Member: mike w
Location: saudi arabia
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 03:17:19

Comments

mike w, grateful recovering alcoholic here. Keeping this program and my life simple has proven a key for my sobriety. If i keep sobriety #1 in my life, everything else seems to fall into place. I can get so caught up in my life, what i want, what i expect, but it's when im just grateful for my sobriety and accept my life for what it is, that i seem to be the most calm and serene. TODAY is a great day to be sober. so I'll just keep on coming back, and i'll keep on getting what i've been getting, and i like that. my life is really good if i compare it to when i was out there drinking, using people, and being a social misfit. i can now be a part of the fellowship of AA, and be real. thank you all for all the support that you have given me while over here in saudi arabia, thanks for my sobriety. welcome to any newcomers, you don't have to drink anymore if you don't want to..there is a way out, and it's (sobriety) is great!!!!!!!!!ODAAT mike w


Member: Pete
Location: sw MI
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 06:19:08

Comments

Hi, I'm Pete, an alcoholic ! ... Mike, sounds like you have alot of gratitude for sobriety and the program. For me, gratitude is vital. Early on there was this thing called pity pot ... I had a huge ring around my ---. Had a horrible attitude while embibing. Well as I was drying out ... this foreign word/action started to take birth and what really helped was....I was told to make a gratitude list and keep it in my wallet and when I started to hover around that pity pot, I pulled out that list. Gratitude is a great counterbalance. It stuffs out the flames of the PP and all other stinking thinking ..... Thanks for the topic ... a very important one!! ............ Pete


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 08:50:27

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

I just needed to sign on and claim my seat. Gratitude and Acceptance are the cornerstone of recovery for me, Pete spoke of the "Pity Pot" and that certainly hit home. In early sobriety I would make the mistake of comparing my insides with everyone else's outsides. The result was invariably the same "Woe is me", "everyone has got 'it' but me". Over time I was able to accept who I was and further down the road I was even able to be greatful for my "lot in life".

This whole conflict between "Pity Pot" and gratitude has been made very real for me this past seven months. I fell from a scaffold last November and was in the hospital and homebound for quite a while. Last month I had another operation to do some muscle repair and I have at least one more surgery which, I understand, will be scheduled near the end of the summer. Due to the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous and my Higher Power I have maintained a positive attitude through "most" of this process (I'd like to say "all" of this ordeal, however, I am still human, and as a result have gotten angry at God, myself, and everyone else along the way; but on the whole Gratitude and Acceptance have won out).

As a result of my accident the doctors located a malignant polyp and were able to remove it during surgery. I don't know when or if the cancer would have been discovered if I hadn't had my accident, I believe this was my Higher Power, sometimes I wish he could be more subtle, but he usually needs to get my attention before he can help me. In addition, this "time off" has allowed me to spend alot of time with my new grandson, time which I would not ordinarily be able to spend with him, this has been a joy.

I have so much to be greatful for today and it all started with staying away from a drink, one day at a time.

Thanks for the topic Mike, hang in there, I will pray for your safe return.

Thanks for letting me share.

J.L.


Member: Barry M
Location: Villa Grove, IL
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 10:42:56

Comments

Hi, everyone!! I'm Barry and I'm an alcoholic.

I was, at one time, rather wild and out of control, as some of you may be able to relate to!! One night I was in a bar in Bloomington, IL, talking to some of my college friends (Go Redbirds!!!) and proclaiming that people who didn't drink sucked - AND REALLY BELIEVING THAT!!! How scary. Little did I know that one day I would be part of the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. Today I am so grateful to the program and to everyone in it that the only way I can even begin to express myself is by giving back what has been given to me. Service work, etc. is now a very important part of my life. Who would have ever thought....

Thanks to all..... Love, B-


Member: FAYLA
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 12:42:32

Comments

fayla ,ALCOHOLIC ,i get on that pitty pot sometimes and ,I tell myself just look around ,and theres so many pepole who are in worse shape than i am ,I half to get out of myself and try thinking about others ,it helps me ,if i feel i have made someone else feel better ,i start to like myself a little ,and i feel good ,love to you all ,Mike ,are you counting the days ? glad your comming home. FAYLA G


Member: Debra D
Location: Victoria Canada
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 13:18:00

Comments

My name is Debra and I'm and alcoholic Thank you all so much for your sharing. I really needed it today. When Jay talked about comparing his insides to everyone elces outsides I breathed a sigh of relief. I am 9 years sober and after doing the steps every year for 8 years and going to meetings regularly and being active I am just dicovering some truths about myself now. And it is painful. I also get kind of crazy in the head and do compare myself to the other members and people around me. "Oh my God! Im sure no one thinks like this!" and so on the commitee of _ _ _ Holes goes. I don't think of drinking but I sure am in pain sometimes. I love the gratitude list Idea in the wallet and I will stick one in my purse. Because of course I have much to be Gratefull for. Thank you all for being there! Love Debra


Member: gary r
Location: us army germany
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 14:34:28

Comments

hi my name is gary im not an alcolic but my father has 24 years in the program and i have never seen him drunk we hav been through a lot of things inyour lives togrther an i just wanted to say thank you for helping keep him sober through the year and teaching me how to deal with life


Member: Virginia
Location: Here                                                 
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 14:54:27

Comments

My name is Virginia, I am an alcoholic. It is June 14, 1998 and I haven't had a drink or a drug for 8 years on June 30th. For this I am grateful. I have been here in Alcholics Anonymous safe and sound and just lately I have been seeing the various types of sobriety around me and I question my program. But I rely on what my sponsor said in the beginning. I don't have any problems I just drink to much. All my problems are God's now. Just don't drink and God will take care of the rest. I hope so. God does not call me up on the phone so I rely on faith and many miracles in my life. When I got here I was down for the count and God saved me. For that I am grateful. The rest is gravy. Live and Let Live. Easy Does It. THis To Shall Pass. Don't Give Up Five Minutes Before The Miracle.


Member: Tom F
Location: Claremont NH
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 16:02:11

Comments

Afternoon all, I'm Tom and I AM an alcoholic. Guess the topic is keeping it simple and maintaining a greatful heart. I heard a greatful heart will never drink again. I can honestly say I believe this to be true. It is a sad day indeed when I can't find something to be greatful for.

As for keeping it simple I can complicate tying my own shoes, so I have to stick to the basics. I don't drink, I ask for help (from my Higher Power and my sponsor), and I go to meetings. I might add that without working the steps to the best of my ability I wouldn't be on this wonderful journey. Without the steps I feel I would only be dry and not have the inner peace and serenity that makes life worth living..........A day at a time. Thanks for letting me share ........


Member: Craig D.
Location: UTOPIA
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 18:48:32

Comments

One day at a time.


Member: Karen M.
Location: NJ
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 21:15:32

Comments

Hi everyone! My name is Karen and I am an alcoholic. Gratitude is definitely the antidote to self-pity. Acceptance is also key. I can fall into self-pity when things don't go the way I want them to. If I can remember that HP's view is much wider than mine, and that every challenge is an opportunity to know God and myself a little better, then I will most likely just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting things to work out. My top priority is not to take that first drink. And gratefully I have been given the grace one day at a time to stay away from it for many twenty fours. Sobriety is #1 on my gratitude list. Thanks and have a great week. Karen PS- Gary, thanks for joining us. Glad your Dad is sober!


Member: Ken H.
Location: Ottawa Canada
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 22:02:06

Comments

Hi my name is Ken and Iam an alcoholic. My sponsor has always and keeps on saying this statement " If I put my sobriety first, everything else will fall into place". So for after 10 years in the program this still works for me. No matter what seems to fall into my plate, I know by experience that if I stay sober everything will work out. Sometimes I get caught up in the day's termoil and events but I must remember I am an alcoholic and I MUST put my sobriety first. Without it I would not have what I have today. Yes material things but mostly my spirituality. Having survived a first marriage through a drunken stuper, they came and took away every posession I had. I lost it all wife, child, houise, cars, bank accounts ect... but what I have today no man on earth can take away. Man what a fealing. I also have to be carefull, one more of my sponsor's favorite sayings " nothing is worse than an alcoholic who THINKS he is right, just emagine if he is". I do not have to debate the world, just stay sober one day at a time, don't drink and go to meetings.

Wishing all another 24 hours, in love and service Ken H.


Member: chuck le c
Location: Yreka, Calif.
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 22:39:31

Comments


Member: Linda P
Location: CA, USA
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 22:41:45

Comments

Hi, Linda an alcoholic. Wow, a lot of good shares on the subject of gratitude. When I suffer self- pity I am encouraged by others to make a gratitude list. This has been a useful method to place things in perspective if I am down in the dumps. The last 24hrs was one of those experiences that I needed to use this method to crawl out of my self-made pit. God has a lot to do with my gratitude, as it was His gift of sobriety that made my life what it is today.

Love to all Linda

P.S. Hi Gary--thanks for sharing that lovely message about your Dad.


Member: mark m.
Location: Den. Co.
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 22:43:43

Comments

My name is Mark M. and I'M AN ALCOHOLIC. HOW IS EVERYONE TONIGHT? I am from Den. Co. I seem to be having some problems w/my alc. prblm. agn. I was just wondering if anyone out there wanted to talk. Been kind of lonely lately, My marrige is on the outs and I had an auto acc. because of the alc. and broke my back that dissabled me and I've been a little depressed lately.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 14 Jun 1998
Time: 23:00:19

Comments

I am very definately a realalcoholic and my name is Sanders. Simplicity and gratitude are always good to talk about for us alkies. 23 years ago, a man looked accross the table at me and said "Sanders If you don't take a drink, you will get better in spite of yourself". That is pretty simple and I suppose that is the reason I understood it. Later on in the meeting, he said that if I was " lucky" enough to make it through the day without a drink, to say "Thank You for this day without a drink."I even understood that. He then told me that as long as that continued to work, to not try and "fix" it. It still works today, and I still don't try to "fix" it. I highly reccommend it as a very simple way to get and to stay sober in this program.


Member: David W.
Location: NJ
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 00:10:01

Comments

Hi, David alcoholic.

I agree. When I put my sobrity first and keep it simple -- somehow my attitude and outlook on things improves. A few weeks ago I found this site -- I am so grateful to everyone who shares here (and in the Coffee Pot). You reminded me of how easily I can lose everything that I place ahead of my sobrity. I started going to F2F meetings again (suprise, suprise I feel better). The journey of sobrity can really be wonderful. It is so cool to be connected to AA people around the world while I am sitting at the computer with my 3 year old daughter on my lap. The simple message I heard when I first got to AA was "Don't drink and go to meetings" -- it still works.


Member: Ruby O.
Location: Talladega,Al.
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 00:32:41

Comments

Ruby,Alcoholic,GRATITUDE; Early on in sobriety I was told that it is hard to have a reentment with an attitude of gratitude. Mark life is better sober just try 90 meetings in 90 days,get a sponsor, don't hate yourself,besides if you just got sober someone else will do that for you. In AA we learn to love unconditionally (at least in the rooms) Thank you all may GOD bless each of us.


Member: Chuck Le C
Location: Yreka, CA
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 00:41:12

Comments

My name is chuck and I'm an alcoholic. I know how to not drink, but i'm having trouble using my computer. I came in when softdrink bottles were 2 cents each. and there was no free money, no medical and if you wnet to a hospital, they threw you out on your ass. If you ever lived by or near a dumpster you would understand where I'm coming from. the era that I'm discussing had no no dumpsters. We satyed under the bridge or near it and used kind of a buddy system to get around and save ourselves peroid (my butt). We had Pegleg, a fellow whith a removable wooden leg and we used too go up in front of prime drug store have enough money buy a package of pencils, take Pegs leg and hidee it and put the pencils in his hat until we got enough to continue our drunk. that's enough tonight , I'll continue another time. On aug 12, 1998 i will have 33 years of continuous sobriety. Love chuck


Member: Kerry B.
Location: Idaho
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 01:36:25

Comments

I'm Kerry, and I'm an alcoholic. I will forever be grateful to the program of AA and all that came before me to help me get aquainted with my Higher Power. Thank you for sharing here Chuck, I have not been around that long, but when I came in, there were alot of folks around who had lived under those bridges. One gentleman, who I grew to respect and love, lived in a piano box under a bridge and had two left shoes when he got sober. I was on the verge of losing it all when I went to AA the first time, and I really just thought I was crazy. Hadn't even really given alcoholism an honest thought to my situation. It was the people in the meetings who first gave me the feeling of gratitude, for most of them had gone much farther down the scale than I, and at least I was smart enough to realize that I was a good candidate for the " under the bridge community". It was only a matter of time. So, I want to thank all the drunks who lived and live on the "nickel" in LA, and the gentleman in Metropolitan State Hospital in Downey, who insisted on pouring the coffee in the meetings there, even though he was shaking so bad that most of the coffee was missing the cup, because he was grateful for the program and wanted to give back what he had received. He had a mildly "wet brain". When I get unhappy with the way my life goes sometimes, it is the image and the stories of all these people that bring me back to reality, and gratitude for alot of the things I did not have to go thru, by the grace of God and AA. Thank you!!


Member: Amy GC
Location: Switzerland
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 03:30:39

Comments

Hey friends, my name is Amy and I am an alcoholic. Mike gratitude is a great topic for me today. I have recently been through a life threatening experience and I want to say GOD IS GOOD. He seems to keep giving me second chances to be the kind of person I really want to be in my heart. I have a friend in the program who said when she was using she sabbotaged her happiness like clockwork. That really made me think about how I did so as well when I was active in the disease. I am reading a trashy book at the moment called WASHINGTON WIVES that I found at a salvation army shop here (hey when you are low on reading materials...) It has brought back so many memories of my days using because I lived in DC for about 4 years and kept on looking for happiness in the bottle the whole time I was there. I am so thankful that I finally found the program. I left that city for my home state because of a traumatic experience (I was raped) but drinking was what put me in that awful situation! If I hadn't been out drinkin that night it would not have have happened, but I then used it as an excuse for my sickness for a good long time...talk about a vicious circle on the pity pot! I am grateful that my God is a loving God and that in time I found my way into the program after much more self inflicted pain. To anyone out there who may be having a tough time at the moment please remember drinking will make it worse not better. Love to everyone in the fellowship.....Amy GC


Member: Mark L.
Location: Staten Is
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 08:27:24

Comments

Hi, Mark Lerner Alcoholic. I just want to say happy birthday to those that is and a good to everyone. I was asked to speak Sunday at a meeting that I wasn't really fond of, I got there and found out the person who asked me to speak turned out to eb the secretary and not the program chair. I also found out that they had a speaker from Queens,plus a backup speaker. I was going to go back to my Sunday meeting where I have my comittment, of course as it turns out the speaker didn't show. During the sharing the person who did have me speak said while she was sharing that she was sorry fore the mix-up to the back up speaker, This person then told me that if I don't like a meeting I shouldn't say yes to speak. But I feel it was Gods will for me to get over what was bothering me about this meeting. Also she didn't need to say she was sorry to the back up speaker, she could have let her speak and I would of just went back to my other meeting. This program and meeting just overwhelms at times. I had my test this weekend when it was foggy and rainy out and I had to get to intergroup and represent Staten Is. The nite before I had to get to my concert in the pouring rains too. Plus my drinking wife started fighting with me before we even left. We got to the concert late because my wife figured it was going to start late. But the great thing about this was it was a great concert and I ended up turning around at the end of the concert and there was my new A.A. friend Steve standing right next to me. We talking for a minute. But for this to happen so quickly just made my day even being soaked at the show. I want to thank you Steve I just love how this program works!

Thanks for letting me Share!

Grateful Alcoholic Mark


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 11:51:16

Comments

Michelle alcoholic - When I drank, I had no gratitude. I was selfish, self-centered, self- propelled. I wanted what I wanted, how I wanted it, and I wanted it now. I had no consideration for others and no respect for people places and things. I had no emotions, never said I was sorry, and had only friends that accepted this behavior as normal. It never occurred to me that there was anything wrong with this life, until it all started falling apart. I wondered why others were having such a hard time in life, and realized it was because they cared about things. If you didn't care, had no expectations, and no dreams, just lived for the next drunk, you couldn't possibly be dissapointed. What a sad existence this was. I see know that it was an incredibly hurt person that developed this protective layer around her so no one could hurt her anymore. I still don't acknowledge the pain and events that caused these walls to go up, but I am so grateful that they are coming down. Sobriety has not given me my life back, it has given me a life. Today, by the grace of God, I am a grateful recovering alcoholic that has thoughts and feelings and emotions, and wakes up everyday with hope and excitement about life. I have a family that I love, friends that are healthy, a relationship with God, and peace in my life. There are still defects in character left, and I am certainly not perfect, but I am happy. Keeping it simple, not taking a drink no matter what and having gratitude, not resentment, make it possible.


Member: Doris H
Location: Springfield, Oregon
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 18:25:32

Comments

Good Day, My name is Doris and I am an alcoholic.Gratitude: I love to talk about it. I am grateful for a loving God that gave me the gift of sobriety. I am grateful for friends and family that STILL love me. I am grateful to live in a time when A A is here for me. I am grateful for so many material things I won't even start on that. I am just grateful. I am grateful to have survived so much. I see others who are not surviving and of course I think "there but for the grace of GOD go I". Great tipoc Mike, thank you. Doris H


Member: lori m
Location: springfield or
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 21:37:07

Comments

hi this is lori soo glad you poeple are here yesterday i clamb a mountain with my jeep with help from my boby friend i made it to the top today i ask for help thank god for being sobor today 2years 7 16 96 lori m


Member: Chris A.
Location: FLA.
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 22:27:21

Comments

Hi all,

Chris here sober by the grace of God.I'm sorry for breaking the topic but, I'm not feeling very grateful tonight. Even though I should have an awful lot to be grateful for. i.e.two years sober, a new life etc. etc. You see I feel like I've lost the willingness, the want. I came to aa I got sober and I short changed myself the whole way. I didn't get a sponsor, worked steps 123 and then quit. Why? because I didn't have a sponsor. Did I get a sponsor? No. So now two years later here I am sitting on my own little pity pot feeling like I have no other choice but to go get drunk and start all over again. Maybe if i get drunk going to a meeting and confessing my short-comings will be accepted right? Insanity? If I get drunk I know all too well I'll be back at place where I'd be willing again real quick. It would cost me my job, probably my home and I'd be right back where I started from. But anything would be better than this feeling like I'm living a lie. I've lost the serenity I had in the beginning, the feeling that I was finaly getting better.When I came to AA this time I wanted to get sober more than anything else. How do I get back there? Without drinking.


Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 15 Jun 1998
Time: 22:48:19

Comments

Hi Chris, I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. You would be welcome back to AA if you are able to get back. I have seen lots of people go back anmd try drinking again and of those, I have seen lots of them try to come back. SOME are fortunate enough to get back. I have known quite a few people personally who died while TRYING to come back. I would suggest you go to your F2F meeting and tell them EXACTLT what you told us and see what they have to say. I don't believe you will find too many people to tell you to go back out there. I know you will NEVER hear me tell someone to go back and try drinking again for the very reason that I just told you. Why not take the easier softer way now and simply get a sponsor and get honest and start "living". It is free as you have already paid your dues before you joined AA. We would love to have you and I wish you would keep us posted on your progress. You should move over to the coffee pot so we can all talk back and forth with you. Love you, Sanders sanders@wfeca.net


Member: Chuck le c
Location:   Yreka, Calif.
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 01:34:24

Comments

Hi Chris this is chuck and I feel your pain. A drink will not help you know ! You Have got to fish or cut bait. there is nothing a human being can say or will say about your drinking. If you have a big book read chapter three it talks about people who have a problem and think they can handle it! My hat will be off to you if you can do a right face and drink like a normal person. There is no sympathy here sympathy is between Shit And Sylhflis in the dict. Hang in there and use these four words and you may make it. TOUGH SHIT DON T DRINK .


Member: Ron J
Location: San Clemente
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 01:36:49

Comments

Hi, I'm Ron, an alcoholic.

I love to 'hear' people share about gratitude. I am grateful to have a life today. I am grateful to have a Higher Power in my life that continues to do for me that which I can't do for myself, but allows me to do what I can. I am grateful for the members of AA who practiced the Traditions so that a group was there when I was ready. I am grateful to be given the chance to be of service to those newcomers who don't know they're coming by practicing the Traditions in my group.

Great topic. Thanks for letting me share.

Ron


Member: Jeff
Location: MD
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 02:54:06

Comments

Hi-My name is Jeff and I am an alcoholic. I am grateful to God and AA for my sobriety today. I have not had to take a drink for 9 months thanks to the 12 steps of AA and little bit of willingness on my part to take some action when the pain got bad enough. When I say pain I usually mean fear which is a big part of my sickness (and I have come to believe I have a physical, mental, and spiritual sickness -alcoholism - for which the only medicine I know is prescribed in a blue book written 30 years before I was born).

I am at a point in sobriety which calls for more action. I have mostly been listening and and sharing only when called on or after long periods of silence. I have recently moved to a new area because of my job and need to get a new sponsor. It is probably the fear I mentioned above that allows me to procrastinate.

I did get to run this morning and there was a really cool sunrise and rainbow. I did not see too many of those when I was drinking. I am grateful tonight/today. Thanks to everyone who shared.


Member: Robin S.
Location: Plano, TX
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 04:16:43

Comments

Hi, I'm Robin and I am an alcoholic. As of June 14th I have 9 years of continuous sobriety, and for that I am grateful. Keeping it simple and staying in gratitude have helped me to achieve this time. All I have to remember is that 1) I am an alcoholic and no amount of time sober will change that fact, and 2) no matter how much time I have, I still have to do everything that the newcomer has to do to stay sober, and 3) I am grateful to GET TO do these things! I love my sober life today and it is a great day to be sober! Thank you for letting me share!


Member: Bonnie C
Location: Seattle
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 05:22:11

Comments

Hi extended family, bonnie/alcoholic here, ((ROOM-HUG)) KEEPING IT SIMPLE, good topic ((Mike w)), remember no praying for rain when you (get home) LOL - GRATITUDE, another good topic ((Pete)) but what the hell do you mean, keep it simple? with my magical magnifying mind, everything is a big deal. nothing is manageable. I can't figure out how to get out from under all my problems, no more sources to tap, bounced checks, not because of no money, I just forgot to put the check in the right bank, utilities being turned off, hey, I forgot to pay the bill, no way out, no answers anymore and gratitude, what the hell do I have to be grateful for? My 2nd marriage is falling apart, my kids dont respect or love me, they dont hesitate to tell me so anymore and my job bores me to death and those vultures dont appreciate me either, no answers. dam it. Overwhelmed, you betcha, depressed, dam straight. If this thing don't work, I'm screwed. no answers. So I prayed, from the bottom of my heart Dear God Please take me and make me a productive human being or let me die. A week later, 5/30/80 I was sitting in my first AA meeting and from that day I have not had a drink or drug or mind altering prescribed pill. Things did NOT get better right away. For I had been so out of it for so long that I didnt have any healthy processes for my problems, so when first sobering up all I was doing is really facing what my REAL problems were, not the imagined ones like world peace, or crime or the drought or famine or other's problems, these I would take on also when I was running my show. but being overwhelmed with these other things, helped me avoid taking a look at my own situation which was so dismal. It had so little of my attention that it was like a wilting flower, and I felt so helpless to keep it alive. DEFEATED! So I got a sponsor and decided to give these steps a try, well the first sponsor I had had one yr, and was really too busy trying to get a tan that yr that she didnt have time to share anything with me, so about 3months after being told by her daughter not to call cause she was in the back yard, I got another sponsor who had 5 yrs, for 3 months everything went ok and the suggestions she gave me were working to take away some of the stressers, but she fired me and her kids and everyone around her for at 5 yrs sober she was going thru her own stuff, so I got another sponsor with 13yrs sobriety, thank God for that woman, I had almost given up at that point. I was 8months sober at that time, the friend that I called that took me to my first meeting, had me reading 60thru63 449thru452 and 83-84 in the big book daily, I went to meetings everyday sometimes 3 times a day, (so I was getting at least a little bit of a base) hey, my family couldnt be anymore screwed up than it was so my being at a meeting wasnt going to hurt it anymore than it already was. I found meetings that had babysitters and other moms that would babysit while I went to a meeting and we would trade days. my kids were 8-12-14 when I got here and I was married to a Naval Officer that was out to sea sometimes 9 months a yr. I was in sales and made 4 times what he did, only working away from the home 4 hrs aday 5 days a wk, I should have been happy. I had the house overlooking the ocean in San Diego Ca. 2 cars in the garage, 3 wheelers, motor cycles, 3 weed whackers, toys toys toys. nothing made me happy, this all from coming from VERY humble beginnings. all this on a 10th grade education. At 2yrs sober, after having to stick my 14yr old daughter in juvie hall twice, I walked away from it ALL, for I was about to drink or go totally insane and i knew to drink was to deepen the insanity and the only way i knew to get out from under was to leave and I did when all other options were closed to me and I became dangerously close to that first drink. Thank God I Did, so I had to take a giant leap to Keep It Simple, I couldn't do it surrounded by the insanity I had created, some folks can, I just couldnt because I also am co-dependent, didnt know it at the time, but that almost killed me later in my sobriety as well. I was the Martyr! and it was killing me. Gratitude, some days i just had to be grateful for having eyes, ears, legs, etc. for I saw only problems, to keep it simple, some days I just stayed sober in the madness, but little by little the madness was chipped away and discarded by working this program. it has not been easy but ohhh so worth it. Today i have all those promises on 83 and 84 working in my life and I live the second half of the 3rd step prayer. I have not had a day without joy, peace, love and serenity in almost 4yrs now. I would get glimpses of this all thru my sobriety but never knew what it would feel like on a daily basis, It's truly wonderful. Dont give up 5 minutes before the miracle. And Dear God please dont drink or drug to try to find a solution. it only makes it worse. some of my friends either died trying or they're back in struggling not only with trying to stay sober but they say the shame of going back out is bad, all I know is that they were here when I needed them and I will be here for them, my family is healed, my kids came back, I have grandkids that think Nana is the best thing since popsicles. my kids gifted me with a necklace for mothers day with gold charms of each one of them my dau in law and all the grandbabies, my daughter (the one I stuck in juvie) presented me with a beautiful leather bound big book for my 18th sobriety birthday and was there at my home group to see me get my coin, oh yes, theres healing and sanity here, its not easy but its worth it. When I got to the 3rd step i picked up a partner in all this and thru God anything is possible, Today I have it ALL, not the material things of the past, but the internal things that make life worth living. The gift is here for those who want to work for it. Theres no free lunch! You cant get it thru osmosis. Dear God please bless all who venture here. Love and hugs, bon -- bonzoc@webtv.net


Member: Scott J
Location: New Hampshire
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 10:29:52

Comments

I'm Scott alcoholic and I really relate to what you're going through, Chris. This cunning, baffling, powerful disease has tried the same tricks on me. After coming to meetings for a while, I could no longer rationalize taking a drink the way I always had when I was trying to quit drinking without AA. So my disease had to become a little less straight-forward and more sneaky. It told me, "You need help from other AAs but can't get yourself to ask for it, so getting drunk might work out well if you pick up a white chip tomorrow and everyone sees that you need help." It told me, "You've never been able to get motivated about changing your life for the better until you've hit a painful bottom, so maybe a good drunk is exactly the kick in the butt you need." Thankfully, I remembered the sayings "don't drink no matter what" and "there's not a problem I have that a drink can't make worse" and I didn't drink.

This disease will stop at nothing in trying to get us drunk. It has nothing else to do. It is cunning and baffling and more powerful than I am. Chris, I've gotten through the sort of times you're talking about by (1) accepting my situation, even if it means feeling that I'm living a lie, (2) reminding myself that if I don't drink, I have a good shot at overcoming the situation, and (3) asking for help from my higher power and people in AA (which you've done here.)

Thanks for sharing this with us. I think I really need a reminder about this, because I'm sure I haven't experienced feeling fake and stuck for the last time yet. Scott


Member: Martina G
Location: CT
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 10:38:20

Comments

Hi - Martina, an alcoholic. For me, gratitude is the opposite of self pity. It is my choice which of these opposites I will nurture, and the outcome of my choice to nurture self pity is always obvious.... poor me; poor me; poor me a drink.

Good topic.


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Mississippi
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 12:07:23

Comments

I am Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict. Keeping it simple--don't drink, no matter what for this too shall pass. That applies to the "bad" and the "good" times. It means don't celebrate by drinking. Don't try to drown my sorrows in a drink. They know how to swim. Don't try to hide from my problems in a drink.I take me wherever I go and I still am my biggest problem. Etc., etc. Don't drink. Pray. Go to Meetings. Read the Big Book....first 164 pages. (I'm on every page!) Don't get too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, or too Tired. Give something away. Anything, anyone. (A smile, a helping hand, a listening ear, a word of encouragement.) This is a simple program but it's only for the ones who want it and are willing to follow the path. Love to each of you. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Renee P
Location: Washington, DC
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 12:14:40

Comments

Hi, Renee here, alcoholic and addict. Gratitude is a great subject. I feel so much better when I think about the good things in life rather than the bad, even though that is hard sometimes. AA Cliche time: "If you look at the problems, the problems get bigger. If you look at the answers, the answers get bigger!" Sometimes I feel like a big fat phony when I spout these cliches and other comforting platitudes, but someone told me in a meeting last night that she thought that I was beating up on myself (grappling with the 2nd step). If I were to look at this with a spirit of gratitude, I should be grateful that GOD has granted me with a comforting spirit, instead of believing that it is a lie, and not really part of my character. We are always so quick to judge ourselves harshly, even when it comes to our GOD given assets (or feel guilty about them)! Why is that? I don't know, which is why I will keep coming back. I love hearing from all of you.

Chris, you don't have to go out and drink to get the attention that you need. You can get that in a meeting, as was suggested on this page earlier, go share in a f2f (face to face?) meeting what you have shared online. You will get much more attention than you want - I Garauntee!! You'll probably hear a couple things that you don't want to hear as well, but it is much better to hear those things (which always are said in love, even though it doesn't always feel like it) than to take a drink or a drug. Good Luck, and tell us how it went once you shared this at a f2f meeting! PEACE


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 15:31:40

Comments

Hi all, Steve, grateful alcoholic.

Gratitude is a tough one for me. I generally see the downside of something instead the good. I have been out of the program for about 2 years until I came back about a month ago. I was sober for 6 years until I thought I could control my actions while drinking. Well, you know the answer to that one.

One of the good things about AA is that it gives me an opportunity to think about my actions in the past,while drinking, and use that as part of my motivation not to drink. And while at the Moody Blues concert Friday, the same one as Mark (I'll get to that in a second), I remembered my actions and how I rampaged through the lives of the people close to me while drinking. My mother, my wife, my children, my friends. I can't think of a more forceful word than rampaged and that is exactly what I did. I had tears in my eyes as I listened to the ethereal music of the Moody Blues and remembered how I screwed up everone's lives. So why did I want to keep drinking?

Before the concert I was somewhat wavering in my commitment to stay sober. I brought my son and two of his friends. We got separated at first but I found them at the intermission and my son and his friend told me that they were looking for me because they did not want me to sit alone. I felt touched. A few weeks ago my son was telling me he never wanted to be like me and now he's looking for me.

My resolve not to drink or get high solidified at that point and I also resolved to track down my cyber-buddy Mark L who posted his location here before the concert. Towards the end of the concert, I made it down to the orchestra seats where Mark was and found him! We had never met before but he indicated that he would be wearing a Jerry Garcia T-shirt and gave his seat number. So there he was. I introduced myself, and Mark and I had a terrific, short conversation the content of which didn't quite matter to me. To me, it was more important to find a fellow AA, to stay sober and reinforced my commitment not to get high that evening. It was very memorable to me and I am grateful to Mark and this program for being there when I need it.

I am also grateful to everyone posting here and in the Coffee Pot because I have a chance to read about people's experiences and get's my head straight. Reminds me that I should listen to good sobriety because my best thinking got me in trouble.

Thanks everybody and thanks to Mark.

Steve.


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Yazoo City, MS
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 16:38:42

Comments

Hi, this is Charlotte, a grateful recovering alcoholic and addict. I'd like to share something I read about gratitude just today -- "Count your blessings before you count your problems." If I do that, I probably will run out of time before I get to the problems! Mustn't forget either, as Renee said, that what I think about multiplies. The law of increase.


Member: Lisa F.
Location: Riverside, Ca
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 17:13:23

Comments

Hi Lisa alcoholic here... Gratitude...what a concept, as I was sitting here on my pity pot, I was'nt feeling grateful for anything.. I'm so glad you"s are here to remind me.. that I have lots to be very grateful for today that God saw fit to lead me to the program and give me a life cuz I did'nt have one prior to A.A. and you also reminded me that whatever I put before my sobriety I will lose! Thanks so very much for being here.. Love to all.. God bless and keep you!Chris hang in there..give yourself a break YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!


Member: Mark R
Location: U.S.
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 17:30:32

Comments

Hi my name is Mark Have been around 9yrs. my mom died 1yr and I have not been to a meeting in abot that long I don't trust the pepole in aa any more because nobody show up to the funeral and it discuss me thay all say there my friends but no one showed


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 19:22:50

Comments

I'm Steve, an alcoholic.

Dear Mark R. Welcome. I know how you feel about not trusting AA people because my sponsor did not show up at my celebration when I was 5 years sober and didn't even apologize. I dropped out of the program 2 years ago and no one in my home group called. I started drinking after 6 years sobriety and for the past 2+ years have been drinking on and off. About one month ago, I realized I did not want to go like that and decided to follow the program again.

I stopped drinking for myself. At this point, I don't care that no one called me (although it does hurt). I am not drinking today and I will ask for people with sobriety in AA or elsewhere to help me. I have found that AA is the best source of these types of people. For me, staying sober now is more important than dwelling on the past.

I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. My mother died a long time ago and I truly miss her unconditional love and am truly sorry for the way I hurt her with my drinking. I take the things she taught me and pass them on to other people in honor of her memory.

I can understand your hurt.

Thanks for letting me share.

Steve D.


Member: Pam B.
Location: Oregon
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 20:12:14

Comments

Pam B. here, alcoholic and drug addict. Gratitude, for this 24 hours, is about all my heart can handle at a time. Before coming to the program after my slip 5 months ago, I had everything I have now, in the way of a loving wonderful husband, 5 healthy good kids, a home and garden I love, my health, all the basics. While I am still truly grateful for all these things and more, I am more grateful that this program has opened my eyes to them, and MY responsibility to them. Even during my years of not drinking without a program, I now see how my selfish, this is what I deserve attitude, I am the center of EVERYTHING! attitude was still alive and well. Every day when I work at my sobriety and at being the best I can be I can become overwhelmed with the good things in my life. My husband has always said that AA also stands for altered attitudes and I agree. I am so grateful that I have found AA and this program so there will (hopefully) be no more wasted opportunities to show appreciation to the people that are in my life,and to thank my HP for the good things. I do this on a daily basis. I don't ever want to forget what it was like before. Thanks for letting me share and for being here. Bye all.


Member: Allen B.
Location: Santa Cruz
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 21:25:23

Comments

It's great to hear everyone else on this page has the same problems as I do. When I was doing my 4th step, I identified pride as a character defect pretty quick. One of my major problems, being "better than.". My sponsor would not "pass" me until I realized an additional "glaring" (his words) character defect that I had not listed. I tried for days. I agonized, I raged....I couldn't figure out what he WANTED!!! finally, I followed my usual route byu wallowing in , yes, you know what, self pity. Then I realized what he wanted me to find in myself. I was overjoyed. He passed me on the 4th, finally and told me something really important tha's helped me ever since. this is that pride and self pity are just two sides of the same coin. It made the solution so much more accessable to me when I could relate the poor mes to being just my pride (again). kinda like nobody knows the trrouble I've seen, no one has been so unfairly treated, etc etc. Relating self pity as another perverted form of pride helped me to identify it and move on to the underlying fear, and from there to the underlying problem which is lack of faith in a loving God. Glad you all are contributing to thispage and hope to hear more from you all.

Allen


Member: Mary Jane F
Location: North Texas
Date: 16 Jun 1998
Time: 21:58:53

Comments

Hi, Mary Jane here, alcoholic. Sobriety date 10/21/80...thanks folks for that! Once, about 8 years ago, I got really fed up with people in my aa community because they did not pay me enough attention, I thought. I was sitting in a meeting when one man picked up his 5th or 6th desire chip and got a big round of applause and I was so sick that I began thinking that surely, if I went out and drank, the group would notice me again. But, I just sat in the meeting, fuming, seething and filled with righteous indignation, sitting on top of pity pot. As the meeting ended, I noticed I wasn't quite so filled with rage...something about the miracle of the meetings that happen when I start and finish one with the group. Didn't drink. The young man did, and two weeks later was found in his van, dead from mixture of drugs and alcohol. I was one who attended his funeral, filled with sorrow at his loss and gratitude that it was not me. There's never been anything so bad that a drink would make it better...sobriety is a better medicine for my sick mind. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: Wendy S.
Location: Bethel, NY
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 01:53:56

Comments

Hi, my name is Wendy and I Am an alcoholic. Gratitude is a great topic, one that I probably don't think enough about. Like Bonnie, I have a "magical magnifying mind", I really id'd with that. What am I greatful for? First and foremost 21 months of sobriety after almost 20 years of refusing to feel. Sometimes it's hard and feeling is a really new concept for me but I'm learning to cope, for that I'm greatful to my sponser, who is always quick to point out my big defect, " self-centered fear". the nail on the head for me.

I'm also greatful for a God who chose to keep me alive through many daring antics to get sober.even after I chose to forget Him for a long time.

Being a single mom during my drinking, I'm greatful that because of me or maybe in spite of me, my kids grew up to be fairly well adjusted people who seem to know that they don't want to drink and who love me despite everything I know I did wrong while they were young. I have 2 grandchildren now and I'm greatful that God is allowing me a chance to be a good role model to these beautiful kids.

To Chris A. from fla, I want to say, hang in, go to meetings, get a sponser and start to really work your steps. It took me more than a year to get a sponser, I had a couple of temps but never really got involved. I didn't drink, by the grace of God, but I didn't really get sober either. At this point I'm working on step 8, as the fog clears the list grows.

Like I said before, sometimes it's hard. Memories, as the fog clears, aren't always pretty. Could that have really been me? Like a friend of mine likes to say"no, that was the other me."

The hardest thing for me in getting started to get involved was feeling that I really belonged, I now realize, with the help of my friends in the program, that that was just my old attitude, that self centered fear, when active I never thought I belonged anywhere, not even in myself.

Anyway, Mike thanks again for the topic. Gratitude is a good thought to go to sleep with. Again, I'm Wendy, a greatful recovering alcoholic. and that's enough out of me. Wait, one more thing I;m greatful for is finding this site tonight, I'm going through something and seeing all of your sharing and having a chance to share took me out of my head for a while. Thanks all! Looking forward to coming back.


Member: Barbara S.
Location: NJ
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 11:53:50

Comments

My name is Barbara and I'm an alcoholic.

Thanks for this topic. I've found lately that I'm grateful all the time - can't believe I'm sober, productive, happy, and free! I've found that for me, the spiritual journey that is AA is better than anything else that's ever happened in my life, absolutely. I feel like I don't deserve it, and I'm hoping I can somehow put into the world as much as I've gotten personally from the program of AA.

I wanted to say to Steve D. that I loved your story of the concert - thanks for writing about it. I've always loved moments like that that seem to come along just when our resolve is wavering. Gratitude, indeed.

And to Mark R. who shared about his disappointment with the people in his meeting - condolences on the death of your Mom. It used to bother me, too, when people from AA didn't call or show up when I wanted them to, and I'm sure it must make you sad, too. But I've found that for me, AA really isn't about finding friends, but about saving my life through staying sober. I don't expect to see AA people outside of the rooms, or to make friends with them (although if I do, great!). Perhaps none of the people at my meetings are meant to be true friends. But they can help me stay alive, and that's surely what we're there for.

Peace to all -


Member: Patrick L
Location: Providence, RI
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 12:21:50

Comments

My name is Patrick, and I'm an alcoholic. I enetered the fellowship in 1985, but went out two more times before surrenderring.

Surrender sounds easy, but it's not! 'Giving it up' is easy, 'Stopping' is easy, but surrender? It took a long time to do that! My ego wouldn't let me - "I can't be that bad", etc. But total surrender was my key. I pictured it in my head like a war - I lost every battle, but kept on fighting. Finally, I put up my hands and knew it was over. I gave up.

What a freeing experience! Just put sobriety first, and things fall into place. Life isn't perfect, but add a drink to it - what a mess. I'm grateful to be here, sober TODAY.


Member: Lisa <M.
Location: New York, NY
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 13:13:39

Comments

Hi my name is Lisa and I'm an alcoholic and addict. I know the topic is gratitude and I'm trying...trying real hard. I've been sober now for 6 weeks, 1 day and yes, I had to hit rock bottom before I realized I had a problem. How do you feel grateful when everything around you is falling apart? How do you feel anything when all you feel is numb? I wake up in the morning and tell myself, "Well, you made it through another day. Now, just get through this one." My problem, I think, is that I'm such a control freak (that didn't end when the using stopped:-) I forget to take it one step at a time. I also think I need to find some good meetings in Manhattan and Brooklyn because the ones I've been to are so impersonal. I know this might sound like total pity, and there might be a little of that, but mostly it's just a feeling of being completely overwhelmed. Any advise or comments would be appreciated and I am trying...at least once a day I thank God that I'm still here, still sober and still trying, hard as it may be. Thanks all. Love, Lisa


Member: Terry P
Location: long beach CA
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 13:38:12

Comments

Graitude is a great topic mike, some times at 13 years clean and sober i forget to count my blessings but thanks to working with new comers the keep me grateful so dont forget to pass it on, terry


Member: Pat P
Location: CT
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 14:01:55

Comments

I'm Pat and I'm an alchoholic.

I'm grateful for all the postings this week! I get really stuck in myself, and that is too small a place to be, after I've felt the freedom that the wide open spaces of AA have shown me. I guess that's my form of self-pity...not noticing the wonders around me. So again, I say Thank you to all who have posted!


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 14:07:41

Comments

I'm Steve, a grateful alcoholic.

Barbara S, thanks for reading and relating with my wavering commitment to stay sober until I can hook up with a fellow AA. It's so simple, so how come I don't do it all the time? Lisa, I can relate to your situation. I was born and raised (through my adult life) on the lower east side. Until someone lives in the city, I don't think they understand how hard it is to get and stay sober in the city. Drugs are everywhere, adversity is just around the corner and watch out behind you. Things really are very impersonal. If I can offer one suggestion is keep on going to the meetings, get a book which shows all the meetings in the city and try new ones, preferably beginners meetings. Above all else, approach women you have heard speak and liked what you heard. Ask for their help and I'm reasonably certain they wil not turn you away. It's just like having your own personal coach. If it turns out that you're not comfortable with her, find someone else who will help you stay sober (not dry) one day at a time. Also, there's a lot of good sobriety here and in the Coffee Pot.

Thanks for letting me share.

Steve


Member: Cliff  m
Location: seattle  wa.
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 14:19:27

Comments

Hi ya'll Cliff alcoholic here,, Once a pickle always a pickle!!

just wanted to say hi to gary from germany glad to here your story, and to tell chris a. Fla. to stop being a secret and it will get better.

Gratitude and keeping it simple! this week has been very hard for me for i've been on my pitty pot for a while. just last night i took time to WHINE to my best friend about all the things that are SUCH BIG DEALS in my life today... needless to say i totaly forgot about all the things that i have today that i would never have if i were still out there....feeling stressed, frustrated, and confused and letting these feelings take presidence in my life i neglected taking a greatitude list and trying to simplify my life. I let life run me!!

It was great to read all your postings, i was able to stop and take a good look at myself again. now ready to take that gratitude inventory and do the things needed to get back to "KISS" ( keep it simple sweety )

just a quick hi to all the reg's on theis page and to say welcome to all the new ones. this is a gerat place to inhance your sobriety love to all cliff AAFROGGER@PROIDIGY.NET


Member: Mark L.
Location: Staten Island
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 15:11:39

Comments

Howdy! Mark L. alcoholic! Hi everyone. I just want to say to Mark B. that TRUST is a hard issue but you got to give it a chance. When I was going to the concert my wife was saying to me about the internet not to TRUST ANYONE ONLINE. But one thing that I find very SPECIAL is ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, the friends and advise I get from everyone amazes me. When I met Steve at the concert my wife was very surprised. I told her it just gives me a inner peace when I meet people from the program. Also Steve I can't tell you how much you helped me. My wife started a fight before we took off for the show. Then she tells me "It'll never start on time which it just about did. I was very upset and didn't even know if I could enjoy myself but I wasn't throwing the money away like I did last year on Neil Young.

So to Steve Thanks so Much for Being a Cyberfriend

and thanks to everyone that just says hi and welcomes the newcomer and anyone that comes to this meeting. Sorry for the length of it but I am Grateful to One and All.

Thanks Again!


Member: Mark R
Location: Naperville IL
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 18:04:15

Comments

HI! everyone Mark R here alcoholic thank you everyone for your feedback Steve D you and I are one of a kind.thank you for your intrest in me. I know I'm not here to meet friends but when you go through HELL with pepole and come out the other side you would think that they would be right there for you. I called one of the pepole I go to meetings with and we are going to go to some different meetings. to all who is thinking about going out, don't do it.you can't solve anything by drinking all the stuff that you came in for will come back three fold. be strong stand in front of your problems and have faith in GOD if you ask yourself what is faith you trust that your parents are your parents right that is faith And even though I'm having a bad time in my meetings I WILL NOT DRINK! because my foundation is strong thanks to AA.


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 22:53:02

Comments

Richard here alcoholic, simplicity is an important thing for me. I like it. See, though work is necessary it is simple and that is less than most rewarding endeavors. Zen is a lot like this, for though you may learn many advanced things, it takes a lifetime to master them. Sobriety is similar. We are told the steps we need to take, and how to take them, but it takes a lifetime to finish them, and maybe longer who knows? Anyway, simplicity is very important, for complication is also cunning, baffling, and powerful. Ha,he,he,he.

P.S. I was thinking about legislative shortcomings or maybe it was overdoing. But anyway, the point is this: if CON is the opposite of PRO then is CONGRESS the opposite of PROGRESS???????? He,he,he...…LOL. I'm just curious. Oh come on, let it out!!!

Read ya later alligators …


Member: Nikki B.
Location: PA
Date: 17 Jun 1998
Time: 23:45:55

Comments

Hi, I'm Nikki B. an alcoholic. I am greatful that this is the topic this week. I was sitting on my own pity pot for the last month. Thank God he made me realize the things that I should be greatful for, instead of what I am not getting.

Everyonce in awhile, he needs to let me put my own will into it to find out what I have.

In a few minutes I will have 5 months in the program. It took me a second time to wake up and see that this it the life I want to live, not the other one. He has a funny way of making us realize what we have.

He makes us decide if we want it or not. I am working hard on letting his will in my life. I know when I am able to do that with no questions asked, my life will look a whole lot better.

I hope that anyone coming into this program is able to get honest with themselves, then another human being, and life has a whole new outlook. I like it so much better this way, then the other way. Like someone always says at the meeting, my worst day sober is always better then my best day drunk!!!

Thanks for letting me share. Have a great 24.

Nikki B.


Member: 1more beer
Location: los angeles
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 00:04:11

Comments

I came in here at Traveler's suggestion. I can't stop drinking. After a year and a half of sobriety, I went out. It was so easy. Looking at my calendar, I realize that was a year ago this friday. I am an alcoholic, of that I am certain. I have no response to any resolve I make not to drink and I can't go more than a few days without a drink. I have had a hard time going back to meetings. I am mortified that I drank again. When I go to meetings, I lie...which leads to another drink. I don't know what to do anymore.


Member: Richard
Location: West Coast
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 00:19:06

Comments

Go to coffee cup 1more beer I think you'll find the one you seek. R


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Mississippi
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 01:37:57

Comments

I'm Charlotte and I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic. 1moreBeer, follow Richard to the coffee pot. Scroll to bottom and post to let folks know you're there. Hope you are.


Member: Michael W
Location: Pasadena CA
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 06:44:53

Comments

Hi,Michael W. Alcoholic I'm grateful my sponsor told me about this site. I have 392 days clean and sober, and for this I am truly grateful. Everyone says the 1st year is hard, but wasn't harder to look my parents, wife(girlfriend at the time), brothers, etc. in the eye and know I was lying to them. I do struggle at times, and I do an excellent job at beating myself up. However; pgs.86 thru 89 in the big book says it all for me, When I am in doubt I pause and ask God for help. I do need some opinions though, I am currently a firefighter and I might be switching Departments. My question for others is what should I say on my background papers. Knowing that I could be disqualified? Any other cops or FF's have any suggestions. Thank God for AA, I'm fourth generation AA and I'm grateful for the program giving me my family and my self-respect back, and although I don't want my sponsors head getting huge(JOKE) I am eternally grateful to him, Not only as a sponsor, but as a friend.

Gratefull and recovering with baby steps, Michael W.


Member: Michelle
Location: CO
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 10:14:44

Comments

Michael W. - The experience I have with background investigations are very thorough. You don't want to get disqualified for being dishonest when the truth isn't so bad. Being a recovering alcoholic is far and away better than being an active alcoholic, and the field you are in requires members to work hard and "play" hard which means stress relief by self medication. You have nothing to be ashamed about, you will be an asset to any department that is lucky enough to get you. Treat you past like your ass and put it behind you! Good luck!


Member: Beth R.
Location: Venice, Ca.
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 12:49:08

Comments

Hi, my name is Beth and I am an alcolholic. 1more beer: that's the normal thing for people like us to do..thank God we could medicate our desease with something..lieing was part of that package..no sober alkie in A.A. would blame you for it..this is not about being good or doing right..but to show up with a desire and surrender in the rooms of A.A.the rewards and blessings are neverending! Thank you for your honesty. That tells us that you too can find the solution. I'm so gratful to the loving God of A.A. for my life. At age 45 I was destroyed by the desease of alcoholism as I was on the street with no hope of belonging on this earth. A lifetime of suicidal depression, drunkeness, and in general a failed human being has been lifted from me. This week I acknowledge seven years of sobriety that without the twelve steps would not have been. I long to and love to share this experience at every turn.. This is the blessing of our group consciousness as it continues to unfold year after year..Thank you to all who reach for it..Thank you for letting me share..Beth R.


Member: Steve D
Location: NJ
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 16:41:47

Comments

Steve, a grateful alcoholic.

1morebeer, come on over to the coffee pot. We are or have been where you are right now. It can get better because it certainly can't get any worse.

Nice hearing from both Mark L and Mark R. I'll see you over in the CP.

Thanks, Steve


Member: Bill L.
Location: Pompano Beach, Florida
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 19:25:41

Comments

Hi. My name is Bill. I am an alcoholic. I have been sober 5 years as of April 12th. As of late, I have been somewhat remiss in my need to be grateful and k.i.s.s.. This past year has been my first year in business for myself and things get confusing sometimes. I find myself suddenly trying re-prioritize as I feel myself entering dangerous territory. I am thinking more of how grateful I am, how wonderful my life has become since putting the bottle down and how much I need to get simple. I am especially grateful to my God for being there to catch me when I hit my last bottom. I thank Him for leading me to A.A.. I am blessed with a wonderful family and a wonderful life and now I need to purpose to remember that instead of the challenges I face.

I was reading recently of the "situations that once baffled us." Some are still pretty baffling at first, But remembering who I am and how I got here is helping me to keep prospective and move through what use to send me straight for the scotch. Yes. I need to practice gratitude more diligently. It is a good thing for my sobriety, indeed. Thank you for letting me share.


Member: Mark M.
Location: Eastern U.S.
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 22:33:42

Comments

I'm Mark, I am an alcoholic, actually that is one of the things I am most grateful for because by finding AA, I have learned to take a much closer look at myself than nonalcoholics never get a chance to do. I am 3 years sober as of May 8 and I just found this meeting yesterday. Its unbelievable that no matter where alcoholics come from or live, we all read the same Big Book and practice the same principles. I will make this meeting a part of my recovery for sure, this is great. Thank you all for being here and sharing.


Member: shaun s
Location: Boston
Date: 18 Jun 1998
Time: 23:49:53

Comments

Hi my name is shaun an I'm an alcoholic,I just wanted to write that and Im grateful that theirs a place that I can.


Member: John S.
Location: Fremont California
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 00:34:46

Comments

Hi, My name is John and I'm an ALCOHOLIC. First time to this meeting. Today I fell very Grateful for what AA has given me. Seven and one half years ago I broke down and accepted my disease of being an alcoholic. I was scared to death of walking through the doors, but the group made me feel wanted, and understood. Today I am married to a wonderful & understanding wife. We are now proud parents of our 10 day old daughter. I know with all my heart I could not achieve these milestones in my life without sobriety. I thank every member that has help me with my recovery.


Member: Bill R.
Location: Allyn, WA
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 01:12:03

Comments

I'm Bill and I am most definitely an alcoholic. My first time here...what a thrill to read your comments from all over the world! Seems like the program works wherever we are, IF WE WORK IT! To 1 more beer...when we're sick and go to the doctor and he prescribes for us, we don't wait to get well before we take the prescription! (we take the prescription to get well). The Rx for us is: read the book, get a sponsor, AND DO THE STEPS! You'll find yourself, God, and peace. Whatta deal! Thank you all for being out there (and in here...)


Member: Tony J.
Location: Qatar
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 04:34:18

Comments

Hi Tony,alcholic. I just found this site. My problem is I am working in middle east no AA here.After 20 years of wasting my life and hurting all around me and trying to cut doun I decided 2 days ago to try so stop forever.I am so afraid because if I fail I will never try again I think.My job puts me under big pressure to socially drink and when my boss visits town he expects me to drink with him.I have to stand up to him as well.This is my one big try.


Member: Mark L.
Location: Staten Is
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 08:10:39

Comments

Hi, Mark L Alcoholic. Good Morning to everyone! I just want to thank everybody for helping me stay sober another day. I want to share that to have gratitude just shows me when you work the program there are alot of rewards. I have been invited to a sober party tonite. I also was invited in 2 weeks to a picnic in sobriety. The friends I have now A.A.s and the friends I have gotten out of the program. But thats enough about Gratitude. I am having a very hard time with my wife who continues to drink. Yesterday we were suppose to go to marriage councilling,but I live in Staten Island and the S.I. expressway was closed down due to a acid spill. Its very hard to get to Staten Is. when the main expressway is closed so what happened was that it took over 2 hours to get home and missed our appointment. Well missing councilling is like missing a meeting except I think its a ittle worse. I tried to make the evening pleasant by renting some movies and bringing in dinner (I don't drive so she did) Well we have a communication problem especially when it comes to sex. She carried on ranting and raving this morning where I had to walk out of the house to keep whatever sanity I had left. I want to please her but it becomes very differcult when she drinks.(Shes come to a few meetings, but she don't have a problem.) I really needed to share this because its the weekend and you never know what can happen. On a good note tomorrow we have our Share-A-Day in Staten Is. at Moore High School 100 Merrill. Cross street Arlene. Its 9-5pm Alot meetings every hour. I went last year and found alot friends, food and fellowship. this is a GREAT thing.

Gratitude on a Friday

Mark L.


Member: J.L.
Location: Massachusetts
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 10:21:21

Comments

Hi! My name is Jay, and I am an alcoholic!

For: Mike W. in Pasadena

Please go to the Coffee Pot and read my post. I hope it will be helpful.

Thank you.

J.L.


Member: Charlotte B
Location: Mississippi
Date: 19 Jun 1998
Time: 11:52:27

Comments

My name is Charlotte and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. Tony J, I'm grateful you have decided to try a new way of life. You don't have to do this alone. I invite you and Mark L to go over to the Coffee Pot, which is another section of this site, scroll all the way to the bottom and post right away so folks will know you're there and what your immediate concerns are. That's an open forum and I'm confident the folks there will give you support. Peace in sobriety to all who visit here.


Member: BJ
Location: Miami, FL.
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 01:56:14

Comments

I'm a female alcoholic named BJ. I love reading all who share here. Even though I've been to two f2f meetings today, I can get outside myself through reading that some have it worse, some better, than myself. I had a personal crisis couple of days ago and was so broken up and depressed I didn't see much point in going on; my sponsor told me to say one prayer: "Thank you God", for everything, the good, the bad, the indifferent. What a great prayer for me, made me see that I must stay grateful for ALL THINGS, because whatever life experiences I am having, they happen to me because God wants me to see the lessons there since that is what this journey in sobriety is about...learning about what is true for me so that I am constantly going thru the very things that will challenge me the most, that will cause me to go HIGHER into consciousness to be able to deal with life and to be happy joyous and free on this path even when the going gets tough. I've always like the expression "When the going gets tough, the tough get going" - I say it even when I don't feel, so that it will become a reality. Nobody said this program was easy, they just promised me it was simple. And for me that means I have to get back into the NOW, one day at a time. I felt Mark's pain about those in AA who let him down and it has happened to me more than once in 28 yrs. of sobriety and it happened when my mom died and that was absolutely the worst time of my life...to date. The only AA person who came around, now listen to this - a friend who lived close by and somehow FPL got her number and she came to tell me they were turning off my electricity. Obviously I couldn't work, my mom was taken suddenly and was sober and in good health so it was such a big shock and I was alone with my daughter of l5 whom I had raised in AA, and she didn't offer to help pay the bill or help in any way (she had been married and sober a long time and they're well off). Her help ended with giving me the message. Well, it was harder for me this way (not having my friends or group or any support forthcoming), but you see, I had already had experiences similar to this when I had an operation, when I had a slip and fall accident, etc. No one ever sent a card and I had signed loads of cards to aa people in hospital or home sick and also condolence cards. Well, there was never a funeral aa or aa related that I didn't attend if I learned about it in time (and I still do attend them). But what can I say? I guess since no one appeared in all the other circumstances, I really didn't expect anything and when I did think about it, I'd tell myself that there must be a reason, like maybe I gave the appearance of someone who didn't need it or that maybe I'd made the wrong choice of friends in AA. This is weird = I was in a f2f meeting earlier this evening and a lady shared that she had surgery and was home alone and needed food for her child and herself and no one in AA would help her even tho' she called quite a few. I've never heard anyone share anythiing like that in a meeting and then I come to this meeting and here Mark has been going through a similar situation and getting pretty bitter about it. Mark, I learned a very valuable lesson in the program when I was new and it was the best lesson of all. I'm not changing the topic to Traditions, just want to share this one thing: I had planned to go hear a great speaker one night and learned that my tru love was going to be there with his ex-wife; I refused to go. My sponsor said "yes you are, if you don't put Principles before Personalities this time, in this situation, then you will never learn what it means." Gritting my teeth, I went. I met the ex-wife who ended up becoming one of my best friends; and the fella and I stayed friends for a long time too. So, it's true, I never forgot that lesson and over the years, I just do it automatically. I don't mean I'm a Saint, sometimes I resist people I don't particularly like, but on the BIG things, I have a BIG answer and for this I am truly grateful; after all, AA is made up of humanbeings and some pretty sick ones at that; we just have to stay grateful we have another day, another chance, as long as we have a program and a meeting to go to...and guess who makes up those meetings? People in AA, all of them who basically care deeply but have to put their sobriety first and we don't always know what that may entail for them.

I'll hush, but would like to say to Mark who broke his back: maybe my ESH will help you a bit - last year I almost died when my heart stopped more than once; had emergency surgery and now wear this silly pacemaker, while recovering at home, I fell and broke my spine in 3 places and hospitalized again. With all that, I thought I'd be taking pain pills a long time but I wasn't eating and couldn't exercise and one day I stopped the pain pills on my own because they were not stopping to pain; I realized that I'd built up a tolerance for them which reminded me of when I was an active alcoholic and couldn't get drunk and couldn't get sober. It really scared me and to make a long story short that was 6 months ago and God has removed the biggest part of my pain to the degree that since then I take only tylenol. I had to spend a week in detox to get off the pain pills; hopefully you won't be on them as long as I was but since we're addictive people, watch yourself and I pray you will get well soon; just realize I called both guys Mark. Hope if you read this you can catch my error. My heart's in the right place even if my mind isn't since it's 2 a.m. and I'm sooooo tired. Love to all.


Member: Allison K.
Location: Prescott, AZ
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 03:37:36

Comments

My name is Allison and I am an alcoholic. This is exactly what I've needed lately. I guess now that I look at it, I've stopped being grateful for things in the last few weeks. I started looking at the things in my life as NEGATIVE experiences instead of LEARNING experiences. From reading what all of you had to say, I remembered that my life is precious and that In reality, I'm probably not even suppose to be here with what I put myself through and I am, and that is a miracle. Ya know something? I don't even know why I've been "feeling" this way, my life definitely isn't bad but I guess that's the key word, "feeling". I think I'm going to do a gratitude list. It seems like it's about time I do another one. I just remembered one of my favorite sayings, "look at everything through god colored glasses". If I remember to live this way, chances are I won't get wrapped up in all the negative things and keep looking at how everything in my life, good and bad, is still my life and I'm the one who chose to live it. It's up to me to make the most of it. I'm very grateful that I have a higher power today that looks out for me and I know that as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, god will make sure there is the next right thing for me to do waiting. I need to trust that and everything will be fine. One other thing that came to my mind with this topic is, "there is nothing in my life that me and god can't handle together" I try to say this to myself every morning when I wake up. It reminds me that I don't have to be alone that day. I love all of you and thankyou- Allison


Member: Laura S.
Location: NYC
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 07:17:22

Comments

HI, i"m Laura, Alcoholic-Addict...gratitude is tough when things aren't going MY WAY..which is exactly why I need to cultivate it. This web site is something I'm grateful for..God bless the technology that can put all us drunks together. I am also praying that God gives me serenity to see that my external circumstances will take me to the point on my path where I need to be. My boyfriend of 2 years has decided to move up to Syracuse and I have decided to stay here in NYC where my sponsors, sponsees, network, creativity and family lives. I moved the majority of my stuff into storage today and had to ride in the back of the moving truck in sweltering heat. I am spending more money than I have and I have no secure place to live. I am housesitting for an AA friend for a week and another AA friend has offered me her couch for a month. I have no idea what is going to happen to me. I am really living a day at a time whether I want to or not. So, heartbroken and up in the air what am I grateful for? I'm grateful for iced coffee, toasted bagels and blue skies. I am grateful that my relationship is not ending with a lot of bitterness. I am grateful that my life is taking an unexpected turn and that I am not locked into domesticity (where I was surely heading with much trepidation) I am grateful that God is doing for me what I can't do for myself...my boyfriend drinks and I am saving him a seat. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to take the no-relationships-for-one-year suggestion that I ignored at six months of sobriety when I hooked up with this guy...not a very sober choice but it was a VAST learning experience. I am also grateful that I am sober and able to show up for myself - deciding to stay where I want to stay was a very sober choice. I am grateful for the opportunity to share with you all. My prayer today is "God, where would you have me live?" I am leaving it all up to him now, because my best thinking got me you-know-where. Thanks for letting me share.


Member: FAYLA    G
Location: GALENA  KS
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 15:43:47

Comments

fayla g alcoholic,laura s ,i can tell you are pretty togeather ,you and i know God is going to look ,i believe everything is planed by god,and he places us where he wants us to be .you are in my prayers ,one day at a time. love ya fayla g


Member: Judi
Location: Byron, Ga
Date: 20 Jun 1998
Time: 22:44:37

Comments

GrammaJudi, alcoholic/addict from Byron, Ga just a tad south of Macon, Ga. My sobriety date is 8/29/74. I guess that makes me an oldtimer, yet everything old is new again in the fellowship. Gratitued, like happiness is NOT having what you want, it's wanting what you already have. Gratitude is the ability to love and be loved. Gratitude is having a clear spiritual definition that for me is all that I am in relationship to all that is around me. Gratitude is knowing that who I am does make a difference and that each day Higher Power directs my life so I can go out each day and live life as though how I do that does make a difference in this world. Gratitude is a deep belief that I will always need AA and that I will come willingly today to give myself to the program and in giving, will get. Gratitude is the shield to ward off my poor, pitiful me. I'm alive in the spirituality ruality, not just surviving without it. God save me from today or any day that I am not grateful for the freedom of the bondage of the selfs mentioned in the Big Book. All I ever really wanted was to feel free from the abject misery that living a spiriually deprived life gave me. the freedom from the bondage of all those"selfs" that used to kill me, is truly gratitude at its magnificent best. Grateful to be here, with LOVE in the fellowship, Judi K.