Member: Wm O
Location: Macks Inn Id
Date: 7/8/01
Time: 8:39:04 PM

Comments

Hi I'm Bill alcoholic

I choose fear as the topic. It amazes me the times I was angry or felt realy over strong about something, a women in the group would say. Bill I identifie with that and when I feel that way its because I'm fearful. So what are your fears how do you deal with them . Thanks Love Bill


Member: CeCe R.
Location: Lincoln, NE
Date: 7/8/01
Time: 9:40:42 PM

Comments

As an alcoholic, or just a sick person I find myself fearful over some of the most rediculous things and I don't think I've yet gotten very good at dealing with that fear. It seems like my tendencies are to just stop and do nothing. I guess during my using days I got drunk and then dealt with it because then if it turned out bad I felt I had an excuse. If it turned out good I could say "And you thought I was drunk" Fear is definitely something I need to work on.


Member: Donnie M (DOS 3-1-99)
Location: Short Gap, W.Va
Date: 7/8/01
Time: 10:41:28 PM

Comments

Hi, all I`m Donnie and I am a alcoholic. Thank`s bill for the topic. Fear for me today is taking the first drink. I can still remember my first day at rehab. I was sitting on the edge of my bed crying like a little baby and you would think I would have been worried about my wife driving home in the snow that day but not me. All I was worried about was when or were my next drink was going to be. I came to understand that A.A. did not mean I could learn to drink safely, It met that I could not drink at all. That was a mojor fear at the time, cause that was how I thought life was , you get up go to work and drink till you passed out (what a life). I also do not what to forget the panic attack I had my first night home after rehab I thought I was going crazy, but it was my first step to a normal life. Today I work the step`s into all part`s of my life. I have a sponsor who advise`s me how to make some decsions in my life today. So I have to say that fear is good if you use to your advantage. I thank God and the A.A. program to let me look fear in the eye and say not today, maybe tommorrow. As long as I live for today I can`t go wrong. THANK`S for letting me share. and GOD BLESS ALL.


Member: ML
Location: San Diego
Date: 7/8/01
Time: 11:04:01 PM

Comments

Hi. I really appreciate the way I was able to sound off here, last week, when I was in a really bad and confused place, and then didn't feel judged. I'm starting to realize how very wide and encompassing love and tolerance can be in AA. As I said the other day, I drank last Monday night after being sober for some time. I didn't really want to go into my situation as I still hadn't totally turned it over in terms of being willing to let go of what's been making it hard to stay sober, which is my relationship with my fiance, who started drinking again (after a few half-hearted tries at sobriety) very heavily about two weeks ago. The truth is that I couldn't "white knuckle it" through another one of his drunks, as I'm afraid of him when he gets drunk - he's gotten close to violence and destroyed things that meant a lot to me before, when drunk, and last week (when drunk) admitted he'd beaten a couple of women up - years ago, but still... it felt like he was trying to tell me something with that. Rather than focus on him, which I'm tired of doing, I need to focus on why and how I got into a relationship with such a sick person - what's the matter with me? Why didn't I see the signs? Why didn't I trust that God would bring this man into my life if it was meant to happen, rather than refusing to give up on it? And why didn't I value my sobriety more than to risk it by being involved with what's starting to look like a career alcoholic? At least some of this is about my having "fear over faith," instead of the other way 'round. At this point I realize that AA, or any of the 12-step programs, is/are for those who want them, not necessarily those who need them. I've heard this, but I'm finally starting to get it. Being drunk last week was horrible. I tried to get back into it, but you know what they say. I knew I was being self-indulgent and risking my health and work, as I'm one of those who is definitely allergic to alcohol, and who gets 2-3 day hangovers. I had an awful two days after that drinking binge, which consisted of probably about seven drinks. I really love AA. I may not like every meeting or everyone in it, and finding a way to fit in and hear the message no matter what has been a real challenge for me in San Diego. Now I'm so willing to stay with sobriety that if I have to start NEW meetings I will. But most importantly, I'm increasingly willing to let go of this man I'm involved with. He's drunk all the time lately, and I've been crying a lot, 'cause it's getting harder and harder to remember "the good stuff" and to forget what he says and does when drunk, the wierd and scary personality into which he turns. I'm sad that we probably won't move into the future and all our plans together. I'm sad for him, and what is probably going to happen to him (he lived on the street before, and that's probably where he'll return if we break up). I'm sad for myself as I realize how sick I really am, that I'd repeat my cycle of abuse with this person to the point where I'd stay with him, be terrified when he gets drunk and out of control, and then drink to numb my feelings and get through it. What a mess! But I'd tried having faith that things would be okay (when I'd feel one of his drinking bouts approaching, or during them) and things haven't been okay, so I guess I turned from God that night. At this point I'm just waiting to see what he does, as kicking him out will take energy I don't have right now - it may mean getting a restraining order, and I'm not quite there yet. I'm trying to keep my work life together and stay sober and have more and more detachment about what he does. Thank you for reading this. Maybe some of the women, in particular, will relate. I know I probably need Al-anon, and I've gone to CODA and ACA plenty in the past. But right now I just need to focus on building a strong foundation of sobriety and not confusing myself with the other programs - as a periodic, I'm too likely to want to think those other things are my real problem and return to the illusion, harbored by many alcoholics, that I can control my drinking. I just want to be well and be with God and let him show me where to go and what to do. Pray for me and for Will if you will. He (Will) is really a good man, or I wouldn't have fallen in love with him in the first place. He doesn't want us to break up and part of him is sick of drinking. He's just really lost right now. Thank you so much. I look forward to reading more about fear and faith, and sobriety here, this week.


Member: Jim Mc
Location: Livingston, Texas
Date: 7/8/01
Time: 11:15:16 PM

Comments

Hi, My name is Jim, an Alcoholic. When I came to AA the only emotion I could recognize was anger.I was always asking myself and other people in my life ask me "what are you so angery about?" Only after coming to AA and reading the Big Book did the answer come when it finally got through my thick skull, "anger, a mask for a thousand fears" I had been asking the wrong question all a long, the right question was,"what am I afraid of?" By doing a 4th step the fears were identified, a 5th step they were owned and shared, steps 6,7,8,9, helped to remove those fears or at least put them in proper prospective. Step 10 helps me to to continue to look for those fears, and with my Higher Power's guidence and power in step 11 they don't control my life as they once did.

I wish I could say I did'nt have to deal with fear and anger today and after 31 years of sobriety I had it altogether, but that would be a lie. I still have fears and I still feel anger but I don't have to act out as I once did, I don't have to hide and isolate. I don't have to stew in my own juices. I have been given the tools to deal with fear and I don't do it alone any longer. I have God, AA, and the fellowship. My only fear is I will forget or choose not do the things I know will work and has worked for these years after joining this great path to recovery. God Bless, Jim


Member: Michael B.
Location: AZ
Date: 7/8/01
Time: 11:43:43 PM

Comments

Hi! My name is Michael, and I am a recovering alcoholic and addict, sober today only by the Grace of God and the Fellowship. Welcome newcomers! Thanks for the sincere shares!

Great topic, Bill! CeCe, I know what you mean about having ridiculous fears. In my first year or two or sobriety, all I felt was fear and anger. Eventually, I became angry about feeling fear over anything and everything.

Fortunately, my experience with fear today is remarkably similar to what Jim Mc. said in his 2nd paragraph--thank God. And thanks Jim Mc. for sharing that valuable knowledge with us.

I, too, often hear in the program a direct connection made between anger and fear, which my experience tells me is generally true, but by no means has this always true for me.


Member: Bruce G.
Location: Memphis
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 12:41:39 AM

Comments

IB Bruce, alcoholic.... I have finally come to the understanding that, for me, just about all the fears that I might have can be boiled down to one fear, that people won't act the way that I want them to, or that things won't happen the way that I want them to. Basically, that I won't get my way! Most of the anger that pops up in my life is the result of having to deal with the reality that, more often than not, things just don't happen the way I think they ought to. Can anybody identify with that? Most every alcoholic that I know can! It's part of the disease and when I can honestly admit my powerlessness over people, places, and things, accept it, and surrender to it, then I begin to gain power over those character defects. Unfortunately, I have "slips" as far as this aspect of my program goes, on a regular basis, and the fear and anger may return when I forget my powerlessness. It's better than it used to be, though, and just coming to terms,honestly, with the reality of this truth is half the battle. Progress yes; perfection no, I don't think so. Just have to keep workin' on it, one day at a time.


Member: Andrew  A.
Location: Calgary
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 1:09:38 AM

Comments

Fear is somthing I am very familiar with.

As it says in the book. It aught to be classed as theft. It has stolen so much from me.

Love that learning curve.

paxaa@hotmail.com


Member: Becky B.
Location: College Station, TX
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 1:58:51 AM

Comments


Member: Terry   B
Location: UK
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 5:37:52 AM

Comments

Hi I`m Terry and I`m an alcoholic.

I guess it would also be as much of a truism to identify as a fearaholic as well.

For as long as I can remember,way before I picked up that first drink it was always fear that was the guiding force behind all my daily descisions.All my friends seemed to be influenced by sports stars,movie stars and rock stars, in the way they dressed,talked and generally went about the business of being young.Me it was the fear that if I did this,or If I did that you would not like me,which lead me down the path of second guessing what you wanted from me and attempting to deliver that.

Of course tagged onto that was the absolute fear that no matter what I did it wouldn`t be good enough anyway,and what emerged was physically large,emotionally scared young man,who when he drank for the first time saw life in colour instead of shades of grey.

As with all who come here,in the fullness of time,and the emptiness of a multitude of bottles I arrived at the point of no return which again for this alchoholic was fear based.I was too scared to live and too scared to die.So feeling the abject anger of a bodyfull of resentments I was taken to what I felt at the time was the last hiding place of the lost,my local AA group.Didn`t want to go of course,wasn`t THAT bad.

Anyway 8 years 7 months later here I am still scared,not as scared as before.not even as scared as I was yesterday.Tomorrow? Dont even go there.

Thank God for AA


Member: Carol C.
Location: New Jersey
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 6:46:55 AM

Comments

Hi! Carol Alcoholic!

What a great topic! I identify with so many of the shares this week.

First off I want to say to ML is I've been where you are. I was in a really sick relationship with verbal abuse in sobriety. Only lasted 4 months but the effects still haunt me at times. I had to cut off completely and even had to get the authorities involved. Talk about being full of fear. I went to many meetings. Everytime I felt the fear was getting overwelming I'd pick up the phone or run to a meeting. That was 9 years ago. I've learned picking partners as sick as myself was part of this disease. I didn't know what normal was. Today I am married to a wonderful man who is also in recovery. I still need my meetings after 10 years and I still get full of fear sometimes, but it doesn't hang around nearly as long as it used to. Plus I know my greatist fears have never materialized.

Have a sober happy week everyone!


Member: Adam H.
Location: Nagano, JAPAN
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 7:37:09 AM

Comments

Adam, alcoholic.

I am glad that it doesn't say anywhere in the Big Book that you cannot have fear and faith at the same time...it says "All men of faith have courage." I love that word...courage. You know what that word means to me? Being afraid to go forward for whatever reason, but having the willingness to go forward anyway because it is the right thing to do.

I've discovered in dealing with a lot of my fears that if I am willing to go forward in spite of my fears, that faith eventually comes. I mean, one of my biggest fears is public speaking and in my job I have to do a lot of it...in Japanese! But I still do it...it's my job. And I've discovered something interesting...when I get up to that podium I don't have much faith, but when I am heading back to my seat after the speech is over, I DO have faith. Strange, but that's also teh way it was when I was doing my ninth step...didn't have much faith when I approached teh person I had harmed, but once I had made my amends I walked away truly feeling carried by my Higher Power.

I guess that's the principle I need to continue to practice, because my biggest fear is (and was when I was drinking too) "what's going tohappen in the future?" I don't know...and that's really daunting to me, but I do know from the past five years in the program that if I don't pick up a drink and suit up and show up for life, I'm stating that I have the courage to move forward anyway. That gives me a lot of hope...which is also a really good antidote for fear, dontcha think?

Grateful to be alive and sober


Member: LeeEllen
Location: MI
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 7:40:18 AM

Comments

Hi All - LeeEllen here, and a recovering Alcoholic. Thanks for the topic, Bill and thank you ALL for your candidness in last week's topic. It was so good to hear truth and not all cliches.

Fear - Well, that described my whole life before I found AA, and at times now too. I was afraid of everything --- people, places, things, tomorrow, yesterday, today, eternity. The more I acknowledged my fear, the more fearful I became.

Today, fear for me means not trusting my Higher Power. It means I've moved away from Him and taken over the controls again and am heading for a brick wall.

My late hubby used to tell me that when I felt fearful or panicky that I needed to take a deep breath and think very clearly "What is the worst that could happen?" It worked in almost every situation because what I fear and what is reality are very different scenarios. It always turned out that what I was afraid of wasn't anything to write home about!

Fear and panic used to consume me, but today if I stay in close contact with my Higher Power, if I ask Him out loud to please help me, He's always there. I immediately feel a calming effect --- it wasn't always that way, but when I finally surrendered to Him it worked.

Drinking certainly won't alleviate my fears --- only increase them tenfold and I've lived like that before. I don't want to live like that again and thanks to you people, AA and my Higher Power I don't have to. Thanks for letting me share. God Bless. Peace, LeeEllen


Member: Connie K.
Location: Pa.
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 7:46:54 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm Connie and I'm an alcoholic. I'm battling fear right now. I've been sober 6 days and just came home after detox on Sat. I'm afraid of everything!!!! I own a resteraunt that serves alcohol and recently got married. I'm afraid to walk in my business.I've been in and out of the program for the last 11 years, but I've never felt the fear that I'm feeling now!!!My business never bothered me before because I didn't associate drinking with work. ( I never did my drinking there) Since the wedding( may 5th) that's all I've done is drink.I tried to conduct business drunk and hide it from everyone, especially my husband. We've been together 10 years he knows me a little better than I thought, he knew I was drunk and I was furious when he called me on it!!!! I finally couldn't take it anymore and sought help. My sister has been sober for 4 years and she got me thru the withdrawl, but I'm home now and fearful. My husband also has a 15 year old daughter and saying we don't get along is putting it mildly!!! I guess I'm looking for some support. Thanks


Member: Shel.M
Location: Panhandle,Fla
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 8:26:14 AM

Comments


Member: Shelley
Location: Panhandle Fla.
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 8:36:40 AM

Comments

I can relate toFear in a different way,I always associated having fun with drinking,When I became sober almost two months ago.I thought no more fun for me,,I live in a beach community.Everyone drinking a beer,It was hard at first.Started hanging around my A.A family and realized you can have fun and be sober too.I can also go where I want anytime day or night,and not worry about the cops tailing me.That to me was the real fear,hiding the drinking from Family,But they knew Iwas a drunk and I was,,Thanks for the help from A.A,some fears are put to rest,,I am sure there will be more.I believe I will survive,I have children to depend on me and I want to show them to be proud of their MOM.Thanks for letting me share


Member: wouter
Location: neth
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 11:02:47 AM

Comments

Wouter here, from the Neth. a small flat green country over the Atlantic.

To ML in San Diego, being a man ( Wouter is a real typical Dutch male name ) I can relate as well to your story. Me being a verbally violent type of fool being drunk/stoned, here is my story:

I had a relation with a good and beautiful young woman and I really fucked it up. I just couldn't stop my stupid sick dumb behaviour, that being stoned and drunk a lot of times, over and over. After causing a lot of pain there was appearntly a point of no return. After being 9 months sober I felt I earned all her love again, but well, that is not how it works.

We broke of ( she) before that, and I lived on meself, in total denial. Just kept on drinking and smoking and said to meself: it's over and its not over between us.......We tried again to make it work......It didn't....

Since I didn't get my love back I put an end to our relation, an act on impuls, but somehow it had to be done.

In almost one week I will be sober for two whole years. The fear, our subject, was not to start again but to be afraid of the stupidity I had in me for so long: who am I deep inside ?

Yes, I will pray for Will, he must make only one decision: love yourself, or not.

To be or not to be, that is what Shakespeare said once, and in that short sentence is a lot of wisdom.

Bless you as well, and you too do the right thing.


Member: Amy J
Location: SW Iowa
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 2:12:24 PM

Comments

Today is a great day to be sober.

I am Amy an alcoholic. I lived in fear for many years of my life. I learned to overcome by drinking. I learned again to overcome by being sober and practicing the steps in this program.

As I practice being honest and open minded, the aspects of my life that caused fear in the past are lightened by a faith in my HP and the generous extended hands of this fellowship.

Today, I am waiting to hear when I will be officially terminated from a position I have held for 11 years. With a reorganiziation we are downsizing and the position I hold has been elminated. I will have no insurance for my children who have severe and long term medical problems, no chance for state assistance due to unemployment, and not enough to pay the cobra health coverage and the mortgage and by food.

I am not in fear. Whatever is in store for my life is much better than I can imagine. The people in this program will hold me up when I feel I can't do it alone. I will walk through this trial with the outcome being better than I have now. How do I know this? The promises of the program tell me that if I work the steps, do the service, and trust my HP I will be amazed before I am halfway through. I have to do the footwork and trust that the reason is not for me to know.

I have a freedom from fear because I have faith that the plan is not for me to see or judge.

Today is a great day to be sober. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Jeannette B.
Location: baton rouge, la
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 3:58:31 PM

Comments

hi, i'm jeannette and i'm an alcoholic and an addict. I have a lot of fear of chemicals, though maybe that's good for me to have. I'm three months sober and terrified of it happening again. I work a good program, though, and am learning to have faith in God and myself.


Member: Jeremy W
Location:
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 4:06:20 PM

Comments

Everyone has fear but people can use fear in a positive way. I fear negative people so thats good for me not to want to associate with them.


Member: Mark
Location: W.
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 4:34:22 PM

Comments

Fear, The one word that fit the entire back of my first fourth step. Looking at all of the items on the list of resentments, I just turned to the back and printed FEAR. It took all the space. After the discussion with my sopnsor, most was gone, or at least behind me. The life after is good. There have been major changes in my life since, but my HP is caring for me, so I need not fear. One day at a time, I realize that this is the way it was meant to be, and I am living proof that happiness is often a result of attitude, not things. AA saved my life, such as it is, and I have no regrets. Mark W.


Member: dave.w.
Location: MA.
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 5:06:20 PM

Comments

fear to me was th epounding in chest brought on by the reality that every thing i had was going its own way. wife had always said the day will come and she would leave. if it were not for the bags full of clothes,calls searching for a place to live i would not have came to this point. going on 2 days sober, yes it hurts, the sweats, the nausea...but the joy i finally see again in my wifes eyes takes all the pain away.


Member: Corinne B.
Location: Home
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 5:16:11 PM

Comments

I'm going to type this message before reading too many of the posts and before I lose my courage (get into fear) about saying what I'm about to say.

I was ravaged by so many forms of fear prior to working the steps, that the image of a gerbil running around in it's cage-wheel fit me to a tee. I literally would crawl around on top of my bed at one point in early re-sobriety due to severe anxiety and panic attacks which were brought on largely because the doctors had advised me to take Xanax to help with anxiety disorder, but all it did was to make it worse after being on it about 6 months. Then the withdrawal from it was worse still!

What was going on was that I was living in a place I knew I shouldn't be living and that I belonged back in Calif with my husband whom I'd just divorced. I finally put my pride aside and called him and told him what I really wanted and desired to do and that was to be back with him and he said yes - a big surprise to me!

It's not been all story-book and fairy-tale, as many of you know, not long after we got re-married, he was diagnosed with Lung Cancer of the worst kind and is now incurable. Fear? For some reason, I don't have any. I know this is simply a part of life. We are all gonna die. Period. There's simply no escaping it, but what we can do is make the most of each moment we have here in the life we've been given.

A lot of what helped my fears subside had to do with going ahead and facing the fact that I'd feel a whole lot more financially stable if I went ahead and purchased life insurance on my husband's life, which I luckily grew up and faced that life on life's term prospect prior to his diagnosis of cancer! What a stroke of good timing that was, as it was only a few months later that he was diagnosed with another illness that precludes getting any insurance and that was sleep apnoea!

Anyway, my whole point is this - living life on life's terms helped put my fears to rest. It started first by growing up in the big world and putting money out there (in a life insurance policy) to secure a future for me in case he died, which now we know he will, long before his time, or before we'd either ever would have hoped, of course! See, I never believed in life insurance, and hated the prospect of it, in fact - all my life! And who do you think I married? Yep - a life insurance salesman!!! Does God have a sense of humor or what?! LOL!!!

Anyway, the other part that helped was that I began working those steps with the guidance of a good sponsor soon after facing life on life's terms. I realized I was the one holding on to all that self-doubt, depression and anxiety and that I had to be willing to let go of it with God's help, through rigorously working the 12-Step program. I realized somewhere in the 2nd and 3rd steps that I had to get well, in order to help others get well. It was the 2nd half of that prospect that told me I finally had "it." That elusive "it" that had been hiding from me, or that I'd been hiding from, for so many years.

Fear? Fear tells me I'm in denial of what simply is, which is reality. Once I accept what is -reality - there is no fear about it.


Member: TommyT
Location: Georgia
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 6:00:58 PM

Comments

HEY YALL ! Hmmmm-Fear-well for me I needed a little fear in order for me to get sober.The fear of dieing without seeing my sone grow up helped me get sober. Now the fear that I battle on a daily bases is my fear of being around groups of people. I just don't feel good around people.In my pasr booze gave me the courage to do that but I don't have that crutch now so I don't know how to act around people.my tendisy is to tell lies in order to make myself sound better. Thanks all for being here.


Member: sb
Location: NYFN
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 8:30:14 PM

Comments

Ok. S, an alcoholic. I deal with fear through prayer and dismissing it, knowing that my God is taking the matters in his hands, I just do the footwork. Life's pretty good right now, though my boyfriend just irritated me. I wish we could see ourselves when we act so stupid. Well, I'm definitely happy to be sober, clear-minded and coherant today (even though I miss placed my vegi steamer and haven't a clue where it is!!!) I feel grateful and thankful that I can share here when I can't get out to a meeting. Thanks guys, for the support. Thanks for letting me share. EEERRRRRRRR!!!!!


Member: Marty F
Location: Ohio
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 10:01:35 PM

Comments

Hi I知 Marty and I知 an alcoholic. I must start off my saying that I am new to this sober thing and I can very much understand fear. I started going to AA meetings about a month ago and I fear every day that I will get off work and take a drink. I have spent most of the last 10 years of my life in bars and I知 still not sure what to do with my self most of the time. This last weekend was one of those times. I had been sober for 3 weeks and went on a real bender this weekend and I知 still not sure why. I do know that this last bender scared me. I don稚 know who I am when I drink and sometime last night around Midnight I blacked out. Only by the grace of God did I get up this morning for work. I guess my real fear is in finding out that I知 human just like everyone else and that scares the hell out of me.


Member: Kat D.
Location: CA
Date: 7/9/01
Time: 10:11:36 PM

Comments

To ML in San Diego: You can easily be in both groups, AA and Al Anon, attending either meeting will give you the same healthy perspective in life. Both utilize the 12 steps and both are for YOU to work on Yourself....they are very much alike and you will find many people that are both members of AA and Al Anon, me being one!! I am an alcoholic, and several significant people in my lfe are also alcoholic. I doubt if I would be strong enough, though, to stay with someone who was still drinking, an alcoholic himself. Very dangerous game. There are AA and Al Anon chat rooms at alcoholism.about.com and also just regular chat groups for alcohlics and friends and family of alcoholics. You can also join e-mail discussion groups, both AA and Al Anon, by typing the word "Recovery" in the search at Yahoo Groups. (at yahoo.com). The chat meetings are pretty much like real face to face AA and Al Anon meetings and even more anonymous, being on the web! I sure hope thid helps and you find some serenity and answers to your problems! Both AA and Al Anon are healthy groups and you will find much friendship and acceptance there!! Peace, One Day At A Time!


Member: Jack B
Location: Palo Alto, Pa
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 1:24:31 AM

Comments

Hi, I am Jack a real alcoholic. Fear is a normal feeling, we all have it at one time or another.My Aunt Mary used to tell me that fear can be helpful if I understand the consequences of my fear. Early on in my sobriety back in 1987, A A was not a part of my early recovery. The military told me that if they found out I had been drinking, they would court martial and discharge me with an dishonorable discharge, after 16 and 1/2 years of service. This scared me to death, and it helped me until I became a part of A A. In this case fear was an asset because I fully understood the consequences if I drank. Today the fears I have to watch out for is the unknown fears. When I find myself becoming fearful of something I don't understand, something that hasn't happened yet, etc, I need to ask God to remove this character defect and allow the peace and serenity to be restored. God may not change the situation, but he gives me the peace of mind to deal with it and move on. My step four revealed to me that fear had governed my life, and the only way to combat fear was placing my trust. faith and love in God. Thanks for allowing me to share and God Bless.


Member: Dana W
Location: Texas
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 7:10:09 AM

Comments

I am Dana, an alcoholic. My fears when I was drinking were the worst, I imagined the worst things that would happen, that people would do to me, the physical catastrophes that would happen. I even believed things Had happened that didn't.

I quit drinking and went to AA and got a bit of peace, like what ever happens because of things that are out of my control, it will be OK, I will accept it.

After 4-5 weeks I went into a slump. Was afraid to do anything. My reasoning was if I just do nothing, then I can't do anything wrong. I got real depressed. Now with the help of AA, this site, a sponsor, (whatever I can grab onto really) I am doing a few things and I feel better.

I just have to take itty bitty actions and it gets better. I prove to myself that whatever happens as a result of MY actions, it is OK. This means I am very careful about my actions and I choose them with a lot of forethought. I think they call this "footwork".

Good luck to all you people learning how to live, I'm doing the same thing.


Member: AAthlete
Location: midwest
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 9:03:58 AM

Comments

Wow FEAR!! I used to drink to combat my fears but that only made my fears worse. Yes I still have them but I feel relief when I focus on the present, and turn my fearful thought over to God. There are a number of things that I simply have had to let go of because I simply can't get past the fear of doing them.Today thats OK and I'm sure in Gods time I will do the things I need to do. Being sober today I am less fearful, but at times (and it's often when I project) the fears can be tough to deal with.


Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila,PA - USA
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 9:23:37 AM

Comments

Good Morning All; Joe here, definitely alcoholic.

WM O: Thanks for the topic.

Donnie M: Were you affected by the floods? My daughter will be a senior at WVU.

ML: Good Luck and God Bless.

JIM MC: Thanks for sharing.

CONNIE K: Do what you have to. We love you, love yourself. Good luck and God Bless.

AMY: I'm in the same position, but only here 2 years. I'll pray for you and your family.

DAVE W & MARTY: Hang in there. It works, if you work it.

CORRINE: God Bless You Always. I'm staying away from the Pot for personal reasons. You know how every meeting isn't for everyone, I don't fit. Thanks.

Fear Yesterday - My biggest one was getting drunk. Just because A.A. worked for a million others, didn't mean it would work for me. Thank God, a day at a time, it has, does and will work as long as I continue to work it. Fear Today - Already been stated "control issues" - things I can't control, so it's back to Step 3. I can't do this alone, so thanks for being here. Peace, Out - Joe L.

LeachFtown@aol.com


Member: tony g
Location: ma
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 10:32:44 AM

Comments

when the court ordered some pretty heavy sanctions on my butt,that was fearful.a two week inhouse program,mandatory a.a. meetings,random urine tests along with heavy fines,no drivers lisence,and jail time pending.see i thought my life was officially over i belonged to every little agentcy out there...i was overwhelmed by it all because i was like a baby who needed his bottle,the only thing i new to do was run to booze and my booze haunts....anyway ,i was told i had to change my thinking.change my freinds,stay totally absatnant forever!! that brought in alot of fear because for the first time in my life i was being forced to face me,i didn't know me and it scared the shit out of me.....as time goes by and listening to people rather than fighting them i got a little better,by going to meetings i got a little better,by not hanging with a few certain people i got a little better,by crying myself to sleep i got a little better....as this went on i learned a great deal about myself and that a good life doesn't need booze,lots of myfears have been faced and a HP has entered to help me along my life isn't just about me anymore....i'm very glad all this happened, there is light at the end of the tunnel,my fears have great oposition now....FAITH....thanks for listening,i'm tony an alcoholic


Member: Steve K     
Location: Swan Lake N.Y.
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 11:34:31 AM

Comments

Steve alcoholic. When I had fears and it seemed like I was in costant fear and they allways seemed bigger than life all I had to do was pick up my bottle of vodka and fix my fear so I could face any problem, but the next day the fear turned into a major problem. Now that I have been sober for 9 months I still have fears but turn to my HIGHER POWER with them, things seem to work out for the better. I thought l was the only on who would have these little daily fears. Thanks for sharing with me. I do not feel alone anymore.


Member: Pam B
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 12:24:02 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Pam, an alcoholic,

I truly believe we would have no Character Defects if we had no Fears. Pgs 60-63 of the BB entails the ways self-will run riot, as Director Running the Show, seeks to take care of my own (generally unknown to me) fears my own self by having every one & every thing just the way I think I need it to be so I will be ok & feel secure as a person.

Step 3 is making the decision to stop doing that & trust my fears over to God instead. Doing so is very fearful - like stepping out walking on water - 'what will happen to me if I don't do it myself?' etc. Our greatest Asset is Courage - stepping out blindly with Trust that its going to be ok when we Let Go & Let God.

I had to do my Step 4 to identify what my inner hidden Fears to turn over to God (pg 68 BB) are . . . by taking the List of my Character Defects that I had compiled upon completing my Turn Arounds (my own wrong behaviors in reaction to each wrong done against me by others) & then do my Fears Inventory.

Simplest for me is to take one Character Defect from my list at a time - read thru the Fears List & identify what each Fear putting that Defect into operation is:

Fear of: failure, poverty, trusting, committment, rejection, crowds, looking stupid, responsiblity, stupidity, heights, speaking up, abandonment, pain, humiliation, confrontation, asserting myself

Fear of being: less than, abandoned, homely, unpopular, incapable, untalented, at fault, goofy, embarrassed, stupid, lonely, dull, disliked, inept, incapable, blamed, clutzy, inadequate, alone, displeasing, plain, unskilled, turned down, untrusted, found out, caught, unacceptable, outcast, unlovable, unattractive, unaccepted, un-noticed, weak, imperfect, punished, unwanted, rejected, ugly, unappealing, wrong, boring, humiliated, unliked

Fear of not being: preferred, cool, handsome, gracious, accepted, skilled, educated, top notch, funny, center of attention, cool enough, pretty, entertaining, wanted, talented, the # 1, appreciated, clever, as good as, with it, sexy, entertained, right, witty, the best, noticed, adored, favored, popular, charming, attractive, smart, appealing, perfect, desired, apt, able, heard, graceful, free, included, competent, listened to, agile, unconfined, welcome, experienced, understood, fit, happy, a part of, wise, succesful, provided for, admired, allowed,

wealthy enough, experienced enough, strong enough, tall enough, thin enough, pretty enough, glamorous enough, wise enough, young enough, energetic enough, educated enough, competent enough, shapely enough, short enough, sexy enough, handsome enough, popular enough, clever enough, good enough, alert enough, as good as, healthy enough, right sized, big enough, muscular enough, appealing enough, grown enough, humorous enough, capable enough, mature enough & so on

After making my list of the Fears I have identified, then I can turn them over to God - the only one who CAN do as needs to be done with them - asking He do His Will, take my Fears, show me the things that I can do differently to take care of them myself - without seeking to use others as my HP to be certain ways so I won't have them.

Each time I'm getting insane or in conflict with another person, place or thing - I write it out as a Step 4 to be able to identify the Fears putting my Character Defects into operation again, so I can turn them over to God.

Thanks for all the good shares, for the topic & for letting me share. Pam


Member: earthquakes
Location: and great floods
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 1:02:46 PM

Comments

the end is near...............


Member: MB
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 1:31:34 PM

Comments

Hi all. My name is MArk and I'm an alcoholic. While I'd like to think that I'm one of those "rare" alcoholics that aren't that symptomatic, In reality, I bet there are lots more like me. I don't get drunk very often. I have rarely ever gotten "falling down" drunk. I don't get sick or miss work or piss off my friends. But when I'm at home after work, I sit in front of the TV or computer and pound downa six pack. Or I'll have two or three beers and walk down to the local pub and have two or three or four more. I've been sober for two days now. It's funny that the subject this week is fear. When I was drinking, I drank out of fear. I was afraid that people didn't like me the way I was and drinking made me more outgoing, funny and witty. I was also fearful of being too successful. I have always worked hard in my life and have enjoyed tremendous success in several areas. But every new success took me away from my friends and made me lonely. So I guess drinking was a way to slow down the success and keep me closer to my friends. And now, it's fear that has made me sober. I have always been pretty in tune with my body and lately I have been noticing dizziness lingering for several days up to a week after a party (more than 6 beers). I had already cut down on my drinking due to being busy at work, so now I guess I'll find a way to deal with my other fears. I'm pretty stubborn, so I don't think I'll have much trouble staying sober, but I appreciate having a place to come for support. I hope someday to be able to return the favor. "There's nothing to fear but fear itself!" Peace.


Member: cj
Location: GA
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 4:25:57 PM

Comments

The fear that pops up today centers around not getting something that I want or losing something I already have. Either way I usually think I DESERVE to have whatever it is. This is when I must pray and give it to God. God is the doer not me. Humility is gained thru trust, knowing that my higher power knows exactly what I need. I don't always get what I want but I get everything I need and much more. Are we immune to suffering? How else would we learn to trust God? When we are forced (thru suffering) to rely completely on God for his strength we grow closer to Him. Of course we prefer to avoid it, but God uses our weaknesses.


Member: Anonymous
Location:
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 4:26:22 PM

Comments

"Be not ye servants of men;" This I think is the root of most all fears, first to last. Where afore time we lived according to the course of the world, fashioning ourselves to it and to those who seemed to be somewhat, though they were or not in their own eyes means little at this point, For having turned to Christ and leaving the basic principles of this world we begin to notice the promises of the program unfold. Fear of people departs, when they no longer have our livelyhood in their hand; economic insecurity leaves us, when we begin to serve God rather than money; self seeking when slipped away leaves little place for the sons of men to lord it over us as before; we care very little what it is they are selling for as we now "cast all our cares on Him, for He cares for us" we have found a new freedom and a new happiness that can only take place when we begin to serve God rather than man. Fear of speaking in an AA meeting because we are yet men pleasers at heart says a lot about our character defects, it tells us that our heart is set in the wrong arena, and that our sufficiency is not yet relying on God. "Not as the world giveth, giveth I unto you, let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid;" And again, "for all these things do the nations of the world seek after, and your heavenly Father knows what you need before you ask it." But too often times God is not in all of our thoughts, we still rely on our old way of thinking, we must let go of our old ideas; and thru prayer and meditation we will begin thru that same word of God to understand what the will of the lord is even in sobriety. For who knows the mind of the lord lest he first begins to leave behind the suggestions of the big book and get to the pure spiritual milk it suggests; this is that truth that will set us free, free from the fear of others, for we shall no longer rely on pleasing them for our needs to be met. Take away the things they hold back from us, those things they keep back that we might be zealous for them over it, and they become of little power over us. For if you decide to quit driving, you care very little what they approve or disapprove from that point on: and so it is that when we turn to Jesus he will help us remove the power they once held over us, "for lack of power was our delema....


Member: Mark Dr.D
Location: NH
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 6:02:09 PM

Comments

((Wouter)) I just shared in the coffee pot that I had shit the bed after 9 months of sobriety. When I read you post it stuck me. What the hell is it about 9 months. I heard that when I was in an IOP, well, 10 months ago. Yes, I'm drunk as I type; but fucking miserable about it. I have a call into my sponsor, but until then I've been typing like a monkey on this site. I've recieved help here in the past. I'm looking for it now. God, I feel so stupid!


Member: Bobbye E.
Location: McKinney, TX
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 6:25:08 PM

Comments

Rock On! What an awesome meeting. Thank all yall for the honesty, experience strength and hope.

Talking me out of the trees with a soothing tone that knows.

F Everything And Run or Face Everything And Recover

and my personal favorite: Son Of a B Everything is Real

The same things that brought me to AA keep me here, cause I struggle with the Incredible Short Memory (ISM) and most time can not tell if my fears are real or imagined but I am sure they will get me.

I just keep trudging, walking slowly forward.

Love yall!


Member: ...
Location:
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 7:10:12 PM

Comments

Fear to me is finding out that decisions you made (in your past drunkeness) were mistakes and being afraid of change for the future-once you know the "could be's" if you let them happen


Member: ...
Location:
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 7:10:45 PM

Comments

Fear to me is finding out that decisions you made (in your past drunkeness) were mistakes and being afraid of change for the future-once you know the "could be's" if you let them happen


Member: Kim V.
Location: Iowa
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 7:25:59 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Kim, Alcoholic...

Fear, very good topic. I have been sober now for 45 days and I am beginning to realize that alot of the fears that I had when I was drinking were not real...They were things or people that I would dwell on until they became so large that they would totally consume me. Then more times than not I would become angry because I did not want to "fear" anything. I find now that if I pray to the God of my understanding to grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference, and talk about my fears at my AA meetings and keep in today, then they do not consume me any more.


Member: Anne S.
Location: San Diego, CA
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 9:39:10 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Anne and I'm an alcoholic. I am getting ready to go to a regular AA meeting, but I'm writing here because fear is the perfect topic for me at this moment. I live in San Diego and I have a chance to move to Redondo Beach to a bigger apartment and better job, and a few months ago it sounded like a good idea but now I feel fear and I have to make a decision NOW. Fear is what got me to AA in September of 1986, or I should say, fear of making a decision. I couldn't decide what to do about my unmanageable life (I had just sideswiped a parked Porshe on a side street after having left Belmont Horse racing park with a pocketful of money and a few drinks in me. So I guess me decision choices are better now and I haven't taken a drink or drug since that night, but I can't believe sometimes that I still can't make decisions easily without a whole lot of fear (of the unknown) So I think I'm going to read a few more of these posts, take a deep breath, and turn this over to HP. Then I'm going to go to my meeting and get out of myself by sharing and talking with some newcomers. Thank goodness for this program. It's the biggest adventure I've had in my life.

Anne


Member: Anne S.
Location: San Diego, CA
Date: 7/10/01
Time: 9:39:17 PM

Comments

Hi, I'm Anne and I'm an alcoholic. I am getting ready to go to a regular AA meeting, but I'm writing here because fear is the perfect topic for me at this moment. I live in San Diego and I have a chance to move to Redondo Beach to a bigger apartment and better job, and a few months ago it sounded like a good idea but now I feel fear and I have to make a decision NOW. Fear is what got me to AA in September of 1986, or I should say, fear of making a decision. I couldn't decide what to do about my unmanageable life (I had just sideswiped a parked Porshe on a side street after having left Belmont Horse racing park with a pocketful of money and a few drinks in me. So I guess me decision choices are better now and I haven't taken a drink or drug since that night, but I can't believe sometimes that I still can't make decisions easily without a whole lot of fear (of the unknown) So I think I'm going to read a few more of these posts, take a deep breath, and turn this over to HP. Then I'm going to go to my meeting and get out of myself by sharing and talking with some newcomers. Thank goodness for this program. It's the biggest adventure I've had in my life.

Anne


Member: from a Buddist monk
Location: somewhere=here?
Date: 7/11/01
Time: 3:50:40 AM

Comments

"MAY you be free of fear, MAY you be at ease, MAY you be Happy."


Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila,PA - USA
Date: 7/11/01
Time: 7:29:26 AM

Comments

Good Morning All; Joe here, definitely alcoholic.

MARK DR. D: Welcome Back. I went out after a year, and when I came back, I never felt right until I got that time back. I've heard "One Day At A Time" a million times, but I just felt like I lost a year and never felt right until I got it back. Good Luck and God Bless...


Member: Connie K
Location: PA
Date: 7/11/01
Time: 8:47:24 AM

Comments

Hi All Been in and out of program for 11 yrs. I know there''s always another drunk in me, but don't know about recovery. I fear everything right now. I own a business and can't bring myself to return to work. I tried and can't get the drinking off my mind. I drank at work and thought that was the only way to handle the pressure. I know I can do it i'm just paranoid. I don't want to be around people right now. I'm only 8 days sober...do I force myself to go back and face my fears?????


Member: Joe L.
Location: Phila,PA - USA
Date: 7/11/01
Time: 9:07:29 AM

Comments

CONNIE K: The whole thing is - "Can you stay sober and do what you have to do?" Can someone in the program go with you? A lot of time, we think things can't run without us, but really they can. I know your situation is compilicated and more personal, but you need time now, if you can get it. If not, maybe someone else can take over. Easy Does It...


Member: Lavonne A
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Date: 7/11/01
Time: 12:07:52 PM

Comments

Lavonne, alcoholic.

Pam listed a lot of my fears. But the fear that gets me the most, and messes me up the most, is the one with no specific name. The nameless fear that will eat at me...usually that particular fear is cloaked in a cape of "WHAT IF..." Generally, I encounter this particular fear when I am not living in the moment. This marvelous program of Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me to live in today. Right now. This moment. And when I AM able to do that, things feel okay. Or as okay as they can for any given moment. And you people have also taught me that I do not have to, nor should I usually choose to, live ALONE with any of my fears...or faults or failures. No need for shame to dominate me or my life in any circumstances. If you are NEW--either to this site or to recovery--please, KEEP COMING BACK. If you have working the in and out version of AA, please sit down and stay. Your seat is paid for. I welcome relapsers more so than newcomers in some ways--it takes a lot of courage to admit "I even screwed up AA!!!" Which is untrue, of course...cause it can't be screwed up. I can be--and you can be--but AA can't be. For you that are here cause it's the right thing for you and you know it and embrace it--THANKS for teaching me how to do that too. I love you all. I pass.


Member: Netscape
Location:
Date: 7/11/01
Time: 6:31:59 PM

Comments

Microsoft is not the "higher power" it was!

Further signaling its willingness to settle its antitrust case with the government, software maker Microsoft Corp. on Wednesday said it will give PC manufacturers more flexibility in configuring desktop versions of its Windows operating system.


Member: jose
Location:
Date: 7/11/01
Time: 7:21:50 PM

Comments

fear.....i fear munchie,he has dingleberries hanging from his ass.


Member: Rona L.
Location: WA
Date: 7/11/01
Time: 8:20:45 PM

Comments

I'm 11 years sober and still find myself at times paralyzed by fear. It is when my self esteem is low that I become afraid of new people places and things. Then I remember the promises, I call my sponsor, and then I go into action over whatever is scaring me with God holding my hand. I've always been told to take God with me into my day and take Action if I'm scared of something. I am living the steps with my sponsors help and I am living life with AA and Gods help.


Member: chris
Location: Canada
Date: 7/12/01
Time: 1:59:34 AM

Comments

I'm chris an alcoholic.

Fear is a good topic. When in fear, I now focus on the solution verses the problem, as my "what if" thinking is bogus anyway.

I work to focus my attention on today, just today, verses on what happen yesterday, or what will happen, which I cannot do anything about either. I turning the past and the future over to my HP, surrender the what if's, and go about my day. Facing the wreckage of the past, and cleaning up my side of the street helps me get on even ground. I have an amazingly magnifying mind, and used to spend much time dreaming up bad crap or focusing on real bad crap that I can do nothing about. So, today, I work on steps, and on replacing the negative what if thinking with good thoughts about what I can do today to make a difference and let go of the rest.

What a difference this is from the way I used to be. Sure there are plenty of reasons out there to focus on the negative, but what's the point if there is nothing you can do about it, it's then sort of a waste of time, energy, and emotion. If something's bugging me, either I do something today about it or let it go. At times life's just plain not easy or fair, but I can do things that are good for me, and I have that choice today. Thanks HP!

ML, my best to you, you have made a courageous move to do something for your health, and have faith to face life on life's terms and go forward in a healthy way by cutting loose of the negative things that were holding you back. Your HP will not fail you one day at a time.

Thanks Japan for the clear thinking. You were able to simply verbalize much of the things I've had running through my head but have not quite understood.

To be or not to be, to fear or not to fear, to anger or not to anger? The answer for me is to be, not to fear, and be at peace with the world, one day at a time.

When all else fails, help another alcoholic, have a sense of humor, don't take yourself so darn seriously, and when someone rains on your parade, dance in the water!


Member: The crazy world of Avril G
Location: Belgium via Barnsley UK
Date: 7/12/01
Time: 2:21:11 AM

Comments

FEAR = F&@K Everything And Run

False Evidence Appearing Real

Face Everything And Recover

Fear of Fear, a common thread running through the lives of ALL alkies, drunk OR sober. I can't disagree that fear is lack of faith, but also for ME, fear is lack of honesty. In fear mode, I can sit in meetings and keep quiet, and take the same fear back home with me, OR I can share it in a meeting, and bet my bottom dollar that SOMEONE has the answer I need to hear, or will know someone else who has had the same experience, and put me in touch with them. Many people way, 'AA is NOT the answer to everything', but in my experience, AA DOES have all the answers, it is up to ME to ask the right questions in meetings, calling on the collective experiences of the group. Works every time.

{{{ML}}} Do I EVER identify. I left an alcoholic partner to his fate, and to this day, I have no idea what became of him. Alive or dead?? Don't know, not my business, my business was to protect myself and my kids from this potentially dangerous (when drunk) man. This was 14 years ago. When I finally found AA and got sober 11 years ago, I shared this experience in meetings, saying almost word for word what you have posted here. The answer was, "Avril, a sick woman will ALWAYS attract sick men" Too many similarities to share on here with you, ML, but my e-mail address is posted if you want to share with me. (This also applies to anyone else who wants to use it)

TODAY, I am for the most part, Happy Joyous and Free; this doesn't mean I will be tomorrow, or that I was last week, last month or last year (definitely NOT just over a year ago, when I hit a rock bottom at 9+years sobriety, but that's another story, I try to leave it in the past today, and put it down to experience) Life on life's terms. {{{ML}}} You said Will would likely end up back on the streets if yuo turn him out??? Maybe HIS rock bottom will be just that?? You OWE it to him to stop enabling him, he needs to hit a rock bottom for himself, BUT he doesn't have to take you with him.

Have a great day, unless you have something else planned.

goodallavril@hotmail.com


Member: Linda S
Location: Chicago
Date: 7/12/01
Time: 3:11:28 PM

Comments

I guess I am mostly fearfull that one day I will think that I can stay sober on my own.As long as I stay focused on what really is keeping me sober I will be okay.


Member: Rich R, s-l-o-w-l-y recovering compulsive person :-)
Location: Detroit richr_srcp@hotmail.com
Date: 7/12/01
Time: 3:36:43 PM

Comments

I think my number one fear is economic insecurity. (even tho it says in the promises that it will go away). I think what I do about that fear is two things. First I try not to think about it and second I save a lot more than most people, i.e. afraid to spend. Thanks for letting me share. (I know I should have more faith in my HP about this problem of mine.)


Member: Mike P.
Location: Tallahassee
Date: 7/12/01
Time: 5:12:41 PM

Comments

Hi family, I'm Mike, alcoholic. Reading ML's comments hit home. I had 3 1/2 years of sobriety and went out again because of fear--because of living in fear, living with an abusive partner whom I placed above my higher power. As sick as that sounds, that was my truth back then--to live in fear on a day-to-day basis because I was afraid of doing a fearless and searching inventory of myself on a day-to-day basis. Living with abuse is difficult, and requires a greta deal of denial, especially since I have been abused all my life, and very little point of reference or experience otehr than being abused. But I can say that The Program helped me to pick myself up again, leave the active abuse--forever--and enabled me to shift the attention to myself, my actions, my relationship with a God of my understanding who would supply me with direction, and help me discern what my needs were, and how to live a safe, sober, non-abuse based life, one day at a time-- if I asked for help sincerely and let go of all of the illusion of control I had been hoarding. I used to have this formula: good job + good boyfriend + good academic performance + good meeting attendance + step work + working with others = spiritually centered. I had it all wrong; I confused the means with the end. I now put "spiritually centered" first; then, my AA program (which for me is really the same thing) and the other things are taken care of. No, I don't have an easy or perfect life; I am a survivor of abuse and rape, and could list a lot of awful things that used to give me a reason to drink. But today I am grateful that this fellowship has shown me a way out of my suffering, and has allowed to realize that sharing my experience, stregth, and hope with others is not only the best insurance towards one more day, hour, minute, or second of sobriety, but the best life I never knew I deserved--one day at a time. Hang in there, ML. You're in my prayers. And thank you all for letting me share & for keeping me sober. MIKE (4 years by the grace of God)


Member: cecil
Location:
Date: 7/12/01
Time: 10:25:09 PM

Comments

i fear the power bill wont get paid,and my computer wont work


Member: Kevin B
Location: Texas
Date: 7/12/01
Time: 10:57:31 PM

Comments

Seems odd that I attended a meeting tonight and fear was also the discsion. My fear is that I get false security and think I can remain sober by myself with out AA. I have achieved sobriety on numerous attempts. But the desire has never been extinguished like it has with the help of AA. I owe a lot of my progression to the help of AA. I know that I should keep coming back. Fear, my fear is that I go back out. I also fear that I will not have the sense to come back in after failing yet again. I pray that God watch over me and help me to make the right decisions.


Member: Hal G
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Date: 7/13/01
Time: 6:20:11 PM

Comments

Hi all, Most all of my motivation has come from fear. Fear that I would lose something I have or wouldn't get something I thought I had.

This is my current method of dealing with fear. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly...then I start a quick check of my environment:

Is there any immediate danger which is threatening me?

Usually not..if so, move or take evasive or direct action if it is something I can handle. Evasive is usually best I find.

If not, then I start a careful inventory of how I am...how does my butt feel in the chair or my feet feel on the ground if standing...and I move out from there trying to take an accurate inventory of my resources.

Is there another AA nearby? Is there a phone?

Then if the feeling is still there, I ask anther AA how they are...and listen.

That takes me out of myself, and I can usually identify similarities to my situation (this is a very useful use of self-centeredness!)

Usually it is unnecessary to let others know I am in fear....and if all else fails, I pray my a** off.

One thing that I remember at such times is that, no matter what happens, I just don't pick up a drink.

So far, I am still drawing deep breaths.

I recommend it.

The secret to a long life? Keep breathing as long as possible. Best, Hal


Member: wd
Location: bc canada
Date: 7/13/01
Time: 10:03:40 PM

Comments

greetings tomorrow i go to my first aa meeting,,i am in fear, of many things i think,,,fer of discovery, fear that it makes me a bad person, etc,,,but i will come back here for support, thank you all for being here wendy


Member: Jeff B.
Location: Northern CA
Date: 7/13/01
Time: 10:28:02 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. When I was drinking, looking back, I was full of fear. Alcohol solved that problem - I had a few drinks and was able to get past the fear. I could talk to people and relax a little. Then I would have more and more and more drinks and started doing things that should have scared the hell out of me. I would get drunk and drive fast, get in fights, and get with women I had no business being with. I would wake up in the morning and run to the window to see if my truck was outside and then go down see if it showed any signs of trouble. That's scary.

I could never figure out the correct number of drinks to have to feel good and relax. I kept trying and kept getting in trouble. I came to AA and came to believe that I was alcoholic. The book and the people taught me I had a mental obsession to drink, coupled physical compulsion that does not occur in the average drinker. AA taught me that the correct number of drinks for me was none.

Today I still have fear. I have some fears that are very healthy and keep me from doing things that I should not do. I don't drive fast and wreckless, I don't fight, and I am not with the scary chicks. I have some fears that are not good. I talk about them with people after meetings (sometime in, if it fits the topic and not crazy off the wall), and I pray about them. I have shared with my sponsor in the past - I moved and I need a local sponsor. Sometimes it takes all the willpower I have left to face fears. I call many of my fears worry today - when I look at my worries in the column form on page 65 of our book, they are the same as my fears. I have help to face the fears that need to be faced thanks to AA and God. I still have a long way to go but it is so much better today.

Thanks to all.


Member: Frank D
Location: PA
Date: 7/13/01
Time: 11:58:30 PM

Comments

Hello,All I know is that FEAR IS THE OTHER SIDE OF ANGER.


Member: Curtis L
Location: Goliad, Texas
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 7:00:50 AM

Comments

Hello Friends. My name is Curtis L, and I'm an alcoholic from Goliad, Texas. Prior to AA, fear was a constant presence in my life, but most of the fears weren't real. They were my projections into the future of what might happen to prevent me from getting my way. The fear was there because (1) I wasn't living in the present (2) I didn't have a higher power to trust in. So most of my fears were false, merely imagining of what might happen that I would not like, and the list for that is endless. Today, I try to recognize the real fears, and practice the serenity prayer. A real fear is if a person points a gun at me and states that he's going to shot me. A real fear is when the airplane that you're aboard at 30,000 feet loses both engines. My false fears can be as simple as what if I have a flat time on my truck in the morning? What if somebody sets my house on fire? What if I get fired from my job? The what if's can eat me alive. They aren't real. If I have a flat, I'll fix it or hire someone to do it. If my house is set on fire, hopefully, my wife and I will get out safely, and then we'll get another place to live. If I lose a job, I'll look for another until I find one. God will provide, but not on my timetable. I don't like fear, so I try to just tell it to go away when it comes to visit my brain.

I like serenity, so I invite it in, and it seems to keep fear away.

Hope you all have a sober weekend.

Love and Hugs in the fellowship, Curtis

tiger@selectrec.net


Member: carroll c.
Location: home
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 7:45:35 AM

Comments

While sitting in the nuthouse. A shrink approached me and told me that my problem was alcohol and that I could never drink again. My reply was,Well, they've taken everything else so they may as well take the love of my life.After the fog cleared I took an inventory of everything that I'd lost as a result of losing the love of my life. My cardboard house, The D.T's, The police billies, the drunktank and all of the physical pains of a real alcoholic. Though missed at times I've never really tried real hard to get them back. My new friend by the name of faith seems to have taken over everything in my life and slowly the pains of losing my first love has become acceptable.


Member:   Steve K       
Location: Swan Lake, NY
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 10:04:26 AM

Comments

Steve, alcoholic. Yesterday I was 9 months sober. One day at a time and my HIGHER POWER did it. I feel good about this !!!


Member: Mariell
Location:
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 12:18:45 PM

Comments


Member: Mariell
Location:
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 12:20:45 PM

Comments

This is my first time here. You are all very encouraging and I feel I have got to learn from you all.

I guess, the most important thing is to TRY.

Thank you, all

Mariell


Member: Nicole M.
Location: Toronto, ON
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 1:42:06 PM

Comments

Hi, I am new!

I don't know where to start but I am ready.


Member: jose
Location:
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 7:47:50 PM

Comments

nicole,

i will help you,trust me


Member: Elizabeth E.
Location: southeast
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 7:54:27 PM

Comments

After the deaths of my brother, mother and father in 1997, I did a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself on fears. What I found out was that I have a lot of fear associated with death of loved ones. This fear dominates how, when, where and how I act in relationships with people I love. I thought I had gotten over the fear of death from a little girl, losing two people very dear to me but I didn't and it showed back up. I have traced it, accepted it, found some gratitude in it and have moved on with my life.


Member: Liz E.
Location:
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 8:03:17 PM

Comments

My name is liz, alcoholiz Mark, Dr D from July 10th posting, GO TO A MEETING, SHUT UP AND LISTEN!


Member: Kendra M.
Location: California
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 10:59:53 PM

Comments

Hi. My name is Kendra. First time here. I went to coffepot because I wasn't sure how this worked. First time user. Bill (at the top) thank you for this topic on Fear. I have a little today. My share is in the coffeepot room if anyone is interested. Should be close if not at the bottom since I just entered it. I would rather not take up anymore space here but I just thought I would join here and get my name out on the web. Thank you all for being here. Staying sober one day at a time!!!!


Member: Nancy M
Location: SLC
Date: 7/14/01
Time: 11:16:56 PM

Comments

Hi, my name is Nancy and I'm an AAlcoholic. I am glad I had a chance to catch the last few hours left on this topic for the week. I am fighting alot of fear lately. It seems like the rollar coaster ride of sobriety is at a low for me right now. My husband started drinking again after 3+ years sober. I don't know how I made it to 4, and now 4 years 6 months and 14 days. I get nervous every time I come home and find he has gone to the store for beer. The fights we have had lately are terrible. I am having a hard time living the traditions in my home and the steps..It is not easy to keep my chin up. But I know I need to let go and let God. He is in charge, butI have a terrible time fighting the urge to take control. I am afraid of that because control is what I don't have a lot of luck at. I am an alcoholic, and I have learned the hard way. I know the best thing to do is hit the floor on my knees, and stay there till I resolve the issue of my marriage. I know the Steps help and lots of meetings. Thanks for this site. It is awesome. Thanks, and I'll take another 24.


Member: Kendra M.
Location: California
Date: 7/15/01
Time: 4:21:14 AM

Comments

Hi, I'm new at this online meeting thing, so please bear with me. I have been sober almost 14 months and so far I have done a hell of a job in working at my program. However, I will be getting married next month and I will be moving to Vandenberg AFB in (Santa Maria/Lompoc)California. I now live in San Jose, Ca. I want to be just as involved as I was before. I will know no one and it's a little frightening. I've been to a meeting in Lompoc so I know where there are meetings, but there are others I would like to try. Also I would like to be able to meet people online so if I'm having a bad time at home during the night at least I would have the computer.

I will be seeking employment as well, but I'm not sure what it is I want to do. I have been working for the past 5 1/2 years in clerical, office positions which I like, but I believe now that I am sober, I have more to offer. I want so much to give to others because I can't begin to tell you what has been given to me. The fact that I am sitting here able to write this, or type this rather, is a miracle in itself. In May of last year I tried to overdose on pills and vodka, but it wasn't my time. Thank GOD!!!!!!!!!! I am truly a very different person, much happier today, and I so want to give. I just don't know how to go about volunteering or seeking employment in this area. If someone could help, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you whoever is out there for listening.

A brief note about me: I am 27 with a 4 1/2 year old son who lives with his father in Texas. I love him dearly and he knows this, but I was too sick to take care of him. I am engaged and will be married next month. Hopefully one day, I can take Jacob back. But I'll let God handle that one. Like I said I have been sober (by the grace of God) for almost 14 months. I have a wonderful sponsor and I have been in a rehabilitation program for as long as I have been sober. I feel that I am a very giving and caring person and I get tired of having to always deal with my issues. I want to help others.