Member: dj
Location: norfolk
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 11:33:29
tameing the still mean spearted alke,
Member: Don F
Location: NH
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 11:51:31
Wow, that's where I'm at. Still mean-spirited, even the recovering alky needs taming. Rage still pops up, against those I love the most, and the one that I hurt the most is the one who can hurt me the most, my wife. She replaced alcohol with overspending; I replaced alcohol with overeating, workoholism, and sexoholism. They were always there, along with alcohol, in both of us, and they didn't go away. There are 12-step programs for all these compulsions, and we've been there. But we have expectations, each of the other as well as for ourselves. Discovered a great truism buried in the AA 12/12 book, 3rd step, "...logic and instinct always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development."
Member: Joel H.
Location: N.C.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 12:15:14
I know I have a long way to go. I'm glad it's spiritual progress, not perfection. Change is a very hard thing, especially when you're so used to reacting and behaving certain ways. I was mean-spirited alright, full of rage and resentment and guess who it was mostly against? Myself. I hated myself for the way I reacted to people, places, and things that just didn't want to be the way I wanted them to be. I still do it, I won't lie, not today. But I am working at changing those selfish habits. We cannot be rid of self on our own not matter how hard we try, we have to have help. There's a lot of folks that's been living sober a lot longer than I have. But this is what I've wanted all along, it's just hard living it sometimes. Really hard. I'm like you, Don, I hurt those closest to me the most and man does it hit you back ten times worse, especially when you have someone that is capable of so much unselfishness and love and all you can do most of the time is balk at it. I've been a selfish ass most of my life. Been through hell and back like all of us. It takes a lot of work and time to come to terms with all that garbage we carry around, but I know that the steps contain all the answers I need. Thank God For AA.
Member: Marcia R
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 13:18:20
I am pleased to be a part of this new media Meeting"StayingCyber" Thanks to all of you I just need to "listen" keep coming back!
Member: Kelly I
Location: Sacramento
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 14:10:58
This is exactly the topic I need to read about. thank you !!!!
Member: David B.
Location: Northampton, Pa.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 14:23:59
After 5 months of sobriety the rage is still present ,only not as strong. it seems to pop up at any time for no special reason. I wish I knew why. Am I still beating myself for 25 years of such a selfish addiction?
Member: JIM B
Location: Jefferson city MO.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 14:43:18
hello my name is Jim beam and i have bean sober fore 1year
Member: Anne M.
Location: Northways...
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 15:29:17
Hello everyone, I hate to admit it, but I can still be very mean to those I love, lately towards my boyfriend. I am having a hard time being happy for him & his life right now e.g. great new little sober discoveries for him, such as his beautifully thriving(& edible) backyard garden(from which I even benefit often). I know he has his struggles too, but I am hating my school life so much right now(I must say there are definitely some spiritually imbalanced people who plan our workload, b/c it's insane, I have little time to spend w. myself relaxing, forget about seeing him, getting to more mtgs.), that even though he works a long week, I find myself jealous of his even somewhat small amount of free time, and it can come out in nasty little comments, and definitely a lot of whining to him on my part. I'm thinking(interestingly enough, after praying repeatedly last night: " God, please grant me acceptance & gratitude; f___ you, God"(the last bit b/c otherwise I would not have prayed at all)now that to make some attempt to apply the Serenity Prayer to this situation, maybe I should be re-evaluating whether this is the path I really want to take(just a year ago, God seemed to bring this into my life); I don't know anymore, things aren't going well. I do feel a teensy bit better since last night when I decided to be absolutely honest about school, regardless of what others may think, instead of whining internally and externally about it, all the time. The truth is that, while I like some of the people, and even a fair amount of my chosen area of interest, I hate being in school, we all agree in class that they overload us with work. Somehow admitting how I really feel about it out loud has managed to calm me a wee bit, maybe I'm even feeling a bit more compassion & understanding towards myself for the awful feelings of stress & frustration. Thanx for listening; I wish I had sthg. more positive to share.
Member: Andrew B.
Location: Canada
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 15:40:57
As far as rage goes, I do still have my days. It's a program of action and my recovery is based on a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of fit spiritual condition. To me, that means taking my own inventory, accepting others as they are and giving the best I can to the day. The strength to do that for me has to come from God, and the inability to succeed at any time is entirely credited to me. The blob of me is that one to avoid. I do this by going to meetings, contacting my sponsor, working with another alcoholic, praying, doing the steps, being a member of a group and being active.
With the rage, it's energy goes into these things and takes the edge off at times. Then the peace is real. Without the fit spiritual condition, the rage gets in and clouds the sunlight of the Spirit and then I begin my slow, or not so slow, death. That insanity to drink will surely come again if I leave that rage unchecked. And in the past it almost killed others, in addition to myself. Thank God for His grace and wisdom. I like this way better and it takes time, miracles, patience, contact, mistakes and perseverance.
But for the grace of God, I am living proof of the above.
The best thing about A.A. when I began this journey was the fact that they shared their own experience, strength and hope without telling me how I should do it. That liberty openend me up to seek to find out how they did it and I wouldn't have done it if someone had to force it on me and say, "Do as you are told." Mercifully, God and A.A. can deal with me a lot better than I can deal with them.
God's grace to all and thanks for letting me share.
Member: Joe A.
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 17:05:35
Hi, everyone! Joe Allison of Portland, Oregon here. This topic, anger and rage, are the story of much of my life before and well into my AA career. The answers that work for me have come so slowly that, for myself, I have substituted the word "evolution" for "growth/progress."
When I came into AA, I was a rage-a-holic, madder than hell at everything and everybody. By the grace of God, and with the help of the steps and the rest of the AA program (especially the principle of acceptance), today I live with a quiet mind and peaceful heart most of the time.
I used to say, "I want what I want, and I want it right now." I have come to realize that was not my real frame of mind. In reality, what I was saying was, "I've got to have what I want when I want it and I've got to have it right now."
That imperative "got to have" is something that has had to be replaced in my life. What I believe is one of the greatest insights to be found in AA literature is found in the "12x12" on the last page of the chapter on the Seventh Step.
One sentence on that page told the story of much of my life. What it says is that a life lived on the basis of unsatisfied demands is a life of continual disturbance and frustration. I still would like to get what I want when I want it, but the imperative "got to have" has finally been brought under control by the principle of acceptance.
An old Spanish proverb reminds us that "Habits are slender cobwebs that soon become cables of steel." For me, my old habits of making demands had to be replaced with new habits of allowing others to exercise their free wills as they choose instead of trying to be in control of people, places and things (including God)!
I spent the first 42+ years of my life evolving further and further away from God. As of today, I have been evolving back toward God for 28+ years, and I'm not done yet!
To the newcomers, please be patient with yourselves. God is not done with you yet!
Peace, happiness and a comfortabe life are do-able if we don't sabotage our recovery by drinking or using any other mood-changing chemicals. Easy, it is not. Possible it is!
Joe Allison of Portland, Oregon
Member: Tacey C.
Location: Arizona
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 17:52:34
Hi, everyone. My name is Tacey and I am an alcoholic. Grateful to be here and grateful to be sober. Man, what a great topic. Mean-spirited alcoholic. Well, I believe that, for me, it has been a gradual process. I remember a therapist telling me about 11 years ago that I was a "rageaholic". It really made me mad!! It was like, "Just add it to the list...alcoholic, drug addict, codependent...blah, blah, blah". I have had to work through the rage and the abuse issues that came from my childhood and my alcoholism. I don't know how to not be angry. I believe my answers lie in the steps. In the 4th step I write about a lot of things, my anger included. In the 5th step, I share it with God and another human being. Then, in the 6th and 7th step, I ask God to remove these shortcomings/character defects so that I may be of maximum service to God and to my fellowman. I have been doing that for a long time now. I have grown and changed. Sometimes, I still get angry and sometimes I even act on it. I lost my temper twice last week with my husband. The first time I made immediate amends, the second time was Friday and I haven't been able to speak to him since--he's on the lake. But, I also know that just saying, "I'm sorry" is not good enough. So, maybe I need to stay away from him right now. We are going through a divorce. Anyway, I continue to ask God for the knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out. Thanks for letting me share.
Member: Chris H
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 18:31:52
Hello, my name is Chris & I'm an alcoholic. I haven't been saying those words for very long. (about three weeks is all). I too feel mean spirited in my early days of sobriety. For me, it's more of a numb feeling so far. I know that I want to stay sober and some days are easier than others. I find that I get angry more at myself than anyone else. How did I get here???!! Why me??! But I guess I'm not going to get those answers right away. I'm here, so accept it. I'm happy to be sober today, and I pray that I can go to bed sober thanking God for another day. All the best to each of you. Thanks for the page.
Member: JESSE Y
Location: JACKSONVILLE, FL.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 19:08:36
HEY EVERYONE IM AN ALCOHOLIC AND MY NAME IS JESSE,SOBER BY THE GRACE OF GOD TODAY. ALTHOUGH NOT EXPRESSED OUTWARDLY SO MUCH ANGER IS STILL VERY MUCH A PART OF MY LIFE TODAY. THERE IS A DIFFRENCE TODAY THOUGH. WHEN IT DOES ARISE IT BRINGS ME BACK TO REALIZATION THAT IM NOT CURED YET AND I BETTER KEEP COMING BACK. THANKS.
Member: JB
Location: Minneapolis
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 19:08:41
My name is J and I am a grateful alcoholic. Thanks DJ for a great topic. When I first came into this program I was definitely an angry woman and my rage came out in verbal abuse of the people around me. One day when I was reading Ann Landers I read the signs of a verbal abuser. The article was actually written for women to watch for it in men but what struck home was she was describing MY behavior. On my next fourth step I did I explored how I was verbally abusive even in sobriety. When I did my fifth step about it I cried for the shame of it. God did take that behavior away but it took some work on my part in therapy. I had to get to the core issues from my childhood, examine them, and grieve the loss of innocence. It took a long time but I can proudly say I am now in a relationship where I have NEVER been verbally abusive. This defect was definitely taken from me. When I get angry now one of the things I do is journal ten ways to deal with the situation. I start out with things like "hire someone to beat so and so up" and end up with a constructive solution for the situation. Anger tells us when our boundaries are being violated so I honor it by using it for action, not REACTION. Anyway, that is my lecture for the day. Thanks for being here. Peace and Love, J.
Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 19:27:28
Larry, alcoholic
I also have struggled with rage and mean-spiritedness. I have found that I cannot avoid anger and that's OK. What I can do is deal with how I react to it. If I try to deny or suppress the anger, it will just manifest itself as either an explosion of rage or a seething resentment. In the past, I used to explode in rage without even thinking, as though some power had taken control of me and I was powerless to prevent it. It was scary. I had to learn to create a distance of time between experiencing anger and reacting to it. Now when I get angry, I need to accept the situation that has prompted the anger, let go of the anger, and deal with the situation constructively. Sometimes I have no reason to be angry; sometimes I do. But even when my anger is "justified", I need to react in a sane, sober, and constructive manner.
As with all of my character defects, I did not overcome my mean-spiritedness and inappropriate rage by force of will, I let go of them and allowed myself to be healed. I don't think character defects are removed as a dermatologist removes warts. They are replaced with positive behavior - it's a process of change. Most if not all of my character defects are based on self-centered fears. They are primarily the inappropriate survival tools I developed throughout my screwed-up life. By working the 12 Steps I was able to let go of resentments, guilt, and shame. My self-centered fears were replaced with serenity and peace of mind. Selfishness was replaced with compassion, forgiveness, and gratitude. In particular, it was important to realize that terms such as gratitude and compassion are actions rather than merely feelings. I had to change my behavior in order to change my thoughts and feelings, not the other way around.
As a result, my character defects have begun to simply recede on their own. I still have plenty of them, maybe all of them, but they are not nearly as powerful as they used to be.
Thanks for letting me share.
Peace & Serenity
Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 19:50:42
Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Hi family.
Mean spirited? I am not sure what that means. If it means thinking that I was the center of the Universe and everyone was supposed to go along with me or feel my wrath - I guess I was mean spirited. I was told by a very good friend that it was unfair to get into a battle of wits with the unarmed - my tongue was sharp and I could cut you down before you knew you were bleeding. Well, folks, no more!
I now treat others as my brothers and sisters in love. If I can't be kind to you - there's something wrong with me. I don't have to like you, but I must respect you as a child of God. If , for whatever reason, you are unable to respond in kind - I am obligated to pray for you I may avoid being with you because it is such a struggle to maintain my calm in your presence, but I will be kind when we are together. Is it always easy? No. Is it necessary for me? Yes. I have worked hard to find this peaceful place and I don't ever want to give it up. And for this Raging drunk, that's prove there is a God.
Member: Colleen
Location: Pa.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 20:01:52
Hi all -
Thanks for the topic!!! Reading everyones comments brings back alot of memories of rage.... I can remember this feeling ALL too well..... I carried it around with me for a long time in sobriety. I used to discribe it as having a whole in my stomach that just burned all the time.....I prayed alot and talked to my sponsor about it(constantly) and eventually it was replaced with hope - thanks to GOD and alot of people in the rooms....God Bless You All and keep coming back
Member: CHARLES T.
Location: M.D.
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 20:27:23
MY NAME IS CHARLES AND I AM A ALCOHOLIC;RAGE IS A BIG PART OF MY LIFE.IF I AM NOT A RAGING LUNATIC AROUND HERE THERE ARE 5 OTHERS WHO CAN BE.TALK ABOUT A ROUGH RECOVERY.YOU CANT HOLD IT IN OR THINGS JUST GET WORSE.THE ONLY SOLUTION I HAVE IS TO MOVE TO TIBET.
Member: Denise U
Location: CA
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 22:39:06
Hi! Denise grateful alcoholic. Today I was at a meeting where the topic was acceptance. Rage is my response to accepting my alcoholism. I can admit it but I continue to struggle with acceptance. Thank you for all your shares as without them I will not continue to progress and will continue to be eaten up by rage.
Member: Wanda F.
Location: Upstate NY
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 22:44:26
Hi everyone. My name is Wanda and I am an alcoholic. Great topic. I have been sober now for 11 months after 2l years of absolute hell. I definitely was full of rage and anger for all of those years and also all the years that lead up to them. In fact, I really hadn't noticed or shown much gratitude for the fact that now I rarely get angry and haven't had a "rage" since I got sober. I just knew I felt so much better, slept better, had a better relationship with my husband, liked myself for the first time ever and finally felt comfortable in my own skin. Now I can add that I have let go of anger and have no need for rage. Thanks for the eye-opener.
Member: MICHELLE M.
Location: COSTA MESA CA
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 23:24:24
HI FAMILY, THANX FOR BEING HERE.RAGE.HUMMM, ANYONE SEE THE MOVIE"WAR OF THE ROSES"NOW THATS OLYMPIC RAGE.MY EXPERIENCE WITH RAGE WAS SO DEBILITATING THAT I HAD TO QUIT. I NIP IT IN THE BUT WHEN IT'S ANGER.THEN I DIG DEEP ENOUGH TO DISCOVER EITHER FEAR OR HURT.I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THIS PROCESS BUT IT WORKS FOR ME.I TALK ABOUT IT TOO, USUALLY SOME EVAPORATES. I'M CURRENTLY HAVING A LOVE AFFAIR WITH GOD.IT'S THE KIND WHERE YOU CANT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM OR WHAT WOULD PLEASE HIM.IT'S BETTER THAN THE ALTERNATIVE. IN APRIL WHEN WE CRUNCHED THE NUMBERS, THE BOTTOM LINE WAS THAT ME AND NIBLET HAVE AN INCOME THAT IS AT THE POVERTY LINE BUT THE IRS STILL WANTED $1,4OO. FROM ME ANYWAY THEN I MADE MATTERS WORSE BY FORGETTING TO HANG MY HANDICAPPED PLACARD AND GOT A BILL FROM THE CITY FOR $280. I SHALL DEAL WITH THAT TOMORROW. MOMENTARILY I HAD A FIT.A MEANSPIRITED ONE,ABOUT ALL THE YOKELS WITHOUT PLACARDS THAT NEVER GET TICKETED. THEN GAVE UP AND GAVE IN. I CAN DO WHAT I CAN DO.PEACE OF MIND CREEPS OVER ME LIKE A WARM BLANKIE WHEN I DEMONSTRATE TRUST IN SOMEONE WHO IS REALLY IN CHARGE.I DO MY PART AFTER GETTING ON MY KNEES AND ASKING FOR THE "WISDOM."DIDN'T REALIZE THIS WAS SO FITTING FOR
Member: KERRY F.
Location: DELAWARE @FL 6/26
Date: 13 Jun 1999
Time: 23:34:47
Flanny the drunk here. I must be doing something differant. I lost the temper I once had and the rage that went with it.I can honestly say that after praying the serenity prayer some hundreds of times, I now have serenity unspeakable. You guys promised a new happiness and freedom and I have that now, Thanks AA and God of my own understanding.
Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 00:02:22
J here, a grateful alcoholic.
Not that I am any expert on alcoholism (a "specialist" for a long time, maybe) but I have a suggestion. It may make you mad at me, but I am not looking it up -- you look it up, if the shoe fits.
It's simple: don't put yourself down. That's alcohol's function.
Not that I am any example of doing as I say, it looks like a shortcut to regaining important things lost, like other people's sympathy.
Not to belabor this so if the shoe fits it will flash into your mind as true; and if not you may mutter unflattering things about me but how should I know if you do?
But think about it -- in AA we do not put anybody down, even if they drink; plus we ourselves are in AA if we so choose to be; ergo (how you like that erudite word?), we may admit mistakes, which is different; but when we put ourslves down, how can that be AA?
dixyflier@adelphia.net
Member: Paula D.
Location: Can.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 00:14:21
I've been sober for almost 3 years, and until tonight I did not know that I had a problem with rage. Or maybe what I mean is that I did not know that this had anything to do with alcoholism. And does it? Who knows, sometimes I just get so tired of this whole damm thing of being an alcoholic/addict. I think it just some days overwelms me into great depression, and that's when I take it out on others. Or the days I become so self rightous...those ones really suck, cause you know what crap you are gona have come up real soon. I really hope I'm making sense here. I do know it will get better, maybe even as soon as tomorrow. Thank anyone so much for listening, really...thank you!
Member: Duane M.
Location: CENTRAL N.Y.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 00:18:29
Good morning family,my name is Duane and I am a real alcoholic.I am one who goes from total serenity to a complete rage as soon as I don't get my selfish way.I am raising three children without much help from their mothers.It's only by the grace of God and this program they live with me.But sometimes I get so full of resentment when I want to do something and my plans are thrown a curve ball and I have my chidren another weekend.That's when I have to slow down and remember these are the years that go by so quickly and they only grow up once.If it wasn't for my family in the rooms I definatly would be surrounded by four rubber walls.To calm myself I have to remember whenever agitated or doubtful,ask for the right thought or action saying thy will not mine be done.If and when I can slow down enough to at least say that my bloodpressure lowers and I am less apt to say things I regret later.It says in the promises "sometimes quickly sometimes slowly"and this is one area that is sometimes slooowly.Good thing for progress not perfection.Thank you for letting me share.
Member: Sue G.
Location: Colorado
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 00:57:39
Thank you for sharing. I didn't know alcohol and rage were connected; I used alcohol to feel numb, so I could escape from feelings of rage and self=loathing. I want the rage to go away; does it get better with time?
Member: DON C.
Location: BIRMINGHAM AL.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 00:58:35
I'M DON AN ALCOHOLIC I EXPERIENCED ANGER NOT QUITE RAGE TODAY. A GUY I'VE BEEN WORKING WITH CALLED THIS MORNING. HE'D BEEN DRINKING FOR THE LAST 2 WEEKS AFTER ABOUT 6 MONTHS OF SOBRIETY. I MET HIM AT A MEETING, WE TALKED AFTERWARDS,WENT TO ANOTHER MEETING, CHECKED ON A PLACE FOR HIM TO STAY (HE'S HOMELESS) THEN WENT TO SEE A MOVIE UNTIL THE BED WAS AVAILABLE. DURING THE MOVIE HE LEFT TO USE THE RESTROOM.LATER I FOUND OUT THAT HE'D LEFT THE THEATER AND HAD A DRINK AT A NEARBY EATERY.MY ANGER WAS FIRST AT HIM THEN AT THE DISEASE.HAD I NOT DONE THE SAME THINGS TO OTHERS WHO HAD TRIED TO HELP ME? WAS I TRYING TO PLAY GOD WITH THIS MAN'S RECOVERY? I COULDN'T GET ME SOBER.UNDERNEATH MY ANGER IS SADDNESS, UNDERNEATH MY SADDNESS IS POWERLESSNESS. THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE. THANK GOD FOR AA AND FOR GRANTING ME ANOTHER DAY OF SOBRIETY ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO GROW.
Member: Don F.
Location: NH
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 01:01:26
If you missed Joe Allison, Sunday afternoon, go find his memo and read it. Twice. Thanks for your EXPERIENCE, strength, and hope. Check his sobriety numbers, but if you ask him, he'll tell you he's just like me, still one drink away from his next drunk.
Newcomer Chris (13:xx Sunday) keep coming, it takes time. God invented time so everything wouldn't happen at once...it gets better. Be patient. We came, we came to, we came to believe. We can't believe we got liquor licked. The monkey that was on my back didn't die, he's in the corner doing pushups, ready to jump back on when I get complacent, and try to have one drink again.
Member: Don F.
Location: NH
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 01:01:38
If you missed Joe Allison, Sunday afternoon, go find his memo and read it. Twice. Thanks for your EXPERIENCE, strength, and hope. Check his sobriety numbers, but if you ask him, he'll tell you he's just like me, still one drink away from his next drunk.
Newcomer Chris (13:xx Sunday) keep coming, it takes time. God invented time so everything wouldn't happen at once...it gets better. Be patient. We came, we came to, we came to believe. We can't believe we got liquor licked. The monkey that was on my back didn't die, he's in the corner doing pushups, ready to jump back on when I get complacent, and try to have one drink again.
Member: Debbie A
Location: Pasadena, CA
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 02:14:48
I'm so very proud to be a member of this program because it has saved a poor alcoholic, like myself, from the gates of hell or insanity. For this I owe my life and that is why I am letting you all know - IT WORKS, IF YOU WORK IT!!!!! - God is a Blessing and SO-R-U!!!!!!
Member: Rachael M.
Location: St. Pete, FL
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 09:24:57
Rachael, Alcoholic. This is a good topic for me because I have been getting angry with everyone lately. I've been told that it's because I quit smoking 3 mths ago but I'm starting to think that I need to do another fourth step. I mean I get angry with people for the stupidest things and I am mostly imagining what I think they said or did to offend me. When I discuss my angers with my sponsor, they sound so rediculous and petty coming out of my mouth that I have to laugh at it. Somehow talking to someone about what is pi--ing me off seems to take away some of the power that I give it. Thanks to DON F. because I did miss JOE A.'s message but thanks to you I went back and found it and it was great. JOE A. thank you so much for sharing your awesome strength and hope. For a 3 yr. old like me, 28 yrs. seems almost unreal but I try to surround myself with people that have over 15 yrs. of sobriety. I seem to get the best results that way (for me). Again, thank you so much for sharing. You are a great example.
Member: BRIAN H
Location: RAPID CITY S. D.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 11:39:33
HI I'M BRIAN, ALCOHLOIC,emotoinal soberity,good topic and one where there is plenty of room for growth for this guy, i've going thru some very tough times recently over a friendship that lost with a young lady that i knew and we also had a physcal arrangment between us and she was a practicing drunk and addict,not very smart on my part i know,because she does not seek soberity but the other and the amout of insanity that developing in both our lives, we parted from eachother i think that she had a easier time letting go being drunk than did i being sober, although i been sober for quite awhile and practicing a spiritual program on a regular basis, my self centerness came back on me with full force thru my own choices(our problems are of our own making) i haven't felt need too take a drink over this and because of this way of life it does not have the power to make me drink TODAY but a good chunk of my peace of mind is gone and i am working faithfully to regain it,i do have hope that it will return in gods time provided i work my program and stay sober. being the center of the universe is no picnic for me today but i'm reclaiming my place as a child of god and the peace of mind and freedom that comes with it,thanks for letting me share my very human problems for it lightens the burden,god bless you all. MATHEM@WEBTV. NET.
Member: John L.
Location: Western NY
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 12:44:20
Hi my name is John and I am an alcoholic. I found this site about 6 months ago when I wanted to get sober, since then I have been drinking just enough to make my body happy, but not enough to cause people to be concerned. I am a closet drinker, I drink alone, I am also a pleasure freak...I need to feel good all the time. I smoke cigarettes, eat greasy food, and use sex to feel good. Lately I feel physically drained.
I especially want to ask if anyone who reads this who drinks heavily ever experiences upper leg pain, or an irritable aching in their butt area after sitting for some time...also any guys who drink alot like me experience an irritation in the skin of the scrotum....I need to know if it's from drinking...plus what are some good vitamins to take to rejuvinate my ravished body?
Member: Margaret G
Location: California
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 13:06:25
I am new to this site and thank God for leading me to it. I now see the connection between my rage and Alcohol. The latter certainly fuels the former.
Member: Betty
Location: Sanford
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 13:20:39
mean Spirited??? Well, we've probably all been there at one time or another.....The nerve settling 'cold one' will do it to you everytime. I feel horrible to think of some of the things I've said and done to people. I really thought I was something. I developed that 'I'll just show them' and then they'll know I mean business. Why do you suppose we do things like that?? The pain and anquish I have probably caused many family members and even some friends, that I still have. Did notice one thing, when I quit drinking, I didn't have near the friends I thought I had. You know how that Country Western song goes........I sobered up and I got to thinking, you ain't much fun since I quit drinking!!!!....Boy can I relate. I can honestly say I'm not as near as hot headed, mean spirited, or self centered. God had a way of humbling me ....and I thank Him for it. Without God, my family and few friends, I'm sure I never would have made it this far. Thanks guys for being there.....Just saying this relieves tension. Love you all. Betty
Member: Robert B.
Location: Boise Idaho
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 13:25:18
Hi. My name is Robert and I am an alcoholic.
Rage and anger are so commonplace among alcoholics that a large portion of the moral inventory is devoted to resentments that are forged in anger. The mean-spirited drunk in me is held in check because of work I have done in the twelve steps. It rears its ugly head when I am not applying the principles of this program in my life.
Anger is a reaction to fear.... fear that I won't get what I want, that I will feel pain, or that my needs will not be met. When I am living in the faith that a Power greater than my own will do for me what I cannot do for myself, the fear is removed, the anger does not form.
It is simple. It may not be easy. It works.
Peace Robert
Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 14:09:54
Larry, alcoholic. Please pardon the second post; I can't resist a little cross-talk here.
JOHN L: Spoken like a true active alcoholic! Drinking causes you to experience upper leg pain, irritable aching in the butt area, and an irritation in the skin of the scrotum. So in order to relieve these aches and pains, your solution is to quit drinking, right? Wrong! Vitamins are obviously the answer! - LOL.
I'm not making fun of you John. We all were victims of that type of insane thinking when we were drinking. Strongly suggest you go to AA.
BTW, those sound like symptoms of sciatica, but suggest you get a second opinion from a real doctor. 8>)
Peace & Serenity
Member: Mark Q
Location: TF Idaho
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 14:37:05
Mark,alcoholic
Its true I have been angry. I was told anger was a secondary emotion, and was ask what lie under my anger. I told them RAGE. The question I ask myself now, is it ( RAGE, ANGER ) worth it.
Thanks for sharing
Member: Tom A.
Location: Carlisle, AR
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 14:56:09
Good Afternoon to everyone on Staying Cyber's Discussion Meeting!
My name is Tom A. and my sobriety date is July 25, 1960 and I entered AA in Norfolk, VA. Thanks for the topic dj and is the Ocean View Group still going strong? It has stimulated many comments that have focused upon rage and anger which certainly fit in to your suggested topic of "tameing still the mean spirited alke." I really didn't understand what you were asking us to discuss, but I was reminded of a tool that those early Norfolkd AA folk told me to use when I had trouble understanding words, they called it the dictionary, so for what it's worth here's what I believe you are asking us to discuss. Tameing - Change from a wild savage state. Still - Remaining in place. Mean - Suggests pettiness and small mindedness. Spirited- Having a spirit, or having spirits as specified. Alke - A person suffering from alcoholism.
I certainly can see myself in these definitions, but thank God I can also see some improvement in my daily living. As we are told it is honesty that gets us sober and tolerance that keeps us sober and I thank you dj for reminding me of that truth.
Enjoy Your Sobriety Today!
God Bless - Tom A. ate@gte.net
Member: Kathryn
Location:
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 15:50:07
I am finding myself becoming a more and more obnoxious drunk. So much so that, combined with my memory loss and known lack of control to contain it to one, I am making my first attempt at a "serious one day at a time". I've tried before, with the usual 2-3 day lag then the perceived control. I seem to be getting more and more angry when I drink - mostly using others to bandaid my anger at myself for my lack of control.
Wish me luck. I need it - I really need to be successful at this.
Kathryn
Member: Kristi C
Location: Phoenix
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 16:32:07
Kathryn:
I have nothing more to say to you than you are exactly where God need's you to be RIGHT NOW. Keep on thinking "one day at a time" and perhaps get a sponsor as soon as possible. The alcoholic's best medicine is another alcoholic. Remember God IS with us all. Even a wretch like me.
Member: Paula N.
Location:
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 17:38:01
`Hi- This is Paula N.I just found you guys yesterday.I'm new at this computer thing. I've been in the program since 1977.sometimes I get too complacent.I've been reading about anger-I had agreat deal of anger in the begining-but this program has given me a serenity I treasure and I do'nt want to lose it.My husband is also in the program. between us we have 8 kids-[grown]13 Grandkids and 5 greats!!If it wer'nt for A.A. we would never have this beautiful family. I count my blessings.Keep up the good advice!!I will be staying in touch with my new family. hugs.Paula.
Member: King Baby
Location: Planet Claire
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 17:40:41
King Baby, Alcoholic
I'm not mean spirited anymore, I love everyone, even the angry clowns at the meetings.
Member: "Yawn" R.
Location: Auburn, CA
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 19:22:28
My name is "Yawn" and I'm an alcoholic/addict. Up until this past weekend, I too like 'King Baby' above thought I had licked anger and rage until a certain trust was broken with someone very close to me recently. Boy, it was just like my dry drunk days - rage-aholic big time!!! Thank God for my Higher Power, the Twelve Steps, my sponsor, and all the members of AA (including the silent non-mean spirited "angry clowns" who are still in denial).
Thank you all for letting me share.
Member: JAYNE
Location:
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 21:31:51
HI! I'M JAYNE FROM KENTUCKY. I HATE TO SAY THIS I WENT OUT HATED IT. SOBER IS SO MUCH BETTER. JUST WANTED YOYALL TO KNOW IT SUXCCKS GOING BAXC OUT THERE. DON\T KNOW WYY I DID IT.. PLEASED FORFIVE DEART GOD. I NEED YOU HELP! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME!JAYNEJ
Member: JCP
Location: W.Pa.
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 23:00:04
"The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution. We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree, and upon which we can join in brotherly and harmonious action. This is the great news this book carries to those who suffer from alcoholism." == Page 17
* * *
J here, a grateful alcoholic:
Jayne and any others, you are back now. It is behind you. Find a meeting -- they'll be ordinary people like you or me, so try not to sell them short. Or yourself, either.
One day. You can do that with your eyes open! Keep coming back.
Member: Rose R.
Location: FL
Date: 14 Jun 1999
Time: 23:47:02
s Hi my name in Rose, I'm an alcoholic. In response to Jayne: get to a meeting asoon as possible. Slips can actually benefit us if we learn from our mistakes. I am seven years sober now but the first year and a half I was in AA I had many slips. Many bad things happened. Alcohol was my great convincer it kicked my butt so bad I finally gave up. We surrender to win. The last time I picked up a white chip I was convinced this program would not work for me, but I had no where else to go. I am sober today by the Grace of God and my own efforts. You have to participate in your own recovery. It is always darkest before the dawn.Good luck to you.
Member: rob w.
Location: akron,oh
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 00:17:37
i have been very fortunate that since June 1,84 i have not picked up a drink but I know many of us do and many do not make it back. They are our examples. i welcome them back. we can never which time is the last time. So Jayne, wherever you are,welcome back!!!
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 00:26:40
Hi all ya'LL I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I still get angry but it seldom reaches the "rage" stage any more. Once I got into AA and truely into the steps for some reason the rage sort of went away. it took me a long time to work through it and I amde lots of meetings but today I seldom get really angry anymore and i feel this is the work of God in my life today. I honestly surrendered to God of my understanding in the 3rd step and bewcame willing to let Him change me, so I wnt on with the remainder of the steps and in this process the anger was replaced with "positives" and I had a desire to help my fellow man to get and stay sober. Today my favorite step is the 11th because this is where I am best able to communicate with my God and when I stay in His will I am vewry peaceful and happy.------Jayne I don't mean this to sound hard but i know why you went out and drank again, the same reason I did for a long long time. it was because I want ed to drink more thanb I wanted to stay sober. Today i know that the only freason I would ever go back and drink is because I want to. I am very fortunate in that it has been a long time since I wanted to drink butr I also know that I am only one drink away from a drunk. The hardest thing I ever did was to stop drinking but it wasn't too hard or I never would have been able to make it. If I don't drink before Sept, it will be 24 years since I have had a drink. I like it much better this way. Remember God loves you and so do I and there is nothing you can do about it. sanders@wfeca.net ICQ# 14412521
Member: Sanders W.
Location: Graceville, Fl.
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 00:35:41
Hi all ya'LL I am very definately a real alcoholic and my name is Sanders. I still get angry but it seldom reaches the "rage" stage any more. Once I got into AA and truely into the steps for some reason the rage sort of went away. it took me a long time to work through it and I amde lots of meetings but today I seldom get really angry anymore and i feel this is the work of God in my life today. I honestly surrendered to God of my understanding in the 3rd step and bewcame willing to let Him change me, so I wnt on with the remainder of the steps and in this process the anger was replaced with "positives" and I had a desire to help my fellow man to get and stay sober. Today my favorite step is the 11th because this is where I am best able to communicate with my God and when I stay in His will I am vewry peaceful and happy.------Jayne I don't mean this to sound hard but i know why you went out and drank again, the same reason I did for a long long time. it was because I want ed to drink more thanb I wanted to stay sober. Today i know that the only freason I would ever go back and drink is because I want to. I am very fortunate in that it has been a long time since I wanted to drink butr I also know that I am only one drink away from a drunk. The hardest thing I ever did was to stop drinking but it wasn't too hard or I never would have been able to make it. If I don't drink before Sept, it will be 24 years since I have had a drink. I like it much better this way. Remember God loves you and so do I and there is nothing you can do about it. sanders@wfeca.net ICQ# 14412521
Member: Trish S
Location: Lexington KY
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 02:04:29
Hi, I've been in and out of recovery for 15 years now and I've been on a two year "out" period.
Over the past two weeks, I've thrown temper tantrums at work, called a guy an off colored swear word and a jerk. I was almost fired from my job of 3 years.
Kinda had my safe little cocoon of denial busted. I didn't know that I had so much rage, resentment, meanness and selfishness in me. Just now realizing the depth of my disease and actually have an honest desire to get clean, sober and reovery for the first time in a long time. Now, I'm just praying for it to last!
It is still inconceivable to me that I can actually be happy without alcohol. I'm at that turning point where I cannot imagine life with or without alcohol. Mean is an understatement...but glad to know I'm not the only one!
Member: liz
Location: los angeles
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 02:30:16
I,too,am a real alcoholic, as defined by the Big Book ( pg. 21 I think) and my name is Liz. I am so grateful to A.A & God for my recovery.. I don't think rage necessarily & meanspirited are the same... though I believe they are both a manifestation of fear... I have had the misfortune of acting out on both fronts... for me they were both equally dangereous...anything that separates me from you is pointing me in the direction of the local dealer (bar)... I think in the beginning for me, I confused my grieving with rage... you guys told me the good news was I was going to be able to feel....and I do you said the bad news was that I would feel everything and I did & do... It's better the promise do come tru... thank you for letting me share.. love and peace
Member: Philo
Location: Edmonton, AB
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 02:52:12
This is my first time sharing at this discussion meeting...I didn't want to, so thought that maybe I should. It makes me feel like a newcomer, thank God!
Rage? That's a new one for me; In my fifteen+ months, I've never heard it as an AA meeting topic. What comes to mind, is Rage is a Cage. In my last year of drinking, I would lash out (verbally) at people - sometimes, to an absolutely insane degree. I was powerless, trapped.
After admitting my powerlessness over booze something started to change. The something was me.
I believe that progress is always possible. Members above mentioned Step Four and Faith; thanks THANKS thanks! Until then...
Member: Robert B
Location: Canada
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 04:39:48
after a year and a half of staying sober ,going to meetings and trying to live the program,here I am drinking every day agin.What happened? I took a magor resentment to a lady I meant in ohr group.Ive been sitting here listening to that old POISON song"every rose has its thorn" and dumping the booze into me.Im getting physicaly sicker every day and I know I gotta get back but for right now Im finding a lot of comfort in white wine and yes ,I think Im enjoying being sad .Rage is a wonderfull thing right?
Member: Camo
Location: deep South
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 08:20:18
Everyone gets angry. It is how we ACT on that anger that can kill us. If we talk to others and acknowledge that feeling, then do what we need to do to take care of ourselves, we can learn and grow from it. If we choose to nurture that anger into a full-blown resentment and wind up deciding it is worth drinking over, we do the opposite of growing.
I need to be reminded of this fifty or sixty times a day.
The reading at my home group the other night was about pearls. Oysters get a grain of sand under their shell and it is excrutiatingly uncomfortable. The oysters are not able to make the sand go away. So their bodies secrete a goo that covers up the grain of sand. That is how a pearl is formed. We have the tools in this program to grow something better in ourselves when life on life's terms puts something uncomfortable under our skin. Usually I would like to just make it go away. That does not happen much. If I would remember the things suggested in this program more often when something gets under my hide, I would grow more and fume less. I hope I will keep making progress in this direction. I am far, far from perfect. But I see in what others share about how they got through a lot of things without taking a drink over them that it works if we work it.
By the way, I don't think the oyster sees the pearl as something valuable. He just knows it works to make the irritation quit festering. Someone else comes along and sees the results as something they want to have.
I pray that I will not decide to wallow in the sandbox today--have a sober and happy 24, y'all!
Member: John L.
Location: WNY
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 09:56:31
Thanks for the RESPONSE lARRY. Rage is the anger in all of us addicts because we can't moderate our use of alcohol like non-addicts. Alcohol releases endorphines which cause the drinker to feel euphoric. This will be the hardest part for me.....to lose that euphoric friend called alcohol. Last night was my first night without going to sleep from a beer buzz in about 6 months. I have drank every night for six months...damn I never thought I'd become that way. It scares me to think how physically dependant my body has become to alcohol. The only way I'm going to make it through the end of June without a drink (which is my first goal) is to indulge in other things. I pick eating lots of food (since I'm thin anyways) and smoking cigarettes. It may sound like replacing one bad wih another but I won't be able to just deplete my body of all pleasure. If I can't make it until July first without taking a drink I'm going to start going to AA.
Member: Paula N.
Location: Lords Valley,P.A.
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 11:30:41
Hi this is Paula I want to say Jayne welcome.Please keep trying. I love you and will pray for you.Get to a meeting!!!As for Robert from Canada I will also pray for you.I thank God every day for my sobriety. Without Him and the program I would"nt be alive today.Hugs to all!
Member: JohnV
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 12:31:30
i'm analcolic, nameis john, gratefull to God and AA for my sobriety today,
Member: JohnV
Location: Ontario, Canada
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 12:31:48
i'm analcolic, nameis john, gratefull to God and AA for my sobriety today,
Member: Stev Y
Location: Bloomsburg PA
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 13:21:01
Hi I'm an alcoholic, My name is Steve more commonly known as Stev in the chat rooms of aa. I have found by living one moment at at time enjoying each one , before it is gone,,,my life got better. And as I practice this principal I get a little better every day. I trust God to lead me where I should be at all times, if there is a lesson I need to learn my higher power leads me to the place I need to learn it. My part is to learn from it. Making a choice not to drink for only 24 hours saved my life,, now I can astonish myself by doing what I am capable of...Thank You Annie.....and thank all my friends in aa for without you I would have died..
Steve Y. Bloomsburg PA PS ......Hi WC
Member: Chris C.
Location: Ottumwa, Iowa
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 13:31:56
Thanks Steve for sharing. Hi everbody, my name is Chris and I'm an alcoholic.
Why can't I have what I want when I want it? Why can't I do whatever I want? It's my life! If I don't look out for #1, who will?
That was how I ran my life. Self-centered in the extreme. Natural desires run rampart. All neatly justified by "It's my life." Wow! did that life suck.
In step 3 I gave over control of my life and in steps 6&7 I gave over control of me. I gave up a life of fear, despair and loneliness for one of love, peace and hope. The cost was considerable (eveything I had and was). Looking back, it was also insignificant.
Thanks for reading. I'll pass.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 13:42:23
Hello Family. My name is Bill(aka AZbill) and I am an alcoholid. I been sober ever since I knowed how.This is my first visit here, and I already feel at home. I see some familiar faces from other chat rooms. Nice Topic JD. We may have met. I do Norfolk/VaBeach about one a year. Go to meetings on Hamony and VaBeach Blvd just below Rosemont. On anger.. I do not rage anymore, But I do get angry. And one or the things I do when I encounter a negative emotion is to write about the opposite emotion. In the case of anger, one of the early drills I do is write abouy joy. I usually find out I have more joy in life thah I do anger. I then go back to the anger and look at it from a different angle. If it is serious enough then a fourth step may be in order. If is is petty ( and most of my angers are) usually laught at myself and press on. Hopefully I don't let it grow inot a resentment. That causes me too darn much work. A 4th,5th,6th and 7th, and an 8th and 9th. To prevent all that hassle I just talke care of it quickly. I realize it when I review my day. Take care of it as soon as I can. Thank you very much. I love you..az-bill@primenet.com
Member: Joshua
Location: South Louisiana
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 14:24:29
I broke more hearts with what I said than with how much I drank. Rage was not uncommon for me, I never needed a reason to lash out, it was part of my nature as an alcoholic. Even today after all the years in being in AA I still tend to lash out in rage from time to time. It to me is God's reminder that I have not conquered this disease. The rage I see today is one of my old self, the alcoholic, just letting me know he is still there inside of me, I have to be just as aggressive with my recovery as my alcoholism is progressive in me. It never stops and neither can I let my recovery, when I do the alcoholism wins. Today my inner child or true self is present in what I say and do. The child or peson that shut himself off from the world at an early age. The person I always wantd to be. I do practice AA principles in all my affairs today. I have found the peace and love and serenity that the promises tell us. It takes time folks, it won't be conquered in one day, week, or month. Life is a learning process as is AA. AA teaches us a new way of living, without pain, fear, resentment or rage. But our alcoholism is always present and ever waiting for it's chance to take over. Never lose faith, don't pick up!! Take care and God bless!! :o)
Member: John L.
Location: Western NY
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 14:25:12
I'm a poor college student who works part time at office max and earns about $150 a week. I still live at home, and my only expenses are my 1996 dodge neon, my girlfriend, and my alcohol habit. I have lots of rage, I'm angry for the situations that took place that helped me on my way of becoming alcohol dependant, I hate the people who were my drinking buddies who have since vanished after they knew that I wasn't going to commit my life to partying with booze and marijuana, and I hate that the very substances (booze, pot) that gave me such happiness(temporary as they may be) are beginning to destroy me. I am 23, and getting high on drink and pot became my center since I was about 19.
And guess what? Nobody wants to be around an alcoholic even one that is recovering...only alcoholics hang with alcoholics....and I would assume that only recovering al's hang with recovering al's.
I have a question for all you addicts here.
Q: What would be your ideal environment to get sober in? this includes climate, involvement within a community, what people would you want to have around.
Looking at all the comments by the different people in here has really scared me...I mean I thought getting sober was something that took about a year or two...yet there are people who have been in AA since the 70's and are still in it....why? After awhile don't you people want to move away from AA?
Is it harder to not do something (drink) than to do something (work a double-shift) ?
That's all I have to do to save myself...not drink...but guess what even if I can convince myself that I shouldn't drink because I am an addict there will be instances in my life where someone will pressure me one way or another to drink again.
Give me a tropical desert island with pineapples some form of entertainment, my girlfriend and absolutely no alcohol or any way to get it and I would be happy...I can't handle the pressure! I am sick of competition in the form of job placement. I am sick of money greedy people, and I am sick of using alcohol to feed my inadequacies, and to now feed my stupid shitty addiction. RAGE!! I am so pissed at myself, at what I've become.
Even in getting help like AA, it will be a burden on my family, my girlfriend, and future friends (I hope to have). I will have to avoid social gatherings where I know alcohol will be served because I'll feel like "Now John everyone else can have a beer but you can have this fucking apple juice, and make sure John drinks it now or he'll wait for it to ferment into alcohol"
As you can see I am at a loss, but right now as I type...I am sober not happy, but sober and I guess that is important.
Sorry for taking up so much space.
Member: Larry M.
Location: Virginia Beach
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 14:36:32
JOHN L: Your laboring under some misconceptions. I don't want to take this room off topic so, if you wish, please e-mail me at lem15@hotmail.com
Member: michelle s
Location: canada
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 15:20:02
hi my names michelle. Ive been sober for a whole 5 days now. You talk about rage, and im not mad at the world, im mad at myself for letting me get into such a mess. All I know for sure is that ive got to regain some sort of control over my life. Reading your comments here has given me the strength to pick up that phone and call. thank-you
Member: andrew j
Location: Kansas
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 15:38:14
howdy all. I'm Andy and I'm an alcoholic...as well as a spoiled brat. when I first got into recovery, rage was the only way I knew to express anger. I'm a people pleaser when left to my own devices and my first reaction to any "negative" emotion is to stuff them. unfortunately one can only stuff so much crap into a container before it ruptures and spews stuff everywhere. anyway, as with the rest of my life, this too has improved through working the steps. as well as, other tools that the program has given me. when I first got here, I had to take a long hard look at my disease. I eventually came to the conclusion that "drinking" Is not my disease, only a symptom. the core of my disease resides between my ears. which indicates the my thinking is not healthy. so an inventory was in order (4th step). once my sponsor and I identified what was really goin on with me,I was able to look at my expectations... yes i am a spoiled brat. the chapter in the big book " doctor alcoholic addict" has a lot of powerful information on expectations. since I've been in recovery, I've noticed a recurring the that has proven invaluable to me and that is surrender. the more I try to control my world the more I get angry and frustrated. If I am truly powerless, I can't control it anyway. thats my H.P.'s job. but this doesn't mean I can just sit back and watch while god does all the work. I have to be an activity participant in my own life as well as my recovery. god only promises to give me what I need...not what I want. I have to remember that he is "my" HP, not the other way around. thanx for listening. keep coming back.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, AZ.
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 15:42:31
Sorry for the double dip. To: John L. I have many "normy" friends. Write az-bill@primenet.com..Please be sure the hyphon is in there or I will not get it. Pass
Member: Sherri R.
Location: IN
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 16:08:23
Hello, My name is Sherri. I am really having a hard time with alcohol. I never wanted to admit to having a problem, but after reading what Kathryn wrote, I know I do, because she could have written that for me. Thank you Kathryn. I too am mean-spirited when I drink. I am mean to the nicest people, the people that care about me the most. I am so depressed and unhappy, but I try to hold it in...That is until alcohol sets my demons free. I always feel guilty later, but I know you can only say I am sorry so many times and then it loses its meaning. I am not mad at anyone but myself. Some days I just truly hate myself and dread getting out of bed. Some days I feel like I want to be that guy from "Leaving Las Vegas" and keep drinking until my body shuts down. Other days I never want to see another beer the rest of my life. That is today. Today I hate alcohol and everything it has ruined in my life. But also, I must remember.....I am the one that opens the bottle so alcohol isn't really to blame.....I am, which lead me back to hating myself and my shortcomings.....Well, anyways thanks for listening..and Joel H. you are right.......LIFE IS HARD!!!
Member: Cher449
Location: Sanford, Maine
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 16:13:10
I was sent this url from a friend on ICQ. This is my first experience here and I already recognize a few names. I was never a real rageful alkie but I have been known to set off a few home made bombs in my day. I took off heads over the telephone as well. I am happy to say that YES it does get better with time and step-work and patience and trust in a Higher Power. Today I dont get so upset over little things and the big things always have a better way ofgetting fixed. I love AA and all the gifts I have been given just for doing "the next right thing" and showing up in life. Pass thanks....Cherie
Member: Cher449
Location: Maine
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 16:23:49
To LMichelle s from Canada....good for you...make the necessary calls and your whole life can be better. Welcome aboard!!!
Member: Margaret G
Location: California
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 16:33:06
Kathryn,I can identify with your message of 6/14. I too have been in denial and this is day 2 of recognizing that Alcohol renders me powerless. one day at a time is what I am aiming for.
Member: Frank M
Location: Cambria, ca.
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 17:02:58
I'm Frank and a grateful alcoholic. I have been sober 23 years May 10, 1976 is when I walked through the doors of AA. I get angry--I get resentments especially when I get Complacent (don't attend AA meetings)--then stinking thinking sets in don't like anyone--anyplace--anything--then a Spiritual blackout takes place--communication with H/P non-existant----Now if you put that in a pot and stir it up-----well, You know what comes next! Nothing I say is original---I do know that alcohol is just the tip of the iceberg! Don't take the first drink---Go to meetings---read the Big book----talk to your higher power (Yell at your H/P if you like, I prefer to say to my H/P which I choose to call God---You can call yours anything that pleases you--God____I can't, You can and I think I'll let you--this gives me Serenity Frankie and the vandals LOL
Member: Deb H.
Location: Nebraska
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 20:19:50
Hello all, my name is Deb and I'm alcoholic. Excellent topic, I know angry and rage well for I spent a lot of wasted time and energy with them both. Hurt myself and hurt others. Big Book tells me, I can't afford resentments. I believe that. So I keep it simple, cleaned and continue to keep my door step clean. When I start to feel ugly, I look to see if I'm lonely, tired, or hungry. If none of these things apply, I try to remember the spiritual axiom and as always comes back to me and how I feel about me. Grateful to be sober and clean another day and grateful to the program that saved my life and continues to teach me how to live one day at a time.
Member: Bill H (Not W)
Location: Winnemucca, NV
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 20:32:52
Rage? thank God, not any more. I had it, though -- for a long time -- almost from my earlies memories (or was that fear?). Whatever, What I did was stuff it or, when I got older, buried it with alcohol and other "goodies." Those solutions were woefully inadequate, but it was the only way I knew how to deal with the feelings. I seem to be one of those who was born with a broken "coper."
Today, it's different. I have been granted many things by Alcoholics Anonymous (and the Alcoholoics who really ARE the program) -- too many things to list here. Among the most important, however, in terms of living life on life's terms has been the freedom I have been granted. I am free to not believe everything my head tells me. I am free to know that what other people think of me is generally none of my business. I am free to know that so long as I don't lie, cheat, steal or do other things that either hurt others or make me not like me, I manage to stay reasonably happy most of the time. And that, my friends, is all I really feel I have the right to expect. I love this program. It did not save my life, but it DID show me how to live my life after I had destroyed it -- and to do so in such a way as to be "Happy, Joyous and Free!" With regard to the topic, in sobriety, rage, like misery, is optional. It's true -- it really is.
Member: Rick E
Location: Nebraska
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 21:39:34
Rage and anger are other words for fear.Fear is the most crippling emotion known to man and woman. I've been sober for four years and fear is still something I deal with awkwardly. Time will tell, fear will not make me drink
Member: Joe E.
Location: Michigan
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 22:54:07
Raging alcoholics? I'm Joe and I AM an alcoholic. I've seen a lot of rage in my life lately. Raging anger, Raging emotions, Raging self-pity, Raging fears, Raging thinking, etc. Without AA, all I seem to do is rage from one extreme to the other. AA keeps me grounded in today. I was away from the program for almost a year, and everyday rage kept getting a little more extreme. A week ago, I asked my HP for help and went back to meetings. I got home from a meeting tonight. I'm back where I belong. I feel the Rage leaving me, because I've turned my life over to God. Once again, I've admitted that God is not spelled Joe. Right now I'm very grateful for all I have been given. I'm glad your hear, and thanks for letting me share.
Member: sq ft
Location: MD
Date: 15 Jun 1999
Time: 23:57:45
Sober since June 6,1974... 25 years, and a few days = One Day At A Time! = 9,142 days... still, I do lose my temper.... Rage? no, angry, yes.... it is a short lived moment in my life when 'things' don't go "my way". I don't have all the answers.... IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE... AND ARE WILLING TO GO TO ANY LENGTHS TO GET IT, Then you are ready to take certain steps, You can work the 12 steps. You can do what you want..... I know for me and for several million people in the last 64 years.... Best wishes to John L., and Kathryn, and the rest..... Peace.....
Member: Jim K
Location: Michigan
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 00:29:40
Great topic. I pass...
Member: Jim K
Location: Michigan
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 00:30:10
Great topic. I pass...
Member: FREDDY H.
Location: BEAUMONT, TX.
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 00:38:57
wHAT A TOPIC. I WILL NOT WASTE A LOT OF TIME HOWEVER I CAN TELL EVERYONE THAT IN THE YEARS OF BEING SOBER IT HAS BEEN HARD NOT TO LASH OUT. THE ONLY CONTROLL I HAVE OVER RAGE IS THAT THE GOD OF MY UNDERSTANDING HAS HELPED ME IN THIS AREA BECAUSE I ASK HEM TO DO SO...IT IS NOT HIS WILL FOR US TO TAKE OUR ANGER OUT ON OUR FELLOW MAN. THE BOOK OF JAMES HAS HELPED ME A LOT......LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!
Member: Adam B.
Location: Jackson, MS
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 01:01:59
My name is Adam, and I am an alcoholic. I would have been sober 4 years June 3rd but I went back out there. I quit drinking today and thank God! I am still alive to tell about it. I was commited to a mental hospital for 5 weeks for depression and when I got out, I went NUTS! I drank and gambled for a month. I am also going through a painfull divorce which the hardest part of that is my 2 little girls. I am living with mom right now for the time. I had a lot of severe mental problems occur rather faster than the last time I went out before I stayed off the JUICE for almost 4 years. I went to a AA meeting last night and the topic was on HOPE. That I had not really had at all and I really do not understand even in my long in and out career of AA why I am so full of defects. I went to work for a computer store and they stocked booze in the fridge. That is when I started drinking again. I did my job well, but the company ended up not even paying me due to other situations. I went to the gambling boats today and thank GOD won 7Grand on the slot machines. That money will go towards paying off bad checks and the other consequences of my actions. I really do not want to go through this worse than HELL condition anymore and I want to meet and exchange email with AA members from all around the world. Please email me at pcman@netdoor.com anytime! If I am not at a meeting or looking for a job, I will be posting messages in these online meetings. AA has done so much for me that I feel I have not done much for AA. Thanks for reading this post and keep in touch! Adam
Member: Rick Z.
Location: Palm Springs
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 02:42:43
0 Little Addicts:
10 recovering addicts, all in a line one got to thinking...... Then there were nine.
9 recovering addicts, one said, "Wait! One joint can't hurt!" Then there were eight.
8 recovering addicts, looking' up to heaven. One cut out meetings..... Then there were seven.
7 recovering addicts, doing service for kicks. One started grumbling...... Then there were six.
6 recovering addicts, glad to be alive. 'Til one drank a beer..... Then there were five.
5 recovering addicts, greeters at the door. One played the Big Shot...... Then there were four.
4 recovering addicts, for fun and for free. One's case was "different"..... Then there were three.
3 recovering addicts, knowing what to do. One rewrote the Basic Text..... Then there were two.
2 recovering addicts, having some fun. One started lying...... Then there was one.
1 recovering addict, talking to HP.... "If only one is clen....... I'm grateful that it's me!"
A little message for all of us......when I USE I know. when I handle all
my problems on my own I separate myself from US. I can't WE can.
Member: Barbara B
Location: W Pa
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 02:48:37
The Big Book tells me that my alcololism is born of hundreds of forms of fear. When I am angry, and in rage, I can always trace it back to what am I afraid of. Recently I was in rage over this girl at work. It was eazy to spot her fears, but difficult to admit to mine, even to myself. To thine own self be true.
The 12 steps are my emotional map. And when I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of my same old reactions, its like (smack) i coulda worked the steps. 1. I am powerless over this girl, and my fear, anger, rage are unmanageable 2. God will restore me to sanity not this girl, 3. God could and would, if he were sought 4. 4th step prayer helps: God help me to remember, this person(like myself) is perhaps spirituallly sick, what can I do? pray for this person. I always have to look at what my fears are and what I contributed to the situation.
You get the point continue on with 5, talk to someone sponsor or another recovering person. 6,7, and then amends. 10, 11, and more 11, and having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps...joy comes as we carry this message to the alcoholic who still suffers.
Thank you all for letting me share and have a great week.
Member: Holly B
Location: Tyler, Texas
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 09:14:21
Hi. I am so glad I found this page. I need some help and did not know where to go. I have read all of the comments and they are wonderful.....really hit home. I am tired of running. This is a problem I can not get rid of alone. However, now I know there IS help. : ) The problems are still there the next day. Deciding to quit and really deal with me being an alcoholic is the best gift I can give to myself. Thanks for listening. I have been sober 48 hours now. I can't wait until it is 48 days!!!!
Member: Margaret G
Location: California
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 12:41:36
This is tough going and your inspirational messages on this site help so much.I was so angry last night at life's dealings and filled with self pity that the craving for a drink was so real. Prayer and God got me through.
Member: Michelle S
Location: canada
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 13:25:03
cher 449 thanx for the emotional boost!!!!!!!!! didnt know if anyone read my comments. I summoned up the guts to call and have my first meeting tonight. Im scared, dont know what to expect. All I know is for the sake of my health and the happiness of my marriage i got to do something. thanx
Member: Michelle S
Location: canada
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 13:38:45
to holly hear ya and in the same boat as you. I'll let ya know tomorrow how my first meeting went tonight. Be strong for both of us.
Member: Robert J.
Location: sunporch,nebraska
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 14:37:40
You new guys Welcome to A.A.!!!Don't leave before the miracle occurs in your life Yeh I know it sounds like B.S.but it's for real,good luck.
Member: Phil A
Location: UK
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 15:14:28
Holly B
Sorry to be a wet blanket, But try not to think about 48 days from now, cos that is exactly where most of us alkies fall flat on our face, think only of today 24 hours at a time.
Rage, yep had plenty of that in me all bottled up just waiting for the stopper to blow, trouble is alcohol always controls that stopper and when I drank it just popped instead of gradually released until it gradually sudsided.
Peace and Serenity. Phil
Member: Holly B
Location: Texas
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 15:41:29
Michelle, Glad to know I've got a friend. Email if you want. clara1015@hotmail.com
Phil, Thanks for the advice...it makes sense.
Robert, Thanks for the welcome!!!
Member: Wayne C
Location: Ohio
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 17:33:30
Yea,I'm raging at myself today...couple nights ago I broke over to drink,ran out of gas, and walked till I fell and cracked my head. Had been sober for 7 mo.but bought another car and had to see "old friends". Now ,Ive missed work 3 days ashamed to face anybody. I'm always "feeling" rage at something....usually it's mans inhumanity to man. Alcoholics have to fight off rage...it will destroy one if one isn't careful.
Member: JanL
Location:
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 19:51:58
I wonder how having a sponsor would help a person like me who is always trying to please other people so much. Seems it would be just another person to let down. I'm not ready yet, and I frankly, don't know how I would ever have any fun again without alcohol. Anybody been here?
Member: Bill G.
Location: Milwaukee
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 21:20:15
This is to JanL. Your entry speaks mostly to sponsership. I can comment on that but in your posting you mentioned something that I think I can respond to more directly. You spoke of not being able to think of having any fun without drink. A footstep to geting away from the mixed up state of mind is to remember all of the times that you were high, think about the getting up the next day, and the repetiton of it all. Long story short, if you are at the crossroads or beyond, it is much more comfortable to live life without booze than with it. I needed to get a hold of this idea before I could get any better. Good Luck to you. We can talk on the phone if you would want to. Very easy going, just would like to talk to someone who is in a position I have been in. The ball is in your court, I would like to hear from you. If i don't, I pray that God will be with you. I'm not doing the 13th step here. Just want to talk with you about this simple stuff we need to overcome so that we can go forward. Again, goood luck, God Bless, and I hope to hear from you.
Member: JanL
Location: NH
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 21:32:43
Bill, thanks for responding. I appreciate it. I'm a person who is difficult to classify as an alcoholic. I cannot answer the questions to get that answer, yet I know that I am. Both of my parents were, although they never admitted to it. I never cause other people problems because I drink. I honestly don't feel that I need to apologize to anyone for any of my behavior. Yet, I know that I'm not doing what is best for myself physically. Write me back if you want to.
Member: Bill G.
Location: Milwaukee
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 22:12:55
To: JanL From: Bill G.
Thanks for responding. If you think you might have a drinking problem, you're in or you would't be asking the question. As for your mom & dad who knows? The grip is common to go every other generation. You don't need to say you are sorry to anyone now. To be real, their are likely to be some. I would say don't think about that now. Be honost with yourself, think about things, and focus. I Have much more to say but want to hear back from you. As before, God bless and guide you as you ponder this piecw of your life. Best of Luck;
Bill G.
Member: ROBERT B
Location: CANADA
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 22:22:11
I want to thank Paula N from Penn. for making me feel alittle better tonite. Thats one of the most beautiful things about this program, how someone you dont know and probaley never will can give you a small pat on the back and somehow it helps, we are all in this together but we are all so different.I went to a 8th step meeting tonite and though I didnt have a thing to offer the disscussion I felt good to be welcomed back by so many good people. Im still drinking but I know this AA way of life is the right one,best one,mabey the only one I can survive in for long. A guy who I respect alot sayed that untill he got the spiritual part the rest would not work for him.Mabey thats been my problem all along.I would like to have that so much.And to Jan L,Ive been ripped up by that question about ever really enjoying life without booze right from the start,but I have to say my sober time in AA,the only sober time I ever had, was pretty damn good.I just am having one hell of a time getting that feeling back.GOD bless you both,and I sincerly hope the best for you both.
Member: AZbill
Location: Sierra Vista, Arizona
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 22:39:18
HI Holly B. Congats on 48 hours (two days) If you do not drink today then tomorrow you will have 3 days. And in this manner you will achieve 48 days. My sponsor said to me on my first year. "Do you know what you will have tomorrow?" I was waiting for the exciting news. He then leveled me with. "If you do not drink today, tomorrow you will have one year and one day." So that is the way it goes one day at a time.
Azzz
Member: du
Location: minnesota
Date: 16 Jun 1999
Time: 23:49:00
I am real grateful to be sober again-after multiple years of sobriety, I went back out and now have 1 week, and it is so great to be back to one day at a time, and sometimes, 1 minute at a time-but still sober
Member: tim m.
Location: Murphy N.C.
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 00:26:52
tim m.been sober 12 years. moved to N.C. 6mo ago and have been away from meetings for about that long . not to smart. feeling a little squrilly. need to build another network. by the way just bought this computerfirst time on chat oh well hang loose. love ya all t.
Member: larry m
Location:
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 01:25:43
larry alkie been drinking about two weeks now . got divorced june 1. ex hates me and of course i have no control over that. i want things back to normal-abnormal but know that wont happen . been praying for a spiritual awakening , but thats not coming either. i hope god takes me to a higher plain, cause my way isnt woking .larrymor@webtv.net all calls appreciated god save us larry
Member: Michelle S
Location: canada
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 03:01:37
went to my first meeting tonight. boy ya cant bullshit a bullshitter. so here I am sucking a lifesaver wishing I had a drink.......but not tonight. Anyone know how long till you can sleep normally??
Member: JanL
Location:
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 08:05:39
Thank you Bill and Robert for your words of encouragement. I think I am going to like corresponding with these nice people here. We recently moved a long way from my original home, and it will be nice to make cyber friends!
Member: Holly
Location: Tyler, Texas
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 12:05:56
To AZ Bill: Yes, I have 3 days now. I haven't even wanted to--at all. I am sure a situation will come up where I want to though. I would like to go to a meeting, but I wouldn't know what to say. I have been before with someone else (to an open meeting) and they said something about people their for the first time. Would someone please tell me about this and about their first time? Michelle: How did it go last night? clara1015@hotmail.com
Member: Peggy L
Location: Tucson
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 12:39:20
RAGE! Something that I was all too familiar with...my ex having molested my daughter....where does one put the rage? This is my first step: to put the cork in the bottle and deal with the rage I have had for 15 years! That rage destroyed my family and me...I know it will be difficult, but I believe that God will help me through this...and to become whole again, permitting others to participate in my life. Please pray for me and my family that we may find the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can...and wisdom to know the difference.
Member: alky
Location:
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 12:55:30
Holly: I do not know if these are up to date or not, but here are some addresses and telephone numbers in Tyler TX:
AA Tyler 401 East Front Street, Ste. 145B Tyler, TX 75702-8250 903/597-1796
Al-Anon/AlaTeen Information Service 401 East Front Street, Ste. 145-A Tyler, TX 75702 903/597-6492
I know that first time going to a meeting is sort of scary but it won't be scary long.
Member: Steve F.
Location: Wenham, MA, USA
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 13:45:29
Steve F. , alcoholic. New to AA (118 days).
Welcome to the flood of newcomers!
JanL, I hope you keep coming here and listening. I've learned a lot about myself here, and in AA.
Congratulations to Michelle S., Margaret G., and Holly B. on your new sobriety (Hey techs, what's up? Are you running a 50% off special for the ladies this week?).
Welcome back to Adam B. and du. Please keep coming. So many go out and never come back.
Welcome to all who had the courage and honesty to post here even though they are still drinking. For those of you have been in AA and went back out, (Jayne, Trish, Robert, Wayne, larry), I really hope you come back. You know that AA needs you. For those who appear not to be in AA (John L., Kathryn, Sherri, JanL), please keep coming here and tell us how you're doing. This site is not a substitute for AA, but it's a good place to ask questions and learn more about alcoholism and AA.
Member: JOE CURRAN
Location: PHILLY
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 16:08:10
HELLO FELLOW AA"ERS FIRST TIME JUST LISTENING
Member: JOE CURRAN
Location: PHILLY
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 16:09:14
HELLO FELLOW AA"ERS FIRST TIME JUST LISTENING
Member: Brenda S.
Location: Oklahoma
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 16:35:25
hello family.my name is Brenda and I am a grateful alcoholic. I am new to computers and this is my first online meeting.Cool stuff! Will have to watch trading one addiction for another. about anger. When I first started in recovery I thought it was not ok to be angry at all. I was very surprised when someone told me it was ok to be angry. The problem was what I did with that anger. So I've haad to leaarn to handle anger differently. I still get angry, but I don't stay there as long (it hurts too much)and I usually owe someone an apology. It's alot easier to apologize today. Usually when I get angry, it's because I'm scared about someething. When I can identify the fear, I can deal with it better. Or just remembering the higher power is in charge, not me, will calm that fear everytime. Usually takes someone to remind me of that though.that's where sponsors and meetings come in handy. Love you all. Glad i found you.
Member: Bob C.
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 19:09:34
Hello everyone, I'm at my first on-line meeting. This is wonderful! It has been suggested to me by my attorneys not to attend mainstream meetings in this area. For many reasons I was blessed by having a false and ludicrous lawsuit filed againest me several years ago. It was a real drag! I won the lawsuit but never was any amends made to me or the many people this hurt. You see, there are many people who want to keep people drinking. There are many people so jealous of recovery they resort to vicious, slanderous assaults using advanced warfare tactics under the guise of church, law, recovery centers, government taxing bodies, public relations,etc.etc. Prejudice,bigotry,and other forms of ethnic intimidation are alive and well here in Pittsburgh. It saddens me to be forced to share these feelings by computer, but I have been cut off from everything by the perpetrators of the assault and hate of these very ill but very powerful people. This sharing will probably have negative feedback from my adversaries but I live the right to pursue my life in the manner that bests suits me. Today and for many years that pursuit of happiness has been NOT DRINKING, so if I am imprisoned or murdered or otherwise attacked for sharing then all I can say is come on with your come on. I will considered my life successful if I die sober. Keep me in your prayers and don't take the first one and you CAN"T get drunk, today, the only day any of us have. Love and Peace to you.
Member: Bill O
Location: Leesa Summit, MO
Date: 17 Jun 1999
Time: 22:06:32
Rage is anger in the extreme. I rarely experience "mild" anything, or if I do I do not notice it. I do not seem to have much of a problem with rage at others. Somebody gotta do me wrong to get me upset with them. To this day, I have NEVER met anyone who has given me nearly as much trouble as I have given myself. Thanks to God and AA, it has not YET led me back out to drink after over 9 years. THANKS!
Member: Trina W.
Location: Junction City, Oregon
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 00:40:08
Hi, Trina, an alcoholic from Junction City Oregon. I would like to thank Joe A from Portland Oregon. I came home from a women's big book study tonight and was feeling pretty good. Right before I left, I worte my husband a note that asked him to put the laundry in the dryer and fold the stuff that was already dry. Well, I came home to the laundry still wet, the clean laundry still not folded, and the whole kitchen a disaster. I instantly got a resentment and that rage was back. I really liked what you said about life being lived on the basis of unsatisified demands is a life of continual distrubance and frustration. Thank you very much for sharing, you really helped this sick alcoholic. Thank you for letting me share.
Member: Cookie G.
Location: Missouri
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 01:03:38
Hi, my name is Cookie and I too am very grateful for my life today....I have only been sober this time since Nov.6th...1998. I was a very angry child and held much rage for most of my life. Never understanding the why's of this anger kept me a confused adult most of my life. But, when I started my spiritual quest about 2 years ago I finally found the peace I was looking for. I was a herion addict in the 70's and have been clean for 25 years then turned to the booze. I just found this list tonight and think it is a wonderful way of sharing our hurts, pains and most of all the confustion that this addiction carries al into. Goddess Bless each of you. Cookie
Member: Steve M
Location: West Nyack, NY
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 02:17:49
Hi. My name is Steve and I'm an alcoholic. Rage is an excellent topic for a meeting. Rage and anger can be dangerous triggers that, when treated unproperly, can bring us much closer to a drink. And it's the speed at which it does so which makes it ever more dangerous.
Today at work, I was stretching in preparation for rearranging some stock(I work in a grocery store). I asked two coworkers to aid me in my stretching, and for some reason they refused. The seed of anger started growing inside of me and continued to grow. 45 minutes later, I was completely inside my head, and mentally resenting all coworkers and customers in my store. Then a coworker began to annoy me and I felt a great urge to punch him in the face. It was so vivid I could taste it. And it tasted delicious. But, for the grace of God and since I go to meetings daily, I knew this action would be wrong.
We may not be able to control our feelings, but with God, discipline, and fellow alcoholics on our side, we CAN control our actions. Needless to say, I stepped out of work and took a cigarette break. I started cooling off and later shared about my day at a meeting.
Two slogans that come to mind: "Life on life's terms" and "Do the next right thing."
Thanks for letting me share. I love each and every one of you out there, for without you, God only knows where I'd be right now.
Member: michelle S
Location: Canada
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 02:30:24
hi all. thanks for all the great support for the "newbies" I find myself on this site at least once a day now and am finding it very helpful. to one more day of sobriety.
Member: Bob H
Location: Auburn, WA
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 04:41:58
Hi I'm Bob, I am an alcoholic. I sure hear a lot of anger here this week. One of the gifts of this program gives us a way to a release a lot of it in the fourth step. I have had to do this about 4 tines over. I wasn't thorough enough I guess my first time was not a clean sweep, but it sure dumped a lot of the anger and resentments I had. Amazingly enough the last time included people I got angry about while I was sober. I guess what I am trying to say is if the first time does'nt work, try it again a little later in sobriety,, You'll be suprised what more time in the program does and your prespective on things. I know I was.
Another way to try this has been shared with me and I am passing it along. I also apologize for the language in advance, but it works. Start as follows with
Who am I pissed of at. Why am I pissed at them. What are my feelings about this and how does this affect me. Write them down. What role did I play in this?
This is just another way of saying, I am resentful at, The cause, Affects my?, my part in this. I have tried it and it works.
I also find that with anger some times in continued inventory in the tenth step. If the problem is big enough I have to take it right back to the 4th step format, get out pen and paper and have at it again. I hope this part of my ESH helps out. thank you for letting me share here Bob H 1/25/93
Member: DOROTHY R.
Location: FLINT, MICHIGAN
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 09:20:29
HI EVERYBODY,
I'm an alcoholic named Dorothy. I like the topic todat too! I still have bouts of rages also,but mostly at myself because i allow others to step into my space. I have this one daughter who really pushes my buttons and I let her. I've been in recovery for 8 and a half years, I should know better but things happen.
If there is any body that know what i'm talking about it know fun is it ? I know that sometimes we have to back away from those that care if we stay sober or not, but when there are little children in the picture it's hard.
I'm still trying to keep the rage under control. I went to "FOUNDERS DAY" over the week-end and came back to the real world-(lol) but one good thing about it I don't have to drink about it today . "THINK GOD FOR RECOVERY" I'm glad that i got some place else to come to besides my home group thees still people there that don't understand how we can still suffer from rage and it's hard to explain. thanks for letting me talk, I feel better already. HAVE A BLESS DAY AND STAY SOBER
Member: Gary
Location: Bedford
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 10:44:37
What's wrong with being a smart aleck? It beats being a dumb one! By the way, My name is Gary and I am an alcohaleck.
Member: Regis w.
Location: Bmt. Tx.
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 12:14:05
Hello my name is Regis and this is my first time on the web with fellow aa members. I also have a desire to stop drinking I have one year sober and am doing well. Thanks for this oppertunity......
Member: ELEANORK
Location: LONDON
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 13:53:11
Hi, this is my first visit to the site and it's a welcome change to the usual rubbish that i find myself reading. I wanted to reply to Anne M in Northways, your feelings of irritation and jealousy towards your boyfriend are so familiar.Right now my boyfriend is in a treatment centre and surging through the steps - he's doing Step 4 this week. He's moved away from where i live to do this and says he won't be coming back! So obviously i have huge doubts and fears about the relationship as a whole - but we're taking it one day at a time. I have a lot of problems with comparing my progress to his, it's taken several months of confusion before i am ready to even attempt step 1! I'm going to visit him for the weekend soon, just after he's done his Step 4 and i'n worried that i'm going to feel jealous and mean spirited about it. Why can't i just be happy for him - i actually feel threatened by his progress because i'm insecure about the future of the whole relationship. I'm really struggling to find a way to be honest with him about how difficult i find the situation, without falling into "Poor me-ism". I'm not sure how i can deal with these begrudging feelings towards his recovery, i'm just trying to prepare myself by admitting them to myself and to God and anyone who'll listen! And i'm going to really try and focus on my progress and recovery too, and make a start on Step 1 before i go. I wish i didn't have these feelings, they're not nice to admit, but it's a relief to hear that someone is experiencing something similar.
Member: NOT GOD
Location: Earth
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 14:31:39
Trina: You had every right to be angry with that lazy SOB. If you stuff that anger it will only come out inappropriately. YOU ARE NOT SICK. HE IS LAZY AND SELFISH.
Member: Felix L
Location:
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 14:44:54
After 9 years I have hit the wall and have come to realize that I have replaced my drinking with women and have stayed or seeked relationships with women so that I would not have to deal with me. As I sit and write this I do not know what to do. A 3 year relationship has ended and I am hurting very muc. Again here I sit with all to be grateful, no bills, good job great terms with family & kids yet fearful totally fearful for Iam in Love with tis person and for whatever reason it is just not coming together. Need advice & prayers
Member: NOT GOD
Location: EARTH
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 14:52:59
TIME TO WORK ON YOU. LOTS OF TIME. DO A CHRONOLOGICAL 4TH STEP OF YOUR LIFE. SEE THE PATTERNS? LEARN ABOUT YOURSELF. FOLLOW THE PATH TO THE END. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE WITHOUT REMORSE OR REGRET IS MOST REWARDING EMOTION ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH. LOVE YOURSELF LIKE THAT. IT WILL BECOME CLEAR TO YOU WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.
Member: Paula N,
Location: Lords Valley,P.A.
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 16:52:14
Hi, this is PaulaN.I"m so glad the "Newbies are sticking to it. I really need this meeting every day.I was so relieved to get rid of a lot of anger.There"s no formula -I just did as I was told in the beginng.Go to meetings and listen with an open mind. I really had to learn to listen.--and act as if---Thank you God!Paula N.
Member: Jane H.
Location:
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 17:17:26
This is my first time viewing this website. I think it's probably a good thing. I've been going "back & forth" drinking for about three years now, although the last year I've gotten better. I've been to AA meetings, but I don't go continuously.Just once in awhile. It's so hard. Drinking made my husband leave and though we're back together now, it'll never be the same. And I fight the urge everyday. And he's always scared. Maybe reading other people's comments in the same situation will help me. Thanks.
Member: Jane H.
Location:
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 17:17:56
This is my first time viewing this website. I think it's probably a good thing. I've been going "back & forth" drinking for about three years now, although the last year I've gotten better. I've been to AA meetings, but I don't go continuously.Just once in awhile. It's so hard. Drinking made my husband leave and though we're back together now, it'll never be the same. And I fight the urge everyday. And he's always scared. Maybe reading other people's comments in the same situation will help me. Thanks.
Member: Will R.
Location: San Antonio
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 17:31:13
Felix L, the fear of being alone when you have spent so much time relying on intimate relationships for keeping you more centered is a big problem for a lot of us. You've got my prayers. Go to meetings, keep busy. I personally think the last thing you should do is try to find a new relationship right away. You need to take care of Felix yesterday, today, tomorrow. You can't do that when you're searching for the validation from someone else than your Higher Power or from yourself. Celebrate the fact that you realize the problem and that you have days and weeks and months to fix it. And above all, that fixing it will be POSSIBLE because you are sober! Hang in there. You've had years of intimacy, now it's time for some reflection and hard work with YOURSELF.
Member: LAURIE T
Location: VIRGINIA
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 18:29:52
I LIVED WITH MY BOYFREIND FOR FIVE YEARS AND WE GOT MARRIED LAST JULY, EARLIER THIS WEEK HE LETS ME KNOW THAT HE NO LONGER WANTS TO BE MARRIED....UNBELIEAVBLE...MY FIRST REACTION IS TO BE A TOTAL ____. IM REALLY CONFUSED AND HURT AND VER VERY ANGRY. I DONT WANT TO BEG HIM TO STAY, ID RATHER HE JUST LEAVE. I HAVE ALMOST 10 YEARS SOBER, THANK GOD DRINKING IS NOT AN OPTION TODAY ANYWAY.
Member: Roy S.
Location:
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 21:17:27
I, too, am still angry and mean-spirited sometimes. It is not near as often, and atleast I handle it much better today than before, but it still pops up time to time. I am very glad that AA has made it so that drinking is not an option whenever it happens now. Dealing with an intense emotion is much more manageable sober than drunk. Thanks for lettinig me share.
Member: Jimmy S.
Location: South Jersey
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 22:35:08
I don't know why it is that THIS alcoholic can still revert to mean-spirited judgmentalism from time to time. I suspect that it has something to do with the old anger and resentments that led me to drink in the first place, and that fed off of the alcohol-inspired rage. Thank God for the twelve steps! Within them are the answers to address exactly this type of "maladjustment". I particularly try to use the fourth and tenth steps in this regard. And always keep in mind that nobody does this perfectly. "We strive for progress, not perfection."
Member: Texas Girl
Location: Texas
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 22:35:40
Hi, Texas Girl, alcoholic. Boy, do I know from angry; when I was still drinking (10-plus years ago) anger was just about the only emotion I had. I still lose my temper occasionally but by the grace of God and this program, I no longer have to suffer that constant anger; being angry is painful and exhausting.
The Big Book tells us to pray for those people who make us angry and push our buttons--hard to do, and it doesn't seem to make any sense, but it actually works.
It's really true that we alcoholics cannot afford to hang onto resentments because our resentments will soon become excuses to drink. I try to think of it this way: it is absolutely therefore in my own self-interest to let go of my anger and resentments; I do it for myself and not the other person. Since as a group we alcoholics tend to be a wee bit self-centered (gasp! say it ain't so!) maybe that will work for someone else too. Now I find that it's usually just too much effort to stay angry (self-interest, again--works for me!).
Welcome to all the newcomers--as they say in the program, keep coming back, and don't give up just before the miracle happens. If you stick with it and go to meetings faithfully, you truly will experience a miracle--your life will improve in ways you never even imagined. Peace and God Bless.
Member: Pete E
Location: NY
Date: 18 Jun 1999
Time: 23:45:25
Hi, My name is Pete, and I am an alcoholic. Unfortunately I also suffer from chonic humanism, aggravated by agnosticism. My rage is generally caused by things not going my way(these days). Before, if I didn't have a reason, I made one up. Fortunately, I have been shown a way to live: the 12 steps of AA, understanding of a higher power through those steps,and a DESIRE to do the next right thing.
Member: Janell T
Location: Mpls
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 00:15:39
Hi, my name is Janell and I am an alcoholic. A grateful alcoholic as AA gives me the support and the opportunity for growth on a daily basis. I have almost 4 years sobriety and just did my 4th step a month ago. Anger and resentment were my defects in BIG capitals. And when I read John's from Boise Idaho it put it all in perspective in a very simple way. Anger is a reaction to fear...fear of things not going our way: whether it is to avoid pain or not getting what we want. But once we have faith in our higher power and let that fear go life can be pretty serene. It is just remembering to hand it over. That is where I have trouble. I keep trying to take the control back.My partner just had a slip and the fear of my life falling apart almost immobilized me. But I prayed and prayed and today I am doing well. One day at a time and grateful for another day of sobriety. But for the grace of God go I. But I still get pretty angry over some pretty insignificant stuff. My boys have been asking me lately why I am yelling so much. I like what JB(?) from Mpls. said about not reacting to the anger, but journalling until she came to a sensible solution. This is my first time on this website or visiting anything on the internet, eg chat rooms, etc. A saturday night and this is great reading. so much better right now than reading one of my books, this is real stuff from people in the moment.I look forward to visiting this sight again. To all of you, thank you for your comments and inspiration. For those of you new to the program, keep coming back. It works. Peace. Janell
Member: Michelle S
Location: Canada
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 01:27:02
texas girl, whats the difference between going to meetings and chatting with everybody here on-line. I went to my first meeting wednesday and though i havent been back yet, ive been online here everyday. At this point just reading everybodys comments has kept me on the straight and narrow. Granted its been a very short time. but, one day, one hour one minute when it gets real bad!!!!!!!!! Just a thought and a general question for all THANX
Member: Tom S.
Location: Los Angeles
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 01:42:21
Hey. Tom, Alcoholic. Grateful to God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous for my sobriety today. For me, 3 years, four months sober has gone a long to chilling out that mean spirited alky.
I did what the men in this program told me to do. I went to meetings, I read the Book, I got a sponsor and worked the Steps, and I hit my knees every morning and every night. I don't know. It's like I said last night when I spoke at a halfway house. I don't ever worry about how it works, or why it works. I only know that I'm a different man than I was three years and four months ago. And that's good enough for me.
Be cool, yo. One day at a time.
Member: GordyG
Location: Malaysia
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 03:00:40
Hello Michelle, Welcome to AA and keep coming back. As you will discover, we AA's tend to be isolationists and also hate confrontation. If you go to real "live" meetings you are no longer isolated and someone just might confront you on an issue or two. It's great coming hear and making comments and reading some of the real inspiring thoughts of our members but as my sponsor tells me over and over you MUST go to meetings, read the book and talk to your sponsor. If you don't have one, I would suggest going back to that meeting and get one. It has worked for thousands. As I said, this is a great site but it does not take the place of meeting especially when they are available. Good luck, Michelle.
Member: Thumper Girl
Location: So. California
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 03:06:39
Alcoholic Thumper Girl here.....first time in this format and was nice to see some "familiar" names here! Hey Bill!! Smooches to you darling! I am in a process today of letting go and just wanted to check this place out. Thanx for sending the URL, Linda! xoxo
Member: Tenth Step
Location: Pittsburgh
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 03:29:37
To Jan L., I remember quite well, the feeling of there goes my life, and what will I do if I quit drinking. Will I ever have fun again. This bringss to mind the time I was really loaded, drunk and smoked up, on a picnic at a park and couldn't find my purse. I retraced my steps and finally found it, down the outhouse shitter (xcuse the lingo)covered in you know what. Yep, will I ever have fun again? All the time i nearly ran into the same telephone pole, on the way home from a nite on the town, getting barred from almost every bar I drank in, cause I was in a fight or shot a moon at someone. Will I have fun again? Tearing the bottom of my oil pan out on my little Pinto everytime I ran over the same medial strip week after week. And coming home feeling lonlier than ever, time after time, drunk after drunk.
They told me when I came in to keep coming back. And so i did the aa revolving door for a while. Finally I started, participating, going to group anniversaries, sometimes cooking something or buying some cake or pie, lots of picnics. In fact, for a while, my friends and I hit all the anniversaries and picnics. And then it became known that I sort of knew what was going on and where and whenever anyone wanted to know what was going on, people would send the newcomer to me and I was happy to tell them. My life turned around because my attitude changed. Next week 7 and a half years sober, and I don't go to as many anniversaries and picnics, my meetings are important today and my responsibilities are my life. Helping another alcoholic gives me great joy. It is my life. My whole attitude and outlook on life has changed. So, Keep Coming BacK.
Bob C. from Pittsburgh, are you the guy that wears the sign downtown that says something about our radios being bugged? Keep Coming Back We love you.
Member: Mary V.
Location: NC
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 09:40:05
I'm Mary and I'm an aclcoholic glad to find you guys on the internet I'm new to the computer but not the fellowship have enjoyed listening. Mary
Member: Peggy L
Location: Tucson
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 10:26:25
Today I did not take a drink...I prayed for serenity and wisdom...and thanked God for all of you who give this newbie hope that a better life is waiting for me! This is a good subject, one we shared at our meeting today. It is difficult to determine sometimes which came first...the booze or the anger...anyway, I am still here and still coming back -- BECAUSE IT DOES WORK! God bless you all for your thoughts.
Member: Felix L.
Location:
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 10:38:44
Thanks to Will R. and NOT GOD for your suggestions and I will follow sounds like the sponsors advice. However to make it double hard on me is that she moved just two buildings awayand from my bedroom I can see her bedroom. All this was done with the approval of her sponsor. Now this is hard to live but I was here first and do not want to move. As I write this I am syre the answers will come but boy it is hard and yesterday I just wanted it to stop. She has been in AA 8 years. Why did she have to move so close especiall when her son who lives with his grandparents and father are 30 mintues away. She could have moved closer. But it is not for me to judge I keep telling myself. I will do the 4th again and search for the answers. Thanks again
Member: TerryB
Location: Michigan
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 11:40:15
Rage has never been an issue for me, as I am a very calm, level headed person. Even when the police arrested me twice for DUI in my own driveway, I did not become irrational with them. I realize they were only doing their job. I think the key to controling your anger lies in the ability to see things as they are, not as you would like them to be, and accept the things that are not under your control to change.
Member: Patrick
Location: Chicago and LA
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 16:32:02
Learning to trust myself is an issue for me. Even after years of recovery I can find myself in a tailspin because of self-doubt, misapplied cliches, the "comittee" in the mind. Yes, I have a sponsor and we talk. Take care, and God Bless.
Member: JenG
Location: PA
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 16:32:38
Rage and anger, huh? Well, what pisses me off the most is reading everyone's comments about the Serenity Prayer, God's help, and all that. I'm pissed because I just can't seem to grasp the idea of a higher power--I'm Catholic for pete's sake (but then that's probably why I can't grasp the idea of a higher power). When I hear other people talk about their beliefs and when I hear them genuinely thanking God for help, I think there must be something really wrong with me because I don't get it. And that makes me really mad at myself, at all those people who do "get it," at AA for insisting it be a part of the program. I've been in and out of so many rooms and it always comes down to feeling like I just don't get it.
Member: Richard AG
Location: London GB
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 20:36:52
Hi I'm Richard and I am an alcoholic.
I guess I am still the same.My mood remains low.But I am grateful I am not drinking. I skipped two meeting and planing to miss a meeting on Sunday.I am beginning to hate the big book.I prefer to read less dense material like As Bill sees it.
I liked the one sentence to start the discussion.It keeps it simple.
Member: Pete E
Location: NY
Date: 19 Jun 1999
Time: 23:21:34
Pete, alcoholic, JenG: "We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves" appears on pg 84 of the BB. Since it is a text book and goes in order, it presumes that we have answered all of the questions and followed all of the instructions from pg 1 thru 83. If you don't know what I'm talking about, find someone who does. I couldn't stay sober until I did. My sponsor settled my higher power "problem" with one simple question,"are you powerless over alcohol? Well,there's one".
Richard London GB: You sound thirsty.If I were ever to rebuild my life as a sober man, I had to do the things that were suggested to me when I came back to AA like get a sponsor who was experienced with the program of recovery (which this format is not an adequate substitute for), get a home group, and get active. This is my very life we're talking about, and if you are as "seriously alcoholic" as I, it's your very life as well. It was also expressed to me in no uncertain terms that my person comfort, especially in early sobriety, was not the most important factor in my recovery. This will work for you if you perservere the temporary mental discomfort. Just do it. I don't mean to be insensitive, but this is no game. The same God that keeps me sober today will watch me die- alone, in the gutter- if I don't continue to make the principles of AA a way of life. If that sounds like melodrama, then maybe you haven't been where I've been. Keep the faith. Pete
Member: GordyG
Location: Malaysia
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 01:22:03
Jen G....You are in the same place many newcomers to AA find themselves. Do you have a sponsor? One of the first things my sponsor told me was, "There is a higher power and you ain't it!" He helped me separate spiritual from religious. That really helped me. I actually did my third step in a Catholic chapel but it could have been in a Mosque or Buddhist temple or on a mountain top. Give it some time. Attend meetings. Find a good sponsor and strong home group. Let these people really know you....and good luck..
Member: SHAWNA L.
Location: Placerville,CA.
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 03:30:11
Hi my name is Shawna andI am an ALCOHOLIC.Thats probably the most important thing I will say tonight.I can relate with the topic really well myself.I've been sober alittle over 2 years one day at a time and I still find myself saying hurtful things to my mother.It hurts me afterwards and I know in my heart that it hurts her to.I ask for forgivness from her and GOD,and I believe Iam forgiven.The hardest part is forgiving myself.I have learned that through the pain of our mistakes we grow and that the best amends we can make to someone we have hurt,is by not doing those things we did,that hurt,again.Thanks for letting me share.
Member: DonF
Location: NH
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 07:35:03
I think I missed this week's, so maybe this will be early next week. Re: John L. at 15Jun 14:25. Welcome to AA, and I think you got some good feedback. I noticed AZBil and LarryM invited you to communicate offline. I don't think JohnL was off-topic, because he is clearly angry about being an alcoholic, and the topic was anger. So I comment here on JohnL's concerns: Environment? If you attempt a geographical cure, you will find as all alcoholics do, that "where ever I went, I found myself", unless JohnL changes. HOW LONG do we have to go to meetings: We never "graduate" we come to enjoy these people and the joy and relief that we don't have to keep doing the things we were doing. Instead of being free to drink, lust, envy, connive, manipulate, and self-medicate, we were actually enslaved to them. A spiritual recovery allows us freedom to get into Honesty, Openness, and Willingness (HOW it works), to be humble, grateful, and kind. SOCIAL problems...fear that people notice and make fun of you NOT drinking? JohnL, your drinking buddies were not true freinds, they were hostages you took (and they took you) to help justify drinking. True freinds, like those in AA, care about you enough to know that booze took you down, and we want your life to be better. Be an example to good freinds who still drink, don't help justify the damage they do to themselves if THEY are alcoholics. Also, you're not that important, you'll find that people ignore the fact that you're not drinking. Early on, stay away from situations where there is ddrinking. "If you sit on the railroad tracks long enough you're bound to get hit by a train" Later, if unavoidable to be around drinking, be prepared with "I'm just not drinking today to see if I feel better" or "I found out I have an allergy to alcohol".
We NEED newcomers to ask these questions and raise these topics as reminders to ourselves, to fortify our sobriety, and as a "remember-when", otherwise we can get complacent, our thinking change, "built-in-forgetter" takes over, and we begin to have irrational thoughts lie I had a while back like "This report about people who have one or two drinks a day having better cardiovascular health, and fewer heart attacks, maybe I should start doing that when I get a little older, and help avoid the heart trouble and stroke that killed my dad...." I didn't act on it but the thought process was frightening, and I picked up 90 meetings in 90 days, as my sponsor recommended. Thanks for letting me rattle on... Lytch49@aol.com
Member: Geri W
Location: Va
Date: 20 Jun 1999
Time: 11:11:03
Geri, a very grateful alcoholic here. Hello family. It gladens my heart to see no less than 12 newcomers at this site for the last week. How I wish I could be in a beginner's group with you as you learn how to stay sober and experience life as I now know it. All of you have expressed the same (not all) the questions and doubts that I had when I first came into the rooms of AA. I remember the "fog" of those first few weeks. How I struggled with the one day at a time. It took me weeks to get past five minutes at a time.
I clearly remember when I first had Hope! No one understands the feeling of hopelessness that a drunk trying to get sober has. It was when I finally Read Step 2. By then I had a temprary sponsor(knew I couldn't do it alone) who told me willingness was the key that would open the door to sobriety for me. I didn't have to believe, I just had to be willing to consider it a possibility. So, I prayed to whatever was out there for the willingness to believe I could get sober. I did this until I could believe it. She was right.
So, all you newcomers, find a meeting. Listen! Tell them you are new. Ask someone to help you. Just be willing, Do that for 24 hours, 5 minutes at a time if necessary. It may get better, or worse, but I promise it will be different. If you follow this simple program, you'll get sober! Then the work of living will begin. Good luck to each of you.