Member: Shannon S.
Location: Southern Cal.
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 4:26:39 PM
Shannon alcoholic here. Hello everyone I guess I'm the first one here today. If so how about the topic of growing up in sobriety. After six years of not drinking I'm still trying to learn to follow through on meeting goals and making changes as an adult would do. my boyfrind and I bought lots in utah two years ago and fear has me still stuck in southern California - land of the grafitti and smog. still grateful to be sober. thanks for letting me share
Member: John T
Location: Bath,NY
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 4:45:22 PM
I would like to see how other members work the steps into their daily living. When I was in my first mounths of recovery, I knew deeply that I needed to change "everything but my name" as is said in meetings. For me to have come to this realization alone was a miracle. HOW has been an answer. I had to first begin to relate everyday thoughts, feelings, and problems to the guide to living contained in the truly concise steps of AA. When I felt agitated or annoyed, I tried to realize my old responses (what's the use? Life just sucks, it's unfair, with my problems I deserve or have earned a drunk, etc.) were not the only way to look at the problem. The fact is the addiction was twisting me into the belief that it held the truth. It made me truly believe I had no choice. I was powerless over life, and alcohol made it managable. Instead I had to repeat over and over that I am powerless over alcohol And my life is unmanagable. When I got that firmly in my fevered mind I would ask for the gift of the 2nd step, to come to believethen seek what I found to be my answer by letting the power greater then myself to take me and my powerlessness and do whatever. Tis was the first time in my life I had a method to deal with life, and I didn't drink. The trick is in remembering to apply the method. For me this is a constant effort that always pays, if I am totally honest with myself and willing to be open with those around me about what is going on, and willing to do the things that go against my very nature. These steps work for me in the small and the big problems of daily life. Thank god and AA for them.
Member: ?????
Location: Canada
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 4:58:39 PM
How about early warning signs for recovering alcoholics?
Member: Michele
Location: Ca
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 5:44:18 PM
Hi there,Michele here alky and addict. Any time I have to change I freak. First it was the change of not drinking and using then it was the change of actually feeling my feelings or I should say realizing I had feelings that the booze and drugs had masked for so long. I had to move,that freaked me out cause I never did anything without drugs and booze, I couldn't make a phone call without using. I continue to use the serenity prayer as my HP because I have to off this ego thing that has gotten me in trouble. I have to learn the wisdom to know the difference between the things I can change and those I can't. I have to keep things simple in my life and I'm not stupid. If things get too complicated I get overamped and the desire to use creeps into my head because I just haven't been used to dealing with life's little problems and glitches. It's not necessarily because I really want a drink..It's simply the only way I've dealt with the pain,grief and anxiety I've experienced for the past 8 years. As a relative newcomer I still keep it as simple as it can be and try to keep tight reins on my mind so it doesn't get caught up in that dreadful land of anxiety. What a ramble...I need faith in myself and that I can do it if it's doable. Not drinking is do-able. Going to a bar and not drinking is not do-able. I do have faith that it will all be revealed!! One day at a time. thanks.
Member: Dina V
Location: Brick,NJ
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 7:29:24 PM
Hi, my name is Dina an I am an alcoholic and addict. I will be celebrating my terrible two's tommrrow. I look back and have gained alot but not as fast as I would have liked. I can't wait to get my drivers license back. Due to reseach and devoplment I lost my license for three years and will get it back one more year. sometimes when I have the weekened off which I need I get in a funk. I would love to meet a man in recovery but I don't socialize much get all tongue tied and what to run. I feel very comfortable with my womens' support group. Just have some regrets of the coices I have made in my life. Must move on and not stay in pity.
Member: Dina V
Location: Brick,NJ
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 7:29:51 PM
Hi, my name is Dina an I am an alcoholic and addict. I will be celebrating my terrible two's tommrrow. I look back and have gained alot but not as fast as I would have liked. I can't wait to get my drivers license back. Due to reseach and devoplment I lost my license for three years and will get it back one more year. sometimes when I have the weekened off which I need I get in a funk. I would love to meet a man in recovery but I don't socialize much get all tongue tied and what to run. I feel very comfortable with my womens' support group. Just have some regrets of the coices I have made in my life. Must move on and not stay in pity.
Member: Ron S.
Location: San Diego
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 9:26:39 PM
Hi Im Ron and I'm an alcoholic, growing up in sobriety is somthing I call: crawl, walk, run. I'm still crawling but feel good right now. As far as working the steps into daily living...I just think about all the wonderful things I have gained since I stopped drinking and started recovery and I know I have allowed step one and two access to my brain. Early warning signs...you know of some other than what I go through every day then let me know. I sometimes forget that I am an alcoholic and that is a big warning sign for me, as it seems everyone I know drinks in some form or another and I have caught myself more than once starting to accept the offer of a drink. Then too, there are days where I simply want a drink...period. I will spend the whole day with nothing more on my mind than the thought of just one bottle of beer after work...no big deal,right?! But the worst for me are the surprise urges, you know; havent thought about it in weeks then:BAM! a very powerful urge out of knowhere that I have to deal with till I sleep...nope,no one ever said recovery would be easy, warning signs? name -em. Dina: congrats on your two's, try not to feel to funky on weekends and keep on plugging with your support group, we all feel sorry for the choices we made in life that's why were on this web-site, but you sound like your doing just fine, keep up the good work. If you like you may e-mail me at procyon-lotor@home.com or just respond right here on our site.
Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, NH
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 9:26:58 PM
Hi I'm Rhonda and I'm AN ALCOHOLIC. I'm not sure of this weeks topic... I missed my Sun. morning meeting today and I'm thankful for this online meeting. I'm a newcomer and in the last 8 mos, belonging to AA has helped me to grow.
Occasionally I feel (which is a miracle in and of itself) so confident with my sobriety that I can almost forget what it was like with alcohol and without a Higher Power. Of course I get just what I need in the halls of AA. At my Friday nite home group meeting a women sober days and still very shaky(not litterally) came and shared about the insanity leading her to AA.
I never want to forget my past and helps me remember this is a 24 repreive from alcohol.
Religion is for those who are afraid of going to Hell and spirituality is for those who have been to Hell and never wan to go back. My idea of Hell is living without a HP.
Thanks for letting me share.
Member: LEXIE
Location:
Date: 7/9/00
Time: 11:04:28 PM
Hello Everybody-my name is Lexie, and i must say i'm addicted to everything. I have been drinking and drugging for 25 years of my life, and now that i've found a sober life my compulsive nature has led me to chocolate and ICE CREAM---YUMMMMMMM! I certainly have some soul-searching to do, there is definately a void somewhere in my life that needs to be filled! As far as growth goes in recovery, I feel that i grew up when i took the 1st step. Even though i've been playing around with this program for quite some time, the fact that i continue to want to change my life for the better is a process of growing up for me. going to meetings on and off line is another conformation that growth is happening in my life as well. Sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly. Most of the time it is not quick enough for me, and that is when i know that i could possibly be setting myself up to relapse. It is then when i am trying to take charge of my life, instead of letting go and letting GOD! Everything in my life is the way it's suppose to be, i have to beleive that.....if i want to stay sober that is.I also beleive that the reason i sometimes feel that staying sober is a struggle and a lot of work IS because i've decided to start growing up! My whole life long i chose to NOT live life and live in a fog. Now i'm like the kid who has fallen off her bike. I've got an owie, and it may take some time to heal,but i've got to brush myself off and just learn how to ride a little bit better. I think we all know our own signs of slipping and falling, don't you? It's a matter of being honest with oneself. How bad do i want this,because if i do, then i have to take the risk to change. Change is difficult and the normal is comfortable---but i know where NORMAL in my life got me, and i wasn't too happy with myself anymore. So if nothing changes----then nothing CHANGES! I decided and still decide each 24 hours of my life that the risk of change beats the odds of what i had, and i'll be darned if i don't find that i grow a little bit with each baby step i take. Thank you for listening. Remember---everywhere you go-there you are so hug yourself! PEACEFUL 24
Member: HELEN
Location: OREGON
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 12:29:04 AM
HI. I'M HELEN AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. THIS IS MY FIRST TIME TO AN AA WEBSITE. I WAS DOING A 'SEARCH' ON ANOTHER TOPIC AND THIS WEBSITE WAS ONE OF MANY TO COME UP. GLAD I FOLLOWED UP ON IT.
GUESS THIS WEEK'S TOPIC IS 'GROWING UP IN AA", RIGHT? WHEN I FIRST CAME TO AA I HEARD THAT WE STOP GROWING EMOTIONALLY WHEN WE START DRINKING. I BELIEVE THAT TO BE TRUE FOR ME. AFTER I FOUND ALCOHOL IF TIMES GOT TOUGH I'D HAVE A DRINK AND FOR A WHILE THINGS WOULD LOOK OK. PROBLEM WAS AFTER MANY YEARS IT TOOK MORE AND MORE ALCOHOL WHICH WORKED LESS AND LESS.
THAT MADE ME A GROWN-UP REACTING TO LIFE LIKE A TEENAGER. THANKS FOR LETTING ME SHARE.
Member: Sheri F
Location: Portland, OR
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 1:09:25 AM
Hi, I'm Sheri an alki. Growing up? For 42 years I avoided that word, I stopped grrowing emotionally at the age of 13. I guess I am about age 22 now as my growth started when i started working the steps. I have a long way to go to maturity, but when I quit growing in this program and in my life, it is time to put me six feet under. I work the steps on my family, finances, health, emotions, and etc. Thank heavens for sponsors that had been in my shoes before I arrived. I took their advice on everything, even "Lady Lessons" and they sure steared me in the right direction. This site is my AA now as I cannot get out. Thanks for being here and letting me share. Keep growing in your program and you will be surprised how you will suddenly realize that you too are an adult. Love and prayers, Sheri
Member: Charlie
Location: Maine
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 8:00:29 AM
Hi Family Charlie A very Grateful Alcholic, Boy you always seem to hear what you need to hear at the moment, as a matter af fact this morning, I was thinking of Change, and get onto staying cyber and the topic is change. Change is good even the bad changes, as if we didn't have the bad changes we wouldn't appreciate the good changes. The changes that I have had to make and are still making is helping me to grow to the person I am beginning to love, as I never wanted to change. I always wanted the bottle, and now The bottle wants me, but Through the program and working the steps keeps that bottle away from me one more day and all I can say is thank you to my family and HP you have kept me sober one more day. I really look forward to the changes that are taking place and to grow with them. Relax and grow with the changes they help you to become a better person, and you will help someone else in the procedd of your changes. I love you Family. Grow and change to be the person God wanted us to be. Love you all Charlie
Member: Corinne B.
Location: Camino, CA
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 11:36:58 AM
'Mornin' ((DMers))!! Corinne, Alcoholic here, there & everywhere!!
Since there seem to be 3 topics this week, I'll try & weave them in together. When I think of "Growing Up in Sobriety," I think of Emotional Sobriety, which makes me think of Serenity. I was such a hot head when I got here, and I always had such disdain for you cool headed types! I simply didn't understand how folks could keep up that mask of being cool, calm & collected, no matter what! So it was someone like that whom I chose to be my very first sponsor, as well as my most recent sponsor. I somehow realized that a calm demeaner had something to do with spirituality, and I went after that with all I could muster! When my hormones or other health issues aren't taking hold of me, I do fairly well; but just let a little physical imbalance take hold and "Katie, bar the door!" LOL!!!
It's during those trying times when I seem to really use the spiritual toolkit, and it's not really a conscious effort anymore. It comes out of not wanting to have pain be my HP any longer! When I think about using the steps (or the principles of the program) in my daily life, I am reminded of how some things have happened automatically in that regard, such as the times when I discuss things I'd like to do with my husband, rather than just making autonomous decisions without regard to him being a factor in my life (as was my practice before returning to AA).
Early warning signs - well that's easy. When my blood pressure rises, or my adrenaline kicks into high gear, I know I'm back into self; a very dangerous place to be - a place where the program's principles are no longer a thought! Another trigger that is fairly easy to recognize is when I've got a trip coming up, and my mind starts fantacizing about how easy it would be to just wander to some far away place for the night, just one night... Wham! Right then, I know I'm wanting to run and I have to start asking myself from what!
Member: Sandy B.
Location: Lyons, CO
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 11:40:35 AM
My name is Sandy and I qualify. Where I got sober in Chicago, they used to say, "Change isn't hard; resistance to change is hard!" and I believe that's true. One of the things my HP does for me that I can't do for myself is change me -- not always the way I want, at the speed I want or how I predict & plan to change, but always in line with some larger plan that is for my benefit.
Something I read (in the Grapevine I think) a year or two ago about someone sharing at a meeting about how they were dissatisfied with their progress in the program, and someone else passed them a note that said, "God grant me the serenity to accept the rate of my own recovery!"
I can easily beat myself up with the tools of the program, if I start comparing how I think I am doing to how it looks like you are doing! And I can forget that God has a plan and (somehow!) this is part of it. Then I am edging off the path and into self-will. I usually don't even know it's happening until all ofa sudden I find someone or something isn't behaving the way I would like! Then it's time to pause when agitated, do some inventory work, admit my faults to my fellows and get back on track.
Those are warning signs that I wouldn't have seen in early sobriety -- not because I was stupid, just because I didn't have any experience living with myself sober! In those days, a warning sign was anybody offering me a drink -- and being willing to go to any lengths for victory over alcohol meant I could say or do anything I wanted to keep from taking that drink.
"Tell them you are on medication, tell them your allergic to it, tell 'em whatever you want -- just DON'T DRINK!" That's what my outpatient counselor told me.
I used to think that acceptance meant things would never change, but now I think of acceptance as the beginning of change. When I accept things just as they are (whether I like them or not), when I give up any editorializing, explaining, comparing, compartmentalizing, then I am more available to see what my HP has in mind. And that's really what I want today -- again, a far cry from where I came into these rooms!
Out here where I live now in Colorado, I hear, "Stick around until the miracle happens," and I believe that's true, too. Trusting my HP is a big adventure with a companion I can count on -- bigger & better than anything alcohol or drugs ever offered. Thanks for letting me share & keep coming back!
Member: Rick L.
Location: Walton,Ky
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 12:18:30 PM
Changing ones life and growing up in A.A. is a very good topic. When I first started going to meetings there was this Oldtimer who always would say that we have to change the way we think. At first I would wonder how can a person change the way they think with out a brain transplant??? After awhile I started to realize that was what the 12 steps was all about. Before A.A. when ever I had a problem I would try to force things to go the way I wanted them to go, coming up with despreate and often crazy ideas. More often than not I would end up making matters worse than they were to start with. Today; thanks to A.A. and the 12 steps I have learned I don't have to force a solution. When I pray about a problem and turn it over to my Higher Power siturations change and answers come in ways that amaze me. The way I think started to change the more I applied the steps to my life, seen the results and learned to trust them.
Member: Robert C.
Location: Richmond, VA
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 2:07:55 PM
Alcoholic named Robert C. from Richmond, VA. I am working on 5 years and have worked the steps but I have a few amends I am in the process of tracking down so I haven't completed 9 yet. I need to hurry up and do that. Anyway, the topic of growing in AA and changing our lives is of importance to me today. I am having trouble having patience with ignorant people, or people who just don't do things properly-in my perspective. Maybe they are slow (to me) or maybe they don't hold the same things as important, as I do. This aggravates me and I have no patience for it. My tolerance to these actions can be nil sometimes. Other times I am understanding, etc. For example, I called my little sister to get my moms e-mail address. She says she "doesn't know if it ever works", etc. Then I couldn't hear her talking and kept saying I couldn't hear her. I didn't specifically ask her to speak up but I said about 10-12 times "I can't hear you". She never spoke up I didn't never get the right address and I said very ubruptly, "I goota go", and hung up. It was long distance too. This bothered me. I was very anxious when I got off the phone and I wish I had more patience but I don't. If anyone can give me some feedback I would really love it.
Member: wouter k
Location: db,netherlands
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 2:34:49 PM
hello, wouter, from the netherlands, alcoholic once and forever i guess... the aa here in holland helped me to kick the habbit overnight, this i thought was a miracle. HP somehow seems to exsist. still sometimes very afraid, did i realy kick the habbit ? yes, yes, yes, and then i feel so proud of myself. this first year of sobriety was full of good and bad, but the bad and the good always made me take a few or a few more drinks, joints, and usually both of them drugs. i wanted to go to the aa tonight but it raines cats and dogs here, so i went for the second time to Stayingcyber. love this site already, cause it's always there.
after breaking up after 4,5 years with my girlfriend i haven't been to the aa, somewhat ashamed and very depressed. BUT I WONT DRINK
nor smoke nor marijuhana. but the last few days i read and reread the twelve steps and every time ther is more truth to be found in them.
thanks for " listening" peace and love.
Member: JL
Location: The Beach, California
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 4:37:48 PM
JL here, alcoholic.
Growing up in AA is a concept that had me confused when I first heard it. After awhile, I began to get the meaning of "growing up". I had a lot of changing to do if I was ever going to grow up. Now with a few sober 24 hours behind me, I realize that the path that I was on was never going to lead me anywhere near grown up land. Behaviours that had become ingrained as an alcoholic were merely superficial reactions to life and what life was putting in front of me. Looking back at how I was running (or ruining) my life is a constant reminder of where I was, in maturity stagnation. How was I to expect good things for my family, to carry out any long range plans, to be of service, and to be a contributing member of society? I was a perfect example of self will run riot. In order to grow up I had to admit that I was still acting as a child. There is a feeling that comes over me now that I would love to hang on to, that peace that no matter whatever befalls me I now have a better chance of acting somewhat rationally. I never had that before. Turning to the bottle was my typical reaction and the chosen solution for everything. For this alcoholic, sobriety is a great responsibility that has been given to me. All I had to do to get this gift was follow a few suggestions. I just know now that in order to grow up I must continue to be responsible for taking care of this gift, and passing it on to someone else. Part of the growth is letting go. Growing up in AA has been a lot about listening, staying quiet and being able to walk with the winners.
Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 4:58:24 PM
Hi Rhonda., allcoholic. Sheri you sound alot like how I feel. I'd say that I'm maybe 21 now when my actual body age is 43. This pprogram is so simple. I just learned that when I don't wannt to do somethinng I should say 'no' and whhen I say yes I should mean it. I was great at building resentments. Another thing I just learned is that people can't read my mind. I really thought they could.
Someone said that the slogans oof AA are the handrails for the steps. Keep it simple, easy does it, stay right sized. Thank you God for this program which just celebrated 65yrs. of helping fellow alcoholic/
Member: John A
Location: Edinburgh, Scotland
Date: 7/10/00
Time: 6:25:01 PM
Hi everyone Just found this site. Love the Big Book colour! Growing up in sobriety......yes, that's what happened to me. I only really started growing since I got to AA.....now I'm 20 going on 58 but definitely feeling a lot better than I did at 37. Looking forward to coming of age (a day at a time). Easy does it Yours aye Big Jock
Member: Carl B
Location: Utica N.Y.
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 1:27:55 AM
My name is Carl and i am an alcoholic. how is everyone doing?
Member: Robert C.
Location: VA
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 1:41:58 AM
JL Thanks for the insightful reminders. Hanging with the winners, listening, and staying quiet. Amen. I don't think I have ever just sat still through a bout of heavy anxiety long enough to learn a better way. I will try to remember to.
Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 5:10:39 AM
Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic.As far as growing up, I went from puberty to senility, and skipped everything in between.I have learned thru the twelve step program, that we learn to live our way into sober thinking and not try to think our way into sober living.I have learned not to take myself seriously, I just take it one day at a time, don't drink, go to meetings, work the steps and thank God for everything in my life.I have been doing this for almost thirteen years now, and I think I will hopefully thru the Grace of God hang around for another twenty years.If I don't think its working by then maybe I will look for something else. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless all on our amazing journey together.
Member: Judith M.O.
Location: Hertfordshire UK
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 6:45:24 AM
Hi everyone,i am visiting texas briefly and wanted to share my thirteenth birthday today with you all.this is the greatest fellowship ever and without your help out there, helping me to stay sober I wouldn't be here today.I consider my sobriety today a gift from my higher power when I begged for his help and my serenity today the gift that I have been given by asking for your help in working the steps one day at a time.I 'love the program'.all my questions have been answered [not at the time , maybe] I am a 'king baby' i.e. 'I want what I want when I want it'after all!'But I no longer question the answers,now that i understand that everything is on a 'need to know' basis and not on a want to know basis. Well, thankyou for letting me share my happiness with you.i am judith from hertfordshire in the UK,which i shall be returning to next week.
Member: Pam S
Location: NC
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 8:50:07 AM
Hi my name is Pam and I AM an alcoholic. When I came into AA I was court ordered. I saw many people who I thought were in the bottom of hell in my AA meeting. I thought to myself that I wasn't as bad as them! (Everyone's bottom is different. I was at mine, I just didn't know it). I learned a lot in those meetings. Things that made me think about the actual way I was, how I had behaved in the past, and maybe I needed to take my own inventory. I learned through the serenity prayer, my new six pack. I used my serenity prayer when I thought something was annoying me, pissing me off or whatever. I still use the serenity prayer. I fell many times. I came back and tried again. I feel now that I have finally matured as a person. I have gained the respect of many. I really appreciate everyone being here. Thanks OMAAT/ODAAT!
Member: rob b
Location:
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 10:16:18 AM
Member: rob b
Location: delaware
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 10:29:07 AM
not sure really what to say im a listener in the meetings i dont talk much. but i take it all in
Member: Carla
Location: Teaxs
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 12:26:58 PM
I am very greatful to all the GROWN UP's in this meeting for the knowledge of knowing that they need to share their experience with all us young one's. So, maybe someday we will grow up.
thanks alot, Carla
Member: Mike V
Location: Maple Valley, Wa.
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 12:45:21 PM
Hi everyone my name is Mike and I am an alcoholic. Love this site! I just celebrated my nine month birthday, and now beleive that I don't know anything. I use to think I knew everything, but I was wrong. My program is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of my spirtual condition. I haven't had any great disires to drink, but its been hard work, learning to change and grow in sobrity. I have a lot of work to do, but for the first time in my life, I have found a practicle program, and people I can turn to for honest and understanding help. I am truly grateful for all of you, and my reborn relationship with God. God bless and keep it simple.
Member: Brian.P
Location: temecula ca
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 12:59:00 PM
hi my name is brian and im an alcohlic and a drug addict im celebrating 6 months in a couple days and im really excited its been tough and i just want to say for the newcomers to keep coming back.
Member: KathyG
Location:
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 2:43:28 PM
Hi--Im new to this site--after trying several sites and ending up in a chatroom talking for 5 minutes with someone who finally mentioned they were still drinking and had not been to AA Im relieved to find you---I am returning to AA after blowing 4 years sobriety and returning 4 years later---glad to be back sober 1 week, Ill read and listen for awhile thank you all
Member: Denny
Location:
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 6:00:02 PM
Member: carlos
Location: la
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 8:53:57 PM
hi kathy g. glad your here.juan and i knew you would be here sooner then later,along with the rest of us sick peoples.life will get better and group masterbation helps. carlos
Member: Robin
Location: NY
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 9:09:37 PM
Hi, Robin, Alcoholic,I don't feel very grown up today. but I am alot more so than I was when I came in. It's ok to have a day of feeling immature and self unsure. They said it would be beyond my wildest dreams and it really is. Now with the help of a sponsor, the steps and the meeting I can grow and act like an adult. That is something I had not done in a long time. Now I can make adult choices. That alone makes me feel more grown up. I missed my ftf tonight, I feel better now. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Jackie C.
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 9:27:06 PM
Hi all. I'm Jackie..an alcoholic. Growing up in AA is a great topic..it never fails that I always here what I need at a meeting. What a great site! I've been sober for 9 years, but I believe the first 6 or so of those were out on the 'fringes' of program..wanted to run my own sobriety my way. I didn't listen to suggestions and really messed up my life again with my self-will run riot. When my third marriage fell apart (the first relationship I ever had sober) two years ago, I wanted to drink again and knew I would die. Being only 37, with three kids relying on me, I decided that I had no choice anymore...I had to become honest and follow the true path.. where 'rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.' Reaching out to others, getting a home group, doing service work helped in overcoming the fear of being connected, and was the first step in growing up. And I was terrified. But I walked in the room, and you people said..no matter what..we love you,keep coming back. And it got better. I've survived a horrible divorce/custody battle SOBER. I thank HP for you all and this program. I still at times try to take my life back from my HP but He reminds me and that 3rd step comes back to me. I also have alot of changes going on in my life. I'm moving. And I have a new relationship. But I must work my program, do the footwork for the changes and pray for HP to give me strength to carry out His Will. Then let my HP run my life. Also, I think I've grown up recently in the choices I've made. I'm going to let my kids and myself heal more..slow down my new relationship and let HP help it to happen. Thanks for letting me share..
Member: Kris M.
Location: Sonoma, Ca.
Date: 7/11/00
Time: 10:08:05 PM
Hi all. I'm Kris..an alcoholic. Tonite I'm sober 3 weeks, longest time in 23 years of drinking. I've barely started to grow up, as some of you have said, I handle my emotions like a 19 year old. I'm looking forward to beginning to move forward spiritually after years of slow/no progress. Do some of you seasoned members do on-line sponsoring? I have specific questions I would like to be able to ask someone. kdcccmc@aol.com I really appreciate everyone being here. Thank you and God bless
Member: Donna
Location:
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 12:02:50 AM
Hi. I'm Donna--alcoholic. I was just thinking about something I used to hear at meetings alot when I first came to AA. "Give time time."--also--"TIME--Things I Must Earn." This helped me because I always thought I should be farther ahead in my recovery--anywhere else except where I was. Many people told me I'm exactly where I should be. "Do not should on yourself." That used to be a sign at one of our meeting rooms. If I walked into the forest for 5 or so years--it's going to take me some time to get out. I've just learned to trust the recovery process. I don't take myself too seriously. As long as I'm working the program to the best of my ability and reaching out to help other alcoholics--that's the best I can do. I've been sober 8 1/2 years and still have moments of reacting like a child. I think it lessens but never disappears. However, this program shows me where to go when I fall into these pits. Whatever my problem is, my sponsor says the answer is always in one of the steps. Someone above mentioned "King Baby". I haven't heard that one in a long time. This is a WE program. Thanks, Shannon. Keep sharing. That's how this program works. I sure needed to hear about growing up in the program. God and AA have brought me this far--and I do trust that God and AA will show me the rest of the way despite all the mistakes I make along the way. Thanks to all of you for being here.
Member: Michael G.
Location: Dallas
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 2:57:38 AM
I'm Michael, alcoholic. Great topic for me. Growing up is a process. I have always been the type that wants everything quickly and easily. I'm sure I'm the only AA with this character defect. I had three years of sobriety and picked up again because I thought I had graduated from the program and stopped doing the deal.
Today, I ask God to make me teachable. I don't need to make the AA honor roll any more. I don't have to be more sober than you. I've got 8 months right now and it feels good to not know everything for once in my life. I'm glad we're all here (even though we're really all over the place) and glad we're sober.
Member: Charlie
Location: Maine
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 6:57:12 AM
Hi Family Charlie Alcholic here, and a very gratful one. I have been growing up so quickly, and it has been scary at times, but with the help of my HP and the program it has helped me to grow on a more spiritual way of life.
Just finished my readings and my meditations this AM and tuned into my meeting for this morning, and just wanted to say thank you and God bless you all for helping me to grow up a little more today. I have just over 3 years, and grow more each day and the terrible 2s were Hell but through it all I managed not to pick up. This is my sole meeting at the moment and I am so grateful to have you all here for me, and to read your ESH helped me to grow a little more just for today. God Bless you all I love you my family. Love Charlie
Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 10:05:49 AM
yes ,i'm still growing-up everyday!i realize it's not just about me,other peoples hardships and thoughts count too,but by seeing whats in front of me and doing it,and the results being Gods will do have dividends,before aa and sobriety it was all about partying and avoiding situations that cut into my partying .today after 2.6 years sober iv'e taken on some responcibilities ,home ownership,job foreman,burying my father.taking care of my mothers property and helping her with her affairs,being financialy sound ect,ect,...yes i've grown-up some in the fellowship,and i love it.please stay with it,even thruogh the painfull stuff ,you will never regret it......i'm tony,i'm an alcoholic too
Member: Christin M.
Location: illinois
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 11:24:19 AM
Hi im alky and CHRISTIN is my prob. Great topic.growing up has meant so many different things to me like responsibility what a bad word. today I take responsibility for all of my actions. I can actually make decisions for myself. I also can trust my judgement today. I have been sober for 2 yrs now and fighting custody battle for 3. What a difference today. i actually have a chance. Whydo i have this? Because im sober and i live a great life. it used to be all about unfairness but my told me the fair is in august...ha ha. life is a second chance today and it is what i make of it.. glad i could share this is my first online meeting it is so neat to knoe i cant talk to an alcoholic at anytime.. keep on keeping on it truly works if u work it.........
Member: Melissa M.
Location: Canada
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 12:13:51 PM
Hi, I'm Melissa, truly alcoholic. To Mike in Maple Valley - I laughed out loud when I read your statement "I thought I knew everything but I was wrong" - looking back, it was a good day for me when I realized that about myself. I got a little bit teachable that day. I haven't been sober that much longer than you, and I'm certainly not confident or certain that I will always BE sober, but if I remain teachable, and do the work that sober people do, boy oh boy, do I have a good chance. I want what you have, so I'm doing what you do. And I'm sober today. And feeling like I never in a million years imagined I could just one short year ago. Life is good. Even when technically it's NOT good, it's still good. I have a hearbeat and I'm sober and I'm grateful. Another 24 hours to all of us...
Member: Mike M
Location: SE Wisconsin
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 1:54:24 PM
Hi everyone, Mike alki. growing up is what i do everyday of my life when i'm sober. growing up means change to me and when i'm drinking i'm not changing. that makes my time of sobriety irrelevant because i am sober today and changing by the minute and therefore growing up. Thank God! I don't want to feel like an adolecent and react to other people and my emotions like one for the rest of my life. Thank God(my def. of HP for lack of a better word) for change and him giving me the strength and courage to deal with it on a daily basis. Thanks for being there all as I am also in a position where i cannot get to as many "live" meetings as Iwould like to.
Member: kendra l
Location: miami fl
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 3:24:10 PM
hi family..kendra, alcoholic/addict, miami fl. very depressed this week. would have picked up my blue chip on saturday but thanks to an ugly relapse last wednesday, i can't. i am beating myself up over this... everyone keeps telling me, but i cant seem to get over this funk i am in. i fired my sponsor, she was awful to me. and i am trying to make two meetings a day right now. i just find it so hard to reach out to people.
Member: Pat C.
Location: Keene NH
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 3:33:04 PM
Member: Kent W.
Location: Houston, Tx
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 3:47:01 PM
I'm Kent and I am an alcoholic. I may be 38 years old, but I am actually 33 days old in sobriety. I am really having a tough time. I have a sponser, and am going to meetings every day. I am having problems with courts, finances, work, just about anything you could think of. I really do fell like I'm 33 days old! I'm just going to keep coming back, thanks for letting me share.
Member: Bonnie B.
Location: Toronto,Canada
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 5:21:36 PM
Hi everybody. This is the first time I have used the computer. This is wonderful. Hi everybody. This is the first time I have used the computer. This is wonderful to be abel to talk with all of you. I am on vacation in Toronto an having a wonderful time. I wanted to share with Kendra in Miame. I am so glad you came back after to slipped. It is not important why you slipped, but rather what you have missed in AA. So don't worry about the others just get busy. Try helping at meetings. clean the ashtrays. Cut the donuts. whatever. Remember to say hello to others who are new. and get one new phone number from a women at every meeting you go to for a week. and........ps smile. For kent in Houston. Every situation i have can only be handled for one day. One day at a time---we can do anything. don't forget to share at meetings. and please listen and try some of the suggestions. when these things happend to me I did what i could in the morning. Then I played in the afternoon. start being grateful for even 33 minutes sober, and Kendra in miame. I'm glad you came back. Get busy. It is not why you slipped that is important, but what you didnt hear in AA that is. smile . Kent in Houston. congradulations of your 33 days sober. keep it simple. one day at a time we can handle any situation. I just celebrated 23 years, one day at a time. If I can do it anybody can. love you all.
Member: Rhonda K.
Location: Derry, N.H,
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 6:52:06 PM
Hi I'm Rhonda and an alcoholic. Congradulations to everyone new or coming back. The main thing is that we're in the program. Kent I can relate to the "real world" problems. My first month of sobriety was very challenging. The sh-- hit the fan. Everyone at AA told me to "let it happen" "give it to my HP" and always remember sobriety comes before all else. I have alittle over 8mos now and realize I'm powerless over people, places and things. I still have problems but nothing I'm ever going to drink over (with Gods help) I can't thbink of one problem that could be made better by drinking or drugging, can you? Thanks for letting me share. At ftf meetings I mostly just lisen although I have had jobs (coffee maker, greeteretc.) This is a great program.
Member: Nancy S.
Location: Boston
Date: 7/12/00
Time: 11:16:59 PM
Hi All, I'm Nancy, an alcoholic, and new to this site. That's a great topic, growing up in AA. I'll be turning 35 in September and lately and for the first time I feel my age, maybe older. Up until recently (my Mom passed away two months ago), I was feeling like I'm still 14 or 15 years old. And then it dawned on me, that's when my drinking started and my emotional development stopped. Everything has felt new to me in recovery and I've not only grown up in AA, I've learned sooo much. This latest growth stage is by far the most difficult, losing my Mother. I've been given no choice, I have to grow up now. Thank God, I don't want to drink and still very grateful to be sober. My life has just been amazingly good since putting the drink down, I can't afford to let self-pity in. Though I have to go thru the feelings like it or not. And it is painful, I must say. Thank you all for sharing and reading my post and another 24hrs clean and sober to us all. Looking forward to more of these meetings.
Member: Karen
Location: Sacramento
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 12:15:55 AM
I don't feel like I've grown up in AA. I've been drinking since I was 15. I am now 34. I quit drinking in 1995 without the help of AA. I stayed sober for 4 years. I started drinking again last summer. I believe that I would still be sober if I had utilized AA. I want to remain sober for the rest of my life, that's why I'm here. I do intend to go to meetings so I can get a sponser and work the steps, but I'm glad to know that I can have access to AA on-line. This is great. I'm 15 days sober and I'm just beginning to grow.
Member: p.p.
Location: la
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 12:22:33 AM
hi karen,we can g..rowwwww together,we can be cyber cellmates! AND ILL be here for you.
predator pete
Member: michele
Location: ca
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 12:39:51 AM
Do you guys think a HP can be schizophrenic?? I just had to laugh today when I flashed that mine just may be. Hey Kendra..don't beat yourself up you came back. I slip occasionally and absolutely hate myself...it's not good for me to think of myself as a hopeless loser it's better to think of myself as a little slow. I know for certain that nothing about alk and drugs work anymore I MEAN I KNOW. It sinks in when I work the program and talk to all you guys out there. I have to believe in my sobriety and in service and that people who continually cross boundaries are in a precarious position emotionally but often are of a fiercly creative nature. I know I could have been a race car driver. I keep coming back because in all reality Sobriety is the biggest adventure I have. Take care.
Member: Shelli S
Location: Northern CA
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 4:32:23 AM
Hello Shannon S. My name is Shelli and I'm a recovering alcholic.
You picked a good topic and all I can say is I have litterally grown up in AA. I was 26 when I first got sober and I turned 40 this year. I have been sober now as long as I drank.
The progam of AA never promised us a rose garden as a matter of fact it said faith without works is dead. In your Big book on page 14 last paragraph it tells us "For if an alchohoic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indead."
Its all about doing the work and giving it time. Let Go and Let God. But most of all have a bit of faith.
((((((Hugs to all))))) May all being be well.
Member: Denny P
Location: TX
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 9:04:31 AM
To all the newcomers and returned "slips", Welcome Home and just remember, "you don't ever have to drink again if you don't want to".
In regards to growing up in AA.......I was 48 when I got to the rooms of AA after almost 30 years of being "out there" and now I'm 53 and about 10 days away from the best 29 months of my life. Having had the obsession to drink and drug lifted, the Big Book tells me that "I have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body". It also tells me that this reprieve is contingent upon my spiritual condition and today that's what it is about for me as far as growing up. I'm trying to learn how to live sober! What a concept! I've finally quit doin the same things over and over expecting different results (a restoration to sanity)and have begun to try to follow the suggestions of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know today that drinking was only a symptom of my disease and that I"m the problem. You know, growing up in public at the age of 53 is hell sometimes but I wouldn't trade my life today for anything!! I heard early on if I were to write a list of all the things that I wanted my life to be when I arrived at the rooms of AA that I would short change myself and I have found that to be more than true.
I think the most growth for me though has come from the Serenity Prayer, today I understand that the "Wisdom to know the difference" means that the only things I can change are my attitude, my actions, and my reactions, and by accepting and practicing this for one 24 hour period at a time I grow each day.
Finally, I'd like to share something I heard and old timer say at a meeting the other day in regards to "precision drinking". His definition of the term is that it takes just the right amount before you come through the doors to make you as willing as only the dying can be and get this thing the first cat out of the bag. And then there are those you haven't been precise enough and have to go back out and get some more. If they're lucky, they'll be more precise and be able to stay if they live to walk back thru the doors of AA. And then there are the poor souls who are not precise enough to ever make it through the doors and remind us what can happen to us if we ever make the decision that drinking is more important to us than the blessed gift of sobriety.
Hope ya'll have a happy day in sobriety!!
Member: Mike V
Location: Maple Valley, WA
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 11:20:24 AM
Hi all Mike alcholic, I heard an ol' timer say at a meeting the other night, that there is no such thing as a slip, or going back out. When you are ready, you are ready. Some of us take longer to get ready. Some of us needed more research than others. We must remember that things happen in Gods time, not ours. When we are ready to stop thinking and start listing to the spirit that has been in us since birth, we will start to understand. All we will ever have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our] spiritual condition. I love you all. Keep comming back.
Member: chris h.
Location: florida
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 11:42:10 AM
Hi all ---Chris here alcoholic/addict/bulimic---great topic...Friend from the netherlands..welcome.. Keep coming back...I love your people and your country..so glad to hear A.A. is working there!!! Growing up!!In A.A., I fainally was able to do it!!(Not there yet, but making progress)I didn't know I wasn't grown up , until A.A....It has given me the tools to do this...I just didn't know how to react any differently to life than I did. I am so greatful to A.A. for teaching me these things...my life is so much better now and has so many POSSibilities that weren't even available to me before/ Thanks for mentioning that some days a are just hold on days..today is one for me... I have learned that in A.A. too...I don't have to go in crisis when having a bad day!! Just hod on!! Thanks for being here!!!
Member: Will M.
Location: southern Appalachia
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 4:55:39 PM
Hello...I'm Will M....I'm an alcoholic (and an addict). Once upon a time I accumulated a handful of bronze medallions thanks to A.A. and H.P.; I think I was even happy, joyous and free! But I had been stoned most of my life and eventually returned to the familiarity of my addictions. Relapse is a tragedy.
But return to A.A. is a triumph! This year (this century) I decided to stop fighting change for a change. I vaguely remember 'joie de vivre;' happiness; freedom. H.P. let me live to have another chance. Altho I don't have longterm sobriety at this point, I feel I am on a firmer footing than before. Due probably to daily attendance at meetings (ftf) and incredibly intense prayer, I think H.P. has basically removed the compulsion and obsession to my substance abuse.
I may be in better shape than I've been in in a very long time, but I feel that I am making little real progress working my way through the steps...I see this as a danger signal. Way back when, I had a super sponsor, but he was old and he died; somehow I have not been able to find another. I need guidance and help to grow into this Program. Now I feel like a babe only able to digest milk; but sobriety is Priority today...I will go to a 'ftf' meeting @ 8 tonite (candlelite)! Nowadays it's the most important thing I do! I have decided that when I grow up I want to be SoberMan!
Lovingkindness to each of you!
Member: Rhonda K
Location: Derry, N>H>
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 5:42:22 PM
Hi Rhonda, alcoholic. I've been reading this message board daily ever since I found it a few weeks ago. Boy there's alotof wisdom out there. I really look forward to being. Just being. This is truly a miracle since I was trying to kill myself with alcohol and chemicals. and slowly at that.
I'm living with people who don't really want to hear me talk about alcohol, AA or a Higher Powere so it helps if I can share daily. I was calling people in the program daily but I started to feel like Jim Carey in the CAble guy.
You know when he can't take a hint that people don't want to talk to him. I guess I'll follow the advise I've been given since day l - Take It Easy! I'm working on the steps. Life's great. Thanks
Member: michael l
Location: youngstown, oh
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 7:00:45 PM
hi. my name is michael ad im an alcoholic. growing up s hard to do, especially for someone with an ego like myself. the first part of growing up is to put your ego aside, surrender it to your HP, and let His will be done. then you are more willing to accept the suggestions of old timers and form a strong base for your recovery. a strong base is essential for recovery, what you learn in your early days may be your best defense against that 1st drink. and some day you can sit quietly and realize, my head is not spinnng anymore. that is serenity and peace of mind. the greatest reward of this program.
Member: GREGG G.
Location: KENNEWICK, WA
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 7:42:59 PM
Member: peggy h
Location: s.w. florida
Date: 7/13/00
Time: 11:56:59 PM
hi,I'm peggy always have been and always will be an alcholic. I am new also to this wonderful site. I have been a faithful listener for the past four weeks and have been inspired so much by the newer and older members of AA. your suggestions and comments have helped me feel good inside about myself. I am living in step three and hope to make this step my stronghold as I move through the folling steps and my life. Thanks to all of you.
Member: Dot S.
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 7/14/00
Time: 3:10:17 AM
Hello everyone,I'm Dot and I'm a recovering alcoholic.I'm so pleased to have found this sight! Growing up in this program! Now there's a subject for discussion. For all of us we can only pray to keep learning and growing in this wonderful program,and remember, our HP will only show us what we're strong enough to see! Many difficult things will happen in sobriety, it's called life,and as alcoholics we need to learn to accept life on life's terms. Not easy to learn, but if we keep coming,ask for help(one of the hardest things to do),eventually it gets better. Sometimes faster than others. I used to get very nervous when I felt that I had "gone backwards in my recovery",but as they say, recovery doesn't go in a straight line. Sometimes that line is a little zig-zaggy!! Sometimes it's a lot zig-zaggy!!!!! Usually, after the low periods we shoot ahead in recovery,and find that we have uncovered yet another layer of character defects that we didn't even know we had! The important thing is to keep coming to meetings, and trust that our HP will show us the way.The promises DO come true,I can tell you that,You've paid a very big price for your seat in the halls,don't let anybody,or anything take it away from you!!!!! Tony,I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father.Your mother must be very grateful that you are there for her. I'm also sorry to here about the loss of your mom, Nancy. I also lost a parent recently and it's very difficult. I will pray for you both,and for ALL of us, that we may continue to be blessed by this program and each other. Thanks for being here,KEEP COMING!!!!! bye for now,Dot S.(Grateful Alcoholic)
Member: Leslie M.
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Date: 7/14/00
Time: 8:22:04 AM
Good morning, everyone. I'm Les, and I'm an alcoholic. Great choice for a discussion topic; "Growing up in Sobriety" -- thanks for suggesting it, Shannon! I'll have 1-1/2 years July 25, and I'm astonished that I ever could have thought that I "understood" everything, right off the bat, during my 90 and 90 after I came into the Fellowship. Maybe part of that comes from working in the corporate world, where everything is fast, projects have to be delivered "yesterday," and people are expendable. You literally have to FLY up the steepest learning curves if you want to survive. AA isn't anything like that; it's a haven of God-given sanity in an insane world. We have TIME to grow in sobriety, one day at a time. Easy does it. First things first. Those simple, life-saving concepts are totally contrary to the pace and mood of the world today! In AA, I've learned tolerance as opposed to judgement --- another amazing notion, but one that is as old as the beginning of time, because I believe that tolerance is the natural outgrowth of love, which is the very essence of God as I understand Him.
Growing up in sobriety is a daily practice for me, not an endpoint. My practice of living soberly, God willing, will end only with the end of my journey on this earth. How grateful I am to have found the real course of my life ... and to have the chance to serve my Higher Power by simply saying, every morning,
"I have arisen, oh Lord, to do Your will."
God bless all of you!
Love, Les
Member: Beth H.
Location: Canada
Date: 7/14/00
Time: 1:21:08 PM
Hi. I've known that I'm an alcoholic for a long time, and now am starting to do something about it. First here, then find a face-to-face meeting to go to. Feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff, but can't live with the alternative (staying a drunk) anymore. Wish me luck!
Member: Claire C.
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 7/14/00
Time: 3:04:40 PM
Hi everyone, Claire, alcoholic here. To Beth: Boy, you are right where I was four months ago. I knew I was in trouble for a long time, but thought I could handle it. After I had been sober a few weeks I started visiting this site, and I know it has been key to keeping me sober. I was so frightened to go to that first in person meeting. But after reading the posts here for a few weeks, I felt better about what was going to happen and got the courage to go. i went all by myself to a womens group that I found with an internet search. It was the second best decision I made in my life (commiting myself to staying sober was the first). Believe me, there will be women just like you at such a meeting. I was so shocked, there were teenagers and grandmothers, rich society ladies and homeless women, and all of them are alike in the important ways. All are alcoholic, and all of them had to attend that first meeting. you are not alone. Everyone in AA wants you to succeed. You can do it. you have already, in my opinion, done the hardest thing, which is not just realizing but accepting that you are an alcoholic. Good Luck and welcome. Best wishes for another sober 24 Claire.
Member: Mike V
Location: Maple Valley, WA
Date: 7/14/00
Time: 3:47:55 PM
Hi my name is Mike and I'm and alcoholic, To Beth, welcome to AA. You've already made the first step, admitting you have a problem. Get to that meeting, and someone there will help you with the rest of them. You will be in my prayers. Good luck, and keep coming back. Love and service---Mike
Member: Donna M.
Location: Muskogee
Date: 7/14/00
Time: 4:09:33 PM
Growing up in sobriety. Donna here a recovering alcoholic. Its scarrry and very necessary. I believe we/I missed out on so many things early in life due to circumstances beyond my control and so here I am back in the classroom again. It still hurts. But rewarding adn this time without zits.
Member: Bonnie B.
Location: Toronto, Canada
Date: 7/14/00
Time: 5:07:09 PM
Hi everybody, this is Bonnie B. again and i'm an alcoholic. In my drinking years I believed I could do anything, be anything, and it all depended upon my will power. Everything would be fine if I handled the situations correctly. But as life went on I found I could not handle those situations and could not cope with my emotions unless I drank. sometimes into blackouts just to forget. In AA I came to believe that a higher power would help me. Even if this higher power in the beginning was the group or my sponser. After a while I learned to pray, and today God is in my life all the time. Growing up isnt as hard when I ask others to help me. This I should have been doing from the very begining. I just didn't know. I am so grateful that I found out before it was too late. Love you all.
Member: Brian B.
Location: TampaBay, Florida
Date: 7/14/00
Time: 11:50:27 PM
HEY EVERYBODY...My name is BRIAN and I'm an alcoholic. Listening to all you newcomers, this week, I am reminded how I used to choke on that introduction because, during my first shaky weeks in the program, I thought I was a "bad person-trying to get good". It wasn't until all of you showed me that I really was "a sick person trying to get healthy" that I started to achieve some growth. Ten years later, I still strive each day for PROGRESS RATHER THAN PERFECTION. I rarely think about how much I have or haven't grown up because, for me, my sobriety is anchored in the the knowledge that I only have a DAILY reprieve. If I go to meetings, get a sponsor and work the steps, the program works! Action is the key. Growth will come in it's own time, but no amount of growth will keep me sober...just like all of you, I'm still one drink away from being drunk. I didn't drink today and for that I'm grateful to my HP.
Keep Coming Back!
Member: Jan S.
Location:
Date: 7/15/00
Time: 12:03:18 AM
Beth, Will I am praying for you--I'm praying for all of us. God Bless us all, keep coming back. Love, Jan and I'm a recovering alcoholic!
Member: Rich R, slowly recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit, MI
Date: 7/15/00
Time: 9:45:26 AM
Rich R, slowly recovering compulisve person! Growing up in AA reminds me of a short poem I heard in my first few months of recovery. Here it is...
AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS
by Portia Nelson
Chapter I
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost ... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes me forever to find a way out.
Chapter II
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I am in the same place but, it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in ... it's a habit. my eyes are open I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.
Chapter IV
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.
Chapter V
I walk down another street.
This little poem has helped me stop drinking, betting, smoking and overeating, one day at a time, for over 9 years now. I am REALLY enjoying walking down that different street! Thanks for coming to this site.
Member: BILL
Location: S. JERSEY
Date: 7/15/00
Time: 11:06:27 AM
HELLO THIS IS BILL AND MY FIRST TIME TO THIS SITE. THE HARDEST THING FOR ME TO ACCEPT IN SOBRIETY WAS THE SERENITY. THINKING BACK TO MY CHILD HOOD I DON'T THINK I EVER EXPERIENCED IT. THE FIRST TIME MY HEAD WAS ACTUAL CLEAR OF THOUGHT I WAS DRIVING TO WORK AND ALL KINDS OF LIFES OBSTACKLES WERE GOING ON BUT MY MIND WAS FREE OF ALL THAT STUFF. I HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON. WHEN I EXPLAINED HOW I HAD FELT TO MY SPONSOR HE JUST "GREAT ISN'T IT". THAT SERENITY COMES AND GOES DEPENDING ON HOW HARD OR HONESTLY I'M WORKING THE PROGRAM. WHEN I'M NOT BEING HONEST TO ME IS WHEN I FEEL THE WORST.
WITH ALL GROWTH THERE IS A LOT OF PAIN AND TO THE PERSON GOING TO THE "TERRIBLE TWOS" BEEN THERE DONE THAT, IT JUST TOOK ME THREE. THERE WAS NO SERENITY, NO (NOT MUCH) HOPE, NO PATIENCE NOT ONE OF THE PROMISES, WHY...NO MEETINGS, NO SPONSOR, NO FELLOWSHIP. I THANK MY HIGHERPOWER THAT I WAS FORCED TO MOVE BACK TO MY ORIGANL HOME GROUPS AREA. AFTER ONE OR TWO MEETINGS I RECEIVE A KICK IN THE PANTS. AND RELIZED WHAT HAD BEEN MISSING. TODAY I TRY TO BE AS ACTIVE IN AA AS POSSIBLE. I SHARE ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING WITH ANOTHER ALCOHOLIC, EITHER AT A MEETING OR ON THE PHONE. TODAY WHEN "HOW IT WORKS" IS READ IN A MEETING I ALSWAYS LISTEN, NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I HERE IT'S LIKE THE FIRST TIME. IT'S NOT JUST WORDS ON A PIECE OF PAPER..IT'S LIFE FOR THIS ALCOHOLIC.
Member: joey
Location: camden,nj
Date: 7/15/00
Time: 5:59:52 PM
dina v. i could just be that man you are looking for!as i live close in camden.
joey
Member: Robyn E
Location: Tucson AZ
Date: 7/15/00
Time: 11:11:13 PM
Hi Everybody, I'm Robyn, an alcoholic. Forgive me if I say anything redundant, because I don't have time right now to read all the week's responses. I stopped at early warning signs and wanted to share right away. I did scan and see somebody mention that early warning signs are hard to see in early recovery. This is true, and they're also hard to see later on. I've just returned from a six year relapse, and I had five years sobriety in AA prior to that. I was completely unaware of any signs, and the reason that is because I wasn't doing a number of key things in the program. One, I didn't have a sponsor I respected. I can't even remember her name. It's important to find a temporary sponsor in the beginning, but it's more important to find a "permanent" sponsor who HAS SOMETHING YOU WANT. The sponsor I chose at the time didn't have anything I want, and I really didn't know what i wanted anyway. THe second thing I didn't do was work the steps with vigorous honesty. I couldn't get step three to save my life, even though I desperately wanted to. So, I skipped it and went on to four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten. I couldn't progress with eleven or twelve, however, without three, and all the steps in between were b.s. without three.
Those are two very important early warning signs: no sponsor and not working the steps honestly
The third sign I had was I reduced my number of meetings. I didn't need them anymore. I began to hate my home group. I began to find fault in what people were saying. I began to kill the messenger and not listen to the message.
Anyway, I hope this helps. I'm so happy to be back. When i hear people say they have eleven years sobriety, I still feel a pang of jealousy, because that would be me right now, but THAT'S OKAY. I'm here, I'm alive, and I FINALLY get step THREE!!!!!
Thanks for letting me share and thanks for being here to help me stay sober today.
Member: kendra l
Location: miami fl
Date: 7/16/00
Time: 12:27:39 AM
hi family.... i must say this program works.... i relapsed 10 days ago- would have had 6 months today and i was ready to throw in the hat... i got a new sponsor, we redid my forst and second steps, and i have been getting on my knees every night... and the difference in the way i feel is absolutely amazing. im so hard headed when it comes to following suggestions.. i got in a relationship, i work too much, i NEVER prayed... and i ended up going back out. but it is such an incredible feeling to know now that i am not alone anymore. i went to an awesome meeting tonight. the speaker was a therapist at my treatment center. she said a lot of things that hit home... something i really related to was "religion is for people who are scared to go to hell... spirituality is for those who have already been." i love this page- i feel like it gives me one last glimpse of the promises aa has each night before i go to sleep, and it grounds me in the morning. take care everyone.
Member: Anne T.
Location: Alberta,Canada
Date: 7/16/00
Time: 1:49:13 AM
Hi!My name is Anne and I am an alcoholic
This is the first time I have visited this site and I am impressed with the number of people affected by change and growing. I believe my first three steps were done in my home when I cried out to God "Please help me because I can't". From thereon the changes in my life were miraculous to say the least. Within 3 weeks help came and along with it a tough sponsor who dragged me around to so many meetings my head spun. I had never heard of those first three steps of AA before I was taken to a meeting, but they changed my life with no more desire to drink alcohol. I made great progress according to my fellow AA's during the first year and eventually completed the other steps. But I had problems with an alcoholic son who lived with me (not drinking but not working the program) who got fired from his job in January of this year,and my emotional health & growth was backsliding because of all the related upsets and worries about feeding us, etc.and any money he got was in great part being spent on enormous amounts of prescription drugs from several doctors (Had substituted the booze for pills). I still prayed but seemed to lose "contact" with my higher power - then doubt crept in along with the anxiety getting worse. I thought my HP was not hearing me anymore. How wrong can one be. One's HP is there all the time and because the changes didn't come about as I expected they should I was starting to lose faith and for the first time had disagreements with friends in my Group.
Things were very difficult, I am a widow expecting my old age security cheque at the end of August. I continued to pray thanking God for my sobriety each night and asking for help each morning. Then, my son did something terrible that cost more money than I could possibly pay and I just told him to "get out" which I had never thought previously that I dare do. I had the wisdom, but never before had the courage to change that situation. It took over a year of worry "enabling", my son's habits to have the courage to change. Since that time three weeks ago (I was broke and so was he) help just came to me out of the blue. I find with him not in the house anymore that I am not obsessivly worrying about our situation in life or about him.(I had deteriorated back onto that whining self pity pot).
My feeling of contact with my HP is back - I've never had to go hungry a day and my son moved out of town and got some casual work in the nearest City. Small miracles are still happening day by day - how could I ever have doubted that God would look after me if I don't lose faith. I am just thankful for AA and all the wonderful people we learn from every time we enter those rooms. I am grateful too to find this site and really feel for some of you newcomers to the program. Don't give up - just ask your higher power every day and leave it in his capable hands - it sure beats trying to run the show all by myself - I just screwed things up, even before I became alcoholic.
Member: Nancy M.
Location:
Date: 7/16/00
Time: 3:52:10 AM
I'm nancy an alcoholic. I hardly ever come to this site, but tonight laying in bed and unable to sleep I decided to read what had been posted for the week. Thankful I did.
I'm ten years sober, I'm sponsered, I sponser, I love A.A. it has changed my life beyond words I could use to describe, but tonight more than ever in my entire sobriety I feel like walking away from it all. I've been through the hard times of life in sobriety, death of my first loving sponser, sick children, sick parents, sick spouse. All the life problems that hit everyone, not just alcoholics, and was able to stay and stay active in A.A. during those times. But tonight, or I should say many nights now I'm ready to throw in the towel. Not on my sobriety, but the meetings of A.A..
There has been talk about me before in A.A.. You know if you have been sober for anytime, a sponsee gets their feelings hurt, they run and say things to others. That is forgivable I was new at one time, but people with time continuing to say things, I'm finding hard to forgive anymore.
I feel these last few years I have limited myself so much as not to step on toes, I don't feel I can do it anymore. I have been given convictions in sobriety, and have for the most part had the courage of my convictions. But I'm tired. I'm tired of the pain that cheap talk inflicks upon people. I'm just tired.
I thank you for letting me post tonight. Like I said I very seldom visit, but I know that there are those that do, and I respect that, I hope this post doesn't discourage I wouldn't want that. I just needed to say the things I have written. GodBless
Member: Mary K
Location: Boston (Raynham)
Date: 7/16/00
Time: 6:37:22 AM
Hi all! Mary, alcy
Staying sober one day at a time and working the steps to the best of my ability at any given point in my sobriety I couldn't help but change (ever so slowly). I went from being a totally irresponsible, self-seeking, self-loathing, self-destructive girl to a pretty responsible, giving, loving, woman who feels pretty ok about herself. I don't want to grow-up too much to the point where I take myself and others too seriously. I always want to be able to enjoy the wonderful, fun gifts my sobriety has given me. Like a good belly laugh, dancing without thinking the whole room is looking at me, playing trucks with my kids. I always want to hold on to that part of me that can see things through a child's eyes. Easy does it, but do it!!!!
THE WORD AROUND HERE IS HOPE !! My love to all, Mary.
Member: Beth H
Location: Canada
Date: 7/16/00
Time: 1:57:49 PM
Thanks for the encouragement everyone! I am three days sober right now and shocked to realize how noisy the voice of addiction is in my head. Still trying to wrap my mind around Step 1, and that voice keeps saying "Well, if you're powerless, why bother?" and "These last three days haven't been so bad - maybe you're not an alcoholic after all. Why don't you test it and see? Just have one. Okay maybe three. Oh, hell, make it ten, a nice round number..." or even "You can always blame it on your husband; he brought the beer home." I am learning quickly to recognize that voice and to shout it down. Anyway, thanks again, and I will be back.
Member: Andrew
Location: Calgary
Date: 7/16/00
Time: 6:33:51 PM
Nancy M....
I have been with AA since 82, and the petty gossip gets to me too. I have had the same experiences as you with gossip,and have always used the 4th step prayer. Works for me.