought that they understood and have trust in me,,I am not a sucical person..Taking insulin,it will kill me if I take a drink..As far a s spiritually, I have God to thank for keeping me on this beautiful world.I feel content to the soul.I wish all would understand,and just be my friend without going to a meeting.Thanks for letting sound off.Miss my A.A friends alot.


Member: patricia m
Location:
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 10:29:05 AM

Comments

hello to all fellow Alcoholics! This topic of insanity is one that I can relate to every day of my life. I was told by my sponsor that the first drink will get me drunk. At first that made no sense at all because I was a complete black out drinker and never had one drink in my life. One is too many - and a thousand is not enough. I lost everything to this disease materially, but for the Grace of God I have SERENITY AND PEACE OF MIND. This is all to the fellowhip of Aa and becoming completely honest and open about what alcohol did to me in the past, and what it can do to me in the present. It is a cunning, baffling, and sneaky disease that does not discriminate or have pity on anyone. This disease of alcohol wants me as well as every other Alcoholic to get drunk. It is not worth picking up that first drink for the yets that might come. I must remind myself on a daily basis that AA is the only safe place to arrest this disease one day at a time. Thanks to everyone who made this meeting excellent. The most important person at this meeting is the newcomer. Hang in there.


Member: Walt S.
Location: Murrieta, CA
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 10:41:07 AM

Comments

Hi Alan! My name is Walt & I am an alcoholic. "Our leaders are but trusted servants, they do not govern." I've been to meetings where the secretary was flippant with the next nearest meeting was 30 miles away. I kept coming back and accepted a service position for the district which kept me involved. Eventually after the secretary was replaced by another. I have never let anyone chase me out of a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. "Placing principles before personalities" was written because there have been situations like yours before. Keep going to the meeting and find some way of being of service to the meeting even if it means getting there early & helping set up chairs or staying later to put them away. Whether or not you get recognition for doing this, it will help your sobriety. I Know. It has helped mine. My sobriety date is May 20, 1981.


Member: LeeEllen
Location: MI
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 10:42:23 AM

Comments

Hello All - LeeEllen here and a grateful recovering alcoholic. Thank you Alan A. for the great topic.

Today I celebrate 8 years sober. While it hasn't been easy, it's been simple and I've tried to work the steps to the best of my ability.

This past year has been particularly hard. I mentioned once that I lost my dear hubby after only 11 months of marriage this year and there was a time that I KNEW in my heart that I would drink. I was setting myself up for a fall, and didn't particularly care. Grief clouds the senses, and I guess I lost mine.

You people in AA are the reason I can claim one more year. The disease waits until we're at our most vulnerable point and then strikes. It waits until we have little or no defenses because we're so wrapped up in self. My head is thick and hard, but thank God my AA family saw that I was self destructing and stepped in. They were able to banish those thoughts from me (along with my Higher Power) and restore me to sanity.

I owe this year and all the previous years to God, you people and AA. I am grateful. God Bless and thanks for letting me share.


Member: JoeE
Location: OH, USA
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 10:45:54 AM

Comments

Hi all... My name is Joe and I am an alcoholic. Alan, here is a really good site that helped me: http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Spa/1799/tools.htm


Member: jose
Location:
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 11:36:51 AM

Comments

where can i meet some nice women who want to get naked? are there any who go to meetings and are lonely?


Member: Jeff M.
Location: Muncie, IN
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 11:53:33 AM

Comments

Hi, my name is Jeff, and I am an alcoholic, I have been sober for 1 month, I am having alot a thoughts on relapse


Member: Jenn P.
Location: Poconos, PA
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 12:47:21 PM

Comments

This is Jenn - an alcoholic who is happy joyous and free from the slavery to alcohol that was all I knew before. I guess the topic is thinking about drinking? I was just sharing with a newcomer this morning on that very thing. We have a 6:30 am in my town, it is a great way to start the day. It puts my thoughts on the beam and I usaually don't think of drinking. I am an alcoholic though, so those thoughts just fly in from nowhere sometimes it seems. I deal with them right away, so I don't keep thinking that way. I tell someone, and I have a favorite horrible memory that I keep to bring up, that usually takes care of it. Good old HALT works too, cuz sometimes I don't even realize that I am one of those things, and my thinking gets screwy more easily when I am. I was told that I need to be in a meeting, and I can't let personalities keep me away. I can't afford to forget who I am. I want to thank all of you for sharing those stories of relapse, because they help keep me sober and looking at myself. I have a one day reprieve. ODAAT. I need to work on my spiritual condition, and turn it over by getting to a meeting. It is easy to get complacent when life has gotten so good, but I hear these stories over and over again. I mut need to, so thanks again for telling them. Love to all


Member: Andy L
Location: Oregon
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 1:07:02 PM

Comments

My name is Andy and I am an alcoholic. For Shelly in Florida, remember the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. From the same tradition in the 12X12 comes the assertion that no member can tell another member what to do or what to think. You are a member of AA as long as the desire to stop drinking is there and you elect to belong.


Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 1:48:14 PM

Comments

Hi,to all I am Donnie and I`m a alcoholic. Thank`s for your honesty Alan. We must never forget it only takes two to make a meeting. I remember walking,hitchhiking,and doing almost anything to get to a drink. I was told if I put as half as much effort into soberity that I did to get a drink I would make it. I have been sober for two year`s by the grace of God and as crazy as life has been it would be a hell of lot crazier if I were to take a drink. We all know the urge will come and hope to God that they pass quickly, but I found that a slip is nothing but getting drunk. I don`t know about anyone else, but I do not have another recovery in me. I`ve found that when I am in a mood or fighting a craving it`s when I am trying to run the show and we all know were that get`s us. So, as my sponor say`s if your ass is falling off you had better pick it up and get it to a meeting and if there is not a meeting pick up the phone and tell someone that your having trouble. Thank`s for letting me share and remember to keep it simple. GOD BLESS ALL.


Member: tina u
Location: cleveland ohio
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 1:49:32 PM

Comments

hello all i am tina alcoholic i have had my time sober and now i am starting over with 4 days sober i will check this site often and hope i can learn something looking for new sober friends and sober thoughts i feel really bad and i know that is my own fault i went back to the insanity tina toolmomma2@aol.com


Member: Geri M
Location: Alaska
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 2:06:37 PM

Comments

Hello I'm Gerri Im an alcoholic, Ive been sober 2yrs 7/17. Sometimes even saying those words "Im an alcoholic" is hard. My mind does these tricks on me ; " Yeah sure your not REALLY an alkie... look at so and so...now THATS an alcoholic, afterall you weren't a drunk that long... you were just under stress...etc." Aam I insane? My mind trys to reason out things I know is BAD for me.Why do I do that? Oh yeah I almost forgot for a second...I'm Geri and Im an ALCOHOLIC. Last friday I opened our town meeting, Iwas the only one that showed. May I mention that I have to drive 27 1/2 miles one way which totals 58 miles. I was pissed, but I didnt drink. I live in Alaska we have the highest rate of alcoholics per capita. Some times I drive through white-outs to get to a meeting. I could give a hundred excuses for not going to a meeting, but I go. I could probably even convince you good people here at AA that under my circumstances I would qualify to miss meetings. But I go dispite myself and anyones opinion. I go to remind myself of the thin line I walk; and are not we just one step away from insanity? Alan drive that 20miles its worth it...didn,t we go to all lengths to get alcohol?...then why not sobriety?


Member: scott w. age 38
Location: salem, oregon
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 2:21:38 PM

Comments

hi everyone...my name is scott and i am an alcoholic...after catching up on the meeting, what comes to mind is "the willingness to go to any lenghts to get it"....i must say that after nine+ years of active recovery...i still am willing..and the only reason for that is AA..left to my own devices..i wound up homeless, jobless, moneyless and in detox...so i figure my best thinking got me there..and my recovery thinking keeps me here...and now...i never dreamed i could have a life as good as i have...as a result of the steps...and the traditions...especially the 12th...i have peace and serenity...starting from the inside...no matter what..i remember principles before personalities...after all...i had no problem drinking with people who i found distasteful...and i have been in plenty of meetings that i self centeredly wished were more to my liking...the important part about that for me is that i was in a meeting instead of a bar...thank you AA for my life...and thank you all for allowing me to share...scott


Member: Mark T.
Location: Costa Mesa, CA
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 3:03:53 PM

Comments

My name is Mark and Before Anything, I am an alcoholic. This is my first visit to the site and I know it has helped me. Insane is the ONLY word for how I could actually entertain the act of drinking. I imagine most, if not all, of us have moments when "a drink or two" sound nice. I can't recall many times I had just a drink or two. Alcohol is the great remover. It removed everything worth while in my life, and if I don't put the program (the first 164 pages of Our Book) before EVERYTHING, I get to return to a Hell that few people can even comprehend of, and worser!!.I I got serious about recovery in '87 and went to the Betty Ford Center. I managed to stay sober over two and a half years going to a lot of meetings and half measuring the deal, before I put my ex-wife-to-be before soberiety. I had to end up completely idealess, hopeless and homeless; willing to follow direction straight out of The Book at a low bottom recovery home. For may of us that's what it takes. Do what we of AA do and you can have what we have. God has brought me back for over 18 months, and will probably continue to is I take the simple, but not easy actions outlined. God Can and Does when Sought!!


Member: rob
Location: salem ore
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 4:22:28 PM

Comments

scott where do you find a job in salem?


Member: booze
Location: brain
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 4:26:35 PM

Comments

medication ran out need drugs


Member: Lionel-C
Location: Campbelltown  Australia
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 5:36:32 PM

Comments

hello everyone my names lionel i'm a alcoholic. aday at a time i have'nt needed to drink / drug for 3days 11months and 9 years.whats help me achieve thhat is the simple sugestions.principles before personalities. H.A.L.T don't get to Hungry/Angery/Lonely/Tied.All those things can change the way i act.Don't pick up a drink no matter whats happening.pick up the phone talk to sponsor another member of the fellowship,Attend meetings regualy.pray to a Higher power even if u don't believe.fake it till u make it .I don't know if i've helped any one but i feel good .Need and love u all.lionel


Member: Wm O
Location: Macks Inn Id
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 5:46:40 PM

Comments

Hi I'am Bill Alcoholic Powerfull shares . The newness of my sobriety still shines. It scares me to hear you oldtimers talk about cashing in your chip. I'ts letting me know however I celebrate this sobriety on a contingency. Thank you for that reminder. I pray you hang in there Allen. Good share Lowrider. Love Bill


Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 7:02:09 PM

Comments

Since I don't know Alan and can't speak for him, I hesitate to join in on the "insanity" topic choice others made for him. HOWEVER, I can definitely relate to him and to much of what has been said when it doesn't start to resemble one of those "lemmings-rushing-to-the-sea-together," Simpsons episodes. Seven years is really fabulous, but more than time, what I care most about is the way that continuous sobriety can keep one on a spiritual path, one that is as directed as possible by my H.P as I understand him/her/it. And there's no doubt in my mind that I always do better sober than not; that good momentum builds - and can be shattered so quickly by picking up that drink and/or drug. Just now, while working, I was listening to a John Lee Hooker CD, which ends with, "One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer." For a few moments I imagined the happy swagger back into the bar; joining with "my real fellows (whether I've ever met them before or not); the ones who aren't pretentious and single-minded," the "freedom." Very attractive. I thought how good it would feel to sit down and order a drink after playing something like John Lee Hooker on the jukebox. For about five minutes, yes. Then the rash would return to my face (I have the physical allergy to drinking), I'd look in the mirror and see how it makes me age 10 years immediately, I'd be ashamed at what I was doing, and then my disease would kick in big-time; telling me that since I'd chosen that course, I'd better stay on it (in between trips to the bathroom to relieve myself of the beer). Then there's the looking for drugs that comes with it... and on... ending with awakening the next morning, perhaps bruised, perhaps knowing where my car is, usually embarassed as hell at whatever I've said and done,and, worst of all, thinking, "I've lost my sobriety and I didn't make it into work today. And I've got all this stuff to do, and I feel like crap warmed over." Etc.

Now I understand why people repeat their stories, sometimes ad infinitum, "keeping it green" in meetings. It's so they won't forget what happens when they drink. Right now I need to look at my codendency but I can't let that forget that sobriety must be the foundation for all growth.

A final thought: if your home group (what we call our main meeting in the U.S.) feels uncomfortable, you might do a great service by either getting involved in that meeting or starting another. Others may feel like you.

While people in AA can sometimes drive me crazy and the groups can feel unbearably insular, at worst, the message is what matters. It's a wonderful program. Thank you SO MUCH for helping me keep it green and stay sober one more day.


Member: Gary G.
Location: ALASKA
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 7:06:52 PM

Comments

My name is Gary and I'm an alcholic, With the grace of

God and the people in these rooms, I haven't found it necessary to have a drink in 20 years. And for that I am truly grateful.

I have gone through periods when I almost had a drink on a few occasions. What worked for me was, when I had 10 years of soberiety I was having a very hard time and I was close to drinking again. Then I heard a man share at a meeting that he drank again after 10 years. It just so happens this gentleman men and I didn't get along at all he rubbed me the wrong way but after the meeting I still walked up to him as he was starting his motorcycle, I told him of my situation and I asked him why he drank again, he invited me to lunch and he would explain then. He told me he got complacient number one, that he wasn't going to meeting anymore and that he was putting his job and other projects ahead of his recovery. He also said he learned anything he puts ahead of his program in AA he will lose, obviously I did not have a drink and I also have a new friend. I guess my new friend reminded me so much of my self that we were like two positive magnets we never could connect, I hope I have said something you can use Alan and I will pray for you.


Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 7:10:12 PM

Comments

Since I don't know Alan and can't speak for him, I hesitate to join in on the "insanity" topic choice others made for him. HOWEVER, I can definitely relate to him and to much of what has been said when it doesn't start to resemble one of those "lemmings-rushing-to-the-sea-together," Simpsons episodes. Seven years is really fabulous, but more than time, what I care most about is the way that continuous sobriety can keep one on a spiritual path, one that is as directed as possible by my H.P as I understand him/her/it. And there's no doubt in my mind that I always do better sober than not; that good momentum builds - and can be shattered so quickly by picking up that drink and/or drug. Just now, while working, I was listening to a John Lee Hooker CD, which ends with, "One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer." For a few moments I imagined the happy swagger back into the bar; joining with "my real fellows (whether I've ever met them before or not); the ones who aren't pretentious and single-minded," the "freedom." Very attractive. I thought how good it would feel to sit down and order a drink after playing something like John Lee Hooker on the jukebox. For about five minutes, yes. Then the rash would return to my face (I have the physical allergy to drinking), I'd look in the mirror and see how it makes me age 10 years immediately, I'd be ashamed at what I was doing, and then my disease would kick in big-time; telling me that since I'd chosen that course, I'd better stay on it (in between trips to the bathroom to relieve myself of the beer). Then there's the looking for drugs that comes with it... and on... ending with awakening the next morning, perhaps bruised, perhaps knowing where my car is, usually embarassed as hell at whatever I've said and done,and, worst of all, thinking, "I've lost my sobriety and I didn't make it into work today. And I've got all this stuff to do, and I feel like crap warmed over." Etc.

Now I understand why people repeat their stories, sometimes ad infinitum, "keeping it green" in meetings. It's so they won't forget what happens when they drink. Right now I need to look at my codendency but I can't let that forget that sobriety must be the foundation for all growth.

A final thought: if your home group (what we call our main meeting in the U.S.) feels uncomfortable, you might do a great service by either getting involved in that meeting or starting another. Others may feel like you.

While people in AA can sometimes drive me crazy and the groups can feel unbearably insular, at worst, the message is what matters. It's a wonderful program. Thank you SO MUCH for helping me keep it green and stay sober one more day.

Oh - and one more thought - would someone who wasn't an alcoholic think so much about drinking as we tend to? Especially when, as one of the other people shared, we're alone, and start to "take our will back"? What's going on underneath the desire to drink, Alan? That's what I might ask myself. And stay sober long enough to find out, and work it through...


Member: Rhonda  K.
Location: Derry, N.H.
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 7:22:45 PM

Comments

Hi Everyone, I'm Rhonda and I'm an alcoholic. Recently I've been hearing alot about people with lots of sobriety slipping. I guess all we really have is 24 hrs. at a time. I can never forget that I'm an alcoholic sober day by the grace of my Higher Power and the fellowship of AA. This program is awesome and if you don't think so just keep coming! d.o.s. ll/1/99 Thanks for the great postings.


Member: Sherry
Location: CA
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 7:47:50 PM

Comments

Insanity, I really need to share this with you. My family is having a BBQ this PM. Of course they want me there. I told them I had to work to get out of it cause they expect for me to be there drinking and entertaining them. I come from a group of happy! drunks, singing, laughing etc. and can't remember a thing after a certain point. My own father said he would miss me cause he wouldn't have me there to drink with him. Well after I heard that comment there was another click in my mind thinking I don't think that is sane reasoning. My husband is at home with his 2 sons with a BBQ and drinks, I chose to be here on line with you guys and at work where I know this is sanity. Thank you! for being here.


Member: Dana W
Location: Texas
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 8:37:16 PM

Comments

My name is Dana and I have the disease of alcoholism. It is a physiological illness that results in all kinds of psychological behaviors that are called "insane". This disease causes me cravings that are so powerful I can forget all the pain I went through in the past. All I want is to stop the craving. There is no cure. There is no pill to take for immediate relief. There is this program of AA that makes suggestions of how to get through it and that is the lifeline.

The longest I ever stayed sober was 40 months. I quit going to meetings because they were 35 miles away and my new job was so demanding. I knew I would not be able to drink in a controlled way again. And when I picked up again, the disease had progressed a long ways. I just gave up on life and kept on drinking.

Shelly in Florida, I don't know if the fear of instant death would stop me from wanting and craving a drink! From what I can see of how AA works, the alcoholic reaches out to help someone else and is relieved of the bondage of self that might lead them to drink. And the other person usually gets helped too. If you miss your AA friends, go ahead and call them. I bet they miss you too. If you don't want to go to a meeting, so be it. Coming here online has helped me so many times. Thanks for listening!

Dana


Member: Bob S.
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 9:28:20 PM

Comments

Hi all. I'm Bob and I'm an alcoholic. Thanks for the topic Alan...I call it "principle's before personalities". There are a couple meetings I go to that have personalities I have a difficult time with. I'm finding out that they have something about them that reminds me of a part of me I don't like. On my better days I recognize they are G~d's kids like I am and the way they are is none of my business. On my not so better days these people piss me off. Not having alcohol in me, I can act like a reasonable human being and just let it go, but my spiritual condition suffers some. That's just the way that is. I get an opportunity to exercise some of the skills learned in AA. I'm not perfect and don't have any expectation that I'm supposed to be. I get upset sometimes. But, like you said, I don't drink over it. In the end I think I learn things from people that "move" me in some way or another. Sometimes they serve as examples of who and what I don't want to be. That information is as valuable as learning something about who and what I do want to be. AA has made me a better student of life and given far more than I deserve. Yours in love and service, Bob


Member: crazed
Location: but alive at bugaboos box
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 10:02:12 PM

Comments

imm soooooooooooo crazy


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 10:11:22 PM

Comments

I am an alcoholic I driving 20miles it is lot of drving if it gives any comfort I have been driving almost 100miles one way for almost 1yr and half because I had to pay a price for the cure of my insanity the insane things I had done I managed it. To me my cure was more important then any job or travelling that I might have to do yes I found it very boring first then I had my sponsor go with me then another person joined we even Car pooled. My job required some travel so I carried a lap top computer and get hooked to these meetings on the net I found them very helpful. since I live in a small community with no AA meetings in town .I joined a church locally became a member which helped for me to become spiritual. compounded with one long distance travel and net meetings I have found lot of serenity.


Member: Melissa M.
Location: New Mexico
Date: 7/29/01
Time: 11:49:52 PM

Comments

My name I Melissa and I'm an alcoholic. After I years of sobriety I came very close to taking that first drink again. I had stopped going to meetings, stopped paying attention to my Higher Power, and stopped my daily readings. Finally I got desparate enough to get my ass to a meeting. I found a sponsor in the city I had moved to and told her I would do whatever it took to keep my sobriety. She told me to keep coming to meeting and read AA literature everyday. I did this and this past weekend I was able to pick up my 9 year chip. Maybe this will help you, Alan. I know it is really hard especially when meetings aren't very close. Please drive to that meeting and don't drink.


Member: David B
Location: KC
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 12:02:27 AM

Comments

My name is Dave I am a Alcoholic. I am going on 7+ years also and I thank full. It is just as much work as it was my day. It is thru the steps I get my spiritual experience. It is the only way I know to stay sober,and when I get complacent it starts the restless iritable discontent. The cunning baffling and powereful of alcohol that i deal with well it is the meetings and the alcholic like you my friend that shows me what i need to do just by your experience, and practical experience is the key to helping the next alchoholic.


Member: Jim B.
Location: Marshall Islands
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 12:48:25 AM

Comments

Hi all JimB here, happy to know I'm alcoholic and grateful to be clean and sober today! Today I have 11yrs, 11 mos, 11 days clean and sober and if that aint some miracle I dont know what is. Thanks for all the terrifice shares. I worry sometimes that I may be one of the unlucky ones who fall victim to complacency and return to drink after some time in sobriety. I have just a small meeting that I am able to attend. There are only three of us in the fellowship and one guy will be moving away in a few months leaving just two of us in recovery. It is hard to keep showing up at meetings as we all work for the same company so the politics and favoritism from the job crops up in the meeting as well. My reaction is to quit going to meetings but then I know I'm dead in the water and left to my own devices will not choose healthy options. Thank God for this site and you people because your sharing helps to keep me centered on my recovery so thanks for sharing your expierience, strength and hope.


Member: C. Slate
Location: Nashville
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 12:58:42 AM

Comments

Alcohol(the devil) is cunning, baffeling and powerful. 7 years plus, what, please let God help you.


Member: C. Slate
Location: Nashville
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 1:00:25 AM

Comments

Please someone talk to me please


Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Belgium via Barnsley UK
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 3:16:58 AM

Comments

Those who don't go to meetings never hear what happens to those who don't go to meetings. The Big Book tells us WHEN the obsession to drink returns (not IF, but WHEN) The obsession to drink returned to me a little over a year ago, when I hit a rock-bottom at 2 months short of ten years!!! Thank God and the AA members, I did not give in to this, and did some white-knuckling for a couple of months. I celebrated 11 years on July 11th this year, and like {{{JIM B}}} said, 'If this ain't some miracle, I don't know what is'

Anyone who posts e-mail addresses is willing to 'talk' to anyone who chooses to contact them. Use ALL the tools available to you.

Thanks for the link, {{{JOE}}} {{{LOWRIDER}}} If you also check out the link from Joe, they have a sober bikers page, which may be of interest to you.

{{{SHERRY}}} NOT INsanity, love. Sounds like a good idea for you to be in front of the computer at work, 'talking' to us rather than putting your sobriety at risk at a boozy BBQ!!! Well done for taking that decision. There will, of course come a time when you WILL be able to attend such a function WITHOUT wanting, or needing a drink, and seeing everyone else around you pissed will be something YOU can be grateful for!!! Keep on keeping on.

If none of US (even oldtimers) NEVER got the urge to drink back, why in the hell would we still be going to AA meetings??? Two meetings each week (to which I travel 25 miles each way) usually keeps the obsession away for me, and keeps my head firmly in the day. BUT, sometimes, during 'life's little challenges' I have to stick in an extra meeting on occasions.

Our primary purpose is to stay sober, and for that I am willing to go to any lengths, having been stuck in the revolving door of AA for SEVEN YEARS before I finally got the message!! I was a bout drinker for 7 years in the fellowship, so I am SURE willing to go to any lengths to maintain my sobriety - it took a lot of getting!! 11 years of sobriety from 18 years of AA!!! No-one is too stupid to get this programme, but SOME OF US (i.e. ME) are just too bloody clever!!!

Ignore the mental monkey on your shoulder who tells you 'You are OK, now, just ONE drink won't hurt, you know the score, NOW you will stop before you go too far' (It tells me the same thing) Thank God today, I choose to ignore it, and having just seen my original sponsor, who sponsored me in my first 5 years of recovery end up in a treatment centre (because she stopped coming to meetings - thought she could do it alone) I KNOW that another drink is NOT going to do ME any favours.

Stick with the winners OR win with the stickers.

SOBRIETY ROCKS!!!!

goodallavril2000@yahoo.co.uk


Member: David H.
Location: Nova Scotia-Canada
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 3:19:15 AM

Comments

There are many people listening to you-C.Slate, just talk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Member: Hal B.
Location: Anchorage Alaska
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 5:43:05 AM

Comments

A lot of people seem to think that aftr a while they begin to "crave" a drink. The truth is that when alcohol is is broken down in the digestive process it goes thru several changes one of which is acetone then finally into simple carbohydrates. The latest research suggests that in a alcoholic enzymes are missing or reduced to break down the acetone to simple carbohydrates. It builds up in the cells of the body and is responsible for the craving of more alcohol. If you have a period of sobriety you do not have "cravings" you have compulsive and obsessive thinking. For me the answer is to make meetings ,make calls to other alcoholics, and maintaining my spirituality. For me the only way I can stay sober is to make sobriety is to make the program my first priority an matter what! I am responsible for my recovery. Thoughts lead to actions so I try as hard as I can to practice the steps in ALL of my daily life.


Member: Hal B.
Location: Anchorage Alaska
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 6:02:06 AM

Comments

Sorry for the double post but I forgot something important I forgot to mention. Dr. Silkworth called alcohoism an allergy. He has been proven correct in his theory. This is why one drink is to many and a thousand never enough. My e-mail address is etherwolf@gci.net and would like to comminicate with other alcohoics. The twelfth tradion does not mean we are anonymous amongst other AA members. You cannot call information and ask for Tom S. whith a limp!


Member: Carri KP
Location: Sheffield UK
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 7:53:32 AM

Comments

This is a really good topic and there have been some brilliant shares which have been very helpful to me! A few personal contributions to the relapse issue: ISM = Incredibly Short Memory A member with a good amount of sobriety told me 'we ALL continue to struggle with step one' - which seems to me what this is about, that admission of 'powerlessness.' Also, that same member said 'we are all of us only so far from that first drink.' A definition of insanity: - repeating old, foolish behaviour expecting different results. Then there is George Orwell's concept of 'doublethink' from '1984' - which was the ability to hold two conflicting beliefs in mind - and believe both of them. Sounds a lot like alcoholic rationalisation to me! There is a great website called 'The Big Book Bunch' (www.sober.org) with some really good stuff on 'relapse' - it is called 'Before you take that drink' and I would suggest taking a look at it. They also have a page called the 'bottle inventory.' Lots of other helpful pages too.


Member: Rich R.
Location: Florida
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 8:23:31 AM

Comments

First time to this site, or any other AA related sites for that matter.Been without a drink for 10 hours.As I'm reading these stories I'm reminded of the things that I was supposed to learn 8 years ago while going through an alcohol program in the Air Force and attenting 30 meetings in 30 days(I let alcohol win,many times over!)There is a meeting 5 minutes down the road from me, I once drove by and didnt like the "looks" of it, because the meeting club in SanAntonio was much bigger and nicer.I realize by Alan's story and many others, just how stupid I'm being.I think I'll make my first meeting in 8 years tonight.As long as I can stay away from alcohol throughout this very long day.God help me.


Member: Mark J
Location: Kincumber. Australia
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 8:30:58 AM

Comments


Member: Mark J
Location: Kincumber. Australia
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 8:32:28 AM

Comments

How the emtional well being is effected when a sponcer picks up.


Member: Rich R.
Location: Florida
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 8:35:20 AM

Comments

Sorry double post!Anyone know of sites with active live AA related chat to keep myself busy while waiting for the meeting tonight?Thanks!


Member: Kim V.
Location: Iowa
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 8:37:03 AM

Comments

Hi Kim, Alcoholic...really good subject...I am two months sober and I know what you mean Allen A., I had to go back out several times because of that insanity of alcoholism. For me I have to remember every day that I deal with a disease that is not only progressive but that it is cunning, baffling and if I am not careful It will gain control over me very easily. The first thing I tell myself upon waking every morning is that I have a choice for today and that I chose not to drink...and ask the God of my understanding to do his will in my life and not mine...For me I can get through one day with out a drink...sometimes it's an hour or a minute, I just keep telling myself that for this moment I do not have to drink...for me it works. Meetings, meetings, meetings are the other thing that helps me to stay sober and the service work that I do in AA. I also have quite a drive to get to a meeting, but I also know that if when I start feeling as if I don't need a meeting or make excusses as to why I don't need to go, then that is when I need to be at a meeting. Just keep in mind that for today we don not have to drink!!!


Member: Monique M.
Location: Prince Edward island
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 9:55:19 AM

Comments

I don't have an obsession with drinking right now, I feel depressed. I have just moved out to PEI to live the dream of a lifetime: a big house by the ocean ! Now, I feel depressed because I find out that I am still the same person, with ups and downs, and life is still the same, never quite what I expected. I think my hopes were too high ! I thought that living the dream would be this uninterrupted exciting experience. Well, it's not. I have to take care of me just the same, so I wont relapse in negative thoughts. I have lost my sponsor, partly because of the change of location. I go to meetings, but have not find a new sponsor yet. I now live in a small community where everybody nows everything about everybody. Its hard for me to adjust and I just feel like running away and hide myself in a hole. I am used to the anonymity of a big city like Montreal. How do I choose a new sponsor ?


Member: Bob W
Location: Indiana
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 10:18:53 AM

Comments

Cunning baffling and powerful. Its also patient and its not predjudice. If I dont keep my sobriety #1 I will get drunk. AA is my sponsor I can use anyone at a meeting and also the tables for that. Til I found one and I dont use him as much as I should today. I do attend meetings regularly and read and pray everyday. I ask my higher power which is my real sponsor to keep me sober just for this 24 hours. I may get drunk tomorrow but not today. Im here because I cant stay sober alone. I also thank Him each night for the day Ive had no matter how it has gone. In due time we each find a sponsor in our own and different ways. So Alan shall you.


Member: bob w
Location: indiana
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 10:25:27 AM

Comments

I was talking to you Monique M sorry


Member: Donna S.
Location: WY
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 11:32:24 AM

Comments

I'm Donna I am an alcoholic, I came into A.A. in 1987, Stayed sober 1 year, Drank, went to treatment, stayed sober 21/2 years, drank, couldn't get more than 90 days for over 2 years, then got sober for 7 years, and I have been flirting with it again, I don't want to, I know the Big Book by heart. I've been in treaatment 3 times. I went to meeting on a daily basis for 11 years, I was a GSR, I really don't know now if I want to quit, or keep on till I die. I'm confused, tired, and depressed.


Member: jimmy
Location:
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 12:01:34 PM

Comments

i need a beeeeeerrr

jimmy the drunk


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 12:15:09 PM

Comments

Donna S., You know what you want to do. You came here because you want what we have. We're here because we must give it away to keep it. You know the Big Book by heart, or so you say. It seems that each BB meeting I'm in, I get something new from the text. Try again, if you really want to. We are here to help those still coming in because we have to be, AND there was someone there for us. You are aware that life was better sober. Why not be sober again? Couldn't be worse, HUH! Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: skipper
Location:
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 1:12:31 PM

Comments

wheres gilligan at


Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Belgium via Barnsley UK
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 1:17:45 PM

Comments

CARRIE KP - SHEFFIELD A group of us from this staying cyber site are getting together at the Daneshill Rotherham meetibg on Thursday August 16th. If you are free, why not come along and join us?? E-Mail me if you want details OK?

goodallavril2000@yahoo.com


Member: Joanna
Location: NW
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 1:42:59 PM

Comments

Joanna-Alcoholic, Grateful to be sober today. I want to be sober. In June I had 5 years. I never would have thought I would stay sober this long. i have loved this program since the first day I went to a meeting. No treatment, no dui, no judge just me and my bottom. I was desperate and I needed help. I don't want to forget that desperate feeling. I have been an emotional mess lately and can not get a finger on it. I go to meetings, talk to a sponser and have a service position. I do believe the insainity returns long before a drink does so I do stay guarded. It says in our lit, that there will come a time when I do not have a mental defense against a drink, it must come from a HP, not a meeting, not a sponser, but a relationship and a reliance on a HP. I know this but still find it hard. But willing to contiure trying, learning and seeking. I love being sober and truly believe it is the deepest happiness I will ever know, I am an alcoholic and I am sober today. Joanna


Member: jules v.
Location: lake elsinore,ca.
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 4:13:19 PM

Comments

hello my name is jules and i am definitly a raging alcholic...i need help...i was doing very well,until yesterday when i got into a disscussion with my significant other. i was upset by a few things that were said to me..so much that i drank..i feel aweful and full of remorse...today i am very sad. i live in the lake elsinore part of cali. if anyone out there can help w/ rides to meetings i would be very grateful..i can be e-mailed at jules1967@webtv.net or julesvdm@aol.com i want to stop drinking and come back to the program that helped me years ago...i dont want to lose anymore people that i love and i dont want to lose myself or my life!


Member: Rich P
Location: Denver CO
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 4:46:26 PM

Comments

I tried an AA meeting 10 years ago and did not seem to "fit". I have never had a DUI, lost a job. etc. I knew why I drank, to avoid thinking about or dreaming about an abusive childhood. I am in therapy for that now, and am making good progress.

I do want to stop drinking but have not had much success. I can stay sober for a while, drink moderately for a while, then I'm puking in the morning and I start the process over. Well, I puked this morning and don't want to start the process over. Anyone ever been here before? What helped?


Member: Mike D
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 5:48:48 PM

Comments

Rich: Since your in Denver, there are probably hundreds of AA meetings that you can choose from either in the city or the suburbs. Just look under AA in the phone book or yellow pages. There is probably something called an "Intergroup" which has a meeting guide for the entire city, etc. First, get your *** to a meeting.

Second, when you get to the meeting let at least someone know that you are a newcomer. Be brave. If its a decent meeting, other men will come forward and introduce themselves to you. They will offer you their phone numbers take them. Call them. Ask them how they got sober and stay sober.

Third, get the BIG BOOK. Start reading it. You can probably get it at the meeting.

Fourth, don't drink today. If you feel like drinking, let a few minutes or an hour or two pass. The feeling may pass.

Keep coming back until you get it.


Member: Dottie
Location: Owasso, OK
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 6:08:32 PM

Comments

Thanks Alan for the week's topic. I'm Dottie, an alcoholic who has become complacent, critical of the AA meetings and people attending, and also close calls with picking up a drink. These thoughts of wanting to drink,for me, have always come out of the blue: when my life was going pretty good. At 5yrs of sobriety, my HP turned my car around and brought me back to my apt. and to AA safely. At 10 yrs of sobriety, my HP gave me a 12 step call where I got to be with a woman my age who was drunk. Seeing her, smelling her, hearing her rationalizations why she blew 10 years of sobriety deleted the taste of alcohol for me. I am sober today by the grace of my Higher Power, AAers, sponsors and working all of the AA program to the best of my ability odaat. My gratitude is enormous! Thanks for being here.


Member: Tony S.
Location: Charleston,S.C.
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 6:40:47 PM

Comments

I'm Tony and I'm an alcoholic. First time here. What an excellent site. The insanity of alcoholism, great topic. I haven't been making meetings lately. But reading these discussions makes me realize I need to start going again. I sure miss the message and keeping it green. I need to get more involved. I too copped an attitude about the meeting I was going to and quit going. The problem lies within me. I need to get back or try other meetings till I find one I'm comfortable with. Thanks to all of you for sharing.


Member: ben
Location:
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 6:57:19 PM

Comments

they call me boner ben.


Member: JoeE
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 8:30:44 PM

Comments

I'm Joe and I'm an alcoholic. I've been in and out of AA since 1978... longest period of sobriety was 5 years. I can only look back on the year prior to my last relapse at 5 years sober and say that if I had kept going to meetings regularly and used those meetings in questionable times I might not have relapsed... I was pretty cocky... sure that I was safe from the insanity that precedes the first drink... unaware that it was creeping back into my life... cunning... baffling. I didn't even see it coming. Probably another AA'er would have and said so... Keep going to meetings. We all help each other whether it is through our wisdom or through our ignorance.


Member: Tiffany B.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 9:39:24 PM

Comments

My name is Tiffany and I'm an alcoholic. This topic is a good one. It makes me think of my last relapse, which was a little over a year ago. I had started to go to less and less meetings, until I finally didn't go to any. I didn't have a sponsor. I have to be honest with myself here, I wasn't doing anything right. This soon led to drinking. Me and my sponsor talk about it sometimes and she asks if it was like I never put the drink down. And it was, but it was so much worse! Today, I'm taking suggestions and doing things the AA way. My life is so much better! This is the easier, softer way for me.


Member: Sherri C
Location: North Dakota
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 9:53:38 PM

Comments

Hi, My name is Sherry and I am an alcoholic. It has been a long time since I said that or truly thought about it. I am so totally disgusted in myself, I drank got into a fight and now am waiting to find out if I still have a job. I haven't been to a meeting in about a year. Everything seemed to be going well for me. I just thought I deserved a little fun. Wrong. I wish I would have never went, now I am in a big mess. I am glad I found this site. I get intimidated by members who have "years" of sobriety because I let myself feel inferior. Will I ever get it?. I know I need to go to meetings in order to do it and have now resolved to go every week. I'm glad I have a new resolve and determination. Just wish My life didn't have to come crashing down to realize it. Thanks for listening. And you know when I took that first drink, it really didn't seem insane. I felt or thought that I could control myself. How in the world do you fight that? It's just way to easy to do, I think the meetings will make me stronger. Later.


Member: Doug K
Location: Hot, Humid shores of West Mich.
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 9:57:16 PM

Comments

Hi everyone, my name is Doug and I'm an alcoholic.

There is nothing, absolutely nothing more important for me today than to not take that first drink. I have to believe that sobriety is my number one priority, and I do. After all, I'm an alcoholic and I know it; I also know what that means to me and the people around me. That "willing to go to any length" shit doesn't change based on the amount of time sober I have...I need to be as willing today as I was Years ago, and for the same reason. If I want to spend time dwelling on what is wrong with things...ie, meetings, people, situations rather than on what is right with them, then I don't feel I'm being very willing nor keeping my priorities in proper perspective. Poor me, poor me, pour me another. Thanks


Member: ML
Location:
Date: 7/30/01
Time: 10:53:08 PM

Comments

Sorry if I'm double dipping, everyone, but wow, what a heck of a meeting this is becoming - I've been checking it out for about a month and it really helps me to stay sober. TO RICK P.: I know, I know, I know. Incest survivor and victim of a lot of emotional and other abuse. Alcohol's only one of the ways I've tried to bury feelings and "change" my past, at least in my mind. BUT I had the good fortune to get sober in NYC, where there are so many different types of AA and other meetings, and a lot of support for people doing therapy & program, etc. (they call people who work that hard on their recovery double or triple winners there). At nearly a year of sobriety it was mirrored to me how much I was sharing about my family history and suggested that I check out ACA. Lucky for me, I didn't get confused by having to go to ACA meetings that can include people who drink (that's confusing for me, a very codepenent drinker, anyway - maybe not for others). That's because of a wonderful program there called Sober ACA. Its meetings were deeply powerful because of the combined willingness of members to work the steps, stay sober, and look at and work through their stuff. Then I moved to Southern California and, at nearly four years of sobriety, I had a really, really rough time. I've drank since then although I'm sober today. What I'm trying to say is that there IS hope - there are many of us who are sober and also working on other issues. You can do it too if you have the willingness and have, or can find, a higher power. Create a sober ACA meeting, find others who're working on themselves very hard... find an AA meeting that will tolerate your story. They exist. The Big Book does speak of family problems, and the 12 & 12 (steps & traditions) talks about the search for that love some of us didn't get growing up. And of course, alcoholics always want more, or something different. We're talking work here, but the benefits are beyond description. You can e-mail me to talk more about this if you want: learymar@aol.com. Today can be your first day of sobriety - just taking that step always gives me a huge feeling of power and relief. Finally, don't worry about "time" - shame and perfectionism can make us compare ourselves with people who've accumulated large amounts of continuous sobriety and keep us from the program. If you want to stay sober today, that's what counts. And if the days pile up, one after another, then good momentum can really start building in our lives. Thanks, Rick, for reminding me that it can be done and thanks to everyone for this wonderful meeting. I do want to hear from others who want to get sober.


Member: Joe V
Location: Boston MA
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 12:38:51 AM

Comments

Hi everyone, this hurts but I'm going to try it. I'm 34 and have been drinking since my teenage years. Sometimes casually but usually more than those around me. I have lost several relationships, friends and lovers, due to alcohol, but always wanted to believe it was thier fauult. Well seven months ago my drinking buddy and fiance' decided it was time to call it quits. I was and still am truly lost. I thought I seen the light at that point and decided to kick the habit. That was April 17th. Things went great for about three weeks, work was supportive, family was there, and my ex was starting to listen to me. After my fisrt slip up I knew no one found out, so I thought I had controlled my problem in a short time. I then went a week without a drink. Slowly it came back. And by the middle of July I was back to drinking almost regularly. I took a couple of days off last week and went on a binge. On the first day I was speaking to my ex on the phone and started to say things that weren't nice. I knew then that I had ruined everything that I was trying to fix. The binge went on throughout the weekend and when I woke up on Monday I knew I never had a chance alone. Today I decided to become a member. It has been 24 hours 36 minutes since my last drink. Just wanted to share that with you. Thanks for listening.


Member: Lowrider
Location:
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 9:54:05 AM

Comments

Hi Joe V...Welcome aboard...Look at my 1st post almost at the top..you are not alone my friend. I am doing my first week sober on a ship at sea..I'd been sober almost 9 years before and all the stuff you spoke of happened to me as well as many other on the board. Most important thing is you are here taking some actions...with that you will be fine...Hang in there and get to a real FACE to FACE meeting for us both ok!! :-) Low


Member: MikeL
Location: CT
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 10:52:25 AM

Comments

Hi,My name is Mike and I am an alcoholic. I'm new to the site and sobriety and hope that this will help me out a bit. I have come to realize that I can't drink safely anymore.


Member: JoeE
Location: Ohio, USA
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 10:56:43 AM

Comments

My name is Joe and I'm an alcoholic. A link that really helped me with the INSANITY of taking the first drink: http://www.public.usit.net/rfhale/insanity.htm Thanks to God, to all of you and to my meetings. Today I am sober.


Member: Robin M.
Location: Lynn, MA
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 11:57:27 AM

Comments

Hi My name is Robin and I am an alcoholic. This is my first time here at this site read about it in the grape vine. Some really good stuff. The topic is right where I am at. Hope your doing O.K. Alan. I had 5 1/2 years, went to a concert, and the insanity set in, my head told me I had been away from a drink long enough and that i could handle a couple of beers, it told me I could go back to AA 2-morrow and that I would be alright. So I fell for it. In that one night I drank, picked up dope, OD, and got arrested. I have been relapsing for the past year. Get 30 days, pick up, it is a viscous circle, the feelings suck, guilt, shame remorse, my disease wants to keep me out of the meetings big time. I have been sober and clean since July 6, 2001 I have been going to meetings everyday regardless how I feel, getting down on my knees, and talking to another drunk. Those three simple things have been keeping me sober. I just got to keep surrendering everyday. This disease is very powerful don't give in......


Member: migel
Location: la
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 4:51:50 PM

Comments

robin did you get any dick?


Member: Tom G
Location: Houston, TX
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 4:54:14 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Tom and I'm an alcoholic. This is my first time here - I read about this online group in the Grapevine.

Alan, I understand your feelings. Although I've been sober 14 years now, lately I've been feeling miserable and though I haven't picked up a drink, I believe I am in a dry drunk. My home group seems to be dying (members going elsewhere) and I no longer have a sponsor, and although I have started going to some other meetings I feel uncomfortable sharing about where I'm at right now. I also feel funny asking someone to be my sponsor now. Much of it is self-pity (I hate my job, I hate my life, my marriage is shakey, I feel like a complete failure, etc.) and foolish pride ("old-timers" shouldn't be feeling this way).

I suppose I need to start back at Step 1. I know that I can make it through this with my higher power and with the help of AA.


Member: Tammy L
Location: San Antonio, TX
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 5:30:19 PM

Comments

My name is Tammy. I turned 31 last Saturday and my father flew in from out of town to celebrate with me. I only see him every few years. Yesterday was his last day here and I got so drunk that I blacked out. The feeling I had when I woke up on my couch and saw that his belongings were gone can not be put in words. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I've always associated alcholism with one who needs a drink to feel "normal" - that's not me. Me? One who feels she has a problem... One who is scared... One who needs help.


Member: Tom G
Location: Houston
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 5:41:39 PM

Comments

Tammy, welcome. You've come to the right place. Look in the phone book for AA and call to find a meeting near you. There should be one everynight in the San Antonio area. Go to the meeting, introduce yourself, and you will get help.


Member: patricia M
Location:
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 6:01:02 PM

Comments

Hi to all fellow Alcoholics, Thanks for an excellent meeting. I am new to this site, and I am thrilled to know that I have a meeting to attend right in my home. I have been hearing about people saying meetings are to far away, I remember driving drunk through 3 Dimension weather conditions just to get a drink. I am not proud of that, but I would go to any lengths to get a drink. Now I must put sobriety first. I must make a true effort to attend a meeting on a daily basis. I drank every waking moment, and was a complete blackout, fall down drunk. I can remember saying to my sponsor at the beginning of my sobriety, and at beginner meetings that a person gave me a dirty look, or said something I didn't like, and she said always put "Principals before personalities. Now I have reached a point where sobriety comes first. If sobriety does not come first, I will not have a productive life.

Rich R. Congrats on you 10 hours sobriety. Hang in there and continue to share everything that is on your mind to save your ass. On this same website there is another sharing group called the Coffee Pot. My prayers are with all newcombers. You are the most important people at this meeting. Thank you all for letting me share.


Member: joe
Location:
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 6:28:23 PM

Comments

whats a golden shower mean??


Member: JASON R
Location:
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 6:36:34 PM

Comments


Member: Dave M.
Location: Woodstock , Il.
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 7:04:38 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is dave,and I'm an alcoholic. Thank you Alan for your comments. I attend three meetings a week on a regular basis. I'm not sure I agree with everyone at those meetings,but being drunks we have a common bond. I am accountable to the members of the groups. When I get goofey, it will be pointed out.I'm sure that if I ever pick up that first drink, meetings will have been a thing of the past. It took me too many years to learn that AA is the easier way.When things are going good is when the disease works its hardest,and a good time for a meeting.Welcome to the newcomers.The best thing you can do is don't drink and go to meetings. I will keep you in my prayers.


Member: Tammy L.
Location: San Antonio, Tx
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 9:50:23 PM

Comments

Thanks, Tom. Went to a meeting tonight... felt really, really, really out of place. I suspect it's probably me and my frame of mind right now - depressed. I will go back. Promised myself at LEAST a month of attending a meeting daily. We'll see. Again, thanks for the welcome. :)


Member: chester
Location:
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 11:16:55 PM

Comments

tammy ,i would go anywhere with you,i think im in love.


Member: VivianR
Location: P
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 11:40:50 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Vivian R, Phoenix,Az sobrity date is 10/2/77 through the Grace of God! One day at a time. It wasn't easy for me drinking was no longer an option. I didn't walk through the doors of AA. by mistake. I believe it is by appointment. Living this new life has been everything the old timers talked about, "you will know the promises of AA," they did come to past fear, was gone, I found faith!, hate was gone found Love!!. I remember telling myself they are nuts!!. But, I'm happy to report everthing I heard in those rooms, happen. I miss those meetings, where sobrity had so much hope and you looked forward to the simple things of life. Like the smell of green grass, the birds in the air, for the first time, I was aware of the simple things in life. Belive me that's a far cry from waking up in a strangers arms. Wandering! "Where am I?" I hope you'll stick around for the miracle!! It's worth it!! "Keep coming back, they said!" I hope Alan, you stick around for your Miracle!!


Member: VivianR
Location: Phoenix,Az
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 11:41:41 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Vivian R, Phoenix,Az sobrity date is 10/2/77 through the Grace of God! One day at a time. It wasn't easy for me drinking was no longer an option. I didn't walk through the doors of AA. by mistake. I believe it is by appointment. Living this new life has been everything the old timers talked about, "you will know the promises of AA," they did come to past fear, was gone, I found faith!, hate was gone found Love!!. I remember telling myself they are nuts!!. But, I'm happy to report everthing I heard in those rooms, happen. I miss those meetings, where sobrity had so much hope and you looked forward to the simple things of life. Like the smell of green grass, the birds in the air, for the first time, I was aware of the simple things in life. Belive me that's a far cry from waking up in a strangers arms. Wandering! "Where am I?" I hope you'll stick around for the miracle!! It's worth it!! "Keep coming back, they said!" I hope Alan, you stick around for your Miracle!!


Member: Ken K.
Location: Atlanta, GA
Date: 7/31/01
Time: 11:42:21 PM

Comments

I'm familiar with the many ways I can rationalize an extended time away from meetings. I'm also familiar with relapse. The sharing here is tremendous. I'll still depend primarily on my face-to-face meetings, but I know I'll be back here often. I returned to my meetings on July 10, after drinking for several months. I didn't think I would regain a sense of hope, but, thanks to AA and my higher power, the hope is returning. Thanks for the honest and gut-level sharing.


Member: gil
Location: Texas
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 1:21:19 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm gil, an alcoholic, Tammy, keep it up.I know you've heard by now it works if you work it. The more you go the more comfortable you will get. Keep going to meetings. We're glad your here.


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 2:27:50 AM

Comments

Hi I am Jack, a real alcoholic. The disease of alcoholism is the only disease that tells us we don't have a disease.Thru the Grace of God and the fellowship of A A, I have enjoyed continous sobriety since November 23rd 1987.That is a miracle, considering where I came from. Early in my sobriety the thought about drinking was often there, but as long as I didn't act on that thought, I was okay. There were many bareknuckle days early on. Good sobriety for me didn't happen until about my 7th year, it was when I realized that there was more to our program, than just not drinking. When I made a firm committment to God and these 12 steps in step three life without alcohol beacame more enjoyable.I am a firm believer that the steps stand for solution to every problem sober.There is more to my disease, than just drinking, I need to learn about me, by taking a fearless moral inventory as outlined in step four. I need to openly discuss my past with God and another human being, and then when I was entirely willing for the wonders of this program to take hold by admitting I needed God's help in step 6 and 7, that something miraculous happened. Today the key to good sobriety for me is, I am useful today, no more, no less, but useful. I have a reason to get up in the morning.I can honestly say thru the amazing Grace of God and our 12 step program, I have not had a thought to drink in almost 6 years. I look at each day as I can live it one of two ways. 1. Don't pick up the first drink no matter what. Trust God in all my affairs, and work with another alcoholic. I find this a wonderful way to live. My second option is to not pick up the first drink no matter what.Forget about God, trust Jack in all my affairs and be totally miserable. For today I think I will take the first option. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.


Member: David F.
Location: Aiea, Hawaii
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 4:33:53 AM

Comments

Hi Everyone, My name is Dave and I am a grateful alcoholic. I want to thank all who made input on this meeting. It helped me for today, which of course is always the most important day for our sobriety. God only gave us today as a gift and that is why he calls it the PRESENT. Other gifts he has granted me have been a return to Sanity as it is said in the second step, and all of the 12 promises. Of course none of these would have never come to me if I didn't do the 12 steps and have a sponsor. For all of you newcomers, remember you are the most important members of our fellowship, and you two can be free of all of your problems if you follow the suggestions of the old timers, ie., get a sponsor and work the steps, go to meetings, and most of all don't drink in between the days. If you follow those simple suggestions you too can be clean and sober for 17 years plus, just like I am. My sobriety date is May 30, 1984. Thanks for letting me share. Take care and God Bless.


Member: Pete B
Location: Yorkshire UK
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 6:16:52 AM

Comments

The insanity for me was the self-deception that "just the one" wouldn't hurt. So, off I would go and buy a quarter bottle (approx. 1/4 pint) of vodka in order to get the glow; after an hour or so I would be back for a half bottle; then, inevitably, within a couple more hours it would be the full bottle but, hey, I might as well buy two to save me coming back.

So, there you have it - the brakes were off and the runaway train was hurtling back down the same old track. Out of control yet again. The irresistable force meeting the immovable object.

It's no coincidence that this invariably happened when I stopped going to meetings, preferring, instead, to get by on my own will and superior intelect. How wrong can you be?

As I never tire of hearing in AA meetings - insanity is doing the same thing over and expecting a different result.

Have a happy sober day.........Pete B


Member: Jean-Claude T.
Location: Belgium
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 9:20:45 AM

Comments

My name is JC and Iím an alcoholic.

Thank God ! When I was about 2 months sober I saw that bloke cominí from a relapse. He was 17 years sober and had enough lucidity to understand and explain the process that took him back to Hell. Since then too many people have made that experience for me and the luckiest ones came back in meetings to share it. Some didnít and died in booze.

Iíve never heard somebody sayiní I went back drinking and yet I was goiní (and sharing) regularly to meetings, talkiní honestly to my sponsor, workiní the program at the best of my abilities, using the tools AA gave me (litterature, telephone) and keepiní in touch with AA friends between the meetings.

Killer disease, cunning baffling and powerful. You bet.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and for letting me share.

jctoller@hotmail.com


Member: Michael M
Location: Ohio
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 10:21:43 AM

Comments

5 years sober and grateful for meetings as a place to regroup and recharge.

when i was 21 i knew a college classmate who killed himself. I believe that the answer to the grief and anger I felt is to stay sober, and to do the many things that make me truly sober, like go to meetings, but also exercise, be social, keep my mind active with books and art, use psychiatry when that is appropriate. I take some medication today and I believe AAs founders would approve of that.

Don't drink, go to meetings, take care of your Self!


Member: Newcomer
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 3:12:52 PM

Comments

I have not been here for quite a while. I have really been struggling with am I an alcoholic or not. Do I want to give up drinking forever or not. I drink usually once a week, usually Friday nights to let off steam from my busy week. I usually drink 10 -12 beers by myself. I don't want to stop drinking once I start. I keep myself from drinking during the week and usually Saturday and Sunday. Drinking seems to be the "other half" of me as crazy as that is to say. I am super-mom, super-wife, super-worker etc on the other 1/2. My husband kind of makes fun of me for thinking of myself as having a problem. He tells me I just have no moderation. I try to explain to him that once I start I just want more, period. He thinks I am way over-reacting to my drinking. He spends a lot of time with our downstairs tenant and they have beers together and smoke ciggarettes. I feel sometimes the only way I can relate to them is if I do the same. Yet I end up the one that is so drunk she can't remember what happened that night. I need to get some clarification for myself about my drinking. I need to stop being so wishy-washy. What to do..... help is needed...


Member: rick
Location: AZ
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 3:43:24 PM

Comments

Rick here, alcoholic. Newcomer, you are exactly where I was about 33 years ago. 10 -12 beers on Friday night only slowly worked into Saturday drinking also, then Sunday was added, and it wasn't too long until I was drinking every day. I graduated from beer to wine and then to vodka. I needed the vodka for my morning drink and my lunches so no one would be able to smell me a mile away down at work. Finally I woke up one morning and said the now famous words of aa -- I am an alcoholic. If you have doubts about whether you are truly an alcoholic or not you should attend a meeting. You will hear so many things that that you can identify with that you will soon realize where you are in regards to alcoholism. Don't put it off.


Member: Sherry2
Location:
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 3:51:53 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Sherry, and I AM an alcoholic. I wish that I wasn't I wish I could drink like a normal person, not get so drunk I could die of embarrasment the next day, blank out, and usually when in that condition I end up yelling or in this past case fighting. Please Help me, I am ill. In this past year or two, I have neglected meetings and any work to stay sober. My husband of 13 years says to me, "Sherry if you had an illness or infection that caused you to act like that, you would always remember to take your medication to stop it. Why don't you stop it through AA?" I am embarrassed I guess, I feel ashamed to say I can't drink and feel like a liar when I say I don't drink. I need to get honest, I get out of control when I drink. I need AA and God to stay in control. Why is that so hard? Some one please council. I have never had a sponsor, there is not many females in my old group. I don't think my husband can handle another one of my nights out. I disgust him when I am drinking and that hurts. I wanted to go to a meeting last night but.... Ater thinking I was fired they called me back to work, Thank God. I want to live a sober life but I am afraid to try for fear of failure. Has any one felt this? Thanks for listening to the deep down ugly feelings.


Member: Agg D.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 4:23:14 PM

Comments

Hi. Agg D. yes I think I have a problem I have not even been sober for a whole 24 hours. My life has begun to spin out of control. I have tried to stop drinking but was not very succesful because every time something in my life didn't go the way I wanted it to I would take a drink. Now I am at the point where I take a drink just for the sake of taking a drink. My boyfriend actually had to lift me off of the ground in the parking lot yesterday. I am 27 years old and very very scared. I need your help.


Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 4:45:30 PM

Comments

Sherry & "newcomer" - you are showing the courage and honesty that can mean being ready to make that change. There is a wonderful book called "Came to Believe" - it should be available at recovery stores - that includes the personal accounts of alcoholics who asked God for help - and what happened. Little and big miracles. I'd suggest finding women's meetings in your area - a call to your closest AA office can help you get that info. If not, please get back on here and include your e-mail & I'll write to you - we'll start a women's meeting. Your life can start over again any time you want - it's a wonderful process to put the burden of addiction down and use the steps to open up the door to a new life. One day at a time. Can start any time. Oh, and newcomer, you are doing what's called periodic or episodic drinking. This is the kind that can cause the most denial, and the kind I have done when I drank. What was important was the fact I couldn't stop once I started and what happened when I did start - usually nothing good, to say the least. I'm glad you joined the meeting by writing.


Member: Rich P
Location: Denver, CO
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 4:53:44 PM

Comments

Agg D.,

I have a VERY similar story. I came here three days ago. I had just woken up and puked, and thought, "Man I seem to to be puking a lot lately." Here is what Mike D told me...by the way, thanks Mike!

Rich: Since your in Denver, there are probably hundreds of AA meetings that you can choose from either in the city or the suburbs. Just look under AA in the phone book or yellow pages. There is probably something called an "Intergroup" which has a meeting guide for the entire city, etc. First, get your *** to a meeting.

Second, when you get to the meeting let at least someone know that you are a newcomer. Be brave. If its a decent meeting, other men will come forward and introduce themselves to you. They will offer you their phone numbers take them. Call them. Ask them how they got sober and stay sober.

Third, get the BIG BOOK. Start reading it. You can probably get it at the meeting.

Fourth, don't drink today. If you feel like drinking, let a few minutes or an hour or two pass. The feeling may pass.

Keep coming back until you get it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have also made a buddy online with a similar past, this has helped alot with the feeling of isolation and shame.


Member: ben
Location:
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 4:57:27 PM

Comments

agg wanna see my big boner


Member: Catherine M
Location:
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 5:29:53 PM

Comments

When i went to my first AA meeting, they said I would never have to drink again. That seemed like a relief to hear. People were honest and they looked me in the eye and I realized pretty quick that I wanted to keep coming and I wanted be able to say to someone else, "just don't drink and go to meetings". I couldn't say that unless I was doing it. It's still my theme today. I just keep showing up. They were right - I didn't have to drink again.


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 5:37:53 PM

Comments

Ag, Sherry, Newcomer,

Rick failed to mention that members of your gender will most likely be those that approach you, so finding a females meeting would be a good idea, if possible. The advice he was given is good advice, and it worked for me, so I can speak from experience. I feel good about myself today, and definitely did not then. I have since been divorced, but am no longer in self loathing, so have accepted it, and am going with life much more serenely, and happily than in the past.

Keep coming back until you get it is very powerful. Many have had to do so for years, but those who do, usually end sober and happy. Keep bringing your body until the mind arrives too, is probably more accurate for those who have had trouble stopping.

Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: carolynw
Location: Va. Bch. VA
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 6:35:05 PM

Comments

Been out of meetings 10 yrs and sober 19 yrs.got back last month and found Home a good place to be, Aware after one meeting I have no emotional sobriety left and need to KEEP COMING BACK cuz I am an alcoholic- even when I don't drink!!!!! Gratitude a day at a time is still my only way of making sense out the attempt to gain sanity moment by moment. Others struggles even when youcan not relTE IS ENCOURAGING BECAUSE THIS RELATES TO THE PROMISES WILL COME TRUE SOMETIMES QUICKLY SOMETIMES SLOWLY. This is a slowly time for me and iam in a alcohlic instant reaction. I want what I want andand I want it now!!!!! The steps slow me down and my need to become entirely ready for this defect of character to be removed. The meetings help encourage me not to drink and to listen and learn how to walk the walk not to just talk the talk. Solutions come with time and patience and day by day turning over all to my higher power.


Member: carolynw
Location: Va. Bch. VA
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 6:35:14 PM

Comments

Been out of meetings 10 yrs and sober 19 yrs.got back last month and found Home a good place to be, Aware after one meeting I have no emotional sobriety left and need to KEEP COMING BACK cuz I am an alcoholic- even when I don't drink!!!!! Gratitude a day at a time is still my only way of making sense out the attempt to gain sanity moment by moment. Others struggles even when youcan not relTE IS ENCOURAGING BECAUSE THIS RELATES TO THE PROMISES WILL COME TRUE SOMETIMES QUICKLY SOMETIMES SLOWLY. This is a slowly time for me and iam in a alcohlic instant reaction. I want what I want andand I want it now!!!!! The steps slow me down and my need to become entirely ready for this defect of character to be removed. The meetings help encourage me not to drink and to listen and learn how to walk the walk not to just talk the talk. Solutions come with time and patience and day by day turning over all to my higher power.


Member: Jennifer
Location:
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 7:00:56 PM

Comments

The only time I got drunk was when I had reservations. Today I am willing to do whatever it takes to stay sober. My meetings are my first priority. Because that is where I learn the formula for sobriety. For a long time I tried to write my own formula. Talk about an experiment that kept blowing-up in my face! But, my pride kept telling me I was different. Therefore, I needed a different solution. Sure, maybe you needed a sponsor and to take the steps with that person - but not me. So I continued to mix and match AA the way I wanted it until I realized my confused half measures were getting me nowhere fast. Today I wouldn't say that I was a poster child for the fellowship, but I am sober. Meetings are still important after 13 years. I know I'm not cured. But there has been definate improvement in all areas of my life. But, my life continues to be held in the balance as I decide each day whether or not I shall reserve the right to relapse due to just one reservation.


Member: Lowrider
Location:
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 7:02:37 PM

Comments

Hi..I am Lowrider, an alcoholic biker!! I've only been coming to this site about a week now but I'll tell you this is someplace else!! I was sober nine years and went back out drinking for 2 years. I regret I lost my "time in" but I know that is just my pride. Anyway what I wanted to say to the people who posted wondering if they are alcoholic are not is there is a damn good chance you are. I am 47 years old and have yet to meet a REAL SOCIAL DRINKER ever question him/herself on that. Social Drinkers just do not question if they are alcoholic or not. I hope this helps some of you take the first step. I don't always like to admit my self an alcoholic..although knowing I am and doing something about it is better than crashing and burning more. One thing I can tell you I ain't though is a SOCIAL DRINKER!! All the best to you all!! Low


Member: Anonymous
Location: good love gone bad?
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 7:15:26 PM

Comments

The insanity of alcoholism! Its so insane, that the only blameless part is alcohol. Alcohol is inocent, in all its forms, its gotton a bad rap, its been framed and blamed for everything under the sun, to the point I'm afraid, that unless things change, it will be outlawed, and, we'll have hanged another inocent man!....


Member: Andy F.
Location: New England
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 7:22:04 PM

Comments

My name is Andrew And I am an Alcoholic, here today only by the grace of God and the fellowship of A.A. After several attempts at getting sober the grace of God entered my life and one day at a time I have had four and a half years of sobriety. Right now I am going through the toughest times in my life, my wife decided she could not stay in our marriage and went back home to Germany and our two year old daughter with her. When I first got sober I wanted the miricle of this program and at the time I thought it was only that I would get the house the picket fence, respect of friends and familly and my own sanity back. Well right now I am experiencing A miricle in my life, you see for I have come to believe that a power greater than myself is doing for me what I could not do for myself, getting through this. I came to A.A. and put the drink down, but it took my wife leaving for me to realise what is said in the fellowship, if I do not change the person I bring into this program I will drink, and I will die.It was suggested by my sponsor to do a fourth step as it relates to my marriage and it has been an eye opener to say the least. That big I meaning me is shrinking and through the spirit of letting go is giving way to forgiveness and acceptance. I am a miricle and everyday is a blessing, I had a choice to change or die, I WANT TO LIVE, and I really believe now that the miricle of this fellowship is not what we recieve in regards to material things so much as if we are open to the will of a higher power, whom I choose to call God, in our lives when those bad things happen and they will, and we don't drink and surrender to the spirit that I feel is the true miricle. Thank you all for always being there for me with a kind smile, a cup of coffee, a warm hug I love you all. Thank God for A.A.


Member: Don R
Location: Savannah, GA
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 8:40:26 PM

Comments

Job, no job; wife, no wife; house, no house...Sobriety is the number one goal.


Member: bugaboo bob
Location: my very own box
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 9:32:44 PM

Comments

don get a bullfrog and a tent


Member: pink cloud
Location: walking dogs teepee
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 9:46:08 PM

Comments

JENNIFER I USED TO GET drunk on the reservation too.but now we have a casino and trying to get all our moneys back frum whiteman.


Member: PatG
Location: Tucson
Date: 8/1/01
Time: 11:35:26 PM

Comments

I am so glad this site is here. I have been sober 10 months now by the Grace of God. I have not had a good day. I have been housesitting my brother's house in Tucson and looking for a job. Now my brother wants to sell the house and well although I know there are other places to live in Tucson it is unsettling. I hope I get the job I am going to interview for on Saturday. Maybe that will help me to feel more ease with the situation. I have put it into God's hands but my mind keeps trying to take it back. What a surprise! Well the fact that I know he is more powerful and much stronger than I makes me believe this will all turn out okay. Just needed to share - it's so nice to have worries without the biggest one of all - being to drunk to face them. To all newcomers just keep coming back - the program works and it will keep you sober and alive one day at a time. I heard of two casualties recently - one is dead and one is at least spiritually dead at the moment. It keeps me sober and so so grateful that God just keeps helping me as do my fellow AA people every day every hour. '


Member: Kevinjs
Location: Rochester New York
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 12:35:21 AM

Comments

Hi I'm Kevinjs and I am an alcoholic/addict. I finally got clean & sober in the rooms of AA/NA on july 5th 1988. It took me quite a few tries to finally get it. In and out of the rooms for awhile in a vain attempt to somehow control my drinking. I found that there is no control of my drinking once I started. The only way to not get out of control is, to not start in the first place! If I don't pick up the first drink I can't get drunk!! But, I needed a lot of help to stay away from that first drink. I found that help in the rooms of AA. And my desire to finally stop playing games, my desire to stop drinking was a big help! I finally WANTED it! The struggle to control was over. The nice thing about sobriety is, it is a gift, available to all who want it. enjoy!


Member: Kevin K
Location: Salt Lake
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 2:38:41 AM

Comments

Hello all, Kevin::Alcoholic. I'm so grateful for this site and the topic. Some excellent sharing. Stuff I need to hear. I'm coming up on 11 years sober, far longer than my short, but intense drinking career. Here I sit, reading what you guys are sharing and my story is being read to me and it isn't good. I haven't been to a meeting in almost 3 years. I've let a marriage, kids, work, school (again) come first. The thought of drinking doesn't come up, but the obsessive thinking (you name it) sure takes ahold at times. I still pray often and I pull out my big book and read. I still use what I've learned in the fellowship daily. But my hell, I had better get my ass to a meeting, one where I'm physically present, not just typing words on a screen. Though I do like that I can come here anytime, and now is a good time, cuz I'm hearing what I need to hear. This is an excellent topic, insanity. Take away the alcohol and what do you have? The personality that got you there! Thanks for being here and listening.


Member: Catherine M.
Location: MI
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 9:27:55 AM

Comments

I'm Catherine, I'm an alcoholic. I just tuned in to this online meeting. I've never done this, but I've recommended it to people who are so afraid to go to a meeting. I figure maybe it will help them see it's just about showing up and being real. I would never be real before this program. I din't want you to know me and mostly, I din't want to know me. I've been sitting at AA tables now for 14 years and there is still nothing like hearing someone share their story. One alcoholic sharing with another in the hope of staying sober one more day. What a cool deal. Thanks for showing up!


Member: Clay D
Location: Hawii
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 9:40:17 AM

Comments

It's the same old story for me.I had 17 years and quit going to meetings at first because i was married to woman in AA and after the divorce i didnt want to go and see her or hear about her or anything else and i was in a smaller community where just going to a meeting accross town wasn't really far enough. But as time went on over the next few years with very few meetings, i eventually drank. At tthe time my mind was saying it was too bond with people, and to an extent there is a temporary shallow bonding with drinking partners. Noq I have been drinking for 2 years and am back at AA "starting over" I have moved so I dont have to visit my ex at meetings but I wish I had not let myself get in this position, guess I'm a slow learner, for 17 years people told me what happened when they quit going to meetings, but I am unique, I can Handle it, I just hope I'm not terminally Unique, I saw a bit of that in my time around the tables too.Well nothing bad has happened yet and by the grace of god I'm back, and I pray I stay back one day at a time.


Member: Catherine M.
Location: MI
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 10:10:02 AM

Comments

Catherine - Alcoholic, Thanks for sharing Clay D Glad you are back! That's really what counts. The two people who 12 stepped me in to AA both had over 12 years each,they went out and haven't come back yet. If you are a praying person, please say one for them.


Member: Tom M
Location: Homosassa  Florida
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 10:38:19 AM

Comments

Sounds like everyone want's to talk about how long they have been sober or how long they have been drinking. So be it. I just come to this site to fullfill an obligation to the law. To be frank I read a lot of nonsence. wonce in a while I read some good stuff. But mostly its just a bunch of former drunks telling others how to stay sober instead of telling them what it was like and what happened and how it is now. If it works for them and keeps them from that first drink I say keep coming back, it is working.


Member: JrJ
Location: Va
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 11:31:44 AM

Comments

Hi my names JrJ I am an alcoholic. Its been awhile sense I have been on the pot. Its nice to see its still here. Just in a new location, I have been sobier for a few twenty fours, and I have been away from meetings for about a year. I guess the reason Im on line is simple I have to share... I have read some of the comments, and am reminded that this is a very dangerous disease. I have had some major back problems and have used it to stay away from meetings. My belief was that if I just completly stayed away I could just forget about it all. I mean I dont want to drink anymore, and thats a miracle in itself. At least I thought it was. But lately I have been sick real bad. The dr"s have had me on pain meds, Im not an addict, but I wonder how much of my disease has been on hold? I have been thinking that I"m cured. LOL. well in the end these last few days I have been praying, going for rides in the mts on the four wheeler. just trying to heal my soul from some of the damage I have done. Im going to a meeting tonight not because I"m afraid Ill drink, but because I'm sick . I have way to much pride, and I know the rules to this , drink and die... Or go to meetings and live. Their is a new rule I didnt know until now, I dont have to drink to die from my desease I just have to quit living. Hi Avril nice to see your still here. Thanks for letting me share I needed it.


Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 11:55:28 AM

Comments

Hi again, Lowrider: I think you are right. Deep down I know I am an alcholic. I just keep finding reasons to say I am not. To admit I am means I have to do something about that. Very Scary. Weekends are soooo hard. I am already thinking about it now and it is Thursday. ML: Thanks for your support! I would love to have someone to talk about all of this with. I am not really comfortable putting my e-mail address on here though. Any ideas? I love the support here. It keeps me sane :)


Member: Bill J.
Location: TX
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 12:02:54 PM

Comments

Some good shares. For this Alcoholic the desire to not drink is the most important thing in my life . I must guard it and refuse to ENTERTAIN or ROMANCE the drink or I will be back out there drinking. I do this by making lots of meetings.

To go back out drinking I have to unwork the first three steps. To do this My Alcoholic mind tells me the meetings are a bunch of crap and the people are just a click. That I have now learned enough to drink right. Then I take back my will and life. Regain my insanity and become able to handle alcohol. How do I know. I did that when I had 1 1/2 years. All the shit came back and worse. It took 1 1/2 years to get sober again. That was Dec. 75 .

Today when my ALCOHOLIC MIND tells me Drinking is fun and romantic I tell it to shut up and do something to get those thoughts out of my mind for I can not afford to ROMANCE or ENTERTAIN ALCOHOL any more. The price is too high. First I would loose my self respect and then God only knows what else.

Go to meetings especally if your alcoholic mind tells you not to. Talk to other members and your sponsor. If you do not have a sponsor you are already in trouble. Remember we are willing to go to any length.

Love to my Cyber friends


Member: Kevinjs
Location: Rochester New York
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 12:42:01 PM

Comments

Hello Again I'm Kevinjs and I'm an Alcoholic/Addict... I wanted to comment on what Alan A. started the meeting off with. About meetings, changing or being far away. I have heard it said in the rooms; All that is needed to start a new meeting is a coffeepot and a resentment. If you need a coffeepot, I have a spare. If you need a resentment, I have a few of those, you can borrow too!LOL I know that for me, if I want to stay Clean,Sober And, Sane. I need to be involved in my recovery, not just standing by the wayside. I have had to dive right in both feet, at times and, run a meeting or, chair or, make coffee or, be treasure, set up, clean up, event fund raiser, DJ sober dances, whatever it takes. I have found that the more involved I am in my recovery, the less likely I am to "Think Drink". If I have not much holding me in the program then I don't have much between me and the next drink. And I need a strong rope and an anchor to hold me here sometimes.


Member: AfraidToSayMyName
Location: Atlanta
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 4:08:26 PM

Comments

Boy is this tough. I've been reading and trying to decide if "I am an alcoholic". All I know is that it occupies too much of my time and energy and is isolating me from those I (used to) love.

I drink every night. 6-8 beers. Just makes me feel good. I'm not mean to anyone and I doubt anyone can really tell I'm drinkikng. No side affects. I feel great every day, work hard, sleep good, don't drive or get into any trouble. It's so easy to rationalize. I hide it. Only my husband really knows how much I drink. And he's trying to get me to get help.

Guilt is eating at me. I'm an awful example for my teenage boys. I don't want to go anywhere in the evenings. Just sit and drink. It's pitiful.

I'm not going to drink tonight. That's as far as I can promise myself just now. I bet there's been 4 days in the last 15 years that I have not had a drink. Tonight will make it 5.

Please help.


Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 4:16:43 PM

Comments

Dear "Afraid to say my name"... Boy can I relate! I too question whether I am an alcoholic. I drink only once a week, usually on Friday nights or so. When I do drink it is usually 8-10 beers. I do it to release. I do it to let go of the pressures of my life. I do it to "lighten up".. I don't feel really good though after I drink. I usually have a really bad hangover. It is so easy to rationalize why we drink. We can hide it from everyone. We can be strong women on the outside but have our "secrets" that we go home to. I often wonder, are there other women out there like me? Are there other Mom's like me? I guess you have to really look at yourself and decide if this is what you want for your life. One of the other members said to me that no social drinker ever asks if she is an alcoholic, they don't have to. If you question it, you probably are. I am here for you. I am going through the same things. It has only been 6 days for me... the "friday night" is coming soon. Be Strong :)


Member: AfraidToSayMyName
Location:
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 4:25:04 PM

Comments

Newcomer:

Thanks for your support. It seems to me that the path women alcoholics take is very different than men. I can't relate to the DUIs, fights, drinking to blackout. I'm more of a chronic closet drinker. I'm always fully lucid and never have a hangover, great health so far. But let's face it - 6-8 beers EVERY night for 20 years? The sheer numbers have to hit me in the face. WAKE UP! Somebody SLAP ME!

I guess I need to find a women's AA group.

Thanks. I'll keep reading. Maybe one day I can contribute with some support.


Member: aa wants you
Location:
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 6:36:17 PM

Comments

afraid to say my name,

yes you are a pathetic drunk tee he he


Member: Mark W.
Location: St. Louis
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 7:06:09 PM

Comments

Newcomer and Afraid, You BOTH are deluding yourselves. From your entry posts, you both feel you are alcoholic. No one here can tell you whether you are an alcoholic, BUT if you wonder, then rationalize, then it's a good bet. I was sure that I was lucid always or most always as well. I found that my thinking was distorted. Resentments were high on my topics to think about list. I could never let go of them. GO to a meeting, see for yourself what the "it" AAs have is. You may just quit fighting the thoughts that are good and true, and quit the ones that are the rationalizations. Much concern, and love,

Mark W. LMW007@aol.com


Member: Jack H.
Location: New Jersey  USA
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 9:40:16 PM

Comments

K.I.S.S. When I drank, Trouble ALWAYS followed, hangovers, crashed cars, blackouts, embarassments for my self as well as the family. Since joining and becoming an active member of A.A. my troubles are are different, (BETTER), NO Hangovers, NO Blackouts, NO "I hope I didnt kill anyone last night, NO embarassments. I try to get some gratitude in my attitude when the thought of a drink enters my mind. It WORKS FOR ME !!!


Member: newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 10:07:14 PM

Comments

Drinking again. Not good. Not able to make it. Feeling horrible. I wanted to just "hang out" with my husband tonight but that does not seem to work either. Have tried everything. Nothing is right. Very upset.......help.............


Member: Kevin
Location: Long Island, NY
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 10:59:46 PM

Comments

Hello everyone. I missed my meeting today and feel alittle weird. I'm 22 and have only been sober since 06-03-01. Being that the topic is insanity, here's a good quote from Albert Einstein. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." This was a big one for me while I was still using. Going to sleep saying what a horrible person I was and that, "I will never drink again!", and of course getting smashed a night later. AA has taught me that I don't have to be sober my whole life but just for today. That seems alittle easier. Its very hard to be humble being so new in the program. People tell me that at first being sober is like a high or pink cloud. I've just enlisted in the Army and leave in a week. I pray this is the will of my higher power and not mine. It just seems right? Full time work, the GI bill and being able to protect good people like you. Good luck to all with sobriety and please pray for me. Thanks.


Member: Been there
Location:
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 11:41:26 PM

Comments

Newcomer: Don't quit Quitting. You can do it Love.


Member: gil
Location: Texas
Date: 8/2/01
Time: 11:51:02 PM

Comments

Newcomer, Have you tried going to face to face meetings. Have you tried AA program? Do you have a sponsor? Do you ask God in the morning to keep you sober? I could be wrong but I don't think you've tried everything. If you have, try it again. Keep coming back!


Member: Tom M.
Location: Midwest
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 3:04:11 AM

Comments

Tom, alcoholic.

Afraid and Newcomer:

I am 132 days sober after 25 years of daily drinking. Without rehashing here the details of some ugly moments in those 25 years, I thought, for the most part, I was some kind of jolly and sociable fellow when I drank. I was just a fool.

What happened for me - when I got sick enough of it and my wife was sick enough of it and I needed to do something - was I went to a meeting. The Saturday morning I decided to go, I allowed myself to be open to the idea that I was alcoholic. At the meeting it happened just as they said above, a couple of guys introduced themselves and gave me their phone numbers - and they knew how NOT to be pushy. Again, I let myself be open to the idea that this AA stuff could help me stop drinking. One of the guys suggested I check out the promises on pages 83 and 84 of the Big Book. I checked those promises when I got home and agreed they were exactly what I wanted. So I opened myself up to the idea I could enjoy the promises if I did what was suggested. I went to meetings everyday for the first three weeks and now attend several times a week.

As this was going on I realized I had lost the compulsion to drink. And I mean then and that fast. After over 25 years of living to drink - and trying the white knuckle approach to quitting a few times on my own - I did not want to drink and have been released from the compulsion to drink. That does not happen for everybody, but I guess I needed it. As my sponsor so aptly says on these occasions, "that's a God thing". I have a lot of work to do on my character defects which caused the symptom of alcoholic drinking. I certainly have not fully realized the fruition of the promises. But little by little, moment by moment, they are coming true.

No one is trying to recruit you. Deciding whether or not you are alcoholic is your call. In fact, the AA approach to quitting won't work if you are talked into the idea you're alcoholic. If you decide you want to stop drinking and go to a meeting, my message to you is to just let yourself be open to the ideas you hear. Then see what happens. Betcha it's a God thing! It all is.


Member: Nicole G
Location: Florida
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 3:30:33 AM

Comments

Hi! My name is Nicole and I am an alcoholic. Wow, this is a great topic. I need to be reminded that noone is drink proof. When i first got sober, i would drive 30 miles each way to go to meetings for fear of seeing someone at meeting near where i live. It wasn't long before I realized that if I saw them in meetings, they were there for the same thing I was.

When I made a job change a few months ago, that really screwed me up. I now work nights, sleep during the day, and don't go to as many meetings as i used to. So, what do I do? I talk a lot more on the phone, I go online to meetings, I read a lot of literature, and I don't drink.

i need to remember that last drunk, i need to know that i am only one drink away from the hell i left behind. It scares the daylights out of me to hear of someone going back out, but i believe it is a healthy fear.

One last thing...since there are no mid morning or late afternoon meetings in my area, i have considered looking into starting a new group at a local aa club, maybe Alan should do the same.

I'm grateful today.


Member: Steve R
Location: Delaware
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 8:38:49 AM

Comments

I'm Steve and I'm an Alcoholic. I've been in the program for 29 days. I find that I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster. Most days I feel great to be alive, great to be a member of A.A. Some days I doubt that I'm really an alcoholic. Occasionally I find my insane thoughts trying to convince me that it would be OK to have just one drink.

I have to remind myself, each day, several times a day, that I am powerless over alcohol, that my life with alcohol is unmanageable, as step one states.

I find it helpful to remember two things which Father Martin, founder of a twelve step treatment center in Maryland says:

1. If drinking causes problems for me, then I have a drinking problem.

2. I ask myself if normal (not alcoholic) people do the things I do. Do normal people hide booze? Do normal people, when not drinking, worry about drinking?

When I am honest with myself, I must admit that my drinking is not normal, hence I am an alcoholic. I need to constantly remind myself of three things:

1. Alcohol causes problems for me.

2. I can't solve my problems alone.

3. God and the A.A. program can allow me to not drink, as long as I follow the Steps every day.


Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 9:11:21 AM

Comments

It is time. I feel the need to do this right. I am going to go for this with all that I have. I am going to go to the meetings if it kills me. I have admitted to myself that I have a problem. A problem that I can't handle on my own. It is so scary to let go of your "friend", the friend that lets you ease out of life for a little while. But drinking is not fun anymore. Last night my husband had to take care of me. I was sick. We talked about the fact that I am an alcoholic. I can't stop drinking when I start. He is starting to believe me I think. Up until now he would tell me I was just weak and couldn't moderate my drinking. Well I guess he was right in a way. I am afraid. Love to all.


Member: Steve K.
Location: Swan Lake,N.Y.
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 10:10:08 AM

Comments

Steve, alcoholic. I allways think that I am not the same as other alcoholics. I have no cravings for alcohol. I never enjoyed drinking, all I wanted was the results that alcohol gave me. After over 9 months sober I have overcome the fears and worry I had about every day life problems. I did this with AA and my HIGHER POWER. Now I can control those fears, and have serenity.


Member: JrJ
Location: Va
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 1:20:31 PM

Comments

Hello again. Im JrJ and still an alcoholic, Ive been on a sabatical from A.A. I have been pretending that if I dont think of drinking, that I am ok LOL. Im not ok never have been, drinking was the only thing I lived for , for a very long time. My H.P. agve me the chance to meet others like myself, and I did relate well. I chaired meetings did the coffee, sponsored others as well as doing the steps. After a few years I started to wonder if I would even think about drinking if I didnt attend meetings I mean I didnt want to drink anymore, and still to this day do not desire a drink, or want to start living like I used to. I forgot that what got me here is A.A. and the people in it. After reading some of the stories shared, I realized how lucky I am. I still remember trying to decide if I was an alcoholic. I am so grateful I dont have to do it anymore. I know now nothing changes in me unless I make that change, and it was and still is the most terrorfying thing I have to do. But after all is said and done, I am alot more at peace today than I ever was . If I am willing to work the steps and ask for help, it will be allright. Even I caint mess it up. There are so many people in the program for me that it sometimes is overwhelming. But they are only there for me if I let them be there. This is for the newcomers to the progream, if you think you dont have a problem with alcohole then just stop drinking, If you caint then your in the right place, but you dont have to it alone there are so many people who are willing to help that it is amazing. Work the first step and if it brings you joy great, but if it csares or confuses you. Thats allright, just talk to someone, ask them to walk you through it, I have been alone most of my life, because I was to much of a my on man kind of person. Today I am not alone even though I try to be sometimes I have freinds who call on me. I know my last drink is still out their, most people call it there next, but for me I know my next one will be my last. I hope I have helped someone, because I have had alot of people help me . Thanks for letting me share


Member: Kathy R.
Location: Hillsboro, Or
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 1:21:33 PM

Comments

I have struggled with alcoholism for about 15 years. I have been to three treatment centers and attended AA meetings. I am a binge drinker and can go months without drinking, but then the inevitable happens and I take that first drink. I have gotten a DUII and have let down my family and friends. I have had sponsors put can only seem to stick to the program for a few months. I am at the very bottom. I have only been sober 2 days right now. This last weekend I spoiled our familie's vacation by being inebriated the entire time. I feel sickness and despair and have entertained serious thoughts of suicide. I have been reading my meditation books and praying. I want to live and I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter whom I love with all of my heart. 90+% of the time I am there for her and very involved in her life. I want to be sober all of the time. Each binge takes more and more of my soul. I found this web site and I have read some things that have helped. Thank you for listening, Kathy R.


Member: Catherine M.
Location: MI
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 1:41:34 PM

Comments

My name is Catherine and I'm an alcoholic. I was laying on my bed about 15 years ago, staring at the cieling. I wanted to die but I didn't want to go to hell. I wished God would put me out of my misery. My biggest fear was that I was going to have to be cared for. I was becoming non func tional. God help me, that's what I said. I felt old and broken. I was 30. That's part of my story That's what alcohol did for me. I didn't, at that time,believe alcohol was the problem. Put your feet under an AA table, JUST SHOW UP. You just might find out you want to live a little more than you want to die. Did any one hear of an old timer in the program who, for the benefit of his friends, used to carry a note in his pocket that said, "I didn't like it here" just in case he changed his mind and decided to drink and die? Sometimes we die inside a lot sooner than our body gives out.


Member: Von
Location: Ohio
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 1:47:28 PM

Comments

Lots of newcomers on this site. Glad to read that some of you are seriously ready to face some truths. That if you are an alcoholic like me, then no matter how long it takes, you will end up insane, in prison, or dead...unless you make the decision to surrender to the fact that you cannot do anything about your drinking unless you reach out for help...I suggest AA.

After 23 years of drinking, despite the professional success, I was simply a "dressed up garbage can". My level of insanity told me that alcohol was the only thing in my life that "helped" me deal with life. I used liquid courage, rationalizations, justifications, and a lot of bullshit to try to prove to myself that I wasn't hooked on alcohol.

Only when I was willing to get honest with myself and willing to listen to recovered alcoholics and willing to do what they suggested did I begin to have the hope that I too could recover from alcoholism.

My sobriety date is July 99 and my sponsor always tells me, "Remember well your beginnings!!!" Pick a sobriety date and make a decision to spend as much time, energy and creativity living sober as you have been living drunk.

Thousands and thousands of recovered alcoholics can't be wrong. I like what I have and I choose to do whatever the program tells me to do. When I read the shares, I thank God. Better you than me. I'm done drinking by God's Grace, in the program of AA, one day at a time.

God Bless.

P.S. Where are you AZ-Bill?


Member: breda   k
Location:   m/n  east
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 1:56:28 PM

Comments

Breda, alcoholic here.

can recommend a woman's on line for anyone really needing to share ES&H in the Recovery of AA

breda@netvision.net.il


Member: pete.u
Location: zambia
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 2:58:28 PM

Comments


Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila PA - USA
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 3:18:09 PM

Comments

Hi All; Joe here, definitely alcoholic.

Alan: Thank you for the topic.

God willing, I'll be sober 26 years this Sunday. I'm 49 years old and this is my second time around. I came to AA when I was 21. I thought the party was just starting, I could not accept that it was all over. I stayed sober a year in a program for Uncle Sam. When the year was up, I drank again. I came back when I was 23. People would say "You're lucky to be here so young." I didn't want to be here, I had to be. I thought a lot was expected of me. Like I should go to Medical School or something. I tried college, things happened, I still go, off and on. Maybe someday, I'll finish. I get antsy sometime. My home group has changed also. New location, new people, not the same. The truth is, the world changes everyday wether I accept it or not. I realize I MUST CHANGE ALSO. It's not easy, I don't want to... A day at a time, it all works out. I can truly say I never had it so good. I know it's not perfect. I'm not perfect. I can't drink though, no matter what. AA taught me that. A drink will only make things worse - guaranteed. Alan, this site helps me. Reading AA literature. Service work when I can. Good luck to you. You, or anyone, can e-mail me anytime. Have a good one.

LeachFtown@aol.com


Member: Angus C
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 5:45:56 PM

Comments

Hi all,

My name is Angus and I am an alcoholic. Wow Alan! Do I know where your coming from! I have been sober (this time) for almost nine months now and those evil little thoughts are creeping in. INSANITY!! That's exactly what it is! I know I can't have a drink. I know it in my soul. Up until now I haven't even really craved one. The thing is I was going to meetings for about the first two months. After that, I just stopped going and I was doing ok. I always said that once I thought that maybe I could drink like a 'normal' person it was time to get my ass back into those rooms. The reason I'm here now is to stop myself from going down to the liquor or beer store. I guess I better go find a meeting tonight. I have to realize that there is a power greater than myself and that I can't do it alone. It's time for me to start working the steps. Well, I feel better just getting this out in the open. Good luck to you all and remember: "It works if you work it!!" Now excuse me while I go out and work it!

Angus


Member: Chris H.
Location: Fla.
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 6:11:44 PM

Comments

chris here--alcoholic/addict/bulimic--Just got back from a two week trip to the California WINE country!!!I did just fine on the trip as far as drinking goes, but i am finding that Now the "stinkin thinkin" is errupting. I keep thinking that a drink would be great in this cituation or that cituation. My real problem is that I feel so inadequate around people that I think that I need a drink to "loosen" me up or make me a more fun person ( or more acceptable). I need to go to some meetings and tell everyone how I feel . I know I will find out that I am not alone and I know that I will find some solutions to my problems. .... recently , my therapist ( yes, I am back in therapy after 5 yrs. ) said that when I have a setback in my growth that i "awfulize". I decide that I haven't made any progress whatsoever. And I get depressed, and in danger of slipping. She said that I need to change my way of thinking and realize that a setback does not mean that you are back where you started...When you get back on the road, you pick up where you left off. ...One thing I do know is that this disease is slways waiting in the wings for me to make a mistake and that I am one drink away from a drunk.. It is, therefore, ever important for me to keep doing my A.A. work and going to meetings. Thanks to all...


Member: Mark B
Location: Grand Forks, AFB, ND
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 6:46:34 PM

Comments

Mark, Alcoholic, God restored me to sanity regarding booze and dope. The shit will kill me dead. I know this fact. Everything else, it's fleeting. It comes and it goes, but as long as I don't drink or use, I got a chance, which is a lot more than I had on the streets.

Mark


Member: Anne H.
Location: Greensboro, NC
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 7:53:09 PM

Comments

Anne, Alcoholic/Drug Addict. I've only been clean now for about 10 days, that maynot sound like a long time to most, but for a woman that's been high everyday for the past 20 years, to me it's seem like a miracle. My biggest problem has been not feeling comfortable around some of the people at the meetings I've been going to. Some of the people seem to appear that they are a little better than others. But I had to realize that I am going to these meeting for myself. To learn, to be supported, and to share with others. Don't let one or two rotten apples spoil the hold bunch. Get to know the people in your new group. I've learned in a short period of time that the good out way the bad. Give your new group a chance. After all we are all in the same boat. We're living one day at a time. God bless you and good luck! Anne


Member: paul
Location:
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 9:58:17 PM

Comments

Hi, everyone. I'm Paul, and I'm an alcoholic. Grateful to find this site.

This is an "interesting" time through which I'm going. I have been sober for 17 years & 8 months. And I'm going through one of those times about which folks I know with 30-40 years sobriety say "This, too, shall pass."

In 1994, and again in 1996, I was "skinned" in business deals. The past 5 years have been the financial pits. I tried to open my own business, but my cash flow client had a 6 bypass heart attack at 2 years into the business, and I began doing project work to keep food on the table. (At 10 years sober, I was driving a black mercedes & traveling by plane over much of the country.)

For the past almost 5 years, I have been seeing an al-anon. But she has decided she is in a rut, and cut the relationship off. I will miss her and her adult children, but I am powerless over her thoughts and actions. I've been a good friend during the time together, I believe; the program has given me the tools to do that. I am very grateful for those tools, and the people and Higher Power who gave them to me. Gave her a ring in January, but she gave it back. She is accustomed to a lot of money, and I have been stretched beyond belief for 5 years. She left because a guy with a couple of million dollars became available and started showing interest in her, after his wife died recently. Kind of makes me know that she is not the right one.

But G*D has been dependable through these tough times, to provide all my needs---not on my time table, of course. And during my sobriety I have been blessed to have made some very close, good friends. So I can call these folks and tell them the real stuff of my life.

At 54 years old, I am working in a new job. It is a sales job, going from business to business to sell insurance consulting services. It is tough...and I am tender after the breakup...so I pray a lot and take it 1 call at a time.

Don't know if I'll ever get back onto the road of having any money. I would be lying if I said I don't care. But I know one thing---I am here strictly by G*D's grace. Nothing less. The breath that I breath is given by him---whether I use it to work the steps, or watch a football game. And as long as I'm breathing, G(D has a plen for me that is still being completed. And his plans are far better than I can comprehend. After all, the best plans I ever devised before AA were those of a habitual drunk. Now, I'm trying to learn---one day at a time---how to get onto G*D's agenda, and off my agenda.

Page 100 of the Big Book:

Both you and the new man must walk, day by day, in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remarkable things will happen. When we look back, we see that the things that came to us, when we put ourselves in G*D's hands were better than anything that we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power, and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances.

I have been sober, one day at a time, to have seen that this passage is absolutely true in my life---wife or no wife, job or no job.

Thank G*D for A.A.


Member: TG
Location:
Date: 8/3/01
Time: 10:48:18 PM

Comments

I'm Tom, and I'm an alcoholic. I used to fall out of bed in the morning on my knees and asked God to keep me sober that day. we all know how to get drunk, but AA showed me how to live sober -one day at a time. My sponsor told me to go to meetings and "learn to listen, and listen to learn." I was not a ninety day wonder...I relapsed after 5 years. After two weeks of insanity I woke up in a church with a 10:00 meeting. That was December 15, 1989, and I haven's found it necessary to pick up a drink since then. Thank you for allowing to share. I f you're ever in a tight spot, and you can't find a place to pray, pray standing up.


Member: kr
Location:
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 1:09:11 AM

Comments

help, i am a single mom with two very young children and i can't get to many meetings, also resistant, don't think i can do it again (was sober through AA for 1 1/2 years and then 2 1/2 years before). I need an un-slogan-y person with some real substantial time in the program to help me and shake me out of the thick denial and defiance i'm in around getting sober. (i just spilled the glass of wine i'm drinking all over this computer and the counter top...a sign?). Anyway, please, if anyone thinks they might have an impact- a positive one- please respond. Thanks. Halleluyah and Congrats to all the people out there with some real sobriety. i remember it being such a gift and i also know it takes immense courage and determination. i wish i had that right now.


Member: Dave W.
Location: Liberty County, GA
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 1:12:18 AM

Comments

My name is Dave and I'm definitely an Alcoholic. The group I'm in orders chips down here for years and multiples thereof that are blue plastic with a white center, showing just how that the person is just one drink away from a drunk. I haven't earned one of those chips yet, since I've only been sober 7 1/2 months, but in that time, I've learned that I cannot stay sober on my own. Only through my contact with God as I understand him, and going to meetings to be around other alcoholics, do I have my daily reprieve from my disease.

Recently my significant other was in jail as a result of her disease. If it wasn't for the people in the program caring for me and calling me, I would have fallen out of the program and wouldn't have any sobriety now. I do not do well when I am alone with my own thoughts. That is the quickest trigger for me to be drunk. I thank God that he has given me the chance to learn and grow in my sobriety and that He will continue to help me in my daily walk in sobriety.

Thanks for letting me share.


Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 2:01:08 AM

Comments

Newcomer - Are you there? I'm concerned... I just saw the post (about three back in your posts?) in which you spoke to me and, so sorry, didn't see that. After that you posted & said you'd drank again but were going to do your darndest to go to a meeting, etc. I have been looking into women's resources on the 'net after reading what you, Sherry (I think that's her name) and & some others have been saying. To hook up with some women on-line you can ust go to the "AA links" at the bottom of this page & click on it to see some women's meetings. And you can write to me: learymar@aol.com. I'm not afraid to put that here 'cause my server will block any mail I don't want to get. Anyway, Newcomer, maybe that last drinking binge was the one that did, it though? That's what it sounded like from your share after that. They say, "It takes what it takes." I sure don't want to do that to myself again- I'm one of those who, although I'm a periodic drinker, is definitely allergic - so I remember stuff like lying on the bathroom floor for half an hour, begging my fiance to turn the radio down 'cause even SOUND would make me nauseated. I wouldn't be able to get up until the spinning stopped, and this could go on for, I guess, two hours. We're talking the most desolate feeling in the world. And so many other examples... what a waste of time, and a life. God, please keep me sober, a day at a time, until I leave this earth. IT's the way of hope, growth, and all the good stuff.


Member: MikeM
Location: Seattle, WA
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 6:20:56 AM

Comments

Dear kr, You got to do it your way, but you got to do it. Those kids will only see one or two of the things that will happen, and then they will be alone. Yeah, it's trite, but never fails: it's jail, mental institution without the kids, or death from the organic solvent or by suicide. I always have trouble with the "God" part. Be eastern. Give it over to something...a group, AA, your version of God. You, or I with this damn biochemical disease CANNOT stop for any meaningful period ourselves. Can't be, or you wouldn't have wine on that keyboard, and I wouldn't have all those empties statshed all over this office, that I now keep as cold reminder of my inablity to beat this GD thing alone. You got to do it for your kids and more imporantly, so that you will have enough brain and soul to enjoy them.

Do it Mom

Best,


Member: S
Location: NYFN
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 9:24:00 AM

Comments

topic: insanity of alcholism. Hi I'm S, and I'm an alcholic. Well, I know thoughts of drinking after all the s*** I've been through is definitely insane. My last drunk was so awful that it won't be hard to convince me of the unmanageablity of the disease and how insane or sick I must have looked to others. I was lying in bed this morning thinking of how I shared at a meeting yesterday about surface things and not my real fears/things that are bothering me. I don't share those things because 1) I feel terribly violated after deep, potentially embarrasing shares 2)I've been caloused by past experience of devulging my soul and then gossip, judging and jealousy resulting from that, and 3)it's really no ones business to know. So here I go with what's really eating me: I am in fear of my intelligence and being able to retain things. I know I have to have smarts cause I wouldn't have excelled this far in my career though I learn just enough to get by, or atleast I think I do. As much as I would love to have the mind of a person that can go to college and intricately learn, I don't have the drive for that (bottom line). I always feel that I'm wasting my time intensely mastering something when I should be learning something else, which in turn, I end up spending more time thinking of all the things I'm suppose to be learning and never learning them cause after all 'is this going to be important'. Plus I am so trained in this insecure thinking that I'm held back to learn. So, this whole getting older thing has trained my mind into survival, getting by only. I have a heart for God and travel and pray that I can use my career talent to work in those heart areas. Please pray for me that I become less eratic/more focused. Ok, this is all turning out strange and it sounded better in my head when i was lying in bed this morning. But thanks for sharing. I love all of you and truely cherish this anonymous meeting. ~S


Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 9:32:49 AM

Comments

Hi All, MR: Hi, yes i am here. Sober for 2 full days now. I really feel that the last one did it for me. I think i was testing myself to see that Yes I do have an uncontrolable problem. I will do it this time. I am tired of being sick. It does not work for me. I am tired of putting myself through such hell with the hangovers. It is such a support to get on this site and see how many other women feel exactly like you do. I remember driving my kids to dance on Saturday morning having a ripping hangover and just looking at other Moms and wondering "Am I the only one?" Really feeling like such an outcast. KR: I can so relate to you. Do you drink a lot by yourself? Drink to escape the monotiny of kids, house, pressures etc............. I too have 3 kids, one being 17 months old. I find it real difficult to get to meetings too. So I use this site and read lots of books to keep me in line. Good luck to you. I would love to talk more with you. I am always needing to talk to women in similar lives. Just especially mom's that drink, I think we carry such a heavy load of guilt about our drinking. We are supposed to be perfect Moms for God's sakes. Mom's don't drink right??? Wrong!!! Well, only 2 days sober for me but this is just the beginning. Would love to have you as a pal to get sober together. Take care. Newcomer


Member: Clara
Location: NW
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 10:55:44 AM

Comments

Newcomer, I can relate. I am a stay at home mom, 2 kids, husband always gone. I drink to escape loneliness, boredom, frustration, etc. Tried to quit and can't, yet.


Member: Clara
Location: NW
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 10:57:38 AM

Comments

Newcomer, I can relate. I am a stay at home mom, 2 kids, husband always gone. I drink to escape loneliness, boredom, frustration, etc. Tried to quit and can't, yet.


Member: Adrianna
Location: Syracuse
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 1:17:26 PM

Comments

Insanity it is. I have tried several times since last November to quit drinking. I have made it one month three times. Something happened after a period of time. My thoughts took over and I felt I didn't have a problem. I could monitor my drinking. Well the fact is that I can't. I have proven it several times and yet it doesn't sink it. In the past I never went to AA. I tried it on my own. I believe that is the difference. I too am a women who harbors an enormous amount of guilt about this disease. I am at the end of a degree in elementary education - Is this the role model I want to be?! I have thought I am weak if I give into the fact that I have a disease. The fact of the matter is I am weak if I don't admit that I am an alcoholic. I discussed this morning that after a month of not drinking I felt so much better. Emotionally, physically and spiritually, yet I went back. Today is a new day. I start again on this journey of absentence. But today is different because this time I am looking for AA meetings my area. I have come to the conclusion that I need help with this battle. Good luck Newcomers ... your not alone.


Member: Mike M.
Location: Md.
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 1:24:28 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Mike and I'm an alcoholic. This disease knows no gender or background. You have to know that you are an alcoholic or not. I spent 10 or so years saying that I was an alcoholic, but never did anything to change. It wasn't until I accepted that FACT that I could not drink again lest it brought on jails, institutions or death. Well I've been in jail, I've been in an institution, so the only thing left was death. I don't want do die yet, so I made the decision to turn my life and my will over to God, so that He could manage my life, because left to my thinking I was in a bad place. Insainity is defined as doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get a different result. Well drinking was insane for me because I always got the same result even though I thought that it would be different. One was too many and a thousand not enough. Today I don't have to go there, knowing each morning that I'm an alcoholic and my life is totally unmanagable in my own hands. It's only then that I can continue with the rest of the steps, and thank God that there are more than one. I got so much more than sobriety. I thought that all I was going to learn was to how to stop drinking, but found so much more. All the promises have come true and my relationship with my Higher Power is getting better day by day. All I had to do was let go and let God. He does all the work, all I have to do is stay out of the way. And for all you Moms out there just take care of your sobriety first and all the other things will work out by themselves. By the way I'm a single dad and I'm just grateful to be alive and sober and can be there for my kids. They are truely a gift from above. Thanks for letting me share. God Bless You All.


Member: John O'L
Location: DFW
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 2:43:30 PM

Comments

test message.


Member: John O'L
Location: DFW, Texas
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 3:41:35 PM

Comments

Hi, everyone, my name is John O'L and I am an alcoholic. My last drink was in May of 1982. Great Topic, Alan A! Back when I was in school, we studied "The Odyssey" by Homer. Do you remember when Olysseus was trying to make his way home and had to overcome a number of supernatural creatures? One group he had to face was known as "The Sirens". These creatures would sit by the seashore near a rocky coast and lure seafarers to their death with their sweet singing. Some sailors would jump over the sides of their ships so that they might swim to the Sirens. Other ships would change course and be dashed to bits on the rocks as the entire crew frantically sailed toward the wonderful sounds of the Sirens. I have heard these creatures myself. They tempt me, as an alcoholic, to return to the bottle. "Come to us -- We will give you joy, peace, and happiness" they sing to me! Years ago, I used to respond to their song and drink and drink and drink. The crackup for me on the rocky shore of alcoholism was hideous and almost fatal. "Do not remember the past, and what happened to you the last time you drank. This time it will be different. We will love and protect and nourish you", is their song, and has been for over 19 years now since my last drink. I do not sail my ship within earshot of them, for I know what they will sing to me, and I know that for me to listen to their song is death for me! Olysseus listened to their song. He had his crewmen tie him to the mast so that he could hear the song of the Sirens. As he listened to them, he begged his men to untie him so that he might leap over the side of the ship and swim to the sweet singing of these creatures. Back during the first few months of 1982, I used to think a lot about how I could hear the songs of the Sirens and swim to them and not be harmed by the experience over and over and over again. I came to the conclusion that I must be chained to a steel I-Beam and constantly monitored by trusted companions if I were to drink in safety. It would be necessary for me to have a portable toilet within the reach of my chain, because if I were to be unchained while drunk (and under the influence of the Sirens), then I could possibly get into all sorts of mischief. Only when I had awakened from my drunken stupor and was in the throes of a dry-puking hangover would it be safe for me to be unchained. Are you beginning to sail within the hearing distance of the sounds of the songs of the Sirens, Alan? Beware them, as they are cunning, baffling, and powerful!!! If you listen to them, you will be seduced by them, and want to swim toward them in a sea of alcohol! Understand that for you these past 7 years, as for me every day of my sobriety, these Sirens are out there singing to us and trying to get us to listen to them. Lashing yourself to a mast or to an I-Beam won't help in this situation, since you and I are fully capable of drinking ourselves to death even if we can't break the chain and go out and cause trouble with other people. There is no safe way for us to listen to the songs of the Sirens. But, we must know that the Sirens will always be out there, singing to us and hoping to tempt us to our doom. They know us, and they know what to sing to us to provide maximum temptation. What can we do to protect ourselves from wanting to drink again? I have found that being tempted to return to drinking alcohol, and attending AA meetings don't mix very well. The more I am involved in AA, the less I am tempted to drink again. I have found that reading literature such as the Grapevine, the Big Book, this website, and all other literature helps me to resist the temptation to drink again. My writing this letter on this website today is helping me stay sober today. Your topic makes me think a lot about this subject........and your input and the input and sharing of everyone on this site helps me stay sober! Prayer and reliance on our Higher Power to protect us is crucial. The Sirens may be cunning, baffling, and powerful, but there is One who is all powerful, and that One is my Higher Power whom I choose to call GOD! I cannot stand up to the Sirens for I know that they will succeed in tempting me to take the first drink if I will but listen to their lies and believe. The Sirens want me, Alan, they want me to drink and to be drunk and to suffer and to die. And, they want you, too, and all other alcoholics. Our lives depend on our staying sober! How much flippancy would I be willing to tolerate at an AA meeting if, by attending, I am saving my life and the lives of other alcoholics? How many miles would I be willing to drive, or walk, or take a bus or cab, to a meeting. How much unnessary talk would I listen to if I could hear but a single sentence that might help me stay sober (and there have been a number of meetings over the years that I remember only a valuable nugget of information that I took away from the meeting. How I hope that I was also able to contribute a bit of information that would make a difference in another alcoholics life). Take this restless feeling and the thoughts of taking a first drink very, very seriously! It means that your ship is getting close to the home of the Sirens and you may be entering a time of mortal danger........


Member: MeAgain
Location:
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 3:57:37 PM

Comments

I'm horney.


Member: Humble
Location: Ohio
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 4:53:32 PM

Comments

Hey, I need some pu$$y myself. I don't think this is the right forum, thoough.


Member: CandyK
Location: Peru
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 5:36:32 PM

Comments

Insanity, what a great topic for me these days. I have been working in South American for the past couple of weeks, and have not been able to get to a meeting because of long hours at work and because I need security with me all the time. There is lots of drinking here, and its hard to get away because I cannot be alone. I'm so glad I found this site today.

For me the insanity starts my HALT is out of wack. I can deal with being just too hungry or too tired, but when more that one HALT is in play, I'm nuts.

I have more than 15 years sober, and when I'm around people who are drinking and having fun, that little "ism" voice starts up. For me, I alway remember my last drink, and my first step. I've also grown enough that I don't necessarily have to learn the hard way, I can watch others who have slipped and know by for the grace of God there go I.

Thanks for being here.


Member: Julia
Location: Wisconsin
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 5:50:43 PM

Comments

Where do I start. I am an alcoholic looking for the way to quit. It is destroying my life. Alcohol has been my escape method for many pains in my life. I have been "self medicating to avoid those things that have been eating at me" I have drank now for the past three nights in a row. I can't stand that I did. I am rattling my brain to think of outlets to do instead of drinking. Drinking has become a center of my life because I cannot stand being around my own house. My husband is an extremely abusive man which I am working up the nerve to kick his butt out of my house. I need to do this so I can find me again. He has torn me down to where I have been lonely and have made very bad decisions. I have done very destructive things to myself. I just feel really overwhelmed. Being so overwhelmed is the hardest part of quitting. I need to get healthy........


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 6:06:52 PM

Comments

Interesting topic to begin with; After 39 years of drinking followed by seven years of AA. having come to a place to where one is thirsty, let me if I might "peradventure," fill in a few of the why's and wherefor's of this, what shall we call it, stopping off place?

We come into AA with a hope of a future and I don't say that this is wrong, far be it from me to say so; I say there is a hope to be had in AA. But, the a-miss that most of us have, is that this hope is one according to our own way of measuring life, rather than one of God's way of measuring life. And so, we trudge on toward happy destiny with only a chip for days and months and years in our pocket, having concluded that quiting drinking will be enough of the will of God to find favor in his eyes. After seven years or so, lets say something happens, some significient emotional event takes place whether it be the loss of a loved one or a divorce or even that old age is creeping up on us. But here is the clincher, Has God followed us as he was supposed to? Was it in fact so that when it came to either "lead follow, or, get out of the way, that thats just what God did, get out of the way? God's not one to take up the roll of sheep, and you be the shepherd; Peradventure, having been sober so long a time we find that the former days were better. We've been there, done that, and wore it out! Meanwhile, back at step three, we find that AA no longer points to the word of God, its given way to personalities above principles so as to apease their false humility and have left you without that guiding light that you would have otherwise gotten, had you known in the beginning that such was the case. I say buy a beer and a bible and start over; this time, with that pure spiritual milk that would have long ago crucified you to the world and the world to you....


Member: Andrew F.
Location: New England
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 8:02:36 PM

Comments

Andrew, Alcoholic and the problem is always me. " I feel for those who have never suffered for it is they that will never know true happiness" When you take the first words of our slogans the spell out a sentence; Live Easy But Think First. The promises on 83 and 84 in the BigBook do come true but it is progress not perfection. Go to meetings meetings meetings, reach out your hand and it will all begin to materialize. Dear newcomer, we were once like you, scared, tired, gasping for our last breath of life wanting to know that it will be ok. Take our hands and join us you never have to be alone again. We can do what I could not. Put the stick of self hatred away and enter the world of the spirit of fellowship. And if no one has told you they love you lately, well I love you. One Day At A time.


Member: Lowrider
Location:
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 8:24:33 PM

Comments

Hi Lowrider here..alcoholic! Just a few messages to the good people who posted....

Kevin...Good luck in the Army..You'll find AA no matter where you are!

Chris..thanks for your share...just what I needed to hear!!

Anne...some people in AA really do believe they are better than others...imagine that..one drunk thinking they are better than the other...LOL!!

Kr...^Thanks for your share..I agree..the last thing someone who is trying to get sober needs to hear is somebody with nothing but slogans... Find yourself an oldtimer thats been around and remembers what IT WAS LIKE!! You will most likely find one at a nearby F2F meeting...good luck!

Newcomer...I believe you and Kr would hit it off as well as Bill and Bob did...hope yall connect!!

Adrianna...You GO girl!!

All the rest...thanks for being here.

Low


Member: Adrianna
Location: Syracuse
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 9:26:39 PM

Comments

Sorry for the double post. Thanks lowrider for the words of encouragement. I really need them these days. And to Julie... please go to AA -- I can't imagine having an abusive husband. I had a boyfriend once who was abusive. I think if it is a boyfriend we find it a little easier to leave. If we are married to "it" -- it is more difficult to leave. It is just a certificate and not a reason to stay. If he is hurting you and you are retreating to alchohol the pattern won't stop until you address it. I do know that although we have a disease called alcoholism, we need to address the stressors that trigger the need to drink. This morning I told my boyfriend that I wanted to quit and I thought I needed AA. He is a very well known in our community. Socially active and owns a well known business. He said he supported me and wants to help me through all of the steps.... and to think all of this time I was afraid to tell him I wanted to go to AA. People surprise me all of the time. Especially the ones that are the closest. Julie - look to your close friends - let them help support you.


Member: Patz
Location: TVC,Mi
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 10:09:00 PM

Comments

I loveA.A. It never fails you! Where else can we post our fears and insanity? With nothing but loving response and concerns. Keep coming back. My thought to all is hit the floor with those knees every A.M. and think THY will be done. It will be a great one. z


Member: Patz
Location: TVC,Mi
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 10:09:12 PM

Comments

I loveA.A. It never fails you! Where else can we post our fears and insanity? With nothing but loving response and concerns. Keep coming back. My thought to all is hit the floor with those knees every A.M. and think THY will be done. It will be a great one. z


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 8/4/01
Time: 11:56:07 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome to all the newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

Good topic, Alan. My personal experience and what I have learned from others (especially what I learned from chairing AA meetings in various institutional settings) about "roadblocks" to continued sobriety was that the solution to maintaining sobriety using AA is virtually the same, regardless of the attitude, emotional state, socioeconomic status, etc. of an AA at any particular moment.

When I am having a specific roadblock within the context of the AA program, I simply try to do all that is open to me or look for alternatives to paths that, for one reason or another, are not open to me at the moment. Perhaps most importantly, I learned that, uncer these circumstances, the AA solution is very forgiving.


Member: JOHHNY
Location: TAMPA
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 1:28:06 AM

Comments

I know i'm an alcoholic. I want to quit, but i also still like drinking. I want to quit so badly, but i also want to drink. Please help me.


Member: JOHHNY
Location: TAMPA
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 1:28:18 AM

Comments

I know i'm an alcoholic. I want to quit, but i also still like drinking. I want to quit so badly, but i also want to drink. Please help me.


Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 4:09:08 AM

Comments

Julia - I have been where you are. I just separated from a man I love very much but who got abusive while drunk. It threatened my own sobriety too much - I couldn't stay sober through the fear and stress any more - so after losing my sobriety and trying to get him sober I "gave up." So far, my higher power did something with that "giving up" that was amazing - something I'd hardly dared hope would happen - my fiance is now in a treatment center. There's hope. And now I have time to look at myself & my own issues, help other alcoholics, etc. I don't know whether you need to get rid of the bad living situation or the booze first. Only you can know that. I do know that when I show willingness to let go of anything unhealthy and trust God, God helps me somehow. Also, there is a link at the bottom of this page, re: other AA meetings. You can plug into a woman's meeting there, and get a lot of help. An Al-Anon meeting would also probably be a big help. Good luck. Please write back here & let us know how you're doing and if you need any more help or feedback.


Member: Pat  A.
Location: Florida
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 9:07:09 AM

Comments

Great site! I've got "alot" of years of sobriety. A few at this site have more. I still have alot of problems. I always will. For me the whole deal is like a sine curve or very cyclical (sp?). During the down phases I pray harder and double up on the Program. Thats why I found this site. I'am in a down phase. I know now not to take 'em too seriously. I used to totally freak. Rule 62: "Don't take thine self too seriously." A problem that has sent me scurrying for answers lately, as well as through out my life, is my sexual orientation. I have been very close to suicide on several occasions (not lately) because of my own non-acceptance of myself coupled with my percieved non-acceptance from society. This relates very directly to alcoholism, in case anyone is wondering, because I drank many many many times directly because of this situation. I have been driven to insanity (original topic) over and over again trying to figure myself out, sometimes thinking I should do my self in either directly EG. gun or slowly - alcohol. Any way, does anyone know of a good gay or bisexual AA online web site. And/or, here is the problem I am struggling with lately: My AA Higher Power is really Great! But I can't figure out through prayer or meditation if He (for me God is a "He") is approving or disapproving of my sexual orientation. Thanks.


Member: Been There
Location:
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 9:21:59 AM

Comments

Pat A, Read the last paragraph on page 68 and over to page 69 line 11 and STOP there...read this several times SLOWLY, until you have decided in YOUR ON MIND...I repeat IN YOUR ON MIND what it means to you...then read the rest of page 69, 70 and 71...Your answer is there...STOP beating yourself up and read this...and of course take any and all actions you feel you need...


Member: AnilG
Location: Mt Vernon,IL
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 10:02:45 AM

Comments

I am an alcoholic distance has always been a problem for me while I am in recovery I live in a small town located in middle of no where of central illinois intially it was very difficult but as the time passed by 3yrs I have gotten used to it 'cause recovery is imporant to me. I attend daily AA meetings on the net at 7am it fits my schedule then daily sunday meeting at the church which helps me to live a life of a spiritual person. Now I travel only twice a week to distant locations or when I travel I pick local meetings.


Member: Ann T
Location:
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 10:20:02 AM

Comments

JOHNNY (TAMPA) That's the insanity of it. Wanting to stop/wanting to drink. Which do you want more? I no longer want to drink but in my heart I don't want to be an alcoholic. I would like to be "normal" whatever that is. That's part of my insanity.

However, I AM an alcoholic and may God grant me the serenity ...


Member: Newcomer
Location:
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 10:51:17 AM

Comments

I made it through the weekend. It was very hard. Yesterday I wanted to go buy beer so bad. My husband has been super stressed out all weekend and was taking his stress out on me. Calling me weak for being an alcoholic, telling me he wanted a woman who could party and not be a lush basically. He thought I was acting like an old woman. Told me I was only fun when I drank etc... very hurtful things. Things that made me really angry. At one point I just got in my car and drove around and around the beer store. I even pulled up to it and sat in my car when my cell phone rang. It was my husband, telling me that he was sorry for taking his shit out on me. It had nothing to do with me. It was all his own insanity. I told him I was going in to by beer. He said no please come home and we will have a soda. Beer will not make it better. That helped. Although I clearly see that this is my journey only. I can't depend on him at all. He changes hourly in how he views me. The only thing I do know, is that each hour I am sober, I am stronger. It is really hard to get through the moment when you want to drink but just do something to distract you, anything, and then feel the glory when you wake up that next morning with a clear strong head. It helps me sooooooooooo much to know there are other women out there like me. That I am not some weird, crazy, sick,woman who is so weak. Have felt like that alot. Good Sunday to all. Newcomer


Member: jose
Location: la
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 12:55:52 PM

Comments

jimmy is a fairy jimmy is a fairy jimmy is a fairy


Member: KM
Location: LINY
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 3:39:46 PM

Comments

Great sight -- Have never attended a meeting, but have thought about it -- Go through phases of drinking a lot & then not drinking at all -- right now not drinking & feeling great - have not had a beer since 06/19/01 - & did not want to drink that night - but "just had one to fit in" & ended up having way too many -- know I have a problem & the insanity topic has helped -In the past have felt "white Knuckled" when trying to not drink -- not this time - just feel good -- hopefully it will last


Member: Jill N.
Location: FLorida
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 7:44:28 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Jill and an alcoholic. I very rarely share, but I just read Shelley M. comment from Florida the girl who has diabetes. I too have Type 1 diabetes and am insulin dependent, I was diagnosed while in treatment for my alcoholism. I too thought maybe God gave me the disease to keep me from drinking. I did not go to meetings or get a sponsor, I thought I will never drink now I have diabetes. I was drunk within 2 months, and put on suicide watch. I did not want to die, I was an alcoholic!! I learned that insulin is for my diabetes and AA is for my alcoholism. This disease does not care about other diseases! I have a little time now and I attend meetings, have a sponsor and a wonderful life and in full control of my diabetes, all thanks to God and AA. I hope she sees this letter. God Bless you all!


Member: Veronica M.
Location: Jersey Shore
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 8:09:22 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Veronica & I'm an alcoholic. 8 years ago I quit drinking, but then last year I thought maybe I could try to just drink w/my husband. But January of this year we were in a car accident & I got a DWI. I said I'd NEVER DRINK AGAIN after that, but this summer I have been drinking w/my husband, (who has only ever stopped for very short periods because of pressure from me & my two daughters.) This page has been an awesome uplift for me--today is the first day of my committment to sobriety--8/5/01, and this time I'm going to go to AA meetings & work on getting myself better. I think I began to drink because I don't want to be an alcoholic! I began to think maybe I can handle it. But the writings of the people on this site is oh so familiar. My heart breaks because I know the pain & I realize how stupid I was to be tempted into denial. And now I have the guilt, depression, self-loathing, confusion & pain. I want to get back to how I used to feel, (when I was sober) happy with myself, and someone my children can be proud of and count on. John O'L wrote about the Odyssey & the Sirens---that was so awesome, thank you. And Newcomer, I can sooooo relate to you. Another worry I have is how hard it may be for me to abstain when my husband is still drinking. A friend of mine told me can only work on my own drinking, which I understand, so I guess I'll have to give him over to God & let God handle him. Good luck, I'll keep you all in my prayers!! Love, Veronica P.S. When do they change the question? (Today is the 5th.)


Member: Trevor
Location: Beijing
Date: 8/5/01
Time: 11:26:42 PM

Comments

Hi my name is Trevor and I am an alcoholic...

For me today life is good and it is good because I am sober. I am sober because I go to meetings and I listen to my sponsor. The great thing about AA is that I can just listen and soak it up...Insanity has crept in a few times and sometimes I was honest with my sponsor and sometimes I was not as I heard a gentleman say before...surprise surprise it was the times I was not honest that hurt me the most...for me I was afraid of being judged or being told...that is not such a good idea..well I didn't like to hear that because I knew that what I wanted to do was never a good thing...When I don't go to meetings is when my insanity starts because I start to think I am different and that I have God to help me...well God wants me to go to meetings...insanity is everywhere for me and today I am feeling bad because of new circumstances and because I am projecting and wanting...all very bad combinations...better speak to my sponsor... thank GOD AA found me...God will protect me from the things i cannot protect myself from.

Thanks for being there... T


Member: UPSET     
Location: AT COMPUTER
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 9:24:00 AM

Comments

WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS WEEKS DISCUSSION !!!!!!


Member: richard m
Location: sarasota, florida
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 9:29:03 AM

Comments

hello every one , my name is richard m...i am an alcoholic....today is day #5700...since i began on dec 28, 1985. it is one day ata time .......do not drink and go to the meetings.....read the big book...work the steps.....find a sponser......etc......recall if you will we are not alone .......we only suffer needlesly when we isolate and give the extraneouse thoughts a chance to take hold........i stay in today ..and let tommorow take care of itself......instead of makeing excuses ...make a phone call......make ameeting ....the drinking is simply is not worth it ...and we know the temptation is a lie...... frm the usa..sarasota , florda.......in love and service we can continue....


Member: Carl B
Location: Huntsville Alabama
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 10:16:19 AM

Comments

My name is Carl and I'm an Alcoholic When I was new I never thought I was insane. I thought I had made some real dumb moves but nothing insane. After about two weeks of oldtimers hearing this one pulled me outside after a meeting and told me he didn't want to here it anymore. He reminded me that the last time I drank I almost died and was out for three days. He also reminded me that while I've been in meetings I talked many times about the cravings for aocohol I've been having. Then he pointed out that sane people don't usually have cravings to consume a substance they know is going to kill them. I had to concede I was insane. I've been sobor nine years now, and the one thing I know is that I still have a disease that will try to convence me that I don't have a problem. When my insane thinking comes back today I've found to things that takes it away. One, telling on it. Whenever I talk about what I'm thinking or feeling it looses it's power over me. Second, service work. Getting out of myself and helping someone else always helps. I'm not talking just about helping alcoholics at meetings, even thought that's where I start, but helping anybody any time God gives me the chance to be of service. Good luck, God Bless.


Member: Axe H
Location: BJ
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 10:21:56 AM

Comments

My name is Axe Handle and I am definetly an alcoholic. My question to Trevor is? Have you called your sponsor yet?


Member: juan
Location: the projects
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 10:58:48 AM

Comments

yo mama gave you a funny name axehead


Member: sister ignatia
Location:
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 3:18:50 PM

Comments

you boys stop that


Member: GET IT STRAIGHT
Location:
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 3:19:23 PM

Comments

what is up with these boards where's THIS WEEKS DISCUSSION????


Member: Holly S
Location: Michigan
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 3:28:02 PM

Comments

My name is Holly and I'm an alcoholic. I have less that 24 hours this time...predictably I ceased going to meetings and hence, the inevitable occured, an emotionally traumatic day and well, we all know the rest.

I am stumped. I can't seem to get it at all. This has been the most depressing time of it all. I know what I am supposed to do, however, once again, it kicks me in the bottom. I was trying so very hard this time. I just don't understand. This IS insanity. I need help and can't seem to get it right.

Wow, I sound like I'm having a huge pity party. Sorry. I just feel so hopeless.

Thanks for listening.


Member: Adrianna
Location:
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 3:41:56 PM

Comments

Holly,

There is a quote by Mary Wollstonecraft that says, "The beginning is always today" Holly, it has only been forty hours for myself - but it gets better with each hour. The important thing is that we try. Hang in there. Your not alone.

Adrianna


Member: Horny2Day
Location:
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 3:42:08 PM

Comments

Cum in my mouth---I'll swallow!!!!


Member: Suzanne O
Location: H
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 5:25:41 PM

Comments

My name is Mariyanne - I Am and alcholic. I've found every reaon imaginable not to aqttend meetings - and also not to commnucate via this site . So here goes. I have attended meeting - the prople were exceptionally warm and desirousw of being helpfull. I just get scared. If you could see me it is hard to believe anything scares me - I am a very successful professional as well as one


Member: rodger
Location: texASS
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 5:25:54 PM

Comments

keep your mouth open ill send over the crew


Member: Scott H.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 5:33:39 PM

Comments

My name is Scott and I'm an alcoholic. Sobriety rocks!


Member: back door billie
Location:
Date: 8/6/01
Time: 5:46:15 PM

Comments

rock on big boy